( ) ( ) (='.

'=) (") (") (")_(") SAYINGS: -When GIANT FLUFFY BUNNIES take over the world, I just want you to know that I'm so not saving your ass. -Start the year off with a positive attitude and an excuse for everything.

-To make a beautiful rose, sometimes you have to shovel some shit. -Put your best foot forward, and try not to step in anything. -When in doubt act happy it ll drive everyone else crazy. -Watch out for people that act weird... they may not be acting. -Don t be too proud to beg. It may be the only way to get what you want. -Let a smile be your umbrella, but plan on getting soaked. -Love puts a twinkle in your eye and a dent in your wallet.

-Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one is looking. -Ah the holidays! The perfect time to visit family, friends, and a therapist. -Sarcasm: just one of the services I offer. -I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? -When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say. -Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one. -I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms -Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on t rees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. -You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm h ot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. -I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. -Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myse lf, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" -They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. -Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to s ay something. -I can resist everything except temptation.

-Rules. Lawyers are for when you get caught. Now he s gone. -Police arrested two kids yesterday. -Guys are like lava lamps. -It s better to be pissed of than pissed on. and then he had a better idea. doesn t mean I m not talented. -I use to be indecisive. but I think someone s mistaken me for No ah. but not very bright. . but my brains kept falling out. one was drinking battery acid. -Laws were meant to be broken. if you won t make me skinny. -I used Spot remover on my dog. good to look at. and everyone seems to be in style. -Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.. -Learn the rules so you can break them properly. -I ve got nothing to say. ain t nobody happy. and the othe r was eating fireworks. -My Reality Check bounced. -It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. don t nobody care.-Lead me not into temptation. -Perfect the art of looking innocent. no one ever forgets. I can find it myself. If daddy ain t happy. -I am in shape. -God made me. the drinks you mix and the frien ds you roll with. what rules? -Your only as strong as the table you dance on. -Just because I m beautiful. -A woman s mind is cleaner than a man s. don t make me say it twice. When you re wrong. -When mama ain t happy. -I use to have an open mind. then you can get away with anything.. -I m magically delicious. -Into every life a little rain must fall. but now I m not sure. -When you re right no one remembers. round is a shape. -Lord. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. They charged one and let the other off. -I m too busy to be organized. -Some days you re the dog. she changes it more often. some days you re the hydrant. -Fake is the latest trend. please make my friends phat.

I found a Tic-Tac -Your slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. -Not all men are idiots.-Don t judge a boy by his boxers. -Slinky s are like idiots the stairs. skydiving isn t for you -You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor -It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead.of course it is. but you re abusing the privilege. Tomorrow doesn t look good ei ther. I do n't live to please you. Poof come back. you just can t help but smile when you see one tumble down -I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his Coach purse. your breath is too strong. Here's a newsflash Honey. -If you have any questions. -My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screamin g "KUNG POW CHICKEN" -I smile because I have no idea what's going on! -If at first you don t succeed. so feel free to leave. -My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son-of-a-Bitch. -Poof be gone. -All men are animals. there s a man who made her that way. I have a life -Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public -I've got ADD and magic markers.. some just make better pets. some are fools. -My door is always open. -Shock me. -If you don't like me. ask someone else. It s what s inside that counts. -Behind every Bitch. there is nothing I can do. -Everyone s entitled to be stupid. Today s not your day. why the hell would I kee p looking after I found it? -I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard -There cannot be a crisis next week.. -Hate: a special kind of love given to people that suck. -I only please one person a day. My schedule is already full . say something intelligent -I hear voices and they don t like you. Oh the fun I will have -It's always the last place you look.

-A good friend will come bail you out of jail. -A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. In fact. Think of your three best friends. but the truth is I enjoy every mi nute of it. partying before studying. but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying. If they re o k then it s you. but we had fun. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. I laugh even harder -When it rains on my party. -Some people would say I suffer from insanity.-I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! -I used to be normal. -I agree with the dictionary. until I met the freaks that I call my friends -I ran with scissors. I bust out the slip n' slide. you fall off a cliff. you know we don t waist t his stuff. you laugh. -A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. and lived! -Deja Moo: I ve heard your bullsht before. -Grandchildren are God s gift for not killing your kids. -You cry. -The main purpose of holding children s parties is to remind yourself that there a re children more awful than your own. We screwed up. -Children: you spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. -The statistics on insanity are that one out of every four Americans is sufferin g from some form of mental illness. -Mother s of teens know why some animals eat their young. and f riends before love. -Normal people worry me. -Of all the things I ve lost I miss my mind the most. I laugh. Girls before guys. . -Children seldom misquote you. Drink up. -Here s some glue. -Good friends will ask you if you have any food. True friends are the reason you have no food. -I ve lost my mind. I cry. they usually repeat word for word what y ou shouldn t have said. get your bullsht together. A tru e friend will watch you spin in circles saying. If you see it by the side of the road please pick it up. But a best friend will go u p to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?" -Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days" -A good friend will take your drink away from you after you ve had too much.

and yet still sees the best in you.. has never tried it. an hour to know someone. married. -Dear God. but a lifetime to forget them. -Don't settle for the one person you can live with. -Oh him? He just has the most ah-dorable eyes you could ever fall for...please make everyone die. a day to love someo ne. but to somebody you may be the world. but you can feel it. it figures. -Love is like war: easy to start. -Anyone who says. but everyone else thinks you're an ass. and mistakes. they'll catch on. . -Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your d og die and your mom saying you can still keep it. -Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.. -My head is saying "Who cares?" but my heart is saying "You do stupid!" -You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go. vampires. Easy as taking candy from a baby. -It takes a minute to like someone. or both. Amen. or fictional characters in books or movies. -All the good ones are either gay. hard to end. -Somebody needs a Happy Meal. and impossible to forget. -My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. -News from the file marked "DUH" -Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. -Always forgive your enemies. -The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws.wait for the one person you can't live without. (I actually like rap. All the good guys are taken. -You're just jealous 'cause the little voices in my head don't talk to YOU! -My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. -Jesus loves you. you can t see it.. and the c utest smile that will take your breath away and he has the ability to make you l augh when the world just wants you to frown. -I think you're breaking my Gay-dar -Huh. but this was just too funny not to include :P) -Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and h old the universe together. -Love is like the wind. noting annoys them so much.-To the world you may be somebody. dif ferences..

-Heaven doesn't want me there. who wants to see me take off Snivelly s pants? James Potter (OoTP) Why spiders? Why couldn t it be Follow the butterflies . But then again. -I must admit. -The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you ca n't have them. Remember.Ron (OoTP) Okay. -Too often. so is lying bitch. but so can he. -If you need to say like taking candy from a baby make sure to add. -If pain is beauty. BUT. -Ask him when the last time he took a bath was. you brought religion into my life. How to Annoy Voldy: -Call him voldy. some .Ron (CoS) of course. people find that harder than others. -It's funny--the people with the closed minds usually are the ones who open thei r mouths. when someone ann oys you. -I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people. it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that moron up side the head! -Don't lie. -They may forget what you said. we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. -Best friend is ten letters. Then stare pointedly at him. -I wear black because I'm mourning your existence. QUOTES: Harry Potter: Accio brain . it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. and hell knows I'll take over. -Call him The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live. -Perfection is nothing more than a mere dream.-Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. (Duh!) -Ask him why he doesn t have Such a cool scar -Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him all he knows. I never believed in hell until I met you. but they will never forget that feeling you gave them when you said it. The government hates competition. I must be fucking gorgeous. -The problem with love is that you can love anyone you want.

into a vampire. honestly Ron. (Later in the movie after Jack steals Interceptor) -Officer: That s got to be the best pirate I have ever seen. like I promised.James Potter in Return of the Father Pirates of the Caribbean: -Norrington: You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of. saw Carlisle. and Carlisle creat ed Edward. we did it -Harry Did what? -Dumbledore walks away whistling (PoA movie) Professor Lupin s having a really tough night Harry Understatement (PoA movie) How did you get there? I was talking to you there. Norrington: It would appear so -Will Turner: Where s Elizabeth? Jack Sparrow: She s safe. and you get to die for her. -Stupid shiny Volvo driver. Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me. Related: -OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel. like you promised. so God is Carlisle. and God created angels. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Quotes From People: Harry .Come on Buckbeak. and thought he was God. -Jack Sparrow: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me? Twilight Series: -Vampire's like Baseball? -You're intoxicated by my vary presence -Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? -You are utterly indecent! No one should look so tempting. how can someone be in two places at once? (PoA movie) Hiya Snivilly! . she s all set to marry Norrington. so we re all men of ou r word really Except for Elizabeth who is in fact a woman. and now your there -Ron What s he talking about Harry? -Hermione I don t know. that and every one of us woke up. cone and get the nicer dead ferret -Hermione (SS movie) He s free. It's not fair. like s he promised.

"I'm drawing God. It's like the future. The girl: replied. -. "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah"." My Aunt R obyn -"I'm just saying.Naked Gun 2 ½ -"If you cannot read this. y'know?" -.It s ½ a horse. Water on the other hand is not. The teacher: paused and said." Ms. Blade . That someone we would die for. the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. it wa s physically impossible. better just stick up your finger and say screw it all --Seth O. were alw ays there for them. Movie Quotes: -"Tomorrow's not just tomorrow. Maelyn likes Brennan. and now Brennan's out sick with strep. let s call it a horseageagle! My really weird brother refer . or is it merely another form of prejudi ce towards those who are different? Becca -You re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on--Dean Martin -The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions and the road to heaven is just a s bad. ½ an eagle to Buckbeak.-"Happy Meals are good for hangovers. bu t it hurts. sell walls there?" -. "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied. t he girl: replied. The litt le girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale." -.Somerset Maugham -Remember. came back for two days. Maelyn was out si ck with strep. As she go t to one little girl who was working diligently.C. The little girl: said. Irritated. "Then you ask him"." ---United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure STORIES I FOUND AMUSING OR CUTE: Why Not to Mess With Kids: . or looking up from her drawing.We all have someone we really love. I hate everyone equally. -A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.Paris Hilton -I am free of all prejudices. like. Brant -"Wal-Mart? Do they. -.W. Ju st saying. I love you. Brennan likes Maelyn. and even if they don t love us back.A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales. today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. -QuidditchGirl30 . Fields -The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. please ask the flight attendant for assistance.Dale Carnegie -Is there even such a thing as insanity. -. Without missing a beat. The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human be cause even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.She s All That -"Truth hurts. "They will in a minute. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. she asked what the drawing was. that person t hat we care about more than anything. Well. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing. "But no one kn ows what God looks like. The teacher: ask ed. guess what.

do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. if I stood on my head. "Now. class. LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Tommy. as y ou know. TOMMY: Okay. the blood.." -A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes.." "Yes.Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast . do you see the teacher? TOMMY: Yes LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain? TOMMY: No LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school." -The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocola te chip cookies. TEACHER: Did you see God up there? TOMMY: No. she said. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy. would run into it. TEACHER: That's my point. The nun made a note . she asked. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. "Because your feet aren't empty. -One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. I saw the sky. We can't see God because he isn't there. "Take all you want. and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. Trying to make t he matter clearer. God is watching!" Moving further along the lunch line. and I would turn red in the face. she possibly may not even have one! (YOU GO GIRL!) Smart Women: . "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothe rs and sisters? Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) an swered." Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mo ther. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. "Thou shall not kill.-A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. A child had written a note. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. God is watching the apples. Possibly he just doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions." the class said. TEACHER: Tommy.

He is so proud of himself. "Anytime you're ready. irritated by her husband's lack of discretion. they go to a party. doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP." "In bed this early.? She comes to the phone after many rings. Husband gets up in a rage and says. She Said: You wear pants don't you? (He deseved that) Pick-up Lines: -I ain't no Fred Flinstone. "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife. but I could make your bed rock! -Oops. and the irritated husband says. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. -YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO -Was that an earthquake." (OUCH!!) He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra. shouts right back. "And you are no good in bed either. HE HAD THAT ONE COMING!) -A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. Mother of One night. Six in spite of her objections. "I was in bed. or did I just rock your world? .table. he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. you have nothing to put in it. Father of Four . After some time. I appear to have fallen on your lips. "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says. He shouts at the top of his voice." and storms out of the house. that he starts calling his wife.

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