The Tragic Romantic Point 4: The Tragic Romantic Acquired Personality: Heart/Passion; Melancholy Vice; Envy Essence

: Higher Mind; The Origin of Source Virtue; Balance/Temperance Subtype Ways of Being: Sexual; Competition, hatred, idolatry Social; Shame, honor, rejected elitist Self; Dauntless, tenacious, contained You want to be gifted, intuitive, original and unique. More importantly, you want to be passionate, true to your feelings and uniquely authentic. You see yourself as sensitive, expressive and spiritual. You would like others to see you as idealistic, emotionally deep and compassionate. Your idealized image is that you are accomplished and special. Motivated by the need to understand and to be understood, you desire experiences that are rich with feeling and meaning. You may find it easier to deal with painful emotions than to deal with the tedium of daily routine. You have the temperament of an artist and long to freely express yourself. You feel your emotions deeply and are not afraid to go emotionally where others fear to tread. This includes having an exquisite, intuitive ability to distinguish between subtle emotions that others often miss. Painfully self-conscious, you are often overly focused on how different you are from others. A true humanitarian, you have a natural passion for protest. At times intense and contrary, you are not afraid to think for yourself and voice your point of view. Nostalgic by nature, you often focus on past experiences. This can lead you to deeper insights or to downward spirals of melancholy and/or painful unresolved feelings. Craving ideal circumstances or love, you often ruminate on what is missing and perceived to be important. Your tendency towards self-absorption is both an asset and liability. It can lead you to deep personal insights that can benefit everyone while feeding your self-deprecating sense of humor; but it can also make you appear to be self centered and disinterested in others. Feeling your own inner world so powerfully, it is good to remember that others’ experiences are just as real for them as yours are for you. When you step out of the river of your emotions, you can bring forth your many talents into the world and express them in a way that is extraordinary and original. You are like the lotus flower growing in the mud that is able to transform emotionally painful experiences into fertilizer for personal growth. Attuned to feelings, you have an uncommon sensitivity when it comes to dealing with suffering. You are not afraid to hear about someone else’s troubles, and you can be a great friend to anyone in emotional pain. You need be seen as artistic, gifted and accomplished. You focus on your individuality and on carving your own distinct image. You need to express your deep feelings and want others to validate your emotions. Whether you are organizing your living space to reflect your refined tastes or engaging in an artistic pursuit, it is essential for your sense of well being that you express your creativity. You avoid feeling lost, disorientated and without personal significance, meaning or direction. You also avoid appearing inadequate, defective or flawed. Most importantly, you have a hidden fear of being emotionally cut off and abandoned. You avoid affectation and anything dull, ordinary, ugly, vulgar, inauthentic or distasteful.

always seeing the grass as greener and the glass half empty. You appreciate the special. to attract a "rescuer. Mantra Don’t dwell on the past. and remember to enjoy the pleasure that can be found in each moment. Hyper-sensitive. However. sensitive. to withdraw to protect their selfimage. that you are like a mystic who sees ‘the river beneath the river’ and are not just the swamp of your emotions. and you can create the kind of life that you want. creativity and ability to transform painful life experiences into opportunities for profound growth and healing. Remember. You like to put your personal signature on everything that you do. Profound and insightful. * Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance * Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity) * Enneagram Four with a Three-Wing: "The Aristocrat" * Enneagram Four with a Five-Wing: "The Bohemian" Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality. you are often unaware of the impact your emotional nature has on others. Keep your powerful emotions in check. This enables you to identify what is missing. Astute about human nature. to create and surround themselves with beauty. At their Best: inspired and highly creative. Capable of being emotionally manipulating or overly critical. They are emotionally honest. Your attention goes to searching for meaning. They typically have problems with melancholy." The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief) When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress). Spiritual growth will come to you when you are able to balance your emotional nature with temperance and equanimity. you can be moody. noticing what is missing. you have an uncanny knack for transforming the dull and the ordinary into the exciting and extraordinary. feelings of melancholy and nostalgia. You are able to see and appreciate what is truly unique. when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth).Your greatest strengths are your deep intuition. and like a knight on a quest. they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences. others will honor your original and creative contributions. you believe that everyone is an individual and that all emotions have value. to maintain certain moods and feelings. Your refined tastes make you a great critic and someone who appreciates the truly exceptional. you search until you find it or create it. and personal. and self-pity. the humane and the beautiful. Type Four in Brief Fours are self-aware. Your spiritual journey is to connect to original source and create true meaning. they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. and tend to over-personalize all life experiences and interactions with others. self-indulgence. and reserved. but can also be moody and self-conscious. You’re always worrying that others may have gotten a better deal than you or are being recognized while your talents are being overlooked. . haughty and overly emotional. to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else. Your vice is envy. special and rare. aloof Fours suddenly become overinvolved and clinging at Two. You can be self-absorbed and temperamental. and longing for the unavailable. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective. When you have gratitude and the courage to move through your fear of rejection and share your talents. creative.

Salinger. Rudolph Nureyev. but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. Anaîs Nin. and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them. Edgar Allan Poe. Type Four Overview We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others.” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy. They often see themselves as uniquely talented. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own. Anne Rice. Michael Jackson.envious. over time. While it is true that Fours often feel different from others. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity. Annie Lennox. More than any other type. possessing special. Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem. In the course of their lives. Unfortunately. but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. basing them on styles. Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives. Jeremy Irons. Examples: Ingmar Bergman. Martha Graham. click here. Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized selfimage. Bob Dylan. while not poor. Tennessee Williams. Fours’ mantra becomes “I am myself. and consequently. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?—all of which they see in others. "Blanche DuBois" (Streetcar Named Desire). Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings. Thomas Merton. Paul Simon. Virginia Woolf. J. although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is. Maria Callas. Joseph Fiennes. and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. Fours may try several different identities on for size. particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with. Alan Watts.D. Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies. on her own terms. they still feel uncertain about who they really are. such validation remains out of reach. preferences. Judy Garland. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious. His actual abilities.” Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength. The “romantics” of the Enneagram. or qualities they find attractive in others. but they do not try to rationalize their states. seemingly in abundance. Nobody understands me. that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They are not afraid to see themselves “warts and all. emotionally turbulent Fours become more objective and principled. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. Nevertheless. If. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types. Prince. I am different and special. in her own way. Marcel Proust. A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la Vladimir Horowitz. They may not necessarily like what they discover. The problem is that they base their identity largely on . But underneath the surface. Patrick Stewart. one-of-a-kind gifts. nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. Given time and sufficient perspective. Miles Davis. Alanis Morrisette. they do not really want to be alone. like healthy Ones. For more information. became sources of shame. contradictions. Sarah McLachlan. Johnny Depp. they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world.

Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. I have had a trail of relationship disasters. As long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Some feelings are seen as “me. One day. The old feelings begin to fall away once they stop telling themselves their old tale: it is irrelevant to who they are right now. I went years without joy in my life. But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death. they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. “I collapse when I am out in the world. I have had a constant longing for whatever I cannot have.” There is a Sufi story that relates to this about an old dog that had been badly abused and was near starvation. a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it.their feelings. One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic. reliable identity from their emotions. . After some time. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it. the dog found a bone. Leigh is a working mother who has struggled with these difficult feelings for many years.” while others are “not me. they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Indeed. But because they want to create a stable. Indeed. My longings can never become fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to ‘the longing’ and not to any specific end result.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others. To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity (as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal identity (their Basic Fear). they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities. Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives. Fours are in the same predicament. and started gnawing away. ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. carried it to a safe spot. Fours grow by learning to see that much of their story is not true—or at least it is not true any more. I have hated my sister’s goodness—and hated goodness in general. just pretending to smile because real smiles would not come to me. Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful