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Corporate Lessons


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Corporate Lessons
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. (Charlie Chaplin)

Comedy is an escape, not from truth but from despair; a narrow

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Lesson #01 - Focus on Solutions not on Problems
Lesson #02 - Potato Garden and FBI
Lesson #03 - The Monkey Visa
Lesson #04 - The Actual Problem
Lesson #05 - 800 Dollars
Lesson #06 - You will find Glory
Lesson #07 - Three Wishes
A Clever
Lesson #08 - Corporate Ladder and Reduced Balls Comedy is tragedy
Lesson #09 - Engineers vs Managers that happens to
other people.
Lesson #10 - Copy and Paste
Lesson #11 - Men always have better friends
Lesson #12 - Prayers have been answered Which way up does this photo go?
Lesson #13 - How to fill your empty glass? Make your photo as genius
Make your name as Google Logo
Lesson #14 - Tomato Story Check out your Lucky Number
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Lesson # Focus on Solutions not on Problems BBC Comedy Page

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese

management was the case of the empty soap box, which World Women Conference
happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The Zaroorat-e-Rishta
company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a Aashqon Ki Qismein
Dilchasp Insani Naam
soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated
Aamon Kay Dilchasp Naam
the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the
packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some
reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty.
Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Here are
the two solutions from two different approaches:

Solution-A The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray

machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to
watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make
sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they
worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so

Solution-B But when a rank-and-file employee in a small

company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into
complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another
solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it Find your Lucky Number
at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap (Required Microsoft Excel)
box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the

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Corporate Lessons

Moral of the Story

"Keep the solution short & simple" i.e. always look for simple
solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the
Read what others say...
problem. So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems.

Lesson # 2 Potato Garden and FBI

An old man lived alone. He wanted to spade his potato garden,

but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped
him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
mentioned his predicament.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to

plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden
because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my
troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if
you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram "For Heaven's Sake,
Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the guns!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police
officers showed up and started digging up the entire garden
without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another
note to his son telling him what happened and asking him what
to do next. His son's reply was "Go ahead and plant your
potatoes, Dad, It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral Of the Story

Nothing is Impossible. No matter where you are in the world, if
you have decided to do something deep from your heart, you can
do it. It's the thought that matters, not where you are or where
the prison is.

Lesson # 3 The Monkey Visa

In a poor zoo of Pakistan, a lion was frustrated as he was offered
not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were
answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and
requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a centrally

air-conditioned environment, a goat or two every day and a US
Green Card as well.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed
very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was
shocked to see that it contained a few bananas. Then the lion
thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were
worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again
the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted
him, Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's
wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are
you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the
jungle but... the delivery of food is according to your documents.

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Corporate Lessons

What do you mean? The lion roared fiercely. Did you know that
you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Moral of the story:

Better to be a Lion in Pakistan rather than a Monkey elsewhere!

Lesson # 4 The Actual Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and
he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to
approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test you could
perform to give me a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's
what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response. "

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he
was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's
see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's
for dinner?" No response. So he moves to closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for
dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room
where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's
for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; he walks up to the
kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

"James, for the fifth time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think It
could be very much within us..!

Lesson # 5 800 Dollars valid for

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the
wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,” I’ll give you
800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on.

"After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her
800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good
fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the
shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour,"
she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything
about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in
time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.

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Corporate Lessons

Lesson # 6 You will find

Glory valid for

A priest was driving along and saw a
nun on the side of the road. He stopped
and offered her a lift, which she
accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to open and
reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a
look and nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand up her leg. The nun looked at him
and immediately said, "Father,
remember psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove
his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her
leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her
leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm
129?" Once again the priest apologized.” Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.

"Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It
Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great

Lesson # 7 Three wishes

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually
only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me
first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the

sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the
love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson # 8 Corporate Ladder and Reduced Balls

Usually the staff of the company plays football.
The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for Golf.

As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size .

Lesson # 9 Engineers vs Managers

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to
measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and

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Corporate Lessons

put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The manager

who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and
got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary
tape of 6 feet.

The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the

pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders,
dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.

An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He
walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat,
measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of
the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to

another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're
looking for height and he gives the length"

Moral of the story:

No matter how good engineer you are, Managers always finds
fault in you.

Lesson # 10 Copy and Paste

A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's

attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked! After a pause, the speaker followed up

by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into
laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training
decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the
joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. He said loudly, "The
greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
was not my wife!" Naturally, his wife was shell shocked by
hearing this.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the

second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I
can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time by his wife.

Moral of the story:

Don't copy if you can't paste.

Lesson # 11 Men always have better


Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her
husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl)
friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best
(girl) friends and none of them confirmed that she was with

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife
the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment
over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them
confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night and
another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

Moral of the story:

Men always have better friends. They will stand by you, no matter
what the situation is!

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Corporate Lessons

Lesson # 12 Prayers have been answered

"Father," a lady says to her priest, "I have a problem. I've got
two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" inquires the priest.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaims. "You know," he says after a
moment of thought, "I may have a solution to your problem. I
have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read
the bible. Bring your parrots over to the rectory and we'll put
them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your
parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop
saying...that no time."
"Thank you," the woman responds. "I can't tell you how happy
this makes me."
The next day, she carries her female
birds to the priest's house. As he
ushers her in, she sees his two male
parrots inside their cage, holding rosary
beads and praying. Impressed, she
places her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots
cry out in unison: "Hi, we're
prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There is stunned
silence. Finally, one male parrot turns to the other. "Put the beads
away, Francis," he says, "our prayers have been answered!"

Moral of the story:

Bad company inspired one's morality.

Lesson # 13 How to fill your empty glass...

A city boy, Aslam, moved to the village and bought a donkey
from an old farmer for Rs. 1000. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said...

Farmer: "Sorry Aslam, but I have some bad news, the donkey
died while I was bringing him here."
Aslam: "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer
said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Aslam: "OK then, just unload the
Farmer: "What you are going to do
with him?"
Aslam: "I'm going to raffle him off."
(Note: Raffle is like lottery - draw lot to
a group of people each paying the
same amount for a ticket and there is a
big prize for the people who win.)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Aslam: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's

A month later the farmer met up with Aslam and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"

Aslam: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at Rs. 10 each and
made a profit of Rs 4990 with the donkey worth Rs. 1000 as the
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Aslam: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his Rs. 10."

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Corporate Lessons

Moral of the story:

No situation is so bad that it cannot be turned around. You need
to just think hard. So look at your glass always as half full
(positive attitude) rather than half empty. Do not lose hope.

Lesson # 14 Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the
floor as a test.’You are employed’ he said. Give me your e-mail
address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date
when you may start. The man replied ‘But I don’t have a
computer, neither an email’. ‘I’m sorry’, said the HR manager. If
you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who
doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.’ The man left with no hope at
all. He didn’t know what to do, with
only $10 in his pocket. He then decided
to go to the supermarket and buy a
10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the
tomatoes in a door to door round. In
less than two hours, he succeeded to
double his capital. He repeated the
operation three times, and returned
home with $60. The man realized that
he can survive by this way, and started
to go every day earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled
or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and
then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the
US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a
life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a
protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker
asked him his email. The man replied, ‘I don’t have an email.’
The broker answered curiously, ‘You don’t have an email, and yet
have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you
could have been if you had an e mail?!!’ The man thought for a
while and replied, ‘Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!’

Moral of the story:

Moral 1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
Moral 2 - If you don’t have Internet, and work hard, you can be a

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