Not all bowlers are created equal.

You have fercely competitive ones, the fun-loving kind, while some
are social-butterfies and then you have the “I’m just here for the beer” bowlers. And for 28 years, the
Bluegrass Classic Bowling Tournament has provided a venue for all of these.
More than 200 bowlers will compete in the annual tournament on Saturday and Sunday,
February 19 and 20 at AMF Rose Bowl Lanes. The party and sporting event gets rolling on
Friday, February 18 at the host hotel, the Galt House Hotel & Suites, with registration and a
very hospitable hospitality suite. This year’s theme is “Derby Bowl”.
The tournament culminates Sunday evening with a lavish banquet where the best bowlers
win trophies and their share of $9,000 in prize money and the “better-luck-next-year”
bowlers still grab a chance to win cash raffes historically totaling more than $5,000.
Bluegrass Classic director Brian Kennedy said, “It’s quite a year-round undertaking that
brings us to this one weekend. But when the out-of-town bowlers arrive and the revelry
and rivalry begin again, it’s a great thing to see.”
Kennedy, a longtime committee member who’s been at the helm for two years, explained
that the three-day event is part of the International Gay Bowling Organization, as well as
an offcially sanctioned tournament by the United States Bowling Congress (USBC). This
stop on the gay bowling tourney circuit draws most of its out-of-town participants from
Cincinnati, Dayton, Columbus, Indianapolis, St. Louis and Nashville.
The tournament sells out at 272 bowlers – which occurred for several years when travel was
at an all-time high before 9/11/2001. Kennedy explained that n the past few years attendance
has hovered in the 220 to 240 range, which still makes it one of the higher-attended gay bowling
(See Bowling TournamenT,
continued on pg 9)
© 2009 Allstate Insurance Company
Daniel Mason
(502) 966-5178
4610 Outer Loop
T h e R e s p e c T e d s o u R c e f o R G L B T N e w s s i N c e J u N e 1 9 9 0
Bowling Tournament Result Of Year - Round Effort
by David Miller
2 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
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On Monday, January 31, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn
signed into law the bill that allows same-sex couples to enter
into civil unions. The signing ceremony took place at the
Chicago Cultural Center.
The General Assembly passed the Illinois Religious
Freedom Protection and Civil Unions Act on December 1.
It will go into effect in July. The bill was frst introduced in
March 2007.
The legislation affords same-sex couples many of the same
rights as married couples, including the ability to visit a
partner in the hospital, make medical decisions and dispose
of a loved one’s remains. With respect for the separation
of church and state, the bill allows religious institutions to
defne marriage however they choose.
Lambda Legal, a national organization that works to
promote civil rights for the GLBT community, provided extensive legal analysis and
other assistance to state legislators, as well as public education and advocacy that
contributed to the bills passage.
Seven states and the District of Columbia now allow some form of rights for same-
sex couples. All allow marriage, except New Jersey, which permits civil unions.
Illinois Governor Signs Civil Union Legislation
Belle Blossoms May 2009 Cruises
Mother’s Day May 10
Belle Lunch Cruise 2-4pm
Spirit Dinner Cruise 6-8pm
Memorial Day May 25
Belle Picnic Lunch Cruise 12-2pm
Gov. Pat Quinn
what do you do when your partner isolates from you?
The gaY loVe DoCTor offers serveral suggestions to
resolve this confict. His column begins on page 13.
Cancer sucks! So says James Hensley in his
Clamour unDerBriDge column. read about his
heart-felt struggle with chronic illness on page 15.
4 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
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With an estimated readership of over 14,000,
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Marie Davis
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George Morrison
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Publication of the name, photograph or
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Calendar items must be
received no later than
Friday, February 11, 2011.
Advertising reservations must be
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All items should be sent to
New federal regulations regarding
hospital visitation rights went into effect
on January 19. The new rules affect same-
sex couples and their families across the
"We applaud the Obama
administration’s steps to address the
discrimination affecting LGBT patients
and their families," said Kevin Cathcart,
Executive Director for Lambda Legal.
"Now, in hospitals across the nation,
LGBT people and their families will
have more protections so they can be by
their loved one’s side when they are sick
and need them most."
The regulations require hospitals
participating in Medicaid and Medicare
to have written policies and procedures
regarding patients’ visitation rights.
Hospitals must now inform patients, or
an attending friend or family member, of
the patient’s rights to visitors of his or
her choosing. The policy also prohibits
discrimination against visitors based
on race, ethnicity, religion, sex, gender
identity, sexual orientation or disability.
Lambda Legal has noted in comments
submitted to the Department of Health
and Human Services that some important
protections still need to be added.
The new regulations do not address
who may visit when an incapacitated
patient has not designated someone to
make decisions; the need for an appeals
procedure for visitation denials; and the
need for hospices and nursing homes
have LGBT-specifc nondiscrimination
policies in place. Lambda Legal
emphasizes that everyone should have
written advanced healthcare directives
and other documents to ensure that their
wishes are respected.
In June 2008, Lambda Legal fled
suit against Jackson Memorial Hospital
(Florida) on behalf of Janice Langbehn.
Langbehn and her children were kept
apart from her partner by hospital staff
for eight hours as Pond slipped into a
coma and later died.
Although a federal district court
rejected Lambda Legal’s lawsuit, ruling
that no law required the hospital to allow
her and their three children to see her
partner, Lambda Legal and Langbehn
continued to work with other LGBT
organizations and offcials at Jackson
Memorial Hospital to change hospital
policies on visitation and respecting the
wishes of same-sex couples and their
In April 2010, President Obama issued
a presidential memo directing the
Secretary of Health and Human Services
to take steps to address hospital visitation
and other health care issues affecting
LGBT families. President Obama then
called Lambda Legal client Janice
Langbehn to express his sympathies for
the tragic loss of her partner Lisa Pond
and the treatment she suffered.
Fairness-Friendly Hospital Visitation Rules Go into Effect
t Our Deadlines Are Always Easy To Find!
You'll fnd them every month right here on page 4.
In an age of out-of-control government
spending, when did you ever hear a
Republican (or a so-called “Blue Dog
Democrat”) ever express outrage of
the Pentagon spending $193.3 million
in order to discharge and replace
troops in the process of enforcing the
recently rescinded “Don’t Ask, Don’t
Tell” policy? This is the price for
enforcement according to a Government
Accountability Offce report released
last month.
The Defense Department discharged
3,664 service members from fscal 2004
through 2009 under the policy banning
openly gay or lesbian individuals from
serving. The bulk of the cost, which
averages $52,800 per separation, is
associated with recruiting and training
replacements, according to the report.
“This is what it costs to actually go out
and recruit and train people to replace
those persons who were discharged,”
said Zina Merritt, who helped author
the report requested by Representative
Susan Davis, a California Democrat.
A 2005 GAO report estimated the cost
of recruiting and training replacements
for troops separated under the policy at
just over $190 million during a 10-year
period ending in fscal 2003. A total of
9,488 troops were separated during that
time, which works out to $20,035 per
President Barack Obama signed
legislation in December repealing the
17-year-old policy. The ban remains in
effect until Obama and Pentagon leaders
certify that repeal will not impact
military readiness or unit cohesion.
The High Cost Of Discrimination
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Enforcement Cost Taxpayers $193 Million
Rep. Stacey Campfeld has again fled the "Don't Say Gay" bill, SB 0049, which would
ban teachers from broaching the topic of homosexuality to students in grades K - 8.
According to Campfeld‘s proposal, public elementary or middle schools would be
banned from providing any instruction or materials that discuss sexual orientation other
than heterosexuality.
In each of the last three years, Campfeld failed to get the bill out of subcommittee,
with the members voting to send it to the state Board of Education for study.
Campfeld’s campaign website,, describes the legislator as being
"a principled conservative who brings to the legislature creative ideas rooted in common
Copyright 2011, Out & About Newspaper. All rights reserved. Reprinted with
Tennessee: "Don't Say Gay" Bill Considered…Again
[Reprinted with permission of Out & About Newspaper]

febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 5
Dr. Kaila Story, the Audre Lorde Endowed Chair in Race,
Class, Gender and Sexuality at the University of Louisville, will
share her story at a meeting of the Metro Louisville chapter of
Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). The meeting
will take place on Sunday, February 20 beginning at 3:00pm.
The location is First Lutheran Church, 417 East Broadway,
Story teaches classes for both the Women and Gender Studies
and Pan-African Studies Departments. She currently serves as a
member of the Fairness Campaign’s Coordinating Committee.
Professor Story’s research has included the exploration
of the intersections of race, class, and sexuality in identity
performance, mass media and body politics. She has also done
research into how the “reality television” genre posits black
and female identity and reinforces past controlling images
of black women. Her other research interests include gender
socialization, transnational sexualities, black feminisms, and
transnational feminisms.
U of L Professor PFLAG Guest Speaker
Dr. Kaila Story
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Metropolitan Community
Church of Louisville is holding their annual Valentine’s Dance
and presenting a workshop especially for couples. Both events
will take place at the church, which is located at 432 Highland
The Valentine’s Dance will take place on Saturday, February
12 beginning at 7:00pm. Admission is $5.00 for adults and $2.00
for children. Singles, families and couples are welcome. Dress as
casual or formal as you like.
“How to Keep This Thing Going and Have Fun at the Same Time” is the title of
the couples workshop that will take place on Saturday, February, 19 from 1:00 until
4:00pm. Rev. Dee and Judy Dale are facilitators for this event. While registration is free,
a call to the church offce is required to register for the workshop: (502) 587-6225.
Celebrating Our Love: Congregation
Hosts Dance & Couples Workshop
On January 19 the U.S Fifth Circuit
Court of Appeals heard oral arguments
in a case regarding the New York
adoption of a Louisiana-born baby boy
by a same-sex couple after the state of
Louisiana denied the child an accurate
birth certifcate refecting both of his
"This is the third time we have
presented these claims on behalf of
Oren, Mickey and their son in court,"
said Lambda Legal Supervising Senior
Staff Attorney Kenneth Upton. These
issues were settled a long time ago—the
U.S. Supreme Court ruled that you can't
punish a child to express disapproval of
the child's parents, but that's what the
attorney general is doing. The person
harmed most in this case is Oren and
Mickey's son, who now is fve years
old and still does not have a birth
Lambda Legal represents Oren Adar
and Mickey Smith in their case against
Louisiana State Registrar Darlene Smith.
Adar and Smith are a gay couple who
adopted their Louisiana-born son in
2006 in a New York, where a judge
issued an adoption decree. When the
couple attempted to get a new birth
certifcate for their child, in part so
Smith could add his son to his health
insurance, the registrar's offce told
him that Louisiana does not recognize
adoption by unmarried parents and so
could not issue it. Lambda Legal fled
suit in 2007, saying that the registrar
was violating the Full Faith and Credit
Clause and Equal Protection Clause of
the U.S. Constitution. Prior to Lambda
Legal bringing suit, Louisiana Attorney
General Buddy Caldwell had disagreed,
and had advised the registrar that she
did not have to honor an adoption from
another state that would not have been
granted under Louisiana law.
"If the Louisiana Registrar is free to
ignore the legal relationships created by
adoption decrees, there is no limiting
principle to keep state offcials anywhere
from picking and choosing only the legal
decrees they like and ignoring others,"
Upton added.
In 2009, U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey
ruled against the registrar and ordered her
to issue a new birth certifcate identifying
both Oren Adar and Mickey Smith as the
boy's parents, saying her failure to do so
violated the U.S. Constitution. In 2010,
a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit
Court of Appeals unanimously agreed
and affrmed the judgment. The attorney
general requested a rehearing by the full
Court of Appeals, which was granted.
Louisiana: 5 Year Battle Continue For
Parents Rights, Birth Certifcate
THe SereniTY PraYer, ParT 2
god, grant me patience with making changes that take time,
an appreciation for all that i have,
a tolerance for those with different struggles,
and the strength to get up and try again…one Day at a Time.
6 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
for his many hours of hard work that has succeeded in
bringing new energy and many new members to the Metro Louisville
chapter of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. His unique sense
of humor is quite endearing. Because Nicholas can’t always
remember where to fnd our deadlines, we’ve created a special
reminder just for him at the bottom of page 4.
Know of a community leader who deserves to be recognized?
Tell us WHO and WHY:
An Australian gay couple, who
had twin girls born through an
Indian surrogate mother, has won
parenting rights after a nearly two
year court battle. The 20-month-
old girls were born in Mumbai to a
woman who carried eggs from an
anonymous donor impregnated
with sperm from one of the
men, according to a report from
the Herald Sun newspaper. The
couple paid $40,000 for an Indian
woman to give birth to the twin
In order to be granted full
parental status for the non-genetic
father, the Melbourne couple
approached the Family Court.
In issuing his ruling, Justice
Paul Cronin’s commented, 'In
this case, the children do not have
the beneft of a mother, but they
have the good fortune of having
two fathers.' 'As a matter of law,
the word 'parent' tends to suggest
some biological connection,but ...
biology does not really matter; it is
all about parental responsibility.”
The case comes as surrogacy
parenting booms, with 350
babies expected to be brought to
Australia in 2011, compared with
50 just two years ago.
Catholic ethicist Nicholas
Tonti-Filippini disagreed with
the court’s ruling, saying that
surrogacy should be discouraged
because a “committee of
parents” – surrogate, donors and
commissioning parents – confused
a child's sense of identity. “Parents
don't have rights, they have
responsibilities. The crucial thing
in all of this is that the courts
make decisions in the interest of
the child,” said Tonti-Filippini.
Australia: Couple Wins
Parenting Right To Twins
Lambda Legal and Just New Mexico have expressed support
of an opinion letter issued on January 5 by New Mexico
Attorney General Gary King fnding that marriages between
people of the same sex performed in states or countries where
they are legal likely are valid in New Mexico as well. King's
opinion letter is not legally binding.
At the urging of the Just New Mexico organization, State
Representative Al Park (D-Albuquerque) sent King a formal
inquiry on the validity of those specifc out-of-state marriages.
"This is good step in the right direction and a happy day for
all New Mexicans," said Jennifer Burns of Just New Mexico.
"It's recognition that our state values families, including same-
sex couples who have married elsewhere. Married same-sex
couples can't go through life with a lawyer constantly in tow
to answer the hundreds of questions about issues including
hospital visitation, inheritance and parenting; we need the
same assurances that any other married couple takes for
Lambda Legal provided technical support and legal
background materials to Just New Mexico's volunteer attorney
Jennifer Albright, which were forwarded to the attorney
general's offce as it was drafting the letter. "We're not surprised
but obviously very pleased the attorney general has reached
the position he did," said Kenneth Upton, Supervising Senior
Staff Attorney in Lambda Legal's Dallas-based South Central
Regional Offce. "This really is the only logical conclusion—after
all, New Mexico has long abided by the comity principle that
states generally must recognize marriages validly entered into
in other states. Before the so-called federal Defense of Marriage
Act carved out a cruel, antigay exception, there was never any
doubt that a marriage performed legally in one state would
be recognized in another. There's just no reason New Mexico
should lower the 'no crossing' gate when a married same-sex
couple passes the state line. This is welcome progress, but it's
not the end of the story. Same-sex couples still cannot marry in
New Mexico and it's unfair that loving couples do not have the
same rights at home as they do in some other states."
King's opinion notes that New Mexico law does not
specifcally bar marriages by lesbian and gay couples, and has
in fact recognized other out-of-state marriages that would not
have been allowed within the state: "While we cannot predict
how a New Mexico court would rule on this issue, after
review of the law in this area, it is our opinion that a same-sex
marriage that is valid under the laws of the country or state
where it was consummated would likewise be found valid in
New Mexico."
Out-of-State Marriages "Likely Valid" in New
The Human Rights Campaign has enthusiastically expressed
support of draft regulations from the Department of Housing
and Urban Development (HUD) that would protect LGBT
families from discrimination and make clear that federal
housing programs are open to all families. HUD is also in
the midst of the frst-ever nationwide survey of housing
discrimination against LGBT people.
The announcement from
HUD, “…will help protect
LGBT people and our
families in one of the most
fundamental aspects of
life – fnding and keeping a
home,” said HRC President
Joe Solmonese. “The policies
proposed will help some of
the most vulnerable people
in our community and the
nationwide survey will
fnally shed light on the
discrimination LGBT people
face every day in trying to make homes for themselves and
their families.”
The new proposed rule makes three important changes to
federal regulations.
First, it includes language that ensures same-sex couples
and their children are recognized as families covered by HUD
programs, including affordable housing assistance.
Second it prohibits owners and operators of HUD-assisted
housing, or housing whose fnancing is insured by HUD, from
inquiring about the sexual orientation or gender identity of an
Third it prohibits consideration of factors other than
creditworthiness, including sexual orientation and gender
identity, in the awarding of mortgage loans insured by the
Federal Housing Administration. The proposed rule will be
open for public comment for 60 days. During this period, HRC
will review the draft regulation and provide suggestions on
how it may be improved to provide the strongest protections
for LGBT families.
As part of its Blueprint for Positive Change, HRC submitted
more than 70 recommendations for executive action which
would improve the lives of LGBT Americans to the Obama-
Biden Presidential Transition Team. Since the administration
began, HRC staff have met and communicated with numerous
federal agencies on how to implement these policies.
Proposed Housing Regulations Offer
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 7
The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights
Commission (IGLHRC) stands in solidarity with Uganda’s
GLBT community in strongly condemning last month’s
killing of human rights defender David Kato. IGLHRC
joins groups across the world to demand that the Ugandan
government immediately denounce the murder, thoroughly
and impartially investigate this heinous crime and ensure the
safety of all GLBT Ugandans.
