The Intelligent Dating Manual: How to think, act and feel your way to Mr.


Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Table of Contents
Getting your Head Screwed on Straight.................................................................................................... 3 Make your Man List.............................................................................................................................. 3 Would you be a great wife?................................................................................................................... 5 Making Space in Life and Home...........................................................................................................7 Why we're lucky men like hot women.................................................................................................. 9 Three immediate appearance items to consider ..................................................................................11 Losing Weight to Date.........................................................................................................................12 Eating for Pretty – 5 Easy Ways..........................................................................................................15 Pay attention to what is feminine........................................................................................................ 18 A word about Gold Diggers.................................................................................................................20 Especially for the Successful Women................................................................................................. 23 Especially for Women over 40............................................................................................................ 25 The Final and Most Important thing to Get Straight in Your Head!...................................................27 How to Find the Men............................................................................................................................... 29 10 Simple Tips to Online Dating.........................................................................................................29 Top 20 Most Common Online Dating Photo Mistakes....................................................................... 31 3 Ways to Date Via Referral – Be your Own Matchmaker!................................................................ 34 Now that you're on a date.........................................................................................................................37 Focus on the Things You Like.............................................................................................................37 Shut off your Cell Phone..................................................................................................................... 39 The Case for a Second Date................................................................................................................ 40 Get off of the Romance Crack and Listen to What's Coming Out of His Mouth!..............................43 Men can't read your mind!...................................................................................................................45 Don't Date for Potential ......................................................................................................................47 Let your old crap stay “old crap”........................................................................................................ 49 Do not Lie to your Date!..................................................................................................................... 51 The Case for Learning to Cook........................................................................................................... 53 My Services.........................................................................................................................................55 My Gratitude....................................................................................................................................... 55

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Section I Getting your Head Screwed on Straight
Make your Man List This exercise is one of the most misunderstand efforts that I have women work through. It's also incredibly eye opening and exceedingly important. Women are notorious for making mental and physical lists about everything that they're looking for in a husband to be. Often, these lists keep women single, while they go about proudly wearing their badge that says “I'm just too picky!” Uh...yes, you are. But I don't say this because you have standards. I only say this (lovingly), because you're probably focusing on the wrong things. You're focusing on your wants, not your needs. The other thing that I find most interesting about women's lists, is that although we insult men for being too physically focused, I find that women's lists are VERY focused on superficial things! Especially appearance! Most women forget that they probably started constructing the bulk of their list when they were heavily dating, in their midtwenties. And then, many of us get serious about what we're suddenly looking for in a husband in our mid-thirties. Or, we're divorced and thrown back into the dating pool in our mid-forties or fifties. News Flash! Prince Charming that you made up in your head doesn't look the same anymore. Neither do you. So, here's your exercise.

1. I want you to make a list. A ridiculous one! Every fantasy in the book! 2. Take your list down to 10 items only, and not one of these traits can be physical or superficial. They must be things like “kind, generous, fun, addiction-free, reliable...” Get the picture? THIS, is your list for the Universe. THIS is the list that I want you to hang up on the wall next to your Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 3

master toilet and look at every morning. Pray over it, conduct ceremonies with it, meditate on it. I personally believe that the law of attraction is powerful. Use it here. What do you have to lose? 3. Pick three items off of your list of 10. Three things that you absolutely cannot live without. Those are the only things that you are allowed to tell your friends that you're looking for in a man, and the only things that you're allowed to talk about on any online profiles. 4. Now, I want you to make his list. I want you to write down everything that you feel that a man would seek in a woman. What makes him happy? Think of all of the happily married couples that you know! Interview the men! What are their favorite things about their wives? Write those things down. Now, it's time to have an honest and introspective pow wow with yourself about what you have to offer on his list. Which leads us to our next point.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Would you be a great wife? I know this seems a bit “Cart before the horse”, but you're evaluating him, and you're going to be evaluated too. Shouldn't it start with you? Are you prepared to be an amazing wife to this man that you're working on attracting? First of all, you need to really believe that you're ready to have this man in your life, today, and you need to recognize why you deserve him.

Beyond 30, we're wearing a lot of hats, and our identities can get confusing. Maybe we're now an ex-wife. Maybe we're confused about why we've not yet been married. Are we doing something wrong? We're questioning ourselves because what we're doing hasn't worked yet, making our identity as a dater or a future wife kind of fluid. It should always be flexible, but you need to know who you are and what you bring, or you'll never be able to convey it properly. If you don't know who you are, you're going to waste a lot of time "in the field". If you're having trouble with this task, ask your close friends and family who will be honest with you, "What traits do I have that would make me a great wife?" If you feel you can be receptive and that they'll be honest, consider asking them what areas they feel like you could find improvement without completely changing your personality. While I was on my major marketing quest for my husband, I realized that I should be reading material about how to be a great wife, if I wanted a great husband. Two books I found to be particularly good were Dr. Laura's "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and John Gray's "Mars and Venus Together Forever". Although I'm far less conservative and brusk in my approach than she, I found Dr. Laura's book to be the most impactful. It's full of the things that your girlfriends won't tell you. I will tell you these things also, but they won't. You need to take responsibility for some things and stop blaming everything on men. Do you realize how emotionally difficult women can be to deal with? Give men a little credit. Good husbands are pretty simplistic in the things that they need. The number one thing I hear from the men I would consider to be great husbands is "She's great! Really, I'm happy as long as she's happy." What they're telling us, is that we're emotionally complicated to understand, and they're willing to give, give, give, as long as it results in happiness for their wife. You Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 5

know how they know you're happy? GRATITUDE, GRATITUDE, GRATITUDE. I can not say this enough. Be gracious and appreciative of the wonderful man or men in your life, and they will bend over backwards for you. This is one of the most important hallmarks of a great guy. Watch for it, while you're busy appreciating all of the little things that your dates do for you. The great husband material of the world will stand out for you in shining contrast to the rest. When you find him, you should be prepared for him. I'm never going to tell you to be something that's not authentic so you can snap up a husband and then live miserably ever after. I'd rather you really understand what you're seeking and who you are, and find the RIGHT husband. That, ladies, is my service. I'm selling niche marketing practices for husband seekers. I'm here to help you come up with an inbound marketing plan for THIS decade. If you have weak areas where you want to be better, work on them. But do NOT appear one way and plan to quit it all once you marry. Don't appear sexy and sexual just to wear sweatpants and become frigid after you have the ring. That is NOT happily ever after behavior! Make some commitments to yourself about why you'll be worth cherishing forever.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Making Space in Life and Home Look around you. Are you stretched out in the middle of the bed? Or are you sleeping on one side? Is there room in your bathroom for his toothbrush and man supplies? Is there an area cleared out for his clothing? Did you leave him a parking space? Are there any spaces in your home that are so ridiculously frilly that a man would feel downright uncomfortable?

Think adult, co-habitating, and romance as you reorganize. Your bathroom counter shouldn't be so embarrassingly covered with makeup and hairspray products that you wouldn't dream of letting a man see it. Clear it up, clean it up, simplify it, and make it an attractive space for sharing with the kind of man that you would love to share a space with. Try to portray a sense of style around you that exemplifies what you're looking for in a partner. Also, think about the kinds of things that you would envision you'd like to do with your man, and make your space conducive to those activities. If you want to cook and have romantic dinners outside, then make your kitchen into a romantic space that two can cook in. Set up an outdoor eating area with some little white lights and potted plants, etc. Do you want someone you can do things outdoors with? Is your outdoor equipment clean, organized, and do you have space cleared out for his stuff too? Do you want to watch movies or sports together? Is there space for both of you to sit? Envision what you would want it to look like with two, and do your best! Even if you don't envision living in your current space with your significant other, do your best...or move! Let's not forget that having the right man in your life will change everything for you. It's more important than what job you have, what friends you have and where you travel to. This is a BIG deal. Also, think about your financial "space". I don't tell you this because I'm materialistic. It's because it's the number one thing that can bust up a marriage, and if you don't "get" it, it can blow up what you've worked so hard to attract. You need to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want financially and what types of fiscal behaviors you're comfortable with. Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 7

As a first born "pleaser", I've always been terrified that the credit card police would haul me off for one 30 day late payment. It wouldn't work for me to date a guy who was lackadaisical about his credit. After spending many years in the mortgage industry, I can tell you after seeing HUNDREDS of credit reports, that there's almost NO situation where a poor credit score is reflective of one event. People are generally either fastidious about their obligations, or they're chronically problematic. What kind of man do you want in your life? Are you living that example? If you're not, he will recognize the signs very quickly and he'll run for the hills. One last thing...wear pretty panties...all the time. And that brings us to the discussion of appearance...

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Why we're lucky men like hot women Oh come on! Quit bitching about how men want hot women! Do you see how much of an advantage this puts us at? Really, being hot is so much easier than getting rich. Men are all bitching that women want rich guys. So...we win, right?

As you read this, you'll start to see what men want in the appearance department. I'll be honest with you. There are NOT a lot of women over thirty that are doing these simple things that make them alluring to men! So what do you have to lose? Keeping up with your sex appeal is such a simple request compared to what we ask of our mates. We're looking for someone to be a man, but not too much of a man! Of course, we want someone "hot" too, and statistics show that women dating online actually are PICKIER about appearance than men are! They tend to believe that 80% of men online are unattractive! We want someone who's a great provider, but will support our endeavors. He should be funny, sweet, understanding, protective a great father, etc etc etc. So, why do women get SO freaked out when men just want to date or marry a beautiful woman? Any of us can grow our hair a little longer, learn to apply makeup, pay attention to our health and wear flattering, feminine clothes. And you can do it on a budget. If you want a clean house, you can scrub it down with a wet rag and some soap, or you can hire a maid to come every day. Similar takes more time, and the

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


I have bought incredibly expensive clothing at garage sales, TJ Maxx, Ross or Marshalls at great prices. In fact, any time I shop for clothing and accessories, I head STRAIGHT to the back of any store. If you don't know what you're missing, you'll wind up with more. Do you know many gorgeous pieces I've bought at Cache for under $10? And by the way, if you have a curvy, womanly figure like me, they have some really flattering clothing... But you never shop the front of the store, unless you like to simply waste money. Paint your own nails, conduct your own facials and drink a TON of water. Then, realize that what most men want really isn't that complicated to accommodate. Be grateful at how much can be accomplished in your husband hunting endeavors if you just simply "do pretty". You give men pretty and feminine, and in return, you'll often get the world. What do you have to lose?

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Three immediate appearance items to consider While I'm a big believer in authenticity, there are a few items that are universally important in the dating world, or...they're just so easy to fix, that you simply should.

1. Your smile. I seen so many statistics regarding smiling. From Online profiles, to people who catch our attention in public, smiling is absolutely a universal call to others. People who smile less cut their attractiveness exponentially. Being happy and positive attracts so many great things. If you're not smiling because there's a problem with your teeth, this is something that I implore you to spare no expense on. If they're yellow, start with the crest white strips. Really. They work great. You can pick up trays at drug stores. I like to line my trays with the strips to hold them in place. If your teeth are crooked, get it addressed. I don't care if you have to put it on a credit card. If you need a whole makeover, then fix it with veneers. Teeth are a make it or break it for almost everyone, because you're either not smiling enough, or your showing an indicator of bad health. 2. Graying hair. This is one that I tell you to fix because it's just so darn easy. You will take 10 years off of yourself by coloring that hair. Most men have no need for expensive highlights. Ditch em'. Go with a color that flatters your skin and makes your eyes stand out. Keep it up. If you can't afford to have it done, have a girlfriend help you with it at home. Typically, you can get a great cut and color for around $100 or less. 3. Extreme Obesity. Mostly because people stay away from unhealthy behavior unless they're unhealthy too. You want to attract both an emotional and physically healthy person, don't you? Work on the same for you. If the weight is stemming from deep psychological problems or depression, get professional help. NO EXCUSES. I take 5HTP every day because it addressed my mild mood disorder issues without any of the extreme side effects I had with pharmaceutical grade antidepressants. It also works same day. It's not for everyone, but I like it. If weight problems are lifestyle related, then work on your lifestyle! You can be healthy and decadent at the same time!!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Losing Weight to Date I'm not an advocate of false advertising for the purposes of dating. Creating a physique that is either unhealthy for you, or impossible for you to maintain during non-dating times is just plain dumb. However, adopting the healthiest lifestyle that you can with the idea of maintaining it for a lifetime is nothing but positive. Nutrition and fitness are a big passion for me. It's another something that I've researched tirelessly in my lifetime. Mostly, because I have the genetic ability to put on weight, and too much extra weight is REALLY physically uncomfortable to me. So, in a selfish effort, I have spent a lot of time reading and learning, not about being slim, but about being healthy. You need to recognize a few things to know when it comes to good men.

1. It's a total turnoff to hear you bitch about your weight 2. He likes your curves and the softness that comes with a little bit of body fat, more than you think 3. You're sexy to him when you're feeling sexy about yourself 4. Confidence is HOT at any size Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 12

5. There are some men who want bigger women 6. If you have extra weight, do not expect to be picky about your date's physique Here's what I want you to do. Do NOT crash diet to date. Do NOT whine about your size. DO be healthy and research what that takes. DO make life changes always that mean better health, more energy, more confidence and better sexuality. DO find balance. AND DO be authentic about the true you. We all have our own best weight. I can lose 20 pounds if I choose a lifestyle that contains no balance for me. I choose to LOVE wine and to LOVE good, healthy food. I like to socialize A LOT and I love the sensuality of the taste of beautiful food. I also burn out if I work out six days/week, but can maintain balance when I work out for 3 or 4 days/week. Weightlifting causes me to overeat, cardio does not. Find these things out about yourself. The healthier you are, the more options you will open for yourself. The more you'll smile, the more you'll laugh, and the more likely you are to love and be loved in return. Also, active hobbies are a great way to meet men. Especially in Colorado. If you're wavering and feel like you do not know where to start on your education to becoming healthier, I would highly recommend a couple of places. To get your eating in check on the cheap, I recommend They have an online only program that's around $15/month. I think it offers an easy "check" on the types of foods your eating and the quantity. I do NOT subscribe to many of the substitutions that they recommend for weight loss. When they recommend sugar substitutes and things like fake butter, run. If it's fake, don't put it in your face (and quit with the diet sodas!). The healthier you are, the more your beauty will shine through. My general rule is, if they don't sell it at whole foods, investigate the ingredient further. I personally love the Body Bugg which you can purchase from any 24 hour fitness club or online for about $175. It measures your daily calorie burn. Then, you enter the food that you're eating and you see if you're consuming more or less than what you're burning. I think it's a great education about our bodies.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


I also like 24 hour fitness as a good gym value. You can join for roughly $12/month and get a pool, spinning classes, weight training classes, zumba classes, etc, all covered in your membership. I think that the instructors are good and the workouts are great. The equipment is nice, and there's a lot of interesting people to meet. There's a lot of options. I pay $49/year for my membership there. You never know what kinds of deals they'll run. Of course, I live in Colorado where there's an unlimited amount of sports and outdoor activities. Join in and get moving. You'll feel good. Feeling good is the most important. All of this said. I want you to be you and be happy with you.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Eating for Pretty – 5 Easy Ways As I age, I pay more and more attention to the nourishment that my body is receiving, and you should too! So many women are busy "Eating for Weight Loss," that they really miss out on the beauty potential of the food that they put in their bodies. Additionally, they are eating things that might make them shed a few temporary pounds, but looking and feeling nasty afterwards! I suppose that I must stress that I'm not a Doctor or a Nutritionist, just a "passionate". 1. Water. I can NOT stress the importance of water more. Especially if you live in a dry climate like I do! Try this for one week and see what happens to your skin. Drink 1 gallon of water every day. Just go to the grocery store, buy 7 gallons of water at $1 each and carry them around with you for a week. Drink each one daily until they're gone. Four things will happen: a) You'll feel better b) Your skin will look incredible and c) You will shed water you've been retaining and d) You will start to be naturally thirsty, creating a healthy cycle for yourself. At the beginning of the week, you'll find yourself rushing to the bathroom often. By the end, your body will adjust. Also, put lemon in your water! Some sources state that this alkalizes the water in your body (even though lemon is acidic), promoting health and detoxification. 2. Go for color. Remember to "eat the rainbow". I know I don't get enough, so I always supplement with Fruit and Veggie capsules to just be safe. The more color you eat, the better your health will be and the better you will feel. Absolutely nothing can replace vibrant fruits and veggies in your daily diet. 3. Cut the sugar and caffeine and alcohol. I adore my morning cup of Joe, and won't give it Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 15

