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The Dream of the Ridiculous Man - by Fyodor-Dostoyevski

Introduction

For centuries many have pondered over the Bible.. looking for secret codes.. or hidden
messages.

This short story is a True Revelation.. because it actually explains - precisely - what that hidden
message really is..

When one reads beneath all the symbolism.. metaphors.. myths and riddles.. this is what we
discover... a very simple.. self-evident revelation... Something so obvious.. that we know it's true.

“Look! This is what we have investigated. So is it.
Hear it, and you know it for yourself." - Job5:27

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Chapter One - The Truth

Well, they call me a madman now, but I don't mind, you see, I love them, especially when they're
laughing at me. I'd like to share the joke with them, I would; I'd laugh at myself too. If only they
didn't make me feel so sad. What is it that makes me sad? Well, you see, they don't know the
truth, and I do.

I used to get upset about appearing ridiculous. In fact, I didn't just appear ridiculous.... I was, and I
always have been. Actually, I think I've known it since the moment I was born. I went to school,
then to university, but, the more I learnt...the more I realized how ridiculous I was.... and the more
I studied, the more obvious it became to me. So, the entire outcome of my education amounted to
proving that I was absurd.

Meanwhile life was teaching me the same thing. Year by year I became more aware of it in every
possible way, but I kept it to myself, the fact that I knew. Yet, as I reached manhood, I began to
face things more calmly. I think it was because it was dawning on me more clearly everyday that
it didn't matter, that I didn't matter, that nothing mattered.

It was then that I stopped worrying about my fellow human-beings. In fact, I stopped noticing
them altogether. I walked down the street bumping into people. It wasn't that I was lost in thought;
I'd long since given up thought. There was nothing worth thinking about, and nothing that I could
do that could make any difference. No, it was simply that I'd stopped caring. Do you see?

But that was before I learnt the truth..

Chapter Two - The Little Girl

It all happened in November; on the third of November to be precise, and since that day every
moment of my life has been printed indelibly on my mind.

It was a terrible night, dreadful weather, pouring rain, cold, relentless.. piercing through. The sort
of rain which has a distinct animosity towards people. The city where I live is a pretty depressing
place at the best of times, but that night, it was the gloomiest hole on earth.

I think somebody must have been turning the corner and she ran from me to him. a freezing cold damp. If I were going to kill myself in a few minutes. But I particularly remember her broken sandals. when suddenly this little girl grabbed hold of my arm. as you can imagine. I went straight to my room. I gazed at it for a long while. you ask . I didn't go. why did that tiny star clinch the matter? I have no idea. then why should I be bothered with her? Why bother with anything in the whole world? And yet I felt pity. and the girl had run into the street to find help. She clutched hold of my elbow.please!" Then she stopped. despite my financial predicament. each night. I pressed the barrel against my lips. Chapter Three . I know that sound. piercing through. at least two months before. making that odd sound. It was just a question of finding the perfect moment. and between them. that strangulated sound. and now that tiny star had given me the clue. I lifted it. on the contrary. I tried to get rid of her. for two months. I shook it away. That was when I turned and stamped my foot and I screamed at her. Oh. fathomless. She appeared to need me. I told her to call the police. I had returned to my rooms with the firm intention of shooting myself. She had created a problem. I had decided to kill myself long before that. It was very cold. She was choking on her words. dark chasms. Very carefully I pulled back the catch. I remember them even now. this it!" And then I remembered the little girl. She seemed terrified by something. She came after me. she left me.and replying with the utmost certainty: " Oh yes. I had splashed out on a revolver. and all she did was to cry out: "Sir! Please! . In the depths of one of those pits I noticed a tiny star. It made a sort of steam rise up from the gutters in the pavements. She had touched me. I glanced up at the sky. There I stood staring up at the sky. or some other disaster had befallen the woman. I would kill myself that night. and she ran across the road. My breath hung in the air. was a thin cotton dress. they struck me particularly. it was pitch black. Well. I could make out the tall wisps of clouds. I sat down at my table. the final moment of despair. because that tiny star had given me an idea. I opened the drawer and I took out my revolver. I had taken it home and loaded it immediately. It had to be that night. as if I mattered. tugging at my coat. turning . and she was crying out: "mama. She must have been about eight. in this cold. She ran after me. you see. question all my arguments? All these things went round and round in my head. It sparkled. In fact. I turned and walked away and said nothing. Why did I scream at her. beautiful. my mama!". lonely. I was transfixed by it. badly torn. and all she had on. Now. I looked at it. but it was quiet clear that her mother lay dying somewhere nearby. and as I did so I remember asking myself: "Is this it?" . So.? How could such a tiny voice challenge all the conclusions that I had come to. I was in a dilemma. Well.The Dream I arrived home. staring at my gun.At eleven o clock the rain suddenly stopped and gave way to a horrible dampness. She grabbed hold of my hand. I just sat there. She was soaked to the skin.