“We are shocked and saddened by the news of the murder
of David Kato,” said Cary Alan Johnson, IGLHRC Executive
Director. “David was an important leader of the Ugandan
and East African LGBT movement. While the circumstances
of David’s death are not fully clear, I have no doubt that homophobia in its many
vicious forms is responsible for his tragic death.”
Kato died on his way to hospital after being severely beaten in his home on the
afternoon of January 26.
While the perpetrator for this killing is not yet known, his death comes in the
wake of threats Kato received and alongside violence and intimidation that LGBT
individuals and their supporters have suffered. It highlights the grave safety and
security dangers confronting the Ugandan LGBT community and those working in
defence of human rights. In the most recent incident of incitement to homophobic
violence, the faces, names and addresses of “alleged homosexuals” were published
under the headline “Hang Them” by a local tabloid, Rolling Stone (unrelated to the
US publication). On 3 January 2011, Kato, whose face was on the tabloid’s cover, and
two other plaintiffs won a lawsuit against the publication. The Supreme Court of
Uganda found that their privacy had been violated, ordering compensation and an
injunction again future similar publication. In recent days, in addition to Kato, the
two other plaintiffs in the Rolling Stone case have also been subjected to violence,
raising concern that they have been targeted because of this case and remain in grave
The tabloid’s call for “death for all homosexuals in Uganda” is part of the larger
human rights crisis for LGBT people in the country. Kato, as advocacy offcer of Sexual
Minorities Uganda (SMUG), was active in the fght against the “Anti-Homosexuality
Bill” proposed in Uganda’s parliament in October 2009 and still pending.
IGLHRC calls upon the government of Uganda to publicly condemn Kato's murder,
carry out a full and fair investigation into his death, and prosecute the perpetrator to
the fullest extent of the law. Additionally, Ugandan authorities should provide police
protection to LGBT human rights defenders who want it, particularly at their homes
and offces.
“This tragedy was predictable. We warned the Ugandan government that its
inaction would result in tragedy, and this horrifc warning has now come true,” said
Johnson. “The Ugandan government can be silent no longer. No Ugandan should be
at risk of loss of life, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.”
Investigation Demanded Into Killing Of Ugandan Leader
David Kato
On January 31, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC)
released a video in the “New Yorkers for Marriage Equality”
campaign featuring Barbara Bush, the daughter of ex-
President George W. Bush. In the video she says, “I’m Barbara
Bush and I’m a New Yorker for marriage equality. New York
is about fairness and equality and everyone should have the
right to marry the person that they love. Join us.” You may
view the video at
“Americans from all walks of life are increasingly
supportive of the basic right to equal marriage,” said HRC
President Joe Solmonese. “Barbara Bush’s advocacy shows
that equality knows no party label.”
The video comes on the heels of two New York polls
showing a majority of New Yorkers support marriage
equality. A Siena Research Institute Poll earlier this month found 57 percent of
New Yorkers support marriage for same-sex couples and another poll last week by
Quinnipiac University had support at 56 percent.
Barbara Bush now joins prominent Republicans like her mother Laura Bush as well
as Dick Cheney and Ted Olson as supporters of marriage equality. Her position also
refects her generation with 68% of New Yorkers between the ages of 18-34 supporting
marriage for same-sex couples.
The New Yorkers for Marriage Equality campaign is centered on video testimonials
from New Yorkers who support the right of same-sex couples to marry.
Daughter Disagrees With Ex-President:
Barbara Bush Endorses Marriage Equality
Barbara Bush
8 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
Last month, in an interview
with the Winston-Salem
Journal newspaper, North
Carolina State Representative
Larry Brown said “the
government should not spend
money to treat adults with HIV
or AIDS who caused it by the
way they live.” He went on to
say he thinks the government
shouldn't spend money to treat
HIV among people "living in
perverted lifestyles."
Brown’s extremist statements
are intolerable, particularly
from an elected offcial who
has a duty to represent all of his constituents, including those living with HIV and
AIDS. So says the Human Rights Campaign, who has publicly called on Rep. Brown
to apologize for his bigoted statements.
Brown has a well documented track record of spouting anti-gay remarks. According
to the Winston-Salem Journal, Brown wrote in an e-mail message to House Majority
Leader Paul Stam this past October, regarding the presentation of a legislative
leadership award given to then-Speaker Joe Hackney by Equality North Carolina, "I
hope all the queers are thrilled to see him. I am sure there will be a couple legislative
Fruit Loops there in the audience.”
“Rep. Brown’s ill-informed comments are not only hateful rhetoric, but they are also
extremely dangerous,” said HRC President Joe Solmonese. “Hysterical, judgmental
and inaccurate statements like Brown’s create an environment that prevents many
from getting tested and seeking treatment, thereby furthering the spread of HIV and
AIDS. Larry Brown’s conduct refects poorly on his constituents and other elected
offcials. The people of North Carolina deserve better.”
“Fruit Loops”: North Carolina Legislator Confronted For
Extremist Remarks
Maryland lawmakers are following through on a promise to introduce marriage
equality bills in the state legislature this year. Fairness advocates are optimistic that
Maryland will soon become the sixth state to legalize same-sex unions.
Majority leaders in both Maryland legislative chambers will serve as lead sponsors
of the bills. The senate version was introduced on January 21.
Senate Majority Leader Rob Garagiola of Montgomery County introduced the
Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act (SB 116), the preferred plan of
equality activists. The legislation would permit same-sex couples to marry but would
not require churches to perform the unions.
The House version was introduced one week later House Majority Leader Kumar
Equality Maryland, the majority leaders and other lawmakers and same-sex couples
are working to promote the two
Prospects for passing a marriage equality bill have greatly improved since the
November elections, when a Democratic pickup of two seats and a shift in committee
memberships changed the dynamic in the Senate, where the bills have stalled in the
Maryland Newest Battleground For Marriage Equality
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 9
tournaments in the eastern United
A tournament committee of
approximately 20 bowlers works
year-round to organize, fund and
stage the Bluegrass Classic. The
committee is an extension of the gay
and gay-friendly bowling league, also
named Bluegrass Classic. The league
plays on Monday nights during the
fall/winter season at Kingpin Lanes,
along with an optional condensed
summer season.
Committee members chair
departments with responsibilities for
tournament activities that include
fundraising, marketing, awards,
hospitality, audit and others. The
committee is lead by an executive
committee consisting of a director,
co-director, treasurer, secretary,
statistician and sergeant of arms.
In order to remain one of the top
gay bowling tournaments in our
region, you have to “up the ante,”
said former director and current
committee member Donald Palmore.
“In other words, you need more
money to stage a top tournament
than the $90.00 tournament entry fee
“To be competitive, you have
to raise funds to offer more prize
money than required by USBC rules
and regulations,” Palmore said. “You
also need additional money for other
bowler incentives such as higher-
quality banquet food and a bowler
That’s why fundraising is essential
and always the committee’s biggest
challenge and loftiest goal. “It’s also
where committee camaraderie grows
while out and about in the community
letting folks know about the bowling
tournament,” said Kennedy. This
Bowling TournamenT, cont’d from pg 1
Louisvillian Kera
McLain, the lesbian
heroine of George
Morrison’s critically
acclaimed frst novel,
Out From It All
com), is back – on
Mars in the 82-page
novella Worlds. She
battles harassment,
homophobia and
uncaring bureaucracy
to win a spot on this
historic journey, then
shocks her colleagues
by uncharacteristically breaking the rules, risking
her life to save a seemingly doomed mission.
Life on the Red Planet gives the misft Kera
an unfamiliar yearning for Earth and she heads
home for her greatest adventures yet.
WORLDS is on sale in
louisville at both CarmiChael's
bookstores & Day's expresso
& Coffee bar, 1420 barDstown
roaD. or, to orDer, Call
iuniverse at (800) 288-4677.
Jason Mraz and fancee
Tristan Prettyman won’t get
married anytime soon. The
couple have decided to not wed
until marriage equality is the
law of the land. The pop singer
proposed to his girlfriend on
December 10.
"The wedding would be nice
for our family, our friends,
our community -- our moms
especially -- and so it puts us
in the fght," he continued. "We
can't get married until [gay]
marriage is legal and equal...I
think giving people the right to
marry will be a huge movement
in civil rights," Mraz said.
As a high school student some
of Mraz’s classmates regularly
bullied him as the result of
perceiving that he was gay.
Coming out of this background
Miraz has established himself
as an outspoken supporter of
GLBT equality.
Singer Won’t Marry Until Marriage
Discrimination Is Overturned
Jason Mraz
Bluegrass Classic Bowling
Tournament committee member
Donald Palmore, right, sells 50/50
raffe tickets to Steven Hudson at
Kingpin Lanes in Louisville. Half of
the raffe sales go to one winner and
the other half is used to help stage
the upcoming 28th annual Bluegrass
Classic Bowling Tournament.
(See Bowling TournamenT,
continued on pg 17)
THE COMMUNITY LETTER is blessed to have many wonderful advertisers whose generous
support makes it possible to serve our community. Beginning this month, we’ll introduce you to
these community-minded individuals who give back much to our community through supporting
this newspaper and logging many hours of volunteer service to dozens of agencies that contribute
to the vibrancy of the GLBT community throughout the region we serve.
Dennis Cornell, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., one of our newest advertisers,
has been a mental health therapist for the past eight years. A member
of the Board of Directors of Kentucky Fairness Alliance, he takes pride
in his non-judgmental approach to therapy. He has worked in diverse
settings such as inpatient mental health facilities, outpatient clinics and
practices, college campuses, churches, and medical facilities. Dennis
has experience working with clients dealing with depression, anxiety,
sexual orientation and coming out issues.
A certifed personal trainer in addition to being a counselor, Dennis enjoys exercise
and working out. He highly values the time he spends with his daughter, whom he
describes as being the joy of his life.
Dennis currently sees clients at Eastpoint Psychological Services, 13804 Lake Point
Circle, Suite 101 in Louisville. He accepts private pay and private insurance clients only.
To schedule an initial appointment call (502) 245-7258.
10 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
Christ Church Cathedral (Episcopal)
Journeying Together In Christ
421 South 2nd Street (Downtown)
(502) 587-1354
Sundays: 8:15am (Rite I); 10:00am (Choral Rite II)
Concert & Choral Evensong: 2nd Sundays at 5:00pm
Central Presbyterian Church
Celebrating God’s Wildly Inclusive Love
4th & Kentucky Streets (Old Louisville)
Church School: 9:30am
Sunday Worship: 11:00am (Nursery Provided)
Pastors: D. Mark Baridon & Ann J. Deibert
(502) 587-6935 •
Clifton Universalist Unitarian Church
We Need Not Tink Alike To Love Alike
2231 Payne Street, Louisville (40206)
(502) 895-3189 |
Rev. Todd Eklof, Minister
Sunday Services: 11:00ish to 12:00ish,
Social Hour, Vegetarian Lunch follows services
Metropolitan Community Church
ALL People Are Welcome at the Table
1432 Highland Avenue (Louisville)
(502) 587-6225 •
Rev. Dee Dale, Pastor
Sunday Morning Worship: 10:30am
Wednesday Evening Worship: 6:00pm
New Beginnings Church
Defned By FAITH, Not Orientation!
1710 East 10th Street, Jefersonville, IN
Pastor Tracy Patton/ (812) 595-0571
Sunday Worship: 10:30am
Open Door Community Fellowship
Reaching Out to ALL People
3938 Southern Parkway, Louisville
(502) 893-6323 / Pastor Sherry Roby
Sunday: 10:30am & Wednesday: 7:00pm
Tomas Jeferson Unitarian Church
A Welcoming Congregation,
Standing On Te Side Of LOVE!
4936 Brownsboro Road
Louisville, KY 40222
(502) 425-6943 •
Sunday Service: 11:00am
listings are welcome from congregations
throughout the six state region served
pre-paid listings are quite affordable!
The cost is $70.00 for six months or
$130.00 for one year. Information
or call (502) 419-2597.
3rd Sundays
3:00pm. Metro Louisville chapter of Parents, Family &
Friends of Lesbians and Gays. First Lutheran Church,
417 East Broadway. For more information call (502) 233-
1323 or visit
Confdentiality respected.
Every Monday
7:00pm. Movie Mania at Gay & Lesbian Community
Center of Cincinnati, 4119 Hamilton Avenue. Free. For
movie titles click on the icon for the GLBT Calendar
page at
Every Monday
7:00;pm. Dayton Gay Men's Chorus practice at
Eternal Joy Metropolitan Community Church,
2382 Kennedy Avenue. For more information write
Every Tuesday
2:45pm. GLBT Mental Health Issues Support Group at
The Recovery Center, 2340 Auburn Avenue, Cincinnati.
(513) 241-1411.
6:00 - 8:00pm
Louisville Fairness Campaign Volunteer Meet-Up at
2263 Frankfort Avenue. For more information call Kyle
(502) 893-0788 or write
6:30pm. Triangle Martial Arts Association: Tae Kwon Do
training for GLBT community. Beginners & experienced
welcome. For location write:
7:30pm. Women's Tuesday Night Coming Out Group at
Off The Avenue, 1546 Knowlton Street, Cincinnati. (513)
1st & 3rd Thursdays
7:00pm. Gay Men’s Support Group meets at
Metropolitan Community Church of Louisville, 1432
Highland Avenue.
Every 3rd Friday
7:30pm. “Family-Friendly” Coffeehouse at Day’s
Coffee Shop, Bardstown Road at Edenside Avenue in
Louisville. Music and readings, organized by Marie
Davis, cartoonist for THE LETTER.
Wednesdays: February 2 & March 6
7:00pm. Crossport Crossdresser Support Group,
Cincinnati. (513) 919-4850.
Sundays: February 6 & March 6
3:00pm. Monthly meeting of Owensboro chapter
of Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays. Journey
Fellowship, located at the corner of Alexander Avenue &
18th Street. For information: pfagowensboro@hotmail.
com or call (270) 929-1399.
Mondays: February 7 & March 7
7:00pm. Christian Men’s Fellowship Dinner. Organized
by New Beginnings Church. Location: KT’s Restaurant,
2300 Lexington Road, Louisville. More information:
(812) 595-0571.
Tuesdays: February 8 & March 8
7:00pm. Cincinnati PFLAG meeting. Mount Auburn
Presbyterian Church, 103 William Howard Taft Road.
For more information call (513) 721-7900.
Tuesdays: February 8 & March 8
7:30pm Dayton PFLAG Monthly Meeting. 667
Miamisburg-Centerville Road (Centerville). For more
information call: (937) 640-3333.
February 11 - 13
Valentine’s Day Sweethearts Weekend at Timberfell
Lodge, Greenville, TN. For details or to make
reservations for this or other upcoming special events
visit Weekend Room Rates: 50%
Discount. Reservations: (800) 437-0118.
Wednesdays: February 16 & March 16
6:30pm. Indy Bi-Versity, confdential discussion group.
For more information, including the meeting location,
Saturdays: February 19 & March 19
8:00pm. Monthly meeting of Sienna, transgender
support group in Louisville. For location leave a
message: (502) 894-1048. For more information about the
group visit
Wednesday, February 23
Fairness Day at the Kentucky Legislature, Frankfort.
For more information visit or www.
March 18 - 20
St. Patricks Weekend Bash at Timberfell Lodge,
Greenville, TN. For details or to make reservations
for this or other upcoming special events visit www. Weekend Room Rates: 50% Discount.
Reservations: (800) 437-0118.
Items of interest to the GLBT community are listed for FREE from non-proft community
organizations, support and social groups. We also publicize events sponsored by businesses and
professionals currently advertising in THE COMMUNITY LETTER.
Please send details at least four weeks in advance of your event. Contact: Dave VanderPol: Be sure type “Regional Calendar” in the subject line of your
Mark England
Selling Louisville's Most DIVERSE Neighborhoods
sponsored by mark england
Tuesday, March 8th @ 7:30pm
Sliding Scale Admission: $10.00 - $15.00.
Light Refreshments. Entertainment. Highlands Location.
100% Proceeds Benefts WINGS Clinic at U of L
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 11
Every Valentine's Day I go through this. As most of
you know, I am a very out person. I don't try to hide
it. Why then most every Valentine's Day do I feel
somewhat uncomfortable with going out on Valentine's
night with Trav? I have tried to fgure this out for years.
I think I fnally have an answer.
Essentially, I am living in a heterosexual world right?
Yes. And the few rights I do have as a gay person,
and especially as a gay couple, have been granted,
most with a long period of horrible objections by a
vocal part of the heterosexual community. So am I
supposed to feel thankful for the few rights I have and
go out and celebrate my relationship openly within my
community? Yes, I should. And without reservation.
However, somehow I have always felt I was an
uninvited guest at the Valentine's party every year.
Would I prefer some legal protection to my relationship
before I felt more comfortable? Of course I would. In
fact, I have defended it, lost friends over it, and it is what
drives me to vote in every election. Who can I vote for
that will treat me equally? I am always analyzing this
during elections. Not only for me, but as importantly,
I want you to be equal. What? You don't want to get
married? Fine. But I want it to be your decision. Not
someone else deciding for you.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I
have no real reason to be uncomfortable. Why? Because
it is actually the LGBT community that has discovered
the real actual true pure meaning of love. Often, we
have been with our partner at the objection of family
members or people that thought they knew what was
best for us. Until very recently, we never had the luxury
of a state formally recognizing our relationship. And
we still have no federal protection of our relationships.
We have essentially have had nothing formally binding
us together. No document. No paper. No marriage
certifcate. Nothing. But we have still found love.
We have worked through diffcult situations with
our partners. We have continued to love them. No
matter what happened. The only thing that has held
us together was love. We did not have to stay together
for the children or even our relatives. In fact, many
times they would have been happy if we had split.
To many of them, we only appear gay when we are
actually dating. When we are single we can be called
a bachelor or young lady by people who cannot accept
our orientation.
So, maybe, we can teach heterosexuals a thing or two
about love. Maybe we can let them know that we have
found, worked through, committed to, and discovered
that we do not need a piece of paper to defne our
relationship. We have learned that what really matters
is our ability to accept and love our partner for who
they are, not how they love. In this isolating, cold,
often lonely world, who could really possibly have an
issue with that? Probably only someone that has never
loved or knows how to be loved.
So, allow yourself to love on the 14th of February.
And every other day too. Right now it is all we have.
And you know what? It's actually a lot.
Fear Of 14 No More by Ren Scheuerman
Ren Scheuerman and his partner,
Travis Lay, enjoy living in the luxury
of Indian Hills (Northeast Louisville).
where they enjoy building bridges of
understanding with their neighbors
(the vast majority of which are
rumored to heterosexual).
One Newspaper, Four Websites / /
12 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
Most readers of this paper don't
remember 1968. I do.
1968 started out much like 1967:
relatively peacefully. A presidential
election was looming, but everyone
assumed Lyndon Johnson would run
again and probably win. The Vietnam
War was raging, but our generals kept
telling us everything was fne. We had
no reason to doubt them.
In San Francisco, the hippies continued
to play in the streets, but they were
pretty much a sideshow. Most American
teenagers still had short hair, weren't
wearing beads, and had no idea what
marijuana smelled like. I was one of
those, a nerdy virgin at Xavier University
in Cincinnati. I hadn't a clue what I
wanted to do with my life.
Then came the Tet offensive, which
shattered the myth of American
invincibility in Vietnam. The New
Hampshire primary proved the President
wasn't invulnerable, either. At the end
of March he announced he wasn't going
to run. I was playing cards at the time.
Five days later, Martin Luther King was
assassinated. Cincinnati erupted. We
couldn't get downtown. Two months
later, Bobby Kennedy died: the same day
I graduated from college. In August, the
Democratic Convention descended into
chaos in Chicago. My draft notice was
in the mail.
Meanwhile, George Wallace was
running a reactionary campaign that
would ultimately steal the presidency
from the Democratic candidate, Hubert
Humphrey. My own father expressed
an interest in supporting Wallace (I
never wanted to ask if he voted for him).
Richard Nixon won, perhaps that year's
most perverse moment.
Since then, 1968 has become one of
those iconic American years that for
various reasons gets lumped in with
such others as 1789, 1829, 1861, 1898,
1929, 1954, and 2001. All of those years
mark a change in our national course.
After they ended, we'd never be quite the
same. This country's ability to reinvent
itself is one of our greatest strengths.
Is 2011, or perhaps 2012, destined to
join that category? It's of course way
too early to tell, but I sense something's
Just 10 days in, a mad man who seems
to have been infuenced by far-right
rhetoric has shot a US congressman
and killed six innocent people. In the
wake of that tragedy, a few professional
Obama haters like Michelle Malkin and
Rush Limbaugh have ratcheted up their
rhetoric. Sarah Palin doesn't seem to
understand what the problem is with her
violent imagery and turns of phrase. Her
failure to rise to the occasion, rather than
grovel in it, should be proof enough she
shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the
Oval Offce.
President Obama has heroically
attempted to soothe the nation, but how
long will the right pay attention?
Thankfully, Democrats and their liberal
supporters aren't laying down this time,
but that's very sad. Where was that party
last fall?
In Congress, Republicans are vowing
to destroy everything the President has
achieved, including health care reform
and fnancial reform. They're even
threatening to shut the entire government
down if they don't get their way, putting
our entire fnancial house, not to mention
the global economy, at risk. Democrats
are vowing to push back.
No one in January 1968 could have
predicted the tumult the next 11 months
would bring, and hopefully the rest
of 2011 will not be a repeat. But if this
country's right wing continues to spew
its violent rhetoric, I see no peace in
America any time soon. It's our duty to
toss back anything they fing at us, but
how long can we do that before our arms
get tired?
Cross your fngers, guys.
2011: Another 1968? by David Williams
David Williams is the founder of the
Williams-Nichols Institute and the Kentucky
Gay & Lesbian Library and Archives, which
are housed at the University of Louisville’s
Ekstrom Library.
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 13
Q: I recently ended an 11-year relationship and met
someone who was the catalyst to give me the courage
to do so. He wasn’t the cause for the demise of my
relationship, but only after meeting this new guy that
I began to see what my life could be like and realized
all that I had been missing. I am often plagued with
insecurities and lack of trust and I certainly don’t want
these feelings to ruin the beginning of something with
this new man. He is very independent, and has never
really been in a long-term relationship before and seems
to require a lot of time alone. I, on the other hand, am
someone who longs to be near the person I am with and
at times like to have my own personal space. What is
your advice on giving someone their personal space but
helping him to see that spending time together is equally
important to forging a strong bond and the foundation
for a successful and lasting relationship?
A: I can imagine the frustration you must have as
you embark on a new relationship that presents itself
with so much potential and possibility after what you’d
been through in your prior partnership, only to fnd that
excitement hindered by discrepancies in your desires for
the amount of quality time spent together. This is not an
easy situation because you are in a position where you
lack control over what your boyfriend chooses to do.
You’ll frst want to identify the origins behind
the dynamic. Is it because your partner is new to
relationships and doesn’t understand the importance of
building a foundation of closeness through consistent
shared experiences that requires regular quality time
together? Is this possibly a clash of introversion vs.
extroversion? If he indeed is an introvert by nature in
which he requires plenty of solitude to recharge his
batteries and be centered in his life, this is a personality
trait that has a poor prognosis for change and is unlikely
to be penetrated.
On the other hand, perhaps there is a dynamic in
your relationship that has resulted in the distance you’re
experiencing. Does he have emotional or intimacy
issues that interfere with his ability to merge? Whatever
the source may be, that’s where the answer for the
particular intervention lies.
In all relationships, there is the need to have a “couple
identity” and an “individual identity”. Too much of the
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FAX: (502) 400-2796
Each Offce Is Independently Owned & Operated
Feeling Lonely In A Long-Term Relationship by Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, D.H.S., M.S.W.
Century 21 Joe Guy Hagan
Chinese Cuisine. Let China Inn cater
your event! Competitive pricing and a
large menu. Call for catering menu and
prices: (502) 636-2020. Visit us online:
Michael Eagan. Full service graphic
design, including web design. Photo
restoration. Software training.
Microsoft certifed. Based in
Jeffersonville, IN. mdeagan@hotmail.
Give the gift of affordable fne
art. Acrylic on canvas paintings
featuring the Urban Realism genre
from Louisville artist David Walinski.
View his paintings online: www. or call (502) 322-4632
(See gaY loVe DoCTor,
continued on pg 14)
Classifed Advertising in THE
COMMUNITY LETTER is affordable
and presented with a type font that is
easy on the eyes! This is a great way to
support the work of your community
Up to 40 words for $15.00, 41 – 75
words for $25.00. Ads must be pre-paid
with a credit card through PayPal or
by check. For more information write or
call (502) 419-2597. Deadline for pre-
payment and text: 20th day of the month
for the following month’s issue.
Paid ads appearing in print are
also placed on our main website
at no additional charge: www.
Dear Alex,
"For it was not into
my ear you whispered,
but into my heart. It
was not my lips you
kissed, but my soul."
Happy Valentine's Day
Sweetheart! Love, Brad
Sweet 'N Low:
You are too much, Mr.
Man...but always in the
best possible way! Thank
you for "friending" me on
Facebook as your posts
always brighten my day.
-- Flamboyant Bohemian
14 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
former leaves partners feeling suffocated and lacking
a sense of separateness. Too much of the latter leaves
partners feeling like roommates with little sense of
connection. A healthy balance of the two leaves both
partners feeling bonded, yet also free to have their own
personal pursuits and goals. This promotes individual
growth and also has the added beneft of rejuvenating
the relationship and keeping it fresh as you’re both
bringing in “fresh air” so to speak. You may want to
speak to your partner about this concept.
Communicating your needs to your boyfriend
will be important here. Before making your request,
highlight what you enjoy and like best about him and
what you have together to validate your relationship
so he may be more open to hearing what comes
next. Ask directly for what you need and the reasons
behind it. Show him how passionately you feel about
spending more time together so he really sees how
important this is to you. Solicit his opinions and
feedback as well. Be persuasive without pressuring.
Hopefully he will be receptive to your request and
you’ll be well on your way to developing the type of
relationship you aspire to have. If he remains resistant
or unwilling to negotiate time spent, you then may
need to do a self-appraisal of your values and
determine if the amount of quality time you’re getting
now is suffcient to meet your needs in the long-run. Is
that a deal-breaker or would you be willing to bend on
that? With this happening so early in the “honeymoon
phase” of your relationship, you will want to pinpoint
the etiology and see if the situation can be remedied
before investing too much of your heart.
Feeling lonely in a long-term relationship can be a
very deadening experience, so you’ll want to do your
prep work now to ensure you and your partner share
the same vision and can co-exist as a team under
similar needs and goals.
