SUBMITTED TO: UNIVERSITY OF MUMBAI
PROJECT ON: “ANGER MANAGEMENT”
BACHELOR OF MANAGEMENT STUDIES SEMESTER V ACADEMIC YEAR (2010-2011)
Submitted In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements For the Award of Degree of Bachelor of Management Studies
SUBMITTED BY: ASHISH RAGHUNATH BANKERAIKA T.Y.B.M.S – SEMESTER V ROLL NO. 10
PROJECT GUIDE: MRS.SHAKUNTALA YADAV PRAHLADRAI DALMIA LIONS COLLEGE OF COMMERCE & ECONOMICS Sunder Nagar, Malad (W), Mumbai – 400 064.
I, MRS.SHAKUNTALA YADAV, HEREBY CERTIFY THAT, MR. ASHISH RAGHUNATH BANKERAIKA OF PRAHLADRAI DALMIA LIONS COLLEGE OF COMMERCE & ECONOMICS, OF T.Y.B.M.S. (SEMESTER VI), HAS SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED THIS PROJECT ON “ANGER MANAGEMENT’’ DURING THE ACADEMIC YEAR 2010-2011.
THE INFORMATION SUBMITTED BY HIM IS TRUE AND ORIGINAL TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE.
Signature of Project co-ordinator
Signature of BMS in charge
Signature of principal of the college
I ASHISH RAGHUNATH BANKERAIKA of PRAHLADRAI DALMIA LIONS COLLEGE OF COMMERCE & ECONOMICS in T.Y.B.M.S (Semester VI) hereby declare that I have completed the project on “ANGER MANAGEMENT” in the academic year 2010 - 2011.
The information submitted is true and original to the best of my knowledge.
(Ashish Raghunath Bankeraika) (Roll No. 10)
Also a special thank to Mr. Bhende. M. Co-coordinator.Acknowledgement
I would like to thank Mumbai University for giving me such a chance to explore such an important factor in the field of “Marketing – ANGER MANAGEMENT” and present my report on the same.N.Pandey for his co-operation during the time of completion of project. A. Sachin Vedpathak for their constant encouragement & guidance from the beginning to the end with never ending patient. SHAKUNTALA YADAV for giving such guidance without which it was not possible to complete this project. Their constant support and efforts helped me complete my project in time. N.
I would also like to take an opportunity to thank all friends for co-operating with me and to all the people who are directly or indirectly connected to the project and to my parents for encouraging me to complete this project.
I sincerely thank Mrs. Benita Dua and Mr.
I would also like to thank our respected professor Mrs.
I would like to thank the teaching faculty of PRAHLADRAI DALMIA LIONS COLLEGE OF COMMERCE & ECONOMICS affiliated to the University of Mumbai for their excellent suggestions. without whom the project would have not come to an end. thanks to our Principal Mr.
25. 11. 18. 3. 13. 16.
Some More Anger Management Tips Do You Need Counseling? Objective Of Anger Test Anger Test Importance Of Anger Management 5
NOS. 2. 21. 17.
2 3 4 7 9 12 15 16 17 19 20 21 23 29 31 33 34 36 42 44 49 51 52 55 58 59
1. 19. 9. 27. NO.
60 62 63 64 72
CONTENTS: PAGE SR. 22. 12. 10. NO. 24. 14. 20. 8. PARTICULARS
Certificate Declaration Acknowledgement Executive Summary Introduction Anger: What Is It & Why? Hidden Anger How Angry Are You? Anger: Be Angry Not Mad! The Four Faces Of Anger Consequences Of Anger Understanding Anger Understanding Anger: Theories & Facts Anger & Relationships Anger – Generating Fantasies The Faults Of Anger Anger Management Dealing With Anger Identifying Anger Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay Four Proven Techniques For Managing Anger Controlling Anger Anger Management Programs Anger Management In Sobriety Tame Temper Tantrums Is Hostility Harming Your Heart?
NOS. 26. 7.CONTENTS PAGE SR. 6. 4.
In some instances. It is intended to harm someone. 30.
Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation.
A FACTUAL STORY
NOS.28.e. or attributing nasty motives to them--or a physical punishment or restriction. i. angry emotions are beneficial. NO.
1. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. sarcasm. Aggression is action. What about thoughts and fantasies in which we humiliate or brutally assault our enemies? Is that aggression? 6
. threats. Anger is an emotional-physiologicalcognitive internal state. if we are being taken advantage of.
A Factual Story Conclusion Bibliography
73 75 76
LIST OF CASE STUDIES: PAGE SR. 29. attacking someone or a group. It can be a verbal attack--insults.
of course. but are not aggression as I have defined it here.What about violent dreams? Such thoughts and dreams suggest anger. Especially marketers. which we all have. Anger is a temporary response. it gives a negative impact about the company in customer’s mind.
Anger Management is very important in the field of business. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person. but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our imagined foe. and if a person with short temper is looking for a career in marketing field. If they are not patient and lose their temper in front of customers for any reason. So it is necessary that they manage and control their anger. Someone controlled by their anger lives within a paranoid view of the world. Marketing employees are the face of business organization to the customers. The false belief that everyone hates him can become so overwhelming that he might even go insane. they need to have control on their anger. surrounded by enemies of his or her own creation.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have. then he should consider an anger management course. Anger can be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger. to a particular frustrating situation. the victim of his own delusion. professionals need to have a control on their anger.
In this project we consider frustration and aggression. There are two problems: how to prevent or control your own anger and how to handle someone aggressing against you. and frustration determines the essence of our personality. about anger management and need. reasons and effects of anger and focus on the need of anger management with its practical use and case study. First of all it is very common and. The project aims at enlightening the reader with the various facets. what can it lead to. secondly. facts. effects. its different aspects. This project attends more to self-control. disappointments.This project has an overview about what is anger.
. Anger may do more harm than any other emotion. its reasons. it upsets at least two people--the aggressor and the aggressed against.
How we deal with stress. usefulness and importance of the same.
would you press that button?" 69% of responding males said yes. Men would most often kill the U. Just how widespread is hostility? Very! Psychology Today asked. etc. S. poor physical health (headaches. especially when they are jealous. and brutalize others. aggressive young people tend to come from broken. Stalin. stormy relationships. divorce. hypertension.
We strongly resist thinking of ourselves as potentially mean. poor working conditions. violent homes. and so on. develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice. president or some public figure. crime. several psychological studies cited in this suggest that ordinary people can rather easily become evil enough to discriminate against. But. spouse and child abuse. but don't assume that only men act violently. bite. under the right conditions.Frustration tells us "I'm not getting what I want" and eventually anger is related to violence. push. Hostile. terrorists. Great atrocities are attributed to crazed men--Hitler. angry. Likewise. hurt. exhusbands or ex-boyfriends and former partners of current lovers. women would kill bosses.
. Even the most moral among us may look the other way. heart attacks). "If you could secretly push a button and thereby eliminate any person with no repercussions to yourself. It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged that brutalize. emotional disorders. 56% of women. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might. and slap in anger.The overall effects of anger are enormous . Recent studies suggest that college (not high school) women are more likely than men to kick. Boys and men are much more likely to carry a weapon than a female. GI disturbances. but we have no trouble believing that others are immoral.
What about 10
. attacking someone or a group. In some instances. if we are being taken advantage of. It can be a verbal attack--insults. of unreasonable expectations. others' motives (deception for a self-serving purpose). or attributing nasty motives to them--or a physical punishment or restriction. Is it innate? Anger can be the result of hurt pride. Besides getting our way.
Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. Aggression is action. or society's injustice (born into poverty and finding no way out). and to handle other emotions (as when we become aggressive when we are afraid). when something interferes with our gaining a desired and expected goal. especially when we think someone else is to blame for our loss. it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. our own limitations (paralysis after an accident).We will study more about how anger develops. others' actions (parental restrictions or torturing a political prisoner). i. to conceal other feelings. Anger is an emotional-physiological-cognitive internal state. So. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. threats. angry emotions are beneficial. Any situation that frustrates us. anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation.e. is a potential trigger for anger and aggression. It can be physical (a flat tire). sarcasm. It is intended to harm someone. we may unconsciously use anger to blame others for our own shortcomings. or of repeated hostile fantasies. what is frustration? It is the feeling we get when we don't get what we want. to justify oppressing others. our choices (an unprepared for and flunked exam). to boost our own sagging egos.
Anger can be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger.
. hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have. it depends on the way in which we choose to express it. Anger can be our friend or enemy. strong and in control. 3. which we all have. Anger is a temporary response. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach our goals. Anger is easier to show: everyone gets angry. From time to time. A failure to recognize and understand one's anger can lead to a variety of personal difficulties. to a particular frustrating situation. Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. 1. at least momentarily.thoughts and fantasies in which we humiliate or brutally assault our enemies? Is that aggression? What about violent dreams? Such thoughts and dreams suggest anger. but are not aggression as I have defined it here. solve problems. Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. anger makes us feel. handle emergencies. 2. and protect our health.
Anger: What Is It and Why?
Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. of course. all of us experience this powerful feeling. The feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak.
Anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events.
We all know what anger is. If we are frustrated and feel stressed. Anger is a completely normal. we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. it can lead to problems—problems at work. types of anger are learned. Thus. usually healthy. we need to understand from where it comes. 6. 3. may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker. and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.4. If we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after. To alter our angry responses. This project is meant to help you understand and control anger. If we are tired. Angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping. 4. If we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out. To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively. 1. 5. in your personal relationships. 2. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
. human emotion. and in the overall quality of your life. as we so often do. we are more likely to use the same approach.
There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction. we are more likely to react with anger.
or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Anger is a natural. Expressing Anger The instinctive. PhD. it means being respectful of yourself and others. as do the levels of your energy hormones. and calming. it inspires powerful. which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. Anger can be suppressed. you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are. a canceled flight). feelings and behaviors. and focus on something positive. A certain amount of anger. and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. often aggressive. therefore. adaptive response to threats. To do this. a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions. natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. The danger 13
. and then converted or redirected. The three main approaches are expressing. is necessary to our survival. it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. On the other hand. suppressing. stop thinking about it. your heart rate and blood pressure go up. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam." according to Charles Spielberger.Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. This happens when you hold in your anger. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. without hurting others. laws. when you get angry. social norms. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. and how to get them met.
be forgetful.etc. deny anger ("nothing's wrong"). As Dr. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. People who are constantly putting others down. that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt. act like he/she "doesn't understand.in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression. This means not just controlling your outward behavior. without telling them why." be late frequently. they aren't likely to have many successful relationships... Spielberger notes. and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. whatever"). pretend to agree ("sure.
. calm yourself down. your anger can turn inward—on yourself." unresponsive."
Anger is frequently a concealed or disguised emotion. taking steps to lower your heart rate. or depression. high blood pressure. exaggerate others' faults. such a person may be "tired. Not surprisingly. And why not? Getting mad is scary. but also controlling your internal responses. you can calm down inside. One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special name: passive-aggressiveness. be tearful. For example. and potentially dangerous. be argumentative. and let the feelings subside. Finally. such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension. rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. criticizing everything. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger. "when none of these three techniques work.
look unhappy. he/she generally feels that the world is against him/her.g. That is. is (1) the intensity of our anger and (2) the degree of control we have over our anger. Feeling victimized assumes that someone or some situation has mistreated you. that others vaguely intend to make him/her miserable. A victim is much more likely to sulk. if you offer them help. Instead. it seldom works. or lay a guilt trip on something than to get angry. how close are we to losing control? How much of a temper do you have? Ask yourself these kind of questions:
.There is another related form of concealed anger: feeling like a victim. they take little responsibility for what has happened to them. Perhaps more important than the variety of things that anger us.
How angry are you?
There are so many frustrations in our daily lives. They play games: "Why does it always happen to me?" or "Yes. one could easily become chronically irritated. But a person who specializes in constantly feeling like a victim may not identify or accuse his/her abuser. Victims usually feel helpless. but" (no one's ideas or suggestions will do any good). they never get enough or if you try to cheer them up. e. They think they were terribly mistreated in the past but they now seem unable to accept love and support. jealous victim is surely sitting on a mass of hostility. sad. pout. pessimistic. The self-pitying. therefore.
Some of us may have refused to eat a meal. But check your opinion against the opinion of you held by relatives and friends. As children. There also are several tests that measure anger.•
Do you have a quick or a hot temper? Do you suppress or hide your anger Do you get irritated when someone gets in your way? fails to give you
(passive-aggressive or victim)?
credit for your work? criticizes your looks or opinions or work? gives themselves advantages over you?
Do you get angry at yourself when you make a foolish mistake? do poorly
in front of others? put off important things? do something against your morals or better judgment?
Do you drink alcohol or use drugs? Do you get angry or mellow when you
are high? Research clearly shows that alcohol and drugs are linked with aggression. or purposefully broken our favorite toy. all of us have expressed anger in ways that have hurt us more than it hurt the person we were angry with. so watch out. or stubbornly refused to go out to play even though we desperately wanted to. Drinking decreases our judgment and increases our impulsiveness. not mad!
Feeling anger and pain is part of being human. You probably have a pretty accurate picture of your temper. but it's important to handle these emotions in a manner that is not self-destructive.
Anger: Be angry. We thought we were punishing others by engaging in selfdepriving behaviour and in the process derived a sense of revenge. Such behaviour served 16
as we grow up. hurt and upset because.the purpose of letting the concerned adults in our lives know that we were angry. How well we learn to handle these feelings in a manner that is least destructive to others and ourselves is related to our emotional and psychological maturity. the fact remains that we alone pay the price of our behaviour in the long run. however. we forget that we are dangerously playing with the most precious and fragile gift . This is not to say that we must learn not to experience anger. Age alone or our level of formal education does not automatically equip us with ways of handling anger.our life. Unfortunately. Perhaps. Indirect and self-destructive expression of anger may have some effect on others in the short run (assuming that they are aware of the implications of our behaviour). Sadly. There are several instances of misdirected anger in our lives . we can take self-destructive expression of anger to an extreme. Our feelings of anger do not get shared with the ones we are angry with. Feeling of anger. the helplessness we experienced with our strong feeling of anger came out in a self-punitive manner. as children. For the most part. Often suicide fantasies or actual attempts are a misguided way of punishing the ones we are angry with. or maintain a haughty silence to get even or when the husband gets drunk at a party and acts obnoxiously to get back at his wife.the times when we refuse to eat meals to punish others.
We believe that by harming our lives we will finally make people realize how badly they have treated us. we do not necessarily know how to experience and express our anger. annoyance. irritation. there is no understanding of each other and hence no
. The effect of the emotional blackmail that we impose on others by our behaviours is short-lived 'coz others get tired of being manipulated repeatedly. hurt and dissapointment are natural byproducts of being human and living in a human world. we learn to abandon this helpless and self-destructive manner of venting our anger.
Most of us didn't have many "healthy anger" role models. increase our level of self-awareness and inner security. Anger. and taking the time to acknowledge our anger as well as deciding how we can explain that anger in a way that does not damage ourselves or others." like most things in real life.
THE FOUR FACES of ANGER
"How many people grew up in families where it truly felt safe and secure expressing your angry feelings as well as being the target of other people's angry feelings?" In a room of fifty to a hundred people.
. That is when we get stuck with a long list of how we were wronged by others which we keep going through our minds making us more miserable. can serve to deepen the relationship. including the short-sited proverbial glass. One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to rationally analyse situations that make us angry. bring people together and above all. and even some of those seem to be wavering more than waving confidently. But "anger. when it is dealt with in relationships through open and honest discussions. I got less than a handful of people.chance of us learning to move beyond them.neither half empty nor half full but half empty and half full. As adults we are no longer helpless in dealing with our feelings. is often double-edged -.
So anger is a potential range of feelings.
. annoy. depth.the more incidents occur that can irritate.to challenge the status quo. boundary and personal space are perceived to be constricted. discarded or ignored. infuriate. Anger is normal but. 4. unfairness or disloyalty. intensity and interactive potential is often forged by how one looks at the world through his or her "Four Angry 'I's. incense. 3. Intention.. You feel disrespected. from irritation and determination to outrage and fury."
Consequences of Anger
The more complicated your life gets -. you see yourself (also others with whom you are psychologically dependent or connected) as a victim of an injustice. disrupted or violated. provoke. Invasion. Anger and all its cousins are permanent occupants of your emotional menage.the more people you interact with on a daily basis -. you are ready -. at times also physical. Its breadth. Injury.The Four Angry "I"s 1. autonomy.reflexively and/or purposefully -. a cherished belief or instrumental goal is being threatened or abused.often psychological. There is an energy and determination to do something about the above injustices. madden. A rule of conduct. your identity and bodily and/or psychological integrity are being threatened or attacked. injuries and invasions. and enrage. Injustice. Your freedom. 2. there's a sense of insult and humiliation along with injury -.
nausea.Emotionally-driven automatic responses are usually learned in childhood. and self-esteem trigger a two-part limbic surge: First. Repressing anger -. Though the two events may be completely unrelated. tighten your muscles. the anger generated by the second incident builds on the anger left over from the first. Anger in hard driving . damaged relationships. It’s a hormone thing. Anger can lead to full-blown conflict.Most people don't enjoy feeling angry. turn red in the face. sometimes days.. The payoffs are pretty obvious: momentary relief coupled with the appearance of being in control. even aggressive or violent acts. war.1995) threats to life. Plus it's easy: Clench your fists. security. or other symptoms. survived by having an aggressive instinct which protected their
. generating a rush of energy that lasts for minutes. Anger can have unpleasant repercussions and destructive consequences for everyone concerned. According to Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. and suicide.Some personalities have been associated with coronary heart disease and sudden death.can cause headaches. and yell.keeping it bottled up inside -. so by adulthood reacting angrily can be a habit. an adrenocortical arousal is created that can put you on edge and keep you there for hours. sadism. This explains why you are more likely to erupt in anger over something relatively innocuous if the incident is preceded by an earlier upsetting experience. It's uncomfortable -. back pain. both animal and human. Second.even more uncomfortable if you lash out and someone gets hurt or angry back. hormones called catecholamines are released. "Letting it all out" isn't good for you either. Bantam.
The nature of the organism? Freud came to believe in a death or aggressive instinct because he saw so much violence. Konrad Lorenz (1966) believed that species.
By chance only 29% of crimes would have occurred during those eight days. more divorce. A large survey of adopted children has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes. and anti-social behavior. noting the frequency we go to war. then climbed a tower on the University of Texas campus and fired his rifle at 38 people. Aggression may also have a chemical. Stimulation of other parts stops aggression. and insured only the strongest individuals survived. more sex. He killed 14 before being killed.". It is also known that a viral infection. About 3 times in a 1000 a male inherits an extra X or Y chromosome. a need to dominate and control.. causes violent behavior. The sociobiologists. instead of XY. Charles Whitman killed his wife and mother because "I do not consider this world worth living in. also suggest that we have inherited an aggressive nature. Research has shown that stimulation of certain parts of animals' brains leads to aggression. or genetic basis too. In 1966.
Other physiological factors seem to be involved. 50% of all crimes by women in prison occurred during their menstrual period or premenstrual period. At one time it was thought that 21
. so they are XYY or XXY. Low blood sugar increases during the premenstrual period and it causes irritability. So. Furthermore. An autopsy revealed a large tumor in the limbic system of his brain (where the aggression "centers" are in animal brains).. We don't know how this works. Abnormal systems have been found among repeat offenders and aggressive people. hormonal. called rabies. a tendency to lash out at anything that gets in our way. more competitiveness. Examples: high testosterone (male sex hormone) is associated with more unfaithfulness. About 90% of women report being irritable before menstruation.territory and young. aggression may sometimes have a physical basis.
According to some of these theories. There is also clear evidence that alcohol consumption and hotter temperatures release aggression. When we are intentionally hurt. In all of these possibilities--instinct. insulted.
UNDERSTANDING ANGER: THEORIES AND FACTS
Frustration leads to aggression Any observer of human emotions recognizes that certain circumstances and actions by others seem to make us mad. Now it appears that this isn't true but these males are arrested earlier and more often. heredity. hormones. but no one thinks there is something in alcohol or heat that generates meanness. deceived. or brain dysfunction--the aggression occurs without apparent provocation from the environment (although there is almost always a "target"). There is so much we do not know yet. So we can't forget our inheritance.XYY and XXY males committed more violent crimes. cheated. the need or urge to be aggressive is boiling within each of us and seeks opportunities to express itself. or made fun of--all these things arouse anger and aggression and
and greater energy.
. when we have overly optimistic expectations of reaching unreachable goals. This is called the frustration-aggression hypothesis. more understanding. i. We were frustrated. There are several physiological reactions that accompany frustration. the opposite. Some of us explode.distrustful people have more of these experiences. at other times it goes up more when we swallow the feelings. or. Some theorists believe that anger just naturally results from frustration.e. The more physiologically damaging anger reactions seem to occur under two extreme conditions. including higher blood pressure. if the barrier to our goal unexpectedly appears and seems unjustified or unfair. and if we "take things personally". others swallow feelings. prevented from achieving some desired goal. Our blood pressure sometimes goes up more when we explode. when we feel utterly helpless. if we "get close" to our goal and expect to get it. sweating. Our frustration will be more intense if our goal is highly desirable. In each case we had hoped for more--for more consideration. more fairness. depending on the situation. namely.
2. This provides a partial release of the pent up frustration but the initial disappointment may never be admitted and experienced fully. and even hit. probably increases it). displacement can also be a defense against recognizing the real source of anger. an urge inside striving for expression. called a scapegoat. Early in Freud's(scientists) career. it is likely to cry. a cleansing of the system. psychoanalytic therapy depended heavily on catharsis--uncovering old emotional traumas and venting those feeling until we had some understanding of the internal stress and a thorough draining of the pent up emotions. presumably like pressure in a
. when a child wants something he/she can't have. Indeed.e. but we see the frustration as an understandable reaction.It is obvious that even though we are frustrated and feel angry. then merely deciding to placate your boss or an obnoxious football player doesn't do anything to reduce your anger (indeed. Not long after this he got into a big fight with his little sister. a teenage boy who was unable to go on a trip because his friend had a cold. we may not become aggressive--not if such a response might result in our being injured or rejected or fired. We may not like it. get angry. This displaced aggression is directed away from the real target and towards a safer target." This is called venting or catharsis.
For example. it is thought by many therapists to be relieving to express the feelings and get them completely "off your chest. if you think of anger as a drive. The unexpressed anger will spill out in other directions (displacement). Clearly. vent feelings. Yet.
When the angry feelings build up inside. We can learn to control our anger but as a basic drive it remains there seeking some expression. There are two implications (both seriously questioned recently): 1. It is a popular and common notion that feelings need to be expressed openly and completely.
you've learned about aggression and its payoffs." So we put them down more. But there are other reasons. as I see it. leading to more negative thoughts about them. Why is this? Probably because being hostile is easier the second time and still easier the 100th time. What the behaviorists call catharsis (almost any expression or even observation of emotion) is hardly therapeutic catharsis. Therefore. it became pretty clear that watching violent behavior (films. Several scientists have sloppily accepted many diverse acts as being "catharsis" and prematurely concluded that all kinds of catharsis are ineffective or harmful. this equation is naive and implies that therapists using catharsis might even advocate abusive violence. Being aggressive and mean towards someone who has angered us does make us feel better but also makes us more inclined to hurt them even more later. watching a film is not the same as a catharsis in therapy. abusive. you've overcome your inhibitions against aggression.However. personal experience is relived in full fury with the specific intention of emptying the person of toxic venom (anger). For instance. The snowballing effect between thoughts and actions goes like this: "We are hurting them. First of all. Certainly. Scientists point out that our negative feelings increase towards another person or group as we hurt them. which we will consider in more detail later. TV. Tavris clearly equates a dirty. We are decent people. sports) carried out by others increases our own aggressive responses rather than draining off our anger. considerable recent research has been interpreted in such a way as to raise doubts about the value of trying to drain off our anger. vicious marital fight with catharsis. they must be bad.
. This mental put down-behavioral violence cycle occurs in abuse and in prejudice. that catharsis can mean many things. It seems reasonable that seeing aggression acted out on the screen might provide a model and some encouragement to an already angry person. Unfortunately. Conclusions about catharsis Is catharsis helpful or harmful? The problem is. justifying hurting them more. where a painful. etc.
easily controlled procedure for venting one's anger is available (see chapter 12) and could be researched readily. None of the current behavioral research has studied such a "cathartic" experience as Anna O's. called an abreaction. In the early 1880's. it can be recorded in therapy. Anna O. attractive young lady. Example:Published descriptions of therapy provide thousands of examples of catharsis.What is catharsis in therapy? Well. Furthermore. It doesn't involve watching a model of aggression. expressed her intense anger about the tutor. it never involves actually hurting someone. Among many other symptoms. however. probably because this kind of repressed experience can't be scheduled as a 30-minute lab assignment for Intro Psych students. Here's one. The same process occurs when you feel better after letting off steam with a friend. she had a phobia of drinking water from a glass. most psychotherapists would say it was the expression of repressed (unconsciously held back) feelings that are causing problems. was treating a bright. Some psychotherapists would consider catharsis to be the intense expression (in therapy or alone) of conscious or unconscious emotions for the specific purpose of feeling better. Sometimes the initial traumatic situation (often from childhood) is vividly relived.
. Under hypnosis. After Anna O. Josef Breuer. a straight-forward. she immediately understood her rejecting the water (just like she rejected the tutor) and she could thereafter drink water from a glass. Anna O. not learning aggression. Freud's friend. She didn't understand the fear. gaining insight. and reducing the unwanted emotion. It focuses on reducing anger. recalled being disgusted when she saw her tutor's dog (she hated both the tutor and the dog) drink from a glass.
my wrath did end. have had a similar experience. who have been parents. it seems that they may "store up" aggression until it is impossible to contain and.
One final observation about catharsis: many violent crimes are committed by people described as gentle. I suspect you will become less agitated and aggressive. Many of us. That needs to be proven in the lab. and good natured (see Truman Capote's In Cold Blood in which the "nicest boy in Kansas" kills his family). easy-going. quiet. passive. e.g.
I suspect intention and expectation of catharsis are crucially important in determining the outcome. I hid my wrath. Everyone is surprised. Likewise. i.I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath. If you punch the bag thinking that at the end of an hour you will be completely exhausted and cleansed of your hatred and will have a better understanding and more willingness to forgive the irritating person. Thus. not emotional or impulsive and very inhibited about expressing aggression against anyone. they explode. I suspect you will become more hostile and aggressive. if you beat a punching bag an hour a day thinking how you will punch out people you don't like. then. many psychological tests describe persons who have committed violent acts as ordinarily being over-controlled.
.e. holding our tongue until we over-react with a verbal assault on the child. I was angry with my foe. my wrath did grow. namely.
and being able to assertively express our negative feelings These are skills many of us need to learn. So. appropriate way of releasing our anger is badly needed. writing stories about aggression. you are in a better position to make plans for coping with the feelings and the circumstances. in some cases. selfish.The research about hostility suggests that a safe. research psychologists and psychotherapists should more clearly define "catharsis. Obviously. expressing an emotion." It is not playing or watching sports. watching someone hit a Bobo doll. or acting out violence increases the probability that you will be more violent in the future. such as anger. reduce their anger. not aggression. i. Athletics are supposed to serve this function for some people but the data is contradictory.trusting and accepting others or at least not seeing them as mean.e. Psychotherapists say athletes are less aggressive. At the very least. and exploitative. fighting in a war. or watching TV violence. the end result of catharsis is.
. Once the released emotion is discussed with a therapist or friend. watching certain athletics may increase hostility. Anger control and health seem to be related to feeling in control . fantasizing. can result in finding ways to change the irritating situation. shocking someone in an experiment. It is well documented that watching. some people can calm themselves down. Psychotherapists say expressing emotions in therapy can change a person's view and interpretation of the situation. In contrast. Also. Some say they are more. peace and calm.
because we do not want to live in a dirty house nor be faced with a huge. A relationship in which there is a lot of friction and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and selfgrasping. and will endanger our relationship. Since we spend so much time together. unpleasant job. but if they frequently get angry with each other the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. and ways of doing things frequently clash. We clear away the dishes after every meal rather than waiting until the end of the month. our personalities. for if we allow it to accumulate it will become more and more difficult to deal with. interests. Like a flower choked by weeds. our relationship will suffer. we can transform our relationships into opportunities for spiritual growth. it is very easy for us to become critical and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. priorities.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. but actually it is the anger already 29
. Eventually there will come a point when before they have recovered from one row the next has already begun. When we live in close contact with someone.
In a close relationship. we need to make the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears. which are the real sources of all our problems. opportunities to get angry arise many times a day. In the same way. and since we know the other person's shortcomings so well. By practising the instructions on patience explained here. A couple may genuinely love one another. Unless we make a continuous effort to deal with this anger as it arises. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person. We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. love cannot survive in such circumstances.Anger & Relationships
Anger is particularly destructive in relationships.
we talk about it.Anger-generating fantasies
First. We think about it a lot. our lover shows a lot of attention to someone else. like a movie played over and over. The
. something happens to make us mad--someone cheats or insults us. it becomes an obsession. a child rebels.
and evilness in the other person. Scientists have summarized several studies showing that aggressive fantasies interfere with the reduction of anger. Presumably the unpleasant memories maintain the hostility which. they think of only violent solutions to the problem. men hold anger longer than women. Scientists speculate that men may be more prone than women to ruminate about the mistreatments they have suffered and/or about their inability (or wished-for ability) to retaliate against their annoyer." That isn't necessarily so but it is possible. the angrier we get. If the talking (or thinking) provides more understanding of the disliked person and more ideas about how to cope. years later. it probably does. If the talking (or daydreaming) reinforces your beliefs of injustice. you're practicing it. It is not uncommon to meet a person who is still. This talking increased their hostility. and so on. if you believe talking calms you down.more we think about it. your anger increases. On the other hand.
. just waiting five minutes helps women get over their anger. Also.
Scientists say by talking with friends (or a therapist?) about being upset with someone "you aren't ventilating the anger. Thus. fuels more aggressive fantasies and perhaps ulcers. Moreover. Also. research has consistently shown that people who are frequently aggressive have a very limited ability to think of different or more creative ways of handling the angering situation or person . blame. extremely violent persons often ruminate almost continuously about how awful the hated person is. seething with anger towards a former spouse or a tyrannical parent or boss. but not men. For example. Research supports this notion. distrust of others. in turn. Psychotherapists interviewed recently fired employees and encouraged them to talk about their hostility towards the company. There seem to be two elements in anger-building: (1) obsessive hostile fantasies and (2) a lack of creative imagination or fantasy. your anger decreases.
up to full enlightenment.
.The Faults of Anger
There is nothing more destructive than anger.from merely improving our mind. and impels us to engage in negative actions that lead to untold suffering in future lives. It destroys our peace and happiness in this life. It blocks our spiritual progress and prevents us from accomplishing any spiritual goals we have set ourself .
and whatever sleep we do manage to get is fitful and unrefreshing. Are You Too Angry? 33
. our relationships. we are prepared to jeopardize our job. family. We grow more and more miserable. One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. or avoid. and even the food we eat seems unpalatable. and if we are seriously interested in progressing along the spiritual path there is no practice more important than this. It is impossible to enjoy ourself when we are angry. the things or the people that enrage you. and even the well-being of our family and children. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. we cannot control our emotions. Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. and eventually finds himself abandoned by everyone. forgetting the immeasurable kindness we have received from our friends. nor can you change them. but you can learn to control your reactions. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to fall asleep. This unfortunate victim of his own temper is the despair of those who formerly loved him. our inner peace immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. Anger transforms even a normally attractive person into an ugly red-faced demon.
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. Whenever we develop anger. In a fit of anger. It is no wonder that an habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. and. we might strike out against and even kill the ones we hold most dear. or Spiritual Teachers. You can't get rid of.The opponent to anger is patient acceptance. no matter how hard we try. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us. we expose ourself to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? According to psychologists who specialize in anger management. sulk. or annoyance. they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. inconvenience. you already know it. you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration. sometimes they withdraw socially. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening. and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example. some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are. and how well you handle it.
. being corrected for a minor mistake.There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger. how prone to anger you are. They can't take things in stride. or get physically ill. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things.
he is tend to get more hyper than others and vice versa. or other emotions but not to express anger. Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth.If a person comes from a family where letting out anger is very frequent. Anger is often regarded as negative. we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. and easily angered. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger. Another may be sociocultural. touchy. and not skilled at emotional communications. depression. and that these signs are present from a very early age. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive. Research has also found that family background plays a role. and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Typically. chaotic.
.What makes these people this way? A number of things. As a result.
We need to learn patient acceptance.
. such as under torture or in the final ravages of cancer. deep down their mind remained at peace. we need to find a different way of relating to frustrated desires and unwanted occurrences. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. It is always possible to be patient. gradually our capacity for patient acceptance will increase and we shall come to know for ourself the freedom and joy that true patience brings. Patience is a mind that is able to accept. there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises. By learning to accept the small difficulties and hardships that arise every day in the course of our lives. fully and happily. having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. and peaceful heart. There are many examples of people who have managed to practise patience even in the most extreme circumstances. When patience is present in our mind it is impossible for unhappy thoughts to gain a foothold. Although their body was ruined beyond repair. whatever occurs.DEALING WITH ANGER
Since it is impossible to fulfill all our desires or to stop unwanted things happening to us. accommodating. with an open.
Q: What causes a person to experience anger? A: There are basically two ways of experiencing anger. You can feel angry with yourself over not having done as well as you had hoped on an examination, or you can have the other kind of anger which is directed at someone else or some object. In other words, you can stub your toe walking over a carpet and be angry about that, or you can be angry at a sales person in the store, or with a spouse of girlfriend/boyfriend as a result of an argument or dispute. Internal anger is directed at yourself for something that you have done or not done and external anger is the result of an interaction with another person. Q: What are some ways of dealing with anger? A: Probably the most productive way is taking your angry feelings to the source, in other words, directly to the person involved. If your angry feeling are directed at yourself and you are angry with yourself about something, try to express those feelings to a friend, a colleague or a counselor. In other words, to kind of get it off your chest. It is very important to get out angry feelings regardless of what kind of anger you’re feeling. Q: What are some of the non-productive ways of dealing with anger? A: Instead of expressing feelings, the non-productive way would be to bottle them up, keeping those feelings inside. An expression that is frequently used is "sandbagging". Sandbagging your angry feelings means to avoid the person for whom anger is directed, sidestepping the issue, keeping the anger inside, instead of being direct with a person. Sandbagging results in being indirect and sarcastic. Many people fear hurting someone else’s feelings if they share angry feelings. Yet by holding on to anger, the other person ends up feeling hurt and relationships are damaged. Having a lot of angry feelings that are pent up could lead to punitive kinds of behavior or resentment, directly or indirectly. People that you are involved with, a boyfriend of girlfriend or a spouse, know when you are angry. There are ways that you show it indirectly. And when you don’t express that anger directly to them, usually they resent it, and the frustration can cause people to withdraw from each other.
Q: Many people are not even aware they are angry, or that they’re not expressing it. How does a person become aware of whether they’re expressing their anger or not? A: One way for people to tell whether they are angry is if they are short tempered. If you find your honking your horn at traffic, if you are not able to concentrate on your work like you want to, these are all ways of knowing that something is wrong. Agitated feelings are good clues to unexpressed anger. Also, there are occasionally some physical symptoms that go along with unexpressed anger, such as migraine headaches, peptic ulcers, upset stomach, tension headaches. Usually your body tells you that something is wrong. You are bottling something up, and you are not expressing those angers. Q: Is there a decision-making process related to expressing anger? A: When you have angry feelings ,you have to decide if this is the right time and the right place to express these feelings. You may in fact be in the company of others when you have these angry feelings, and you may want to find a nice quiet place where you can explain and express those feelings, or tell those feelings to the person you feel has caused them or at least is directly involved with you. So, it very much is a decision. Q: How about the trust factor? Would you have to trust somebody before you express angry feelings to them, or does trust have anything to do with it? A: Expressing anger is a lot easier if we trust someone. On the other hand, level of trust is not imperative. We may feel angry toward a clerk in a store or a salesperson and we don’t know what the level of trust is. I think the most important thing is to trust yourself. Trust your feelings and let your feelings out. Q: For the person who hasn’t learned too much about expressing anger, are there preliminary steps that one can start taking to learn more about their angry feelings? A: Yes, there is and considering it a series of steps is the easiest way to look at it. The first step is to be aware if something is going on where you are finding yourself agitated, 38
if you are snapping at friends, if you’re not doing well in your work. You know something is wrong. Give yourself time, take a few moments, locate the source. Locating the source is the second step. Is it something you have or haven’t done? Is it something inside that is going on? Or is it the result of an interaction with a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse? The third step would be to choose the right time and the right place to express that anger. If it is anger that is inside you directed at yourself, then find a friend, check it out. See if they have the time to listen to you. Get it off your chest. If it is the result of an interaction with a certain other person, then find the right time and the right place and let them know that this is something important to you to express. And finally, number four would be to tell them your anger in the most simple, direct way you can think of. And always remember that you have the responsibility to express your anger. The other person may not respond the way you want them to--they may not be willing to hear it-- but the important thing is that is their responsibility. You only have the responsibility to tell them and that’s about it. What to do?
Instead of reacting impulsively, train yourself to keep a lid on angry feelings until you have cooled down. Then confront the situation -- or person -- calmly. When flooded with negative emotions, the ability to hear, think and speak are severely impaired. Taking a "time out" can be enormously constructive. However, 5 minutes are not enough; research suggests that people need at least 20 minutes to recover from intense psychological arousal. During those minutes (and at other times, too), try some of these techniques for coping with and defusing anger: 1. Become Aware of what precipitates your anger. Most of us have identifiable triggers. Once you know the roots of your anger, you can deal with it more constructively.
Often." Changing thoughts produces new feelings which displace the anger. this involves looking at the situation from the other person's perspective. you damn homicidal idiot!" think "Maybe that driver didn't see me. Change the thoughts that trigger anger. Instead of. Try not to fan your own fire. The quicker you can reinterpret a situation the better. but seeing things differently quells it. the more reasons and self-justifications you can find for being angry. Or write a letter to the person you're angry with and then tear it into a hundred pieces." Instead of "How dare you cut me off. "Sue's deliberately trying to make me look bad." think "Sue must be having a bad day. Monitor the feelings and bodily sensations you experience when you're becoming angry.
. But be careful: The longer you dwell on what made you angry. Write down angry thoughts. interpreting the situation from a different (less provocative) point of view. Brooding fuels anger. challenge and reappraise them. Once you have them on paper.
3. Reframing a situation is one of the most potent ways of controlling anger. Learn to use these sensations as cues to stop and consider what is happening and what to do about it.2.
5. painting. try doing what may be the most courageous and difficult thing of all: Just let it go. like yoga. Try to become aware of the underlying emotion and express that feeling instead of anger. erupting in the wake of other feelings. The goal isn't to suppress anger. dancing. If angry feelings about a particular person or situation are eating at you and none of the above techniques proves helpful. stretching. If the anger is based on some old wound deep inside. Calmly and assertively stating your thoughts and feelings about a situation. Identify and express the feelings that precede anger. threats and name-calling are aggressive responses. Consider enlisting the support of a professional counselor or therapist. Blaming. swimming and other forms of aerobic exercise "work off" anger and leave you feeling relaxed. Anger is often a secondary emotion. is a far more powerful way to respond in conflict. massage.
6. visualization. Anger is a high-arousal state. without blaming. so one of the most helpful things you can do is engage in an activity that lowers blood pressure and heart rate. and woodworking may also be very helpful. accusations. humiliation. deep breathing. Relinquish your anger. Running.
7. Relax. resentment. 8.
. letting go starts a healing process. Respond assertively. walking. or fear. guided imagery or meditation. like frustration. Activities like gardening. but to express it in non-aggressive ways.
there is no danger of our anger being 'bottled up' and turning into resentment. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others. all beings are friends. We pretend to our self and to others that we are not angry . Repression occurs when anger has developed fully in our mind but we fail to acknowledge its presence.Identifying Anger
It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel. Controlling anger and repressing anger are two very different things. With his mind dwelling in patience. gathering in strength until one day it inevitably explodes. This is very dangerous because the anger continues to seethe below the surface of our mind. Such is the power of a well-controlled mind. and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy. he would remain calm and untroubled. If we can do this. and his love and respect for his assailant would be undiminished. Therefore. has no enemies.
.we control the outward expression of anger but not the anger itself. whose sole motivation is to benefit others. this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. it is not too hard to control. and even if someone did harm him or her. all we need to do is uproot our own anger. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control. If we are able to recognize a negative train of thought before it develops into fullblown anger. To someone who has subdued his or her mind and eradicated the last trace of anger. A Bodhisattva. if we really want to be rid of all enemies. Very few people wish to harm someone who is a friend of all the world. difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace. for instance. the Bodhisattva would not view this person as an enemy.
anger does not get a chance to develop properly. therefore.On the other hand. and then make a free and conscious decision to respond more constructively. when we control anger we see exactly what is going on in our mind. we shall always find happiness.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
. Once we learn to control and overcome our anger in this way. Those who truly wish to be happy. and so there is nothing to repress. If we do this skilfully. both in this life and in our future lives. should make the effort to free their minds from the poison of anger. We acknowledge honestly the angry stirrings in our mind for what they are. realize that allowing them to grow will only result in suffering.
instead of telling yourself. swear." "take it easy. can help calm down angry feelings. When you're angry." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax. from your diaphragm. this means changing the way you think. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put. Angry people tend to curse.Relaxation Simple relaxation tools. slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply. it's terrible. For instance.
Practice these techniques daily. Nonstrenuous. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. "oh. "it's frustrating. everything's ruined. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut. it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. from either your memory or your imagination. you can call upon them in any situation. and once you learn the techniques. or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery." tell yourself. visualize a relaxing experience. Use imagery. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered. and it's understandable that
. it's awful. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. breathing from your chest won't relax you.
and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them. they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt. disappointment. angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. appreciation. "I would like" something is healthier than saying. So use cold hard logic on yourself. willingness to do things their way. but angry people demand them. but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate. and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective.I'm upset about it. you will experience the normal reactions—frustration. their disappointment becomes anger. that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). can quickly become irrational." you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. agreement. hurt—but not anger. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you. "I demand" or "I must have" something.
Problem Solving 45
. Logic defeats anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring. "This !&*%@ machine never works. but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. When you're unable to get what you want. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you. because anger. In other words." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. saying. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. even when it's justified. and when their demands aren't met. Everyone wants these things. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. is not to focus on finding the solution. don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. and it may require some breathing space. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. and often it's a healthy. and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. Resolve to give it your best. you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space. too. Listen. or an albatross around your neck. The best attitude to bring to such a situation. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on. even if the problem does not get solved right away. to what is underlying the anger. If he or she starts complaining about your activities. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head. but don't fight back. then.
. Make a plan. our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. but rather on how you handle and face the problem. a warden. At the same time. but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Not all anger is misplaced.Sometimes. you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking. and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. and check your progress along the way. Instead. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized. listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. For instance. Better Communication Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions. natural response to these difficulties.
" for example. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes. draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury. the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable. but not them! When you feel that urge.Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. rather. but it's often accompanied by ideas that. it can help you get a more balanced perspective. For one thing.
. Anger is a serious emotion. There are two cautions in using humor. First. picture yourself as a god or goddess. don't give in to harsh.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. sarcastic humor. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase. picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk. Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right. if examined. going to meetings. If you can. he suggests. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. Maybe other people do. striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. talking on the phone. don't try to just "laugh off" your problems. that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. stop and picture what that word would literally look like. who owns the streets and stores and office space. and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. Second. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form. can make you laugh. a supreme ruler.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration. Don't say. give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route. Or find another alternative." After this brief quiet time.
Four Proven Techniques for Managing Anger
Step 1:The first step towards managing anger in our personal relationships appropriately is the
. The point is to keep yourself calm. such as a bus or commuter train. or distracted. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. "well. she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire. or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired. one that's less congested or more scenic. Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it.Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work. shut the door. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. Give yourself a break.
Learning to appropriately manage our anger at ourselves is the antidote to much of alcoholism and drug abuse. The problem is that we have suppressed our anger so deeply that we succeeded in concealing it from our own selves! All we are left with is the residual evidence of it. When we are anxious or depressed in our relationships. we will be less likely to fly off the handle than we were in the past. There remains one last step. very often we are also angry at our self without realizing it. ignorance and so on.identification of the mistaken attitudes and convictions that predispose us to being excessively angry in the first place! Once these mistakes have been corrected. our anxiety or our depression.
Step 3:The third step is learning the appropriate modes of expressing our "legitimate" anger at others so that we can begin to cope more effectively with anger provoking situations as they arise in our personal relationships. we are often experiencing the consequences of our suppressed anger. denial.
. When we are depressed.
These impediments to the effective and appropriate management of our anger towards others can be removed so that our suppressed anger will NOT compound itself inside of us as it has been doing for years. But the management of our anger does not end in learning these new and more appropriate ways to express it. These factors include fear. Step 2:The second step is the identification of those factors from our childhood that prevents us from expressing our anger as appropriately as we otherwise might.
One of the most effective means of giving ourselves immediate relief from anger in our personal relationships is to forgive others. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. Very often the feeling is. It even spoils our relationship with ourselves! We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full. it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. rather than attempting to change externals. "Anger wounds" left in us against those who have wronged us. If we do not complete this mopping up step. For example. "Why should I forgive them? What they did was WRONG!" But. Something below the level of our conscious awareness prevents us from relieving our residual anger by forgiving the other person and we then carry a grudge in our hearts for thirty years! This unresolved anger poisons our relationship with our friends and loved ones.
Benefits of Patience
In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are .in which case it is patient acceptance.The fourth step in the Anger Management process is to bind up the wounds that may have been left by the potentially devastating emotional impact of anger. that is the solution. is forgiveness for those who only do us right? Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone. we will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering residue of our anger and rage in our hearts forever.
Many of us cannot forgive those who have trespassed against us. many of our relationship problems arise 50
but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging him? Are we completely free from resentment and blaming? Is there not still a subtle thought that he ought to be different from the way he is? True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts. 51
. Patience always solves our inner problems. Patient acceptance not only helps us. and go along with his wishes most of the time. Perhaps we already try to tolerate our partner's idiosyncrasies. but to accept him fully as he is. Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgement or reservation .because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems. but often it solves problems between people as well
Anger management programs
INDIVIDUAL ANGER PROGRAM Chronic anger can be costly. it also helps those with whom we are patient.then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others. refrain from criticizing him or her. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be. Being accepted feels very different to being judged. but when they feel accepted they can relax. Problems do not exist outside our mind.ing mind does not exist in the calm.as all the enlightened beings accept us . both physically and emotionally. Most people can use their anger in appropriate ways in some situations. and yet be ineffectual in others. When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive. The person who is a problem to a non-accept. clear space of patient acceptance. There are many levels of acceptance. and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface.
to some extent. especially in provocative situations. Graduated homework assignments allow participants to apply their newly acquired skills. The Individual Sessions begin and end on time. The Individual Anger Program employs the three major anger control interventions by using model presentations. lasting forty-five minutes (45min). rehearsal. positive feedback and promoting. You will learn effective coping behaviors to stop escalation and to resolve conflicts. on what has previously been learned.
To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts
The Individual Anger Program uses a skill building format and each new skill relies. You are encouraged to do homework assignments.Participation in the Individual Anger Program reduces levels of anger.
EMPLOYEE ANGER PROGRAM Goals
To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts
. therefore participants are strongly encouraged to attend all twelve (12) sessions.
Partners who make a real relationship work have certain skills. insightful background.COURT (ORDERED) ANGER PROGRAM Goals
To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts
COUPLE PROGRAM The Couple Anger Program is for couples who want professional help for dealing with anger and building a relationship in which both partners can express their real self. and a map for the healing journey possible in real relationships. The Couple Anger Program offers practical skills for dealing with anger and encouragement for those seeking more meaning and healthy closeness in their relationship. They know and practice core interpersonal skills. A real relationship provides its partners with the opportunity for personal growth. Learn how to overcome the power of difference and shame. The dynamics of difference and shame have the power to set up the development of a false self. and emotional and spiritual healing.
This Program provides clear explanations. deepen. practical skills. which may threaten the level of your satisfaction. development of the real self. The false self defensively refuses to assert the real self. which allows them to form a relationship that can endure. Overcoming the power of 53
. and grow.
these dynamics is the source of transforming unhealthy wounded relationships and individuals into healthy ones. The Couple Anger Program provides improvement in the following areas: Assertiveness Skills Overcoming Your Anger Overcoming Your Partner's Anger Overcoming Difference and Shame Overcoming Your Anxiety Conflict Resolution Skills Direct Communication Skills Listening Skills
ANGER MANAGEMENT IN SOBRIETY
Angry feelings is one of the greatest challenges for recovering alcoholics and addicts. Relapse is often related to the inability to constructively handle anger. Positive Steps in Dealing With Anger Recognize Angry Feelings:
. Mismanged anger poses a threat to recovery for the newcomer and the oldtimer. Sometimes the greatest threat is to relationships.
spending.• • • •
How do you know when you are angry? How does your anger show? Do you deny your anger and hide it? Do you own your anger and go with it?
List Your Anger Signs:
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Head. cleaning. stomach and back aches Rapid speech Yelling and screaming Sarcasm or cynicism Denial or rationalization about your behavior Revenge fantasies Thoughts about drinking or using drugs Arguing with others Becoming silent or withholding Avoiding Others Isolating Becoming Violent Compulsive eating. or sex
Identify The Cause:
• • • • •
What is the situation? Who is involved? Is this the first time or is this a pattern? What other feelings are you experiencing? Are you too stressed? Tired? Hungry? Lonely? Scared?
Decide How To Behave:
Reason with your angry self-talk." To: "It's unfortunate this happened. including triggers.
• • •
. Keep a log of your anger work. practice first with a third party. behavior and future planning. Practice listening. Chart your progress and be generous with self-praise when you change your behavior. If you're too angry. money or sex. Daily attention to diet and exercise will improve focus and concentration."
• • •
Do physical activity.
Avoid behavior that will make the situation worse:
o o o o
Artificial stimulants like nicotine and caffeine.. Compulsive behavior with food. Name-calling.
Prevention and Preparation:
Meditation can help balance the nervous system. Walk or jog. Ranting and raving. From: "I'm angry at you because you..
o o o o
Use a calm and asssertive tone. Begin some physically demanding work. Talk directly the person involved. Don't interrupt. and contribute to less stressful anger management. Change thoughts. but it's not worth the price I pay.
Bring it to your recovery or therapy group. Discuss it with a friend or superior. It is a part of being human!
Tame Temper Tantrums
Babies who turn red & scream with rage when their physical needs are not met with immediately . Seek professional help when needed.scream .flail their limbs .aren’t allowed to do something or are made to do it.Only you can decide on the best method to use at this time to handle your anger. It is best to start calming tactics from the cradle itself. They can develop into roaring . anger is not a dirty word.can turn into toddlers who lie on the floor . 57
. Of the alternatives you have.bullying teens and raging .belligerent adults with high risk for heart attacks.and or hold their breaths when they can’t do something .bang their heads . And remember. which seem the best? What are the possible outcomes if you try a particular alternative? What will you do if this alternative doesn't work? Write in a journal.
leave the room and shut the door. If it happens in a public place pick up the child.
Is Hostility Harming Your Heart?
• • • • • •
You’re constantly on the look out for misbehaviour of others. then issue a one to ten deadline to stop. You always need to be in control – and not only when you are driving. getting out of control is unacceptable. Reinforce the fact that while it is all right to be angry. If it is an in house display. You believe that everybody else around you are incompetent nincompoops. paste a smile & go to a peaceful nook where u can both cool off. harms himself or others.lull the baby to sleep or try distraction. Also talk in a quite voice . Sympathize with a toddler.or scream obscenities. Hold infants firmly and gently to help soothe them. Ignore the child for about three minutes. Discover the cause of the anger. Seek counseling if the child starts breaking things. You get so infuriated that you throw things . 58
.It takes patience. You jump to the least generous conclusion about others.hit someone . Demonstrate love when the storm has passed without giving in over the issue. You are unable to listen because you don’t value the experience of others.
angry or aggressive thought for a week – even vague ones. This will make you aware of what triggers you to blow your top. tensed jaw. hunched shoulders.
. Recognize signs of trouble. Log it.
telephone and the television. Minor irritants build up during the day leaving you in a foul mood with the world. You get angry all over again when you recall an irritating incident. Here’s how : 1. You have an argument with a stranger because he bumped into you.be it bridge or badminton. Note down your every annoyed. spot patterns and consider corrective measures. muttering obscenities.the You get enraged during the course of a game . heart pounding. You find yourself getting angry with inanimate objects such as the computer . first making. 2.• • • • • •
You yell at others when you are driving and go ballistic in a cab. you can learn to shed your hospitality. Say teeth clenching or grinding.
SOME MORE ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS
If you find that rage is disrupting your life.
7. Don’t hold it until you explode it uncontrollably. Say stop. Convey real feelings of displeasure at the time it occurs and to the person who causes it. Just because you think that they are you’re always right doesn’t mean that you are. 4.or scream. Assertion means taking a stand .Refocus.Think wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.alone. Or look at the situation from another point of view.and shows a failure to cope with or to solve a problem.it may be easily controllable. 5. Deep exhalations help you to concentrate & slow down your heart.to walk away than to stand and slug it out. Aggression means a loss of control . Don’t be provoked by others into fighting or shouting. honestly and openly. Six times of this will evaporate your murderous rage and allow you to face the object of your wrath placidly. Remember it takes a better. You can’t focus on two things at the same time. 6.and healthier person. Get into another room. Then count from one to give and use your favourite fantasy for 20 second to spare before responding. Know the difference between aggression and assertion.in on a moon drenched beach.resisting unreasonable demands and asking for what you want.lock yourself into a room .Look at the bigger picture. so you feel yourself getting burned up. Perhaps a family member or friend can provide fresh insight and suggest ways to deal with your rage. Unbottle. If you have a pointless hostile thought about an independent situation over which you have no control . 60
. fantasize about a steamy encounter in bed or a lazy lie. 11. If you re-examine something that seems like a big deal . Then let go. 9. Take a few deep breaths. Snap. If you must vent out your feeling violently . 13. Punch at a pillow .3. This can clear the air. reconcile differences and free the flow of all feelings.even the loo .short circuit it by shouting “Stop” either vocally or silently.fling an object . 10. Put a rubber band on your wrist and twang it when you feel an inner fire escalating. Anger can make you dizzy and less able to rationalize. Express yourself in a non-threatening way. 8. 12. Think pleasant.putting another person down .
15.Get some me-time to sort out your feelings and de-clutter your mind with a positive attitude. Yoga releases anger and frustration. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to work in the morning to avoid fretting and fuming. relaxes extra energy and makes you feel more relaxed.relaxation . 20. Meditation helps you to analyse yourself more clearly. The less dependence on nicotine .Compartmentalize.Join a course in mind control . Try to adjust your schedule to miss the rush hour. It’ll prevent you from making the same mistake again.rather than on weekdays or on the first day of the month.Remind yourself of the embarrassment you felt when you lost control.Use time management. Clear your mind of unnecessary garbage by keeping some in between quite moments to yourself . Physical exercise .at least 20 minutes a day.shop early in the morning or on weekends .Cut cigars . Holiday off season. 18.14.caffeine and sugar .the greater the chance of conquering hospitality. 16. Visit restraints which are less crowded or when they are less crowded . A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. Try not to carry bad feelings from home to office and vice versa .or music therapy. you’ll not only save on hotel rates but spare yourself crowded and overbooked transport.coffee .
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control.thus taking them out on the wrong person. if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life. 17.Get moving.colas and candy. you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better.
. With counseling. but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. and ask about his or her approach to anger management. psychologists say. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
OBJECTIVE OF ANGER TEST
Anger Profile 12 situations. these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Still. That isn't something that most angry people do. but you can change the way you let such events affect you. you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. 15-20 min . loss. they tend to let others walk all over them. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks. and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. and the unpredictable actions of others. tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive). Life will be filled with frustration. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person.When you talk to a prospective therapist. things will happen that will cause you anger. pain. Remember. You can't change that. In spite of all your efforts.
Question type: Situational What you get: An overview of the topic of anger with a discussion of the positive as well as negative aspects of the emotion.proper anger management techniques/strategies etc. What it measures: Your style of anger in three different types of situations: emotionally loaded. Also determines how long you dwell on bad feelings and how in touch you are with your feelings overall.e. and benign. career and families. moderately loaded.
Introduction:Do you often find yourself unable to control your temper? Does your anger come out in unhealthy ways that are damaging to both yourself and others? Anger is an extremely powerful emotion. Measures both your external reaction and your internal feelings of anger. and an inability to keep it under control can lead to serious problems in relationships. Basic goal: Anger test for anybody is to help him/her identify those areas which always lead to trouble and frustrate him/her and learn new and better responses for all concerned i. Learn more about your approach to anger
I feel slightly annoyed.On your way home from work you stop off at the shopping mall to pick up some dinner. and committed .I don't feel angry at all. 3. 4.I feel a little angry.I feel moderately angry 5. Two other parked cars have boxed it in. As you walk past a restaurant you catch a glimpse of your partner with another woman/man. 2.I feel furious. How do you feel? 1.this is your soulmate. How do you feel? 1.I don't feel angry at all. 2.You have just come out of the gym and are heading home after a long day.I feel moderately angry 5. loving. 6.I feel a little angry. 3.management with the Anger Profile. and there is no way you can pull out of the parking spot without damaging it.I feel furious.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.he even manages to drop a box labeled "fragile" with your 64
. 6. 4. You are looking forward to a nice relaxing evening until you see your car.
Questions:1. Up until this moment you believed your relationship was stable. 2. The guy turns out to be pretty clumsy . They are kissing publicly and very passionately. It's designed to evaluate your general level of anger in different types of situations.I feel very angry.I feel very angry.Your friend persuades you to hire her/his cousin for a moving job.
At a karaoke night with friends your partner pokes fun of your singing.I feel a little angry. 3.I feel very angry.I feel a little angry. How do you feel? 1. 3.I feel furious. They are coming to stay with you for a month. 3. 65
. You are about to leave the house when you realize the car is outside but your partner has gone to work with the keys.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel moderately angry 5. How do you feel? 1. 2. and they are not light travelers! You've arranged with your partner to have the car for the day. How do you feel? 1. 6. 6.I feel very angry.I feel moderately angry 5. You thought your voice was pretty good.I feel moderately angry 5. 4.family crystal in it. 5. All of the wine glasses are shattered into hundreds of pieces. 2.I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel slightly annoyed. 4. Most of your friends heard the comment.I feel furious. 4.I don't feel angry at all.I feel very angry.I feel a little angry.I don't feel angry at all.You have agreed to pick up some friends at the train station. 4.
3.who wants to eat contaminated produce? How do you feel? 1. One day you catch the neighbor's poodle in action. and while they discuss that.I feel furious. How do you feel? 1. finally winning her case. he poops and digs to get rid of the "evidence". 4.I don't feel angry at all.You’re in the express line in the supermarket.I feel very angry. 7.I feel slightly annoyed. 8.I feel furious. Lately you've noticed your garden is being messed with. her daughter comes up with 2 more items to buy.I feel furious. Your garden is ruined . The person in front of you has at least 5 items over the limit and argues with the clerk to accept her. With a delighted expression on his face. 2.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel a little angry.6. 6. When you get back to your car you notice that the mini-van that was parked next to your car is gone and that you now have a dent and long scratch in your left-rear fender.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel a little angry. Then she argues over a price and the clerk has to go back in the store to check it.I feel very angry. 4. 6. 6. You go in and get them and bring them outside to see it. At that point. and about to be late for a dinner party at home. You just bought a new car and bring it to a friends' business to show them. how do you feel? 66
.You've planted an herb garden in your back yard and are looking forward to reaping the fruit of your efforts. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3. Your spouse has been on your case about being late in the past. in a hurry.I don't feel angry at all.
then you. The two of you went to get the boy and found him in your living room.You are living in your new home.I don't feel angry at all.I feel furious.I feel a little angry. 2.I feel very angry. 4.1. that you became uncomfortable. you call again at 12:30 only to find out he's been delayed and will come some time this afternoon. She says she brought things to keep him busy and convinces you it's okay to leave him alone while you two chat. Shocked. After two calls.I feel furious. 3. 10. 9. 6.I feel moderately angry 5.I don't feel angry at all. with all its new features and fresh wall coverings. At that point. 3. Now you feel: 67
.I feel slightly annoyed. how do you feel? 1.I feel very angry. as she heads rapidly for the front door.You were told that the man from your appliance guarantee company was coming this morning to check the new broken washer you bought. You have many things to do but you have to stay at home this morning or miss him.I feel moderately angry 5. even asking the cost repeatedly. Then you offer her coffee and you chat for a while.I feel slightly annoyed. 2. then picks him up and says. "Isn't he creative?".I feel a little angry. It was pleasant enough but she made so many comments on how expensive was the wallpaper and the furniture and the tea serving. She takes a look at him. you noticed that he had written all over your white furniture and on your foil wallpaper with the permanent markers she had brought without telling you what they were. Your nosy and irritating neighbor comes to visit and brings her young son. 6.Also he calls back later and says he’ll b there by maximum 1hr. 4.but doesn’t turn up till eve.
I feel very angry. you know.I feel slightly annoyed. He repeatedly refuses to let you (and the long line of cars behind you) go around him and even speeds up once as you try to pass on the right so you can't make it. when you get to the end of the road and pull up next to him. this is his golf morning. 4. 3.I don't feel angry at all. 11.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel furious.You are driving behind a very slow moving car on a canyon road. at the desk.1.I feel moderately angry 5. How do you feel? 1." Now. You get there with three minutes to spare and are told to wait in a very full and noisy waiting room and that the doctor will be with you shortly.I don't feel angry at all. you're up and feel: 1. 2.I feel very angry. you patiently blink your lights to let him know you would like to pass. after just being told for the third time. he shouts an obscenity. You take care of your morning responsibilities then rush to make a doctor's appointment. A traffic jam immediately occurs as a line of cars is forced to slow down behind you.I feel a little angry.I feel furious.I don't feel angry at all. Each time the car ahead comes to an area where he could pull to the side and let you pass. Then. gives you the finger and speeds off leaving rubber on the road. 6. 4. 3. 6. that the doctor will be with you shortly. 2. "He must have been delayed at the nineteenth hole again. An hour later.I feel a little angry. finally.I feel moderately angry 5. you overhear one of the other people in the waiting room say. 68
Engineers.occupation etc.I feel furious. Doctors.sex.Also the people were segmented on the basis of age. Based on your answers to the test questions.Alike the following sample about 60 people were contacted for the anger management test. 4.I feel very angry.2.I feel a little angry. that's your style. Occupations considered:Business. Rather than 69
.depending on their score they were briefed on their anger level and were suggested means to keep their anger in control. Out of the above people:Males = 35 Females = 25.I feel moderately angry 5. The above questionnaire was used as a tool for surveying people. 3. 6. it's safe to say you're more happy-go-lucky than fuming and furious! You don't appear to fly off the handle or freak out when something rubs you the wrong way. Labourers. The anger level of people were placed in either of the options:Score between 20-30:Cool. Students. Each option carries marks(their seriel nos are considered as marks in this survey) and then the total of all these options is taken and the person is told about his/her behaviour(on an overall basis). Sample size:Age group 15-25 = 20 people. Age group 25-35 = 20 people. calm and collected.I feel slightly annoyed. Age group 35-45 = 20 people.
and that the feeling will pass if you don't focus on it. you should consider the impact they might be having on your relationships and reputation. You don't want people fearing your wrath. or you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed from time to time . healthy to get angry from time to time. you'd be living on the border. You realize that sometimes it's just not worth the headache. This is a healthy. but are generally able to keep a lid on it. This well-controlled temper is certainly an asset .it saves both you and those around you from a lot of unnecessary turmoil. You seem to have found a balance between accepting the occasional flash of temper and not letting yourself get worked up over nothing. As long as you recognize that it's normal and. From your answers on the test we can deduct that you have the occasional flare of temper. Way to go! Score between 30-40:Your overall anger level is normal. do you? It's
. Perhaps there are certain situations that get your goat and bring out your angry side.plotting revenge or making people pay for any offense. your approach is productive.and the world suffers the consequences! Whether these flashes of anger are a regular thing or not.suppressing anger can be precarious. You get angry in certain situations but don't blow up at every possible occasion. you try to keep your cool.
Score between 40-60:If rage and tranquility were countries. but so can letting yourself get swept away by the powerful emotion. normal approach . in fact. Expressing feelings is much more effective than exploding.
whether it is personal or professional.
Score 60 & above:I'm actually afraid to tell you this. a nasty temper can cause a lot of trouble in life. The following are the various reasons why Anger Management is important:
. Each time you find yourself angry. Will you even remember the whole incident in a few days time?
IMPORTANCE OF ANGER MANAGEMENT
Anger is not good for any kind of relationship. being angry consumes a lot of precious energy you could be using in more productive ways. To maintain a healthy relationship with others. which is certainly not healthy for your relationships. and even get yourself into some pretty sticky situations. You may not actually act out on those angry feelings. Anger creates differences and leads to unhealthy and bitter experiences. Most of all.normal and even healthy to get angry. but freaking out over small things can only lead to trouble. ask yourself if it's really worth it. You may make enemies as a result of your outbursts. these feelings of fury are surely affecting YOU.you have a wicked temper! Your responses to the test questions showed that you have a tendency to blow a fuse at the slightest provocation. but someone's got to do it . and might even wish that you had more self-control. Truth is. other people could be nervous around you. it is important to manage anger.
It helps to control and manage individual and group anger as well.
. generating from anger. etc. Anger Management helps build healthy relationship. It helps control the health problems like blood pressure. It helps to keep anger under control. making the person more friendly and peaceful. It is a key to long term success.
Restlessly. “Anger turned him into a raging bull . 73
. Meditation was prescribed. exploded easily.a monster even” admits Anil. because the Sharmas – both.his temper –although nobody perceived it as such. His elder sister and brother are married. Then it became so terrifyingly unbearable that he was taken to a nearby hospital. despite the frequent transfers which go with the Navy.A FACTUAL STORY
Anil Sharma (28) is the youngest child in an ex service man’s family. parents and sons.when Anil got into a huge argument with a family member. Anil was friendly.his breath would come out in gasps and his body would begin to shake. “And then he felt this pain in his chest which intensified to encompass the whole on his left side. he was told that he had suffered a major heart attack. There to his utter bewilderment. until he was restrained by others. Felt better. if he felt that someone was out and wouldn’t accept this . Sometimes dad would scold him back . At home if his meals were not to his liking . He threw up.but he would do nothing to mend his ways” It was in 1999 .in Himachal Pradesh . mature child who excelled in sports and studies.he would berate mom.he would shout and even get abusive. There was one problem. He would feel the bile rising . The family was advised to move Anil to Chandigarh where an echo cardiogram and angiography reconfirmed the diagnosis. He lit a cigarette to cool down (he had been smoking 5 to 10 day ever since he had passed his SSC).” During a cricket match. He was so furious that he bashed up the object of his wrath again and again and again.
in Instrumentation. I feel like I am a burden on my parents and when I see their worried faces my heart is heavy. And sees Dr. On her advice he was managed to rein in his temper.Anil felt better but the family decided to come to Mumbai where the cardiologist scolded him: “What are you doing? Why aren’t you taking your condition seriously?” The 26-year old couldn’t believe .”It is not as if I don’t ever get angry now. Another angiography cleared up clogged arteries & he was put on a regimen of blood thinners . Vidya is like a beacon of hope. Says Sharma .wouldn’t believe . But wherever I go they ask for experience.heart stabillsors and cholesterol busters. Suratkal! Every three months and takes his medication faithfully.” Unfortunately the anger has given way to depression. Vidya Suratkal’s care. But I’ve learned to recognize the signs and stay in control.that he’d had a heart attack! Nobody in his family had ever had a heart disease!
The next stop was at Lilavati Hospital where he was put under Dr. How can I get experience if I don’t get a job? Has my life ended before it has even begun?” Through it all Dr.
. I spend hours scouring the papers and sending my resume all over the place. She is helping Anil to grow in confidence and self esteem.E.given up his gutkha and cigarettes.has stopped non-veg fare . He walks for an hour every evening . 5 inches. Says Anil: “I feel bad that I have not yet got a job although I am a B. He was advised to bring his 50 kilos of weight down to 65 kilos to suit his height of 5 ft.
They can make Anger Management a part of their training. anger can generate a lot of enemies. he can lead to being alone. In professional world.
. companies can train the employees. be more patient. Everyone likes to see a smiling and happy face and Anger Management helps in the same. etc. satisfy customers and win new customers. how to manage anger. specially the one who directly deal with clients. If a person does not learn how to control his anger.CONCLUSION
Anger is the worst enemy of a person. whether it is hospitals. private business. unsatisfied employees and much more. banks. In order to teach the employees how to manage their anger and to manage customers. So Anger Management is very essential in personal and professional life of an individual. Anger Management is necessary in every field today. and thus. which will help employees to control their anger. loss of money and customers.
beatingangerfranchise.amazon.com www.financialexpress. Foore Amy Twain
The following websites helped in successful completion of this project: www.uk www.com www.BIBLIOGRAPHY
The following were the books which were referred for the completion of this project:
BOOKS Indigo Dreams Anger Management Techniques (Audio Book) Fabulous Self – Esteem
AUTHOR Lori Lite Dr.brint.com