a day. Everywhere people where walking.. and I screamed out to Him. another minute. not my head. With great wings we flew up into the sky. Oh. The deep silence lasted nearly a minute." I made my position clear. but here my believes were being confounded. Then again I kept quiet. dropped onto my left eye-lid. and perfect. Then nothing. quiet dead. because I didn't believe in an after-life. I could see! I could see! He swept me up onto his shoulders. My heart. Suddenly it struck me.The Visitor I don't know how long I lay there. even though you may have suffered billions of years of silent martyrdom. Everyone had left and I was alone. glorious. and if you are.. because then. because to me. but strangely. then. Chapter Four . I was moving.. into deep darkness. I had planned to shot myself in my right temple.. two. Suddenly.. and so on. seen such darkness. I felt dazed. and that was when my tomb was ripped open. stretched out. there was no doubt about that. but. never. In my dream I picked up the gun and pointed it straight at my heart. a drop of water. I pointed it at my heart. Regular drops at timed intervals. they all laugh at me now. as I had intended to do. I was lying on something hard.. I fell asleep in my chair. Oh. I've never. and another drop fell. . It made me furious. I waited one moment. and so on. an hour perhaps. and say it was just a dream. That little girl saved my life.. I was dead. I was lifted out of my grave by some strange being. being jolted. total blackness all around me.. and they were piling soil into my grave. talking. indignation welled up inside me. and if there is some great mind behind this then reveal your plan! But if you are punishing me because of my stupid little suicide. I knew that from now on everything would change. totally alone. I was flat on my back. just a dream? It makes no difference dream or not to me. another drop. maybe several days. angry. Quickly I pulled the trigger and everything went out. somehow. it revealed the truth. something that's never happened to me before.. suddenly the room began to sway. Suddenly. seeping through the lid of the coffin. A dream was it? Is that what it was. One minute later another drop.. I was being carried. a new life..these questions over and over in my mind. my dream revealed to me a different reality. the one who I assumed was responsible for my fate: "Whoever you are. and I was stuck in my coffin with the lid shut fast. then let me tell you that no torture you can devise will compare with the contempt I shall feel for you.

because their own lives were full of meaning. appearing to know everything already. and somehow more real. its inhabitants still lived in an earthly paradise. Only here paradise extended over the entire earth. Twinkling in the deep darkness. with extasy. and their knowledge was far more profound and deeper than our science. They didn't ask any questions. . They took me to their homes.Heaven I don't know how it happen exactly. and I couldn't comprehend the intensity of the love with which they saw them. a twin. I couldn't see how they could know so much. a duplicate. The sea lapped the shore. and lavished kindness upon me. childlike joy in their faces and voices. That's what made me so afraid. it was as if they were communicating with beings like themselves. in the bright sunlight. I was overcome by such a familiar feeling. thronged round me. nor the love that carried me towards it. loving it. because if this was a sun like ours. I was filled with longing. pressed around me. beautiful. of course. In fact. They enjoyed life. I was hardly aware. waved to me with thousands of shimmering leaves. Suddenly. and that their aspirations were quite different. These people laughed happily. It was mysterious. oh. so stirring. so it seemed. I soon realised that their knowledge fed upon much different revelations than ours. The birds. on a day as lovely as paradise. They came towards me. Each one of them was anxious to make me happy. I knew it couldn't be our sun. then where was the earth? My companion pointed to a star twinkling in the darkness. that is! I'd never ever seen such beauty in human beings on our earth. lonely. like an emerald. expressing the serenity of those who have supremely fulfilled themselves. Slowly they emerged from the forest.The Ascension . perhaps. only somehow brighter. caressing it. When I looked into their eyes I understood everything! This earth hadn't been desecrated by the Fall of Man. My companion had gone. in very young children would it be possible to find a remote suggestion of that beauty. Chapter Five . but suddenly I found myself on this other earth. And then. in all their glory. Oh.Although. They didn't want anything and were absolutely serene. The trees. Only. I don't think I'd be wrong in saying that they talked to them! Yes . and I knew I would never be able to enter the depths of that wisdom. For example. this journey had a purpose. I couldn't believe it! Everything. they didn't strive to find the meaning of life. they pointed at their trees. beating the air with their soft wings. richer. We were heading straight towards it. And.their own sun. . The eyes of these happy people were radiant and their faces were intelligent. It was for my benefit entirely. I saw our sun. But there was also simple. I came to know the people of this other earth. and embraced me. because something told me that I could not escape the pain that lay ahead of me. but my whole being cried out that it was a sun exactly like ours. They were in a hurry to remove the signs of suffering from my features. when there was no indication that they had any knowledge of the achievements of our modern science. all around me was exactly like our earth. how beautiful were these children of the sun .they'd found the language of the . settled on my shoulders and hands with out fear.

