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Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To

The White House To The Curb


The Story of Buster Keaton's Rise and Fall in Politics

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Contents
Chaplin vs. Keaton for President 4
President-Elect Keaton's 5-Point Program to Save America! 10
President-Elect Keaton Unveils His Cabinet: Welcome Team
ASS-Backwa... 13
Team Ass-Backwards - Part II 16
Buster and Brown Eyes Move into the White House 20
Buster Meets the Media (and the Honeymoon is Over) - #5 of a
Series... 23
Keaton White House Update: Buster Struggles; The First Lady
as Fash... 25
SCANDAL Rocks the Keaton Administration! #7 in a series of 7 28

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Chaplin vs. Keaton for President
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Politics got you down? Forget about those nasty
Democrats and Republicans. Two of the silent
cinema's greatest artists have thrown their hats in
the ring! America - watch out!
The Porkpie
VS. The Derby
Meet the Candidates
Charlie ChaplinPolitical Party The Silent Society
Platform "I am for people. I can't help it."
Motto "A day without laughter is a day wasted."
On Immigration Charlie likes immigrants. In fact, he
was one once.
On the Economy Charlie believes that
manufacturing is the way out of the recession.
Americans must roll up their sleeves, jump right in
there and make things!
On Foreign Relations Charlie believes we
are all citizens of his world!
But he has a special relationship with the
French:
Running Mate and Cabinet Charlie will
surround himself with trusted friends and
advisors
First Lady Edna Purviance
Military Service Served as an Army Private
in WWI:
Other Jobs Law Enforcement,Cook,
Musician
Hobby Horticulture
Potential Scandal Has done jail time; has
been known to dress in women's clothes
Why you should vote for meCharlie Chaplin
in his own words "I remain just one thing,
and only one thing, and that is a clown. It
places me on a far higher plane than any
politician."
Buster Keaton:
Political Party The Deadpan Proletariat
Platform 2x4, pine
Motto "Think slow and act fast."
On Immigration Buster believes the desert
needs water On the EconomyBuster
believes that repairing our infrastructure
and strengthening our rail system will boost the economyOn Foreign Relations Buster
thinks it's good for Americans to learn about other cultures Running Mate and Cabinet:
Buster tends to be a one-man band and does not delegate. Buster takes full
responsibility!
First Lady Brown Eyes Military ServiceServed as a Confederate Soldier in the CSA and

4 Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb


as a US Army Private in WWI (quite an
accomplishment)
Other Jobs Architect, Deep Sea Diver,
Projectionist
Hobbies Sailing and Horseback Riding
Potential Scandals Has done jail time; has
been associated with bomb-throwing
anarchists
Why you should vote for meBuster Keaton
in his own words "Silence is of the gods;
only monkeys chatter."
Charlie or Buster? Let's stop all of that
noisy chatter and get one of these men
elected!Cast your vote in the voting booth
to the right and 2 flights up (sorry. voting
has closed).

Posted by FlickChick at 06:41AM (-04:00)

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Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 9
President-Elect Keaton's 5-Point Program to
Save America!
Friday, October 15, 2010
President-Elect Keaton would like to take this
opportunity to thank everyone who voted for him. He
knows, with your help, that he and the Deadpan
Proletariat can fix everything that is broken in our
great Nation. His philosophy is: simple is best. So, no
more voluminous bills and laws that no one
understands!
Buster says it's time to cut through the you-know-what
get down to brass tacks! He believes that the future
can be fixed by looking backwards to a simpler time
when things worked better in America. By the way -
none of this President Keaton stuff. Just plain old
Buster will do, thank you.
Before Buster unveils his 5-Point Program to Save
America, "America's Simple Solutions - Backwards",
or ASS-Backwards , he'd like to reassure
everyone, especially those who did not vote
for him, that he will conduct himself in a
manner befitting the leader of the free
world.
Buster would also like to address some of
those "unfounded" rumors:
1. The Murder Charge:
All Buster has to say is "I was framed."

2. The Bomb Thing:


Just a misunderstanding that got a little out
of hand. In the future, Buster wants law
enforcement personnel used more wisely.

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Buster takes his new responsibility very
seriously and has put a lot of thought into
his new ASS-Backwards program.
ASS-Backwards is based on 5 simple
principles:

1. Honesty is the Best Policy


Buster promises to speak out of only one
side of his mouth at a time.

2. War is Bad
Buster has looked deeply into this issue
and has concluded that a person could get
hurt. That's bad.

3. Health Care is Not Complicated and


Should be Available to Everyone
An annual check-up, some chicken soup
and lots of exercise is a good prescription
for body and mind.

Football, Basketball and other sports are


good, but Baseball is best!

4. Education is Important
Buster was class valedictorian and is proud of his High School diploma.

5. Everyone Should Go to the Movies More Often.


Buster believes that everyone could use a little more cinematic joy in their lives (and that
40 cents is a fair price).
See? Simple!

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 11


Buster pledges a clean sweep of
Washington and an ASS-Backwards future!
More Buster coming soon. Follow his first
100 days:
* Buster picks his cabinet
* Buster and Brown Eyes move into the
White House
* The First Lady as a fashion icon
* Buster deals with Congress
* Buster puts America back to work
* And More!

Posted by FlickChick at 09:58PM (-04:00)

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President-Elect Keaton Unveils His Cabinet:
Welcome Team ASS-Backwa...
Friday, October 29, 2010
President-Elect Keaton, or Buster as he prefers to be
called, has named one half of his cabinet. "I am proud
to introduce the first members of Team ASS-
Backwards (short for America's Simple Solutions-
Backwards) to the nation. Together I know we can get
America back on the right track!"

Here are Buster's hand-picked selections:

Vice-President: Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle


Roscoe has always supported Buster in more ways
than one. Buster has full confidence in Roscoe and
states "Roscoe Arbuckle personifies the ASS-
Backwards American!"

Secretary of State: Mary Pickford


Mary is a woman loved by the world. If anyone can make everyone behave, it's Mary!

Secretary of the Treasury: Douglas Fairbanks


Buster saw "Robin Hood" and concurs with its fiscal policy.

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 13


Secretary of Education: Stan Laurel and Oliver
Hardy
Here we get 2 for 1. The duo's experience in
higher education makes them uniquely qualified
to inspire American youth to greater heights.

Secretary of Transportation: Mabel Normand


Mabel knows how to get around in style.

Secretary of Energy: Ben Turpin


Ben is full of energy (real and manufactured)!

Secretary of Defense: Harry Houdini


Buster thinks Harry's unique skills might come
in handy in a pinch.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Theda Bara


Buster figures that if any Vets want to have
an affair, Theda is the woman for the job.

More Buster coming soon. Follow his first


100 days:* Buster picks the rest of his
cabinet
* Buster meets the media (and it ain't
pretty)* Buster and Brown Eyes move into
the White House* The First Lady as a
fashion icon* Buster deals with Congress*
Buster puts America back to work
*SCANDAL!* And More!***LATE BREAKING NEWS***
Buster reached across the aisle to Silent Society
candidate Charlie Chaplin and offered him the position of
Secretary of Labor.

At first, Mr. Chaplin was not in a conciliatory mood.


But Charlie is not a sore loser or the type to stay mad
long. He considered the pros and cons of Buster's offer.

Pros: He has been a working man


and has long been a supporter of organized labor.Cons:
Charlie really hates to work
And so, Buster created a new position: Secretary of the
Cinema. The Secretary of the Cinema will travel the
nation and the globe promoting the universal language
and love of all movies.

Mr. Chaplin eagerly accepted and can't wait to get started! In fact, many say this is the
job he wanted all along. Buster said, "I know I picked the right man for the job!"
The New Secretary of the Cinema: This is the job I was born for!
Posted by FlickChick at 08:20PM (-04:00)

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Team Ass-Backwards - Part II
Friday, November 12, 2010
As President-elect Buster prepares to take office, he is pleased to announce the rest of
the members of his cabinet - Team Ass-Backwards!
(A brief recap for those who have been out of the country: Buster Keaton defeated

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Charlie Chaplin in a very close Presidential election.
President-elect Keaton, believing we can solve the
problems of the present by looking backwards, then
revealed his 5-point plan to save America called
"America's Simple Solutions - Backwards" or ASS-
Backwards for short. All of this ground-breaking history
is documented in earlier posts)
Buster's previously announced cabinet choices were:
* Vice President: Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle
* Secretary of State: Mary Pickford
* Secretary of the Treasury: Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.
* Secretary of Education: Laurel & Hardy
* Secretary of Transportation: Mabel Normand
* Secretary of Energy: Ben Turpin
* Secretary of Defense: Harry Houdini
* Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Theda Bara
* Special Post: Secretary of the Cinema: Charlie
Chaplin

The following choices round out his circle of advisors.


Although all will be his trusted associates and
colleagues, Buster wants the American public to
know that the buck always stops with him!

Secretary of Agriculture - Greta Garbo


Ms. G loves to grow things.
And she loves fruits and vegetables
Secretary of Commerce - Clara Bow
Clara knows what sells, is not afraid to take a chance
and she can sure rake in the big bucks!
Secretary of Health and Human Services - Mary
Miles Minter

Mary has experience playing a nurse and


is a very compassionate person.

Secretary of Housing and Urban


Development - Harold Lloyd
Buster really snagged a big one here!
Harold has his finger on the pulse of the
city
Secretary of the Interior - Tom Mix
Tom has probed every inch of this nation's
interior.

Secretary of Justice - Mack Sennett


Buster knows Mack and his Keystone Kops can mete out justice!
Buster has cautioned Mr. Sennett to leave the Bathing Beauties at the beach. No
scandals before he takes office!

Secretary of Labor - Gloria Swanson

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 17


Gloria understands the daily plight of the
working person.

Buster acknowledges that our country is


experiencing some stormy weather at the
moment
but is confident that, with the American public's
help, he can steer the ship of state to a safe,
ASS-Backwards harbor. GO TEAM ASS-
BACKWARDS!
***** NEWS FLASH *****Buster Keaton takes
the Oath of Office. It's official! It's now President
Buster! More Buster coming soon. Follow his
first 100 days:* Buster meets the media (and it
ain't pretty)* Buster and Brown Eyes move into
the White House* The First Lady as a fashion icon*
Buster deals with Congress* Buster puts America
back to work
* SCANDAL!* And More!
Posted by FlickChick at 07:21PM (-05:00)

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Buster and Brown Eyes Move into the White
House
Friday, November 26, 2010
The big day has arrived! President Buster
and his blushing bride, Brown Eyes, finally
take occupancy of 1600 Pennsylvania
Avenue (check older posts to see how this
happened!).
As you can imagine, both were extremely
excited, proud and honored to be the latest
residents of the White House. Here's an
intimate peek at their new life inside the
nation's first home.

Both Buster and the new First Lady wanted to look their very best on moving day.

20 Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb


It was a bit intimidating from the outside,
but once inside, Buster quickly made
himself comfortable.
Being President has its perks! Brown Eyes
has some "special needs" and is having the
Queen's Room done over to her
specifications.
She has even taken to designing her own
furniture.
To accommodate their busy schedules,
both Buster and Brown Eyes hired Social
Secretaries. Brown Eyes has hired the highly qualified Elsie
the Cow to assist her with her daily activities. Her "pet"
project will be The Milk Fund.

Buster has hired a young lady by the name of Natalie


Talmadge. Natalie comes highly recommended and Buster
has a good feeling about her.
Now that they have settled in, Buster and Brown Eyes
can't wait to start serving the American public!

**** EXTRA!!!****Buster and Brown Eyes:


A Love Story
Buster and Brown Eyes ("Bruster" or "B&B" as the press
has dubbed them) wish to share a bit of their love story and
honeymoon photos with America. "We are just your
average in-love married couple," said
Buster. Brown Eyes mooed in assent.

A brief history of the love story of Buster


and Brown Eyes:

Buster discovers Brown Eyes pole dancing


in a bar called Cow-a-Bunga.

Brown Eyes had her heart set on a


Broadway career, but it was love at first
sight! Both knew that they were an
unconventional couple, yet love conquered
all.

Soon after, B&B married and took a


honeymoon out west. After an idyllic
honeymoon, they settled down in their little
house in Hollywood and the rest, as they
say, is history. Both have encountered their
share of prejudice as result of their "mixed
marriage," but Buster and Brown Eyes
remain firm their devotion to one another.
"Nothing will ever come between me and
my Brown Eyes," sighed Buster. More Buster coming soon. Follow his first 100 days:*
Buster meets the media (and it ain't pretty)* The First Lady as a fashion icon* Buster

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 21


deals with Congress* Buster puts America back to
work* SCANDAL!* And More!
Posted by FlickChick at 01:43PM (-05:00)

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Buster Meets the Media (and the Honeymoon is
Over) - #5 of a Series...
Monday, December 06, 2010
President Buster had an especially bruising
week as he held his first press conference
and made the rounds to various "news"
stations. (For those who have been out of
the country, Buster Keaton defeated
Charlie Chaplin for President. He has been
sworn in, picked a cabinet made up of
some famous faces, moved into the White
House with his bride, Brown Eyes, and is
now rolling up his sleeves and putting his
ASS-Backwards (America's Simple Solutions - Backwards) Plan to work!).

First up: the media on the right. Buster agreed to be interviewed by a well known right-
leaning pundit, who accused Buster of being a leftist, communist liberal who pals around
with known anarchists. "What are you?" he asked Buster. "Are you a freedom loving true
American or are you an anti-American tax and spend liberal socialist?"
Buster tried to respond, but was unable to get a word in before time was up.

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 23


He then made an appearance on a left-
leaning program, whose pundit accused
him of being a right-wing fascist
reactionary. "What are you?" asked the
pundit. "Are you a freedom loving true
American or are you a millionaire - loving
shill for big business?"

Buster tried to respond, but was unable to


get a word in before time was up.
Buster vowed to do better at his press
conference and spent a great deal of time boning up
on current events. However, the press was hungry for
Buster's hide. It seemed that they blamed Buster for
everything and wanted him to fix everything NOW! He
looked out into a sea of angry faces.....
Buster asked them to have patience and to give the
ASS-Backwards Plan a chance to work, as he just got
the job, but the press simply shouted:
Americans are out of work!
There are too many illegal immigrants!
We are not safe from our over-seas enemies!
We are not safe from our home-grown enemies!
Taxes are too high!
Wages are too low!
Gas costs too much!
Are you a Democrat?
Are you a Republican?
Are you a Liberal?
Are you a Conservative?

President Buster, again, tried to reply, but was


unable to finish a sentence. Finally he snapped and
yelled:
"I invite every one of you who has a better idea to
put your money where your mouth is and come and
help me and work with me and take responsibility for
the success or the failure of your plan!"
At last, there was a deafening silence.

It was not all bad news for President Buster. The


public, for now, still supported him. In fact,
a small video of a young fan pleading for
everyone to "Stop Picking on Buster!" was
making the rounds:
The fact that this young fan was not old
enough to vote was a bit problematical, but
Buster appreciated the support. As long as
the public was with him, his "ASS-
Backwards" Plan had a chance.

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Wearily, Buster went home to the White
House. He longed for some quality time
with Brown Eyes, but she was nowhere to
be found. Ugly rumors of her long hours
spent with her bodyguard, Elmer the Bull,
had reached Buster, but he paid them no
mind. Instead, he ate a lonely dinner and
prepared for his meetings with the Ford,
Coca-Cola and Sony Companies to
develop a plan to get Americans back to
work. Buster thought it was worth investing
the tax-payers' money in some private
business enterprises in order to create
more jobs.
The Edsel, New Coke and something
called a Betamax all seemed like sure bets
to get Americans back on the job again. He
was hopeful......

More Buster coming soon. Follow his first


100 (and last) days:* The First Lady as a
fashion icon* SCANDAL! (and a dream
dies)* And More!

Posted by FlickChick at 07:05PM (-05:00)

Keaton White House Update: Buster Struggles;


The First Lady as Fash...
Saturday, January 01, 2011
"This job has really aged me." While poor President
Buster continued to be hounded from the left, right,
center and rear, First Lady Brown eyes captured the
imagination of the American and worldwide fashion
scene.

Buster "bet the ranch" and his political future on


three new projects to revitalize the American
economy.

First: The Betamax


This proved a little too complicated Next, Buster
demonstrated the "new Coke" to a group of college students

But, that didn't work out too well, either.

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 25


Buster's last hope was pinned on a new
"green" car by Ford. Everything was riding
on it!

Things just weren't looking up for Buster.


He decided to confer with his Cabinet.

Meanwhile, following in the footsteps of


other First Ladies, Brown Eyes became a
fashion trend setter. American women
looked to her for the latest in fashion inspiration.

Like many gals, brown eyes changed her hair


color. While once a brownette, good friend (and
Secretary of State) Mary Pickford had long talks
and took many long walks with Brown Eyes,
strategizing about her appearance.
It was Mary who convinced Brown Eyes to
develop a more sophisticated look and decided
that a change in hair color would make all the
difference!

She became a multi-toned black and white.


Women were inspired to copy her new look: Not
only did women copy her hair color, they also
emulated other aspects of her appearance:
Shoes Boots with a western theme An
udderly adorable knit cap Baby bottle
Another cow-cap
Unmentionables (The President did not
approve!)
Baby's ensemble School children show
their support Not only was poor Buster
hounded by the press, the Congress and
the people, Brown Eyes was too busy
basking in the spotlight to provide any
comfort to her husband (and she seemed to be spending a lot of time with Elmer the
Bull).
Buster was feeling about as low as can be, but he figured things just couldn't get worse,
could they? Now, what was his Cabinet up to?
Up Next:THE END: SCANDAL! IMPEACHMENT! BACK TO HOLLYWOOD!
Posted by FlickChick at 11:14AM (-05:00)

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Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 27
SCANDAL Rocks the Keaton Administration! #7
in a series of 7
Friday, January 07, 2011
While President Buster was busy trying to recover from his media and
product demonstration debacle, his Cabinet had been busy:

Vice President Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle: While Roscoe always meant


to support Buster, he really did not anticipate the amount of work it
took to be a Vice President. Feeling pretty exhausted, he decided to
take a little weekend holiday in San Francisco and throw a party for all
of his friends. Things got out of hand and the next thing you know,
SCANDAL!

Secretary of Transportation Mable Normand: While Mabel was doing an excellent job,
she had the bad luck of being the last person to see murdered director William Desmond
Taylor alive. While Mabel was not considered a creditable suspect, reports that her
affinity for "speed" was not confined to motorcycles only served to create more scandal.
Secretary of Health and Human Services Mary Miles Minter had a deeper involvement in
the Taylor murder. Personal effecs from Miss Minter, such as a mash note to the director,
were found at Taylor's residence. Little MMM was not so innocent and was now
embroiled in the scandal.

28 Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb


While Secretary of Urban Affairs Harold
Lloyd was not embroiled in a scandal, he
did manage to break some very large
municipal structures, costing the
government money and causing the
administration embarrassment.

Secretary of the Treasury, Clara Bow, took some


time off and lost the monthly social security budget.
Secretary of Justice Mack Sennett was spending
more time with his Bathing Beauties instead of his
Kops. Carloads were seen coming and going on a
regular basis from his residence.
Secretary of Defense Harry Houdini claimed that
the entire Defense Budget just magically
disappeared!
But Buster found that the Cabinet has been
diverting funds to another cabinet!
To make matters worse, Brown Eyes had left him
for Elmer the Bull.
The rest of the Cabinet quit in disgust. Buster was
despondent.
Congress and America called for impeachment.
However, before hearings could begin, a force greater
than Washington stepped in. The Hollywood Moguls
made a deal with the politicians: let Buster return to
Hollywood to make movies and just pretend this never
happened and the Democrats and the Republicans
could regain control of the nation. Both parties took a
minute to think about this and said "Done Deal!"

And so it was that Buster packed his bags and moved


out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
It had all been a grueling experience. Back in
Hollywood again, Buster just needed some rest. Just as
a he felt himself drifting off into a peaceful sleep, there
was a gentle hand on his shoulder. His wife, Natalie, was shaking him, telling him that it
was time to get up and go to work at the studio. After all, he had to work to support the
lavish lifestyle she was accustomed to.
Was it all a dream? It seemed so real. But, there was no evidence of a cow in residence
and it was Natalie as his bride in the picture frame by the bedside.
Buster vowed to lay off the hootch.
As he was getting ready to leave for a day of movie-making, Natalie reminded Buster that
today was Election Day and asked if he going to vote.

Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb 29


Buster thought long and hard. "No, Dear," said
Buster. "I think I'll pass this year."
Posted by FlickChick at 06:13PM (-05:00)

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