Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Pres. Hinckley said, “I recognize that there are parents who, notwithstanding an
outpouring of love and a diligent and faithful effort to teach them, see their
children grow in a contrary manner and weep while their wayward sons and
daughters willfully pursue courses of tragic consequence. For such I have great
sympathy.” (Ensign, 11-78, p. 19)
One of the greatest heartaches in life is the pain and sorrow we experience when
our children stray from the Gospel.
• Straying can include sin, drugs, alcohol, criminal behavior, immorality,
abuse, and others
• Other forms of straying, perhaps less serious but nevertheless troubling,
include underachieving, for some dropping out of school, and finding little
purpose or happiness in life.
Today, we will tell you things you already know. We will also assure you that it is
far easier to intellectually discuss and understand these situations and
circumstances than to emotionally “buy into” it when we are emotionally involved.
CATHY: #1 - Understanding
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“Givens” in Parenting
The following are statements from both church leaders and health care
professionals on the raising of children. [Ask class to comment on each one]
• You can’t set boundaries on someone else. You can only set boundaries
on yourself and your decisions. [At a certain age you really can’t “make” a
child do anything.]
• You can only teach children to the level of their willingness
• Just because what YOU want for a child is a right thing, that doesn’t mean
it will happen
• You can’t do the Lord’s work in the devil’s way
• We are sometimes held hostage by what we perceive as “lost
opportunities” our children will suffer because we don’t force them to do
what we want, what we know is right. Example: child picked up for
shoplifting and we want them to avoid any real consequences because
they may have to forfeit something else or some other opportunity
• Natural consequences is the best teacher. Prodigal son learned by
natural consequences
• Children learn by: seeing, hearing, experience, and some children seem to
“only” learn by experiencing and not by all good experiences
Read: Mosiah 23:21” Nevertheless the lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea,
he trieth their patience and their faith.”
• Why our patience & faith?
• Because they are portable virtues. We take them with us.
LARRY: #2 - Comfort
• We cannot judge ourselves or others by how our kids turn out.
• If we did, then what about HF & HM losing 1/3 not just as wayward
children but as sons of perdition, Lehi, Adam & Eve, Jacob & his 12 sons,
Joseph Smith, & others?
• Read: Boyd K. Packer statement
• We are not in this parenting thing alone?
• How far do we emotionally buy into HF being involved with us in this
parenting role? What parents doesn’t want all his/her children back?
• How does the Lord view our challenges with our children?
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Read: Blessings of bring born in the Covenant by Joseph Fielding Smith, DS 2:90
LARRY:
• “I don’t know when I will see you again”
• Flying over APW
• We have covered Understanding & Comfort, after our break we will discuss
today’s 3rd goal, viz., Strategies to Help & To Cope
BREAK
• 3 Strategies
CATHY:
• Put embarrassment side
• How do you look beyond tattoos, piercings, weird hair, clothing, etc?
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LARRY: Trust sealing blessing & take the Lord at his word
• Read: Joseph Smith statement
• Pres Hinckley quoted JS statement and added, “If any of you have a child or
loved one in that condition, do not give up. Pray for them and love them and reach
out to them and help them.”
• Read: Lorenzo Snow statement
• OK, you may say, “It’s one thing if I had been done all I could, but the truth of
the matter is that I was more concerned with my business, or whatever, than with the
kids and I really feel some of their problems are a result of me.”
• Remember the parable of the laborers in the vineyard?
• We can’t change yesterday, but we can do what we can do now, and nothing
is for not.
realize from our petitions ''joy in that which [we] have desired.'' (D&C 7:8.) – Oct
1996 GC
• Take comfort in your motives and intents, even when making mistakes and
missing the mark as the “perfect parent.”
• Focus on the Final Score & Trust in God’s promises, take Him at His word
LARRY:
• Read: 1 Nephi 11:17 (again)
• In Parable of PS, we know what happened, but what we don’t read is
how many nights the father gazed across the horizon searching for his lost
son, only to return home alone and broken hearted.
• Parable of the prodigal son had a happy ending – not all families have a
happy ending…in this life…take the Lord at His word
our thoughts and feelings and notions and are often pained therewith. Now, if our
departed kindred and friends are just spirits, they may be very near us…rejoicing
because of our virtues or sorrowing and weeping over our sins and transgressions…
I believe that our departed kindred and loved ones are more mindful of us and
solicitous for our salvation day by day [now] than they ever were in the flesh,
because they know more.” (From Prophet To Son, pp. 38-39)
• Cathy: Pray, Fast, & Temple Roll
• Look at photos from “happier times” that will kindle in your heart the strength
to keep going
• Be an example of a principle you value
• Set boundaries before the emotion of the moment
• What children want to ultimately know is that they are loved
• We asked Emily what we could have done differently, she replied, “Nothing.
You were the perfect parents for me. I always knew you loved me.”
LARRY:
• Do not confuse their rejection of the Gospel as necessarily a rejection of
the family
• We must avoid harsh judgment of our children and of others, both other
parents and their children – and it is easier said sometimes than done.
• Loving does not mean we condone behavior – right is still right and wrong is
still wrong
• We must refrain from judging others unrighteously. That’s not our job.
• What do we do, think, and feel in these situations with our own children and
with the children of others?
1. Dress wildly like something out of the vegetable garden?
2. Piercings & tattoos?
3. Living together
4. DUI
5. Same gender preference
6. Drug possession & gets busted for it
7. Pornography
8. Adultery, fornication, and other forms of immorality
9. Criminal arrest, even felony arrest
10. Fraud
11. Theft
12. Unwed pregnancy
13. Murder
• Read: 3 Nephi 18:32, “Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your
synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister;
for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full
purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing
salvation unto them.”
7
• Exception: for persons who pose real and present danger to your home and
person
• “I cannot promise my kids will always make the right choices, but I can
guarantee they will know the difference between right & wrong.”
CATHY: Review
1. Focus on the Final Score
2. First Responsibility is to Exalt Yourself & Spouse
3. Develop an “I Love You” Program
And we pray that the strength of our eternal covenants will ultimately be
stronger than the bonds of the adversary that now seem to grip his or her life.