| Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.


Feel Free to pass on this eBook to all the friends. Make their day! Your friends would love you for this…!

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –

TopMasala “Santa Banta” Jokes
Santa Singh as a software engineer! What will Santa do if he gets the following error message? FILE NOT FOUND! To find out scroll down . . . . . . .

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –

Painful pinch! As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."

sardar ji in a quiz contest... Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest -> 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 3) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up. If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: #1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The October revolution is celebrated in November 3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name. 4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @

so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp.. wait till you see more soldiers. not for two. Fanta & Coffee Q. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. don't worry about your family. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications. Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more. go | Fun Forum – The Suicide Bomber Banta joins the suicide bomber squad. there are 2 enemies soldier. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A. He lands up in the enemy's camp. can I suicide now? Boss: Yes. Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest! Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh Q. Terms are different . Get More fun stuff like . What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? A.topmasala. Send it through courier. nothing more Q. called his boss: Sir. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A. now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers. What is JFC ? A. we will look after.http://www. Q.TopMasala. you will be a martyr.. Banta: Sir. can I suicide now? Leader: No.

com Q. What is the use of Servlets ? A. Q.topmasala. I do not have any objections. What is JINI? A. Q. Q. . Can I modify an object in CORBA? A. Q. File that can be kept inside a jar. Non living things can't communicate. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend. What is JAR file ? A.TopMasala. What is bean ? Where it can be used ? Get More fun stuff like this. Sorry. I will give invitation. In hotels. I am a computer professional not an architect | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? A. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script? A. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. As you wish . Q. Q. they can replace servers. Make a rope from threads is an example for Q. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Threads are small ropes. Explain RMI Architecture? A.

a binary tree will grow. 1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very | Fun Forum – http://forum. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!! Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.topmasala. Santa & Banta . I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.Dumb & Dumber Santa & Banta doing what they do best! Santa: I have swallowed a . In kitchens for cooking they can be used.http://www. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Get More fun stuff like this. Q. Santa: I'm A. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? A. Some Santa and Banta Jokes Some Santa and Banta Jokes In UK. When we sow a binary seed.TopMasala. Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No A kind of vegetable. Three men discussing wives. Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.

. I press the bell but no one comes | Fun Forum – http://forum..http://www. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO 2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA 2ND SARDAR: wo kaise? 1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya. Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days.yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. join TopMasala @ ring de de Santa: I was using duplicate key.M. GUESS WOH KYA BOLA. now I have lost it too Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple.topmasala. Lady calls again. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable.F ka tyre de de Get More fun stuff like this.. kya dun ? . Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators! Santa Banta jokes 1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA. FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA. because he is PM not AM.koi badi cheez bata 2ND .TopMasala. 3) SARDAR.R.

.. 5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y?? Get More fun stuff like this... | Fun Forum – 4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the Shopkeeper: No. I sold a good radio to you..TopMasala. TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR 9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi. Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! 7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly! what is the cube of 13? Its : SUROOR wandaring how? thats bcoz.. 6) Banta: you cheated me.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.batao kyon? kyonki uska naam hanuman tha. santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is .. 10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad? .use log hanuman bulate the..... He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.?? So..Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya 12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian??? Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan 13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant.sita with ravan 11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing? .topmasala....

etc. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". DharamRaj said.. Get More fun stuff like this. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and . ……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.. 2. 1. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala. 15) Full form of MATHS???? Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students… 16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: hasina Sardars entry in the. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered. so your answer is correct.March 2nd. " | Fun Forum – Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai** 14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought. 2..TopMasala.. February 2nd. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. January 2nd. There are 12 seconds in a year. "OK.http://www. even though it's not the answer I expected.. I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow.

Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch .com Son to sardarji: Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3. Sardar r really innocent Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened. join TopMasala @ http://groups... Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta? Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai Dos : Kaise? Sardar: Yaar. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka. Intelligent Sardar Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond repairs. din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai! Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers.. He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked". Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki. Sardarji to son: You badal garje. you could have saved Rs 30!!!.topmasala. that did not know about the nail! Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".TopMasala. if you would have ran behind an auto.http://www.. jor se baarish shuru ho gayi.

a toilet brush. Banta won the tenth prize . seeing it was for charity.' said the passerby. the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. 'Tell me. because he is | Fun Forum – http://forum.' said the digger. Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket. Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.. at the office canteen. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back. Today Balwant is off. 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well." said the the seond prize Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax. I dig the hole. they each won a prize.topmasala.! Sardar's Planting. "I think I'll go back to paper. 'Usually there are three of us. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Banta said. " Sardar wins 20 Crore . One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.TopMasala. About a week later.. Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off! Toilet brush! Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. "I love chocolates" "So do I. They bought tickets. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good. when the raffle was drawn.http://www. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates." said the first prize winner." Get More fun stuff like this. The following week.

One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became . you guys aren't going to believe this. Banta was handling the speed just fine. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass." With that. who owned an old Maruti.TopMasala. a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda. "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster. snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps. but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22. " Speeding!!! Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. radar gun at the ready. with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time. saying. He asked his friend. and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" Urine test! Banta had been in the hospital for days." So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend. all of sudden. But. and repeatedly if I want you to slow down. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Sardar : No.http://www. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. He called into headquarters on his radio. "It seems we are a little cloudy today. Get More fun stuff like this. "Well. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph. he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill." Banta put on his angry face. if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. Things were going pretty well. twice if I want you maintain speed. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Sure. One day during | Fun Forum – http://forum." Confused Sardar A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. it must be bad cause all the people were leaving. off they went.topmasala. she snickered. but wherever it is. In her annoying voice. A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police His friend said.

. . has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money. . .com | Fun Forum – Kanjoos Sardar Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money".TopMasala. and left for his clinic.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala. " a psychotherapist. he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. It read. On his return in the evening. . He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the words. Maneesh Sinha. I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend" Painter Sardar Dr. . . . . .com/group/TopMasala/ . Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist" Incredible Sardars.

A & B. Jeeto. iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar. bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. Banta: Koi phayda | Fun Forum – http://forum. it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai. Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai. kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.TopMasala. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend. A crow shits on a Banta. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. I mean long time no C. it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo. Friend: Oye. but is starts with "T". Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde. A & B. jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko. jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai. maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua . Santa: A & Preeto gives tissue paper to him. A & Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name. Get More fun stuff like this. Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. A & B. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Tea se start hoti hai.http://www. Santa Banta Strikes Again Santa: I tried ur number so many times.topmasala. | Fun Forum –

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya. Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake. Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai. Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai. Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' Sardars entry in the.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

Safe cracker The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help. The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe. The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe. The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?" The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!" Laughing Zone A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. **************** Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. **************** Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. ****************
Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing? Santa: Drying sweat! ****************

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. Banta: R u ok? Santa: Yeah! Banta: Did u break anything? Santa: No, there's nothing down here **************** Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Speed limit A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." Affair with a dentist Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!" Blind date! Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma
Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @

"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Unfortunately. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well. "If I ask you a question. how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied." replied Banta.TopMasala. it won't be long now. Santa is still waiting at the same bus attack.. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Excuse me. "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!" Santa in Chandigarh Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. he couldn't find it. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: . so he asked a police officer for directions."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!" Speech Impediment Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar.http://www. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied. I said to wait here for the number 46 bus.topmasala. but to get to the Rock Garden. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. He wanted to see the Rock Garden. the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. officer. The officer got out of his car and said. "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment. "Excuse me.." "Well. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and. That was three hours ago. "Don't worry." replied Banta." He thanked the officer and the officer drove off." said Santa. "fire away." replied his friend. "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. The 43rd bus just went by!" Fastest Worker Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. Extremely pleased by this. It'll take you right there. sure enough." So that night. sure thing. when Santa said to Banta. . will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah.

"Yeah. join TopMasala @ http://groups. except today is the last night. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had. beaming. Sir" said | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala. "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. he met his mother-in-law on the street." Last Night One day." Explanation! Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday." "Thank you. Then he asks for another. Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink." explained Santa. in bed with another man. "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses. isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the "I just want you to know. Furious. the bartender gets worried." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing. Get More fun stuff like this. told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa replied." the supervisor said. "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better. Jeeto.http://www.TopMasala. he found his . "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. When he walked into his apartment. After a couple more drinks. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a fight." the older women pleaded." The bartender thought about this for a while. however. he picked up his bag and stormed out. "

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office. Reluctantly." Smartest Salesman Three salesmen were bragging who is the best." "Aw. "Forget your troubles. Get More fun stuff like this. where is he?" "Under the wagon. Pappu thanked his | Fun Forum – http://forum. "but I don't think my father would like me to. Come in with us. The first said. The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man." "That's mighty nice of" he finally agreed." the farmer insisted. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation. Santa's son. An hour later." After a hearty lunch. "But my father won't like it. but I know dad is going to be real upset. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." a note of truimph in her voice. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and added.topmasala.TopMasala. "She didn't receive your telegram!" Overturned wagon Pappu. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta. "Well okay. that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man. come on. "I feel a lot better now. accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. "Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. he agreed." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a smile. "By the way." Pappu .

They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace." Banta said to one of his friends. "He didn't sign his name!" The Right Step Two drunk. Banta?" Santa said. One says. but it looks like we were all wrong!" The Ladies Man "I'm scared. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife. "Well ." replied his friend." "Easy for you to | Fun Forum – http://forum. "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids. Santa and Banta. "Is that shit. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies.http://www. "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife." declared Banta.topmasala. so what? The third salesman added." "You like her that much?" the friend asks. I thought it was a fart. They would then attempt to make the correct The other two said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "It's not that.TopMasala." "Well. and I think you have a hernia. I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" Medical Students Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. Get More fun stuff like this. "Along with the Cuckoo clock. were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote." Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I will repay you in 1996. "it smells like shit. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.S. "It feels like shit!" Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. I never had one. Bill Clinton. for costing me my job.TopMasala. Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate! My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill." Thank you. he replied. President" "I am Clinton of Borg. "Good thing we didn’t step in it!" Politics Jokes Clinton one-liners Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got! "Carter is no longer the worst U. "Sure tastes like shit.topmasala." Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. It's the spending stupid! If Clinton was the answer. "I don't know.http://www." Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. Voter: "The joke's over. bring back Bush." Responded Banta as he bent over. Your incomes will be assimilated. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign . it must have been a real stupid question! Clinton in 1996--NOT!! I'm not Fonda Clinton Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government." "Hooooeee!" Responded buddy! I think it's definitely "I don't really know.

Bowel: Letter like A.I.. . join TopMasala @ "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time.O.topmasala. Some begin with 'After I'm elected.'" Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you're eight... " If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph. or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome Colic: A sheep dog Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Congenital: To be friendly D & C: Where the White House is Dilate: To live too long Get More fun stuff like this. what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her | Fun Forum – http://forum.?" Bill Clinton replied.E.TopMasala.

com/group/TopMasala/ .com Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Fibula: A small lie GI series: A soldier ball game Hangnail: A coat hook Impotent: Distinguished.http://www. well known Jaundice: To include in a group Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives Labor pain: Getting hurt at work Leper: A wild cat Malaria: Shopping place Medical staff: A doctor's cane Morbid: A higher bid Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis Post-operative: A letter carrier Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –

he would be a drunk. if he took the Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work. The test was this: If the son took the money.TopMasala.topmasala. and put them on the front hall table. as the son has no career plans. join TopMasala @ http://groups. They took a $10 bill. The parents were a little worried. he would be a priest. so they decided to do a small test.http://www. Get More fun stuff like this. pretending they were not at home. but if he took the bottle of | Fun Forum – http://forum. Rectum: It almost killed him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: A Roman emperor Serology: Study of English Knighthood Tablet: A small table Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport Tumor: More than one Urine: Opposite of you're out Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited The Career Choice An older couple had a son who was still living with he would be a businessman. a Bible and a bottle of whiskey. Then they .

they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left . and slid it in his pocket. Peeping through the keyhole. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. Billy? 'I have 3 "Darn. where were we? Oh that's right question time. he took the Bible. First. First. join TopMasala @ http://groups. | Fun Forum – http://forum. George points him out and asks him what his name is. and took it. Our son is going to be a politician!" No Answers to such Questions George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. "OK. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth. The father slapped his forehead and said. When they resume George says. what the f**k happened to Billy?' Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. Finally he grabbed the bottle. One little boy puts up his hand andGeorge asks him what his name is. carrying all three items.' 'And what is your question. it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. he took the $10 bill. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.topmasala. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth. After that. Steve?' 'I have 5 questions. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand. looked at it against the light.TopMasala. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third. 'Billy. flicked through it. opened it. 'Steve' 'And what is your question. After his talk he offers question time. Then he left for his room. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously.

Cops said he was leaving the scene." said the minister. These guns are so safe? Robert Shovestall. This is a meeting of the board.TopMasala. Get More fun stuff like this. and my feet just slipped from the brake to the accelerator. when he placed a . "You misunderstood my announcement. . Rahman said the car rammed into his cab. the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. Rahman is looking for another line of work. He got nervous. Rahman said he paused for a light." said the man. 37. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Playing safe! New York City .com A Meeting With the Board A Meeting With the Board After a long. Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe. The first man to arrive was a stranger. racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver. It all started at 9 a. An hour later. "If there is anyone here more bored than I | Fun Forum – http://forum. though. he rammed into a parked car. "I know.topmasala.m. when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk. I'd like to meet him. "I got confused. dry sermon. he even called police to report the accident. shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale. When police showed up and began converging on his cab.45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. cops say. Brooklyn." Rhaman said. That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey.http://www.Mohammad Rahman. Rahman ran into another car. 36. CA. but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic.

Progeny sometimes spoils the political careers. Passerby in New York called him crazy to risk his life. In .yahoo. last year buried himself underwater in a plexiglass coffin for a week and survived.TopMasala. He faced several threats. but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash. which include frostbite and the possibility of falling asleep and touching the ice wall. two and a | Fun Forum – http://forum. Peter C. Progeny! Singe Soren. and it just took the petition in Mayurbhanj district court to remove Singe from her Sarpanch seat. Cool way to conquer fear ! Fan of Titanic star Leonardo DiCaprio. he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate.http://www. This was the toughest challenge for A dead man in jail! A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges. There is no such disease. Get More fun stuff like this. the Woman Sarpanch(Village head) of Badapalasa was unseated because she gave birth to her third child. and the case was dismissed. According to the Law which came into effect on December 31. A year later.e. 1995. it amounts to disqualification of Municipal Councilors and Panchayat members who produce a third child. David Blaine. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala. Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in Africa. Gentry was first arrested in 1991. Now he encased himself in a six-tonne block of ice and hoped to come out unscathed 58 hours later i. He would have to remain standing in the block in which his contour was shaped surviving only with a tube to suck water and oxygen.

to make him realize that public toilets were overflowing. calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995. The municipality was not cleaning them. The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine.3 cents). pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest. She said she urinated in his chamber. Sow Cruel!! A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman. Dying for a soda ?? A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500.000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine.http://www.TopMasala. Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on Thursday. she has not been arrested since she has a younger child to take care of. which can weigh 1. while she stood watch over him.topmasala. which fell." said the man`s lawyer. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the .000 pounds. A woman has to protect her self respect. forced her 10-year-old stepson to stitch up his moutha as punishment for stealing 200 dong (1. Phan Thi | Fun Forum – http://forum." Sawant said. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn`t be in his absence. though complaints were made to the authorities To protect self respect!! An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji. The boy was beaten severly and given a needle and thread by his stepmother and was forced to sew his lips together. Incedentally. at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines. No luck with a tow truck Get More fun stuff like this. Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets. Newpaper reports state that Hien could be prosecuted on charge of ill-treating the child. Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics. The father decided to sue after learning that his son`s death was not an isolated incident.

the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open | Fun Forum – http://forum. "That next split-second." Bogumill recalled. He remained conscious. and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around. John Lamoureux. Wis. they saw heads raise up and then six people were killed instantly. and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to . join TopMasala @ http://groups.m. Well. when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. Texas . 49." Illegal aliens and transients sleep on the tracks because they think snakes won`t get them there. He said. Get More fun stuff like this. A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver. was left home alone last week. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up. "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer. began to cry and started strip of grass. and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver. Chinnamma Sebastian." Bogumill said. it worked !! Norias. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow truck.topmasala. Philadelphia. a spokeswoman for the Border Patrol. was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull.. Bouncing baby boy 3-year-old Lateef Wise. The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr.. Philadelphia." said Letty Garza. "You just nailed me in the head." Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the accident. PA. turned to his co-worker and said. PA. Then he fell from the apartment. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents. "You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head. wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries.Six men believed to be illegal aliens from Mexico were killed by a freight train while sleeping on the tracks. At about 9:30 a. "The train crew saw some debris on the But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck.TopMasala. Like a hole in the head !! Travis Bogumill.http://www. who suffered minor injuries. a construction worker in Eau Claire.

lost power for 30 minutes this spring when a branch blew off a tree and hit a Pacific Gas & Electric power line. The agency noted doctors normally reattach only two or three hands a year. CA. a cigar. George W. CA. He came out with a beer. who was impregnated by artificial insemination. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. thousands of Buddhists greeted a holy tooth believed to have belonged to Buddha when it arrived in According to the Baltic News Give em a hand! A team of Latvian doctors claimed a new world record after reattaching four severed hands in just five days. The driver tried to get out of the way. wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California. Powerful coincidence! Almost all of Nevada City. Kristie Vecchione. Vecchione. I just killed the pig. Get More fun stuff like this. The Grass Valley Union newspaper reported the outage delayed the trial of PG&E for failing to trim vegetation around power lines as required by the state. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Bush saw this and said. The mommies! A custody battle in Santa Ana. "I told them that I'm George W. The fourth. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. "My God." Holy tooth! Batman! Singing hymns and praying for peace and luck. had her hand severed by a dough machine. Bush's driver and I just killed the .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and a tons of money. 27. He went in the farm to explain what had happened.http://www. took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl`s father is actually a woman. what did you tell them?" The driver replied. three of the patients had their hands cut off by saws while chopping down trees. but he hit him. said her husband became a man through sexchange operations more than 20 years ago. a woman.TopMasala.

