Keys to Successful Biblical Polygyny Today - Improved REVISED: Some Anthropological and Biblical Thoughts on Biblical Christian Polygyny

/polygamy. Some Keys to Successful Biblical Polygyny COPYRIGHT © October 25, 2003, revised 07/02/08; 03/17/11 All rights reserved. This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED. by R. L. Tyler 91976-272 In Memory of Joy Lynn Risker and Carol Lynn McIntyre CONTENTS [1] Spiritual keys to successful polygyny [2] Anthropological and Spritual keys to successful polygyny [3] Anthropological and sociological keys to successful polygyny [4] Three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to work

[4a] The relationship of the co-wives [4b] The relationships of the half-siblings [4c] The relationships of the half-siblings with the co-wives of the family 5] Actual and recent polygynous experiences [6] Polygyny and pregnancy [7] Adding wives to the family while retaining the quality of the relationships [8] A PRIMARY CHRISTIAN GOAL IN BIBLICAL POLYGYNY AND FELLOWSHIP

[1] Spiritual keys to successful polygyny
Please note that I propose to show you keys to successful "Biblical" polygyny, not just successful polygyny. This document is most helpful if used along with my document "Keys To Loving Unity In Poly" where many basic and practical principles are covered for those who have a "born again in the Spirit and Jesus" relationship with God. Here I will just deal with the basic principles for experiencing godly success in your Christian polygyny. The Christian polygynist needs to believe, recognize and accept the fact that on his/her own and by his/her own efforts he/she is completely unable to successfully and daily live the life of a Christian polygynist that Jesus instructs them to live.

The person who has believed Jesus and what Jesus says in the Bible, and has called on Him to save them from his/her basic incompatability with God, The Most High Father, has called on Jesus to save her/him from the penalty, power and presence of all that is ungodly in her/ his life. Being adopted by the Father by Jesus, the believer has received the Holy Spirit who enters the believer and lives the Life of Jesus in the believer as the believer learns to yield to the Spirit. The believer is not Holy Spirit possessed, but Spirit secured and Spirit indwelt, with the Spirit able, ready and willing to work and will in the believer the work and will of God, as the enabled believer turns over to Jesus her/his body, soul and spirit to be used and worked by God's Spirit to do the work and will of God. It is a learning process, this yielding to the Spirit, and to our own hurt and loss we so often take back into our own hands the reins of our life, getting in Jesus way and to often messing up His work in and through us. Our hope and confidence is that He who began the good work in us will complete it in us before we see Jesus again face to face. ***Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ***Colossians 1:22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— ***Jude 1:24 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— Now we know that naturally on our own our lives and our polygyny will be characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, indecency, idolatry, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, bad temper, selfishness, divisions, dissensions, party spirit, factions, sects with divisive opinions, heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing, vainglory, self-conceit, competitiveness, challenging and provoking and irritating to one another.. (Gal 5:19-21). When Christ comes to Live in us, His Spirit produces "fruit", the good works to which Jesus has called His own children/disciples. He Lives in us by His Spirit and since it is His Life, He is the One who has to Live it in us, producing His fruit in us. The "fruit" He works and wills in us is gentle, kind, patient, humble, respectful, well behaved, forgiving, enduring, optimistic, compassionate and hopeful Love; joy, gladness, peace, an even temper, forbearance, goodness, benevolence, faithfulness, meekness, humility, self-control, self-restraint and continence. (Gal 5:22-26) It is His Life and He is the only One who can Live it in you. Here are key passages that show this principle: ***" [Jesus said] 1 I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser . . . 4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, NEITHER CAN YOU BEAR FRUIT UNLESS YOU ABIDE IN ME. 5 I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, APART FROM ME [cut off from vital union with

Me] YOU CAN DO NOTHING [good and of eternal value before God]. John 15 ***"13. [Not relying on your own strength] for IT IS GOD Who is all the while effectually AT WORK IN YOU [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight." Phil 2 ***" 20 I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST (THE MESSIAH) IS LIVING IN ME; and the life I now live in the body I live by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2 AB ***"8 For it is by free grace (God's unmerited kindness) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.] 10 For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [God working and willing in us to take paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [God living, working and willing in us the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]." Eph 2 from AB ***"20 Now MAY THE GOD OF PEACE [Who is the Author and the Giver of peace], . . . 21 STRENGTHEN (COMPLETE, PERFECT) AND MAKE YOU WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE AND EQUIP YOU WITH EVERYTHING GOOD THAT YOU MAY CARRY OUT HIS WILL; [WHILE HE HIMSELF] WORKS IN YOU AND ACCOMPLISHES THAT WHICH IS PLEASING IN HIS SIGHT, through Jesus Christ (the Messiah); to Whom be the glory forever and ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen (so be it).." Heb 13

[2] Anthropological and Spritual keys to successful polygyny
Every family and society practicing polygyny must overcome the problem of how the co-wives get along, and the problem of how the half-siblings get along. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan Ph.D declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where only a minimum is left for the individuals playing the roles to work out on a personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on if the personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110> Jesus is the primary creator and sustainer of the structural relationship in a godly marriage, and He works and wills His work and will in and through the godly husband, who is given the responsibility of leading, and in and

through the godly wife, who is given the responsibility of following and supporting. Jesus has established the basic content of the marital and parental relationships. In the Biblical context, the husband leads and teaches the family, having no right or authority to make the wife submit, while it becomes the responsibility of the wife to examine her husband’s lead and teaching to see if it is in line with the Word of her King Jesus, and then if it is, her part is to willingly and voluntarily submit herself to and follow his lead, he being one of the authorities He has placed over her (Rom 13:1-5; Lk 22:20-30; 1 Pet 3 and 5; Ephes 5; 1Thess 5:21; Ac 17:11). The child's responsibility is very much like that of the wife/mother. Without these partnerships in the marital structure and content Jesus has provided, the success and well being of a godly and Biblical polygynous family is doomed to frustration or failure or both. Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that vices and bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while virtue and good behavior can make any marital relationship good/better. A marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish generosity, patience towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" will be successful and a blessing to those in it and those who see it, whether it be polygynous or monogynous. A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex, favoritism, partiality, unkindness, impatience, impurity, indecency, idolworship, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues, dissensions, factions, envyings, hard drinking, riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and bitter selfishness is doomed or Hellish whether it be monogynous or polygynous. Since these are the natural behaviors of humans, it is no wonder that so many marriages, monogynous or polygynous, are Hellish or miserably doomed. A human marriage needs to be redeemed and transformed by and in Jesus as much as the people who are in it, if it is to characterized by kind, compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love. Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live that Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5], impartiality and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage that is willing to give up their own life and accept His Life in their lives and marriages. The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life, offers to Live His Life through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on and trusting in Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the Father, the Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb 12:28,29, in Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all our sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is an issue of compatability and incompata-bility, seen well in the experience of Shedrak, Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel. The three were declared righteous by faith so when they were cast into the fire, they had

been made compatible with the fire and were unhurt. The soldiers that threw them into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah, were incompa-tible with the fire and were consumed by the fire. We need to be made compatible with Him who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, and Jesus is the only One who can make us acceptable to and compatible with the Father.. “Even in societies in which polygyny is a working part of the social structure,” the marriage of the polygynous wife usually is not a pleasant one. As with the Way to the Father through Jesus, many are involved but only a few find the way to have a pleasant polygynous experience, even though Jomo Kenyata maintains that there are quite a few among the Gikuyu of his Kenya who have a pleasant polygynous experience< see 3 & 4>. In primitive and tribal societies the wife has far fewer rights and privileges than men, especially husbands. Even though the polygynous husband must share himself and his things, the wife lands up having to share and give up even more. Whenever the husband is with one of the other co-wives, she knows that SHE ISN’T WITH HIM, and that while she has to go without marital intimacy during that time, the husband is getting a whole bunch more than she is getting. The natural wife will respond to all of this naturally, with bitterness, resentment, anger and aggravated selfishness. The burden on the godly Christian husband here is for him to live above and beyond his earthly culture and behave as He is, a citizen of the City and Kingdom of God, who has been renewed to live in the Way of Jesus, to be kind, impartial, unbiased, equitable, fair and just in his relationships with his wives, lest his prayers be hindered (1 Peter 3:7), or he become weak, sick or dying (1 Cor 11:30-32). I believe that is impossible for the natural man to live and experience godly polygyny without Jesus.

[3] Anthropological and sociological keys to successful polygyny
“Even in societies in which polygyny is a working part of the social structure,” the marriage of the polygynous husband usually is not a pleasant one. If one wife can make life miserable for a husband, two or more wives can combine their efforts to make life Hell on earth for such a husband. In primitive and tribal societies this is the price a man may have to pay to give birth to and raise his own “social security” for the last part of his life, looking to his children to support and care for him in his old age.<SA p. 108> In today’s reality one co-wife’s infidelity can introduce STD death into the family, so the wise husband’s need to diligently meet his ladies’ needs becomes a matter of life and death for all the adults in the family. Every family and society practicing polygyny must overcome the problem of how the co-wives get along, and the problem of how the half-siblings get along. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan Ph.D declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where only a minimum is left for the

individuals playing the roles to work out on a personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on if the personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110>

[4] Three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to work
In Paul Bohannan's Social Anthropology (1963), he indicates that there are three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to work: 1.) the relationship of the co-wives; 2.) the relationships of the half-siblings; and 3.) the relationships of the half-siblings with the co-wives of the family [SA p.106]. Kenyata wrote that extremely important to these relationships is the idea that "sharing everything is strongly emphasized in the upbringing of children, so when they grow up they find it natural to share love and affection with others, for it is said that 'To live with others is to share and to have mercy for one another, . ."<4 p.291ff>

[4a] The relationship of the co-wives
The 20th century polygyny of the Indian aristocracy<1> had an excellent way of handling these relationships. A wife knew when her husband took another wife. Each wife had her own dwelling where she had privacy and could carry out her own nest building without having to take thought of the other wife and her children. When another wife was taken, the housing, income, social duties/status and expenses of the senior wife/wives were not changed. A senior wife would spend less time with her husband if he took another wife, and she filled that time with her children, family duties, education, job experience and/or her favorite activities. Jomo Kenyata and Bohannan agree that there is great importance for "women in polygynous societies" to each have their own kitchens, rooms and/or houses/huts, as in the Indian and African models. "When all the arrangements are completed, he builds a hut next to that of the first wife and then brings the second wife home.." <4, p. 290>. This is especially important if there are any conflicts between the co-wives, their separate dwellings giving each wife a safe conflict-free zone to which she can retreat or in which she can feel safe and free of harassment. The wealthier the polygynous family, the larger and more comfortable and further apart their dwellings. Each co-wife cooks separately, especially after she has children. The polygynous husband either eats a meal separately with each co-wife, or he eats the meal with all of them where they pot luck, with each wife preparing one or more of the parts of the gathered family's meal. <SA p. 107> Kenyata writes: "In a polygamous homestead the husband has his own hut (thingira), in which friends and casual visitors are entertained. Each wife has

her own hut where she keeps her personal belongings. The cooking also is done in it. While collective ownership is a fundamental principle of the family group, the hut is considered as the private property of the wife and it is entirely under her control. Each wife is provided with several lots of land" for gardening <4 p. 290,293> "But the duty of looking after the husband, such as cleaning his hut, supplying him with firewood, water, food, etc., is shared by all, in turn." <4, p.292> Kenyatta continues: "Each wife is held responsible for what she produces from the land and can distribute it as she pleases, provided that she has reserved enough food for the use of herself and family until the next harvest."<4 p. 291>. In the Christian family, 2 Cor 8 & 9 would be the guiding principle in the distribution of the income/crops. "While the division of personal property exist between the wives, the husband is the head of the family and the one who contributes his labor power to all equally; he belongs to all and all belong to him. This brings the division [of personal property] to one collective ownership under his guidance." <4 p. 291> Bohannan indicated that for a polygynous family to work well there had to be positive or at least constructive relationships between the co-wives. Expectations of wives, co-wives and husbands need to be clearly stated and understood well by all involved. There is a need for clearly understood boundaries, turf, duties and obligations to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. A wife is considered a good wife if she abides by and fulfills the "rules" of the family. [Bohannan p. 106] The Christian polygynous family can be very successful if they all accept and agree to Jesus' rules for their interaction and relationships. When polygyny works, the women develop a set of wife rules that become the norm for the family. If a wife lives up to the wife rules, she is esteemed as a good wife, usually whether or not she is liked by the other wife/wives. The relationship between the poly wives of one husband are commonly characterized by hostility, or cooperation, friendliness or a combination of these.<SB p. 106> It is important to note that hostility, jealousy, cooperation or friendliness or a combination of these characterize most monogynous marriages, especially if there are children involved. Of primary importance is the fact that polygynous co-wives usually are NOT jealous if they have a good, devoted, impartial, fair, and just husband, treating all his wives equitably/equally in the matters "considered important by them." It is a wise polygynous husband who finds out what matters are "considered important by them", and acts accordingly. Secondly, the division of labor supports good and effective polygyny, because the wives are aware that their burdens are lightened when shared with others committed to the family. Thirdly, especially in Africa, it is believed that a woman should not have another child until her last is weaned, usually two years of age.<SB


[4b] The relationships of the half-siblings Half-siblings were made to understand that any half-sibling was a full
sibling as far as the father was concerned. Of course favoritism poisoned these waters whenever it occurred. Another reason for there being a great importance for "women in polygynous societies" to each have their own kitchens, rooms and/or houses, is because of the children of each of the cowives. Each wife having her own dwelling and play area for her own children greatly reduces one of the biggest problems that has often doomed polygynous families. That problem is the conflict that arises between the half-siblings, who have the strongest loyalty to their own mothers, a strong loyalty to the relatives of their mothers, and lastly a loyalty to their father and his family. In the Indian princess' model and in my own experience, it is best if each wife lives so far away from the other wives that it is too far to walk. I believe it is best if each wife's children go to different schools from the other wives, all with the aim of avoiding sibling rivalry and conflicts in loyalties and authority. One of the most divisive forces to attack a polygynous marriage is when the husband’s children by one wife are in adolescent conflict with the children of another of his wives. This conflict can seriously alienate wives, and even drive some to leave the marriage and return to their parents’ people. It is for this reason that when polygynous children become adolescents that they begin to find work that supplements the family income enabling them and their mother to get a larger area at a greater distance from the adolescent children of the other wives. Harmony among the co-wives is far more important than harmony among the half-siblings. The more personalities in the mix the more difficult it is to maintain the families’ harmony.<SA p.109ff> Even though the husband and wife/wives may have been renewed in Christ when they married, there is no guarantee that they will have godly children. Adam and Eve had Cain. David had Absalom. Israel had 10 sons that betrayed and sold their brother. The sons of Samuel were a mess. So since some of the children might be unsaved and under the harmful and disruptive influence of the evil spirits (Eph 2:1,2), their own natural minds, their body and its hormones, it wisest for a poly wife to live and raise her school age kids away from the school age kids of the other wives. As proposed in my document, "USAUrbanBlueCollarPolygyny..htm", each wife should live out of walking range of each other, preferably in different communities, suburbs, town or etc. so that there kids will go to different schools. All the kids and wives would be together for the weekly family outing/picnic and potluck meal, preferably at a place where they could be hassle free form outsiders.

[4c] The relationships of the half-siblings with the co-wives of the family
Half-siblings were made to understand that their father's co-wives were to be treated as "Aunties" who were always to be shown respect, and were to be obeyed when the half-siblings found themselves under an "Aunties" care and authority.

[5] Actual and recent polygynous experiences
The Mormon Kody Brown and his four wives have brought the media spotlight on modern polygyny in America. To avoid prosecution for bigamy, Kody has one legal wife, Meri. His other three "wives by private covenant" are Janelle, Christine and Robyn. Each wife has her own "apartment" all of which are next to each other. Each has her own bedrooms (for her and her kids), bathroom, kitchen and living room. The public has been enabled to see a large (16 kids) "family" that is characterized by very positive relationships, good will, friendliness, cooperation, humor and fun. They decided to go public with their polygyny with the hope that it might make the future of their children better. It has resulted in present suffering and hardship because of the harrassment and intimidation by the media and local law enforcement. It has become so unpleasant and threatening that they have fled from Utah to Nevada. The Maharani of Jaipur, Gayatri Devi, was a thoroughly 20th century, modern, well educated in England, intelligent and lovely Indian lady - - and a polygynist. When the Maharani's husband, Jai, first married, an arranged marriage, his wife was located in the "zenana apartments in the City palace" but Jai lived in the countryside palace five minutes away and only saw her when he visited the City palace. [APR, pp 100,101] Jai took a second wife in 1932, several years later. She was petite, delicate, wore make up and had her hair styled in a modern style and spoke excellent English. Her dress and her quarters were as modern as any house or apartment in England. While his senior wife talked with and hosted the older ladies, his modern second wife hosted the younger ladies in a thoroughly modern and European manner. The two Maharanis often hosted zenana parties and social events for the European ladies of society. Devi was only 14 at the time but already madly

