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By Catherine Moore
"Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?" Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle. "I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving."
My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt. Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him? Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his powers. The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man. Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing.
Just when I was giving up hope. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. he survived. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain. Dad was rushed into an operating room. He criticized everything I did. The number of visitors thinned. Within a week after he moved in. Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation.At the hospital. After I filled out a questionnaire. I regretted the invitation.. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust." I listened as she read. one of the voices suddenly exclaimed. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog. and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. then finally stopped altogether. His zest for life was gone He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders.. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. We began to bicker and argue. But the months wore on and God was silent. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. Dick. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. Alarmed. At the close of each session he prayed. "I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article. The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression.. My husband. But something inside Dad died.. Dad was left alone. I became frustrated and moody. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. He was lucky. asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. a .
Dad!" I said excitedly. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog. I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. curly-haired dogs. I pointed to the dog "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked. figuring someone would be right down to claim him." I said. spotted dogs all jumped up. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. black dogs.uniformed officer led me to the kennels. His time is up tomorrow. then shook his head in puzzlement. too small. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Dad looked. "He's a funny one. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. We brought him in.. "Ta-da! Look what I got for you. one of the dog world's aristocrats. trying to reach me. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet. "You mean you're going to kill him?" "Ma'am. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. It was a pointer.. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. too much hair. Each contained five to seven dogs. "If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. Calm and clear.." he said gently.. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. "I'll take him. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch." He gestured helplessly. walked to the front of the run and sat down. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. then wrinkled his face in disgust." I looked at the pointer again. they beheld me unwaveringly. "that's our policy. Long-haired dogs. But this was a caricature of the breed. .
his face serene. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. his hands clenched at his sides. Then slowly. Anger rose inside me. angling for tasty trout. Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. They even started to attend Sunday services together. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne s cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. As . Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad. It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad's bitterness faded. he raised his paw. He's staying!" Dad ignored me. and he and Cheyenne made many friends. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night. At those words Dad whirled angrily.. We stood glaring at each other like duelists. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. "Did you hear me. The pointer waited patiently. I woke Dick. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne.Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house. his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. Dad?" I screamed. Dad lay in his bed. "You'd better get used to him. Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. carefully. when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams.
Cheyenne s unexpected appearance at the animal shelter.. . I love you.. Love story Boy: Baby.. Girl: Ricardo. and the proximity of their deaths.. my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church." he said. The pastor began his eulogy. I mean I'm moving far away. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all. . The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. Boy: Not like that.. "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers. Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God. Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here. Girl: Baby.. what do u mean? Boy: Something has come up. you already brought it up. Girl: Well. For me. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life.. so please just tell me. I thought.. I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind. Boy: Baby. for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. we need to talk. completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article. the past dropped into place.. This day looks like the way I feel.his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father. And suddenly I understood. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. Boy: Well.. I hope he doesnt break up with me. What is so important?? Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it. Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad? Boy: I don't want to hurt you... Boy: I'm leaving. are you there?? Girl: Yeah. as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I'm here. what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me." "I've often thanked God for sending that angel... baby.Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole. I love him so much.
. I never want to cuddle up. You don't know what would happen if I did.. But I have to go. I never cared about you. And I never want to see you. Then she gets a phone call. You never did the right thing.. and never wanted to talk to you. and be around you.] Boy: Wow. okay. My dad would kill me! Boy: *Sad* It's okay.. "Erica. this is for you. I will never miss kissing you like before.] Boy: Here you go. [She finds a piece of paper in the jacket. Girl: Umm.. you know I would. dont cry.Ricardo" [ Erica begins to cry. and I want you to remember that. [FATHER: (Picks up the other phone.Girl: I can't believe this. A few days ago. your father sounds really mad... He told me to tell you to look in your jacket pocket or something. they both hug eachother. Boy: Would you run away with me? Girl: Baby. Bitch. is that I never loved you.. The truth is.. I understand.) Boy: Baby. you know I love you. I will not miss you and that's a promise. Fuck.. I guess. Boy: I need to give you something tonite. I didnt think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. Goodbye. Girl: *Tear* (Begins to cry. you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. I hate you so much. I'll meet you there in 20 minutes. Girl: *Thinking*I can't believe what's going on. bitch. [They meet at a nearby park. Friend: How are you feeling? Girl: I just cant believe this happened... You never had my love. Ricardo left me a message. Boy: Okay. about that.. and you were never there. Girl: Okay. I hated you so much. depressed and she feels so lonely. I would do anything for you. what did I tell you about talking to boys?!!!. you are my bitch and dont you ever forget that. A day passes. I thought he loved me...) [They both go back home. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I hate you. Friend: Oh.. but I can't. It says: . You really have no clue how much I hate you.. but anyways. she throws the paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ] .. I gotta go.. I dont want you to go. I will sneak out & meet you at the park. And Erica begins to read the letter he gave her] It says. interrupts & yells furiously ERICA!. because I am leaving on flight 1-80 in the morning. for the rest of my life.. I knew this would be better if I wrote a letter explaining the truth about how much I care about you. so I need to see you now.. And he gives her a note.. You probably already know that I'm leaving. how we used to.. . she is sad. I will not talk to you soon bitch. Girl: You know how he gets. Get off the damn phone!! (And hangs up). Girl: Okay (Begins to walk away.
People are bustling through the streets. trying to stay warm.. Shu like that... and it was so hard to let you go thats why I wanted you to run away with me... on.. Erica turns the T. It's a cold February night.. 3 days later... Crying and yelling. "Its Ricardo." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?" "Of course I do. like she was crazy. -Ricardo"] Girl: Oh my God! It's a letter. she kills herself.. we are still searching for survivors.I'm standing at my window. I hope your not worried. I missed my flight because I had to see you one last time. bye.."Baby I hope you find this before you read my letter. so I switched a few words... "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them. I'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me! ." ." the Reporter says. he called to leave a message. [Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. It's so cold today. he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I'm beginning to pity those people. looking at the people moving like little dots. my ears perk up when I hear my name. Call me later. I knew your dad might read it. It's so unfair!" "You are fortunate. ] . [ She turns off the t. ." "You mean Dr. Girl: *happy*okay. Hate = Love Never = Always Bitch = Baby Will not= will . Shu?" Like Sherlock Holmes.. "I've never seen Dr. I can't believe how stupid I am!! Friend: lol Okay but I g2g... I guess you're not home so.." Another nurse says. either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks.. So.. A day after that the phone rings.. Over 47 young boys died.. Nobody answers..v.. It was Ricardo. I called to let you know that I'm alive.. it was on its way to an all boys boarding school.. Ricardo does love me!!. This is a tragedy we will never forget.V. I hope you didn't take that seriously because I love you with all my heart. I am staying for good Another story .. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning? "Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy.. Standing in a heated room.. this plane was flight 1-80. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. because of the fact that Ricardo was dead & she had nothing to live for." A nurse shudders..
"I can't stand you women. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. Her name is Christine. She might hear you." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Shu. At that time. "You have to e-mail it to me. "You can't blame Dr. I forgot when I first had the cat." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away. I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him. I'll be waiting. I do. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall." E-card. That's fine. I know. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me. After lunch. you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes. I was like an abandoned cat. but her eyes are complaining about my severity. She hasn't left work yet. with eyes filled with despair." I threatened the cat. what are you doing standing here?" Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush." "Then. like they said. An year ago today. my least favorite English name. but that's the way he is. I was ready to go home anyway. It's already past time to go home. standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions. at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed. "Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you. "Dr. "Today is Valentine's Day. "I'm waiting to go home. you must have gotten too involved in your work. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye. Even though no lover is waiting for me. That's the only difference. another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know. I was out of control. After I come home.. That sounds so impersonal. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Cats don't cry. hurt by his tone. See you tomorrow. I would probably go crazy as well. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words. "I know. They are correct. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone. "Happy Valentine's Day.. I still looked forward to the card." The two nurses are too late. I'll send you an e-card. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food." I pretend that I didn't hear anything. the first thing I do is feed the cat.They are talking about how I was last year. Shu. "Dr. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates." "Keep it down. His comment induced me to fight with him again. .
As soon as I walked in my door. A Greek singer with really expensive albums. The TV station can go out of business. and the theme song was beautiful as well. "That drama was very touching. I couldn't bring myself to admit it." "What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies." He quickly interjected." "Your life is so boring. after listening to the story. After that. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot." I gladly answered. "Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability." "Her voice is worth it." I made a face at him. "Whatever. I would become a screenwriter. "It's called 'Story of A Century'. I'm leaving. Our homes were only 1 wall away."You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?" "Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel." He glanced at his watch. You should have watched it. I wouldn't be a doctor anymore." I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years." "If you become a screenwriter. performed by Nana Mouskouri. Staring at the empty in-box. "Nana. Maybe no one will believe me. I know her. but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. "I'm going back to work. I began to reminisce about how we met. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately. "What's so touching about it?" He asked. It's called 'Only Love'. Ever ." Even though I secretly agreed with him. not even finishing my coffee." I wonder if he knew who Nana was. I turned on my computer and go online. from 1901 to 2000. "What kind of trashy plot did it have?" "What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "One recent drama was really good. The story was tear-jerking. He always thought they were lies. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. I bet no one would watch the show.
"If you think I'm so ugly. We both knew: we fell in love with each other. Not only that. "We're only neighbors. we got into the same high school and into the same class." He argued. I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. I'm really ugly. why do you visit me??" "Can't help it. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. After a while. I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. "I told you he wasn't any good. But you're also not pretty when you smile. Whenever that happened. but he started to look at me differently. he would always come over to tease me. . Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. and neither of us moved. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away." He roughly comforted me. neither of us said anything. I would just go home and do nothing. "My standard is not that low. After school." In other words. "You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. But 5 years passed. he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms. "We're not!" I always tried to explain. Both of us refused to admit our love. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you. "You're that infamous couple. "Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. We still fought all the time. My home is right next to your home. I hated my parents for making us live next to him. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes. That year." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. I know your eyes are on top of your head. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. A line that I forbid him to cross." At that time. I had a crush on a senior. Used to the city life. When I cried about it. we were both in the 5th grade. I cried in his arms the whole night. I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk." He would say. and began to see him in a different way." I really disliked him." "Yes. At that time." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us. Things began to change between us. "Then I'll move!" The next day. we liked to fight with each other all day long. I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. Even with this knowledge. Even though we cared about each other's every moves.since we were kids.
" He was really busy but I didn't care. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints. After I returned to the hospital. I chose to study medicine. In reality. ok? I'm really busy. I became a doctor. We still fought. so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. That night. I became an intern. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. "I didn't receive the card. On the surface. "Hello. I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. Once again. but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. "I didn't receive it. I'll eat dinner by myself. I didn't want to hear his explanations. and he chose physics. His tone further infuriated me. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together." "I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. we became lovers." "Okay." "Don't be childish. Three years later. I'll send you 100 times. we were still together." I immediately showed my displeasure. "You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy.Time flew by quickly. we spent every Valentine's Day together. he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone. we became neighbors. we left each other. Since then. But I nodded and accepted his request. Alright. Is that how lovers speak to each other? "Don't bother sending it to me. I just want a little e-card. "But I sent it. but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. Now. and his business began to boom." He picked up the phone. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. I have to say that he was very arrogant. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. . Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei. I suddenly grew very angry. Is that too much to ask for?? I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I wanted to concentrate on work. Facing the empty in-box. Send it again. and it was time to face separation. After graduation.
He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I introduced them. the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped "Prepare for shock. When I stepped out the door. He may die. He still owed me a card. "I understand what you're going through. By that time. Jian slapped me. Jian angrily pushed me away. I still wanted to save him. The scared nurses went to find another doctor. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. but he didn't wake up. please take a look at that patient. I cried. When I arrived." Dr. But when I saw who laid on the operating table. Even though he never showed me his love. He's already dead. hoping it would revive him." Yes. I couldn't see clearly anymore. They knew each other and ate together once. "Dr. I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument." As I was collecting my equipment. "Dr. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth. I didn't know if I was crazy or not. Shu. to tell him that I was crazy. punishing me with his silence. I just wanted to save my lover. I'm sorry. He didn't even say "It hurts". How can Dr." The medic replied. "What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. I wailed." I calmly instructed the nurses.Because there were so many emergencies today." I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. "Car accident. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. We can't lose our calm. the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. Dr. "It's too late. I'm a doctor. He was covered with blood. Dr. I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend! "No. Saving people is our duty. Jian patted me on the shoulder." I stood in shock. Shu. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him. control yourself!" Dr. the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney. but I'm also a regular person.. "Very serious. but you're a doctor. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. "He can't die. He just laid there with his eyes closed. I pressed with all my strength." I shook my head.. How can I just throw away a habit? . Shu. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. Even though we fought all the time.
he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way. I opened the mail. I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day. They didn't affect me anymore. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy.Besides.. I couldn't even cry anymore.. My tantrum killed him. he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. "Only Love". Afterwards. I couldn't cry anymore. She finished her milk. Then a beautiful melody began to play. Even though I know no one will send me a mail. After that. meow. They told me that after I hung up the phone. I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.. I froze. we could not send these until today." That's my name.. 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail? I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail. Stepping over the cat.. I couldn't believe it. And that day happened to be Valentine's Day. and this one said: "Because of system error. he died. I lost my privilege to be childish. I looked at the 1st mail. regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. My heart began to beat fast. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. When I heard this. We apologize for the delay. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. . Like an abandoned cat. "Take her away!" That day. Now. Worried. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen." The sender was my ISP. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose.. "Hwei. he still owed me a card. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Just because of an unmailed card. I lost my control and my professionalism. After his death. Could he have sent these? With a trembling hand. I have. I turned on the computer. I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Meow. because the words read like a beautiful poem.
let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice. I kept reading his words and talking to him. The song played over and over." The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. I could find a something different to fight with him about. "I know I always make you mad by the things I say." You already have enough money. and I love you. Only love can make a moment last. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again. Hwei? Will you?" That's the content of the whole card.. "But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry." Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours. and I remember you then when love was all. As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting. I finally saved enough money. I use this card to propose to you. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. but it's all your fault for being so distant. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore. Will you marry me. "Today. When he was alive. "And I want to tell you a good news. I've never sent you any flowers." I received it and it's so beautiful. my world was so young. "Will you marry me?" ." I waited so many years for those words.. Like a fool. because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. "You know we are always fighting.. my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away." Good that you're admitting it. Only love can make a memory. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel. But after he left. Every day."Knowing you so many years. Today I send you a rose. all you were living for. and how you gave that love to me. Why did you need so much? "So Hwei." Yes.
and "Only Love" played 100 times. but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love. In this cold Valentine's night. I opened every single letter. I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool.When I read these words. That is how I answered him. I answered you. the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected." I will . Will I? If he's in front of me." I replied 100 times. I will . wetting the keyboard. I wouldn't have waited until today. accepted every singled rose. my tears unconsciously came. So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box. and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years . If I wasn't willing.fight with him forever. What about you? ."I will.be by his side for the rest of my life." Nevertheless. and typed the same response: "I will.
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