By John Alanis Sec of Nat Attr

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Before we get into the “meat” of this book, I’d like to take some time to introduce myself to you. My name is John Alanis, and for the past 8 years I’ve been involved in almost every method possible of attracting women. I’ve spoken in public from the stage (an amazing way to attract women), written ads and sales letters (and websites) that have attracted women to me, been interviewed by radio and TV stations, even been in the newspapers (heck, I once met a girlfriend because she read an article about me). You might say I’ve used every method of attracting women to me, and I’ve been pretty successful. I get to pick and choose who I want in my life and just as importantly, who I don’t. However, I’m not here to brag about me… I’m here to deliver you good information, information you can put to use immediately to attract the kind of women you desire. That brings up an important point. When I say “attract women,” I mean get women to approach you. That’s what makes this book unique… it’s all about getting women to approach you first. I rarely walk up and talk to a woman first, unless I see she is already attracted to me, and wants me to speak to her. I do not approach women… I “set it up” so they approach me first. When you get women to approach you first, your life will change forever. Why? Because you know she is already attracted to you. You make the “rejection decision” not her. You test her, she doesn’t test you. She has to impress YOU. And most importantly, she’s worried about whether YOU like her, not the other way around. YOU are in complete control of the interaction. During my entire “attraction career,” I’ve found there’s one important element in the ability to attract women to you, and that’s this: women are naturally attracted to men who define authority for them. If you put yourself in an “authority defining position” women can’t help but be attracted to you. When it comes to attraction, women do not think like men do. Men see a physically beautiful woman, and they’re attracted. Simple as that. You can take a beautiful woman who does not speak a word of English, put her in a room full of men, and they will hit on her all night long. The opposite is true as well. You can put a physically unattractive woman who is highly intelligent, has a great sense of humor and is fun to be with in a group of men, and they will ignore her completely (for the most part… there’s always one guy who will take whatever he can get).

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things are much easier. some of it is very. it’s NOT something I’ve ever really been able to master. and they’re attracted to the class teacher. There is a myth that women are attracted to “bad boys.” Women are attracted to thugs who break the law. no matter how old he is. you need to do two things: 1) Avoid the things that shut off these “natural triggers” (such as being a “nice guy”) and 2) Do the things that trip these triggers.” Most of it is garbage. It’s a great skill to learn. When you learn to create “attraction systems” that get women to approach you first. and how to “seduce women. Women are attracted to the class rule-breaker. and my exposure to different media helped me greatly. no matter how much money he makes.” They are attracted to politicians who make a living “creating authority. how to talk to women. women will be attracted to him. and police officers who enforce the law. They automatically treat you . Why are they attracted to seemingly opposite types of men? The answer is simple: all the “types of men” mentioned above define authority for the women in their presence. women flock to them.” or “jerks.4- . This “defining of authority” trips the biological attraction triggers present in all women. anyone can use it—including you.” No matter how a man looks. Nor do I care to. No matter if I did a TV interview or wrote a woman an email. But what most of these books and courses talk about is how you can be successful when you approach women—not how to engineer situations so women approach you… what I call “creating attraction systems.Women are different. the “structure” of what tripped her biological triggers and the attraction that followed was always the same. just like ). Same thing with any man who trips female biological attraction triggers.” Nothing wrong with learning how to approach women. However. They are attracted to a man based on what can best be described as “attraction triggers. Do rock stars ask women on dates? Heck no. It took me awhile to discover this. It’s a formula. if he activates these triggers by engaging in certain types of behaviors.speedseduction. Consider this: women are attracted to rock stars who make a living “defying authority. That’s it… it really is as simple as that. If you want to attract as many women as you want. very good (I highly recommend all of Ross Jeffries’ Speed Seduction™ material—it’s located at www.” Women are not attracted to “bad boys” and they are not attracted to “jerks”… they are attracted by certain characteristics “bad boys” and “jerks” exhibit that activate biological attraction triggers. And if it’s a formula. You don’t have to work as hard. A lot has been written about how to “pick up” women. Here’s the neat thing about all this: what most men do not know is the ability to flip a woman’s natural attraction triggers is a natural process anyone can learn.

you will get results and you will get attractive women to approach you first. But if she approaches you.5- . I’ve done my best to make this as relevant and easy to read and USE as I possibly can. And if you do use the secrets revealed within. It’s not a huge. no matter if you’re looking for fun in the moment or a long term relationship. energy and effort on each one to give you two very unique methods of getting women to contact you first. if she’s an attractive women. and the women I met because of them are real (I just received an email from one in Washington State two days ago!). Now. men approach her all the time. but it is highly effective.” Not these… I spent a lot of time. it takes a lot of time. please be sure to read and study the two Free Bonus Reports that came with this e-Book. When that happens you get to skip all the normal dating BS. If you read through my entire website you’ve seen my articles. I don’t think anyone else has ever talked about this method of meeting women. In this report I show you the exact “press release” I used to get the media to contact me and do a story about me. I want to make one further point about this book.with respect. Most free reports are one or two page “throwaways. Just about anything you say or do will be perceived as “funny” or “attractive” once she’s decided she’s attracted to you. fat “encyclopedia” that sits on a hard drive and takes 500 pages to print out. and get straight to the fun part. she’s already decided she’s attracted. If you approach her first. as well as detailed instructions on creating a compelling profile. Enough talking… let’s get to work! -John . The first report deals with how to write an online profile to get attractive women to email you first. It includes a small sample of the actual emails I’ve gotten from women. energy and effort to master the skill of creating attraction—after all. Also. These are real. It’s YOUR decision. The second one reveals a very unusual method of getting women to contact you. It’s lean and streamlined with all the “fat” removed. and that’s by getting newspapers and magazines to write articles about you.

Chapter 1 Why Most Men Do NOT Attract Women .6- .

but they all have this one thing in common: they allow the women to define authority in the relationship instead of the man. If they were to get rid of their unattractive habits. but the first thing you must do is learn to avoid all attraction killers. And once you have the label of “nice guy” with a woman. Nice guys follow women around. That’s all it takes. Once she’s approached you. And when this happens. intelligent and successful. Women have no respect for nice . it’s important you be aware of the elements that prevent most men from attracting women. Why? Because they continue to do the things that turn women off without even being aware of them. I know a lot of guys who are in great shape. they’d have more women in their lives than they knew what to do with. Why? Because it’s just as important to avoid the things that make you boring and unattractive as it is to do the things that make you attractive. and I’d slip into the “nice guy mode” and they’d mysteriously leave. They put her on a pedestal and let her know she can do no wrong. If you get her to approach you first. and as soon as that happens. you still have to deepen her attraction. Failure to command respect from the very beginning. He never stands up to her. I’ll tell you exactly how to do this further along in this book. What do nice guys do? They never disagree. he’s done. He hopes she likes him. Obviously this was before I put all the pieces together and learned to avoid things that kill initial attraction. they persist in their unconscious bad habits that repel even those women who initially find them extremely attractive. This used to happen to me all the time… I’d have attractive women come up and start speaking with me. He always lets her have her way.Before you can begin to engineer events and situations that get women to approach you. You’d think women would be all over them. He lets her define the relationship.” You MUST AVOID these to be successful with women: 1. Here are the 7 “Attraction Killers” that will get you defined as a “nice guy. They shower them with compliments. the attraction triggers flip off. These guys who are “attractive on paper” couldn’t get a second date to save their souls.7- . she will lose her initial attraction to you. she pigeon holes him as a “nice guy” and she will go find a man who flips them on. it is virtually impossible to lose it. So what are these attraction killing habits? There are several of them. The “nice guy” creates no sexual tension whatsoever. but start acting like a “nice guy” after you start talking. instantly. Even though they are thought of as successful and attractive by their friends. and validate that she made the correct choice to come up and talk to her. they give into her every whim and they let her walk all over them. but I learned some very valuable lessons. And to an extent they are: for ONE date.

5. “Gee.” she’ll lose interest. This can all be summed up in one sentence: women are not attracted to men who allow women to define authority for them. not you. She can define the relationship in any way she wants and you’ll stick around.” Women can’t stand a guy who suffocates her with kindness… who’s always there for her every little want and need. she’s off to find a man who will give it to her. What kind of success does he have with women? Probably not much.guys. 6. Letting her define the rules of the relationship—things like “I have to be in a committed relationship for 6 months before I sleep with a guy.” Bad boys demand she show her butt up when she said she would or she’s done. how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” But none of them will touch him with a ten . and you’ll put up with it. Think about this: do you have a friend who is labeled by women as a “nice guy?” What does he do? Probably all of the above. The instant she perceives it doesn’t. no matter what kind of behavior she engages in. And they have no respect for these men because they never draw the line. How do you know when you’re being a “nice guy?” When you let her define the relationship. Failure to secure a specific time and place commitment when meeting for a date—nice guys fall into the trap of “calling to confirm” or buying into the BS of “give me a call and I’ll see if I can make it. she will lose respect for you. He probably has lots and lots of female friends who say.” or . There’s a corollary to this “Nice Guy Non-Attraction Law. 2. Focusing on only one woman—if you think she is the only woman in the universe and can do no wrong. There’s no fear of loss on her part. Why? Because she knows she can do anything she wants. If you let her know you “like her. Trying to “please her. you’re such a nice guy.8- . because nice guys don’t demand or COMMAND respect.” Nice guys buy this… bad boys recognize this as a challenge that if handled correctly will get her into bed that night 7. 4. Trying to “buy” or impress a woman—attractive women know they can get guys to buy them things or take them anywhere they want. God forbid “confess your feelings for her. Setting yourself up for failure in the beginning by letting her know you are “romantically interested” in her. 3.” Women constantly test men to see if the authority that attracted them in the first place still exists. “Nice guys” try to impress women… “naturally attractive” guys expect women to impress them.

.9- .foot pole. Why? Because while his “being a nice guy” SHOULD attract them it does not… in fact it turns their attraction triggers off. They may like him as a friend. always: women do NOT make logical decisions when it comes to men. They act on whether or not they feel a powerful sense of attraction when a man is present. Remember this. That attraction is created when you define authority for her. but his actions don’t create a powerful sense of attraction in her.

Chapter 2 How to Build “Attraction Systems” That Compel Women to Approach You First! .10- .

etc. it still has tremendous leverage because I am able to deliver a sales presentation to a large number of highly qualified prospects with a minimum of work. Semi-automatic systems require me to do some work. while this system is not fully automatic. I give other people the right to re-sell the product using my tested. “Direct marketing” is really just a way of leveraging media so you can do business with a lot of people at the same time without needing a huge infrastructure. This e-Book is a great example of “leveraged media. I still have do some work… I actually have to show up and deliver my speech. very important consequence of using leveraged . it’s time to talk about creating situations that attract them to you.OK. No matter how much she is attracted to you. it runs forever. Then.11- . I make money. and the promoter and I split the sales 50-50. I’m in the direct marketing business. The promoter puts the people in the room. even after the system is built. A great example of a “semi-automatic system” is selling from the stage at a seminar. Keep in mind though out this whole book that if you slide into “nice guy” mode during any step in the process. Once it’s built. So how does this apply to getting women to approach you? I’ll tell you in a minute because there is one very. Although I don’t do any work to put people in the room. They make money.” Avoid this at all costs. or she’ll avoid you. As you may or may not know.” I speak from way too much harsh experience. and I only have to write my sales presentation once. What I’ve created is an automatic money machine! It attracts customers to me. Every time a woman loses interest in me it’s because I got lazy and relapsed into “nice guy mode. I fly in. so I get lots of invitations to speak. energy or effort invested AFTER the initial work is done. make an offer. now you have a good idea of what turns women OFF. her attraction triggers will instantly flip off. and she’ll be off to find a bad boy who flips them on. That’s something I’m pretty good at. put on a website. and I get other people (in this case an online “Shopping Cart”) to deliver the product for me I can literally make money with no time. and the best thing is I only had to do the work once! Since they drive traffic to the website I provide for them. and semi-automatic systems. This is called a system. deliver my speech.” I create a product—once. So. and I make money with no time invested. emailed. I write a “sales pitch in print” which can be mailed. There are two types of systems… automatic systems like the one I just described. proven sales copy and give them a favorable percentage of whatever they sell. Onward. that attraction will vanish in an instant if you slip into “nice guy mode.

etc. they must follow a certain set of rules. . they’d better come over and fix this thing right now. received a sales letter. you don’t need systems to make money. Why? Because they called you first. So you start looking. and understanding and utilizing it will give you the Golden Key to success with women. etc. Let’s say you are eating dinner. saw an article or ad about me. and sell you a system. Now. You don’t know this person. to success in any endeavor where you come in contact with other people. even if they are the worst salesperson in the world. to success in business. how do you view them? As a salesperson. NFL Sunday Ticket. or you’re reporting them to the Better Business Bureau. It’s a tele-marketer trying to sell you a satellite service. or went to the back of the room to take me up on an offer they made from the front of the room. if the tele-marketer is really. They went to a website.” I set the parameters for the interaction. not them. And this one “consequence” will change your life forever when it comes to women. He who sets the “frame” of the interaction determines and controls the outcome.. Burn this into your head. they view me as an expert. not a salesperson. What’s you reaction to them? Irritation? Annoyance? What’s the probability of you buying a satellite system from them? Not very good. TiVo. It is one of the most important things you will ever learn about human behavior. you’re calling a lawyer. And because of that. get in rapport with you. or else I do not allow them to buy. But even if you do. Here’s an example.12- . stop and think for a minute: what are the chances of the person on the other end of the phone selling you a satellite system? Almost 100%. You’re starting to do well in your job or business. Now. They feel like they made the decision to buy on their own. Maybe. NOT like a salesperson. If they want to buy from me. NOT as a result of being sold to. This is called “positioning” or “framing. you’ve never heard of them. answered an email. everything you’ve always wanted. And lo and behold you read a newspaper ad talking about the satellite system you want. I do NOT go to them. The frame you view them under is someone you can “kick around”—they need you. since you gave them money. really good they might be able to calm you down. consider this scenario. And because they view me like an expert. How do you treat them if there’s a problem? By God. Hundreds of channels. they treat me like one. you’re not really interested in satellite. Here it is: everyone who buys from me via a leveraged marketing system has approached me first. and you’ve got some money to “invest” in a satellite system you’ve always wanted. Now. and the phone rings. It sounds great so YOU call the number to get signed up. They come to me to buy. and they just interrupted you.

Because you answered the ad. You need them. they can replace you… if they call you first. The outcome was predicated on the “frame” that was set from the beginning. they’re completely booked up. you’ll wait two weeks! Think about it: you have to wait and be happy about it! Why? Because they have lots and lots of other customers who can take your place. and then we’ll get into building what I call attraction systems. Like I said before. Why? Because you want to buy something from them! You need them. or to simply be introduced by the host. how many women at the event do you think approach me when I first show up? None—they think I’m just an attendee. attractive women who ignored me before suddenly rush up to speak to me before the other ones do. But they’ll put your name on a waiting list. do you see how the frame is set by the “leveraged marketing system?” Because you chose to answer an ad. Look at the difference in your behavior in each situation. you view the company in a completely different light then if they had to call you and sell you. Let’s say the person on the other end politely tells you. If a telemarketer calls you. it’s almost 100% certain you will buy. Then I get up to speak. I’m an expert on the topic the audience is there to learn about. many members of the audience don’t know who I am—they’ve never seen my face. and there’s no other decent alternative. Now. and all future behavior? And.” They don’t have to overcome any objections. they don’t need you. It happens every time. If you call the tele-marketer. The simple act of me being . And as soon as I get off the stage. When I show up.13- . let’s take this one step further. And since you really want it. and they should come talk to me. most importantly. He or she calls me up on stage and lets the audience know I’m a speaker. That’s all it takes. Are you beginning to see how this applies to meeting women? I’ll give you an example. Do you see how the “frame” determines the outcome of the interaction. All they have to do is schedule an installation time. You are already in rapport with them when you call. you can replace them. I go from just another attendee to a celebrity. they don’t need you.Why? Because you are already pre-sold on them when you call. And I don’t let them know I’m a speaker until I’m introduced. and they think I’m just another attendee. The person taking the call doesn’t have to have any “sales skills. Now. Usually I go sit in the back. you probably don’t buy. and it will take two weeks before they can come out and hook it up. They put the “attendee frame” around me… to them I’m just another guy at a seminar. I speak at seminars a lot.

very attractive and very. That’s it. I am no longer just an attendee to the women in the audience… I am an expert who defines authority. because the frame changed. It’s what they want. So… they either have to talk to me now. dressed exactly the same. already attracted to you. or never talk to me at all. There’s only one of me. their behavior toward me changes. Nothing about me changed. and it will give you some amazing insights into the male characteristics women truly desire. making the same amount of money. I’ll tell you a story about how I watched ANOTHER guy utilize an existing attraction system (this was before I was able to recognize when a woman was attracted to me… for whatever stupid reason I couldn’t recognize that her coming up and smiling and . All of a sudden I am very. The frame is changed completely. women crave a man who defines authority for them. ALWAYS. I’m the same guy. the way they treat me changes. the his character is always the same. lots of them. Romance novels are written by women for women and it is a very useful exercises to read what women find attractive in a man. and I’m leaving soon.! Do you see how the “frame” controls the outcome? Under the “attendee frame” I’m just another guy who they could take or leave. It’s what they dream about. OR better yet. very scarce.14- . manly exterior. What changed the frame? The simple act of me being introduced as an authority by someone already in authority. driving the same car. And the vast majority of them come up and talk to me…. Remember. A great book to read is actually a study on romance novel. Read any romance novel (they’re written by women for women)—you’ll see that the male hero ALWAYS defines authority. But they way they perceived me changed. but it is useful to read about the male hero’s characteristics in every novel that flip the heroine’s attraction triggers. And because the frame changed. The male hero is always the same. He may be a pirate in one. with the same friends as I was before I was introduced as an expert. You don’t need to become a romance novel hero to meet women. then you need to design and build attraction systems. but rather a “bad boy” with raging emotions underneath his rough.” You can get it at Amazon. The hero is certainly not a nice guy. Adventurous Women. a prince in another. Under the “expert frame” I’m a highly desirable and attractive guy.” An attraction system is simply a way to engineer events that automatically set the frame of YOU as the expert. it is a very useful (although somewhat painful) exercise to go buy a few romance novels and read them. as YOU as the male who defines authority for others.introduced as an “authority” changes the frame completely. By the way. and it’s called “Dangerous Men. take advantage of those that already exist. This is an example of an “attraction system. As a result. If you want to get as many women as you want to approach you.

Now.talking to me. I figured I’d talk to her later (big mistake). but I lost out on one really cute (and intelligent) one to a built in attraction system. funny. Live and learn. but he wasn’t the best looking guy in the world. and she knew she’d feel it if he stepped back into that role. and a good runner. then she’d be off to find another guy who flipped her biological triggers. The guy who was designated the “leader” was a cool guy. Heck. I don’t know what happened to them (that was years ago) but I can assure you of this: if he didn’t start leading those runs again. I heard her say something to him that stuck with me forever: “When are you going to start leading those runs again? You need to start doing that again—you were good at it. and to meet athletic women. In this context. Guess what happened? By the time I got back to the group (a few weeks later) she was going out with him! Why? Because he was in a position that defined authority in the context of running… her biological triggers flipped. He later told me she’d asked him to happy hour. personable. Anyways. and she started dating him. he wasn’t going to cure cancer any time soon. She wanted to feel that powerful attraction again. each club had a designated leader. Anyways. Not a difficult job. or finding some other way to define authority for her. and while he wasn’t dumb. As I was walking away. Like I said. He wasn’t a very good conversationalist. but I had some things I needed to do (which I could have put off). make sure no one got behind or got injured. .15- . and getting back into running shape. and they went home together that night! Gee. he was a good guy… but had he not been in that “authority defining position” she wouldn’t have given him the time of day. she asked me to come to happy hour with her and some friends after we’d finished running. Don’t get me wrong. A few years ago I joined a runner’s organization for two reasons—to get in better shape. If he hadn’t been the “leader” at that point (and the leadership post rotated between members) there is no way in hell she ever would have dated this guy. being in great shape conferred “expert status” on me… so she came up to ask me a question. This person’s job was to simply stay in front of everyone else.” Right then and there she was affirming the reason she’d been attracted to him in the first place. and I was in pretty good shape. at this time I wasn’t as skilled as recognizing female attraction as I am now. she was attracted to me at first… I was a bit brash. wonder what would have happened if I’d gone to happy hour when she asked me? Duh! I saw them in the gym together a few months later and went up to say “Hi. I did both. and asking me to come to happy hour was a “subtle sign” she was interested).” He was on the elliptical machine—he’d had shoulder surgery and was just getting back to working out. they started living together.

So. let’s get into specific example of how you can either create “authority defining attraction systems” or leverage existing ones. and they will flock to you. all you need to do is leverage attraction systems. Hey. you may not be able to get people to invite you to speak at a seminar.16- .Now do you see what I mean by utilizing “attraction systems?” Do you see how powerful they are? To meet as many women as you want. but you sure as heck can be the leader of a running group… or a instructor of a Yoga group… or a class teacher… or the friend of a musician…! And once you’re perceived as a man who has the power to define authority for a woman. whatever the context. Do that. . they will approach you.

Public Speaking OK. They have lots of contests. The monthly dues are minimal. and a great place to practice defining authority. I don’t know how many times I spoke. Then join up. stories and jokes at Toastmasters. but Toastmasters does a very good job of helping people who are deathly scared of public speaking become very good public speakers. And you will attract women to you. she didn’t perceive it as a “date” or even think he was romantically interested in her. If your club can’t wait for you to speak. It’s a great place to test material. etc. there’s probably 20 or more in Austin. and no way to learn. you will meet plenty. When I was speaking people would come to meetings just to hear me speak. went to social hour. you’ll have ample opportunities to speak. speeches.” This is the perfect place to talk to female members of the club after you’ve finished speaking. just outrageous. You will also meet people who are very good at speaking… observe and learn from them. You may have to go to a few meetings. I’m not trying to brag. and you will come in contact with lots of dynamic people. I did NOT try to be offensive. If he met a woman he was attracted to. I used to have a friend who had a really neat system of putting himself in the “authority defining” frame using Toastmasters. They are all over the place… heck. now I know what you’re saying—you hate speaking in front of groups.toastmasters. People quickly came to view me as a guy who was an authority on public speaking. Now. Here’s another great thing about Toastmasters. just like everything else. And once you become good (it won’t take you long). you have no one to speak to. He simply asked her to come to a meeting because he “wanted some feedback on his speech. After the meeting is over (provided it’s an evening meeting).org/ and look for a local Toastmasters club. Here’s how to overcome all of that: go to http://www. Toastmasters provides tons of different opportunities for you to meet women. because he asked her to come to Toastmasters. he’d invite her to a Toastmasters meeting where he was speaking. You will have ample opportunities to speak in public and get coaching from people who are really good at it. people want to go to “social hour. Visit several of them. you are allowed to bring guests. you know you have good material. and then wound up leaving social hour to go somewhere else with an attractive female member. At Toastmasters. I quickly got to be known as an irreverent and funny guy who wasn’t afraid to be outrageous and push the limits.” . And if you are looking to meet women. You can also test various approaches. I’m trying to show you how powerful being a good speaker can be.17- . It can be easily learned. and decide which one you like best. The great thing about Toastmasters is. regional get-togethers. Texas.

I still have friends from that group (both male and female) and I had the opportunity to attract some great women. hone your speaking skills and then invite women to come give an opinion on your speech. Everytime I saw a woman I didn’t know. he revealed his system to me. and saw the group cheer wildly for him? She thought he was an expert. members are constantly coming and going. And you should know. . All you have to do is ask. Boy. So. I highly recommend Toastmasters. the guy was a pretty good speaker. or let it be known you’re interested in speaking in front of other groups. you have a constant stream of new. and know the other’s attracted.Now. He never took women on dates. but if your goal is to simply attract women you will have ample opportunities to do that. It happened every time. that’s when the sparks really fly! Another good point about Toastmasters is. attractive women in the audience. they all approached me after I spoke from the front of the room. I knew he was about to date someone new. and let her see their reaction. attractive women come in and out of the club as time passes. And if you are ever interested in speaking in front of other groups. there are many Toastmasters members who can present you with that opportunity.18- . Never asked them on a date—just invited them to give an opinion on his speech. Once I got to be a good public speaker the same thing happened… I even had two women who were jealous of each other because they were both attracted to me! You can do the same thing… just find a Toastmasters club (or two—you can join more than one). You probably won’t get paid. never asked them out… all he told them was that he wanted an outsider’s opinion on his speech.” He dated women who joined the club. and he brought women in to see his speech who weren’t members. What this membership turnover means to you is. this guy dated a lot of women. and had the ability to define people’s authority. Hey. After we got to know each other better. For him. join up. and it was a great experience. All he had to do was deliver the speech with her in the audience. I was a member of Highroller Toastmasters here in Austin for several years. what do you think happened when she saw him speak. You can even ask them to invite their friends… there’s nothing like having two (or more) women in the audience who are both attracted to you. Toastmasters was an “automatic attraction system. There are more speaking opportunities than there are good speakers. and he and I became friends. I gotta tell you.

He’s had as many as three coffee dates A DAY with sexy. . smart. going back years and years. I just run my profile. and wait for the responses. who is. and I never write a woman first. desirable women. For him. pretty good at meeting women. He has all kinds of hilarious stories. I’ve done very. Why? Because he’s a busy. He met a lot of women before there ever was an internet.Online Dating Services A few years ago. and sends emails to those women who’s profiles interest him. I highly suggest you have a look at it… the internet can be the ultimate attraction system. simply because he knows how to use the internet. very well myself. I have a friend of mine. intelligent women can be found online.19- . successful guy who knows and understands systems. Chet. laughed at by people who viewed it as a way for desperate rejects who were too afraid to show their face in public to meet each other. personable. the internet is the perfect attraction system… he simply runs an online profile on the internet dating services. I’ve in included all my secrets in the detailed free report that came with this eBook. How times have changed… some of the most attractive. However. internet dating was almost a social taboo. the internet is the only way Chet meets women now. to put it mildly.

I like it when women are attracted to me because I’m in a position of authority… I LOVE it when they’re attracted to me because I’m in a position of celebrity. neighbor. she doesn’t just view you as an authority.Free Publicity Imagine. . I’ve met a lot of women this way. she views you as a celebrity. When a woman who sees a story on you meets you in person. email them some pictures. Rarely do reporters go out and look for “stories”— most “stories” are sent to them. and printing your photograph! Do you think any woman who sees that might think you’re a pretty attractive guy… and that they should get in touch with you? Free publicity really is a little known—but extremely effective attraction system. a newspaper or magazine running an article about you. or mother saw the article and passed it off to them (which I had happen. Most people think that newspapers and magazines only write stories about famous people. relative. What is true is that a large majority of stories are “planted” by the person who wants the story done about them. and it’s by far my favorite way. If you consider yourself a “shy guy” then I’d highly recommend utilizing free publicity… all you do is talk on the phone with a reporter. Or because their friend. then wait until the article runs… when women contact you first. There’s nothing like women calling you up because they saw an article in the newspaper about you and thought you were an intriguing guy. and I highly recommend you put it to use. and they will be more than happy to do a story on you AND give out your contact information.20- . you won’t worry about being shy. If you have a story for the media (and everyone has a story for the media) all you have to do is approach them the right way. but that’s not true. I put all my secrets into the second free report that came with this e-Book. twice!). Getting stories in the newspaper and in magazines really is incredibly easy.

Here are some common examples: • • • • Gym manager or (better yet) owner Aerobics instructor Real estate broker who has agents working for him/her (you wouldn’t believe how many attractive female real estate agents there are in any given city) Bar owner/manager—I had a friend of mine who managed a nightclub when I was in college.21- • • • .” And if women who want to be on the “inside” perceive you can help them get there. and tell the audience they should talk to me. or someone who knows me. they’ll ask me to stand up.Endorsement by an Authority Figure Sometimes I’ll go to a seminar where I’m not speaking. Most of the time. Why? Because they might have to work for him someday! As a result. and they’ll approach you. just attending. Lions Club. and if they get to know me they can “be an insider” as well. we both met a lot of women—all I had to do was stand beside him and wait for him to introduce me. People think that I’m on the “inside” with the authority figure. President of a civic organization—Chamber of commerce.” It can be anyone who is known to be in charge of a group of people. I don’t have to say a word… women automatically come up and speak to me. the attraction triggers will flip. People on the “outside” want to be on the “inside. etc. simply by saying they knew me. This endorsement by an authority figure can be incredibly powerful. Never underestimate the power of association with an elite. Many times it will be a seminar put on by a friend of mine. and that people should talk to me. I was a good guy. Elected officials Fraternity president (if you’re in college) . you don’t have to know someone who speaks at seminars to take advantage of “endorsement by an authority figure. church group. and they’ll briefly introduce me. Now. Why? Because someone else in authority “bestowed authority” on me. Where ever we went waitresses and bartenders recognized him and came up to “pay their respects” to him.

22- . Sit down and come up with a list of friends or acquaintances who might be in a position of authority. Next time they are in front of a group of people they have “authority over” get them to introduce you as a “person everyone should know and talk to.” Then sit back and wait. 6 man football team coach—in most cities you can find “beer leagues” where people get together to play just for fun. .• • Leader of any campus organization. Even easier to become friends with the coaches of other teams and have them introduce you as a “star player” from another league. soccer. and he’d meet more women than he knew what to do with) Popular musician or band leader (think you’d have a few women come up and talk to you if the front man for a popular band introduced you on stage and told people to come talk to you?!?) • • • • These are just a few examples. At any given university there are hundreds of campus groups Softball. Bank manager Restaurant owner or manager Professor/teacher (I knew a guy who had several professors as friends… every now and then they’d let him speak to their classes. student leadership. etc. It’s very easy to become the coach—usually no one wants it.

There are country bars and clubs all over the place. He was still the same guy who drank too much beer. you will automatically flip a woman’s biological attraction trigger. Nothing romantic. Here’s how he did it: he started going to dance class regularly. After all. but he changed the way women viewed him.” I’ll tell you a story about how being a good dancer can get women to approach you. especially if you master country dancing. it’s just a dance! If you consider yourself a “shy guy” this is a great strategy.Dance Class This is an old trick for meeting women. many frequented by attractive women who desperately want to meet a guy who can dance well. Soon enough. Why? Because they saw him in the presence of different women. and spent most of his time consuming large amounts of beer. but once he did. this guy had women fighting over him. but he decided to take up Country Dancing. but he was awful with women. just to show the crowd he was pretty good. Show them you’re that guy. After a few weeks. and they will approach you. . I had friend who couldn’t get a date to save his life. I don’t know what possessed him to do it. they viewed him as a man who “defined authority” for them! This guy went from being a loser who couldn’t get a date to save his soul to a guy women literally fought over. and made the assumption that he was an attractive guy because other women found him attractive! They had no idea the women he was dancing with were simply platonic friends from dance class. he got to be known as a good dancer who was also well liked by the “ladies!” Why? Because week after week. I’ve never used it myself. and saw that he was a good dancer! That’s it.23- . After they became decent dancers. just to come back the next week. When I was in college. Few guys can… if you master this skill. but I’ve known several guys who have. It’s a perfect place for you to meet women AND gain a skill that literally is an “automatic attraction system. He’d dance with each of them. and you’ll never have to ask a woman on a date again. women who’d seen him at the club for a few weeks started coming up to him and asking him to dance! And since he was good enough to “lead them” and knew more about dancing than they did. but it works. Women love a guy who can LEAD a dance during a song. simply by learning to dance. He wasn’t a bad looking guy. and soon had several female friends. and a few miffed husbands whose wives forced them to go. Then he’d leave. Just look in the phone book under “Dance studios” and go out and sign up for a class. just platonic dance partners. they started going to different clubs on a different night of the week. attractive women watched him dance with different women. It took him a few months to master it. Here’s what you’ll find: lots of attractive women. Two Stepping in particular.

and wait for them to come up and talk to him. there are many community colleges. chances are there’s an opportunity for you somewhere to be an instructor or a trainer on that subject. Now. However.24- . In fact. Worked like a charm… this ugly guy had more girlfriends than he knew what to do with—and his “authority defining position” was as a trainer of computer software! How much more boring can you get than that! If you have a particular subject are you know a little bit about. Not at all. and an alcoholic. . many of the women I’ve dated have confessed to me that.Class Instructors Ever heard the term. The best place to start is your local community college. I’m not recommending you get hired on as a Professor and go violate every ethics law in the book. I used to have a friend who had a job teaching new employees how to operate a bank’s computer system. Now. “teacher’s pet?” Everyone has. Being a teacher or classroom instructor is a great way to meet women. I’ll give you an example. Many of these people are hired simply because they have enough expertise in a subject to teach it. and social groups that utilize part time instructors for small classes. he met girlfriend after girlfriend by simply making these presentations. He’d just hang around after he was done. this guy was as skinny as a rail. He’d go to different banks and make presentations every time they did a new round of hiring. at one time or another they dated (or just slept with) a class instructor. and everyone knows what it means. businesses. However.

But if you become a coach. and if there were he’d join. Why? Because most members don’t want the extra work… most of the time you will find yourself running unopposed. however. etc. see if there were attractive women there. with the sole purpose of getting himself elected as a group leader. very easy to get yourself elected to a group leadership position.” Here in Austin there are thousands of people who love to play softball. Most of the people currently serving as a group representative. Don’t overlook becoming a coach in the local sports “beer leagues. be an active participant and run in the next “election. What I mean is election to a group office. He’d be a member of three or four at once. but the women in the group will view you as an authority figure. No skill is required. vice president. come to meetings for a few months. Just about every group has a president. .” Most groups elect officers every six months. If your goal is to meet women.25- . getting yourself elected to a group leadership position is a way to build in an automatic attraction system. this is all just for fun (and usually an excuse to drink gallons of beer). It is very. etc. and he had more dates then he knew what to do with. etc. By virtue of holding the position itself. You can meet them simply by joining a co-ed team. Toastmasters does. you are viewed as a man who defines authority.Elected Representative Everyone knows women are attracted to politicians… Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich (two completely opposite personalities and view points) proved this without a doubt… both were caught red-handed cheating on their wives. However. the Austin Running Club does. I had a friend who used to hop from group to group. He’d go to a group’s meetings. Yes. Simply join the group of your choice. your local school board and PTA do. even better… now you are in a position of authority. can’t wait for their term to be over. when I say “elected representative” I don’t necessarily mean election to public office. then go out and drink beer. And there are some pretty hot women there as well. you’ll have to do some extra work. Just show up and say you want to play. your local chamber of commerce does.

Once this happens. simply become the social leader… round everyone up. make plans.Social Leader Do you have a group of friends you hang out with? Is there one person who decides where everyone goes. and is known as the “life of the party?” This guy probably has a lot of women coming up to him. So. and very soon you’ll get the reputation as the guy in charge. Then turn away a few and let it be known. and invite one or two select women to a party. Collect their email addresses. Plan and host any parties. plans everything. but only the first 5 (or 10) will be allowed in the door at your small. huh? Why? Because. start going out together. let them know you sent an email to 50 or so. If you have a small group of friends. if you want to attract women. women will start to gravitate towards you and then compete for you. take care of all the detail most people don’t want to.26- . socially he’s in charge… women can sense that and are drawn to him. private gathering. .