" "Nothing unusual here". "This is the most unusual one.Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1. "Ah. Close to home! GARY. 65 years of age. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first | Fun Forum – http://forum. and asks to be shown the last body. Inspector.topmasala. "He thought he was having his picture taken." Get More fun stuff like this. Programer Arthur Harris. Others knelt in rows. were arrested at their apartment Monday. thinks the Inspector. Indiana . The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man. To which the medical officer replies. Hence the enormous smile.http://www." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector. died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. "He was a BJP leader. hence the smile. off a flight from India. Dozens of women prostated themselves and spread their long hair over a red carpet. 60.000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City .com Monks in saffron robes escorted the tooth. all with very big smiles on their faces." says the medical examiner. Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine. speaking on a City Hall phone." says the medical examiner. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris. Died of alcohol poisoning. Buddhists say the tooth brings blessings for those who live where it is housed and keeps them from disaster. was 70. arranged to sell crack. 41. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. "He was a minister from ruling Congress party. Say Cheese Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary. allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk. 6 ounces of crack and $ and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers. encased in a miniature golden pagoda. and spent it all on whiskey. 46.000. MP from Bihar. made a pile from government funds. clasping their hands in front to express their reverence.TopMasala. struck by lightning.

said the minister !! Get More fun stuff like this. When they came to his house. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course". grounds and the costly furnishings. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked. Some time later. on a salary in Indian Rupees." "100 percent".com Laloo`s Threat A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. "No. When the senator invited him home for dinner. I don't see any | Fun Forum – http://forum." he The minister called him to the window.TopMasala. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening. cried the senator. He is refusing to move from there!" "But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!" Indian politician An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. "How can you possibly afford this. was confused. the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion.http://www. glittering with precious art. "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window. He asked. "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. A guy from the front replied. said the senator smugly. he had occasion to pay a return . hundreds of servants etc etc.topmasala.the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built. "See the river over there?" "Sure". "10 percent". The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. peered closely and said. said the minister.

It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!" "And in agreement with Chairman Arafat..topmasala. "You know. I like construction workers." The third surgeon says." Get More fun stuff like this.. "This is a travesty. When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts. and the head and butt are interchangeable. no heart. took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters.those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end. and when the job takes longer than you said it would.http://www." UN meeting At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East.. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean. "let me begin my . The people became thirsty and needed | Fun Forum – http://forum. "You're all wrong." said the Israeli Consul. There's no guts. and even more deserts. jumps out of his seat and screams. And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes. "I like to see accountants on my operating table." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed. The Israeli Consul Best patient Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. "Yeah. everything inside them is in alphabetical order.. because when you open them up. everything inside is numbered.. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body. hearing this accusation. cool water. and no spine. I really think librarians are the best. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen." The fourth surgeon chimes in. but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded. The first surgeon says. and prairies.. so he went over to the other side of the pond.. I wanted to relay an old story to all of you. the floor has been given to the Israeli join TopMasala @ http://groups. "No." Yassir Arafat. "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech.." The second responds...

It reduces complaints about low pay. it will be quickly forgotten. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to 5. 1." Get More fun stuff like this. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.http://www.000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Bar Jokes: Reasons to allow drinking at work The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. 4. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. 2. If you use them wisely. 14. It leads to more honest communications. It reduces stress. 10.topmasala. It makes the cafeteria food taste | Fun Forum – http://forum. 7. Employees tell management what they think. 11. 9. "I bet you $1. It makes fellow employees look better. not what management wants to hear. 13. 8. they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window. Finally. It's an incentive to show up. he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. looking in.TopMasala. If something does something stupid on the job. you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. and as he makes his way to the counter. and says to the bartender. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 15. The man walks up to the counter. and not get any outside the glass. A bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar. It encourages carpooling. 12. As he finishes with each group of .

the other in Get More fun stuff like this. a pint goes flat after I draw it. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an it would taste better if you bought one at a time. "Well. so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass. the bartender looks at him and says. drinking a sip out of each one in turn. "Yeah. join TopMasala @ http://groups. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. I guess you owe me $1." The Irishman The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. "You know.000. The bartender asks him. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher. 5. you see. but he wants his $1. One is in America. When he finishes them. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. he comes back to the bar and orders three more. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room.topmasala." Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. handsomer and smarter than some | Fun Forum – http://forum. 7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. really big guy named Psycho Bob. paces off thirty feet. 2. I have two . He doesn't even touch the shot glass.TopMasala. "Well. When he finishes. and the contest begins. 6. 1. huh?" The man answers. 3.http://www. The man sprays beer all over the bar. but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar.

" "Well I'll be. "Everyone's fine. too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man. The bartender looks at him and says." he says. and I'm here in Dublin. "I don't want to intrude on your grief. wicked women. the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked. "I'm very sorry.http://www. "What do you have pal?" Get More fun stuff like this. returning to his paper.TopMasala. The man's tie was stained." He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. "What'll it be buddy?" The man says." the drunk muttered. and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. the bartender Australia. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. thinking about what he had said." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down. I was just reading here that the Pope does. " The priest. what causes arthritis?" "Mister." What causes people to have arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. When we all left home." The Irishman looks confused for a moment.topmasala. then the next. "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. After a few minutes. it's caused by loose living. no. being with . All the other regulars notice and fall silent." The bartender hastily asks. When he comes back to the bar for the second round. Staring in disbelief. "Say. father. and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. I've just quit drinking. He opened his newspaper and began reading. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. I didn't mean to come on so strong. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and leaves it there. but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. his face was plastered with red lipstick. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. then the next. he comes in and orders two pints. One day. nudged the man and | Fun Forum – http://forum. the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

then no one will ever The man quickly replies. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" I didn't get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a table." A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day.topmasala." The Nun reluctantly . so John goes inside to the bar. "How do you know | Fun Forum – http://forum. and goes on the offensive.http://www. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so. Get More fun stuff like this.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. a Nun. and a triple vodka on the rocks". sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. drinking by himself. "Another pint for me. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . "I have a dollar.

What's the problem?" "My mother died in August." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad. join TopMasala @ http://groups." "Then this "and left me $25." "Gee." "And last month my aunt died.http://www. "Then in September." continued." he said. but where's his wheel chair?" Looking to buy a frog? Looking to buy a frog? Get More fun stuff like this. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.TopMasala." the friend continued. "My father died. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for .000. the friend. No wonder you're depressed. He is obviously drunk. and left me $15." he replied. that's tough." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten | Fun Forum – http://forum. "absolutely nothing!" Arriving home very drunk Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of Approaching the friend he comments.000. Two parents gone in two months. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.000. leaving me $90. "You look terrible." "Wow.

000. will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees." he insists. then agrees. he asked the bartender.000!" "Don't worry about it. "No. laughing and." "What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks." the man answered." "You would be. The ghost? There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain. The rat stretches. who begins to sing along with the rat's music. "If I show you an even better trick. cracks his knuckles.000.TopMasala. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. started it up and headed down the road. Then. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The man finally agrees. "If I show you a really good trick. of course. "he's not for ." the man replies. if you had what I have. "you seem to be in a hurry. "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. cracks his knuckles. After the man finished his He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. too. orders four expensive thirty-year.old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.topmasala. "That frog could have been worth millions to you. still drinking one beer after the other. The rat stretches. join TopMasala @ http://groups.000. You see." A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar. and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money." The stranger increases the offer to $250.00 for the bullfrog. thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first." The stranger again increases the offer.http://www. he downs each one. All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out. these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain.00 cash. "The frog was really nothing special. and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. without pausing. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog." the bartender remarks. the rat's a A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. and proceeds to play the blues. While the man is enjoying his beverages. a stranger confronts him and offers him $100. "he's not for sale. will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it.00 cash up front. They jumped in the car. and you let him go for a mere $500. this time to $500. "Sorry. "Whew.

"I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man "What do you think of that?" The driver says. "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. join TopMasala @ http://groups. scared out of his wits. "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror. the passenger yells. . Now going about 80 miles an hour. So he sets it on a table. and decides to go and say hi to them. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells. so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said. "What do you want???" The old man softly replied. he sees another note saying "Me too!" Get More fun stuff like ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking. The old man gently replies. terrified. when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him.topmasala. Then he sees someone he knows. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. and the passenger says. they calm down and they start laughing again. looked at the driver and said. "you have any tobacco?" The passenger.TopMasala. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in | Fun Forum – http://forum. and buys a huge beer. there he is again!". Upon return. "You want some help getting out of the mud? Exchanging notes! A guy walks in a bar. "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer.

"I`d like the best beer in the world. but gives him what he ordered.topmasala. but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied. the man replies. a Corona." He gets Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.http://www. "I`m your best friend!" The man turns to his | Fun Forum – http://forum. and then slurs." The bartender is a little taken aback. "Hey Señor. smiles. "Give me a Coke." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says." says the shocked friend. "Well. looks at him through bloodshot eyes." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him." The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival. I would like the world`s best beer. "Well. a Budweiser. "Why aren`t you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies. "My wife just ran off with my best friend.TopMasala. The guy from Guinness sits down and says. "Not anymore! He is!" Embarrasing ! Get More fun stuff like this. in London. The other brewery presidents look over at him and why don`t you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. What`s going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass. The guy from Corona sits down and says. neither will . The guy from Budweiser says. furiously imbibing shots of whiskey." Best friend A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern. if you guys aren`t drinking beer. all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. give me `The King Of Beers`. I have indeed shit myself. "`Cos I`m not finished yet. "I`d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water. "Lou.. "But. "Excuse me Mister. "Yes ma`am." says the other man. After awhile. give me a Coors. and I`ve never seen you take a drink before." The woman says. the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years. She turns to him and says.

http://www. After an hour of gathering up his courage. "I`m sorry if I embarrassed you.TopMasala. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. "What do you mean Rs 1000?" Secret of long life Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached them.of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . Naturally. the woman walks over to him and apologizes. I`m a journalist and I`ve got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations. a Nun. "And how old are you?" "29." "And how old are you?" asked the reporter. You see. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man. I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty" said the man.topmasala." replied the man. "How do *you* know. Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day. Finally. and goes on the offensive. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don`t be ridiculous . The three old men agreed. "I never drank alcohol.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. I smoked." "Wow. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. "I`m 91. at the top of his lungs. the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. them no-one will know" Get More fun stuff like this." "Wow!" said the reporter." To which he responds. "No. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. "I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life." the reporter asked. he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively." said the old A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by | Fun Forum – http://forum. the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. at the top of her . She smiles at him and says. "I dated every woman that would go out with me. I won`t sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. After a few minutes. that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. but not often and I dated some. I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. "I`m 93. "I drank on occasion. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.

. and rendered speechless. exclaimed the father. "Another pint for me. well. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman ". so John goes inside to the bar. The guest. and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again. sleeves rolled up.topmasala. and obviously very angry. they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle. look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up.. we found the keg of beer. "The weddin's off." The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. I wouldn`t be here. taken | Fun Forum – http://forum." he shouted. well I was in that mine and so was that guy. left the church. is it?" Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. and a triple vodka on the rocks". The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. jacket off. joining the other farmers.. grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. "Oh. You remember that mine that caved in. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer. the father reappeared and yelled.. we. and some bastard fucked the bride!". held back. the friend again approached the father of the bride. a friend of the bride's father. "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly.. A few minutes later. "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer." The bartender responded. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh. he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me. "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and .that`s where we put the jack. One guest.http://www. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there. and approached him. the guests repaired to the parking lot." Get More fun stuff like this. "What's the problem?" he asked." "Well. and asked.. you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy. "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church. uh." Australian marriage All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian The Nun reluctantly agrees. "I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here. he Waiting for things to get started. When the last of us were escaping.TopMasala..

topmasala. The Minister turns. but that's our price. He then says." The bartender got it. brings him up and demands." "Certainly. have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads. the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says." The Guy says. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. "Ssay! Bbbartender. The guy pays him. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. "If. "Yes sir. drinks his whiskey and. " | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. The guy pays him and drinks it down. eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh. The Bartender. "Yes. "No. Disgusted. "Now." said the armless man. that's what we get!". you'll find the money for the beer. who is badly Humpbacked. The guy says. before leaving he says. walks into a Bar. said the bartender. notices the old drunk and says. serves him a beer and says. "For the grace of . He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. "Look. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer.would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure". and says. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him.http://www. "Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my Humpback while you were in here. and he did." said the customer. that's what we get!". I ttthougt it wwas yyour Bbbutt!" Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer." said the customer. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket. "Yes. brings him up and says. "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." And it was done. but that's our Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. "Bbbartender tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The Bartender replied. I didn't!" said the drunk. I am. I did not!" said the drunk again. "Sssay! Bbbartender. have you found Jesus?" " "I have no arms . "Oh ttthat's OK. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Too high! This guy who stutters badly. Get More fun stuff like this. gggimme a bbbeer". "Now brother. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "That will be Rs 300 please!".

What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me 25. "You look awful.00. both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed.http://www." the friend answered. "Just one thing more. who had been collecting the meat each week. The woman nodded and said. join TopMasala @ http://groups.00. came into the shop and said." said the bartender. free milk." the man replied. "I'll be 16 tomorrow. Get More fun stuff like this. "Son.TopMasala. that it is the last free meat she'll "You've been very kind. Losing three close family members in three months. and watch the expression on her face." the friend added. tell your mother. and one day the teenager. and there's one in a filling station on the corner. "Boy. walk two blocks." "I know.000. go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. "I've been counting too. He had been counting the years off on his calendar. The next day the man went before the judge. "Last month my aunt died and left me 10.000.00. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door. "Then in June. "nothing! Not even a single rupee!" Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman. my dad died leaving me 50. the friend said. "Then this month.topmasala. "turn left. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. with a baby in her arms." continued the friend. when you take this parcel of meat home." said the man. "That's a lot to deal with. and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Judgement There were three men at a bar. he commented. that's tough. Approaching his friend." Inheritance! A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his. She | Fun Forum – http://forum. is terrible!" replied the man. drinking by himself. entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was . The police came and took the drunk guy to jail." said the butcher with a smile." "Gosh." said the customer.

He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. "Take him away. "What do you do for a living?" The man said.http://www.TopMasala. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the . The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. "This and that. "So. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at The judge asked the man. "Where do you work?" The man said." The judge then said. "Wait." The man said." Big Booze An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer." The judge asked the man.topmasala. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. "Here and there. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. judge when will I get out?" The judge said to the man. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Sooner or later.

TopMasala. I fell in the damn toilet!" Heavy Drinker Get More fun stuff like this. Bartender ." Extra Large A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer." The bartender said." Irishman in the Bar An Irishmen walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. Everything in Texas is big. When he was finished he went up to get three more. When the Irishmen walked up to the bartender the bartender said. he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool. The waitress says. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep. "Oh man. He returns to the bar soaking wet. "That's very | Fun Forum – http://forum." The Irishmen looked at him funny and said. "Son. and began to drink each drink one at a time. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. Everybody looked up and bowed their head." So the Irishmen did this for a number of years. everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right." The Irishman said. The Bartender said. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. "I am so sorry about your brother. everything is big in Texas.http://www. He walked to a table. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks." Then he ordered a small steak. it is this huge 40 "The pub sat down. "That is a small glass of beer. "Oh No. you left your wheelchair there again. When the waitress brings it to him. piece of meat. son. "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors. "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink.

"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. rum.. "We have whiskey." Bartender. "What all do you have". give me five bottles of whiskey. "Sir." After having five bottles of whiskey. "Who is this man. "Let's try whiskey first. "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" The Old Drunk A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.http://www." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. After having fourty bottles of beer. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says. who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky. he asked the bartender for Gin. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. I ssssure am. Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and ... join TopMasala @ http://groups. and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet. Bartender was shocked.topmasala. "Yess. who are you???" Lord Shiva. One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet. vodka." Lord Shiva. gin. "Vats.TopMasala. "Mister. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking | Fun Forum – http://forum. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender. Bartender. Shiva decided to have beer. beer." After having five bottles of Rum. I ddddidnt!" said the drunk. "Nooo. Lord shiva decided to try Rum. Get More fun stuff like

"Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?" Drunk Superman On the top of a tall building in a large city. stone dead. brother.http://www. "My God man. brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone. who was also quite drunk. then walk out to the balcony and jump off. "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground. "Hey. have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher.TopMasala. I dddid not Reverrrrend." said the other man. You should try it. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot. How do you do it?" "Well. And yet. and he went to see the Doctor about it. "Superman. you keep drinking. join TopMasala @ http://groups. a man was drinking heavily. It's lot of fun. I slow down and land gently. In this bar. and he was feeling really crook." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk" No More Peas There was a businessman. why not?" So he goes out to the balcony. have you found Jesus?" "Noooo. "Now. Finally he went up to the man and | Fun Forum – http://forum. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. minutes later. brings him up and The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer. and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground." The Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process. The bartender looks over to the other guy and . thought to himself. there was a bar.topmasala. you're back again. jumps off. "Hey. Get More fun stuff like this. then jumping off the balcony.

After a bunch of drinks over several hours. why?" Get More fun stuff like this. he says. I'm already two hours late. grab a table." Drunken Excuses Two guys are sitting at a bar. all those peas will be clogging up your system. I'm afraid" The man is quite shocked by this. "That's The doctor says to him." Quite a shocker really. I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years. "Well man. Listen. what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies. you got twenty bucks?" The first says. one night. I gave it up. "Well.. pushes himself away from the | Fun Forum – http://forum.. "Forever. and now I've thrown up all over myself. because I haven't had a smoke in four years. ." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says. I hate all other green foods. One of the reps says. and proceeds to hurl all over himself. so he realises that he will never eat a pea again. that's your problem.. his condition improves. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve. I'd love a cigarette. "But how long for. I gotta go home. and the barman goes. "Yeah. years later. Anyway. "Well. but he gives it a go and sure enough. I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies. he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed. "Really. everyone who can't swim.topmasala. so i gave it up!" The businessman says. because it cost me my first marriage. My wife is gonna kill me. you'll have to give them up!!" The guy says. I only eat peas." The barman jumps up screaming. "Naw she won't. actually. "Man. The second guy turns to the first and says. "Well. one guy hiccups. "Ok. it must be your diet. I haven't had a pea in 7 years. drops his head down to his chest. join TopMasala @ http://groups. actually.

"Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late. and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says. Check my front pocket." The first guy says. The drunk guy goes. I do it all the time.http://www." Taxi guy replied. Sure enough. drunk as a skunk. She says. "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says. she takes a look at him and says. listen for a second." She reaches in and pulls out the money. "Take the twenty and put it in your front The second drunk says." "Some french fries and some meat loafs?" "Not a problem. Eventually they head sir. and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours. a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long. "Wait honey. I swear.topmasala. the first guy’s wife is waiting up for | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?" Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem. he crapped in my pants too!!" A Puking Drunk A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Great idea! Let's have another round". "Oh . This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned. you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. The drunk guy leans forwards and says. When you get home and your wife asks what happened. "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!" Get More fun stuff like this. After giving directions back to his house.TopMasala. As he walks through the door. he and the taxi driver are talking.

bringing the parrot along. into the cellar. of course. She says. So she pays for him and takes him home.TopMasala. I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says. okay. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you. On the way. yes. kitties. swearing. and even bit her once. "Did you say that?" she asks. The parrot is very cold. etc. join TopMasala @ http://groups. recently widowed. resting on his perch in his the parrot begins Animal Jokes: A very insulting parrot Panda This elderly lady. The lady is absolutely stunned. I know a charming place on 7th Street." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken. She decides against puppies. I am deeply sorry. madam. I promise it won't happen again. Get More fun stuff like . but there is no one. but one that paid such nice compliments. the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner. decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. I did!" he replies. she says. "Okay." Within five minutes.topmasala.http://www. "Why yes. he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot.. "You know. Well. When the woman enters the building. She rips the parrot out of his cage. goes down the stairs. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. marches down the stairs into the basement. and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying. "Why. and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. "My. that would be delightful. do you look lovely this afternoon. All she sees is a big green parrot.

what'd he the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say.' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. attack you?" A snail buys a fast new car Panda There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. She gives them what they request..http://www. looking very annoyed and say. but he wants it repainted "240-S". 'Buk Buk BUK. The chickens leave as before. into the freezer. "Why 'S'?" The snail replies. At this point. she hid behind a tree. That turkey in there. out of the town. and decides to follow them. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by. the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail.and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon. and to a park. 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these | Fun Forum – http://forum. and gives it to them. "I do have one question though. After shopping around a while. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. This time. approach the librarian. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z. The dealer asks. she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes." Well. She followed them out of the library. slam. he looks up at the lady and says. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws. not Get More fun stuff like .TopMasala. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "'S' stands for snail. he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get.topmasala.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!" These chickens want books Panda A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say. the parrot is one step away from death. When she finally takes him out. Around midday. so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. powerful hairy forearms. "Wow!" said the wife." Purchasing a new bird Panda After many years of became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention. told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. Get More fun stuff like this. To | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond. join TopMasala @ http://groups. to which the frog was . "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. The shopkeeper. observing her fascination with the wanting to be seen. the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. a husband has turned into a couch potato. "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom." A frog calls a psychic Panda Recently.. ugly.. the wife saw this big. "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately. the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more. "This is great! Will I meet her at a party. the shopkeeper said.topmasala." The frog says. "Next semester in her biology class. nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. he exclaimed. Then one day at a pet store. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention." says the psychic. beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. or what?" "No. snorting bird with a hairy chest.TopMasala.

in his usual bored tone "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband.... Now the question is what were they telling him??? Socho socho. One ant climbs at the back of the elephant.. girls and fish have a lot in common. and all other ants started shouting at him..topmasala. "Honey!" she When she entered the house.http://www. join TopMasala @ http://groups.... sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. Smart Ants All ants were bathing in a pool. my foot!" Marriage should be like Fishing A marriage license should be like a fishing license. they are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them . Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. you know is going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. most are good to eat. also if you decide to mount one. "Goony Bird. as usual. Socho socho... it expires every year and if you go fishing out of state you can get a 3 days license..TopMasala. Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool. If you think about it. All ants got out of water. the husband was...

com all ants starts saying. do your stuff.. The first man was an Engineer. He called his cat and said.. "Spreadsheet.Everyone agreed that was good." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies..topmasala..TopMasala. "T-square.. To show off. the second man was an Accountant. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. But the Accountant said his cat could do better.... "DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO." Measure got up..http://www.. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ... the Engineer called his cat. the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.... Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. He called his cat and said "Measure. Get More fun stuff like this. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. a . But the Chemist said his cat could do better. took out a quart of milk. do your stuff. and a" T-square pranced over to the desk." FOUR CATS The Four Cats ! Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were . took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle. do your stuff.. walked to the fridge. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.. filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions...topmasala.. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said................. sh*t on the paper..... claimed he injured his back while doing so............. drank the milk.........." Coffee Break jumped to his feet........http://www...TopMasala..... ate the "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said.... screwed the other three your .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups..... "Coffee Break..... Get More fun stuff like this...

join TopMasala @ http://groups.. "Pagal.TopMasala.. put in for Workers Compensation.. "Wow. but it is bilingual..." So the man pulls on the parrot's left leg. and pull on his right leg. "Hello how are you?" The man smiles and says..." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. and he says... "No way.. there's no animal that could ever learn how to speak two languages!" The employee smiles and says.. "Go ahead pull on the left leg.and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave..... "That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Please you've got to tell me what happens if I pull both of his legs?" The parrot turns and looks at the man and says. it's one of a kind.. that parrot is extremely special." The man gives the employee a strange look and says.. The parrot says. "Oh." So the man pulls on the parrot's right | Fun Forum – http://forum... "Excuse me sir. "Go ahead.000 dollars?" The employee says. I fall down!" Sign language of a monkey ! A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been . The parrot that's amazing!" The employee then says.. Not only is it beautiful. cool.topmasala. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk. Get More fun stuff like this.!!!!!!!!!! Bilingual Parrot Bilingual Parrot A man walks to the register and asks the employee... "Follow me I'll prove it. "Kaise Ho?" The man was so excited and overwhelmed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car." The employee says.... but can you tell me why that parrot costs $5.

com/group/TopMasala/ . Dogs miss you when you are gone. 8.." Get More fun stuff like this. "Hey lady."Well. 2. 2. did you see this?" "Yes. The next day the same parrot again said to her. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. 3. "Hey lady. you are really ugly.http://www. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.TopMasala. Dogs understand what "NO" means.." The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. How Dogs Are Better Than Men. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing." motioned the monkey. "Hey lady. you are saying your owners were drinking." She was incredibly ticked You are really ugly. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her. they don t laugh at how you throw. "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes. The parrot said to "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer. 6. 7. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. When dogs play "fetch". you are really ugly. 4.topmasala. Again. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 5. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. You can train a dog. Dogs are color blind." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey. Pretentious parrot!! A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store." "They were kissiing. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. 9. smoking and kissing before they wrecked." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth." The monkey shakes his head "Yes. too?" asked the astounded | Fun Forum – http://forum. 1." "Now wait. the monkey shook his head up and down.

Noah checks on the snakes again. say the snakes. lots of dogs can do The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it.000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. "Why. Naturally. "Yes ?" And the bird replied. "We`ve got such a clever dog. Noah lets all the animals out and says.topmasala. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Smart snakes! The Flood is over and the ark has landed. everybody is happy. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest. "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer". Lots of little snakes." The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. "You know. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Well. "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly"." Her husband replied.http://www. Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. say the snakes. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.TopMasala. so we need logs to multiply.000 dollars. "What`s the problem?" says Noah. "We`re adders." Get More fun stuff like this. "Cut down some trees and let us live there". Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her." She paused and said. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again. I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!". "Hey lady. "Go forth and The owner ." Intelligent dog ! A wife says to her husband one weekend morning." A few months later. Noah | Fun Forum – http://forum. The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1. the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2.

the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Down through a valley they went. and fell to the ground. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. YES!!" the bats all screamed in a | Fun Forum – http://forum. YES. follow me. he slowly climbed the tree again. "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildbeest stammers. The lion feeling like it`d been run over by a safari The wife responded. "Dear. "You are. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away." Blind as a bat!!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep. mighty lion! "Later. slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now. After recovering. "Well I didn`t!" Mightiest !! A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.TopMasala. `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed!` Poor turtle! Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared." she chirped. After hours of effort he reached the top. "Oh great lion. Finally. `Sidney!` she screamed. but they persisted until he finally gave in.http://www. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning. across a river and into a forest of trees. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES. the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk.topmasala. the female bird turned to her mate. . " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!" Smoke in bed ! The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says. "I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "OK. Get More fun stuff like the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows.

but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again. and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant.topmasala. he finally bought a centipede. The store manager tells him. So he waited a few more minutes. shoot the damn dog!" Unusual pet This guy was lonely. and if I fall." says Harry. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. the gorilla shakes back. and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh. The man agrees that Chet certainly is Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now. he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal. After some discussion. So he asked the centipede in the box. Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man | Fun Forum – http://forum. thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time. He took the box back home. "occasionally when I shake the tree. HEY. you don`t have to get so mad. "Just because you don`t know the answer. IN THERE. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. a pick-up The lion let out a moan of pain. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas. which came in a little white box to use for his house. found a good location for the box.TopMasala. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze".http://www. this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls . he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted. yes." Ape removal A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. Not knowing quite what to do. How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. a pair of handcuffs. a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his This bothered him a bit. I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground.

and the bird begins to sing. He scratched his head.. the ship hit an iceberg and sank.. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. Immediately Chet starts singing. He gets up and goes to see who`s there and there is no one." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells. Holy Night. join TopMasala @ http://groups. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately.topmasala." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left foot. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door. he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?". The parrot got bored. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. "Silent . and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts." The wife is absolutely impressed." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot. looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells.. threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again. but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing.TopMasala. Three Years Later The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the | Fun Forum – http://forum. who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times. Demonstrating. he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night. He picked up the snail. there was no one at the door. Get More fun stuff like retty. One night in the middle of the magician's performance.http://www. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. Confused parrot A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot. Jingle All the Way. "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door... his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out..

"Lord. I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way. is it?" Get More fun stuff like this. They were an elephant. The car gets real close. Soon afterward. still eyeing him intently. By now. I give up. The driver is a squirrel.topmasala. "Awright. not even blinking. but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs. I get terrible neck pains. The man walks faster." The hen spoke up. I don't want to complain. The driver rolls down the window. and finally the parrot squawks. and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. the parrot flew to the magician. then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. Eventually the magician started to stir. The elephant complained. and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord And stared. And stared. So the guy turns around to go back." Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.http://www. but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. "See. perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. etc. For a whole day the magician was unconscious. What did you do with the ship?" Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. The squirrel says to the man. immediately collapsing from The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard. trying to hurry across the street. It lets you pick up food. and allows you to see a distance. "Don't complain. "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches. Another hour goes by. he saw the parrot. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe complained. join TopMasala @ http://groups. it's not as easy as it looks. and a hen. "Lord. I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy. but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at . the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. "Lord. a | Fun Forum – http://forum. and people laugh at me!" The Lord said. drink water.TopMasala. Looking up.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle. "Smoking a joint. crawling into bed and falling to sleep.. finishing a joint... "Faaaaaaark dude. | Fun Forum – http://forum.. he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed." "WHAT!!? Are you saying.. Peter." the man replied. said St.. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? . You can choose on your own" Joe thought about it for a while. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river.TopMasala. and he looks up and A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side.. then asks the lizard. "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree. Peter.. kissing his wife... "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey . All of a sudden. I'm too young. "If I'm dead. and you are in heaven. "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says. I want you to send me back much water did you drink?! The Dream Eggs! Joe did like he always does." "It's not that easy". "you can only return as a dog or a hen." said Joe. join TopMasala @ http://groups... finds the tree were the monkey is sitting. come up and have some. but a hen probably has a nice Get More fun stuff like this. "I am St.topmasala. and figured out that being a dog is too tiring. "This is not your Dopin' Lizard A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey. I'm dead? I don't want to die . The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. and who are you?" he asked.

but it feels like my rear end is blowing up.. he heard his wife shout. and then you push all you can. "Hey. discarding. raising." Joe clucked twice.. for Christ's sake!!! Wake up . Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice.topmasala. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow . and pushed more than he was good for. In the next | Fun Forum – http://forum..http://www. you're shittin' all over the bed!" Dog`s Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. he found himself in a chicken run. calling. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table." he said. "How does it feel?" "Well. Running around with a rooster can't be that . This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. then along came the rooster. and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "That's only the ovulation going Get More fun stuff like this. you must be the new hen on the and relaxed life." "Oh that!" said the rooster.. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.." Joe replied. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. "I want to return as a hen. "Joe.. The third time he clucked. nicely feathered.. it's OK I guess. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog. "Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed.. everything the other human players were doing.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. "Why?" my daughter asked.http://www. he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to they just treated him like any other player. "Mommy. who are dog owners. every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players. "He isn't that | Fun Forum – http://forum. Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me. but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I can't believe that dog is playing poker. you don't know where it's been. At this point. It's on the Mommy Test.TopMasala." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes. how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.topmasala. "Because it's been on the ground. Get More fun stuff like . You have to know it. are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. Children Jokes: Mommy Test The Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. "All moms know this stuff. join TopMasala @ http://groups." I was thinking quickly." The comparison! Two women. my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked. or they don't let you be a it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

She said. An older couple was lying in bed one night. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy. | Fun Forum – "OH.TopMasala. "Where are you going ?" she asked. "Then you used to kiss me. and tried to get back to join TopMasala @ http://groups. "To get my teeth!" LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM Get More fun stuff like this. "Angrily. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Mildly .. When you're finished laughing.topmasala." Wearily he reached across.I get it!" she beamed. Thirty seconds later she said. The husband was falling a sleep.. he reached across. held her hand for a second. but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. A few moments later she said. gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face. send this to a Mom! Old AGE!. "Then you use to bite my neck.

yahoo. fascinated. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow Little Johnny watched. A few minutes later. and said to the stranger. who had just opened his book. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he said.TopMasala. and He wanted it back. It was a small boy. "Let's talk. as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "How about nuclear power?" Get More fun stuff like . she began removing the cream with a tissue. I noticed two additions: a baseball and A broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. one look at the | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. "Wow ! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said. I don't know. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh." Little Johnnie.topmasala. Something of his had found its way into my garage." said the stranger. The boy exclaimed. "What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. closed it slowly." said his mother. "How do you suppose This ball got in here?" I asked the boy. "To stay pretty for daddy. "Giving up?" Accuracy There was a knock at the door. Upon opening the garage door. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face. Taking one look at the ball. and one look at Me. about six years Old. mommy?" he asked.

he heard a noise and turned around. mowed the yard." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny. Suddenly. they all answered. the answer "OK. He got up. "If I cleaned the church every day. the train narrowly missing him. "NO!" the children all answered." " "NO!" Get More fun stuff like this. I got it myself.topmasala. Again. his foot was still stuck. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Adam's dress A little boy opened the big family bible. please.http://www. dusted himself off. Panicked he started to pray. I'll stop swearing. his foot broke free and he fell backwards. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. "Thanks anyway God. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. "NO! "Well. To his horror he saw a train coming. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty. please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. then. then. and loved my wife. if you get my foot out of the tracks." said Little Johnnie. He tried his plea one more time. dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice. "God. he answered. something fell out of the Bible. the boy called out. "Mama. "God. and kept everything neat and tidy. "I have no idea. if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. The same stuff. and a deer all eat grass. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again." Entry to Heaven! "If I sold my house. please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing happened. a cow. "That could be an interesting topic. A horse. I'll quit being bad. "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez." said Little Johnnie. As he struggled to free his .TopMasala. would that get me into Heaven?" Again. He picked up the object and looked at it. look what I found". my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church. "God. "What have you got there. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. looked toward Heaven and said. He tried to get it out but it was really | Fun Forum – http://forum." said the stranger. But let me ask you a question first.

Several days later. "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out. At bedtime. the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. "You see. there was a moment of silence at the table. Get More fun stuff like this." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "the stork brought you to us." Robert continued.TopMasala.. "Oh. "How was I born?" "Well honey .. the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table." said the boy.http://www." said the slightly prudish .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" Natural childbirth! A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. the children left.topmasala.. the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. He asked his "Well. After going all the way around the room. "Well. how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. during which one child was heard to say.. it is Vanishing cream!" Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas." Vanishing cream! During a dinner party." "OH. I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM. the stork brought them too!" said the parent. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the stork brought us too. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. "Well darling.. As they disappeared out of sight.

For a few minutes." the grandfather answered. the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa. He did. but Grandma is!" Scared!!! One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook | Fun Forum – I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR. "Well now. "Did God made you. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf. "God's doing a lot better job lately. Johnnie. God made . He's been there for a few years now. "I know.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. The barber whispered." "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber.topmasala. Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his and he's never hurt no one. the little girl asked him." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said. when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk." the older man answered." she said.http://www. Gramma. "I can't get any water from that water hole." To which the little brother replied. Grandpa. one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. "if he's as scared as I am. A few minutes later. "That's Johnnie." replied Johnnie. as well as her own reflection in the mirror. where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him." Stupidest kid! A businessman was talking with his barber. he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well. At last she spoke up. then that water ain't fit to drink!" Better job Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked. he saw two big eyes looking back at him. Why. "You know.TopMasala. Grandpa?" "Yes. As he was dipping the bucket in. while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. Here.. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator. I'll show you. "Did God make me too?" "Yes. Get More fun stuff like this.

" "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians. "If I take the quarter. Goldblatt." Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks. "The sky is definitely blue." After his haircut. "Trees are definitely green.topmasala." "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple. join TopMasala @ http://groups." A second little boy says. the trees are brown." demanded Joey. but the sky can sometimes be Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Mr. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this. an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans. "Well accordin' to the Bible. the game is over. It was now time for the usual question period." The teacher . Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines. or black. the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. but in the autumn. right?" "Right. "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says. an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important. right?" "All that is right. I told you. "Johnny! Of course not!!!" Get More fun stuff like this. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"? Definitely ! A nursery school teacher says to her class. "Sorry." agreed Goldblatt. the new teacher. finished the day's lesson. right?" "Again you're right." "Sorry. the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime.http://www. The barber looked at the businessman and said. Goldblatt." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.TopMasala." announced little Joey. "See. "there's something I can't figure out. Amy. "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says. right?" "Er--right." Children of Israel At the Henry Street Hebrew School.

http://www. Judith PS: Mom. In the meantime. we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure. who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want." "Honest?" asked Jimmy. But it is not only that mom. I'm at the neighbor's house. he deserves it.then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!" Shocking letter A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the "OK. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer. "Johnnie. for Ahmed to get better. "My Daddy's a lawyer. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.. "My name is Jimmy. Don't worry Mom.. with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy. I found real passion and he is so nice. Johnnie replied. Love Your daughter. with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.With the worst premonition. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Get More fun stuff like this.. What's yours?" asked the first . I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.I love you! Honest Law yer! Two small boys were overheard talking one day. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his" replied the second. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. it's not true. she reads | Fun Forum – http://forum.

I go on Fridays. we go to a nice "No. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary." "Well. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. One woman cried all day long. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. "I'm fine. We always hold hands. have a little beverage. and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. I take my wife everywhere. We also sleep in separate beds." says Angus. Get More fun stuff like this. "I don' I don't." "Oh. his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life. " Angus said. replied Johnnie. "I suggest you don't associate with people like that. Two times a week. just the regular kind". After a week or two. 4.http://www. She goes on Tuesdays. good food and companionship. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I just stay inside my apartment all day and night.topmasala. Mam. So I suggested the kitchen. playing my bagpipes.but she keeps finding her way back." Martial Woes: Perfect Marriage 1.. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas . my dear. . another lies on her floor moaning. If I let go.TopMasala. | Fun Forum – http://forum.. she shops. 2." says his mother. Strange Neighbour There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia.. No. .

electric toaster and electric bread maker.! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!" No Relationship without Expectation Having expectations in our culture is expected.I don't like to interrupt her. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. we b***h. Needs can be cussed and discussed. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the | Fun Forum – http://forum.. it is only and always an unrealistic expectation. Expectations are rarely ever Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. I will most likely be disappointed. 9.. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you.. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. . if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for 6. One love partner knows the expectation. For example. we become disappointed. Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. we moan. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled. join TopMasala @ http://groups. So I bought her an electric chair. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.TopMasala. She has an electric blender. 12. The last fight was my fault though. The driver said "No. I married Miss Right. I asked where the car was. yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" . I just didn't know her first name was Always.She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" . Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true.http://www. That is a problem for most people. We are brought up that way. 7. She ran after the garbage truck. Get More fun stuff like this. 11. jump in!" 10.topmasala." 8.. she told me "In the lake. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. Then the mud fell off.

surprises you can enjoy together.http://www. This will always generate lots of surprises.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. While there is something to be said about "expecting the best. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met. everything will work out better. . that the results are always bad. It only means that if your expectations don't get met." This is a myth. fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together. . Problems are not to break us. or both. or "Expect the best. By considering a new point of view. Get More fun stuff like this. They bring couples together and give them something to share. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. Simple. because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings. we may be surprised by the Disappointment usually follows. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. Surprises create a sense of adventure. healthy needs. Once we learn to identify our own . You don't always get what you expect. Working together on problems makes us stong. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations. we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. things may turn out better than we imagined." is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Even when we imagine the very best. to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay. we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. . We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices. by changing our thinking about expectations. we often get angry or disappointed. Not easy. "If you always expect the best for your relationship. surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to | Fun Forum – http://forum. Some say. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out. we are often surprised.TopMasala. to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together. . those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to selfinquire. the adventure the heart was crying for. That is when the adventure begins." we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. Try this: "No expectations.

We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship. frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable. the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. join TopMasala @ http://groups. it caused a confrontation. When duty does not meet our needs. to be understood. you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty.http://www. the less likely this will occur. of course! You focus on your needs and make a Get More fun stuff like this. By "give yourself away. our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in. However. Never give yourself away in the relationship. If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations. to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. anger. The outcome is less predictable. we create . We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs. In my opinion. The next thing you know is.TopMasala. regardless of whether their choices are our choices. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. For example. The healthier image you have of yourself." I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship.topmasala. There is a difference between duty and responsibility. When it feels like duty. Everyone has a need to be loved. we either choose to have conversations about them or not. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met. we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. So. it is something to be avoided. | Fun Forum – http://forum. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did. always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. There is some risk involved. if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage.

Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace. but the thought of long life will never . it is most likely very boring and may border on being | Fun Forum – http://forum. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. . Express your needs with love. commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. good or bad. We often call things that happen that cause disappointment. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you. as best you can. The predicaments that follow are predictable. It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.TopMasala. Talk about what you need with your partner. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Get More fun stuff like this. To avoid disappointment or problems. If your relationship is not full of surprises. you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined M ARRIAGE without any prejudice All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. join TopMasala @ http://groups. have no expectations.topmasala. Man: Will it help? Dr: No. . Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations.

"You should do it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. that it indeed says . "I can't believe that." So she fetched the Bible. you should do it. .TopMasala. if suicide is better or being Wife: Darling today is our anniversary. It's like asking someone.." Wife replies. and besides."HEBREWS" Get More fun stuff like this. The wife said. it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.." The husband said. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum.. and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. "No.topmasala. and I can just wait for my coffee. " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it.. because you get up first." Husband replies. show me. . and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages.. what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare. because that is your job. Sweetheart U R Dead! There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.... Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ? To tell each other affectionately..

My wife thinks that in the daytime!" Get More fun stuff like this. and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. "Yes I do" she replies. lowering herself into a chair beside "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee.http://www. or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. I remember" said the wife. 'Either you marry my daughter. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" " ." Bill said to his friend Yeah Baby A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. The husband pauses . "You're lucky.the words were not coming easily. He appears to be in deep thought. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating.TopMasala." Millionaire "Last night my wife told me she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. just staring at the wall..topmasala. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said. The husband continued. "I would have been released today. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Replied Tom.

"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. It's the least I can do. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail. off to bed. taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. he said in a low voice. You may approach the bench. he was forced to impose a jail term. "Your honor." The husband jumped to his feet. she began to undress for the day's work. addressing the judge. "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. He specialized in nudes. He told her not to bother. please. his model .com Six Nights A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court. "She also stole a can of let me fix it for you. He told her that he would pay her for the day. and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. considering her record. Do you agree?" The woman agreed." said his honor. as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that. As usual. he just wanted some hot tea and then. There were six tomatoes in the can." The husband wasted no time getting there and. may I approach the bench?" "Well. "Oh." Nude Masterpiece There was this artist. but that she could just go home.topmasala. who worked from a studio in his home. and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk." Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. leaning forward. The model said.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with ." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say. "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket. and was a real He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. saved all his money. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea. He was stretched out in the casket. "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.topmasala.http://www. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Her friend said. " | Fun Forum – http://forum." said the wife. Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. put it into my account and wrote a cheque. Suspicious Wife A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all his life. Well he died. then some familiar footsteps." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure did. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly. "I got it all together. I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied. "It's my wife. Quick! Take all your clothes off. if he can cash it he can spend it. when he heard the front door open and close. his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. Just before he died he said to his wife. "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. | Fun Forum –
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur. Dying Husband A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me

what I can do?" "Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." Crazy Love A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –
The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor. The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!" "She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad." They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!" "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also." "No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!" Married Life Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –
The New Wife The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Extra Marital affairs.. Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @

com The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. We had sex all afternoon. He put on his shoes and drove | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. He told his wife. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son." he replied. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. "I'm having an affair with my secretary. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied. "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: Get More fun stuff like this. "I can't lie to you.topmasala.TopMasala. They decided to try one last time for the son they always . The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. "There's no way I can be the father of this baby." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

http://www. "Hurry. went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. then dusted him with talcum | Fun Forum – http://forum." she said." the barman replied. He glanced at the menu and . that'll be one cent. went to the bar and ordered a beer. join TopMasala @ http://groups." he said to the statue. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us. not even when they went to bed." The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe. Around 2 AM the husband got up. "Don't move until I tell you." she said. "stand in the corner. "Pretend you're a statue. "Oh it's a statue. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man." she replied.TopMasala. "Here. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" Get More fun stuff like this. "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel." No more was said." "One Cent?" the man thought." She rubbed baby oil all over A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front "Certainly. "have this." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.topmasala. Sir. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing. too.

com The bartender replied.TopMasala. "I have something I must confess. "Now just rest and let the poison even my re-papers as well. which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. his wife was there beside him. I know. "Upstairs. When I was a struggling University student." his wife replied." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs. And sometimes. I failed again and again. cutting out more adverts for me to apply. and your mother!" "I know. He looked up and said weakly." "There's no need to. you were there beside me.. "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied.. "I want to die in peace.. His wife sat at the bedside. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Freaking Jinx A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head." The man asked. I slept with your sister.http://www." Get More fun stuff like this. When he opened his eyes. " .. He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my | Fun Forum – http://forum. encouraging me to go on trying. her best friend. your best friend." she replied." he insisted." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. with my wife. You were there beside me. "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.topmasala.

There's something I'd really like to say to you. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some Burkha etc and goes | Fun Forum – Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc... " Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up. Bewildered by now..TopMasala. Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!". And you were there beside He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!". sobbing with emotion. As such. he could not help asking. "How did you recognise me?" Get More fun stuff like .http://www.. you are here beside me. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. And you were still beside me. "You're a freaking jinx!" Sports Jokes: what happened after india lost to srilanka??? After the shameful defeat of Team India . Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping. I blew it because of one little mistake.. the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.topmasala. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. All in vain. He said." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!" Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman .

"This was my wife's The lady replied . May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied. The last question read. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed." Bubba was stumped." The other man replied. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty" He picked up his . The exam was fill-in-theblank. Tapping Tiny's Get More fun stuff like this. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He had no idea what to answer. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba. She was a big Packers fan. they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. Making sure the professor wasn't watching. "Old MacDonald had a ________. If they | Fun Forum – http://forum. When he arrived at the seat. he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. He stopped. "Pssst. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."I am Sachin!" An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau."I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Looking with his binoculars. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. "They're all at the funeral. you're so stupid. join TopMasala @ http://groups. She passed away. "Is this seat taken?" The man replied. "I remember now. Tiny. he tapped Tiny on the shoulder." said Bubba. he asked the man sitting next to it.topmasala." "Oh yeah." Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam.http://www.

as if that weren't bad enough. how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb. For you.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Tiny." Adopt an NBA player THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming. bonds. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his shoulder again. two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. 401(k). "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" Each month. Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you. But to a basketball player. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need. Plus upon signing up for this program. Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center. he whispered. they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of the strike. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And. now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. but to a basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. It's just not . you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. or enjoy a weekend in Rio. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O. Detailed information about his stocks. you will receive a photo of the player (unsigned). Although the player won't know your name.http://www. Bubba. real estate. trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari.TopMasala. That's so easy. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING" Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need.

Please select one for me. Please charge the account listed below $ | Fun Forum – http://forum. [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] DiscoverCard [ ] Diner's Club Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________ Account Number: _____________________ Exp. ___YES.TopMasala. along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel. I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player.http://www. My preference is checked below: [ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in . * Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Sorry.054. does not include cheerleaders).Date:____________________________ Signature: _________________________ Get More fun stuff like this.79 per day for a reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have Simply fill out the form below. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. Early the next morning. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there"." Boat troubles During late spring one year. So the man cooly says "Well first of all. e-mail. a blonde was trying out her new boat. and second of all. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time. Blonde Jokes: I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her . join TopMasala @ http://groups. letters. She was unable to have her boat perform. she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole. thanks to your generous donations. Oh yes. either in person or by other means including. you're going to have to pay for those holes. (Children under 18 must have parental approval. "How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde. So she moves again.topmasala. telephone calls. and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. When she reached her final destination. travel through | Fun Forum – http://forum. but not limited to. but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. this is a hockey rink.) Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at or third parties. or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.http://www.TopMasala. Get More fun stuff like this. contributions are not tax-deductible.

"Nah. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. weighs 225. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question. was the | Fun Forum – http://forum." she inquired. "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment. So." Our bartender IS blonde.nothing happens. you should know something. "Well. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -. huh?" Are You Really Sure? A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender. Mister. cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. "Sir. ma'am. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. Other Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Before you tell that joke. the guy next to him says. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Because he was laughing so hard. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says. the bouncer is blonde. Each one of US is blonde. a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems.TopMasala. he came up choking on water and gasping for air. she decided to seek help.topmasala. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. 200 lb black belt. Under the boat. Blonde Sky Divers A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2". still strapped in place securely. and he's a rugby player. I'm a 6'" Horns There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. . The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna After trying for over three days to make it work properly. then began in a patient tone. Think about it.

quiz me." the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department." State Capitals There was this guy who was married to a blonde." Flustered. it's YOU I want!" she . Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. But the reason this cow don't have no horns. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department. "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied. Go ahead. the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. join TopMasala @ http://groups. She says. The blonde replies. there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. and that stops 'em cold." He thought for a moment and asked." "No. blonde and beautiful.TopMasala. Still. I know all of the states and capitals. "I'm young. That night when he got home he told his times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. is 'cause it's a horse. "M!" Longer Ladder "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. lady. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. "I'm not so dumb.http://www. ma' | Fun Forum – http://forum. she moves forward to the last empty one. Get More fun stuff like this. "They need a longer ladder!" First Class Blondie A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section.

So he stops his truck. "I didn't tell a joke. who were watching with rapt attention. it must be bad `cause all the people are leaving. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step." So he gets back in truck and drives away. this truck driver hated to be tailgated. and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. stop tailgating me. The pilot and flight attendant. She immediately gets up. A little while later he looks in his rearview mirror. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend.topmasala. "I just got the first joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven. He replies. and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. and walks over to the car. a redhead." Don't laugh! A brunette. saying. "Hey . which had also stopped and Then. and that he can take care of the problem. "Thank you so much.http://www. blonde and beautiful." The wrong way! A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street." Get More fun stuff like this. "Hey. "I'm young. When she got to the 999th step. so he stops his truck and walks over to the car. or I`ll bust up your car. so she could not enter heaven. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. Well. so she could not enter heaven either. she started laughing." hugs the co-pilot." the blonde replied. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No. I`m going to bust up your car. the blonde replies. Bolnde tailgating! One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion." "I know. gets out. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps. but wherever it is. it was the blonde's turn. if you don`t stop tailgating me. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step. together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. lady. says. and sees the blonde tailgating him again.TopMasala. and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA.

" So the blonde steps out of her car. After positioning her footstool. walks over to the car. And the blonde is still laughing.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Well. Smashing the windshields and windows. cuts the brake lines. etc. and finally. A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror. rips out the steering So he gets back in his truck and drives away. I`m taking away the ladder. hold on tight. And the blonde starts laughing. And the blonde keeps laughing. giggling. She`d seen many books on the subject. What is so funny?????" The blonde replies." said the other blonde. "Lady. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. So he stops his truck." Ice fishing! A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. she made for the nearest frozen lake. until the car is completely totaled. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. " .http://www. The truck driver walks over to the blonde. I just completely totaled your car. and the truck driver draws a circle on the roadside. and you`re still laughing. and busts all the tires. she started to make a circular cut in the ice. get out. and once again the blonde is tailgating him. "I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!" The grip! One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. saying. "Sure. "Now don`t step out of that circle. He takes a sledge hammer from his truck." Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. after getting all the necessary items together. and and pounds in the frame. The truck driver rips out the seats. and says.TopMasala.

com Suddenly. moved way down to the opposite end of the ice. "I`ll get off. that`s your air freshener. is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"? The woman replied.topmasala. Ten were blonde. now quite worried. thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. from the sky."I`m afraid we`re going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you`ve been . I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror. No one could decide who should go. the officer replied. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled. and | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. I`m the Ice-Rink Manager!" Air Freshener !! A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver. looked skyward. "Mam. all of the blondes started clapping.. "No. from the heavens. and tried again to cut her hole." Get More fun stuff like this." Applause ! There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a When he walked up to the drivers window. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped." he said . "Is that you. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde. sat up her stool. and one was a brunette. the voice bellowed. Lord?" The voice replied. "Ma`am. "Ma`am. so finally the brunette said. a voice boomed. he was surprised to find a very attractive blonde behind the wheel." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. the motorcycle cop waved the speeding sports car over to the curb. Breathalyzer test! After a wild freeway chase. "Oh officer. Again.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum." "That`s amazing!"the girl cried. Officer. we could have avoided all this "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over." Driving License A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car." The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. Join TopMasala Today at http://groups. he said. it's got your picture on it!" The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. Her friend said. "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated. "What does it look like?" Officer. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman. and asked her what their names were. too!" Watch dogs A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new ." Get more fun stuff like this. handed it back to the driver and said.topmasala. She held it up to her face and said. And. The test was taken and as the officer eyed the and http://groups. "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. the blonde cop said "You dummy. "You're free to go. you`ve had a couple of stiff ones. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.TopMasala. "May I see your licence? Lady. "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving if I had known you were a police officer too. "Lady. join TopMasala @ Get More fun stuff like this. "What else would you name watch dogs?" Police officer A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding."You mean it shows that. The blonde cop looked in the mirror. The officer opens it up and says. "Why did you give them names like that?" The blonde responded.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful