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Based On The Graphic Novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley
by Edgar Wright and Michael Bacall
WHITE February 2, BLUE February 18, PINK March 4, YELLOW March 6, GREEN March 9, GOLDENROD March 12, BUFF March 23, SALMON March 25, CHERRY April 3, TAN June 22, GRAY July 13, ORCHID August 6, DOUBLE BLUE August 28, ADDITIONAL May 13, 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2010
Notice: This material is the property of SP Film Productions, Inc and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear: KIM PINE (O.S.) Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?
INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table. STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper. KIM PINE How old are you now, Scott? Like twenty-eight?
SCOTT I’m not playing your little games. KIM PINE So you’ve been out of high school for like, 13 years andSCOTT (O.S.) I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!
YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts. YOUNG NEIL Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an unruly yet adorable mop of hair. SCOTT We have done many things. We ride the bus. We have meaningful conversations about how yearbook club went and about her friends and, um...you know...drama. STEPHEN STILLS Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?
STEPHEN STILLS And you're dating a high school girl? Not bad, not bad.
STEPHEN STILLS Is she hot?
INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED:
SCOTT We almost held hands once, but then she got embarrassed.
sits next to her mother. Scott winks at the camera. books scattering everywhere. ." Stars appear in Knives's eyes. SCOTT (O. 22 YEARS OLD. 45. MOTHER CHAU. Aren't you pleased as punch? STEPHEN STILLS So.) Hey. MOTHER CHAU You drop book. 2 KIM PINE Well. THE BUS . grumbling. demanding..NIGHT 3 MOTHER CHAU You are seventeen year old! Time to get interested in boy! Knives DROPS her bag. B A Mom! F KNIVES CHAU.. YOUNG NEIL Wicked! How'd you meet her? Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story: 3 INT. STEPHEN STILLS (under his breath) Chinese. what's her name? SCOTT (pleased as punch) Knives Chau. TEXT appears in an on-screen box: "SCOTT PILGRIM. Knives crouches down to pick up her books.. Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM holding her books.S. She's Chinese. cute and innocent with clothes to match. RATING: AWESOME. 17. Scott winks at Knives. Scott grins heroically.. KNIVES CHAU T SCOTT I believe I mentioned the bus? A Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED: (2) 2.
DAY Back in the kitchen. KIM PINE Is that seriously the end of the story? 4 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN .. everyone looks at Scott.INTEGRATED FINAL 2A. 4 INT.
man. SCOTT She’ll geek. T (CONTINUED) SCOTT You promise to be good? .INTEGRATED FINAL 4 CONTINUED: 3. 5 An eager Knives stands outside. She has the capacity to geek. Knives. KNIVES CHAU Of course I'll be good! KNIVES CHAU Am I normally not? Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through. STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives. B A Hey. STEPHEN STILLS F SCOTT No. 4 SCOTT Yes. DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. hey. 5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS I mean.DAY A SCOTT That’s for me. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS. STEPHEN STILLS Is she gonna geek out on us? SCOTT She'll just sit in the corner. STEPHEN STILLS So when do we get to meet her? KIM PINE Oh please. Let it be soon. SCOTT Oh. this is Stephen Stills. He's the talent. It is. I want her to geek out on us. Scott smiles broadly. Please be good. She geeks. really. Scott opens the door a crack.
INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: 3A. 5 Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
.S.. YOUNG NEIL Oh. wow. LAME BRAND amps. Knives waves. I just live here.yes..INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: (2) 4.DAY Knives enters. Lemme get your coat. sorry. 6 INT. SCOTT Let's start with Launchpad McQuack. REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset. who finally gets it. looking around the rehearsal pad with awe: Bare bulb. ratty rug. sticks in her hands... KNIVES CHAU Hi. guitar.. that’s Young Neil. drums. I’m not in the band. KNIVES CHAU Wow. SCOTT Knives.Tetris. Knives stares blankly at Young Neil. KNIVES CHAU That is so awesome. 6 KNIVES CHAU Hi. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . What do you play? YOUNG NEIL Uh. bass... STEPHEN STILLS That's not the actual title of the- B A SCOTT Knives. Amps hum to life. .Zelda.) KNIVES CHAU You play the drums? Kim. that’s Kim. (CONTINUED) . Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. 5 STEPHEN STILLS You’re good. what was your name? KIM PINE (O.that’s kind of a big question. F KIM PINE T A Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor.
STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM . jaw ajar. Knives watches. 8 INT... SCOTT Yeaaah.EVENING A KNIVES CHAU You guys.... SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE.. SCOTT KIM PINE Scott. SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space seems to GROW with the music.EVENING T 8 The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room..are so.. Kim. YOUNG NEIL She seems awesome. are you really happy or are you really evil? SCOTT Like. what? KIM PINE I mean.Sex Bob-Omb.INTEGRATED FINAL 6 CONTINUED: 5. 6 KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4! Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR. The song ends. Stephen Stills barks unintelligable lyrics. KNIVES CHAU I can't even.amazing. do I have ulterior motives or something? I’m offended. BUS STOP . STEPHEN STILLS She seems nice. 7 EXT.. if your life had a face I would punch it. SCOTT B A Yeaaah. Amazing. Yeaaah. F (CONTINUED) ..wait. feedback lingering. 7 Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.
9 Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny. WALLACE Yeah. "WALLACE WELLS. TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace. . SCOTT Neil. yes. disloyal. 24 YEARS OLD. FUTON included. You're totally my bitch forever.. turns to Young Neil. she seems awesome. SCOTT So. ha.INTEGRATED FINAL 8 CONTINUED: 6. one room apartment. The whole seventeen year old thing. SCOTT Yeaaaah. Kim. B A WALLACE Is he cute? SCOTT Ha. ha. I'm dating a 17 year old. arched eyebrow.EVENING A 9 (CONTINUED) YOUNG NEIL Yeah. ROOMMATE. He turns to WALLACE WELLS. WALLACE Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together? SCOTT Do you see another bed in here? F T INT. you were saying she seems awesome. KIM PINE You? Hurt? Scott takes a breath. Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading. FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!" SCOTT Before you hear some dirty lies from someone else. ha. dark hair. 8 STEPHEN STILLS Wounded even? SCOTT Hurt. Don’t tell too many people.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .
INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: 6A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . you know me. 9 WALLACE Hey.
SCOTT That gossipy bitch.) Seventeen years old? Scandal! (CONTINUED) . SCOTT That’s not true. WALLACE (O. STACEY A seventeen year old Chinese schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.S. cute. you will not be served”. Knives Chau.S. SCOTT Wallace! B Wallace clicks off. The phone goes. SCOTT Who are you texting? RINGY RING. Who told you? STACEY Wallace. Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (2) 7. Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside. Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless. 19." A STACEY (O. gabbing on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. WALLACE You know me. STACEY With the uniform and everything? A F T "STACEY PILGRIM. 9 SCOTT I mean. YOUNGER SISTER. A sign behind her reads “If you are using your cellphone. Duh. SCOTT It's a Catholic school too. Scott picks up.) You know me. RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN. Scott sinks into an armchair. starts texting. peppy barista. STACEY Who is this mysterious child you date? SCOTT Her name is Knives. Don’t tell my sister.
. WALLACE I hate you.. SCOTT This school has boys too. you haven’tSCOTT No no no. she's only allowed out when the sun is up.. (CONTINUED) . looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album ad. We haven’t even held hands.DAY Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. you know? It's just.. so I wouldn't call it dating. I think she hugged me once. At all. SCOTT Well.. Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine. SCOTT Can I get back to you on that? A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly. Scott. are you legitimately moving on. STACEY (CONT’D) So. 10 B A WALLACE I do not want to be here... F T A SCOTT I don't know. CATHOLIC SCHOOL . 10 EXT. STACEY Oh my God.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (3) 8. or is this just you being insane? Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next to a hot redhead in happier times. 9 SCOTT Yeah. Even I would think twice about dating a seventeen year old. the whole deal. Uniformed boys and girls pour out. more like.simple.it’s just nice. STACEY Um. Why are you doing this? STACEY It's been over a year since you got dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named..
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: 8A. 10 WALLACE Playtime? SCOTT That doesn't sound so good either.
They changed it over here because Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize. I got it! B A F Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION). Wow... KNIVES CHAU Oh. like.DAY 11 They punch and kick in unison.wow. SCOTT Did you know the original name of Pacman was Puck-man? You would think it's because Pac-Man looks like a yellow hockey puck. THE ARCADE .. He’s gay. SCOTT Yeah.. T A WALLACE Yes. WALLACE You're too good for him.8. counting down: 10.. The game ends. Run. She digs for quarters..S. CONTINUE appears. scratch out the P and turn it into an F or whatever? Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move. KNIVES CHAU Ohmigod.) Scott! Heyyyy! Knives skips to Scott. you go now! Begone! Wallace pulls Knives close. Scott looks at Knives. Does he wear glasses? .9. side by side. SCOTT Hey Knives. You know. but actually it comes from the Japanese phrase paku-paku which means to flap ones mouth open and closed.. 11 INT. 10 KNIVES CHAU (O.INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: (2) 9. KNIVES CHAU Oh. this is my cool gay roommate. hi! Do you want to know who in my class is gay? SCOTT Wallace. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind. Wallace Wells. Whispers..
KNIVES CHAU I don't listen to much music. RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?" KNIVES CHAU Excuse me. Julie. you guys are gonna be HUGE. we're already pretty big. STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND. surly with tats and specs: "JULIE. 22. But it might be cool if cool people wore our T-shirt. "PIZZA PIZZA" . slices in hand. SCOTT Well. but I never suspected that we rocked as a unit. KNIVES CHAU Tamara is into this Korean guy. SCOTT I knew I personally rocked. F T A A13 INT. Bobby. JULIE Are you coming to my party Friday or will you be busy babysitting? (CONTINUED) B A KNIVES CHAU I mean.INTEGRATED FINAL 10.DAY Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint. Knives. but everyone thinks Bobby has a crush on Mina. 13 INT. Hangers click in time. do you have anything by 'The Clash At Demonhead'? JULIE Have you tried the section marked 'The Clash At Demonhead'? SCOTT Thank you. 12 EXT. I know a lot of kids who play piano or whatever. THE GOODWILL . but you guys ROCK. SCOTT I thought Derek and Tamara had a mutual like-each-other thing going.DAY Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync. what happened? 12 Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. . Thank you.DAY A13 13 Knives speaks to a female clerk. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) .
Julie. (to Knives) You don’t want to listen to her. 13 SCOTT Thank you. (MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: 10A.
DAY T A 14 15 (CONTINUED) KNIVES CHAU (oblivious) Envy Adams is sooo cool. KNIVES CHAU .I've never gone out with someone so talented.. 13 Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack. SCOTT I hearted them too until they signed to a major label and the singer turned into a total bitch and ruined my life. I heart them so much.no. Do you read her blog? Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk. man! KNIVES CHAU I've never even kissed a guy. KNIVES CHAU Oh. F KNIVES CHAU I mean. KNIVES CHAU So this is your secret lair? Can I come in? B A . SNOWY TORONTO STREET . I've. SCOTT Yeah. SCOTT Me neither. SCOTT Sorry. SCOTT You go out with a lot of guys? Knives blushes and looks at the ground.. 15 EXT.. you were saying about me? 14 EXT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .DAY Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment. Scott hugs her. But that’s just me. so whatever. 11..INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: (2) SCOTT (cont'd) And you definitely don’t want to listen to them.
? . an army jacket.. . SCOTT But do you want to see the house where I grew up? KNIVES CHAU Sure. She is hotter than the desert sun.. 17 INT. MYSTERIOUS GIRL You're not alone. The light snowfall turns into sand. sitting up in the FUTON. skirt and goggles.. 15 SCOTT My secret lair is one of those 'no girls allowed' deals. But she's gone.. You're just having some idiotic dream... KNIVES CHAU Oh. SCOTT Oh God. SCOTT Does that mean we can make out? F 16 EXT. SCOTT Here you go.... A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands..HOTTEST DAY T A They literally walk across the street to a small house. Wind blows. Wow.. He falls to his knees next to a lonely cactus.. 16 (CONTINUED) ..INTEGRATED FINAL 15 CONTINUED: 12.SCOTT WAKES UP.. 17 B A SCOTT Oh God.so alone. She wears fishnets. KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah.Scott wanders alone through a barren land. okay. rubbing his eyes. Wow. Her pink hair is funky but cool. Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott.so. THE DREAM DESERT . WALLACE'S APARTMENT .
Scott? SCOTT I had this totally weird dream. F T A . Wallace rubs his eyes. Sunlight ignites the room. OTHER VOICE Oh God.. weren't you supposed to take your fake high school girlfriend to the library a half-hour ago? SCOTT What? It's like. It was somebody new. Other Scott goes back to sleep.. six in the morning. 22. SCOTT No. 17 WALLACE What is it.. Scott? A scruffy. Scott opens the bathroom door. it wasn’t her. WALLACE What is it. goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace: "OTHER SCOTT. WALLACE Speaking of new. WALLACE Girl? OTHER SCOTT Was this an Envy related dream? WALLACE We don’t use the E-word in this house. SCOTT (CONT'D) Arrrrgh! B A OTHER SCOTT Yay for that.. WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS" OTHER SCOTT Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me not interested. SCOTT But there was this girl.INTEGRATED FINAL 17 CONTINUED: 13.
DAY KNIVES CHAU What’s wrong? 18 B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 18 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 13A. THE LIBRARY .
head still in the clouds.S.my hand slipped. KNIVES CHAU That must seem like a reeeeally long time ago. A The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He carries a stack of books for Knives. STEPHEN STILLS (O. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades out of the library. He freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION. SCOTT It was. STEPHEN STILLS You only played one note for that entire song.. KNIVES CHAU I’ll..CA to the librarian.EVENING F Scott continues to stare at the girl...) 19 Scott stands in the rehearsal room. (CONTINUED) . SCOTT Libraries remind me of grade school..uh. I’ll be quieter. KNIVES CHAU Do you know that girl? KNIVES CHAU Scott? SCOTT! 19 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 18 CONTINUED: 14. KIM PINE Is your girlfriend distracting you? SCOTT My girlfriend? A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch. Let’s talk about something else. B A T The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.. SCOTT Uh. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts. Time slows to a crawl. 18 Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . STEPHEN STILLS Let's do that one again.
JULIE'S HOUSE . Scott's head is still in the clouds.. T SCOTT Ugh. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . so.. retard. SCOTT I'm going to go pee due to boredom. you know. SCOTT .NIGHT STEPHEN STILLS I told you like fifty times! Scott.. I thought you guys split. YOUNG NEIL I have to pee. YOUNG NEIL Sucks. what are we doing? 20 EXT. 20 STEPHEN STILLS We did. F SCOTT Aw. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET . there may be some label guys there. Scott exits frame.this sucks. But. KIM PINE We're going to this party.. 19 SCOTT Sorry. Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an icy Toronto street.NIGHT A SCOTT Awww maaan. This is going to suck. Party? YOUNG NEIL At Julie's. 21 B A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand. Kim Pine. 21 INT. KIM PINE At least it will give us something to complain about...INTEGRATED FINAL 19 CONTINUED: 15. man.
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED:
Neil sips his drink. Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek: ‘COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’ SCOTT Hey Comeau. COMEAU Hey Scott. Some party huh? You gettin’ your drink on?
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink. COMEAU You don’t drink? I remember you getting ridiculously drunk off two G&T’s one time andSCOTT (quickly) Comeau, you know everyone, right? COMEAU Pretty much. SCOTT Do you know this one girl with hair like this?
Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona. COMEAU Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone said she was coming tonight actually. SCOTT WHAT? COMEAU You got the hots for her? I hear she's hardcore... Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud... 22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.
Scott begins to babble.
SCOTT Hey, what's up? Nothing. SCOTT Hey, you know Pacman? RAMONA I know of him.
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED:
SCOTT Well you know Pac-Man was originally Puckman but not because Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck and paku-paku-paku means flapping your mouth and they changed it because if you scratch out the "P" and turn it into an "F”? You know? Like... RAMONA Yeah that's amazing.
Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away. SCOTT (CONT'D) I'll leave you alone forever now.
Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil. DUDE! WHA?
JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau. SCOTT DUDE. What do you know about Ramona Flowers?! COMEAU All I know is she’s American. SCOTT (exotically) American...
SCOTT SHE'S TOTALLY REAL! YOUNG NEIL
STEPHEN STILLS RAMONA FLOWERS! YOUNG NEIL
"THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
SCOTT Um...am I dreaming?
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (2) 17A. 22 COMEAU But you should talk to Sandra and Monique"SANDRA AND MONIQUE. TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS" SCOTT LADYDUDES! What do you know about Ramona Flowers? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 24.
22 MONIQUE I think she has a boyfriend. arms crossed. PARTYGOER #3 She’s got men dying at her feet.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (3) 18. What else? PARTYGOER #1 I heard she kicks all kind of ass. Scott does not. Aged 8” and yet. Jools? F T JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone about Ramona: A (CONTINUED) The girls laugh. Now. It’s so “Ramona Quimby. PARTYGOER #2 She’s on another level. B A PARTYGOER #5 Not to be entered into lightly JULIE What about Ramona Flowers? SCOTT You know her? Tell me. SANDRA Some guy back in New York. SCOTT Yeah.Flowers.. SCOTT Does she really? STEPHEN STILLS Didn't you say she just broke up with someone. . Stephen Stills is with her. PARTYGOER #4 She’s got some battle scars. We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front of Scott. MONIQUE Doesn’t she have the most ridiculous name? SANDRA I know. JULIE She just moved here. Comes into my work.. Got a job with Amazon.
But I didn't want Scott to know that.. 22 SCOTT Did she reeally? STEPHEN STILLS That they had a huge fight or whatever? SCOTT Did they reeeally? JULIE .INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (4) 18A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Stephen..yes.
SCOTT That’s garbage! Completely untrue. Ramona is out of your league. I don't know what it is about that girl. let’s leave it at that. JULIE That time with HollieSCOTT Not what it looked like! JULIE That time you dumped Kim forSCOTT Hey. He’s totally dating a high schooler. JULIE Whatever.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (5) 19. Scott’s mourning period is officially over. A JULIE Dating a high schooler is the mourning period. F JULIE I don’t want you scaring off the coolest girl at my party Scott. STEPHEN STILLS She’s got a point. 22 SCOTT Yeah. whoa. SCOTT looks to KIM. T SCOTT I thought you guys broke up. (MORE) (CONTINUED) B A JULIE That time with LisaSCOTT Misunderstanding. I forbid you from hitting on Ramona. Even if you haven't had a real girlfriend in over a yearSTEPHEN STILLS Hey whoa. she justJULIE Scott. . We all know you’re a total lady killer wannabe jerky jerk. We hear the sound of arctic winds. me and Kim are all good now.
WALLACE Girl. WALLACE There he is.. SCOTT So. 23 WALLACE You guess right. Wallace storms in. WALLACE You think he’s. WALLACE Library. 20. and hey! There she is.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (6) JULIE (cont'd) And anyway.. I don't know what it is about that girl... she justJULIE Forget it Scott!!! 23 INT. 22 SCOTT (not listening) Yeah. B A SCOTT I saw her at the library. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . I’m not even sure she really did have a big breakup. landing next to Scott. SCOTT I think she’s the girl of my dreams.. that girl. WIDE awake. WALLACE Guess who's druuunk? SCOTT I guess Wallace. Wallace flops onto the futon.can I pretend we're talking about a guy? SCOTT So then I'm at this party. She keeps mentioning some guy named Gideon. SCOTT I think she’s... From my dream. Okay... F T (CONTINUED) A .NIGHT Scott lies on the futon..
SCOTT I’ve never been so sure about something.. RINGY RING! Scott answers. SCOTT He's not even conscious! STACEY Whatever. WALLACE Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. F SCOTT T A (CONTINUED) . you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.. INTERCUT with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.. SCOTT Wait. You of all people should know how sucky it is to get cheated on. WALLACE SCOTT I’m not getting it.. Who told you? STACEY Duh. Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. cellphone in hand.up. SCOTT Don’t you have a job to do? STACEY You’re right.girlfriend...INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: 21..fake. Wallace drifts off. who is out cold. SCOTT What’s that? Break.. Wallace.. B A STACEY Well. I should send out a mass text about this. Bye.high school. friend. STACEY You’re thinking of juggling two chicks!? Not even! Scott looks to Wallace. 23 WALLACE Mmm..
Moments pass. SCOTT (CONT'D) Amazon...hmm.. 23 SCOTT Wallace.ca. and I'm" blah blah “fair warning” blah blah. It has come to my attention that we will be fighting soon.. My name is Matthew Patel....this is.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (2) 22.Amazon...S.THIS IS.) WALLACE! Wallace sits bolt upright... Scott sits at Wallace's computer. WALLACE Scott. ... SCOTT "Dear Mr. how do you do that? HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room! SCOTT (O. What's the website for that? SCOTT Awesome! I have to order something reeeally cool. Delete! F WALLACE It’s amazing what they can do with computers these days.” Scott walks to the front door. Pilgrim.ca... T COMPUTER "You've got mail!" A (CONTINUED) WALLACE . This is.!!! WALLACE SCOTT This is boring. SCOTT Dude! This thing claims I have mail! SCOTT Dude! Now I'm reading it! B “CLICK.. Are you waiting for the package you just ordered? A WHAT?! WALLACE I’m so happy for you.
It won’t ship until Monday at the earliest. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . WALLACE It's the weekend.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (3) 22A. 23 SCOTT Maybe.
SCOTT That's sucky.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (4) 23. SCOTT How could I possibly forget? 24 INT. I cannot believe the music they put on while we work. Knives chows down on a slice. SONIC BOOM . That’s cute. THE GOODWILL . out of sync. Scott JUMPS to his feet. Uh huh. SCOTT Attack hug.. 23 DINGY DONG. KNIVES CHAU Hannah broke up with Alan and now she's all into Derek. his thoughts elsewhere.. 26 EXT. still distracted. KNIVES CHAU Attack hug! Knives smothers Scott. PIZZA PIZZA .DAY F SCOTT T KNIVES CHAU Remember you were supposed to meet me at the bus stop a half-hour ago? A 24 25 26 (CONTINUED) Scott and Knives flip through the record bins. It's KNIVES CHAU! SCOTT Heyyy.. Scott sits on a couch next to the DO NOT SIT sign. SCOTT You were saying? Scott opens the door. KNIVES CHAU Yearbook club is getting SO boring.DAY A . B 25 INT. Scott doesn't eat. He plasters on his best fake smile. Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket..DAY Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint.
INTEGRATED FINAL 26 CONTINUED: 23A. SCOTT I tell ya'.but Tamara claims she has dibs on Derek. 26 KNIVES CHAU .. B A F T A ..
And even better? It’s the T. STEPHEN STILLS I got us a show.. KNIVES CHAU The Toronto International Battle of The Bands?! B A STEPHEN STILLS Game on.INTEGRATED FINAL 24..EVENING 28 An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. KNIVES CHAU Do you want to keep going? Scott takes a long look at Knives... alone by the window. I think. KNIVES CHAU Uh oh.. NegaNinja. (CONTINUED) .. Scott plays halfheartedly....I. staring out..10.8. A NEGANINJA ..squares up against Scott’s avatar. KNIVES CHAU (O. everybody.) OH MY GOSH WHEN?! F T Scott has his little videogame head cut off. SCOTT I can never get past that guy. Scott takes a deep breath. Knives BURSTS into frame.2. The Rockit..I think.DAY 27 Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION.. but he messes up. KNIVES CHAU Combo! Knives goes to flip over Scott. THE MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.S. side by side.. 28 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . 3. 27 INT. On. his timing off. Scott tunes his bass. SCOTT Um. STEPHEN STILLS Wednesday. Game.B....B. The “CONTINUE?” countdown comes up.9.1. Scott winces. THE ARCADE .. This is never easy.
KNIVES CHAU I will do everything I can to get out of study group and come. 28 STEPHEN STILLS S’right.) Crash and the Boys. man.. YOUNG NEIL T A STEPHEN STILLS Only a record deal with G-man Graves! (CONTINUED) . It’ll be the cool kids too. KNIVES CHAU Is there a prize or something?! SCOTT What? Who? KNIVES CHAU You don’t know? STEPHEN STILLS Indie Producer of the millennium?! SCOTT Whoa. B A STEPHEN STILLS If we win.) Oh my gosh.S..S. We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom. This guy at work was like "Steve. who are you battling? STEPHEN STILLS (O.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: 25. KNIVES CHAU (O. SCOTT Sure. Great. do you know anyone in a band?" and I was like “I’m in a band” and he was like “You’re in a band?” and I was like “Yeah I’m totally in a band”KIM PINE Great story.it won’t just be Knives wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. F Oh. She grabs Scott. Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt. Knives can barely contain herself.
) Oh my gosh.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: (2) 25A.) That one band with Crash? And those Boys? KIM PINE Yeah that’s the one. 28 YOUNG NEIL (O. . YOUNG NEIL I hate them! KNIVES CHAU (O.S. they suck.S.) Yeah.S. I hate them too! B A F T A STEPHEN STILLS (O.
you've got this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door. The PEE BAR above his head slowly reduces. SCOTT F SCOTT Hi. Scott runs after her. I was thinking about asking you out. that's okay. Scott exits the bathroom. RAMONA Um.. You just have to sign for this alright? SCOTT I just woke up. it's just like. (beat) Do you want to go out sometime? T Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door.EVENING 29 Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. Is that weird? RAMONA It’s not weird at all. He stares at himself in the mirror. 29 INT.MORNING 31 B A It’s not? Right. It's like three miles in fifteen seconds.a long. and you were in my dream. empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. 30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE. but then I realized how stupid that would be. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL .. SCOTT RAMONA No. down a row of LOCKERS leading to.the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT??? 31 INT..INTEGRATED FINAL 26. BATHROOM .? 30 .... no.. um.. Scott’s footsteps echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it. around a corner. PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand. A (CONTINUED) ... DINGY DONG. I dreamt you were delivering me this package. THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she presses the doorbell. WALLACE'S APARTMENT ... entering. skating past Scott and down the hall.
. That was some total ass. (CONTINUED) F T A . SCOTT You don’t remember me do you? I met you at the party the other day. can we just maybe just hang out sometime? Get to know each other? You're the new kid on the block. Not even. She gives him a pen. SCOTT So. RAMONA Yeah. I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.. You’re Ramona Flowers right? RAMONA That’s me. SCOTT Okay well. Scott stands in awe of Ramona.. Whatever this is? B A SCOTT It’s something really cool. I was the other guy. RAMONA You know. you're like American? RAMONA Why. RAMONA You still have to sign..there are reasons for you to hang out with me? RAMONA You're all over the place. 31 RAMONA Oh yeah. I mean. am I coming off as rude? SCOTT Not at all. right? I've lived here forever. Noooooo. RAMONA Were you the Pac-Man guy? SCOTT No. You’d be impressed. That's how it works. SCOTT But if I sign for it. you'll leave.INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: 27...you need to sign for this.
INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: (2) 28. So. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.NIGHT 32 33 34 B A Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the park.. SCOTT Why are you just standing there? RAMONA Dude. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT Um. PARK . I'm totally waiting on you.my dream girl...if that's cool. or there’s this awesome game called Ninja Ninja Revolution at- F T Scott finally signs on the dotted line. Oh. SCOTT Either that or you need to start hanging out with me. SCOTT Sorry. RAMONA Well. You assumed wrong. I just assumed you were too cool to be on time. SCOTT So what do you want to do? We could get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip through some records at Sonic Boom.you know. 31 SCOTT You are like... Eight o'clock? 32 33 34 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] OMITTED EXT. And throws the package straight in the trash. RAMONA You want me to hang out with you? RAMONA If I say yes. will you sign for your damn package? SCOTT Done. .. RAMONA I need to find a new route. yeah.
. And Gideon had always said Toronto was one of the great cities so. Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: 29. 34 RAMONA I’m not into simulated violence. B A SCOTT Was he your boyfriend? RAMONA Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? SCOTT It’s so not interesting to me.is he your boyfriend? T A (CONTINUED) .. SCOTT This is good. RAMONA Between what and what? SCOTT My last job is a long story filled with sighs. F SCOTT Is Gideon. SCOTT Oh yeah? RAMONA I got this job here. RAMONA This is good.. RAMONA So what about you? What do you do? SCOTT I’m between jobs..a friend.. So how'd you end up in Toronto? RAMONA Just needed to escape I guess. SCOTT I’m cool with whatever you want to do. RAMONA He’s. They sit on some swings in the park..
RAMONA I didn’t mean to get you obsessed. RAMONA Uh. it’s certainly chilled here. It’s weird. SCOTT I’m totally obsessed with you. SCOTT Is that why you left New York? RAMONA Pretty much. SCOTT Well. B A Um. 34 RAMONA I know plenty of those. SCOTT RAMONA I was guessing from your apartment. RAMONA That’s probably because you sleep with a guy.. T A (CONTINUED) Yeah. . but you totally do! F SCOTT I just haven’t been obsessed with a girl for a long time. Chilled as in cold. It was time to head somewhere a little more chilled.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (2) 30.. RAMONA Yeah.
.. RAMONA Dude. you’re probably not that stupid. RAMONA I think 'act of God' is a pretty decent excuse for a lousy date. no. you're definitely stupid if you want to go out with me.. relax. The snowfall gets heavier. I think there's a thingy up here somewhere.. mostly stupid. we're just poor! We can't afford two beds! We're not gay! Actually. SCOTT Yeah. night’s not over yet. SCOTT F SCOTT Exactly. . SCOTT I feel so stupid.. This whole thing is an unmitigated disaster. SCOTT So this is a 'date'. You're too desperate to be gay. Ramona walks away.. Wallace is pretty gay. A Tongue. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA Aw..... I believe you.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (3) 31. RAMONA This is ridiculous.. eh? RAMONA Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue. Laughing. RAMONA Well. RAMONA Anyway. 34 SCOTT It’s. I can barely see you. SCOTT (CONT'D) I'm. yeah.. Ramona hops off her swing. Isn't it like April? B The snow gets heavier still.
. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . I’m blind. Help me. SCOTT A door? I. I can’t see you.... I. 34 SCOTT A thingy? RAMONA A door.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (4) 31A.
) That's.. SCOTT That would actually be awesome.) AAAH! Sorry. He wanders towards a half open door. vanilla walnut. green tea with lemon and honey. I'm just. white truffle.) Here.S. Ramona opens the door. ginger with honey. ginseng. liver disaster. T A (CONTINUED) .INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (5) 32.. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness. ginger without honey. green tea.cold! RAMONA (O. RAMONA'S APARTMENT . he finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt. Pushing it open. RAMONA Dude! I'm changing. SCOTT (O..S. does this help? SCOTT (O. A RAMONA Let me get you a blanket. RAMONA What kind of tea do you want? SCOTT There's more than one kind? RAMONA We have blueberry.. He watches as she slips out of her coat. SCOTT Did you make some of those up? SCOTT That sounds good to me. 34 A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. sleepytime.very warm. Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK. green tea with lemon. blueberry chamomile. F RAMONA I think I'll have sleepytime. girl friendly apartment. Scott ventures upstairs. 35 INT. What is that? B Ramona exits. constant comment and earl grey.S. raspberry..NIGHT 35 Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy. vanilla almond. After a moment alone..