” This is brief. Remember. Staying around afterwards can oftentimes net you more coffee meetings than the original event. . what do you do?” You’ll separate yourself just by the questions you ask.” In case you’re not familiar. I usually just ask them. they’ll presume you’re an attractive guy. and what to do and say on the coffee date. If you study the section in this book on what to say and do when they approach you. and I’d love to hear more about <<what she was passionate about>>. Be sure to hang around after the formal go-round is finished. Many women hang out afterwards.27- . You’ve gotta ask. They came to meet you. Then it’s up to you to set up a coffee date. read the sections in this book on what to do when she approaches you. it was fun meeting you. “Well what do you find attractive about that?” By the time they’re finished talking it’s time to move onto the next woman. you sign up and then show up to a local bar that has individual tables set up. gain some initial rapport. “What’s your passion. what are you into?” and then follow it up with. Don’t leave. “Hey. or ask her nice-guy questions like. During the course of the evening you spend 8 or so minutes with ten different women. If you’re interested in a second meeting you mark the card you are given when you check in. Be sure you are properly dressed when you show up. each woman is also talking to nine waldos. Plus. if the others see you talking to a woman. Most guys don’t ask… they just hope she will remember. your purpose is to quickly evaluate the women present. ask them to circle you on their card. Why? Because every other guy there is going to either try to impress her by talking about himself. or you won’t get. and you want to give her every reason possible to contact you afterwards. After all. and this is a great opportunity to continue the conversation with one or two of them you really liked. they are technically approaching you. Put my name down on the card. “Duh. this will tell you exactly what to do during Speed Dating. I say.Speed Dating “Speed” or “Eight Minute” dating is a relatively new invention. For a list of great questions to ask. and miss out on this opportunity. or just find me afterwards and perhaps we can continue this conversation. Later on in this book I talk about the importance of proper dress. During the “Speed Dating” session. yet powerful. and if you decide they’re qualified to spend time with you. but I have to admit it’s a pretty damn good “attraction system. and then a few days later you are emailed the women who are interested in you.

be honest and let her know. Now. they must contact YOU first. Don’t let a female friend give you her friend’s phone number and expect you to call. This can be a sincere compliment. Make it very clear that any potential referral has to call or email you first. but women LOVE to match-make.28- . lunch. Be sure to encourage that behavior. Regardless of what happens on any date with a referral. You want her to refer again AND tell other woman what happens when they refer friends to you. This only leads to problems because now you’re chasing her. But you need to positively reinforce the behavior so she’ll continue to refer to you. you need to be sure to “reward” the woman who referred. She also tries her best to get her male friends laid with other women. or you won’t even consider seeing them. If the date didn’t work out. but be sure to show appreciation for the referral. Simply let your female friends (especially any older women with eligible daughters) know you’re interested in meeting someone. a small bouquet of flowers.Put Your Female Friends To Work For You I don’t know the reason why. There’s nothing like having a group of women constantly referring others to you. But don’t you dare contact them first. not the other way around. . The woman I’m currently dating has done her level best to hook a good friend of mine up with her best friend. set up a coffee date. whatever. After they contact you. but you have very high standards. They can email you or call you. a thank you card. but they must make first contact. here’s something important you need to know: let it be known if any potential referrals are interested.

How did they get to be known as an “elite group?” They simply declared themselves elite. Simple as that. Why? Because they were told they can’t. Now. you have to “qualify” and be invited by a current member in good standing. you’re throwing more parties in the future. The same thing holds true here. throw a party or two. if you go to their website. You have to be invited to join by a member in good standing. and then let it be known that you’re an elite group. Get a few friends together.29- . Ringer talks about the “Leap Frog Theory. who want to attend their beer busts show up to happy hours these guys sponsor and beg and plead to be a member.Member of an Elite Group There is a group here in Austin that calls themselves the “Austin Cannibals.” Their claim to fame is. and look at how to become a member. However. and then let it be known they had a few slots open. And to be a member. There’s a great book you should read called “Winning Through Intimidation” by Robert Ringer. It’s by invitation only… and of course hot women get invited to come to their parties… as guests. How do you become the president of an “elite group?” Simply declare yourself president. That’s all you have to do. what do you think happens? Outsiders. And people came. and then allow select members to join. by invitation only. but it’s for members only. Work your way up the ladder and “pay your dues” (whatever that means) OR simply declare yourself at the top and act like you are. . All they are is a loose-knit group of guys who throw a beer bust ever now and then.” The Leap Frog Theory simples says this: there are two ways to get to the “top” in any profession. they give great parties. it tells you that you can’t join. In it.

30- .Chapter 3 What to Say and Do When She Approaches You .

Let’s start with Step #1. You must deepen the attraction. However. Setting up a private meeting. she’s attracted to you. Here are the steps you need to complete: 1. She needs to prove herself to me. but really bad about continuing the interaction. She needs to impress me. If she wasn’t she wouldn’t approach you… it’s as simple as that. . and set up a “private meeting. That way you won’t waste even one second on a woman you won’t be happy with. not “Grade F” suspects. I’d fall into “nice guy mode” or fail to set up a meeting.Now that you understand how to set up automatic “attraction systems” you need to know what to say and do when they approach you. and they’d walk out of my life forever. depending on your desired outcome. To me. Taking the necessary steps to make sure she doesn’t “flake” AND she shows up on time.31- . Think about it—make a list of characteristics. collect their contact information. not the other way around. You want to be able to quickly disqualify those who don’t measure up to your standards so you can spend time with those who do.” If she’s approached you. For a long time I was really good about getting women to approach me. you’re still a ways from closing the deal. It’s very important you get clear on what type of women you want to spend time with. both mental and physical that she must possess in order to spend time with you. this is the most important step of the entire process. not the other way around. not me to her. You want to spend time with “Grade A” prospects. I want to immediately start with the frame that I’m testing her. You’ve completed the first step. but now you have to complete several more steps. Getting her contact information (note that this step comes AFTER you get her to commit to a private meeting) 4. It is not enough to simply get them to approach you. usually a coffee date 3. Testing her to make sure she’s the type of woman you want to spend time with 2.

mischievous smile that makes her wonder what I’m thinking. I smile at her to see if she reciprocates and smiles back. 3.” 7. Every time I’ve let one of these slide. I don’t let go. She must be independent and want a man to complement her. She must be in great physical shape. When do I start “testing” to see if she has these qualities? Immediately. not “complete her. She must not have any “baggage. I’ve got enough of my own problems to solve without trying to solve someone else’s. She must be sexually open and adventurous. and be able to separate sex from relationships. if she carries herself well. “Hi. I’ve had problems. slightly seductive smile. Now. is very important. I can’t find out all of them at once. If even one thing on this list is missing. She must be intelligent enough to hold a conversation with me. 6. I’m very adamant about any woman I spend time with having all these qualities. I’m on to someone who does have these qualities. I want her to think I’m a “playful little boy” in a man’s body. 2. If she returns it. I say. I take her hand and shake it. you know. and actively take care of her body. but I can find out enough to know if she’s worth inviting for a cup of coffee. When she approaches me. unless she moves to pull it away. . She must take responsibility for her own actions. and women like “naughty boys. thinking naughty thoughts. When I see her smile back. On the coffee date I pretty much find out the rest. She must be a bright. or create drama in my life. This to me. When she answers.” I’ve had 15 minute conversations where I’m holding the hand of the women who just approached me.32- . Rather it’s a playful. then I know things are going well. 4. 1.” emotional hang-ups. it’s not with a big dopey grin. And you are…?” At the same time I extend my hand to her. fun cheerful woman with a positive outlook on life. The first thing I do is look at her to see if she works out. 5. I’m John as. This is a good thing. Most of the time they smile right back.Here’s a list of what a woman must have before I’ll spend any significant amount of time with her. This is a “naughty boy” move. and she made no move to pull it away. I do this with a playful. when I smile at her.

let’s go sit down somewhere. I know she’s made the decision to trust me.” And then I took her by the hand and led her to the lounge. I like women who are passionate. and I always follow it up with an open-ended question that gets her talking about herself. I listen intently for themes and subjects she has an emotional attachment to. things she’s passionate about. Maybe she’s a little more animated when she’s talking about one thing than she is when talking about something else. I really enjoy ‘adventure racing’ or ‘I love hockey’” then I’ll ask her. Why? Because then she’ll begin to open up to me. I’ll give you an example. I’ll usually start with “small talk” asking her questions about our current environment.If she pulls it away (and some do. One of my favorite questions is. “Hey that’s pretty exciting. for me. I’m tired of standing. As soon as she mentions something she obviously has a deep attachment to. I didn’t speak. What about “X” excites you?” See. I’ll start building real rapport with her. I’ll ask her what she enjoyed most about the article. As she talks about what she’s passionate about. I’m asking her questions that get her to open up and talk about herself. and reveal things about herself that she only reveals to those who are very close to her. what I want to do is get her talking about things she has emotional ties to. I shook her hand and continued holding onto it. “What’s your passion. If she says something like. Once she does this. If an “authority figure” introduced us. “Oh. is a make or break question. And I’m listening intently to what she says and how she says it. Why? Because people only reveal personal things to those they trust. If she doesn’t understand the question. I was at a seminar where I was briefly introduced from the stage. what are you into?” This. I ask her an open ended question about that subject. And then I shut up and listen to her. (All I said to her to do this was. I’ll ask her “So did you enjoy my presentation? What did you enjoy most about it?” I always ask a question I know she’ll say “yes” to. but the host let it be known I was somebody the audience should get to know.) . “What do you enjoy most about working for so-and-so?” The point is. If I met her because she saw an article about me. Sure enough a cute red-head I had my eye on came up and talked to me. I’ll ask her. or isn’t passionate about anything. “Hey. Once she tells me something personal. then I’m probably not interested. or is she s a very “surfacey” person? If she strikes me as an intelligent woman. it’s a reflex) I continue talking to her and smiling. by definition she trusts me. After a little bit of chit-chat we went to the hotel lounge to sit down and continue the conversation. If she saw me speak.33- . Does she continue to smile? Do the structures of her answers indicate she has something going on between her ears.

Once I’ve got her talking about something she is passionate about and I can tell she’s at least worth a coffee date to find out more about. you know she’s made the decision to trust you. this isn’t the best place in the world to talk… why don’t we continue this conversation elsewhere. OK.” She had just made the decision to “trust me” by saying she would show me something she’d never shown anyone else. so I continued talking with her about that. Take her hand and lead her to where you said you wanted to go. Hell. Is there anything else in your life you are equally passionate about?” Guys.34- . she’s talking about something she’s passionate about—she’s in a good emotional state. I’m pretty passionate about my daughter.” Then without waiting for an answer I took her hand. If you slip into “nice guy” mode here and try to please her. She’ll still maintain the emotional state. It’s perfectly natural for her to be led by the guy she’s attracted to—in fact this validates her decision. hang out with you. or do I need to meet up with her in the future? If the opportunity exists for me to take her elsewhere right then. “Well. All I had to do with her was talk to her about her daughter for a few more minutes. “Hey listen.” Right then and there I knew I “had her. you need to shift her excitement to a more useful subject. I have a decision to make. So I simply say. it will invalidate her attraction. This is an example of what I mean when I say to look for her to reveal things she only reveals to very close friends. “Hey. but on a different subject. Would you like to see a picture of her? I have one I’ve never shown to anyone else. I take it. When you hear that. she thought for a minute and said. I guess. I’ve never had a woman resist this because she’s already demonstrated she’s attracted to me.” Here’s what I said: “Hey every mother certainly is proud of their daughter. So… here’s what I said. When I asked her this question. If she’s excited about something. back to work.” Then I take her hand and lead her. I’m in the mood for coffee (or I’m thirsty.She was pretty “into” her business. This is the signal I’m looking for. or I’m tired of standing… the reason doesn’t really matter). this is a deadly question. Can I take her somewhere more private then and there. but I’ll show it to you if you want to see it. and then say. sleep with you. “Well. there’s lots of things. but you’re not learning much about her. she didn’t really reveal anything personal. and led her to the elevator. but she really has a great smile. but I’m curious: what about your daughter do you most enjoy?” She smiled and said. . She’s in the moment. she led me. whatever. she’s just approached me. “Wow you really sound like you’re passionate about business. Although she was passionate. why don’t we go someplace a bit more private where we can talk without all these people around us.

but contact information. Nice guys ask for phone numbers. and email address on a the top half of the paper. women started showing up when they said they would. you must lead her to a “safe place. Being on time for others is important to me—it’s a sign of respect. Once I started using these words.Now. Do this. but there’s seriousness behind the grin. Sometimes she’ll say. this is not enough. And I call it that: contact information. I’ve enjoyed speaking with you. but I’ve gotta go. You have to make sure she doesn’t change her mind or flake on you when the emotions of the moment wear off. Before I let them go.” Then I pull out a piece of paper and a pen (which I always carry). What works for you. Can I count on you to be at Time and Place at Time?” I say this with a grin. I do NOT ask for her phone number. After I started doing this. Time 1 or Time 2?” Almost always they’ll agree to a time. You strike me as a fun and intelligent woman and I’d enjoy continuing this conversation in the future. Before I started doing this. let’s exchange contact information.35- . “My on time rate is pretty dang good. I tear the paper in half. although there are occasionally exceptions!). and write my first and last name. give her what I just wrote. cell phone number.” However. I do one more thing: I get her contact information. I’ll let you know. People want to be known as someone others can count on. Now you should know I’ll be there exactly on time. Imagine that.” If you say. “I don’t know what do you suggest?” She’s looking for a powerful answer when she asks this. If on the extremely rare chance something does happen. Not a phone number. It’s too soon (usually. What I say is this. they started showing up on time. I’ll meet you at “Time and Place. Nice guys ask for phone numbers… bad boys exchange contact information. “Hey listen. Here’s what I say. If there’s no way for us to continue the conversation somewhere else. but every now and then something happens and I might be a bit late. What’s the best way to make sure we can continue this conversation in the near future?” Then I shut up and wait for her answer. maybe even a few minutes early. Then I’ll say. So let’s do this. I had problems with late-shows and flaking. and she’ll think you’re a nice guy. then I get her to commit to a second meeting right there. Here’s what I say to prevent this: “I’ll be there at exactly X time. Here’s my cell and email. I need to let you know so I you don’t think I’m rude or a flake. What I say is this: “Let’s get together for an hour or so over coffee and continue this conversation then. “let’s go to my bedroom” she’ll probably put a stop to that. plus the bottom half of the paper AND . that’s great. and on the off chance something happens. The words “can I count on you to do X” are deadly. I can’t stand people who show up late and I let her know it. or suggest another time and place.

Dinner is like a date. but who knows where they’ll end up. Don’t set your schedule around her. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I do not put up with that type of behavior… save it for the nice guys. What do you think she does in return? She writes her first and last name on the piece of paper along with her cell phone and email address. I never call them to confirm. and I absolutely. This insures that we both have the correct contact information. “My time is very valuable.” If she won’t commit. you can spend as much time as you want. get yourself into a situation where you agree to call and confirm with her. positively don’t want them to think we’re on a date. “Influence. This gives her an out. ever.36- . the Pyschology of Persuasion” you’ll recognize this as “reciprocity” and “commitment and consistency. then tell me one you are sure of. I ask her if I pronounced her last name correctly and I verify that her phone number and email address are correct. . and gets her to mentally validate her interest. you’re interrupted by the waiter. or weekends. and ask her if it’s correct. not a bunch of women who think you’re a “nice guy. Nice guys go on dates. she should set hers around yours. Here’s what I never do. usually in the next day or two. If during the initial conversation she says to call her to confirm. or a firm no. Never. ever call to confirm. at time and place. With coffee. This is nice guy behavior. If you’re not sure of any. Oftentimes she’s just testing me to see if she can get away with any bullshit. Either get a firm yes.” Then what I do is this: I read what she’s written back to her. The only other thing I do is show up at the time and place we agreed upon.the pen. or they’ll find one that will. I want to have the opportunity for us both to stay as long as we want as long as we’re enjoying each other’s company. Bad boys don’t call to confirm… they expect a woman to keep her word. no way. and you both have to leave. Never. then perhaps you and I shouldn’t get together. I take it away from her. Then I have her do the same. and I only spend it with those who can be sure they will keep their commitments. I don’t like lunch either—it’s hurried. it’s been great talking to you… I’ll see you at X O’clock sharp. Then I say one last thing before I turn and walk away. I don’t want her to have to leave to go back to work.” I also always ask them to join me for coffee. Then she hands it back to me. That way you’ll spend your time with high quality prospects. correct?” Once she verifies this. rarely for lunch. If you aren’t sure of that time. Usually this gets her to commit. The further out it gets the more likely they are to forget about it. I always try to set this meeting for as soon as possible. I’m out of there. Never for dinner. If you’ve ever read Cialdini’s book. “Hey. Bad boys start someplace safe. It happens every time. I tell her absolutely. I set it up for early evening.

and we drove the animal shelter. It’s too expensive anyways. . The reason I don’t like bars is. smoky. “Hey. she’ll do it again. cheapest thing you can do. but things lightened up as we went along. and replayed what always happened when she went to that bar. and she tells me that she’s “had fun” after she goes to a particular bar. I don’t like to meet at bars or for happy hour. This is called “utilizing her strategy”—all that means is. and then I said. She associates going to that particular place with going home with a guy… who am I to argue with that? I very vividly remember an instance where I met an attractive girl over the internet. So. and there’s a chance we may run into some of her friends. I don’t introduce alcohol into the equation. if she did it once.84 for a 20 oz cup of coffee at Starbucks. It’s the safest. then you can go for drinks IF she reveals alcohol brings out the bad girl in her… if not. So… I always recommend meeting her for coffee if you can’t get her to go somewhere with you right after she’s approached you.Coffee’s cheap as well—here in Austin I pay $1. That’s not something I want to happen… I want it to be me and her in a quiet place where we can both talk. If they don’t give you a compelling reason why you should meet at a bar. She’d also follow it up with. then I’ll take her there. She read my profile (the one in the Free Bonus Report) and emailed me. It was awkward at first. let’s go to this bar… it’ll be fun!” So we went to the bar. we went back to my apartment. We started telling “party stories” (I’ll tell you how to do this in a later chapter) and I noticed she mentioned a local bar in each of them. had a little bit of wine (her stories always started with her having wine—that’s why I offered some). Why spend money on booze when a coffee meeting will do. but occasionally I’ll make an exception. every time she went to this bar. Here’s when I make an exception: if we get to talking during the initial meeting. Whenever they tell me a story like that. We talked. and agreed to go to the Humane Society together… she wanted to see about getting a dog. yeah. If you’re having a great time at coffee. This is the only time I’ll go to a bar or have alcohol on the first meeting. they are loud. I just duplicate the events of that story. then meet for coffee.37- . She met me at my place. she went home with the guy she went with. “I can’t tell you what happened after that!” What I picked up on was.

Chapter 4 What to do and say on the “First Meeting” .38- .

they say. would you like some?” I say this matter of factly. I like to sit in the most private seat possible. because so few people do. I want it to be as quiet as possible with few interruptions. And no one wants to be embarrassed. Ten minutes late doesn’t disqualify a woman. she’ll take it. Here’s what I say. I also bring something interesting to read in case she’s late. “Hey the coffee’s pretty good. I’m not offering to buy her a cup of coffee because she’s an attractive woman I’m offering to buy her one because it’s polite and it’s the way I treat people in general. She will almost always do the same thing… one thing I’ve discovered is. in a matter of fact tone. you promised to show up a certain time and you broke that promise… this is not acceptable. “Hey I was counting on you to be here at XX—time… how can I ever trust you again in this relationship… this might finally be the end. and I respect others that show me the same courtesy. almost as an afterthought I pull out my cell phone and turn the ringer off. I expect them to show up on time. I always make a comment about the time. I’d hate to embarrass myself by doing that to you. but I also inject the undertone of. I always keep my commitments. I always say.” I want her to know she let me down by not keeping her word.39- . and when we set up the meeting. If she shows up on time.Don’t fall into the mistake a lot of guys make when they’re going to meet a woman for coffee: calling her the day before (or the day of) to “confirm” you’re still on. but she’s got a lot of ground to make up with me. I always make sure I have a good time whether she’s there or not.” I say this in a playful tone. or in the (now) rare instance she flakes. “I’m going to get some coffee… I’ll be right back. “Of course. As soon as we sit down. somewhat jokingly.” Then I turn off my cell phone and put it away. “How rude of me… I almost forgot to turn off my cell phone… I can’t stand it when I’m in the middle of a conversation and someone’s phone goes off. where I’ll have enough room to reach over and lightly touch her. If she shows up 10 or more minutes late. Sometimes they’ll call me to confirm that I’m still meeting them (a good sign) and I always say. I tell her that I appreciate her showing up on time. get myself something to drink and sit down. and I’ve found it doesn’t make a difference whether she buys her own or not. Most of the time they’ll get it themselves or when they first come up. just like I’d offer a friend of mine. . and doesn’t call. I want to maintain the frame for the future that I expect her to show up on time.I’ll see you at Time and Place at X O’clock sharp. “Hey.” Either way is OK by me. I never give them an out. I always offer her something to drink. When she shows up. This gives her an “out” and if she’s having any doubts. I let them know that. All I say is. women do not want to be thought of as rude. What’s even worse is when they answer it.” I always show up a few minutes early.

” This is simply rapport building small talk where my main goal is to make her (and me) feel comfortable.” Nope. it’s an acknowledgement on her part that we’re going to be talking for awhile. If I decide she is. so I turn mine off in front of her. He was genuinely interested in these people and their lives. The first ten to fifteen minutes are what salespeople call the “warm up stage. One of the biggest reasons he was so successful was because of the “warm up. I turn off my cell phone as soon as we sit down. you need to “warm up. her damn cell phone would go off and break the flow of our conversation. I’ve had coffee dates that have lasted 30 minutes that turned into something.” By the time he got to the pitch he literally knew more about them than their closest friends. When she does the same.40- . and really got to know his prospect before he got to the pitch. They felt like he was one of the family. and ate with his prospects before he even pitched them. I have no agenda when I go to meet a woman other than to have fun and set up a second meeting if I decide she’s worth spending time with. In the past when I didn’t do this. and he showed up and sold them life insurance. He mostly sold to senior citizens. If you go in there with a pre-set agenda. “Gee he must have been a good faker to sit through all that. He had a telemarketer make appointments. you may be saying. That’s it. not at all. I don’t ever want that to happen again. then the purpose of the coffee meeting is to set up another meeting. Do I want to see her again or not? Now. I’m very flexible when it comes to meeting for coffee.” I have a friend who was a very successful insurance salesman. and I’ve had coffee dates that didn’t end until the next afternoon. Regardless of what happens during the time we spend together on the first meeting. then I always get her to commit to a second meeting regardless of what does or doesn’t happen. The first 30 or so minutes after he walked in the door was spent on the “warm up. I think it is incredibly rude and it’s something I will not tolerate. you will never fail. I have one purpose in mind when I meet a woman for coffee: to discover if she’s the type of woman I want to spend more time with or not. That’s if. Now. poked around in gardens.Now this is not some silly act of my part to immediately impose dominance on her. I want to find out if she’s worthwhile meeting again. I really cannot stand it when someone’s phone goes off and they answer it. Before you do anything else. Note: if we’re continuing a conversation after she approached me.” He looked at pictures of grandkids. Just go to have a good time. If that’s your goal. she’ll sniff you out and you’ll be done. and . She gets the message. He actually went to people’s houses and sold them life insurance. Many times he was invited to stay for dinner. If she is.

“Jeez. what do you do? What do you like to do? What’s your favorite hobby? What do you do at work? Where did you go to school? And any other question that every other guy has ever asked them. Everyone has something interesting about them. amazing. The simple act of asking them questions about themselves can be a powerful aphrodisiac. His genuine interest in other people was what made him so successful. It sounded pretty interesting… how about refreshing my memory?” My goal is to recreate the past good feelings she had towards me. huh? What were your impressions?” What I want to do is recreate the last five minutes of the last conversation we had. I ask her questions about herself… and I’m genuinely interested in the answers. I simply say. I’m trying to find out if she has the qualities I’ve written down on paper. you must ask the right questions. Instead you want to ask them questions that get them to reveal who they really are to you.he tailored his sales pitch to how he could best help them. When I’m in the “warm up” phase of a coffee date. You want them to talk about themselves. Remember. uh. “When we were talking before you mentioned you were passionate about X. I do the exact same thing. This serves two purposes… it fosters attraction. and whenever they hear it again they shut off. she will classify you as a waldo. Women have heard this a bazillion times.41- . Most guys make the mistake of nervously yammering on about themselves. I’ve found the best way to do this is just to review the previous . If you ask question like every other waldo out there. or trying to impress a woman by telling them how great they are as a man. Here are questions you do NOT want to ask: So. so we can move onto deeper questions. However. You’ll immediately be different in their eyes… wow. and when you shut up and actively listen. I always say. that was quite a meeting. here’s a guy whose interested in me as a person. and it gets her to give you information. you’ll be amazed at what you learn. If we met at a meeting. If she told me she was passionate about something. When we first start talking I usually pick up the conversation where we left off.

did you get that situation resolved? What was the story again?” Once she’s back in the past positive emotional state. Now. dreams and desires. Note: These questions work best when you’re talking to them about a subject they’re excited or passionate about. At times I can be pretty foul. So.conversation. and not her fears. What’s most fulfilling to you about X? 3. I’ll ask her. And once someone gives you one “deeper answer” to a question. I want her telling me things she’s passionate about. here are some questions I ask to get her to reveal what she finds funny. You sound pretty passionate about X. I want to know what she finds funny. What about “X” makes you feel that way. focusing on her. Hey. I want to deepen that state. and I want to know if she can joyfully join me in the gutter. and I showed genuine interest in them by asking them questions that got them to give me deeper answers. she’s excited about. not about her grandmother’s funeral. Here are some questions to ask her when you transfer from the warm up stage to the “deepening of attraction phase:” 1. I don’t want to spend all my time on deep emotional stuff. I want her to tell me her hopes. Why would they do this? Because I did something for them very few people ever do: I listened to what they had to say. what kind of sense of humor she has. failures and frustrations. they’ve decided to trust you. I want this to be a positive experience for her. So… I start asking her deeper questions. and will literally tell you anything you want to know. I want her telling me about the time her team won the soccer championship. they are powerful no matter the topic. If she mentioned something specific at work. “Hey. I do not want to be with a woman who is easily offended. What’s important to you about “X”? (Where X is the subject they’re talking to you about) 2. . things they wouldn’t tell people who knew them their entire life when I ask questions like this and listen to their answers.42- . things she really wishes she could do. Anything. darkest secrets. It’s also important to me she have a great sense of humor. However. What was it about X that attracted you to it? 4. I’ve had women who were complete strangers 15 minutes ago tell me their deepest.

