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“Where’s Alucard?” Sir Integra asked, a puff of smoke emerging from her mouth.

“Probably in his dungeon, sleeping, Sir.” Walter answered.

“He really should get out of there more. He’s in his dungeon all day. Got any
“Well, we could send him out?”
“There have been absolutely no sightings of any vampires anywhere, so that
won’t work.”
Walter frowned, thinking of another solution. “Maybe he could do some chores
around here?”
“Don’t take the term ‘servant’ too literally. He’ll never stoop down that low.”
Integra sighed.
Suddenly, Walter smiled, and said: “Then what about a good, old-fashioned
Both Integra and Walter laughed at the idea, but even so, Alucard had to face it
the next day.

“Alucard, wake up.” Walter knocked on the lid of Alucard’s coffin.

“Five more minutes,” a voice sounded from inside.
“No, you have to get out now. Your master commands it.”
Alucard grunted, opened his coffin and stepped out. “What’s your problem? It’s
midday. I was just having a good dream.” He scratched the back of his head and
stretched himself, yawning.
“Your master says that you’re in your dungeon too often. She says you should
come out more, so please follow me to Sir Integra’s office.”
And even though Alucard strongly objected the idea, he obediently followed
Walter to the office.

After a long while of arguing, Sir Integra finally managed to get Alucard to play a
game of Monopoly. She called Seras and Pip to join them, and within half an hour,
everyone sat around the dinner table.
Everyone had his own opinion about the game. Monopoly made Walter remind
him of his old days; when he was young, he had played the game way too many
times. Seras was over-enthusiastic; she always loved games, but ever since she
became a vampire, she hadn’t played a single game. Pip was never that fond of
board-games; he didn’t grow up with them like most children, and besides that,
he didn’t see the fun in a piece of cardboard and a few wooden pawns. Integra
merely tagged along to make sure Alucard behaved; she had never been fond of
games too, she was just 12 when she got full responsibility for the Hellsing
Organization, and of course there was no time for playing games when head of
the family.
And Alucard? All he could do was grunt, growl, and mumble, he sat with his arms
folded over each other, clearly mocking after being forced to play a low-life game
like Monopoly. He possibly couldn’t be any more angry and dissatisfied.

“Do you know the rules, master?” Seras asked Alucard, while Walter was dealing
the starting amount of money. “Of course I don’t. Do you think I’ve ever played
something as stupid as Monopoly?” Alucard grunted. “Well, no, but I thought,
you’ve lived over half a millennium, so maybe you…” She cut off mid-sentence
when Alucard shot her a ‘shut-up-or-I’ll-rip-your-face-off’-look.
Seras tried again: “Don’t worry, it’s really easy, I’m sure this is going to be fun…”
“Fun?! I can’t see the fun in something I can’t shoot things in.” Alucard grumbled.
“My guns are feeling lonely. I guess I’ll go and check if they’re alright.” Alucard
stood up, but Sir Integra pushed him down again.
“Don’t be such a child, Alucard,” Sir Integra said, “how old are you?”
“Five hundred and sixty something…” Alucard answered, counting in his head,
“five hundred and sixty-eight, to be precise.”

After another long while of arguing with his master, Alucard finally decided to just
endure. Only if he could return to his coffin after this game was over.
“Let’s start with throwing to see who goes first!” Seras said, grabbing the dice
from the table. “Eight,” she said, after rolling them, and she passed the dice on
to Pip. “Too bad, mignonette, I beat you on that one. Nine!” Pip poked Seras’
arm, giving the dice to Walter, who threw four eyes. Integra quickly grabbed the
dice, threw seven, and passed them on to Alucard, who kept his arms folded.
“Am I supposed to throw too?” He asked, and Integra nodded. He grabbed the
dice, and threw them with great force through the window, leaving shattered
glass and two holes in it. “Ah, too bad, the dice are gone. Now we can’t play
anymore. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“I’m warning you Alucard, play along nicely or you’ll never see your coffin again.”
Sir Integra said. Walter grabbed two new dice from his pocket and handed them
to Alucard. “Damn it.” He said. “Alright then.” He threw the dice on table, and
discovered that he had thrown the highest number.
“That means you may start, master!” Seras said. “Now, throw again!”
Alucard clearly didn’t understand the game, but played along. When one of the
dice counted six, and the other one five eyes, he placed his black pawn eleven
places ahead. “Pall Mall… Does that mean I get a free pack of cigarettes?” He
raised an eyebrow. Seras giggled. “No, master, that’s a street. You can buy it if
you want, and if you’ve got the whole set, you can build houses on it, and people
will have to pay you if they land on one of your streets!” Alucard liked that idea.
“Sounds like my first step towards dominating the world! I’m actually starting to
like this…” “It’s just a game, master…”

In his second turn, Alucard landed on a chance tile. “And now…?” He asked,
looking at his fledgling, who obviously knew everything about the game. “Now
you may draw a chance card, master,” she said, picking the top on off the pile
and handing it to her master. Alucard read it, and frowned. “Well, that can’t be
right…” He said, frowning deeper. “Why, what’s the problem, Alucard?” Pip
asked. “It says here that my son is going to college, and that I have to pay two
hundred pounds!” Alucard answered, indignant. “Well, what’s the problem with
that, master?” Seras asked.
Seras ducked against Pip in fear, who laid his arms over her and roared back at
Alucard. “It’s just a game, you moron! It’s not reality! Vampires…” He sighed.
“Hey!” Seras yelled, and she slapped Pip’s arm. “Yeah but you are an exception,
my mignonette!”
“That’s my Mayfair. Cough it up, Alucard!” Pip laughed when Alucard landed on
Mayfair, where Pip had built a hotel on. “I’m still waiting for my two thousand
pounds…” Alucard was viciously counting his money, but of course, that took him
little time. “I don’t have two thousand pounds…” He said. “Well, then you have to
sell houses and streets, master…” Seras said, looking around the board for things
he could sell. “Oh, you don’t have any houses… And apparently, you don’t have
enough streets to pay two thousand pounds either… I’m sorry master, but you’re
bankrupt.” She gave her master an apologizing look. “And what does that
mean?” Alucard asked. “It means you’ve lost.” Pip answered. “It’s your defeat,
He better couldn’t have used those words. Suddenly, Alucard got a major
flashback. He saw Abraham van Helsing again, grabbing him by his collar, telling
him that his castles were plundered and his dominions in ruin. Shocked, he
jumped up from his chair, pulled his guns and shot the table and the game to
smithereens. Panting and with wide open eyes he stared at the ravage he’d just
“Alucard, I think you’d better go back to sleep now.” Integra said, looking at the
mess; Pip and Seras were huddled together, Seras nearly trembling with shock,
Walter had jumped up from his chair and Alucard stood with his guns still pointed
at the table, until he heard his master’s voice.
“Yes, I think I better should… Gaming is absolutely not the thing for me…”
And without another word, still with widened eyes, he left the room, off to his

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