SCOTT (CONT'D) Ohh. They tumble onto the bed and make out.. SCOTT (CONT'D) Were you.INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: 33.. RAMONA Well.. 35 Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him. And I reserve the right to change my mind about the sex later.since we're so cold. A (CONTINUED) . Then- B Ramona curls up next to Scott. F T SCOTT Maybe. They look into each others eyes. Ramona breaks off......were you just going to bring the blanket from your bed? RAMONA I guess. SCOTT Changed it to what? From what? RAMONA I don't want to have sex with you. The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off.. RAMONA I changed my mind.camera circles Scott and Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Pilgrim.not have tea. Not right now.what about our tea? SCOTT I can.. smiling.. Scott takes his shirt off..kay. SCOTT RAMONA It's not like I'm gonna send you home in a snowstorm or anything.kay. Scott is in heaven.. A Ohh.. Scott imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline.maybe we should both get under it. You can sleep in my bed... revealing black panties to complement black bra..
. come to the first round of this battle of the bands thing.I think I needed this. An arrow points to the empty spot in the bed next to him.oh.. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks. RAMONA'S ROOM . RAMONA I have to work. Please come. It's been like a really long time.. RAMONA (totally unimpressed) You have a band? SCOTT Yeah. thanks. Scott relaxes.. I didn't even get any. SCOTT Work? RAMONA You have to leave. 35 SCOTT This is cool. SCOTT Hey. Then without warning we jump cut to 36 INT. Whatever this is. we're terrible. RAMONA You're welcome. Ramona is gone.MORNING 36 “NO RAMONA” Another arrow point out that- Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel.INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: (2) 34. So.that was a joke.. . B A 37 EXT. RAMONA What did you have in mind? SCOTT Umm. Scott walking next to her. can this not be a one night stand? For one thing.MORNING F 37 (CONTINUED) T “SHE’S IN THE SHOWER” A DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens.. just this. Ramona skates towards the front gate. They exchange a smile. and this is. RAMONA'S APARTMENT .
INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: 34A. 37 RAMONA Sure. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
far away.At The- “THE ROCKIT.NIGHT A 38 (CONTINUED) RAMONA See you at the show. SCOTT You totally came! RAMONA Yes. STACEY Excuse my brother. He’s chronically enfeebled.INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: (2) 35. B A F T 38 INT. hey! It’s tonight. He stands with Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses. WALLACE (staring at Jimmy) Heyyy. She hands him a note. . RAMONA Hey. girl number.. his room-mate. Scott is so amazed at her presence. Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young hipsters. right back next to Scott. xxxxxxx‘ SCOTT Wow. ‘RAMONA FLOWERS. I did totally come. FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET”. SCOTT Oh. 37 Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow.. Scott looks back up.. his social skills vanish.. I’m Stacey. reaching Scott at the bar. 212 664-7665. WALLACE Hey. Ramona is already skating far. STACEY And this is Wallace. STACEY And this is my boyfriend Jimmy. THE ROCKIT . Scott Pilgrim.(somehow) SCOTT Wait! Can I get your number? SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop.
BACKSTAGE . Right? Scott sounds less than convincing. Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY.S) This next band are from Brampton and they are Crash And The Boys.. Knives looks kinda sexy.CONTINUOUS Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band. 39 B A F T LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. THE ROCKIT. People love us. wake up. PROMOTER (O. SCOTT I. We hear feedback from a mic onstage. KIM Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine... Stacey stares at Scott. He looks up at Ramona and Knives sitting with Wallace. Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. Wallace stares at Jimmy. SCOTT HEYYYYYYYY! KNIVES CHAU Hey. SCOTT (CONT’D) Have. Scott scurries off.. Scott’sScott goes white. SCOTT It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters. He didn’t even see Knives come in. 39 INT. 38 STACEY And this is Knives.INTEGRATED FINAL 38 CONTINUED: 36. To. STILLS We were just on stage. wake up. A KNIVES CHAU Do you like? . Knives and Ramona stare at each other. The sound guy hated us. Is this a nightmare? Wake up. He pushes her away. wearing makeup and new clothes. Go. For sound check. STEPHEN STILLS This is a nightmare.uh.
and it's called "We Hate You. WALLACE IT'S NOT A RACE.INTEGRATED FINAL 37. BACKSTAGE .CONTINUOUS 40 Crash and The Boys tune up. GUYS! CRASH This song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. I am so very very sad.04 seconds. Wallace yells from the balcony. gives Wallace the finger." And it goes a little something like this. You passed. 8 year old girl drummer. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy. WALLACE IS THAT GIRL A BOY. THE ROCKIT. A41 INT.. TOO? CRASH Yes.. TRASHA.CONTINUOUS Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage." Sweet! WALLACE I love this one! A CRASH This is called "I am so sad. Please Die. STAGE . . THE ROCKIT. WALLACE Jimmy. Jimmy. STAGE .haven't started playing yet. KIM PINE They have a girl drummer? B41 INT. WALLACE That was a test. and these are the Boys. Do they rock or suck? JIMMY They. 40 INT. THE ROCKIT. Kim glowers. CRASH Thank you. I am Crash. F T A (CONTINUED) CRASH Good evening.CONTINUOUS B41 A41 B Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .
B A F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL B41 CONTINUED: 37A. B41 Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.
CONTINUOUS As Crash And The Boys climax. STACEY Hard for me to keep track sometimes. YOU’RE FREAKING ME OUT! 43 44 INT.CONTINUOUS Sound explodes from the stage. we’re not gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. He's a friend.. THE ROCKIT. BACKSTAGE . 44 Ramona arches an eyebrow. THE ROCKIT. .CONTINUOUS STEPHEN STILLS These guys are good..CONTINUOUS Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band. A F T A CRASH This is called "Last Song Kills Audience". WILL YOU STOP JUST STANDING THERE. These guys are good. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara. The audience are stunned. Are these guys good? Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.. (freaking out) GODDAMN IT SCOTT. STAGE . how do you know Scott? RAMONA He's. He has so many friends.um. 41 INT. THE ROCKIT. THE ROCKIT. STEPHEN STILLS How are we supposed to follow this? We’re not going to win. BACKSTAGE .INTEGRATED FINAL 38.. how did you meet Scott? B STACEY So. 41 STEPHEN STILLS 42 42 INT. Stacey turns to Ramona. 43 INT. BALCONY . STACEY So Knives. It'll be our last song tonight and your last song EVER.
.CONTINUOUS T KNIVES CHAU OH MY GOSH. FOUR! Sex Bob-omb rock out. ONE. 46 RAMONA Is that seriously the end of the story? 47 INT.CONTINUOUS Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story. STAGE .INTEGRATED FINAL 39. staring at the stage. Scott nods vigorously. KNIVES CHAU Well. sees Stacey talking to Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face. finger pointed at Scott as he sails towards the stage! B A STEPHEN STILLS Scott. So give it up for Sex.Bob-Omb? SEX BOB-OMB walk on. KIM PINE (CONT’D) THREE. I was on the bus with my MomKnives freezes....CONTINUOUS 45 Scott looks up into the balcony. THE ROCKIT. F (CONTINUED) . She faints in the excitement. 45 INT.you reaKIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. THE ROCKIT.. barely into the first verse when a chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole. they’re on! A 47 ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic. SCOTT We gotta play now and loud! 46 INT... BALCONY . ANGLE on Knives.. BACKSTAGE . THE ROCKIT. TWO.you ready? STEPHEN STILLS Kim. PROMOTER This next band is from Toronto and.. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers..yeah.
FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott. B A Patel RUNS at Scott. Pilgrim. WALLACE FIGHT! MATTHEW PATEL Alright. SCOTT Who the hell are you anyway? F WALLACE Watch out! It's that one guy! T Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his left arm. Consider our fight.. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out). knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle. Matthew Patel.. 47 MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a lopsided fringe.. It is I. Wallace! The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters. MATTHEW PATEL You’re quite the opponent. then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right. Patel LANDS like a cat. They land in THE PIT. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and sends him flying into the air. Pilgrim. SCOTT Thank you.. Alright. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that borders on flamboyant.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: 40. MATTHEW PATEL Mr. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT What do I do?! .begun! SCOTT What did I do? Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott. MATTHEW PATEL My name is Matthew Patel and I'm Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend! SCOTT You’re what? MATTHEW PATEL Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend! All eyes WHIP up to Ramona.
Scott blocks. Patel punches.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (2) 40A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Scott blocks. then holds his hand up for a time-out. 47 RAMONA Anyone need another drink? Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks.
After a week and a half. MATTHEW PATEL You will pay for your insolence! WALLACE What’s up with his outfit? OTHER HECKLER Yeah! Is he a pirate? Scott looks at Patel’s outfit. They pause. We were one hell of a team. Nothing but pre-teen capriciousness. F T (CONTINUED) A Patel attacks. landing kicks and punches. I told him to hit the showers. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK. so we joined forces and took 'em all out. We only kissed once. until Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona. 47 SCOTT We're fighting because of Ramona? MATTHEW PATEL Didn't you get my e-mail explaining the situation? SCOTT I skimmed it. in the seventh grade. They exchange furious blows. Scott evades and counter-attacks. Matthew was the only non-white. B A SCOTT You really went out with this guy? RAMONA Yeah. probably in the entire state.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (3) 41. . Nothing could beat Matthew's mystical powers. then lands more punches. all the little jocks wanted me. Scott jump-spins away from danger. breathing heavy. RAMONA (CONT'D) It was football season and for some reason. The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the balcony. Patel evades. non-jock boy in school. SCOTT Are you a pirate? MATTHEW PATEL Pirates are in this year! Patel attacks again.
INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (4) 41A. 47 The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Me and my fireballs and my Demon Hipster Chicks.. SCOTT That doesn’t even rhyme. Patel opens his eyes just in time to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face. The house drum kit is trashed behind him. GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS and throws it Captain America style. MATTHEW PATEL This is impossible. He flips back onto the stage.. wait. you’re not the brightest. dodging a third wave of fireballs. the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish. Scott dodges. Maybe you’ll see. POOF. 47 SCOTT Dude. You won’t know what’s hit you in the slightest. Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott. MATTHEW PATEL You’ll pay for this.mystical powers? Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona. The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. how can it be?! Scott leaps into the air. It hits Patel square in the eyes. T A (CONTINUED) . SCOTT Open your eyes. Patel levitates into the air. B A MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Let us show him what we’re all about. They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings. Scott rolls across the stage. F MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Fireball Girls! Take this sucker down.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (5) 42. I’m talking the talk because I know I’m slick. Four hot girls in skirts with fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him. narrowly dodging the attack. Flowers! Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG! MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D) If you want to fight me. Scott hits the ground.
48 INT. Passes Stacey. SCOTT Sweet. 47 K. Coins. BALCONY .O! Scott punches Patel.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (6) 42A. Scott lands and picks them up. 48 B A (CONTINUED) F T A . They clatter to the stage floor. THE ROCKIT. He explodes into COINS.CONTINUOUS Ramona makes her way out fast.
THE ROCKIT. THE ROCKIT. STAGE . Tell your gay friends I said bye..but he is long gone.. STACEY WALLACE?! Not again! Ramona passes Knives. who is being resuscitated by Tamara. STACEY Gay friends? Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out. 48 RAMONA Well. Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them. SCOTT What was all that all about? RAMONA Uh... SCOTT You have seven evil ex-boyfriends? B F T A 49 INT. 50 INT.so like. PROMOTER Yeah..CONTINUOUS 50 51 INT. BALCONY .NIGHT A Knives is now wide awake. The Promotor ambles back onstage. $2. Sex Bob-Omb wins. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.CONTINUOUS 49 (CONTINUED) . THE BUS . Ramona yanks Scott away.. SCOTT Aw man.. RAMONA I'll lend you the 30 cents..INTEGRATED FINAL 48 CONTINUED: 43. I guess.40? That's not even enough for the bus home. RAMONA (CONT’D) If we're going to date. Ramona takes a breath.. Her eyes scan the venue for Scott. it was great meeting you. 51 SCOTT Sooooooo. A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home. clapping wildly from the balcony. you may have to defeat my seven evil ex's.
. I guess.. 51 RAMONA Seven ex's. SCOTT You know when I say ‘someone’. (beat) We are dating? RAMONA Uh. A bleary Wallace fries bacon. right? I got to second base last night. SCOTT So.MORNING 52 A F RAMONA T A 53 (CONTINUED) RAMONA Pretty much. SCOTT Cool.. Scott kisses Ramona. someone got to second base last night. Scott bursts through the front door. Do you want to make out? Uh. B WALLACE Someone’s happy.. what you're saying is. I mean me.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .maybe first and a half. . a spring in his step. Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott. The studio audience 'awwww's. And someone has a second date tonight.INTEGRATED FINAL 51 CONTINUED: 44. SCOTT So I have to fightRAMONA Defeat. 52 53 OMITTED INT. The studio audience applauds. yes. SCOTT Well. SCOTT -defeat your seven evil ex's if we're going to continue to date.. WALLACE Someone’s lucky then.
Today. SCOTT One of your famous ultimatums? WALLACE It may live in infamy. so you can't be here tonight.. I don't want you gaying up the place.You have to break up with Knives. I swear to God. I'm inviting Ramona over for dinner. Okay? Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.it's HARD. If you have a problem with it. SCOTT But. T A . JIMMY Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly. WALLACE Okay.. (CONTINUED) B A Morning.but.. Scott. I'm going to tell Ramona about Knives. take it up with Liberace’s Ghost. Scott. F SCOTT But you. At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and helps himself to coffee. 53 SCOTT (CONT’D) Oh. But in return I have to issue an ultimatum. hey..INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: 45.you're.. SCOTT Who’s Lucas Lee? Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine. SCOTT You’re a monster... SCOTT (CONT’D) DOUBLE STANDARD! WALLACE I didn’t make up the gay rulebook. WALLACE If you don't do it.... WALLACE Now put the bacon down and go do your dirt while I watch the Lucas Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.
INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (2) 45A. 53 WALLACE He was this pretty good skater and now he’s this pretty good actor. (MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
46. this Lucas LeeWALLACE Lucas Lee is not important to you right now! Get out..S.. B A Ummm. do you want to. The next click is me hanging up. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET . 54 EXT.DAY A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (3) WALLACE (cont'd) He’s filming a Winifred Hailey movie in Toronto right now. LUCAS LEE (ON TV) Listen close and listen hard.S.okay. Surprising no one. We see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.. F SCOTT T Scott grumbles off. SCOTT So. Hi. talk or whatever? KNIVES CHAU (O. Wallace turns the television way up. SCOTT Oh. Um.is me pulling the trigger. SCOTT (CONT'D) Oh.) And a dorky hat?! SCOTT It's not dorky! Why are you psychic? A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass. SCOTT You suck.. hey.) Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like a spring jacket? And a hoodie? . like. Knives. I am stalking him later. bucko. KNIVES CHAU (O. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores. A 54 Scott checks what he's wearing. Uh. The one after that. 53 SCOTT They make movies in Toronto? WALLACE Yes...
really. It’s not my favorite.DAY The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store. pounding inside Scott's head. Why? SCOTT Well I mean.and. just so bad... Chinese food? Yeah. I'm too old for you! KNIVES CHAU No you're not! My Dad is nine years older than my Mom.. KNIVES CHAU Oh. 55 Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist. SCOTT Like. KNIVES CHAU KNIVES CHAU Yeah.. SONIC BOOM . 55 INT. I'm in.. I wanted to invite you over for dinner.. Like.INTEGRATED FINAL 47. Will you take me to the show? SCOTT Yeah. to meet my parents. T (CONTINUED) A . KNIVES CHAU I can’t believe they’re coming to town. listenThe SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder.. hey... B A SCOTT Uh.LOVE! F SCOTT Hmm.. Well. it's okay.I think that's a really bad idea.are you even allowed to date outside your race or whatever? KNIVES CHAU I don't care. SCOTT And. It's my birthday dinner. KNIVES CHAU No.
listen.I was thinking we should break up or whatever. SCOTT Um. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop..INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: 47A. Scott brushes it away.. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 55 Knives is so smitten. the word actually appears onscreen.
