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Gay Carrollton man speaks

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Gay crooner Clay Aiken returns to the city that started his career. Pa.ge 23

Joining Hearts' 'Love on the Rocks' and more. Page 28

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02.04.11

11114id _

Carrollton gay man target of possible arson hate crime. Page 5

Atlanta Police Department urged to punish cops in Eagle raid. Page 6

Ga. Genera,l Assembly Quiet so far on gay issues. Page S

Lambda Legal defends trans woman's win against Ga. legislature. PageS

Pentagon moves forward on Don't Ask. Don't Tell' repeal plans. Page 9

lllnois governor signs civil

unions law. Page 9

Editorial: Nothing gayer than Valentine's Day. Page 11

Mike Ritter Cartoon: "Cows Come Home to Roost." Page 11

Spea'king Out: Readers not 'GlAAD' about newspaper award. Page '1

Don't or Do? Tips to solve your dating woes. Page 12

Gi Its to s h.ow you r love on Valentine's Day. Page 14

Fierce Dishes: Date night din ing. Page 15 Trendy toys to spice up

your sex life. Page 20

Is Atlanta a hotbed for polyamory? Page 21

Ri+

~--------------

Clay Aiken stays 'Tried and True.' Page 23 Film: Gay flicks at Jewish

Film FestivaL Page 24

Theater: 'Peter Pan' a visual treat. Page 24

IIB·]~I~lIm .. '. _

Cobb youth plan 'Gaybie Hawkins' dance. Page 26

Ga. lGBT young people join online photo project. Page 26

Nonprofit spotlight:

AGLeC Community Expo. Page 27

Business spotlight Urban Cannibals Bodega & Bites. Page 27

Domestically Disturbed:

Yes Please. Page 31

Pages 28-30

o IS OKENIN THEIR OWN WORDS

"I have lived my life very openlv and have never hidden the fact that I am gay, Apparently the prerequisite to being a gay publ1c figure is to appear on the cover of a magazine with the caption 'I. am gay.'

I apologize for not doing so if this is what was expected,"

-Jonathan Knight of the now'feU niled 'boy band New Kids on the Block, respondi ng to questions after '80s pop ster Tiffany. who he once dated, discussed h is sexual orientation in a

recent television in teNew. (MSNSC.col1\ Jan. 31)

VALENTINE'S DAY BY THE NUMBERS

581,300

Estimated gay couples in the United States as of 2009

6

,·uu··.············ ""', , ,'

6

u.s. ju risd i etions lha t curre ntly allow gay rna rriage: Massa ch usefts, Connecti rut, Iowa, New Ha mp shire, Verm ont. and I he Dislri ct 0 f (olu mbia

State.> that give benems to same-sex ccu pi es under a different I a be I like "civil unioe" or domestic p.3rtnership: California, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon. Washington, ,Illinois

States with const ituti onal amend'

2 9 m. enis[)anning gay marriage. Georqia passed a corsti tuliona I gay rna rriag e

.____ . [)an in 2004.

2 8 Nations that grant more rights to same-sex couples than the United Slates, ranging: from marriage to do mesti c pa rtn er recog n i tion

Sources; us, cens WI, W~Ii" ITl5 I fl5!i! ute, l.<lmbd~ Legal

"l'rn Walking As Straight As I Can"

- Title of the uprominq memoir by actress

Geri Jewell, known for her rule on 'The Facts of Ufe" and now HBO's "Deadwood:' The title is a nod to her Iri umph as an ectress with cerebral palsy. as well as coming out as a lesbian. (BroadwayWorld.cOI1\ Jan 19)

"An enormously overwhelming percentage of people struggle with homosexual feeling because of some form of violent emotional or sexual abuse at some point in their life."

- Abdallah Adhami. the new imam at the controversial Park51 mosque a no cu It ural center to be I ocated near Grou nd Zero in New York City. Ad h a mi. wh 0 noted in remarks on his webs ite that "a small. tiny pe reent· age of peo~le are born with a n atu ral incl i nation that they cann at expla in," sa id gay pwple should fig h t I he "propensity:' (New Yo rll Post. Ja n 30)

"When a religious leader of his standing opens up his mouth and spews this kind of ignorance and hateful statements, it does put his greater judgment lnto question."

- Fred Sainz. a, spokesperson for the gay Human Rights Campaign. responding to the statements .. (New Yo rk Post Jan 3D)

''He became gay later. I didn't do it. I had issues with that. I was thinking maybe I did. Now looking back when we were dating, he was so much fun. We used to do facials touether He was so easy to talk to."

- '80s pop sl nge r Tlffan y, discussi n 9 10 rme r :boy' fri en d Jonatha n Kn ight fro m boy ba n d New Xi ds 0 n I h e Block. on Bravo's "Wa tc h Wh at Happe n s Live:' (M SN BC.eom. Jan. 31)

"Sometimes with parents when their kid isn't like who they think they should be, they think it's a reflection on them. And ... a lot of ways that's your opportunity to step up and open your heart and understand you can't change the past you can only change the present and the future."

- Si nqer and LGBT ri g h ts advocate Cyndi Lauper. giving advice to gay tee n - a nd singing hopeful - Eli Medina in the Jan. 31 episode of tile MTV reality senes "Made:' (On Top Magazine. Jan. 3f)

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www.theGAVoice.com News I Februarv 4, 2011 I GA Voice ..

Arso of gay Carrollton man's home may be hate crime

Victim: 'Whoever did this doesn't know God as weI! as they think they do'

By Lryana Bagby dbagbY@lhegovoice.com

Chris Staples says he is still Dying to wrap his head around the idea that someone would try to kill him.

The gay Carrollton man had his home vandalized and then burned down; he was asleep at home when the fire began and barely escaped.

"I feel like I'm son of in a cave, still in shock," Staples told the GA Voice. "I haven't shed a tear; haven't gotten mad."

Staples, 43, was inside his small home in Carroll County on Sunday, Jan. 23, when he said a rock wlth an anti-gay note attached was thrown through his window. Hours later, Staples said he woke lip to lind his home engulfed in flames. Carroll County is some 50 miles west of Atlanta.

Staples said the note on the rock thrown into his home had algebra homework on one side, although no name was Signed on it On the adler side of the rock was an anti-gay rant against Staples.

"On the other side in pencil it called me an 'AIDS infested faggot' and 'God hates gays' and 'God will make sure all gays bum in hell," he said.

The FBI continues (a assist the Carroll County Sheriff's Depanment in the suspected arson case and there is discussion the alleged crime may be classified as a hate crime.

If federal prosecutors decide the alleged attack on Staples fits the criteria, it would likely be the first case i.n Georgia charged under the new Matthew Shepard & James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, according 10 Atlanta FBI spokesperson Stephen Emmett.

"The FBI is in a supportive role in this investigation, but the investigation itself remains with Carroll County authorities," Emmett told the GA Voice.

Asked what specifically the FBI is doing in the case, "I won't elaborate other than initial crime scene assessment and any edditional lab submittals that Carroll County deems necessary - those types of matters," Emmett said.

Capt. Shane Taylor of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department said the FBI offered assistance in this case and the department readily agreed. to have the FBI's help. However, Carroll County remains in charge of the investigation, he added.

As far as the crime being classified as a hate Clime - that is not being ruled out, Taylor said. But the first priority is to arrest the suspect or suspects.

''We're investigating this as an arson. This is not some random act on a victim. Obviously who he is [Chris Staples] could have been a

Above: Chris Staples sqys he s still shocked someone tried /0 kiil him by burning down his Carrollton home. (Photo cOI./I"IEsy\¥SB-TV) Right- The FBI is assisting Carroll COl/nry in vestiqators in the orson of Staples' home. (PhOlO by Ricky SrilleylT!le Times-Georgian)

motive," Taylor said. "It [classifying the arson as a hate crime] is on the radar."

Wanda Morris, mother of Staples, told the GA Voice, "This is 100 percent a hate crime. And I don't see how it could not be."

'I'm lucky to be alive'

After the rock was thrown through his window, Staples went to sleep with the covers over his head, like a cocoon. Loud noises woke him up.

"I heard popping, like popcorn popping," he said, thinking ill first it was his TV. "Then it kept getting louder and I thought someone was throwing rocks again."

When Staples peeked out from under his covers, he said there was smoke all around him and his covers were already "cracked and crumbly" from the heat and fire.

"I stood up and gasped for air. T couldn't see so I fell to my knees," he said.

His head hit the nightstand and his cell phone fell to the floor. He said he grabbed it and began to crawl aJong the floor trying to find the door.

''There was no air whatsoever. I crawled to where I thought the door was - it was the heater. Right then I was ready to Jay down and go to sleep," he said.

Instead, Staples said he got a "little burst of adrenalme" and he found enough energy to keep crawling until he found the front door.

As he tried to unlock the deadbolt, he kept failing and then slumped to the ground. This proved fortunate because at the bottom of the door there was enough of a gap between il and the flo 0 r to jet in fresh air.

"I say God did this, I got another rush of adrenaline and was able to open the door," he said.

As he crawled Out the door he looked back and .5aW h.is leather couch melting and lus ceiling caving in. Still disorientated, he didn't know what phone number to dial so he said he simply hit "send," 'which called his mother across the street.

"l told my mom to call 911. She ran across the

street while I was lying in the grass and I heard her yell, 'They killed him!' And I was trying to get her to hear me, that I'm OK," Staples said.

Also still in shock, Staples' mother described the note aneched to the rock thrown through the window of her son's home as dle "most vile, hateful, meanest thing I've ever read."

Mortis described her son as a man "who doesn't have hale in his heart."

"He's disabled, quler, a loner. Everyone who knows him loves him. He's a hoot," she said. "Everyone calls him, 'Brother '"

Morris said she and her family, although tal til ful Chri stia ns, have neve r felt a nything but love for Staples.

"Chris came OUI years ago. It wasn't a problem at all," she said. "He's just 'Brother. '"

She said the "straight community" is not stepping forward to help as much as the gay community - gay people from all over the world af€ offering help and well-Wishes.

"People here don't like gays," she said, "We're still very much in the Bible belt."

While she is a devout Christian, she has never believed that being gay meant a person was not a child of God.

"Because I don't look at that word [gay]. I look at that person's heert and soul," Manis said.

The outpouring of support from the gay community is overwhelming, she added.

"I never knew you all existed. TIle love and camaraderie that is so strong - I'd like to have that in the straight community," she said.

"I see that you an care," she said as her voice broke with emotion. "When one of you hurt, YOLl all hurt,"

Wllile the suspected arsonists condemned Staples for being gay, he said he believes it was God who helped him escape the fire.

"God woke me and held my hand," he said, "Whoever did this doesn't know God as wen as they think they do."

Staples is currently staying with his parents and sleeping on an air mattress. His mother's church has volunteered to rebuild his home.

He acknowledged he is not sure if the person or people who burned down his home were picking on him, Chris Staples, and just used him being gay against him, or if they truly have a hatred of all gay people. And he admits he is not sure if this was a hate crime.

"I hate answering that question because I don't know the person's intentions," he said.

"BUI if someone doesn't like me because I'm gay and did tins, then yes, I think it is a hate crime," he said. "I don't want to hear anybody say it's not a hate crime."

Being gay in rural Georgia

Staples was raised 011 a dairy farm and says his good friends have always been "rednecks." "1 hunt and fish - not really the gay lifestyle scene," he said.

He said he was never bullied in school and his sophomore year of high school he was voted "Class Favorite."

His parents always accepted him and loved him, he said, but he didn't find ti,e courage to come out until be was in his late 20s and early 305.

"I had two lifestyles - the straight Chris and the gay Chris," he said.

Living with the secret led him to get ulcers, consider suicide and to lise drugs, he added.

"I knew I was born gay," he said. "But llinally sta!ted coming au! to certain people later in life."

For the most pan, his friends and family in Carrollton accepted him when he came Out and never Slopped loving him, he said. He did lose a few friends, Staples said, "but they're the ones who changed, not me."

"My mom told me to find a man and stan a family," he added.

The support from the LGBT community has surprised him as well, Staples said.

"I knew gay people called each other 'family' but I never knew what that truly meant," he said.

"It's good to know the gay community is as supportive as it is and it's got my back - that's a good feeling," he said.

The Georgia Arson Control Program in the state's Insurance Commissioner's Office is offering a $10,000 award for information that leads La an arrest of the person who set fire to Staples' home. Call 1-888-282-5804 or Carroll County Sheriff's Department Investigator Tony Reeves at 770-830-5880 with information.

- Laura Douglas-Brown contributed

D GA Voice \ February 4, 2011 \ News

www.theGAVoice.com

Atlanta Police LGBT advisers want officers punished for Eagle raid

Citizen Review Board suggests officers receive reprimands, suspensions

By ~ana Bagby dbogby@thegovoice.com

The Atlanta Police Department's LGBT Advisory Group is urging Chief George TUrner to accept the Atlanta Citizen Review Board recommendations for punishments of the officers and supervisors involved in the illegal Atlanta Eagle raid.

At its Jan. 31 meeting, the advisory board voted [0 inform the chief as well as the mayor that members "strongly support" the CRB's recommendations that the officers involved in raid on Sept. 10, 2009, be punished with three days unpaid leave, a 'Written reprimand and ttalnmg on the Fourth Amendment. The board also backed the CRB's recommendations that the supervisors of the raid recei ve wri tte n re prirnands and Fourth Amendment rraining,

Sgt. Kelley Collier, who said during a CRE in-depth investigation that he could virtually not recall anything the night of the raid, was recommended to receive a 30-day suspension without pay for being "untruthful" - an offense that typically ends in an officer being fired.

"We want our voice heard. It is imperative the chief follow through," said Glen Paul Freedman, chair of the LGBT Advisory Group. ''We want him to know thaI we are watching and monitoring me APD."

The CRB's decision to take a weak stance against the officers and supervisors outraged Thomas Hayes, 68, a patron in the bar the when it was raided by the Atlanta Police Department's Vice Squad and Red Dog Unit.

"I have to express my opinion and I'm highly disappointed," he told CRB board members on Jan. 19. "You were all in agreement [the APD's policies] were not tough enough."

During the raid, patrons were forced down onto the floor by members of the Red Dog Unit, were searched, had their IDs checked for outstanding warrants while enduring anti-gay slurs and threats of violence, and wer held for up to an hour while the background searches were executed. No patrons were arrested.

Cris Beamud, executive director of the CRB, and Joy Morrissey, the board chair; explained to the LGBT Advisory Group the process of how they carne up with the recommendations for punishment of the officers and supervisors.

The APD follows a "grid" to determine punishment for certain offenses and the CRB agreed to follow the same grid. For example, untruthfulness typically equals termination on the grid. However, the CRB chose not [0 recommend that,

Aa'lIlt£l Mayor Kasim Reed (right) £lnd Adanta Police ChiefGoorge Tumer are facing tough decisions within (he APD after more allegofions of misconduc{ have been made against rile .Red Dog Unit. (Plloto by Dyana Bagby)

"It's not accurate to say the board can't recommend anything else," Beamud said. "They use the grid to be fair:

"But I'm not sure the results in the Eagle raid investigation are what they should have been," Bearnud said, adding that the CRB has a "kinder and softer heart."

Months-long investigation

The CRB was concerned the supervisors were being left out of being recommended for punishment, leading to a months-long investigation that resulted in an ll-page detailed report conducted by Beamud and the CRB's investigators.

The report induded interviews with officers involved in the raid as well as all of the supervisors: SgL 101m Brock, who signed the tactical plan for the raid; Colller; a member of the Vice Unit who was involved in the undercover investigation of the Adanta Eagle in the months leading up to the raid; Lt. Tony Crawford, the commander in charge of the Vice Unit on the day of the rald; Sgt. Willie Adams, supervisor of the Red Dog Unit; Lr, Scott Pautsch, the lieutenant in charge of the Red Dog Unit the night of the raid; and Major Debra Williams, who at the time was in charge of the Vice Unit and the Red Dog Unit.

WUliams is now heading up the Corporate Services Section, which includes the Finandal Management Unit; the Training Unit that oversees training for all employees including basic recruh training; the Personnel Services Unit, which is in charge of personnel files and orders, sick leave requests and monitoring tile employee grievance process; and the Recruitment Unit.

The CRE deared Lr, Pautsch and made no recommendations against him. The CRE recommended the other supervisors - Major Williams, Lt. Crawford, Sgt. Brock and Sgt. Adams - receive written reprimands and training

on the Fourth Amendment.

Philip Rafshoon, owner of Ourwrire Bookstore & Coffeehouse and member of the LGBT Advisory Group, asked if the recommendations for punishment meted out by the CRB were the 11 a rsh est eh at coul d be don e.

Freedman, chair of the LGBT group, said he wished more could be done but is waiting to see how Chief Turner responds to the CRE's recommendations. The chief has to respond within 30 days of the CRE's recommendations that were sent to him on Jan. 20.

Who knew what when

The investigation revealed Major Williams knew about an anonymous complaint against the Atlanta Eagle alleging illegal activity but did not know about the raid until she heard about it 011 the radio me next morning. The LGBT liaison at the tune, Officer Dani Lee Harris, also did not know about the raid on the gay bar and controversy within the community arose from that Harris eventually filed a complaint against a civilian employee of the deparrment months after the raid alleging sexual harassment and a fter several mon til s off the job sh e was rea5- sign ed to a di fferen t departmen t.

Beamud described Collier as "not credible" and explained to the CRE that when an officer is found guilty of "untruthfulness" the punishmen! typically results in termination. However, the board recommended instead the month-long suspension without pay.

Morrissey, at the LGBT Advisory Group meeting, defended the CRB's recommendations by stating the Eagle study is an "eye opener" and pan of the transparency the citizens' board seeks.

"It went as Iligll up as a major and showed the Red Dog Unit was not following its own rules," Morrissey said,

More complaints about Red Dog unit

The Red Dog Unit is currently facing further scrutiny after two men alleged they were strip searched by three officers in the middle of the street in broad daylight after a traffic stop. Two of the three Red Dog officers were involved in the Eagle raid; all three are currently on administrative leave as an investigation is conducted. The officers face being fired, according to Chief Turner.

Beamud and Morrissey told members of tile LGBT Advisory Group that it is currently investigating another allegation of a person being forced to pull down his pants to be searched by a Red Dog Unit officer.

Morrissey explained there were two key recommendations to come from the CRB investigation - the recommendation against Major Williams and against Sgt. Collier.

"So what is Chief Turner going to do? We only make recommendations," Morrissey said. "I think the CRE was very smart to not back termination .. we can't enforce terminatton The sergeants, lieutenants and majors really need to take a good look at themselves."

Morrissey went on to say she believed Chief Turner to be an "honorable man."

"I have high hopes and am looking forward to what he decides," she said.

'Ball in his court'

Other items that came out of the CRE report on the Eagle raid:

• When a CRE board member asked why officers did not arrest tile men they allegedly saw having illicit sex in the bar during its undercover investigation months before the actual raid, Beamud said she learned through the investigation that the officers "wanted to regroup because they had been shocked by the behavior."

• In the past two years, there is no documentation APD officers received training 011 the Fourth Amendment. In December, the city settled a federal lawsuit for $1.025 million that alleged the APD violated the constitutional rights of the patrons in the bar the night of the raid.

• The Red Dog Unit was brought in to assist the Vice Squad during the raid only after tile Gang Unit was called first but was unable to help. The Red Dog Unit was called because it was expected that numerous arrests were going to be made, Beamud said.

Attending Monday's meeting was Atlanta City Council member Alex Wan,. who represents District 6 that includes the Atlanta Eagle. Wan selves on the Public Safety Committee and told members of the LGBT Advisory Group that he intends to follow what Chief Turner as well as Mayor Kasim Reed will or will not do based on the CRB's recommendations.

"It's telling ... the ball is in his court," Wan said. "It's been an interesting process. I am going to be a lot more vocal about it."

News / February 4, 2011 / GA Voice ..

www.theGAVoice.com

Ga. legislature silent on LGBT issues in new session Adoption bills closely watched by gay advocates

Georgia E.quality wants you

Geo rgi a Equa I i tv needs volun tee rs to 10 bby the Georgia General Assembly on AIDS and lGBT issues at its lobby day Feb. 16 at the State Capitol.

Timed to coincide with AIDSWa!ch 2011. the effort to lobby tonqress organized by the Nation a lAsso c ia ti on of Pea p Ie wit h A IDS, th e state lobby day put together by Georgia Equality hopes to shine a light on a bevy of gay issues.

GE Executive Director Jeff Graham asks that volunteers attend an open training at the Rush Center on feb, 121rom 2 p.m. 10 6 pra

"It's more in-depth training,; that's why it's half a day,," Graham said.

Gra ha rn open Iy ga y state ReD. Ka rl a Ore nne r and Cat hy Woola rd, wh 0 is Georgia [qua lity's pa id lobbyist will facilitate the lobby training and exD la i n how to tal k to rep rssen talives.

'M U j!' 111'1' www.theGAVoice.com Citizens lobby Training Day

Sa turday, f ebJ 2, .2 D. m. to 6 p. m.

Ph ill ip Rus h Cen ta r, 1530 DeKa I b Ave. All a nta GA 30307

Georgia AIDS Watch - Lobby Day Wednesday, feb 16.,9 a.m. to noon

Georgia Capilol (exacilocation IBM Atlanta. GA 30334, www.georgiaeqllality.org

By Mall Schafer

Jeff Graham, executive director of Georgia Equality, the state's largest LGBT advocacy organization, said it still early in the session but the organization will continue to lobby and watch for damaging legislation.

"None, so far," Graham said of any antiLGBT bills. "There have been a couple of bills introduced in the adoption section that we will always watch and monitor of course."

One of the bills mostly closely watched is House Bill 65, a bill by Rep. Tom McCall (R·Elberton). McCall's bill would modify a sec cion of Georgia's adoption code to allow adopted children and their biological children to access non-identifying medical records of the biological parent.

The bill only modifies the language of one section of the code, but Graham said Georgia Eq uali ty ls "watching that bill and others very cl ose Iy" for fea.r that they could be used as vehicles for amendments that could restrict the ability of gay people to create families.

Drenner said the adoption code is one of the sections of Georgia law neither party is anxious to change.

Despite concerns that new Gov. Nathan Deal might SUPPOlt legislation that would negaciveJy affect LGBT Georgians, no specifically gay bills - positive or negative - have been filed since the legislature convened Jan. 10.

"There has been a lot of controversy in the Senate as usual, and the immigration stuff has started off 'With a bang," said state Rep. Karla Drenner (D-Avondal.e Estates), who is the senior openly gay slate legislator. '1 don't know how many bills they're up to now, 15 maybe. Then of course the budget hearings, and so the shortfalls are coming to light, and the tax bills."

Deal has released his budget, which does not include any cuts to the AIDS Drug Assistance Program, which helps low income HIVpositive individuals and those with no insurance afford their medications.

State Rep. Simone Ben (D-Atlanta), the only other openly gay member of the General Assembly, said her year has been "slow, but crazy."

Bell said she was still in the early stages of putting together her agenda for the session. "I'm gearing up to be a voice for equality," she said.

SuueSen. Vineen! FOri (D-At/onto) says he will conttnue to push for 0 1100e crime billihat includes sexual orienmtiol1 and gender identity, alt/lOugll Georgia EquaUty is taking a slower, multi-year approac/l to tile issue. (P/lOW courtesy Georgia Senate)

"There's a reluctance to Significantly open up that code secnon because nobody knows what could happen. It's very dangerous terntory, so we're all aware of that," Drenner said.

"I'm not sure [the Republican leadership] is convinced about what their membership might try to do, so I'm sure they're reluctant as well."

Another issue of interest that might move this year is changing the state law to allow Sunday sale of alcohol by the bottle. House Bill 69

Please see GOLD DOME on Page 8

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D GA Voice \ February 4, 2011 \ News

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Lambda Legal fights to keep trans woman's court victory over Ga.legis'lature

Lambda Legal has filed arguments before U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit defending a lower court's ruling that the Georgia General Assembly discriminated against Vandy Beth Glenn, a transgender woman who was fired from her job as a Slate legislative editor in 2007 after informing her superiors of her intention to transition from male to female.

In July of las; year, the dlstrict court ruled that General Assembly officials discriminated against Glenn based on her sex. The General Assembly's legislative counsel, Sewell Brumby, fired Glenn because he thought her transition "was inappropriate, that it would be disruptive, that some people would view it as a moral issue, and that it would make Glenn's coworkers uncomfortable."

The state has since appealed the ruling.

"I am resolved to see this case to the end.

No one should be fired for no good reason like [was," Glenn said in a press release.

Bnunby also stated durmg court depositions that the thought of someone with male sexual organs in women's clothing was "unsettling"

Vandy Beth Glenn was fired from her job as a legislative editor at the Georgia General Assembly when she announced plans to transition /0 female. (Photo courtesy HRC)

to him, was "something I don't like to think about," and was something he viewed as "unnatural." Brumby freely admitted he thought Georgia legislators would think Glenn's presence at the Capitol would be "immoral."

"We're looking forward to making our case at the Eleventh Circuit," said Greg Nevins, supervising senior staff attorney in Lambda Legal's Southern Regional Office in Atlanta. "It is clear Vandy Beth Glenn was fired because her boss didn't Like her as she is. That is unfair and illegal."

-Ryan Watkins

Gay business owners to community: Shop, drink local

The gay Business Owners of Atlanta met Jan. 25 to discuss its main mission: educating the public and the community to support local gay-owned businesses in the city.

Some 20 people were present at Jungle for the meeting of the new group, including Bev Cook, owner of the Heretic; promoter Chris Coleman; Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse owner Philip Rafshoon; William DuffeeBraun, editor of Fenuxe magazine: Marci Alt of Carma Productions; Cain WIlliamson of the Atlanta Pride Committee; and representatives of Brushstrokes, Oscar's and woofs.

Those at the meeting decided coming up with a mission statement is a top priority and all agreed that the BOA should focus on gay business owners rather than become a networking group such

as the Atlanta Executive Network or the Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

''VVe need to educate people on shopping and drinking in their own community's businesses," Ra fs hoo n sal d.

Meeting attendees also made plans for three upcoming events to raise funds for the BOA and perhaps charities of its choice. Funds from the first fundraiser, to be called "Drag Bosses" and held at Jungle on April 12, will go toward costs of registering as a non-profit with the state.

"Drag Bosses" will have gay bar and businesses owners - who don't normally do drag - dressing up in drag and competing [0 be the best "Drag Boss."

-pyana Bagby

Slow approach on hate crime bin in Ga. legislature

GOLD DOME, continued from Page 7

has a number of prominent Republican committee chairmen signed on as sponsors and pundits predict this may be the year the bill passes. The bill only affects grocery stores and convenience stores, however, and not bars.

Georgia Equality has said it is focusing on a multiple-year push for hate crime legislation. '1 don't !mow if we will be working on a hate crimes bill just yet We don't wam to JUSt drop a bill to say that we dropped a bill," Graham said.

However, state Sen. Vincent Fort (D-Adanta) said he wiU continue to push for his hate crimes bill that includes protections based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Fort said he isn't concerned about it becoming a "statement bill" and hopes to move it through committee hearings.

"Although making a statement and educating the public is not, as I'm concerned, a bad thing, but it's important to keep pushing it," Fort said "We pushed it Out of a tough judiciary committee [last session) and in a tough Senate it didll 't pass. But we have to keep pushing it."

www.theGAVoice.com

News / February 4, 2011 / GA Voice ..

Defense secretary lays out plan for 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' repeal implementation

Defense Secretary Robert Gates gave the first indication of a move toward the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" late last month when he released a memo calling on military leaders to draft training material needed before the repeal's implementation.

According to the Jan. 28 memos, the effective date of repeal has yet to be determined, but they do, however, outline the upcoming policy changes each branch of the military will face after the law is overturne d.

The memos also state that once repeal is certified, the military will no longer be allowed to discharge members of the armed services because of their sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation and must cease all open investigations regarding gay servicemembers. The change in policy will also allow previously discharged soldiers the opportunity to re-en list.

Gates wrote: "Your responsibility by virtue of this memorandum is to facilitate the timely and orderly realization of these conditions across the Department. Your plan for accomplishing these tasks is due to me by February 4, 2011."

The president, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Defense Secretary all have to certify that the military is able to handle repeal with minimal affect on morale, retention and unit cohesion. After certification, the policy will remain in effect for a further 60 days.

During his State of the Union address on Jan. 25, President Obama said that the policy would be repealed this year,. though he gave no firm date.

"Om troops come from every comer of tlus country - they are black, white, Latino, Asian

During his State of tile Union address on Jan. 25, President Obama said 11101 tile 'Don l"Ask, Don t Tell' policy would be repealed (his year, though he gave no ~rm date. (Fhmo counesy White House)

and Native American. They are Christian and Hindu, Jewish and Muslim. And, yes, we know that some of them are gay. Starting this year, no American will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love," Obama said in the address.

The president. also calle d on colleges that had banned military recruiters because of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to revise their policies.

"1 calion all of our college campuses to , open their doors to our military recruiters and the ROTC:' he said. "It is time to leave behind the divisive battles of the past. I! is time to move forward as one nation."

- Ryan \Ahlkins

Gay rights advocates praise Illinois civil union law

llinois became the latest state to recognize legal same-sex unions when Gov. Pat Quinn signed into k1W Jan. 31 the Illinois Religious Freedom and Protection and Civil Union Act Civil unions will begin June 1.

"Illinois is taking an historic step forward in embracing fairness and extending basic dignity to all couples. in our state. We commend Gov. Quinn for Signing !his bill," said John Knight, director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Project of the ACL U of Illinois, in a press release.

Camilla Taylor, senior staff attorney at the Midwest Regional Office of Lambda Legal, announced the launch of Civil Union Tracker, a resource for Illinois couples and families considering a legal union in the wake of the new law.

"Our goal is to help these families navigate Illinois' new legal landscape with as few challenges as possible," Taylor said in a press statement

The program is launched w~i!h support of Equality TIlinois.

"As we continue to fight for marriage equality, Civil Union Tracker is a way for Illinois residents

Wirloi~ Gov. Pal QuilT" signed a civillmiOI1~ law Jan 31. (PhO/a via Pocebook]

to communicate their unique experiences," said Bernard Cherkasov, CEO of Equality Illinois.

'Through these stones, we can provide a necessary service to the community while we celebrate the progress we are making. At the same time, we need to document the harms that result from excluding lesbian and gay couples from marriage and relegating them to a separate sta IUS," he said.

- Ryan Watkins

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Voices / February 4, 2011/ GA Voice m

The Georgia Voice

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Nothing gayer than Valentine's Day

Feb. 14 is the one day set aside to celebrateexactly what our civil rights movement is about

Editorial by Laura Douglas-Brown

If then; is any holiday that invokes a "love it" or "hate it" response, it's Valentine's Day.

For some, it's the perfect occasion to put one's romance skills on display. For others, it's a biuer reminder of singlehood. And even for some of us who have an amazing person to call our Valentine. it's still a manulactured holiday when the world goes gaga for mostly straight love.

But maybe Valentine's Day should actually be the queerest holiday of all, Beyond campy cupids, it is the one day of the year set aside to celebrate love, which is exactly what our civil rights movement is about: fighting for the freedom to love whom we choose, how we choose,

As lesbian, gay and bisexual people, what sets us apart - the source of our difference, our discrimination, and ultimately the change we can bring to the world - is whom we love.

Against this backdrop, declaring that love, whether privately in a card on Feb. 14, or publicly any day of the year, becomes a small act of revolution, of standing up for our own rights.

That's why February is also Freedom to Marry month, when activists in many cities around

the country hold events to focus on the rights gay couples are denied. 2011 also marks ten years of Marriage Equality USA's annual marriage counter actions, in which gay couples apply for marriage licenses and are then denied, calling attention to the Jack of rights we receive.

Those protests have never really caught on in Georgia, where gay marriage is banned by both a state law and a consnnmonal amendment

But we can still use Valentine's Day as an occasion to recommit ourselves not only lathe person we love, but also to our right to love free of discrimination or violence.

Neither of those is easy. That's why you'll find advice in our special Dating & Sex section for how to avoid being a First Date Don't, gifts for Valentine's Day or any day you want to show your love, romantic restaurants, and even an exploration of the choice couples often face (but some rarely talk about) between monogamy and forging other models for our relationships.

Lest we forget that others still hate us for who we love, this issue also includes an interview with Christopher Staples, a gay Carrollton man whose home was burned after someone allegedly threw an anti-gay note through the window.

And in a promising note for the future, our Community section introduces you to a group of Cobb COW1ty teens organiz.ing their very own Gaybie Hawkins dance - so they can not only dance with the people they love, but also raise money to help other LGBTyoulll.

111j Sister i~ 9a~ .. ·

SPEAKING OUT

Shameful to censor photo of famous gay dads with baby

Re: "Grocery store censors Elton John family pic" (Jon. 26)

It's Arkansas. That would be your first clue: the Slate where the family tree resembles a stump.

I sort of feel for the store in a case like this. They are caught in the middle of trying to make two groups who don't really like each other happy. It's the ultimate customer service nightmare. Still, that said, I don't like censorship and this smacks of it.

A nice family picture covered up as if it were porn - what a damn shame!

Not 'GlAAD' about gay award nod for Atlanta Jeurnal-censtltutlen

Re: "GLAAD responds to AlC media awards criticism" (Jan. 21)

Editor:S note: The Atlanta JournalConstitution has been nominated by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation for a media award {or newspaper cov-

erage of LGBT issues. . .

It's just my opinion but I think of the Bishop Eddie Long scandal as a molester scandal no! a gay anything and shouldn't count towards the AlC's coverage of things gay. (And how is covering that positive for us?)

Awards should go to media for going above and beyond what they should be doing - not what should be the norm, Sorry GLAAD: The AlC is not worthy of this award until it steps up and makes a concerted effort to cover Georgia's LGBT community consistently and proves that it is not biased against our community.

1£ the Ale deserves a GLAAD award among metropolitan print media in this country, then we as a community are in much worse shape than I imagined.

Writer Fiona Zedde is known for crafting steamy, pass.ionate relationships among women. She is the author of six novels - "Bliss," "A Taste of Sin:' "Every Dark Desi re." "Hung ry For It:' "Kisses afler Midnight" and her latest, "Dangerou s Pleasures," released Jan. 25. A Lambda Literary Award finalist she is also the author three novellas. The former Atlanta resident now lives in Florida. but will be back to read and sign "Dangerous Pleasures" at Charis Books & More on Feb. 18 and Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse on March 24. You can find her online at www.fionazedde.com

Michael Alvear is a columnist. author and TV personality. He got his start with sex and dating advice for gay men, and you can check out his frank ·'~eed Wood" column at ProjectOAtlanta.com. He offers advice for stra.ight couples too as host of the HBO series "The Sex Inspectors." For more of Mike's tips check out his ebooks "Meet The Hattie In The Corner" (www.gaydatinggUides.com/gaydate), "Attract Hotter Guys Online" (www. adviceongaydatingsites.com/menseeki ngmen) and "How To Pick Up Guys On Facebook" (www.gaydatinggllides.com). You can also visi! his website at www.michaelealvear.com

to dating

Tips to fix your dating woes

By Laura-Douglas Brown I Are your first dates not turning into anything more? Perhaps it's because you resemble one of these misguided dating types. Let lesbian romance writer Fiona Zedde and gay sex and dating columnist Michael Alvear help you get it right.

THE U-HAULER

Don't: First date? Doesn't matter. If you are the VHauler, you want to plan the rest of your life right then. Are you ready to get married? Do you want kids? The V-Hauler thinks picking out baby names is the perfect first date con versa tion. But you may not notice that while you are rearranging your house La fit your date's furniture, he or she is backing away from the table or texting a friend a desperate 50S.

consider bringing up a V-haul. Enjoying someone's company over a half-price appetizer is not indicative of a match made in heaven; laughing over fully-loaded nachos can quickly tum into arguing over who's going to clean up the ba ihroorn,

Michael: If your date is paying attention they already know you're a U-hauler by the way you talk, act and think. Your challenge isn't in denying it but in seducing them into wanting that Class 5 trailer hitch you're fondling. Do it by making them laugh, pause and think, not by talking about your towing capacity.

THE HOOK-UP

Don't: The opposite of the VHauler, if your first da te style is the Hook Up, you have one thing on your mind - forget first base, you're going for the home run. Right now, preferably. The Hook Up is so focused on getting laid you may forget to talk about anything

else. What's your name again? can we go back 10 your apartment?

00:.

Michael: You don't want to erase sexual tension as much as put it in its proper place - your eyes. Let them say what your words and action should not That way you're sending two balanced messages: '1 like you and I want you."

Fiona: First

of all, get tested. A hook-up with a side of S'FDs is just no fun no matter how many times the bed broke. The second thing is, be an honest ho, A lot of people wouldn't mind running into a (cute) Hook-Up. Don't tell the date you like walks in the park and joint tax returns when all you want to do is take him or her for a long. dripping ride. When you're on your first date, be up front Let that be one of the first things you say: I'll pick up the check, I like Piedmont in tbe moonlight, I'm kind of a 110. That way, your date can choose whether to grab your hand and head for a convenient dark comer or get up and leave you stewing in your own juices.

Do:

Fiona: Chances are, if you're a V-Hauler then it'll be easy for you to find another kindred soul to lure into a first date. But, if heaven forbid, you end up with another kind on your date and and see his or her eyes widening in terror at dle description of the water-birth you envision for your next child, take note.

Living together is serious business. If YOLl haven't spent at least four consecutive days together under the same roof, don't even

THE INTERR.OGATOR

Don't: If you are the Interrogator, you want to make conversation, but don't quite know how. Eager to get to know your date, you pepper the lucky guy or gal with questions, until your first date feels more like an interview. By the end of the night, you'll knoweverything about them, and they will know nothing about you. Perhaps you should just ask for a resume.

Do:

Fiona: We all know there's nothing wrong with questions. It's how you ask the questions. Slow down. Let the other person play too. After all, it's a date, an imeracdve exercise. Take turns with the questions: "I have a six figure job; do you have one too?" Allow time for the other person to answer the question. Most importantly, any question you ask, be prepared to answer the same. If you can't answer with the same quick honesty - Where do you live and is there an alann?

-don't ask it.

Michael: You're asking questions because you're seeking common ground for rapport, Instead of seeking it, assume it. People who assume rapport don't ask questions as much as make statements .. For example, instead of asking how many siblings your date has, state it ('1 bet you're the middle child"). It's a much more exciting way of finding out information than asking cold questions.

THE

.MEFIRST!

Don't: Mr. or Ms. Me First would be the perfect match for the Interrogator. If this is yOUI" dating style, you have one favorite topic: yourself. Yo II rarely stop talking to ask questions about your date, and if you do, you interrupt to tell how whatever your date is talking about relates exacdy to yet another story about you.

Do:

Michael: Be interested, not interesting.

You'll make a much better impression by showing concern than blowing your hom. Paste this onto your bathroom mirror before you go out: "Great minds talk about ideas, small minds talk about people, no minds talk about themselves."

Fiona: Date another person who is just as self-absorbed. If you're at the club look" ing at yourself in. the mirror and you look up and someone is doing the same thing, that's the perfect candidate for a first date, But, if that's 100 much a challenge, you could elways date a mime.

THE

EX FACTOR

Don't: Poor Ex Factor. Your last boyfriend dumped you for a ruter guy. Your last girlfriend ran off and left you with the cats. And if you are the Ex Factor, you are going to tell your new first date all about itevery little detail, all night long. Too bad that while you are regaling your date with stories of your last relationship gone wrong, your date is probably imagining how you would tell the same stories about him or her.

Do:

Fiona: If you're still moaning and groaning about your ex-lover, you don't need to date. Chances are you're still mad at your ex. You need to be by yourself Take a sabbatical from dating. Learn to masturbate in creative ways. Keep your money in your own pocket and enjoy your own company. You probably haven't seen your mama in a while, so go see her. If you insist on dating, date someone you're not really interested in. If you're into fat girls, date a skinny chicle Date someone you don't care about so if you end up babbling on about your ex and she gets up and leaves, you won't give a damn. And she won't either.

Midlill~l: You should never, ever talk about an ex during a date - even if you're being kind. If it's a habit, interrupt yourself in mid-sentence and divert the conversation ("Oh, never mind about that, did I tell you about the fight I saw last night between two drag queens?").TIlen, bring it back to your date with a fun question like, 'Tell me five things about you, four of them true."

THE

DOWNER

Don't: It's great to show your date that you are tnterested in current events, LGBT rights and other causes. And to be certain, there is plenty of bad news out there. TIle economy sucks. Republicans suck. Democrats suck. Working for the man sucks. Not hav'mg a job sucks. Even the weather sucks. And guess what? If you can't find anything positive to talk about, this first date is going to suck, 100.

Do:

Michael: You are never going to anract somebody wuh a sign that says, "Cynical Island Population: Me." The best way to counteract it is to stay away from offering your opinions about anything unless you're specifically asked (you'll just bootleg bitter into the conversation without even knowing it). You don't have to focus on the positive, just on what you Like. For example, you can be proud 0 f the fact that you cheered for vle shark in "Jaws."

Fiona: Bring your date a bouquet of dead red roses so he or she will know what's up right off the bat. If you're lucky, you'll end up with a sexy Goth into all things dark and dismal. Viola! A match made in a thorny heaven. If such cosmic happenstance is not in the dark stars, then for every depressing thing that pops in your head, smile to yourself and find the bright side. ''The restaurant is too dark and Ill!' food is over-cooked," becomes

"Thi s restaura nt is trying for a romantic ambiance with these tea-lights, huh?

And at least the food isn't undercooked .. That's how you get salmonella."

VALENTINE'S

EVE.NTS

For lovers (and haters)

Thursdsay, feb. 10

"Goth Nite: Sf. Valentines Massacre" Death rock, post-punk darkwave music.

• 9 prn at Mary's. 1287 Glenwood Ave. www.marysatlanta.com

friday, feb. 11

"Strawbe rries, stil ettos, & Steam: an Erot ie Evening" w/lmani True & Dream Skye

7:30 pm at Charis Books & More

1189 Eu di d' Ave., www.chariSCirele.org

Saturday, feb. 12

I nte rgalact ive Love.A ffa i r; A Co sm lc Ba II with OJ Diablo Rojo and the Black Pockets 18 and ova [, benefits You t h Pride

6-10 p.m. at Jungle. 2115 Faulkner .Rd.

Sunday. feb. 13

Speakeasy Sunday:

The Anti-Valentine's Ed ition 9 p.m. at Friends on Ponce.,

736 Ponce De Leon Ave. www.friendsonponce"atl.com

Love on the Rocks

With OJ Mike Pope. benefits Joining Hearts 5-9p.m. at Cantoni Furniture

1011 Monroe Drive

www.joininghearts.orq

Monday, Feb. 14

Valentine 'sDay Dance

3 Legge d· Cow boy, 931 M on roe Drive www.3IeggedcowDoy.net

m GA Voice \ February 4, 2011 \ Voices

by Tim Boyd and Dyana Bagby

www_theGAVoice_com

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Decatur Square

117 East Court Square Decatur, G A 300-30 404-370-3979 WWYlI.wonhmorejewelers.com

if 1fOU.1ive to 'be a h~lwant-to rIVe to be 8 Ituncnd rninUSane day,80 I never- have to Jive without you.

Winnie the Pooh Pillow, $48

How better to show your Love than with this romantic quote by A.A. Milne,creator of Winnie the Pooh, one of the most lovable characters ever?

Heliotrope

248 W. Ponce De Leon Ave. Decatur, GA30030 404-371-0100 www.hetiotropehome.com

Heart Decision Spinner, $10.50

Cherry Bon Bon Candles, $26.95 Travel size, $.12.95

Also available in After Dinner Mint and ChocLat au Lait, the scent of these delicious candles wafting in the beclroom is enough to make lovers want to eat each other up. And that's exactly what you'll be doing when you light them up.

Oulwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse 991 Piedmont Ave., Atlant .. 1, GA 30309 4Q4.607.(l082, www.outwritebooks.com

Unsure about the direction your love Life is heading? Take a spin on this fun item mat will show yarn heart where to go (or who to avoid).

Heliotrope

248 W. Ponce De Leon Ave. Decatur, GA 30030 404-371-0100 wwwheliotropehorne.corn

Looking for a gift to say "I love you," or even just "I like you"? These items offer great ways to show a new flame or a lonq-time love that you are thinking about him or her - on Valentine's Day or any day.

Sterling silver Kiss necklace with pink cubic zirconia $.170

There's no way your loved one won't know you are thinking about their tasty lips than wim thls etemal kiss that makes for a cute and romantic expression of desire.

Wortlmlore Jewelers Amsterdam Walk

500 Amsterdam Ave.

Atlanta, GA 30306, 404--892-8294

Decatur Square

117 East Court Square Decatur, GA 30030 404-370-3979 www.worthmorejewelers.com

SWeetie Pies, $49

The way to a lover's heart just may be through her or his stomach - find out with these 12 moistred velvet cakes filled with three assorted butrercreams. These heart-shaped goodies are sure to be finger-licking good. Just make sure you are the one licking your love's fingers when finished snacking.

Willi.am Sonoma Lenox Square

3393 Peachtree Road NE Atlanta, GA 30326 404--812-1703 www.williams-somoma.com

www.theGAVoice.com

Rob Andrews

Sex & Dating / February 4, 2011 / GA Voice m

Date nigh

Options for when you want to go all out. and when you might want to sneak out

The restaurant can make or break the mood for a perfect memorable encounter. We're lucky in Atlanta to have thousands of choices for datenight dining. Here are some of my favorites.

A noteworthy first date, second date or anniversary restaurant is One Midtown Kitchen. It's more gay during the week and very busy with straight suburbanites on weekends. The decor is stunning with lots of ambient cylinder lights and a big-budget corporate architectural scheme. I'll admit like most gays, I'm a sucker glamorous decor. It's a good conversation piece on dates.

One Midtown Kitchen isn't cheap so it's a perfect special occasion place. The handsome chef Drew VanLeuvan's open stainless steel kitchen turns out artisanal American comforts like crispy braised pork shoulder with collards, as well as elegant dishes like curried pan-seared Nantucket sea scallops. I love sword fish and had it grilled wilh foraged mushrooms and root vegetable confit, It was succulent, white and meaty and, no, , won't make the gratuitous gay joke.

My partner tried the wild-caught wood grilled salmon with creamed swiss chard and fennel, The salmon had a deep ruby hue and tasted as if caught only hours ago. We started with the libidinal iced oysters and luxurious gorgonzola tan made with parmesan pie dough, topped with a tart red wine pear butter which served as an excellent contrast to the rich gorgonzola.

The orgasmic ending was in the form of a pool of chilled milk chocolate with scoops of creamy scratch-made salted caramel ice cream, all topped with "carnival popcorn" pecan praline balls. Fierce.

First dates

I've been on that bad internet date and was sruck for the whole two-hour meal ~ you know, the aile with the date who sent you a photo that was 10 years old. The solution is the dimly lit Cafe Intermezzo all Peachtree.

Eat early and meet your date for coffee or tea at 8 p.m. Share a decadent chocolate dessert like nutella cheesecake, chocolate chip banana cake, or classic nramisu You'll listen to classical music in the European ambient cafe. If the date sucks, eat quickly and leave. If there's chemistry the staff won't rush you out and they close late.

In Decatur try the very dimly lit Iberian Pig.

It's a tapas friendly 1 talian- esque restaurant/pub. This place feels expensive but you and your friend can eat weU for about $20. We had (\'1'0 glasses of Malbec and Pork Cheek Tacos -

mners

slow-toasted pork cheeks, com salsa, avocado crema, arugula, and fresh lime - for $7 and the vegetarian crispy eggplant "fries" with a spicy red pepper aioli for $5. Their tapas are huge portions for not a lot of money. The staff is very unpretentious. Iberian is a romantic Decatur gem.

I've written about Roxx before and it's a

perfect budget date place for the LGBT community because there are usually no straight people and you can sit on the same side of the booth and no one bats an eye, which is nice. Or you and your friends can have a bitter divorce dinner fueled by strong cheap rnargaritas and scathing conversation.

With luxurious decor and a menu to match, One Midtown Kitchen is an exceltent choice to impress a ~rstdate or celebrate an QP1niversory.

(Photo via Focebook)

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REYATAZ®

(ataza navi r s u Ifate)~O~~gl~o~ ~~ Flght HIV your way.

Please see Important Patient Information about REYATAZ on the adjacent pages.

Once-daily REYATAZ can help fight your HIV. RE.YATAZ, a protease inhibitor (PI)., In HIVcombination therapy:

• Gan help lower your viral load and raise your I-cell (CD4+ cell) count

• Has a low cha nee of diaTrllea (shown in eli nica I tria Is)

- REYAIAZ in combination therapy had a 1o/ir3% rate of moderate-Io-severe diarrhea in adults

• Is taken 0 nee a day with a snack or meal

R'EYATAZ is one '0' several treatment options your doctor may consider.

Donat takeREVAIAZifyou are allergic.toREYATAZ arto any ofits ingredients.

Ask your heahhcare team about REYATAZ www.REYATAZ.com

Find out if you can save 011 REYAIAZ.

Call 1-888-281-8981 Dr visit ReyatazSavings.com for details.

Su bi eel to Ie rm sand con di Ii ons. Restrictions ep ply.

REVATAZ does not cure "IV and has not been shown to reduce the risk of passing "],V to others. ($: Bristol-Myers Squibb

REYATAZ tl a r~lllertd nadema ril 01 8!mol·MyetS Squ i bb.

All other nademalks are the property 01 thew ~e owne.r5 and fI01 of Bril1C,I·.Mym Squ.ibb.

CI 2010 Bri1to1·.Myers Squibb, PrilKelM, HJ 0854] USA. 6If7US 1 M00641206il0

If)'Ouor~meonf)'OU kI1.ownHdshel·p payjng;fol meditine, I ~~J Partnmhip far

caD '·88804PPA·NOW(1'B88-4n·.2i169). Orgo toWWW:pparx.Olg , l'Tesa~ian Assistance

F.DA- ApprovedPati ent .labeli ng Patient I nformatio n

I.k-0NLY

REYAIAZ® (RAY-ah-taz) (generic name.:::: atazanavir sulfate)

. Calpsules

ALERT: Find oul about medicines that should NOT be taken wi:thREY.ATAZ. Read the section "What importantinlormation should I know about taking REYAT AZ with other medicines?"

Read th.e Pati e tit I ntorm ali on that com es with REY AT AZ befo rs yo u start u si n g it and each tim e yo u get a refi II. Tn e re may ben ewi nformation. This I eallet provi d es a summary aboutR EY AT AZ and does not include everything there is to know aboulyour mad ic in e. Thi s info rmation doe s not take Ih e place of talki n g with yo u r neanneare prov ider about your m ed ical cone ition 0 r treatm enl.

What is REYATAl?

REYATAZis a prescription medicine used with other anli-HIV medicines to treat people who are infected with the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). HIV is the virus that causes acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS). REYATAZ is a type of anti-H IV medi ci n e called a protease in hi b ito r.. H IV i nfecti on destroys GO 4+ (1). cells, which areimpor1ant to the immune system. The immune syslem helps light in lecti on. Afte r a larg e n u m'b e r of (1) cells are destroye d, AIDS develops. REYAT AZ he I ps to block. H IV protease, an enzym e that is neede d for the HIV virus 10 multiply. REYATAZ may lower the amount of HIV ~n your blood, help your body kee p .its su pply of COM (1) cells, and red uce the nsk of death an d III n ass associated with HIV.

Does REYATAZ cure HIV or AIDS?

REYATAZ does not. cure HIVinfection or AIDS. At present there is no cure for HIVlnfection. People taking REVATAZ may still get opportunistic infectijons or other con d ilions that h app a n with H IV infection. Opportu nistici nfections are i nfecti a n s that develop because Iheimmune system is weak .. Some of these conditions are pneumonia, herpes virus infections, and Mycobacterium svium complex (MAC) infections. n is very important that you see your health care provider regularly While taking REYATAl.

REYATAl does not lower your chance of passing HIV to olherpeople through sexual contact, sharing needles, or being exposed to your blood. For your health and the health of others, itis important to always practice safer sex by usi ng a latex or po Iyurethane condom 0 rather barrier to lower the chance 01 sexual contact with semen, vaginal secretions, or blood. Never use or share dirty needles.

Who should not take REYATAl.?

Do not takeR.EYATAZ if you:

• are taking certain medicines. (See "What important information should I know about taking REYATAZ with other medicines?') Serious life-threatening: si d eeffects or death may happen. Before you take REYA T AZ, tell yo II r health care provider ab 0 ut all rned lclnes yo u are takl ng or plan n ing to lake. These include other prescription and nonprescription medicines, vitamins, an d hemal supp lem snts.

• are a lIergic to R.EYAT Al or to a ny of Its in g red i ents. The active .ing red ient is atazan avir su I fale. Se e tn ee n d of ttl is leaflet for a co m pi ele I lst of in g re d ients :i n HEY AT AZ. Tell your health care provider if you th i nk yo II have had an allergic reaction to any of these ingredients.

What should I tell my healthcareprovider before I take REYATAl? Tell you rhea Ithca reprovi de r:

• If you are pregnant or iplanning to becom.e pregnant. lt is not known if REYATAZ can harm your unborn baby. Pregnant women have experienced serious side effects when takillg REYATAZ with other HIV medicines called n uolsosld e analog II es. Yo u and your healthca re provider will ne ed to de ci de if REYATAZ is right for you. If you use REYATAZ While you are pregnant, talk to your heallhcare provider about the AntiretroviraJ Pregnancy Registry.

• If you are breast-feeding. You should not breast-Ieed If you. are .HIV-positive because of the chance of passing HIV 10 your baby. Also. il is nol known if REYATAZ can pass into your breast milk and il it can harm your baby. If you are a woman who has or will have a baby, talk with your healthcare provider ab 0 ut til e best way to fe e d your ba.by.

• If yo u h ave liver p rob lems or are infected with th e hepatitis B or G virus.

See "Wh at are the p esslb Ie sid e effe ets of R EY AT AZ?"

• If you have end. slage kidney disease managed with hemodialysis.

• If you have diabetes. See "What are the possible side effects 01 REYATAZ?"

• If you have hemophilia. See "What are the possible side effects of REY.ATAZ?"

• About all the medlelnes you take including prescription. and nonprescription medicines, vitamins,. and herbal supplements. Keep a list of your medicines with you 10 show your healthcare provider. For more information, see "What important information should I know about taking REYATAZ with other medicines?" and "Who should not take REYATAZ?" Some medicines can cause S8 rio us side effectsi! taken with 'R EY AT AZ.

REYATAr (atazanavir sulfate)

How should I takeREYATAZ?

• Take REYATAl once every day exaclly as instructed by your hea1thcare provider. Your hsalthcars provider will prescribe the amount of REYATAZ that is right for you.

• For adults who have never taken anli·HIV medicines before, the dose is 300 mg once daily with 100 mg of NORVIR® (ritonavir) once daily laken wilh food. For adulls who are unable 10 tolerate ritonavir, 400 mg (two 200-mg capsules) once daily (without NORVIR~ taken with food is recommended.

• Fo r ad u Its whoh ave taken anti·H IV medicines in In e past, til e usu al dose is 300 mg plus 100 mg of NORVIR® (ritonavlr) once daily taken with food.

• Your dose will depend on your Hver function and on the other anU-HI:V medicines that you are taking, REYATAZ is always used with .other anti-~IV medicines. If you are taking REYATAZ with SUSTIVA® (efavlrenz) or With VIREAD®(tenofovir disoproxillumaratej, you should also be taking NORVIR® (ritonavir).

• Always take REYATAl with food (a meal or snack) to help it work better.

SWallow the capsules whole. Do not open Ihe capsules. Take REVATAZ at the same time each day.

• If you are laking antacids or didanosine (Vl.Dexe or VIDEX"EC), take REYAT AZ 2 hours before or1 hour a fie r these m ed icines.

• If you are takIng medicines for Indigestion, heartburn, or ulcers such as AXm8 (nizatidine), PEPGm A~ (famotldine)., TAGAMfr8 {cimetidfne),ZANTAC0 (ranitidine), AcipHe~ (rabeprazole), .NEXIUM® (esomepralole),. PREVACI~ (Iansoprazole),. PRILOSE~ (omeprazole), (I r PROTON I X.8 (pantoprazole), tal K to you r h ealthcare provider.

• 00 not change your dose Of stop taking REYATAl without first talking with your heallhcare provider. It is important to stay under a healthcare provider's care whil'e taking REYATAZ.

• When your supply of REYATAZ starts to run low, get more from your heallhcare D rovi d e r 0 r pharmacy. It is i moortant not 10 ru n out of R EYA I AZ. The amount of HIV in your blood may increase if the medicine is stopped for even a short time.

• If you miss a dose of REYATAl, take it as soon as possible and then take your next sched u led dose at .i ts regu I ar Ii me .. :If, however, it is withi n 6 h 0 u rs 01 your next des e. do not take the m isse d dose. Wait and take the next dose at the regular lime. Do not double the next dose. It Is Important that you do not miss any doses of REY.ATAZ or your other anti.-HIV medicines.

• If you take more than the prescribed dose of REYATAl, call your

neanncare provider or poison control center r1gh! away.

Can children tak.eREYATAZ?

Dosing recommendations are available for children 6 years of age and older for REYATAZ Capsules. Dosing recommendations are not avaHa'ble for children from 3 months to less than 6 years 01 age. REVAT AZ should not be used in babies under the age of 3 months.

What are the possible side effects of REYATAZ?

Th e following list of 5i d e ·eflects is not com pi ete. Report any new or continu i ng symptoms to your healmcare provider. If you have questions about side. effects, ask you r healthcare p TOvider. Yo u r healfncarsp rovi d e r may iO e a b Ie to h sip you manage these si d e effects.

The foHowingslde effects have been .reported with REYATA!:

• mild rash (redness and itching) without other symptoms sometimes occurs inpatients taki ng REY AT AZ, most ofte n in the first few weeks after the medicine is started. Rashes usually go away within 2 weeks with no change in treatment. Te II you r II ealthcare p rovid er if rash 0 ccu rs.

• severe ras h: I n a sm all numb er of pati ents, a rash can develo p that is associated with other symptoms which could be serious and potentially cause death.

If you develop a rash with any of the following symptoms stop using REYATAl and call. your healthcareprovider right away:

• shortn ess of breath

• general ill feeling or "flu-like" symptoms

• fever

• muscle or joint aches

• conjunctivitis (red or inflamed eyes. like "pink eye")

• blisters

• mouth sores

• swelling of your face

• yellowing 01 the skin or eyes. These effects may be due to increases in bilirubin levels in the bl.ood: (bilirubin is made by the liver). Call your heallhcare provider if yo u r skin or the wh ite part of your eyes tu rn ye II ow. Although mess effects may not be damaging to your liver, skin, or eyes, itis imp a rtant to te II yo ur h ealthcare p rovi d e r pro mptly iiI th ey occu r.

REYAfAZ" (atazanavirsulfate)

• a change in the way your heart beats (heart~hytlim change). Gall your h ea Itll care provider rig hi away if yo u get dizzy 0 r I ightheadeCl. Tn ese coul d be symptoms of a heart problem.

• diabetes and high blood sugar (hyperglycemia) scmetimes happen in pati e nts taki ng proteaselnh i bitor m ed icines like R EY AT Al. Sam e patients had diab ete s before taki ng protease i nhi bitors wh i Ie others di d not. So m e patients may need changes in their diabetes medlene,

• if you have liver disease including hepatitis B or C, your liver disease may get worse when you take anti-HIV medicines like REYATAZ.

• kidney stones have been reported in patients taking REYAT AZ. II you develop signs or symptoms of kidney stones (pain .in your side, blood in your urine, pain when you urirlate) tell your healthcare provider promptly.

• some patients with hemophilia. have 'increased bleeding problems with p rotease inh ib liars like REV AT AZ.

• changes in body tal These changes may include an, increased amount of fat in the up pe r back and neck {" buffalo hu m p "), 'b reast, an d arou n d the tru n k, Loss of fat from th e legs, arms, and face may also hap pe n. The cause an dlong- te rm health effects of these conditio n s are not known at th is tim e.

Olhercommon side effects· of REYATAl taken wilh omer anti·HIV medicines include nausea; headache; stomach pain; vomiting; diarrhea;. depression; lever; dizziness; trouble siee pi n g;. num bness, ting Ii ng, or bum ing 01 hands or Ie at; an d muscle pain,

Gallbladder disorders (which may include gallstones and gallbladder inflammatiOn) have been reported in patients taking REYATAZ.

What. important information should I know about taking REVATAZ with other medicines?

Do not takeREVATAZ if you take the following medicines (n.ot all brands may be listed; tell your healthcare provider aboutaH the medicines you take). REYATAZ may cause serious, life-threatening sldeef1ects or death when used wi.th these medicines.

• Ergot medicines: dihydroergotamine, ergonovine,ergotamine, and melhylergonovine such as CAFERGOT~, MIGRANAL e, O.H,E. 45i!>, ergotrate maleate,. METI-IERGINECI, and others (used for migraine headaches),

• O~(pimozide, used for Toerette's disorder),

• PROPULSIOe (cisapride, used lor certain stomach problems).

• Trlazolam, also known as HALCIONi!> (used for insomnia).

• Midazolam, also .known as VERSEO* (used for sedalion), when lak.eRby

mouth,

Do not take tile followIng medicines withREYATAZbecause of possible serious side effects:

• CAMPTOSAR" Orinotecan, used for cancer},

• CRIXIVAN" (indlnavir, used for HIV infection), Both REYATAl and CRIXiVAN

sometimes cause increased levels of bilirubin in the blood.

• GholesteroHowering medicines MEVAGO~ Qovastatin) or ZOCORCI (simvastalin),

• UROXATRAL CI (alfuzosin, used to treat benign enlargement 01 the prostate),

• REVATIO" (sildenafil, used to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension),

Do not take the following medicines wilh iREYATAZ because they may lower the amount ofREYATAZ inynur blood. This may lead, to an lnoreased HIV viral load. Resistance 10 iREYATAl or cross-resistance to other HIV medicines may develop:

• Rifampin (alsoknowrl as RIMACTANE", RIFAOIN", RIFATER", Of RIFAMATE", used for tub e rculosis).

• SI. John's wort (Hypericum perforatum), an herbal product sold as a dietary

supplernentcr products containing St.John's wort.

• VI RAM U N ECI (nevi rapl n e, used lor H IV infection).

The following medicines are not recommended with REYATAZ:

• SEREVENI OISKUSC! (salmeteroij and ADVAIR" (salmeterol with fluticasone), used to treat asthma, emphysema/chronic obstructive pulmonary disease also knOWR as COP~,

Do not take the foHowing medicine if you are taking REYATAZ and NORVIR."

together: .

• VFENDi!> (voriconazole),

The following medlcmes may require your healthcare provider 1.0 monitor your therapy more closely (for some medicines a change in tII.e dose or dose schedule may be needed):

• ClAUS" (tadalafil), LEVITRACI (vardenalil) , or VtAGRA"(SildenaiH), used to treat erectile dysfunction. REYATAl may increase the chances of serious side effects that can happen with ClAUS, LEVITRA, or ViAGRA. 00 not use ClAUS, LEVITRA,. or VlAGRA while you are taking REYATAl unless your heallhcare provider tells you it is okay,

• ADCIRCA" (tadalafil) or TRACLEE~ (bOsentan), used to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension,

• UPITOR:i!I (atorvastalin) Of CRESiOR:i!I (rosuvastalin). There is an increasedi chance of sen 0 us s ide elf ects if yo u lake REY AT AZ with til is cncresterotlowering medicine.

REYAT~ (atazana.vir sulfat.e)

• Medicines for abnormal heart rhythm: CORDARONf& (amlodarone), lidocaine, quinidine (also known as CAROIOQUINe, QUiNIOEXIP, and others),

• MYCOBUTI N" (rifabutin, an antibi otic used to treat tuberculosis),

• BUPRENEX", SUBUTEXIP, SUBOXONE", (buprenorphine or buprenorphinel

nal oxo n e, used to treat pai nand addi enen to narcon e pai n killers),

• VASCO~ (bepridil, used for chest paiR),

• COUMAOIN* (warfarin),

• Tricyclic antidepressants such as ELAVIL:III (amitriptyline), NORPR.A:MINi!' (desipramine), SINEQUANI!O (doxepln), SURMONTIL:III (trimipramine), TOFRANIL CI Omiprarnine), or ViVACllL I!O (protriptyline),

• Medicines to prevent organ transplant rejection: SANOIMMUNE" or NEORAl" (cyclosporin), RAPI(MUNECI (sirollmus), or PROGAAF~ (laCiOlimuS).

• The antidepressant trazodone (DESYREL * and others),

• Fluticasone propionate (RONASE*, FLOVENT"j, given by nose or inhaled to tre at a II erg lc symptoms or asthm a. You r doctor may choose not to ke ep you on ilulicasone, especially if you are also laking NORVIR0,

• Colch i cine (COLCRYSCIj, used to prevent 0 r treat gout or treat lam i I lal

Mediterranean lever. .

The following medicines may require a change in the dose or dose schedule of either REY AIAZ or the other medicine:

• INVIRASECI (saquinavir),

• NORVIR" (ritonavir),

• SUSTIVA" (elavirenz).

• Anlaci es or buffe red medici n es,

• VIDEXCI (didanosine).

• VI READ" (tenofovir dlsoproxllfurnarate),

• MYGOBUTIN" (rifabutin), .

• Calcium channel blockers such as CARDIZEMI!O or TIAZAc«' (dilliazem), COVERA·HS* or ISOPTIN S~ (verapamil) and omers,

• BIAXIN0 (clarithromycin),

• Medicines for .indigestion, heartburn, or ulcers such as .AXID0 (nizatidine),

PEPCIO Ac«' (iamolidine), TAGAM~ (cimetidlne),or ZANTAc«' (ranitidine).

Talk to your healthcareprovider about choosing an effective method of contraception. REYATAZ may affect the safety an d, effective n ass of hormonal contraceptives su ch as bi rlh control p ills or thecontraceplive patch. Hormonal CORtraceptives do n at prevent the sp read of ,!iIV to olhe rs,

Remember:

1. Know all' the medicines you take.

2. Tell your Ilealthcare provider about all the medicines you take ..

3, Do netstart a new medicine without talking to your healthcareprovider.

How should I storeREYATAZ?

• Store REYATAZ Capsules at room temperature, 59" to 86° F (15° to 30° C). iDa not store this medicine in a damp place such as a bathroom medicine cab inel Of near the kitchen sink.

• Keep your medicine in a lightly closed container.

• Ke ep all m ed ici n es oul 01 the reach of chi Id re n and pets at all tim es, 00 not keep medicine lllat is out of date or that you no longer need. Dispose of unused medicines through community take·back disposal programs when available or place REYATAZ in an unrecognizable,closed container in the household trash,

General information about REYATAZ

Th is medici n e was prescri be d for yo u r pa rticu lar cond ilion, Do not use REY AT AZ for another C{)ndition, 00 notgiveREYATAl to other people, even il they have the same symptoms you have. II may harm them. Keep REYAIAZ and all medicines out 01 the reach of children and pets· ..

This summary does not include everything Ih.ere is to Know about REYATAZ. Medici n as are sam eti mes prescri b ed for condmons that are not mentioned in pati e nt 'info rmation leafl ets, Rem ember no writte n sum m ary can re plaoecaretu I discussion with your healmcare provider. If you. would like more information, talk with your healthcare prov! de r or you can call 1-800 -321·1335.

What are the ingredients in REYATAZ?

Activelng red i ent: atazan avir sulfate

.Ina.ctive Ingredients: Crospovidone, lactose monohydrate (milk sugar), magnesium stearate, gelatin,FO&C Blue #2, and titanium dioxide,

VIOEXi!' and REYATAl" are registered. trademarks of Bristol·Myers Squibb Company, COUMADlN~ and SUSTIVA:III are registered trademarks of Bristol-Myers Squibb Pharma Company. OESYREL* is a registered trademark of Mead Johnson and Com pany, Othe r bra n ds listed are th e tradem arks of Ih e ir respe clive owners and are not trademarks of Bristol-Myers Squibb Company.

• Bristol-Myers Squibb Princeton, NJ 08543 USA

1246226A7 Fl·BOOOl B·04·1 0 Rev April 2010

m GA Voice \ February 4, 20n \ Sex & Dating

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Bestsellers and new trends to spice up your sex life

This is one Jack Rabbit you don't want hopping off anywhere except to, well, your bed.

Perhaps the best-selling sex toy of all time amon_g women, the Jack Rabbit is definitely a top seller in metro Atlanta. as well. The Jack Rabbit's basic model is a shaft with a clitoral stimulator that looks like rabbit ears, hence the name. The infamous toy made its way onto the sex toy scene in the 1990s and become even more popular when it debuted on an episode of "Sex and the City."

'Td say anything with the Jack Rabbit is the most popular toy with women," says Karen Westfall, manager of the Love Shack on Roswell Road. The store caters mostly to straight customers but does mdude a range of gay pam.

Billy Peek, manager of Inserecdon on Cheshire Bridge Road, agrees about the hare that never loses to the tortoise.

"Usually our top sellers for women are the lack Rabbits," he says.

At a vendor conference last week, Westfall, who is straight, got to see some of the new trends in sex toys, The basics still survive - vibrators such as the bullet as well as vibrating cock rings - but newer tub toys are being introduced, she said, as well as lubricants that cause warming and tingling sensations.

Peek, who is gay, says this lime of year - February and Valentine's Day - is popular for individuals and couples seeking toys they want to satisfy their partners, orthemsel ves.

For men, nothing beats a Fleshlight, Peek says.

Also created in the late 1990s, it is basically a rube that looks like a big flashlight, with a flesh-like material in it. Now, that rube can have any kind of opening you like - vagina, anus, mouth, The most popular among gay men, obviously, is the anus, mouth or a generic opening, No going blind with this Fleshlight, though.

"There's not a whole lot of toys for men. You have dolls and strokers," Peek says. "The Flesh·

- -----------

Above: The LELD and mini-vibrators are among tile top sellers for women. Below: For men, norlling beQ15 me F/eshlight, ovai lable in mouth, anus 01" vagi no_ (Courtesy photos)

lights are very papular. I have two Fleshlights myself - an older model and a newer one."

Peek and his partner have a variety of dildos, vibrating bun plugs and cock rings they like to play with. There are also many kinds of lube out there that he enjoys crying.

New on the market and growing in popularity are luxury toys, such as the brand LELO, which have a design aesthetic thai may be more pleasing than the basic plastic vibrator encased in plastic packaging.

''We cater to all people - gay, stralght, lesbians, transgender. And this time of year we make sure to stock up on everything." Peek said.

And we can 't stress it enough - if you have sex, practice safer sex. Know and discuss your HIV status, be tested for other STDs, and protect yourself and your partner. Either don' I share toys, or cover them with condoms and clean them carefully.

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Sex & Dating /rebruary 4,2011 / GA Voice fD

IH:jW[, by Dyana Bagby

Is Atlanta a hot.bed for polyamory?

Non-monogamous relationships becoming more visible

Bill Holder was looking through a kitchen drawer searching for his barbecue tools. He was about to cook dinner for his wife, Melissa, and their boyfriend, Jeremy, following an afternoon at the park.

Holder and his wi fe, Melissa, have been married 14 years and have two teens and a six-year old child. Tbey live a polyamorous lifestyle - not to be confused with polygamy, wh.ich means marrying more than one person, or even "swinging," because, they explain, polyamory is about love first, not sex. Generally, polyamory can be defined as open, honest non-monogamous relationships.

After watching Melissa's brother go through a horrible divorce, Holder said the two sat down to discuss ways to not ever let that happen to them. The answer was to form a new way of loving - to be open and honest about other lovers ..

While living in Louisiana, Holder and his wife (who asked her last name not be used) were involved with another woman, a relationship that didn't pan out. When Holder relocated to Fayetteville, Ga., for work, he said he kept his family in Louisiana for six months to ensure he passed the probationary period and so the kids could finish out the school year.

While living in Georgia and before his primary family moved here, Holder met Jeremy (who also asked his last name not be used) at a camping festival.

"We clicked and J figured he would click with my wi fe," Holder says.

'No sneaking around, no lying, no cheating'

Holder, who identifies as bisexual, indroduced his wife to Jeremy two years ago. He has private - including sexual- time with Jeremy as well as with his wife. Melissa also has a sexual relationship with Jeremy. But all three are quick to point out that poly amory is not about being promiscuous.

"The biggest misconception is that love equals sex. You can completely love someone without having intercourse," Holder says.

Jeremy lives in Alabama and visits Holder on the weekends and holidays. Jeremy also has a girlfriend in Alabama.

'We're a lot more open. There is no sneaking around, no lying, no cheating, because having that level of communication is huge. Even for monogamous couples, having a strong level of open communication is important," Holder says. "There's nothing too big we can't talk about"

Holder says he tried to have several monogamous relationships in the past, but he never felt quite right..

"For me, I always felt like something was

missing. I felt like I was chained down," he said. "1 had more love to give."

Wanting to connect with more "poly" people in Georgia and Atlanta, especially with poly people with children, Holder founded the Polyarnorous Southeast mailing list, including a Poly amorous Atlanta section, in March. The group currently has 150 members and continues 10 grow, he said.

There is enough interest for the group to host the first annual Atlanta Poly Weekend March 25-27 . The event includes speakers, workshops and time to socialize.

ATl poly growing

One of those speakers is Dr. Elizabeth Sheff, an assistant professor at Georgia State University. Sheff focuses her research on sexuality, gender, family, deviance and communities. One area she specializes in is the poly (short for polyamorous) community, specifically a long-range study on polyamorous families with children.

While Atlanta may be a hotbed for poJyamorous people, there is not a well-organized community as can be seen in cities like San Francisco or Seattle.

"For the life of me 1 can't figure out why, especially because Atlanta is such a magnet for other sexual minorities. The kink scene, for example, is well developed. There is a wellestablished gay and lesbian community and a burgeoning transgender community," she said.

Gay men do have non-monogamous relationships, she said, but they don't consider it polyamorous.

"Gay men invented non-monogamy," she said.

Sheff remembers asking a gay friend who was in a long-term relationship with his boyfriend but who also had outside lovers why he didn't consider himself poly. He told her, ''We don't need another label for something we're already doing."

Sheff, who identifies as bisexual, said it's important 10 note that no two polyamorous relationships are alike, But what they do have in common is that they are focused on honesty and community with full disclosure of relationships to everyone involved.

Still room for monagamy in LGBT culture?

Darian Aaron, 30, and his boyfriend, Joseph Gates, 22, have been together six months. When they decided to commit to each other, they discussed monogamy and decided they would be exclusive to each other.

"We met on Twitter," said Aaron, who blogs at Living Out Loud with Darian (Ioldarian,

blogspot.corn). "First we flirted publicly, then we started doing it in private."

Their first date was for ice cream at Rita's in Midtown and the couple is set to move in together in the fall.

'We did discuss monogamy and we both decided this early on we wanted to be with each other exclusively. We both understand how open relationships are. I believe there has to be a level of trust between two parties before that can happen," said Aaron.

Bringing in a third party too soon may sabotage their relationship, Aaron added.

'We are still building that foundation for something we want to last a lifetime," he said.

Gates acknowledged he is the jealous type - something that has to be dealt with carefuUy in polyamorous relationships - and can't imagine Aaron with someone else. He also wants to prove to the world that two black gay men can be in a loving relationship, something he. says is not visible in society.

"1 want to break the stereotype. Me and Darian are an example that you can find two black gay men in love and that it's a wonderful thing," Gates said.

Aaron, who wrote a series of "Coupled Up" stories for his blog, has now written a book about black gay men in lovi.ng relationships that is tentatively set to be. released this spring.

Monogamy is definitely a challenge for any relationship, Aaron said, not only for gay men. But in Atlanta, where there are "so many beautiful men," it can be difficult to remain faithfuJ to one person.

''This is pan of an ongoing discussion I have with my friends," Aaron said. "I got lucky that I met someone who is on the same page."

Ckrrirm Aaron (right) and Joseph Gores, a monogamous coupie, said they ore commitred ro building Q foundarion for a lifetime relationship. (Courtesy photo)

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Atlanta, also has a "notorious reputation" as a place to go for quick, meaningless sex, Aaron said.

"It's hard to come across a couple in a committed, loving relationship. And a lot of people are jaded," he said.

For Gates, who said he looks forward to learning more about.Aaron every day, their love is strong enough to combat the oueside forces that may say their monogamous relationship is not tile norm, especially among gay men.

"He has shown me that it is OK to live out loud, to be gay and proud," Gates said. "He reassures me Ill" loves me no matter what,"

For Aaron, Gates is an example of uncondirional love.

"I love so much about him. He accepts me as I am, flaws and all," he said.

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Clay Aiken remains 'Tried and

Gay singer comes full circle to At.lanta - the city where he auditioned for 'American Idol'

By Jim Farmer

Performing in Atlanta has been special for singer Clay Aiken. It's not his birthplace - that would be Raleigh, N.C. - bur he feels partial to the city.

"I auditioned for 'American Jdol' ln Atlanta so it's full circle when 1 rerum," says Aiken, who brings his "Tried and True" tour to die Cobb Energy Centre on Feb. 16.

Aiken was featured on the second season of "American Idol," where he eventually was runner-up to Ruben Studdard, On the show, he was an audience favorite, never once appearing in the bottom three for viewer votes. It helped him, he feels, that he was able to sing songs he was familiar with.

"I got to be who I was," he says. '1 sang what I was comfortable with. For me" I always sang music that I knew, songs that I grew up singing. 111e one time I didn' I sing something I knew was the night I got low scores."

After much speculation about his sexual orientation" Aiken came out as gay to People magazine in 2008. Ironically, another musician, Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block, came out recently by saying he was never in. Aiken understands mat. He disagrees with the notion that a public figure should come out when people expect it.

"There was tins misconception that I was not out," he says. "I was in 'Spamalot' and everyone knew, but I don't necessarily want to sit at a table with strangers and tell them. When you come out, you do it with people you are comfortable with."

He adrruts that coming out has made little difference in his career. A few people might have been surprised, he says, but it has had no adverse affect,

"I definitely do see the liberation and understand the rationalization of people wanting me to be out," he says. "On the other hand, I wouldn't say mat coming out has made me happier because that implies I was not happy before and I was."

Aiken is very comfortable discussing being gay - he even went to D.C. to speak at a Capitol Hill briefing on antigay bu.lIying at the end of 2010.

Another major difference for Aiken is having a SOil.

"It's changed my life; it changes everything," he says.

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He sang me National Anthem at me recent NHL ALI Star Game and got a Jersey. He planned to auction off the jersey for charity - which he does after these kinds of events - then realized perhaps he should save it for his SOil.

As a public figure, he says the dating world can be awkward. He is not really dating right now.

"There are other variables," he says.

"Me being known wit! always make it more difficult."

In terms of Aiken's own favorite love songs, he ls fond of me ones from the current album.

"I love 'Unchained Melody;' r also love Perry Como," he says. "I also think that 'I Will Always Love You' is a great love song."

He's currently getting ready to kickoff the tour and notes he's particularly nervous on me days just before he begins.

"Bur the stress will go down when it starts," he says.

The tour - largely composed of Southern cities, which the artist says he loves playing - is a live incarnation of hls last album, "Tried and True." It's mostly love songs and very low-key, says the performer, with ballads such as "Suspicious Minds," "Crying" and "Moon River."

A lot of Aiken's material is from me '50s and '60s. "It's not necessarily the era but the singers and the great songs that I love," he says. "There are so many

Clczy Aiken placed second 011 'American Idol,.' chen came out in 2008. He says being openly gay has 110t hampered his careel; which has nO! slowed since his appearance on the show, (PubliCiI)' photo)

of them. I feel a real kinship. There were great performers who could practically perform live, with no producer."

He looks at today as a different nme, an age when performers can rely on their producers to make them sound good. "That's the way it works," he says. "That didn't happen then - you could not cut and paste."

Not long ago he moved back to Raleigh, away from Los Angeles.

"H you leave and go somewhere, it's nice to come back, to feel comfortable," Aiken says. He compares mat to his musical tastes - returning to what he feels best performing.

While Studdard's career stalled after "American Idol," Aiken's has taken off. He has been on nine different tours, written a book and become a staple on television. He even appeared on Broadway in "Sparnalot," 2010's "Tried and True" was his sixth album.

He has not had time to watch "Idol" regularly in years, but he understands why skeptics have complained about the show's demise.

"I did watch one episode last season," he says. "The stories an: not me same. There's no bond. Back when it started you had the girl next door, the single mother; people like Kelly [Clarkson] and Ruben. These are people who would have never had this chance without the show.

'11 used to be about the contestants, now it's about the show," he says. "Some of the judges are bigger than the show. It's flashier and flashier."

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Oy vey! The festival's going gay!

Jewish Film Festival offers plenty for gay audiences

Despite the name, the 11th annual Atlanta Jewish Film Festival is no more restricted to Jews than it is to Atlantans. The diverse programming offers something for everyone, including LGBT viewers.

There aIe many fine films among the 57 feanires and nine shorts in this year's festival, 00- spooling Feb. 8-27 at six venues, primarily the Regal Atlantic Station and Lefont Sandy Springs.

Documentaries in the festival reveal that famous children's story writer Maurice Sendak ("TeU Them Anything You Want") is gay but the world's most famous hairdresser ("Vidal Sassoon: The Movie") isn't.

Out gays are the subject of one musical documentary and the narrator of another. "The '50- called' Movie" is a delightful POrtrait of Josh Dolgin, a nerdy, balding, bespectacled Quebecois queer who happens to be some kind of genius. Calling himself "Socalled," he blends klezmer music with influences ranging from hip-hop to bluegrass.

The focus is more on his music than his gay"

ness but at one point Josh casually outs himself, telling filmmaker Garry Beitel, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed. He's shy hut he's so fuckin' cute." Later he films an interview "'lith gay porn director Toby Ross, to be shown in a Montreal porn cinema (formerly a Yiddish theater, coincidentally) during a festival, along with one of Ross' old films, "Cruisin' 57," accompanied by 5ocaJled's band playing a live soundtrack.

''Wagner & Me" is a feast for opera queens.

Composer Richard Wagner may have been the Mel Gibson of his day, but does that mean we can't enjoy his music? TIm's the question actorwriter Stephen Fry sets out to answer for himself, being both gay and Jewish and knowing that Hitler was inspired by Wagner's music.

There are three other documentaries relevant to LGBTs, one romantic and two political. "Pa ris Return" isn't quite a movie but it's a sweet experience, a toudung portrait of the relationship of two lions in winter. Director Yossi Aviram started filming his Uncle Reoven and Reoven's partner, Pierluigi, cinema verite-style, perhaps hoping a story would develop. None did, but a love that spans nearly 50 years is story enough.

"Gay Days" traces the history of the LGBT movement in Israel, which has been over 20 years behind the U.S. (their first Gay Pride Day

'G0-' Days' traces the history of the LGBT movement in Israel from a persona/standpoint. (Publicity phoro)

was in 1993) except in integrating their military. Yair Qf'C!ar tells it from a personal standpoint, having left his small town in 1985 and moved to Tel Aviv, where gay life was confined to underground clubs, a cruising park and an alternative newspaper column.

The only narrative film of LGBT interest is the restored 1936 musical "Yiddle widl His Fiddle," the ''Yentl'' of its day,. about a woman masquerading as a boy. It stars Yiddish theater diva Molly Picon, who is a hoot.

There's [lot much gay content in the hilarious Canadian teen comedy "The Trotsky," but the gag that outs a major character is a good one. Writer-director Jacob Tierney also made "Twist," a gay version of "Oliver Twist."

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'1:@U~il. by Jim farmer

Neverlandas you've never seen it

Visuallv stunning take on 'Peter Pan' not just for kids

In an era where Cirque du Soleil productions wow audiences around the globe, it takes more than ever to impress theater-goers. The producers of the new touring version of "Peter Pan" have a catch - the world's first 360-degree CGl theater. TIle production, now in Atlanta, features at least tWO gay performers in its large cast

Atlanta is one of only three cities scheduled for me U.S. tour and the first outside of California. This production follows the traditional 1.M. Barrie plot with characters such as Wendy, TInkerbell, Captain Hook and of course Peter Pan, the boy who doesn't want to grow up. Ian Street plays Curly, one of me Lost Boys, while Josh Swales is Starkey, one of the pirates.

The big difference here is that instead of a nadldonal stage, "Peter Pan" takes place in a tent, in an "in the round" setting. The interior of the tent is lit up with more than 15,000 square feet of hi-resolution video. That is three times the size of IMAX screens. It's a terrific show visnally, making audience members feel as if they are flying with the characters to Neverland.

"That is something you can't do in traditional theater," says Swales.

The show also features mermaids and a scene-stealing pantomimed alligator.

Street feels audiences can't imagine what they are going to experience until they are inside. He has been pleased with the reaction thus far, and especially likes the fact that American audiences are more vocal in their reactions than in England, where the production criglnated.

"I [ave vocal audiences," he says. ''It'S great to hear their laughter, their surprise. I think mere is definitely a wow factor to this, especially the flying sequences."

According to Swales, this is not a cutesy, only-for-kids take, however.

''1 think this is much darker than. audiences are used to seeing," he says. "It's not a Disney, light version. It is pretty faithful 10 the Barrie version."

Swales' Starkey is not a cuddly man.

"He is a fighter, sadistic and ruthless," says Swales .. "He is not a nice person. He has a passion to kill," as does his leader, Captain Hook.

For Street, his Curly is looking for a maternal figure as are all the Lost Boys.

"He is a bit of a dreamer,' Street says. "All the boys miss their mother and are longing for someone to take her place. Curly has his own

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idea of what a mother is."

The cast of "Peter Pan" incorporates members of the original London production with American actors. Street is English while Swales is half English and half Australian.

Both m en feel there is de firu te I y a gay vi be to the production.

"There is definitely a whimsical, camp side to Neverland," Swales says. "The pirates are slightly over-exaggerated, too. To me, I think captain Hook is actually slightly bipolar."

Street says thi s produc tion brin gs ba ck childhood memories.

"We all know and love the story, and who doesn't like going back to their childhood?" he says. "As well, this Tinkerbell has some attitude and oomph."

"Peter Pan" set up shop for two weeks of previews before officially opening last weekend. Th us far, 5 treet fee Is there have been a lot more children at the Atlanta run than in California, but notes that it seems to be a healthy mix

Hook (Drm-ell Brockis) and Peter (CiIJIan Joyce) {ace of {in the CGI-rich world of 'Perer Pon' (Photo by Ed Krieger)

of adults bringing their family and those not.

Although he has never had the chance to play a gay character onsrage, Swales says a character's sexual orientation doesn't inform his choices.

"I last did 'Aida' as Radames," he says. "I think we are finally getting to a stage where we don't have to be pigeonholed into playing stereoty pical roles. I can pla y a s tralgh t love interest. TIIat is my job. We are actors."

Street says he enjoys seeing gay characters onstage, but wishes more were outside of gay· themed shows. "

Sometimes it's nice to see gay people in a straight play, just being who they are," he says, Both actors will finish the Atlanta gig and then contemplate continuing with the tour,

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eel eb rat lnqa MJ L ESI0 N E? Share VO ur e ~gage' men Is. wed dings, b i rt ns aooption s, ann iversaries, btrthdoYS (3 nd oth erevents! Announcem ent s Co n be up to .200 words and can include a phelo. [-maileditor@ Ihegavoice.(om with your milestone and contact info to see you r nil me in print!

Queer youth in Cobb County ready to show their moves

First 'Gaybie Hawkins Dance' brings LGBT teens together for fun, fellowship

By Shannon Hames

Queer youth in Cobb County are proclaiming their identities proudly and ready to show off on the dance floor with the first "Gaybie Hawkins Dance" - a way for LGBT teens from outside Atlanta to gather with others who are like them.

Planned for Feb, 18 and organized by the Metro Atlanta Queer & Allied Teens (MAQAT), the dance - a gay take on traditional Sadie Hawkins Dances - aims 10 become an annual party held near Valentine's Dsy.

Being open about your sexual orientation and gender identity in the very socially conservative Cobb County (home of Newt Gingrich) is not easy, but is something queer teens want desperately 10 be able to do.

''Where we live up here, there's nothing for us. The majority of students don't drive, Some do, but most of us don't. Getting to a place like YouthPride in downtown Atlanta is really hard. To connect to these other schools creates a support system for all of us," says Alex Moore of North Cobb High's Diversity Alliance.

Parrish Turner; a self-identified rransman, serves as the president of Roswell High's GayS tralght Alliance. He offers another perspecti VI'.

"Our GSA is really, really small. I know, personally, that it makes a eli fference to meet someone else who knows exactly what you're going through," he said. '1 mel a guy who was just Like me and he probably saved my life. By widening the circle of people that you can talk to and meet-

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ing someone who you can identify with and talk 10, it makes a big difference."

Planning an event has been no small feat for the organizers, The venue has had to be changed several times and the schools will not allow the use of their names or any type of on-campus advertising. There is also the pesky matter of having an adun sign the contracts,

"This dance has taken a lot of planning and been really stressful for us leaders. We haven't given up because, in the end, we really want for it to be a place where a boy can dance with his boy friend and not be afraid," says Ryan Jones, co-president of the GSA at Sprayberry High School in Cobb Counry.

"It's kind of depressing to me that !here are places where I can't hold my boyfriend's hand and where I can't kiss him and 1 have to worry about getting beat up if I do like I would if I went to my own school's homecoming," Jones adds.

A place to 'be yourself and relax'

The teens are not alone in their enthusiasm.

Some have the sup port 0 f their parents,

"I'm excited," said parent Christine Wilson.

"I am a lillie scared that there might be people who would fry to protest it or ruin it. But I also know that the people that we're promoting it to are people who would be interested in coming,

"F or most of them, they still have to be in the closet because there's not enough for them to do as openly gay," Wilson says. "This dance is

Jacob Gallman, REALTOU'" 404-874-6357 jgallnlan@14west.com www.jacobgalhnan.com

LGBT Ga. youth join online photo project

SfDci, of Macon,. Ga., tells her story an the 'WPAre the Youth' website. (Photo by Laurel Golio)

lesbia n gay, bisexual a lid tr a nsqender you ng people are s ha ri ng th ei r stories on the website "We Are the youth" I hat invites pa rlici pa nts to share sto ries of eomi ng out. the eh all enges they face as a sexua I minority and Ih e triumph s I hey've a eh ieved'_

"We Are the Youth addresses Ihe la c k 01 visi b il ity of lGBT you ng peopl e by providing a space to share stories in an honest and respectful way."

Started in 2010 by journalist Diana Sc ho II a nd ph otoora ph e r laure I Gol i 0, the website includes photos and an in' terviews with the youth willing to speak out Several are from Georgia.

One participant whose slory was posted' recentIy isS taci, 19, of 'M aeon, Ga.

"Sophomore year of high school, a friend came out to me. I told her she was going to Hell and made her cry," Siaci says.

"I didn't realize it then, but shortly aller lhatl realized there was a Qirll: liked. t didn't wanl to be gay. I was raised to believe it was the worst thing ever."

where they can go and feel free to be themselves. That's the most important thing."

The organizers all seem to agree on the common theme that this dance will be a place where teens can be out, be themselves and have fun.

"I think it's just a coming together of people trying to bave fun and not have to worry about anything," says Turner;

'We'll be ourselves. It will be a place where we don't have ID worry and we can have fun. It won't marrerwbar people will thmk," Moore adds.

Another participant. Marina, 21, a student at Emory University in At· Ian ta says she idenl i.fies as Que€' rand dales guys and girls.

"I identify a s queer. De pendin 0 0 n who I'm talking 10.1'.11 identify as bisexual. but I. think the word bi5exual, 10 rna sort 01 means two ge nders, which i snt n ecessarily how I see things," Marina says.

Noah, 19, also of Macon, is a student at Mercer University, a conservative Christian co'llege Iha! also has a LG BT student as soc i at ion. He came out at 16 a nd attempts d s u ic i de, but is now president of Merc-er's gay'

straight slliance, Common Ground,

"I didn't know any gay people before I came out, so I figure it's my job and responsibility to make sure it's easier for other people," he says.

We Are the youth

www_w~arel h eyoul hpro ject _b.1 og sp otcom

"When you're with other kids who feel similar to you, you can just be yourself and relax."

The party is open to all LGBTQ students from anywhere in Georgia and their straight allies as long as they are high school students .. A student TO or a valid state-issued TO is required.

Admission is $5. Proceeds from the event will go to the'Irevor Project, a. national LGBT suicide prevention program; and YouthPride in Atlanta. Adult chaperones will be on site and drugs and alcohol are prohibited.

[I)[K1,scon

www.theGAVoice.com

Community /rebruary 4,2011/ GA Voice IjI

NONPROFITSPOTLIGHT

Community expo chance to 'support businesses that support. you'

The Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce is hosting its third Community Expo on Feb. 13 to showcase the numerous gay and gay- friendly businesses in metro Atlanta, as well as national companies.

Allison McDonald, president of the AGLCC, says corporations such as Nationwide, Coca-Cola and SunTrust will participate toeither look for vendors to work with or have a representative from their human resources department collect resumes.

"The Chamber's philosophy has always been support the businesses that support you," McDonald says

"Ra ther than supporti ng a business like Chick-Fil-A, for example," she adds.

Chick-Fil-A is currently embroiled in a controversy with many LGBT activists who are angered one of its restaurants donated food to an anti-gay organization.

Get ready for the biggest GLBT Expo in the South! We know the best places to eat, work and shop. Come find out for yourself.

:2:000 eoor-!!'~ eel!l!~~~1Il c.o.u.p~.~3D:t!7

There will be plenty of supportive businesses and community groups to learn about at the Expo, McDonald says.

"There will be food available - the event will go on all afternoon," McDonald says.

"This will be a good time to see a wide vanety of businesses and also a chance to learn about the chamber and a good chance to network," she says.

~DyanQ&gby

A tla nta Gay &: Le sbia n C ha m ber of Co mm e ree Community .Expo

Sunday, Feb. 13.1'5 p.m,

Georgia International Convention Center 2000 C oove n tion Ce nter Con eou rsa

Co lie ge Park, GA 30337

$5 ad mission

Free with cou pon 1 rom AG lC C webs i te www.atla nlag ay ena m'b er.o rg www;Qicc.com

BUSINESS SPOTL GHT

Urban Cannibals allows people t.o 'feed off' each ether's energy

Owned and operated by wife-and-wife team Calavino Donati and Doria Roberts, Ur .. ban. Cannibals Bodega & Bites opened on Dec. 1, 2009, and continues to feed the masses seeking something off the beaten pam.

"Urban Cannibals was originally the name of a sandwich shop Calavino owned in 2000. We revived me name, added 'Bodega & Bites' so people knew what we were, and created the concept of the store around the idea of urban pioneers 'feeding off' each other's energy through exchange of ideas, goods and services all while being responsible stewards of themselves, their communities and the planet (in that order)," says Roberts, who is also a critically acclaimed local musician and artist.

As a bodega, which means small grocery store, Urban Cannibals also has a small deli, run by Donati, and a bakery, operated by Roberts, The store is set to appear on the Food Network next month on the show "Meat &

Urban Cannibals Bodega Ii. Bites 4n Flat Shoals Ave.

Atlanta. GA 30316

404-230'9665

Potatoes, Hosted by Rahm Farna," featuring Donati's renowned Urban Reuben.

Tile store carries a 101 of local food while at the same nrnstrymg to keep prices affordable.

Operating a business as a wife-wife ream poses challenges but is also amazing, they say.

"Amazing because we are polar opposites in a lot of ways - vegetarian and not vegetarian is one small difference," ihey say.

The two are workaholics and that keeps things moving energetically. The duo is always planning and preparing "what's next."

BUI the greatest challenge is finding Lime for just the two of them - that does nOI involve working every day, all day.

'We're together at the store 14 hours a day, six days a week with ilie seventh day left for errands, which does not constitute togetherness as some p€ople have suggested," they say.

Roberts is working on her seventh CD as

Wife-and-wife team Colavino Donati and Do.rl(l RQbe:r!5 hall(' operQ1ed Urban Cannibals Bodega & Bires since Dec. 1,.2009. (Photo by Dyana Bagby)

wen as baking at the store and doing the marketing. 'When Roberts recently toured France for three weeks, Donati came along.

"We regained some much needed p€rspective and cut back our hours the second we landed home," they say. "It's made a huge difference in how we pian our days and free time - meaning we actually go 10 the movies from time to time now."

~ Dyana Bagby

SUPPORTING THE COMMl..JJ:.JITY FOR OVER 18 YEARS VVITH PRIDE.

D GA Voice \ February 4, 2011 \ Calendar

www_theGAVoice_com

SPOTL:lGHT

The Maria Gabriella Band performs at 10 pm.tollowed by DJ Liz Owen. at midnight at My Sisters'Room.,1271 Glenwood Ave., AUa nla, GA 30316., mys i 51 ers roomrorn

Cari eca Product ion s p rese n tsOJ Pa ulo spinning at Jungle, 2115 fauLkner Rd., Atlanta, GA 30324, Jungleclubatlanta.com

DJ Mike Pope spins for Love on the Rocks, the fourth annual Valentine's Day Cocktail Party, which includes a silent euclion and benefits Joining Hearts, which helps fund housing for people with HIV. '5-9 pm at Can to n i fum itu re 1011 M on ro e Ori ve, Atlanta, GA 30306, www.joininghearts.org

friday, Feb. 4

Kal lin Art presents "Earth: Natural Organic Beauty," an exhibit featuring landscape artists Brett Osborn and James P. Garrelt. Opening tonight from 7'10 pm, exhibit runs through Apri16 at Kai Lin Art. 800 Peachtree SI. Suite 0, Atlanta, GA 30308, www.kailinart.com

OJ Steve James spins at Amsterdam Atlanta, 50H Amsterdam Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30306, www.amslerdamatlanta.com

OJ lydia Prim takes to the turntables for her Friday night gig at the Heretic, 2069 Cheshire Bridq€ Road., Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hereti.catlanta:com

Oragnique keeps the competition fierce at Jungle, 2115 faulkner Rd" Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com

Saturday, Feb. 5

Get read:y to win his heart through his stomach with the Men's Valentine·themed Cooking Class, 2·5 p.m. at the loews Hotel. 1065 Peachtree 51. NE. Atlanta, GA 30360_ To reserve your spot in the class, call 404"745'5000, www_l.oewsholels.com

The Hotlanta Softball league holds a recruitment party Irom 4,8 p.m at New Order, 1544 Piedmont Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hotlanlasoltbalLorg

The gaY'inciusive "Body & Soul" exhibit opens with an artist reception from 5-10 p.m tonight. then runs t h roug h Ma rc h 19 at pb&J gallery, 3'5 Howard S L Atlanta, GA 30317, www_pbj-gallery.com

Sunday, Feb. 6

lGBT couples and Singles are invited to the QuickSilver Gender-Free Contra Dance, 1:30 • 5 p.m at Life Enrichment Center, 1340 Mcconnell Drive, Decatur, GA 30033, www.qcdancers.org;

Fi nd everyt h i ng you need to pi a n you r spec ial day at the Same Love, Same Rights Wedding Expo. 12:30- 3:30 p.m. at Hotel Palomar, 866 West Peachtree 51. NW Atlanta, GA 30308, www.samelovesamerights.com

The frankly Open AA/NA Support Group, which is mostly LGBT, meets 4-5 p.m. al St Bartholomew's Episcopal Church., 1790 Lavista Road, Atlanta, GA 30329, www.stbarlsalilanta.org

friends on Ponce hosts its seventh annual Chili Co ok Off, co m p lete with cash p ri z es. 4 p. m. a t736 Po nee De Leon Ave .. Alia n ta, GA 30306, www.friendsonponce·atl.com

Monday, Feb. 7

PfLAG Atlanta holds its First Monday support meeting. 7:30 - 9 prn. at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, 19'11 Cliff Valley Way NE, Atlanta, GA 30329

ADD YOUR EVENT

There are two ways 10 add your events to am online and print calendars. Submit your inlo to www:theGAVoice.com or e-mail details to editor@theGAVoice,com,.

Sunday, Feb. 6

it's the fill h ann ua I Su per Bow.1 Supe r Party starting with pre-qams shows 2 am at Amsterdam, 502-A Amsterdam Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306. Then slaV for the new episode of "Glee" right after the game, www.amslerdamatlanla.

The Atlanta Bucks, the city's gay rugby team, enjoys a Super Bowl Beer Bust from 2-'5 p.m. at FROGS Cantina, 931 Monroe Dr. Atlanta, GA 30308,

www.alla ntab uc k StU gby,o r9

The gay National !Flag Football League of Atlanta hosts 11; Supe r Bowl Pa rty at 5 p.m. at Blake's on the Park, 2lJ iOlh St, Atlanta, GA 30309, www.nffla.com

Guys in Tights 2.011 is the Super Bowl party at Noni's, which promises to

"s mot h er you in dr ink sped a Is"if you wear a relevant jersey. 6 p.m. at Noni's Deli, 357 lEdgewood Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30312, www.nonisdeli:eom

Looking, for· more events~ Visit our website for our e,xtensive daily calendar, including nightlife schedules 'ana community org~nilalion'm'eetings: provided by our friends at ProJec'tOAliania.com_

Join Bubba 0, Ucious and other Queens at Oragamundo, the new incarnation of Dragamaki. 8 - 11 p.m. at Las Margarita" 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road, Atlanta, GA 30324. www.lasmargaritasmidtown.com

Debul authorOolen Perkins-Valdez reads her novel. "Wench," about four slave women who accompany their masters to a resort in the free state of Ohio. 7:30 am at Charis Books & More. 1189 Euclid Ave. NE. Atlanta, GA 30307, www.chariscircle.org

Tuesday, Feb. 8

Enjoy a Business Builder Luncheon with the Atlanta Gay & lesbian Chamber of Commerce, 11:45 a.m. -1 pm at Brio Tuscan Grille, .2964 Peachtree Road, Atla n ta GA 30306, \'Iww.a t I a n I aga yena m b e rorq

Wednesday, Feb. 9

PA lS Leat h er &la ce Bingo is hosted by Bu bba

D. tlclous and special co·host Amber Divine; the POD ul arm on th Iyeve nt ra i ses m on ey for PAL S, wh ieh helps people with HIV and other health conditions

keep their pets. 6:45 - 9:45 p.m. et Jungle, .2115 Faulkner Rd .. Allan ta GA 30324, www.palsatlanta.orq

Poetry 'Night returns with ga.y poetjranklln Abbott and friends. Special guest performers include iVana, BuckvMotter, and Mose Hardin. 7:30 pm at Outwrite Boo.kstore & Coffeehouse, 991 Pied.mont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.outwritebooks.com

Gay Fat he rsof At la nta meet for din n er a I 6:30 pm. at Moe's 0 n Po nee, the n h old a s u pport meet in 9 from

www.theGAVoice.com

Calend.ar / February 4, 20n/ GA Voice lEI

7:30 - 9 p.m. at Atlanta / Fulton County Public Library, 980 Ponce De leon Ave.INE. Atlanta, GA 30306,

w WIN.gloat I an taore

J 0 i n com mun i tv me mbe rs Corey Jones a nd Ashley Sm it h as they sh a re thei r stori es of I ivi ng with mental

i II ness an d of bei ng menta I hea It h services con su me rs lor "In Our Own Voice: A Community Dialogue About Mental H ealt h." 7:30 pm at C ha ris, 1189 Eu cl i dAve .. N E. Atlanta, GA 30307, www.chariscircle.org. www.nami.org.