in love with Jai. [APR, pp 104ff] During one of these social events Jai became more acquainted with Devi. They enjoyed each other's company and began to correspond regularly. Jai had a polo injury that left him lame and convalescing for a while and Devi's mother consented to Devi hosting and chauffeuring him as he needed. The relationship continued to develop and finally Jai talked with Devi's mother about marriage with Devi. Devi was permitted to be a silent spectator at that discussion. Her mother finally consented to the marriage taking place after a year. Jai gave Devi a beautiful ring and they agreed she would wear it only at night while she slept since others wouldn't understand such an expensive gift. About the time of Devi's 21st birthday, 7 April 1940, Jai finally told his parents and the betrothal ceremony was finally scheduled. [APR., p. 130] President FDR's "poly family" with Eleanor and Missy <2> followed the needed patterns above and even exceeded them. Around 1920 Eleanor picked Missy to help FDR with his correspondence even though she knew that Missy resembled FDR's former lover. Missy always was grateful and respectful to Eleanor. She became indispensable when FDR came down with polio and Eleanor began to do his travel and public relations for him. Missy became "surrogate wife" in Eleanor's absence she supervised the house, the domestic duties, acted as hostess, and paid the bills. As "surrogate wife" she supervised the children and gave them their allowances, and they adored her.<2> pp.298ff Missy was kind, "cheerful, attentive and encouraging" to all.. In Eleanor's absence she would organize FDR's day, invite the guests, “presiding over the dinner table." When Eleanor arrived, after friendly and pleasant greetings, Missy would step back and let Eleanor take the lead. Eleanor didn't feel socially threatened by Missy because she was from a blue collar family. She greatly appreciated that Missy freed her to do her philanthropic and social work. Eleanor sensed that Missy loved FDR the man, and their marriage was safe with Missy. After 21 years in the family, Missy's health failed and she had a stroke that left her crippled. Even though she was no longer an active member of FDR's family he generously saw that her needs were met to the very end.<2> p. 299-301> As to the three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to work, the relationship of the Eleanor and Missy was warm, devoted and friendly gladly sharing the love and company of their FDR. Since Missy never had children by FDR, his children became her children, who adored her, and there was no half-sibling rivalry. <2> p. 301

Each of my three ladies live in separate towns, but since there kids grew up without being polygynous, all the wives and kids don't socialize together, since most of the grown kids strongly disapprove of their polygyny. Because of their culture, society, church or family many must experience their polygyny privately and discretely in a very personal way before God. It's a 1 Cor 10 and Romans 14 issue, here paraphrased for application: ***"19 So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development) of one another. 20 You must not, for the sake of [polygyny], undo and break down and destroy the work of God! Everything is indeed [ceremonially] clean and pure, but it is wrong for anyone to hurt the conscience of others or to make them fall by what [form of marriage he is in]. 21 The right thing is to eat no meat or drink no wine [at all], or [be openly polygynous] if it makes your brother stumble or hurts his conscience or offends or weakens him. 22 Your personal convictions [on polygyny] -- exercise [them] as in God's presence, keeping them to yourself [discretely and privately]. Blessed (happy, to be envied) is he/she who has no reason to judge her/himself for what [form of marriage] she/he approves [who does not convict himself of sin by what he/she chooses to do]. 23 But the person who has doubts (misgivings, an uneasy conscience) about eating [something or polygyny], and then eats [it or is polygynous], stands condemned [before God], because he/she is not true to her/his convictions and she/he does not act from faith [based on the Word of God]. For whatever does not originate and proceed from faith [based on the Word of God] is sin [i.e. whatever is done without a conviction of its approval by God is sinful]." We Christian polygynists are required to teach and preach the whole counsel of God, like Paul (Acts 20:27), including polygyny, but we are bound by the Word of God never to argue, quarrel, debate ***"1 AS FOR the man who is a weak believer, welcome him [into your fellowship], but not to criticize his opinions or pass judgment on his scruples or perplex him with discussions." Rom 14:1 AB ***"24 And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting and contending). Instead, he must be kindly to everyone and mild-tempered [preserving the bond of peace]; he must be a skilled and suitable teacher, patient and forbearing and willing to suffer wrong. 25 He must correct his opponents with courtesy and gentleness, in the hope that God may grant that they will repent and come to know the Truth [that they will perceive and recognize and become accurately acquainted with and acknowledge it], 26 And that they may come to their senses [and] escape out of the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him, [henceforth] to do His [God's] will." 2 Tim 2 AB

[6] Polygyny and pregnancy
Among the Tiv, during pregnancy's last months, the co-wife takes over all

the pregnant wife's duties (farming, cooking etc.), assists the midwife in the birth, and assists of the new mother for weeks after the birth. Conflict would deny all these benefits from the co-wives, so it is avoided. However if the cowife doesn't live up to the rules of the family, she becomes the object of verbal fights and arguments because she is being a bad co-wife, not because she IS a co-wife. <SA p. 106> Usually when a woman becomes pregnant again she stops lactating, so the baby needs to weaned before she becomes pregnant again. The co-wife who has just given birth doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant by her husband because his other wife/wives meet his sexual needs, while her husband continues to have non coital sex with her. To make this work it usually takes two or three wives because when wife A gives birth and starts breast feeding her new born, the husband is having coital sex with wife B even after she becomes pregnant. When wife B gives birth, wife A is in her 9th+ month of nursing, so while wives A & B are nursing and having non coital sex with him, he is having coital sex with wife C. If there is no wife C, he resumes coital sex with wife A, while wife B takes over the breast feeding of wife A's baby and her own baby. A third wife is a blessing to the family when either wife A or wife B is unable to breast feed. Breast feeding each others' children bonds the wives to each other's children, and the children to each of the wives. This is extremely important in the relationship of the co-wives and their children. The babies get two overlapping sets of antibodies from each mother during the breast feeding. The babies have no lack of mother milk. The husband’s wives have no lack of coitus and children. The burden falls on the husband to provide non coital sex while the mothers are lactating, but with his good foreplay/massaging, his oral stimulation of her nipples with his digital stimulation of her clitoris, vagina and G spot, the non coital wives have no lack of orgasms and ecstasy. The women take turns having coitus and breast feeding each other's children. Remember that condoms have a 12% failure rate in preventing pregnancy and cannot be relied upon to prevent pregnancy. With three wives each wife could, in turn be available for marital sex for 9 months and at least 18 months free from sex for breast feeding. If there were four wives, each wife could be free, in turn, from sex for 27 months of breast feeding. Another related need for co-wives in primitive societies is the female death rate in giving birth. It was all to frequent that a tribal mother would die in child birth and a co-wife would have to "adopt" the orphaned child. It is noted that “boys die more readily in childhood and early adulthood than do girls.” <SA p. 109> The average male would die in his 40s, while the average female would die in her 30s. With men not marrying until their mid-twenties by which time they could support a family, many had died off from illnesses, war, hunting accidents etc. With women marrying from age 15 on, many died while giving birth, from illnesses etc. So even though the society had the

same number of males and females being born, by the age 25 there were more marriageable women than marriageable men. <SA p.109>

[7] Adding wives to the family while retaining the quality of the relationships
Contentment is a godly virtue greatly needed by the polygynous husband. It is a great trial for the godly polygynous husband to unselfishly seek and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, rather than his own personal and selfish cravings, in the matter of having another sister join his family as an additional wife. *** 1 Tim 6:6 But godliness with contentment is a great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. 9 But those who want to have more than they need fall into temptation, a trap, and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge people into ruin and destruction. Bohannan declares that he has known and known of tribal wives "who made the initial arrangements for a congenial girl and brought her home to be her husband's new wife because they wanted the companion-ship and help of a good co-wife." He declares that the wisest polygynist husbands let his wife/wives have a big say in the taking of a new wife, "for no matter how much a woman likes a man, she is not likely to stay with him if she does not like his other women." If she finds herself in the midst of a congenial group of co-wives, "she may put up with a lot from a husband" and stay in the marriage. <SA p.107> Kenya's famous Jomo Kenyata asserts that soon after giving birth, a polygynist's wife will begin to encourage him to have another wife, "a companion (moiru)" for her. This "companion" wife would free her from daily chores so she can spend more time caring for the baby. The companion wife would help with the groceries, entertaining guests, gardening and of course give the first wife freedom from her husband's sexual advances and aspirations. <4, p 289ff> Jomo Kenyata <3 & 4> wrote that among the Gikuyu a man "may have as many wives as he can support" <4, p 288> and his tribe encouraged this, believing "that the larger the family is the happier it will be." <4, p. 289) Love of wives and love of children encouraged the polygyny. The hard facts were that there was an average of two wives to every family <4, p.. 290>. Of course the more wives he has, the less the quality or content of the relationships, both with the wives as well as with the children. ". . . the husband is the head of the family and the one who contributes his [sexual] labor power to all equally; he belongs to all and all belong to him." <4 p. 291> This belonging is found in the Bible in 1 Cor 7: ***"3 to the wife the husband should render the due benevolence, and in like

manner also the wife [should render the due benevolence] to the husband; 4 the wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the husband [has that authority]; and, in like manner also, the husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife [has that authority].. It is critically important to "retain the quality or content of the relationship" when the "number of similar relationships" is increased. <4, p.292> The failure to do this is what internally doomed Mormon polygyny, according to Mormon women. <SA p.108> The African and Asian polygynist came much closer to the model given by Jesus/Jehovah to Israel in Ex 20 & 21: ***Ex 20:22 And Jehovah said to Moses, Thus shalt thou say to the children of Israel: Ye have seen that I have spoken with you from the heavens. . . . 21: 7 And if a man shall sell his daughter as a handmaid, she shall not go out as the bondmen go out. 8 If she is unacceptable in the eyes of her master, who had taken her [as wife] for himself, then shall he let her be ransomed [to her parents]: . . . 10 If he take himself another, her food, her clothing, and her conjugal rights he shall not diminish. 11 And if he do not these three things unto her, then shall she go out free without money. The quality of the intimate, marital and sexual content of the marital relationship is given structure and content by God Himself. ***" Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun--all the days of futility. For that is your portion in this life and in your work at which you toil under the sun." Eccles 9:9 ***"18 Your fountain/genital should be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn- her breasts should always satisfy you; lose yourself in her loving forever. 20 Why, my son, would you be infatuated with a forbidden woman or embrace the breast of one who doesn't belong to you? Prov 5 from HB ***"2 But because of sexual immorality, each man should be [sexually] having his own wife, and each woman should be [sexually] having her own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty [Ex 21:10] to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not [sexually] deprive one another— except when you agree, for a time, to devote yourselves to fasting prayer. Then come together again [sexually]; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor 7 HB So we see that the husband is commanded to have blessedly happy sex taking pleasure in his wife, to satisfy himself with his wife's breasts, and to keep on losing himself emotionally in her sweet and sexy loving. We see that both are to be sexually having each other on an ongoing

basis to avoid sex sin. We see that they both have sexual authority over each other's bodies, and that they are not to deprive each other sexually except by mutual agreement to devote themselves to fasting prayer, that after the agreed upon fasting prayer is completed they are to resume ongoing sexual relations. In polygyny when one has several wives, who for some reason all want to exercise their sexual authority over his body in one evening, being intimate with each alone in an order agreed upon by all, or by lots if agreement is not possible, the husband might be able to do no more than present his body to his wife for her to do with him what she wants. He may be completely exhausted and unable rise to the occasion, but he is expected to joyfully present his body to her and it is still her right and responsibility to bless his genital, present her breasts (prepared with edible oils and scents) for his satisfaction, and let loose on him her sweet loving even if she has to be on top and provide most of the action. The word for an exhausted husband in such circumstances is the Word in 2 Cor 8:12 ***"If you want to give, your gift will be accepted. It will be judged by what you have, not by what you do not have."
As to retaining "the quality or content of the relationship", if Sam takes Beulah to be another wife in his family with Safronia, his first wife, he won't diminish Safronia's food, clothing or conjugal rights/time (Ex 21:10). Hopefully Safronia feels congenial with Beulah, giving Sam credit for a little bit of wisdom marrying her with Safronia's consent. So if he had kept Safronia well fed, well clothed, and had an hour of intimate aloneness (free from the children etc) before sleep with her almost every evening, he would need to continue feeding Safronia well, clothing her well, and having their hour of intimate aloneness before sleep almost every weekend after Beulah had joined the family as his new wife. That would mean that Beulah and Sam would have to work around Safronia's preexisting schedule, unless Safronia was gracious enough to give Beulah some of her time slots with Sam. If Sam has an 8 to 5 M thru F job, with a 30 minute commute both ways, and he goes to sleep at 10 pm to get up at 6 am, then he has to carefully manage his intimate time with his wives. He has only four hours each evening, really three after figuring in eating and preparing for bed. If Safronia has him from 9 to 10 almost every evening, then he needs to be with Beulah in "intimate aloneness" from 7:30 to 8:30 most evenings, with Safronia caring for the kids including Beulah's, except when they can have the 9 to 10 slot. The co-wife not with Sam would have “Kid Duty”, including the kids of the co-wife who is alone with Sam. He would take turns sleeping with each one, decided by need, vote, casting/drawing lots or the flip of a coin. Between Beulah and Safronia, the one with the most/youngest kids would stay home, be full time mom and home school as much as possible. The one with the fewest/oldest kids would join the work force and help support the family financially. If he were young enough, strong enough and brave enough, Sam might take on another wife, Abigail. Hopefully he would have had enough sense to let

Beulah and Safronia pick Abigail, or at least to make sure they could get along with her when together and have enough respect for each other to live together harmoniously. At this point, if he is a blue collar worker, or in the lower middle class, he would either have to make every effort to be alone and intimate with Abigail from 6 to 7 each evening after a quick meal, or he would have to scale back his work to 75% time, so that he can have quality and intimate time with each wife. An alternative scheduling in a two wife polygyny, could be for Sam to be with each wife three nights a week, with one night off for rest and recovery, or given to one of the wives by drawing lots. In a three wife polygyny, Sam could be with each wife two nights a week, and the seventh night could be for rest and recovery, or for one of the three wives by lottery or agreed upon rotation. If at all possible, it would be good for Sam to have his own place, where he could host and entertain his relatives and/or male friends, and where the whole family could meet together on "neutral ground" for potlucks and fellowship, like seeing an agreed upon movie or concert or performance. If Sam doesn't have his own place, then he would need to have a place for his own stuff in the dwelling of each of his wives. The co-wives not having "intimate alone time" with Sam would be watching the kids, including Abigail's kids. This means that when Abigail becomes a member of the family, the one with the youngest children stays home with the kids and home schools them while the rest of the adults and children over 16 work for pay to help support the family. The children under 16 would help with the care of the children at home, with the home schooling and with the chores of the house. Sam, Abigail, Beulah and Safronia would need to be agreed as to the “rules and structure” of the family, and how to resolve conflicts, using Jesus' guidelines given in Gal 6:1; 2 Tim 2:24-26; and Matt 18:15-17. Abigal, Beulah and Safronia would each need to have their own dwelling, for cooking, living and sleeping. Please see my file “Urban Middle Class Poly in a Poly Hostile Society” for more details on the economics and logistics of such Biblical polygyny in modern and western societies/cultures.

The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian polygyny is experiencing the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace: ***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and

beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service, 2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding power of peace. ***"Psalm 133 A Song of Ascents. Of David.

1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments [consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high and the lowly].
POLYGYNY/POLYGAMY AND CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP Romans 14 is very important for successful Christian fellowship. ***1 Accept anyone who is weak in faith, but don't argue about doubtful issues. . . . 19 So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another. 20 Do not tear down God's work because of food. Everything is clean, but it is wrong for a man to cause stumbling by what he eats. 21 It is a noble thing not to eat meat, or drink wine, or do anything that makes your brother stumble. 22 Do you have faith? Keep it to yourself before God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever doubts stands condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith, and everything that is not from faith is sin. 15: 1 Now we who are strong have an obligation to bear the weaknesses of those without strength, and not to please ourselves. 2 Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, in order to build him up. HCSB We know that today the word regulating the official and public practice of polygyny in America is the Word in Romans 13, where we in America are instructed to obey the laws of the land, America, As St. Augustine said, where the law prohibits the public and official practice of polygyny, it would be a sin, the sin of disobedience, for a child of God to publicly and officially practice polygyny. In countries where the public and official practice of polygyny is legal, polygynists are still bound to observe the Word in Romans 14, here paraphrased for application: '1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions, over doubtful issues. . . . 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by [your polygyny you] are no longer walking in love. By what you [do], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of [monogyny or polygyny] but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do not, for the sake of [polygyny], destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he [does]. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything [including polygyny] that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith/conviction that you have [about living in polygyny], keep between yourself and God [privately and discretely]. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts [about what he does] is condemned if he [does it], because the [doing] is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. 15:15: 1 Now we who are strong have an obligation to bear the weaknesses of those without strength, and not to please ourselves. 2 Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, in order to build him up. Another Word regulating the practice of polygyny is 1 Cor 10, again paraphrased for application: '23 "All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. 24 No one should seek his own benefit, but the benefit of his neighbor. 25 [Practice any legal form of marriage you wish] without raising any question on the ground of

conscience. . . . 27 If one of the unbelievers invites you to [a public and official polygynous wedding] and you are disposed to go, [partake in the event] without raising any question on the ground of conscience. 28 But if someone says to you, “[The public and official practice of polygyny is illegal here],” then do not [attend] it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for the sake of conscience— 29 I do not mean your conscience, but his. For why should my liberty be determined by someone else’s conscience? 30 If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks? 31 So, whether you [practice monogyny or polygyny], or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.' FOOTNOTES AND REFERENCES <SA> Social Anthropology, Paul Bohannan; Holt, Rinehart and Winston, Inc.; 1963 <1> & APR: A Princess Remembers, The Memoirs of the Maharani of Jaipur, by G. Devi of Jaipur and S. R. Rau; 1976; J.B. Lippincott Co., NY. ; ISBN-0-397-01103-2 <2> Three in Love, Ménages á trois from ancient times to modern times; by B. Foster, M. Foster, L. Hadady; HarperCollins; <3> Facing Mount Kenya, Marriage System, by Kenya's Jomo Kenyata, Chap 8; Secker & Warburg, London 1938 pp. 163-185 <4> Peoples and Cultures of Africa, An Anthropological Reader; Edited by E. P. Skinner; Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973 - - - - - - - - - 17 - - - 39 - - - 48 - - - small poly group for those who need privacy in their poly - request membership at The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of woman to die for

your failures so that you do not have to be lost to Death but can Live with Jesus forever, by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death and failure and make you right to Live with the Eternal Father of Love forever. Abortion is the murderous shedding of innocent blood. Neither racists, nor bigots, nor those who enjoy pornography, nor those who have sexual relations outside of their own marriage, nor catamites nor homosexuals shall inherit Jesus' Kingdom, according to Ac17:26; 1Jn2&3 Rom1;1Co6;Is59:7;Ez23; Rev 21; Rev 22 Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalPoly

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