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te e is 177 A Ng wg! con ae = ba volume sixty-six, issue 6 december 22, 2020 Masthead Editor's Address ‘managing editor-in-chief Happy holidays tall ofthe big boot; leftist ime, galactic aya mga spacesluts! ‘content editor-in-chief Wstime tet white noise pay through our brains at high Teas huntsman meron frequency fr several weeks straight Justo get some peace. As ‘webroach the Dickens & Henson collaborative nightmare that production manager |S the Muppet Christmas Carol remember to grb your eggnog anni eller and edibles i's a rough fucking ride, Though we may be 7 Fatien and cynical tothe core we do love an antieaptalist story copy editor the reinds all you rich assholes re-distibut the fucking ‘ave air ‘wealth! polities Is cold outside and there are many without homes. Why bea alex heyman Scrooge when you could bea divalcious pig with eyelash ttensions fa ss and beachy waves. Not to moralize being opinions hhot as hel! but being a heartless capitalist makes you ashy, and «ale sanablom & lucy stark ving fo members of your community wi guarantee atiee Jey bussy. We don’ make the rules! carts & culture ash man & uvinapersaud ‘ven ifyoudidat know it already, this year drove home just how much works needed to create a just and equitable word avent-garg Instead of ying out your tongue liking boots, use it for liam p, bryant joshua bienstock something good like «severe read of your oflensive relatives at ‘Zoor haliday parties We mode i through 2020 when any comics Aid. Due in part to your own haed work but also because of srace Kovacs ‘hat distinty troubling combination of privilege and luck. covers Now that you're here, now thatthe ight a the end ofthe ‘ale sanblom {urnelis vise, take the time to be kind to yourself and to others. Relish in every breath, every joke, every word spoken sa ‘vith Hove. Most mmportanty: do the right fucking thing tabeya arash See ou in the neve year, staff emeritus aniela mahmoudi Laas Huntsman Merkur Maya Morgan contributors ‘anouymoas shelley rafaloy About us ‘The Gargoyle is University College's greasiest student newspaper and publishes every two weeks ‘Weare apape that believes that sometimes you should be angry and that sometimesyou should beloud an ifyou have not hada voice before, you deserve a vice. We do net give print space to bigots and we donot feign neutrality on issues of socal justice. At ths moment everything in out ‘office is is being puppeted by the ghost of Jim Henson. Production bi-weekly on discord Goin our server for instant out) uwcgargosle@ /submissions@uegargovleca, ‘wnateargoyleca POLITICS lil book list 4 the new year. yes, we still believe in reading for fun mayamorgan ‘A quick reading ist to help you have good brain hours, sad brain hours, contemplative brain hours. 1. Map to the Door af No Return by Dione Brand 2, This Wound is a World by Billy-Ray Beleourt 3-Sula by Toni Morrison 4. Beloved by Toni Mortison '5. Notes of Native Son by mes Baldwin ‘These incredible texts by BIPOC are worth an entrelifetime of Study, and are an amazing starting point for delving into ‘various and gorgeous reflections fon what it means tobe alive *¢ * he HOOSE YOUR asec RA’ ne peat eae Tne rare swith a short Preeti cca erent the Builder, i fightin Ean eer tive th FIGHTER wnat woutp you re Ps continues, for all purposes this is a big fucking joke the gargoyle cies Hello, fellow dirty leftists! Our annual Killjoy war on C continues. In the sp lbsolute run-ers ofall fan things ‘we once again must take up the battle ym of “Happy Holidays!” Antifa scum unite ina mutifaith the polnisetta and fighting rng, as ors dake taut with some of the most prolifie Xmas defenders. But with which Christian erusadee ot clash? Follow ou handy ty guide to discover the right ‘roach to sacl down, THER DRINK? eevee WATER DESSERT? LL O'REILLY this fight will be ne eee! Sener ete ene ieere ereeoea pea een eee cee eens) wail guarante ore ca sack. (Plus ee Corgi to deliver hi ders. Save he KER CARI and adi int smack coer Sena ke eel eee er tr 9 eat ere Tot at Perk Per erent: ar ARTS & CULTURE Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy’s Scandalous Relationship ® The juiciest parts of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy’s romanti