12/31/2010

Addictions & Answers: 'I'm ashamed of…

Hom e

Autos Real Estate

Jobs Classifieds Apps Place an Ad

Buy Pictur es Buy Tickets Deal of the Day
SITE BLOGS DISCUSSIONS WEB

Login
Search pow ered by

Register

Health
News
Eats

SEARCH

Sports
Fashion

Gossip
Health

Entertainment
Horoscopes

Events
Pets

Local

Opinion

Life & Style
Photos

Photos
Columnists

More Sections +
Life & Style Blogs

T ravel

Coffee Break

Your New York

Hospital Directory
Article Comments (1)
Share

EDIT ORS' PICKS
Hamster? Gerbil? No, it's Snooki inside that ball! Reality TV 'star' practices for tonight's ball drop (love the plastic cup, Snooks!) Happy Stinkin' New Y ear: No trash pickup til Monday Garbage removal, street sweeping still days away, says NYC sanitation boss. Russell Brand likely in t he doghouse for t weeting THIS pic The funnyman posted this photo of wife Katy Perry with no makeup on and quickly deleted it. What is she 'do-ing?! Kardashian sports braids Reality TV starlet is photographed wearing tight cornrows. VOTE: Hot or not? The most notorious Twitt er moment s of 2010 Demi Moore tweeting of pics herself in a bikini was a milestone in stupidity. Mom, daughter accused of molesting same teen boy for 3 y ears Police say the pair did it without knowing about each other’s relationship with him. Read your favorite comic on the Daily News.

Addictions & Answers: 'I'm ashamed of my addiction to porn'
ADDICTIONS & ANSWERS Friday, December 24th 2010, 10:06 AM Recommend Be the first of your friends to recommend this.

Visit our new T ravel Section!
Explore deals, hidden vacation fiestas, the best cruises and longweekend escapes! GO NOW!

Tripplaar/Sipa Press

BILL: "I have a beautiful wife and three daughters," writes Anson, "and active in my church. I'm ashamed of my addiction to porn, but can't stop or get enough." Trying to understand Anson myself, I turned to the noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, author of 'Why Him? Why Her?.' DR. DAVE: Did you ask why it's so overwhelmingly a male obsession? BILL: "Men tend to be more visual during sex and courtship," she said, "for good reason. For millions of years men had to LOOK at a woman to see if she could bear him healthy babies. So even today, men respond to visual signals of health, youth and beauty more dramatically than women do. This is why women spend so much time dressing for men; their visual signals of health and beauty activate pleasure centers in the male brain." DR.DAVE: Her point being that the biology of evolution doesn't care about human happiness or ideas of morality. While it shaped both male and female genome to look for what we call attachment love, the male appears to be far more hard-wired for lust. BILL: The faithless Darwinian bastards who did the deed most often and widely left the most descendents – including you and me? DR. DAVE: Dr. Fisher's work parallels new findings in neurochemistry, particularly focused on the 3% of mammals, humans included, who often live a monogamous lifestyle with much more attachment and romantic love than lust. BILL: But in the other 97%, the male focus is on getting it wherever and whenever he can? Is there a difference in the brain chemistry? DR. DAVE: Romantic and lustful partnerships both provide good doses of Dopamine during sexual arousal. The difference starts when the sex drive kicks in. The lust-driven person gets increases in Serotonin and Opiods. BILL: In fact, haven't I read that in romantic love, the level of serotonin is markedly lower than normal?

BEST OF NYDN.COM
John Mellencamp & wife split after 18 y ears The Grammy-winning singer, 59, and former supermodel Elaine Irwin have two sons. Forget Four Loko! Boozeinfused chocolat e milk updates kid classic Adult Chocolate Milk mixes traditional chocolate milk with 40-proof vodka. Spicy ! Man say s 'lewd act' due to itch from Tabasco sauce on groin Man arrested for indecent exposure on airplane after teen girl complains.

nydailynews.com/…/2010-12-24_addic…

1/3

12/31/2010

Addictions & Answers: 'I'm ashamed of…
The Jets' scandal-plagued YEAR IN REVIEW Sexual harassment, a DUI for a star player, a coach tripping an opponent... New X-rated pics allegedly of Rex Ry an's wife hit web Just when Rex Ryan thought he was back on solid footing, it appears that another shoe has dropped. Sainz harassment shows Gang Green's true colors Mexican television reporter was subjected to crude behavior from a number of Jets players. And t hen t here's the Sterger 'sexting' story NFL fines Brett Favre $50k for not cooperating with probe into X-rated photos sent to TV host. Gone, but not forgotten: Those we lost in 2010 IN MEMORIAM - Remembering the iconic personalities who passed away this year. The most outrageous moment s of 2010 PHOTOS: Smoking babies, bedbugs and Katy Perry flashing Elmo... what a year!

DR. DAVE: In alcoholism, there is a mixture of both genetics and how much you drink. In sex addiction too, there are genetic brain chemical differences amplified by how frequently you engage in non-specific partner lust. Porn is the most obvious path to that type of sex and, as we noted, men are more prone to that visual path. BILL: So, there really is an addictive process of genetics and brain chemistry behind Anson's obsession with porn? DR DAVE: The fact that he is ashamed, suffers and wants to stop but can't are classic. For more details, readers can go to a website that describes the work of Dr. Fisher and others published as early as 2004. BILL: And if someone like Anson wants to kick the habit, the treatment you'd recommend is--? DR. DAVE: The addict needs a community of fellow sufferers who understand his shame, denial and delusion. The one 12 Step fellowship that stands out is Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. BILL: ..and for professional therapy, where would you send Anson? DR. DAVE: There are good rehab centers, particularly Pine Grove—the one chosen by Tiger Woods. Unfortunately, the cost is steep. The good news is that Director Pat Carnes of Pine Grove, has put many of his treatment tools online at: gentlepath.com. BILL: So if our reader has a therapist that he trusts, Step One would be to get involved with the SLAA fellowship, using their treatment tools as a therapeutic guide? DR. DAVE: Anson could always start with Carnes screening test on that website: screening test. BILL: And, to be chauvinistic for a moment, is there a separate screening instrument for a wife wondering if her lover is caught up addictive lust rather than the rose-strewn path to romantic love she thought they'd both signed up for? DR. DAVE: Yes, there is—at the same link. And PS, Bill? BILL: Yes? DR. DAVE: That sarcasm is a symptom too.

Dr. David Moore is a licensed psychologist and chemical dependency professional who is a graduate school faculty memb er at Argosy University's Seattle Campus. Bill Manville is a Book of the Month novelist; his most recent work of non-fiction, "Cool, Hip & Sob er," is availab le at online b ookstores. Bill also teaches "Writing To Get Pub lished" for Temple University and at writers.com.
Share 12

MORE FROM DR. DAVID MOORE AND BILL MANVILLE
Addictions & Answers: Drinking meds for alcoholics -- denial in a bottle? Addictions & Answers: Miley Cyrus, party drugs and other teen terrors Addictions & Answers: Can you really be addicted to love? Addictions & Answers: Narcotics Anonymous took my daughter away

1

23

retw eet

EMAIL

PRINT

You may also be interested in:
Selected for you by our sponsor:

How to Fake a Clean House (RealSimple.com) John Mellencamp and wife separate after 20 years (Reuters) Sex shop tycoon Jacqueline Gold escapes alleged poisoning by disgruntled nanny (NY
Daily News - News)

MOST POPULAR
Most Read Most Discussed Most Emailed

1. How does Helena Bonham Carter cope with a snoring husband? Adjoining houses 2. Nooo! Kim trades in luscious locks for corn rows 3. What the MMXI?! Happy New Year from Google! 4. Weight Watchers' new system has dieters losing their minds 5. BRRRRR! What does taking the 'polar bear plunge' do your body? 6. Adult Chocolate Milk is an alcohol-infused twist on a childhood classic

What is salvia? Miley Cyrus caught smoking salvia from bong; Plant's high akin to marijuana, LSD (NY Daily News - Lifestyle) Horror in Harlem: Dead woman found stuffed in suitcase on sidewalk, cops hunt suspect caught on tape (NY Daily News - Local News) Addicted to heartbreak: Is it love or are you just in a co-dependent relationship? (NY
Daily News - Lifestyle)

Ads by Yahoo!

7. Katy Perry's body of work 8. Club drug ecstasy could help people with autism, post-traumatic stress syndrome: studies 9. Burger King mystified by lack of enthusiasm for Whopper with Brussels sprouts 10. Stars show off their beach bods

RECENT COMMENT S FROM DAILY NEWS READERS
1 comments | See All Comments » To comment, Register or Log In [Discussion guidelines]

..... is from Brooklyn

12:48:13 AM AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BIGGEST FLUFF PIECE!!! heck, I'm shocked Dec 26, 2010 they even left the comment box OPEN "unlike other paid for, fake articles".........SO, in the spirit of the season I'll help you guys out with what this article is REALLY ABOUT....here...SEX.COM....SEX.COM....SEX.COM....SEX.COM....SEX.COM...SEX.COM...SEX.COM....SEX.COM....SEX.COM......................see? I'm a nice person too...too bad the wasted soooo much money on that crappy Domain name Report Offensive Post Click Here t o see all comments or to Report Abuse

nydailynews.com/…/2010-12-24_addic…

2/3

12/31/2010

Addictions & Answers: 'I'm ashamed of…
BACK TO TOP

Media Kit
News National World Politics Crime

RSS

Home Delivery

Mobile
Lifesty le Eats Fashion Health

Newsletters

Place an Ad

About our Ads

Contact Us

Archives

FAQ's

Site Map

Sports MLB NFL NBA NHL

Ent ertainment Movies Gossip Coffee Break Music & Arts

Get Home Deliv ery Take advantage of this special offer and save 70% off the newsstand price. Go Now

Advertise with the NY Daily News! View our Media Kit and learn all about how to advertise with us. Go Now

Horoscopes
Use of this w ebsite signifies your agreement to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. © Copyright 2010 NYDailyNew s.com. All rights reserved.

nydailynews.com/…/2010-12-24_addic…

3/3

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful