because I was curious about dinners. That’s a much better hit rate than dinner. and when I look at my hit rate there. Anyhow. because often I just have a single goal. I wouldn’t call my game dating. My buddy Jeff and I have long-since known dinner is the death-knell for getting laid. Dinner is a terrible approach if you want to get laid. Lounges are ideal for a number of reasons. What I write here is what I’ve found to work and what I do in my own life. and was raised mostly by my mother. They say write what you know. several friends have encouraged me to write a book about getting laid. with the guy standing foolishly by as the girl steps into a cab waving good-bye. None of this material is hypothetical. I know how to get laid in Gotham on the cheap. Really shitty hit rate. another girl (whom I’ve slept with) asked me and some other bachelor friends to write an essay or short piece on bachelorhood in New York. I’ve always thought it was interesting but never got around to writing anything. with an “X” if they let me bang them in the ass. Of the roughly 40 girls I’ve brought to my favorite spot on the Upper East Side. and grew directly out of my experience hustling in New York. because I do it well. but I still (at 30) enjoy the hustle. I’m 30. But I’ve always been interesting in gender politics and the battle of the sexes and how to get laid. and I will explain later why. I didn’t. Home to porno. and see all these eager guys sitting across from a smirking woman. and to which I devote considerable time and effort. The usual end game there. really. but I had never taken a statistical look at the stuff. or with a girlfriend. I just had sex with my 100th women. I don’t know if they got around to it. it’s significant. drinks at a sexy lounge after 10pm is always the right move. especially Friday night. just as a record.Getting Laid in NYC: Technology for the Single Man I made a spreadsheet a couple of weeks ago. On the other hand. a bloated stomach. in my experience. however. Think about all the time they spend reading dating and relationship magazines. but never initially. about 30 have come home with me and about 25 of those have banged. etc. and never if your goal is to get the girl naked. A girl I used to sleep with thought it would be fun to write a relationship and dating book with me but that never got off the ground. The idea for this book has been on my mind for some time.. I come from a divorced home. It’s fine in a relationship. Recently. and books – you think they don’t know more about the playing field than men? Come on. I often meet women I like. Why? Because women know how to play the game better than men do. I only had sex with 2 or so. and it may develop into something akin to dating. Out of about 30 girls I could think of off the top of my head. We are very close and I’m sure that contributed to my fascination with and understanding of women. or after you’ve had sex. some yawns and a peck on the cheek. and it seems to be the one thing that holds my interest. I keep a spreadsheet of these girls. is a fat bill. and yet I am always amazed to walk down the street on a given night. I should have made a tshirt for her. and most of these women have been screwed since I Getting Laid in NYC 2 . etc.

Also. but secretly they know they are just one of many like them. This winter and spring I had some incredible weeks: 4 girls in 5 days. she’s so hot. women outnumber men significantly. etc. I’ve found that with a system and a deep pool of talent. and there are real evolutionary reasons for that. so ask them out and then bang the shit out of them! This leads me to the first of many insights: • Never let one bitchy or unresponsive girl get to you or affect your outlook. whining friend.moved to NYC 3 years ago – about 70 of them. but who cares right now. The first thing to realize about women. and be in the back of a cab getting head 15 minutes later. Or. Keep that image in your mind. they are just one of many. You think they want to be eating with their complaining. One good exercise is to pass patio restaurants on a summer night. preparing for the next opportunity. especially in a metropolitan city like New York. although there are some rough ones in there. How could I get such a fine chick. and that’s not what will get you laid. In fact. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a cool response or flat rejection from a girl only to approach another girl 2 minutes later and hit it off. I thought about why things were so plentiful and the answer was: I had a system. My friend says the single most powerful word in the English language for a man is “Next!” One of the key characteristics of an effective hustler. women lead men to believe they are unique. after water. “Oh man. they may be a bit more high-maintenance. pussy is really the second most abundant commodity on earth. As guys. but they are not in short supply. they find that one girl who they can get the honey from and they stick by her side no matter what. and I see it in my friends who play the game the best. For Starters – The Marketplace I realized about 8 months ago that my hit rate was skyrocketing. 2 girls in one night. who is depressed and with whom they have to split the bill? Of course not! They’d jump at the opportunity to be with a guy. That’s more than 20 girls a year. etc. They look around at all the beautiful flesh surrounding them and get a sense of their commodity-nature. I always imagine a bunch of models or dancers or actresses changing in a locker room. is an ability to walk away from a negative situation immediately and brush it off. something like 51% to 49% for men. and I had a girlfriend for a spell. is that we don’t have their perspective. I think most guys spend time and money in the wrong place and then get frustrated when they don’t get laid. including 3 super-hot models.. That’s statistically quite significant. That’s the beauty of being a man – you can always walk away from a situation that has bad energy. and notice how many women are eating with other women (especially in NYC). And I don’t have any money.?” What men don’t realize is that even stunning women are plentiful. most of the girls are good-looking (7’s or 8’s) and several are 9’s and 10’s. especially the hot women we all gawk at. worse. like a puppy. Just remember there’s no shortage of pussy. you and I might think. in the world.. Getting Laid in NYC 3 .

are flirty. energy. I would take my opportunities where they presented themselves: poolside at a wedding. cost. some work. So. but to themselves and other girls. and there are so many people and the city is sexy and anonymous. hot and strong because of the system and protocol the baristas follow. especially if they are hot. Careful. but after you’ve banged her and she’s naked. bullshit. but as soon as I recognize the direction we’re going I can make the call. “Yes” girls. anonymity is key because as a hustler. Don’t assume you’ll wear here down or trick her. sexy and sophisticated. Princesses. to us they may be hot and sexy. So. Do not leave your sex life up to chance – what women often call “romance”. and have their own un-sexy habits like farting. They allow you to ask them back to your place with ease. who cares. anyhow. They are sticks in the mud. but alas. which is: • There are 3 types of girls around: yes. in Central Park. But if you want to get laid with a minimum of time. some fail and fall flat. stand-offish. Even other women will admit how manipulative a woman can be. A city like NY is ideal. Any guy who has been laid several times knows this type of girl. believe it or not. and there are plenty of girls for everyone. because chances are you won’t see the person again.their value-proposition. Any successful business must follow a blueprint if it hopes to achieve significant results. etc. no and maybe girls. we have this large market of single men and women. It’s been my experience that women are heavily front-loaded in what they can offer . All other business enterprises have a system to deliver a good or service: Starbucks coffee is fresh. you are dealing with pros. hassle. Prior to recognizing how effective a system for getting laid could be. fat thighs. Don’t get me wrong. In this city.That leads me to my next point. She may look fit. By the way. The “maybe” girls are where most guys get hung up spending all their money and time. So. He probably has a gut instinct that she’s going to be hard to get in the sack. Also. back to the system. open with body language and game for anything. Even after years of practice. Think about it. bad breath. It’s better to walk then to throw more energy at these problem girls. the same applies to shagging women. some work brilliantly. on the Chinatown bus between Boston and NYC. by contrast. burping. with mascara running down her face and she’s trying to stuff Getting Laid in NYC 4 . I try (as I encourage you to) all types of new methods and approaches. the effective hustlers know how to judge the three types and work accordingly. and even if you do. it’s a market. then you should work out an effective system. by that time you’ll be a confident playboy and who cares what one stupid bitch thinks. gentlemen. I can still get stuck on these types. Again. difficult. fun. Don’t fall for a woman’s façade. The problems are the “maybe” girls. because it’s concentrated. and most importantly. Take charge of it. thinking that they will get her. they are just competition. there is not a wrong place to take a woman. All guys know the “no” girls. in a cab.

It seems cliquey-er to me and because of the car culture. I’m sure they did. And after a few retarded episodes with blind dates. LA. I was born and bred in Santa Monica. I remember thinking how I wasn’t meeting as many girls. So. but guys make this mistake all the time: • Pick-up girls midweek in the middle of the day while they are walking around. harder to have contact with the ladies. make like Zog and take what you are hungry for. That’s my true experience. and a privilege of males is that you get to choose. but I bet cavemen had pretty good sex lives. so I know a bit of the game. weddings. I have two advantages over the average guy in this regard: a) I live in New York b) I have an unorthodox work schedule. because we’re here. but also the subway.her thighs into a pair of too small jeans at 2am. Here. One revelation I experienced upon moving to New York was sheer exposure to so many single. When I had a car in Boston 5 years ago.1 Women respond to a hungry man. plays. in NYC. Don’t be intimidated. and lived there till I was 18. and don’t guard their pussy like it’s their only asset. it’s a whole different game. Girls often tell me. after we’re lying in bed chatting. and I’m aggressive.2 Here. I’d say that 90% of my game takes place on the street because I walk a lot (also keeps me thin and fit. They knew where things were heading. go after it. you’ll realize she’s just another person trying to get by. If you see something you like. I can’t recall the last time I was set-up. they flow by like sardines in the ocean. I refuse to do that. I am sure that there are systems to get laid in LA (Hugh Hefner probably has the patent) but since that city is sprawling and requires driving.) and therefore wasn’t meeting the college girls going around town. obviously there are no girls to meet in my car! I was on the “T” less (as the subway is called in Boston. etc. Philly) there would be one or two hotties. Do not attempt to hustle girls on a weekend night when you are competing with every other Dick. Little secret: the hottest ones are the easiest to fuck. It is caveman style. in other cities in which I’ve lived (Boston. here or there. Hallelujah!) 2 1 Getting Laid in NYC 5 . a must for the hustler) and that’s where the girls are. I believe it’s a lot about chemistry. I also wasn’t pounding the pavement. I’ve come to realize that one way women create the illusion of scarcity is by staying at home or only getting done-up and going out on weekend nights. and we’d talk about them for 10 minutes after spotting them. believe me. Step 1 – Contact I have never done online dating. buses. All my pulls are in the flesh. that was what turned them on and made them feel pursued. of course. I’ve got a much better sense of the market. that it was in my eyes. restaurants. due to public transportation and the street. In fact. hot women. Another point that is obvious. Why? Because they are most confident. and I have realized that there are a lot of sexy girls for every guy (not least because our gay compatriots are out of the game. Don’t ask. coffee shop. For some reason. There is no wrong place or time to make the approach. I’ve picked up girls on the street. Too bad they don’t make nets.

Having lived in the city for a few years now. I’m here to tell you that you’ll look rather dull next to New York Fucking City going off on a Saturday night. As I mentioned. Weeknights are different. These are the hours all the guys are breaking their backs downtown to earn a buck so they can take some broad out on Friday and not-bone. I’ve come to appreciate the value of exclusive time with my men. Play the cycle of the week to your advantage. Another note about weekends: keep those for your men. it helps that I take a leisurely stroll to get coffee at Starbucks on 66th and Madison every morning around 10 and that I walk to work (my day job is as a SAT tutor) in the afternoon. The girl’s ego is ballooning. She’s ready for sleep. Nothing is more welcome than a phone call or text message from you when she’s getting nothing from friends. Get the numbers during the day and during the week. then she’s been hit on by a platoon of fools and you know how much women like attention (turns out they’d rather have attention than sex) and if you’re in a city like New York. and arrange the meeting during a weeknight when you will get a woman’s full. and the guys are beer-goggling. You’re competing against every other guy. women are creatures who need attention and they are getting less of it during the week. I’ve found that girls I can’t even get to have a 5 minute conversation on a Saturday night will come all the way uptown to have a drink with a guy they barely know if it’s a quiet Tuesday night. Not many other players around and women (for some reason I’m not clear on) think it’s more innocent if you get their number at 1:15pm on a Tuesday on Lexington Ave. So. and choosing the former. and she’s sitting at home feeling lonely and unwanted. By that I mean the myriad things she’d rather do then go to your place and suck your cock. first off.On the second point. trying to bang her) on a Saturday night at a crowded bar is a loser’s gamble. when there’s likely to be a lull in even the most popular girl’s social calendar. My schedule is drinks with girls Sunday night through Wednesday. as my friend Adam says. Because it’s also a common pitfall for most guys I’m going to make a bullet point for it. and arriving at an age – 30 – when I’m starting to know what I like and what I don’t. at which point working on you isn’t her focus. it’s often said that women cheat as a result of an inattentive husband. but it should be somewhat obvious: • Trying to get a girl’s number (or. whereas men cheat because we can’t control our hormones and libido. the obvious play here is: • Meet girls one-on-one during the week. So it’s too easy midday on the street. worse. then at some bar Saturday night. clever. because if she’s halfway decent looking. family or other guys. and often Getting Laid in NYC 6 .. more than likely she’ll only lose interest in the night when she starts to tire. funny or good-looking you are. you have the added competition of the city itself. So be prepared for a long and tedious battle if you’re trying to get her to your place on a Saturday night. undivided attention. No matter how suave.

almost bitchy women sauntering down the street towards you? The Intro – “Hello. Saturday’s are reserved for dinner with the boys. as all animals do. You can tell in 2 seconds if she’s interested. as is a sense of humor and a feeling that it’s your prerogative to engage these women: • You are never “bothering” a girl by hitting on her. In general. and they sense things from a gut level. Remember that it’s your duty as a man to engage the opposite sex and initiate contact. We may meet a couple girls. Women like flattery. Getting Laid in NYC 7 . I usually go “window shopping” with a buddy. to the content of what you are saying. even get digits or get laid. Thursdays. reciprocate your attention.Friday as well because it’s an early night because I work at 8:30 on Saturday morning. stop what they are doing. a wingman. My advice is to keep one weekend night free to eat with your boys: they’ll keep you sane and stave off loneliness. I remember a funny comment this black guy made on a street corner in the city. Persistence is the key here. and I enjoy nothing better than grabbing a big meal and relaxing with a good friend or two. confident. but we’re all cognizant that Saturday is the hardest pull. and get a good sense if she’s a yes/no/maybe girl. I can’t remember the last time I used a “line. Don’t get into thinking you’re being intrusive. I don’t see them all week because everyone works hard in this city. We may or may not go chasing after dinner. “Yes” girls will be appreciative. and also because who has time to remember that shit when a hot chic passes in front of the radar. Confidence and a sense of urgency are your two allies in this endeavor. in a non-pick-up environment – but what exactly do you do when you see that foxy. for the reasons mentioned above. He was checking out a hot chic as she walked around the corner and I caught him staring. plus it’s the ideal time to recount stories of the week just passed. “I’m just doing my job. So we’ve talked about the when and the where’s of meeting the girls – midweek daytime. but the bulk of my work is not accomplished here. We made eye contact and he says. The confidence will come as you continue to hone your craft and reap the prodigious benefits of your system. if not more than.” Whatever you’ve heard about not paying compliments to women is bullshit. but in general they will be difficult and you’ll feel the work you’re doing. The “maybe” girls will give you some leeway. My friend Jeff is the master at reeling them in. perhaps having a stogie afterwards. and in general enjoy the interaction and the feeling of sexual tension between the two of you.” both because they sound cheesy and are retarded.” He was. I think you’re cute. they like flirting and sexual tone and many of them appreciate a direct approach. perhaps the best night of the week to go out. and I appreciated it. she will let you know. We usually go out to check out the hot scenes and look at the girlies all done-up. give you their attention. women respond to body language and timing as much. just like us. Women are animals.

