3:31 pm, 11/27/2010 4th, Mayan day 3 Serpent

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♥ This video NOTE: There is much ad-libbing in the video Hmmm. This heart is hurting some more. Since I find so much relief, and often even understanding and other blessings from journaling, here I am - to work this thing out. My close friend is still silent - after a number of weeks. That is quite interesting. I’m having to deconstruct my own beliefs. We’d had (and may still have, for all I know) a very special relationship - very close. Both being of a spiritual bent, we have so very much in common. It was a joy to share, to be able to freely share with someone who understands. That’s not often found in life, so it was precious to us. What has happened, here, I’m not quite sure, but we’re sovereign beings, so I’m not pressuring either myself or her into anything. Rather, we’ll let heart work it out. We’ll either get together again in this life, or hereafter. It’s a deep relationship, and those don’t just fall over and die. So, what am I finding at the source of the hurt, of the pain? Ah, expectations - that’s it. I had expected that, since this relationship was so special, and we were both quite aware of that, that it would last the whole lifetime. First mistake - having expectations. They bite you on the netherside every time - sooner or later. Okay, so I’m adjusting, changing that. I’m realizing, now, that, rather than bemoan the possibility that the close contact, here, is over - it’s much more appropriate to be offering praise and thanksgiving for the beauty of the relationship while we had it. That’s more appropriate and naturally brings joy, instead of the pain of unfulfilled expectations. Expectations around others are like ropes that we tie them up with.

The odd thing about it, though, is that we’re tied to the other end of the ropes. Thus, we can weave quite a mess, quite a spagetti-twisted conglomeration of cords that bind us. Rather than the beautiful chords of music that elevate and lift the soul, these cords rope and snare us - and burn us when we try to wriggle out. Anytime we think to capture and hold another, the one we capture is only the self. Remember my lovely “These eyes” saying*, and know that it works both ways. There is no such thing as anyone in your life who isn’t you. We externalize what is inside of us. That’s what appears, there, in the one before us. Time to start stepping up to this, and looking within for solutions, instead of outside. (And “looking within” can mean looking within the supposedly “other” one.) No outside solutions to anything will take - will have lasting value, merit, and results - absent the concomitant work on the self or selves involved. Outside is ever and only mirroring us to ourselves. Can we see this? Do we have the courage? Do we love enough to take this plunge? To decode the hologram, the Matrix this way? There are many, possibly endless, ways to look at things. Let’s agree on that at the outset. Thus, whatever views I present are just my own. They don’t have to be yours. I’m not suggesting you adopt them. My heart’s deep desire is to be the catalyst for many, so that your hearts are touched off by the fire of mine, and they guide you your way - not my way. I have something to learn from you. From each and every one that ever contacts my work, I don’t care the age or any other category, you have something to teach me. We often get this blessing from each other energetically. That is, we don’t even have to meet or exchange comments or greetings or anything. We connect with each other through the heart - through The Field. Through that portal there, both are blessed. Higher Selves of us know and remember our connection. They exchange the energies that bring on the blessings. The blessings always go both ways. Thus, sometimes when reading or

viewing one of these journals, you may have a deep internal experience that you’re aware of - or not. The Love Light flows on the oneness of the One Heart that all of us are. Come on, now. In our core, we all know we have the intense desire to be and to bring a blessing to the earth - to the people, the animals, the natural life, here. We want deeply to make a difference. Well, that is active in us, my friends. It touches each one we contact. If blessings can be brought from that contact, then they just flow. Nothing need be done about it - it just happens. It flows on the wings of our inner intent. Again, we’re taking into account, here, our expanded being - our Higher Being, as well. We are active in higher dimensions without our conscious awareness. However, as we are waking up more and more - as we are rising in vibration and frequency, we are naturally expanding out into more and more of that which I Am - that which we are - we all are. Not only do we expand out into subconscious and unconscious levels making them more conscious. We also expand out into our own Higher Consciousness quite naturally. Actually, I would posit that, to the extent we’re willing to Touch the Shadow, as Dimitri Halley calls it, or simply own our own dark side - to that very extent do we expand out into the Higher Self - into the heavens of Self. Tit for tat - in balance - yin and yang. Above and below - balanced and equal expansion. Beautiful! Really, Murphy was onto something. Murphy’s Law has been stated in many ways, but at its simplest, it states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. Now, that’s a negative, even humorous way to look at whatever is acting there, but as I say, he was definitely onto something. We can see Murphy’s Law in action in our life when, for instance, we throw away that old tax form that’s been laying around for a number of years. Then, within 48 hours, usually, we’ll find we need it. It’s so funny - and so reliable - that one could almost make a prediction that something will be needed, shortly, simply by having the desire to dispose of it.

This points to an almost backwardness of the universe in its working the reflective or mirror nature of it. Don’t worry about the why’s of things, by the way. You’re just chasing your tail if you do that. That’s a mind playground. Fun, but not of you’re after anything real. I am seeing, more and more, that everything is actually beautifully balanced. It’s a precision mechanism that goes beyond elegant, the universe. We have the beautiful tai chi, the yin/yang symbol to illustrate this. Thus, to go down, into the darker side of the self, would seem naturally, by this law, to open up or activate the brighter side of self - the Higher Self, as I call it. It makes perfect Murphy sense. I also realize, by the way, that I’ve read Murphy’s Law very narrowly, here. Don’t trust me, here, for what they guy really meant. You can Google it for that. Moving on. Okay, so I find, as I take apart the source of the hurting my heart is enduring, I find the expectations, there - of a continuing relationship. Absent those expectations, would I have any pain, now? Possibly. Would it be this intense? Probably not. I don’t think this is unusual, either. So often, when looking closely, when examining pain, I have found expectations of one sort or other at the root of it. This is a great thing, really. Why is that? Well, because it empowers us! We are in charge of our own expectations, and we can alter or remove them as we wish. That’s what I’m doing, here - letting go of these expectations. I don’t listen to all the chattering, the mumbling of the mind about this. That does no good. Heart is much wiser than mind ever dreamed of being, so I can safely not pay much attention to mind in this. Okay, so I remove the old expectations for the endlessly enduring relationship. What do I find, now? Well, right off, the pain has lessened. No, it’s not gone, entirely, but I didn’t expect it to be. I just know from experience that a good chunk of what’s hurting us can be removed when we see and change our expectations around it. What do I see, now? I see the deep love and reverence I have for the wonderful being, the friend. I see the words “sovereign being” printed

over her, and it’s clear to me that this is Higher Self of one or both of us asking me to leave things alone. Let her be. She, too, is working things out, and they are likely painful, as well. It doesn’t pay to be too close to people when we (or they) are working through something painful. Why not? Because of the tendency to project. As we are working through our own pain, we may say something harsh that we wouldn’t have said, otherwise. We take them for granted - forget they’re a king, they’re a queen in their own right. So are we. Too close, though, and we tend to forget. As another for instance, I drafted a letter to the friend, yesterday, early. Though it seemed to really say what this heart would want to say, I didn’t send it - just saved it as a draft and put it away. Were I younger and less experienced - or living closer in proximity or contact to her - I would have given it to her or sent it. We presume, all the time, on our loved ones. We take things for granted. We’re really enmeshed with them - sometimes even codependent - but we don’t see this. Too much closeness is not a good thing. Khalil Gibrahn said it so beautifully in The Prophet:: “The oak tree and the cypress grow not in one another’s shade.” We need to stand tall - and alone - at times; and let the friend or family member do the same. So, I wondered, as I finished my draft letter, whether, after sleeping on it, I would send it. I really didn’t know. That’s something that’s important, too - to recognize how our emotions are coloring the moment, the now We are deeply into what we are feeling, just then and that might not be the best, overall thing to do - whatever our impulse is, there. Best to sleep on such things, in my view. So, before I even awoke the next day - sometime in the night I awoke to the realization that it was good I hadn’t sent the letter. I just knew with heart knowing. Later, as I looked at that, I realized that what that letter had been was really just my journaling. I was working through my own stuff in it. The friend didn’t need to be burdened with my process. That was strictly up to me to deal with. Higher Self will show us these things if we’re patient - if we can listen. It’s so difficult, it seems, here in 3D to have any patience. We want

