Sardine EXT. MORTISON & MORTISON FUNERAL DIRECTORS - DAY The sun shines.

A hearse is parked directly in front of the building. Both FREDERICK and GEORGE MORTISON have just got into the car. GENTLE CLICK, the car door closes. The engine starts. FADE TO BLACK EXT. WOODLAND AREA - DAY The hearse pulls up in front of a small, old, 2 berth caravan. INT. CARAVAN - DAY A Bulbous fat white mass fills the view. Slowly George's eyes come into view, he pears down at the fat dead body of MR NUMBUS in front of him and then back to the tiny caravan door behind him. His eyes swing between Mr Numbus and the door several times. Frederick appears at the door and nods questioningly at George. George shakes his head. EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY THUD. A heavy bag drops on the grass. INT. CARAVAN - DAY TAP. A small leather case is gently placed on a wooden surface. EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY An angle grinder is snatched from the bag. INT. CARAVAN - DAY A small powder brush is gently taken out of the case. EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY Frederick places a ladder against the caravan. INT. CARAVAN - DAY George eases the magnifying monical attachment over his right lens of his eyeglasses. His eyeball enlarges to fill the lens. He licks his finger and reaches down. Mr Numbus' face is distorted; his tongue flopped to one side of his mouth, his skin grey, and his lips black and misshapen. George's finger gently moves Mr Numbus' left eye so it lines up with his right. George starts powdering Mr Numbus' face. BUZZING and GRINDING noises are outside. George looks up. He then turns his attention to applying lipstick to Mr Numbus' black lips. EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY Frederick, standing on ladder, starts to push the angle grinder into the caravan roof. WHIRRRR BUZZZ SPARK FIZZ JUDDER. The caravan violently vibrates. INT. CARAVAN - DAY Mr Numbus' face vibrates violently. George's carefully applied lipstick zigzags across the now powdered face.

GEORGE (Frustration) Grrr. EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY WHIRRRR BUZZZ SPARK FIZZ JUDDER. George waves his arms furiously at Frederick. Frederick turns the angle grinder off and looks at George. INT. CARAVAN - DAY SAWING can be heard. George smiles to himself as he admires his work. Mr Numbus' face is now looking a bright pink colour. Lipstick is perfect. Eyes are straight. He starts to comb Mr Numbus' hair. RUCHGHGHGHGHGHGH. The saw rips through the ceiling of the caravan and tears into Mr Numbus' nicely combed hair. GEORGE (Frustration) GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. EXT. CARAVAN - DAY George waves his arms furiously at Frederick again. FREDERICK (Frustration) GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. INT. CARAVAN DAY George finds the tube of 'Super Duper Glue - for dead people'. INT. CARAVAN - DAY BANGING can be heard outside. George starts to apply glue to Mr Numbus' head to glue back on his hair. EXT. CARAVAN - DAY A boat anchor is thrust into the roof. INT. CARAVAN - DAY George looks up confused. EXT. CAR - DAY Frederick is at the wheel revving the engine. INT. CARAVAN - DAY Caravan begins to tip. George panics as he finds his hand stuck to Mr Numbus' face. EXT. CARAVAN - DAY Caravan tips over. CRASH GEORGE

Awwwww FADE TO BLACK EXT. GRAVE YARD - NIGHT Out of the sky the caravan is lowered towards the open grave. Frederick and George are below. Frederick is waving the caravan down. George's clothes are tattered and torn. His hands are hidden behind his back. He wriggles his fingers trying to remove the clump of hair super glued to his hands. CUT TO BLACK.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful