Professional Documents
Culture Documents
N aturall y Thin
Bethenny Frankel
with Eve Adamson
A Touchstone Book
Published by Simon & Schuster
New York London Toronto Sydney
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ISBN 978-1-4391-8690-9
ISBN 978-1-4391-8692-3 (ebook)
You have come into my life and allowed me to come into yours.
Everything I do is to show you that anything and everything
is possible, and we will get there together.
Introduction
Who I Am, What This Book Is About,
and What You Need to Know Before You Begin 1
Rule 1
Break the Chain: Surviving Childhood 18
Rule 2
Find Your Truth: How I Finally Met My Match 64
Rule 3
Act on It: My Dream Evolves 114
Rule 4
Everything’s Your Business: Finding My Stride As an Entrepreneur 143
Rule 5
All Roads Lead to Rome: The Rise and Fall of BethennyBakes 174
Rule 6
Go for Yours: The Apprentice, Martha, and Me 201
Rule 7
Separate from the Pack: My Life as a “Housewife” 226
vii
Rule 8
Own It: Bethenny Getting Married? 253
Rule 9
Come Together: My Life Now 276
Rule 10
Celebrate!: The Business of Being Happy 311
Acknowledgments 323
common, and one of the reasons why she chose me to be her agent.
We work well together.
“Bethenny, we knew it could happen, we lived as though it
would happen, and therefore we made it happen—that’s been our
place of yes.”
—Brian Dow, Branded Lifestyle department head,
APA Talent and Literary Agency
was my first priority. During season one, in the midst of all the
drama, while the other Housewives were worrying about wardrobe,
makeup, hair, and shopping, I was building my business foundation.
As the seasons progressed, I was on a mission, writing books and
launching the Skinnygirl brand.
I was so determined to stay in my own lane and do what I
needed to do, that I didn’t get distracted by what the other house-
wives were doing. By staying focused and true to my own goals in
this way, instead of latching on to the goals of the other housewives
or even of the network, I was able to put a kind of jujitsu move on
Real Housewives and redirect the energy into something that would
truly work for me.
Everything is what you make of it, and what I see as blue, some-
one else might see as black. What some might see as a train wreck,
I decided to see as the fast track. One person might be on a show
to get famous. Another might decide to build a business. I needed
a bigger reason than fame, and I found one: I found a way to create
a career that means everything to me, that gives me the opportunity
to share my life with others and help them find solutions to the
problems we all face.
At the same time, as we began filming season one, I still
struggled with image noise. Even though I wasn’t a real house-
wife at all, I was still embarrassed to be a “Real Housewife.” What
other women took pride in and put forward was the glitz and the
materialism—the stuff. That’s what Bravo wanted for that show—
people who could drop thousands of dollars on a handbag or a
pair of shoes without giving it a second thought. I had experienced
the glitz via rich boyfriends—the trips, the boats, the planes, the
luxury—but it had never been my own. Now I was at a place in my
life where I only wanted what was really my own—what I had built
or earned for myself. I never acted rich. I never claimed to be happy
about being single. I lived within my means. I wasn’t a Housewife
in so many ways.
Here’s the thing about image noise—sometimes it can seem
pretty valid. A lot of people did assume I was just another rich
socialite, simply because I was on the show. I remember seeing
articles in the press about it—“rich socialite Bethenny Frankel,”
etc.—even though that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I hated that—I am not someone who aspires to be any kind of so-
cialite. When I first began filming Real Housewives, I had $8,000
to my name. I couldn’t pay my rent, I only shopped on eBay, and
glitz and glam just weren’t my world. I didn’t spend my day getting
facials and buying diamonds and lingerie (and by the way, I still
don’t). I wasn’t living in a big house or on a boat or flying around in
my private plane. Don’t get me wrong, I love diamonds, and there
have been times in my life when I identified myself with my posses-
sions, especially during my most unhappy times. But by the time I
got onto the show, that wasn’t me anymore.
I was a single girl in Manhattan, living in a one-bedroom apart-
ment on the East Side and trying to make something out of my life.
During our tapings of the episodes, I really began to separate from
the pack in a productive way. Because of my conscious decision not
to get sucked into the “way” of the Housewives, and to be sure I
maintained my integrity by not adapting my style to fit theirs, I was
free to be exactly who I am. I thought about how, on The Appren-
tice: Martha Stewart, fellow competitors had believed it was better
to stay under the radar and be as much like Martha as they could,
thinking she would hire them if they were her mirror image. I didn’t
do that then, and I wasn’t going to do it on Housewives. I had to be
myself, even though I was everything the Housewives weren’t. That
distinction was exactly the advantage I needed, and why I think I
ended up being perceived by viewers as someone more relatable to
than the other housewives, or at least, that’s what people have told
me. Eventually, Andy Cohen would call me the Greek chorus of the
show.
I’ve never been the best one at holding my tongue, and if I had
something to say, I said it; if I had an opinion about something,
I expressed it. Sometimes this got me in trouble, but if someone
off Leger dress. I owned it, loud and proud. People were saying (in
that L.A. way) “Darling, you look amazing!” When a reporter asked
who I was wearing, I said, with a straight face, “Faux-ger.” Little did
I realize, I was wearing an exact replica of a Leger dress that Posh
Spice wore a few years before. I ended up in a magazine next to
a picture of her, in one of those “Who wore it better” polls. And I
won! Hilarious. (Never one to miss an opportunity, I had my assis-
tant at the time, Molly, call up the store, find out every location that
had the dress, and buy them all. I put them on eBay and we made
$4,000—I gave Molly $500 of it.)
So that was me, season one.
“ A c t i n g ” o n R e a l i t y TV
After season one, when the show was a huge hit and I was suddenly
launched into the spotlight, I realized my life really had changed.
I was operating in a whole new sphere, and I had to get used to
it fast. But this transformation also called for some adjustments.
Separating from the pack had the effect of getting me in the press a
lot, and not always for the reasons I would have liked. Some people
say there is no bad press. I must respectfully and wholeheartedly
disagree with that.
It was time for some soul-searching at this point. I’d spent
the previous few years trying to get any press exposure at all, but
the more press I got, the more I realized that I wanted press for
good reasons, not for ridiculous ones. I wanted press when I had
something to say or something to sell. Otherwise, I was afraid the
potentially endless snark was going to drag me down. I didn’t want
the idiotic kind of publicity that’s just about celebrity spotting. I
realized that being in a magazine just because you showed your ass
or said something mean about somebody isn’t helpful or positive or
coming from a place of yes. Who cares where I had dinner or who
I fought with or whether I was or wasn’t invited to a party? I didn’t
want that anymore.
enjoyable. In fact, it was miserable, and I didn’t hide the fact that
it wasn’t fun anymore. I didn’t pretend that we were “just creating
drama for the cameras.” It was excruciating, painful, sheer torture,
and frankly, scary.
Plus, it was a traumatic year for me in many other ways. So
much happened to me that year. My father died, I got engaged, I
got pregnant, I had a dangerous blood clot during pregnancy and
I was on bed rest, and I was filming my own show. That on top of
the mean-spirited and unhealthy nature of season three, and it be-
came too much for me.
Agreeing to do three seasons of Real Housewives was a business
decision, but deciding not to do season four was a personal deci-
sion. I wasn’t in that place anymore. But overall, without a shadow
of a doubt, being on Housewives was one of the best decisions of
my life.
Ultimately, however, I decided, along with my husband, that it
wasn’t a healthy environment for our new family. I got to a place
where I no longer wanted to see women being rewarded for bad
behavior.
Through my own show, my books, and whatever is coming next,
I will still be out there, for you, committed to being honest and
helping you solve your problems.
People ask me if I’m still friends with anyone on the show, and
I do still have relationships with a few of them, but in general, as a
whole, that social circle isn’t where I am now. I enjoyed it in the be-
ginning, when it was a new adventure, but I’ve got different things
to do now. They have chosen to go on with the show and I haven’t.
So, we’re all going in our own directions. I’ve realized that as I’ve in-
creasingly prioritized my family, my social circle has evolved. I think
that’s natural and normal.
My whole life has been a series of steps, and I’m taking the next
one. It’s just one more way I’m separating from the pack so I can see
where to go next.
But Housewives was a great run, and I’m grateful to everyone in-
volved for the experience. I literally laughed and cried and broke up
and fell in love and got married and had a baby, all in the company
of the Bravo network and The Real Housewives franchise.
Sometimes moving on can give you growing pains, but you have
to be ready for the moment when you realize it’s time to go forward
again.
There is one more reason that, despite how much the network
wanted me to do it, I said no to season four: I really was ready to
start pushing the envelope again. I’ve always believed that when
you operate just a little outside your comfort zone, that’s where you
grow. Housewives had become not just uncomfortable and painful,
but too familiar. I was ready for the next thing.
My own show has certainly been a new frontier in that regard,
and one of the greatest challenges of my life. However, I’ve also
been pushing myself to try even more different experiences that
aren’t so easy or comfortable, where I’m not sure what to expect.
I think it’s healthy. I’ve appeared a few times on the political show
Hannity, and I’ve been on the family game show Are You Smarter
Than a 5th Grader? and of course there was the ultimate envelope-
busting experience, Skating with the Stars. All of these, in different
ways, were outside my comfort zone, and they helped me grow.
When you operate just outside your comfort zone—whether it’s
taking on a new responsibility at work, or a whole new job, or say-
ing yes to a date you might not normally have accepted, or signing
From My In ‑ box
4
“Life is too short, and too fun, to not live it to the fullest with opti-
mism and a smile. ‘Yes’ sounds so much better than ‘No,’ doesn’t it?
(And TV isn’t exactly brain surgery.)”
—Andy Cohen, senior VP of Programming and
Development for Bravo network and host of Bravo’s
reunion shows and weekly Watch What Happens Live
A PLACE of YES
New from Bethenny!
It’s easy to say no and “I can’t,” to expect
the worst and to doubt yourself. But your life
can be better than “not bad” or “good
enough”—it can be amazing.