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208 South Chester St Baltimore MD 21231 email@example.com Cast of Characters FRANK: Mid to late 30’s lawyer, reluctantly buttoned down JILL: Early 30’s, wants to do everything with her life
LOUDSPEAKER: Voice of the store clerk, not seen. Trying to be polite. Jill does not seem to hear this character. Scene
A vintage clothing store interior Time Present day One Sentence Summary A couple tries on second-hand clothes in a thrift store and their relationship s tarts to transform.
Lights come up on FRANK and JILL looking through a clothing rack. Jill holds up a piece of clothing. LOUDSPEAKER Good evening, folks, we are closing pretty soon, please come see us up front wit h your purchases. JILL FRANK. FRANK! Is this me? FRANK Well, what are you going for? JILL I don t know. FRANK Well, do you like it? JILL Maybe. I m not married to it. (Jill puts the clothes back on the rack. The two continue to sift through the ha ngers. FRANK lifts a tacky shirt off the rack) FRANK The state would probably dis-bar me if I wore this to the court. But maybe it’s mo re what you re looking for?
JILL Ha, ha, no. But you should buy it as an excuse to quit. No, I need something fo r work. Or going out. Or whenever. It just needs to be unusual and original an d just show how awesome I am. You know? FRANK Jill. Please. Your clothes will never be completely original. Besides, everyth ing here has been used at least once already so if you want new and exciting, it probably ain’t here.
JILL But it’s new to ME. I mean, how do you decide what to wear? FRANK Well, I don t really think about it. I go into a store and something just tells me what to buy and I buy it. JILL You’re such a dude. LOUDSPEAKER (Clears throat) Once again, if plan to buy something please do so now, we will be closing in 10 minutes. FRANK C mon, the store is closing; Hey, what are we doing tonight? JILL What is it, Thursday? So - chinese. And we’ve queued up Monk on the Netflix? FRANK Yeah, we can get it on demand. Why do you need new clothes again? JILL I m just tired of my old shit. I want new shit. FRANK And that too, will become old shit. And end up here. JILL Will I ever be old shit? FRANK Not if you keep bringing me to these weird places. She spots a pair of red shoes. Jill picks them off the rack. JILL Hey, these are pretty good. Jill starts putting on the shoes. Jill Gotta try them on first...see if it fits…
FRANK looks impatient. Jill puts them on, laughs and spins around like she s da ncing then slows down and stops. FRANK Nice. But Your tap dancing is getting rusty. LOUDSPEAKER Good evening, remember that we are closing shortly; please, purchase now or fore ver hold your peace. FRANK Yeah, yeah, just be a second. He looks around, surprised. JILL Frank? Hey. So, I’ve been thinking - for a while now - that we should talk. Jill dances a few steps over to him then looks down at her shoes. FRANK Yeah? Jill is still looking at her shoes. JILL Frankie…Darling…we’ve been playing this game long enough. FRANK Game? Wait… JILL I can t very well fritter away my life browsing clothes, eating Lo Mien and watc hing those television shows. There are greater things happening in this mad wor ld for a gal like me. And you and I, well... FRANK Ok, hold on, back up. You’re joking right? JILL The world ain’t gonna wait for me, Frankie! I’ve gotta blow this pop stand, take a shot a the big time, all that shit. It’s probably better in the long run if we cal l this off now. FRANK Um? Ok? So you just realized this now? Here? I… JILL The world is turning Frankie, and if you don’t grab on to your dreams they’ll leave you behind. With that exclamation Jill taps some more with her shoes. She looks at it more c losely now and starts examining them, ignoring FRANK. FRANK Wait. You’re bullshitting me right? JILL
‘Fraid not, Frankie. FRANK I am holding you back? This doesn’t….Why are you acting like this? But, I ve support ed you! I let you move in when that non-profit thing fell through! Remember? LOUDSPEAKER Hey, are you even listening to me? JILL Don’t make this any harder than it has to be Frankie, darling. Here. This will kee p you warm on those dark and lonely nights. She pulls a hoodie sweatshirt off the rack and puts it on him. FRANK Ah, I don’t need this. I don’t need this! I am so fucking tired of your fucking Life time Drama, fucking “What Jill Wants To Be When She Grows!” Just like everything els e. Fuck.
JILL Sugar, listen – you’ve got a good thing going for yourself. You’ll be making partner soon. Golfing, yacht clubs, private schools for the kids, all that. You’ll love i t. FRANK Fuck that. I’m never going to make partner, fucking Kenny Atkins hates me, the who le board thinks I’m an idiot. The whole thing sucks. You don’t know. You don’t know w hat it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to have my life! JILL Aw, don’t be sore, now, Frankie. FRANK Man, I should just buy that truck and just take off and leave you and all these… LOUDSPEAKER Ok, HOLD IT. You two are seriously holding us up. Either put those clothes back or bring them up here and pay for them. And leave. We are closing in five minute s so let’s wrap it up. Jill takes off her shoes, FRANK takes off the hoodie. JILL Hi. FRANK Hey. JILL Um, do you still need anything? FRANK No, I think I’m done here. Yeah…um, wait. What about these? FRANK picks a pair of sunglasses from a basket puts them on Jill. JILL
(furious) Frank, Jesus, we don’t have time for this. Get your shit let’s go. I am worn-out and I want to go home and put my feet up and watch a little TV. Is that too much? M y dogs are barking, Frank! Jesus, it’s always forever with you. FRANK removes her sunglasses. FRANK Jill, are you okay? JILL (sweet) What? Of course, babe, I’m fine. C’mon let’s go home, and put on our comfies. FRANK puts the sunglasses on her again. JILL Frank, that is enough. I am exhausted and I’m not dealing with this anymore. I am done. You have absolutely no consideration. Jill storms off. FRANK picks another pair of glasses from the basket and puts th em on. FRANK Oh,God, I knew it, I knew I knew this would never work, she’s crazy, she’s crazy, bu t the sex, the sex is so good, I don’t know…maybe if I was a better existentialist, she’d… LOUDSPEAKER Frank, hey, seriously, that’s enough. FRANK takes off the glass. FRANK Hey! How? Do you…? LOUDSPEAKER Yeah, I’ve been spying on you. Look, let me be totally up front here. Jill and I k inda used to go out. FRANK Yeah, right. C’mon. Seriously? LOUDSPEAKER I didn’t want to say anything earlier; would have been awkward. FRANK Probably. But, when did you and Jill…? LOUDSPEAKER Years ago. But listen - Get out now. Before it gets worse. Same thing happen ed to me. It starts with the clothes, and then the job, the food, even the music , and her personality becomes like this protean nightmare. FRANK Nice simile. But, wait, what happened to you? LOUDSPEAKER Listen, man, I met Jill when I was in Grad school, she was working at the comput er lab, and I was working on a PHD in Classical Studies. She convinced me to aba
ndon my thesis and go with her to open this bed and breakfast in Guatemala. Whole thing was a mess, we didn’t last a month. FRANK Huh. We were maybe planning ours in Bolivia. Is that why you broke up? LOUDSPEAKER Yeah, it didn’t work out. She wanted a change. Another change. Said that it was, you know, ‘nobody’s fault’ and she needed to trust her feelings, etcetera, etcetera. FRANK So when it was over you went back to your thesis? LOUDSPEAKER Nah, after her it was like, Dead Greeks just seamed, I don’t know, more dead. Came to work here instead. But forget about me. Stick with the lawyer thing. You lik e it, it’ll work out. Just a thought. FRANK Sage advice from a thrift store cashier. Thanks, I guess. LOUDSPEAKER Sure, sure, no problem. Go on, get outta here. We’re closing.
FRANK picks out a scarf from the rack and puts it on and picks out a hat when Ji ll walks over still wearing the sunglasses. In one motion he takes off her glass and puts the hat on her head. FRANK Jillian, I’ve given a great deal of thought to the matter, and I’ve arrived at the c onclusion that we must discuss the finer nature of our relationship. JILL Why, Francis, whatever do you mean? FRANK Well, my firm has offered me a well paying position in our Seattle office. I ha d deferred in lieu of developing this relationship, however certain information has come to light that behooves me take a serious look at our…situation. JILL But…come now, you can’t leave. Your heart is here in this town. And with me. I could n’t fathom if you left us all behind. FRANK Now, listen here. You are constantly changing your convictions, altering your li kings and opinions of yourself and others and not least your greater intentions in life. Pray tell, when will it ever cease? JILL Francis, where on Earth did you get that atrocious scarf? Come here. Jill moves towards him, he backs away.
JILL Oh, Francis, try as I might, I simply don’t have the answer. Oh, it must vex you! But know I fancy no other but you. Only you. Oh, but even the most capricious ze phyr hath more design than I. LOUDSPEAKER Careful… JILL Francis, Francis, look at me. Look at me. What do you think? FRANK I see…the most unique firespark of vitality jumping dangerously close to the tinde r box of my heart. JILL Oh darling...But the hat, honey. Do you like this hat? FRANK Oh. Ah, it’s a little costumey. JILL Yeah, it is. But I still like it. And I know I know you like me. FRANK Yes…yes, but that’s not the point! Look, you add an element of, let’s say, variety to my life, much like proverbial spice. Certainly makes my evenings more interesti ng than just a dinner of Chicken L’Orange. But we where do we stand? LOUDSPEAKER We all need to know where you stand. Otherwise we will lock you in here togethe r and then it’s bare fists to the death. Jill takes off the hat. JILL Look, it’s not my intention to fuck things up for you by being so…But, this is me. R ight now or forever. So if it’s too much for you, let’s call a spade a spade. FRANK takes off the scarf. FRANK Hey, it’s not that, it’s…. Look, I’m big enough to make my own decisions, I think. Eithe r way, I’m not gonna hold you responsible. So why don’t we get out of here? JILL For reals? FRANK For reals. They embrace. JILL Aw, I am going to crush some Orange Chicken! They exit the stage. LOUDSPEAKER FRANK! FRANK! Think about this! Are you sure? She’ll never be satisfied! You’ll end
up broke! Or worse! Working at a temp agency! Seriously, I can set you up with a place if you need to get away! We could, I don’t know, move into together or st art a…coffee shop or something? Crap, they never paid. Blackout
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