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Titles:

In pursuit of happiness

Under a grey cloud


Introduction

This book describes my personal journey of discovery for greater joy – a journey
that I initiated because I believed that there was a better way to experience life
than in a continued state of sadness. For some people like myself, most days can
feel dull and gloomy as if a grey cloud is hanging over our heads. I spent many
years searching for reasons that neither lifted the depression nor gave me more
joy. I am unable to recall when these feeling first materialised but what I do
know is that these grey clouds have been there ever since I can remember.

In my world, grey clouds are a metaphor for a range of general negative feelings
that I encounter on a day-to-day basis. Such feelings can be as mild as a general
feeling of dissatisfaction or emotional flatness or they can be as extreme as a
constant tearful state, panic attacks, sickness and anxiety. Occasionally, a day
might be filled with laughter and contentment although I have rarely, if ever,
experienced feelings of overwhelming happiness, joy or even euphoria.

Over the past ten years or so, many avenues have been explored in my continued
search to understand the mechanics for creating greater happiness. However,,
this book is ultimately more of an exploration - thorough and conclusive, it aims
to be a piece of practical research into my own experiments to fully seek out
what truly works and doesn’t work in my personal quest. The reader may wish
to adopt some of my findings for themselves – they may prefer to read my
journey as an external observer – but most importantly, the reader must not take
anything here as gospel or as truth. Everyone has an individual map of reality
constructed from their every experience to date. Likewise, our values, beliefs
and perceptions of truth are as unique as fingerprints. What works for one
individual may not work for another. My hope, however, is that my findings will
help others in their quest to cope or even overcome what I term as low-level
depression and assist them in finding a greater sense of joy and happiness in
their lives.
What is happiness?
It would be all too easy to begin by looking at what doesn’t work in our lives – in
my case, the sad feelings, the depression, the anxiety. My personal goal here is to
gain more of what I want (happiness) and less of what I don’t want (sadness) so I
will begin as I mean to go on by looking out for the signs and clues of what does
work. After all, if we set our sights firmly on a target, surely we are more likely
to succeed in attaining that goal? I shall begin, therefore, by studying this illusive
term that I often believe I have no understanding or much experience of.

So what is happiness? According to the many sources, happiness can be defined


as a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions. For any reader
who is not so familiar with the regular experience of well-being or positive
emotions, this may present a fundamental problem. If we cannot currently
experience such a state, and cannot recall any past states associated with
happiness, then how are we ever going to know if we attain it in the future?
Luckily, we have clear definitions, examples and are able to observe others and
this gives us the potential, at least, to begin to understand the mysteries behind
the experience to those who seek it.

Let us begin investigating the science of happiness further by considering the


umbrella of emotions associated with the term. A brief look at any thesaurus will
reveal a bounty of words that can be encompassed within the happiness arena –
words that describe experiences ranging from contentment, peace, comfort, and
ease to extremes such as euphoria, bliss, and rapture. Each word has its
definition firmly routed in the land of pleasure – our perception or experience
that is quite the opposite of pain. Yet many who experience sadness or low-level
depression might suggest that it is neither pleasure nor pain that they experience
– rather that they feel plain numb. If that is the case, perhaps the simple
anecdote is just to experience more – and in this journey, it is most definitely
more pleasure that we shall be seeking!

Of course, these are ultimately just words and are of no use to us unless we fully
understand what such states of happiness (or pleasure) are through our senses.
Here I invite myself and the reader to go explore with the five senses anything
that might give pleasure. It may be that the cold side of a pillow gives a moment
of relief and comfort or that the feeling of a warm shower on tired shoulders
proves a brief yet welcome period of contentment. If you can get hold of a copy, I
would highly recommend you watch Jeunet’s 2001 French film Amelie in order to
gain a little insight into how simple sensory adventures such as pushing your
hand into a sack of grain can give intense yet brief flashes of experiential delight.
If possible, take a small journal or note pad and begin to note down every smell,
sight, taste, sound and touch that gives even the slightest sense of pleasure (and
if that word fails to register, then consider something that gives you a new
sensory experience other than pain).

In every moment there is the possibility for a new experience


if we become intensely aware of our senses
The point I am making here is that if the most fundamental level at which we
experience the world is through our senses. If happiness is so embedded in
pleasure then surely all we need to do is seek pleasurable sensory experiences at
every moment.

If you search through many definitions for the term happiness, you will also
discover that good fortune forms part of its definition. As far as current research
tells us, the word happiness originates from the old Norse (middle English) word
‘happ’ to mean luck or chance and it would seem highly likely that in medieval
England, you would indeed be happy (lucky) if you were to survive one of the
many constant invasions endured at the time. However, good fortune in the
context of the 21st century is rather far removed from that of medieval England!
With the abundance of security and comforts most of us are fortune to
experience, there appears little in our modern lives to compare with the
euphoric delights one must have experienced in victory against the invading
army (although many a football fan might well disagree!) And perhaps, here in
lies one possible clue to our search – that should we recreate the experience of
such a victory, we might also experience what our medieval ancestors might
have felt. Does that mean that we have to experience great struggle before we
can experience great joy? Or is it possible to find victorious experiences in our
secure modern world that can give us equal amounts of joy without a battle?

To the majority of people who experience a healthy abundance of happiness,


celebrating a victory over a battle of some sort would be part and parcel of their
behaviour. Supposing you study hard for your exams, most would go out and
celebrate – VICTORY you would claim! And victory is about winning. So this
begs the question – do people who feel sad never experience winning? I only have
to consider my own achievements and how I casually shrug off any external (and
internal) praise with the familiar Ah, it’s just an award. So then why do some of
us choose to be so unwilling to celebrate in success? My understanding is that it
is the belief that we associate with such celebration that causes us to choose a
more unassuming behaviour when many others would be cracking open the
champagne as if it was going out of fashion. Through my upbringing, it was
considered inappropriate behaviour to demonstrate an overtly outward
exhibition of euphoria to the world - a sign of big-headedness and of bad
behaviour. And is this easy to change? Is it therefore possible just to drop the
belief, change our behaviour and experience true inner joy on accomplishment?
If the belief is challenged until changed, possibly.

TASK – Set one small goal. On achieving that goal, be aware of what you
experience. Do you acknowledge to yourself success? Does it change how you
feel? Or is there some sort of internal dialogue taking place? What do you
believe about success and how you should feel about winning in life? Whatever
you believe or feel, reward yourself with something pleasurable.

The purpose of life is to win


Snonyms upon the word happiness provide a sliding scale in the degree to which
we experience pleasure and give us further fodder for investigation. Here are a
few:

Pleasure
Joy
Exhilaration
Bliss
Contententment
Delight
Enjoyment
Satisfaction
Felicity

 imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction.


Happiness  results from the possession or attainment of what one considers
good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss  is unalloyed happiness or
supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment  is a peaceful
kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish
may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity  is a
formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a
young couple felicity in life.

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