Bartista By Alexander (JOLEAF) Jolliffe

PIGEON FLIGHT (OPENING) SPECIAL EFFECTS SHOT? A pigeon flies into shot and meanders it’s way into a large city revealing buildings as it goes. (opening credits appear in clouds) It flies past a local independent coffee shop and eventually ends up facing the Barista corporate coffee shop. CUT TO INSIDE OF BARISTA STORE A customer (portrayed as a stickman) is enjoying a latte and a paper by the window. BANG A pigeon fly’s into the window. The man sprays out his coffee. CUT TO TIM BEHIND THE BAR. TIM *giggle* CAROL Whats so funny? TIM Nothing... TITLE SHOT (WITH TIM AND ESSPRESSO MACHINE) TIM MEETS ALICE CUT SHOT OF A CUSTOMER DRINKING CAROL Next call. TIM Next call... CAROL Piccolo latte. TIM Small latte. Sequence of Tim making a latte. Sensually animated. Bit like an M&S advert. (rushed!)


CONTINUED: CAROL Next call grande mocha TIM Next call grande mocha CAROL Next call gigante cappuccino TIM Gigante cappuccino... PACE SLOWS DOWN AS TIM LOVINGLY MAKES A CAPPUCINO. CAROL Next call, piccolo latte and another piccolo latte. Tim starts lovingly making a latte TIM Why not just say two small lattes? (line said while he is beautifully finishing off the latte art) The second latte is ready to pour. CAROL Because we don’t do small and god can you hurry up! Ughhh.


She snatches the shot for the drink and sloppily pours the steamed milk with a dollop of foam landing on top. Tim hands out the two same drinks of different quality to two separate stick man customers that are standing together. The one with the shit latte lingers with a sobbing face. He looks at his latte again then walks away. Tim is making a drink FOCUS ON TIM ALICE Hi, can I get a small latte and maybe (picks up biscuits and wiggles them) these ginger biscuits? TIMS POV Tim glances over at Alice on first glance he sees a stick man like the rest of the customers. (CONTINUED)



CAROL Yes, would you like any cakes or pastries with that? Tim double takes FOCUS ON ALICE FROM TIMS POV ALICE FROM CAROLS POV ALICE Um, I got my biscuits thanks. CUT TO TIM HANDING OVER THE DRINK TIM Umm a small latte? CLOSE UP: ALICE FROM TIMS POV ALICE Yeh cheers. Alice gives a huge cute smile, Tim goes red. RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT Alice places her latte on the table and sits down. She puts her hand into her bag and pulls out "Ghost World" by Daniel Cowls, opens it up, and starts reading. LONG SHOT OF ALICE FROM TIMS POV THAT TURNS IN TO A WIDE SCREEN SHOT AS IT’S HELD. TIM (internal monologue) I’m in awe. She is... she’s just... Tim smiles, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath in. Tim enters a day dream. The colour palette turns to a sepia; Tim is on beach. He turns his head. Alice is running towards him in slow motion. He starts running towards her in slow motion. (Spoof the potter’s wheel scene from Ghost) The chords of unchained melody play. (Sound like old record player). A close up of Alice looking down. Cut to what she’s looking at; she’s slowing pouring a latte (same framing as the potters wheel shots). Tim’s hands run along hers and intertwine. Cuts to a shot of Tim sitting behind Alice. Tim (CONTINUED)



goes to kiss her, and just before they kiss cut to out of space! Unchained melody is stopped by the sound of a laser gun. Alice and Tim are back to back in awesome 1950’s sci-fi style space suits fighting big headed green aliens. (With music similar to the sound track of "Flash Gordon"). They defeat all the aliens and embrace. They go to kiss but their helmets prevent them. Tim snaps out of the dream. The music stops only cafe foley is heard. MEDIUM CLOSE UP: ALICE Alice looks up and giggles. MEDIUM CLOSE UP: TIM Tim dorkishly smiles back, realises something’s up, and looks down to discover the milk has over steamed and is gushing all over his apron. TIM (internal monologue) Fuck, play it cool. CUT BACK TO ALICE She sees, giggles, smiles at him and carries on reading. CUT BACK TO TIM Tim is transfixed by Alice whilst making a drink very effortlessly. He hands out a latte with a heart drawn in the foam. A manly stick man receives it and raises his eyebrow. TIM (internal monologue) OK I have to talk to her, be a man Tim. (Whisper) You are the man. I’m just going to the loo. (said to Carol) Leaves the bar and begins to walk over. He arrives at her table.




SMASH SMASH SMASH. The sound of a clean batch of mugs being dropped. A chill goes down Tim’s spine. Three sets of mugs smash with comic timing every time just before he opens his mouth. TIM Huff. Tim gives an indication to Alice that he’ll be a sec using his index finger. Alice smiles and watches him walk away. Tim walk behind the bar and disappears under it. The blurred figure of Alice walks past in the foreground of shot. Tim’s head pops up and catches her leaving. He has a sad face. ZOOM OUT TO REVEAL A NOTE LEFT ON THE TABLE. (ALL IN ONE SHOT) A hand picks up the note. THE CAMERA FOLLOWS THE NOTE AS IT IS PICKED UP TO REVEAL TIM’S FACE. (STILL SAME SHOT) FOCUS ON NOTE The note reads: "Dear the cute barista man, I will be in the Briar Rose at 9pm and you shall buy me a drink :) Alice xx" THE BUS CLOSE UP: TIM, DRIVER Tim steps on to the bus. TIM Single please... Tim turns his head towards the rear of the bus. TIM Ohh fuck! The bus is filled with all of his past lovers. He begins walking to the rear of the bus; as he walks past his exs’ labels pop up stating why they broke up. "She cheated on him." "He cheated on her." (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: "She doesn’t like coffee." "She’s still in love with him." He sits down at the back of the bus. The old flames crowd round him making him feel trapped. Voice over is read over the top. VOICE OVER As Tim stared down the bus to see every girl he’d ever kissed he thought to himself, do I really want all this again? The heart ache, the pain, the stress? Well frankly its just something he can’t avoid, for somewhere in our DNA it is written it’s just something we can’t avoid...


The line "its just something we can’t avoid..." cues the camera to zoom rapidly into Tim’s eye and down to the microscopic level of DNA. A piece of DNA untwists it’s self. The strands are replaced with letters and they read. VOICE OVER Fall in love and multiply. The camera rapidly zooms out to the bus which is now empty, apart from Tim, a chav, and a tramp. The sound of the bus and grime playing off the chav’s phone. Tim cautiously smiles, gets up and walks off the bus. Tim walks to the pub. THE DATE Tim enters the pub. Tim scans the room to see Alice sat on a high seat reading "Chicken and Plumbs" by Majane Statrapi. Tim walks over. TIM Hi? Alice? ALICE Hey. Aw you look nice out your uniform. Tim smiles. TIM Cheers, can I get you a... Alice interrupts (CONTINUED)



ALICE Yes please, Archers and coke. TIM Is that even a drink? ALICE Ha, yes! Tim fetches drinks. CAMERA IN THE MIDDLE OF TIM AND ALICE AT TABLE LEVEL. General conversation is heard (write silly dialog) They drink They chat They drink The table begins to fill with drinks. TehY cHAt They move to a club Many drinks later.... ZOOM FROM TABLE IN CLUB THROUGH CROWDS OF STICK MEN ON TO THE DANCE FLOOR They are dancing on the the dance floor surrounded by stick people. Alice kiss’s him? ALICE Where you live? TIM Er Kingsheath? Alice drags him off. WES ANDERSON STYLE SHOT They go down the club stairs, past a bouncer, through the exit, onto the street, and into a taxi; Alice leans forward and talks to the driver, then prompts Tim to tell him his address. The taxi pulls away. The taxi journey is in double time. They are kissing very eagerly. Taxi stops, Tim leans forward to pay. Alice leads him out the taxi. She runs up to (CONTINUED)



the door nearest to the taxi. Tim goes to his house next door she runs back round. They go through the front door and Alice starts to undress... TIM’S HOUSE MATE Hi? Alice does her buttons back up. They run upstairs and jump on to the bed fully clothed, kissing. She pulls off Tim’s top. Alice catches something out the corner of her eye. ALICE Oh my god. Is that Spock! TIM Yeh. (Goes red) ALICE You are too cool! Alice kisses Tim and jumps out of bed. CAMERA IS PLACED BEHIND ALICE FACING TIM. Alice begins to undress. She gets down to her tights and bra. She pauses. Smiles at Tim and takes off her tights. She takes of her bra and jumps into bed. They carry on kissing. Tim turns off the light. The colours change to blues and purples. Alice takes off Tim’s jeans, which takes a bit of effort as they are skinny jeans. This scene is sexy, no nipple or willies are shown, except for one nipple slip. In extreme close ups. Alice opens Tim’s bed side draw and pulls out a condom. A JLS condom. Camera focuses on Mr Spock on the bed side table wobbling and falling over while they have sex. THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE. Tim enters the room with two cups of tea and toast. He gives her a cup. ALICE So you don’t just make coffee? TIM I’m a man of many talents. Alice looks at a clock.




ALICE Shit! Tim looks at a clock. TIM What? ALICE WORK! TIM Oh fuck! I don’t wanna go work. Alice jumps out of bed and starts throwing clothes on. ALICE But your job’s so fun! TIM Umm not really. Tricking customers into thinking that spending an extra quid on a coffee is somehow helping the environment, or the ambiance of a generic, off-the-peg, coffee shop is some how enriching their lives. ALICE Hey, I’m one of those customers... TIM When really all you’re doing is lining the pockets of some fat cat Americans. Coffee should support the local economy rather than America’s fat cat monopoly of an economy! ALICE Well then stop being part of the problem, be part of the solution! TIM I’m guna stop wasting my time earning money for the super rich! Stop charging obscene amounts for what is frankly wank coffee! I’m guna quit my... Cut to the sound of milk being steamed. "Three Months Later" written in futura/white on black.


THE NEW TIM? Close up of Tim steaming milk. ALICE Hey dick head. (Whispered in Tim’s ear.) Alice kisses Tim on the cheek. Could you make that cute old lady a flat white. A cute old lady who is not a stick man smiles. TIM Sure thang. Tim makes a flat white. TIM Flat white? (he asks the old lady) OLD LADY Yes dear, thank you The camera zooms out to reveal an arty coffee shop filled with characters, rather than stick men. The camera zooms out of the building to the shop front. Then across the road to a pigeon. The pigeon takes off and flies out of the city. The credits roll. The pigeon flies into clouds. A plane jet engine appears, the pigeon flies into it. Its feathers are fired out over text reading "THE END". END