While promoting her one-woman
show, Wishful Drinking, writer-actress
Carrie Fisher gave an interview to The
Advocate in which she unexpectedly outed
John Travolta. The item about Travolta
is actually a reiteration of something
she said in 2009; but as Fisher clarifes,
Travolta's sexual orientation is one of the
worst kept secrets in Hollywood.
Fisher's outing of her good friend
has reopened the debate of whether or
not tabloids, magazines, gossip sites,
and journalists have the right to out
celebrities, or if their private lives should
remain private despite their otherwise
public personas.
The thing is, John Travolta isn't some
mild-mannered schoolboy. He's not in
the same league as Ricky Martin, Lance
Bass, and Neil Patrick Harris, all of
whom say they were minding their own
business until the media pressured them
to come out. No, Travolta has spent much
of his career suing those who accuse
him of being gay, while simultaneously
promoting a "religion" that believes
homosexuality is a disease. Therefore, I
lump Travolta in the category of anti-gay,
closeted politicians: it might not be right
to out them, but I certainly don't mind
when it happens.
Surprisingly, Fisher's outing of Travolta
doesn't seem to be at all malicious. She's
very matter of fact about it and reiterates
that by ignoring it for so long, it’s become
a bigger deal than it ever would have
been if he'd just pulled a Jodie Foster and
chosen to not talk about it.
Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston,
complicates matters. Reasons for her
part in covering up Travolta's gay
tendencies have ranged from the bizarre
rumors (faking pregnancies) to the
more probable (she's in it for the fame/
money). And while they have somehow
created a "family," Travolta's choice to
marry a woman while attacking those
who would suggest he's gay promote the
idea that being gay remains something to
be ashamed of.
Recently, another celebrity has entered
the debate and took a different route
than Travolta, and that is Kevin Spacey.
Long believed to be gay, Spacey was
asked outright in an interview with
The Daily Beast if he was, but he did not
budge. And unlike Travolta, he did not
decry the interviewer for asking, instead
questioning why an actor's sexuality is
anybody's business. At the same time, he
inadvertently defends Travolta, saying,
"People have different reasons for the
way they live their lives. You cannot put
everyone's reasons in the same box. It's
just a line I've never crossed and never
But Spacey, and in that regard Jodie
Foster and Queen Latifah, are in an
entirely different league than Travolta.
Spacey, Foster, and Latifah have remained
100% silent on anything relating to their
private lives; and they most certainly
haven't sued anyone for outing them.
Travolta clearly picks and chooses
which aspects of his private life he'll
faunt in public. He might not advertise
his trips to bathhouses, but he and
Preston were more than willing to give
numerous interviews about their son's
tragic death last year.
And that's where Travolta does
the most harm: his actions send clear
messages of what he considers to be
good behavior (heterosexuality) and bad
behavior (homosexuality). He might not
be as infuential as Justin Bieber, but he is
a visible face in Hollywood.
Wishful Outing by Eric Jost
What Path Calls You?
gaY loVe DoCTor, cont’d from pg 13
©2008 Brian L. Rzepczynski, All rights
reserved. To sign up for the FREE Gay Love
Coach Newsletter flled with dating and
relationship tips and skills for gay singles
and couples, as well as to check out current
coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses,
Eric Jost is a freelance writer
living in Washington, DC. His
work ranges from frst-person
narratives to commentaries on
pop culture and politics. You
can check out more of his work
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 15
Trans Group Supported By Membership Dues by Holly Knight
Organizations like Sienna,
Kentuckiana’s transgender community
group, have to create some form of income
to survive. Like most organizations
we charge a fee to be a member. This
membership has responsibilities along
with benefts.
Everyone has their own reasons for
being a part of a group and they may
or may not be willing and able to carry
out their responsibilities and therefore
will not receive benefts. This isn’t a
rule but is more of a proverb much like
those that give will receive. I know I
have experienced that as the President
of Sienna. Sienna, being a transgender
organization, is part of the Louisville
LGBTQ community and therefore Sienna
is a member of that larger community and
we have responsibilities and benefts.
As an organization Sienna is always
looking for ways to give back to your
LGBTQ community. It is our responsibility
and we do receive benefts. That, in my
opinion, is being a mature organization
where our behavior is based on what is
better for the bigger picture and not so
much what is best for our group.
The city of Louisville has so many
amazing and “mature” organizations
and individuals that continue to give
and as a member of this community I am
proud and reap these benefts and feel
so compelled to give back as it is truly
my personal responsibility. I and my
brothers and sisters of Sienna have legal
and social freedoms in this city because
of others having this mature behavior.
In 2011 let’s each of us exhibit this
mature behavior where we fnd ways to
give back because the chances are you
too have benefts that you have received
for being a member of this community.
So, if you haven’t paid your dues lately,
it is about time isn’t it?
I hope everyone has an amazing 2011!
Holly Knight is a transgender
educator and activist. She
is a member of Sienna
( and can
be found on Facebook or
contacted by writing
Swept Away by James W. Hensley
I have cancer. Cancer sucks.
My prognosis is very good but while
my cancer is Incurable (except with a
risky bone marrow transplant) there
is every reason to believe that it can be
treated and kept under control for a long,
long time. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I am now a person
with a chronic illness. Since I’m a gay
man of a certain age, doctors immediately
assumed I was HIV positive and had
developed AIDS. It is Interesting to note
that the type of cancer I have, multiple
myeloma, effects blood plasma cells
and creates problems with my immune
system, bone marrow and white blood
cells. The doctors might have started
with an assumption but they examined
the facts and very quickly discovered
the real problem. It’s amazing what you
can do with an evidence based, logical
Another reason the doctors didn’t
suspect this type of cancer is that I am
the “wrong” age and the “wrong” race.
It seems that, statistically, men develop
multiple myeloma late in their lives
after the age of 70 and many of those
that develop it are African American.
This spurred the doctors to test me for
sickle cell anemia and a few other health
problems that I had never considered. It
seems that I’ve been passing for white
for almost 50 years. My family was
very surprised. I am encouraging my
relatives to let their doctors know that
appearances are not genetics and race is
a matter of perception, identifcation and
Pretending “my race” is something
that can be determined by looking at me
is just as ridiculous as assuming I have
AIDS once you fnd out I’m gay. Race is
a social construct. It has very little basis
in biological reality.
I’m aware of two traditional fctions
in Kentucky about race. One is the
“Welsh Indians” descended from a trans-
Atlantic colony lead by Prince Madoc
of Wales (c. 1170 CE) and the other is
the Melungeons descended from ship-
wrecked Portuguese sailors, or Native
Americans or sub-Saharan Africans that
either escaped from slavery or arrived in
North America before the early European
settlers. Both seek to ameliorate the confict
between perceptions and presumed
racial reality. Both seek to set up a space
where people that look “wrong” can be
ftted into the “right” category without
challenging preconceived notions of
racial essentialism. They’re just as fact
free and unconstrained by evidence as
creationists, climate change doubters,
“birthers”, holocaust revisionists, and
sexual orientation change therapies or
ministries. It seems that, according to
this model, I am a Melungeon.
When the dust settles, however, I
still have cancer and it affects my future
and my current activities. I have been
asked to continue to write about the
Quendom and those of us who are
not exactly the twinkiest queers in the
gayborhood. There are also numerous
queer related stories with a Kentucky
angle or a religious aspect that deserve to
be explored. I plan to continue trying to
research and write about them between
chemo therapies, doctor visits and bouts
of debilitation until my cancer goes into
remission and I become just another
person with a chronic condition that
needs periodic medical care.
I hope health care reform isn’t repealed.
That would probably mean my Insurance
company’s Death Panel will be allowed
to let me die. Since I don’t believe I’d be
better off dead, you’ll have to forgive me
for resisting. I actually hope you’ll wish
me luck.
Rev. James Hensley is co-
pastor of Progressive Pathways
Fellowship in Louisville. His
views do not necessarily
represtant those of his
16 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
Testosterone: when you put two gay/bi/trans (GBT)
men together, you’ve got lots of it. Is this why we GBT
men are often accused by hetero society of putting too
much emphasis on sex? Is it true that GBT guys have a
lot more sex than straight guys do? If so, is it because
we can, we want to, or we just can’t help it? How do we
integrate sex and love in our relationships?
Are some relationships so sex-based that there’s no
chance of an emotional or intellectual connection? Are
other relationships so emotional and “heady” that when
sex happens, it’s totally lame? How do we, as GBT men,
balance our heart, mind and dick?
Whether you call it “high libido”, “too much
testosterone” or “just plain horny”: how can you get your
thoughts, emotions and sex drive to work together?
In any meaningful man-to-man relationship, we need
to balance the desires and demands of our heart, mind
and dick.
For example, when you meet a guy and feel an
attraction, how and when do you decide to have sex
with him? Is it right off the bat, when your heart and
mind barely know the guy? Or is it later on, when your
libido has been moderated by the wisdom of your mind
and the feelings in your heart?
I’m not here to tell you that there’s one RIGHT way
to do it.
I had a client who met a guy at a bathhouse, had great
sex with him, exchanged numbers…you know. Then,
the next day, he thought about this guy and wondered
if there might be much more possible with this guy, e.g.,
a relationship. Initially, my client’s dick had called the
shots, but now his mind (thoughts) and heat (feelings)
had kicked in. He came to me asking, “How can I turn
a hot trick into a possible relationship?” Another way
to say this is: How can I have a relationship where my
mind, heart and dick are all working together?
Let’s look at the heart frst: the heart is all about
emotions and feelings. When you’re getting to know a
guy, take some time and check in with yourself: what
are you feeling? What emotions are you aware of? This
is your heart speaking. To hear it, you have to look
inward. Is your heart happy when you think about this
guy? When you hear his voice, do you feel good? When
you’re near him, does your heart beat faster? Your may
be heart telling you that there are deep feelings there.
Now let’s check in with your head: your thoughts,
the rational, logical part of your brain. This is where
most of us live most of the time: thinking, judging,
analyzing, obsessing, etc. Sometimes we have lots of
“voices” in our head, and they fght each other. One
voice says, “There’s potential here with this guy, he’s a
lot nicer/smarter/funnier than I expected…could he be
boyfriend material?”
You may also hear another voice, that says, “Oh yeah,
right, like this sex date is going to turn into a deep,
meaningful relationship. Don’t be an idiot, you got
your rocks off, move on!” You might hear both voices
giving you conficting advice simultaneously. This isn’t
unusual, but it’s these internal debates that often keep
us stuck. When you can’t stop arguing with yourself, it
can be crazy-making! This is your head at its worst.
There are lots of articles about getting in touch with
your feelings (heart) and getting clear on what you’re
thinking (mind), but surprisingly few on making
peace with your testosterone-driven friend: your dick.
Watching man-on-man porn, you’d think that hard
dicks and great orgasms are all that counts in GBT life.
Very few porn videos show more than dicks in charge:
where is the intelligence, the emotion? Heart and mind
have been left behind. Sure, there’s kissing in some of
them, but do they ever have intelligent conversations?
Heart-to-heart conversations? Rarely.
Way too much GBT culture emphasizes the dick
part of relationships and leaves the mind and heart far
behind. Indeed, the mind and heart are almost seen as
“girly” or “feminine” parts of man-to-man relationships.
And yet, without the mind and heart’s involvement, our
relationships – from dating to long term relationships –
are doomed.
Really good sex – and any successful ongoing
relationship - requires the simultaneous involvement of
your thoughts, emotions and libido. Simply put: why
not let your dick become good friends with your thoughts
and feelings? They’re really like the Three Musketeers:
“All for one and one for all”. When they work together,
life is sweet. They’re all interrelated anyway.
Ever noticed how a good sexual relationship is mostly
mental? Check it out: the next time you’re making
love with a guy you really like, notice what makes you
excited…both mentally and physically.
When you masturbate, what fantasies do you have of
this guy? What is he doing to you? What’s he saying?
This is all in your head: it’s all your thoughts. Thoughts
create feelings, and the feelings work in harmony with
the pleasant physical sensations to create great sex, alone
or not.
And what about your heart? By this, I mean your
emotions. People who have addictive sexual behavior
are rarely in touch with their emotions. Their dicks are
running wild without any emotional connection to the
guys they have sex with. Their emotional hunger never
gets satisfed and they need to keep looking for the next
man, and the next one after that. Without having your
heart involved in a relationship, the sex is likely to be
meaningless and leave you
feeling empty. It’s hard on your self-esteem too.
Emotions are what bond us to other people; they’re a
primal part of any good sexual relationship.
While testosterone (e.g., our libido/sex drive) is a
powerful force, we don’t need to let it run our lives.
Just because we can have lots of sex, will it bring us
real satisfaction? We seldom beneft from relationships
totally focused on sex, nor the opposite.
When we’re conscious about the role our heart, mind
and dick play in our relationships, we can maintain a
good balance of the three. Sure, some days the balance
may be a bit skewed, but, overall, the best relationships
(monogamous or not) are those where your mind is
attracted to someone, your heart feels affection and
connection and your dick gets just the right amount of
attention too.
Balancing Your Heart, Mind & Dick by Michael Kimmel, MA, MSW, LCSW
LIcensed Psychotherapist Micheal Kimmel is a
native of Ohio and former resident of Louisville.
He offers individual and couple therapy from his
practice in San Diego. For more information about
his counseling practice visit www.lifebeyondtherapy.
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 17
By the time I met him, Orville had
mellowed. Years back he'd had a fash pot
temper that went off without warning.
As a child, my husband Dave ran scared
of his dad's anger, always kept his guard
Orville was in his mid-80s when Dave
came out. "You're my son. You're always
welcome here," Orville told him. "Just
don't bring any of your friends around."
At the time I counted myself one of
Dave's friends. He and I had formed
a mutual-survival pact. We'd agreed
to companion each other through the
coming out process, shared a six-month
lease on an apartment.
Despite his dad's instructions, Dave
soon invited me to accompany him on
one of his regular trips to visit his father.
I agreed to ride along. "He may not
invite you in," Dave said. Fine by me. I'd
heard enough stories about the old man's
temper. I'd sit in the car, no problem.
To my surprise, Orville did invite
me into the double-wide trailer house
straightway. To my delight, he never
looked back. He always welcomed me.
I'd ask him about the good ol' days; I'd
laugh at his jokes. He laughed at mine.
He could hear the pitch of my voice easier
than Dave's; I became the designated
megaphone during regular visits to the
house and later, the nursing home.
Dave's siblings had a harder time with
his coming out than did their dad. I think
they didn't know what to do with him
(let alone me) and preferred to keep their
Many a time Dave and I wished Orville
would put his foot down, assert in his
role as patriarch, "We are a family and no
member of this family will be excluded
from family gatherings." He never spoke
these words; I think everyone involved
lost something as a result. Only now
after his death at age 97 have we taken
tentative steps towards acting as a
cohesive family unit. I wish he were here
to see it. I wish he had used his infuence
to make it happen?
In small ways and large we all of us
exert infuence on the world 'round. Even
when that world falls apart, we may have
more infuence than we know.
When Dave came out, his world
opened in many new ways. At the
same time, the world his wife had been
accustomed to turned suddenly on its
head. Family dynamics shifted in the
wake of their divorce. Their three adult
children muddled through as best they
could, provided support to one or both
parents as they were willing and able.
Holidays were celebrated in duplicate;
a daughter's wedding gave rise to some
tense moments.
Who knows how long this state of
affairs might have continued. With plans
underway for yet another daughter's
wedding, Dave's former wife decided to
take action. "We are going to be a family
and present a unifed front to the world,"
she said. She was as good as her word.
She began by inviting Dave out for a
meal to talk matters over. During their
conversation her cell phone jangled. It
was one of the kids calling to ask how
she was doing.
"Your father and I are on a date," she
said. Well. That news lit up the family
hotline in nothing fat. Their parents
were talking. And laughing together.
Mom must be serious about being one
She was.
Leading by example, she enfolded both
Dave and me into the wider family. We
hugged, discussed wedding particulars,
hung decorations together. We stood
side by side in the receiving line. In
the several years since, this one family
has celebrated holidays and important
events together, welcomed the arrival of
two grandchildren, weathered job losses,
medical issues and moves – the stuff of
life, and for all of us now, the stuff of
*family* life.
This past December I looked at the
faces lit by the Christmas tree and
thought, those kids' mother gave them back
their parents. She gave me a family. What a
My former wife and I took a different
tack. Upon my coming out we parted
ways and have remained east and west
ever since. She found solace and refuge
in a system of religious beliefs that left
no room for a continuing relationship
with me. Our three sons soon followed
in their mother's footsteps. Now adults,
they remain estranged from me.
Amazing, the power, the potential, of
one. Of anyone. Of you, of me. And what
shall we do with our power? Squelch it?
Use it to build up? To tear down? Ours is
the weighty responsibility—and amazing
power—to choose.
The Power of One by Bryn Marlow
Bryn Marlow ( lives
with his husband Dave on a 1930s Indiana
farmstead where they raise chickens and
year’s tournament committee banded
together for several fundraisers, with
the most successful being its annual
Halloween cruise aboard the Belle of
“The Halloween cruise is the event
that the non-bowling community
associates with the tournament,”
said committee secretary Mike
Raymond, who also chairs the event.
“We’re very fortunate to have had
Miller Lite on board as the corporate
sponsor of this event for many, many
years,” Kennedy said. The committee
works with the local beer wholesaler
River City Distributing to secure this
“River City Distributing and the
Miller Lite brand are glad to have
been part of the success of these events
over the last few years,” said Michael
Renzi, vice president of sales at River
City Distributing. “We look forward
to continuing this relationship.”
The winners of the Halloween
costume contest are determined by
$1.00 votes, Raymond said. “And 100
percent of the contest money collected
is donated to the Louisville Youth
Group”, which is a local organization
whose mission is to boost the self-
esteem of GLBT youth by providing
a safe place that encourages
positive life choices, teaches healthy
interactions with peers and adults
and develops activities in which
youth are challenged to reach their
full potential.
Other fundraisers for the upcoming
tourney included a car wash, a weekly
50/50 raffe during league play, a yard
sale, a Ms. Bluegrass drag pageant,
a “Dining Out” raffe during the
annual Kentuckiana Pride Festival
and a holiday basket drawing. Funds
also come from advertising sales in
the Bluegrass Classic Tournament
Guide and Advertising Program.
The committee partnered with
the House of Ruth organization
for a Crazy Bowl event with both
organizations sharing laughs and
proceeds. House of Ruth was also
the tournament’s designated charity
to receive the nearly $1,000 in tips
collected at the hospitality party
during the 2010 tournament weekend.
This year’s charity recipient has not
yet been named.
“House of Ruth, which provides
housing and supportive services for
those affected by HIV and AIDS in
metro Louisville is grateful to partner
with the Bluegrass Classic bowlers”
said Linda Underwood, House of
Ruth executive director. “We had so
much fun at last year’s Crazy Bowl.
We are proud to work with a group
who cares so much about others and
appreciate their support. The fght
against AIDS is not over and together
with partners like the Bluegrass
Classic bowlers we can make a
Kennedy explained that raising
funds to host the best possible
tournament is the top fnancial goal.
“However,” he emphasized, “We
also want to be an organization that
is able to provide fnancial gifts to
non-proft organizations focused on
serving the GLBT community. That is
important to us, too.”
The committee depends heavily
upon help from the local gay bars
and nightclubs with its fundraising,
Raymond said. “Tryangles,
Connection and Starbase Q have
all supported the tournament
committee’s efforts in one way or
another,” Raymond said. “Their help
is invaluable to us. And we hope
it translates into more business for
them, too.”
For more information about the
tournament and serving on the
event’s planning committee visit
Bowling TournamenT, cont’d from pg 9
18 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
Third Avenue Cafe; 1164 South Third
Street; Louisville, KY 40203. (502) 585-
2233. Online:
I always like to eat in a restaurant
where I can leave feeling positive about
the experience. Third Avenue Café in Old
Louisville promises this to diners opting
to enjoy a meal at their neighborhood
The restaurant prides itself on offering
vegan, vegetarian and non-vegetarian
food in a fanciful and eclectic interior. On
a wall behind the stage there is a mural
of Victorian homes in Old Louisville and
there are a number of Elvis items dotting
the restaurant. It’s all very colorful and
haphazard yet quite comfortable.
We dined late so there was no a huge
crowd despite it being a Friday night. We
were also treated to live music that was
less obtrusive than canned music in other
Of course I started with a glass of
chardonnay. They were down to the last
drops in their last bottle but served me a
half a glass for what they indicated would
cost me a quarter. I did have another
glass of pinot grigio later in the meal and
imagine my surprise when we received
our check. They did not charge me for
the chardonnay which I found to be a nice
The dinner menu includes a selection
of sandwiches and entrees with salads
and appetizers as well. Although they
specialize in vegan and vegetarian food,
the restaurant has numerous choices
for omnivores as well. Prices are quite
reasonable as well with no sandwich
priced higher than $7.95 and entrees
starting at $10.99 up to $14.99.
I was not sure whether I was interested
in a sandwich or entrée as there were
many choices that looked interesting
to me. The Black Bean Burger served
with roasted red pepper aioli on focaccia
sounded tempting as did the Hot Turkey
Melt. I considered The Third Avenue
Cafe Burger mainly because the meat
is supplied by the Green River Cattle
Company, a Kentucky-based independent
beef producer and all the beef they offer is
free of hormones,
antibiotics and preservatives. The Greek
Pasta served with feta cheese, peppers
and olives was another option and the
Curry Roasted Vegetables accompanied
by rice and mashed sweet potatoes also
spoke to me.
My dinner companion focused on the
meat items and he liked the Third Avenue
Stuffed Chicken Breast. The bird is flled
with a mixture of feta cheese, sun dried
tomatoes and mushrooms and dressed
with a Dijon sauce. In the end, he selected
the Moroccan Steak (another product
of the Green River Beef Company). His
grilled fank steak was served over a
chickpea, tomato, cilantro and date stew,
hence the Moroccan infuence. He was
not sure how he felt about the stew so
requested it be placed in a separate bowl.
His meal included two side items and
he opted for the dinner salad and cheese
grits. His grilled meat was extremely
favorful and well cooked but he did not
prefer the chick pea stew. Lucky for him
he had those grits on the side. And lucky
for me because I really liked the savory
legume mixture.
Based upon our server’s
recommendation I ordered the Blue
Cheese Pasta that came with a salad.
The greens were a spring mix and the
homemade balsamic vinaigrette was
simply outstanding. My pasta included
chicken, black olives, bacon, spinach and
mushrooms in a creamy blue cheese sauce.
The dish was pleasant but I would have
liked to have tasted a stronger blue cheese
infuence in the sauce with maybe some
chunks of the cheese with the pasta.
The portion size of both our entrees was
large and we took home half of my pasta
and most of my friend’s chick pea stew.
We ended our meal with the dessert of
the day, a fourless chocolate torte. The
cake was plated beautifully and sat atop
a chocolate sauce that only added to the
intense chocolate favor of the dessert.
This restaurant is on my list of those to
which to return in the future. They offer
delicious options for whatever mood you
might fnd your appetite. And how can
you pass up the opportunity to eat with
James Franco throws himself into the personage of
Allen Ginsberg with passionate abandon, cementing
his status as an alternative gay icon. Dismissing the
contrived conventions of your average biopic, Howl
has a somewhat narrow focus: a two year period in
the writer’s life. The flm manages to capture the
essence of Ginsberg, the man, while presenting the
poetry and ensuing events that transformed him into a
countercultural legend.
Based on transcripts of interviews given by Ginsberg,
as well as records of the 1957 obscenity trial over his
seminal work, Howl employs archival footage and
photographs, selective black and white cinematography
that lends beat-era authenticity, and absorbingly
inventive animation that illustrates Ginsberg’s words
in both literal and abstract ways.
Most engrossing, though, are the scenes in which
Ginsberg talks about the evolution of his writing
and his journey of self-discovery. Proudly honest,
he reminisces about his mother’s tragic death, his
8-month period in a mental institution, his coming-out
to Jack Kerouac, his sexually-charged relationship with
notorious lothario Neal Cassady, his loving relationship
with long-term partner Peter Orlovsky, and how his
natural homosexuality served as a catalyst for self-
Though the flm depicts a specifc time in American
history when blue blood social conformity defned the
status quo, Ginsberg’s struggle for legitimacy and his
desire to express himself openly in 1957 is emblematic
of our current struggle for equal rights. Howl examines
and celebrates one infuential gay artist who challenged
hetero-normative conventions and the suppression of
free speech.
As of press time Howl had not yet arrived at Wild
& Woolly Video, 1021 Bardstown Road in Louisville.
So be sure to call ahead to verify availability: (502) 473-
Third Avenue Cafe: Good Food & Great Atmosphere by Beth Ann Rubin
You might experience an “Elvis
sighting” at Third Avenue Cafe.
Beth Ann Rubin has been reviewing restaurants
for THE LETTER for nearly four years. A Chicago
native, Beth Ann and her family live just south of
Louisville's Highlands neighborhood. A talented
cook in her own right, over the years her baked
goods have earned her numerous awards at the
Kentucky State Fair.
febrUarY 2011 www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM The COMMUNITY LeTTer 19
KISSES by Marie Davis is sponsored by Highland Chiropractic | Dr. Charles Copeland, DC
To request your frst appointment with Dr. Copeland, visit
Marie Davis is an internationally syndicated cartoonist. Her lesbian cartoon strip is published in fve languages. Her frst novel, Hey Diddle Diddle — for Lesbians
and Other Grownups, can be purchased through Her e-mail address is
20 The COMMUNITY LeTTer www.TheLeTTerONLINe.COM febrUarY 2011
by Rev. Todd Eklof
Get To Know Jesus Christ Through His Own Words &
In Light Of Today’s Most Controversial Social Issues
This book is so CONTROVERSIAL that a subsidiary of backed out of their commitment to promote it!
Rev. Todd Eklof is a “recovering Southern Baptist”, turned
Unitarian Universalist Minister. He lives in Louisville,
where he has served as the Minister of Clifton Unitarian
Church since 1999. He's gained national notoriety as an
environmental prophet and gay rights activist, and also
devotes much of his time to Restorative Justice and the
Peace movement.
Fklof’s background as a conservative Christian turned
religious liberal, his thorough knowledge of Biblical
scholarship, and his down-to-earth writing style, has
enabled him to produce a scholarly, concise, and easy-to-
follow treatment of Jesus' life and teachings.
Rev. Todd Eklof