I had a good answer for that. I’d ask too many questions in a row. However. Now.” and then they go back to talking about themselves. Here’s the correct way to ask a question. “Oh. Listen intently and ask her to explain any specifics. When she’s finished tell her a similar story about an experience you had. Make a funny. She just gave you information about herself. What makes you laugh.43- . now you need to give her some. 1). Just because they ask doesn’t mean they’re annoyed or suspicious… they’re just a little surprised. Most people are so used to others talking about themselves they are taken out of their element when someone takes a genuine interest in them. and that they should appreciate that trait in me. When I first started doing this. what do you NOT find funny?” Now. I’m pretty good at that as well!” I say this jokingly. there’s one thing about asking questions like this you need to know. What about X makes you laugh? 3. then back off and let her continue 4). “it’s just so unusual to meet a guy who listens. Usually they laugh and say something to the effect of.1. and occasionally I still have to use it. you’re going to start sounding like a district attorney. if you’d like to have a conversation all about me. I’m sorry… I’m just a naturally curious guy. and I truly enjoy listening to what other have to say. but with a bit of strength behind it. Ask her a question that gets her talking about something she’s passionate about 2). and they’d ask me why I was asking so many questions. “Well then. cocky comment about something she said. If you start asking question after question. That’s why they ask about your questions. 3). I want to let them know that I consider myself a rare guy because I listen to what people have to say. what’s hilarious to you? (A great follow up question is. gather information. I always say something a bit cocky like. especially if you notice she becomes more passionate when she talks about a specific instance. there’ll be a mad rush to my house!” They get the message. “Hey. I’m a rare guy… you need to treat me right… if word gets out that there’s a guy who actually listens to women. and will let you match up your humor with theirs) 2. . What do you find most amusing about “X”? (This question will get them talking about what they think is funny and amusing. Here’s what I say. and deepen her attraction.

Each time I ask her a question. I only want to spend time with open minded women who have a fun. That means you must create the conditions for her to be able enjoy herself sexually without the fear of outside social pressures. There’s a really good book I highly suggest that will really give you insight into what is going on sexually in a woman’s head: it’s called “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. At some point. I just can’t ask her outright. when you can allow her to live out her fantasies in an environment that encourages. Women are FULL of sexual fantasies. it is your job to make it OK for her to express herself sexually. rather than stifles them. I do this after she’s given me a few deeper answers and has obviously decided to trust me.5). WATCH OUT… your nights will never be the same. A woman who likes sex can be labeled a “slut” or “whore” or “promiscuous. One of the most important things I ever learned about women was this: as a man. red-blooded MAN. If. and what they reveal will literally blow you away. . I also do this only if she’s proven she’s the type of woman I want to spend time with.” As silly as these labels are. listen to her answer. ask deeper question. It was written in the 1970’s and is simply a compilation of women’s sexual fantasies. healthy. This is where I begin the transition to “sexualization” of the conversation. They are actual stories sent to her by real women. I want her to get a little deeper and a little more personal. deepen the attraction. and then shift back to small talk.44- . now you want to deepen that rapport. Get her feedback… “what’s your opinion on the story?” 6). at any point I decide I don’t want to see her. I look at my watch. I want to get her to the point where she’s in deep enough rapport with me where either she or I will begin to “sexualize” the conversation. healthy view of sex. The above process can be distilled into: ask question. I even start doing nice guy things so she’ll feel like she rejected me. “So are you a prude or do you like to really get it on?” That won’t cut it. tell I have to be somewhere soon. but are afraid of expressing them. As a man. comment on answer/tell similar story.” You’re in rapport. I being to steer the conversation towards the subject of attraction. they are very real to women. I do not want to spend time with a woman who has sexual hang ups or thinks she has to be in a relationship to enjoy sex. this all happens after the “Warm Up. However. Remember. several of them have to do with how she views sex and relationships. ask her another question and repeat the process. If you look back at the list of things that are important to me in a woman. Society can really be unfair… a man who likes sex is considered a virile. Women have a lot of social pressures that prevent them from enjoying sex. Based on what she told you.

What you want her to do is to explain. but not once will they talk about “hubby. or even just a stranger you found yourself extremely attracted to? What was it that attracted you to them?” Now. Rarely do I run into a woman who says no. What you want her to tell you is how she was romantically attracted to a guy. Also. relationships. It’s very simple and natural to do because you’re obviously in a situation with her that leads to attraction. Sometimes they’ll talk about an influential man (like a teacher or professor) they were attracted to out of respect. They talk about the man who flipped their triggers like no other man ever has. Now. I say. and she has already told you some personal things. women are attracted to a powerful set of feelings that occur when her “attraction triggers” are flipped. shut up and listen. you will be amazed at the stories you hear when you ask this question. you want to steer the conversation towards the subject of attraction. it’s interesting how attraction works. running. You don’t have to do much explaining… women understand attraction more so than men do. ‘X’ but you can also be attracted to another person in much the same way.45- . “So what about X attracted you?” where “X” is a subject she’s passionate about. even re-live the process that flipped her triggers. To set up the transition.Ok. Remember. Once she’s told me why she’s attracted to X. However. I just explain it little more until I get a yes. I always ask her the question. that type of thing. if they mention “ex-hubby” or “boyfriend” I always ask them this question: “Look. mentor. women love to talk about romance.” I’ve talked to many women who have “steady boyfriends” and they most assuredly do not talk about him. obviously that became a negative and I’m not really into talking about negatives. Many times they’ll tell you about a complete stranger they were attracted to. Here’s what I ask: “Let me ask you this. On the rare occasion she does. you were obviously attracted to him in the beginning . If she’s really into say. so how to you sexualize the conversation? Presuming you are in rapport with her. before things went south. “So what attracted you to running?” Once she answers. “You know. I start to build a “verbal bridge” from “attraction to X” to “attraction in general” to “attraction between men and women.” Here’s how I do it. and what he did to make them feel so attracted. men are attracted on looks alone. Have you ever met someone. attraction. Does that make sense to you?” I want her to say “yes’ and affirm that it does make sense to her. I ask her. They may have been married for five years. and how he made her feel. “Well have you ever met a man who made you feel the same way? What was that like for you?” What I want her to do is tell me a detailed story about a guy she was attracted to. You can be attracted to a subject like. When they tell me this. I’ll ask her. Guys. You will NOT hear answers you expect to hear. maybe a teacher.

Now.and that was a positive at the time. Sometimes she’ll get sexual at this stage. Don’t transpose your attitudes over hers. But. but it’s pretty rare. and if the opportunity is right. One thing a lot of guys are “hung up about” is they don’t believe women will sleep with you just because they enjoy sex. I’m curious. screaming fantasies. big. I validate her story. if you’re like me. big secret to getting women to open up sexually to you in a short amount of time and feel very. That’s it. very comfortable doing so… she’ll feel like you were so attractive she couldn’t help but reveal herself to you. I can’t remember a coffee date where a woman wouldn’t talk about attraction. Although we’re talking about attraction. Guys. If she doesn’t want to talk about attraction.). So.” etc. . then I’ll start to set up a second meeting. and if she passes MY TESTS. and then reciprocate by telling her one of my own. Remember. or simply meet women whose issues are the same as yours. What I’m interested in doing on the first meeting is qualifying her completely. you need to find a way to get over them. set up a second meeting where things will get much more physical. create the conditions to extend the coffee date into an entire afternoon or evening. It’s happened. I need to discover her attitudes toward sex and relationships. and like to be around sexually adventurous women. I am still qualifying her at this point. I’m not necessarily trying to get laid on the first coffee meeting. I still have to bridge the gap to sexualization—and I have to do it in a way where she feels like she told me because she wanted to. If you have sexual issues. Women love sex as much as men (if not more) and are very open to “adventure partners” and “friends with benefits” if those options are presented to them in the right way. “friend with privileges. After she’s told me a story about a guy she was attracted to. what about this guy attracted you to him?” Then I listen. All I’m doing at this stage is getting her to tell me what actions flip her triggers. to be truthful. then she’s going to be disqualified. when I talk about “sexualiztion” I’m not talking about getting her to reveal her wild. And she will tell you. that’s bullshit. Here’s a big.” If she is.46- . I’m looking for attitudes about sex. realize they are just as open as you are to “friends with benefits” (also known as “special friends”. and in particular to see if she is comfortable with “adventure partners” or “friends with benefits. but only because we were both having a great time with each other and obviously wanted to spend more time. But.

Then I ask her if she has a story like that. “Are you sure? It’s quite racy and I may have to use some descriptive terms. (If you don’t have a story like this. then she’s disqualified. just “hinting” at the sexual things that happened. It’s a great story that happens to be true. she’ll tell me. She tells me a story. Most women have something similar.47- . “So did you enjoy the story?” They always say yes… what woman doesn’t enjoy a romantic story! Then I ask her this question.” If she doesn’t have one. “Does that sound like an experience you’d enjoy having?’ Again. then she risks being seen by you as “unadventurous and close-minded.” By this time they really want to . and then I tell her a similar one. BUT… if she PROMISES not to be offended. Why? Because she has to reciprocate. It also reads like something out of a romance novel. I say. tell her you’d like to hear it. Then ask her if she has a story like that. and then ask to hear it. and I don’t yet know if I feel comfortable telling it to her. I concentrate on the romantic aspect. I always ask them. “Hey that was a great story! What a wonderful experience to have!” I’m setting the stage to make it OK for her to sexually express herself around me. Guys. but that it’s “racy” and “detailed” and might be a bit “juicy” for a first meeting.” You’ll have several real ones soon enough anyways. When I tell this story. So if she has one.” Usually they’ll flush a bit. then I’ll ask her about her “most romantic experience to date. I ask her.) After I’m finished. this is deadly. I call the story a great “adventure” and talk about “chemistry” and “instant attraction” and “energy” and “becoming intimate” (a veiled sexual reference) and the fact that she said I made her “mind and body” feel like no other man (again a veiled—but obviously sexual—reference). The story I tell is about an incredibly romantic adventure I had with a woman who saw an article in a newspaper about me. what do you think she says to that? She wants to hear it! Almost all women love racy stories. sexually open women have lots of stories. I’ll tell you. that’s a slightly bit more sexual than hers. I’ll tell her. tell about one that “could have happened” leaving out the “could have happened.After she’s told you a story about attraction. They always love this story… it is very romantic and something they want to experience. and if she tells you no. She’ll tell you. you tell her one. and verbally validate her story. I listen very intently. and when she says yes. with slightly more sexual detail. But if you’re open minded enough. It’s been my experience that adventurous. Then I tell her I have a story like the one she just told me. they always say yes. If they still say “no” then I ask her if she’s ever had something “kind of like that happen?” If she still can’t take of anything. Now.

” . I say. I also say. they’ll do it again. “That’s too bad… you struck me as someone who was adventurous. I say. “Are you enjoying this story? Would you like to hear the next part? If you’re not enjoying it. And I’ve made them ask to hear it twice. very descriptive. she’ll have sex with you. you can tell her about one you wished would have happened or could have happened… you can take a bit of “poetic license. not everyone is presented with opportunity. But.” Obviously she needs to think it’s real so she can picture herself there. I ask her. I tell the whole story from start to finish. If she does have a story like that. Now. But is that an experience you think you’d enjoy having. every now and then I ask a question that “secures agreement” or gets her to verbally commit to hearing the next part. Then I drop the hammer on her. I study them very intently to see how they react. If she doesn’t. “Are you with me?” (and slightly nod my head to get her to say. There’s an old saying that I’ve found to be very. And if they do it once. They’re eager to hear it. “adventure partners. I won’t finish it!” I always say it teasingly.48- . Now. You would be amazed how many women do have a story like that… and how many will tell it to you using the same detailed language you used in your story. So… once I get a positive reaction to the “friend with benefits statement” I proceed to tell a very real and detailed story about an “adventure I had with a woman at a seminar. being very. especially if only you and one other person knew about it?” If they say yes to this (which most do). After I’m done. hey. I don’t think I’ve ever had a “no” at this stage. very true: “If she talks about sex with you. then they are probably going to be disqualified. If you get to this phase. you know ‘friends with benefits’. But if you don’t yet have one. she’s usually blushing and giggling. I happen to have several true stories to tell. As I tell the story. “yes”). then I know she’s sexually open. And they’ve just given me permission to tell them a very dirty story. If they smile and blush a little then I know they know exactly what I’m talking about because they’ve done it in the past. If they react negatively to that phrase.” then I say this: “Do you have a story like that? I took a chance and told you mine… are you adventurous enough to take a chance and tell me yours? It’s your turn…” I say this like a naughty little boy would.” I let her know the woman looked a lot like her because I want her to picture herself as the woman in the story so she’s imagining herself having this adventure with me. when I tell this story I always start with the term. then they’re qualified.” Whenever I say this. If they say “no” then they’re not. like a playful little boy and they always ask me to continue. she’s pretty open and adventurous… and attracted to you. Why? Because all the “no’s” drop out during the warm up and deepening of attraction phase.hear it. “Did you enjoy that story?” Once she says “Yes.

49- . let’s go outside and get some air. so we go from the frame of “potentially having a physical relationship” to “having a physical relationship. you better watch out. that really depends on your desired outcome and the situation you’re in. and I rarely meet resistance. This happens more than you think. though. Many women are simply afraid of being judged (again) by another idiot guy so they are very cautious when it comes to sex. Here’s something I found: most guys are NOT open to women sexually expressing themselves and are intimidated to the core when they meet a self confident. However. I stand up and say. “Hey. Women like to be kissed… sometimes they’re a bit surprised. If she’s been laughing. and you’re really enjoying the meeting (and she is as well) then you’ll want to extend the meeting. and removing the fear that you think she’s a slut or a whore or a bad person because she likes sex. So what do you do next? Well. If you’re out of town on vacation. very important… it’s giving her permission to express herself sexually around you. Once you let her know you will validate and appreciate her sexual expressions. and won’t see her for a long time. Bad boys kiss a woman when they feel like doing it. It’s rare to meet a confident woman like that… good for you!” This validation is very. and reciprocating my stories. If she’s local. then you want to set up a future meeting. but they like that. What I want to do is kiss her. she’ll be willing to go. then should probably take the necessary steps to take her to your hotel room. Here’s what I like to do: after I’ve validated her story. most woman have had the negative experience of being judged by some idiot guy who is not secure enough in his manhood to appreciate and validate her as a sexual being. Nice guys always wait until the end and “hope” she’ll favor them with a kiss. If she’s not quite willing (some women just won’t sleep with a guy they just met). blushing. “Hey that’s a great story. she’s usually quite happy to be kissed. Surprise is OK… waiting and hoping for the favor of a kiss is not. we’ve been sitting awhile. I always give her verbal validation.When she’s done. she will open up. and set up a second one. If it comes to “goodbye” and you go to kiss her then. As a result. at an event or on business. This works in your favor. once they know you are different and you will appreciate their sexual expression.” Then I take her by the hand and lead her outside. I’m glad to know you’ve got a strong enough self-image to be that adventurous. .” I also want to kiss her BEFORE the “goodbye” part. I tell her. If she knows you’re leaving. This can work out well—there’s nothing like having “adventure partners” in different cities. it can bring up bad memories of bad dates she’s had. I usually just gently pull her to me and kiss her. sexually open woman.

If you both have gotten this far.” All I want her to think is that she’s coming over to spend time and feel really good with a guy she’s attracted to. if I feel spontaneous and come up with a fun idea in the moment that will let us be flexible enough to enjoy it. As long as you manifest the attitude that “where ever we go is the place to be” she’ll be attracted and enjoy the experience.” simply because you’re there. but it is important to have a place in mind. I’ll call you and we’ll make plans. that you lead (women expect men to lead. It doesn’t matter where you go. if you can’t extend the coffee meeting due to circumstances beyond your control (like she has a prior obligation). I usually say. she’s told you her interesting stories. you need to get a commitment for a second meeting. The idea is to get her comfortable coming over to my place. I’ve gotta get running. “Hey. “Hey why don’t you just stop by my place and we can leave from there. decided she’s the type of woman you want to spend time with.” Don’t you DARE do that UNLESS you don’t want to see her. Also. and get her to commit to a second meeting. only that we’re going to spend time together. and I presume you did as well. Where ever we wind up going. you’ve kissed her. you need to make sure you get a commitment for a second meeting. “Hey I had a great time. DO NOT leave it at. I continue to be irreverent. Then I usually tell her.50- . this is fun. Let’s get together again… which one works better for Time and date #1 or time and date #2?” If either one of those doesn’t work for her. Make specific plans then and there. No matter what happens after that. The last thing I want her to do is to think we’re going on a “date. If you’ve had a great time on the first meeting. but I had an OK time. it’s rare that she balks.After I kiss her.” Usually I say. I’ve gone to downtown Austin. especially if you’ve managed to extend the first meeting. How good does that sound to you?” I don’t give her a specific idea of what we’re going to do. and extended the meeting. I’ve gone out to one of the Austin lakes. AND I treat her like she’s been my girlfriend for years. I just say this matter of factly. let’s go somewhere else and continue having fun. then it’s almost a lock something physical will happen on the . I’ve gone to a restaurant to eat (because I was hungry). and that wherever you go is “the place to be. I ask her to suggest one. I’ve gone walking in my apartment complex… the place doesn’t really matter. What matters is. you should put it on your immediate to-do list) then you’ll recognize this as the extremely powerful persuasion strategy called “commitment and consistency. and are not as comfortable when they don’t). After she commits I again let her know that I am counting on her to keep her commitment and show up on time as promised. No dates.” I don’t ask her. Or. If you’ve read Cialdini (and if you haven’t yet. a bit cocky. “Hey.

if you are sure to remain friends with all the women you meet. And while women enjoy friends with benefits. But I want to make sure the ‘friends’ part of our relationship continues. these women will often introduce their friends to me. What I tell her is this: “Hey. if and when she meets a guy she wants a relationship with. then usually I don’t see her again (unless things are obviously heading that way). My goal is always to wind up with a long term friend. no matter what happens. Now that’s an “automatic attraction system!” The neat thing is. even though the “benefits” go away. “pre-selling” them on me as a good friend with benefits. It’s a built in referral system. Like I said. and they decide they’re ready for something committed. and I’ll be very happy for you. Oh boy. but we still remain friends. Let me know as soon as that happens.” I’ve had that happen several times. soon enough you have them introducing you to more of their friends than you can handle. This rarely happens simply because of the qualification process I put her through. and the ‘benefits’ part of our relationship may come to an end. all you need to do is ask. These kind of women are usually ready to “get down to business” sooner than I am. Imagine that. do I like this. just to experience everything her friend told her about me. Do you want her to be a steady girlfriend? An adventure partner? A long term friend with benefits? A short term fling? That’s for you to decide. Why do I remain friends with them and keep in contact? Two reasons: first off. You may not have sex then (some women take a little longer than others) but you will soon enough. I enjoy having fun with you. more often than you’d think.second meeting. I like adventurous women who enjoy sex without hang-ups. we can always “reinstate the benefits. Heck. And when women “sell” you to their friends. That’s OK. but it lets her know I want to continue to have her in my life as a friend. . Most of my adventure partners and “friends with benefits” eventually end up in relationships with other guys. time and circumstance tends to change lots of things. That’s OK with me. I always set this up in advance. If I haven’t slept with her by the third meeting.51- . because I think you’re a great person and I like having you in my life… in addition to the benefits!” This usually gets a laugh. but I understand you may meet a guy you want a committed relationship with. they tell them EVERYTHING. if their relationship doesn’t work out. Why? Because she knows she’s giving her friend a great experience with a guy she can trust to allow her friend to sexually express herself. I once had a woman who couldn’t wait to get my clothes off. But it happens. Where do you go from here? That’s really up to you. you’ve already kissed her… she expects that now. Why? Because I make it perfectly clear to them I’m not interested in a committed relationship from the beginning. I remain friends with them. your female friends bringing you their friends to sleep with. The second reason is.

All I say. The instant they die. I thought you were going to help your friends out and send them to a guy who gives great benefits!” Again I say this jokingly. are more likely to refer their friends when the time is right. However.52- . . but you can get some great results. I always have something to remind her of. She views you completely differently after you’ve slept with her. but when time and circumstance changes. Once she’s committed to liking you by sleeping with you. Put this powerful secret to work for you in your love life. be sure to introduce your attractive friends to me… you know I’ll treat them right. it is vitally important you keep her attraction triggers lit up. The bottom line is this: no matter your outcome. she’s off to find a guy who will flip them. Certainly not with every former adventure partner.Then I say. and think you might be interested in a committed relationship. Some women really like to hook their friends up (both male and female). it is important you sleep with as fast as possible. and give them some great benefits!” Now. it is important you follow the above process when meeting any woman you’re attracted to. I say this jokingly. If you dally around. She’ll usually laugh and hit me. jokingly. Here’s the other interesting thing about a “referral system. but the fact that I’ve said it is important. if that every happens. What if you’re a guy who wants a committed relationship? You’re in luck… there are plenty of women who want the same. If you want a more permanent relationship. “Hey. All you need to do is ask.” Those women who are referred to you. is: “Hey. you’ll be out of there so fast your head will spin. you can take the relationship in the direction you want. slip into “nice guy mode” and start “sharing your feelings” with her. It’s a fact of business that a customer who was referred is much more likely to refer other customers than a customer who was not a referral. If you really like a woman. but I’ve had several of them send their friends my way. and she’s in a committed relationship with someone else. Why? Because they themselves were referred. that does not invalidate the above process at all. but it works.

53- .Chapter 5 Secrets of Attractive Body Language—How to Attract Women Without Saying A Word .

Body language is an important part of attracting women, no matter if you’re getting them to approach you or meeting her for the third time. Use the right body language and she will be attracted, use the wrong kind and she will be turned off. Sales trainers and other “attraction experts” have long made a big deal about something called “matching and mirroring.” Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe not. I’ll give you a brief recap. Matching and mirroring is a way of physically getting in rapport with a person by covertly mimicking their body language and gestures. If they lean forward, you lean forward. If they cross their legs, you cross your legs. They “like you” because you are “like them.” Is their any truth to this? I’m not sure, but here’s my opinion. I’ve never had any luck matching and mirroring a person (it takes me too much time to think about it), but I’ve had several friends that have. The only way for you to find out is to do it for yourself. Now, I have had good luck simply by leaning forward (closer in) when they are talking about a subject they are passionate about, and by leaning away when they talk about a negative subject. This is really a form of what psychologists call “anchoring” and it’s worked pretty well for me. What tends to happen is, after a few times of leaning in, when I lean in again, they’ll follow and get closer to me. Why? Because I’ve associated my leaning in with a positive experience (good feelings) on their part, so when I lean towards them, they instantly feel good… and move closer to me to feel even better. When you notice a woman subconsciously following your lead and mimicking your body language, that’s a great sign she’s attracted to you. When you’re in front of a crowd and they start leaning towards you to hear what you’re going to say next, then they’re attracted to you. The opposite is true as well… if they are leaning back, and not following your lead, then they usually are not in rapport with you. And remember this: attraction follows rapport. If you can’t gain rapport, you won’t gain attraction (rapport is gained by using the techniques in the preceding chapters: actively listening, showing genuine interest, asking related questions that lead to deeper answers, then following up story matched to what they told you). Next time you’re in a conversation with someone and they talk about something they’re “into,” try leaning forward just a bit. Everytime they get really passionate, lean in again. When they’re talking about something they’re not “into” lean back. Do this a few

