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Based On The Graphic Novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley
by Edgar Wright and Michael Bacall
WHITE February 2, BLUE February 18, PINK March 4, YELLOW March 6, GREEN March 9, GOLDENROD March 12, BUFF March 23, SALMON March 25, CHERRY April 3, TAN June 22, GRAY July 13, ORCHID August 6, DOUBLE BLUE August 28, ADDITIONAL May 13, 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2010
Notice: This material is the property of SP Film Productions, Inc and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear: KIM PINE (O.S.) Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?
INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table. STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper. KIM PINE How old are you now, Scott? Like twenty-eight?
SCOTT I’m not playing your little games. KIM PINE So you’ve been out of high school for like, 13 years andSCOTT (O.S.) I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!
YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts. YOUNG NEIL Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an unruly yet adorable mop of hair. SCOTT We have done many things. We ride the bus. We have meaningful conversations about how yearbook club went and about her friends and, um...you know...drama. STEPHEN STILLS Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?
STEPHEN STILLS And you're dating a high school girl? Not bad, not bad.
STEPHEN STILLS Is she hot?
INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED:
SCOTT We almost held hands once, but then she got embarrassed.
. Scott winks at the camera. . what's her name? SCOTT (pleased as punch) Knives Chau. Scott winks at Knives. books scattering everywhere. RATING: AWESOME. cute and innocent with clothes to match." Stars appear in Knives's eyes. THE BUS .S. 17... demanding. KNIVES CHAU T SCOTT I believe I mentioned the bus? A Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS. SCOTT (O. sits next to her mother. B A Mom! F KNIVES CHAU. Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM holding her books. 22 YEARS OLD. Aren't you pleased as punch? STEPHEN STILLS So. MOTHER CHAU You drop book. Scott grins heroically.. YOUNG NEIL Wicked! How'd you meet her? Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story: 3 INT. Knives crouches down to pick up her books.INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED: (2) 2. She's Chinese.) Hey. STEPHEN STILLS (under his breath) Chinese. 2 KIM PINE Well. grumbling. 45.NIGHT 3 MOTHER CHAU You are seventeen year old! Time to get interested in boy! Knives DROPS her bag. TEXT appears in an on-screen box: "SCOTT PILGRIM. MOTHER CHAU.
STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN .INTEGRATED FINAL 2A. everyone looks at Scott.DAY Back in the kitchen.. KIM PINE Is that seriously the end of the story? 4 B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 4 INT..
She geeks. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . 5 An eager Knives stands outside. STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives. STEPHEN STILLS F SCOTT No.DAY A SCOTT That’s for me. KNIVES CHAU Of course I'll be good! KNIVES CHAU Am I normally not? Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through. this is Stephen Stills. SCOTT She’ll geek. man. Knives. Scott smiles broadly. Please be good. hey. It is. 5 INT/EXT. Scott opens the door a crack. STEPHEN STILLS Is she gonna geek out on us? SCOTT She'll just sit in the corner. B A Hey. He's the talent. She has the capacity to geek. Let it be soon.INTEGRATED FINAL 4 CONTINUED: 3. SCOTT Oh. Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS. I want her to geek out on us. STEPHEN STILLS I mean. STEPHEN STILLS So when do we get to meet her? KIM PINE Oh please. 4 SCOTT Yes. DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. really. T (CONTINUED) SCOTT You promise to be good? .
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: 3A. 5 Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.
guitar. Amps hum to life. LAME BRAND amps.S.. that’s Kim. 6 INT. Lemme get your coat. looking around the rehearsal pad with awe: Bare bulb. ratty rug. that’s Young Neil.Tetris. who finally gets it. 5 STEPHEN STILLS You’re good. SCOTT Let's start with Launchpad McQuack.. F KIM PINE T A Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor. sorry.. KNIVES CHAU Hi.DAY Knives enters. YOUNG NEIL Oh. What do you play? YOUNG NEIL Uh. Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. (CONTINUED) . Knives waves. . Knives stares blankly at Young Neil... 6 KNIVES CHAU Hi.that’s kind of a big question. I just live here.) KNIVES CHAU You play the drums? Kim.INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: (2) 4. drums. I’m not in the band..yes. what was your name? KIM PINE (O. KNIVES CHAU Wow. STEPHEN STILLS That's not the actual title of the- B A SCOTT Knives.. REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset. KNIVES CHAU That is so awesome. sticks in her hands. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . bass. SCOTT Knives. wow..Zelda.
SCOTT Yeaaah... Knives watches.EVENING A KNIVES CHAU You guys. feedback lingering.. if your life had a face I would punch it.. F (CONTINUED) . what? KIM PINE I mean. Yeaaah. 6 KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4! Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR.are so..Sex Bob-Omb. STEPHEN STILLS She seems nice... 7 Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus. Amazing. do I have ulterior motives or something? I’m offended.INTEGRATED FINAL 6 CONTINUED: 5. SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE.. jaw ajar.wait. SCOTT B A Yeaaah. SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space seems to GROW with the music. YOUNG NEIL She seems awesome. Kim. Stephen Stills barks unintelligable lyrics.. SCOTT KIM PINE Scott.amazing. STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM .. BUS STOP . 8 INT. 7 EXT.EVENING T 8 The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room. The song ends. are you really happy or are you really evil? SCOTT Like. KNIVES CHAU I can't even.
Kim. . ha. I'm dating a 17 year old.EVENING A 9 (CONTINUED) YOUNG NEIL Yeah. dark hair. "WALLACE WELLS. FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!" SCOTT Before you hear some dirty lies from someone else. 9 Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny. one room apartment. SCOTT So. 8 STEPHEN STILLS Wounded even? SCOTT Hurt. KIM PINE You? Hurt? Scott takes a breath. ha. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . FUTON included. turns to Young Neil. yes. you were saying she seems awesome. He turns to WALLACE WELLS. arched eyebrow. B A WALLACE Is he cute? SCOTT Ha. WALLACE Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together? SCOTT Do you see another bed in here? F T INT. disloyal. The whole seventeen year old thing..INTEGRATED FINAL 8 CONTINUED: 6. TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace. SCOTT Yeaaaah.. SCOTT Neil. 24 YEARS OLD. she seems awesome. ha. Don’t tell too many people. WALLACE Yeah. Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading. You're totally my bitch forever. ROOMMATE.
you know me. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: 6A. 9 WALLACE Hey.
Knives Chau. WALLACE (O. peppy barista. you will not be served”.) Seventeen years old? Scandal! (CONTINUED) . Who told you? STACEY Wallace. starts texting. SCOTT Wallace! B Wallace clicks off. STACEY Who is this mysterious child you date? SCOTT Her name is Knives. 19. gabbing on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. STACEY With the uniform and everything? A F T "STACEY PILGRIM. Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside. YOUNGER SISTER." A STACEY (O.S.S. Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.) You know me. A sign behind her reads “If you are using your cellphone. The phone goes. SCOTT That gossipy bitch. Duh. STACEY A seventeen year old Chinese schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous. SCOTT Who are you texting? RINGY RING. Scott sinks into an armchair. SCOTT It's a Catholic school too. RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN. Don’t tell my sister. 9 SCOTT I mean. WALLACE You know me. Scott picks up. SCOTT That’s not true. cute. Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (2) 7.
STACEY Oh my God.simple. 10 B A WALLACE I do not want to be here.. SCOTT Well. are you legitimately moving on. Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine. Why are you doing this? STACEY It's been over a year since you got dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named. F T A SCOTT I don't know. 10 EXT..DAY Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. the whole deal. We haven’t even held hands. Scott. looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album ad. more like.. SCOTT This school has boys too. CATHOLIC SCHOOL .. Even I would think twice about dating a seventeen year old. STACEY (CONT’D) So.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (3) 8. STACEY Um. At all. or is this just you being insane? Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next to a hot redhead in happier times.. (CONTINUED) . Uniformed boys and girls pour out. she's only allowed out when the sun is up. so I wouldn't call it dating. you haven’tSCOTT No no no. SCOTT Can I get back to you on that? A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly. I think she hugged me once.. WALLACE I hate you. 9 SCOTT Yeah.it’s just nice.. you know? It's just..
INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: 8A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 10 WALLACE Playtime? SCOTT That doesn't sound so good either.
Scott looks at Knives. KNIVES CHAU Oh.) Scott! Heyyyy! Knives skips to Scott. You know. KNIVES CHAU Ohmigod. this is my cool gay roommate.. I got it! B A F Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).wow.. side by side.. Run.INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: (2) 9. The game ends. KNIVES CHAU Oh. Wallace Wells. you go now! Begone! Wallace pulls Knives close.... WALLACE You're too good for him.DAY 11 They punch and kick in unison. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind. like. hi! Do you want to know who in my class is gay? SCOTT Wallace.9.. counting down: 10. She digs for quarters. 11 INT.8. SCOTT Yeah.S.. Does he wear glasses? . He’s gay. They changed it over here because Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize. CONTINUE appears. SCOTT Did you know the original name of Pacman was Puck-man? You would think it's because Pac-Man looks like a yellow hockey puck. SCOTT Hey Knives. THE ARCADE . T A WALLACE Yes. Wow. Whispers. but actually it comes from the Japanese phrase paku-paku which means to flap ones mouth open and closed. 10 KNIVES CHAU (O. scratch out the P and turn it into an F or whatever? Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.
Hangers click in time. Knives. but everyone thinks Bobby has a crush on Mina. THE GOODWILL . JULIE Are you coming to my party Friday or will you be busy babysitting? (CONTINUED) B A KNIVES CHAU I mean. SCOTT I knew I personally rocked. 22. . SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) . KNIVES CHAU I don't listen to much music. STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND. surly with tats and specs: "JULIE.INTEGRATED FINAL 10. F T A A13 INT. SCOTT Well. but you guys ROCK. 12 EXT.DAY A13 13 Knives speaks to a female clerk. Thank you. I know a lot of kids who play piano or whatever. SCOTT I thought Derek and Tamara had a mutual like-each-other thing going. we're already pretty big. "PIZZA PIZZA" . Julie. slices in hand.DAY Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync. do you have anything by 'The Clash At Demonhead'? JULIE Have you tried the section marked 'The Clash At Demonhead'? SCOTT Thank you. Bobby. you guys are gonna be HUGE. 13 INT. KNIVES CHAU Tamara is into this Korean guy. But it might be cool if cool people wore our T-shirt. what happened? 12 Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. but I never suspected that we rocked as a unit.DAY Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint. RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?" KNIVES CHAU Excuse me.
13 SCOTT Thank you. (MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: 10A. Julie. (to Knives) You don’t want to listen to her.
so whatever. Scott hugs her.INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: (2) SCOTT (cont'd) And you definitely don’t want to listen to them. SCOTT Me neither. you were saying about me? 14 EXT. F KNIVES CHAU I mean. KNIVES CHAU . SCOTT You go out with a lot of guys? Knives blushes and looks at the ground.I've never gone out with someone so talented. 13 Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack. SCOTT Yeah. SCOTT Sorry. man! KNIVES CHAU I've never even kissed a guy. I've.DAY T A 14 15 (CONTINUED) KNIVES CHAU (oblivious) Envy Adams is sooo cool.. 15 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET . I heart them so much. KNIVES CHAU So this is your secret lair? Can I come in? B A .DAY Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment. SCOTT I hearted them too until they signed to a major label and the singer turned into a total bitch and ruined my life.. KNIVES CHAU Oh.. 11. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .no. Do you read her blog? Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.. But that’s just me.
so. okay. 15 SCOTT My secret lair is one of those 'no girls allowed' deals.SCOTT WAKES UP... 17 B A SCOTT Oh God..so alone.. He falls to his knees next to a lonely cactus.? .. Wow. SCOTT Does that mean we can make out? F 16 EXT. She is hotter than the desert sun.INTEGRATED FINAL 15 CONTINUED: 12. sitting up in the FUTON. She wears fishnets.. SCOTT Here you go.. KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah. The light snowfall turns into sand.Scott wanders alone through a barren land. WALLACE'S APARTMENT ... SCOTT But do you want to see the house where I grew up? KNIVES CHAU Sure. 16 (CONTINUED) . But she's gone. KNIVES CHAU Oh. SCOTT Oh God. . 17 INT. skirt and goggles. Wow. THE DREAM DESERT .. Wind blows. Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott. You're just having some idiotic dream.HOTTEST DAY T A They literally walk across the street to a small house. A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands..... Her pink hair is funky but cool. MYSTERIOUS GIRL You're not alone. rubbing his eyes. an army jacket.
Wallace rubs his eyes. 17 WALLACE What is it. goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace: "OTHER SCOTT.. it wasn’t her. WALLACE Girl? OTHER SCOTT Was this an Envy related dream? WALLACE We don’t use the E-word in this house. six in the morning. WALLACE Speaking of new.INTEGRATED FINAL 17 CONTINUED: 13. weren't you supposed to take your fake high school girlfriend to the library a half-hour ago? SCOTT What? It's like. SCOTT But there was this girl. OTHER VOICE Oh God. WALLACE What is it. SCOTT No.. 22. Scott? SCOTT I had this totally weird dream. Scott? A scruffy.. Scott opens the bathroom door. SCOTT (CONT'D) Arrrrgh! B A OTHER SCOTT Yay for that. WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS" OTHER SCOTT Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me not interested. F T A . Sunlight ignites the room. It was somebody new. Other Scott goes back to sleep..
INTEGRATED FINAL 13A. 18 INT.DAY KNIVES CHAU What’s wrong? 18 B A (CONTINUED) F T A . THE LIBRARY .
STEPHEN STILLS You only played one note for that entire song.EVENING F Scott continues to stare at the girl.) 19 Scott stands in the rehearsal room. (CONTINUED) . He freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.. 18 Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades out of the library. KNIVES CHAU That must seem like a reeeeally long time ago. A The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention.. He carries a stack of books for Knives.my hand slipped. STEPHEN STILLS Let's do that one again.INTEGRATED FINAL 18 CONTINUED: 14. KNIVES CHAU I’ll. KNIVES CHAU Do you know that girl? KNIVES CHAU Scott? SCOTT! 19 INT. B A T The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON. Let’s talk about something else.CA to the librarian. head still in the clouds...uh.. KIM PINE Is your girlfriend distracting you? SCOTT My girlfriend? A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch. I’ll be quieter. SCOTT It was. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE .S.. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts. SCOTT Libraries remind me of grade school. Time slows to a crawl. SCOTT Uh. STEPHEN STILLS (O.
KIM PINE We're going to this party. 21 INT.. KIM PINE At least it will give us something to complain about. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET . T SCOTT Ugh. Kim Pine.NIGHT A SCOTT Awww maaan.. F SCOTT Aw. SCOTT I'm going to go pee due to boredom... A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . Scott's head is still in the clouds. so..NIGHT STEPHEN STILLS I told you like fifty times! Scott.this sucks. Party? YOUNG NEIL At Julie's. But. you know. retard. man. JULIE'S HOUSE . YOUNG NEIL I have to pee. I thought you guys split. Scott exits frame. YOUNG NEIL Sucks. Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an icy Toronto street..INTEGRATED FINAL 19 CONTINUED: 15. 20 STEPHEN STILLS We did. 19 SCOTT Sorry. what are we doing? 20 EXT. SCOTT . there may be some label guys there. Both have red plastic cups in hand. 21 B A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded house party. This is going to suck.
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED:
Neil sips his drink. Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek: ‘COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’ SCOTT Hey Comeau. COMEAU Hey Scott. Some party huh? You gettin’ your drink on?