No.. her funky pink hair. you are the salt of the earth. leaving Knives in the aisle. 57 SCOTT Oh. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers. THE BUS / RECORD STORE .it's not going to work out. CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT .. SCOTT (CONT'D) OH! Check it out. Kim and Stills share a look.. B A Young Neil PAUSES his DS.EVENING Sex Bob-Omb tune up. 56 57 INT/EXT.. KNIVES CHAU Scott walks out. T ON THE BUS: Scott smiles.. in shock. YOUNG NEIL You. KIM PINE Scott. Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune. SCOTT Aw. thanks.. ON THE BUS: Scott sighs. 56 INT. I meant scum of the earth. thinking about Knives. I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy 2.um. We broke up.. KIM PINE Wait. CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store. Oh. thanks.DAY Scott sits on the bus alone..you broke up with Knives? F KIM PINE Where's Knives? Not coming tonight? A (CONTINUED) . a little happier. thinks of something happier..INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: (2) Really? 48. SCOTT Aw.. 55 KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah.
Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.. Kim. RAMONA Yeah. YOUNG NEIL Newnew. Kim mimes shooting herself. Is it not cool? Everyone mumbles back. We were lucky to survive that last round. this is Stephen Stills. I just dyed it.. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair. This is sudden death now. RAMONA Hey everyone. 57 SCOTT Yeah. that’s. whether they’re old. Okay? SCOTT Okay! DINGY DONG. F SCOTT (CONT’D) Hey. now sporting BLUE HAIR. no GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at practice.. RAMONA Yes. new or new-new. weirded out by this hair development. Scott opens the door to see Ramona. SCOTT It’s all blue. SCOTT (CONT'D) That's for me.. SCOTT You know your hair? RAMONA I know of it. Young Neil.. Like you said.you’re here? T A (CONTINUED) .INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: 49.. B A Scott ushers her in. Are you going to introduce me? SCOTT Oh yeah. but don’t worry. maybe you'll meet my new new girlfriend soon. STEPHEN STILLS Okay! From here on out.
57 SCOTT Is it weird not being pink anymore? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (2) 49A.
F T RAMONA Got any embarassing stories? A (CONTINUED) I’m Neil. Cool. See you guys tomorrow. YOUNG NEIL (to Stills) I’m Neil. A tense Scott hurries around the kitchen area.. reading a magazine.uh. preparing food as Wallace looks on. Ramona goes to the bathroom. Good. STEPHEN STILLS Uh.INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (3) 50.how do you guys all know each other? YOUNG NEIL High school. He’s an idiot. WALLACE Are you doing okay there? SCOTT Yeah. SCOTT She changed her hair.. I actually dated Scott in high school. SCOTT Okay. I guess? STEPHEN STILLS What Neil said. what about rehearsal? 58 INT. 57 RAMONA I change my hair every week and a half. good. YOUNG NEIL . KIM PINE Believe it or not. KIM PINE Yeah. Starts ushering Ramona out again. Get used to it. Scott drops the act. 58 Ramona lounges.. dude. Scott fake laughs. (to Sex Bob-Omb) So.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .NIGHT B A SCOTT Neil knows my parts.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: 50A. 58 WALLACE So? It looks nice blue.
Oh my god. Fickle. Good. RAMONA This is actually really good garlic bread. B Ramona and Scott eat on the floor. what do I do? WALLACE I can’t believe you were worried about me gaying up the place. '15 MINUTES LATER' F T WALLACE I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. Wallace pulls on a jacket. She’s spontaneous. good. come find me at the Castle. with a panicked whisper. but she changed it without even making a big deal about it. See you in sixty. 58 SCOTT I know. SCOTT “If I strike out”? WALLACE Okay. picnic style. RAMONA How’s dinner coming along? SCOTT Yeah. I’m heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my hetero crush. “when”. A SCOTT You think so? WALLACE Well. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner. Impulsive. WALLACE Will you man the hell up? You could get to 2nd and a half base. if you strike out in the next hour. SCOTT Don’t go.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (2) 51. A (CONTINUED) . Ramona returns. Scott stops Wallace at the door.
SCOTT No. SCOTT Bread makes you FAT?? '15 MINUTES LATER' SCOTT So I wrote a song about you. RAMONA Oh yeah? SCOTT Yeah. Ooooh. Ra-mona.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (3) 52. Why would I get fat? RAMONA Bread makes you fat. Mona. SCOTT '15 MINUTES LATER' F T A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar. B Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. Or just all the time without even stopping. Ra-mona. Mona. Ra-mona. Ra-ra-ra. A (CONTINUED) . 58 SCOTT Garlic bread is my favorite food. RAMONA What? A Finished? RAMONA I can’t wait to hear it when it’s finished. I could honestly eat it for every meal. RAMONA You'd get fat. it goes like this: Ra-mona. SCOTT OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!? Scott sits up like a shot. Ra-ra-ra. Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair. RAMONA Your hair's pretty shaggy. Ramona is taken aback.
Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears. hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps. Earl Jones deep... she told me it was mutual. 58 SCOTT Ha. SCOTT Not really... But she stopped liking that name. SCOTT But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?! F NARRATOR SCOTT It was a mutual thing. now wearing his dorky SNOW HAT. I got a bad haircut right before me and my big ex broke up. I like it long.she stopped liking me. He blames this largely on the haircut and has been cutting his own hair ever since. T A .. But it’s so long ago. NARRATOR Scott is acutely aware that his last salon haircut took place exactly 431 days ago.. three hours before his big breakup. Then. A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. It was.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (4) 53. No. It was brutal. NARRATOR It wasn’t.. RAMONA What was her name? SCOTT She was Nat when I knew her. RAMONA Sounds like a bad time. NARRATOR She dumped him. It’s just that I got. RAMONA What? Why are you wearing that? (CONTINUED) B A SCOTT I mean.. sorry. RAMONA Your hair is cute. I can barely remember it..
Let’s find out. unless you do. Putting one leg in front of the other.. They’re shooting this movie up here. a castle surrounded by big. Not that I do drugs. but. every drug. who? SCOTT I forget.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (5) 54. when I'm with you I feel like I'm on drugs. Things seem a little brighter around you or something. RAMONA Tell me we didn't come out here just so you could cover your hair with that hat. Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and NIGHT TURNS TO DAY. RAMONA Who's in it? SCOTT Winifred Hailey and some actor guy. as if crossing a magical line. B Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA.heightened. I don’t know. I just love me some walking. RAMONA Oh..... 59 EXT.. long handrail between them.NIGHT '15 MINUTES LATER' Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY. F SCOTT Yeah.I don't know. T A SCOTT Nooo. 58 SCOTT I thought we could go for a walk. bright movie set lights. I just. . ENDLESS STAIRWAY . A RAMONA What is this place? SCOTT A totally awesome castle. in which case I do drugs all the time.you make me feel. 59 RAMONA You seem a little.
F The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits his trailer. RAMONA Did you find the guy you’re stalking? WALLACE I think I’m about to right now. The spectators go “oooh”. RAMONA Oh.CONTINUOUS 60 A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some GOON. I am not a slut. smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He skates towards the set. FIRST A. B A What? Why? Slut. including Wallace. We gotta go. WALLACE RAMONA Wallace. Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS. CASA LOMA . T (CONTINUED) A . A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Lee is travelling! RAMONA Mr. RAMONA Ooh. doing kickflips. man. SCOTT RAMONA I used to date that clown. 60 EXT. Mr.D. Ooh? SCOTT WALLACE I want to have his adopted babies.INTEGRATED FINAL 55. Lee? WALLACE Lucas Lee.
. RAMONA He just followed me around. SCOTT ..God. LUCAS LEE Lucas Lee points at Scott. The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it’s gonna take to kick your ass. SCOTT He's famous and he talked to me! B A F HEY!!! T A (CONTINUED) LUCAS LEE Hey. who remains oblivious. We had drama.my. I only dated him for a week and a halfLUCAS LEE I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim! Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott. Actually. LUCAS LEE Action.. who gasps.. SCOTT He had snot? In his nose? But he's famous! LUCAS LEE HEY!!! RAMONA It’s not a big deal..INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: 56. .you dated a FAMOUS guy?! RAMONA In 9th grade.. Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode. I just remember there being lots of drama. 60 WALLACE I can think of no higher accolade.. He was a little snot nosed brat. it might have been math. Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.. SCOTT Oh.
crumbling it. He nods to Ramona. B A (CONTINUED) F T Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret. SCOTT Can I get your autograph? LUCAS LEE Sup. Evil ex. A POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. then stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground. Scott comes back up with a pen and paper. WALLACE Scott. Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo. How’s life? He seems nice. 60 LUCAS LEE The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass! SCOTT Can I getPOW! Lucas Lee punches Scott. wobbly. Fight.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (2) 56A. . flooring him. Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set.
hey.. Scott stands to fight the double. LUCAS LEE Some competish you are. We hear the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing. right? Sometimes I let him do wide shots if I feel like getting blazed back in my winnie.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (3) 57. F T Scott turns to see the real Lucas. A . punchy. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with antiseptic.. Lee? (CONTINUED) B A LUCAS LEE I’m nothing without my stunt team. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground. only to find an identical STAND IN! LUCAS LEE (O. He slides across the wet-down ground.. LUCAS LEE He’s good..S. Scott PUNCHES through a couple of the boards. smirking on the sidelines. SCOTT Hey. The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. hey! I’m not doneScott spins Lucas around. bro? Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble. You homies want anything? We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. followed by a barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs. LUCAS LEE I’m gonna get coffee. COUNTLESS STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN. Suddenly. Tae Kwon Doe style.S.) Mr. WALLACE Ask them how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds! SCOTT How does it feel to- KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face. all identically dressed. SCOTT (O. 60 LUCAS LEE Think you stand a chance against an A-lister.) Looks like you’re seeing double. Scott staggers to his feet. Lucas Lee wanders off.
. Let’s get a beer. 60 Lucas turns. prepare to feel the wrath of the League of Evil Exes! SCOTT The League of Evil Axes? SCOTT Ummm. Lucas stomps over to him. Lucas GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop.. well then don't worry about it. RRRIP! Scott lands in a CRUMP. Scott smiles through his aching jaw. Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK.no. preparing for the deathblow.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (4) 58. Scott goes to shake it. surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen. POW! Lucas gets him square in the mouth. LUCAS LEE I'm going for the Oscar this year.. SCOTT But are you a pretty good skater? B A Really? LUCAS LEE Oh. SCOTT You are a pretty good actor. F SCOTT LUCAS LEE Seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life? T LUCAS LEE You really don't know about the "The League"? A (CONTINUED) . LUCAS LEE Prepare. SCOTT LUCAS LEE Yeah.. shocked to see Scott.. in front of a PAINTED 2-D SKYLINE BACKDROP. bro.. SCOTT You’re needed back on set. Lucas offers a hand.. framed through the torn skyline.
SCOTT So can you do a grind thingy now? LUCAS LEE Are you serious? There’s like 200 steps and the rails are garbage. ese. Cut back to Scott & Wallace.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (5) 59. SCOTT So you can sell them.HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. WALLACE Hi. a perfect ollie onto the rail.. Lucas pulls down his shirt.. F T A (CONTINUED) . if it’s too hardcore. LUCAS LEE It’s called a grind. very impressed at Lucas.. HSSSSSSSSS. Big fan.. B A LUCAS LEE Somebody get me my board. I have my own skate company. but can you do a thingy on that rail? Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs... impressed at Lucas. Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard.. revealing a skate company tattoo. bro. Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight. LUCAS LEE Why wouldn’t you be? CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT. SCOTT Wow.. LUCAS LEE You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that? SCOTT There’s girls watching. sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL. SCOTT Hey. 60 LUCAS LEE I’m more than pretty good.
SCOTT Yes! Fist bump. Cut back to Scott & Wallace. SCOTT I didn’t get his autograph. Scott smacks his forehead.. he totally bailed.. 60 SCOTT Wow. WALLACE Wow.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (6) 59A. Scott’s about to say ‘wow’ whenBOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . HSSSSSSSSS.
SCOTT You know what really sucks though? Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator: RAMONA FLOWERS. It’s me. 60 FIRST A. T SCOTT Hey. 212 664-7665. phone pressed to his ear.DAY 61 Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.that’s a wrap everybody. A Scott slumps on the couch. 61 INT. xxxxxxx WALLACE What did you think these were? SCOTT Kisses? Seven little kisses? WALLACE Seven deadly X's. . you can’t say you didn’t see this coming.. We hear the OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. It was right under your nose. RAMONA is not available.D. you said that last night. Uh. she totally bailed.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (7) 60. SCOTT Where's Ramona? Is she still here? WALLACE No. Scott Pilgrim. Scott again. F WALLACE WALLACE Yeah. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . please record your message after the beep. Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). (hangs up) What's the deal? Seriously. Call me back. SCOTT What's the deal? Seriously. (CONTINUED) B A What? SCOTT Everything! WALLACE Come on guy..
Scott and Wallace look at the phone. Either way.. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. Scott picks up. Lesbians? Scott’s face falls. WALLACE If you want something bad. completely shocked at this bombshell. VOICE (O. I wasn’t trying to trick you or anything. SCOTT WALLACE Okay. then you have to let her know.INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: 61. B A F T A (CONTINUED) Lesbian? . Scott. SCOTT WALLACE The other L-word. WALLACE I have a feeling that’s for you. NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES. RINGY RING.S. Step up your game. Scott slides to the floor. You can do it! Be with her! It’s your destiny! (beat) Plus. I’m kind of banking on her calling you back so I won’t have to evict you and feel all guilty and shit. guy. if she’s really the girl of your dreams. You have the spirit of a warrior.. Break out the L-word. I need you to move out.) Hey Scott. SCOTT What? Why? Are you moving in with Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE Or someone. Look. A SEXY. 61 Wallace cocks an eyebrow. SCOTT Why does everything have to be so complicated? Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor. it’s “love”. you have to fight for it.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT ...Envy? WALLACE Oh, shit. ENVY (O.S.) It’s been a long time. SCOTT Yeah. ENVY (O.S.) A year I think? SCOTT Approximately. ENVY (O.S.) How are you?
SCOTT I’m not doing so good right now. ENVY (O.S.) That’s too bad. Still breaking hearts?
ENVY (O.S.) Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend? Should I be jealous? SCOTT Yes, you should. I have this totally awesome girlfriend who calls me all the time. And she’s America. Uh. She’s American. ENVY (O.S.) What’s her name? SCOTT I’m not telling you that. Ramona. ENVY (O.S.) SCOTT What? Do you know her? ENVY (O.S.)