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times, then steer the conversation back towards what they’re passionate about. Lean in, and watch what happens. (A great way to steer the conversation back is to say, “Getting back to what we were talking about a few minutes ago, tell me more about <<passionate subject>>. I’m curious.”) Another form of body language that works very well is correctly touching another person. Any real salesman knows that your closing rate is higher when you come in physical contact with the person you’re selling to. The same thing applies to attracting women as well. If you unobtrusively touch her, she’ll like you more. When she starts touching you back the same way you touched her, you know she’s attracted. Women do not touch men they are not attracted to. Woman after woman has told me this and my experience has borne it out. I’ve always had great luck using the back of my hand or the tips of my fingers to gently (and briefly) touch a woman’s forearm, especially when she starts laughing at what I just said. Again, psychologists would call this “anchoring.” “Anchoring” is a way to get someone to re-experience a particular emotion by introducing a touch, an object, a smell, or sound associated with that emotion. Here’s an example: have you ever been in your car, and a song comes on the radio that was really popular 10 years ago… and then all the memories and emotions associated with that song just come rushing back? That’s called an “anchor”… the song was an “anchor” to the emotions you were experiencing at the time, and when you heard the song, you re-experienced all the emotions. Well, if you want someone to think you’re funny and attractive, lightly touch them at the peak of their laughter (or good feelings), in the same place, every time they laugh (or feel good). This will set an anchor, and if you touch them in that same place whenever you see them, they will re-experience all the good feelings they had when you first made them laugh. Mysteriously they will think you are funny and attractive… without you even saying a word! Anchoring works very, very well during coffee meetings. When she starts talking about something she’s passionate about, and I can tell she’s re-living the experience, I touch her lightly, usually on the shoulder or wrist, whichever is closest. All I do is touch her and say, “It sounds like you’re pretty passionate about what you just described. This makes you feel pretty good, huh?” Whenever she starts telling me about what attracts her to a guy, I touch her in the same place. Whenever she tells me her “racy story” I touch her in the same place. This “sets” a “good feeling anchor” and whenever I want her to feel good I just touch her again in the same place, and “fire” off the anchor. This puts her back into the “good feeling” state which she associates with me. She doesn’t have any idea that I’m “firing an

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anchor.” All she knows is that when she’s around me she feels, passionate, excited and turned on… the way she would feel around any guy she has a strong attraction to. When we get up to leave from our coffee meeting I always “fire off” the anchor, and I always fire it off right before I kiss her. So… when I kiss her, she’s feeling excited and turned on… they way a woman is supposed to feel when you kiss her. When she feels this way, it’s a mental validation of her attraction to you. The physical act is congruent with the internal feelings. A quick word about touching: it is vitally important you touch her in a light, unobtrusive way, at least at first. Gently and briefly touching her forearm with the back of your hand is OK. Grabbing her inner thigh and holding on is incredibly obtrusive and will cause her to instantly dislike you. The key to creating attraction via touch is light, unobtrusive, and at the moment they are feeling good. Here’s a summary of attractive body language: 1. See if “matching and mirroring” works for you 2. Lean in towards the woman you are speaking to when she laughs or feel good 3. Lightly and unobtrusively touch her with the back of your hand to set an anchor when she is experiencing a positive emotional state, like laughter, excitement, passion, or lust 4. Whenever you see her, “fire off” the anchor to bring back the good feelings of the previous conversation. Soon enough she’ll associate feeling good with being with you… which is really what attraction is all about!

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Chapter 6 Other Quick and Easy Attraction Secrets .57- .

hairstyles. I just wear those along with the clothes she bought me. women react more much more favorably to me than when I wear the clothes I used to call comfortable. and I am instantly more attractive than if I wear my normal. Don’t overlook proper dress. and I can assure it was not a shirt or pair of shoes I picked out. first impressions are incredibly important.” I’ve been in both places.” than the “good looking slob. etc. . I’m a believer. Like it or not. Here’s the best way to get properly dressed: just ask one of your female friends (preferably a current or former “adventure partner) to go clothes shopping with you. If you’re on a more limited budget.There are a few other. I’ve gotten some very attractive clothes at great prices. If women are attracted to you from the beginning. basic things you should know about getting women to approach you and become attracted to you.58- . and the results were incredible. One of the best “attraction devices” I have is a pair of shoes purchased by a former girlfriend. Right or wrong. Whenever I wear the clothes she picked out. and every woman I’ve ever asked is delighted and flattered. and it is well worth the price. I’ve had women approach me to compliment me on a shirt or a pair of shoes. Be sure to ask her to help you pick out shoes… it has been my experience that women tend to judge a guy by the shoes he wears. than to try to overcome the “attraction handicap” poor dress can create. that will make you more attractive.” You can get this at Amazon.” Trust me on this one. but worth it if you do have the money. it’s much easier to deepen that attraction. and they will pick out clothes. but after getting a former girlfriend to take me clothes shopping. casual clothes. I highly recommend picking up a copy of John Molloy’s most recent version of “Dress for Success. how you dress can have a huge impact on how women perceive you. To my surprise I also discovered the clothes she picked out for me are just as attractive as the clothes I used to wear. It’s much better to be known as the “attractive well-dressed guy. and I’ve never been into “trendy”). You can go to the yellow pages and hire a fashion and image consultant. Proper dress can serve as an “automatic attraction system” all by itself. I’ve never been turned down for and it’s easier to be the “well dressed guy. This is not cheap. I resisted this for years (I like to be comfortable. It’s always a piece of clothing another woman did.

However. and some very attractive women. and full of great advice for the “average guy. women are biologically programmed to be attracted to men who are in good physical shape. I was in decent shape up until age 28. She was with him BEFORE he became famous. Connelly reveals why you’re probably not eating enough food. THEY would initiate the conversation. I never abused this privilege. Scott Connelly. and had about a 33” waist. Then I did the EAS Body for Life Contest. as well as a beautiful girlfriend. without me ever saying a word. but he’s funny. They never would have approached me. but I met a lot of great people. and I got to where I could pick and choose who I wanted to hang out with. I know a lot of well dressed fat guys who have a great sense of humor. I can tell you from personal experience that the better shape you are in physically. I will highly recommend two books that can really put you on the path to being in attractive physical shape: 1. How do I know this? When I was a fat slob they ignored me. When I got into great shape and started dressing well they’d smile at me. I had women looking at me out of the corner of their eyes.No matter what physical shape you’re in. but the reaction by others after I finished the contest was unbelievable. the movie director is a prime example of that. Your self esteem will soar.” Dr. or changing your body type. this isn’t a book about diet. even give me a compliment. If I hadn’t gotten myself in great shape. To me the changes were subtle. AND known how to create automatic attraction systems I never would have met near the number of women that I have. I noticed a lot of people would look twice at me.59- . and lots of female friends. you will FEEL more attractive. and did OK attracting people to me. I had people at the gym coming up to me and asking me what my secret was. exercise. Look. He’s not in the best shape in the world. and dropped my waist size to 31”. and why you may be exercising too much. the more attractive you will be. And it was all because I went from being in good shape to being in great shape. Secondly. and has a beautiful wife. However. I ran and lifted weights. Body Rx by Dr. figured out how to dress well. Add that to dressing well. and knowing how to make people laugh. First off. and you will be better able to manifest your humor. I didn’t get into good shape until my late 20’s. you can become more attractive if you dress well and can make people laugh. Being in great shape is another “automatic attraction system”—some women will approach a guy because he has a nice body. and broadened my shoulders and chest. This book made a . This book is incredibly easy to read. and people will pick up on that. Kevin Smith. and wherever I went.

and should be in everyone’s library. Just being in shape is an “automatic attraction system. Body for Life by Bill Matt has an unusual fitness system he calls “Combat Conditioning” and it has been used by famous wrestlers. You manifest a confident. not someone with a PhD in English calling themselves a doctor.” When you’re in great shape and you know it because you had to work for it. you carry yourself with great confidence and poise. This is the original book that got me into the EAS Body for Life Contest. Bill actually worked with Dr. which he later sold for darn near $250 million. Connelly many years ago. especially after I turned 30 and my metabolism slowed down. and then split off to form EAS. and is totally shredded. When it comes to fitness websites there is only one I recommend. but these two are all you need. intense.60- .com . It’s a great book.MattFurey. and at times this is enough to attract women to you without you even looking at them. attractive energy. I highly recommend Matt’s products. There are probably other books as well. Again I highly recommend www. 2. and that is www. You can get both of them at Amazon. Connelly is over 50 years old. If you want to cut through all the hype and BS regarding fitness. Dr. He’s a Medical Doctor (heart surgeon) as well.MattFurey. easy to read and follow. People come talk to you because they want to be like you. football players and “tough-guy” martial artists to quickly and easily get into unbelievable shape.huge difference in my life.

Chapter 7 How to be Unattractive to Someone You are NOT Attracted To .61- .

I know several women like that… I personally don’t care much for them (usually it’s because they talk and talk and talk about things I know they nothing about). That’s OK. and become known as an attractive person. and I don’t badmouth them publicly. There’s an old saying that is very. One thing you never. In fact. but don’t want them talking bad about me.” They have no idea if I like them or not. Not at all—if you stand for something. . but never in public. I don’t bear them any ill will. How do you appear as “unattractive” to her so they’ll leave you alone. “I don’t know him very well. People may not be your friend forever. some people will dislike you because they are jealous. in any way. and part of life. because you never know when they’ll introduce me to one of their friends. and I don’t initiate any conversation with them. If a trusted friend or associate asks me my opinion in private I’ll give it to them. He’s polite. Once I’ve determined I’m not attracted to a woman. but not very talkative. and I try to keep it that way. but if you give them a reason to hold a grudge. embarrass someone in front of group of people. you don’t want them her your life. Usually the worst they have to say about me is. I don’t initiate conversation. yet polite. because even though you may not want her in your life. I minimize any conversation with her. I’m polite. and you’re just not attracted to her. ever want to do is embarrass someone in public. I just don’t want them in my life. Now that certainly doesn’t mean you have to try to make everyone like you. she can still have an effect on you either positively or negatively. If you want to make an enemy for life. I’d prefer they have good things to say about me. yet won’t bad mouth you to others? This is actually pretty important. So. For whatever reason. they’ll hold it for a long. “Friends come and go. That’s the worst thing you will ever do. there are going to be times when a woman takes a chance and approaches you. I keep any conversation I do have brief. but enemies accumulate. I don’t ask them questions (because I know they’ll start talking and won’t shut up). but very brief.” Boy. That’s a sure way to become unattractive to everyone. positive or negative. and they will go out of their way to make your life miserable. What you don’t want is to go out of your way to piss people off and make enemies out of people who should be your friends. that’s good advice. long time.Look.62- . very true today.

Chapter 8 Summary of Step by Step Natural Attraction Process .63- .

Pay close attention to her. Tell her your “romantic attraction story. Kiss her as soon as the opportunity permits. deepen that attraction. 2. extend the coffee meeting.” . 9.” 12. Verbally validate her story. Write down the characteristics of the type of woman you’d like to meet so you can immediately begin qualifying any woman who approaches you 3. Make sure you are properly dressed. politely end the date and move onto the next one.” Be sure to anchor her whenever she reexperiences a positive emotion 11. Steer the conversation toward the subject of attraction. keeping in mind to get a commitment for her to meet you again at a specific time and place 13. and work on getting yourself in good physical shape. Get her to tell you her “racy story. and get a commitment for the next meeting 5.64- . eliciting what she finds attractive in a man 8. After she’s approached you. “Warm Up” first. Meet her at the specified time and place and “close the deal.1. If she qualifies to spend more time with you. but before the “goodbye. At the next meeting.” Ask her to tell you hers. then deepen the attraction 6. If at any point she doesn’t. Put an “automatic attraction system” to work for you 4. 7. then get her to ask you to tell her your “racy story” 10. and make sure she fits the characteristics you look for in a woman.

Chapter 9 Books You Should Read and Websites You Should Visit .65- .

I think they will do the same for www. the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. edited by Ben Gay III Websites www. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwarz How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling by Frank Bettger The Ultimate Sales Letter by Dan Kennedy (available at Winning Through Intimidation by Robert Ringer Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill Scientific Advertising/My Life in Advertising by Claude Hopkins The True Believer by Eric Hoffer Tested Advertising Methods by John Caples The Closers.” If you’re going to get anywhere in life. you are going to need to persuade www. To that www.There’s an old saying that goes “School’s never out for the Pro. I’d like to give you the names of some books.marketingtips.speed-seduction.RonLeGrand.doubleyourdating. Cialdini. And persuasion (in a gentle way) is really what this book has been all about. Books www.66- .com .kimble-kennedy.kimble-kennedy. and some websites you should check out that have really helped my persuasion skills….

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