08/01/2010 Some guy whispered that my time has passed Some girl said soon I will be just like

dust Some woman said I must be tired Tired to fight, tired to fight, tired to fight

Some man said that I will never find love Christopher HItchens said there is no God And everything I ever believed in It s too late, it s too late to complain and search

Did I lose the world? Or the world just left me to die Did I leave my daughter standing in the storm? Or my daughter was never born?

08/01/2010

Oh why you are getting married? To a girl that is goody bore I know you will be sorry That she will never be me

Please don t invite me You silly guy

my friends And my new love Don t ask me for my code My code for you used to be love Now that you have married for money You are not invited to my world!!! **** I ve never been in love Don t look at me now I know nothing at all I have been a great pretender playing love I know how to fool everyone but me Maybe I am not meant to be happy Maybe I am lost at sea Maybe people born and die Without any meaning any synchronicity I have been living somebody else s life And no one sees me anyway I have been a great pretender laughing with the crowd But I feel completely disattached to any soul When I leave unnoticed I want someone to miss me When I leave suddenly . my studies.I got my life.

You think you touch he sky If your friends are cool. But you ve got to bring your own friend And you ve got to find it in your soul To sing that song in your heart. Your song.I want someone to cry You can call me selfish But how I want someone to love *** hey pretty girl Big huge lashes. You hang out with rock stars. that nobody ever heard! . tall red boots Bell bottom pants you think you ve got the world. Who don t care about you.

However. Now they both are going through chemo therapy. someone who loves to read and to discuss things. One of my cousins . and he certainly made this world a better place for justice. in a very religious environment. they feel so afraid to talk about it. Almost every Sunday we went to church.08/9/2010 My bittersweet trip to the Ukraine and heavy sadness on my heart because my grandma Anna Chorpitaloyal believer and Christopher Hitchens. understanding. Although I am originally from the Ukraine I still do not understand why is it so hard to find out information about cancer in the Ukraine. because doctors are afraid to operate on the older patients. were both diagnosed with cancer. I quickly pointed out to my uncle that it sounds like an urban legend. my uncle says that my doctor cousin is very reliable source. My grandma is a very kind and a very intelligent person. but the operation actually never takes place. fairness. She planted a seed of faith in me from the . sometimes it is very hard to talk to my relatives in the Ukraine or to get a straight answer about what is going on. Or maybe it is just my relatives. Christopher still remains the most brave person. She truly believes in Jesus Christ and Christianity. I am not sure what stage it is on. as if talking about it will bring cancer onto them. doctors pretend to operate on the elderly. At the same time as my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. and that it cannot be true. Christopher Hitchens was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Very recently my grandmother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. I grew up with my grandma. who is an oncologist has been telling my uncle stories how in the Ukraine. and we had to stand on our feet for about 2 hours. an atheist. All the old cancer patients are put under anesthesia. learning. and for those who are seeking the truth.

As I think about mortality and human life. because I might go to hell. I tried very hard not to. What a beautiful combination. Especially one thing really bothered me. after I knew I was not suppose to think bad thoughts. when I tried not to think bad thoughts. Hopefully this poison will stop cancer on its tracks and not hurt her too much. when I was 11 I realized I am definitely going to hell. it occurred to me how unprotected we are from anything. Another fear on the corner. At some point.very early childhood. to read to her. I am leaving to the Ukraine in few days to visit my grandmother and to be with her. some things did not make sense to me. But if there is really this someone. Of course. And now two people most dear to me are going through a labyrinth of cancer. to spend time with her as she taking pills of poison in her body. but I did question things from the beginning. The raging fires of Moscow due to Global Warming are a scary reminder that we have to change our way of living and address our selfishness. even when I was little. Thanks to Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins I was liberated once and for all from this fear. why he/she did not stop cancer? My grandmother taught me kindness and compassion. On the contrary. How it would be much safer to believe that there was someone watching you and protecting you. . all I could think was bad thoughts. to tell her about my life. And how our times on Earth is very limited. fear of of uncertainty and mortality definitely took over. and Christopher Hitchens taught me to accept my humanness and my polarizing self with many colors. This fear of hell lived within me for another 15 years. is that god can hear your thoughts and you will be punished for bad thoughts.

08/11/2010 I am going to see my grandmother I am not a baby girl anymore I have nothing to say n my defense Except that I got old. I do not know anymore than I used to know I couldn t catch a bird and hold on to it I couldn t save a life Except I still got hope Maybe tomorrow I will stand on the edge Maybe I will jump in the river of rainbow Maybe I will swim with dolphins Maybe I will find the secret .

in the quick sand Make no mistake You left me to die After you left me In the dark. in the dirt. in the pit I did not even cream No one would hear .08/11/2010 I have to start my music again Spend time with pianos and mikes Save ever penny for my music On a mission to save a baby girl that still believes in me I still want to be famous and rich I still want to save the world from poverty and global warming I still want to dance with somebody Someone who loves me! You left me In the dust.

You left me you left me for my worst enemy is me You left me with the mirror And I hate to see myself. I hate me You left me forever It s like death to live without love How could I ever dream that I would be happy In the world where everyone leaves everyone. .

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