SCOTT What? No, stop. I’ve been-it’s been different. You have no idea.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (3)
SCOTT It sounded like you did. ENVY (O.S.) I gotta go. Nice chatting with you. SCOTT WaitCLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him. WALLACE Okay. Everything does suck.
WALLACE Or does it?
Scott sits bolt upright, expectant. WALLACE Oh, hey Knives. Scott lays back down. FUCK.
Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.
Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background. A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62
Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid. He sees five ‘X’s looming above him on a pedestrian crossing and quickly diverts into an... 62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY Scott rips the ‘X-Men’ patch off his jacket, when62
Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head first. GLASS SMASHES. WALLACE (CONT’D) He just left.
KNIVES CHAU Is Scott here? WALLACE You know what?
WALLACE What’s that? You’re outside?
Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.
INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED:
WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around. SCOTT Dude. WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by. SCOTT Please.
F MYSTERY ATTACKER (dixieland accent) Love to postpone. He’s pissed now. A MYSTERY ATTACKER (own voice) My brain! SCOTT Well whatever this is about. am I asleep right now? MYSTERY ATTACKER SCOTT So. SHWAA . enough! Scott punches the air in front of him. T SCOTT Listen. I’ve had it today. technically this is not a nightmare. can it wait till I’m in the right frame of mind? MYSTERY ATTACKER Nuh uh. SCOTT I’m really not in the mood. ALT #1: SCOTT What’s that from? ALT #2: B No. . This is one nightmare you can’t wake up from. SCOTT Okay. but I just cashed my last raincheck. obviously. She spins to face Scott. Hits SOMETHING.SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. A DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up lands on the ground with a thump. SCOTT Wait. darlin’. Prepare to die.INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (2) 64.SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott. 62 SHFFF . Can we not do this right now? A (CONTINUED) MYSTERY ATTACKER You punched me in the boob.
SCOTT It’s Scott. SCOTT Oh man.) What did you do this time? SCOTT I didn’t do anything.S. Someone help me. really not up for this. then I’ll see you later. Whatever it is. 62 MYSTERY ATTACKER Right.the Mystery Attacker vanishes. STACEY (O. Scott looks to the sky. SCOTT Well. STACEY (O. But you won’t see me. I’m really. baffled. SCOTT What? Nevermind! MYSTERY ATTACKER PAF .DAY F T 63 (CONTINUED) A .INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (3) 64A. it’s Scott. It’s actually me.) What did he do this time? SCOTT No. (MORE) B A 63 EXT. SCOTT So how can I not wake up? If I’m not actually asleep. MYSTERY ATTACKER Okay little chicken. MYSTERY ATTACKER Don’t question me! Scott shakes his head. It’s everyone else that’s crazy. Because I’ll be deadly serious next time.S. dialing Stacey frantically. Scott is in his usual payphone. BLOOR STREET .
Stacey turns around.S. And by the way. I’m coming in.INTEGRATED FINAL 63 CONTINUED: SCOTT (cont'd) Look I need to talk to you. (CONTINUED) . something a fuckball like you wouldn't know anything about. I’m having a meltdown or whatever.CONTINUOUS 64 SCOTT Think I’ll make it a decaf today. Scott turns back to Julie. SCOTT Cool. JULIE What can I fucking get you? (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK". THE SECOND CUP . Stacey has her back turned. I can't believe you fucking asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to fucking do that! F T A Scott approaches the counter. Are you still working? 65. not happy.) I’m literally about to leave.) SCOTT How do you do that with your mouth? JULIE Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What do you have to say for yourself? SCOTT Uh. Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into64 INT. revealing herself to be JULIE! JULIE SCOTT PILGRIM! SCOTT AH! What did you do with my sister? Stacey taps on the window outside. a black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped. Can I get a caramel macchiato? B A SCOTT Is there anywhere you don’t work? JULIE They’re called 'jobs'. mouthing that she has to go. 63 STACEY (O.
The whole evil ex-boyfriend thing. but I don’t think anything can really get in the way of how I SHIT! F T Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into. She looks at the floor. You kind of disappeared. I want to hang. SCOTT So I can pick up my coffee over here? RAMONA." The icy. SCOTT Me? Wreak havoc? Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the counter with concert dates at the bottom. Listen. A . I know it's early days. platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.the singer from THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster.. 64 JULIE Maybe it’s high fucking time you took a look in a mirror before you wreak havoc on another girl. No. I hear the girl that kicked your heart in the ass is walking the streets of Toronto again.. FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS. SCOTT Yeah. No biggie. B Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop. 23. SCOTT No. They share an awkward moment. RAMONA SCOTT I mean. (CONTINUED) A Exes. I do that. RAMONA Yeah... JULIE Fucking speaking of fucking which. RAMONA Sorry that got a little crazy last night. I know it’s hard to be around me sometimes.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: 66. "ENVY ADAMS. I’ll understand if you don’t want to hang anymore.
F (CONTINUED) T A ENVY Your hair is getting shaggy.. RAMONA I’m gonna. ENVY Okay. SCOTT YOU’RE jealous? B A ENVY I’m allowed. SCOTT You left me! For that cocky pretty boy! ENVY You’ve never even seen him. You’re so on the list..INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (2) 67. We’re playing Lee’s Palace. SCOTT That’s so not going to happen.excuse me. I’m jealous. Ramona goes to order coffee. so totally come. . You guys should like. I know. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona. You left me for a guy I’ve never even seen. That’s Ramona? SCOTT Yeah. RAMONA The big one? Scott nods. REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT. ENVY Maybe you’ll see him soon. 64 SCOTT (CONT'D) It's my ex. ENVY Great. leaving Envy to fix on Scott. SCOTT Yeah? ENVY So. SCOTT Yeah.
65 EXT.what did you guys talk about? A (CONTINUED) RAMONA So. Ramona returns. SCOTT She’s totally jealous of you. SCOTT Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? (beat) She wanted to move to Montreal because she missed her best friend.DAY Scott and Ramona walk side by side. How.. 65 SCOTT No. 64 Envy disappears into the cappucino mists. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET . RAMONA Envy’s jealous? How about that? SCOTT Yeah. That. About. RAMONA What happened with the two of you? B A Basically. This guy Todd.. sipping their coffees... F T RAMONA So. JULIE Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim! SCOTT (to Ramona) It’s pronounced “Scott”. Having the past come back to haunt you. That didn’t end well either.that was Nat? .INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (3) 68. RAMONA And two weeks later. you heard they were sleeping together I guess? SCOTT RAMONA I dated a Todd once. SCOTT I can see how it sucks. that was Envy.
65 RAMONA Is it wrong that I try not to think about it? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: 68A.
. Ramona stops and kisses him. 65 SCOTT What do you want to think about? RAMONA How warm my place is right now. B A Word.INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: (2) 69. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . I will think of Envy Adams no more! 67 67 INT. SCOTT Double negative. 66 Scott stands (no pants). SCOTT Right. OTHER SCOTT And you didn't bang her? Are you gay? SCOTT I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend. Scott and Young Neil. A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all. 66 INT. OTHER SCOTT It’s over. JIMMY Is that the Uma Thurman movie? WALLACE Scott. I’m not gonna let her toy with me. From this moment on. F WALLACE JIMMY T A (CONTINUED) . Ramona lounges on the couch.DAY STEPHEN STILLS I have distressing news. Mm. Music swells. A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim. Move on.NIGHT Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . Just because Envy's back in town doesn't make it not over. Tricky.
STEPHEN STILLS No. The Clash At Demonhead are doing a secret show tomorrow night. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: 69A. 67 KIM PINE Is the news that we suck? Because I really don’t think I can take it. And Envy asked us to open for them.
.KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE.EVENING B A Yeah. For the band? SCOTT Can’t we do our own secret shows? Stills paces past the window to reveal. 67 SCOTT I hate you. G-man might be there! We play the next round of the battle Saturday. Is a gig. TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona. pressed against the window. We need stalkers. RAMONA If my ex was in the band? SCOTT RAMONA It might be a little awkward. You know. A KIM PINE All our shows are secret shows. DRUG SMART . KNIVES CHAU He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick! I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna disembowel him! F T STEPHEN STILLS We’re doing it.INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: (2) 70.. But maybe it’s the grown up thing to do. for the band? For the band. . We need to get some buzz going. SCOTT Yeah. we’re all adults right? 68 KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants furiously into her cellphone. STEPHEN STILLS A gig is a gig is a gig. We need groundswell. Maybe you can put your history aside until we get through this thing. SCOTT What would you do? If your ex was in a band and they wanted you to open for them? 68 INT. CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face.
B A Why? KNIVES CHAU Well she THINKS she's cool. KNIVES CHAU He only likes her cause she's old! She's probably like 25! She's just some fat-ass white girl. A Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot. T KNIVES CHAU She's got a head start! I didn't even know there WAS good music until like two months ago! Okay. KNIVES CHAU It MUST be her fault. isn't it? Star crossed lovers! Born too late! Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA.EVENING Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara. looking sexy.so good. he knew I was cool but he thought I was too young.INTEGRATED FINAL 71. KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Oh God. so he tried to find someone cool but old. Obviously it's just a twist of fate or whatever. eyes narrowing.. KNIVES’ BEDROOM . 68A INT. (CONTINUED) .. Knives throws a long scarf on. you know? TAMARA I think you mentioned she was fa- 68A 68B INT..I look so. This is all her fault. KNIVES’ BATHROOM . TAMARA F KNIVES CHAU I mean.EVENING 68B TAMARA We should rinse- TAMARA She's cool? I thought she was fat- Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair. this really burns..
Bar. LEE’S PALACE . We hear loud music blasting through the open doors. as she plots. Did you? STEPHEN STILLS She has to go. LEE'S PALACE . LEE’S PALACE . Ramona excuses herself.LATER A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar. drunk. 68B KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart. STEPHEN STILLS We got some merch out the back. STEPHEN STILLS Thank you. A sign reads ‘THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD .INTEGRATED FINAL 68B CONTINUED: 72. The other snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.Sold out’. Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer. B A STEPHEN STILLS Level with me. OMFG UR SO HOTT” 69 EXT. The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. F T 70 INT.CONTINUOUS A 70 . We were Sex Bob-Omb. Tamara pops into frame.NIGHT 69 A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. TAMARA How? We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen: “YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. PUSH into Knives. Did we suck? RAMONA I don’t know. But I know how to get him back. Now. so(to Scott and Kim) Okay. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage. She knows we suck. 71 71 INT.
She looks in the mirror to see two images of herself staring back. KNIVES CHAU Hey Ramona. 17.INTEGRATED FINAL 73. confused. SCOTT Briefly. Knives follows... standing next to Ramona. Scott breaks into a cold sweat. F T . Briefly. RAMONA What the hell? 73 INT. LEE'S PALACE. KIM PINE I bet Young Neil will date her even briefly-er. LADIES BATHROOM . A 73 (CONTINUED) Ramona exits. clothes and makeup. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy. SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair. SCOTT What the hell? B A KIM PINE Look who Knives is hanging with. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look. looking hot.MOMENTS LATER Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. RAMONA Hey. RAMONA Who is that girl again? STEPHEN STILLS Scottdatedher.MOMENTS LATER 72 Ramona does her eyeliner. 72 INT. Or is it. KNIVES CHAU Hey Scott. "KNIVES CHAU. Knives heads into Young Neil’s arms at the other end of the bar. LEE'S PALACE .
.. ENVY in a long black coat. A I know...” and “Who. Oh yeah. her?” SCOTT I gotta pee on her. 75 INT. 73 RAMONA How old is she? A “WHEEL OF FORTUNE” spins INSIDE SCOTT’S HEAD. one with fringed hair and a wicked glare! Scott whips around. (turns beet red) I mean.” The wheel sticks between “I gotta pee. EVIL-EX #3. with selections such as “It was nothing” and “She was nobody. He’s alone. I gotta pee. Envy lets her coat slip off. (sing songy) Peee time. MENS BATHROOM .INTEGRATED FINAL 73 CONTINUED: 74. no longer shrouded in dry ice. striking ROCK GOD figure. "TODD INGRAM. SPOOKY MUSIC begins. The BASS PLAYER steps into the light.MOMENTS LATER 74 75 A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim and the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke. SCOTT That guy on bass? That’s Todd. FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN" SCOTT Oh no.MOMENTS LATER T A 74 INT.. LEE’S PALACE. Knives screams her teen brains out. Pee time. Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring back. (CONTINUED) . B Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. RAMONA ENVY SCOTT ENVY F THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize. he cuts a handsome.. LEE’S PALACE . 25. Stares at Scott. revealing a stunning figure. You know? Oh yeah.
LATER 76 Sex Bob-Omb. 75 ENVY OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! 76 INT. Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors.INTEGRATED FINAL 75 CONTINUED: 74A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . LEE'S PALACE .
B Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Just oh my God. you have to see them live. SCOTT All of us? JULIE Did I fucking stutter? The group shuffles backstage. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA . Scott hangs his head like a condemned man. Envy burns a hole through Scott.. LEE’S PALACE. They’re so much better live. JULIE I can't believe I'm even saying this.INTEGRATED FINAL 76 CONTINUED: 75. 76 KNIVES CHAU Oh my God. TODD INGRAM Been a while. Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them. Everyone else feels. Envy. YOUNG NEIL Man. SCOTT I think I’m going to throw up. YOUNG NEIL Scottdatedher.. TODD INGRAM Mmm hmm. Oh. Knives makes a face that looks like this: 77 >:O !!!! 77 INT. Julie opens the backstage door and huffs. A F KNIVES CHAU How do you know Envy??? T A (CONTINUED) .NIGHT SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. RAMONA Mmm hmm.“AWKWARD”. but Envy Adams would like all of you to come backstage. TODD INGRAM Hey Ramona. RAMONA Hey Todd.
INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: 76.. right? (CONTINUED) F STEPHEN STILLS So what’s your ulterior motive Envy. 77 RAMONA (whispers to Scott) I think we should get out of here. it’s not something I can really put into words. JULIE Ramona lived in New York. You know him. Todd and Julie glare at Knives. they’reENVY I’m talking to Ramona right now.. I like your outfit Ramona. KNIVES CHAU Um. you know? You suit each other. ENVY I was just there. B A JULIE She doesn’t need ulterior motives. JULIE How was the tour? You played with The Pixies? You’re a superstar now! ENVY It’s-yeah. cute couple. ENVY So.Scott and Ramona eh? RAMONA What of it? ENVY You guys are a cute couple.Envy? I read your blog. Did you get those jeans in New York. Stephen. She’s got a write-up in Spin! KNIVES CHAU You’re my role model Envy. Envy. We played the Chaos Theatre for Gideon. ENVY Just saying. Affordable? JULIE I was going to say.. in general? T A ..
. She is about to answer when.. POINTS at Envy and SCREAMSKNIVES CHAU I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU! B A (CONTINUED) F T A .Knives stands up.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (2) 76A. 77 Scott looks at Ramona.
Her. grasping his neck.. I’m a rock star.my neck. ENVY Didn’t you know? Todd’s Vegan.your hair. I’m not afraid to hit a girl. SCOTT Knives!? Young Neil rushes to Knives’ aid. YOUNG NEIL He punched the highlights.. FACING OFF against Todd Ingram. 77 Envy nods at Todd.. you cocky cock! YOU’LL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG! Scott jumps to his feet.. Todd’s hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK. Out. are you guys doing anything fun while you're in town? TODD INGRAM Fun? In Toronto? SCOTT That is IT. B A F T A (CONTINUED) . Todd sits back down like nothing happened. Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN THE AIR. Of. TODD INGRAM I don’t know the meaning of the word. ENVY You’re incorrigible. Todd smirks. Scott’s face is a bright shade of rage.. Scott hovers. TODD INGRAM It’s not a big deal.yy. TODD INGRAM That’s right.. Her hair is black and plain as before. choking.. Young Neil escorts Knives out.. JULIE So. SCOTT KK. Hair.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (3) 77. YOUNG NEIL You punched the highlights out of her hair! ANGLE on Knives. Scott boils.
TODD INGRAM Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe. T ENVY Short answer: Being vegan just makes you better than most people. SCOTT If I peed my pants.vegan.. despite being in a lot of pain. it’s because the other 90% is filled up with curds and whey... He tries to keep cool.anyone can be. 77 Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club’s wall! Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in the wall. how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers? TODD INGRAM You know how you only use ten percent of your brain? Well. SCOTT No kidding.. would you pretend I just got wet from the rain? B A STEPHEN STILLS Hey man. A (CONTINUED) . Scott sails out of shot and into space. Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. Ramona helps Scott to his feet. KIM PINE Did you learn that at Vegan Academy? TODD INGRAM Go ahead and get snippy baby. I always wondered. to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. maybe I’d listen to a word you’re saying.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (4) 78. TODD INGRAM Bingo. While the others bicker. SCOTT Ovo what? TODD INGRAM I partake not in the meat nor breastmilk or ovum of any creature that has a face. F Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into the air. if you knew the science. question. He moans in pain.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (5) 78A. 77 RAMONA It’s not raining.
. A brief. I was really hoping to put it all behind me. It was pretty crazy. B A F T Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making out with Young Todd. scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona. RAMONA (V.O.) I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. Nobody cares. so I dumped him. I’ve dabbled with being a bitch. Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. How about you give me the Cliff Notes on how and why you ended up dating this a-hole? RAMONA Is that really important right now? SCOTT If there’s a key element in his backstory that can help me out in a critical moment of not dying? Yes.) A week and a half later.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (6) 79. Does that help you at all? The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect. but I used to be kind of. I guess that’s not very nice. It’s pretty crazy. RAMONA (V.O. A (CONTINUED) .) We hated everyone. It’s part of the reason I moved here. Nobody cared. Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. RAMONA (V. 77 SCOTT Oh.O. We wrecked stuff.like that.. he told me his Dad was sending him to the Vegan Academy. RAMONA Look.) He punched a hole in the moon for me.O. RAMONA (V. SCOTT Have you dumped everyone you’ve ever been with? You’ve never been the dumpee? Ramona shrugs.
And the cleaning lady..INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (7) 80. Stills calls through the hole. we’re going to Pizza Pizza for a slice. TODD INGRAM We have unfinished business. B A SCOTT Sorry. 77 Todd appears behind Ramona .cleans up.dislike you. so. SCOTT You used to be so..ready for another round. so what’s on Monday? TODD INGRAM Cos it’s Friday now and she has weekends off. STEPHEN STILLS Uh.sort of ready for another round.. SCOTT He and me...... We hear a distant CRUMP. T SCOTT A SCOTT I. call us when you’re done. Scott CHARGES at Todd.. ‘cos Todd is going to kill you.dust.nice! F Um. Capiche? Understand? (CONTINUED) . who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the club. you can’t win this fight and you’ll have to give up on this girl. Right? ENVY Basically. I and he! Scott stands up . She dusts. What? TODD INGRAM Because you’ll be dust by Monday..Monday. SCOTT TODD INGRAM Because I’ll be pulverizing you in two seconds. TODD INGRAM Don’t you talk to me about grammar! TODD INGRAM Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday...
he’ll be done real soon. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 77 ENVY Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (8) 80A.
Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS Scott right through the stage wall. 78 INT.CONTINUOUS A TODD INGRAM That’s right. SCOTT What say we drink to my memory? Fair trade blend with soymilk? B 79 INT. amp pegged to 10. Envy appears beside him with a smirk.CONTINUOUS 78 TODD INGRAM levitates. Todd calls to a roadie. TODD INGRAM Get me my bass. ENVY Sorry. Todd LEVITATES. Vegan Style! Todd lands in front of Scott. The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott. holding a cup of MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA. He hovers next to him. You’re through. floating towards Scott with his bass. wicked. F SCOTT The reverb is hurting my soul!!! T A SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and bottles. the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through the walls. I know. 79 (CONTINUED) . TODD INGRAM I can read your thoughts. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING! Todd easily out-basses Scott. Suddenly.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (9) 81. fauxhawk rising. Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall. Crummy way to end things. TODD INGRAM You’re going down. Scott turns around on his knees. baby. 77 Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. picking the hell out of his bass. LEE’S PALACE. I actually know how to play bass. Pilgrim. Scott crashes into a backstage food table. shredding him into oblivion. The good one. Your bass hand is badly injured. LEE'S PALACE . savoring the kill. cringing. Envy grins at Ramona. Todd floats toward him.
but that's pathetic. 79 ENVY I’m sorry.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: 81A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
in my mind's eye or whatever..m. You know. I'll take the one with soy. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 At 12:27 a. you’re under arrest for veganity violation code number 827. I can see in your mind's eye that you poured Half & Half into one of these coffees in an attempt to make me break vegan edge.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (2) 82. (CONTINUED) B A TODD INGRAM That’s bullroar! VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 No vegan diet. TODD INGRAM Gelato isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Milk and eggs. you partook a plate of Chicken Parmesan. tool. no vegan powers. 79 TODD INGRAM Dude. Todd floats to the ground. I poured soy in this cup.m. imbibement of Half & Half! T TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL. on February 1st. TODD INGRAM What are you talking about? SCOTT You just drank Half & Half. but thought real hard about pouring it in that one. you knowingly ingested Gelato. SCOTT Actually. TODD INGRAM But this is a first offense! Don’t I get three strikes? F VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Todd Ingram. 7:30 p. A . bitch. Thanks. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 On April 4th. takes one of the cups and drinks. making two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons. VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS Freeze! Vegan Police! Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.
Natalie.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (3) 83. shooting Envy a look on the way out. Envy stares. jaw ajar. T TODD INGRAM A Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line. B A SCOTT You kicked my heart in the ass. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut. RAMONA Crummy way to end things.. The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their finger guns. TODD INGRAM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SCOTT You once were a vegone. sorry I guess. exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts himself off as COINS rain down. in shock. Julie pops into shot. So I guess we’re even. F SCOTT Uh. Now let’s get out of here. ENVY Sorry? You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst. A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall. Ramona follows. but now you will be gone! Vegone? Scott HEADBUTTS TODD.. disgusted. I know. Envy blinks. TODD INGRAM Chicken isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 The deveganizing ray! Hit him. ENVY No one calls me that anymore. SCOTT Maybe they should. 79 Envy gasps. (CONTINUED) .
STEPHEN STILLS We’re still going to the after show right? KIM PINE I’m not sure it’s gonna be much of a party. KIM PINE Then why would we. 80 OTHER SCOTT Yeah. And hot. Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices. A (CONTINUED) . PIZZA PIZZA . I hate that bitch so much I kind of love her. WALLACE Envy Adams. That Todd guy was cool too. 80 INT. RAMONA You sure about that? SCOTT Do I look like I’m not okay? Scott does not look okay.NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb. It’s an odd mood. you down? B A F T Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.. It’s just the desperate people trying to rub elbows with label guys.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (4) 84. 79 JULIE For the record. on the fringes. I liked him. Ramona and Scott. Julie. Stills coughs.. ENVY Shut the fuck up. RAMONA Are you okay? SCOTT Uh huh. STEPHEN STILLS Cool bands never go to their own after parties. STEPHEN STILLS Neil. I think a third of the band just went “poom”. I am so pissed off for you right now.oh.
It’ll probably be a bad scene all around and we’ve already had a full night.INTEGRATED FINAL 80 CONTINUED: 85. RAMONA I’m not saying I want to go.. Scott takes another bite. Yet. OTHER SCOTT Are Scott and Ramona fighting? WALLACE Not to my knowledge. WALLACE I mean.. Scott limps a bit. lagging behind. 80 Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. Hey. He shrugs. RAMONA I’ll do whatever you want to do. Oh. Ooh. we can totally go. Ramona falls back with him.NIGHT A Oh. RAMONA We really don’t have to go to this thing. not with fists. STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Scott? You’re in right? RAMONA Do you want to go? SCOTT I kind of almost died back there. OTHER SCOTT WALLACE OTHER SCOTT 81 The whole gang trudge to the after party. F OTHER SCOTT T SCOTT A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . So let’s go. AFTER PARTY . B 81 EXT. Other Scott whispers to Wallace. so.
? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . I’m fine.. It’s justRAMONA It’s just..INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: 85A. I’m fine. 81 SCOTT No.
INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT Well, not that fighting harder and harder battles for your love is getting old or anything...but have you ever dated someone who wasn’t a total ass? RAMONA So far you’re not a total ass. SCOTT But I’m part ass?
SCOTT Wait...is that good?
SCOTT But not...later?
SCOTT Yeah, I’d just like to live. Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE. 82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS RAMONA Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But are you saying Envy wasn’t? We all have baggage. SCOTT My baggage doesn’t try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to your ex-boyfriends to make them so insane? RAMONA Exes. SCOTT Whatever82
RAMONA Scott, I don’t have all the answers. I’d just like to live in the moment if I can.
RAMONA It’s what I need right now.
RAMONA If it makes you feel better, you’re the nicest guy I’ve dated.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED:
RAMONA No break up is painless. Someone always gets hurt. What about you and that girl Knives? SCOTT Knives? RAMONA Who broke up with who? SCOTT I believe...I broke up with her.
SCOTT Knives is with Young Neil now, she’s totally cool with it.
They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly. RAMONA You sure about that?
We hear an offscreen distant ‘nooooo’ from Knives.
They pass Kim. She’s also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.
RAMONA And what about you and Kim?
SCOTT Me and Kim? I can barely remember. Why, is it important? RAMONA Hey, you want to know everything about my past, dude. SCOTT It was just...yeah. I don’t know. It was high school. She had freckles. It was cool, I guess. RAMONA SCOTT Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
SCOTT Yeah. She’s very mature for her age. It was a very healthy break up. We’re all peaches and gravy.
RAMONA And was she cool with that?
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (2)
Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party. RAMONA That’s really the whole story? SCOTT OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get with her! I fought a crazy eighty foot tall purple suited dude! And I had to fight 96 guys to get to him, too! He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes! He was totally awesome and I kicked him so far he saw the curvature of the earth! Does that make you feel any better? RAMONA Well now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.
SCOTT Sorry. I’m not usually like this.
PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the head, sending him flying across the dance floor. Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER! SCOTT (CONT’D) Girl from earlier? RAMONA Roxy? Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle. SCOTT You know this girl?
SCOTT I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing is really messing with my head. RAMONA
SCOTT Why do you keep saying-
RAMONA Hey, don’t worry. I don’t know what I’m like anymore.
In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection: fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.
‘cos I’m about to kick yours out of the Great White North. 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE. I’m a little bi-furious! RAMONA Do that again and I will end you. Ramona CATCHES her foot mid-air. RAMONA Then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here. ROXY It meant nothing??? RAMONA I was just a little bi-curious. does she know me.talking about? ROXY He really doesn’t know? SCOTT (ping!) You and her?! “ROXY RICHTER.... SCOTT What.she. B A ROXY Well honey. ROXY Just a phase? SCOTT You had a sexy phase? RAMONA I didn’t think it would count! It meant nothing. clearing the busy dance floor. 82 ROXY Oh boy. Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott’s face. If Gideon can’t have you..” RAMONA It was just a phase.. The League hath spoken. Roxy flips out of the hold.is. The girls square off. no one can. 23.. ROXY Back off hasbian.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (3) 89. F T A (CONTINUED) .
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (4) 90. KICK HER IN THE BALLS. PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. With blinding speed. An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd. 82 ROXY You unbelievable bitch. SCOTT Wallace? WALLACE SCOTT This is happening right? WALLACE SCOTT I mean. F WALLACE Oh yeah. LEAPING towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Mirrored shards fly everywhere. RAMONA Believe it. you’re a bitch and you all deserve each other. Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture. It smashes a speaker. Roxy REELS and SLAMS into the wall. Ramona. She BLOCKS with the hammer. leaving a dent in it. (CONTINUED) B A ROXY I’m sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces. RAMONA! T A Uh huh? . RAMONA I’d rather be dead than go back. this is live? Uh huh. The belt wraps around it. RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse. Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy’s deadly belt SAILING towards her. ROXY Give it a rest. you slag. Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES into a DISCO BALL. He’s a creep. This is a League game. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.
ROXY Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Or possibly feet. 82 RAMONA Meaning? Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (5) 90A.
. RAMONA You don’t have a choice. preparing to drop her boot of DEATH on Scott’s head. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. Roxy lifts her leg over her head. They’re soft. RAMONA Whenever we were making out. Roxy falls. She grins at Ramona. Scott reaches up with one finger and lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy’s knee.. 82 SCOTT I’m not sure I can hit a girl. GRAPHIC: “TICKLE TICKLE!” ROXY Oh. Some sooner than others. ISCOTT F T A PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona. ROXY (CONT’D) Your B. Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES with deadly intent. lazy ass! ROXY (CONT’D) Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey. A spent Scott is left standing in the middle of the room. ROXY (CONT’D) You’ll.never.F’s about to get F’d in the B! RAMONA Her weak point’s the back of her knees! SCOTT What? How does that work? As Roxy’s leg descends. throbbing with orgasmic meltdown.. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.. kicking them apart with the splits. (CONTINUED) B A Okay. She staggers. ROXY Fight your own battles.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (6) 91. . winces.. He lands HARD on the floor.. still in the splits.be able to do this to herrrrrrrrrrr! Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. Roxy then KICKS Scott into the ceiling.
82 The party starts up again. People text furiously and point fingers at Scott. a wave of gossip spreading around the room.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (7) 91A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
The gossip echoes around them. RAMONA I thought you didn’t drink. She touches her hair. Why? Did you want one? Scott swigs down his drink. Scott has already downed his second drink. SCOTT As in ‘get out of here’? Or as in ‘split split’? B A RAMONA Oh..INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (8) 92. SCOTT Only on special occasions. RAMONA I guess we really don’t know that much about each other do we? Scott seems immediately drunk. is there anyone at this party you haven’t slept with? EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY HEY! Ramona stops. RAMONA Sooooo. F SCOTT Maybe you could just give me a list of all your exes so at least I know who’s going to beat my ass into the ground next. Ramona follows tentatively. Looks hurt. SCOTT Two gin and tonics please.. (looks through bag) Maybe we could exchange our information. SCOTT Just out of sheer curiosity and concern for my mortal well-being. RAMONA I really think we should split. 82 Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. like a handy little laminate or something? Let me see if I can find one. T A (CONTINUED) . Ramona tries to lighten things.
Or did you miss the part where I saved your ass? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 82 RAMONA I’d hope you could figure that out.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (9) 92A.
