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What ever country or societ y
peo ple live in, t hey all have t he same deep desire: to become happy. Yet , t here are few ideals as difficult to grasp as t hat of happiness. In our daily life we co nst ant ly exper ience happiness and unhappiness, but we are st ill quit e ig no rant as to what happiness really is.
A yo ung fr iend of mine once spent a long time trying to work out what happiness was, part icular ly happiness for women. When she first t hought about happiness she saw it as a matt er of becoming financially secure or gett ing married. (The view in Japanese societ y t hen was t hat happiness for a woman was only t o be fo und in marriage.) But looking at friends who were married, she realized t hat marriage didn't necessarily guarant ee happiness.
She saw couples who had been passionat ely in love suffer ing from discord soo n aft er t heir wedding. She saw women who had married men wit h money or st atus but who fought const ant ly wit h t heir husbands.
Gradually, she realized t hat t he secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self t hat no trial or hardship could ruin. She saw t hat happiness for anyone - man or wo man - does not come simply from having a formal educat ion, from wealt h or fro m marriage. It begins wit h having t he strengt h to confront and conquer one's o wn weaknesses. Only t hen does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjo y a successful marriage.
She finally t old me, "Now I can say wit h confidence t hat happiness doesn't exist in t he past or in t he fut ure. It only exist s wit hin our st ate of life r ight now, here in t he present, as we face t he challenges of daily life."
I agree ent irely. You yourself know best whet her you are feeling joy or struggling wit h suffer ing. These t hings are not known to ot her people. Even a man who has great wealt h, social recognit ion and many awards may st ill be shadowed by indescr ibable suffer ing deep in his heart. On t he ot her hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunat e financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel t he sun o f jo y and happiness rising in her heart each day.
Happiness is not a life wit hout problems, but rat her t he st rengt h to overcome t he pro blems t hat come our way. There is no such t hing as a problem- free life; difficu lt ies are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems
This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled."relat ive" and "abso lut e" happ iness.depends on us. beaut iful new views will come into sight. However much yo u try. But t hat feeling t urns to miser y t he moment t hey start making new addit ions to t heirs! Abso lut e happiness. t he size of our home or family inco me. The challenges we face in life can be compared to a t all mount ain. Our vit alit y . Relat ive happiness is also based on comparison wit h ot hers. however. People change. t he fact is t hat no ne of t his last s forever. Relat ive happiness is happiness t hat depends on t hings out side ourselves: fr iends and family. every inch of the climb will be filled wit h t error and pain. Things change. We may feel t his kind o f happiness at having a newer or bigger home t han t he neighbors. is somet hing we must find wit hin. you can never run away from yourself. surroundings. whose legs and arms have been strengt hened by const ant training. My t eacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness . Wit h each st ep forward and up.t he amount of energy or "life. or somet hing we have longed for is o bt ained. While t he happiness such t hings bring us is cert ainly real. It is wit hin you. rising befo re a mo unt ain climber. whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow. The exact same climb. on t he ot her hand. will be a t hrilling journey for someone who is prepared. yourself. Happiness is to be found in t he dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obst acle aft er anot her. It means est ablishing a st ate of life in which we are never defeat ed by t rials and where just being alive is a source of great jo y. Buddhism t eaches t hat we are each responsible for our own happ iness or unhappiness. suffer ing will fo llow you wherever you go. in t he st at e of our heart s. This kind of happ iness shatt ers easily when ext ernal condit ions alt er.force" we have . This persist s no matter what we . This is why I believe t hat a perso n who is act ive and free from fear is truly happy.is in fact t he single most import ant fact or in det ermining whet her or not we are happy. And if you are weak. True happiness is to be found wit hin. You will never find happiness if yo u do n't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from wit hin. It does not exist o n t he far side of some dist ant mountains. For someone who has not trained properly.
"Today. true happiness is fo und in a life of const ant advancement . Talk to us about art. and dedicat ed t he rest of her long life to creat ing children's t heat er. This k ind of sat isfact ion is to be found in consist ent and repeat ed effort. We should compare who we are today against who we were yest erday. I have no regret s.mig ht be lacking. so t hat we can say. In t he 1930s. Eventually. She realized t hat many of her fellow priso ners had special skills and t alent s. And t he same worries t hat could have made us miserable can act ually be a source of growth when we approach t hem wit h co urage and wisdom. she was already in her 80s. Such a person can confidently enjoy life. It is et ernal and inexhaust ible. While t his may seem simple and obvious. Teach us about science. When we met for t he first t ime in Moscow in 1981. she st arted looking at her sit uat ion. again." enco uraging t he prisoners to share t heir knowledge. She began organizing a "universit y. I did my ver y best. Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit. To day." In t his way. A person with a profound spirit is happy. You are a scient ist . What we should compare is not ourselves against ot hers. One fr iend whose dramat ic life proved t his was Nat alia Sat z. who we are today against who we will be to morrow. . again.year prison sent ence. Today. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young gir l. again. A person with a strong will is happy. t he boredom and t error of t he prison camp were transformed into t he jo y o f learning and t eaching. A deep sense of joy is so met hing which can only exist in t he innermost reaches of our life. Hers is t he kind of spir it I had in mind when I wrote t he following poem on "Happiness": A person with a vast heart is happy. and which canno t be destroyed by any ext ernal forces. never defeated by suffering. I won. or what might happen around us. "You. she and her husband were marked by So viet Union's secret police. She survived t he five. who founded t he fir st children's t heat er in Moscow. Aft er she recovered from t he init ial shock. You are an art ist. but for opport unit y." The accumulat ed result of such effort s is a life of great vict ory. Mrs. Satz even made use of her own unique t alent s to organize a t heat er group. Even t hough t hey were guilt y of no crime. Her smile was t he smile of so meo ne who has triumphed over t he hardships of life. not wit h despair. her husband was arrest ed and execut ed and she was sent to a prison camp in t he fro zen dept hs of Siber ia.
They say. study happiness One of the greatest shifting activities we do with our clients is called "100 things that make me happy". our mind registers similar amounts of happiness whether the cause is big or small. from negative to positive. It is as . At first. happy with your financial freedom or just generally happy with yourself. a flower. into the magic land. where a smile. One big lesson in happiness is that we need to know what it is if we want to get it. from complaining to appreciation. from complaining to appreciation. In a strange way. most people think of big things . from sadness to happiness .Such a person can savor life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity. Count the little things Some people believe they will find happiness as a result of doing hard thing. Focusing on the things that make us happy diverts our focus in life from what we do not have to what we have. from negative to positive and from sadness to happiness. achievement and success. Finding 100 things is not easy. eating a mango or sitting on the beach can make us as happy as the big things would. singing out loud. so they feel like they will never get there. your upbringing and things you have experienced in life. it is as if we go deeper into our being. Making a list is a great way of defining happiness. yet although most of us think it is important. a fast car or a trip to the Maldives (I am still dreaming of this one) . but that definition may be making it very hard for you to feel happy.but when we get to the 10th item on the list.Ronit Baras Happiness is the ultimate desire. happy with your health. Whether you are happy with your relationships. "I will be happy when«". It is as simple as this: If you want to be happy. A person with a pure mind is happy. but that time never comes. Focusing on the things that make us happy diverts our focus in life from what we do not have to what we have. you want to be happy! Happiness is a measurement of fulfillment. Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy. Your definition of happiness was probably formed with the help of your family.a big house. we dedicate more time to other things than we do to studying the art of being happy. happy with your social life. happy with your job/profession/career.
on the side of the road or when I buy them for myself. Looking at other people's lists can save us from guessing. Not all their ideas will suit you directly. drinking hot chocolate or eating food you enjoy. which was a big change of focus for her. friends and colleagues we are trapped in a guessing game of how to make them happy. For example. So list things you do every day and require little or no money. titled "Things that make me happy". That made her feel even happier. Looking over the list with her husband made her realize she'd had a great day. "Eating watermelon doesn't make me happy. but with the same effort I could make him coffee to make him happy. she also discovered her husband had secretly supported her personal development all along and wanted to be a part of it. A woman in one my first women's focus groups said during our 1st session that coming that evening was a great challenge for her. but her husband had pointed out to her things from her list she had done during that day. Happy list and kids . siblings. parents. In the process. We tend to do things that would fit into our own list. so having lots of little things that happen often quickly amounts to lots of happiness. We have many clients whose focus shifted by making this list and sharing it.if they have positioned a big obstacle in front of them so that small bits of happiness would not suffice. She went on to tell us how she had felt a bit down before coming. taking a hot shower. If flowers make me happy. but they can get you thinking. like hugging. in which she had pasted 100 small pieces of paper with the things that made her happy. but eating mango does" or "Swimming doesn't make me happy. She brought a beautiful album. because they are the happiness-causing things we know. but walking barefoot on soft sand does". she wanted to show the group the 100 things that made her happy. During the 5th session. kissing. I can choose to be happy when I see flowers in the shop. when that control should stay with me. He had spotted "Bailey's Irish Cream" on her list and told her he had bought a bottle for when she came back from our session. A quick peek at my list gave Gal the idea of writing me a note on the mirror and attaching a flower to it. Help from others One of the best ways to complete your list is to ask other people for ideas. Responsible happiness One of the greatest challenges of making the happiness list feeling your happiness depends on others. A quick peek at Gal's list showed me there was no point making him hot chocolate. however. as in "I'm happy when Gal brings me flowers". Happiness accumulates. because her partner did not like her leaving him alone with the kids. In our relationships with our partners. A situation like this gives Gal control over my happiness. children.
Kids are naturally happy. Sitting with them and helping them verbalize their happiness will help them choose happiness whenever they need to. This is mainly because their definitions are limited by their short life experience. kids may link happiness with getting presents and having material possessions. things that are within your control to do or to get Write simple things that can make you happy without having to spend too much money. time or effort . Wow. but may not be clear about why or may not be able to define it clearly. 100 things that make me happy Use our 100 Things list to make a list of every little thing that makes you happy. Pressure blocks creativity and memory. but this should be good food for thought Go over your daily. The thinking process can bring you to one of two conclusions: 1.write them down When you get stuck (and you will get stuck a few times). Unfortunately. i.Surprisingly. I actually have a lot of happiness in my life . I told her it was really a hard task. As with many other things. This is very hard. take a deep breath and keep thinking. they were actually pretty miserable. From a position of lack (they do not have their own money). How to find lots of things that make you happy y y y y y y y y y y y Write a list of 100 things that make you happy.please see my tips below 2. so relaxing will get you going again When you are out of ideas.great! Keep going and list another 100 things At the end of one of my workshops. Writing down is a good way of putting order in the load of emotions. Do not just think them . No wonder I do not feel happy . kids find it hard to write the things that make them happy. You always have the freedom to change or choose differently. they write many material things they want to possess in order to be happy. if this activity is not done early enough. She said that finding 100 things that make us happy is too hard. my daughter Eden (who was 15 years old then) told me I was very cruel. weekly and even annual routines and ask yourself "What parts make me happy?" Think of food and drinks that make you happy Think of people that make you happy Think of your hobbies Think of feelings you like to feel Think of thoughts that contribute to your happy feeling Write responsible things. I have so many. ask family members and friends for ideas. it is our job as parents to lead by example and demonstrate to our kids what makes us happy so they will learn the same.e. I have only 25 things. but if people did not have thousands of happy things to list.
Make sure you can experience your first 100 happy things often .every hour. which is the ultimate source of happiness for me and fits nicely on the list. it is something I can only experience once every few years. the happier you life will be Be happy in life! . On my first list.y y Look for things you can experience often. every week or even whenever you want Post your list in a visible place and show it to others Once you have the list. do these three things: 1. Look at your list every evening to realize you have had a happy day 3. I wrote "Traveling around the world and getting to know new cultures". The more you have. Look at your list every morning to motivate yourself 2. However. Add happy things to your list. every day. so it is not suitable for the first 100 list.
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