everything, every understanding, here and now. If we think we can either get it, or advance it in some way, we’re just eager to do that. This also comes of too much closeness. We take the ones near to us for granted - not giving them their space, their freedom - their own sovereignty. Oh, what a delightful challenge this life is. It is fraught with such blessings, such challenges, such pain-wrapped gifts of such beauty. It’s truly amazing, my friends, what a little restraint can bring in to the life. It’s really mind that’s being restrained, here. Can you see that? It’s mind that always thinks it knows just what to do - how to rescue the day. Unfortunately, that’s what adolescence is for, as that makes it a very painful time, this transition to adulthood. We can’t be convinced not to follow our impulses - they just seem so right to us. Perhaps there’s no way of knowing, of learning restraint except through the pain of charging ahead, like the bull in a china shop - not a good combination - tender things, tender feelings, and the bullheaded will to just plow ahead. Still, we reap the benefit of those hard-won lessons in later life. When we’re in pain, especially, they stand in good stead for us, for that pain would drive us to act, to speak, to charge ahead without deeper reflection. Distance is good. Respect is good - both respect for the self and for (self in) the other. Let’s have ultimate faith in the heart of us. In my heart, in the friend’s heart - in all hearts we can have faith that Higher Self is working, there. We are blessed, truly blessed, to have friends on the spiritual path with us, for they have more access to heart - they are at least listening, at least hearing the heart call. That’s what the spiritual path is all about - answering the call. It’s more challenging, of course, if we have let’s say family or friends who are more worldly than spiritual. We can remember back to when this was perhaps true of us - and see how very silent the inner voice was at that time. Well, it only seemed to be silent - it was just mind’s ruckus that drowned it out. But we didn’t know that, then. It might

just as well have been silent for all we heard it. So, what is left of this pain? Heart is still heavy with it - but the tears are gone - at least, for now. It appears that some pain comes in layers like this. We take, we face what we can in the now. Thank God it doesn’t all dump on us at once! Much better, this layering. We get a good breathing space in between. The point isn’t to be free of the pain. That would still be running from it. We must be content to be hurting like this. Know you can take it, my friends. Remember, we are God and Goddess, here - we are the Great I Am. Thinking less of the self leads to more pain, trial and trauma than is really there. We invent most of it - that’s my hunch. We have silly subconscious programming that says we deserve to suffer, or other nonsense. So much of our pain is self generated by our beliefs. This isn’t good - it isn’t bad. It just simply is. By observing, self-observing and staying centered in heart, we’re on to this stuff. It’s brought before us to see. That’s why it comes up. If we’re not alert this way, then we get the pain without the gain that’s there. We invent extra heartache, and turn away from the real blessing that’s there, all along. So I’m being willing to walk around in this pain - with it as a companion for a while - as long as it takes. It will fade. Come on - we all know the only constant is change. We need fear nothing, for we can handle what comes, and it’s nice knowing change is always on the way. If something seems to be lasting just too long, well heart will tell us that, as well. Heart will help us look and see what is prolonging it. We just have to be watching and listening in heart. Have faith in heart, my friends. You can relax deeply, knowing the beauty of your heart how things work. All of Cosmos is founded on Love. It’s only mind who runs away, you know. At heart we’re all Spirit Warriors - afraid of nothing. With deep inner knowing that the foundation of all Life is Love, we can rest deeply in that - there within heart. We can trust. We really can.

So it’s okay if we hurt. It’s okay not to run from it. Just know there’s love inside there, somewhere, somehow. If you know it - if you rest in and have faith in this - that makes it easier to see. This is one of the highest and holiest beliefs to base your reality on. To my way of understanding, this is founded in absolute Reality. We can’t know this, of course, just yet. Maybe not until complete awakening - full reconnection of all 12 strands of DNA. I don’t know. I don’t much care. I have an inner reliance on this that is solid. That’s all I know. So I share it with you. Check it out for yourself, of course. Check everything out. Make it your own. No second-hand teachings for you. You have your own knowings to uncover, to find. You are divinity, there. You really are. You don’t need this at second-hand. You’ve got the real thing on board. So I’ll meet you in heart - and we’ll have tea and biscuits, and have a chat. Love and Light we are. Love is us. No subject, no object - the verb just ‘to be.’ That approaches Reality much closer than many things else. Good day.

* These eyes, through which I hoped to see God, are the eyes through which God sees me (Sufi saying)

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Inner or Higher Self, inner silence or emptiness, subconscious and unconscious, 3D or dimensions, surrender or step back, all time is now, Murphy’s Law, vibration and frequency, I Am That, Kingdom of Heart, awaken or enlighten, Source God or Spirit, trust in heart, changing perspective, watch or observe

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