Scott’s friends gather round in a pity party. A (CONTINUED) . You’re drunk. STEPHEN STILLS They’re the next band in the battle and they are badass. I thought you might be more understanding. SCOTT Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins? STEPHEN STILLS You don’t know? 83 Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS. I don’t enjoy all this Scott. Ramona exits proper.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (10) 93. In fact I’m sick of it. It reads“PATEL. KATAYANAGI TWINS.” 83 INT. SCOTT I just- Ramona walks off and loudly announces. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the room. RAMONA Well I’m sorry I cared. Ramona leaves. You. identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops.NIGHT B A But then . SCOTT (holds up 2 fingers) I’ve had like one drink. RAMONA Dirty laundry.Ramona returns..S. there is someone at this party I haven’t slept with. RICHTER. Here’s your stupid list. T RAMONA You’re just another evil exboyfriend waiting to happen. LEE. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . RAMONA (CONT’D) P. handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST. Scott looks at the list. INGRAM. GIDEON. F RAMONA (CONT’D) And yes.. 82 SCOTT How could I not? I feel like we just washed our sexy laundry in public.
INTEGRATED FINAL 83 CONTINUED:
We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona. KIM PINE Ramona dated twins? SCOTT Apparently. YOUNG NEIL At the same time? SCOTT You know what? I don’t know and I don’t want to know. STEPHEN STILLS Good. You know how I feel about girls cockblocking the rock.
STEPHEN STILLS If it’s gonna be an issue though, Young Neil can fill in for you.
EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. We’re doomed. YOUNG NEIL Oh...
STEPHEN STILLS Well, we’d understand if you didn’t want to take part. SCOTT Not only do I want to take part. I want to take them apart. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. I’m getting tingles. YOUNG NEIL 84
SCOTT It’s not an issue. You know bands, I know battles. We got it covered.
SCOTT Good. I play better in a bad mood.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED:
Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue; “T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!” KIM PINE That flyer needs more exclamation marks.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED: (2)
STEPHEN STILLS Oh, we are going to get killed. YOUNG NEIL Come on. You’re onstage in five. SCOTT Aren’t the Katamaris or whatever on first? YOUNG NEIL I think you’re both on first?
SCOTT That’s impossible85
Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB, with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them. SCOTT Okay. My bad.
KIM PINE Your bad is saying my bad. Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS. STEPHEN STILLS We shouldn’t even be here. We shouldn’t even be here.
Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back. SCOTT Come on man! I put aside my problems for the music. If I can do that, we can do anything. KIM PINE Did you speak to Ramona then? SCOTT What? No. I haven’t seen her since the other night.
INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT
STEPHEN STILLS Wait...amp versus amp? We’re going on stage at the same time?
She’s totally here. 85 KIM PINE Oh. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: 95A.
A wall of FEEDBACK builds.. KYLE KATAYANAGI.. Now an open air venue.THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (2) 96. F KIM PINE STEPHEN STILLS T A And I really don’t care.) They brought the house down. we can do this. 85 Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. Scott screams! A Scott? Scott! Right. Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look. SCOTT Thanks KiKIM PINE Scott nods at Kim’s advice. leaving a huge hole in the roof. It’s so loud that it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the ceiling.but you should talk to her before she’s gone. They are chatting. is serious and very Japanese. SNOW falls onto the stage. is very serious and Japanese. sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands... She is totally there. Her hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN. (CONTINUED) . STEPHEN STILLS Okay gang. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak again. Scott and Stills get into battle position. Scott.. An earth shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb. Right? KIM PINE Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.. KIM PINE Scott? Not that I care. The crowd cheers.S. AUDIENCE DUDE (O. He looks back to the crowd to find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. KEN KATAYANAGI. blasting an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. 23.. ThenDisorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage. 23.. B Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard. and she stands next to a nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses. Can we do this? I mean.
We screwed the pooch in front of Gideon Graves. slinking on perfect beat with the Katayanagis’ spooky music. Ken turns their amps up to the Japanese character for “11”. STEPHEN STILLS Let’s break up now and get it over with. This is GIDEON GRAVES. SCOTT Alright. 37.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (3) 97. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! A Scott’s eyes reflect Ramona’s hair and turn GREEN. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers. He struggles to his feet. then helps Kim up. T A (CONTINUED) . Sex Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE: B Kim. who smirks and whispers in Ramona’s ear. The Yeti brings it’s fists down on The Dragon.is here? Where? SCOTT That’s Gideon? Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI! The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb. Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. Scott. For once. Their waveforms transform the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON! Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Let’s do this! F Stills points to the “Mystery Geek”. They share a nod.. fighting in time to the music! Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce PUNCHES. comes in heavy on the kick drum.. they sound awesome. ASSHOLE. SCOTT Gideon. Kyle looks at Ken. their sound blowing a mass of snow towards the Katayanagis. 85 SCOTT WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4! Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT. The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage. We’re done. The crowd slowly stops clapping as Scott pulls Stills to his feet. inspired by Scott’s new hardcore attitude.
KNIVES CHAU I just came to see the show. He can’t find Ramona. eyes narrowing. F T Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the stillapplauding crowd.. I have something to- A Knives shrugs. I’m not even stalking you. 86 EXT.. THE NINTH CIRCLE . Scott suddenly spots a flash of GREEN HAIR exiting the building.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (4) 98. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil. The crowd goes bazooky. Knives’s unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause.. SCOTT Ramona. “+999 ROCKING” KIM PINE That. A (CONTINUED) STEPHEN STILLS Scott. different. What are you doing? . Scott follows. but she and Gideon are gone.NIGHT 86 Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue. Knives watches him go. EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS. SCOTT Getting a life. KNIVES CHAU I feel like I know stuff now. SCOTT You seem. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears. SCOTT Ramona. I have something I need to tell you. RAMONA Yeah. B Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd. 85 The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi Twins.was epic. but comes upon KNIVES standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.... hovering next to Scott. different.
. RAMONA What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A SCOTT I really. Listen. 86 SCOTT (rushed) Great.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: 98A. Why? Because I’m in lesbians with you. And I want you to know. I know you have reasons for not wanting to talk about your past. I know you just play mysterious and aloof to avoid getting hurt. really mean it. I don’t care about any of that stuff.
Scott glowers. A driver opens the passenger door. Scottie. is I’m officially loving the Sex Bombs.it's not going to work out. Ramona looks at the floor. A (CONTINUED) . GIDEON GRAVES You know. GIDEON GRAVES Three piece rock outfit with a semiattractive female drummer? Music to my earholes. Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen. SCOTT A sleek black ‘61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind. SCOTT What did you want to tell me? RAMONA That we have to break up. I’m not even going to wait to see how you guys do in the final.I can’t help myself around him.. Okay. 86 RAMONA Oh... T RAMONA It’s Gideon. GIDEON GRAVES The good news. I just. TEXT: An arrow points to Stills’ crotch.) That’s the bad news. B A Bob-omb. GIDEON GRAVES See? I’m not such a bad guy after all.S. Stills is ga-ga. The Lincoln parks. captioned “PEE”. VOICE (O. F SCOTT GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in tow. What? SCOTT RAMONA Yeah. Oh okay.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (2) 99.. I’m signing you right now for a three album deal...
86 Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (3) 99A.
we should really be thanking each other. GIDEON And hey. keep your emotions in check. He slaps his headSCOTT I said ‘lesbians’! B A Young Neil signs the contract. you would have never been with Ramona. bass in hand. A cough. Kim shrugs and signs it too. Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (4) 100. she wouldn’t be back with me. There are hand shakes all round. Scott stands alone. before trying to hand it back to Scott. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder. GIDEON Oh and Scott. So I guess it all shakes out. Forgiven? Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex Bob-Omb drift away. SCOTT Then you’re going to need to find someone else to play bass. but if it wasn’t for you. buddy. Don’t let what’s past screw up your future. can I just say. A meek Young Neil slides into view. F T STEPHEN STILLS The people need to hear us. GIDEON Looks like we’re all set. the whole League of Evil Exes thing? I was in a dark place when I put that together. if it wasn’t for me. I mean. Scott. SCOTT Nuh-uh. She rolls the mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection. I can’t be part of the band with this douche-in-charge. GIDEON GRAVES Scottie. A . 86 SCOTT You think we’re gonna sell our souls to you? Well then guessWe hear SCRIBBLING. Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln. Stills has picked up the contract and is furiously signing it using Scott’s back.
87 INT..NIGHT Scott sits on the bus alone... 87 B A (CONTINUED) F T A ... thinking about Ramona. Scott tries desperately to think positive.. Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon’s car. A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona... THE BUS / GIDEON’S LINCOLN .INTEGRATED FINAL 100A.
did you really see a future with this girl? SCOTT Like. Scott remains in the exact same position.. SCOTT The wha? STACEY I mean. “THONK”. 88 B A STACEY Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 87 CONTINUED: 101. STACEY Time heals all wounds. SCOTT Aaah! WALLACE (O.NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT Scott sits on the swings. “OH GOD WHY” A88 EXT. 87 Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head on a telephone pole. Flicks the light on. SCOTT Seven. 88 INT.) Was she really the one? (CONTINUED) . gives Scott a hug. THE PARK ..NIGHT Scott enters.) TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Scott flicks the light off. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .. Stacey heads off.S. little brother. Maybe next time let’s not date the girl with eleven evil exboyfriends. Day turns to night. Over PITCH BLACK.with jetpacks? Stacey stands to go.S. Scott looks at the camera. Well that’s not so bad. F T A STACEY (O. Night turns to day. staring straight ahead. Gets a shock. A88 Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him..
wrapped in a blanket. you know I love you. Scott sits in the chair. WALLACE I may need it the rest of the week too. A Right. F SCOTT WALLACE Scott. SCOTT (O. That sucks.S. SCOTT And the year. Right. and I apologize for that. SOME GUY lies in Scott’s usual futon spot (wearing Wallace’s monogrammed robe). 88 WALLACE (O.LATER A 89 (CONTINUED) VOICE (O. I get it.S) Presumably you just saw someone’s junk.) Sorry. Wallace hands Scott cocoa.S.S.) It’s Chris. WALLACE Ah.) It’s Chris.) Or someone. 89 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .INTEGRATED FINAL 88 CONTINUED: 102. For sex. T . VOICE (O. SCOTT She’s with Gideon. it’s probably just because he’s better than you.S. SCOTT WALLACE Maybe you can move in with Ramona.) Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE (O. But you know.S. WALLACE (O. But I need my own bed tonight. B Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.
WALLACE He’ll certainly have better hair. Scott nods. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 89 Scott nods.INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: 102A.
CONTINUOUS SCOTT No.S. He calls off. Just wanted to say I feel terrible about earlier. INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .S. Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.CONTINUOUS A SCOTT Is Ramona with you? 90 Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. pal. GIDEON'S LAIR . it’s gonna be alright. Scott stares at the phone. T A Thanks.) Hey. Some guy picks up. I just spilled cocoa on my crotch. Scott nods. SCOTT RINGY RING.) Yeah. SOME GUY It’s for Scott. so I figured why not be the bigger man and give you a call. I got you muffs and blinkers in case this might happen.INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: (2) 103. I don’t want any hard feelings.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! GIDEON GRAVES Geez buddy. Are you with me? RAMONA (O. I think this fight is over. F GIDEON GRAVES (O.S. WALLACE You can sleep on the floor until you get somewhere else to stay. B 91 GIDEON GRAVES I don't know. 89 WALLACE Either way. SCOTT (takes phone) Hello? 90 INT. SCOTT (O. 91 (CONTINUED) .
SCOTT (grim) Yeah. 92 Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette. The Hipster Kid waves Scott in. Maybe I’ll see you there. Well as you know.NIGHT A WALLACE Forget what I said earlier. F SCOTT WALLACE (O. 92 EXT. SCOTT Mm. alarmed. 91 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.S) Sure you did. Scott turns. I’m opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto and The Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight. HIPSTER KID Cool. B Password? Scott shrugs. leaning against a warehouse wall.) What a perfect asshole. Finish him. I don’t want anymore bad blood between ex’s. They just did a sound check and the acoustics in here are amazing. amigo.) I hope so. GIDEON GRAVES Okay laters. HIPSTER KID T A GIDEON GRAVES (O.S. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless. Click. Whatever. and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren’t there. STREETS OF TORONTO . What do you say? .INTEGRATED FINAL 91 CONTINUED: 104.
HIPSTER KID Cool.NIGHT 93 The warehouse is empty.INTEGRATED FINAL 104A. Scott follows the sound of music to a GATED ELEVATOR. WAREHOUSE . Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good. HIPSTER KID Second password? Scott gives the slightest shrug. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator. 93 INT. B A F T A .
Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR! SCOTT I’m not here to drink. wearing identical outfits. GIDEON GRAVES I got no beef with you. STEPHEN STILLS Well. their first album is so much better than their first album. GIDEON GRAVES Hey buddy.S.. SCOTT What if I have a beef. A Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. welcome to the Chaos Theatre. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.with you? B A GIDEON GRAVES (O. Somebody get this man a drink! Coke Zero right? A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.the CHAOS THEATRE. (CONTINUED) . Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID.CONTINUOUS 94 Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT. now using SWEET BRAND amps.. CHAOS THEATRE . skinny jeans.INTEGRATED FINAL 105. Ramona kneels at his side. 94 INT. looking up at his former bandmates.) Scott Pilgrim! F SCOTT What if I want the satisfaction? T Scott pauses... Chuck Taylors. Don’t give him the satisfaction. COMEAU holds court among them. YOUNG NEIL on bass. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Let it go. COMEAU Yeah. They are legion. All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate snobbery. then you’re doomed. SEX BOB-OMB are playing onstage.
GIDEON GRAVES I think this deserves a song. Gideon puts his arm around Ramona. SCOTT Was that not clear? (to Sex Bob-Omb) Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Kimberly? B A Was that not clear? F GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? T A SCOTT I’ll show you how ancient of history it is.O. SCOTT Well I ain’t moving. Gideon stands up. Ramona looks away from Scott. 94 GIDEON GRAVES Are you still mad about that whole thing with the Guild? SCOTT You mean “The League”? GIDEON Guild. Ramona and Scott lock eyes.. I’m in love with her.. Gideon loses his cool.buddy. whatever. GIDEON GRAVES Now why on earth do you want to do that? SCOTT Because.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: 106. League. He reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest.) Scott earned the power of love. (CONTINUED) . NARRATOR (V. It’s ancient history. flexes. buddy. Gideon smiles. The lady made her choice and we’re all gonna have to move on... A new power comes over Scott. Scott gets into a fighting stance. GIDEON GRAVES No use crying over spilt Coke.
Gideon approaches. She quickly recovers and POINTS a furious finger. 94 Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before grudgingly launching into a number. we are here to make money. FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC” B A F T Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle. Gideon chuckles.. by the way. Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD.S. Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other. ON BEAT. KIM PINE We are Sex Bob-Omb. (CONTINUED) . A Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon. He slashes at them to the beat. Kim clicks out a fast tempo. exploding each attacker into COINS. A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM. GIDEON If my cathedral of cutting edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities.Gideon descends like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott’s hands. to administer a final blow. KNIVES CHAU (O. My cane.. both concerned and amazed. tripping and falling down the side of the pyramid. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (2) 107. She lands awkwardly. GIDEON GRAVES That is priceless. 18 YEARS OLD. and sell out and stuff. SCOTT Your club sucks. He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there. rolling to a stop.) SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!! KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of Gideon’s hands. Scott looks to Knives. then I shall grant you a swift exit from the premises.. Then from above. And fast entrance into HELLLLLLL. Gideon raises his sword. Scott hits the ground HARD.. “KNIVES CHAU.
