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Based On The Graphic Novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley
by Edgar Wright and Michael Bacall
WHITE February 2, BLUE February 18, PINK March 4, YELLOW March 6, GREEN March 9, GOLDENROD March 12, BUFF March 23, SALMON March 25, CHERRY April 3, TAN June 22, GRAY July 13, ORCHID August 6, DOUBLE BLUE August 28, ADDITIONAL May 13, 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2010
Notice: This material is the property of SP Film Productions, Inc and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear: KIM PINE (O.S.) Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?
INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table. STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper. KIM PINE How old are you now, Scott? Like twenty-eight?
SCOTT I’m not playing your little games. KIM PINE So you’ve been out of high school for like, 13 years andSCOTT (O.S.) I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!
YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts. YOUNG NEIL Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an unruly yet adorable mop of hair. SCOTT We have done many things. We ride the bus. We have meaningful conversations about how yearbook club went and about her friends and, um...you know...drama. STEPHEN STILLS Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?
STEPHEN STILLS And you're dating a high school girl? Not bad, not bad.
STEPHEN STILLS Is she hot?
INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED:
SCOTT We almost held hands once, but then she got embarrassed.
S. MOTHER CHAU.INTEGRATED FINAL 2 CONTINUED: (2) 2. Aren't you pleased as punch? STEPHEN STILLS So.. B A Mom! F KNIVES CHAU... what's her name? SCOTT (pleased as punch) Knives Chau." Stars appear in Knives's eyes. books scattering everywhere. 2 KIM PINE Well. 22 YEARS OLD. Scott winks at Knives. KNIVES CHAU T SCOTT I believe I mentioned the bus? A Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.NIGHT 3 MOTHER CHAU You are seventeen year old! Time to get interested in boy! Knives DROPS her bag. RATING: AWESOME. Scott winks at the camera.) Hey. STEPHEN STILLS (under his breath) Chinese. THE BUS . TEXT appears in an on-screen box: "SCOTT PILGRIM. She's Chinese. Scott grins heroically. sits next to her mother. grumbling. SCOTT (O. cute and innocent with clothes to match. demanding. YOUNG NEIL Wicked! How'd you meet her? Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story: 3 INT. . MOTHER CHAU You drop book. 17. 45.. Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM holding her books. Knives crouches down to pick up her books.
STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN .. everyone looks at Scott. 4 INT..DAY Back in the kitchen.INTEGRATED FINAL 2A. KIM PINE Is that seriously the end of the story? 4 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
Please be good. Scott smiles broadly. She geeks. STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives. 4 SCOTT Yes. STEPHEN STILLS So when do we get to meet her? KIM PINE Oh please.INTEGRATED FINAL 4 CONTINUED: 3. B A Hey. He's the talent. really. SCOTT She’ll geek. Knives. She has the capacity to geek. STEPHEN STILLS I mean. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . man. Scott opens the door a crack. Let it be soon. this is Stephen Stills. DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. 5 INT/EXT. T (CONTINUED) SCOTT You promise to be good? . KNIVES CHAU Of course I'll be good! KNIVES CHAU Am I normally not? Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through. hey. 5 An eager Knives stands outside. SCOTT Oh. I want her to geek out on us.DAY A SCOTT That’s for me. STEPHEN STILLS Is she gonna geek out on us? SCOTT She'll just sit in the corner. Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS. STEPHEN STILLS F SCOTT No. It is.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 5 Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: 3A.
INTEGRATED FINAL 5 CONTINUED: (2) 4. What do you play? YOUNG NEIL Uh. 5 STEPHEN STILLS You’re good. sticks in her hands. bass. KNIVES CHAU Hi. I’m not in the band. looking around the rehearsal pad with awe: Bare bulb.DAY Knives enters.Zelda. LAME BRAND amps.Tetris... REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset. Amps hum to life. (CONTINUED) . Knives waves. 6 KNIVES CHAU Hi.that’s kind of a big question. 6 INT.. STEPHEN STILLS That's not the actual title of the- B A SCOTT Knives.. . I just live here.. YOUNG NEIL Oh. wow. SCOTT Knives.S. SCOTT Let's start with Launchpad McQuack. drums. sorry. F KIM PINE T A Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor.. Lemme get your coat. that’s Kim. Knives stares blankly at Young Neil..) KNIVES CHAU You play the drums? Kim.. who finally gets it. that’s Young Neil. KNIVES CHAU That is so awesome. what was your name? KIM PINE (O. Sex Bob-Omb has geared up.yes. guitar. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . KNIVES CHAU Wow. ratty rug.
. Amazing. SCOTT Yeaaah. feedback lingering. STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM .... Yeaaah.. Kim.EVENING T 8 The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room..Sex Bob-Omb. 8 INT. are you really happy or are you really evil? SCOTT Like.. Stephen Stills barks unintelligable lyrics. do I have ulterior motives or something? I’m offended. SCOTT KIM PINE Scott. BUS STOP .. Knives watches. The song ends. F (CONTINUED) . KNIVES CHAU I can't even.. YOUNG NEIL She seems awesome.amazing. 7 Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.wait. jaw ajar.are so. STEPHEN STILLS She seems nice. SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space seems to GROW with the music. SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE. 7 EXT.EVENING A KNIVES CHAU You guys. SCOTT B A Yeaaah.INTEGRATED FINAL 6 CONTINUED: 5. 6 KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4! Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR. if your life had a face I would punch it. what? KIM PINE I mean..
FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!" SCOTT Before you hear some dirty lies from someone else. ha. ha. one room apartment. "WALLACE WELLS.INTEGRATED FINAL 8 CONTINUED: 6.EVENING A 9 (CONTINUED) YOUNG NEIL Yeah. yes. I'm dating a 17 year old. WALLACE Yeah. disloyal. 24 YEARS OLD. You're totally my bitch forever. 8 STEPHEN STILLS Wounded even? SCOTT Hurt.. ROOMMATE.. 9 Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny. Kim. WALLACE Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together? SCOTT Do you see another bed in here? F T INT. arched eyebrow. she seems awesome. SCOTT Neil. B A WALLACE Is he cute? SCOTT Ha. you were saying she seems awesome. FUTON included. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . SCOTT Yeaaaah. He turns to WALLACE WELLS. KIM PINE You? Hurt? Scott takes a breath. SCOTT So. TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace. The whole seventeen year old thing. ha. Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading. . dark hair. turns to Young Neil. Don’t tell too many people.
INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: 6A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . you know me. 9 WALLACE Hey.
cute. STACEY With the uniform and everything? A F T "STACEY PILGRIM." A STACEY (O.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (2) 7. Who told you? STACEY Wallace. Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside. Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM. peppy barista. The phone goes. gabbing on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. STACEY Who is this mysterious child you date? SCOTT Her name is Knives. Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless. YOUNGER SISTER. Scott picks up. STACEY A seventeen year old Chinese schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous. Duh. Knives Chau.) Seventeen years old? Scandal! (CONTINUED) . RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN.S. WALLACE (O. SCOTT It's a Catholic school too. SCOTT That’s not true. 19. WALLACE You know me. you will not be served”. SCOTT That gossipy bitch. A sign behind her reads “If you are using your cellphone. 9 SCOTT I mean. Scott sinks into an armchair. SCOTT Who are you texting? RINGY RING.) You know me. SCOTT Wallace! B Wallace clicks off. Don’t tell my sister.S. starts texting.
you know? It's just. SCOTT This school has boys too. At all. you haven’tSCOTT No no no. SCOTT Can I get back to you on that? A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly. or is this just you being insane? Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next to a hot redhead in happier times. looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album ad. STACEY Oh my God.DAY Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. SCOTT Well... STACEY Um.simple. are you legitimately moving on.. STACEY (CONT’D) So. so I wouldn't call it dating. 10 B A WALLACE I do not want to be here.. Uniformed boys and girls pour out. she's only allowed out when the sun is up.. (CONTINUED) .. I think she hugged me once.INTEGRATED FINAL 9 CONTINUED: (3) 8. CATHOLIC SCHOOL . F T A SCOTT I don't know.. Why are you doing this? STACEY It's been over a year since you got dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named. Scott. WALLACE I hate you. the whole deal. We haven’t even held hands.. Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine.it’s just nice. 9 SCOTT Yeah. 10 EXT. Even I would think twice about dating a seventeen year old. more like.
INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: 8A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 10 WALLACE Playtime? SCOTT That doesn't sound so good either.
10 KNIVES CHAU (O. hi! Do you want to know who in my class is gay? SCOTT Wallace.INTEGRATED FINAL 10 CONTINUED: (2) 9.wow..S. this is my cool gay roommate. T A WALLACE Yes. KNIVES CHAU Ohmigod. side by side. KNIVES CHAU Oh. Whispers. Wow. The game ends..8. You know.. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind. you go now! Begone! Wallace pulls Knives close. SCOTT Hey Knives. scratch out the P and turn it into an F or whatever? Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move. SCOTT Yeah. Does he wear glasses? .. Wallace Wells. Scott looks at Knives. SCOTT Did you know the original name of Pacman was Puck-man? You would think it's because Pac-Man looks like a yellow hockey puck. counting down: 10. like. She digs for quarters. Run. but actually it comes from the Japanese phrase paku-paku which means to flap ones mouth open and closed.. WALLACE You're too good for him.. THE ARCADE .DAY 11 They punch and kick in unison.9.) Scott! Heyyyy! Knives skips to Scott. They changed it over here because Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize. He’s gay. 11 INT.. CONTINUE appears.. I got it! B A F Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION). KNIVES CHAU Oh.
SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) . Bobby.DAY Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint. Knives. I know a lot of kids who play piano or whatever.DAY A13 13 Knives speaks to a female clerk. but everyone thinks Bobby has a crush on Mina. STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND. surly with tats and specs: "JULIE. Thank you. . But it might be cool if cool people wore our T-shirt. you guys are gonna be HUGE. we're already pretty big. Julie. JULIE Are you coming to my party Friday or will you be busy babysitting? (CONTINUED) B A KNIVES CHAU I mean. 12 EXT. 22.INTEGRATED FINAL 10. KNIVES CHAU Tamara is into this Korean guy. 13 INT. THE GOODWILL . "PIZZA PIZZA" . do you have anything by 'The Clash At Demonhead'? JULIE Have you tried the section marked 'The Clash At Demonhead'? SCOTT Thank you. RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?" KNIVES CHAU Excuse me. Hangers click in time. but I never suspected that we rocked as a unit. SCOTT Well. slices in hand. what happened? 12 Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. but you guys ROCK. F T A A13 INT. SCOTT I knew I personally rocked. SCOTT I thought Derek and Tamara had a mutual like-each-other thing going.DAY Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync. KNIVES CHAU I don't listen to much music.
Julie. 13 SCOTT Thank you. (to Knives) You don’t want to listen to her.INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: 10A. (MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
INTEGRATED FINAL 13 CONTINUED: (2) SCOTT (cont'd) And you definitely don’t want to listen to them. 13 Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack. 11. Scott hugs her. SCOTT You go out with a lot of guys? Knives blushes and looks at the ground. man! KNIVES CHAU I've never even kissed a guy.I've never gone out with someone so talented. KNIVES CHAU .DAY Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment. so whatever. you were saying about me? 14 EXT.no.. KNIVES CHAU So this is your secret lair? Can I come in? B A .. 15 EXT.DAY T A 14 15 (CONTINUED) KNIVES CHAU (oblivious) Envy Adams is sooo cool. SCOTT I hearted them too until they signed to a major label and the singer turned into a total bitch and ruined my life. But that’s just me. I've.. SCOTT Yeah. F KNIVES CHAU I mean. SNOWY TORONTO STREET . Do you read her blog? Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . SCOTT Sorry. SCOTT Me neither. KNIVES CHAU Oh.. I heart them so much.
. skirt and goggles. But she's gone. KNIVES CHAU Oh.? . rubbing his eyes. THE DREAM DESERT . Wind blows. SCOTT Does that mean we can make out? F 16 EXT. okay. A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands. Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott.. 16 (CONTINUED) . Her pink hair is funky but cool.INTEGRATED FINAL 15 CONTINUED: 12...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. sitting up in the FUTON..so. MYSTERIOUS GIRL You're not alone. Wow. SCOTT Oh God.HOTTEST DAY T A They literally walk across the street to a small house.. KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah... WALLACE'S APARTMENT . SCOTT But do you want to see the house where I grew up? KNIVES CHAU Sure.. He falls to his knees next to a lonely cactus. an army jacket..SCOTT WAKES UP.. 17 INT. 15 SCOTT My secret lair is one of those 'no girls allowed' deals. She wears fishnets.so alone. 17 B A SCOTT Oh God. You're just having some idiotic dream. She is hotter than the desert sun.. The light snowfall turns into sand. SCOTT Here you go.... Wow.
WALLACE Girl? OTHER SCOTT Was this an Envy related dream? WALLACE We don’t use the E-word in this house.. weren't you supposed to take your fake high school girlfriend to the library a half-hour ago? SCOTT What? It's like. Scott? SCOTT I had this totally weird dream. WALLACE What is it. SCOTT But there was this girl. it wasn’t her. Other Scott goes back to sleep. 17 WALLACE What is it.. 22.. goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace: "OTHER SCOTT. Scott? A scruffy. WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS" OTHER SCOTT Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me not interested.INTEGRATED FINAL 17 CONTINUED: 13. Sunlight ignites the room. WALLACE Speaking of new. OTHER VOICE Oh God. Scott opens the bathroom door. F T A . Wallace rubs his eyes.. SCOTT No. It was somebody new. SCOTT (CONT'D) Arrrrgh! B A OTHER SCOTT Yay for that. six in the morning.
18 INT.DAY KNIVES CHAU What’s wrong? 18 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 13A. THE LIBRARY .
SCOTT Libraries remind me of grade school.) 19 Scott stands in the rehearsal room.EVENING F Scott continues to stare at the girl. B A T The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON. STEPHEN STILLS (O. STEPHEN STILLS Let's do that one again. Time slows to a crawl. KNIVES CHAU I’ll. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE .uh. KNIVES CHAU That must seem like a reeeeally long time ago. He carries a stack of books for Knives. 18 Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library.. SCOTT Uh. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades out of the library.. head still in the clouds. Let’s talk about something else. (CONTINUED) .my hand slipped... KIM PINE Is your girlfriend distracting you? SCOTT My girlfriend? A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.. I’ll be quieter..S.INTEGRATED FINAL 18 CONTINUED: 14.CA to the librarian. STEPHEN STILLS You only played one note for that entire song. SCOTT It was. A The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. KNIVES CHAU Do you know that girl? KNIVES CHAU Scott? SCOTT! 19 INT. He freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.
NIGHT A SCOTT Awww maaan. man. Both have red plastic cups in hand. there may be some label guys there. 19 SCOTT Sorry. 21 B A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded house party. Scott exits frame. Scott's head is still in the clouds.NIGHT STEPHEN STILLS I told you like fifty times! Scott. what are we doing? 20 EXT. retard.. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET . 20 STEPHEN STILLS We did.. YOUNG NEIL I have to pee. Party? YOUNG NEIL At Julie's. KIM PINE At least it will give us something to complain about. JULIE'S HOUSE .. T SCOTT Ugh. you know. SCOTT .. I thought you guys split. Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an icy Toronto street.. This is going to suck. 21 INT.this sucks. so. Kim Pine.. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . KIM PINE We're going to this party. SCOTT I'm going to go pee due to boredom. But.INTEGRATED FINAL 19 CONTINUED: 15. F SCOTT Aw. YOUNG NEIL Sucks.
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED:
Neil sips his drink. Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek: ‘COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’ SCOTT Hey Comeau. COMEAU Hey Scott. Some party huh? You gettin’ your drink on?
INTEGRATED FINAL 21 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink. COMEAU You don’t drink? I remember you getting ridiculously drunk off two G&T’s one time andSCOTT (quickly) Comeau, you know everyone, right? COMEAU Pretty much. SCOTT Do you know this one girl with hair like this?
Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona. COMEAU Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone said she was coming tonight actually. SCOTT WHAT? COMEAU You got the hots for her? I hear she's hardcore... Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud... 22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.
Scott begins to babble.
SCOTT Hey, what's up? Nothing. SCOTT Hey, you know Pacman? RAMONA I know of him.
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED:
SCOTT Well you know Pac-Man was originally Puckman but not because Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck and paku-paku-paku means flapping your mouth and they changed it because if you scratch out the "P" and turn it into an "F”? You know? Like... RAMONA Yeah that's amazing.
Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away. SCOTT (CONT'D) I'll leave you alone forever now.
Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil. DUDE! WHA?
JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau. SCOTT DUDE. What do you know about Ramona Flowers?! COMEAU All I know is she’s American. SCOTT (exotically) American...
SCOTT SHE'S TOTALLY REAL! YOUNG NEIL
STEPHEN STILLS RAMONA FLOWERS! YOUNG NEIL
"THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
SCOTT Um...am I dreaming?
TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS" SCOTT LADYDUDES! What do you know about Ramona Flowers? B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 22 COMEAU But you should talk to Sandra and Monique"SANDRA AND MONIQUE. 24.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (2) 17A.
SCOTT Does she really? STEPHEN STILLS Didn't you say she just broke up with someone. It’s so “Ramona Quimby. Now. Comes into my work.Flowers. B A PARTYGOER #5 Not to be entered into lightly JULIE What about Ramona Flowers? SCOTT You know her? Tell me. Stephen Stills is with her. arms crossed. SCOTT Yeah. What else? PARTYGOER #1 I heard she kicks all kind of ass. PARTYGOER #3 She’s got men dying at her feet. PARTYGOER #2 She’s on another level.. JULIE She just moved here. MONIQUE Doesn’t she have the most ridiculous name? SANDRA I know.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (3) 18. Got a job with Amazon. We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front of Scott. PARTYGOER #4 She’s got some battle scars. Aged 8” and yet. Jools? F T JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone about Ramona: A (CONTINUED) The girls laugh.. SANDRA Some guy back in New York. Scott does not. 22 MONIQUE I think she has a boyfriend. .
yes.INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (4) 18A. 22 SCOTT Did she reeally? STEPHEN STILLS That they had a huge fight or whatever? SCOTT Did they reeeally? JULIE . But I didn't want Scott to know that... Stephen. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (5) 19. SCOTT That’s garbage! Completely untrue. T SCOTT I thought you guys broke up. JULIE That time with HollieSCOTT Not what it looked like! JULIE That time you dumped Kim forSCOTT Hey. He’s totally dating a high schooler. let’s leave it at that. We hear the sound of arctic winds. STEPHEN STILLS She’s got a point. I don't know what it is about that girl. she justJULIE Scott. JULIE Whatever. I forbid you from hitting on Ramona. Ramona is out of your league. . Scott’s mourning period is officially over. SCOTT looks to KIM. 22 SCOTT Yeah. (MORE) (CONTINUED) B A JULIE That time with LisaSCOTT Misunderstanding. A JULIE Dating a high schooler is the mourning period. whoa. Even if you haven't had a real girlfriend in over a yearSTEPHEN STILLS Hey whoa. F JULIE I don’t want you scaring off the coolest girl at my party Scott. We all know you’re a total lady killer wannabe jerky jerk. me and Kim are all good now.
F T (CONTINUED) A .can I pretend we're talking about a guy? SCOTT So then I'm at this party. Okay. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . SCOTT So. Wallace flops onto the futon. I don't know what it is about that girl. WIDE awake. She keeps mentioning some guy named Gideon..INTEGRATED FINAL 22 CONTINUED: (6) JULIE (cont'd) And anyway. I’m not even sure she really did have a big breakup. 23 WALLACE You guess right.... From my dream. 22 SCOTT (not listening) Yeah. 20. WALLACE Library.. WALLACE You think he’s... that girl. B A SCOTT I saw her at the library. WALLACE Guess who's druuunk? SCOTT I guess Wallace. Wallace storms in.. WALLACE Girl.. WALLACE There he is. she justJULIE Forget it Scott!!! 23 INT. SCOTT I think she’s the girl of my dreams..NIGHT Scott lies on the futon. and hey! There she is. SCOTT I think she’s. landing next to Scott.
SCOTT What’s that? Break..fake. Wallace drifts off. F SCOTT T A (CONTINUED) .. WALLACE SCOTT I’m not getting it...high school.. INTERCUT with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: 21. Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. cellphone in hand. you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.. who is out cold.. 23 WALLACE Mmm. friend.girlfriend. SCOTT He's not even conscious! STACEY Whatever. WALLACE Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. STACEY You’re thinking of juggling two chicks!? Not even! Scott looks to Wallace. Who told you? STACEY Duh. You of all people should know how sucky it is to get cheated on.up. B A STACEY Well. I should send out a mass text about this. Wallace. SCOTT Wait.. SCOTT Don’t you have a job to do? STACEY You’re right. RINGY RING! Scott answers. SCOTT I’ve never been so sure about something.. Bye..
Are you waiting for the package you just ordered? A WHAT?! WALLACE I’m so happy for you.this is..S..THIS IS..ca. how do you do that? HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room! SCOTT (O.ca. SCOTT "Dear Mr. and I'm" blah blah “fair warning” blah blah. .... WALLACE Scott.” Scott walks to the front door. This is. It has come to my attention that we will be fighting soon.. What's the website for that? SCOTT Awesome! I have to order something reeeally cool. Pilgrim..!!! WALLACE SCOTT This is boring... My name is Matthew Patel..hmm.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (2) 22.. Moments pass. Scott sits at Wallace's computer.. SCOTT Dude! This thing claims I have mail! SCOTT Dude! Now I'm reading it! B “CLICK. 23 SCOTT Wallace.Amazon..) WALLACE! Wallace sits bolt upright.. Delete! F WALLACE It’s amazing what they can do with computers these days.. T COMPUTER "You've got mail!" A (CONTINUED) WALLACE . SCOTT (CONT'D) Amazon.
WALLACE It's the weekend. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (3) 22A. It won’t ship until Monday at the earliest. 23 SCOTT Maybe.
SCOTT How could I possibly forget? 24 INT. KNIVES CHAU Hannah broke up with Alan and now she's all into Derek. THE GOODWILL . Scott sits on a couch next to the DO NOT SIT sign.DAY A . SCOTT You were saying? Scott opens the door. SONIC BOOM . That’s cute.. He plasters on his best fake smile. Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. B 25 INT. 23 DINGY DONG.. Uh huh. Scott doesn't eat... It's KNIVES CHAU! SCOTT Heyyy. Knives chows down on a slice. PIZZA PIZZA . out of sync. still distracted.DAY Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. I cannot believe the music they put on while we work.DAY F SCOTT T KNIVES CHAU Remember you were supposed to meet me at the bus stop a half-hour ago? A 24 25 26 (CONTINUED) Scott and Knives flip through the record bins. KNIVES CHAU Yearbook club is getting SO boring. his thoughts elsewhere. SCOTT That's sucky.INTEGRATED FINAL 23 CONTINUED: (4) 23. KNIVES CHAU Attack hug! Knives smothers Scott. SCOTT Attack hug. Scott JUMPS to his feet. 26 EXT.
but Tamara claims she has dibs on Derek... SCOTT I tell ya'.INTEGRATED FINAL 26 CONTINUED: 23A. B A F T A . 26 KNIVES CHAU .
.. I think.. On.. KNIVES CHAU Do you want to keep going? Scott takes a long look at Knives. A NEGANINJA . staring out. side by side... KNIVES CHAU Uh oh. STEPHEN STILLS Wednesday.I.B. KNIVES CHAU The Toronto International Battle of The Bands?! B A STEPHEN STILLS Game on.. Game. his timing off.8. The “CONTINUE?” countdown comes up..2. KNIVES CHAU Combo! Knives goes to flip over Scott. (CONTINUED) . STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . 27 INT.squares up against Scott’s avatar. but he messes up.S.. THE MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.) OH MY GOSH WHEN?! F T Scott has his little videogame head cut off. THE ARCADE .. And even better? It’s the T.. SCOTT I can never get past that guy.. everybody.DAY 27 Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION.10... 28 INT. Scott winces. NegaNinja. SCOTT Um.1. Knives BURSTS into frame.EVENING 28 An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy..I think. STEPHEN STILLS I got us a show. 3. Scott plays halfheartedly. KNIVES CHAU (O.. Scott tunes his bass. alone by the window.9..INTEGRATED FINAL 24.. The Rockit.B.
Great. B A STEPHEN STILLS If we win. F Oh. do you know anyone in a band?" and I was like “I’m in a band” and he was like “You’re in a band?” and I was like “Yeah I’m totally in a band”KIM PINE Great story. YOUNG NEIL T A STEPHEN STILLS Only a record deal with G-man Graves! (CONTINUED) . We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom. Knives can barely contain herself. 28 STEPHEN STILLS S’right. It’ll be the cool kids too.S.) Oh my gosh. KNIVES CHAU I will do everything I can to get out of study group and come.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: 25.it won’t just be Knives wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. This guy at work was like "Steve.S. KNIVES CHAU Is there a prize or something?! SCOTT What? Who? KNIVES CHAU You don’t know? STEPHEN STILLS Indie Producer of the millennium?! SCOTT Whoa..) Crash and the Boys. She grabs Scott. Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt. SCOTT Sure. man. who are you battling? STEPHEN STILLS (O.. KNIVES CHAU (O.
S.S.) That one band with Crash? And those Boys? KIM PINE Yeah that’s the one.S.INTEGRATED FINAL 28 CONTINUED: (2) 25A. 28 YOUNG NEIL (O. I hate them too! B A F T A STEPHEN STILLS (O.) Yeah.) Oh my gosh. . they suck. YOUNG NEIL I hate them! KNIVES CHAU (O.
I was thinking about asking you out.. empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. but then I realized how stupid that would be. RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door.. SCOTT RAMONA No. DINGY DONG.EVENING 29 Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand. no. it's just like. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL . um.MORNING 31 B A It’s not? Right. BATHROOM . You just have to sign for this alright? SCOTT I just woke up. Scott runs after her. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE....? 30 . It's like three miles in fifteen seconds..INTEGRATED FINAL 26. and you were in my dream. skating past Scott and down the hall. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . The PEE BAR above his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the mirror. you've got this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she presses the doorbell.. that's okay. down a row of LOCKERS leading to. SCOTT F SCOTT Hi. A (CONTINUED) . Is that weird? RAMONA It’s not weird at all. 29 INT... entering.a long.. Scott’s footsteps echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it. around a corner. 30 INT.. RAMONA Um.the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT??? 31 INT. (beat) Do you want to go out sometime? T Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door. I dreamt you were delivering me this package.. Scott exits the bathroom.
You’d be impressed. That was some total ass. you're like American? RAMONA Why. Whatever this is? B A SCOTT It’s something really cool. Noooooo.you need to sign for this. you'll leave... 31 RAMONA Oh yeah.. You’re Ramona Flowers right? RAMONA That’s me. SCOTT Okay well.. She gives him a pen. RAMONA Yeah. I was the other guy. SCOTT So. RAMONA You know. Not even. can we just maybe just hang out sometime? Get to know each other? You're the new kid on the block. I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.. right? I've lived here forever.there are reasons for you to hang out with me? RAMONA You're all over the place. SCOTT But if I sign for it. SCOTT You don’t remember me do you? I met you at the party the other day. That's how it works. RAMONA You still have to sign. I mean. Scott stands in awe of Ramona. am I coming off as rude? SCOTT Not at all. (CONTINUED) F T A .. RAMONA Were you the Pac-Man guy? SCOTT No.INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: 27.
yeah.. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them. I'm totally waiting on you.. I just assumed you were too cool to be on time.INTEGRATED FINAL 31 CONTINUED: (2) 28. RAMONA Well.you know. So. .if that's cool. PARK . SCOTT Why are you just standing there? RAMONA Dude.my dream girl....NIGHT 32 33 34 B A Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the park. You assumed wrong. or there’s this awesome game called Ninja Ninja Revolution at- F T Scott finally signs on the dotted line. SCOTT Sorry. SCOTT So what do you want to do? We could get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip through some records at Sonic Boom. SCOTT Either that or you need to start hanging out with me. RAMONA You want me to hang out with you? RAMONA If I say yes. And throws the package straight in the trash.. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT Um. will you sign for your damn package? SCOTT Done. Oh. RAMONA I need to find a new route. Eight o'clock? 32 33 34 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] OMITTED EXT. 31 SCOTT You are like.
INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: 29. 34 RAMONA I’m not into simulated violence. B A SCOTT Was he your boyfriend? RAMONA Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? SCOTT It’s so not interesting to me. Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park. SCOTT I’m cool with whatever you want to do. And Gideon had always said Toronto was one of the great cities so. RAMONA He’s. F SCOTT Is Gideon.a friend. RAMONA So what about you? What do you do? SCOTT I’m between jobs..is he your boyfriend? T A (CONTINUED) ... SCOTT Oh yeah? RAMONA I got this job here. SCOTT This is good. So how'd you end up in Toronto? RAMONA Just needed to escape I guess. RAMONA Between what and what? SCOTT My last job is a long story filled with sighs.. They sit on some swings in the park.. RAMONA This is good..
. it’s certainly chilled here. SCOTT Well. B A Um. RAMONA I didn’t mean to get you obsessed. RAMONA Uh. RAMONA That’s probably because you sleep with a guy. It’s weird. 34 RAMONA I know plenty of those. T A (CONTINUED) Yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (2) 30. SCOTT Is that why you left New York? RAMONA Pretty much. SCOTT RAMONA I was guessing from your apartment. It was time to head somewhere a little more chilled. but you totally do! F SCOTT I just haven’t been obsessed with a girl for a long time. Chilled as in cold. RAMONA Yeah.. SCOTT I’m totally obsessed with you. .
..... SCOTT (CONT'D) I'm. RAMONA Well.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (3) 31. The snowfall gets heavier. SCOTT So this is a 'date'. RAMONA Dude. you’re probably not that stupid. Ramona hops off her swing. Ramona walks away. you're definitely stupid if you want to go out with me. I can barely see you. 34 SCOTT It’s... SCOTT I feel so stupid. . we're just poor! We can't afford two beds! We're not gay! Actually. I think there's a thingy up here somewhere. Isn't it like April? B The snow gets heavier still. mostly stupid. relax. SCOTT F SCOTT Exactly.. SCOTT Yeah. You're too desperate to be gay. no. yeah. A Tongue... RAMONA This is ridiculous.. Laughing. RAMONA I think 'act of God' is a pretty decent excuse for a lousy date. RAMONA Anyway.. I believe you. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA Aw. night’s not over yet. This whole thing is an unmitigated disaster. eh? RAMONA Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue. Wallace is pretty gay.