instead they had a sort of tangible. They rejoiced in their new-born children as new sharers of their bliss. They composed songs about one another and in them showered childlike praise upon their friends. loved them. before retiring. but they came straight from the heart and penetrated other hearts. Some of their rapturous and solemn songs were completely beyond my understanding. It was beyond my brainpower. There was no need to attack anyone. they formed magnificent. harmonious choirs. Obtaining food and clothing required little effort. but I'm certain that they had some sort of communication with the stars. a live. loving animals. They strolled through their beautiful woods and meadows singing their sweet songs. and sipping the milk of the friendly. Yes. They had no faith. but I never detected among them those outbursts of cruel sensuality that are so common on our earth. by love. and in their songs they conveyed all the impressions that the departing day had given them. for they were all one family. direct knowledge of them rather than a rational. Those people never tried to make me understand them. They seemed puzzled when I asked them about eternal life. only love that reached the point of rapture. as though they had a foreknowledge of it that they shared with one another. One might have thought they maintained contact with their people after death. Their children were the children of all. as though they were in love with one another. and constant communication with the Universal Whole. Smiling at them and receiving their bright smiles in return. They loved me anyway. they were subdued. They didn't have any temples. scientific understanding. And I knew they'd never understand me. They never had any quarrels and were never jealous of one another.they really spent their whole lives admiring one another. I felt I was becoming as pure and as truthful as they were. gathering honey and the fragrant fruit of their forests. and I'm sure they could understand them. and which is almost the sole source of our sins. But my heart seemed to soak it in. for apparently it was beyond all possible doubt to them. there would come for the living and the dead a day of even closer communion with the Universal Whole. In the evenings. They knew love and begot children. as it were. as they gazed at me with their eyes so full of love.. that the earthly link wasn't severed by it. and that it didn't matter whether I understood them or not. Even when I understood the words. I never witnessed any sorrow or tears on these occasions. The animals lived in peace with them. how could the people from our earth ever understand this? The people pointed out stars to me and spoke to me about them.plants. a sort of calm. in their hearts. A feeling of the . All of nature was in harmony with them. praising it and bidding it farewell. but without impatience. live. Oh. I couldn't understand what they said. contemplative rapture of fulfillment. blessing those staying behind. They waited for that day with joy. They were as playful and gay as children.. but had instead a firm knowledge that when their earthly happiness was filled to the limit. sea. surrounded by people taking leave of them. Their songs were very simple. but their old people died peacefully. that's why I hardly ever mentioned our earth to them. They praised nature. without longing. they didn't even understand what jealousy meant. although death existed. earth. And it wasn't only their songs . and forests. These people were like that with all nature. I couldn't grasp their entire meaning. as though falling asleep. Illness was almost completely unknown among them.

frightened. The people were shocked. And. Like a sinister trichina.. Even though that were so sure their wishes could never come true. I spread contamination into that world. they invented the idea of justice. They began talking in different languages. dismissing it as a dream. The people learned from me how to lie. Recriminations and accusations began. like a plague germ contaminating whole kingdoms. in the end. They began drawing up huge codes of law. Very soon. Countless temples were built. They formed alliances. they began to separate. Slavery made its first appearance. parties. and yet they longed so much to become happy and innocent once more. worshipping the nonbeing.The Fall of Mankind . to appreciate the beauty of lies. blood was shed for the very first time. The truth is that. and the more depraved they became. in which they defiled their own desires. and the notion that they had once been so happy made them laugh. and self annihilation. leaving in me only a general impression of the whole. Chapter Six . Then came jealousy. up to now. unions. Like small children. that while they no longer believed in their lost bliss. the people threw themselves into sensuality at any cost. sinless planet. I'm going to tell you about that truth which. Bitterly disillusioned. I don't remember too clearly. Religions began to emerge. I corrupted the lot of them! How I managed to do it. movements. All I know is that I caused their fall from grace. Saints came to those people and preached to them about their pride. they begun to worship their desires. and to maintain their law they erected scaffolds. Their blood splattered the doors of the temples. . and what's mine and what's yours. and prayed to this idea. I can't say.. As the bacteria spread they began talking of honour. I contaminated with my person that entire happy.Hell And now. and proceeded to worship them. and they called it a dream. My dream flashed through aeons. and I adored them in silence.. They came to understand shame.fullness of life seized me by the throat. as they became criminals. the more they applauded these ideas. their loss of a sense of proportion. for the sake of eternal repose in nothingness. resorting to violence to satisfy their appetites. The saints were laughed at and stoned. They came to love lying. fraternity. I ended up by corrupting them all! Yes. even the voluntary slavery in which the weak submitted to the strong of their own free will. independence. A strange thing was. if only in order to gain their support to oppress those who were even weaker than themselves.. I've refused to reveal. and jealousy begot cruelty. They became all violently opposed towards one another. and made a virtue of it.

everyone would serve the great idea. I exclaimed. Oh. Everything that would force mankind to unite. intellect. Give me life! I was elated! I was on fire with hope. Oh! for the torments that they were suffering! But they just laughed at me and called me a madman and a fool. crying. orators and governments. for I have seen the truth. I taught them how to make a cross. on and on. every drop. I don't know how to build paradise on earth. for I have seen it with my own eyes. and the living image has taken over me forever. declarations. systems. . I begged them to crucify me. Instead I'll go on. I refuse to believe that wickedness is our natural state. Meanwhile the wise exterminated the unwise. and lies. vice.they worshiped them with tears in their eyes. speeches. yes. reason. To tell everybody. I was responsible. I woke up in my chair.. self preservation. I've no idea. They proclaimed suffering to be beautiful. about 5 o clock. I had done it I said. ready. hating myself. I wanted my blood to be drained. on and on the illusion of peace went. Freedom! Freedom for everyone to love himself far more than everybody else! Great wars were fought for this idea. I saw my revolver lying in front of me. granted. How to build a world based on unity and freedom. Oh. But what is a dream? Isn't our own life just a dream? . but how the mockers fail to appreciate that! They're so proud of themselves! Just a dream they say. in case they should get in the way of the idea's final and absolute triumph. At last.. finally. they were worn out with their meaningless existence. so they praised suffering in their songs. and I know that mankind could be happy and beautiful. since I've seen the truth with my own eyes. You know what? Do you want to know what? To tell them the truth. I held up my arms to them in despair. Finally they warned me that I was becoming dangerous and that they would lock me up in a madhouse if I didn't shut up. I'll speak out. And that's when I came to my senses. Suffering lined their faces. I had infected them with contamination.Faith It was already morning. great leaders appeared . I longed to be martyred at their hands.The New Dawn . but before dawn. loaded. accusing. but that doesn't matter.claiming to know how to bring everyone together again. Chapter Seven . I wandered among them. creeds. There was deep silence all around me. They dismiss it all as a dream. . to shout out. . I'll go ahead. books. corruption. pleading. And so it went on. And then. and I wanted to live! To shout.. I pushed it away: "No!".

. "The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the surface of the Earth. Oh yes.. it could be done. Accept responsibility for my actions. repeated. and then. That's the main thing. in a single hour. nothing else. and what I must do. Then I can begin. isn't it? Well.Well." - Gospel of Thomas Home Page . and when I find the little girl. I'll go on. said billions of times.. in a single day. so its nothing but an old truth. and I shall find her. Do that and the way forward is clear. what if paradise is never achieved? What if it never happens? What then? Then I'll still go ahead. but men do not see it. isn't it? That's it. isn't it? Alright.. I'll go further. Alright... it could be done so easily. Surely we could love each other as we love ourselves... conceal nothing.. I'll admit what I did.. but why hasn't it taken root then? If only we all wanted it! Then everything could begin again. Absolutely nothing else is necessary.