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink. COMEAU You don’t drink? I remember you getting ridiculously drunk off two G&T’s one time andSCOTT (quickly) Comeau, you know everyone, right? COMEAU Pretty much. SCOTT Do you know this one girl with hair like this?
Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona. COMEAU Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone said she was coming tonight actually. SCOTT WHAT? COMEAU You got the hots for her? I hear she's hardcore... Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud... 22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.
Scott begins to babble.
SCOTT Hey, what's up? Nothing. SCOTT Hey, you know Pacman? RAMONA I know of him.
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED:
SCOTT Well you know Pac-Man was originally Puckman but not because Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck and paku-paku-paku means flapping your mouth and they changed it because if you scratch out the "P" and turn it into an "F”? You know? Like... RAMONA Yeah that's amazing.
Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away. SCOTT (CONT'D) I'll leave you alone forever now.
Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil. DUDE! WHA?
JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau. SCOTT DUDE. What do you know about Ramona Flowers?! COMEAU All I know is she’s American. SCOTT (exotically) American...
SCOTT SHE'S TOTALLY REAL! YOUNG NEIL
STEPHEN STILLS RAMONA FLOWERS! YOUNG NEIL
"THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
SCOTT Um...am I dreaming?
TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS" SCOTT LADYDUDES! What do you know about Ramona Flowers? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 22 COMEAU But you should talk to Sandra and Monique"SANDRA AND MONIQUE.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (2) 17A. 24.
SCOTT Yeah. It’s so “Ramona Quimby. Stephen Stills is with her. Now. SCOTT Does she really? STEPHEN STILLS Didn't you say she just broke up with someone. JULIE She just moved here. We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front of Scott..Flowers. Comes into my work. Jools? F T JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone about Ramona: A (CONTINUED) The girls laugh. PARTYGOER #4 She’s got some battle scars. arms crossed. MONIQUE Doesn’t she have the most ridiculous name? SANDRA I know. Scott does not.. SANDRA Some guy back in New York. PARTYGOER #2 She’s on another level. What else? PARTYGOER #1 I heard she kicks all kind of ass. B A PARTYGOER #5 Not to be entered into lightly JULIE What about Ramona Flowers? SCOTT You know her? Tell me. Got a job with Amazon. PARTYGOER #3 She’s got men dying at her feet.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (3) 18. 22 MONIQUE I think she has a boyfriend. Aged 8” and yet. .
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (4) 18A. Stephen.yes. 22 SCOTT Did she reeally? STEPHEN STILLS That they had a huge fight or whatever? SCOTT Did they reeeally? JULIE . B A (CONTINUED) F T A ... But I didn't want Scott to know that.
22 SCOTT Yeah. SCOTT looks to KIM. Ramona is out of your league. (MORE) (CONTINUED) B A JULIE That time with LisaSCOTT Misunderstanding. JULIE Whatever. me and Kim are all good now. T SCOTT I thought you guys broke up. A JULIE Dating a high schooler is the mourning period. whoa. We hear the sound of arctic winds. Even if you haven't had a real girlfriend in over a yearSTEPHEN STILLS Hey whoa. SCOTT That’s garbage! Completely untrue. We all know you’re a total lady killer wannabe jerky jerk. let’s leave it at that. F JULIE I don’t want you scaring off the coolest girl at my party Scott. STEPHEN STILLS She’s got a point. He’s totally dating a high schooler. she justJULIE Scott. I don't know what it is about that girl. .INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (5) 19. JULIE That time with HollieSCOTT Not what it looked like! JULIE That time you dumped Kim forSCOTT Hey. Scott’s mourning period is officially over. I forbid you from hitting on Ramona.
. WALLACE Girl. 20. WALLACE You think he’s.. WALLACE Guess who's druuunk? SCOTT I guess Wallace. Wallace flops onto the futon. Okay. I’m not even sure she really did have a big breakup. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .. landing next to Scott. WALLACE There he is. Wallace storms in.. SCOTT So.can I pretend we're talking about a guy? SCOTT So then I'm at this party. 22 SCOTT (not listening) Yeah. SCOTT I think she’s the girl of my dreams.. B A SCOTT I saw her at the library.. F T (CONTINUED) A . From my dream. She keeps mentioning some guy named Gideon. SCOTT I think she’s. 23 WALLACE You guess right.. WIDE awake. I don't know what it is about that girl.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (6) JULIE (cont'd) And anyway. that girl. she justJULIE Forget it Scott!!! 23 INT. and hey! There she is... WALLACE Library..NIGHT Scott lies on the futon.
SCOTT What’s that? Break... Wallace. 23 WALLACE Mmm.. you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. who is out cold. cellphone in hand. RINGY RING! Scott answers.high school. SCOTT I’ve never been so sure about something. I should send out a mass text about this.. SCOTT Don’t you have a job to do? STACEY You’re right. Who told you? STACEY Duh. WALLACE SCOTT I’m not getting it... STACEY You’re thinking of juggling two chicks!? Not even! Scott looks to Wallace.up.girlfriend.. WALLACE Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.fake. F SCOTT T A (CONTINUED) . Wallace drifts off. Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. B A STACEY Well. friend. SCOTT Wait. SCOTT He's not even conscious! STACEY Whatever... You of all people should know how sucky it is to get cheated on.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: 21. INTERCUT with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone. Bye..
.. Scott sits at Wallace's computer. Moments pass....hmm. It has come to my attention that we will be fighting soon. WALLACE Scott.this is.ca. Are you waiting for the package you just ordered? A WHAT?! WALLACE I’m so happy for you. T COMPUTER "You've got mail!" A (CONTINUED) WALLACE . Pilgrim.. how do you do that? HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room! SCOTT (O. SCOTT (CONT'D) Amazon. What's the website for that? SCOTT Awesome! I have to order something reeeally cool. and I'm" blah blah “fair warning” blah blah. This is..Amazon... My name is Matthew Patel..INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (2) 22.” Scott walks to the front door. SCOTT "Dear Mr.ca... 23 SCOTT Wallace.) WALLACE! Wallace sits bolt upright....THIS IS...!!! WALLACE SCOTT This is boring. Delete! F WALLACE It’s amazing what they can do with computers these days. SCOTT Dude! This thing claims I have mail! SCOTT Dude! Now I'm reading it! B “CLICK.S.
INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (3) 22A. It won’t ship until Monday at the earliest. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . WALLACE It's the weekend. 23 SCOTT Maybe.
PIZZA PIZZA . Scott JUMPS to his feet.. He plasters on his best fake smile. SCOTT You were saying? Scott opens the door. B 25 INT. KNIVES CHAU Hannah broke up with Alan and now she's all into Derek. KNIVES CHAU Attack hug! Knives smothers Scott.. out of sync. Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. SCOTT That's sucky.. Uh huh.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (4) 23.DAY F SCOTT T KNIVES CHAU Remember you were supposed to meet me at the bus stop a half-hour ago? A 24 25 26 (CONTINUED) Scott and Knives flip through the record bins. 23 DINGY DONG. SCOTT How could I possibly forget? 24 INT.DAY A .DAY Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. That’s cute. Scott sits on a couch next to the DO NOT SIT sign. Scott doesn't eat. still distracted. I cannot believe the music they put on while we work. his thoughts elsewhere. SCOTT Attack hug. It's KNIVES CHAU! SCOTT Heyyy.. 26 EXT. Knives chows down on a slice. THE GOODWILL . KNIVES CHAU Yearbook club is getting SO boring. SONIC BOOM .
SCOTT I tell ya'..but Tamara claims she has dibs on Derek..INTEGRATED FINAL 26 CONTINUED: 23A. B A F T A . 26 KNIVES CHAU .
Scott winces. STEPHEN STILLS Wednesday.. 28 INT. And even better? It’s the T.2. NegaNinja. 3.. KNIVES CHAU Combo! Knives goes to flip over Scott. SCOTT I can never get past that guy... The “CONTINUE?” countdown comes up. This is never easy.10. Scott tunes his bass.) OH MY GOSH WHEN?! F T Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The Rockit.INTEGRATED FINAL 24.B. A NEGANINJA .. THE MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen. KNIVES CHAU The Toronto International Battle of The Bands?! B A STEPHEN STILLS Game on... KNIVES CHAU (O. KNIVES CHAU Uh oh.I think.8..squares up against Scott’s avatar.. Scott takes a deep breath. KNIVES CHAU Do you want to keep going? Scott takes a long look at Knives. STEPHEN STILLS I got us a show. On.I... everybody. side by side. Game. staring out.. Scott plays halfheartedly.. but he messes up. 27 INT. his timing off. SCOTT Um.. alone by the window.1.EVENING 28 An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. (CONTINUED) .. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE .S.B..9.. I think.DAY 27 Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION.. Knives BURSTS into frame. THE ARCADE .
This guy at work was like "Steve. who are you battling? STEPHEN STILLS (O.. KNIVES CHAU (O. It’ll be the cool kids too. KNIVES CHAU I will do everything I can to get out of study group and come. SCOTT Sure. We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: 25. B A STEPHEN STILLS If we win. F Oh.) Oh my gosh. 28 STEPHEN STILLS S’right. YOUNG NEIL T A STEPHEN STILLS Only a record deal with G-man Graves! (CONTINUED) .it won’t just be Knives wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. She grabs Scott. man. Great.) Crash and the Boys.S.. Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt. Knives can barely contain herself.S. do you know anyone in a band?" and I was like “I’m in a band” and he was like “You’re in a band?” and I was like “Yeah I’m totally in a band”KIM PINE Great story. KNIVES CHAU Is there a prize or something?! SCOTT What? Who? KNIVES CHAU You don’t know? STEPHEN STILLS Indie Producer of the millennium?! SCOTT Whoa.
I hate them too! B A F T A STEPHEN STILLS (O. YOUNG NEIL I hate them! KNIVES CHAU (O.) Oh my gosh.) Yeah. they suck.S.S.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: (2) 25A.S. 28 YOUNG NEIL (O.) That one band with Crash? And those Boys? KIM PINE Yeah that’s the one. .
skating past Scott and down the hall.. down a row of LOCKERS leading to.. He stares at himself in the mirror. (beat) Do you want to go out sometime? T Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE. 29 INT. but then I realized how stupid that would be. I was thinking about asking you out. entering. Scott’s footsteps echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it.. PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand. and you were in my dream...the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT??? 31 INT.. DINGY DONG..EVENING 29 Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she presses the doorbell. Scott exits the bathroom. around a corner. Scott runs after her. BATHROOM . it's just like. RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door.a long. Is that weird? RAMONA It’s not weird at all.. um. RAMONA Um.MORNING 31 B A It’s not? Right. SCOTT F SCOTT Hi.. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL . no.? 30 . I dreamt you were delivering me this package. 30 INT. SCOTT RAMONA No. It's like three miles in fifteen seconds. that's okay. A (CONTINUED) . WALLACE'S APARTMENT . you've got this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use.. empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY.. You just have to sign for this alright? SCOTT I just woke up. The PEE BAR above his head slowly reduces.INTEGRATED FINAL 26..
.. I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada. can we just maybe just hang out sometime? Get to know each other? You're the new kid on the block. I was the other guy. That's how it works.there are reasons for you to hang out with me? RAMONA You're all over the place. am I coming off as rude? SCOTT Not at all.you need to sign for this. I mean. you're like American? RAMONA Why. SCOTT So. RAMONA You still have to sign.. RAMONA Were you the Pac-Man guy? SCOTT No. right? I've lived here forever. She gives him a pen. Whatever this is? B A SCOTT It’s something really cool. You’re Ramona Flowers right? RAMONA That’s me. SCOTT You don’t remember me do you? I met you at the party the other day. RAMONA You know. Not even. Noooooo. Scott stands in awe of Ramona. 31 RAMONA Oh yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: 27. That was some total ass.. you'll leave. SCOTT Okay well. RAMONA Yeah. (CONTINUED) F T A ... You’d be impressed. SCOTT But if I sign for it.
So. RAMONA I need to find a new route. Eight o'clock? 32 33 34 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] OMITTED EXT. SCOTT So what do you want to do? We could get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip through some records at Sonic Boom... SCOTT Sorry. SCOTT Why are you just standing there? RAMONA Dude. SCOTT Either that or you need to start hanging out with me. will you sign for your damn package? SCOTT Done. RAMONA You want me to hang out with you? RAMONA If I say yes. yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: (2) 28.if that's cool.. Oh.. .you know. You assumed wrong.my dream girl.. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT Um.. And throws the package straight in the trash. I just assumed you were too cool to be on time. or there’s this awesome game called Ninja Ninja Revolution at- F T Scott finally signs on the dotted line. PARK . RAMONA Well. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them. I'm totally waiting on you.NIGHT 32 33 34 B A Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the park. 31 SCOTT You are like.
SCOTT This is good. B A SCOTT Was he your boyfriend? RAMONA Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? SCOTT It’s so not interesting to me. RAMONA Between what and what? SCOTT My last job is a long story filled with sighs. They sit on some swings in the park. SCOTT Oh yeah? RAMONA I got this job here. RAMONA He’s. So how'd you end up in Toronto? RAMONA Just needed to escape I guess. 34 RAMONA I’m not into simulated violence.. Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park. And Gideon had always said Toronto was one of the great cities so.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: 29.a friend.. RAMONA So what about you? What do you do? SCOTT I’m between jobs..is he your boyfriend? T A (CONTINUED) . RAMONA This is good.. SCOTT I’m cool with whatever you want to do.. F SCOTT Is Gideon..
Chilled as in cold. RAMONA Yeah. it’s certainly chilled here. RAMONA Uh.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (2) 30. B A Um. SCOTT Is that why you left New York? RAMONA Pretty much. It’s weird. It was time to head somewhere a little more chilled.. 34 RAMONA I know plenty of those. SCOTT RAMONA I was guessing from your apartment. SCOTT Well. . RAMONA I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.. SCOTT I’m totally obsessed with you. RAMONA That’s probably because you sleep with a guy. but you totally do! F SCOTT I just haven’t been obsessed with a girl for a long time. T A (CONTINUED) Yeah.
You're too desperate to be gay.. we're just poor! We can't afford two beds! We're not gay! Actually. A Tongue. RAMONA This is ridiculous. . SCOTT Yeah.. SCOTT (CONT'D) I'm. mostly stupid. Wallace is pretty gay. night’s not over yet. I believe you. 34 SCOTT It’s.... RAMONA Well. Laughing.. you're definitely stupid if you want to go out with me. SCOTT So this is a 'date'.. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA Aw. RAMONA Dude. Ramona walks away. Isn't it like April? B The snow gets heavier still.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (3) 31. Ramona hops off her swing. no. relax.. RAMONA Anyway. RAMONA I think 'act of God' is a pretty decent excuse for a lousy date.. This whole thing is an unmitigated disaster. SCOTT I feel so stupid. eh? RAMONA Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue... I think there's a thingy up here somewhere. yeah. you’re probably not that stupid. The snowfall gets heavier. SCOTT F SCOTT Exactly. I can barely see you..
.. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . I can’t see you. 34 SCOTT A thingy? RAMONA A door.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (4) 31A.. Help me. SCOTT A door? I. I’m blind.. I.
. vanilla almond. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (5) 32. Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.NIGHT 35 Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy. green tea with lemon and honey. liver disaster. vanilla walnut. ginger without honey. SCOTT That would actually be awesome. A RAMONA Let me get you a blanket.very warm. I'm just. SCOTT Did you make some of those up? SCOTT That sounds good to me. Ramona opens the door. he finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt. raspberry. F RAMONA I think I'll have sleepytime.S. He wanders towards a half open door.S. sleepytime.) AAAH! Sorry. girl friendly apartment. does this help? SCOTT (O.S. blueberry chamomile.. Scott ventures upstairs. T A (CONTINUED) .. RAMONA'S APARTMENT . green tea with lemon. green tea.cold! RAMONA (O... 34 A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. RAMONA What kind of tea do you want? SCOTT There's more than one kind? RAMONA We have blueberry. ginseng.) That's. RAMONA Dude! I'm changing. ginger with honey. constant comment and earl grey. He watches as she slips out of her coat.. Pushing it open. 35 INT. What is that? B Ramona exits. After a moment alone. white truffle. SCOTT (O.) Here.
The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off. smiling. F T SCOTT Maybe. SCOTT RAMONA It's not like I'm gonna send you home in a snowstorm or anything.were you just going to bring the blanket from your bed? RAMONA I guess. 35 Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.... SCOTT (CONT'D) Were you... They tumble onto the bed and make out..INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: 33..kay.. A (CONTINUED) .camera circles Scott and Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session..maybe we should both get under it. Pilgrim. revealing black panties to complement black bra. You can sleep in my bed.. They look into each others eyes.what about our tea? SCOTT I can.since we're so cold. RAMONA I changed my mind. Not right now.kay. Then- B Ramona curls up next to Scott.. RAMONA Well. Scott is in heaven.. And I reserve the right to change my mind about the sex later. SCOTT (CONT'D) Ohh.... Scott takes his shirt off. SCOTT Changed it to what? From what? RAMONA I don't want to have sex with you. Scott imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline. A Ohh. Ramona breaks off..not have tea..
we're terrible.MORNING 36 “NO RAMONA” Another arrow point out that- Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel. come to the first round of this battle of the bands thing.. RAMONA What did you have in mind? SCOTT Umm. SCOTT Work? RAMONA You have to leave.oh. Please come. Whatever this is. I didn't even get any.. RAMONA (totally unimpressed) You have a band? SCOTT Yeah. They exchange a smile.I think I needed this.. B A 37 EXT. It's been like a really long time. just this. So. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.. and this is.. RAMONA'S APARTMENT .INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: (2) 34. Ramona skates towards the front gate. Ramona is gone. 35 SCOTT This is cool. RAMONA I have to work. SCOTT Hey. Scott relaxes. RAMONA You're welcome. Scott walking next to her.that was a joke..MORNING F 37 (CONTINUED) T “SHE’S IN THE SHOWER” A DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. RAMONA'S ROOM . can this not be a one night stand? For one thing. An arrow points to the empty spot in the bed next to him. thanks. Then without warning we jump cut to 36 INT. .
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 37 RAMONA Sure.INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: 34A.
hey! It’s tonight. WALLACE (staring at Jimmy) Heyyy. RAMONA Hey. reaching Scott at the bar. She hands him a note. I’m Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses. STACEY And this is my boyfriend Jimmy. I did totally come. B A F T 38 INT.. 37 Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow. 212 664-7665. right back next to Scott. his room-mate.. girl number. THE ROCKIT . He stands with Wallace and Stacey. . xxxxxxx‘ SCOTT Wow. He’s chronically enfeebled.. FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET”.NIGHT A 38 (CONTINUED) RAMONA See you at the show. Scott Pilgrim.INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: (2) 35. Ramona is already skating far.(somehow) SCOTT Wait! Can I get your number? SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop. SCOTT Oh. Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young hipsters. Scott is so amazed at her presence.. STACEY And this is Wallace. STACEY Excuse my brother. far away. his social skills vanish. WALLACE Hey. SCOTT You totally came! RAMONA Yes. Scott looks back up.At The- “THE ROCKIT. ‘RAMONA FLOWERS.
A KNIVES CHAU Do you like? . He looks up at Ramona and Knives sitting with Wallace. BACKSTAGE . Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. Scott’sScott goes white. wake up. wake up. To.uh. He didn’t even see Knives come in. People love us. KIM Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.. Go.INTEGRATED FINAL 38 CONTINUED: 36. Knives and Ramona stare at each other. SCOTT I.S) This next band are from Brampton and they are Crash And The Boys. STILLS We were just on stage. Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY. 39 B A F T LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. PROMOTER (O. SCOTT HEYYYYYYYY! KNIVES CHAU Hey. Stacey stares at Scott. STEPHEN STILLS This is a nightmare. wearing makeup and new clothes. For sound check.. Is this a nightmare? Wake up. 38 STACEY And this is Knives. The sound guy hated us.. SCOTT (CONT’D) Have.CONTINUOUS Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band. Scott scurries off. 39 INT. He pushes her away. THE ROCKIT.. SCOTT It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters. Knives looks kinda sexy. Right? Scott sounds less than convincing. Wallace stares at Jimmy. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.
. TOO? CRASH Yes. . WALLACE That was a test. THE ROCKIT. I am so very very sad. Wallace yells from the balcony. Please Die. STAGE . WALLACE Jimmy. WALLACE IS THAT GIRL A BOY. Do they rock or suck? JIMMY They. THE ROCKIT. Jimmy. F T A (CONTINUED) CRASH Good evening. 40 INT." Sweet! WALLACE I love this one! A CRASH This is called "I am so sad.CONTINUOUS B41 A41 B Crash and the Boys play a whole song in . 8 year old girl drummer. and it's called "We Hate You. KIM PINE They have a girl drummer? B41 INT. You passed. GUYS! CRASH This song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy." And it goes a little something like this. and these are the Boys.haven't started playing yet. I am Crash. WALLACE IT'S NOT A RACE.CONTINUOUS 40 Crash and The Boys tune up.CONTINUOUS Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. TRASHA.INTEGRATED FINAL 37.. CRASH Thank you. A41 INT. gives Wallace the finger.04 seconds. STAGE . THE ROCKIT. Kim glowers. BACKSTAGE .
B41 Crash continues his rampage of musical hate. B A F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL B41 CONTINUED: 37A.
THE ROCKIT. It'll be our last song tonight and your last song EVER.CONTINUOUS Sound explodes from the stage. STAGE .CONTINUOUS STEPHEN STILLS These guys are good. STACEY So Knives. . STEPHEN STILLS How are we supposed to follow this? We’re not going to win. BALCONY . Are these guys good? Kim Pine scowls harder than ever. 44 Ramona arches an eyebrow. YOU’RE FREAKING ME OUT! 43 44 INT. THE ROCKIT.. we’re not gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. He's a friend..um. BACKSTAGE . 43 INT. STACEY Hard for me to keep track sometimes. 41 INT. BACKSTAGE . THE ROCKIT. 41 STEPHEN STILLS 42 42 INT.. how do you know Scott? RAMONA He's. The audience are stunned.INTEGRATED FINAL 38. These guys are good. A F T A CRASH This is called "Last Song Kills Audience". THE ROCKIT.. how did you meet Scott? B STACEY So. Stacey turns to Ramona.CONTINUOUS Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band. He has so many friends. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara. WILL YOU STOP JUST STANDING THERE.CONTINUOUS As Crash And The Boys climax. (freaking out) GODDAMN IT SCOTT.
She faints in the excitement.. finger pointed at Scott as he sails towards the stage! B A STEPHEN STILLS Scott.Bob-Omb? SEX BOB-OMB walk on. sees Stacey talking to Knives..you ready? STEPHEN STILLS Kim.. STAGE .. THE ROCKIT...CONTINUOUS 45 Scott looks up into the balcony.yeah. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face.CONTINUOUS Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.you reaKIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. 46 RAMONA Is that seriously the end of the story? 47 INT. 45 INT.. So give it up for Sex.CONTINUOUS T KNIVES CHAU OH MY GOSH. SCOTT We gotta play now and loud! 46 INT. THE ROCKIT.. KIM PINE (CONT’D) THREE. TWO. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers. F (CONTINUED) . KNIVES CHAU Well. BALCONY . BACKSTAGE . barely into the first verse when a chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole. they’re on! A 47 ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic. I was on the bus with my MomKnives freezes. ONE. THE ROCKIT.INTEGRATED FINAL 39. PROMOTER This next band is from Toronto and. staring at the stage. FOUR! Sex Bob-omb rock out. ANGLE on Knives.. Scott nods vigorously..
B A Patel RUNS at Scott. Matthew Patel. Alright. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT What do I do?! . MATTHEW PATEL You’re quite the opponent. Consider our fight..begun! SCOTT What did I do? Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott. It is I. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out). He wears an evil grin and a jacket that borders on flamboyant. then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right. Pilgrim. Pilgrim. FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and sends him flying into the air. knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle. They land in THE PIT.. SCOTT Thank you. WALLACE FIGHT! MATTHEW PATEL Alright.. Patel LANDS like a cat. MATTHEW PATEL Mr.. Wallace! The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters. MATTHEW PATEL My name is Matthew Patel and I'm Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend! SCOTT You’re what? MATTHEW PATEL Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend! All eyes WHIP up to Ramona.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: 40. 47 MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a lopsided fringe. SCOTT Who the hell are you anyway? F WALLACE Watch out! It's that one guy! T Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his left arm.
INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (2) 40A. then holds his hand up for a time-out. Scott blocks. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 47 RAMONA Anyone need another drink? Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Patel punches. Scott blocks.
We only kissed once. all the little jocks wanted me. Scott evades and counter-attacks. 47 SCOTT We're fighting because of Ramona? MATTHEW PATEL Didn't you get my e-mail explaining the situation? SCOTT I skimmed it. breathing heavy. landing kicks and punches. We were one hell of a team. Patel evades. F T (CONTINUED) A Patel attacks. then lands more punches. Scott jump-spins away from danger. RAMONA (CONT'D) It was football season and for some reason. Nothing could beat Matthew's mystical powers. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK. non-jock boy in school. Scott looks up to Ramona. Nothing but pre-teen capriciousness. Matthew was the only non-white. probably in the entire state. The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the balcony. I told him to hit the showers. After a week and a half. until Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. SCOTT Are you a pirate? MATTHEW PATEL Pirates are in this year! Patel attacks again. MATTHEW PATEL You will pay for your insolence! WALLACE What’s up with his outfit? OTHER HECKLER Yeah! Is he a pirate? Scott looks at Patel’s outfit. in the seventh grade. . B A SCOTT You really went out with this guy? RAMONA Yeah. They exchange furious blows. They pause.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (3) 41. so we joined forces and took 'em all out.
INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (4) 41A. 47 The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
47 SCOTT Dude. MATTHEW PATEL This is impossible. MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Me and my fireballs and my Demon Hipster Chicks. Scott hits the ground.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (5) 42. It hits Patel square in the eyes. Scott dodges. Scott rolls across the stage. Patel levitates into the air. He flips back onto the stage. Maybe you’ll see.mystical powers? Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona. narrowly dodging the attack. They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings. GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS and throws it Captain America style. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.. T A (CONTINUED) . SCOTT That doesn’t even rhyme. Patel opens his eyes just in time to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face. Flowers! Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG! MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D) If you want to fight me. POOF. Four hot girls in skirts with fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him. dodging a third wave of fireballs. B A MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Let us show him what we’re all about. Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott. You won’t know what’s hit you in the slightest. I’m talking the talk because I know I’m slick. you’re not the brightest. The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. how can it be?! Scott leaps into the air.. MATTHEW PATEL You’ll pay for this. SCOTT Open your eyes. the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish. wait. F MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Fireball Girls! Take this sucker down.
They clatter to the stage floor. 48 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .O! Scott punches Patel. BALCONY . Passes Stacey. Coins.CONTINUOUS Ramona makes her way out fast. Scott lands and picks them up.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (6) 42A. SCOTT Sweet. 47 K. He explodes into COINS. 48 INT. THE ROCKIT.
THE BUS . Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them. A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.. BALCONY . Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.but he is long gone. 51 SCOTT Sooooooo. THE ROCKIT. STACEY WALLACE?! Not again! Ramona passes Knives. SCOTT You have seven evil ex-boyfriends? B F T A 49 INT.. Ramona yanks Scott away. SCOTT Aw man..INTEGRATED FINAL 48 CONTINUED: 43. STAGE . PROMOTER Yeah... $2. Sex Bob-Omb wins. who is being resuscitated by Tamara. RAMONA I'll lend you the 30 cents..40? That's not even enough for the bus home. you may have to defeat my seven evil ex's. 50 INT. Her eyes scan the venue for Scott. THE ROCKIT. 48 RAMONA Well. The Promotor ambles back onstage.CONTINUOUS 50 51 INT.CONTINUOUS 49 (CONTINUED) .NIGHT A Knives is now wide awake..so like.. SCOTT What was all that all about? RAMONA Uh. RAMONA (CONT’D) If we're going to date. Ramona takes a breath. I guess. STACEY Gay friends? Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out. it was great meeting you.. clapping wildly from the balcony. Tell your gay friends I said bye.
WALLACE Someone’s lucky then. SCOTT So. B WALLACE Someone’s happy. yes.. I guess. someone got to second base last night. 51 RAMONA Seven ex's. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . Scott bursts through the front door. I mean me. SCOTT You know when I say ‘someone’.maybe first and a half. 52 53 OMITTED INT.. And someone has a second date tonight. Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.. SCOTT So I have to fightRAMONA Defeat. . what you're saying is. The studio audience applauds. a spring in his step. SCOTT Well.INTEGRATED FINAL 51 CONTINUED: 44.. right? I got to second base last night.. The studio audience 'awwww's.MORNING 52 A F RAMONA T A 53 (CONTINUED) RAMONA Pretty much. Scott kisses Ramona. Do you want to make out? Uh. A bleary Wallace fries bacon. SCOTT -defeat your seven evil ex's if we're going to continue to date. SCOTT Cool. (beat) We are dating? RAMONA Uh..
WALLACE Okay.. 53 SCOTT (CONT’D) Oh..INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: 45. Scott.but. so you can't be here tonight. take it up with Liberace’s Ghost. But in return I have to issue an ultimatum. SCOTT One of your famous ultimatums? WALLACE It may live in infamy. If you have a problem with it. WALLACE If you don't do it...you're.. SCOTT You’re a monster. I don't want you gaying up the place.. Today. SCOTT Who’s Lucas Lee? Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine. WALLACE Now put the bacon down and go do your dirt while I watch the Lucas Lee marathon on TBS Superstation. Okay? Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.. SCOTT (CONT’D) DOUBLE STANDARD! WALLACE I didn’t make up the gay rulebook. I'm inviting Ramona over for dinner. (CONTINUED) B A Morning. T A .it's HARD. At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and helps himself to coffee.You have to break up with Knives. I swear to God. hey. F SCOTT But you. Scott.. I'm going to tell Ramona about Knives.. SCOTT But. JIMMY Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly..
INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (2) 45A. (MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 53 WALLACE He was this pretty good skater and now he’s this pretty good actor.
) And a dorky hat?! SCOTT It's not dorky! Why are you psychic? A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.S. The next click is me hanging up. We see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller. Knives. B A Ummm.okay.... I am stalking him later. F SCOTT T Scott grumbles off. like.INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (3) WALLACE (cont'd) He’s filming a Winifred Hailey movie in Toronto right now. Surprising no one..DAY A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone. hey. 54 EXT.. SCOTT You suck.) Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like a spring jacket? And a hoodie? .is me pulling the trigger. talk or whatever? KNIVES CHAU (O. LUCAS LEE (ON TV) Listen close and listen hard. 46. SCOTT So. this Lucas LeeWALLACE Lucas Lee is not important to you right now! Get out. A 54 Scott checks what he's wearing.. Um. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET . Wallace turns the television way up. SCOTT (CONT'D) Oh. The one after that. do you want to.S. 53 SCOTT They make movies in Toronto? WALLACE Yes. Uh. bucko. KNIVES CHAU (O. SCOTT Oh. Hi. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.
55 INT... I'm in. KNIVES CHAU No.. I wanted to invite you over for dinner.. KNIVES CHAU KNIVES CHAU Yeah. Will you take me to the show? SCOTT Yeah. 55 Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist. SCOTT Like. It's my birthday dinner.. Like. SCOTT And.INTEGRATED FINAL 47. SONIC BOOM .I think that's a really bad idea.. Why? SCOTT Well I mean.. KNIVES CHAU I can’t believe they’re coming to town. KNIVES CHAU Oh. really. Well. Chinese food? Yeah. T (CONTINUED) A .are you even allowed to date outside your race or whatever? KNIVES CHAU I don't care.. hey.and. pounding inside Scott's head.. I'm too old for you! KNIVES CHAU No you're not! My Dad is nine years older than my Mom. It’s not my favorite. to meet my parents. listenThe SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder. just so bad. B A SCOTT Uh.DAY The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.LOVE! F SCOTT Hmm.. it's okay.
listen.I was thinking we should break up or whatever. the word actually appears onscreen. Scott brushes it away..INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: 47A.. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop. SCOTT Um. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 55 Knives is so smitten.
.. thinking about Knives. We broke up. THE BUS / RECORD STORE . Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune. CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading. 55 KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah. ON THE BUS: Scott sighs.EVENING Sex Bob-Omb tune up. in shock. KNIVES CHAU Scott walks out. thinks of something happier. CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store.you broke up with Knives? F KIM PINE Where's Knives? Not coming tonight? A (CONTINUED) . I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy 2. a little happier.. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT .. B A Young Neil PAUSES his DS.. SCOTT Aw. thanks. YOUNG NEIL You. leaving Knives in the aisle. 57 SCOTT Oh.it's not going to work out. thanks. SCOTT (CONT'D) OH! Check it out. No. KIM PINE Scott..INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: (2) Really? 48.. T ON THE BUS: Scott smiles...um. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.DAY Scott sits on the bus alone. 56 INT. you are the salt of the earth. I meant scum of the earth. SCOTT Aw. Oh. 56 57 INT/EXT.. Kim and Stills share a look. her funky pink hair. KIM PINE Wait.
Kim mimes shooting herself. We were lucky to survive that last round. new or new-new. that’s. SCOTT It’s all blue. maybe you'll meet my new new girlfriend soon. Like you said. Scott opens the door to see Ramona.. whether they’re old. B A Scott ushers her in. RAMONA Yeah.. this is Stephen Stills. now sporting BLUE HAIR. Is it not cool? Everyone mumbles back. This is sudden death now.. YOUNG NEIL Newnew.. F SCOTT (CONT’D) Hey. no GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at practice. SCOTT (CONT'D) That's for me. RAMONA Hey everyone. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair. 57 SCOTT Yeah. weirded out by this hair development. RAMONA Yes.INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: 49. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp. SCOTT You know your hair? RAMONA I know of it. Young Neil. Kim. Are you going to introduce me? SCOTT Oh yeah. STEPHEN STILLS Okay! From here on out. I just dyed it.you’re here? T A (CONTINUED) .. Okay? SCOTT Okay! DINGY DONG.. but don’t worry.
INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (2) 49A. 57 SCOTT Is it weird not being pink anymore? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
57 RAMONA I change my hair every week and a half.how do you guys all know each other? YOUNG NEIL High school. Good.INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (3) 50. Get used to it. WALLACE'S APARTMENT ... He’s an idiot. KIM PINE Believe it or not. See you guys tomorrow. (to Sex Bob-Omb) So. I actually dated Scott in high school. Starts ushering Ramona out again.. A tense Scott hurries around the kitchen area. WALLACE Are you doing okay there? SCOTT Yeah. YOUNG NEIL (to Stills) I’m Neil. good.NIGHT B A SCOTT Neil knows my parts.. Ramona goes to the bathroom. preparing food as Wallace looks on. what about rehearsal? 58 INT. Cool. SCOTT Okay. Scott drops the act. I guess? STEPHEN STILLS What Neil said. SCOTT She changed her hair. YOUNG NEIL . KIM PINE Yeah.uh. reading a magazine. F T RAMONA Got any embarassing stories? A (CONTINUED) I’m Neil. STEPHEN STILLS Uh. Scott fake laughs. 58 Ramona lounges. dude.
58 WALLACE So? It looks nice blue. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: 50A.
See you in sixty. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner. 58 SCOTT I know. Good. RAMONA This is actually really good garlic bread. WALLACE Will you man the hell up? You could get to 2nd and a half base. I’m heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my hetero crush. come find me at the Castle. what do I do? WALLACE I can’t believe you were worried about me gaying up the place. Oh my god. Ramona returns. She’s spontaneous. good. “when”. Fickle. '15 MINUTES LATER' F T WALLACE I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. if you strike out in the next hour. picnic style. A SCOTT You think so? WALLACE Well. B Ramona and Scott eat on the floor. Impulsive. with a panicked whisper. Scott stops Wallace at the door. SCOTT Don’t go. but she changed it without even making a big deal about it. RAMONA How’s dinner coming along? SCOTT Yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (2) 51. SCOTT “If I strike out”? WALLACE Okay. Wallace pulls on a jacket. A (CONTINUED) .
RAMONA Oh yeah? SCOTT Yeah. Ra-ra-ra. B Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. Ra-mona. SCOTT No. SCOTT '15 MINUTES LATER' F T A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar. 58 SCOTT Garlic bread is my favorite food. Or just all the time without even stopping. SCOTT Bread makes you FAT?? '15 MINUTES LATER' SCOTT So I wrote a song about you. I could honestly eat it for every meal. Mona. RAMONA Your hair's pretty shaggy.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (3) 52. A (CONTINUED) . Ooooh. it goes like this: Ra-mona. Why would I get fat? RAMONA Bread makes you fat. RAMONA What? A Finished? RAMONA I can’t wait to hear it when it’s finished. Ramona is taken aback. Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair. Ra-mona. Ra-mona. RAMONA You'd get fat. Mona. SCOTT OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!? Scott sits up like a shot. Ra-ra-ra.
No.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (4) 53. I like it long.. 58 SCOTT Ha. NARRATOR She dumped him. T A ... Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears. But it’s so long ago. three hours before his big breakup.. Earl Jones deep.she stopped liking me. RAMONA Sounds like a bad time. A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. SCOTT Not really. now wearing his dorky SNOW HAT.. she told me it was mutual. SCOTT But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?! F NARRATOR SCOTT It was a mutual thing.. I can barely remember it.. It was brutal.. RAMONA Your hair is cute. sorry. NARRATOR Scott is acutely aware that his last salon haircut took place exactly 431 days ago. He blames this largely on the haircut and has been cutting his own hair ever since. But she stopped liking that name. I got a bad haircut right before me and my big ex broke up. Then. RAMONA What? Why are you wearing that? (CONTINUED) B A SCOTT I mean. It’s just that I got.. NARRATOR It wasn’t. It was. hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps. RAMONA What was her name? SCOTT She was Nat when I knew her.
Let’s find out. every drug.I don't know.heightened. 59 RAMONA You seem a little. in which case I do drugs all the time. I don’t know. unless you do. Things seem a little brighter around you or something. T A SCOTT Nooo. bright movie set lights. as if crossing a magical line. but. RAMONA Tell me we didn't come out here just so you could cover your hair with that hat. ENDLESS STAIRWAY . B Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA. Putting one leg in front of the other. when I'm with you I feel like I'm on drugs.. Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and NIGHT TURNS TO DAY. 58 SCOTT I thought we could go for a walk. They’re shooting this movie up here. I just love me some walking.. A RAMONA What is this place? SCOTT A totally awesome castle.. F SCOTT Yeah.. a castle surrounded by big. RAMONA Who's in it? SCOTT Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.NIGHT '15 MINUTES LATER' Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (5) 54.. Not that I do drugs. who? SCOTT I forget. . long handrail between them. RAMONA Oh.. I just. 59 EXT.you make me feel.
Mr. F The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits his trailer. FIRST A. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Lee is travelling! RAMONA Mr. I am not a slut. smoking a cigarette (blacked out).D. Ooh? SCOTT WALLACE I want to have his adopted babies. SCOTT RAMONA I used to date that clown.CONTINUOUS 60 A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some GOON. WALLACE RAMONA Wallace. RAMONA Ooh. Lee? WALLACE Lucas Lee. including Wallace. B A What? Why? Slut. 60 EXT. We gotta go. RAMONA Oh. man. The spectators go “oooh”. T (CONTINUED) A . RAMONA Did you find the guy you’re stalking? WALLACE I think I’m about to right now. Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS.INTEGRATED FINAL 55. doing kickflips. He skates towards the set. CASA LOMA .
you dated a FAMOUS guy?! RAMONA In 9th grade.. The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it’s gonna take to kick your ass. I only dated him for a week and a halfLUCAS LEE I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim! Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott.. Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode. Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON. .. SCOTT He had snot? In his nose? But he's famous! LUCAS LEE HEY!!! RAMONA It’s not a big deal.. We had drama. LUCAS LEE Lucas Lee points at Scott. SCOTT He's famous and he talked to me! B A F HEY!!! T A (CONTINUED) LUCAS LEE Hey... Actually. 60 WALLACE I can think of no higher accolade.. RAMONA He just followed me around. SCOTT Oh.. who gasps. it might have been math.God. SCOTT . He was a little snot nosed brat. who remains oblivious. LUCAS LEE Action. I just remember there being lots of drama.my.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: 56.
B A (CONTINUED) F T Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret. 60 LUCAS LEE The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass! SCOTT Can I getPOW! Lucas Lee punches Scott. SCOTT Can I get your autograph? LUCAS LEE Sup. WALLACE Scott. Fight. wobbly. flooring him. crumbling it. Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set. . Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo. He nods to Ramona. How’s life? He seems nice. A POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. Scott comes back up with a pen and paper. then stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground. Evil ex.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (2) 56A.
60 LUCAS LEE Think you stand a chance against an A-lister. only to find an identical STAND IN! LUCAS LEE (O. LUCAS LEE I’m gonna get coffee. You homies want anything? We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing. followed by a barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs.) Looks like you’re seeing double. The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. SCOTT Hey. Scott PUNCHES through a couple of the boards. hey! I’m not doneScott spins Lucas around. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with antiseptic. Tae Kwon Doe style. WALLACE Ask them how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds! SCOTT How does it feel to- KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face.. COUNTLESS STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN... punchy. right? Sometimes I let him do wide shots if I feel like getting blazed back in my winnie. LUCAS LEE Some competish you are. Lucas Lee wanders off. bro? Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (3) 57.. F T Scott turns to see the real Lucas. all identically dressed. smirking on the sidelines. He slides across the wet-down ground. Lee? (CONTINUED) B A LUCAS LEE I’m nothing without my stunt team. all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble. SCOTT (O. Scott staggers to his feet. LUCAS LEE He’s good.S. Suddenly. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground. A .S. Scott stands to fight the double.) Mr. hey.
.. well then don't worry about it. Scott goes to shake it. SCOTT You are a pretty good actor. SCOTT But are you a pretty good skater? B A Really? LUCAS LEE Oh.. 60 Lucas turns. Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas stomps over to him. POW! Lucas gets him square in the mouth. SCOTT LUCAS LEE Yeah.. shocked to see Scott. bro... LUCAS LEE Prepare. prepare to feel the wrath of the League of Evil Exes! SCOTT The League of Evil Axes? SCOTT Ummm.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (4) 58. LUCAS LEE I'm going for the Oscar this year. RRRIP! Scott lands in a CRUMP. F SCOTT LUCAS LEE Seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life? T LUCAS LEE You really don't know about the "The League"? A (CONTINUED) . preparing for the deathblow. in front of a PAINTED 2-D SKYLINE BACKDROP. surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen. . Lucas offers a hand. SCOTT You’re needed back on set. Scott smiles through his aching jaw. Let’s get a beer.no. framed through the torn skyline. Lucas GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop.
if it’s too hardcore. LUCAS LEE You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that? SCOTT There’s girls watching. I have my own skate company.HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight. LUCAS LEE Why wouldn’t you be? CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT. HSSSSSSSSS. a perfect ollie onto the rail. SCOTT So can you do a grind thingy now? LUCAS LEE Are you serious? There’s like 200 steps and the rails are garbage. but can you do a thingy on that rail? Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs. WALLACE Hi.. ese. Lucas pulls down his shirt. Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard... revealing a skate company tattoo. sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL. SCOTT Hey. SCOTT Wow.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (5) 59. LUCAS LEE It’s called a grind. F T A (CONTINUED) . Cut back to Scott & Wallace.. 60 LUCAS LEE I’m more than pretty good. very impressed at Lucas.... Big fan. B A LUCAS LEE Somebody get me my board. impressed at Lucas. bro.. SCOTT So you can sell them. Cut back to Scott & Wallace.
INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (6) 59A. SCOTT Yes! Fist bump.. WALLACE Wow. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott’s about to say ‘wow’ whenBOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs. SCOTT I didn’t get his autograph.. HSSSSSSSSS. he totally bailed. Scott smacks his forehead. 60 SCOTT Wow.
F WALLACE WALLACE Yeah. phone pressed to his ear. It was right under your nose.that’s a wrap everybody. SCOTT Where's Ramona? Is she still here? WALLACE No. We hear the OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. T SCOTT Hey. (CONTINUED) B A What? SCOTT Everything! WALLACE Come on guy. RAMONA is not available. you can’t say you didn’t see this coming. Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). SCOTT You know what really sucks though? Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator: RAMONA FLOWERS. Call me back. Uh. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .D. xxxxxxx WALLACE What did you think these were? SCOTT Kisses? Seven little kisses? WALLACE Seven deadly X's.DAY 61 Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it. (hangs up) What's the deal? Seriously. It’s me.. 61 INT. 212 664-7665. Scott Pilgrim. SCOTT What's the deal? Seriously. you said that last night. 60 FIRST A. she totally bailed. A Scott slumps on the couch.. Scott again. . please record your message after the beep.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (7) 60.
You can do it! Be with her! It’s your destiny! (beat) Plus. Lesbians? Scott’s face falls. WALLACE I have a feeling that’s for you. Scott slides to the floor.. VOICE (O. Scott and Wallace look at the phone. SCOTT Why does everything have to be so complicated? Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor. Step up your game.. SCOTT WALLACE The other L-word. guy. Break out the L-word. You have the spirit of a warrior. A SEXY. NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES. completely shocked at this bombshell. 61 Wallace cocks an eyebrow. if she’s really the girl of your dreams. B A F T A (CONTINUED) Lesbian? . then you have to let her know. I’m kind of banking on her calling you back so I won’t have to evict you and feel all guilty and shit.) Hey Scott. it’s “love”. Scott picks up. SCOTT What? Why? Are you moving in with Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE Or someone. I need you to move out. I wasn’t trying to trick you or anything. Scott.S. SCOTT WALLACE Okay. you have to fight for it. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. Look. Either way.INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: 61. RINGY RING. WALLACE If you want something bad.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT ...Envy? WALLACE Oh, shit. ENVY (O.S.) It’s been a long time. SCOTT Yeah. ENVY (O.S.) A year I think? SCOTT Approximately. ENVY (O.S.) How are you?
SCOTT I’m not doing so good right now. ENVY (O.S.) That’s too bad. Still breaking hearts?
ENVY (O.S.) Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend? Should I be jealous? SCOTT Yes, you should. I have this totally awesome girlfriend who calls me all the time. And she’s America. Uh. She’s American. ENVY (O.S.) What’s her name? SCOTT I’m not telling you that. Ramona. ENVY (O.S.) SCOTT What? Do you know her? ENVY (O.S.)
SCOTT What? No, stop. I’ve been-it’s been different. You have no idea.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (3)
SCOTT It sounded like you did. ENVY (O.S.) I gotta go. Nice chatting with you. SCOTT WaitCLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him. WALLACE Okay. Everything does suck.
WALLACE Or does it?
Scott sits bolt upright, expectant. WALLACE Oh, hey Knives. Scott lays back down. FUCK.
Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.
Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background. A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62
Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid. He sees five ‘X’s looming above him on a pedestrian crossing and quickly diverts into an... 62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY Scott rips the ‘X-Men’ patch off his jacket, when62
Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head first. GLASS SMASHES. WALLACE (CONT’D) He just left.
KNIVES CHAU Is Scott here? WALLACE You know what?
WALLACE What’s that? You’re outside?
Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.
INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED:
WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around. SCOTT Dude. WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by. SCOTT Please.
T SCOTT Listen. He’s pissed now. 62 SHFFF . Hits SOMETHING. darlin’. A DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up lands on the ground with a thump. This is one nightmare you can’t wake up from. She spins to face Scott. A MYSTERY ATTACKER (own voice) My brain! SCOTT Well whatever this is about.SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott. technically this is not a nightmare. ALT #1: SCOTT What’s that from? ALT #2: B No. SCOTT Wait. but I just cashed my last raincheck.INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (2) 64. Prepare to die. SHWAA .SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. . F MYSTERY ATTACKER (dixieland accent) Love to postpone. obviously. enough! Scott punches the air in front of him. I’ve had it today. am I asleep right now? MYSTERY ATTACKER SCOTT So. can it wait till I’m in the right frame of mind? MYSTERY ATTACKER Nuh uh. Can we not do this right now? A (CONTINUED) MYSTERY ATTACKER You punched me in the boob. SCOTT Okay. SCOTT I’m really not in the mood.
Because I’ll be deadly serious next time. dialing Stacey frantically. Someone help me. SCOTT It’s Scott.INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (3) 64A. Scott is in his usual payphone. Whatever it is. It’s everyone else that’s crazy. SCOTT So how can I not wake up? If I’m not actually asleep.) What did he do this time? SCOTT No. STACEY (O. STACEY (O. SCOTT What? Nevermind! MYSTERY ATTACKER PAF . Scott looks to the sky.S. But you won’t see me. then I’ll see you later. It’s actually me. MYSTERY ATTACKER Okay little chicken. SCOTT Oh man.S. it’s Scott. I’m really. (MORE) B A 63 EXT. baffled.) What did you do this time? SCOTT I didn’t do anything. 62 MYSTERY ATTACKER Right.the Mystery Attacker vanishes.DAY F T 63 (CONTINUED) A . SCOTT Well. really not up for this. BLOOR STREET . MYSTERY ATTACKER Don’t question me! Scott shakes his head.
not happy. (CONTINUED) . SCOTT Cool.) I’m literally about to leave. JULIE What can I fucking get you? (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK". mouthing that she has to go.) SCOTT How do you do that with your mouth? JULIE Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What do you have to say for yourself? SCOTT Uh.CONTINUOUS 64 SCOTT Think I’ll make it a decaf today. I’m coming in. Are you still working? 65. Can I get a caramel macchiato? B A SCOTT Is there anywhere you don’t work? JULIE They’re called 'jobs'. 63 STACEY (O. a black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped. THE SECOND CUP . And by the way. Stacey has her back turned. Stacey turns around. I can't believe you fucking asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to fucking do that! F T A Scott approaches the counter. revealing herself to be JULIE! JULIE SCOTT PILGRIM! SCOTT AH! What did you do with my sister? Stacey taps on the window outside. Scott turns back to Julie. I’m having a meltdown or whatever.S.INTEGRATED FINAL 63 CONTINUED: SCOTT (cont'd) Look I need to talk to you. Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into64 INT. something a fuckball like you wouldn't know anything about.
I do that. I want to hang. but I don’t think anything can really get in the way of how I SHIT! F T Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into.the singer from THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster. No biggie. I hear the girl that kicked your heart in the ass is walking the streets of Toronto again. SCOTT Yeah. She looks at the floor.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: 66. I know it’s hard to be around me sometimes. They share an awkward moment. A . FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS. Listen. No. I’ll understand if you don’t want to hang anymore. B Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop. The whole evil ex-boyfriend thing. SCOTT So I can pick up my coffee over here? RAMONA. SCOTT No. (CONTINUED) A Exes." The icy.. "ENVY ADAMS. I know it's early days. You kind of disappeared. RAMONA SCOTT I mean. JULIE Fucking speaking of fucking which. SCOTT Me? Wreak havoc? Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the counter with concert dates at the bottom. RAMONA Sorry that got a little crazy last night.. platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott. 23.. 64 JULIE Maybe it’s high fucking time you took a look in a mirror before you wreak havoc on another girl. RAMONA Yeah..
ENVY Maybe you’ll see him soon. SCOTT That’s so not going to happen. F (CONTINUED) T A ENVY Your hair is getting shaggy. I’m jealous. leaving Envy to fix on Scott. That’s Ramona? SCOTT Yeah. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona. I know. ENVY Okay. SCOTT Yeah. You’re so on the list. REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.. RAMONA The big one? Scott nods. SCOTT YOU’RE jealous? B A ENVY I’m allowed. RAMONA I’m gonna. . SCOTT You left me! For that cocky pretty boy! ENVY You’ve never even seen him.excuse me. so totally come.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (2) 67. SCOTT Yeah? ENVY So.. 64 SCOTT (CONT'D) It's my ex. You left me for a guy I’ve never even seen. Ramona goes to order coffee. We’re playing Lee’s Palace. ENVY Great. You guys should like.
SCOTT She’s totally jealous of you.DAY Scott and Ramona walk side by side. How. SCOTT Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? (beat) She wanted to move to Montreal because she missed her best friend.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (3) 68. That didn’t end well either.. Having the past come back to haunt you. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET . you heard they were sleeping together I guess? SCOTT RAMONA I dated a Todd once... RAMONA And two weeks later. RAMONA What happened with the two of you? B A Basically. sipping their coffees.. 64 Envy disappears into the cappucino mists. Ramona returns.that was Nat? . that was Envy. About. JULIE Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim! SCOTT (to Ramona) It’s pronounced “Scott”.what did you guys talk about? A (CONTINUED) RAMONA So. SCOTT I can see how it sucks. 65 EXT. This guy Todd. That. F T RAMONA So. RAMONA Envy’s jealous? How about that? SCOTT Yeah. 65 SCOTT No.
INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: 68A. 65 RAMONA Is it wrong that I try not to think about it? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
Music swells. SCOTT Double negative. From this moment on. F WALLACE JIMMY T A (CONTINUED) . STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all. OTHER SCOTT And you didn't bang her? Are you gay? SCOTT I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend. Ramona stops and kisses him.INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: (2) 69.. 65 SCOTT What do you want to think about? RAMONA How warm my place is right now. JIMMY Is that the Uma Thurman movie? WALLACE Scott. Ramona lounges on the couch. Just because Envy's back in town doesn't make it not over. A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim.DAY STEPHEN STILLS I have distressing news. OTHER SCOTT It’s over.. Mm. Scott and Young Neil. Move on. 66 INT.NIGHT Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . Tricky. I’m not gonna let her toy with me. I will think of Envy Adams no more! 67 67 INT. SCOTT Right. 66 Scott stands (no pants). B A Word.
67 KIM PINE Is the news that we suck? Because I really don’t think I can take it. The Clash At Demonhead are doing a secret show tomorrow night.INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: 69A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . STEPHEN STILLS No. And Envy asked us to open for them.
EVENING B A Yeah.. RAMONA If my ex was in the band? SCOTT RAMONA It might be a little awkward. . You know. We need to get some buzz going. KNIVES CHAU He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick! I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna disembowel him! F T STEPHEN STILLS We’re doing it. SCOTT Yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: (2) 70. Is a gig.KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE. Maybe you can put your history aside until we get through this thing. 67 SCOTT I hate you. for the band? For the band. G-man might be there! We play the next round of the battle Saturday. CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face. TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona. DRUG SMART . pressed against the window. But maybe it’s the grown up thing to do. We need groundswell.. A KIM PINE All our shows are secret shows. SCOTT What would you do? If your ex was in a band and they wanted you to open for them? 68 INT. we’re all adults right? 68 KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants furiously into her cellphone. STEPHEN STILLS A gig is a gig is a gig. For the band? SCOTT Can’t we do our own secret shows? Stills paces past the window to reveal. We need stalkers.
I look so. KNIVES CHAU He only likes her cause she's old! She's probably like 25! She's just some fat-ass white girl. so he tried to find someone cool but old.so good.EVENING Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.EVENING 68B TAMARA We should rinse- TAMARA She's cool? I thought she was fat- Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair. he knew I was cool but he thought I was too young. looking sexy. TAMARA F KNIVES CHAU I mean. Obviously it's just a twist of fate or whatever. isn't it? Star crossed lovers! Born too late! Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA. KNIVES’ BATHROOM . Knives throws a long scarf on. eyes narrowing.. this really burns. T KNIVES CHAU She's got a head start! I didn't even know there WAS good music until like two months ago! Okay. This is all her fault. 68A INT. A Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot.INTEGRATED FINAL 71.. KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Oh God. you know? TAMARA I think you mentioned she was fa- 68A 68B INT. KNIVES’ BEDROOM . KNIVES CHAU It MUST be her fault.. (CONTINUED) .. B A Why? KNIVES CHAU Well she THINKS she's cool.
The other snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse. She knows we suck. 71 71 INT. PUSH into Knives. Did you? STEPHEN STILLS She has to go. Ramona excuses herself.INTEGRATED FINAL 68B CONTINUED: 72. 68B KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart. The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. OMFG UR SO HOTT” 69 EXT. so(to Scott and Kim) Okay. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage. LEE’S PALACE . STEPHEN STILLS Thank you.CONTINUOUS A 70 . We hear loud music blasting through the open doors.NIGHT 69 A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. Did we suck? RAMONA I don’t know.Sold out’. as she plots. LEE'S PALACE . Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer. drunk. Tamara pops into frame. Now. Bar. TAMARA How? We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen: “YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. STEPHEN STILLS We got some merch out the back. But I know how to get him back. F T 70 INT.LATER A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar. A sign reads ‘THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD . We were Sex Bob-Omb. B A STEPHEN STILLS Level with me. LEE’S PALACE .
Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.. Knives follows. SCOTT What the hell? B A KIM PINE Look who Knives is hanging with. SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair.MOMENTS LATER 72 Ramona does her eyeliner. KIM PINE I bet Young Neil will date her even briefly-er. confused. LEE'S PALACE. Or is it.INTEGRATED FINAL 73. SCOTT Briefly. Briefly.MOMENTS LATER Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. KNIVES CHAU Hey Ramona. looking hot. standing next to Ramona. F T . "KNIVES CHAU. 72 INT. LADIES BATHROOM . clothes and makeup. 17. RAMONA What the hell? 73 INT. KNIVES CHAU Hey Scott. RAMONA Hey. LEE'S PALACE . Knives shoots Scott a sultry look. She looks in the mirror to see two images of herself staring back.. Knives heads into Young Neil’s arms at the other end of the bar. A 73 (CONTINUED) Ramona exits. Scott breaks into a cold sweat. RAMONA Who is that girl again? STEPHEN STILLS Scottdatedher.
I gotta pee.. Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring back. Stares at Scott. EVIL-EX #3.. Knives screams her teen brains out.MOMENTS LATER T A 74 INT. (CONTINUED) . (sing songy) Peee time. Envy lets her coat slip off. He’s alone.. 75 INT. one with fringed hair and a wicked glare! Scott whips around. The BASS PLAYER steps into the light. 73 RAMONA How old is she? A “WHEEL OF FORTUNE” spins INSIDE SCOTT’S HEAD. SCOTT That guy on bass? That’s Todd. The lights dim and the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke. FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN" SCOTT Oh no. striking ROCK GOD figure.. 25.INTEGRATED FINAL 73 CONTINUED: 74. LEE’S PALACE. A I know. "TODD INGRAM..” and “Who. SPOOKY MUSIC begins.” The wheel sticks between “I gotta pee. MENS BATHROOM . B Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. revealing a stunning figure. Pee time. he cuts a handsome. You know? Oh yeah. her?” SCOTT I gotta pee on her. (turns beet red) I mean. Oh yeah.MOMENTS LATER 74 75 A freaked out Scott returns to the group. with selections such as “It was nothing” and “She was nobody. LEE’S PALACE . ENVY in a long black coat. RAMONA ENVY SCOTT ENVY F THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize. no longer shrouded in dry ice..
LEE'S PALACE . 75 ENVY OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! 76 INT.LATER 76 Sex Bob-Omb. Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors.INTEGRATED FINAL 75 CONTINUED: 74A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
. Envy burns a hole through Scott. Julie opens the backstage door and huffs. Just oh my God.. RAMONA Mmm hmm. you have to see them live. Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them. Oh. TODD INGRAM Been a while. but Envy Adams would like all of you to come backstage. TODD INGRAM Hey Ramona. JULIE I can't believe I'm even saying this. Scott hangs his head like a condemned man. YOUNG NEIL Man. SCOTT All of us? JULIE Did I fucking stutter? The group shuffles backstage.INTEGRATED FINAL 76 CONTINUED: 75.NIGHT SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. SCOTT I think I’m going to throw up. Envy. Knives makes a face that looks like this: 77 >:O !!!! 77 INT. TODD INGRAM Mmm hmm. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA .“AWKWARD”. LEE’S PALACE. B Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. RAMONA Hey Todd. A F KNIVES CHAU How do you know Envy??? T A (CONTINUED) . Everyone else feels. They’re so much better live. YOUNG NEIL Scottdatedher. 76 KNIVES CHAU Oh my God.
they’reENVY I’m talking to Ramona right now. Did you get those jeans in New York. B A JULIE She doesn’t need ulterior motives... She’s got a write-up in Spin! KNIVES CHAU You’re my role model Envy.Envy? I read your blog.. JULIE How was the tour? You played with The Pixies? You’re a superstar now! ENVY It’s-yeah. right? (CONTINUED) F STEPHEN STILLS So what’s your ulterior motive Envy. We played the Chaos Theatre for Gideon. ENVY So. I like your outfit Ramona. JULIE Ramona lived in New York. you know? You suit each other. ENVY Just saying. in general? T A .Scott and Ramona eh? RAMONA What of it? ENVY You guys are a cute couple. Stephen. ENVY I was just there. KNIVES CHAU Um. cute couple. You know him. 77 RAMONA (whispers to Scott) I think we should get out of here. Envy. it’s not something I can really put into words. Todd and Julie glare at Knives.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: 76.. Affordable? JULIE I was going to say.
She is about to answer when..INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (2) 76A. 77 Scott looks at Ramona.Knives stands up.. POINTS at Envy and SCREAMSKNIVES CHAU I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU! B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
you cocky cock! YOU’LL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd. 77 Envy nods at Todd. I’m a rock star.. Her hair is black and plain as before. Scott hovers. ENVY Didn’t you know? Todd’s Vegan. ENVY You’re incorrigible. Her.. TODD INGRAM That’s right.. Of. Hair. Todd sits back down like nothing happened. YOUNG NEIL You punched the highlights out of her hair! ANGLE on Knives.. Todd’s hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK. grasping his neck.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (3) 77. Scott boils. TODD INGRAM I don’t know the meaning of the word. Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN THE AIR..yy. Todd smirks. FACING OFF against Todd Ingram. JULIE So.. choking. YOUNG NEIL He punched the highlights. SCOTT KK.your hair. I’m not afraid to hit a girl.. SCOTT Knives!? Young Neil rushes to Knives’ aid. B A F T A (CONTINUED) . Out.my neck. are you guys doing anything fun while you're in town? TODD INGRAM Fun? In Toronto? SCOTT That is IT. Young Neil escorts Knives out. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG! Scott jumps to his feet.. Scott’s face is a bright shade of rage. TODD INGRAM It’s not a big deal.
despite being in a lot of pain. He tries to keep cool. question.. it’s because the other 90% is filled up with curds and whey.anyone can be. A (CONTINUED) . how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers? TODD INGRAM You know how you only use ten percent of your brain? Well. Scott sails out of shot and into space. SCOTT If I peed my pants.. SCOTT No kidding.vegan. would you pretend I just got wet from the rain? B A STEPHEN STILLS Hey man. Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. Ramona helps Scott to his feet. F Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into the air. TODD INGRAM Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe. if you knew the science. SCOTT Ovo what? TODD INGRAM I partake not in the meat nor breastmilk or ovum of any creature that has a face. 77 Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club’s wall! Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in the wall. While the others bicker.. maybe I’d listen to a word you’re saying. to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. KIM PINE Did you learn that at Vegan Academy? TODD INGRAM Go ahead and get snippy baby. He moans in pain. TODD INGRAM Bingo. T ENVY Short answer: Being vegan just makes you better than most people. I always wondered..INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (4) 78.
77 RAMONA It’s not raining. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (5) 78A.
he told me his Dad was sending him to the Vegan Academy. It’s part of the reason I moved here. B A F T Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making out with Young Todd.) He punched a hole in the moon for me. Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. RAMONA (V. It was pretty crazy. so I dumped him. RAMONA Look. scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (6) 79. A brief. It’s pretty crazy. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.) I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. RAMONA (V. Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff.O..) A week and a half later. I guess that’s not very nice. SCOTT Have you dumped everyone you’ve ever been with? You’ve never been the dumpee? Ramona shrugs. 77 SCOTT Oh.O. I’ve dabbled with being a bitch. I was really hoping to put it all behind me. A (CONTINUED) .O. RAMONA (V.. RAMONA (V. How about you give me the Cliff Notes on how and why you ended up dating this a-hole? RAMONA Is that really important right now? SCOTT If there’s a key element in his backstory that can help me out in a critical moment of not dying? Yes.O. We wrecked stuff. Nobody cared. but I used to be kind of.) We hated everyone. Nobody cares.like that. Does that help you at all? The FLASHBACK ends.
.ready for another round.sort of ready for another round.. B A SCOTT Sorry. What? TODD INGRAM Because you’ll be dust by Monday. Stills calls through the hole. STEPHEN STILLS Uh. call us when you’re done.cleans up. so what’s on Monday? TODD INGRAM Cos it’s Friday now and she has weekends off... ‘cos Todd is going to kill you.dust. Right? ENVY Basically.. T SCOTT A SCOTT I.. And the cleaning lady.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (7) 80. I and he! Scott stands up .... We hear a distant CRUMP. SCOTT TODD INGRAM Because I’ll be pulverizing you in two seconds.dislike you. TODD INGRAM We have unfinished business. you can’t win this fight and you’ll have to give up on this girl. SCOTT You used to be so. 77 Todd appears behind Ramona . who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the club. Capiche? Understand? (CONTINUED) .. Scott CHARGES at Todd. we’re going to Pizza Pizza for a slice. SCOTT He and me. TODD INGRAM Don’t you talk to me about grammar! TODD INGRAM Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. She dusts..nice! F Um..Monday. so.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . he’ll be done real soon. 77 ENVY Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (8) 80A.
wicked. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA. Envy grins at Ramona. savoring the kill. I know.CONTINUOUS A TODD INGRAM That’s right. Crummy way to end things. holding a cup of MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering. Todd LEVITATES. 78 INT. You’re through. Scott crashes into a backstage food table. picking the hell out of his bass. 77 Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. shredding him into oblivion. The good one. Todd floats toward him. Todd calls to a roadie. floating towards Scott with his bass. TODD INGRAM I can read your thoughts.CONTINUOUS 78 TODD INGRAM levitates. LEE'S PALACE .INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (9) 81. the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through the walls. cringing. TODD INGRAM You’re going down. 79 (CONTINUED) . He hovers next to him. I actually know how to play bass. Pilgrim. amp pegged to 10. Envy appears beside him with a smirk. Vegan Style! Todd lands in front of Scott. Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS Scott right through the stage wall. Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall. F SCOTT The reverb is hurting my soul!!! T A SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and bottles. Your bass hand is badly injured. Scott turns around on his knees. Suddenly. TODD INGRAM Get me my bass. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING! Todd easily out-basses Scott. fauxhawk rising. The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott. ENVY Sorry. LEE’S PALACE. baby. SCOTT What say we drink to my memory? Fair trade blend with soymilk? B 79 INT.
79 ENVY I’m sorry. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: 81A. but that's pathetic.
no vegan powers.m.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (2) 82. but thought real hard about pouring it in that one. TODD INGRAM Gelato isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Milk and eggs. Todd floats to the ground. bitch. in my mind's eye or whatever. you’re under arrest for veganity violation code number 827. takes one of the cups and drinks. 79 TODD INGRAM Dude. A . tool. I can see in your mind's eye that you poured Half & Half into one of these coffees in an attempt to make me break vegan edge. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 At 12:27 a. I poured soy in this cup. TODD INGRAM What are you talking about? SCOTT You just drank Half & Half. making two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons. SCOTT Actually. You know..m. VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS Freeze! Vegan Police! Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 On April 4th. 7:30 p. (CONTINUED) B A TODD INGRAM That’s bullroar! VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 No vegan diet. imbibement of Half & Half! T TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL. you knowingly ingested Gelato. TODD INGRAM But this is a first offense! Don’t I get three strikes? F VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Todd Ingram. Thanks. you partook a plate of Chicken Parmesan. on February 1st. I'll take the one with soy.
The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their finger guns. Julie pops into shot. ENVY No one calls me that anymore. sorry I guess. ENVY Sorry? You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst. B A SCOTT You kicked my heart in the ass. SCOTT Maybe they should. shooting Envy a look on the way out. jaw ajar. A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (3) 83.. TODD INGRAM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SCOTT You once were a vegone. Now let’s get out of here. but now you will be gone! Vegone? Scott HEADBUTTS TODD. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut. So I guess we’re even. Envy stares. exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts himself off as COINS rain down. 79 Envy gasps. I know. Natalie. Ramona follows. in shock.. F SCOTT Uh. RAMONA Crummy way to end things. T TODD INGRAM A Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line. (CONTINUED) . disgusted. Envy blinks. TODD INGRAM Chicken isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 The deveganizing ray! Hit him.
And hot. WALLACE Envy Adams. That Todd guy was cool too.. Ramona and Scott. I hate that bitch so much I kind of love her.oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (4) 84. RAMONA Are you okay? SCOTT Uh huh. KIM PINE Then why would we. 80 OTHER SCOTT Yeah. on the fringes. 79 JULIE For the record. I think a third of the band just went “poom”. It’s an odd mood. PIZZA PIZZA . I am so pissed off for you right now. STEPHEN STILLS Neil. ENVY Shut the fuck up. 80 INT. RAMONA You sure about that? SCOTT Do I look like I’m not okay? Scott does not look okay. A (CONTINUED) . Stills coughs.NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb. Julie. I liked him. STEPHEN STILLS Cool bands never go to their own after parties. STEPHEN STILLS We’re still going to the after show right? KIM PINE I’m not sure it’s gonna be much of a party. you down? B A F T Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead. It’s just the desperate people trying to rub elbows with label guys. Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices..
AFTER PARTY . Hey. STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Scott? You’re in right? RAMONA Do you want to go? SCOTT I kind of almost died back there. RAMONA I’m not saying I want to go. Oh. RAMONA We really don’t have to go to this thing. Scott limps a bit. So let’s go. Other Scott whispers to Wallace. He shrugs. Ooh.NIGHT A Oh. It’ll probably be a bad scene all around and we’ve already had a full night. we can totally go. so.. B 81 EXT.INTEGRATED FINAL 80 CONTINUED: 85. lagging behind. Yet. OTHER SCOTT WALLACE OTHER SCOTT 81 The whole gang trudge to the after party. WALLACE I mean.. 80 Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. RAMONA I’ll do whatever you want to do. Scott takes another bite. OTHER SCOTT Are Scott and Ramona fighting? WALLACE Not to my knowledge. Ramona falls back with him. F OTHER SCOTT T SCOTT A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . not with fists.
I’m fine.. 81 SCOTT No.. It’s justRAMONA It’s just.INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: 85A.? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . I’m fine.
INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT Well, not that fighting harder and harder battles for your love is getting old or anything...but have you ever dated someone who wasn’t a total ass? RAMONA So far you’re not a total ass. SCOTT But I’m part ass?
SCOTT Wait...is that good?
SCOTT But not...later?
SCOTT Yeah, I’d just like to live. Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE. 82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS RAMONA Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But are you saying Envy wasn’t? We all have baggage. SCOTT My baggage doesn’t try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to your ex-boyfriends to make them so insane? RAMONA Exes. SCOTT Whatever82
RAMONA Scott, I don’t have all the answers. I’d just like to live in the moment if I can.
RAMONA It’s what I need right now.
RAMONA If it makes you feel better, you’re the nicest guy I’ve dated.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED:
RAMONA No break up is painless. Someone always gets hurt. What about you and that girl Knives? SCOTT Knives? RAMONA Who broke up with who? SCOTT I believe...I broke up with her.
SCOTT Knives is with Young Neil now, she’s totally cool with it.
They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly. RAMONA You sure about that?
We hear an offscreen distant ‘nooooo’ from Knives.
They pass Kim. She’s also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.
RAMONA And what about you and Kim?
SCOTT Me and Kim? I can barely remember. Why, is it important? RAMONA Hey, you want to know everything about my past, dude. SCOTT It was just...yeah. I don’t know. It was high school. She had freckles. It was cool, I guess. RAMONA SCOTT Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
SCOTT Yeah. She’s very mature for her age. It was a very healthy break up. We’re all peaches and gravy.
RAMONA And was she cool with that?
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (2)
Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party. RAMONA That’s really the whole story? SCOTT OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get with her! I fought a crazy eighty foot tall purple suited dude! And I had to fight 96 guys to get to him, too! He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes! He was totally awesome and I kicked him so far he saw the curvature of the earth! Does that make you feel any better? RAMONA Well now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.
SCOTT Sorry. I’m not usually like this.
PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the head, sending him flying across the dance floor. Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER! SCOTT (CONT’D) Girl from earlier? RAMONA Roxy? Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle. SCOTT You know this girl?
SCOTT I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing is really messing with my head. RAMONA
SCOTT Why do you keep saying-
RAMONA Hey, don’t worry. I don’t know what I’m like anymore.
In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection: fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.
Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott’s face. If Gideon can’t have you.. no one can..INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (3) 89. ROXY Back off hasbian. ROXY Just a phase? SCOTT You had a sexy phase? RAMONA I didn’t think it would count! It meant nothing..talking about? ROXY He really doesn’t know? SCOTT (ping!) You and her?! “ROXY RICHTER. clearing the busy dance floor. 23. The girls square off.she. The League hath spoken. 82 ROXY Oh boy..is.. 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE. SCOTT What. RAMONA Then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here. does she know me.” RAMONA It was just a phase. ROXY It meant nothing??? RAMONA I was just a little bi-curious. I’m a little bi-furious! RAMONA Do that again and I will end you. Ramona CATCHES her foot mid-air. F T A (CONTINUED) .. B A ROXY Well honey. Roxy flips out of the hold. ‘cos I’m about to kick yours out of the Great White North.
LEAPING towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and SLAMS into the wall. (CONTINUED) B A ROXY I’m sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces. RAMONA I’d rather be dead than go back. He’s a creep.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (4) 90. SCOTT Wallace? WALLACE SCOTT This is happening right? WALLACE SCOTT I mean. leaving a dent in it. Mirrored shards fly everywhere. It smashes a speaker. this is live? Uh huh. Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy’s deadly belt SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse. PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES into a DISCO BALL. Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture. RAMONA Believe it. 82 ROXY You unbelievable bitch. F WALLACE Oh yeah. The belt wraps around it. RAMONA! T A Uh huh? . Ramona. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window. An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd. Sound on one side of the room cuts out. With blinding speed. KICK HER IN THE BALLS. you’re a bitch and you all deserve each other. This is a League game. ROXY Give it a rest. you slag.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . ROXY Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists. 82 RAMONA Meaning? Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott. Or possibly feet.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (5) 90A.
GRAPHIC: “TICKLE TICKLE!” ROXY Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (6) 91. Some sooner than others. They’re soft. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms. She grins at Ramona.. She staggers. ROXY Fight your own battles. winces.never. still in the splits. lazy ass! ROXY (CONT’D) Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey.be able to do this to herrrrrrrrrrr! Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS.. Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES with deadly intent. Roxy falls. preparing to drop her boot of DEATH on Scott’s head. Roxy then KICKS Scott into the ceiling. ROXY (CONT’D) You’ll. Scott reaches up with one finger and lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy’s knee. RAMONA You don’t have a choice.. RAMONA Whenever we were making out. ROXY (CONT’D) Your B. 82 SCOTT I’m not sure I can hit a girl. He lands HARD on the floor. A spent Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.F’s about to get F’d in the B! RAMONA Her weak point’s the back of her knees! SCOTT What? How does that work? As Roxy’s leg descends. Roxy lifts her leg over her head. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. (CONTINUED) B A Okay.. kicking them apart with the splits. ISCOTT F T A PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona.. .. throbbing with orgasmic meltdown.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (7) 91A. a wave of gossip spreading around the room. 82 The party starts up again. People text furiously and point fingers at Scott.
82 Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. SCOTT Two gin and tonics please. SCOTT As in ‘get out of here’? Or as in ‘split split’? B A RAMONA Oh. RAMONA I really think we should split. The gossip echoes around them. (looks through bag) Maybe we could exchange our information. She touches her hair. SCOTT Only on special occasions. like a handy little laminate or something? Let me see if I can find one.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (8) 92. Ramona tries to lighten things. Scott has already downed his second drink. RAMONA I guess we really don’t know that much about each other do we? Scott seems immediately drunk.. RAMONA I thought you didn’t drink. RAMONA Sooooo.. Why? Did you want one? Scott swigs down his drink. F SCOTT Maybe you could just give me a list of all your exes so at least I know who’s going to beat my ass into the ground next. SCOTT Just out of sheer curiosity and concern for my mortal well-being. is there anyone at this party you haven’t slept with? EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY HEY! Ramona stops. Looks hurt. T A (CONTINUED) . Ramona follows tentatively.
82 RAMONA I’d hope you could figure that out. Or did you miss the part where I saved your ass? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (9) 92A.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (10) 93. Here’s your stupid list. F RAMONA (CONT’D) And yes. A (CONTINUED) . SCOTT I just- Ramona walks off and loudly announces. STEPHEN STILLS They’re the next band in the battle and they are badass. KATAYANAGI TWINS.NIGHT B A But then . RAMONA (CONT’D) P. You’re drunk.Ramona returns. there is someone at this party I haven’t slept with. You. RICHTER. GIDEON. handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST. Ramona leaves. In fact I’m sick of it. Ramona exits proper.S. LEE. I don’t enjoy all this Scott. I thought you might be more understanding. T RAMONA You’re just another evil exboyfriend waiting to happen. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the room.. identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops. 82 SCOTT How could I not? I feel like we just washed our sexy laundry in public. SCOTT (holds up 2 fingers) I’ve had like one drink. SCOTT Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins? STEPHEN STILLS You don’t know? 83 Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS.. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . RAMONA Well I’m sorry I cared.” 83 INT. Scott looks at the list. INGRAM. Scott’s friends gather round in a pity party. It reads“PATEL. RAMONA Dirty laundry.
INTEGRATED FINAL 83 CONTINUED:
We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona. KIM PINE Ramona dated twins? SCOTT Apparently. YOUNG NEIL At the same time? SCOTT You know what? I don’t know and I don’t want to know. STEPHEN STILLS Good. You know how I feel about girls cockblocking the rock.
STEPHEN STILLS If it’s gonna be an issue though, Young Neil can fill in for you.
EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. We’re doomed. YOUNG NEIL Oh...
STEPHEN STILLS Well, we’d understand if you didn’t want to take part. SCOTT Not only do I want to take part. I want to take them apart. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. I’m getting tingles. YOUNG NEIL 84
SCOTT It’s not an issue. You know bands, I know battles. We got it covered.
SCOTT Good. I play better in a bad mood.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED:
Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue; “T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!” KIM PINE That flyer needs more exclamation marks.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED: (2)
STEPHEN STILLS Oh, we are going to get killed. YOUNG NEIL Come on. You’re onstage in five. SCOTT Aren’t the Katamaris or whatever on first? YOUNG NEIL I think you’re both on first?
SCOTT That’s impossible85
Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB, with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them. SCOTT Okay. My bad.
KIM PINE Your bad is saying my bad. Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS. STEPHEN STILLS We shouldn’t even be here. We shouldn’t even be here.
Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back. SCOTT Come on man! I put aside my problems for the music. If I can do that, we can do anything. KIM PINE Did you speak to Ramona then? SCOTT What? No. I haven’t seen her since the other night.
INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT
STEPHEN STILLS Wait...amp versus amp? We’re going on stage at the same time?
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 85 KIM PINE Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: 95A. She’s totally here.
Scott screams! A Scott? Scott! Right. is very serious and Japanese. Now an open air venue. 23.but you should talk to her before she’s gone.) They brought the house down. AUDIENCE DUDE (O. Scott turns bleak again. (CONTINUED) . KEN KATAYANAGI. Scott and Stills get into battle position. Her hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN. She is totally there.. Scott.. He looks back to the crowd to find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands. 23. She looks happy. ThenDisorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage. F KIM PINE STEPHEN STILLS T A And I really don’t care. B Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard. KIM PINE Scott? Not that I care.. STEPHEN STILLS Okay gang..INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (2) 96. They are chatting.. and she stands next to a nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses.. leaving a huge hole in the roof. we can do this. Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.. blasting an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It’s so loud that it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the ceiling. An earth shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb. Can we do this? I mean..S. The crowd cheers. SCOTT Thanks KiKIM PINE Scott nods at Kim’s advice. A wall of FEEDBACK builds. 85 Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. SNOW falls onto the stage. is serious and very Japanese. Right? KIM PINE Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear. KYLE KATAYANAGI.
The crowd ERUPTS into cheers. Scott. Their waveforms transform the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON! Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. SCOTT Alright. T A (CONTINUED) . slinking on perfect beat with the Katayanagis’ spooky music. SCOTT Gideon. The crowd slowly stops clapping as Scott pulls Stills to his feet. The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage. They share a nod. Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments. This is GIDEON GRAVES. He struggles to his feet. Let’s do this! F Stills points to the “Mystery Geek”. comes in heavy on the kick drum. they sound awesome. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! A Scott’s eyes reflect Ramona’s hair and turn GREEN. For once. We’re done. We screwed the pooch in front of Gideon Graves. their sound blowing a mass of snow towards the Katayanagis. Ken turns their amps up to the Japanese character for “11”. 85 SCOTT WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4! Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT. The Yeti brings it’s fists down on The Dragon. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. ASSHOLE. STEPHEN STILLS Let’s break up now and get it over with. 37...INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (3) 97. who smirks and whispers in Ramona’s ear. then helps Kim up. fighting in time to the music! Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce PUNCHES.is here? Where? SCOTT That’s Gideon? Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI! The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb. Sex Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE: B Kim. Kyle looks at Ken. inspired by Scott’s new hardcore attitude.
The crowd goes bazooky.. Knives watches him go. What are you doing? . different. SCOTT You seem. EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil. SCOTT Getting a life. SCOTT Ramona. Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd. Scott suddenly spots a flash of GREEN HAIR exiting the building. SCOTT Ramona. KNIVES CHAU I feel like I know stuff now.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (4) 98. I have something to- A Knives shrugs. different. Knives’s unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause... KNIVES CHAU I just came to see the show. hovering next to Scott. eyes narrowing. THE NINTH CIRCLE . A (CONTINUED) STEPHEN STILLS Scott. I’m not even stalking you. “+999 ROCKING” KIM PINE That.was epic.. but she and Gideon are gone.NIGHT 86 Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue. Scott follows. 86 EXT. He can’t find Ramona. F T Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the stillapplauding crowd.. RAMONA Yeah. 85 The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi Twins. B Scott and Knives lock eyes. I have something I need to tell you. but comes upon KNIVES standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears.
INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: 98A. RAMONA What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A SCOTT I really. I don’t care about any of that stuff. And I want you to know. really mean it. I know you have reasons for not wanting to talk about your past. Listen. . I know you just play mysterious and aloof to avoid getting hurt. Why? Because I’m in lesbians with you. 86 SCOTT (rushed) Great.
A driver opens the passenger door. Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen. GIDEON GRAVES Three piece rock outfit with a semiattractive female drummer? Music to my earholes. TEXT: An arrow points to Stills’ crotch. VOICE (O. Scottie. is I’m officially loving the Sex Bombs. T RAMONA It’s Gideon. I just..S. SCOTT What did you want to tell me? RAMONA That we have to break up.it's not going to work out. The Lincoln parks. SCOTT A sleek black ‘61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.) That’s the bad news. I’m signing you right now for a three album deal. Stills is ga-ga.I can’t help myself around him. GIDEON GRAVES You know... Okay. Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Oh okay. A (CONTINUED) . captioned “PEE”. What? SCOTT RAMONA Yeah. I’m not even going to wait to see how you guys do in the final..INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (2) 99. GIDEON GRAVES The good news. B A Bob-omb. 86 RAMONA Oh.. GIDEON GRAVES See? I’m not such a bad guy after all.. F SCOTT GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in tow.
INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (3) 99A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 86 Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.
before trying to hand it back to Scott. bass in hand. GIDEON Looks like we’re all set. So I guess it all shakes out. but if it wasn’t for you. A meek Young Neil slides into view. GIDEON And hey. I mean. There are hand shakes all round. Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. keep your emotions in check. F T STEPHEN STILLS The people need to hear us. I can’t be part of the band with this douche-in-charge. 86 SCOTT You think we’re gonna sell our souls to you? Well then guessWe hear SCRIBBLING. buddy.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (4) 100. Don’t let what’s past screw up your future. SCOTT Then you’re going to need to find someone else to play bass. you would have never been with Ramona. we should really be thanking each other. A cough. Scott stands alone. GIDEON Oh and Scott. Kim shrugs and signs it too. Stills has picked up the contract and is furiously signing it using Scott’s back. GIDEON GRAVES Scottie. She rolls the mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection. Scott. the whole League of Evil Exes thing? I was in a dark place when I put that together. SCOTT Nuh-uh. she wouldn’t be back with me. A . Forgiven? Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex Bob-Omb drift away. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder. He slaps his headSCOTT I said ‘lesbians’! B A Young Neil signs the contract. Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln. can I just say. if it wasn’t for me.
... THE BUS / GIDEON’S LINCOLN ... Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon’s car. 87 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 100A. A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona.NIGHT Scott sits on the bus alone. 87 B A (CONTINUED) F T A . thinking about Ramona... Scott tries desperately to think positive..
Well that’s not so bad. “THONK”.S.. F T A STACEY (O.. staring straight ahead. Over PITCH BLACK. Stacey heads off.S. Gets a shock. SCOTT Aaah! WALLACE (O.NIGHT Scott enters.. gives Scott a hug. A88 Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him. Maybe next time let’s not date the girl with eleven evil exboyfriends. little brother. Night turns to day. did you really see a future with this girl? SCOTT Like. 88 INT. Scott looks at the camera.NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT Scott sits on the swings.INTEGRATED FINAL 87 CONTINUED: 101. Scott remains in the exact same position..with jetpacks? Stacey stands to go. STACEY Time heals all wounds. 87 Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head on a telephone pole. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . “OH GOD WHY” A88 EXT.) Was she really the one? (CONTINUED) . THE PARK . SCOTT Seven. 88 B A STACEY Oh. SCOTT The wha? STACEY I mean.) TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Scott flicks the light off. Flicks the light on. Day turns to night.
Wallace hands Scott cocoa. B Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head. and I apologize for that.S. T . But I need my own bed tonight. wrapped in a blanket.) Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE (O. But you know.) It’s Chris. WALLACE (O.) Or someone. F SCOTT WALLACE Scott. WALLACE Ah. SOME GUY lies in Scott’s usual futon spot (wearing Wallace’s monogrammed robe). WALLACE I may need it the rest of the week too. 88 WALLACE (O. Scott sits in the chair.INTEGRATED FINAL 88 CONTINUED: 102. Right. VOICE (O.S) Presumably you just saw someone’s junk. 89 INT.S. I get it. it’s probably just because he’s better than you. SCOTT And the year. SCOTT (O. SCOTT WALLACE Maybe you can move in with Ramona. For sex. That sucks.S.S.) Sorry. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . you know I love you.LATER A 89 (CONTINUED) VOICE (O.S. SCOTT She’s with Gideon. A Right.) It’s Chris.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: 102A. 89 Scott nods. WALLACE He’ll certainly have better hair. Scott nods.
Scott nods. SCOTT (O. Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask. Scott stares at the phone. SOME GUY It’s for Scott. Just wanted to say I feel terrible about earlier. I think this fight is over. F GIDEON GRAVES (O. Some guy picks up.S. SCOTT (takes phone) Hello? 90 INT. SCOTT RINGY RING.CONTINUOUS A SCOTT Is Ramona with you? 90 Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne.S. pal. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: (2) 103.) Hey. I got you muffs and blinkers in case this might happen. B 91 GIDEON GRAVES I don't know. INT.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! GIDEON GRAVES Geez buddy. He calls off. 91 (CONTINUED) . GIDEON'S LAIR .S. it’s gonna be alright. T A Thanks. I don’t want any hard feelings. WALLACE You can sleep on the floor until you get somewhere else to stay. 89 WALLACE Either way. I just spilled cocoa on my crotch.CONTINUOUS SCOTT No.) Yeah. so I figured why not be the bigger man and give you a call. Are you with me? RAMONA (O.
Maybe I’ll see you there. SCOTT Mm.) I hope so. Well as you know. I’m opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto and The Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight.S. and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren’t there.) What a perfect asshole. They just did a sound check and the acoustics in here are amazing. Finish him. HIPSTER KID Cool. F SCOTT WALLACE (O. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless. Whatever. I don’t want anymore bad blood between ex’s. STREETS OF TORONTO . alarmed. amigo.INTEGRATED FINAL 91 CONTINUED: 104. 91 GIDEON GRAVES (O. 92 Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. 92 EXT. A lone HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette. Scott turns. Click. SCOTT (grim) Yeah. HIPSTER KID T A GIDEON GRAVES (O.NIGHT A WALLACE Forget what I said earlier. leaning against a warehouse wall. GIDEON GRAVES Okay laters. What do you say? .S. B Password? Scott shrugs.S) Sure you did. The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.
B A F T A . Scott steps into the elevator.INTEGRATED FINAL 104A. WAREHOUSE . So far so good.NIGHT 93 The warehouse is empty. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator. HIPSTER KID Second password? Scott gives the slightest shrug. 93 INT. Scott follows the sound of music to a GATED ELEVATOR. HIPSTER KID Cool.
wearing identical outfits. A Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. Chuck Taylors. Ramona kneels at his side.. YOUNG NEIL on bass.. COMEAU holds court among them.) Scott Pilgrim! F SCOTT What if I want the satisfaction? T Scott pauses.. skinny jeans. now using SWEET BRAND amps.CONTINUOUS 94 Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song. welcome to the Chaos Theatre.S. CHAOS THEATRE .with you? B A GIDEON GRAVES (O.. SCOTT What if I have a beef. Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. GIDEON GRAVES I got no beef with you. STEPHEN STILLS Well. then you’re doomed. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Let it go. looking up at his former bandmates. They are legion. (CONTINUED) . GIDEON GRAVES Hey buddy. 94 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 105.the CHAOS THEATRE. Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR! SCOTT I’m not here to drink. their first album is so much better than their first album. SEX BOB-OMB are playing onstage. Don’t give him the satisfaction. COMEAU Yeah. Somebody get this man a drink! Coke Zero right? A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero. All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate snobbery.
INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: 106. Gideon loses his cool. NARRATOR (V.. It’s ancient history. (CONTINUED) .) Scott earned the power of love. SCOTT Well I ain’t moving. I’m in love with her. Gideon smiles. SCOTT Was that not clear? (to Sex Bob-Omb) Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Ramona and Scott lock eyes. Ramona looks away from Scott.O. Scott gets into a fighting stance. GIDEON GRAVES Now why on earth do you want to do that? SCOTT Because.buddy. League. Kimberly? B A Was that not clear? F GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? T A SCOTT I’ll show you how ancient of history it is.. GIDEON GRAVES I think this deserves a song. The lady made her choice and we’re all gonna have to move on.. He reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest. Gideon stands up. flexes. whatever. buddy. 94 GIDEON GRAVES Are you still mad about that whole thing with the Guild? SCOTT You mean “The League”? GIDEON Guild. A new power comes over Scott.. GIDEON GRAVES No use crying over spilt Coke. Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.
(CONTINUED) . to administer a final blow. Scott hits the ground HARD. My cane. and sell out and stuff. Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other. FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC” B A F T Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle.S. She lands awkwardly.. Then from above. Gideon chuckles. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT. we are here to make money. A Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon. “KNIVES CHAU. KNIVES CHAU (O.) SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!! KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of Gideon’s hands. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona. She quickly recovers and POINTS a furious finger. Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He slashes at them to the beat. Gideon approaches. exploding each attacker into COINS.. ON BEAT. 18 YEARS OLD. A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM.Gideon descends like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott’s hands.. SCOTT Your club sucks. He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there. GIDEON GRAVES That is priceless. 94 Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before grudgingly launching into a number. rolling to a stop. both concerned and amazed. tripping and falling down the side of the pyramid.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (2) 107. Scott looks to Knives. KIM PINE We are Sex Bob-Omb. GIDEON If my cathedral of cutting edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities. by the way. Gideon raises his sword. And fast entrance into HELLLLLLL.. Kim clicks out a fast tempo. then I shall grant you a swift exit from the premises.