up, but beyond that, stop giving your body too much caffeine! It gives you wrinkles. It also is a diuretic, which means it makes your body dump hydrating water. Alcohol does the same thing. Again, I also love my glass (or two) of wine. Just don't go overboard. Sugar is really the worse culprit!! It promotes things like tooth decay, yeast overgrowth, and again...wrinkles. If you're looking for a good natural sweetener, head to a Natural Foods store, and check out things like Stevia (which upsets my stomach, personally), or Swerve. Agave Nectar is another natural replacement, which I use all the time! 4. Stop with the DIET SODA! I am such a diet soda nazi, I've been known to dump my friend's supplies of it. Aspartame has a sordid history that you don't even want to know about! In addition to all of the other associated health problems, it has been shown in some studies that it makes you fat! Just don't drink soda. Take control and get off the soda crack already. I recommend checking out the flavored green tea drops that they sell in natural foods stores. Find a flavor that you like (some are sweetened with Stevia), if you MUST drink something sweet. Then, you will stop depriving your body of the hydration that you should be getting with water. 5. Do NOT cut healthy fats from your body. I learned this personally a couple of years ago when I did a figure competition. My coach had me cut ALL fats from my diet the last week before the show, and I tell you what - I was DUMB. My friends actually were asking me if I was drunk. Our brain needs healthy fats to function and so does the rest of our body. My hair, nails and skin paid the price. No one ever got fat from eating too much avocado. If you want to cut fat from your diet, get rid of meat and dairy fats, but keep the nuts, veggies and associated oils. Coconut Oil is actually a natural thermogenic, containing MCFA's. I use Coconut oil, grape seed oil and avocado oil in a lot of my cooking. I use olive oil in low heat or no heat preparation. I'm not telling you to sit down and consume a jar of peanut butter, but I am saying that there are fats that you need. Also, don't forget to include things like salmon, shrimp and lobster. These foods contain several beauty elements in the Omega Oils department. All of this said, many studies also show that multi-vitamins can actually be harmful to your health. If I can't eat it in a food-based state, I stay away from it. When I supplement, I use

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


food-based supplements only. You skin, eyes, hair, nails and energy level will thank you for it!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Pay attention to what is feminine Ladies, if you're getting all of your fashion tips from Vogue and Cosmo, you're NOT going to find what men like in there. Put it down. Pick up a Playboy. If Playboy offends you, get over it. Now, it's time to temper that with the fact that good men aren't typically looking to marry those girls, so it's time for balance.

This is a light style overview that will help get you thinking in the right direction when it comes to dressing and making yourself up to impress the boys, instead of the girls. You know you've been working to impress the girls all these years...just admit it. We all do it. It's time to stop worrying about what the women think, because they're all going to quit the judgments when you're the one who lands the fabulous husband. First of all, men love the things that make us women - differentiate us from them. Long hair is first on that list. No matter what they articulate, men like long hair. And they like it straight with soft edges or big loose soft curls. Most prefer no bangs, but if you have a huge forehead or low set eyes, cut the bangs. They're also cheaper than botox and create some youth if you're older. Keep them light and wispy though - not too heavy. Do not shave your eyebrows and pencil them in. You'll look like a freak. If you have light eyebrows, get them tinted and keep them shaped and natural. Notice the smoky eyes that grace the playmates and experiment here. Don't go too heavy on the gloss on the lips. They're not kissable. They look pretty to other girls, but scary to boys. You want your lips to be soft and appear voluminous, but no man should worry about being coated with sticky pink lip gloss. I'll also warn you to steer clear from dark lip colors. Men prefer painted nails to french manicured ones. Why? Do you see men with painted nails? Not the ones you want to date. Pretty red nails say "woman" and "confidence". They have no idea they feel this way, but try it and see what happens. Also, keep the toes pedicured all the time, not just when you're going to the beach.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Skirts and dresses always win. You can't believe the difference in reaction men have to skirts and dresses vs. jeans. Check your body type and go from there. Do you have a tiny waste and big curves? Emphasize it! Do you see a lot of men running around with that figure? Don't cover it up with some stupid tunic balloon top just because it's trendy this year. Do you have less of a waist but long slender legs? Try a short empire waist dress that draws attention to those legs. Wear high heels. They define your calves, lift your butt and give you that slight curve to your lower back that men find so alluring. Buy high quality shoes that are sexy and comfortable from the DSW clearance rack off season. If it's winter, tall, sexy boots. Shoot - go thigh high, even. You'll be different, and a bit of a Goddess. As you dress, remember that scant + tight = low class whore. Pick one, or the other. The shorter the skirt, the lower the heal. The busier the print on your outfit, the less makeup and jewelery. Don't over-accessorize! Think flirt, not f*ck. On clothing color, don't do everything in all black. Most men actually really like pastels and girly colors when women are wearing them. Pinks, blues and turquoises work great. Especially turquoise if it's a good color for you. When it comes to smells, it's been studied and confirmed that men love scents that make them think of food. Pumpkin has rated at the top, with vanilla a close second. One last thing. Did you ever know that Playboy actually airbrushes OUT defined 6-pack abs on their models? I'm not kidding. Don't forget why. It's because we're WOMEN. Dress and behave like one. Men will like it. Check how they position and move in their shoots. Need help with the rest? Schedule a session with me.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


A word about Gold Diggers Both men and women are sensitive about the topic of money - why? Because it's the biggest relationship buster there is. Many of my over-30 girls are divorced. I bet you can tie that back to money an awful lot of the time. Here's the thing. I have nothing against "gold diggers". I think that there's market for them, or they wouldn't exist. I also think that it's one of the super tough careers to chase after. Here's why: 1. Huge competition. A bunch of girls think they should be gold diggers. Many of them just say: "I just want a man who's financially secure". mmmmm. Think...the kind of competition it takes to get into the NFL. Of course, anything's possible. If this is what you really want, I'll never tell you to stop hoping. 2. You're going to be judged. If you don't have a lot of money, and you marry a man that does, prepare for the onslaught of judgement from just about everyone. 3. Tolerance. Going after men with the big bucks often requires tolerance in other areas. If you don't have a lot of money and he does, than you're going to have to level the playing field somehow and bring him some benefits for his bucks. Whatever it is that he's looking for, or why would he choose you over that above mentioned competition? 4. Tendency towards discretion. You must be discreet. In high-society, sometimes you

need to be able to "fake it". Funny story - we were at a benefit about a month ago. Two teachers sauntered up to my husband's brother and his roommate. They actually asked "So, are you guys rich?". Seriously! It's like something you'd see in a movie. I'm not kidding.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters

20 not discretion. 5. You better be willing to compromise. Big money guys...(and ladies, we're not talking about the boys that make $75K/year in this post) are highly pursued. They're leery of the ladies that pursue them. Those financial big boys that have yet to be snatched up, probably have some quirks. You need to be tolerant of those quirks. Basically, women who have one main objective in mind - money - need to realize that they should be prepared to sacrifice a lot of other things on their list. I go back to what I said in an earlier post. Think about your financial values, and what the man looks like who's values are similar to yours. Also, please DO NOT pursue a man for money alone. You need to genuinely like him for who he is - not just the lifestyle he'll afford you. To do otherwise is mean and conniving. If you really want to find a man with loads of cash, you need to probably examine yourself first. 1. How's your credit? Is it perfect? 2. Are your money management skills spectacular? 3. Are you willing and ready to sign a prenuptial agreement, with your own attorney present? 4. Are you ambitious or successful in your own right? 5. Are you knowledgable and able to comfortably fit in with the crowd that he mingles with? 6. Are you willing to be put second to the things that created the fortune? 7. Are you willing to possibly manage a household as a full time job and also possibly continue to work? 8. Are you willing to present the right face to his empire? 9. Do you believe that you deserve that kind of life?

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


This is indeed a tricky subject. I recommend you take a very honest look at yourself and consider your financial values before you decide what kind of man to pursue. There's many different ways that people make their fortune, and what might make more sense is to decide where your values lie and what your interests are. For example, I am a hard core serial entrepreneur. It was important to me that I be with an entrepreneur that would accept me as the ambitious soul that I am. When I met my husband, he was living in a very modest house with two roommates and sparse furnishings. He basically lived in his upstairs bedroom, like a true bachelor. He drove a modest truck with a broken windshield, and he had one client. Today, things are different, but a lot of that is due to my support of his business and the time that he needs to spend in it. There's trust-funders, there's old-money families, there's self made guys and there's entrepreneurs that rise and crash financially many times in their life time. Be real, ladies, and then make whatever choice that you want. Because this is a biggie, I won't shy away from the subject, but if all you want it the gold, be ready for tough judgement and scrutiny by many.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Especially for the Successful Women This section is for all of the Alpha Females out there! Are you a highpowered professional who is successful in your career, but not so much in love? Or has that simply been your focus until now, and you're ready to find love now? I can relate! I grew up brimming with ambition and energy, and for years, I attracted men who were happy to sit back and allow me to hunt for them. This will leave any successful woman scratching her head and wondering..."Why? Why is it that I'm not attracting men who are more successful and powerful than I am?" Here's another question it generates: "Why are men so turned off by my success?" We're back to those pesky male/female roles again. I can understand this for powerful woman SO well, because I have been in your shoes! For me, there was also a nagging undercurrent of insecurity that my self worth was tied up in my ability to monetarily produce. It took me years to peel back the layers, realize this, and to also understand that my value in a relationship was more than showing up proudly at my front door with today's "kill" secured in my teeth. We are taught all of our professional lives that the only thing that matters is tangible, measurable results. This is so true in business. But it's so hard sometimes to allow the paradigm shift that is required to find an amazing man! Even after I recognized what was happening and allowed myself to find the gem of a husband that I have in my life today, it literally took me years of deprogramming myself in a healthy and supportive marriage to change my impulses and feelings on this matter. It doesn't change my ambition and desire to produce, but it changes how I feel about my role as a wife. My best friend whispered in my ear over and over again "You deserve him." "Your company is enough." It's amazing how such powerful women can have such tremendous vulnerability underneath that power. Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 23

So here's something powerful. Be a little vulnerable. Recognize it and embrace it. Be with it for a little bit, and let it soften you. Remember that being soft in a relationship is OK. My audience in this statement is the alpha females that need this balance. If you're someone who's constantly taken advantage of by overpowering and controlling men, my advice for you is different. There's more on this topic as it pertains to behavior on first dates, and selecting the best type of man for you, but recognizing these traits in yourself are a powerful first step!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Especially for Women over 40 “The odds may be good, but the goods are odd”. This is often how men feel when they're dating women over 40. Now, everybody CALM DOWN, ok? There's a point in here that can really help this group of women, but you need to really listen and really absorb.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist or research statistics to know that if you're a woman who's trying to date in your 40's and 50's that the goods seem a bit odd to you too, but they're also scarce! That's right! There's not nearly as many single men as there are women, and many of those single men are still hoping for that younger woman to come along. That's right, the perfect single 30 year old who's looking for a 50 year old who "doesn't look 50!" (of course you don't, handsome ;)). So, what do you do if you're a single 40 or 50 something year old woman who's looking for love? You don't have to die lonely. Isn't that awesome? Really! You're competing against a group of women who tend to be tough to date, and if you can set yourself apart from these gals, then you're a hot commodity!! 1. Drop the baggage. We've all been hurt by the opposite sex by this time. It's all a bunch of "so what" at this point. You've probably been cheated on, verbally or maybe physically abused, been taken to the cleaners, etc... So has he! Don't blame the guy sitting across the table from you for everything that your ex's collectively did to you! 2. Be trusting. This goes along with number one, but it's so important, I'm rephrasing it! Trust inspires trustworthy behavior. Don't start researching him and then barrage him with questions about his speeding tickets and his divorce on the first date. Don't ask him how many women he's cheated on or lied to. Just go in with trust. If he breaks your trust, move on. You shouldn't be dating just one man early in the game, anyway! Give him the benefit of the doubt, and by all means, be trustworthy yourself! 3. Stop being so picky!!!! Picky, IS NOT a badge of honor to brag to your girlfriends about! Remember to consider the possibility that you crafted the visual of what the guy you're going Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 25

to marry looked like when you were 25. Ummmmm...ladies? They don't look like that anymore! And neither do you. Stop with the "I'm just not attracted to men who don't have any hair!" You might have a few crows feet or some saggy boobies! Let that old picture you have in your brain about physical attributes go, and be open! Mature women are some of the pickiest women I know about things that aren't important. Be wiser, more evolved, and look beyond the physical. Give the guy a chance. Remember, you're in the minority, making you a great place for him to place his bet! 4. Be gracious and appreciative. Sometimes I'm surprised at how many singles send basic manners out the window when they're on a date! Just because you're evaluating whether or not you want to hang out with this man is no excuse to be rude. Be sweet, be warm and be flirty! Channel the Southern girl you never thought you had! If you live in a big city, this will really make you stand out! Men love warm women. 5. Recognize how sexy you are! If you feel sexy, you probably are! Let's face it; as we get older, we certainly know our best looks, how to express our femininity, and you've probably got a screaming sex drive! Take care of yourself and bring all of your skills to the table. You probably know how to flirt. If you don't, learn! Flirting is fun! I know, I'm mentioning it again. I just see women forget about it as they turn every date into a job interview. So, just think about these things and realize that a great man isn't as scarce as you think he is! Most other women are discounting him because he's losing his hair, has a little belly, is divorced, has never been married, for what he does for a living, for what he reads or doesn't read, because he likes baseball, because he doesn't ski, because because because! Are you looking for a great man to love you that you can have fun with? Then be the woman who stands out from the odd goods!!!! You just might find that the pickings are sweet!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


The Final and Most Important thing to Get Straight in Your Head! Have you ever met a man who clearly hates women? It's oozing from his pores. Every part of his being says "I can't stand you" and you just met him. Those are not the men we're looking for. They've got stuff to deal with. However, identifying them is a good lesson for us. It helps us to identify the same thing within ourselves if it is lurking there.

Take a good listen to the things that you say when you talk about men in general. Do you know how many times I've heard women say "I hate men!" Or "Men are such assholes." Their girlfriends say "No kidding!" and immediately chime in with their best "man who wronged me or my friend" story. Ladies, this is not an acceptable conversation to be having. It's bad for you and for your girlfriends. It's just straight up unhealthy. Guess what else? You're busy attracting more of those assholes as the words come out of your mouth. So, what's your generalization beef? Is it that men are: ...stalkers fiends ...controlling ...manipulative ...users ...abusive ...unemotional ...etc

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


American culture is mostly confused about men and women. Women are having more and more "girls nights" and "women only vacations", and men are adamant about "nights out with the boys." What's with all of the exclusivity and separation of genders? Time with our own sex is fine, but what concerns me is the underlying reasons that exist in many of these cases. At times, it comes down to an inherent annoyance or dislike of the other gender. You can not have a beautiful relationship with a man if you cannot stand his kind. If you think he is slow, dim-witted, unemotional, uncultured, etc...then flirting will also be impossible. Looking down your nose at the object you desire makes this whole game both miserable and unproductive. So let's practice our love of the penis, and the man that's attached to it. Think of all of the wonderful things about men in your life that you adore. Whether it's your Dad, brother or friend...a colleague that you respect, or simply the guy that held the door open for you this morning as you walked into a building. Did you really acknowledge how sweet that was, or march through like a princess...leaving him deflated and feeling like he might not make the effort next time? Consider how exhausting your female friends can be with their constant emotional analysis, time of the month, or emotional expectations that they have of you. Then, take a moment to appreciate the emotional needs of a man. For a healthy man, if you're kind, respectful and warm, he's pleased. How wonderful is that? If it helps you, make a list of all of the things that you love about different men, and then make an effort to seek out those traits in every man you meet. As often as it is appropriate, tell him when you notice one of those things how grateful you are for it, and how much you appreciate it. You'll be amazed at the immediate results, and how much it makes you stand out. Now - let's fix your internal and external dialogue. "I love men!" Say it, feel it and tell everyone. Don't worry, your girlfriends won't be nasty about it. Think of all the women you'll help by saying "I love men." I've been saying it for years and have never had anyone have the guts to argue with me about it. In fact, a few have said "You know, I should really start thinking that way." Before you know it, you'll be running across more truly lovable men than you know what to do with.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Section II How to Find the Men

10 Simple Tips to Online Dating I found my incredible second husband on, so I don't shy away from online dating as an amazing part of your Inbound Man Marketing Plan. First, I'd like to tell you what I hear ALL the time!

Woman: "I tried that Online Dating thing. Those sites suck. All of the men on there lie about what they do for a living, and their pictures don't represent them at all. It's a horrible process."

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


I ask, "How many dates did you go on?" They respond, "Two". Men: "I tried Online Dating, but I can never get a response from women. They always say they're inundated. I don't know why so few of them are accurate about their age and body type." NOW, let's be logical, and let's also consider the opportunities available to women as it pertains to online dating. First of all, girls, for all the men that are available out there, you only need to find ONE! Think about that! Isn't it worth going on a few dates that don't pan out? I will say THIS for online dating sites! Everyone on there is LOOKING for love. How fantastic is that? I want you to adjust your mentality to "How fun! I get to meet so many people that I never would have otherwise met!" And then, I want you to change how you're going about the process. Here's the rules: 1. Post accurate, full body, FEMININE photos of yourself that are from within the last year and representative of you within your profile. Not professional headshots in a black suit. A beautiful up close head shot with you looking DIRECTLY into the camera SMILING warmly should be your main picture. I do recommend professionally “taken” photos, but they should be done with dating in mind. These pictures should be everywhere else you're on the web! They're going to Google you. My top 20 photo don'ts are written out in detail in the next section. 2. Have write your profile after you have been completely honest with them about what you're looking for. I can provide this service for you. 3. YOU start searching out men that fit your guidelines, and be very gentle and open when it comes to assessing their photos. Try not to be superficial. This works in your favor! 4. Do not correspond more than twice on email and once on the phone prior to scheduling an in person meeting. Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 30

5. Try not to let more than about a week pass before you schedule an in-person meeting. 6. Suggest coffee or lunch for a first date, and let him choose the place. NOTE - I recommend going out to dinner when it comes to dates you've been set up on by your friends. Coffee and lunch are my suggestions for online dates because men typically pay, and many of them are exhausted regarding paying for blind dinner dates. You're just being respectful. Cocktails are also fine. 7. Do up to 5 of these per week. I'm not kidding. 8. Keep your first date light, fun and honest. Be authentic. 9. If you feel like you'd like to go on a second date, tell him that, and let him schedule with you if he wishes. Don't play games! If you don't feel butterflies, but he's nice, THIS IS A GREAT THING! Don't hesitate to schedule that second date. 10. Understand that there are some great potential husbands that are uncomfortable on first

dates! Be kind and lenient when it comes to "geeky" tendencies. Aggressive, manipulative, red flag behaviors are a different story! Top 20 Most Common Online Dating Photo Mistakes If you’re single, not only do you need the right photos for your online dating profile, but you also need great photos on all of your social media pages! Why? The second one of your girlfriends tries to set you up, she’s probably going to show him your Facebook profile. Why again? Because I’ve never met a man that didn’t ask for photos upon being set up. They are simply visual! Here are all of attributes that your photos should NOT have:

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


1. Hats and sunglasses. It’s a waste of space. What, are you in disguise? 2. Black professional clothing. Men love feminine. It’s not going to kill you to put on something pink, lavender or turquoise. Think of feminine colors that flatter your skin tone. Extra points for ruffles or lace. 3. Serious face. Your smile should be warm and inviting. Channel your sweet and nurturing side. 4. Black and white. Your photos should be in color. 5. Bad hair or makeup. If you’re going to take the time to get professional photos (which experts agree you should!), get your hair and makeup done. You may do a great job, but photos are different. You need a combination of great lighting and your best foot forward. 6. Friends in the photo (or cropped out). Who are you? He has no idea, so he assumes you’re the least attractive of the bunch and skips over you. Besides, he’s not dating your friends. 7. Photos of your kids. Need I say more? 8. Photos with other men. This is not the time to make him feel like he’s competing. He’ll immediately have visions of discussions on your first date that involve your ex’s. 9. Photos with drinks in your hand. You’ll attract alcoholics, or the guy might assume you’re a lush. 10. Blurry, far away or bad lighting. Who wants a photo you can’t really see? 11. Lack of full body shots. He’ll skip right over you! Even if you have ample hips, show them off! He’ll appreciate your honesty when you meet, and you’ll attract the men that will appreciate your assets. 12. Photos of your cars or pets. You may scare off the right guy with a misconception about your priorities. 13. Photos that are more than 6 months old. You know you would be upset if he posted noncurrent photos. 14. Airbrushed photos. Go ahead and touch up your professional shots! What restaurant doesn’t airbrush photos of their burgers? But your online dating photos need to be authentic. 15. Come hither looks or overly sexy. Men don’t marry women they can’t introduce their family to. You’ll increase your chances for the right guy by keeping it sweet, pretty and Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 32

feminine! 16. Self portraits taken in the mirror or with an outstretched arm. These photos seem lonely and sad instead of confident and proactive! 17. Excessive jewelry. Simple beats out overly high maintenance. Again, you don’t need to convey incorrect messages. 18. Wild prints. Don’t distract from yourself with crazy backgrounds, or wild clothing. 19. Professional head shots. Save them for your resume, blog or linked in. Those photos with black or white backgrounds in your best suit may leave him wanting to hire you instead of date you. 20. Confusing body language. Your body language should read “open and warm”. Doing things like looking at the camera over your shoulder or crossing your arms conveys the wrong message. Also, your eyes should smile right along with your mouth!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


3 Ways to Date Via Referral – Be your Own Matchmaker!

Most of what I learned about Referral Marketing came from 6 years in the real estate and mortgage industry. This is the most effective and fun way to look for a great man. You're going to get the highest quality match-ups from your great married friends, so don't be one of those women that abandons your married friends the second they get hitched. Keeping the old and making new married friends are one of the biggest keys to your quest to wedded bliss.

Most of your married friends, the men and the women, will spend amazing amounts of time thinking of fantastic eligible bachelors for you, IF they know that you are looking! This is the key to step one. 1. ASK. Schedule some time with your friends. Either alone or together, and ask them for referrals. Just like in business, without that request, it is not obvious that you are seeking! They may think that you would like to be single, or that you don't like to be set up. They may not want to put themselves in a position where they're "in the middle", either. If you ask, they're off the hook and can freely set you up with every eligible bachelor they know! I tell you what, their other girlfriends are probably not making the same request. This is simple, but also rare and incredibly overlooked. Sit down and tell them earnestly that you're ready to look for someone special. Explain to them that because you like the kind of people they are and admire their relationship, that you feel comfortable that they've got pretty good judgment in the man department. Ask that if they have any men they think might be great for you, to please feel free to a) give them your email or b) schedule a meeting between the two of you! Reassure them that you won't put them in the middle of anything and express plenty of gratitude for their help. You will be amazed at how many great men you find in this way. 2. RECEIVE. If a girlfriend or married couple sets you up on a date, be receptive! Don't start questioning them about how perfect he may be. There is no "Mr. Perfect". Are you perfect? Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 34