history persaud Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy have been ina confusing on and off relationship for decades. Talk about toxic. The par first met in 2976 on The Muppet Show. While this relationship didn't {immediately develop on the show, Miss Piggy revealed in The Muppets Movie in 1079 that it was love at frst sight for her, and, in 1978, ‘Mise Piggy even tied to trek Kermit into ‘marrying heron the show during a sketch they were doing. The sketch involved their characters getting marred on the show, but Tite did Kermit know that Miss Piggy hired a real minister and attempted to have Kermit signa real marrage ieense. The scheme did rot end up working, and the pair were not married, Then, in 1979, Miss Piggy officially announced that they were engaged on The Tonight Show With Jonny Carson, bat Kermit was not too happy about that, and they didnot get marvied any time soon, Finallyyyyy in 1984, they hod their FIRST wedding (on-screen) when they got married in the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan, Dbutttt the minister was stripped of his ability to legally marry two individuals right bofore their ceremony. Yet Kermit has stated time and time again “Tm just an aetor and when two actors marry on stage, they're only acting,” {In 1990 the pair broke up on live tvon The Today Shows. Talk about media hogas (no pan intended @MissPigg), 0 Anyways, in 1999 In an Interview with Larry King the pairannaunced they were ina “domestic partnership,” whatever that means {jkyve know Miss Piggy was getting porked by Kermit no pun intended again, Imfaoooe lemme just quit while 'm ahead). Also in this interview, Kermit claimed they have never, and will never get married, Honey your partner just std that you two will never get married bit marrige i obviously a {goal for you leave himmm you definitely don't need hits T mean you're Miss ming Piggy. In 1994, just year later, on Good Morning ‘Texas Kermit denied that the two we're ever ina relationship!! Then in 1996, this fog sad he never had felings for Miss Piggy, but that same year Miss Piggy told Regis Philbin that they ‘were married. ‘There was no new news of thee relationship until 2005 where the pair said, “we are married ‘noon hears" and this is what they continue to say whenever asked about their relationship ‘well it's more lke a situationship. 1m 201, they got back together in The Muppets ‘Movie, but he still never says that he loves her smb, Can you say COMMITMENT ISSUES?! ‘Tree years later, Kermit admitted to Queen Latta that he and Miss Piggy had been in a relationship fora long time and were now planning their wedding. KERMIT MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. Fitst you were never together now you've been dating fora long time sm, make up your mind In 2015, they officially split and have remained ‘that way since. In 2018, Kermit started dating a new pig named Denise, but they broke up shortly after. So, there yout have ithe ups and downs, sideway curves and twists an turns of Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog's stuationship. ‘A Philosophical Argument for Communicating with Words by caleb saraby sandblom Proponents of socal media argne that sci ued paforme make the world beter benise they baler human onnection and expand ou ‘apis. Scial media is defined a= any on Tine-bsel network sytem that allows forthe cexistence of diserete ver Went and alla information sharing ‘The argument for social mdi connecting hu nan beng predicated ona fe simple prem ites, the most important of which it that the fcommanieate with other human bangs, whieh Fequles that soll media works a connective tool. Puthermore, this asumes that the connec: tions made or maintained with socal media ste ‘Srengthened with the presence ofsadal mea, tnd this ls eacrmed brcance ofthe aloreen tion presupposition pat eargument forthe expansion of ur capacities takes two forms; socal edi platforms avance the visilty and tration of soil movements Sd information, dhs eiscunventing the ston {esther onepeson acts, and soil me fia faetionallypeovides ts sere ith ables not avalable beforehand wich eters ou Ives. ‘The first argument requires bot that seal me din are efstive nt mobaton and are better 1 preicing oncom Pst ofne miverent, fd the seco argument requires thatthe tool frovidel ty social media are indeed beter beter forus and are beter than the previous toasthey clips argue that socal media platforms are destroy ing the vestibeles of sciy that they permeate because they fundamentally inate te human Bring fem the physical word Most socal media i built on two types of infor. maton feedback - orthographic feedback and ‘conoyraphie/sumerial. Orthographic feedback ‘ones of pests, comments and responses lof ‘nich have thle oot nevi frs of ext Information shaving Making 2 post andleaving a ‘comment are bo forms of expic entaenent, {they both rege tha the ner intentionally pets thei thoughts infest and cooes to se then, Teonographie and numerical fedback comes inthe form of likes and shares. These forms of communicating interpersonal are new to social motia and are partially sq beease they ‘aot be mapped onto ay onvention f pins ical spech, These forma of eedbuc ae impli itbeense they ate a strly one-way singsary temtve form af conniction,Thongh the ‘aed the conte ofthe sites themseles, they One Like a Day Keeps Your Friends at Bay There fs no equvaent oa Ike” conversation: You cannot afer support for soneone's speech ot engaging with someone ia the materia ‘orl. ’you are witha group of people and agree witha statement being expressed, one ofthe oly ven aera modes of agregar varied ib way that online engagemeat Is nts nod a You fom across a table, there the penal for ‘other people tose it, an for ater people tre ‘pond to me becnie oft The dominance of ieanographie feedback in 50 ial media communications retains people to stance themselves frm explst engagement by favoring implicit engagement. This negative 1 impacts the communiation framework bath ‘on an ofline by decimating the eat of mes fngfl orthographic reponse, Beense. people inherently sek out speaningl response, they will devote more energy towards seeing ct any Tesponser that they ean make sense of Ae oi Tele data eclipses ethographie response actors wil take tothe more prevalent frm of response ins determining ean hs Feng nt ore Dalavor that tates ipl engagement (On the societal sale thse detrmental becanse sion and a pasive reeplion, which prevents Tulling interpersonal connection, On. the Ind ‘ial scl, hiss alenating, because having re pons not avaiable nthe pial pace be ‘nly “eal” ones prevents the use fom gaining Das responses rom the physi wal ‘This azo harms all the supposed seal activist. teas we have developed, beease human beings ‘sho are fndamentaly abet focus on phys motivated to organize. physical, especially 1 They ean gan meaning tom eine forts of w tiv: Purterwore, the resie nature ofthe ‘ele outined above i taken tos logical con sion eliminates tb reception of al forms of on-numecil its of meaning the furthest Sep ofsleation. A proponent of the opposite vew may are that ‘ven Hike” singe feted vector of formation tranmisson, they simply ad tothe han oft of eommanieation symbols» not sutra from them argued eae tha there is ho physical equivalent toa “ike inthe pysicl ‘conversational space and perhaps that san ex trsordinay good thing (Conversion canbe exhansting and though the "ike" may not be sophisti in the emotions itean broadas, it alows for sommuneaton to ‘cst when the fdivdaal i eqhiped odo ise ten A ike o share slows for engagement that Sil maintain level fds, which oa, ‘Deca give tha the online world opstanly accesible iis ally to not always be engaged and provide some opportunities for distancing, Consider hw deeply movies, televsion shows, land aici programs have permexted oor ca ture. Well bore social med, peopl have bet ‘evoting hous to reeling te stons of other people thr sevens without any degre of teraction This sess interactive than te inp. Feinteacin” that deseribed eater, and people have ail developed lifelong relationshipe and fondshipe ar the birth ofthe TV anything, thisshouldersunvent ny argument that mpc engagement devimatescommuniston, because the non-communication afforded by TV is even further removed than an interactive post, an in: terpersonil society tl developed past 187, However, ould are thatthe constant oppor: tunity to imple engage more detrimental to thepesehe than eda tats honeinteratvee ‘use social eda provides the oppertaty for theindividual to be ignored Consider the peychologial distance between providing 8 response that goes anannwered ad Being distant enon that response is nt wat ranted If you are na comversiion and your ‘ontibtion is passed over bythe group, thie {genders distress ~ you ask yours did you say Something. wong, does everyone disike you? Feeling ignored when yo are avare sou are ing waned 6 pehalgiealy ditesing Soil ‘eda ean si sian Ir you spend All day in the supposed ble square somewhat fngaging with people and warrant no response Bac, then it isto uprising that similar felings of eglet ars, However when 30 ell back atthe teen or laugh out lad fo radio show, the same phe omenon doee not cost. This i becas the ‘hodn of pre-rcorded entertainment om ‘asin wth whats going on There fs teen ‘batween expression and reception because there isn conctvable way of being received or under stood by a recording oneseren that you know is rot ocuring at tho same time as you ‘Unimately, he prvalenceaed importance of ist eedhaek on soll media platforms pay Imo oth the destruction of weaning avers tion and constant feelings oflonelness by consis tently akenatng the indviculfrom mening response, Pes) (el) aoa Taylor Swift’s “happiness” i: Who needs a N Gree eS anes i Stork sr Because 1 associate everything Taylor does with Sonmiandgsaneyeronle copes | dna cenring ea tte ase [keener fe ciemericoa nse ee 5 sitet ats te | rovnt arf onsite Seren | Sanow Stein ova enn tie |S Mhiscopetiepd tne behal h RCE nice Sede feaben vgs nig oe eerie roe wana anew genes Westie ete ied & feelings for what they are: grounded in the past aetree } ‘Stark #2 hink th songis abut th perspective that he has gned wth maturity that few thing nie de dc and wean iat how echo | Stpentne ret ete ur psa all [Wi hr cnctonly bleed wear) | Shatethe igpewr she referee ng | sore hotties he et and ot jJutbetrec),butthecompey of he songs | Mierecknnldgent at tsar toto | le nt herein ingewcen any Corin the person | Mls ert hebrea an stl lng Horan ang an lashing ot sn segeing [utd Sewn hve shoe tl Monshp ater Tre soe sign | atthe happnese might mest Beans {Mth men of pin toe doer {Sue gotta Go and ined sk ih he | Silt gon thn ae tt te | Nesphavat bon Sctrned ttre, 5 Soa tly ty eet he | Shor no regrets, even inthe fee floes ad E srines: aad ‘Stark a3 appiness” was one of my least favorite songs. & wncae Wat heb ot iesong ADT lepty pods mip perspec | em este pte Tbr ss [Gi iiied’sleetoamenerce® | | Sheri rid i Mest et gy ‘Sess cen and ere Raho | ie hg canbe tres een nase Sloper lechean > pclae | ic yeed pion am oi So mahi | Min sel ming ental | ngs it wen yan tech 4 Sact penetra mat be mene | Tha dct td cont ut Unk ci | dultietad machine ee ‘ (the sone stil near the bettomofmystin terms of faves, hich ells you haw wet of snabue thik kis) -comnenosoorvonneceecooeoenneeeesooored i i : i : i ; i i t © spies ste sor of sonnei i | Analyze (roe 3 ‘Stark #4 with {refer th end of longrelatonship hd eeptng that there was happiness nthe past inthat relationship, bt als hat there wil be Iappinss in the ure without the lation ship. tte begining ofthe song the persons {struggling to accept te end ofthe relationship idea rcrenng ee Cea {Hh Meundonande te wlio Hite hee end osea hod “ afsltensp ethene pepe se Shs elberitsecn mando ‘Seemey heres Sucre hat terctenip svete ese & has something to prove to him, saying he hasn't anger subsides and in ts place isan acceptance ‘inlets gpl manana tet | imschter Se esa eho 8 pretending her ex was a villain will not ease ber 4 pin The elton thal they had mas god | tay one wet apn tacit iodo ew ups nt Nepean sheer eat {tov tnd appnec ntbe pre Ui naiionetseieortnonercnroed dus this year with two operetta eee eee eet eerste ernment en ot Stark #5 uri using pooch tet fartion) ey Sohere'sthe assis youve al been wating for. lev get into So today were reviewing happstess” ae weeping ue on thous and enpass and evens that we end into it soles go. o, “haps” Illy thong twas interesting and it een ie { shemiahtbegongthrongh a mental les ike ‘depression, bt thas jost me So lo think that whe she sa theres ley happiness — Tike saying hat even when woot you~ but ten Tim wih you more hap, but ye | hot around I'm stl gonna be hapy you kaw : q {think Tylor or Tay Tay ig jst spreading the message that then’ ways happiness ay ‘here nthe wor Youre goma have a chance to behppy anytine you want even fue ‘bd situation, You canbe happy Sister Rest well, Papa Swi, yon desert HAPPY HOLI-POCALYPSE From your Friends at Avant Garg Orbit tabeya azdasih ‘Two vampires discuss eternal life in the hallowed halls of an Upper East Side apartment. It's been in the family for centuries. It isnt like this with anyone else — I feel like no one else has been alive long enough to know / Whether or not with infinite time you come back to the same place / Over and over - you are my canon, and my cathedral / Love thins my blood / I know, know. It was not like we could reconcile those fundamental differences / These young vampires with their ethics /Itry, you know / You know, I try /1 did what I had to, Twant to be good / But a life so long, the ‘consequences, beyond my time / You've lived long enough / You're right, [ have / To know it doesn't make adifference. All the good we could've done for the world though / Will you start? / I'm just thinking / You can tell me ‘what you find tomorrow / Do I have your tomorrows? No, not tomorrow, but you have most of them. It isn’t the same with anyone else. New Year’s D ay shelley rafialov Knowing looks and matching smiles and bumping elbows. ‘Jigsaw-curved corners click together in tandem with clinking champagne flutes. A toast to trying again, the burn of last year disappears down our throats. Glitter shakes off flimsy dresses and clings to floorboards, flats, the futon. Celebration will still coat tomorrow morning in shining bits of sunlight to be swept away with broken glass. ‘Legs exhausted of running a perpetual race will once again swing out of bed. Echoes of laughter will rattle in the rafters, shake the plaster. ‘The mess of memories in the morning will be buried in plastic Party City clutter, painstakingly dug out and disposed of. ‘This year, no one will groggily roll off the couch to help. This year, the smell of early-morning-remedy pancakes does not rise from the kitchen. This year, the sunrise tries to glow a bit warmer to compensate for the cold and empty. ‘This year, the foyer is dustless. pluto in retrograde dani mahmoudi am riuto iam survival the deepest of roots unseen by bare eyes reflected in the tallest trees branches extended to the heavens iam the solitude of healing the self-protection practice of isolation and self-embracing the in-between trance between destruction and creation and destruction again unavoidably only exactly when you think you could never survive it again youdo iam the faith you carry that something will grow but not from what you've sown and not from these seeds these were never going to thrive in such conditions it was all projected fantasies you knew iam the act of surrendering to the universe once you finish your kicking and your screaming when you finally make it to the other side and begin to feed your shadow only modest spoonfuls to watch your efforts float into the light iamanon-planet released into orbit extremely lonely and extremely powerful circling around myself forged in the fires of my own personal sun soaked in the newfound potential of the unsustainable relationships that i uprooted from unnurtured soil malnourished soil and you too were neglected iam the act of sitting with the uncomfortable without rushing to tend to every wound because something new will surely grow in the place of the old something better possibilities are propagated through endings and cells will die just to regenerate once you accept what has been lost iam grief and all thatiit teaches us all that it renders precious if place my trust in divinity ifi dance in my own demise iattend my own revival nawa tahir the green passport is on the kitchen counter ‘maybe abit too close to the stove i am sure i don't want it to burn away § just wish i could erase that part sometimes but this booklet is the only identity i have wish i had alittle more than passport and a birth certificate to be remembered by, when iam gone ‘maybe a sunset or a sunrise «a piece of art or a moment something yellow, something purple Just something momentarily whole anything that one can be loved for because god knows i don't remember any momentary wholeness within me ‘my memory tends to hate beauty it knows only the ugly the moments when the world hates me and the moments when i hate the world my brain holds on to the hatred and my heart yearns for the love and i struggle between the two ican only hope that when i am gone this isnt all j am known by would you still love me? *** Content warnin, Graphic descriptions of self-harm, attempted suicide, & mental illness. Also, take care of yourself ae anonymous names have been changed as eight years old when I first heard about depression. Sgt see mem eater ‘Tupaoing home to Calgary. moving back in ‘with my parents.” Miss Joanna told us. ‘dad said he understood. Toronto ‘lonely, Soda = = Cassie said it was a bullshit excuse— “She's not ts re imiamene ‘The next time I heard about it I was fourteen. Cassie got it. Soares shore, srs siping scoala ae ten ya ld would want ‘She started saying she could hear the Devil conan torber Glut to heat ‘whispering from behind the closet door. Tm. Alice,” she told me, “and he's the white rabbit. He wants me to come down the rabbit hole with him.” , Cassie called me into her bedroom. She to play charades. First, she tapped on the bed post. “Bed?” ‘She shook her head, tapped on the bed frame. “Wood?” Correct. She pointed to me. “Window?” She shook her head. Knowing I wouldn't get this one she told me the answer. “Still,” she said. “Like windowsill” “Oh, I see.” She made a shape of a heart. “Love,” said. thought for a moment, placing the words together like a puzzle. “Wood... You... Still... Love. .would I still love?” ‘She nodded, then pointed to herself. “Would I still love you?” She nodded. She was crying. “Would I still ove you if what?” ‘She made the motion of slicing her arm. Tknew ‘what she meant, but I pretended I didn't. don't get it,” Isaid. She pulled up her sleeves, kicked up the covers. eae Tale watt ber acute Ee she was ‘One day I came home from school and went up to her bedroom. Her eyes were wide, and she was smiling. [fl relieved that she was happy y.I was supposed to watch her, but Cassie asked me and just wanted to nap. I said okay. I wanted to watch TV anyways. An hour later, Theard my mom scream, and I ran upstairs. Cassie had cut her wrists. 1 remember feeling numb, Even now, I don't really feel anything when T think about it. Even ‘when Ive cried about it, or had nightmares, I couldn't feel anything. Sfy mom screamed at me to get anything, paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex. [ran to the bathroom and got hand towels. On the floor, al red, even the blade, was my swiss army knife. "The thing that confused me — and still does — was that Cassie was awake. She was screaming too. In movies, when people try to kill themselves, there is slow music and the person just lies there jetly. But she was sitting up, holding her wrist, Sashe kept screaming that Rare wonake it stop hurting. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. I didn't understand. The only reason I hadn't been so upset by her cutting herself was because I assumed it didn’t burt. Fassumed the depression had desensitized her nerves, like anesthesia Why would you do something to yourself ifit hurt? Cassie didn't die. They stitched up her wrists and admitted her to the Sick Kids Psych Ward. She vas pissed off because she wasn't allowed to watch Kanye West music videos but the kids in the eating disorder wing got to watch The ‘Shining — which she said was objectively less age appropriate. to leave her alone for a bit, because she was fine ‘Amonth later, at Christmas, we had our cousins over. My litle cousin, a chubby cheeked five- year-old with bright eyes, found Cassie's suicide note under the bed. “A secret message!” he exclaimed. He was so happy. To him, the world was still magic: the note was part of a treasure hunt; our back staircase was a secret passage; and if he'd found the swiss army knife, he'd say it was a clue to solve a murder mystery. took the note and read it. There were only three words: Im sorry. Goodbye. “What does it mean?” he asked. “Nothing,” Isai. Ierumpled it up and put tin iy pocket. Merry Christmas, my loves. ae zcoarock! Pe meppets Il SS ACINCS CISIHS a yg A\iig, Its ca Oe a Crimmas # (aut Guevacker ~ (3 “THE KNIGHT BY CHRISTMAS. ? 5 Gi tl ) y EA : 1 RAZ) ¢ a ee [PL de YN — Ny Df Che iy LY Zs ny LQ