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When I was growing up, I never heard about gays and lesbians. I always felt different. I knew from an early age that I would never marry a woman. During middle school, I developed crushes on many of the boys. It wasn't until college when I finally learned what "gay" was. I had casually heard of people being gay in high school, but only in a negative context. You may think that I grew up in some long ago decade, but surprisingly, I grew up in the 1990s. My parents are very homophobic, so it was definitely a huge shock for them when I came out (or tried to). When I came out of the closet, my parents quickly shoved me back in. They told me that gays and lesbians are more depressed, aren't normal, and that I definitely was not one. Up until then, I figured my parents would always love me. At that moment however, I learned the harsh truth that love is not unconditional. My parents may claim to love me, but they love the person they think I was and the person they hope I will be. My parents certainly don't accept who I am, they don't even tolerate the possibility being mentioned. While my parents are unlikely to ever move past their homophobia, this is my plea to more understanding parents who are willing to listen and want to remain a part of their child's life. <span>
some people love the same" will do at first. Make an Effort to Learn . If I had at least known about gays and lesbians. They would talk about wanting to kill all gays and gays to make the world a better place. as I didn't even know that others like me existed. Don't shelter your children though. it was with homophobic comments. Yet my parents thought that they were protecting me. Worst case scenario. your child is gay and thinks they are alone in the world and commits suicide. I would have had some information so that I could look into things further on my own. I wouldn't have felt so alone.Educate Your Children While this advice might not help you much if your child already came out. I just knew that they were bad. I remember sitting around thinking for hours about how I wished I could be with a boy. I would think about how I must be asexual because I just couldn't think about liking women. your child ends up being like you with your homophobic views. I didn't know that there were other people out there like me. Add to the discussion as you feel comfortable. Do your children a favor and don't shelter them from people who are different. If instead my parents had just given me some facts. Best case scenario.. by not exposing me to gays and lesbians at all. I think that a good time to mention gays and lesbians. All I knew. you just need to get the ideas out there to them. A simple explanation such as. was that I definitely didn't like girls and that I was having crushes on boys. I feel that it is still very important to all parents. When they finally did mention gays. would be when you first have the birds and the bees talk with your child. I didn't even know there was a word for what I was. It doesn't have to be a detailed discussion. It was very hard for me to discover my sexuality. There were times when I contemplated suicide because I "knew" I would live my life alone or I'd be miserable and married to a woman. but I couldn't. "some people love the opposite sex. I didn't know exactly what gays and lebsbians were.
Even if you feel that someone could have turned your child gay or that your child had a choice. Try your best not to be close minded. but there are also several books that you could find to read.Before I came out to my parents. just try to look at things from another viewpoint as well. gay marriage was a hot issue. I tried to slip tidbits of information about gays and lesbians into conversations. so there was a lot to talk about. Sometimes Tolerance is All You Can Manage . My parents refused to read anything. They claimed that I was being brainwashed. PFLAG has a lot of excellent information out there. I printed out information from PFLAG's website (Parents and Friends of lesbians and gayss). At the time. When I came out.
tolerance is a good answer. they wouldn't even tolerate me being a gay. perhaps it is because their parents do not accept them. that's okay. When I told them that I'd try dating men. Even if you don't want to hear about their dates. You can't realistically expect that your child won't date until they are 25. My parents not only wouldn't accept me though. but by the age of 25 they said I would know my sexuality and at that point I could "choose" to be a gay. My parents tried to tell me that gays and lesbians are more depressed so that I would want to be a "normal" heterosexual.If you can't accept your child right away. They wanted me to try dating men. if you want to continue to have a relationship with your child. you don't really have a say in this. Once your child is 18. Examine and Move Past Your Homophobia . However. If gays and lesbians are more depressed though. Tell them your reasoning and that they need to give you some time. that you aren't going to change them. You have to realize however. they're going to date whether you like it or not. They told me that I should try out dating first before I made such claims. they were very opposed to the idea.
examine the source. do you hate your own child? Perhaps you've always thought of homosexuals as "those people". that doesn't make them a horrible person. yet they don't exactly know why.Many people are homophobic. Calm Your Fears . When you think about it. rather than people you actually knew. your children don't want to imagine their parents together in the bedroom. Being lesbian or gay is just part of who they are. Others claim that they don't like lesbians and gays because homosexuality is just plain unnatural. Examine the roots of your homophobia and try to learn more. When you think about it. Why do you hate gays? Do gay people hurt you? What's so different about you and someone who is gay? If your child is happy and in love. If you hate homosexuals so much. Some people claim that their homophobia has something to do with their religion. Consider the time period when the text was written and if the text is still relevant today. Think about all the great people out there who just happen to also be homosexuals. Homosexuality is so much more than just the sex. is that wrong just because they love someone of the same sex? If you've been indoctrinated to believe that homosexuality is wrong. just because someone is a homosexual. A lot of people are homophobic because they are afraid of what they think goes on in the bedroom. Is a certain religious book supposedly to blame? Read the passages in your religious text rather than going by the interpretations of others.
despite my being a gay. Then they can help plan the wedding if they haven't completely disowned me. they once again have hope. I will completely acknowledge that this must be very difficult for some parents. Gay couples can adopt and there are other options as well. I'm sure that within the next 10 years. but perhaps it would help you to hear the viewpoints of parents who've already been through this. There are support groups out there so that you can speak to . Talk to Other Parents of lesbian and Gay Children You may think you can deal with all of this on your own. . gay marriage will be legalized. They shouldn't have ever lost that hope. Parents look forward to eventually being grandparents.A lot of parents look forward to planning a wedding for their son or daughter. Don't let such fears get in the way of accepting your child. My parents may still be grandparents. Now that they are in denial. My parents were so afraid that they wouldn't be able to look forward to either of these things because I'm a gay. Artificial insemination is a possibility.
Being intolerant of your own child doesn't help anything. Your child is still the same child who you've loved all these years. your child will see that they truly are loved. Being gay is just a small part of who your child is. Perhaps other parents will calm your fears about not being a grandparent. I beg parents to listen to my plea. Maybe other parents will have suggestions for overcoming your homophobia.</span> Published by Jenna Hansen . you can find a group online to help you get through this and realize that you still love your child. If you can't talk in a physical support group.others in the same situation. by sharing stories of their gay children who are now parents. Don't risk losing your child because of your prejudices. while not feeling as if you've left your religion. If you're open minded and accepting.
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