Don't make your friends feel like they're going to be in trouble if he's not ideal for you. That's YOUR job! They're facilitating an introduction, and you don't want them to question doing that for you again. Be incredibly respectful to the "set up" by being kind, very responsive, on time, etc. Respect the process like it's gold. Your friends have opened themselves up for you and put themselves on the line. Represent them well, even if the guy is not for you. Remember that he'll show up again in your life at parties, etc within this circle of friends. Remind yourself that you don't want a bad behavior report coming back from him to them. This will be the end of your referrals. We once set up a friend of ours with a client that we consider to be very special. She wound up never showing up to the lunch after telling him every 15 minutes via cell phone that she was on her way. We kept him...we did not keep her. NEVER disrespect this gift. 3. GRATITUDE. This is something that I will continue to beat to death. It's the most important thing! One of the great tips I learned in Referral Marketing in real estate is that when someone gives you a referral, you send them a hand written thank you note BEFORE you even meet with the new client. You're thanking them for an introduction, NOT a completed deal or for you, a marriage. You want to encourage more introductions, not perfect match-making. You're showing your receptiveness. I don't care if these people have set you up on 10 crappy first dates. You continue to be grateful to them. You may be surprised when you sit down and make a list of your married friends. You have more of them than you think, even if they're acquaintances. Although there are MANY other Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 35

places that I'll tell you to look for a man, this is one of the most important, so never skip this step. Also, continue to reach out and meet new married friends. Find ones that have a relationship like the one that you want. Tell them that. And make sure that you never tell them that appearance or "chemistry" is the most important thing to you in a mate. In fact, let's make sure that those things are REALLY not your most important qualities. You are a woman, which gives you the power to choose things like kindness, generosity and sense of humor over big biceps. Make sure you're conveying that to your future matchmakers. For a complete list of where to Find Mr. Right for You, I am available for coaching sessions.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Section III Now that you're on a date
Focus on the Things You Like I recognize that some things are getting repetitive. Why? Because this whole dating thing can be made so much simpler just by utilizing the advice right here. Experience dictates that there are certain things that must be repeated. So now, we're on a first date. It doesn't have to be hard and miserable. We choose to make it that way by where we focus. So, shift your focus, and the whole experience becomes fun and cool, and you start to attract better men!

So, what do we need to do? Focus on the stuff we like! Focus on the things you like about dinner, him, the conversation, your day, your surroundings. Focus on the things you like about life. Focus on the things you like about single men that you meet. Focus on the things you enjoyed about a first date. Do you think a man wants to marry a "Negative Nancy"? So don't act like one! Talk about the things that you love when you're on a first date! Women bond by asking each other probing questions, but that's not how men bond. Men bond to you by providing a great experience that you LOVE. So tell him how great he is, or how great he did in his efforts to court you! That's what makes him bond to you! He does not feel close to a woman who bitches about every little thing that drives her crazy. Women enjoy that closeness of telling each other our pet peeves. We feel like we're being real and deep with each other. Men just aren't wired that way. When you call your girlfriends after a first date to chat about it, make sure that you tell them

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


all of the good things about the date. If there were scary red flags (NOT "he's balding" or "he talked a lot"!), then don't go out on a second date. If it was just OK, go out on a second date! But talk about the great things. Start practicing in every area of your life. Talk about the great things about each other, your job, your experiences, your trips. Just let the other things go unmentioned. All of these changes will help you to enjoy the process of dating instead of hate it. Your dates will feel your great energy and want to be part of it. And then YOU'LL have your pick of men!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Shut off your Cell Phone This section is quick and short, but it's on its own because I want it identified. Please put away your cell phones and turn off the ringer while you're on a date.

This is one of the major items that makes people feel totally unimportant when they're out with you. It makes them nervous, insignificant feeling, and really uncomfortable. It's disrespectful. It says a lot of really unfortunate things about you. You might as well be looking over your date's shoulder and out the window while they're speaking to you. This should go without saying, but don't set it face up on the table with the ringer off either. Can you imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if you were giving a speech and everyone in the room was checking out their cell phones instead of focusing on you? If you have babies who are with a sitter, then check your messages on a trip to the restroom. There are apps you can get on most phones now that will send a text to the calling party that says something like "I'm in a meeting until 1:30. I'll give you call back then." This gives even your most important client comfort in knowing that they're not being ignored and a time when they can expect to hear back from you. Done.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


The Case for a Second Date Oh, the things I've learned from doing it all wrong! I was the queen of first dates, but what I want you to be, is the Queen of Second Dates. Stop moaning and groaning! Was that eye rolling I just saw?? :)

Listen, this is one of the areas where you learn to separate yourself from the rest. If you can do this consistently, I think you might be surprised with the results! Chances are, you don't come off the way that you think you do on a first date. In Rachel Greenwald's book "Have Him at Hello", 90% of the time, the women were wrong about why their date didn't call them back for a second date. So, chances are...he probably didn't come off the way he quite meant to either. Who's good at first dates? 1. People who are coached and taught. 2. People who have a LOT of them! So, if he has given you no reason to believe on a first date that he's anything but kind and honest, than say "Yes" when he calls you for a second date. Oh, and make sure that your behavior on your first date is such that he would like to call you for a second! I focus on this heavily in my coaching program, but I'll give you the best tip I can right here for free: BE NICE! There are many reasons why you should answer a request for a second date with the affirmative. I've seen statistics that suggest that roughly half of all happily married women were not initially attracted to their husbands when they first met them. Men don't say the same thing. How nice is it that you're equipped with the tools to generate chemistry and attraction over time? Be grateful for your lack of penis, and use it to your advantage! You want a man who's wildly into you...right? Who wouldn't? Let's be real, ladies! They can act a little weird on a first date when they're wildly into you! Don't be so shut down. Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 40

Give them a chance to recover from the shock of your dazzling beauty and wipe the puppy dog look off their face. They'll probably do better on that second date where you two can make a much better decision about each other. Even if it feels like this date might be agonizing, recognize that this is a new person that you can learn new things from. Look forward to it! Everyone has something to teach us. If the second date is going nowhere, take the time to learn something new and interesting about the world that you didn't know before through his eyes. Think about single girlfriends that you have that might be into him. Recognize that if you can generate a friendship here, that he might have a single guy friend who is just the man for you! You're not just dating. You're also networking.

If you're "dating", then you should be busy out dating! If it's a choice between staying home or being out honing your dating skills, where should you be? Try to pick a fun activity that you really enjoy to do together. Sometimes, staring at each other from across a table can be maddening, but heading out for a hike, bike ride or even a silly trip to a bowling alley or miniature golf outing can completely change the chemistry between the two of you. Think

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


about a second date that's completely different from the first and give it a go. Activity dates with men who come off as having low sexual energy can completely change a dynamic! One last thing to try... If he didn't call you back for a second date, even if you didn't quite "feel it", then wait a week and call him for a second date. If this is really too hard for you, then go ahead and send him an email and let him know that you're open to going out again. You may have put off a strong "I'm not interested" air on your first date, and that was the reason he didn't call. Sometimes the best men have a staggering fear of rejection. It's ok to help him out a little as long as you let him be the man in every other way. Really, at that point, you have nothing to lose, and potentially everything to gain! If you're really struggling with the second date phenomenon, I offer a service in my coaching program called “Exit Interviews”, where I call your ex-dates and find out the real story! Why didn't they call you back? Live and learn. This is powerful information!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Get off of the Romance Crack and Listen to What's Coming Out of His Mouth! During the Holidays this year, I decided to take a brief break (like a day or two) from my voracious reading of non-fiction as it pertains to dating, marriage and matchmaking, and just practice a little female escapism. You know it! Those (AW!) happy, tear jerking, Happily Ever After (how ironic!) books and movies.

It occurred to me then, where so much of the romantic illness in our culture comes from. Romantic literature! Right here in our romantic imaginations. This is what women are spending way too much time idealizing when it comes to finding love. The most frustrating piece for me, is that the most popular man to romanticize about in these books and movies is the guy that is the absolute stoic asshole at first. He's anything but a gentleman, and he's emotionally nearly impossible to crack. By the end of the story, he's the love of her life, but their romance has been horrific. That is because we can handle an hour

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


and a half of drama, but 24/7 is just plain unhealthy! Letters to Juliet is one of the best recent examples of this that comes to mind. Where does that leave women? Hopefully gazing into the eyes of every stone cold jerk that they meet. They're just sure that they're going to crack his surly demeanor because they're SO special. You are special...but he's a jerk with bad relationship skills. Hey ladies, you know that this is why they teach "Pick Up" to guys? Because it's working on you! That is your fault, and no one else's. One of the number one things they teach men is to try to behave inaccessible and to throw light insults at the women they meet! Are you appalled? Have you fallen for it???? Really...think hard! I have seen it happen right before my eyes to exceedingly smart women more times than I can count. I've said this before and I'll say it again: When a guy tells you that he's bad at relationships, people, family, love, sex or friendship, don't try to fix him! Don't try to feel "special" because you were the only one who could do it. A "project" for a couple of months is emotionally stimulating. Grab hold of that for a lifetime, and you're going to die young of stress-related illness. So, when it comes to your life, look for the romantic story that's a little bit boring. That guy that has you completely wrapped up right at the beginning of dating because you "can't figure him out" is going to torment you forever if you continue to date him. Start to acclimate yourself to enjoying and expressing gratitude for the dates that were "fun", "easy", "flowed well", and where you left saying "What a NICE guy" (and actually thought that was hot for once!), instead of feeling your heart go pitter patter because the mystery was so intense. Then, you can really begin to seek your happily ever after. I promise you, there are many intellectually stimulating things in life. You are a smart woman, or you wouldn't be on my site, and you definitely wouldn't be a candidate for my services. Don't look for your intellectual and emotional stimulation by finding a man that creates it for you. Let them stimulate you sexually and in life experiences. Your girlfriends will provide plenty of drama for you in your lifetime...I promise!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Men can't read your mind! This is one of the BIGGEST mistakes that women make in the world of dating and relationships, and it's one of the fastest indicators of whether or not you've got a "good man" on your hands. Don't forget about this one, ladies! Men can not read your mind. Most of them assume that if you have something to tell them, or you want something, you will simply tell them. But do the majority of us do this? No. We gauge how fabulous they are by whether or not they can guess what will make us happy. Why? Because we think that it shows that they are thinking about us. Just stop it. Get real. And start doing the thing that will actually get you both a great man, and the results that you want. You have got to start specifically telling men what you want. Don't ask them to plan an evening, and then "see how they do" like it's a big test of your compatibility! If he plans the date, then be grateful for wherever he takes you, not judging him by his choice of venues. If you want to have a sunset picnic by a lake, followed by a moonlit walk, tell them (but wait until the third date, please)! Say it like this, "I was thinking about our date tonight and thought it would be wonderful if we could pack a picnic and head up to ____ lake. Afterwards, I would love to do a little moonlight hike. I've always wanted to do something like that!" Great men are often pleasers or producers. They are more than happy to go along with what it is that their date wants, as long as there's not a big reason that they're opposed AND as long as the woman is incredibly grateful!!! This is the most important part of this equation. State what you want, and then lavish him with your gratitude when you get it. Don't be unreasonable, and never ask for material things! Especially early on in a relationship. Also, do not ask for or expect money. This is tacky. Be giving in your own ways. Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 45

Here's the other side. If he just won't go along with your reasonable requests and desires, then move on to the next man. That's it. Just quit messing with him. We're looking for amazing husband material here, and based on our biology, men are emotionally set up to be providers. Women - nurturers. Though this is a generalization, it's certainly a great way to quickly decipher the good men from the bad. We need to be efficient in our search for a GREAT husband, and I don't want you screwing around with Mr. Wrong for months on end when you could be out there meeting Mr. Wonderful.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Don't Date for Potential When we were in our 20's, we had no choice but to date a man for who we think he'd be. But you know what...he was in the same boat. For all he knew, we were going to stop working out, wearing make-up and having sex with him, right? If you were guilty of that in a past marriage, it's time to fess up, and promise yourself that you'll never do it again.

These days, (my girls over 30) we get to date him for who he is. I've said before, that you need to listen when a man speaks. Men are very revealing on the first couple of dates about who they are and how they think. But you know what else is revealing? Look at how they're living now. I've fallen victim to this myself, which is why I discuss it with such passion. I've fallen for the hot guy who just happens to be currently unemployed and living with his mom...but "it's not normal" for him! That might not be normal for him, but types of bad decisions and attitudes that led up to his current circumstances probably are. I know this sounds horribly harsh, but years of being in the mortgage business and seeing credit reports with chronically bad (and I mean the last 10 years for most people!) payment histories taught me that most people don't just go through one bad spell. If they are going through just "one bad spell", they're probably not in the best place to date right now anyway, because their current circumstances are uncomfortable for them. If you meet a man who tells you that he's currently "in transition", but that he is going to "blah blah blah" and things are going to be different, then I recommend not wasting your time. This is fine in your 20's, but the reality is, zebras don't have a tendency to change their stripes! I think that the state of the economy really exposes a lot in people. How people are reacting to it is so very telling. It's easy to spot the victim types right now, and if you hear yourself blaming everything in your world on "the economy", you're one of them! Here is the reality: We're in a time of great change right now! It's an evolution. Get in with it and make positive changes. Look for the possibilities out there for you, and look for men who have the same positive and opportunistic outlook! Do we have stores that sell covered wagons anymore? NO! So, don't date someone who's still trying to sell "covered wagons" and whining that the

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


economy has blown up his life, but that things aren't usually this bad! They probably are and they will be again. It just might manifest itself in other ways at other times. If his credit is a mess but he blames it on his ex-wife, be extremely careful. If he was recently fired, "but it wasn't his fault", be extremely careful. If he was "once an addict", but has been reformed, be careful! If he was in jail for domestic abuse "but it was a one time event", run! People don't wind up "in a mess" because of one bad decision. It really takes a series of bad decisions over time. You have to remember that I'm here to help you find potential HUSBAND material quickly. This means helping you not to waste your time on "project men". I know, women LOVE projects! You are past that point in your life, darling! No more! Let a 20 year old work on him. :) She has plenty of time.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Let your old crap stay “old crap” I'm always amazed at some of the passionate oddities that start to show themselves when you mix men, women, libations and a discussion about dating. People start to get busy coming up with their relationship deal breakers. This inevitably includes things like "I won't date anyone who lets their cat sleep on the bed or who doesn't fight fair!" What if your date's requirements are "I won't date someone who's rigid, and still carrying around old relationship baggage!" Well, we're at a stalemate, now, aren't we? So, here's something to think about... How about letting all of those teensy, weensy, little things stop being such a huge deal? How about we stop sweating the small stuff? Collectively? There are some big ones that are pretty universal. Everyone wants someone who's honest, as far as I can tell, and they're happy to broadcast it. But guess what? It's not your date's responsibility to hear that you want an honest person and try to construct themselves as such. Nor are they going to cross themselves off of your dating list because they're dishonest. This is your responsibility. The first part of that responsibility is to be trusting, which inspires trustworthiness. Stop stalking them to see if they're a lying bastard just like your ex. If they do not blatantly show honest behavior, like being where they say they're going to be, when they're going to be, then they're not honest, so you just remove them from your dating world. Don't then go scream at your next date about how he better be honest! This is now old crap, and it doesn't belong to the next guy. Here's another one that I think we all should want, right? Kindness. I think it's a little silly how women often say, "I really want a nice man, but I'm always attracted to bad boys." Really, stop treating yourself like you're stupid. Those two things don't go together. Isn't that a given? You're also responsible for being able to identify kindness. How does he treat your server at dinner? The valet? His friends? What does he say about his family? His exes? It's this simple: Is he nice? Here's my next question...are you? And here's where I see the gaping hole yet again. While everyone is busy tearing apart their future or past dates, it's rare that I'll hear someone say "I want someone that I can love and share gratitude with. I want someone to cook for. I want someone around so that I can treat

