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I sometimes say his name to myself, it sounds so sweet, sweeter than his tender, nervous kiss we share. Every moment I can steal, I steal it to think about him, I m scared to say I m in love with him, but maybe I could say I just love him, I m told there s a difference, I m told if I keep it that way I won t be hurt, if so, I m officially doting on him, I love the way his hair sits so naturally, I love the way he laughs and winces at the same time, I love the way he holds my hand at night, to make me feel safe. Mum: Juliet! Juliet: Yes MUM!!! Mum: you have a letter Jon, Jon, Jon! I jump out of my bed, and run down to the living room, like the happiest champion cat. But this didn t last long, when I grabbed the letter, and sat down back again slowly; put the letter back slowly on a table. Waiting for a letter from him feels like waiting forever. I do not care about college letters; all I care about is you Jon... It s been three months and I am already losing myself. It s hard, it s hard without him. I want him to come back and stay with me, just want him to hold me in his arms tight again, so I could feel his gentle heart beat against mine once again shielding me with his endless love. If I was just brave enough, I would go to the field we are usually at every night, but I don t feel safe without him. He is like my armour protecting me against everything bad in this world. With him I feel complete, feels like I don t need anything else that I am protected from all the bad things in life that I live in a fairytale, and just because he is here, everything is lighter than a snow. He is someone I got so used to, that a day without him seems like the longest, cheerless day in my entire life. I feel lost, like tears in a rain, I feel tiny and insecure. Without him I am angry to the world and no one could cheer me up, I am in a deep depression, and the only person who could heal it, is him. He s like the air I need to breathe. I can t wait for a day when I can see him again , and I can't wait to hold him tight and kiss him with all of my built-up affection. I take his latest letter from behind my pillow, and read it once again. Dear Juliet, It s been two months, I cannot describe how empty I feel. There is a gap in my stomach, which needs those butterflies again. Every night I go to sleep, I think about you. I think about your how your gorgeous green eyes gives me a stare which brings me shiver all over my body ,and how I cannot resist your beautiful smile which would always light up my day. I need your mystery power to feel good and complete again, I cannot spend a day without you anymore, it s dull and grey. I don t see the colours anymore, it s black and white, the only light in my day is when I dream, dream about you. And yes, the tears are coming down my cheeks again, and taste so salty. I drop my head on the pillow and just lie in my bed, like every other day, thinking about him and crying my eyes off.
are they even aloud to eat here? Or is it just me going crazy and feeling a smell of chicken when it s not even there? I was so nervous and very hungry. I am the moodiest girl on the planet at the moment. The city seems dead. hopefully I am going to be able to find the address. When I run down the exit of the train station I bump into this very good looking lad. This creepy town couldn t get any weirder. it s magical. I am enormously hungry and I can smell chicken in this taxi. he smiled at me. I could feel a thousand shivers suddenly pass my body. but right now I passed him like a blank piece of paper. no matter how creepy this town feels. The sky started pouring vigorous rain. I stood like an unmoving stone. I really wouldn t complain about this lad if I was single of course. I feel so good when I see the rain. When I get out of the train I hear nothing but the train sound. Not even me. and I cannot control myself. I couldn t say a . Those eyes looked slightly surprised. that s the view I usually love when I am in a car. good with Jon. but bad with his parents. My heart is beating faster and faster as I think of a possibility of never finding Jon again. this town is freaking me out. that s when I got totally lost in a situation. I can hear someone s muffle footsteps crawling towards the door. When I get out of the taxi I see the house I clearly remember from last summer. I called up his friends. my body suddenly felt so heavy. I felt like I was going to faint. nothing will give me a feeling of joy when he s not here. I pressed the door belt slightly with my shaking hands. no one got back to me. The taxi journey was very long. I can t feel good. It brings back a lot of memories. and my heart is already beating like it s on cocaine. Although. it didn t give me any excitement. but of course right now. It took me few seconds to run down to the door. Right now I am being a brave girl and facing my fears. I am going to meet his parents. There are few old people waiting around. like a dead object. like little kicks of drums. but I easily forget about my stomach when I think about Jon. and neither can my friends. I couldn t wait to get out of this ridiculously slow car. I am so worried. my mum cannot recognise me anymore. Now definitely there is something wrong. gave me his card and walked off. and even better when I am in a car. all I care about is him. and little warm tears started falling down my face. The last time I spoke to his mum or dad was a long time ago. who would think I would ever be brave enough to do that. After 5 months of waiting. Answer is: no one. in fact. I froze next to the door where my life was suddenly crashing and I could do nothing about it. face to face. nothing is magical to me. When the taxi stops I could hardly see the house through this hardly rained on window. His mum was trying to talk to me. but I just stood there. I have never felt so frustrated and angry. My heart was starting to beat faster and faster. no feeling at all. without him. and I am not looking forward to seeing them. a second later I see Jon in a background. and ask about Jon. The view through my eyes went blurry. all my thoughts are just about Jon. and I was soaking wet.It s been 4 months. I started wondering if he s alright. They live so far away. I will have to go and visit his parents. The door opened and I could see Jon s mother s straight face looking at me. On my way to his parent s house I see nothing but strange faces in this dull grey train. still nothing from Jon. I am still very embarrassed about my very silly attitude towards them.
After a few minutes I could feel his mum s hands stroking my shoulder. I am more than clear it wasn t a fantasy. as I could still hardly say a word. I couldn t see Jon in the background no more. I put my shaking hands around her tight and couldn t control myself but just cry. I was through an unknown wet pathway. but couldn t move. I stayed there just crying soaking wet for a good twenty minutes. I couldn t even if I wanted to. his mums voice was calling. still thinking that he loves me. he left me with no notice. All this affection and waiting for him to come back and brighten up my grey days and reading the same letter over and over again every day. kept crying. I just kept running. I suddenly slumped on the ground. .. and the rain was still pouring down like crazy. but I didn t turn around. Come on in My tears were coming out like from a water pot.word. All these months of worrying and thoughts that something happened to him. I have to go I said very quietly. my hair was soaking. After like a minute I let go and put my eyes up. Then I turned around and ran from the door step. thinking that he was still in the army with only danger around him. and I was freezing.. it felt like I am running through a wet land. I was so easily fooled because I was so deeply in love. I could still not get over the fact that he was with his parents.