as well. My shtick fell flat. body language and appearance are more important than what you say. and if you can practice in an anonymous setting like NYC. They give off bad energy and can kill an unpracticed guy’s spirit. especially hot ones. You “can’t talk. tell them. blah”. and appreciate that you went in for the kill. Get the Number – In less than 1 minute Keep in mind that like all people. you don’t need to do anything charming. But. Back to the “maybe” girls. I guarantee you their time is no more valuable than yours. girls. I’ve tried to rap to a girl in a crowded subway before and she just gave me air and the look away or a few unfriendly one-word replies. Also. After that. once had real trepidation at the thought of approaching a female stranger and making conversation. “My. a word about nerves or guts. The only purpose is to get the digits so you can contact her later. “Hesitation. most guys give props for taking the shot. then there’s no fall-out when you totally bomb. They’ve been there. Walk away immediately. By that I mean guys understand the rap. you’re in quite a hurry!” works well. in which I make strong. suave and successful today. recognize that you will fall on you face many times. You need the contact information of course. there’s no right way to initiate conversation. Brutal. However. The benefits of a good rap reinforce the exercise. “Next!” Regarding the approach. The “no” girls are unresponsive or snobby. We were talking about girls. no matter how dashing. blah. I’m sure all of us guys. I’ve gotten the “I’m in a hurry to blah. I’ve literally stopped talking and turned and left in situations where I’m up against a brick wall. are moody. keep moving. Also. just wave her over as you get your phone out. you’re late for __________. If the girl is likewise craning her neck. confidence. You can’t win those. You’re in a hurry too. Don’t be afraid to walk away mid-sentence. Remember.I’ve also found other men to be generally admiring and supportive of the pick-up. or give you the “Who are you?” look. you’re golden. Not a one smirked or laughed. Also. and 5 guys were right there watching. and remember. suggestive eye contact and then give a look back a couple of seconds later. it becomes second nature the more you do it. and don’t look down on a guy who takes the shot. or keep questioning the pretext of your meeting: “But I don’t know you?” Also. The “head on” is decent. memorable or “cute” when you first meet her. You have Getting Laid in NYC 8 .” though. as I’ll say more than once. My friend Arefin asked me this little riddle: “What killed the warrior?” “I don’t know. otherwise you can’t pursue her. She’s interested.” I replied.” he said. Also the side by side. First of all. I’ve had tremendous luck with the Two-Step Look Back™. practice makes perfect. For some reason these types want to discourage sex and playfulness between the sexes. especially if you’re young. They are the ones that engage reluctantly and have unwelcoming body language.

or freaking her out. not there to fuck it up. and even Shakespeare couldn’t be charming for more than a couple of minutes off the bat. but I’m in a rush and late for a meeting. In the subway example. So what do you say to these fickle. etc. They’re hooked. you’ll just fuck it up. The less talking you do. Getting Laid in NYC 9 . like the fantasy or “romance” of meeting “that guy”.” That usually works. anyhow. anyhow) at least prolong the fantasy for your benefit. I acknowledge by saying. whatever. It’s more the timing and body language.nothing to say to her. or past a table where she’s eating. trying to process what just happened and remember the fine details of what you said. sensitive beasts? It doesn’t really matter. Walking by a girl. “I want to say ‘hi’ because I noticed we made eye contact. and looking responsible and somewhat trustworthy (but not at the expense of sexiness) will counter the “I just met this guy on the street . “I think you’re cute. dramatically. or at least gets them interested. you’re already gone. the better.I don’t even know him!” alarm in her head. engage. and often.. The yes/maybe girls will perk up: they know you find them attractive. The wheels in a girl’s head are relentless. you should see her. etc. Looking your best will improve your hit rate. Ideally.” Or. and since almost no guy is ever going to live-up to some bullshit Prince Charming archetype (who wants to. and how you looked. or revealing too much. blah. A nervous guy can torpedo a promising situation by talking too much and turning the girl off. and you have a plan – the drink.3 Don’t run. if there’s no eye contact I stop them and say my standard. so have a planned exit. As they are reeling from the encounter. as well as men. Their mind is already working on you. keeping a clean-cut “I have a job and pay my rent” look will work to your benefit. and this is New York and if you don’t take advantage of moments like these they tend to just pass. I’ve found many a reluctant girl is only too happy to see me midweek for a drink. like sitting next to a woman on the subway. A Note on Appearance It is important to look good. Remember. The less than one-minute engagement works for a number of reasons. “Who was that dashing stranger I just met in the rain?” she thinks as you walk off with your raincoat trailing and your umbrella extended. if you’re working the street game. and if she notices me. In particular. This leads to the second reason the one-minute engagement works: it maintains the intrigue. if you have to. 3 If you’re in some situation where you can’t leave immediately. I usually try to make eye contact. get off and switch cars. Women. There’s nothing more awkward than silence between two strangers after they’ve said hello. wait until you have about 1 minute left with her before striking up conversation. appreciate that you are confident enough to tell them so in a polite way. and then smile (or wink. it prevents the guy from doing anything stupid or awkward. talk for 45 seconds while you’re entering her digits. First off all. perhaps by mentioning he lives at home with his folks. blah. I’ve found that the quick move works best. and just how you stood. or something like that. their moods will change. That’s all that needs to happen on the initial meeting. How ‘bout you give me your number and we’ll grab a drink around here some night. if you’re good at it) and rush off to your “meeting”.

It’s better for your skin. they tell a man’s social class.” It Getting Laid in NYC 10 . With clothes you have many options.Confidence and experience here can make up for a lot. I keep mine at home. I said stuff I wasn’t overjoyed I had said. For all the work they do on themselves – waxing. and would get nervous. looking cool while we do so. make-up. let it grow. diet. You’ll appreciate later when you’re pulling her panties down and she’s smiling at you. and men all over the world should be thanking their lucky stars. Not only is this the most effective way to control the conversation and avoid missteps. So you have a phone. Use varies. and especially in the morning after smoking a cigar the night before. I suppose. don’t have credit. Job permitting. One general rule is that shoes are important. but how do you use it? When I first started hustling. midway through college (up to that point I had girlfriends. He folds one into his pocket when he goes on dates and does a few scrapes in the bathroom before making out. First Contact – What now? Technology is a wonderful thing. black Kenneth Cole belt. Timberland Chelsea boots (good for winter. and most women like the look. navy Armani black-label suit. successful and slick. clothes. I tried the pick-up game a bit when I first got to NYC without a cell phone. and the relationship wasn’t necessarily moving in the direction of me having sex with the caller on the other end. but you can now reach a larger audience. etc. depending on hygiene and self-consciousness level. and it’s true that good situations often arise when we least expect them or are ready for them. especially with technology. guys look sexier with a couple days growth. hair. One is the scruff factor: in general. plucking. It’s just a strip of plastic with a serrated edge. and Ferragamo Daniely shoes. like everyone else…) I used to get worked-up about the initial call. so avoid being a slob. Uptown is a solid blue Zegna spread collar shirt (no tie). It is the era of the text message. I generally have two looks – downtown and sexy or uptown. Somehow get hold of a phone. perhaps for difference reasons. etc. I find these two outfits cover the bases. and things have changed. Take it from me. – the least we can do is shower and brush our teeth. Girls respond to both. Not only is it burdensome to write numbers down. I’ve heard. We can get the number and so easily put it into our cell phone. don’t have a job. Inevitably the call was awkward. it’s the key tool of the trade. As my friend Nathan says. it’s a bit tough. My friend Jeff turned me on to this little device that can handle bad-breath – an OOLIT tongue scraper. fashion capital) a pair of Helmut Lang faded jeans. “Text messaging has got to be the worst thing that has happened to women in a long time. but it does get the guck off the tongue. but also sketchy and a big red flag to girls that you’re broke. too) and a tight-fitting Dolce & Gabbana black t-shirt. especially in the morning. often with one-hand. My downtown look is (and keep in mind this is Manhattan. Every guy has his particulars. gym. I have a few preferences and tricks that my running mates share. with butterflies. That was 10 years ago.

and I’m codifying what works. The best thing for us men. keep it playful. She invariably answers. gets turned off. let’s grab a drink. on the other hand. in general. I’ve tried almost everything in the book. I often send a text to a girl I just met who doesn’t have my number. flirty and mildly combative. “Yes” girls. You leave a pleasant voicemail on some chick’s phone after meeting her. So. You’re time is valuable. It’s the Swingers dilemma – do you call back?. Plus you can make outrageous propositions that you could never deliver with aplomb over the phone. but women love to read and write. that a woman will decide in the first 5 minutes if she’s going to sleep with you. especially when executing the following… So here’s where leverage (as my finance buddies like to say) comes in: group messaging. and mysterious about texting. and it is. and then it’s up to you to stay the course or fuck it up in any number of ways. but guys inevitably screw it up. There is something more fun or romantic.removes that old filter that used to prevent all types of guys from getting laid. and will rarely balk at a 10pm first drink Tuesday night at a quiet uptown lounge. but you ramble a bit and the tone of your voice becomes increasingly less confident and unsure of itself. not too sweet. dissatisfied with the call. buy an unlimited text messaging package ‘cause the shit gets pricey. Getting little messages via phone gets them excited in the way a little girl gets excited about a letter from Daddy when he’s away. any Wall Street trader will talk to you about testing the market to see what’s out there – what the appetite is on a particular stock. 4 Getting Laid in NYC 11 . Keep things unspoken. you’re sitting there Tuesday afternoon with a few numbers in the pipeline and maybe you’ve left a few short. You hang up. Disregard this advice at your peril. use such screens. if you get into this. In fact. or refuse to divulge stuff. above all. Until you’ve had sex with a woman. it’s my experience that less talking is better. is to stick to a script and veer off infrequently. are game for most anything. This seems obvious. want us to make love to them. I’m sure you’ve heard. something we call “Women’s Intuition”. Well. I was saying earlier how it’s a market. She senses your nervousness. In general. Not only do you have time to compose your message calmly. use a text message. “Who’s this?” and I explain and ask when we’re going to have a drink. or are aware. by the way). disinterested French girl you You can filter the market rather easily by your choice of meeting time. etc. much less in person. I think women. here in this dating laboratory we call New York. husky voice from the equation altogether. “Hey. Does Wednesday night work?”4 That’s a good start. etc. Who knows how the bitchy. The French have a word for it – badinage – which means playful. Luck favors the laconic. Women tend to be better talkers and can intuit a tremendous amount from some guy who is yapping his gums off. her intuition and the fact that you don’t have a deep. and deletes your number. But here’s where leverage really comes into play. verbal banter. You know what I’m talking about. voicemails about. I don’t know. but it works wonders. By the way. Same thing with girls. “no” girls will put up a stink with a late drink during the week. To eliminate the wavering voice. I’ve found. It turns out that at lot of the game is avoiding pitfalls. and what doesn’t. (Never call back.

unappreciated. I set it on my desk. This bit on dinners deserves bullet points for the thick-headed: • • • • • • Dinners cost a bunch and you pay. eating. though. feeling ugly. etc. something like: “What’s up for tonight?” or “Any news in your life?” or “What are you doing?” or.met last Friday afternoon on Madison Ave. There’s nothing better to get a women interested than to tell her you can’t make it anymore. Just like a market. and causing you to yawn. you are judged on how costly the dinner is. but some girl must have suggested dinner and a guy with no plan and an inability to close must have agreed. etc. so there is a lot of “Delete All” and then continued correspondence. in my hood. consequently. recently that was at least 4 batches for about 80 girls. making you tired. can be a turn-off. This is because women are much more clever at getting what they want from relationships than are men. I am usually sitting at my desk. as I did in the preface. Getting Laid in NYC 12 . Eating is the antithesis of sex. Why Dinners Invariably Fail if You’re Trying to Get Laid I’m not sure how this started. Here’s what I do. with my phone on silent so as not to disturb others. lonely. 10pm at this lounge. My phone allows me to send bulk messages to up to 20 recipients so I go through the phone book and “Add” the first 20 numbers to my message. and make demanding. that dinner is the death-knell for getting laid. I can only keep 30 messages in my inbox.? Perfect time for you to drop in with an SMS. far from family. It smells and makes the girl bloated and physically self-conscious. doing a bit of tutoring and it’s early afternoon. You’ll be surprised what a woman will do to avoid sitting at home alone watching “Sex in the City” reruns and eating a tub of ice cream. you have to watch your manners. And yet the restaurants are packed every night with first-daters eating away. Then I compose a brief message. nothing going on tonight. The response is usually overwhelming. is feeling today. and then others will trickle in over the hours as latecomers get the message.) and see what the market thinks. at 3pm? Is she depressed. meet me tonight. and then. my personal favorite because of its economy: “Tonight?” I do this till my current pipeline is exhausted. You may fall into the “boyfriend” category and she will not give it up because she doesn’t want to ruin it. Let me say again. last minute offers (ex. which her oversensitive ass thinks is because you’re not interested in her. Food coma can set in. You. An hour (or more) of talking and eating across from a girl is too much time before closing – your bullshit starts to smell. that the offer’s off the table. Tuesday. Do it nicely. you’ll get a huge initial response. making the meal a chore. The point is that you can blanket a lot of women.

When I was in my twenties. new to dating. the girl you thought was so hot starts to resemble a sister and whatever sexual tension may have existed yields to a “friendly” feeling. money and probably your only shot at this girl by taking her to eat. no overhead lighting for our brothers who are getting thin up there. which is a brilliant invention in its own right. The reason I am so adamant about this comes from experience. What had started so well eventually petered-out. and then eat. You really want your booze dollars diluted like that? Where to Meet? – The Lounge A bar is too noisy and uncomfortable. Secondly. Do you need more reasons? Dinner is fine with a girlfriend. In particular. Steady flow of cabs outside to fall into upon departure. That leaves the lounge. of which there are many in NYC. but think about it.• After a while. or a wife. You’re not trying to feed someone. And. and coffee and gets completely stuffed (remember. The reasons above are all legitimate. I would end the night befuddled and frustrated. after you’ve worked up an appetite. as we’ll see alcohol does (and has for centuries) play a central role in lower inhibitions. loosening the girl up. Almost to the one. you’re trying to get laid. even if wine is part of the meal. My friend Jeff and I have often mused about opening one in Boston. If a girl eats a big pasta dish with garlic and seafood. fuck. disqualified for the reasons above. Nice. or there are aperitifs or port at the end. ambient music that is not too loud. the restaurant. two points need elaboration. I owe this insight to a great mentor of mine. dim lighting. too forward (usually). you’re paying so they often attempt to gorge themselves on your ticket) and is conscious of her strong food breath. and then eat. even a female friend you’re not attracted to. a DJ is usually too much. is the physical nature of eating. First. it will be diluted by all that food. and then has dessert. This is the most unlikely condition in which she’ll put out. Getting Laid in NYC 13 . but please don’t waste time. Comfortable couches that make the girl relax and allow you to be physical. Here are the requirements for a good lounge. I used to take women out to eat. which is notoriously light on places to take a girl for a drink. Doesn’t this make more sense? Didn’t your parents always tell you not to swim after eating? Swim first. you really think she’s going to let you undress her? Doesn’t she have to take a mean shit? Or fart? Sounds gross. your apartment. several close to my house: • • • • Enticing. the indomitable and loving Dominick N. The only exception to this is if you invert the order of the date: meet. etc.

but frankly. but for all you booze-hounds out there. Partly girls don’t want to disappear and hence be labeled a slut and partly they are having “fun” with others. Women love to talk. it’s a statistical fact that it’s far harder to have sex with a girl when she’s in a group setting. Also. I have never had a woman who was at a loss for something to talk about. sex. This is an obvious point. men. invited her to a drink and she brought a friend. mysterious lover than you possibly could by running your mouth. because they’re more intimate. Avoid at all costs. Just have cash to settle the bill and cab fare (discussed later) and let her know you do something during the day. which usually means you tipping them well so that they follow your instructions to a “T. Given women’s ability to romanticize any situation and fantasize about men and relationships (who watches Soap Operas. the setting needs to be advantageous and play to all your strengths. At least about yourself. Make sure she comes alone.” I don’t drink and haven’t done so for 10 years. Quiet nights are best. and the part about you being “employed” is. Conversation – What the Hell do I talk about as this Girl gets Liquored-Up? As little as possible.5 It’s also very important to have an understanding with the bartender and waitress. Do not let her choose the spot. if you must. except his ability to pay for her and how he fucks her. well-dressed (it doesn’t hurt to throw on a suit. not here.” Booze your tits off with your buddies on Saturday night. Girls have different brains than we do and follow different cues. Can you believe that shit? He rightfully refused to pay for their booze. marriage. reschedule. Guys are notorious for blabbing on-and-on about themselves when out for the first time with a girl. It’s how they get comfortable. but I’ve had weird situations and my friend Nathan once met a girl. women don’t give a shit about most anything a guy does. and also because you’re more likely to find an open couch or nook in which to cuddle. etc. preferably a “job”. This brings me to an important rule of the game: • You should not get drunk while “on the job.Because this is the first time you’ll really engage the girl. This excites them and they do a better job of making you into a sexy. at least not in NYC) and post up at the bar. Until you establish yourself with the bartenders and get comfortable with your spot. She will reveal whether or not you can fuck her in the next 2 hours. elements you can’t control will usually work against you getting laid. relationships. 5 Getting Laid in NYC 14 . The focus of the conversation should be on her for 3 reasons: • • • It keeps you enigmatic and mysterious. eh?) what you don’t tell them about yourself they will supply from their imagination. particularly concerning dating. talking about your job may seem interesting. Banging this chick is going to take your A-game and you don’t want to be dull. my advice is: take the night off. you should show up a bit early. is the answer. making it nigh impossible to isolate a would-be candidate.

move too slowly. once you’ve been with her. forever resigned to the hell of the “friends zone. stop telling yourselves. that you are “preying” on that innocent girl. confident and ready. Everything was great.Anything about how the two genders relate is ideal subject matter. Time between initial meeting and drink should never be more than 5 days. methodical courtship. It’s also great because if you direct the conversation by asking probing. etc. the latter seemingly does not. except for the fact that I couldn’t make the move because we’d just met that afternoon. Move too fast and you startle her (although. It gives you a reservoir from which to draw because there is abundant material here and you can fill up an hour with Q&A fairly easily.” A standard timeline would be meeting. you’d be surprised just how fast one can move in a frenetic city like NYC). than are we men. and comments like “having fun”. text the next day saying “hi” and setting the drink date for 2 days hence. Asking why their last relationship ended is always a good springboard. “dating”. from an early age. time is against you. to deal with and understand sex. or it was the cousin of so-and-so. From first meeting. they will tell you if they’re promiscuous. timing is crucial. Women are so much more prepared. and now. such as “What do you think of dating in New York?” Put the bit in their mouth and they will take the reins. things moving quickly are more romantically compelling than a drawn-out. The former clearly desires her (of which she is perpetually insecure). as well: • A woman will forgive an overly aggressive guy more readily than a passive milquetoast. It is a constant part of their biology because of menstruation. think again. and giving birth is arguably the most important fact of their entire existence. So go for it. and her posture was upright. Open-ended questions work best. to planning the drink. Many times I’ve considered a situation in retrospect and thought how much of a dolt I’d been to have missed the signs: it was late at night. Closely aligned with the notion of the romantic is the feeling of urgency. By the way. if ever. This serves two purposes. For some reason. guys. A Word on the Proper Use of Time Until you’ve had sex with a woman. that making a move so soon would be untoward: • A woman rarely. she was looking longingly at me. chaste. we were alone. not a little patronizingly. it’s your ally. etc. and you become a yawner. If you think they are naïve. to the first physicality. A woman cannot bear a repeat of a situation in which she questions her desirability. to meeting at the lounge. Getting Laid in NYC 15 . but discreet questions. “enjoying being single” are essentially euphemisms for unattached sex with mysterious men like you. is unaware of the romantic implications of a given situation. into blowjobs. So don’t think that you’re fooling anyone by trying to hide it. you should always try your best to fuck her after that first night.

jittery motherfucker.” There you go. I had a hunch this girl liked me. This can work. talking bullshit and I could feel the tension and desire so much I was sweating. When I was 16 or so. it makes up for in physical intimacy. So. arms-across-the-tabletop. Lesson? Do it when you feel it. meanwhile talking to you about her _____________ (cat. Side-by-Side Most men have a better side. I once asked if she would have slugged me if I had made a move one morning. of course. Later I did come over late-night and we got in bed. But I kept telling myself. and yes. and give you a sense of her touch. I was at this French summer daycamp picnic in Topanga Canyon in LA and several of us took the car to the beach. but the energy was flat. and suck on those luscious tits. she can kneed into your forearms.” Turns out people have sex before noon in NYC. brother. Mine is to my left. or think they do. Lisa G. What’s most important about physical contact. because I like my left better. and I met a very sexy girl in the deli below. I come from a point of strength. unless you’re a jumpy. physically. From the side you can extend for the old arm-around-the-shoulder. We have a laugh about those mornings. I worked for an investment manager in this tall apartment building (we worked from his beautiful home). she’d love it if I would bring some tea by at 9am when I got to work. I was in the passenger seat and we were sitting in the car on the side of the Pacific Coast Highway on a warm summer afternoon with a gorgeous view. a few times. I like to have the girl sit to my left. I think my profile on that side is better-looking. here in the City. In general. is my dentist today. So I did. She gave me her number. is that it makes the woman relaxed. etc. Everyone got out except the cute female driver and I. “It takes a lot more than that to upset me. and then. but I’m not sure that’s still in vogue. and a bit desperate. sipping our hot teas. There is the obvious benefit of eye contact. You can talk in a low voice Getting Laid in NYC 16 . What this position lacks in visual intimacy. roommate) and all the while relaxing to a point where she’ll open up more. and I still go out to see her in Brooklyn. and nothing happened. in which case put down this book. and my heart was beating. She laughed. I had to ask may buddy later what her actions meant. That way. which feels great. Retarded! The second story happened 2 years ago. etc. Also. Choose a side and play it. “I can’t grab this girl and kiss her. in which the woman gently massages your forearms. but is often a hard gulf to breach. and stick my tongue in her pussy because it’s only 9am.Two stories illustrate the point. There’s also the footsy angle. father. didn’t leave for work till late in the morning. Only problem was we’d sit next to each other on her couch. there is the forced. I sat there like a fool while she slowly circled this stick around her lips. get this – she reached into the glove compartment to get lipstick. Getting Physical – Seating Arrangements Face-to-Face Sitting across from each other is sometimes unavoidable. That is. I eventually took her to dinner. especially when the setting is dim and candle-lit. Turns out she was a dentist. very close.

I’ve taken girls out and they’ve betrayed their horniness by sucking down the drinks with fervor. One last note on leaving the lounge. Obviously. digits in literally 30 seconds – and after one drink I laid it out. of course) and talk more of the same – work. palm and breasts. When to Leave I’ve been experimenting with this part of the system. They agree and ask. it’s a judgment call. but I told her that we’d had one drink and did she want to join me at my place for a second. She demurred. sometimes three. I am usually out of the lounge after two drinks. knowing her resolve is down. You don’t initiate here. shoulder. and you’ll be labeled a psycho when you reach for her pussy in the cab or after 3 minutes of formal bullshit back at you apartment.because you’re telling her something “discreet and private. I guess it’s the one area that’s still a “work-in-progress. lean-in. and can cut it off. I would counsel three drinks and then split. I’ve also had to stand by and bullshit while a girl nursed her drink for an hour – brutal. but I’ve recently tried to see how soon I can pull it in the name of research and economy. sit down. because she may want to map out the night along her blueprint. which may involve the following number of hummers: zero. I don’t recommend this level of candor. This was a “maybe” girl and I made the call. I imagine if I held longer I would encounter a couple of problems I avoid: a soused girl that stinks of booze and is too uncoordinated to play and may possibly boot. and as I had a buddy with a promising situation downtown. or a more cautious girl that takes note of her drunkenness and becomes guarded. life in New York. Carlos and I had fun downtown that night. and that I’m tired of this joint. “Where?” Here you should be vague. and suspicious. This stuff sounds too detailed. when to stay put and have another round. or said another way. the last neutral public place for you both… I often say I know of a place where we can have another drink. I told her that if we were going to have a second drink (on me. relationships – I wasn’t interested. but it’s crucial to condition the Pavlovian female to expect physical closeness from you. as you’re paying. Last week I had a drink with this Korean girl – cute. is crucial. from the supermarket.” Knowing when to leave. in a sea of hair. or walk from the date at any time. Also.” when in truth you just want to breathe warmly on her ear and neck to excite her. To playboys it comes naturally – just go to some real hot restaurant or bar and watch some stud with a beautiful girl on each side. Thighs and crotch are now within reach and can be grazed and palmed casually as you get up. Women like to be touched. It’s all jaw. Tell her it’s a spot uptown and then walk out. Getting Laid in NYC 17 . Ultimately. hail a cab and pile in. recognize that you control the tab. more liquor makes things easier – to a point.

The place has one window. she passes the test. at this stage is simply a private place to shag. particularly at the cab ride stage. The apartment. The reason is two-fold: the power of the system to bring the woman to a point of noreturn. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid™ – it’s better to do it in one move. ascending the stairwell to my floor.The Cab Ride The 6 minute ride from my favorite lounge to my apartment is a crucial testing period. I’ve usually prepared before heading out that night. Also. but a box. and here she must sit. That isn’t often the case. Everyone’s happy. Getting Laid in NYC 18 . is comical. having to do with presentation. and second. yet effective. “Next!” The Apartment I have the smallest apartment in Manhattan. Literally. jerk-off. she’s being difficult. what I will call “presentation” but which is actually an optical illusion. Go upstairs. My friend Micah and I laugh about hosting a dinner party in this large closet. I’ve found that women will tolerate most anything. As said. The system. a bit tipsy. It’s like Newton’s First Law of Motion (I was a physics major in college). I screw more and better looking girls than all my friends in the City. many who have infinitely nicer digs. their willingness to put their hands on my alerted member is usually telling. has worked magically. More usually. nonetheless. from first meeting on the street 3 days prior. It will sting for 20 seconds. Always be prepared to walk from the pussy. Opening your wallet all over town in the fading hope that this chick is going to give it up is a rookie move. and so all the lights are off and there are a couple of candles and matches by the front door. and bears elaboration. no kitchen. whereas it usually is a tremendous bargaining chip in the male population’s never-ending quest to copulate. I live in a box. breast and crotch action is explored. As the woman trails behind me at 2am. check you wallet to note that you just saved yourself $50 and go to sleep. I have the plan in place. a shared bathroom down the hall and a little mini-fridge that sits above incongruous $2000 Armani suits in the closet. A box in the most expensive neighborhood in the country. And yet. and now would be a good time to test the physical boundaries a bit. If I have my hand in her panties and her mouth is around my cock. and the woman is all but ready to get naked. provided the experience is candle-lit. If the woman wants to “get another drink” somewhere else at 1am on a Tuesday night. The other reason. There is only a single leather chair with ottoman in my apartment. complete with a butler carrying hors d'oeuvres on a silver dinner tray. Which brings us to axiom 42: • Most difficult women remain difficult. I only give my home address when getting into the cab. Kissing. they’re coming back to your place.

So I lead. candles flickering laterally. Coat hung in the closet. All rights reserved.S. motioning for her to have a seat as I remove her coat. We are ensconced in a little globe of light. immediately grabbing a candle or two. 2009 by Paul Anton Janka. the outlines of my meager apartment hardly visible beyond. opening the door into darkness. Getting Laid in NYC 19 . It’s all yours from here… P. place on either side of the generous leather chair.pauljanka.com Copyright © 2005. These I light. To learn more about the fine art of pick-up visit: http://www. she gets cozy in the leather.

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