Scott lands a KICK to Gideon’s chest. He can barely block Gideon’s tremendous blows. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives to Ramona and spins her away. But did he listen? Did he fKNIVES CHAU I’m not talking to you. RAMONA I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t steal anyone. DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other. KUNG FU STYLE. your old old boyfriend brought this all on himself. RAMONA What the hell is your deal? KNIVES CHAU You stole him with your advanced American slut technology. redirecting Knives’ parries without harming her. Kung Pao Chicken. T A (CONTINUED) . RAMONA What? KNIVES CHAU YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN! Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona! RAMONA You’re kidding right? GIDEON You can’t say I don’t know how to put on a show.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (3) 108. separating them. distracted by his duelling exes. sending him flying off the edge of the pyramid. I’m talking to HER! Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon. He was warned plenty of times. 94 KNIVES CHAU You’ll pay for what you did to him! GIDEON GRAVES Listen. throwing blocks and punches. B A F Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights defensively. GIDEON lashes out at Scott.
TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: “DEAD” Everything goes white.. Scott! (eyes narrowing) You cheated on both of us.. KNIVES CHAU Then you cheated on me.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (4) 109. THE DREAM DESERT . SCOTT Right? STAB! A sword pierces Scott’s chest from behind. Knives.) GIDEON GRAVES Scottie.. With you... 94 SCOTT Can we please stop all this fighting! Nobody stole anybody. I dated you and then I dated Ramona.DAY Scott sits up next to a lone cactus. RAMONA Is there a difference? SCOTT You weren’t wronged? Scott breaks into a flop sweat.death. 95 EXT.. neither amused.cheat. Okay? (beat) I mean..... .SAND blows through frame..maybe I kind of forgot to tell Knives right away.S. 95 B A Game over! Knives and Ramona stare at Scott. F T (CONTINUED) A Knives and Ramona both look at Scott. Scott slides off Gideon’s sword and falls to the ground.... He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY. but you can’t.. rubbing his temples. but. You can cheat on these ladies all you want.Scott's eyes blink open. RAMONA You cheated on me with Knives? SCOTT No! I cheated on Knives. GIDEON (O..
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: 109A. 95 SCOTT Ugh. Ramona appears out of nowhere. fainter than before.
SCOTT So why go back? Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head. revealing a blinking CHIP implanted on her skull. RAMONA Alright. SCOTT You know what sucks? Getting killed by THAT guy. SCOTT That is evil. RAMONA No. it was me who was obsessed. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own. the truth is.... RAMONA He’s like that. maybe now would be the time to get into it. Dying probably sucks. Why him? RAMONA It’s complicated.. and that’s when he started paying attention.. T A (CONTINUED) . he literally has a way of getting into my head. that’s legitimately disappointing. I was crazy about him.. has a way of getting into my head. He just. But he ignored me.. That’s why I had to leave.. Seeing as I’m about to die. F RAMONA I can’t help myself around him. self-consciously touching her hair. Ramona covers the chip. SCOTT So this kinda sucks for everybody. eh? B A SCOTT Well. I mean.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (2) 110. Scott. 95 RAMONA I’m sorry. I really will leave you alone forever now. SCOTT Well.
WALLACE'S APARTMENT . I guess. Scott slumps to his knees.. 95 RAMONA I’m sorry it had to end this way. Ramona seeming to fade away. Ramona is gone. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA But someone was fighting pretty hard for you back there. F SCOTT Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.NIGHT 96 We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace’s apartment. as Scott enters. Which would be great if I wasn’t dead. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott. SCOTT So. B We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD.. 96 INT. A Ahhhhhh.. DA-DING... . SCOTT I feel like I learned something..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. SCOTT . SCOTT You can’t say I didn’t try. Scott’s eyes go wide with epiphany.. then FAST FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (3) 111. He flicks the light on. We had a good run. RAMONA Uh-huh. SCOTT Knives? RAMONA I wish I was ever as fanatically devoted to anything as that girl is to you..so alone. We hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart. The winds blow harder. I really fought for you back there.
. Gideon Graves. so I figure why not be the bigger man and give you a call. that’s you.. There were tests. pal.S. 96 SCOTT .. (beat) Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN! SOME GUY (O.. during which I totally seized the sword. GIDEON GRAVES (O.S. B A Um.) Turn off the light! Scott flicks the light off. Then I resurrected! Now I realize what I should have been fighting for all along. So I did. I don’t want any hard feelings.. guy. But before I do that.) Sure thing.S. Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp. hands him the phone. I feel terrible about everything.) F T A (CONTINUED) .) Scott. WALLACE (O. SCOTT Could you put a robe on and hand me the phone? SCOTT Toronto. a call I considered refusing. SCOTT Wallace. On PITCH BLACK. allies. I was just about toSCOTT Hey. I died.. I was living in an ordinary world. Chaos Theatre.S. But my Mentor. told me if I want something bad enough I have to fight for it. enemies. Sadly. Ramona skated through my dreams and it was like a call to adventure.S. when my journey began.) Again? WALLACE (O. I approached a deep cave and went through a crazy ordeal.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: 112. I need to ask one final favor of you. GIDEON GRAVES (O.
Scott hangs up and heads for the door. WALLACE GO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS! Wallace stands to high five Scott.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (2) 112A. exposing his junk. sorry. 96 SCOTT Sorry. WALLACE (CONT’D) Ah. what I meant to say is “I’m coming over to kill you”. hardcore. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
Kim shrugs.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (3) 113. 98 INT. Stephen. The same HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall. the new line-up rocks. COMEAU Yeah. B A Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.. HIPSTER KID ‘Sup? SCOTT Whatever.DAY 97 Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES.. 96 SCOTT You seen one. Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces.everything. You guys sound better without me. you shall be known as “Neil”. SCOTT Don’t worry.CONTINUOUS DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE.. STREETS OF TORONTO . SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about.AGAIN.DAY 98 Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR.. SCOTT Your hair looks stupid. CHAOS THEATRE . The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS. their first album is so99 Kim looks at Scott. 97 EXT. knocking them out. SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about me. deadpan as ever. And Kim? F T A (CONTINUED) .. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! Let it go.. 99 INT. Young Neil? You have learned well. I know what I’m doing. WAREHOUSE . From this point forward.
INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: 113A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 99 Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.
T SCOTT No. Scott swings his FLAMING RED SWORD. Scott and Gideon RUN towards each other..S. let’s do it. welcome to the ChaosSCOTT Save it. backs to each other. He unsheathes his SWORD.) Scott earned the power of self-respect.) Scott Pilgrim! Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne. They land on opposite sides of the platform. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona. Kim? Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.I want to fight you for me. Ramona at his side. SCOTT How’s it going back there? GIDEON GRAVES You dick. B HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. LEAPING in the air. I have beef. different than before. 99 GIDEON GRAVES (O. Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest. You’re pretentious.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (2) 114. A strange new power overcomes Scott. Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? (CONTINUED) . exploding each attacker into COINS. AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! F SCOTT NARRATOR (V. GIDEON GRAVES (CONT’D) Hey buddy.. the club sucks. Ramona hands Gideon his cane. They pass in the air and Scott SLASHES.O. My cane. A KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. Scott goes straight into fight mode.
Dead. 99 Gideon falls down. apparently. Scott calls out.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (3) 114A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
you're not a fat ass. KNIVES CHAU Steal my boyfriend. Scott turns to Ramona. hands held out. She kicks him in the face. The CHIP no longer blinks. I hurt you. I cheated on you.. She didn’t mean that. I was a different guy back then. bloodied. SCOTT (CONT'D) And. GIDEON GRAVES (O. They square off. are we all good? F T KNIVES CHAU No. And I’m sorry. Scott jumps between them. Ramona staggered. We hear a METALLIC KLONK. stunned. taste my steel.) Are we all done with the hugging and learning? I thought we had a fight going here. KNIVES CHAU You cheated on me Scott? Knives’ frown melts. Scott GRABS her wrists. a lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk. 99 SCOTT Knives! I know you’re in here! Don’t attack RaKnives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head SUPER HARD. SCOTT No. All turn to see GIDEON. RAMONA Never felt better. Knives. B A SCOTT I cheated on both of you. So. but still grinning.S. Knives steps back. ENOUGH! Knives tries to go around him.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (4) 115. Scott! This fat ass hurt me and I will have my revenge! A SCOTT (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) . Ramona rubs the back of her head.. Knives pulling KNIVES.
Scott steps into a fighting stance. you got a fight alright. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . the three of them ready to rumble. Knives joins him. then joins Scott and Knives and STRIKES A FIGHT POSE. GIDEON Ramona. 99 SCOTT Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (5) 115A. Are you with me? Ramona looks to Gideon.
Knives and Ramona. Gideon BLOCKS. Knives whips off her scarf. Scott’s sword SHATTERS. Gideon hits her back. That’s going to be in my digestive tract for seven years! F Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of FREEZE FRAMES. GIDEON You made me swallow me gum. Scott blocks with his sword and is sent UP into the air. Knives throws her knives. They fence. 99 GIDEON (CONT’D) Wrong move. Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a PUNCH IN THE NOSE. He makes an “X” with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time to BLOCK Gideon’s attack. SCOTT ATTACKS. Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. SHING SHING! Gideon wheels towards Ramona. knocking her down. T A GIDEON (CONT’D) Yeah. Scott ducks. disarms Scott with one move. Gideon’s lightning fast sword deflects them. takes a hesitant step towards him. expecting her to move. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Knives attacks and scores a hit. (CONTINUED) B A Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the hilt of the sword. dropping her. Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear. Gideon swings at Scott. Gideon jumps after him. baby. Gideon spins low. uses it to wrap up Gideon’s sword arm and disarms him. She looks doubtful. The swords create an “X”. Ramona knees Gideon in the balls. Gideon BLOCKS. He shakes off the assault and grins. RAMONA Let’s both be girls. He grins. They CLASH in the air. They barely dodge him. Scott leaps in the air. . sending Gideon sliding across the floor. You’re still my girl. He cuts big arcs at Scott. Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER UP . his HEALTH BAR increases. Ramona KICKS.his glasses glow.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (6) 116. Scott ATTACKS with his sword.
COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott punches.. B A GIDEON (CONT’D) You’re not cool enough for Ramona. Me? I’m what’s hip. One lens of his glasses cracks. You’re nothing. 99 Scott lands hard. defeated. Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. I’m what’s happening. She lands painfully at the bottom. she kicks him in the back of the head.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (7) 116A. A pain in my ass. then upends him like a wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Scott slides Knives through Gideon’s legs. F GIDEON (CONT’D) Who do you think you are Pilgrim? You think you’re better than me? I’ll tell you what you are. You’re zero. They Get up and circle Gideon. Ramona swings Gideon’s VELVET ROPE. Not long now. A Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass. sending him spinning. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his sword for the kill. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott. (CONTINUED) . sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon’s face smashes with each impact. From the floor.. Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully tumbling down the pyramid. cancelling out Gideon’s digital sword. You know how long it took to get all the evil exes’ contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like two hours! T Gideon lands HARD on his knees. I’m blowing up right now. Knives and Scott share a look.
S.) You two make a good combo. Right now. right? Kim points to the falling coins.. RAMONA (O. They share a smile. Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins. I’m not cool enough for Ramona. awake now. SCOTT RAMONA Yeah.. Ramona. Scott and Knives kiss. And you got another thing right. Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face..INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (8) 117. YOUNG NEIL T A (CONTINUED) . his glasses SAILING down the steps of the pyramid. makes her way towards them. Oh. silhouetting Scott and Knives in their kung fu poses. Yeah? B A F KIM PINE There goes our deal. KIM PINE There goes our deal. Gideon’s head EXPLODES. The coin rain continues. Then his body follows suit in an almightyPOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! SHIMMERING COINS rain down. STEPHEN STILLS We’re still getting paid. You are blowing up.. YOUNG NEIL Whoa. 99 SCOTT You’re right.
The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON’S VOICE (O. This is something I have to face on my own. We actually have a lot in common.. They look expectantly at the entrance. The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward to confront his dark side. B Scott strolls out with Negascott.. Scott and Negascott face off. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona. Both take a step forward.. 100-103 OMITTED 104 100-103 104 EXT. We just shot the shit. Scott picks up Gideon’s fallen glasses. 99 The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Dark clothes.but can you defeat. Then.. A F T A Negascott! (CONTINUED) . THE WAREHOUSE ... Evil face. worried for Scott.. GIDEON’S VOICE echoes. The glasses dissolve and Scott whips around to face. KNIVES CHAU NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott. spotting his EVIL MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance. SCOTT No. They chat amiably. shake hands and part ways.yourself? Scott peers into the glimmering lenses..S. Scott runs his fingers through his hair. Fringed hair. KNIVES CHAU What happened? SCOTT Aw. KNIVES CHAU Your hair.) You can defeat me. He’s a super-nice guy.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (9) 118.EVENING Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre. Knives and Ramona.. nothing..
104 SCOTT What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: 118A.
. Knives removes the hat from Scott’s head. Scott’s HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked. RAMONA I dunno. Snow begins to fall. Ramona sees this and smiles. RAMONA I should tahnk you. SCOTT I think I understand. then realizes Ramona has gone. A SCOTT (CONTINUED) . I’m tired of people getting hurt because of me. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly. though. you know? I came here to get away. I should probably disappear. Where are you going? Ramona. B A RAMONA It's hard. SCOTT Yeah? KNIVES CHAU I like it.. 104 KNIVES CHAU It’s getting really shaggy. SCOTT Hey. Steps tentatively away from Knives. F T Scott calls after her. pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness. but the past keeps catching up.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (2) 119. He turns to see her. You do? Scott smiles. literally taking his guard down. hoping to slip away. SCOTT After all that? Ramona looks at Knives as she says this. SCOTT For what? RAMONA For being the nicest guy I ever dated. stops and turns back.
RAMONA Well. Knives doesn’t look back. Ramona walks on into the night alone. T Surprised. SCOTT Wha? SCOTT But what about you? She grins and kisses his cheek. F KNIVES You earned it.Nega Scott also sidles into frame. A (CONTINUED) . then hearsKNIVES (O.. You’ve been fighting for her all along. We hear a COUGH . 104 SCOTT That’s kind of sad. Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.S.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (3) 119A.. RAMONA (almost laughing) It is kind of sad. She takes his hand briefly. Guitar still in hand. And stuff.S. KNIVES There’s someone out there for me. We hear a 2ND COUGH .. SCOTT Yeah. then lets it drop. I’m too cool for you anyway. mind if I tag along? B A KNIVES (totally sweet and sad) I’ll be fine. Before she’s gone. She turns to walk off again. but thenSCOTT (O..Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.) Go get her. but urges Scott toKNIVES Go talk to her. Bye and stuff.) Hey. Scott watches.
My little brother kicked a guy’s head off. B Scott and Ramona walk through the door..2. try again? Ramona smiles. night magically turning to day. I mean bananas.. Literally.8..) Oh my God. it was a HUGE fight. A STACEY (V. can I blow your mind? Scott Pilgrim totally threw down with Gideon Graves at the grand opening of Chaos Theater. snow swirling around it.5.4.. CONTINUE? 10.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (4) 119B. winter turning to spring.. T Over this magical transformation...6.. we hear a lush rendition of ‘Ramona’ swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto’s cell phone airwaves.9. it was apparently awesome.3. Scott and Ramona walk towards the door........ It was unbelievable.1.. F JULIE (V. She holds out her hand like in the park scene earlier.O. RAMONA You want to come with me? SCOTT (hopeful) I thought maybe we could.) Oh my God. 104 Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside.7.. sunrise coming up over Toronto...... .O. standing right in the middle of the street. Scott takes it. Tilt up to the heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars. Someone seriously should have been filming it. A We see the door with the star on it. Yeah.
105 106 OMITTED OMITTEDD 105 106 B A F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 120.