volume sixty-six, issue 9 ‘arch 10,2021 CS Masthead Editor's Address managing editor-in-chief Welcome Serpents aya morgan “This issue is ringing you all the epi highs and lows of high content editor-in-chief school footall. Do you think Bighead fs sendgame? Or maybe Theas huntsman merkur ‘sotrre holding out forthe Jarehielongenn. Or etter yet, your Iie asnt been consumed by the CW network and youre just production manager ooking to fondly reminise about the Archie comics of ye anna eller youth. No matter what you're here for, we've gota favour of i Single jange for yo. copy editor ‘ave abit Plage your allegiance to the Gargosle King, polities lays Huntsman Merkur & Maya Mongan alec heyman Editor-in-Chief 2020/2021 cab sandblon & lacy stark certs & culture ash man & uvina persaud aevant-garg liam p, bryant joshua bienstock race Kovacs maya morgan seal tabeya azasth contributors Shelley rafailov saishnavistayan ih yang, About us ‘The Gargosles University College's greases student newspaper and publishes every two weeks. ‘Weare a paper that believes that sometimes you should beangy, and that sometimes you show beloud andifyou have not haa voice before, you deserve a voice. We donot give print space to bigots and we do not feign neatrality on ists of social justice. At this moment eveything in ott oie is weird They're weidos. They dont fit. And they don't want to fit in. Have you ever ‘seen them without their stupid hats on? That's weird. Production bi-woekly on discord Goin ou serve for instant lout). ‘ugargosTe@ gmail.com /submissions@ucyargosle.eaCle a= Ono Wealth Cut Down to Size I know nothing about Riverdale, so let’s talk about wealth inequality instead alex heyman you spend time in fe-leaning internet crete, sou almost certainly seen at east one of these Infographics designed to visa ‘wealth inequality with on-sreen objets of diffrent sizes, (The fancies ane Fve fencountered is probably Matt Korostofs ‘nteractive "Wealth Shown to Seale” in which ‘one pel $1,000 and seoling past Heros ‘neath may tae you several minutes) After the Jarges sums of note are preseated for your sewing displeasure, the stor often exphestly fests moral as something ike "No single rumen neods or deserves this mach wealth" end ‘tdvoetes fr some frm of wealth edition Stronger than anything wehave now we" ‘usually being the US). Objections to this aim typically come in one of {hme Mavors, The librarian” favor anges that theextzeme wealth inequality we experience is thenatural end result of an neegolated fre market economy (hich is true, sine inthe Absence of regulation, amassing wealth is easier ‘the more wealth you already have: that the super-rich deserve their exorbitant wealth by ‘virtue cf having earned iin the free market (ibious, sine for one thing, most of them Started hei lives with acariages that most people dont get); and/or that entities such as governments don't have the ight to redistribute ‘wealth involuntarily ~a claim that atleast has ‘ho legica inconsistency with observable rei ‘ut presupposes an ethics with concerning ‘indifference to haman well-being. which is tulimatalyHbertrianism's greatast weakness, ‘The “trekle-down economies” flavor of objection Ssa litle tougher to defuse, because it argues that the deregulation that enables extreme ‘wealth inequality is ata to society's bent Inthe long ru. Te richer yon can get by beng thebest n your business, the more incentive ‘ther is for companies to innovate compete, and enerate more wealth forthe ext of soctetyt3, Share in through payment fr labor, which ‘ukimately improves everyone's ives. “The ising tide of epitalsa its al boats”, and all tha. ‘This view isn't blatant inconsistent with the ethics of lt ofet-leaning people ~ bat ifyou 0 through the trouble of examining the Empirical evidence, youl nd that decegulation {doesnot actualy haveits advertised postive tects Besides the fact that one's materia! ‘wealth andthe tecnologia capacities of one's cet are at best severely Tied asa proxy for fne's well-being, the data shows that tee down palicies don't even promote overall economic growth This makes sense, since a ‘omporaton that bocomes too rich and powerful fans the ability to te competition sin political ‘obbsing buying up competitors or in ootain Woah industries, benefiting from scale effects where sot proccts ae more useful the more pple already use thom, and it's thus difielt oe Innovative upstars to gta fot in the door. (Gecial medias probably the best modern example of this) The at ithat the super-rich ‘ular to get afr less ich before any Significant numberof people change their minds about whether getting where they are would be ‘worth the efor. The final favor of ebjection i easly the lowest ‘on the hierar of argument sophistication, and goes something like his: "You're just elous ‘of slecessfil people's steess. The spe fact that they nave more than yoo is what yon find objectionable, and you wat to take aay their ‘money inorder to bring them down to your level" In the most direct sense, i's no more threatening than anyother ad hominem ~ ut bring t up bocause think it actually exposes a ul ine thin the let in a way that the ober to objection Navors don On one side of this fault line arethaxe who, shen ore to defend themselves against the a hominem, say “Ton. {hinkthe fact that he super-rich have so much is problem in itself just want to redistribute their wealth because I nov it woud do more {pod in the hands of others, and/or beeaise | Sn trust the super rich with th extremes ‘isproportionate power their wealth offers then." On the oer sie ofthe fault tine, However, ae tase who say "Actually yes do find the simple fact ofthe super-rich’ exceptional status objectionable. Equality isan Innsi good, and inequality isan intrinsic ev" When leftists say "No single human needs ‘or daserves his much wealth the frst of these [roupe implicitly qualifisit with". wile other people need itso much more", and the second ‘ualifes with swe other people have =o Il in comparison, (dont know f there's anyone who genninely does qualify that Statement atal, except maybe fr psevdo- Puritans who believe that material fury isan Intrinsie ev or that all pleasure must be earned in some absolute sense.) “The stnction between these to groups of lefists those eho vale equity tel ae those who vaheit only asa means otheend of maximizing well-being ~ lesa, but Important. ta particular, egalitarian lefts are [kel on at least some stations, eelorse “eveng down" ~ making well-o poople worse off without making anyone ele better of, just for the sake of making things more equal. By contrast, the other group ~"tlitarian lets ‘sill consider leveling down tobe pointes: harm itralydoest benefit any individuals. This fase has generated controversy in politica pllosophy in recent decades, Keked nto high fear by the plication of Join Rawls 197 work 4 Theory of Justice. The tla theory of {4istbatie) justice more-or-less boils down to ‘animicing the minimum well-being cf anyone inthe soietyin question: a change to society is fpod if and onl boneits whoever = eurrently the worst ef, and it's bad if and only ifit harms the worst of Thus, while the theory does not fenegurage leveling doa it permits it and this by tself as Ted some to label the theory a an extreme form of egalitarianism. { mycelf am a utilitarian leftist, but if youre not, Tyson there nd now to persuade yoto change teams. [just thin the existence ofthe feamsis worth pointing out, at minimum asa way of understanding the disagreements [beret them whenever they come upCumUnity Opinions: oriwions What’s the sexiest program of study? lucy stark 5 oe bed bt Enlist iene. 07008 Inthe wad oto breakers wee a tere et be Fe oy Four ch cet sso “hg oe itS6 me an nai og os tronics Doble jr Bat comeing on re Tre noteed thereat sone prog at st et al Eubvotpepamiee ioc kane metre Sammi can Ena THOT 3 ‘Scone met hd Searing oie pees tne Personally im abi fan of foreign language Cottingrtnsotalaciease Bf Sonomy/Asrotya oun coi rem important sue. 01k P23 12E 178 cpycompater Selene PSpaiealssB1'% 132" ‘and WhatsApp and here are some of the 1asiess 14g 1 we need love OUT to please e Iighlights: Yell we know 18 scence ame 0 ats computer ier gecing the SR reas “eco they wally woke up and decided to drink the respect women jute tay and everday alter” SGenier studies because ender = sex” “They gett talk about sex more than the rest oli eengacstdingenghDO thar peg {Piychology& Buddhism & me seven eal SS pe the Health eSretin ne Popes sped in ee pee ‘obviously. Asha ea aed REE Ona te thee ae am ay ge ge TH sieyaeest x60 a7! en abe om 9 cpmnpopslomaeNC Cae | a7 2p 290% 308 31K at nro ey 1 ~anunrone dt eA ae a2 sora Transnational Studies asker weriMENE 456 5p S253 se draggingmy chip flavoured fingers acrossmy | MY Pre-sercening laptop, doodled somepie charts ofmy impressionotthe show thoughts ontheback of my essay draft. singing Tam nov genuinely convinced that Riverdaleisthemost\cell- disguised comedy of alltime. Itharal the cringe and second. handembarrassmentofan Adam Sandler fickwith thesame amount of self-awareness asmein thethird rade, Soblissully ignorantofits own stupidity. Whiletryingso hardtobe dark, itsidesteps any real gitor honesty. Its showe like thesethatmademe esorgstap ie aorta ra thinkhigh-schoolwasthebe-allandend-al, ed Re i Pvt ry sohigh-stakesand threatening, Can westop U making these spaces our go-tomierooosms of , society? takeaworkplacedrama,please time (they already setthebest comets). share: That does not mate pion Very much ike hoes ps “SPOILERS, PROBABLY* My dislike ofthe lying showaside, Pd be down for aPsycho-esque beeen ee ese It ‘would takeaway the Freudian angleofthe tess original film, butCherylhasthe potentialto business casual ‘bea much hotter,much creepier Norman Bates. Awolfin sheep's designer clothing if you will. he’s so goddamn captivating. en loner weno) ‘dead people Sep mat hits Instead ofaninn, they could inhabita mateo eee boutique bed and beats with security oo camerasrather than old-school peepholes. football Motoreyeles winapersaud Only Bghead sans overhere. Thats Jughead share rhe! They have sto hn the ale ed tab aout atv, Thnow chia wat sens ‘Soe, aged inthe pei soup Sopot icheciigecatstiocimtsand Ainy Melted ungated crs tar Wilcpialtoy Setdeee giles’ uta Satyam chustnng eek orlectar/ Oe deghandisiefaiely charwtte thy werebotkialonesen thebeterpck Hewaealvay therefor fatonsips wh eter people Shi Bettyand!binkticrprmatis it thervone thing wehae teaches but Deter together theybuthlorewrtngand. guesitya teens otha to be oobna tec Sete Ikvaraltleweind when hirparents_Anvays Jaga aKING wo deserves Stared datigcch oer and ftir beter than ar them. A wend KING ne Dares wer nget mario Bet Sian Jughead would be step-siblings. But what do Arche andl Betty have in ‘common? Barely anything th, Betty and © @AVANT GARG survivor Rene d Enna Rt LOM oro nC a een inte Rare ad Frone cons starting from my fingertips i can watch myself vibrate, pulsate, Seen YS Reeeh tee et ett tera erent ees eet tet ects like a survivor. ne eas iimjust a kd with a family and a house in the suburys anda dog and ample food and love to spare ESS MEO eC PEO n et ngs ce Rat ete eee eR Pee an Cs eee for a day when i no longer have to be afraid to have a moment to myself, arene sete Mural Ceres Bathed in the leftover juice from weekend steak, now in my belly that would be writhing in the turmoil of the exereise Unleashed upon the tall grass, their fine blades whipping past my legs, A thousand tiny cuts were made in the dark, the smell of damp earth and iron heavy ‘The dogs like real wolves, while I, in the pale, thin underclothes soaked for this oceasion, Cut through the silence of the night like a comet, bare and white He was inspired by the comical eruelties of the second Baron of Redesdale, enacted upon his pack of pale armed daughters - “Diana the Fascist Jessica the Communist, Unity the Hitler-lover, Nancy the novelist, Deborah the Duchess and Pamela the unobtrusive poultry connoisseur” - on the grounds of his great house, to Pee arenes eee ee et renee kc tec Cae ee cet hey been pity, or hatred for the dogs, I will never know - to let the silky set marinate, to use her own loving hands to dress me in the suit as bait, that one wild summer the doors of library remained shut, and my grandfather marched stiffly through the halls with his guidebook of terrors, an epistolary novel about the Mitfords in gloating condition, bloated with ink and footnotes. ‘The wolves with their happy faces would race me to the very edge of the woods and drag me back to her warm russct waves. Like a gaping bass, washed up on her shore, ripples of light cut through the years of impossible dust on the ceiling In the murky light of tomorrow’s dawn, a small body lies floating in the bath Craning its neck to look into her eyes, the lady as the pearl in the mouth of a clam shell - I love her stillAVANT GARG Dred omar ir It is when I do things that people know I'm alive toe ate Rv en ents ea ree CC eens eC ones Everything that I promised myself I wouldn't do. Ce en eer art A mundane thing to wake up and love and love and love. renner esa eri aac ce Ceo om cer es Ont ttc Onis ego Onn ae eee recente Too much for me to bear, so much that I cannot do it. rion 0 React ™ nd then I give up and all that's left is youth only Texist and the world is ending ee ee eet eet eee ete scicintiadioe Stuck in the chaos. sR cocoa a cnr i radiant and beautiful and running wild ‘white sneakers, laces double-knotted, Meet bs Sentech csc ce net rt See pertains tome citer eee a ein SoS oe Seri ever on the bAAA HILL T o TT Ok here's the stitch: I exclusively read Archie comics as a ki, so I got rly offended when Riverdale’ NN came out. because Archie comics are good, actually, but Riverdale made Archie make out with his SY ‘teacher and hooked up Betty with Jughead and also made Betty a serial killer or something So T'mmad about it but the cringe hurts 50 good Enjoy these Gargchie Comics like you enjoy the epic highs and lows of high school football. \\ UD a" Forget “is Charles gay or ana Famels fiom straght Kevin inerested Read my tect >) inane sor lero ot saa See Not gonna happen! _ RIVERDALE Graphic. novel adaptati oy LL \\\ Tn case you haven't noticed, T'm weird. I'ma weirdo. don't "fit in." And I don't wanna fit in. Have you ever seen ‘me without this stupid hat on? That's weird. & Vughead kiss right now might be precisely what it takes to save c future Bughead from imploding! Tughead please god T'm so tired we need to stop this pleaseTofal Orama, \sland Reality Show gone Survival RORRER open tls iLL i Saulor Moon (Seperlieto oryle)fruit (slur) this is a queer joke brought to you by queer people