34 SCOTT A thingy? RAMONA A door. I... SCOTT A door? I. I’m blind.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (4) 31A. Help me. I can’t see you... B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
) AAAH! Sorry. 35 INT. Ramona opens the door. Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK. green tea with lemon.) Here. Pushing it open. He watches as she slips out of her coat. constant comment and earl grey. ginger with honey. RAMONA What kind of tea do you want? SCOTT There's more than one kind? RAMONA We have blueberry. SCOTT That would actually be awesome. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness. does this help? SCOTT (O. SCOTT (O. I'm just. Scott ventures upstairs. liver disaster. He wanders towards a half open door. T A (CONTINUED) ..NIGHT 35 Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy. green tea with lemon and honey....very warm. ginseng. raspberry.S. F RAMONA I think I'll have sleepytime.cold! RAMONA (O.) That's. After a moment alone. What is that? B Ramona exits. 34 A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. blueberry chamomile.INTEGRATED FINAL 34 CONTINUED: (5) 32. he finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.S. sleepytime. RAMONA Dude! I'm changing. girl friendly apartment.. RAMONA'S APARTMENT . vanilla walnut.S.. vanilla almond. A RAMONA Let me get you a blanket. white truffle. green tea. ginger without honey. SCOTT Did you make some of those up? SCOTT That sounds good to me.
maybe we should both get under it. Scott is in heaven. revealing black panties to complement black bra.. A (CONTINUED) .... They tumble onto the bed and make out.. RAMONA Well... Scott imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline. The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off. 35 Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him. Not right now. Scott takes his shirt off. SCOTT (CONT'D) Ohh. SCOTT (CONT'D) Were you. Pilgrim. Ramona breaks off.. And I reserve the right to change my mind about the sex later....were you just going to bring the blanket from your bed? RAMONA I guess.kay. Then- B Ramona curls up next to Scott.what about our tea? SCOTT I can. They look into each others eyes.since we're so cold.kay..INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: 33.. SCOTT Changed it to what? From what? RAMONA I don't want to have sex with you. F T SCOTT Maybe. RAMONA I changed my mind.camera circles Scott and Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session....not have tea.. smiling. A Ohh. You can sleep in my bed. SCOTT RAMONA It's not like I'm gonna send you home in a snowstorm or anything.
Ramona is gone. I didn't even get any.MORNING F 37 (CONTINUED) T “SHE’S IN THE SHOWER” A DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Scott walking next to her. RAMONA You're welcome. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks. Ramona skates towards the front gate... RAMONA'S APARTMENT ..I think I needed this. They exchange a smile..oh. RAMONA I have to work..INTEGRATED FINAL 35 CONTINUED: (2) 34. An arrow points to the empty spot in the bed next to him. SCOTT Work? RAMONA You have to leave. SCOTT Hey. So. Then without warning we jump cut to 36 INT. come to the first round of this battle of the bands thing. and this is.MORNING 36 “NO RAMONA” Another arrow point out that- Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel. 35 SCOTT This is cool.. can this not be a one night stand? For one thing.that was a joke. thanks. just this. RAMONA'S ROOM . Scott relaxes. Whatever this is. we're terrible. It's been like a really long time. RAMONA (totally unimpressed) You have a band? SCOTT Yeah. . B A 37 EXT. Please come. RAMONA What did you have in mind? SCOTT Umm.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: 34A. 37 RAMONA Sure.
his room-mate.At The- “THE ROCKIT. SCOTT You totally came! RAMONA Yes. reaching Scott at the bar.. Scott looks back up. hey! It’s tonight. 212 664-7665. Scott Pilgrim.INTEGRATED FINAL 37 CONTINUED: (2) 35. I’m Stacey. girl number. his social skills vanish. WALLACE (staring at Jimmy) Heyyy. THE ROCKIT . ‘RAMONA FLOWERS. right back next to Scott. RAMONA Hey. She hands him a note. STACEY And this is Wallace. WALLACE Hey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses.. . STACEY Excuse my brother. 37 Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow.NIGHT A 38 (CONTINUED) RAMONA See you at the show. Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young hipsters.. far away. xxxxxxx‘ SCOTT Wow. He’s chronically enfeebled. Scott is so amazed at her presence.(somehow) SCOTT Wait! Can I get your number? SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop. STACEY And this is my boyfriend Jimmy. Ramona is already skating far. FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET”. SCOTT Oh.. I did totally come. B A F T 38 INT. He stands with Wallace and Stacey.
SCOTT (CONT’D) Have.INTEGRATED FINAL 38 CONTINUED: 36. wake up. THE ROCKIT. Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY.uh... Scott’sScott goes white. Wallace stares at Jimmy. 39 INT. He pushes her away. Go. People love us. PROMOTER (O. Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. A KNIVES CHAU Do you like? . He looks up at Ramona and Knives sitting with Wallace. SCOTT I.CONTINUOUS Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band. STILLS We were just on stage. 38 STACEY And this is Knives. Is this a nightmare? Wake up. KIM Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine. The sound guy hated us. Right? Scott sounds less than convincing.S) This next band are from Brampton and they are Crash And The Boys. 39 B A F T LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. wearing makeup and new clothes. He didn’t even see Knives come in. To. wake up. SCOTT It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters. SCOTT HEYYYYYYYY! KNIVES CHAU Hey.. BACKSTAGE . STEPHEN STILLS This is a nightmare. For sound check. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives and Ramona stare at each other. Knives looks kinda sexy. Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage..
CONTINUOUS Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. THE ROCKIT. .. TRASHA. STAGE . 8 year old girl drummer. Wallace yells from the balcony. TOO? CRASH Yes. THE ROCKIT. Kim glowers.04 seconds.. 40 INT. STAGE . WALLACE IT'S NOT A RACE. CRASH Thank you. I am Crash.INTEGRATED FINAL 37. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.haven't started playing yet. Do they rock or suck? JIMMY They." Sweet! WALLACE I love this one! A CRASH This is called "I am so sad." And it goes a little something like this. Jimmy. and it's called "We Hate You. BACKSTAGE . WALLACE IS THAT GIRL A BOY. You passed.CONTINUOUS B41 A41 B Crash and the Boys play a whole song in . KIM PINE They have a girl drummer? B41 INT. THE ROCKIT. WALLACE That was a test. and these are the Boys. gives Wallace the finger. WALLACE Jimmy. Please Die. I am so very very sad. A41 INT. F T A (CONTINUED) CRASH Good evening.CONTINUOUS 40 Crash and The Boys tune up. GUYS! CRASH This song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony.
B41 Crash continues his rampage of musical hate. B A F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL B41 CONTINUED: 37A.
WILL YOU STOP JUST STANDING THERE. STEPHEN STILLS How are we supposed to follow this? We’re not going to win. how did you meet Scott? B STACEY So.CONTINUOUS STEPHEN STILLS These guys are good. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara.. A F T A CRASH This is called "Last Song Kills Audience". STACEY So Knives.CONTINUOUS As Crash And The Boys climax. 43 INT.. YOU’RE FREAKING ME OUT! 43 44 INT.CONTINUOUS Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band. These guys are good. 44 Ramona arches an eyebrow. THE ROCKIT. THE ROCKIT.. It'll be our last song tonight and your last song EVER.. Are these guys good? Kim Pine scowls harder than ever. STACEY Hard for me to keep track sometimes. 41 INT. THE ROCKIT.INTEGRATED FINAL 38. The audience are stunned. BACKSTAGE . Stacey turns to Ramona. we’re not gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. THE ROCKIT. BALCONY . He has so many friends.CONTINUOUS Sound explodes from the stage. STAGE . BACKSTAGE . . (freaking out) GODDAMN IT SCOTT.um. how do you know Scott? RAMONA He's. 41 STEPHEN STILLS 42 42 INT. He's a friend.
CONTINUOUS Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.CONTINUOUS 45 Scott looks up into the balcony. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers. KIM PINE (CONT’D) THREE. She faints in the excitement. BALCONY .. finger pointed at Scott as he sails towards the stage! B A STEPHEN STILLS Scott. THE ROCKIT..Bob-Omb? SEX BOB-OMB walk on. TWO.. So give it up for Sex. FOUR! Sex Bob-omb rock out. F (CONTINUED) .INTEGRATED FINAL 39. 45 INT. PROMOTER This next band is from Toronto and. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face. I was on the bus with my MomKnives freezes. sees Stacey talking to Knives. 46 RAMONA Is that seriously the end of the story? 47 INT. barely into the first verse when a chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole..you reaKIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB.yeah... THE ROCKIT. Scott nods vigorously. THE ROCKIT. KNIVES CHAU Well. they’re on! A 47 ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.CONTINUOUS T KNIVES CHAU OH MY GOSH. staring at the stage. ANGLE on Knives.you ready? STEPHEN STILLS Kim. BACKSTAGE .. STAGE ... ONE. SCOTT We gotta play now and loud! 46 INT..
They land in THE PIT. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out). MATTHEW PATEL You’re quite the opponent. Consider our fight.. MATTHEW PATEL Mr. Patel LANDS like a cat. Wallace! The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters. WALLACE FIGHT! MATTHEW PATEL Alright..begun! SCOTT What did I do? Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that borders on flamboyant.. knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: 40. A (CONTINUED) SCOTT What do I do?! . SCOTT Who the hell are you anyway? F WALLACE Watch out! It's that one guy! T Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his left arm. FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott. It is I. Pilgrim. Matthew Patel. Pilgrim. then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right.. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and sends him flying into the air. SCOTT Thank you. 47 MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a lopsided fringe. B A Patel RUNS at Scott. Alright. MATTHEW PATEL My name is Matthew Patel and I'm Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend! SCOTT You’re what? MATTHEW PATEL Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend! All eyes WHIP up to Ramona.
47 RAMONA Anyone need another drink? Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. then holds his hand up for a time-out. Scott blocks. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (2) 40A. Patel punches.
The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK. Matthew was the only non-white. We were one hell of a team. non-jock boy in school. Nothing could beat Matthew's mystical powers. Nothing but pre-teen capriciousness. so we joined forces and took 'em all out. . B A SCOTT You really went out with this guy? RAMONA Yeah. They pause. We only kissed once. F T (CONTINUED) A Patel attacks. then lands more punches. all the little jocks wanted me. I told him to hit the showers. Scott jump-spins away from danger. landing kicks and punches. SCOTT Are you a pirate? MATTHEW PATEL Pirates are in this year! Patel attacks again. Scott evades and counter-attacks. in the seventh grade. After a week and a half. probably in the entire state. MATTHEW PATEL You will pay for your insolence! WALLACE What’s up with his outfit? OTHER HECKLER Yeah! Is he a pirate? Scott looks at Patel’s outfit. until Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. RAMONA (CONT'D) It was football season and for some reason. They exchange furious blows. breathing heavy. 47 SCOTT We're fighting because of Ramona? MATTHEW PATEL Didn't you get my e-mail explaining the situation? SCOTT I skimmed it.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (3) 41. Scott looks up to Ramona. Patel evades.
INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (4) 41A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 47 The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.
. Maybe you’ll see. Scott hits the ground. You won’t know what’s hit you in the slightest. narrowly dodging the attack. Four hot girls in skirts with fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him. It hits Patel square in the eyes. wait. 47 SCOTT Dude. SCOTT Open your eyes. SCOTT That doesn’t even rhyme. The house drum kit is trashed behind him. B A MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Let us show him what we’re all about. how can it be?! Scott leaps into the air. F MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Fireball Girls! Take this sucker down.. POOF. GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS and throws it Captain America style.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (5) 42. Flowers! Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG! MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D) If you want to fight me. MATTHEW PATEL This is impossible. He flips back onto the stage. The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings. the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish. Patel opens his eyes just in time to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face. you’re not the brightest. Scott dodges.mystical powers? Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona. MATTHEW PATEL (CONT’D) Me and my fireballs and my Demon Hipster Chicks. dodging a third wave of fireballs. Scott rolls across the stage. MATTHEW PATEL You’ll pay for this. T A (CONTINUED) . I’m talking the talk because I know I’m slick. Patel levitates into the air. Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott.
48 INT. Coins. Scott lands and picks them up. 47 K.CONTINUOUS Ramona makes her way out fast.O! Scott punches Patel. They clatter to the stage floor.INTEGRATED FINAL 47 CONTINUED: (6) 42A. SCOTT Sweet. He explodes into COINS. THE ROCKIT. BALCONY . Passes Stacey. 48 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
.INTEGRATED FINAL 48 CONTINUED: 43. RAMONA (CONT’D) If we're going to date. 51 SCOTT Sooooooo. SCOTT You have seven evil ex-boyfriends? B F T A 49 INT. I guess.CONTINUOUS 49 (CONTINUED) . SCOTT Aw man.so like. Her eyes scan the venue for Scott. STAGE .40? That's not even enough for the bus home.but he is long gone. 50 INT.CONTINUOUS 50 51 INT. 48 RAMONA Well.. Sex Bob-Omb wins.. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes. it was great meeting you. THE ROCKIT. The Promotor ambles back onstage. Tell your gay friends I said bye. Ramona takes a breath.. clapping wildly from the balcony. SCOTT What was all that all about? RAMONA Uh.. who is being resuscitated by Tamara. Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them. PROMOTER Yeah. BALCONY .. STACEY Gay friends? Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.. THE ROCKIT. Ramona yanks Scott away. $2. STACEY WALLACE?! Not again! Ramona passes Knives. you may have to defeat my seven evil ex's.NIGHT A Knives is now wide awake.. THE BUS . RAMONA I'll lend you the 30 cents.. A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.
right? I got to second base last night.MORNING 52 A F RAMONA T A 53 (CONTINUED) RAMONA Pretty much. Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . yes. SCOTT Well. what you're saying is.. (beat) We are dating? RAMONA Uh. SCOTT Cool.. And someone has a second date tonight.INTEGRATED FINAL 51 CONTINUED: 44. A bleary Wallace fries bacon. WALLACE Someone’s lucky then. I guess. Scott kisses Ramona. I mean me. SCOTT So. SCOTT You know when I say ‘someone’. Scott bursts through the front door. someone got to second base last night. a spring in his step.... Do you want to make out? Uh.maybe first and a half. B WALLACE Someone’s happy. SCOTT -defeat your seven evil ex's if we're going to continue to date. The studio audience 'awwww's. The studio audience applauds. SCOTT So I have to fightRAMONA Defeat. 52 53 OMITTED INT. 51 RAMONA Seven ex's.. .
SCOTT You’re a monster... SCOTT One of your famous ultimatums? WALLACE It may live in infamy. F SCOTT But you. Scott. At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and helps himself to coffee. take it up with Liberace’s Ghost. I'm going to tell Ramona about Knives. SCOTT But. (CONTINUED) B A Morning. 53 SCOTT (CONT’D) Oh. JIMMY Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.it's HARD. I'm inviting Ramona over for dinner.You have to break up with Knives. WALLACE If you don't do it... so you can't be here tonight.. SCOTT Who’s Lucas Lee? Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine. But in return I have to issue an ultimatum. I don't want you gaying up the place.. Today. hey. T A . I swear to God. SCOTT (CONT’D) DOUBLE STANDARD! WALLACE I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.. WALLACE Okay. If you have a problem with it.. Scott. WALLACE Now put the bacon down and go do your dirt while I watch the Lucas Lee marathon on TBS Superstation. Okay? Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.but.INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: 45..you're..
(MORE) B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 53 WALLACE He was this pretty good skater and now he’s this pretty good actor.INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (2) 45A.
SCOTT So. Surprising no one. this Lucas LeeWALLACE Lucas Lee is not important to you right now! Get out. do you want to. SCOTT You suck. like. Uh. bucko. Hi. The next click is me hanging up... Wallace turns the television way up. We see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller. SCOTT (CONT'D) Oh. I am stalking him later.) Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like a spring jacket? And a hoodie? . 53 SCOTT They make movies in Toronto? WALLACE Yes..S.INTEGRATED FINAL 53 CONTINUED: (3) WALLACE (cont'd) He’s filming a Winifred Hailey movie in Toronto right now. The one after that. hey. SCOTT Oh. Um. 46. 54 EXT..is me pulling the trigger. F SCOTT T Scott grumbles off.DAY A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone. Knives. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores. KNIVES CHAU (O.S. LUCAS LEE (ON TV) Listen close and listen hard. A 54 Scott checks what he's wearing. talk or whatever? KNIVES CHAU (O. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET . B A Ummm..) And a dorky hat?! SCOTT It's not dorky! Why are you psychic? A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass..okay.
.. SONIC BOOM . KNIVES CHAU KNIVES CHAU Yeah. KNIVES CHAU No. I wanted to invite you over for dinner... Will you take me to the show? SCOTT Yeah. to meet my parents.INTEGRATED FINAL 47. Chinese food? Yeah. Well. SCOTT Like. just so bad.. It's my birthday dinner. 55 INT. KNIVES CHAU Oh...LOVE! F SCOTT Hmm. hey.I think that's a really bad idea.. B A SCOTT Uh. pounding inside Scott's head.. 55 Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist. I'm too old for you! KNIVES CHAU No you're not! My Dad is nine years older than my Mom. It’s not my favorite. Like. KNIVES CHAU I can’t believe they’re coming to town. T (CONTINUED) A . Why? SCOTT Well I mean.and. listenThe SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder. I'm in.DAY The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.are you even allowed to date outside your race or whatever? KNIVES CHAU I don't care.. really. SCOTT And. it's okay.
. Scott brushes it away. the word actually appears onscreen.. 55 Knives is so smitten. listen.I was thinking we should break up or whatever. SCOTT Um.INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: 47A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.
57 SCOTT Oh. you are the salt of the earth. KNIVES CHAU Scott walks out. Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.. T ON THE BUS: Scott smiles.DAY Scott sits on the bus alone.. No. a little happier. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT . ON THE BUS: Scott sighs. I meant scum of the earth. thinks of something happier.INTEGRATED FINAL 55 CONTINUED: (2) Really? 48.. KIM PINE Scott. SCOTT (CONT'D) OH! Check it out.. Oh... Kim and Stills share a look.. THE BUS / RECORD STORE .um. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.it's not going to work out... her funky pink hair. thinking about Knives. thanks. 56 INT. in shock. 56 57 INT/EXT. leaving Knives in the aisle.. SCOTT Aw. B A Young Neil PAUSES his DS. We broke up. KIM PINE Wait. I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy 2. CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store. SCOTT Aw. CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading. thanks. 55 KNIVES CHAU SCOTT Yeah. YOUNG NEIL You.EVENING Sex Bob-Omb tune up.you broke up with Knives? F KIM PINE Where's Knives? Not coming tonight? A (CONTINUED) .
. no GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at practice. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp. Are you going to introduce me? SCOTT Oh yeah. new or new-new. I just dyed it.. Scott opens the door to see Ramona. Like you said. Is it not cool? Everyone mumbles back.. now sporting BLUE HAIR. B A Scott ushers her in. STEPHEN STILLS Okay! From here on out. 57 SCOTT Yeah. this is Stephen Stills. RAMONA Yeah. SCOTT (CONT'D) That's for me. SCOTT It’s all blue. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair. SCOTT You know your hair? RAMONA I know of it. Kim. maybe you'll meet my new new girlfriend soon. Kim mimes shooting herself.INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: 49. Okay? SCOTT Okay! DINGY DONG. weirded out by this hair development. F SCOTT (CONT’D) Hey. We were lucky to survive that last round. whether they’re old..you’re here? T A (CONTINUED) . YOUNG NEIL Newnew. that’s.. RAMONA Hey everyone. RAMONA Yes. Young Neil. This is sudden death now. but don’t worry..
INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (2) 49A. 57 SCOTT Is it weird not being pink anymore? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
Ramona goes to the bathroom. what about rehearsal? 58 INT. 57 RAMONA I change my hair every week and a half. reading a magazine.NIGHT B A SCOTT Neil knows my parts.INTEGRATED FINAL 57 CONTINUED: (3) 50. STEPHEN STILLS Uh. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . I actually dated Scott in high school. Scott fake laughs. 58 Ramona lounges. dude. See you guys tomorrow. good.how do you guys all know each other? YOUNG NEIL High school. KIM PINE Yeah. Starts ushering Ramona out again.. WALLACE Are you doing okay there? SCOTT Yeah. preparing food as Wallace looks on. YOUNG NEIL (to Stills) I’m Neil. YOUNG NEIL . Scott drops the act. I guess? STEPHEN STILLS What Neil said. (to Sex Bob-Omb) So. Cool.. Get used to it.. F T RAMONA Got any embarassing stories? A (CONTINUED) I’m Neil. A tense Scott hurries around the kitchen area.. KIM PINE Believe it or not. SCOTT She changed her hair. SCOTT Okay.uh. Good. He’s an idiot.
58 WALLACE So? It looks nice blue.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: 50A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (2) 51. '15 MINUTES LATER' F T WALLACE I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. She’s spontaneous. B Ramona and Scott eat on the floor. I’m heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my hetero crush. Wallace pulls on a jacket. Scott stops Wallace at the door. RAMONA This is actually really good garlic bread. Ramona returns. RAMONA How’s dinner coming along? SCOTT Yeah. but she changed it without even making a big deal about it. with a panicked whisper. if you strike out in the next hour. Oh my god. what do I do? WALLACE I can’t believe you were worried about me gaying up the place. picnic style. Fickle. come find me at the Castle. See you in sixty. WALLACE Will you man the hell up? You could get to 2nd and a half base. SCOTT “If I strike out”? WALLACE Okay. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner. A SCOTT You think so? WALLACE Well. Good. SCOTT Don’t go. A (CONTINUED) . good. Impulsive. 58 SCOTT I know. “when”.
RAMONA Oh yeah? SCOTT Yeah. I could honestly eat it for every meal. Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair. Ra-mona. Mona. it goes like this: Ra-mona. RAMONA You'd get fat. Why would I get fat? RAMONA Bread makes you fat. Ooooh. Ra-ra-ra. Ra-mona. SCOTT OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!? Scott sits up like a shot. Mona. Ra-mona.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (3) 52. B Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. SCOTT Bread makes you FAT?? '15 MINUTES LATER' SCOTT So I wrote a song about you. 58 SCOTT Garlic bread is my favorite food. A (CONTINUED) . RAMONA Your hair's pretty shaggy. SCOTT No. Ramona is taken aback. Ra-ra-ra. Or just all the time without even stopping. SCOTT '15 MINUTES LATER' F T A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar. RAMONA What? A Finished? RAMONA I can’t wait to hear it when it’s finished.
NARRATOR She dumped him. SCOTT But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?! F NARRATOR SCOTT It was a mutual thing. No. But it’s so long ago. It’s just that I got. 58 SCOTT Ha. RAMONA Sounds like a bad time.. Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (4) 53. He blames this largely on the haircut and has been cutting his own hair ever since. now wearing his dorky SNOW HAT. SCOTT Not really.. I like it long.she stopped liking me. she told me it was mutual. NARRATOR It wasn’t.. A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in.. RAMONA Your hair is cute. RAMONA What was her name? SCOTT She was Nat when I knew her. I can barely remember it. I got a bad haircut right before me and my big ex broke up. Then. But she stopped liking that name. It was brutal. NARRATOR Scott is acutely aware that his last salon haircut took place exactly 431 days ago. T A . hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.. three hours before his big breakup. sorry... It was. Earl Jones deep. RAMONA What? Why are you wearing that? (CONTINUED) B A SCOTT I mean...
when I'm with you I feel like I'm on drugs.NIGHT '15 MINUTES LATER' Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY.. F SCOTT Yeah. They’re shooting this movie up here.. RAMONA Oh. T A SCOTT Nooo. I just. every drug. ENDLESS STAIRWAY . Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and NIGHT TURNS TO DAY. B Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA.you make me feel. 59 EXT. unless you do.. but. RAMONA Tell me we didn't come out here just so you could cover your hair with that hat. A RAMONA What is this place? SCOTT A totally awesome castle. Things seem a little brighter around you or something. 59 RAMONA You seem a little. Putting one leg in front of the other. Not that I do drugs. long handrail between them. bright movie set lights. I just love me some walking. in which case I do drugs all the time. who? SCOTT I forget. .heightened..I don't know. a castle surrounded by big. 58 SCOTT I thought we could go for a walk. as if crossing a magical line.. RAMONA Who's in it? SCOTT Winifred Hailey and some actor guy. Let’s find out. I don’t know.INTEGRATED FINAL 58 CONTINUED: (5) 54..
60 EXT.D. We gotta go. Lee? WALLACE Lucas Lee. Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS. including Wallace. B A What? Why? Slut. CASA LOMA . man. FIRST A. Mr. RAMONA Ooh. T (CONTINUED) A .CONTINUOUS 60 A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some GOON. The spectators go “oooh”. F The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits his trailer. WALLACE RAMONA Wallace. doing kickflips. smoking a cigarette (blacked out).INTEGRATED FINAL 55. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Ooh? SCOTT WALLACE I want to have his adopted babies. RAMONA Oh. I am not a slut. RAMONA Did you find the guy you’re stalking? WALLACE I think I’m about to right now. He skates towards the set. SCOTT RAMONA I used to date that clown. Lee is travelling! RAMONA Mr.
.. SCOTT Oh. Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON. it might have been math...my.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: 56.you dated a FAMOUS guy?! RAMONA In 9th grade. I just remember there being lots of drama. Actually. SCOTT . 60 WALLACE I can think of no higher accolade. RAMONA He just followed me around. The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it’s gonna take to kick your ass. who remains oblivious. SCOTT He's famous and he talked to me! B A F HEY!!! T A (CONTINUED) LUCAS LEE Hey.. We had drama..God. He was a little snot nosed brat. ... SCOTT He had snot? In his nose? But he's famous! LUCAS LEE HEY!!! RAMONA It’s not a big deal. Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode. I only dated him for a week and a halfLUCAS LEE I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim! Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott. who gasps. LUCAS LEE Lucas Lee points at Scott. LUCAS LEE Action.
60 LUCAS LEE The only thing keeping me and her apart is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass! SCOTT Can I getPOW! Lucas Lee punches Scott. A POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. . Scott comes back up with a pen and paper. Fight. SCOTT Can I get your autograph? LUCAS LEE Sup. crumbling it. WALLACE Scott. Evil ex. wobbly. flooring him. He nods to Ramona. How’s life? He seems nice. Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set. Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo. B A (CONTINUED) F T Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret. then stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (2) 56A.
Lee? (CONTINUED) B A LUCAS LEE I’m nothing without my stunt team. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with antiseptic. Scott PUNCHES through a couple of the boards. The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl..S. smirking on the sidelines. all identically dressed.. A . Scott stands to fight the double. F T Scott turns to see the real Lucas. Tae Kwon Doe style. all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble. 60 LUCAS LEE Think you stand a chance against an A-lister.) Mr. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground. He slides across the wet-down ground. Lucas Lee wanders off.. You homies want anything? We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing.S. SCOTT (O. bro? Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. LUCAS LEE I’m gonna get coffee. COUNTLESS STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN. LUCAS LEE He’s good. punchy.) Looks like you’re seeing double.. Scott staggers to his feet. Suddenly. only to find an identical STAND IN! LUCAS LEE (O. SCOTT Hey.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (3) 57. WALLACE Ask them how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds! SCOTT How does it feel to- KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face. followed by a barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs. right? Sometimes I let him do wide shots if I feel like getting blazed back in my winnie. hey. hey! I’m not doneScott spins Lucas around. LUCAS LEE Some competish you are.
.. Let’s get a beer. preparing for the deathblow.. surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen.. SCOTT But are you a pretty good skater? B A Really? LUCAS LEE Oh. Lucas offers a hand. Lucas stomps over to him. shocked to see Scott. bro. 60 Lucas turns. SCOTT You’re needed back on set. F SCOTT LUCAS LEE Seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life? T LUCAS LEE You really don't know about the "The League"? A (CONTINUED) . in front of a PAINTED 2-D SKYLINE BACKDROP. well then don't worry about it. Scott goes to shake it. LUCAS LEE I'm going for the Oscar this year.. Lucas GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. LUCAS LEE Prepare. . Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. RRRIP! Scott lands in a CRUMP. framed through the torn skyline. prepare to feel the wrath of the League of Evil Exes! SCOTT The League of Evil Axes? SCOTT Ummm.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (4) 58. POW! Lucas gets him square in the mouth.. Scott smiles through his aching jaw. SCOTT LUCAS LEE Yeah. SCOTT You are a pretty good actor.no.
.. F T A (CONTINUED) . I have my own skate company. if it’s too hardcore. revealing a skate company tattoo. LUCAS LEE Why wouldn’t you be? CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT. WALLACE Hi.. bro.. sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL. B A LUCAS LEE Somebody get me my board.HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.. but can you do a thingy on that rail? Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs. Big fan. Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard. Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight. Lucas pulls down his shirt. Cut back to Scott & Wallace. LUCAS LEE You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that? SCOTT There’s girls watching. SCOTT So can you do a grind thingy now? LUCAS LEE Are you serious? There’s like 200 steps and the rails are garbage. HSSSSSSSSS.. very impressed at Lucas.. SCOTT So you can sell them. LUCAS LEE It’s called a grind. ese. Cut back to Scott & Wallace. SCOTT Wow. 60 LUCAS LEE I’m more than pretty good.. impressed at Lucas.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (5) 59. a perfect ollie onto the rail. SCOTT Hey.
HSSSSSSSSS. SCOTT I didn’t get his autograph.. Cut back to Scott & Wallace. 60 SCOTT Wow. SCOTT Yes! Fist bump. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (6) 59A.. Scott smacks his forehead. WALLACE Wow. he totally bailed. Scott’s about to say ‘wow’ whenBOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs.
she totally bailed. SCOTT Where's Ramona? Is she still here? WALLACE No.. phone pressed to his ear. We hear the OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. 212 664-7665.that’s a wrap everybody. 61 INT. F WALLACE WALLACE Yeah.INTEGRATED FINAL 60 CONTINUED: (7) 60. SCOTT You know what really sucks though? Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator: RAMONA FLOWERS. RAMONA is not available. Scott again. T SCOTT Hey. SCOTT What's the deal? Seriously. . Scott Pilgrim. xxxxxxx WALLACE What did you think these were? SCOTT Kisses? Seven little kisses? WALLACE Seven deadly X's. It was right under your nose. A Scott slumps on the couch. 60 FIRST A. (CONTINUED) B A What? SCOTT Everything! WALLACE Come on guy. Call me back.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . Uh. Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). please record your message after the beep.D. It’s me. (hangs up) What's the deal? Seriously. you said that last night.DAY 61 Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it. you can’t say you didn’t see this coming.
You can do it! Be with her! It’s your destiny! (beat) Plus.. You have the spirit of a warrior. Scott slides to the floor. Look. Either way. I wasn’t trying to trick you or anything.. you have to fight for it. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. completely shocked at this bombshell. Step up your game. Scott picks up. B A F T A (CONTINUED) Lesbian? .INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: 61. Scott. Lesbians? Scott’s face falls. I need you to move out. I’m kind of banking on her calling you back so I won’t have to evict you and feel all guilty and shit. 61 Wallace cocks an eyebrow. SCOTT What? Why? Are you moving in with Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE Or someone. SCOTT WALLACE Okay. Scott and Wallace look at the phone. guy. A SEXY. then you have to let her know. Break out the L-word.S. VOICE (O. if she’s really the girl of your dreams. it’s “love”. WALLACE If you want something bad. RINGY RING. WALLACE I have a feeling that’s for you.) Hey Scott. NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES. SCOTT WALLACE The other L-word. SCOTT Why does everything have to be so complicated? Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT ...Envy? WALLACE Oh, shit. ENVY (O.S.) It’s been a long time. SCOTT Yeah. ENVY (O.S.) A year I think? SCOTT Approximately. ENVY (O.S.) How are you?
SCOTT I’m not doing so good right now. ENVY (O.S.) That’s too bad. Still breaking hearts?
ENVY (O.S.) Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend? Should I be jealous? SCOTT Yes, you should. I have this totally awesome girlfriend who calls me all the time. And she’s America. Uh. She’s American. ENVY (O.S.) What’s her name? SCOTT I’m not telling you that. Ramona. ENVY (O.S.) SCOTT What? Do you know her? ENVY (O.S.)
SCOTT What? No, stop. I’ve been-it’s been different. You have no idea.
INTEGRATED FINAL 61 CONTINUED: (3)
SCOTT It sounded like you did. ENVY (O.S.) I gotta go. Nice chatting with you. SCOTT WaitCLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him. WALLACE Okay. Everything does suck.
WALLACE Or does it?
Scott sits bolt upright, expectant. WALLACE Oh, hey Knives. Scott lays back down. FUCK.
Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.
Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background. A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62
Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid. He sees five ‘X’s looming above him on a pedestrian crossing and quickly diverts into an... 62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY Scott rips the ‘X-Men’ patch off his jacket, when62
Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head first. GLASS SMASHES. WALLACE (CONT’D) He just left.
KNIVES CHAU Is Scott here? WALLACE You know what?
WALLACE What’s that? You’re outside?
Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.
INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED:
WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around. SCOTT Dude. WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by. SCOTT Please.
62 SHFFF . A DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up lands on the ground with a thump. SHWAA . T SCOTT Listen. ALT #1: SCOTT What’s that from? ALT #2: B No. SCOTT Okay. can it wait till I’m in the right frame of mind? MYSTERY ATTACKER Nuh uh.SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. technically this is not a nightmare. but I just cashed my last raincheck.SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott. This is one nightmare you can’t wake up from. . Can we not do this right now? A (CONTINUED) MYSTERY ATTACKER You punched me in the boob. SCOTT I’m really not in the mood. darlin’. A MYSTERY ATTACKER (own voice) My brain! SCOTT Well whatever this is about.INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (2) 64. He’s pissed now. SCOTT Wait. I’ve had it today. Hits SOMETHING. Prepare to die. obviously. am I asleep right now? MYSTERY ATTACKER SCOTT So. F MYSTERY ATTACKER (dixieland accent) Love to postpone. She spins to face Scott. enough! Scott punches the air in front of him.
But you won’t see me. 62 MYSTERY ATTACKER Right. SCOTT It’s Scott. MYSTERY ATTACKER Don’t question me! Scott shakes his head. Scott is in his usual payphone. It’s everyone else that’s crazy. SCOTT Well.DAY F T 63 (CONTINUED) A . Whatever it is.) What did he do this time? SCOTT No.INTEGRATED FINAL 62 CONTINUED: (3) 64A. baffled.the Mystery Attacker vanishes. dialing Stacey frantically. SCOTT Oh man.S. it’s Scott. It’s actually me. Someone help me. BLOOR STREET . SCOTT What? Nevermind! MYSTERY ATTACKER PAF . then I’ll see you later.) What did you do this time? SCOTT I didn’t do anything. MYSTERY ATTACKER Okay little chicken. really not up for this. STACEY (O. Because I’ll be deadly serious next time. SCOTT So how can I not wake up? If I’m not actually asleep. (MORE) B A 63 EXT. Scott looks to the sky.S. STACEY (O. I’m really.
mouthing that she has to go. revealing herself to be JULIE! JULIE SCOTT PILGRIM! SCOTT AH! What did you do with my sister? Stacey taps on the window outside.INTEGRATED FINAL 63 CONTINUED: SCOTT (cont'd) Look I need to talk to you.CONTINUOUS 64 SCOTT Think I’ll make it a decaf today. I’m having a meltdown or whatever. something a fuckball like you wouldn't know anything about. Are you still working? 65. SCOTT Cool. And by the way. I can't believe you fucking asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to fucking do that! F T A Scott approaches the counter.) SCOTT How do you do that with your mouth? JULIE Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What do you have to say for yourself? SCOTT Uh. JULIE What can I fucking get you? (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK". Scott turns back to Julie. not happy. (CONTINUED) . Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into64 INT. a black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped. 63 STACEY (O. Stacey turns around.) I’m literally about to leave. Can I get a caramel macchiato? B A SCOTT Is there anywhere you don’t work? JULIE They’re called 'jobs'. I’m coming in. Stacey has her back turned.S. THE SECOND CUP .
I do that. RAMONA SCOTT I mean. Listen.. B Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop. I know it’s hard to be around me sometimes. SCOTT No.the singer from THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster. I’ll understand if you don’t want to hang anymore. FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS. RAMONA Sorry that got a little crazy last night. SCOTT Yeah. platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott. JULIE Fucking speaking of fucking which. The whole evil ex-boyfriend thing.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: 66. No. RAMONA Yeah. I hear the girl that kicked your heart in the ass is walking the streets of Toronto again. I know it's early days. They share an awkward moment. No biggie. but I don’t think anything can really get in the way of how I SHIT! F T Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into. SCOTT So I can pick up my coffee over here? RAMONA. You kind of disappeared. I want to hang.. (CONTINUED) A Exes. A ... "ENVY ADAMS. SCOTT Me? Wreak havoc? Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the counter with concert dates at the bottom. 64 JULIE Maybe it’s high fucking time you took a look in a mirror before you wreak havoc on another girl." The icy. 23. She looks at the floor.
I’m jealous.excuse me. . 64 SCOTT (CONT'D) It's my ex. ENVY Great. leaving Envy to fix on Scott. RAMONA I’m gonna. SCOTT That’s so not going to happen. We’re playing Lee’s Palace. F (CONTINUED) T A ENVY Your hair is getting shaggy. SCOTT Yeah. Ramona goes to order coffee. SCOTT Yeah? ENVY So. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona. so totally come. You’re so on the list. You left me for a guy I’ve never even seen... ENVY Okay. RAMONA The big one? Scott nods. You guys should like. That’s Ramona? SCOTT Yeah. I know. REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT. SCOTT You left me! For that cocky pretty boy! ENVY You’ve never even seen him.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (2) 67. ENVY Maybe you’ll see him soon. SCOTT YOU’RE jealous? B A ENVY I’m allowed.
that was Envy. you heard they were sleeping together I guess? SCOTT RAMONA I dated a Todd once. How. 65 SCOTT No. Having the past come back to haunt you. 64 Envy disappears into the cappucino mists.what did you guys talk about? A (CONTINUED) RAMONA So.DAY Scott and Ramona walk side by side. F T RAMONA So. sipping their coffees.. This guy Todd. Ramona returns. RAMONA And two weeks later.INTEGRATED FINAL 64 CONTINUED: (3) 68. 65 EXT. RAMONA Envy’s jealous? How about that? SCOTT Yeah. That. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET .. SCOTT She’s totally jealous of you. SCOTT Do you mind if we don’t get into that right now? (beat) She wanted to move to Montreal because she missed her best friend. SCOTT I can see how it sucks..that was Nat? .. RAMONA What happened with the two of you? B A Basically. That didn’t end well either. JULIE Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim! SCOTT (to Ramona) It’s pronounced “Scott”. About.
65 RAMONA Is it wrong that I try not to think about it? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: 68A.
Music swells. SCOTT Right. A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim. Mm. I will think of Envy Adams no more! 67 67 INT. B A Word. Just because Envy's back in town doesn't make it not over. 66 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 65 CONTINUED: (2) 69. Ramona stops and kisses him. OTHER SCOTT And you didn't bang her? Are you gay? SCOTT I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend. Move on. A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all. 66 Scott stands (no pants). Ramona lounges on the couch. Tricky. I’m not gonna let her toy with me. SCOTT Double negative. F WALLACE JIMMY T A (CONTINUED) . Scott and Young Neil. OTHER SCOTT It’s over. JIMMY Is that the Uma Thurman movie? WALLACE Scott.. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . 65 SCOTT What do you want to think about? RAMONA How warm my place is right now.NIGHT Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . From this moment on.DAY STEPHEN STILLS I have distressing news..
67 KIM PINE Is the news that we suck? Because I really don’t think I can take it. The Clash At Demonhead are doing a secret show tomorrow night. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . STEPHEN STILLS No. And Envy asked us to open for them.INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: 69A.
TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona. We need stalkers. Maybe you can put your history aside until we get through this thing. we’re all adults right? 68 KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants furiously into her cellphone. pressed against the window. 67 SCOTT I hate you. DRUG SMART . SCOTT What would you do? If your ex was in a band and they wanted you to open for them? 68 INT. CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face. RAMONA If my ex was in the band? SCOTT RAMONA It might be a little awkward. You know. We need to get some buzz going. STEPHEN STILLS A gig is a gig is a gig.EVENING B A Yeah. G-man might be there! We play the next round of the battle Saturday. Is a gig.KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE. For the band? SCOTT Can’t we do our own secret shows? Stills paces past the window to reveal. A KIM PINE All our shows are secret shows. KNIVES CHAU He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick! I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna disembowel him! F T STEPHEN STILLS We’re doing it.INTEGRATED FINAL 67 CONTINUED: (2) 70.. But maybe it’s the grown up thing to do. We need groundswell. SCOTT Yeah. .. for the band? For the band.
.EVENING 68B TAMARA We should rinse- TAMARA She's cool? I thought she was fat- Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair. B A Why? KNIVES CHAU Well she THINKS she's cool.EVENING Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara. KNIVES’ BEDROOM . TAMARA F KNIVES CHAU I mean.so good.INTEGRATED FINAL 71. eyes narrowing.I look so. this really burns. T KNIVES CHAU She's got a head start! I didn't even know there WAS good music until like two months ago! Okay. Obviously it's just a twist of fate or whatever. KNIVES CHAU It MUST be her fault. KNIVES’ BATHROOM . (CONTINUED) . Knives throws a long scarf on. A Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot. so he tried to find someone cool but old. KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Oh God... 68A INT. you know? TAMARA I think you mentioned she was fa- 68A 68B INT. KNIVES CHAU He only likes her cause she's old! She's probably like 25! She's just some fat-ass white girl. looking sexy. isn't it? Star crossed lovers! Born too late! Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA.. he knew I was cool but he thought I was too young. This is all her fault.
Did we suck? RAMONA I don’t know. We hear loud music blasting through the open doors. Bar. OMFG UR SO HOTT” 69 EXT. Did you? STEPHEN STILLS She has to go. Ramona excuses herself. Now. STEPHEN STILLS Thank you. PUSH into Knives. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage. 71 71 INT. drunk. STEPHEN STILLS We got some merch out the back. Tamara pops into frame. F T 70 INT. LEE’S PALACE . The other snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse. We were Sex Bob-Omb.LATER A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.Sold out’. Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer. LEE’S PALACE . LEE'S PALACE . so(to Scott and Kim) Okay. B A STEPHEN STILLS Level with me. But I know how to get him back. as she plots. The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly.CONTINUOUS A 70 .NIGHT 69 A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. A sign reads ‘THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD . TAMARA How? We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen: “YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES.INTEGRATED FINAL 68B CONTINUED: 72. She knows we suck. 68B KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D) Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
RAMONA Who is that girl again? STEPHEN STILLS Scottdatedher. 17..MOMENTS LATER 72 Ramona does her eyeliner. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.INTEGRATED FINAL 73. clothes and makeup. confused. Scott breaks into a cold sweat. 72 INT. Knives follows. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy. KNIVES CHAU Hey Ramona. LADIES BATHROOM .MOMENTS LATER Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair. Briefly.. KIM PINE I bet Young Neil will date her even briefly-er. Or is it. KNIVES CHAU Hey Scott. looking hot. "KNIVES CHAU. LEE'S PALACE . RAMONA What the hell? 73 INT. RAMONA Hey. LEE'S PALACE. She looks in the mirror to see two images of herself staring back. F T . A 73 (CONTINUED) Ramona exits. Knives heads into Young Neil’s arms at the other end of the bar. SCOTT Briefly. SCOTT What the hell? B A KIM PINE Look who Knives is hanging with. standing next to Ramona.
Pee time. 75 INT. He’s alone.MOMENTS LATER T A 74 INT. B Todd flips his fringe from his eyes.MOMENTS LATER 74 75 A freaked out Scott returns to the group. "TODD INGRAM. one with fringed hair and a wicked glare! Scott whips around. I gotta pee. EVIL-EX #3. FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN" SCOTT Oh no. striking ROCK GOD figure. MENS BATHROOM .. You know? Oh yeah. Envy lets her coat slip off. Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring back. SCOTT That guy on bass? That’s Todd..” and “Who. (turns beet red) I mean. SPOOKY MUSIC begins. Stares at Scott. The BASS PLAYER steps into the light. Oh yeah. he cuts a handsome. revealing a stunning figure. no longer shrouded in dry ice.” The wheel sticks between “I gotta pee. RAMONA ENVY SCOTT ENVY F THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize. The lights dim and the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.. A I know.. 25. (sing songy) Peee time. LEE’S PALACE. her?” SCOTT I gotta pee on her..INTEGRATED FINAL 73 CONTINUED: 74. with selections such as “It was nothing” and “She was nobody. LEE’S PALACE . 73 RAMONA How old is she? A “WHEEL OF FORTUNE” spins INSIDE SCOTT’S HEAD. ENVY in a long black coat. Knives screams her teen brains out. (CONTINUED) ..
INTEGRATED FINAL 75 CONTINUED: 74A. Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 75 ENVY OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! 76 INT.LATER 76 Sex Bob-Omb. LEE'S PALACE .
Knives makes a face that looks like this: 77 >:O !!!! 77 INT.INTEGRATED FINAL 76 CONTINUED: 75. YOUNG NEIL Scottdatedher. Julie opens the backstage door and huffs. Scott hangs his head like a condemned man. TODD INGRAM Hey Ramona. 76 KNIVES CHAU Oh my God. A F KNIVES CHAU How do you know Envy??? T A (CONTINUED) ..NIGHT SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. RAMONA Mmm hmm. Everyone else feels. Envy. YOUNG NEIL Man.. B Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. TODD INGRAM Been a while. but Envy Adams would like all of you to come backstage. Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them. TODD INGRAM Mmm hmm. SCOTT I think I’m going to throw up. RAMONA Hey Todd. Oh. SCOTT All of us? JULIE Did I fucking stutter? The group shuffles backstage.“AWKWARD”. They’re so much better live. JULIE I can't believe I'm even saying this. Envy burns a hole through Scott. Just oh my God. you have to see them live. LEE’S PALACE. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA .
KNIVES CHAU Um. Todd and Julie glare at Knives. ENVY Just saying.Envy? I read your blog.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: 76. JULIE Ramona lived in New York. Did you get those jeans in New York.. ENVY So. you know? You suit each other. ENVY I was just there.. She’s got a write-up in Spin! KNIVES CHAU You’re my role model Envy. We played the Chaos Theatre for Gideon.Scott and Ramona eh? RAMONA What of it? ENVY You guys are a cute couple. right? (CONTINUED) F STEPHEN STILLS So what’s your ulterior motive Envy. You know him. JULIE How was the tour? You played with The Pixies? You’re a superstar now! ENVY It’s-yeah. Stephen.. 77 RAMONA (whispers to Scott) I think we should get out of here. they’reENVY I’m talking to Ramona right now. B A JULIE She doesn’t need ulterior motives. Envy. cute couple. Affordable? JULIE I was going to say. it’s not something I can really put into words. I like your outfit Ramona.. in general? T A .
..INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (2) 76A. She is about to answer when. 77 Scott looks at Ramona. POINTS at Envy and SCREAMSKNIVES CHAU I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU! B A (CONTINUED) F T A .Knives stands up.
.. 77 Envy nods at Todd. JULIE So. SCOTT KK.. FACING OFF against Todd Ingram.. Scott’s face is a bright shade of rage. Todd’s hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG! Scott jumps to his feet. SCOTT Knives!? Young Neil rushes to Knives’ aid.yy. Todd smirks. Out.your hair. B A F T A (CONTINUED) .. grasping his neck. TODD INGRAM I don’t know the meaning of the word. choking. YOUNG NEIL He punched the highlights. you cocky cock! YOU’LL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd. Her. I’m not afraid to hit a girl. Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN THE AIR. Todd sits back down like nothing happened. TODD INGRAM That’s right.. YOUNG NEIL You punched the highlights out of her hair! ANGLE on Knives. ENVY Didn’t you know? Todd’s Vegan. Scott hovers.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (3) 77. ENVY You’re incorrigible. Young Neil escorts Knives out. are you guys doing anything fun while you're in town? TODD INGRAM Fun? In Toronto? SCOTT That is IT. Her hair is black and plain as before.my neck. TODD INGRAM It’s not a big deal. I’m a rock star. Scott boils.. Hair. Of..
TODD INGRAM Bingo. TODD INGRAM Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe. Scott sails out of shot and into space. would you pretend I just got wet from the rain? B A STEPHEN STILLS Hey man. how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers? TODD INGRAM You know how you only use ten percent of your brain? Well. T ENVY Short answer: Being vegan just makes you better than most people.. While the others bicker. A (CONTINUED) . despite being in a lot of pain.. Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. I always wondered. He tries to keep cool. He moans in pain. SCOTT No kidding. to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. Ramona helps Scott to his feet. question. maybe I’d listen to a word you’re saying.vegan. SCOTT If I peed my pants. if you knew the science. SCOTT Ovo what? TODD INGRAM I partake not in the meat nor breastmilk or ovum of any creature that has a face.. it’s because the other 90% is filled up with curds and whey..anyone can be. F Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into the air. 77 Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club’s wall! Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in the wall.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (4) 78. KIM PINE Did you learn that at Vegan Academy? TODD INGRAM Go ahead and get snippy baby.
INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (5) 78A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 77 RAMONA It’s not raining.
INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (6) 79. scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona. A (CONTINUED) .. RAMONA (V. Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. RAMONA (V.O. I’ve dabbled with being a bitch. RAMONA Look. It’s part of the reason I moved here. I guess that’s not very nice. B A F T Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making out with Young Todd. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.like that.O. How about you give me the Cliff Notes on how and why you ended up dating this a-hole? RAMONA Is that really important right now? SCOTT If there’s a key element in his backstory that can help me out in a critical moment of not dying? Yes. RAMONA (V. 77 SCOTT Oh. Does that help you at all? The FLASHBACK ends. We wrecked stuff. It’s pretty crazy. so I dumped him. but I used to be kind of. SCOTT Have you dumped everyone you’ve ever been with? You’ve never been the dumpee? Ramona shrugs. It was pretty crazy. RAMONA (V.) A week and a half later.) I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by.O.) He punched a hole in the moon for me. Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. Nobody cares.O.. he told me his Dad was sending him to the Vegan Academy. Nobody cared. I was really hoping to put it all behind me. A brief.) We hated everyone.
I and he! Scott stands up .dislike you. SCOTT He and me.. B A SCOTT Sorry. you can’t win this fight and you’ll have to give up on this girl.. so.nice! F Um... Capiche? Understand? (CONTINUED) . Stills calls through the hole.. SCOTT TODD INGRAM Because I’ll be pulverizing you in two seconds. She dusts. SCOTT You used to be so. T SCOTT A SCOTT I. We hear a distant CRUMP.. Right? ENVY Basically.Monday.cleans up.. ‘cos Todd is going to kill you. 77 Todd appears behind Ramona . STEPHEN STILLS Uh.. Scott CHARGES at Todd.. And the cleaning lady... TODD INGRAM We have unfinished business.sort of ready for another round.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (7) 80. who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the club. so what’s on Monday? TODD INGRAM Cos it’s Friday now and she has weekends off. TODD INGRAM Don’t you talk to me about grammar! TODD INGRAM Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. call us when you’re done. we’re going to Pizza Pizza for a slice. What? TODD INGRAM Because you’ll be dust by Monday.ready for another round.dust..
he’ll be done real soon. 77 ENVY Oh.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (8) 80A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
holding a cup of MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering. F SCOTT The reverb is hurting my soul!!! T A SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and bottles. 79 (CONTINUED) . Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall. SCOTT What say we drink to my memory? Fair trade blend with soymilk? B 79 INT. RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA. Envy grins at Ramona. cringing. Crummy way to end things. LEE'S PALACE . picking the hell out of his bass.INTEGRATED FINAL 77 CONTINUED: (9) 81. Todd floats toward him. Todd calls to a roadie. Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS Scott right through the stage wall. 77 Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Todd LEVITATES. the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through the walls. Scott turns around on his knees. fauxhawk rising. LEE’S PALACE. I actually know how to play bass. savoring the kill. TODD INGRAM I can read your thoughts. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING! Todd easily out-basses Scott. shredding him into oblivion. amp pegged to 10. Vegan Style! Todd lands in front of Scott. TODD INGRAM You’re going down. baby. You’re through. wicked. 78 INT. Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Pilgrim.CONTINUOUS A TODD INGRAM That’s right. Suddenly. He hovers next to him. TODD INGRAM Get me my bass. floating towards Scott with his bass. Your bass hand is badly injured. The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.CONTINUOUS 78 TODD INGRAM levitates. I know. ENVY Sorry. Envy appears beside him with a smirk. The good one.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . but that's pathetic.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: 81A. 79 ENVY I’m sorry.
7:30 p. TODD INGRAM But this is a first offense! Don’t I get three strikes? F VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Todd Ingram. imbibement of Half & Half! T TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL. tool. 79 TODD INGRAM Dude. making two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons. takes one of the cups and drinks. I poured soy in this cup. (CONTINUED) B A TODD INGRAM That’s bullroar! VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 No vegan diet. no vegan powers. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 On April 4th. you’re under arrest for veganity violation code number 827. in my mind's eye or whatever.m. You know. you partook a plate of Chicken Parmesan. but thought real hard about pouring it in that one. TODD INGRAM Gelato isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 Milk and eggs.. on February 1st. VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS Freeze! Vegan Police! Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book. I'll take the one with soy. TODD INGRAM What are you talking about? SCOTT You just drank Half & Half. you knowingly ingested Gelato. SCOTT Actually. Todd floats to the ground. bitch. A .m. Thanks. I can see in your mind's eye that you poured Half & Half into one of these coffees in an attempt to make me break vegan edge. VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2 At 12:27 a.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (2) 82.
. shooting Envy a look on the way out. ENVY No one calls me that anymore. ENVY Sorry? You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst. TODD INGRAM Chicken isn’t vegan? VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1 The deveganizing ray! Hit him. TODD INGRAM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SCOTT You once were a vegone. A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall. So I guess we’re even. The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their finger guns. Envy stares. RAMONA Crummy way to end things. Now let’s get out of here.. sorry I guess. 79 Envy gasps. F SCOTT Uh. T TODD INGRAM A Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line. jaw ajar. (CONTINUED) . Envy blinks. disgusted. SCOTT Maybe they should. I know. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (3) 83. in shock. Ramona follows. Natalie. but now you will be gone! Vegone? Scott HEADBUTTS TODD. exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts himself off as COINS rain down. Julie pops into shot. B A SCOTT You kicked my heart in the ass.
I think a third of the band just went “poom”. Ramona and Scott. KIM PINE Then why would we. you down? B A F T Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead. Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices. on the fringes.. A (CONTINUED) . ENVY Shut the fuck up. I hate that bitch so much I kind of love her. STEPHEN STILLS Neil. I liked him. 79 JULIE For the record. PIZZA PIZZA . 80 OTHER SCOTT Yeah. STEPHEN STILLS We’re still going to the after show right? KIM PINE I’m not sure it’s gonna be much of a party.oh. STEPHEN STILLS Cool bands never go to their own after parties.NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb. RAMONA You sure about that? SCOTT Do I look like I’m not okay? Scott does not look okay. I am so pissed off for you right now. That Todd guy was cool too. RAMONA Are you okay? SCOTT Uh huh. It’s just the desperate people trying to rub elbows with label guys. Julie. It’s an odd mood. 80 INT. And hot. WALLACE Envy Adams..INTEGRATED FINAL 79 CONTINUED: (4) 84. Stills coughs.
so.INTEGRATED FINAL 80 CONTINUED: 85. AFTER PARTY . Scott takes another bite. Hey. RAMONA I’ll do whatever you want to do. WALLACE I mean. 80 Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Scott? You’re in right? RAMONA Do you want to go? SCOTT I kind of almost died back there. OTHER SCOTT WALLACE OTHER SCOTT 81 The whole gang trudge to the after party. Other Scott whispers to Wallace. B 81 EXT.NIGHT A Oh. RAMONA We really don’t have to go to this thing.. we can totally go. Scott limps a bit. Ooh. not with fists. F OTHER SCOTT T SCOTT A (CONTINUED) SCOTT . It’ll probably be a bad scene all around and we’ve already had a full night. OTHER SCOTT Are Scott and Ramona fighting? WALLACE Not to my knowledge. He shrugs. Oh. lagging behind. So let’s go. RAMONA I’m not saying I want to go. Ramona falls back with him.. Yet.
81 SCOTT No. It’s justRAMONA It’s just. I’m fine. I’m fine..? B A (CONTINUED) F T A ..INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: 85A.
INTEGRATED FINAL 81 CONTINUED: (2)
SCOTT Well, not that fighting harder and harder battles for your love is getting old or anything...but have you ever dated someone who wasn’t a total ass? RAMONA So far you’re not a total ass. SCOTT But I’m part ass?
SCOTT Wait...is that good?
SCOTT But not...later?
SCOTT Yeah, I’d just like to live. Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE. 82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS RAMONA Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But are you saying Envy wasn’t? We all have baggage. SCOTT My baggage doesn’t try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to your ex-boyfriends to make them so insane? RAMONA Exes. SCOTT Whatever82
RAMONA Scott, I don’t have all the answers. I’d just like to live in the moment if I can.
RAMONA It’s what I need right now.
RAMONA If it makes you feel better, you’re the nicest guy I’ve dated.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED:
RAMONA No break up is painless. Someone always gets hurt. What about you and that girl Knives? SCOTT Knives? RAMONA Who broke up with who? SCOTT I believe...I broke up with her.
SCOTT Knives is with Young Neil now, she’s totally cool with it.
They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly. RAMONA You sure about that?
We hear an offscreen distant ‘nooooo’ from Knives.
They pass Kim. She’s also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.
RAMONA And what about you and Kim?
SCOTT Me and Kim? I can barely remember. Why, is it important? RAMONA Hey, you want to know everything about my past, dude. SCOTT It was just...yeah. I don’t know. It was high school. She had freckles. It was cool, I guess. RAMONA SCOTT Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
SCOTT Yeah. She’s very mature for her age. It was a very healthy break up. We’re all peaches and gravy.
RAMONA And was she cool with that?
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (2)
Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party. RAMONA That’s really the whole story? SCOTT OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get with her! I fought a crazy eighty foot tall purple suited dude! And I had to fight 96 guys to get to him, too! He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes! He was totally awesome and I kicked him so far he saw the curvature of the earth! Does that make you feel any better? RAMONA Well now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.
SCOTT Sorry. I’m not usually like this.
PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the head, sending him flying across the dance floor. Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER! SCOTT (CONT’D) Girl from earlier? RAMONA Roxy? Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle. SCOTT You know this girl?
SCOTT I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing is really messing with my head. RAMONA
SCOTT Why do you keep saying-
RAMONA Hey, don’t worry. I don’t know what I’m like anymore.
In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection: fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.
ROXY It meant nothing??? RAMONA I was just a little bi-curious. ‘cos I’m about to kick yours out of the Great White North. The League hath spoken. B A ROXY Well honey. does she know me.. ROXY Just a phase? SCOTT You had a sexy phase? RAMONA I didn’t think it would count! It meant nothing. If Gideon can’t have you. ROXY Back off hasbian.. I’m a little bi-furious! RAMONA Do that again and I will end you. 82 ROXY Oh boy. 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (3) 89.. 23.talking about? ROXY He really doesn’t know? SCOTT (ping!) You and her?! “ROXY RICHTER. Roxy flips out of the hold.. clearing the busy dance floor. SCOTT What. F T A (CONTINUED) .. The girls square off. RAMONA Then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here. no one can..is. Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott’s face.” RAMONA It was just a phase. Ramona CATCHES her foot mid-air.she.
ROXY Give it a rest. She BLOCKS with the hammer. RAMONA Believe it. An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window. leaving a dent in it. RAMONA! T A Uh huh? . The belt wraps around it. He’s a creep. It smashes a speaker. Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy’s deadly belt SAILING towards her. F WALLACE Oh yeah. LEAPING towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. With blinding speed. you slag. Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES into a DISCO BALL. Roxy REELS and SLAMS into the wall. Sound on one side of the room cuts out. you’re a bitch and you all deserve each other. 82 ROXY You unbelievable bitch. SCOTT Wallace? WALLACE SCOTT This is happening right? WALLACE SCOTT I mean. KICK HER IN THE BALLS. PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. RAMONA I’d rather be dead than go back. This is a League game. Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture. this is live? Uh huh. (CONTINUED) B A ROXY I’m sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (4) 90. Ramona. RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.
ROXY Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists. 82 RAMONA Meaning? Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (5) 90A. Or possibly feet.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (6) 91. ROXY (CONT’D) Your B. throbbing with orgasmic meltdown. Roxy then KICKS Scott into the ceiling.. She staggers. A spent Scott is left standing in the middle of the room. kicking them apart with the splits. RAMONA You don’t have a choice. She grins at Ramona.never. preparing to drop her boot of DEATH on Scott’s head. Roxy falls.. lazy ass! ROXY (CONT’D) Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey. RAMONA Whenever we were making out... still in the splits. He lands HARD on the floor. winces. ISCOTT F T A PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona. .be able to do this to herrrrrrrrrrr! Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. They’re soft. Roxy lifts her leg over her head. GRAPHIC: “TICKLE TICKLE!” ROXY Oh..F’s about to get F’d in the B! RAMONA Her weak point’s the back of her knees! SCOTT What? How does that work? As Roxy’s leg descends. ROXY Fight your own battles. Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES with deadly intent. 82 SCOTT I’m not sure I can hit a girl.. Scott reaches up with one finger and lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy’s knee. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. ROXY (CONT’D) You’ll. (CONTINUED) B A Okay. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms. Some sooner than others.
People text furiously and point fingers at Scott. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (7) 91A. 82 The party starts up again. a wave of gossip spreading around the room.
Ramona tries to lighten things. RAMONA I thought you didn’t drink. She touches her hair. SCOTT Just out of sheer curiosity and concern for my mortal well-being. Ramona follows tentatively. Looks hurt. like a handy little laminate or something? Let me see if I can find one. The gossip echoes around them. is there anyone at this party you haven’t slept with? EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY HEY! Ramona stops. RAMONA Sooooo. 82 Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Scott has already downed his second drink. SCOTT As in ‘get out of here’? Or as in ‘split split’? B A RAMONA Oh. (looks through bag) Maybe we could exchange our information... RAMONA I really think we should split. Why? Did you want one? Scott swigs down his drink. F SCOTT Maybe you could just give me a list of all your exes so at least I know who’s going to beat my ass into the ground next. SCOTT Two gin and tonics please. T A (CONTINUED) .INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (8) 92. RAMONA I guess we really don’t know that much about each other do we? Scott seems immediately drunk. SCOTT Only on special occasions.
INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (9) 92A. 82 RAMONA I’d hope you could figure that out. Or did you miss the part where I saved your ass? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the room. You.” 83 INT. F RAMONA (CONT’D) And yes. Ramona exits proper. Scott’s friends gather round in a pity party.S. SCOTT Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins? STEPHEN STILLS You don’t know? 83 Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS. handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST. STEPHEN STILLS They’re the next band in the battle and they are badass. T RAMONA You’re just another evil exboyfriend waiting to happen. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE . INGRAM. 82 SCOTT How could I not? I feel like we just washed our sexy laundry in public. RICHTER. KATAYANAGI TWINS. It reads“PATEL. Ramona leaves. RAMONA (CONT’D) P. identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops. GIDEON. RAMONA Well I’m sorry I cared. Scott looks at the list. SCOTT (holds up 2 fingers) I’ve had like one drink.Ramona returns. Here’s your stupid list. A (CONTINUED) .. I don’t enjoy all this Scott. I thought you might be more understanding. SCOTT I just- Ramona walks off and loudly announces. In fact I’m sick of it. LEE.INTEGRATED FINAL 82 CONTINUED: (10) 93. RAMONA Dirty laundry.NIGHT B A But then . You’re drunk.. there is someone at this party I haven’t slept with.
INTEGRATED FINAL 83 CONTINUED:
We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona. KIM PINE Ramona dated twins? SCOTT Apparently. YOUNG NEIL At the same time? SCOTT You know what? I don’t know and I don’t want to know. STEPHEN STILLS Good. You know how I feel about girls cockblocking the rock.
STEPHEN STILLS If it’s gonna be an issue though, Young Neil can fill in for you.
EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. We’re doomed. YOUNG NEIL Oh...
STEPHEN STILLS Well, we’d understand if you didn’t want to take part. SCOTT Not only do I want to take part. I want to take them apart. STEPHEN STILLS Okay. I’m getting tingles. YOUNG NEIL 84
SCOTT It’s not an issue. You know bands, I know battles. We got it covered.
SCOTT Good. I play better in a bad mood.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED:
Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue; “T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!” KIM PINE That flyer needs more exclamation marks.
INTEGRATED FINAL 84 CONTINUED: (2)
STEPHEN STILLS Oh, we are going to get killed. YOUNG NEIL Come on. You’re onstage in five. SCOTT Aren’t the Katamaris or whatever on first? YOUNG NEIL I think you’re both on first?
SCOTT That’s impossible85
Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB, with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them. SCOTT Okay. My bad.
KIM PINE Your bad is saying my bad. Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS. STEPHEN STILLS We shouldn’t even be here. We shouldn’t even be here.
Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back. SCOTT Come on man! I put aside my problems for the music. If I can do that, we can do anything. KIM PINE Did you speak to Ramona then? SCOTT What? No. I haven’t seen her since the other night.
INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT
STEPHEN STILLS Wait...amp versus amp? We’re going on stage at the same time?
She’s totally here. 85 KIM PINE Oh. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: 95A.
.THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear. leaving a huge hole in the roof. KYLE KATAYANAGI. She is totally there. Scott screams! A Scott? Scott! Right. He looks back to the crowd to find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him.S.but you should talk to her before she’s gone. (CONTINUED) . Scott. SCOTT Thanks KiKIM PINE Scott nods at Kim’s advice. They are chatting.. B Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard. KEN KATAYANAGI. It’s so loud that it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the ceiling. She looks happy. F KIM PINE STEPHEN STILLS T A And I really don’t care. blasting an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. is very serious and Japanese. AUDIENCE DUDE (O. Her hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN... Scott turns bleak again. An earth shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb.. STEPHEN STILLS Okay gang. 85 Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. 23... Scott and Stills get into battle position. is serious and very Japanese. SNOW falls onto the stage. Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look. A wall of FEEDBACK builds. The crowd cheers. Can we do this? I mean. KIM PINE Scott? Not that I care. 23. Right? KIM PINE Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.) They brought the house down.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (2) 96. and she stands next to a nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses. sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands. we can do this.. Now an open air venue. ThenDisorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.
slinking on perfect beat with the Katayanagis’ spooky music.is here? Where? SCOTT That’s Gideon? Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI! The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb. 37. who smirks and whispers in Ramona’s ear. Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments. They share a nod. Sex Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE: B Kim. We screwed the pooch in front of Gideon Graves. Kyle looks at Ken. ASSHOLE. The crowd slowly stops clapping as Scott pulls Stills to his feet. We’re done. then helps Kim up. For once. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (3) 97.. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! A Scott’s eyes reflect Ramona’s hair and turn GREEN. SCOTT Gideon.. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers. comes in heavy on the kick drum. The Yeti brings it’s fists down on The Dragon. fighting in time to the music! Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce PUNCHES. T A (CONTINUED) . Ken turns their amps up to the Japanese character for “11”. Their waveforms transform the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON! Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. inspired by Scott’s new hardcore attitude. This is GIDEON GRAVES. SCOTT Alright. STEPHEN STILLS Let’s break up now and get it over with. The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage. Scott. 85 SCOTT WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4! Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT. Let’s do this! F Stills points to the “Mystery Geek”. their sound blowing a mass of snow towards the Katayanagis. He struggles to his feet. they sound awesome.
EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS. eyes narrowing.NIGHT 86 Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue. 85 The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi Twins. 86 EXT. different. A (CONTINUED) STEPHEN STILLS Scott. I’m not even stalking you.INTEGRATED FINAL 85 CONTINUED: (4) 98. Knives’s unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause. “+999 ROCKING” KIM PINE That.was epic. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil. What are you doing? . THE NINTH CIRCLE . RAMONA Yeah. Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd. SCOTT Ramona.... KNIVES CHAU I just came to see the show. F T Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the stillapplauding crowd.. Scott suddenly spots a flash of GREEN HAIR exiting the building. I have something I need to tell you. I have something to- A Knives shrugs.. KNIVES CHAU I feel like I know stuff now. The crowd goes bazooky. but she and Gideon are gone. B Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott follows. SCOTT Getting a life. hovering next to Scott. SCOTT Ramona. He can’t find Ramona.. SCOTT You seem. different. Knives watches him go. but comes upon KNIVES standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.
INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: 98A. I know you just play mysterious and aloof to avoid getting hurt. I don’t care about any of that stuff. I know you have reasons for not wanting to talk about your past. Why? Because I’m in lesbians with you. And I want you to know. Listen. . RAMONA What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A SCOTT I really. 86 SCOTT (rushed) Great. really mean it.
F SCOTT GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in tow. GIDEON GRAVES You know... Scottie. SCOTT What did you want to tell me? RAMONA That we have to break up. T RAMONA It’s Gideon. Scott glowers. is I’m officially loving the Sex Bombs... GIDEON GRAVES The good news.I can’t help myself around him. B A Bob-omb. I’m signing you right now for a three album deal. 86 RAMONA Oh. TEXT: An arrow points to Stills’ crotch. Ramona looks at the floor. Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.it's not going to work out.. SCOTT A sleek black ‘61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind. Stills is ga-ga. captioned “PEE”. The Lincoln parks. Oh okay. VOICE (O. A driver opens the passenger door. I just. What? SCOTT RAMONA Yeah.S.. Okay. GIDEON GRAVES Three piece rock outfit with a semiattractive female drummer? Music to my earholes.) That’s the bad news. I’m not even going to wait to see how you guys do in the final.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (2) 99. A (CONTINUED) . GIDEON GRAVES See? I’m not such a bad guy after all.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A .INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (3) 99A. 86 Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.
Don’t let what’s past screw up your future. keep your emotions in check. the whole League of Evil Exes thing? I was in a dark place when I put that together. Scott. GIDEON GRAVES Scottie. SCOTT Nuh-uh. A cough. GIDEON Oh and Scott. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder. SCOTT Then you’re going to need to find someone else to play bass. she wouldn’t be back with me. if it wasn’t for me. Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. but if it wasn’t for you. Stills has picked up the contract and is furiously signing it using Scott’s back. GIDEON Looks like we’re all set. So I guess it all shakes out. A meek Young Neil slides into view. A . buddy. before trying to hand it back to Scott. Forgiven? Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex Bob-Omb drift away. Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln. He slaps his headSCOTT I said ‘lesbians’! B A Young Neil signs the contract. 86 SCOTT You think we’re gonna sell our souls to you? Well then guessWe hear SCRIBBLING. I mean. we should really be thanking each other.INTEGRATED FINAL 86 CONTINUED: (4) 100. Kim shrugs and signs it too. bass in hand. I can’t be part of the band with this douche-in-charge. Scott stands alone. She rolls the mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection. F T STEPHEN STILLS The people need to hear us. can I just say. There are hand shakes all round. you would have never been with Ramona. GIDEON And hey.
Scott tries desperately to think positive. 87 INT. Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon’s car...... THE BUS / GIDEON’S LINCOLN .. thinking about Ramona. A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...INTEGRATED FINAL 100A.NIGHT Scott sits on the bus alone. 87 B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
SCOTT Aaah! WALLACE (O.. 88 B A STACEY Oh. staring straight ahead. STACEY Time heals all wounds. A88 Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.. “OH GOD WHY” A88 EXT.S.S. F T A STACEY (O.. Gets a shock. “THONK”.) TURN OFF THE LIGHT! Scott flicks the light off. SCOTT Seven. gives Scott a hug. Scott looks at the camera. did you really see a future with this girl? SCOTT Like.NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT Scott sits on the swings. Night turns to day. Day turns to night. THE PARK . 88 INT. 87 Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head on a telephone pole.INTEGRATED FINAL 87 CONTINUED: 101.) Was she really the one? (CONTINUED) . Well that’s not so bad..NIGHT Scott enters.with jetpacks? Stacey stands to go. Maybe next time let’s not date the girl with eleven evil exboyfriends. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . Over PITCH BLACK. SCOTT The wha? STACEY I mean. Stacey heads off. Scott remains in the exact same position. little brother. Flicks the light on.
WALLACE Ah. T . WALLACE I may need it the rest of the week too. F SCOTT WALLACE Scott. it’s probably just because he’s better than you. SCOTT She’s with Gideon. Right. Scott sits in the chair. I get it. SCOTT WALLACE Maybe you can move in with Ramona.S. VOICE (O. SCOTT And the year.S. and I apologize for that.) It’s Chris.) Sorry. WALLACE (O.INTEGRATED FINAL 88 CONTINUED: 102. 88 WALLACE (O. wrapped in a blanket. Wallace hands Scott cocoa. For sex. 89 INT.S. A Right. That sucks.S. SOME GUY lies in Scott’s usual futon spot (wearing Wallace’s monogrammed robe).) Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or someone? WALLACE (O. SCOTT (O.LATER A 89 (CONTINUED) VOICE (O. But you know.) It’s Chris. But I need my own bed tonight.) Or someone. you know I love you. B Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.S) Presumably you just saw someone’s junk.S. WALLACE'S APARTMENT .
89 Scott nods. Scott nods.INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: 102A. WALLACE He’ll certainly have better hair. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
91 (CONTINUED) . Some guy picks up. I got you muffs and blinkers in case this might happen. He calls off. 89 WALLACE Either way. F GIDEON GRAVES (O. I just spilled cocoa on my crotch. I think this fight is over. I don’t want any hard feelings. B 91 GIDEON GRAVES I don't know.S. SCOTT (takes phone) Hello? 90 INT. GIDEON'S LAIR . WALLACE'S APARTMENT . SCOTT (O. it’s gonna be alright.) Yeah. INT.CONTINUOUS A SCOTT Is Ramona with you? 90 Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask. WALLACE You can sleep on the floor until you get somewhere else to stay. Scott nods.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! GIDEON GRAVES Geez buddy.S. SOME GUY It’s for Scott. pal. SCOTT RINGY RING. T A Thanks. Just wanted to say I feel terrible about earlier. so I figured why not be the bigger man and give you a call. Are you with me? RAMONA (O.S. Scott stares at the phone.INTEGRATED FINAL 89 CONTINUED: (2) 103.CONTINUOUS SCOTT No.) Hey.
and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren’t there. 91 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S) Sure you did. amigo. F SCOTT WALLACE (O. Finish him.S. GIDEON GRAVES Okay laters.S. STREETS OF TORONTO . 92 EXT. Well as you know. SCOTT Mm. What do you say? . alarmed. Click.INTEGRATED FINAL 91 CONTINUED: 104. HIPSTER KID T A GIDEON GRAVES (O. HIPSTER KID Cool. B Password? Scott shrugs. I’m opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto and The Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight. The Hipster Kid waves Scott in. I don’t want anymore bad blood between ex’s. leaning against a warehouse wall.) I hope so. A lone HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette. SCOTT (grim) Yeah. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless. Maybe I’ll see you there.NIGHT A WALLACE Forget what I said earlier. Whatever. They just did a sound check and the acoustics in here are amazing. 92 Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water.) What a perfect asshole. Scott turns.
HIPSTER KID Second password? Scott gives the slightest shrug. So far so good. Scott follows the sound of music to a GATED ELEVATOR. HIPSTER KID Cool.NIGHT 93 The warehouse is empty. B A F T A . 93 INT. Scott steps into the elevator. WAREHOUSE .INTEGRATED FINAL 104A. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.
STEPHEN STILLS Well. SCOTT What if I have a beef. COMEAU holds court among them. now using SWEET BRAND amps.) Scott Pilgrim! F SCOTT What if I want the satisfaction? T Scott pauses. GIDEON GRAVES I got no beef with you. wearing identical outfits. SEX BOB-OMB are playing onstage. COMEAU Yeah. All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate snobbery.with you? B A GIDEON GRAVES (O. looking up at his former bandmates. YOUNG NEIL on bass. Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID.. 94 INT.. They are legion. Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR! SCOTT I’m not here to drink. Don’t give him the satisfaction. welcome to the Chaos Theatre. their first album is so much better than their first album. skinny jeans. Ramona kneels at his side. then you’re doomed.. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! STEPHEN STILLS (CONT’D) Let it go..the CHAOS THEATRE. Somebody get this man a drink! Coke Zero right? A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.INTEGRATED FINAL 105. CHAOS THEATRE .S. (CONTINUED) .CONTINUOUS 94 Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT. A Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. Chuck Taylors. GIDEON GRAVES Hey buddy. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.
. Gideon loses his cool. Ramona looks away from Scott. I’m in love with her. GIDEON GRAVES I think this deserves a song. Gideon puts his arm around Ramona. He reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest.. Kimberly? B A Was that not clear? F GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? T A SCOTT I’ll show you how ancient of history it is. Gideon stands up. GIDEON GRAVES No use crying over spilt Coke. The lady made her choice and we’re all gonna have to move on. SCOTT Was that not clear? (to Sex Bob-Omb) Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Scott gets into a fighting stance. (CONTINUED) .O.buddy.. SCOTT Well I ain’t moving. A new power comes over Scott.. flexes. whatever. Ramona and Scott lock eyes. League.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: 106. It’s ancient history. GIDEON GRAVES Now why on earth do you want to do that? SCOTT Because. buddy. 94 GIDEON GRAVES Are you still mad about that whole thing with the Guild? SCOTT You mean “The League”? GIDEON Guild.) Scott earned the power of love. NARRATOR (V. Gideon smiles.
S.Gideon descends like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott’s hands. rolling to a stop... both concerned and amazed. FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC” B A F T Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle. (CONTINUED) . A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM. and sell out and stuff. He slashes at them to the beat.. She quickly recovers and POINTS a furious finger.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (2) 107. Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. 94 Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before grudgingly launching into a number. 18 YEARS OLD. to administer a final blow. And fast entrance into HELLLLLLL. My cane. GIDEON GRAVES That is priceless. Scott hits the ground HARD. Kim clicks out a fast tempo.) SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!! KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of Gideon’s hands. then I shall grant you a swift exit from the premises. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona. Gideon approaches. Then from above. tripping and falling down the side of the pyramid. SCOTT Your club sucks.. A Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon. “KNIVES CHAU. Scott looks to Knives. exploding each attacker into COINS. Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other. GIDEON If my cathedral of cutting edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities. ON BEAT. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT. She lands awkwardly. by the way. we are here to make money. Gideon raises his sword. Gideon chuckles. KNIVES CHAU (O. He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there. KIM PINE We are Sex Bob-Omb.
B A F Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights defensively. sending him flying off the edge of the pyramid. Kung Pao Chicken. I didn’t steal anyone. RAMONA What? KNIVES CHAU YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN! Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona! RAMONA You’re kidding right? GIDEON You can’t say I don’t know how to put on a show. RAMONA I don’t know what you’re talking about. But did he listen? Did he fKNIVES CHAU I’m not talking to you. KUNG FU STYLE. redirecting Knives’ parries without harming her.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (3) 108. Scott lands a KICK to Gideon’s chest. GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives to Ramona and spins her away. DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other. distracted by his duelling exes. He can barely block Gideon’s tremendous blows. throwing blocks and punches. I’m talking to HER! Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon. your old old boyfriend brought this all on himself. T A (CONTINUED) . 94 KNIVES CHAU You’ll pay for what you did to him! GIDEON GRAVES Listen. separating them. RAMONA What the hell is your deal? KNIVES CHAU You stole him with your advanced American slut technology. He was warned plenty of times.
RAMONA Is there a difference? SCOTT You weren’t wronged? Scott breaks into a flop sweat. RAMONA You cheated on me with Knives? SCOTT No! I cheated on Knives. I dated you and then I dated Ramona. Scott slides off Gideon’s sword and falls to the ground. GIDEON (O.. but you can’t. Scott! (eyes narrowing) You cheated on both of us.. F T (CONTINUED) A Knives and Ramona both look at Scott.... 95 B A Game over! Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.. TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: “DEAD” Everything goes white.S.INTEGRATED FINAL 94 CONTINUED: (4) 109..cheat. Knives. SCOTT Right? STAB! A sword pierces Scott’s chest from behind. He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY..DAY Scott sits up next to a lone cactus..maybe I kind of forgot to tell Knives right away. 95 EXT... but..Scott's eyes blink open.SAND blows through frame. Okay? (beat) I mean... .. 94 SCOTT Can we please stop all this fighting! Nobody stole anybody.. KNIVES CHAU Then you cheated on me.) GIDEON GRAVES Scottie.death. THE DREAM DESERT . With you. neither amused. You can cheat on these ladies all you want. rubbing his temples.
fainter than before. Ramona appears out of nowhere. 95 SCOTT Ugh.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: 109A. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
revealing a blinking CHIP implanted on her skull. RAMONA Alright.. But he ignored me. Dying probably sucks. F RAMONA I can’t help myself around him. SCOTT That is evil. has a way of getting into my head. T A (CONTINUED) . I really will leave you alone forever now. Seeing as I’m about to die. he literally has a way of getting into my head. 95 RAMONA I’m sorry. Ramona covers the chip. RAMONA He’s like that.. That’s why I had to leave. maybe now would be the time to get into it. I was crazy about him. Scott. SCOTT So this kinda sucks for everybody.. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own... eh? B A SCOTT Well. Why him? RAMONA It’s complicated. He just.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (2) 110. self-consciously touching her hair. SCOTT You know what sucks? Getting killed by THAT guy... it was me who was obsessed. SCOTT So why go back? Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head. I mean. and that’s when he started paying attention. the truth is. SCOTT Well. that’s legitimately disappointing. RAMONA No..
Ramona seeming to fade away. then FAST FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. I really fought for you back there. SCOTT I feel like I learned something... 95 RAMONA I’m sorry it had to end this way. We had a good run.so alone. SCOTT So.. T A (CONTINUED) RAMONA But someone was fighting pretty hard for you back there.. SCOTT You can’t say I didn’t try.. SCOTT Knives? RAMONA I wish I was ever as fanatically devoted to anything as that girl is to you.NIGHT 96 We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace’s apartment. . F SCOTT Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand. SCOTT . as Scott enters. I guess. The winds blow harder. DA-DING.. B We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD.. He flicks the light on. 96 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT . RAMONA Uh-huh.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Scott slumps to his knees. Scott’s eyes go wide with epiphany.. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott. Which would be great if I wasn’t dead. We hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart. Ramona is gone. A Ahhhhhh.INTEGRATED FINAL 95 CONTINUED: (3) 111.
I died.S. SCOTT Could you put a robe on and hand me the phone? SCOTT Toronto.. 96 SCOTT . I need to ask one final favor of you.. allies.AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN! SOME GUY (O.. Sadly. (beat) Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling. told me if I want something bad enough I have to fight for it.. Ramona skated through my dreams and it was like a call to adventure.S.) Sure thing.S. a call I considered refusing. Then I resurrected! Now I realize what I should have been fighting for all along.S. when my journey began. during which I totally seized the sword. GIDEON GRAVES (O.) Scott. Chaos Theatre.) Turn off the light! Scott flicks the light off.) Again? WALLACE (O. But my Mentor.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: 112. B A Um. hands him the phone. I was living in an ordinary world. guy.. Gideon Graves. But before I do that. I don’t want any hard feelings.. pal. I feel terrible about everything. Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp. I was just about toSCOTT Hey. WALLACE (O. On PITCH BLACK. There were tests. I approached a deep cave and went through a crazy ordeal. SCOTT Wallace. that’s you.S. so I figure why not be the bigger man and give you a call. GIDEON GRAVES (O. So I did. enemies.) F T A (CONTINUED) .
what I meant to say is “I’m coming over to kill you”. WALLACE GO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS! Wallace stands to high five Scott. sorry. WALLACE (CONT’D) Ah. Scott hangs up and heads for the door. hardcore. 96 SCOTT Sorry.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (2) 112A. exposing his junk. B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
From this point forward.. 97 EXT. deadpan as ever. STEPHEN STILLS Scott! Let it go. 96 SCOTT You seen one. Young Neil? You have learned well. I know what I’m doing. SCOTT Your hair looks stupid.. SCOTT Don’t worry.CONTINUOUS DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE. Kim shrugs. Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces. You guys sound better without me.INTEGRATED FINAL 96 CONTINUED: (3) 113..DAY 97 Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. knocking them out. SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about me. STREETS OF TORONTO . CHAOS THEATRE . you shall be known as “Neil”. B A Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb. SCOTT (CONT’D) Sorry about.. The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.AGAIN.DAY 98 Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR. Stephen. 99 INT. The same HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall. the new line-up rocks. COMEAU Yeah.everything. HIPSTER KID ‘Sup? SCOTT Whatever.. WAREHOUSE . 98 INT. And Kim? F T A (CONTINUED) .. their first album is so99 Kim looks at Scott.
B A (CONTINUED) F T A . 99 Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: 113A.
Scott and Gideon RUN towards each other.. Ramona at his side. GIDEON GRAVES (CONT’D) Hey buddy. Scott goes straight into fight mode. A KIM PINE WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. exploding each attacker into COINS.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (2) 114. let’s do it. welcome to the ChaosSCOTT Save it.. Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty Tshirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest. They pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. T SCOTT No. Ramona hands Gideon his cane.) Scott Pilgrim! Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne.) Scott earned the power of self-respect.S. GIDEON GRAVES Ramona. He unsheathes his SWORD. They land on opposite sides of the platform. SCOTT How’s it going back there? GIDEON GRAVES You dick. I have beef. A GIDEON GRAVES You want to fight me for her? (CONTINUED) . My cane. Kim? Kim drives a hardcore beat.O. AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! F SCOTT NARRATOR (V. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT. B HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. 99 GIDEON GRAVES (O. the club sucks. You’re pretentious. A strange new power overcomes Scott. backs to each other.I want to fight you for me. different than before. Scott swings his FLAMING RED SWORD. LEAPING in the air. Ramona and Scott lock eyes.
99 Gideon falls down. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Dead.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (3) 114A. Scott calls out. apparently.
KNIVES CHAU Steal my boyfriend.. GIDEON GRAVES (O. a lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk. I hurt you. I cheated on you.S. She kicks him in the face. bloodied. Knives pulling KNIVES. ENOUGH! Knives tries to go around him. B A SCOTT I cheated on both of you.) Are we all done with the hugging and learning? I thought we had a fight going here. The CHIP no longer blinks. RAMONA Never felt better. stunned. We hear a METALLIC KLONK. SCOTT No. Ramona rubs the back of her head. but still grinning. They square off. 99 SCOTT Knives! I know you’re in here! Don’t attack RaKnives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head SUPER HARD. Scott turns to Ramona. All turn to see GIDEON.. SCOTT (CONT'D) And. Scott GRABS her wrists.you're not a fat ass. I was a different guy back then. Scott jumps between them. Scott! This fat ass hurt me and I will have my revenge! A SCOTT (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) . So. Knives. taste my steel. She didn’t mean that. Knives steps back. KNIVES CHAU You cheated on me Scott? Knives’ frown melts.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (4) 115. are we all good? F T KNIVES CHAU No. hands held out. Ramona staggered. And I’m sorry.
GIDEON Ramona. B A (CONTINUED) F T A . Scott steps into a fighting stance. Are you with me? Ramona looks to Gideon. Knives joins him. 99 SCOTT Oh. then joins Scott and Knives and STRIKES A FIGHT POSE. you got a fight alright. the three of them ready to rumble.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (5) 115A.
RAMONA Let’s both be girls. She looks doubtful. SHING SHING! Gideon wheels towards Ramona. Gideon swings at Scott. Knives and Ramona. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid. Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER UP . Ramona knees Gideon in the balls. 99 GIDEON (CONT’D) Wrong move. Gideon jumps after him. Gideon’s lightning fast sword deflects them. uses it to wrap up Gideon’s sword arm and disarms him. GIDEON You made me swallow me gum. Gideon spins low. knocking her down. Scott blocks with his sword and is sent UP into the air. sending Gideon sliding across the floor. Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a PUNCH IN THE NOSE. Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Knives throws her knives. his HEALTH BAR increases. Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear. dropping her. That’s going to be in my digestive tract for seven years! F Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of FREEZE FRAMES. SCOTT ATTACKS. He shakes off the assault and grins. Scott leaps in the air. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time to BLOCK Gideon’s attack.his glasses glow. Ramona KICKS. Scott’s sword SHATTERS. He cuts big arcs at Scott. Gideon hits her back. baby. . He makes an “X” with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD. They barely dodge him. The swords create an “X”. They CLASH in the air. (CONTINUED) B A Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. Knives attacks and scores a hit. They fence. disarms Scott with one move. Gideon BLOCKS. Gideon BLOCKS. You’re still my girl. spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the hilt of the sword. T A GIDEON (CONT’D) Yeah. Scott ducks.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (6) 116. Knives whips off her scarf. He grins. takes a hesitant step towards him. expecting her to move. Gideon spins again and swings upward.
He looks up at the steely eyed Scott. sending him spinning. cancelling out Gideon’s digital sword. Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully tumbling down the pyramid. F GIDEON (CONT’D) Who do you think you are Pilgrim? You think you’re better than me? I’ll tell you what you are.. She lands painfully at the bottom. B A GIDEON (CONT’D) You’re not cool enough for Ramona.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (7) 116A. Knives and Scott share a look. Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. From the floor. I’m blowing up right now. Ramona swings Gideon’s VELVET ROPE. sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon’s face smashes with each impact. (CONTINUED) . You’re nothing. You’re zero. COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott punches. then upends him like a wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. A pain in my ass. Me? I’m what’s hip. defeated. A Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass. One lens of his glasses cracks. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his sword for the kill. They Get up and circle Gideon. I’m what’s happening. 99 Scott lands hard. she kicks him in the back of the head.. Scott slides Knives through Gideon’s legs. Not long now. You know how long it took to get all the evil exes’ contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like two hours! T Gideon lands HARD on his knees.
SCOTT RAMONA Yeah. YOUNG NEIL T A (CONTINUED) . YOUNG NEIL Whoa. Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins. 99 SCOTT You’re right. RAMONA (O. makes her way towards them. Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face. Scott and Knives kiss.S. Gideon’s head EXPLODES. awake now. KIM PINE There goes our deal.. Then his body follows suit in an almightyPOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! SHIMMERING COINS rain down. right? Kim points to the falling coins. I’m not cool enough for Ramona.. his glasses SAILING down the steps of the pyramid.INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (8) 117. silhouetting Scott and Knives in their kung fu poses. The coin rain continues. Oh. STEPHEN STILLS We’re still getting paid. They share a smile.. Right now. Yeah? B A F KIM PINE There goes our deal. And you got another thing right. You are blowing up. Ramona.) You two make a good combo..
Evil face. shake hands and part ways. KNIVES CHAU Your hair. KNIVES CHAU What happened? SCOTT Aw..yourself? Scott peers into the glimmering lenses.. They chat amiably.. KNIVES CHAU NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott.EVENING Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.S... Dark clothes. They look expectantly at the entrance. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.. Scott picks up Gideon’s fallen glasses. He’s a super-nice guy. GIDEON’S VOICE echoes. spotting his EVIL MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him.but can you defeat. worried for Scott. The glasses dissolve and Scott whips around to face. Scott and Negascott face off. The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward to confront his dark side. Then. We actually have a lot in common. THE WAREHOUSE . GIDEON’S VOICE (O. Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance. B Scott strolls out with Negascott. This is something I have to face on my own...) You can defeat me. Knives and Ramona. We just shot the shit. 99 The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Fringed hair. A F T A Negascott! (CONTINUED) .INTEGRATED FINAL 99 CONTINUED: (9) 118. Both take a step forward. SCOTT No.. Scott runs his fingers through his hair.. The glasses GLIMMER. nothing. 100-103 OMITTED 104 100-103 104 EXT.
INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: 118A. 104 SCOTT What? B A (CONTINUED) F T A .
F T Scott calls after her.. A SCOTT (CONTINUED) . SCOTT I think I understand. SCOTT For what? RAMONA For being the nicest guy I ever dated. RAMONA I should tahnk you. though. Steps tentatively away from Knives. Scott’s HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked. SCOTT After all that? Ramona looks at Knives as she says this. stops and turns back. pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness. hoping to slip away. He turns to see her. Where are you going? Ramona. Knives removes the hat from Scott’s head. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly. but the past keeps catching up. literally taking his guard down. SCOTT Yeah? KNIVES CHAU I like it. Ramona sees this and smiles. you know? I came here to get away. You do? Scott smiles.. 104 KNIVES CHAU It’s getting really shaggy.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (2) 119. RAMONA I dunno. B A RAMONA It's hard. then realizes Ramona has gone. Snow begins to fall. I should probably disappear. SCOTT Hey. I’m tired of people getting hurt because of me.
Scott watches.) Go get her.. RAMONA Well. mind if I tag along? B A KNIVES (totally sweet and sad) I’ll be fine. Knives doesn’t look back.. KNIVES There’s someone out there for me. but thenSCOTT (O. A (CONTINUED) . RAMONA (almost laughing) It is kind of sad. then lets it drop.) Hey.. I’m too cool for you anyway. Before she’s gone. And stuff. SCOTT Wha? SCOTT But what about you? She grins and kisses his cheek. then hearsKNIVES (O.Nega Scott also sidles into frame. but urges Scott toKNIVES Go talk to her.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (3) 119A. Bye and stuff.S. Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives. She turns to walk off again. Guitar still in hand. You’ve been fighting for her all along. She takes his hand briefly..Young Neil sidles into frame behind her. 104 SCOTT That’s kind of sad. Ramona walks on into the night alone. SCOTT Yeah. F KNIVES You earned it.S. T Surprised. We hear a COUGH . We hear a 2ND COUGH .
) Oh my God......... 104 Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside. F JULIE (V...O.8. snow swirling around it. Someone seriously should have been filming it.1.3.INTEGRATED FINAL 104 CONTINUED: (4) 119B. CONTINUE? 10.9. Tilt up to the heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars. . T Over this magical transformation..7. My little brother kicked a guy’s head off.O..5..2. A STACEY (V. RAMONA You want to come with me? SCOTT (hopeful) I thought maybe we could. She holds out her hand like in the park scene earlier..4.. can I blow your mind? Scott Pilgrim totally threw down with Gideon Graves at the grand opening of Chaos Theater... A We see the door with the star on it. Yeah. Scott takes it. try again? Ramona smiles. Literally. it was apparently awesome. standing right in the middle of the street. I mean bananas.. we hear a lush rendition of ‘Ramona’ swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto’s cell phone airwaves. sunrise coming up over Toronto..) Oh my God. Scott and Ramona walk towards the door. it was a HUGE fight.6. night magically turning to day. winter turning to spring. It was unbelievable. B Scott and Ramona walk through the door....
INTEGRATED FINAL 120. 105 106 OMITTED OMITTEDD 105 106 B A F T A .
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