Thursday, Feb. 10

The Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Atlanta Executive Network host Mix & Mlngle Southside. 6"8 p.m. at East Point Corner Tavern. 2783 Main Street. East Point GA 30344. www.aen.org,

W WIN.atl an tagaycha m be r. oro

"Goth. Nite: St. Valentines Massacre" promises the best in goth, death rock, posl-punk, dar'k wave, and industrial noise that will rip your heart oul and

sto m pit 10 pi eces. 9 prn at Mary's. 1287 G I en wo 0 dAve .. Atlanta. GA 30316, www.marysatlanta.com

Atl.anta Rolfergirls' 2011 Debutante Brawl

ce Ie bra tes th e sash i ng of the newest roll e r gi rls th e 20n rookies! 7:30 '10:30 p.m at Bellissma, 560 Amster· dam Ave. Atlanta, GA 30306. www.beHissima-atlanta. com, www.atlantarollergirls.com

Friday, Feb. 11

The indoor Midtown Artist Market is open the second weekend 01 each month at 805 Peachtree St, Atlanta, GA 30308, www.affps.com

Enjoy the seductive stories of "Strawberr.ies, Stilettos, & Steam: an Erotic Evening" with Imani True and Dreama Skye. 7:30 p.m at Charis, 1189 Euclid Ave. NE. Atlanta, GA 30307. www.chariscircie.org

Come dressed as a pinup girl or military ma n (or

vice versa) as Bedlam presents Anchors Away. with perf orma n res by Sa rry Brand 0 n & J Land Princess Charles. 10 p.m at My Sisters' Room. 1271 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.mysistersroom.com

Saturday, Feb. 12

The Auburn Avenue Research Library hosts two panel discussions: "New Scholarship in lGBTO Studies" and "Social Activ.ism in the 21st Century." Panelists will: include Ouncan Teague, Aretina Hamilton, Mary Anne Adams, Charles Stephens, Michael Brewer, Cheryl Courtney-Evans, Wesley Chenault, Pat Hussain, Jeshawna C. Whalley. and Ruby Sales. 12·4 p.m at 101 Auburn Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30303. wwwafpls.org/aarl

Spin to End 2011 is an indoor cycling lundraiser

to benefit Action Cycling Atlanta and AIDS vaccine research. lNoon - 6 prn at Woodrulf PE Center Cycling studio. Emory University Campus, 600 Asbury Circle, Atla nta GA, 30322, www.spinloend.org

Georgia Eq u allty hosts t ra i ni ng fo r it s upeo m i ng Lo bby Dayal I he Georg ia Genera I Assem bly. 2·6 p .m. at the Phillip Rush Cenler. 1530 DeKalb Ave. Suite A., Atlanta, GA 30307., www.georgiaeQuality.orQ

The Intergalactic Love Affair: A Cosmic Ball

,is billed as an interstellar night 01 music. cosmic costumes, unique live performances. and. unexpected

Friday, Feb. 11

The .Auburn .Avenue Research Library celebrates the donation of Atlanta ga.y activist Duncan Tea.gue's collection with an of Ii cial ann ounce me nl, prev.iew and reception from 7-9 p.m at 101 Auburn Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30303. www.afpls.org/aarl

excitements, featuring DJ Diablo Rojo and a special performance by the .Back Pockets. Sponsored by the Radical faeries and the flaming. SugarbaMr Sisters

01 Atlanta, the 18 and over event benefits YouthPride. 6-10 p.m. at Jungle, 2n5 Faulkner Rd .• Allanta. GA 30324. www.jungleclubatlanta.com

After the Intergalactic love Affair. OJ Oren Nfzr! spins and Phoenix performs at Jungle. 2115 faulkner Rd., Atlanta, GA 30324. www.jungledubatianla.com

Enjoy "An Evening of EllingtO.n" and the big band sound 01 the Jon Faddis Jazz Orchestra. 8 p.m. at Fersl Center lor the Arts at Georgia Tech, 349 Ferst Drive, Atlanta, GA 30332, www.ferstcenler.gatech.edu

OJ Scott A ntho n y spi n sat Amste rda m A I I a nta. 502-A Amsterdam Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30306. www.amsterdamallanta.com

Sunday, Feb. 13

Speakeasy Sunday: The Anti-Valentine's Edition prom i ses songs of h ea rtbreak, love and loss 9 pm at F ri ends 0 n Ponce, 736 Pon ce Oe leon Ave" A tla n ta GA 30306. www.lriendsonponce"atl.com

The Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce hosts the LGBT Co m m unity Exp 0, feaiuri ng the bast places to eat, work and shop. 1·5 pm at Georgia Inter' na tiona I Conven tion Ce nte (, 2000 Convention Ce nte r Co ncou rse. Co liege Park. GA 30337. www.AtlantaGayChamber.org, www.GICC.com

Monday, Feb. 14

Get your cowboy boots for the Valentine's Day Dance at 3 legged Cowboy, 931 Monroe Drive. Atlanta, GA 30308, www.3leg.gedcowboy.net

CONTINUED ON PAGE 30

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".Vl.] (It =t

m GA Voice\ February 4, 2011 \ Calendar

CIRQUE MECHANICS 'BOOMTOWN'

F.riday, February 18,8 p.rn.

The incomparable Cirque Mechanics fly, climb, and contort their way through Boomtown, the new show set in a Wild West mining town in 1865. In this show the performers, veterans 01 the Moscow Circus, Cirque du Soleil', Pickle Family Circus and other world-renowned companies, continue the exploration of performers and machines, and how they interact with each other.

MARGARET CHO

Saturday, February 19, 8p.m.

Revered for her raw in-your-face style, Margaret Cho is a prolific and critically acclaimed stand-up comedian. Her credits also include VH1's The Cho Show, and recurring roles on Lifetime's Drop Dead Diva and The Ghost Whi5penN

for CBS.

This performance contains adult language and coment and is recommended for adult audiences only.

125 Cisiremont Ave. Suite 150

Decatur, GA 30030 404-836-1120 www.hlmonestop.com

CONTINUED FROM PA.GE 29

Dine-Out for the AIDS Research Consortium of Atlanta, with 15 percent of your bill donated to the organization. 5'10 p.m at the Original EI Taco, 1186 N. Highland Ave., Atlanta, GA. 30306. www.arcatlanta.org.

Watch H RuPaut's .Dra.g Race" at 9 prn, and see a drag show featurinQ contestants including former contestants Nicole Paige Brooks and Mariah at

8 p. m. E i nste i ns. 1077 J u n i pe r st, Alia nta GA 30309. www:eins!einsatianta.com

Tuesday, ,Feb. 15

The Atlanta Lesbian & Gay Chamber of Commerce a nd Atlanta Exec u t ive Network host a Bus i ness Buitder Lunch. 11:55 arn -1 prn at Hudson Grille, Brookhaven Station 4046 Peachtree Road, Atlanla, GA 30319. www.atlantagaychamber.org

Wednesday, Feb. 16

"American Idol" alum C~lay Aiken, now openly gay. croons at Co bb En erQY Pertorming Arts Centre. 2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway, Atlanta. GA 30339. ww.cobben ergyce n!racorn

The At la n ta Exe cutive Network. an d AU enta Gay & Le s bian C ha m be r of Com m e ree host a Busin ess Builder lunch. 11:30 a.m. -12:35 prn at Doubletree Holel Northlake .. 4156 LaVista Road. Tucke~ GA 30084, www.atlantagaychamber.org

Thursday, Feb. 17

MEGA Family ProJect's Coming Out Support Group, a free service for adults, meets 7,8:30 pm at the MEGA Family Project office space al1530 Dekalb Avenue. Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307. The same night

al the same time is the group's "Waiting for the Stork" Prospective Parent Meet Up. www.megalamilyproject.org

Thursday, Feb. 17- Saturday, Feb. 19

"D es.ig ning Wo men Live" is a dra 9 rendiI i on of Ihe beloved televis i on series about stro ng-will ed Southern women. Now Ih ey are back with two new "episodes" straight from the sm all sc reen tn cl udes GA Voice columnist Topher Pavne as Jutia Sugarbake r. 8 p.m. at D nstaqe Atl anla, Or>stage Atlanta, 2597 North Decatu r Road. Atlanta. GA 30033. www.theprocesstheatre.org

Natal ia Zuke rman and the Ga r riso n Sta rrBa n d perform al8 pm at Eddie's Attic, 515 N McDonough St, Decatu r, GA 30030. www.eddiesattic.com

Bottomtess Beer for Boobies offers SID all-you-cand rin k beer untit t he keg run s dry, with proceeds goin g to the Alia nla 2·Day Wa I k lor Breast Ca neer . 7 p m. at FROGS Ca nti na. 931 M a nrc e 0 r. Atla nta GA 3030B. www.

f acebo ok.com/.boolsco ali nboob i es

Ctiterati. Open No-Mic featums spoken word on the th ird Thursday of eve ry month, Hosted by Ka ren G and The resa Davis, this mo nth's specia I guest is D via n Rocket. 7:30 - 9 prn at Cha ris !rooks & More. 1189 Eu cl i d Ave. NE. Attanta., GA 30307, Wll'w.chariscircle.org

Friday, Feb. 18

Cirque Mechanics fly, climb, and contort their way through Boomtown, the new show set in a Wild West mining town in 1865.8 pm at ferst

Genter for the Arts at Georgia Tech, 349 rerst Drive. Atlanta, GA 30332 www.lerstcenter.gatech.edu

Lesbian erotica wriler and former Atlantan Fiona Zedde returns to read, sign and chat about her new book, "Dangerous Pleasures." 7:30 p.m. at Cha ri s Books & Mo re, 1189 Euct id Ave., Alia n ta GA 30307, www.chariscircie.org

Saturday, Feb. 19

The Armorettes say "Goodbye To The Circus" to send BumbleBee toon -.A- Head out with a banQ. 8 p.m. at The Heretic, 2069 Chesim Brid'ge Road. Atlanta. GA 30324. www.hereticatlanta.com

Friday, Feb. 25

Halcyon performs at 10 pm at My Sister's Room, 1271 Glenwood Ave .. Atlanta, GA 30316, www.mysistersroomcorn

Gtitterbiscuits and OPPOSite Life perform 811 8 pm at Bellissima, 560 Amsterdam Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.bellissima·atlanta.com

www.theGAVoice.com

A&E/ February 4, 20n / GA Voice ID

DOMESTC DISTU

Yes Pease

Learning to negotiate sex after marriage

A few years ago, on the road trip leading up to our marriage, I made a significant sacrifice. It happened on the New Jersey Turnpike. That was the moment when I deleted all the pictures of penises from my phone.

It wasn't much of a collection. My pal Mandy has an impressive menagerie of penis pictures sent to her over tbe years. Men love photographing their junk. The reason we've seen such rapid improvements in the cameras on mobile devices is because guys over at iPhone keep asldng,"How can I take better photographs of my junk?"

Ahhough I didn't have many junk photos, each never failed to bring a smile to my face, amongst other physical reactions. Removing them was a symbolic gesture, making dear I had selected the manly parts 1 would like to gaze upon for the rest of my life. I could go in the kitchen right now and request to view Preppy's junk, and though he might be confused by the sudden demand, I could score a quick peek if I asked nicely.

That's one of the concepts of monogamous marriage that was extraordinarily appealing. After all those years of sleeping single in a double bed, I'd have my very own dedicated lifelong bedroom playmate. Yes, marriage is a sacred, beautiful thing, but a perk that of len goes unheralded is the simple filmy value of there be· ing one person in this world who knows exactly what gets you off. That freakin' rocks.

Thirty years down the road, Preppy will be able to close his ~yes and remember what I looked like in my twenties. He won't see me as just some naked middle-aged man, the way a stranger would. The shared history will make us beautiful.

However. The downside of this is that if your dedicated bedroom lifelong playmate ain't in the mood, you are officially out of luck. No nookie for you, which will lest the limits of your patience! sanity. You will mentally review the agreement You vowed to have sex with this person exclusively, and then after they secured that promise, they stopped having sex with you. In those tuckit-m-ibe-waistband .. and-move-on moments, rnonoganly can feel Like a dirty little trick specificaily

Topher Payne is an Atlanta'based playwright. and the autho r of the book "'Necessary lu xu ri es; Notes 0 n a

Se mi·fabulou$ li fe .. " fi nd out more at toph e rpayne.com

designed to cause sexual lrustra tion.

Here's me truth: Once you settle in to a life together, there is always one person in the relationship who wants the sex, and one person who determines whether the sex is gonna happen. For our purposes, we will call these individuals "Yes Please" and "The Decider." I can hear some a f you scoffing at this notion.

"Oh, silly Topher," you scoff. "Our sex life is a beautifully organic blossoming expression of our love, emerging through circumstance and scenari O. "

You only think that because you are The Decider. You just described how sex happens for you. If J asked your partner how and when sex happens, their answer would eventually boil down to it happening whenever you say so.

To be clear: Either party has the authority to determine when me sex absolutely isn't going to happen, but only The Decider holds the power of announcing when it is. The Yes Please/ Decider relationship is unrelated to gender, age, or oneorauon, My sister is a Decider. Mandy is a Yes Please. I am a Yes Please.

Sometimes a Yes Please will attempt revolt, trying to gain the upper hand by withholding SE'X from TIle Decider. l1lis is a fool's errand, as the Yes Please will inevitably cave when presented with the option of perfectly good sex, right there for the taking. Often this revolt will go entirely unnoticed by The Decider.

I remain convinced that the source of many sexual conflicts in relationships is that one party or the other has not acknowledged who The Decider is. If you don't believe me, bring it up. Marriage is basically JUSt a series of loving negotiations punctuated by errands.

Once you're both on the same page, the Yes Please can ease up on the "How about tonight?" entreaties, because you both accept that Yes Please is pretty much always up for it and just waiting for a cue. The Decider, meanwhile, experiences something akin to a superhero origin story: Yes, you have an awesome power, but with it comes great responsi:biliry.

"S . unrlsewas

our first and very best choice"

~ Cathy l.uce, Magical Meals Persona! Chef Sereice

My mother has been lovingly cared for at Sunrise of Decatur for ten years now. There is an inexpressible comfort to

know she is happy, peaceful, content and lovingly cared for in the safety of Sunrise of Decatur. I t has been such a bless, ing to my partner and me to see my mother's contentment and happiness. It aUows us to sleep well at night knowing she is "at home" and that my partner, our son and I are always welcomed and communicated with as a family.

-Cathy Luce , Magical Meals Personal Chef Service, www.mychefsire.wm/magicalmeah

Call 404-377-6111 to schedule a personal tour today!

S~E

ASSISTED LIVING®

Sunrise of Decatur

404·377·6111

920 Clairemont Avenue

Assisted Living • Memory Care

For more information and a FREE online newsletter, visit www.sunriseseniorliving.com

*Individual and group classes *Spanish/Bnglish translations

Pablo Aspe

Foreign Language Teacher, MS. p_aspe@yahoo.com 404.771.7341

on ponce

a steakhouse

RESERYATiONT1NE'S

S TODAYt

116 E. Ponce De Leon Ave.

Decaturl Ga 30030

404.924.2230

Sunday - Thursday: 5 p.m. ~ 10 p.m. Friday - Saturday: 5 p.m. -11 p.m.

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