RAMONA I don’t know what you’re talking about. He can barely block Gideon’s tremendous blows. Scott lands a KICK to Gideon’s chest. 94 KNIVES CHAU You’ll pay for what you did to him! GIDEON GRAVES Listen. I didn’t steal anyone. But did he listen? Did he fKNIVES CHAU I’m not talking to you. redirecting Knives’ parries without harming her. I’m talking to HER! Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon. Kung Pao Chicken. sending him flying off the edge of the pyramid. throwing blocks and punches. T A (CONTINUED) . RAMONA What the hell is your deal? KNIVES CHAU You stole him with your advanced American slut technology. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives to Ramona and spins her away. He was warned plenty of times. distracted by his duelling exes. RAMONA What? KNIVES CHAU YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN! Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona! RAMONA You’re kidding right? GIDEON You can’t say I don’t know how to put on a show. your old old boyfriend brought this all on himself. DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (3) 108. separating them. B A F Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights defensively. GIDEON lashes out at Scott. KUNG FU STYLE.
) GIDEON GRAVES Scottie... neither amused. 95 B A Game over! Knives and Ramona stare at Scott. THE DREAM DESERT .. 94 SCOTT Can we please stop all this fighting! Nobody stole anybody. SCOTT Right? STAB! A sword pierces Scott’s chest from behind.. TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: “DEAD” Everything goes white. Scott slides off Gideon’s sword and falls to the ground. RAMONA Is there a difference? SCOTT You weren’t wronged? Scott breaks into a flop sweat. You can cheat on these ladies all you want.. Okay? (beat) I mean.DAY Scott sits up next to a lone cactus.. KNIVES CHAU Then you cheated on me. but you can’t.death.cheat. 95 EXT. Knives.maybe I kind of forgot to tell Knives right away.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (4) 109...SAND blows through frame.. Scott! (eyes narrowing) You cheated on both of us. I dated you and then I dated Ramona. GIDEON (O..Scott's eyes blink open. F T (CONTINUED) A Knives and Ramona both look at Scott....S. He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY... rubbing his temples. RAMONA You cheated on me with Knives? SCOTT No! I cheated on Knives. but.. . With you.
95 SCOTT Ugh. Ramona appears out of nowhere.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: 109A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . fainter than before.
RAMONA Alright. and that’s when he started paying attention. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own. SCOTT That is evil. that’s legitimately disappointing.. it was me who was obsessed.. RAMONA No... 95 RAMONA I’m sorry. I really will leave you alone forever now. T A (CONTINUED) .. self-consciously touching her hair.. But he ignored me. SCOTT You know what sucks? Getting killed by THAT guy. I mean. has a way of getting into my head. He just. maybe now would be the time to get into it.. Why him? RAMONA It’s complicated. Seeing as I’m about to die. F RAMONA I can’t help myself around him.. Ramona covers the chip. I was crazy about him. eh? B A SCOTT Well. he literally has a way of getting into my head. That’s why I had to leave. SCOTT Well.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (2) 110. the truth is. SCOTT So this kinda sucks for everybody. SCOTT So why go back? Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head. RAMONA He’s like that. Dying probably sucks. Scott. revealing a blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.
NIGHT 96 We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace’s apartment. SCOTT So. The winds blow harder. Ramona seeming to fade away. SCOTT You can’t say I didn’t try. SCOTT I feel like I learned something. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott. I really fought for you back there. 95 RAMONA I’m sorry it had to end this way.so alone... DA-DING. F SCOTT Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand. A Ahhhhhh. B We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD. We hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.. Which would be great if I wasn’t dead. SCOTT .INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (3) 111.... Scott’s eyes go wide with epiphany. then FAST FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. Scott slumps to his knees. We had a good run. I guess..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. RAMONA Uh-huh. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA But someone was fighting pretty hard for you back there.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . as Scott enters. SCOTT Knives? RAMONA I wish I was ever as fanatically devoted to anything as that girl is to you. . He flicks the light on. Ramona is gone. 96 INT.
hands him the phone.S. Sadly. when my journey began.) Again? WALLACE (O.S. I approached a deep cave and went through a crazy ordeal. But before I do that. Gideon Graves.) Turn off the light! Scott flicks the light off.. But my Mentor. Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp. On PITCH BLACK.) Sure thing.) F T A (CONTINUED) .. I need to ask one final favor of you.. SCOTT Wallace. I died. GIDEON GRAVES (O.. enemies. during which I totally seized the sword.AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN! SOME GUY (O. WALLACE (O. Then I resurrected! Now I realize what I should have been fighting for all along.) Scott. a call I considered refusing.S.S. B A Um. (beat) Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling. SCOTT Could you put a robe on and hand me the phone? SCOTT Toronto. Ramona skated through my dreams and it was like a call to adventure. There were tests. told me if I want something bad enough I have to fight for it. so I figure why not be the bigger man and give you a call. 96 SCOTT . that’s you. I don’t want any hard feelings. I was living in an ordinary world.S. Chaos Theatre...INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: 112. pal. allies. So I did. I was just about toSCOTT Hey. I feel terrible about everything. guy. GIDEON GRAVES (O.
hardcore. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (2) 112A. WALLACE (CONT’D) Ah. exposing his junk. sorry. Scott hangs up and heads for the door. what I meant to say is “I’m coming over to kill you”. WALLACE GO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS! Wallace stands to high five Scott. 96 SCOTT Sorry.
DAY 98 Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR.. 97 EXT. CHAOS THEATRE .DAY 97 Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. From this point forward. HIPSTER KID ‘Sup? SCOTT Whatever. 96 SCOTT You seen one.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (3) 113. Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces. You guys sound better without me. Stephen.CONTINUOUS DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE. And Kim? F T A (CONTINUED) . 98 INT. SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about.. B A Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb. SCOTT Your hair looks stupid.. their first album is so99 Kim looks at Scott.. the new line-up rocks. SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about me. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! Let it go. COMEAU Yeah. WAREHOUSE . I know what I’m doing. 99 INT. you shall be known as “Neil”..AGAIN. STREETS OF TORONTO . SCOTT Don’t worry. The same HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall. Kim shrugs. Young Neil? You have learned well.everything. deadpan as ever. The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.. knocking them out.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 99 Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: 113A.
S. GIDEON GRAVES (CONT’D) Hey buddy. I have beef. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona.O.) Scott Pilgrim! Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne.I want to fight you for me. welcome to the ChaosSCOTT Save it. My cane. different than before. Ramona at his side. You’re pretentious. Scott goes straight into fight mode. They land on opposite sides of the platform.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (2) 114. Kim? Kim drives a hardcore beat.) Scott earned the power of self-respect. let’s do it. the club sucks. Ramona hands Gideon his cane. A GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? (CONTINUED) . Scott swings his FLAMING RED SWORD. exploding each attacker into COINS. B HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. SCOTT How’s it going back there? GIDEON GRAVES You dick. They pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. Ramona and Scott lock eyes. T SCOTT No.. A KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest. He unsheathes his SWORD. 99 GIDEON GRAVES (O. backs to each other. AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! F SCOTT NARRATOR (V. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT. A strange new power overcomes Scott. Scott and Gideon RUN towards each other. LEAPING in the air..
INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (3) 114A. 99 Gideon falls down. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . apparently. Scott calls out. Dead.
And I’m sorry. Knives pulling KNIVES.) Are we all done with the hugging and learning? I thought we had a fight going here. Knives steps back. She kicks him in the face. I hurt you. They square off. We hear a METALLIC KLONK. 99 SCOTT Knives! I know you’re in here! Don’t attack RaKnives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head SUPER HARD. are we all good? F T KNIVES CHAU No. SCOTT No. Scott GRABS her wrists. GIDEON GRAVES (O. Scott jumps between them. taste my steel. RAMONA Never felt better. Scott! This fat ass hurt me and I will have my revenge! A SCOTT (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) .. I was a different guy back then. I cheated on you. SCOTT (CONT'D) And. stunned. ENOUGH! Knives tries to go around him. bloodied. KNIVES CHAU Steal my boyfriend.you're not a fat ass. The CHIP no longer blinks. All turn to see GIDEON. B A SCOTT I cheated on both of you. She didn’t mean that.S. Ramona staggered. Knives. but still grinning. hands held out. So. a lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk. Ramona rubs the back of her head.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (4) 115. Scott turns to Ramona.. KNIVES CHAU You cheated on me Scott? Knives’ frown melts.
then joins Scott and Knives and STRIKES A FIGHT POSE. you got a fight alright.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (5) 115A. GIDEON Ramona. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Scott steps into a fighting stance. the three of them ready to rumble. 99 SCOTT Oh. Are you with me? Ramona looks to Gideon. Knives joins him.
Gideon hits her back. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid. Scott ducks. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time to BLOCK Gideon’s attack. Gideon BLOCKS. Scott ATTACKS with his sword. They CLASH in the air. Gideon BLOCKS. takes a hesitant step towards him. Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a PUNCH IN THE NOSE. dropping her. Ramona KICKS. Gideon’s lightning fast sword deflects them. RAMONA Let’s both be girls. baby. They barely dodge him. . spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the hilt of the sword. GIDEON You made me swallow me gum. SCOTT ATTACKS. Scott’s sword SHATTERS. Ramona knees Gideon in the balls. Knives whips off her scarf. sending Gideon sliding across the floor. uses it to wrap up Gideon’s sword arm and disarms him. Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. He shakes off the assault and grins. He cuts big arcs at Scott. The swords create an “X”. (CONTINUED) B A Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear. Gideon swings at Scott. Knives and Ramona. That’s going to be in my digestive tract for seven years! F Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of FREEZE FRAMES. Gideon spins again and swings upward. knocking her down. She looks doubtful. Scott blocks with his sword and is sent UP into the air. SHING SHING! Gideon wheels towards Ramona. T A GIDEON (CONT’D) Yeah. He makes an “X” with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD. expecting her to move. They fence. his HEALTH BAR increases. Scott leaps in the air. Knives attacks and scores a hit. 99 GIDEON (CONT’D) Wrong move. disarms Scott with one move. Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER UP . Knives throws her knives.his glasses glow. Gideon jumps after him.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (6) 116. He grins. You’re still my girl. Gideon spins low.
From the floor. You know how long it took to get all the evil exes’ contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like two hours! T Gideon lands HARD on his knees. Not long now. A pain in my ass. F GIDEON (CONT’D) Who do you think you are Pilgrim? You think you’re better than me? I’ll tell you what you are. I’m blowing up right now. A Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass. defeated. sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon’s face smashes with each impact. You’re zero. (CONTINUED) . cancelling out Gideon’s digital sword. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott. Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully tumbling down the pyramid. Knives and Scott share a look.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (7) 116A. Me? I’m what’s hip. COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott punches. then upends him like a wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his sword for the kill. One lens of his glasses cracks.. Scott slides Knives through Gideon’s legs. She lands painfully at the bottom. 99 Scott lands hard. B A GIDEON (CONT’D) You’re not cool enough for Ramona. sending him spinning. They Get up and circle Gideon. Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Ramona swings Gideon’s VELVET ROPE. I’m what’s happening. she kicks him in the back of the head.. You’re nothing.
Oh. Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face. Ramona.. SCOTT RAMONA Yeah. I’m not cool enough for Ramona.. You are blowing up. The coin rain continues. silhouetting Scott and Knives in their kung fu poses. makes her way towards them. Scott and Knives kiss. KIM PINE There goes our deal.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (8) 117. STEPHEN STILLS We’re still getting paid. Right now.S. Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.. his glasses SAILING down the steps of the pyramid.) You two make a good combo. YOUNG NEIL T A (CONTINUED) . And you got another thing right. Then his body follows suit in an almightyPOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! SHIMMERING COINS rain down. awake now. RAMONA (O. right? Kim points to the falling coins.. Yeah? B A F KIM PINE There goes our deal. Gideon’s head EXPLODES. They share a smile. YOUNG NEIL Whoa. 99 SCOTT You’re right.
Scott runs his fingers through his hair. We just shot the shit.. Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance. shake hands and part ways. Knives and Ramona. 99 The trio walk down the pyramid steps. The glasses GLIMMER.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (9) 118. The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward to confront his dark side. worried for Scott. KNIVES CHAU NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott.. spotting his EVIL MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. A F T A Negascott! (CONTINUED) .EVENING Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.. KNIVES CHAU What happened? SCOTT Aw. Dark clothes. The glasses dissolve and Scott whips around to face. KNIVES CHAU Your hair. 100-103 OMITTED 104 100-103 104 EXT... Both take a step forward... Scott approaches Knives and Ramona. Fringed hair..) You can defeat me... They chat amiably. Scott and Negascott face off. GIDEON’S VOICE (O.yourself? Scott peers into the glimmering lenses. We actually have a lot in common. This is something I have to face on my own. B Scott strolls out with Negascott. nothing.but can you defeat. GIDEON’S VOICE echoes. Then.S. Evil face. SCOTT No. They look expectantly at the entrance. Scott picks up Gideon’s fallen glasses. THE WAREHOUSE . He’s a super-nice guy.
INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: 118A. 104 SCOTT What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
literally taking his guard down. then realizes Ramona has gone. stops and turns back.. SCOTT After all that? Ramona looks at Knives as she says this. you know? I came here to get away.. Where are you going? Ramona. hoping to slip away. I’m tired of people getting hurt because of me. I should probably disappear. RAMONA I dunno. Scott’s HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked. SCOTT Hey. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly. F T Scott calls after her. SCOTT For what? RAMONA For being the nicest guy I ever dated. RAMONA I should tahnk you. He turns to see her. pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness. Knives removes the hat from Scott’s head. SCOTT Yeah? KNIVES CHAU I like it. B A RAMONA It's hard. though. Snow begins to fall. You do? Scott smiles. A SCOTT (CONTINUED) . Ramona sees this and smiles. Steps tentatively away from Knives. but the past keeps catching up. SCOTT I think I understand.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (2) 119. 104 KNIVES CHAU It’s getting really shaggy.
Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.. You’ve been fighting for her all along. 104 SCOTT That’s kind of sad. SCOTT Wha? SCOTT But what about you? She grins and kisses his cheek.. She takes his hand briefly. then lets it drop.Nega Scott also sidles into frame.. Guitar still in hand.. Knives doesn’t look back. then hearsKNIVES (O. but urges Scott toKNIVES Go talk to her.Young Neil sidles into frame behind her. F KNIVES You earned it. T Surprised. Scott watches. Before she’s gone.) Hey. SCOTT Yeah. She turns to walk off again. RAMONA Well.) Go get her. RAMONA (almost laughing) It is kind of sad. but thenSCOTT (O. And stuff. Bye and stuff. KNIVES There’s someone out there for me. I’m too cool for you anyway. mind if I tag along? B A KNIVES (totally sweet and sad) I’ll be fine. Ramona walks on into the night alone.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (3) 119A. We hear a 2ND COUGH .S. We hear a COUGH . A (CONTINUED) .S.
My little brother kicked a guy’s head off...O. It was unbelievable. night magically turning to day.8.2.. RAMONA You want to come with me? SCOTT (hopeful) I thought maybe we could.... Scott and Ramona walk towards the door.) Oh my God.7..6. Someone seriously should have been filming it. try again? Ramona smiles. Yeah. CONTINUE? 10.4.. it was apparently awesome. standing right in the middle of the street.) Oh my God. A We see the door with the star on it. T Over this magical transformation.. snow swirling around it.. Literally... I mean bananas..1.3. it was a HUGE fight.9.. 104 Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside... winter turning to spring.....O. B Scott and Ramona walk through the door. . She holds out her hand like in the park scene earlier. can I blow your mind? Scott Pilgrim totally threw down with Gideon Graves at the grand opening of Chaos Theater.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (4) 119B. sunrise coming up over Toronto. Scott takes it. we hear a lush rendition of ‘Ramona’ swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto’s cell phone airwaves.. A STACEY (V. Tilt up to the heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.. F JULIE (V.5.
105 106 OMITTED OMITTEDD 105 106 B A F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 120.
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