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


them wonderfully, because I love to love." Now, that might have been out of place in a discussion over deal breakers, but the truth is, I just so rarely hear singles talk about how they want to be generous with their mate-to-be. I don't see them spending time thinking about what they really have to offer that they want to share. I hear them talk about silly things that are really small in the scheme of life and how they're all going to break the deal. Let me give you a hint. Those who think about how they want to be generous with someone they find to love, are not single for very long. For my husband and I: I have a enormous equine passion. I grew up with horses, and am a certified equine massage therapist. He's so allergic to horses, he once had to go to the emergency room because he rode a horse. So, for a while, I sold horse property to stay close to my passion, but chose my husband over horses. I have cats. He's allergic to them. He's gotten used to them, and they sleep on top of me at night...not him. He takes benedryl and zyrtec because he's allergic to everything anyway. It works. I always went for gym rats in the past. He's not. So what? He likes to stay up until 2 or 3am. I fall asleep at 10pm. We divide household responsibilities accordingly and do things that we need alone time for during those times. I write and check email in the morning. He generates proposals for work at night. No big deal. So, those are just a few examples of the types of things that I've heard brought up as deal breakers, but that work out just fine if you have love, respect, gratitude and trust in a marriage. Just because your asshole ex-husband liked to ski, you can't swear off all men that like to ski for the rest of your days. Please try to embrace that everyone is an individual work of art, and be open! Unless you have a repeating cycle of unhealthy choices that you need to work on, like abuse and addiction, then drop your old crap for the sake of the next guy, and pay attention to the important stuff, like their soul.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


Do not Lie to your Date! Ladies, if you're not being honest with both yourself and your dates, you're wasting your time...and theirs. I mean this regarding every aspect of your dating life. 1. Your online photos. They should be current. And I mean, THIS year. They should also

be full body - at least two of them. Men are visual. Be honest about who they're meeting for a date. If you show up for a first date and you don't look like your photos, you've pretty much blown the rest. The trust is compromised. If he's lied about his photos, than ask him why he doesn't look like his photos or kindly point it out. Consider it a red flag in the honesty department. With that said, I also believe in effective truth in advertising. Get professional photos that are current, beautiful AND honest. 2. Your current marital/dating status. If you are separated, but not divorced, be frank about the situation. If he lies about his status. That's it. No more dates. Period. If you're dating 10 men right now, don't tell him that you're seeing no one. 3. Do not flake out of plans. If you said you'd be there, than you're lying if you don't show up or cancel last minute. If you cancel last minute, someone better be in the hospital. Over 30, people have careers, kids and scheduling a date can require a lot of effort. Don't disrespect people. You're not more important than they are. 4. Be ON TIME. Making someone wait for you is another way of saying "I'm better than you." Just don't do it. If they make you wait more than 10 minutes without communication, leave. Consider NOT ever rescheduling. This is a red flag in the respect department. Integrity is one of my most important rules. If you have problems telling the truth, get counseling before you turn yourself loose on society. If a date lies to you, dismiss them. Also, remember, if you're dating online, one of the biggest problems people have - men and women - is assessing themselves accurately on a profile. For example, you might think you're emotionally low maintenance, but that may not be true. The more accurate you are in marketing yourself, the better your match will be. If you need help with this, I offer Online Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 51

Profile Makeovers as part of my dating coaching services.

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


The Case for Learning to Cook You don't HAVE to learn how to cook to land a great man! However, there's a few reasons you might consider it. 1. Male/Female Roles. So we're back to this? I know. It seems like such a throw back to the 50's. I'm a very contemporary alpha female myself, but there's something about cooking an amazing dinner for my family or guests that really softens me out! I've NEVER had a man not appreciate it when I cooked for him, even back when I used to call myself "The Costco Contessa", because I would basically just heat up whatever from Costco. :) The fact remains, if you can remind a man of hearth and home, he just might really begin to think of you as a long term potential partner. 2. It's Healthy! If you're reading this blog, it's because you're probably looking for ways to improve yourself. There's not much that's better for you than good nutrition. If you cook, you learn more about what you're putting into your body, and you have options available to cook delicious meals that are healthy too! Most men are thrilled to know that a woman is willing to help contribute to health of a family unit. I mean really, how could it be bad? 3. It's HOT. And I don't just mean the oven! There is something that men do seem to find deliciously hot about a woman who's a good cook. One of the moments that I fell a little more in love with my husband was when I heard him on the phone with a client. It sounds so stupid, but it pushed this little button in my brain buried deep in my biology that said "he can hunt", and it was attractive. Men, whether they do it consciously or not, are looking for "nurturer" buttons to be pressed in their brains when they're around you. 4. It can be a team event. There is something very sweet and sexy about cooking dinner with your man! My husband has learned to grill as I've learned to cook, and it's fun to have Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 53

the teamwork that puts together a meal at the end of a day! It gives us a chance to talk about our day, drink a glass of wine, and sit on the deck and watch the sun set while things are sizzlin'! 5. It's cost effective. You'll find that most people are appreciative of a woman who cooks because they know they won't be having to budget thousands of dollars/month to eat out in the family budget! This makes you even more attractive wife material. And wouldn't you prefer to have more money for other things? I began really cooking a few years ago when I found out I was intolerant to gluten. Whole Foods and I became good friends. I found out as I analyzed ingredients and was forced to cook everything myself how soothing and fun it was to plan a meal at the end of the day! It sent me into a whole different mindset that was very peaceful and nurturing, which is something that I personally always have to work on. I found out that I was really inspired by watching Barefoot Contessa on Food Network! Even though she seems like she's always slurping up her excess saliva (I think she's always salivating because there's so much butter in her food), I get this extremely peaceful and homey feeling when I watch her show! I find that I learn a ton from her when it comes to basics of flavors, good ingredients and meal ideas. I alter everything she makes to make it healthier, and I skip her desserts, but it really is a great show to have on the DVR when I want to make a special dinner to either entertain guests or just make a nice meal for us! I've never made a meal of hers that didn't receive extremely rave reviews! And I usually leave out all of the butter and cream! If you've never tried it before, just give it a whirl. You might be surprised at how easy and soothing it is. And you might be surprised at how sexy men think it is too!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters


My Services Beyond the information that is offered in this eBook, is the listing of more specific and tangible Dating Coaching and Matchmaking Services that I offer through my business, Happily Ever Afters. I work with successful women all over the United States via Skype and Phone and offer a menu of services that include things like making over your Online Profile and Mock Dates where I help you learn how to really nail those first dates. You spend a fortune outfitting and maintaining yourself, you work hard to succeed, and this is the most important icing on your cake. There is nothing in life that matters more than love. There is nothing that will mean more to you on a daily basis than doing everything within your power to find the most amazing partner connection you can. It will benefit you from your heart and health right down to your overall financial picture, statistically speaking. In the end, I teach women how to become a matchmake for themselves, because that is how they wind up feeling the most satisfied and successful. My services for men are VIP Matchmaking services. I only work with a couple of men at any given time, and utilize an executive recruiting method to search for women who are beautiful inside and out. If you're a woman who feels confident that you have mastered most of what is in this eBook, and you know you're a “catch”, please ensure that I know about you! I'm always looking for the right match for one of my amazing male clients. You can sign up right on my website at free of charge.

My Gratitude The number one fuel that drives me in this business is my gratitude for my incredible, supportive and loving husband. It's impossible for me to put into words all of the ways that he's made my life more exponentially amazing. It's because of him that I don't HAVE to work and that I can pursue a passion, and it's because of him that I feel passionate about how much a great marriage can enhance our lives. I've had a bad marriage, and I almost had another horrible marriage. Proposals have never been a problem for me. But finding and inviting in the amazing man that I have today, was. Now that he's here, I hope I never take Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters 55

him for granted. Ever. Not one single day. If it weren't for him, my daughter would not have an amazing father. Someone who supports her, loves her unconditionally, and provides a healthy environment full of play and endless opportunities so that she can become an amazing woman someday and be drawn to the example that is our marriage. Because of him, she has stability, safety and security that comes easily...not just because Mama Bear is gnashing her teeth. I'm grateful for the positive and beautiful people that surround us. I appreciate the love and support that they give us, and the cocoon of warmth and laughter that comes with it. Thank you!

Copyright 2011 Happily Ever Afters