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TopMasala “Santa Banta” Jokes
Santa Singh as a software engineer! What will Santa do if he gets the following error message? FILE NOT FOUND! To find out scroll down . . . . . . .

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Painful pinch! As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."

sardar ji in a quiz contest... Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest -> 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 3) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up. If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: #1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The October revolution is celebrated in November 3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name. 4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

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nothing more Q. Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more. there are 2 enemies .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Get More fun stuff like this. Banta: Sir. can I suicide now? Boss: Yes. Terms are different . Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. join TopMasala @ http://groups. now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers. we will look after. What is JFC ? A. don't worry about your family. Fanta & Coffee Q. Send it through courier. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications. not for two. Q. go ahead. Jilebi. called his boss: Sir. He lands up in the enemy's camp.. so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp.topmasala.. wait till you see more The Suicide Bomber Banta joins the suicide bomber squad. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A.TopMasala. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A. can I suicide now? Leader: No. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? A. Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest! Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh Q. you will be a martyr.

Can I modify an object in CORBA? A. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? A. File that can be kept inside a jar.topmasala. I do not have any objections. Explain RMI Architecture? A. Q. As you wish .com/group/TopMasala/ . In hotels. Q. Make a rope from threads is an example for process. Sorry. What is bean ? Where it can be used ? Get More fun stuff like this. they can replace servers. What is JAR file ? A. What is the use of Servlets ? | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script? A.TopMasala. Q. Non living things can't communicate.http://www. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend. Q. What is JINI? A. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. I will give Q. Threads are small Q. I am a computer professional not an architect student. Q. Q.

TopMasala. Santa & Banta .yahoo. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 2nd says mine is very hot.http://www.topmasala. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. a binary tree will grow. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.Dumb & Dumber Santa & Banta doing what they do best! Santa: I have swallowed a . Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No way. Some Santa and Banta Jokes Some Santa and Banta Jokes In UK. 1st says my wife is very cold. A kind of vegetable. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? | Fun Forum – http://forum. When we sow a binary seed. Santa: I'm confused. Three men discussing wives. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!! Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping. Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot. A. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Get More fun stuff like this.

koi badi cheez bata 2ND ... Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators! Santa Banta jokes 1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA. Lady calls again.yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.F ka tyre de de Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA. | Fun Forum – http://forum..M. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable.Gold ring de de 1ST..topmasala. IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO 2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA 2ND SARDAR: wo kaise? 1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya. A lady calls Santa for repairing door Santa: I was using duplicate ..R. 3) SARDAR. now I have lost it too Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple. because he is PM not AM. kya dun ? Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days. I press the bell but no one comes out. GUESS WOH KYA BOLA.

. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'..topmasala.sita with ravan 11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing? . 6) Banta: you cheated me. santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is 4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the donkey. I sold a good radio to you. 5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti.use log hanuman bulate the. Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! 7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly! what is the cube of 13? Its : SUROOR wandaring how? thats | Fun Forum – ..but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y?? Get More fun stuff like this..batao kyon? kyonki uska naam hanuman tha. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR 9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya 12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian??? Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan 13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant........?? So. Shopkeeper: No.http://www.. 10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad? .TopMasala.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Get More fun stuff like The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai** 14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought.topmasala. etc. DharamRaj said... There are 12 seconds in a year.. February 2nd. even though it's not the answer I expected.. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and . "OK. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied.. 2. 15) Full form of MATHS???? Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students… 16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: hasina Sardars entry in the. 1. "Well. ……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow. 2... join TopMasala @ http://groups.. January 2nd. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.http://www.March 2nd. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. so your answer is correct.

Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch Son to sardarji: Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3..http://www.. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – . Intelligent Sardar Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond repairs. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki.. that did not know about the nail! Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".topmasala.. Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta? Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai Dos : Kaise? Sardar: Yaar. you could have saved Rs 30!!!. Sardar r really innocent Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened. jor se baarish shuru ho gayi. badal garje. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka. his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers. if you would have ran behind an auto. He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked". din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai! Get More fun stuff like this. Sardarji to son: You fool.

at the office . they each won a prize. 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well. 'Usually there are three of us. The following week. Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park.http://www. Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax. because he is Sardar wins 20 Crore | Fun Forum – http://forum.a toilet brush. the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.' said the digger. I dig the hole. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back. Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Banta said. "Great. About a week later.! Sardar's Planting. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. Today Balwant is off. when the raffle was drawn. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. seeing it was for charity." said the first prize winner. Banta won the tenth prize .' said the "I think I'll go back to paper. but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off! Toilet brush! Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle." Get More fun stuff like this. Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good. "I love chocolates" "So do I." said the the seond prize winner. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. They bought tickets. 'Tell me.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass." With that. "It seems we are a little cloudy today. But. you guys aren't going to believe this. He called into headquarters on his radio. I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time. A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser. but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22.TopMasala." Banta put on his angry face." Confused Sardar A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. who owned an old Maruti. all of sudden. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. "Well. and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" Urine test! Banta had been in the hospital for days. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Sardar : but wherever it is. she snickered. he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he Speeding!!! Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. . "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster.topmasala. off they went. radar gun at the ready. with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph. it must be bad cause all the people were leaving. In her annoying voice. "Hey." So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend. His friend said. Get More fun stuff like this. He asked his friend. a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda. One day during breakfast. snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps. saying. Banta was handling the speed just fine. Things were going pretty well. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and repeatedly if I want you to slow down. if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. "Sure. twice if I want you maintain speed.

. . and left for his clinic. . . . Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money. .http://www. Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist" Incredible Sardars. has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. On his return in the evening. . he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. . It read. " | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ .yahoo. I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend" Painter Sardar Dr. Get More fun stuff like this. Maneesh Sinha. He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the Kanjoos Sardar Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money". a psychotherapist. . .topmasala.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai. jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai. A & B. bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. Jeeto. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend. Get More fun stuff like . iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar. kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.TopMasala. A crow shits on a Banta. A & B. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. A & B. Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho | Fun Forum – http://forum. it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo. Banta: Koi phayda nahin. it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai. Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. Santa Banta Strikes Again Santa: I tried ur number so many times. Friend: Oye. maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai. A & B. Tea se start hoti hai.http://www. Santa: A & Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name. I mean long time no C. but is starts with "T". | Fun Forum –

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya. Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake. Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai. Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai. Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' Sardars entry in the.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
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1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

Safe cracker The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help. The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe. The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe. The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?" The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!" Laughing Zone A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. **************** Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. **************** Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. ****************
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing? Santa: Drying sweat! ****************

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. Banta: R u ok? Santa: Yeah! Banta: Did u break anything? Santa: No, there's nothing down here **************** Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Speed limit A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." Affair with a dentist Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!" Blind date! Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma
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" So that night. so he asked a police officer for directions. will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah. Extremely pleased by this. That was three hours ago. Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. It'll take you right there. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. "Excuse me. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa.. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech" He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. sure thing. Get More fun stuff like this. "fire away. "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop. the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and.TopMasala." replied Banta. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied. but to get to the Rock Garden.topmasala. The officer got out of his car and said. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: . "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well." replied Banta. he couldn't find it. He wanted to see the Rock Garden."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!" Speech Impediment Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar. when Santa said to Banta. . The 43rd bus just went by!" Fastest Worker Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office." "Well.. | Fun Forum – attack." replied his friend. I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. "Don't worry. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied. sure enough. "Excuse me. "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!" Santa in Chandigarh Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time." said Santa. it won't be long now. "If I ask you a question. Unfortunately.

however. "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. After a couple more drinks.TopMasala. Sir" said "I just want you to know. beaming." Last Night One day." "Thank you. Furious. "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. When he walked into his apartment. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had. Then he asks for another.topmasala. the bartender gets worried. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a fight." explained in bed with another man. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa replied. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the supervisor . except today is the last night. isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. he found his wife. "But.http://www." "Better?" the supervisor asked with | Fun Forum – http://forum. "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better. Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Jeeto. "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses." The bartender thought about this for a while." the older women pleaded. he picked up his bag and stormed out. Get More fun stuff like this." Explanation! Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday. he met his mother-in-law on the street. "Yeah.

"I feel a lot better now. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation. accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn." After a hearty lunch. Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office. and added. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "But my father won't like it. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Come in with us. "Well okay.TopMasala. but I know dad is going to be real upset. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise." "That's mighty nice of you. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta." he finally agreed." a note of truimph in her voice.http://www. that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind . The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man. Pappu thanked his host." Smartest Salesman Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. where is he?" "Under the | Fun Forum – http://forum. "She didn't receive your telegram!" Overturned wagon Pappu. The first said. Santa's son. he agreed." the farmer insisted. "but I don't think my father would like me Reluctantly. An hour later." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a" Pappu answered. "Forget your troubles. "Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. "By the way. come on." "Aw.

" replied his friend." "Easy for you to say. "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids.topmasala. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem. Santa and The other two said. were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground. but it looks like we were all wrong!" The Ladies Man "I'm scared.TopMasala. I thought it was a ." "Well. "Is that shit. Banta?" Santa said." declared Banta. "Well boys. One says. "It's not that. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies. I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" Medical Students Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct Get More fun stuff like this. "Along with the Cuckoo clock. and I think you have a hernia. "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife." "You like her that much?" the friend asks. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife. "He didn't sign his name!" The Right Step Two drunk." Banta said to one of his friends. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace. so what? The third salesman added.

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote. buddy! I think it's definitely shit. Bill "I don't really know. President" "I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated. | Fun Forum – http://forum. I never had one.topmasala." Get More fun stuff like this. bring back Bush." Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. "Sure tastes like shit. it must have been a real stupid question! Clinton in 1996--NOT!! I'm not Fonda Clinton Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government. Voter: "The joke's over. "I don't know. I will repay you in 1996.S." Thank you. Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate! My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax ." Responded Banta as he bent over. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It's the spending stupid! If Clinton was the answer. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year. "It feels like shit!" Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Good thing we didn’t step in it!" Politics Jokes Clinton one-liners Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got! "Carter is no longer the worst U." "Hooooeee!" Responded Santa." Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs. for costing me my "it smells like shit. he replied.TopMasala.

com/group/TopMasala/ .?" Bill Clinton If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph.topmasala.O. join TopMasala @ http://groups.E. "No.. "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time. or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome Colic: A sheep dog Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Congenital: To be friendly D & C: Where the White House is Dilate: To live too long Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum..http://www. what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her dad. Bowel: Letter like A.'" Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you're eight. Some begin with 'After I'm elected.. | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Fibula: A small lie GI series: A soldier ball game Hangnail: A coat hook Impotent: . well known Jaundice: To include in a group Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives Labor pain: Getting hurt at work Leper: A wild cat Malaria: Shopping place Medical staff: A doctor's cane Morbid: A higher bid Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis Post-operative: A letter carrier Get More fun stuff like this.http://www.topmasala.

topmasala. pretending they were not at home. as the son has no career . he would be a businessman. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Rectum: It almost killed him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: A Roman emperor Serology: Study of English Knighthood Tablet: A small table Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport Tumor: More than one Urine: Opposite of you're out Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited The Career Choice An older couple had a son who was still living with | Fun Forum – http://forum. but if he took the bottle of whiskey. Then they hid. The test was this: If the son took the money.TopMasala. a Bible and a bottle of whiskey. and put them on the front hall table. if he took the Bible. Get More fun stuff like this. They took a $10 bill. so they decided to do a small test. The parents were a little worried. he would be a Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work. he would be a drunk.

why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third. Then he left for his room. First. looked at it against the light. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Finally he grabbed the bottle. Our son is going to be a politician!" No Answers to such Questions George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. he took the $10 bill.' 'And what is your question. what the f**k happened to Billy?' Get More fun stuff like this. carrying all three items.TopMasala. where were we? Oh that's right question time. and took it. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. "Darn. The father slapped his forehead and said. Peeping through the keyhole. he took the Bible. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. George points him out and asks him what his name . After that. it's even worse than I could ever have | Fun Forum – http://forum. flicked through it. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth. When they resume George says. After his talk he offers question time. they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him. 'Steve' 'And what is your question. Billy? 'I have 3 questions. why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third. Then. and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. " opened it.topmasala. 'Billy. and slid it in his pocket. One little boy puts up his hand andGeorge asks him what his name is. First. Steve?' 'I have 5 questions. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand.http://www.

I'd like to meet him. "I know. and my feet just slipped from the brake to the accelerator. when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk. .yahoo. he even called police to report the accident. This is a meeting of the board. An hour later. When police showed up and began converging on his cab. Brooklyn.m." said the minister. cops say. He got nervous. Cops said he was leaving the scene. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am. though. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 36. Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe." said the man." Rhaman said.TopMasala. Rahman said he paused for a light. 37. when he placed a . Get More fun stuff like this.Mohammad A Meeting With the Board A Meeting With the Board After a long. the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey.45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. "You misunderstood my announcement.http://www. The first man to arrive was a stranger. he rammed into a parked | Fun Forum – http://forum. dry sermon. Playing safe! New York City . but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic. It all started at 9 a. "I got confused. shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale. Rahman said the car rammed into his cab. These guns are so safe? Robert Shovestall. when. racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver. Rahman ran into another car.topmasala. Rahman is looking for another line of work.

and the case was dismissed. Progeny! Singe | Fun Forum – http://forum. two and a . 1995. Get More fun stuff like He would have to remain standing in the block in which his contour was shaped surviving only with a tube to suck water and oxygen. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate. In 1994. it amounts to disqualification of Municipal Councilors and Panchayat members who produce a third child. which include frostbite and the possibility of falling asleep and touching the ice wall. Now he encased himself in a six-tonne block of ice and hoped to come out unscathed 58 hours later i. Passerby in New York called him crazy to risk his A dead man in jail! A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges.e. Peter C. the Woman Sarpanch(Village head) of Badapalasa was unseated because she gave birth to her third child. last year buried himself underwater in a plexiglass coffin for a week and survived.http://www. He faced several threats.TopMasala. David Blaine. A year later. Progeny sometimes spoils the political careers. Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in Africa. Cool way to conquer fear ! Fan of Titanic star Leonardo DiCaprio. This was the toughest challenge for Blaine. Gentry was first arrested in 1991. According to the Law which came into effect on December 31. but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash. There is no such disease. and it just took the petition in Mayurbhanj district court to remove Singe from her Sarpanch seat.

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995. A woman has to protect her self respect. to make him realize that public toilets were which fell. She said she urinated in his chamber. Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets. Newpaper reports state that Hien could be prosecuted on charge of ill-treating the child. The father decided to sue after learning that his son`s death was not an isolated incident. Sow Cruel!! A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman. she has not been arrested since she has a younger child to take care To protect self respect!! An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn`t be death. which can weigh 1.000 pounds.topmasala. The municipality was not cleaning them. ." Sawant said. at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines. though complaints were made to the authorities earlier. calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships. while she stood watch over him. The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine. Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics. pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest. Phan Thi Hien.http://www. The boy was beaten severly and given a needle and thread by his stepmother and was forced to sew his lips together.3 cents).com | Fun Forum – http://forum. in his absence.TopMasala. forced her 10-year-old stepson to stitch up his moutha as punishment for stealing 200 dong (1. Dying for a soda ?? A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500. Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on Thursday. The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the state. join TopMasala @ http://groups.000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine." said the man`s lawyer. No luck with a tow truck Get More fun stuff like this.

" Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the accident. Well." Bogumill said.. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow PA. "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer. the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open window.Six men believed to be illegal aliens from Mexico were killed by a freight train while sleeping on the tracks. a construction worker in Eau Claire. Texas . Wis. bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up. it worked !! Norias.topmasala. began to cry and started strip of grass. was left home alone last week.." Illegal aliens and transients sleep on the tracks because they think snakes won`t get them there. . "That next split-second. a spokeswoman for the Border Patrol. Get More fun stuff like this. Bouncing baby boy 3-year-old Lateef Wise. Philadelphia. A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun. who suffered minor injuries. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver. they saw heads raise up and then six people were killed instantly. Like a hole in the head !! Travis Bogumill. PA.m. was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull. Chinnamma Sebastian. But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult. join TopMasala @ http://groups." said Letty Garza." Bogumill | Fun Forum – http://forum. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents. Then he fell from the apartment. turned to his co-worker and said. and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to be. It finally stopped when it hit another tow It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver. The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr. and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp. He remained conscious. wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries. when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. At about 9:30 a. 49. "You just nailed me in the head.TopMasala. Philadelphia. John Lamoureux. "You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head. "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked unconscious. He said. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around.

27. The fourth. said her husband became a man through sexchange operations more than 20 years ago.topmasala. but he hit him.TopMasala.http://www. a woman. join TopMasala @ http://groups. CA. He came out with a beer. lost power for 30 minutes this spring when a branch blew off a tree and hit a Pacific Gas & Electric power line. Powerful coincidence! Almost all of Nevada City. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly." Holy tooth! Batman! Singing hymns and praying for peace and luck. I just killed the . Bush saw this and said. CA. The mommies! A custody battle in Santa Ana. George W. who was impregnated by artificial insemination. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. a | Fun Forum – http://forum. Bush's driver and I just killed the pig. The agency noted doctors normally reattach only two or three hands a year. had her hand severed by a dough machine. and a tons of money. The Grass Valley Union newspaper reported the outage delayed the trial of PG&E for failing to trim vegetation around power lines as required by the state. "I told them that I'm George W. took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl`s father is actually a woman. Kristie Vecchione. The driver tried to get out of the way. wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of Give em a hand! A team of Latvian doctors claimed a new world record after reattaching four severed hands in just five days. what did you tell them?" The driver replied. three of the patients had their hands cut off by saws while chopping down trees. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. thousands of Buddhists greeted a holy tooth believed to have belonged to Buddha when it arrived in Taiwan. "My God. According to the Baltic News Service. Get More fun stuff like this.

The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. were arrested at their apartment Monday. Close to home! GARY. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris. Programer Arthur Harris. Buddhists say the tooth brings blessings for those who live where it is housed and keeps them from disaster. speaking on a City Hall phone. Hence the enormous smile. "He thought he was having his picture taken.Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and asks to be shown the last body. all with very big smiles on their faces. Dozens of women prostated themselves and spread their long hair over a red" says the medical examiner." Get More fun stuff like Monks in saffron robes escorted the tooth. thinks the Inspector.000." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector." says the medical examiner. off a flight from India. Inspector. Died of alcohol poisoning. 41. To which the medical officer replies. 60. "This is the most unusual one. 46. struck by lightning. made a pile from government funds. Others knelt in rows. died of heart failure whilst making love to his | Fun Forum – http://forum. and spent it all on whiskey. Indiana .com/group/TopMasala/ . Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine." "Nothing unusual here". MP from Bihar.TopMasala. arranged to sell crack. and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers.http://www. 65 years of age. encased in a miniature golden pagoda.topmasala. allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk. was 70. hence the smile. Say Cheese Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary.000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall. "He was a minister from ruling Congress party. "Ah. clasping their hands in front to express their reverence. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body. 6 ounces of crack and $6. "He was a BJP leader.

Some time later. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course". When the senator invited him home for said the senator smugly. glittering with precious | Fun Forum – http://forum. the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening. "See the river over there?" "Sure". said the minister !! Get More fun stuff like this. When they came to his house. He is refusing to move from there!" "But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!" Indian politician An Indian politician went to the US to visit his ." he asked. grounds and the costly furnishings.TopMasala. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator Laloo`s Threat A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. said the minister. hundreds of servants etc etc. he had occasion to pay a return visit. I don't see any bridge. on a salary in Indian Rupees.http://www. peered closely and said. A guy from the front replied. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him.topmasala." "100 percent". "10 percent". The minister called him to the window. "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. was confused. He asked.the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built. "How can you possibly afford this. cried the senator. "No. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

"Yeah.. and the head and butt are interchangeable.. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean..." said the Israeli . and prairies. There's no guts. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body. cool water. I really think librarians are the best.. everything inside them is in alphabetical Best patient Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!" "And in agreement with Chairman Arafat." Yassir Arafat. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen.topmasala. "let me begin my speech. "This is a travesty. When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts. hearing this accusation.. so he went over to the other side of the pond.. "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech. but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded. I like construction workers." The fourth surgeon chimes in. and when the job takes longer than you said it would. jumps out of his seat and screams.TopMasala. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. I wanted to relay an old story to all of you. took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters.. because when you open them up. "No. The first surgeon says." Get More fun stuff like this. everything inside is numbered.. no heart. And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes.. and no spine. "You know." The second responds. the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..http://www.. The people became thirsty and needed water. "You're all wrong." UN meeting At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East." The third surgeon | Fun Forum – and even more deserts." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. "I like to see accountants on my operating table. The Israeli Consul began. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

Employees tell management what they think. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 9. "I bet you $1. 11. you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing . looking in. As he finishes with each group of people. and not get any outside the Bar Jokes: Reasons to allow drinking at work The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. and says to the bartender. It encourages carpooling. It reduces complaints about low pay. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. 3. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 4. Finally. A bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar. 13. It leads to more honest communications. it will be quickly forgotten.000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away. 15. he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. If something does something stupid on the job. | Fun Forum – http://forum." Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. 8. It reduces stress. 6. 14. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 5. 2. they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.TopMasala. If you use them wisely.http://www. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. and as he makes his way to the not what management wants to hear. 10. 7. It's an incentive to show up. The man walks up to the counter.

2. "Well.TopMasala." Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. I have two The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher. I guess you owe me $1. The bartender gets out a shot | Fun Forum – http://forum. 5. you see. 1. drinking a sip out of each one in turn. the other in Get More fun stuff like this. One is in . 7. huh?" The man answers. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room. 6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. and the contest WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 3. When he finishes them. "Yeah. The man sprays beer all over the bar.http://www. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. The bartender asks him. the bartender looks at him and says.000. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies. handsomer and smarter than some really. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. really big guy named Psycho Bob. "Well. a pint goes flat after I draw it.topmasala. When he finishes. he comes back to the bar and orders three more. so he agrees. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. but he wants his $1. paces off thirty feet. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. join TopMasala @ http://groups.000. "You know.

and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. I didn't mean to come on so | Fun Forum – http://forum. the bartender says. and I'm here in Dublin. The priest." The bartender hastily asks. wicked women. the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked. what causes arthritis?" " Australia. too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man. "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. "I don't want to intrude on your grief." the drunk muttered. join TopMasala @ http://groups." He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. no. "Oh.TopMasala. being with cheap." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. then the next. then the next. and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. When he comes back to the bar for the second I've just quit drinking. When we all left home. thinking about what he had said. The man's tie was stained. I was just reading here that the Pope does. his face was plastered with red lipstick. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. "I'm very sorry. father.topmasala. "What do you have pal?" Get More fun stuff like this. He opened his newspaper and began reading. and leaves it there. "Everyone's fine." What causes people to have arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. it's caused by loose living." he says. but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. "What'll it be buddy?" The man says. After a few minutes. then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. Staring in disbelief. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar." "Well I'll be.http://www. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. nudged the man and apologized. he comes in and orders two pints. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. One ." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down. "Say. and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. returning to his paper. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. The bartender looks at him and says." The Irishman looks confused for a moment.

"Another pint for me. "I have a dollar. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. so John goes inside to the bar. drinking by The man quickly replies. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." The Nun reluctantly agrees. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for | Fun Forum – http://forum." A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" I didn't get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a table.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. "How do you know this. a Nun. Get More fun stuff like this." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . and a triple vodka on the rocks".yahoo.http://www. and goes on the offensive. then no one will ever .

com | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. "and left me $25.topmasala. Two parents gone in two months.000." " Approaching the friend he comments." "Wow. that's" he said. and left me $15.000. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me." continued. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." the friend . "absolutely nothing!" Arriving home very drunk Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. "My father died. "You look terrible." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man." "And last month my aunt died. but where's his wheel chair?" Looking to buy a frog? Looking to buy a frog? Get More fun stuff like this.000. the friend. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August.http://www. No wonder you're depressed." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month. He is obviously drunk. join TopMasala @ http://groups." he replied. leaving me $90. "Then in September.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. join TopMasala @ http://groups. cracks his knuckles. "you seem to be in a hurry. orders four expensive thirty-year. "he's not for sale." the bartender remarks." "You would be. While the man is enjoying his beverages. "The frog was really nothing special. "Sorry. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small ." the man answered.000. "he's not for sale." he insists. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. without pausing. and you let him go for a mere $500." The stranger increases the offer to $250." A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar. The ghost? There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain.00 for the bullfrog. who begins to sing along with the rat's music. "No. You see. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano." "What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded." The stranger again increases the "That frog could have been worth millions to you.old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. the rat's a ventriloquist. will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees. still drinking one beer after the other. " | Fun Forum – http://forum. then agrees. and proceeds to play the blues.000!" "Don't worry about it. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. he downs each one.000. started it up and headed down the road. if you had what I have. "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a Get More fun stuff like A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender. finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. laughing and.00 cash up front. of course.TopMasala.http://www.000. "If I show you an even better trick. and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it. he asked the bartender. All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out. too. cracks his knuckles.00 cash. this time to $500. thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. and proceeds to play the blues. The man finally agrees. They jumped in the car. "If I show you a really good trick." the man replies. Then. After the man finished his drink. The rat stretches.topmasala. The rat stretches. these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain. a stranger confronts him and offers him $100.

join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. Upon return. terrified. trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. "What do you want???" The old man softly replied. and the passenger ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. and buys a huge beer. along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. there he is again!". so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said. Now going about 80 miles an hour. "you have any tobacco?" The passenger. "You want some help getting out of the mud? Exchanging notes! A guy walks in a . "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. he sees another note saying "Me too!" Get More fun stuff like this. the passenger yells. The old man gently replies. "I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer.TopMasala. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells. looked at the driver and said.topmasala. and decides to go and say hi to them. So he sets it on a table. scared out of his wits. they calm down and they start laughing again. when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out. Then he sees someone he knows. "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. "What do you think of that?" The driver says.

"what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years." says the other man. but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. the man replies. The guy from Coors says. but gives him what he ordered." says the shocked friend. join TopMasala @ http://groups." The bartender is a little taken aback. "Excuse me Mister. She turns to him and says.http://www. "`Cos I`m not finished yet. The guy from Budweiser says. why don`t you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says.TopMasala. "Lou. "Well. a .com Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask. give me a Coors.." The woman says. "Hey Señor.. "Not anymore! He is!" Embarrasing ! Get More fun stuff like this." He gets it.topmasala. in London. the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. a Budweiser. "I`d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water." The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival. all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. "Give me a Coke. furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. give me `The King Of Beers`." Best friend A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern. I would like the world`s best beer. "Yes ma`am. "I`m your best friend!" The man turns to his friend. I have indeed shit "Well. if you guys aren`t drinking beer. "Why aren`t you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "I`d like the best beer in the | Fun Forum – http://forum. neither will I." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. "But. What`s going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass. smiles." The bartender gives him one. and then slurs. looks at him through bloodshot eyes. After awhile. and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. The guy from Corona sits down and says. "My wife just ran off with my best friend. The guy from Guinness sits down and says.

"No. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don`t be ridiculous . "I`m 93. She smiles at him and says. "I never drank alcohol. "I`m 91. "What do you mean Rs 1000?" Secret of long life Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached them. I won`t sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. the woman walks over to him and apologizes. he finally goes over to her and asks . the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. Naturally. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. but not often and I dated some.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man. The three old men agreed." said the man. "I drank on occasion. at the top of his lungs.http://www. them no-one will know" Get More fun stuff like this. I`m a journalist and I`ve got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations. I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. Finally. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. and goes on the offensive." said the old man. "I dated every woman that would go out with me. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life." "And how old are you?" asked the You | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I`m sorry if I embarrassed you. the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. I smoked." "Wow. "How do *you* know. After a few minutes." replied the man. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you.topmasala. that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. "I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life.TopMasala. After an hour of gathering up his courage. "And how old are you?" "29. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life. I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years. Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day." To which he responds. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this.of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . at the top of her lungs. a Nun." "Wow!" said the reporter." the reporter asked.

he replied. taken aback. look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up. You remember that mine that caved in... and a friend of the bride's father. "Oh.. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer. A few minutes later. Waiting for things to get started." "Well. we.topmasala. and rendered speechless. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. the guests repaired to the parking lot. The guest. uh. I wouldn`t be here." he shouted. so John goes inside to the bar. exclaimed the father.. you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy.. "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer. "What's the problem?" he asked.." The bartender responded. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman ".com The Nun reluctantly agrees. "I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here. One guest. held back. "Another pint for me. they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle. sleeves rolled up. is it?" Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed.that`s where we put the jack. we found the keg of beer. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Australian marriage All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple." The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. joining the other farmers. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church. and a triple vodka on the rocks". and obviously very angry. grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. | Fun Forum – http://forum. and some bastard fucked the bride!". the friend again approached the father of the bride. he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me. the father reappeared and . and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again. When the last of us were escaping. "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering. "The weddin's off. and approached him. jacket off. well I was in that mine and so was that guy. left the church.. "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there.. "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly." Get More fun stuff like this. well.

"Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. "Look." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. have you found Jesus?" "No. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer. the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. but that's our price. gggimme a bbbeer". "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. I ttthougt it wwas yyour Bbbutt!" Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. "That will be Rs 300 please!". He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. "For the grace of God. I am. I did not!" said the drunk again.http://www." said the armless man. "Oh ttthat's OK. "Sssay! Bbbartender. join TopMasala @ http://groups. brings him up and says." And it was done. notices the old drunk and says. "If. who is badly Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river." said the customer. that's what we get!". Get More fun stuff like this. "Now brother. you'll find the money for the beer. "Bbbartender tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The Bartender replied." said the customer. "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket. "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my | Fun Forum – http://forum. He then says. before leaving he says. "No. and says. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "Yes sir. "Yes. have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads. and he did. The guy pays him and drinks it The Bartender. Disgusted. serves him a beer and says." The bartender got it. that's what we get!". "Yes. walks into a . "Now. gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says. drinks his whiskey and." The Guy says." "Certainly. The guy pays him. "Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my Humpback while you were in here. but that's our price. "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says. "I have no arms . The Minister turns. I didn't!" said the drunk. eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh. The guy says. "Mister.topmasala. brings him up and demands. said the bartender. "Ssay! Bbbartender. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Too high! This guy who stutters badly.TopMasala. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him.would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure".

com/group/TopMasala/ . "Boy. and there's one in a filling station on the corner. "That's a lot to deal with. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men." said the butcher with a smile. "nothing! Not even a single rupee!" Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman. "You look awful." the friend added.000. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me 25. that's tough. drinking by himself." Inheritance! A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his. Losing three close family members in three months." said the man. Get More fun stuff like this. "Son.00.00. the friend said. and one day the "Then in June. my dad died leaving me 50. is terrible!" replied the man." "Gosh. "I'll be 16 tomorrow. entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. "Last month my aunt died and left me 10. go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread. Approaching his friend." "I know." When the boy arrived home he told his mother." said the bartender." the friend answered." continued the friend. tell your mother. both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed.000. "turn left. "Just one thing more. free milk.000. and watch the expression on her face. Continuing.http://www.00. walk two blocks. "Then this month. The next day the man went before the judge. that it is the last free meat she'll get. The woman nodded and said. who had been collecting the meat each week. and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Judgement There were three men at a bar. Where is the men's room?" "Out the "You've been very kind. join TopMasala @ http://groups. She | Fun Forum – http://forum. he commented." the man replied. "I've been counting too.topmasala." said the customer. He had been counting the years off on his calendar. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.TopMasala. came into the shop and said. when you take this parcel of meat home. with a baby in her arms.

TopMasala. "This and" The judge then said. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – . The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. "Sooner or later. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.http://www." Big Booze An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer. "Wait. "Where do you work?" The man said." The judge asked the man. "Here and there. Get More fun stuff like this. "What do you do for a living?" The man said. you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him The judge asked the man. "So.topmasala. judge when will I get out?" The judge said to the man. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. "Take him away. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up." The man said.

everything is big in Texas. "Oh man. sat down. he enters the third door on the left and falls into a "The pub called. The waitress says." The bartender said. Everybody looked up and bowed their head. When the Irishmen walked up to the bartender the bartender "That is a small glass of beer." Irishman in the Bar An Irishmen walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. He walked to a table. you left your wheelchair there again. He returns to the bar soaking wet. "I am so sorry about your brother." So the Irishmen did this for a number of years. The Bartender said. | Fun Forum – http://forum." Extra Large A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. "Son. "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right. son. it is this huge 40 oz. But one day he walked in and only ordered two . piece of meat." Then he ordered a small steak. "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors. When the waitress brings it to him. I fell in the damn toilet!" Heavy Drinker Get More fun stuff like this. When he was finished he went up to get three more. Bartender says." The Irishmen looked at him funny and said. "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep. "Oh No. Everything in Texas is big. and began to drink each drink one at a time." The Irishman said.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking.topmasala. "That's very cool. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak.

beer. "Let's try whiskey first.. Shiva decided to have beer. gin. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. I ssssure am. I ddddidnt!" said the drunk. "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" The Old Drunk A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. Preasher. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender. vodka. "We have whiskey. who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky..." Lord Shiva. "Who is this man. " | Fun Forum – http://forum. Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain. "Nooo. give me five bottles of whiskey. After having fourty bottles of beer. Get More fun stuff like this." Bartender. and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet. "Mister. "Yess. Lord shiva decided to try Rum." After having five bottles of whiskey.." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and he asked the bartender for Gin. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.http://www. "What all do you have". who are you???" Lord Shiva." After having five bottles of Rum. " .com One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. rum.TopMasala. Bartender. Bartender was shocked. after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet.

you're back again. "Now. have you found Jesus?" "Noooo. brother. "Superman. I slow down and land gently. I dddid not Reverrrrend. minutes later. " The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer. The bartender looks over to the other guy and says. jumps | Fun Forum – http://forum." The guy. Get More fun stuff like this. "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process." said the other man. who was also quite drunk. a man was drinking . stone dead. Finally he went up to the man and asked. and he went to see the Doctor about it. You should try it. and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground. brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone. In this bar. "My God man. you keep drinking.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher. It's lot of fun. brings him up and says. there was a bar. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot. thought to himself." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. why not?" So he goes out to the balcony. And yet.topmasala. and he was feeling really crook. "Hey.http://www. then walk out to the balcony and jump "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?" Drunk Superman On the top of a tall building in a large city. then jumping off the balcony. you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk" No More Peas There was a businessman. How do you do it?" "Well. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.

. I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies. "Really. all those peas will be clogging up your system. "Well.topmasala. he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed. he says. "That's nothing. that's your problem. I haven't had a pea in 7 years. "Naw she won't. One of the reps says. I only eat peas. what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. "But how long for. My wife is gonna kill me. I gotta go home." The barman jumps up screaming. I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years." Quite a shocker really. why?" Get More fun stuff like this. years later. one guy hiccups.TopMasala. and now I've thrown up all over myself." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says. I hate all other green foods. because I haven't had a smoke in four years. "Well. I'm afraid" The man is quite shocked by this. pushes himself away from the bar. actually. The doctor says to him. "Yeah." Drunken Excuses Two guys are sitting at a bar. "Well man. his condition because it cost me my first marriage. . but he gives it a go and sure enough. I'd love a cigarette. I gave it up. you'll have to give them up!!" The guy says. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve. one night. and the barman goes. so he realises that he will never eat a pea again. everyone who can't | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Ok. "Man. you got twenty bucks?" The first says. I'm already two hours late.. it must be your diet. Anyway. After a bunch of drinks over several hours. and proceeds to hurl all over himself. actually. "Well. "Forever. drops his head down to his chest. so i gave it up!" The businessman says. The second guy turns to the first and says. grab a table.

TopMasala. and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says." The first guy says. Eventually they head home. and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours. The drunk guy leans forwards and says. you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. The drunk guy goes. This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned." "Some french fries and some meat loafs?" "Not a problem. "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket." Taxi guy replied. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the first guy’s wife is waiting up for | Fun Forum – The second drunk says.topmasala. "Great idea! Let's have another round". "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says. drunk as a skunk. Check my front "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?" Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem. "Wait honey. "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!" Get More fun stuff like this. After giving directions back to his house. sir. Sure .http://www. he and the taxi driver are talking. listen for a second." She reaches in and pulls out the money. she takes a look at him and says. a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long. When you get home and your wife asks what happened. "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late. I swear. "Oh yeah. he crapped in my pants too!!" A Puking Drunk A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare. I do it all the time. She says. As he walks through the door.

"Okay. All she sees is a big green parrot." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for do you look lovely this afternoon. "Why. and stuffs the parrot in the freezer." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken. and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying. madam. she says. I know a charming place on 7th Street. She | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She rips the parrot out of his cage. She decides against puppies. but there is no one. I promise it won't happen again.http://www. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you. resting on his perch in his cage. goes down the stairs. that would be delightful. I did!" he replies. etc. okay. but one that paid such nice compliments. The parrot is very cold. kitties.. "You know. swearing. the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat. "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says. Get More fun stuff like this." Within five minutes. marches down the stairs into the basement. Well. I am deeply Animal Jokes: A very insulting parrot Panda This elderly lady. he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the ." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot. So she pays for him and takes him home. When the woman enters the building. recently widowed. "My. bringing the parrot along. into the cellar. "Why yes. On the way. the parrot begins complaining. of course. and even bit her once. I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says. "Did you say that?" she asks. yes. The lady is absolutely stunned. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

"I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws. "I do have one question | Fun Forum – http://forum. Around midday.and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.. "'S' stands for snail. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by. and to a park.topmasala. not Get More fun stuff like this." Well. what'd he do. the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and . looking very annoyed and say. 'Buk Buk BUK. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. but he wants it repainted "240-S". join TopMasala @ http://groups. slam. and decides to follow them. she hid behind a tree. When she finally takes him and. into the freezer. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon..TopMasala. After shopping around a while. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. She followed them out of the library. so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. out of the town. "Why 'S'?" The snail replies. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. At this point. they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!" These chickens want books Panda A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say. She gives them what they request. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z. 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. approach the librarian. That turkey in there. attack you?" A snail buys a fast new car Panda There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. he looks up at the lady and says. The chickens leave as before. the parrot is one step away from death. The dealer asks. the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books. she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes. and gives it to them. This time. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.

" The frog says. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. or what?" "No. the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more. "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. Then one day at a pet store." A frog calls a psychic Panda Recently. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.http://www.. he exclaimed. told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. a husband has turned into a couch potato. the shopkeeper said. "Wow!" said the wife. "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately. powerful hairy forearms. "This is great! Will I meet her at a party. beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told. To demonstrate. "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention. to which the frog was saying." Purchasing a new bird Panda After many years of | Fun Forum – http://forum. observing her fascination with the bird." says the psychic. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond. "Next semester in her biology class. the wife saw this big. became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all . snorting bird with a hairy chest. The shopkeeper. Get More fun stuff like this. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention. wanting to be seen. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it

.. it expires every year and if you go fishing out of state you can get a 3 days license. If you think about it. they are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right. sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game... the husband was. Now the question is what were they telling him??? Socho . Get More fun stuff like this.. Socho socho. also if you decide to mount one. "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband. my foot!" Marriage should be like Fishing A marriage license should be like a fishing license..TopMasala.http://www. in his usual bored tone replied. "Goony Bird.. and all other ants started shouting at him. All ants got out of water...topmasala. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. girls and fish have a lot in common. "Honey!" she exclaimed. One ant climbs at the back of the elephant. most are good to eat. you know is going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. Smart Ants All ants were bathing in a When she entered the house... as usual. Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool..

"Spreadsheet.topmasala.." Measure got up. a square. walked to the fridge. Get More fun stuff like this. do your stuff. "T-square. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.." T-square pranced over to the all ants starts .." FOUR CATS The Four Cats ! Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were . took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle. But the Accountant said his cat could do But the Chemist said his cat could do better.Everyone agreed that was good... and a triangle. do your stuff. He called his cat and said "Measure. the Engineer called his cat. To show off. the second man was an Accountant.. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. "DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO. the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.. The first man was an Engineer.TopMasala.. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies . He called his cat and said.. do your | Fun Forum – http://forum..http://www........ took out a quart of milk.

.com Everyone agreed that was pretty good.................. drank the milk.. claimed he injured his back while doing | Fun Forum – http://forum. screwed the other three cats.. Get More fun stuff like this... sh*t on the your stuff.. filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions... "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said.. join TopMasala @ http://groups......TopMasala....................... "Coffee Break....." Coffee Break jumped to his feet. ate the cookies. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said..........

"That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Please you've got to tell me what happens if I pull both of his legs?" The parrot turns and looks at the man and says.and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. Not only is it beautiful.topmasala.000 dollars?" The employee says. The parrot says. The parrot says...!!!!!!!!!! Bilingual Parrot Bilingual Parrot A man walks to the register and asks the employee.. but it is bilingual..http://www. that parrot is extremely special. Get More fun stuff like this..." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "Oh. "No | Fun Forum – http://forum.. "Go ahead." The man gives the employee a strange look and says.... "Go ahead pull on the left leg. " . but can you tell me why that parrot costs $5.." So the man pulls on the parrot's left join TopMasala @ http://groups. and he says. cool.TopMasala. and pull on his right leg.... "Excuse me put in for Workers Compensation... As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.. I fall down!" Sign language of a monkey ! A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. "Hello how are you?" The man smiles and says..... "Follow me I'll prove it." So the man pulls on the parrot's right leg. that's amazing!" The employee then says..." The employee says. there's no animal that could ever learn how to speak two languages!" The employee smiles and says.. "Pagal... The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk. it's one of a kind. "Kaise Ho?" The man was so excited and overwhelmed.

The parrot said to her. "They were drinking?" asked the officer.."Well. you are really ugly. "Hey ." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing. 3. 2. did you see this?" "Yes." The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. Pretentious parrot!! A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey. "Hey lady. the monkey shook his head up and down. How Dogs Are Better Than Men. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. 5. they don t laugh at how you throw. Again. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. The monkey shakes his head "Yes.. You can train a dog. "Hey lady." She was incredibly ticked now." "They were kissiing. you are really ugly. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go | Fun Forum – http://forum. Dogs miss you when you are gone. 1. too?" asked the astounded officer.topmasala. You are really "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. Dogs are color blind. 9.TopMasala. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her." motioned the monkey. 7. Dogs understand what "NO" means. 4. The next day the same parrot again said to her. you are saying your owners were" Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. 6. When dogs play "fetch". join TopMasala @ http://groups. smoking and kissing before they wrecked." "Now wait. 8. "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes. 2." The monkey shakes his head "Yes.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. say the snakes. "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly".com/group/TopMasala/ . Smart snakes! The Flood is over and the ark has landed." A few months later. Noah asks. "Well. The owner Lots of little snakes. Noah follows their advice." Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. "We`re adders. "Go forth and multiply. "We`ve got such a clever | Fun Forum – http://forum." The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".TopMasala. "Why. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning. "What`s the problem?" says The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". Noah checks on the snakes again. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again. the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2. "Hey lady. The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1. everybody is happy. does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man.000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest. Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Several more weeks pass.000 dollars. I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!". Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. "You know.http://www. say the snakes." Intelligent dog ! A wife says to her husband one weekend morning. Noah lets all the animals out and says. join TopMasala @ http://groups." She paused and said. lots of dogs can do that. "Yes ?" And the bird replied. so we need logs to multiply. Naturally." Her husband replied. "Cut down some trees and let us live there".

"I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted. the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES. After hours of effort he reached the top. slams him against a tree half a dozen times. After recovering. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now. "Oh great lion. Down through a valley they . `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed!` Poor turtle! Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree." Blind as a bat!!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. mighty lion! "Later. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away. YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Dear. but they persisted until he finally gave The wife responded. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk. and fell to the ground.http://www. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep. "You are. "Well I didn`t!" Mightiest !! A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!" Smoke in bed ! The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared. the female bird turned to her mate. Finally. across a river and into a forest of trees. he slowly climbed the tree again. The lion feeling like it`d been run over by a safari wagon. join TopMasala @ http://groups. jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildbeest stammers. follow me. `Sidney!` she screamed. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows. | Fun Forum – http://forum." she chirped. Get More fun stuff like this. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning. "OK.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze". He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. After some discussion.topmasala." Ape removal A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. a pair of handcuffs. found a good location for the box. "occasionally when I shake the tree. he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.http://www. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground. HEY. and if I fall.TopMasala. a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. yes. this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. "Just because you don`t know the answer. IN THERE. How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade. a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas. thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time. he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal. which came in a little white box to use for his house. Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks." says Harry. So he asked the centipede in the box. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box. The store manager tells shoot the damn dog!" Unusual pet This guy was lonely. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now. Not knowing quite what to The lion let out a moan of pain. This bothered him a bit. you don`t have to get so mad. putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he . This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. he finally bought a centipede. a pick-up truck. "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh. So he waited a few more minutes. and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again. Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new | Fun Forum – http://forum. I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The man agrees that Chet certainly is Get More fun stuff like this. He took the box back home. lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant. and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. the gorilla shakes back. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again.. threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again.. he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?". and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. the ship hit an iceberg and sank. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him. and the bird begins to sing. One night in the middle of the magician's . Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs. looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot. Three Years Later The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door. his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Silent Night. The parrot got bored. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. Jingle All the Way. He scratched his head. "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle | Fun Forum – http://forum. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts.. Holy Night.. He gets up and goes to see who`s there and there is no one. he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night. Immediately Chet starts singing. there was no one at the door. but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing.http://www. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left retty. He picked up the snail.TopMasala. Get More fun stuff like this. who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells.. Demonstrating.topmasala." The wife is absolutely impressed. Confused parrot A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot.

And stared. "Awright. And stared. Soon afterward. perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard. I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy. it's not as easy as it looks. a giraffe. immediately collapsing from exhaustion. the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. drink water. and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. still eyeing him intently. etc. but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. I don't want to complain. The elephant complained.topmasala. They were an elephant. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe complained. trying to hurry across the street. is it?" Get More fun stuff like not even blinking. So the guy turns around to go back. For a whole day the magician was unconscious. "Don't . What did you do with the ship?" Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their | Fun Forum – http://forum. Looking up. and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord said. The squirrel says to the man. then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The driver rolls down the window. Eventually the magician started to stir. and finally the parrot squawks.http://www. and allows you to see a distance. "Don't complain. Another hour goes by. he saw the parrot. "See. the parrot flew to the magician. The car gets real close. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches. "Lord." Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street." The hen spoke up. and a hen. By now.TopMasala. but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs. "Lord. I give up. The man walks faster. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It gets in the way. It lets you pick up food. "Lord. and people laugh at me!" The Lord said. I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. I get terrible neck pains. The driver is a squirrel.

. and figured out that being a dog is too tiring. I want you to send me back immediately.. come up and have some." said Joe. Peter. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the finishing a joint. finds the tree were the monkey is sitting. crawling into bed and falling to sleep... The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle." "WHAT!!? Are you saying. "Faaaaaaark dude.. Peter.. then asks the lizard. kissing his wife. I'm dead? I don't want to die . got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink... After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree. "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says. join TopMasala @ much water did you drink?! The Dream Eggs! Joe did like he always does. but a hen probably has a nice Get More fun stuff like this. and who are you?" he asked.topmasala." "It's not that easy". and he looks up and says.http://www." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.TopMasala." the man replied. "This is not your bedroom.. he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. I'm too Dopin' Lizard A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey. said St. "If I'm dead. All of a sudden. "Smoking a joint.. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. "I am St.... "you can only return as a dog or a hen. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and you are in heaven. You can choose on your own" Joe thought about it for a . "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says.

" "Oh that!" said the rooster.. for Christ's sake!!! Wake up . "That's only the ovulation going on. and pushed more than he was good for. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow . calling. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. "Hey. discarding. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog. "Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed.topmasala. then along came the rooster.TopMasala.. "How does it feel?" " | Fun Forum – http://forum. everything the other human players were doing. he heard his wife shout. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and then you push all you can. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players." Joe replied. In the next second. you're shittin' all over the bed!" Dog`s Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table." Joe clucked twice. nicely feathered.. he found himself in a chicken and relaxed life. raising. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. "Joe. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table.. and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.. it's OK I guess.. but it feels like my rear end is blowing up." he said. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck . Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. Get More fun stuff like this... "I want to return as a hen. you must be the new hen on the farm.. The third time he clucked.

com/group/TopMasala/ . I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that." I was thinking quickly. who are dog owners. but she was evidently pondering this new information. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.topmasala. "He isn't that smart. At this point. or they don't let you be a Mommy. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players. Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me. "Mommy. how do you know all this stuff? You are so | Fun Forum – http://forum. he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Why?" my daughter asked." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes. are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart." The comparison! Two women. "I can't believe that dog is playing poker. You have to know it. "All moms know this stuff. "Because it's been on the ground. Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. It's on the Mommy Test.http://www. every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail. my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked. it's dirty and probably has germs" I they just treated him like any other player. you don't know where it's Children Jokes: Mommy Test The Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

TopMasala. The husband was falling a sleep." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.topmasala. held her hand for a second. "To get my teeth!" LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. and tried to get back to sleep.I get it!" she beamed. send this to a Mom! Old AGE!." Mildly irritated. "Then you used to kiss me. but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.. "Where are you going ?" she asked. gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. he reached across. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy. When you're finished laughing." Wearily he reached across. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting. Thirty seconds later she said. "Angrily. "Then you use to bite my neck. "OH.. he threw back the bed clothes and got out of . A few moments later she said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. An older couple was lying in bed one night. She said.

Upon opening the garage Little Johnny | Fun Forum – http://forum. "How do you suppose This ball got in here?" I asked the boy. he said. It was a small boy. who had just opened his book. Taking one look at the ball. I noticed two additions: a baseball and A broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "Let's talk. and He wanted it . "To stay pretty for daddy. A few minutes later.TopMasala. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face. "How about nuclear power?" Get More fun stuff like this. about six years Old. I don't know. as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. she began removing the cream with a tissue." said his mother. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh. and said to the stranger. closed it slowly. The boy exclaimed. one look at the window." said the stranger. "What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. fascinated. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. "Giving up?" Accuracy There was a knock at the door. Something of his had found its way into my garage. join TopMasala @ http://groups. mommy?" he asked. and one look at Me." Little Johnnie.http://www.topmasala. "Wow ! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said.

would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "What have you got there. I got it myself." Entry to Heaven! "If I sold my house. "God. the train narrowly missing him. would that get me into Heaven?" Again. my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church. To his horror he saw a train coming. his foot was still stuck. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. the boy called out. I'll quit being bad. he answered.TopMasala. the answer was. "NO!" the children all answered. please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. Panicked he started to pray." "Well. they all | Fun Forum – http://forum. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. "If I cleaned the church every day. He tried his plea one more time. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. mowed the yard. dusted himself off." said Little Johnnie. and kept everything neat and tidy. "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. his foot broke free and he fell backwards. and a deer all eat grass." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "God. a "OK." said Little Johnnie. A horse. then. I'll stop swearing. something fell out of the Bible. "That could be an interesting topic. "I have no idea. The same stuff. "Thanks anyway God. if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children. dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez. he heard a noise and turned around. then. As he struggled to free his foot. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. look what I found". please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing happened. "Mama.http://www. looked toward Heaven and .topmasala. Suddenly. "God." said the "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Adam's dress A little boy opened the big family bible. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty. But let me ask you a question first. please. Again. He got up. "NO!" Get More fun stuff like this. AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress. and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. "NO! "Well. and loved my wife. if you get my foot out of the tracks. He picked up the object and looked at it.

the stork brought us too.." said the slightly prudish parent.topmasala. it is Vanishing cream!" Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. there was a moment of silence at the table. At bedtime. "Oh. After going all the way around the room. "the stork brought you to us. "Well darling." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM.http://www.TopMasala. "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out. "Well. the stork brought them too!" said the parent.. As they disappeared out of sight. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation "You see. the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. how did you and daddy get born?" he asked." " . "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" Natural childbirth! A boy was assigned a paper on | Fun Forum – http://forum....." Vanishing cream! During a dinner party. the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. "How was I born?" "Well honey . "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE." said the boy. the children left. the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his "Well. The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. join TopMasala @ http://groups. He asked his parents." Robert continued. during which one child was heard to say. Several days later. Get More fun stuff like this.

. Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said. Get More fun stuff like this." To which the little brother replied. "Did God make me too?" "Yes. as well as her own reflection in the mirror. and he's never hurt no one." replied Johnnie. while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. "Did God made you. he saw two big eyes looking back at him. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "God's doing a lot better job lately. A few minutes later. Grandpa. As he was dipping the bucket in. "That's Johnnie. then that water ain't fit to drink!" Better job Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked." the grandfather answered. Here. the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa. "I know. "I can't get any water from that water hole. when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator.topmasala. the little girl asked him. For a few minutes. At last she spoke up. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen." the older man answered." she said." Stupidest kid! A businessman was talking with his I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR. He . God made but Grandma is!" Scared!!! One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. Why. "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf. | Fun Forum – http://forum. where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "Well now." "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber. "You know. He's been there for a few years now. Gramma. "if he's as scared as I am. Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice. he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well.TopMasala. I'll show you.http://www. The barber whispered. Grandpa?" "Yes. one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet.

or black. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"? Definitely ! A nursery school teacher says to her class." Children of Israel At the Henry Street Hebrew School. "If I take the quarter. "Sorry." Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks. "See." The teacher says." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines. "Mr. I told you. "Johnny! Of course not!!!" Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this. finished the day's lesson. the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime. "Well accordin' to the Bible.topmasala." demanded Joey. The barber looked at the businessman and said." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians. "Trees are definitely green. too. but the sky can sometimes be gray." announced little Joey. an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans. but in the Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand." "Sorry. right?" "All that is right. It was now time for the usual question period. Goldblatt." "An' the Children of Israel built the . an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important. "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says." After his haircut. Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said. Goldblatt. the new teacher." A second little boy says." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "there's something I can't figure out. join TopMasala @ http://groups. right?" "Er--right.TopMasala. Amy. the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. right?" "Again you're right. the game is over. the trees are brown.http://www. "The sky is definitely blue." agreed Goldblatt. right?" " "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says.

"My Daddy's an accountant. "My name is Jimmy. Get More fun stuff like this. he deserves | Fun Forum – http://forum. with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer.TopMasala." "Honest?" asked Jimmy.then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!" Shocking letter A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. Don't worry Mom. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Judith PS: Mom. I'm at the neighbor's house.. What's yours?" asked the first boy.With the worst premonition. she reads it. In the meantime. "Johnnie. we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure. "My Daddy's a lawyer. But it is not only that mom. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. Johnnie replied.http://www. Love Your daughter. I found real passion and he is so nice.topmasala. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends.. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. it's not true. with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the "OK. for Ahmed to get better." replied the second.I love you! Honest Law yer! Two small boys were overheard talking one .

Get More fun stuff like this. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she "No. I just stay inside my apartment all day and night. I don't. No." "Well. One woman cried all day long. she shops. "I don' .com | Fun Forum – http://forum.but she keeps finding her way back. " Angus said..TopMasala. good food and companionship. replied Johnnie." says his mother. . and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. We also sleep in separate beds." Martial Woes: Perfect Marriage 1.http://www. we go to a nice restaurant. have a little beverage. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. just the regular kind".. "I suggest you don't associate with people like that. Strange Neighbour There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. playing my bagpipes.. Two times a week. Mam. another lies on her floor moaning. After a week or two. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. We always hold hands. 3. I take my wife everywhere." "Oh. 4." says Angus. I go on Fridays. She goes on Tuesdays. If I let go. 5. my dear. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas . join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I'm fine.topmasala. So I suggested the kitchen. his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new 2. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. For example.http://www. Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. She has an electric blender.She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" . Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. Get More fun stuff like this. We are brought up that way.! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!" No Relationship without Expectation Having expectations in our culture is expected. I married Miss Right. So I bought her an electric chair. join TopMasala @ http://groups." 8. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. The driver said "No. it is only and always an unrealistic | Fun Forum – http://forum. 7. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. Expectations are rarely ever She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled.. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need. I just didn't know her first name was Always. That is a problem for most people. 13. she told me "In the lake. I asked where the car was. electric toaster and electric bread maker. 6. jump in!" 10. 12.. we become disappointed. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other.TopMasala.. Then the mud fell off. if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me. Needs can be cussed and discussed. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.I don't like to interrupt her. She ran after the garbage truck. we . we b***h. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. The last fight was my fault though. I will most likely be disappointed. One love partner knows the expectation.topmasala. yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" . 9.

Not easy. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship." This is a myth. Once we learn to identify our own individual." we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. or both. healthy needs. This will always generate lots of surprises. those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to . Get More fun stuff like this. to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together. . by changing our thinking about expectations. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out. That is when the adventure begins. Simple. Working together on problems makes us stong. Problems are not to break us. You don't always get what you expect. Try this: "No expectations. that the results are always bad." is certainly a better attitude than the . we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. the adventure the heart was crying for. or worse. because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings. By considering a new point of view. surprises you can enjoy together. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. . While there is something to be said about "expecting the best. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met. Even when we imagine the very best.TopMasala. we may be surprised by the result. we often get angry or disappointed. join TopMasala @ http://groups. surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our | Fun Forum – http://forum. fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. They bring couples together and give them something to share.topmasala. things may turn out better than we imagined. Surprises create a sense of adventure.http://www. we are often surprised. Some say. . "If you always expect the best for your "Expect the best. to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay. everything will work out better. Disappointment usually follows. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together.

the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable. If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship. For example. you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty. always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. The healthier image you have of yourself." I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. By "give yourself away. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did. the less likely this will occur. There is a difference between duty and responsibility. our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations. it caused a confrontation. it is something to be avoided. join TopMasala @ http://groups. to be understood. . So. Everyone has a need to be loved. We have more to lose because now we know what we want.http://www. argument. In my opinion. we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. of course! You focus on your needs and make a Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. anger. The outcome is less predictable. to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs. When it feels like duty. we create vulnerability. if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of | Fun Forum – http://forum. regardless of whether their choices are our choices. When duty does not meet our There is some risk involved. Never give yourself away in the relationship. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met. The next thing you know is. We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. we either choose to have conversations about them or not.topmasala. Talk about what you need with your . good or bad. . It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. If your relationship is not full of surprises. . Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace. To avoid disappointment or problems. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love | Fun Forum – http://forum. have no expectations. as best you can. join TopMasala @ http://groups. We often call things that happen that cause disappointment.TopMasala.topmasala. The predicaments that follow are predictable.http://www. Unfulfilled expectations always cause commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Man: Will it help? Dr: No. Express your needs with love. Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Get More fun stuff like this. you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined M ARRIAGE without any prejudice All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. but the thought of long life will never come. it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy.

. what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. The wife said. it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. because that is your job. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.. It's like asking someone." Husband replies.."HEBREWS" Get More fun stuff like this. " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it. "I can't believe that. you should do it. and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages.. Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ? To tell each other affectionately.. that it indeed says .com/group/TopMasala/ .com | Fun Forum – show Wife: Darling today is our anniversary... and I can just wait for my coffee.." Wife replies. "No. ." The husband said. because you get up first. Sweetheart U R Dead! There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. if suicide is better or being murdered. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www." So she fetched the Bible. "You should do it. Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare..topmasala. and besides.TopMasala..

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and . She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The husband pauses . My wife thinks that in the daytime!" Get More fun stuff like this. "I would have been released today. I remember" said the wife. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee. He appears to be in deep Yeah Baby A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. Replied | Fun Forum – http://forum. lowering herself into a chair beside him. "You're lucky. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. 'Either you marry my daughter.the words were not coming easily. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband continued.http://www. just staring at the wall. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said." Millionaire "Last night my wife told me she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly." Bill said to his friend Tom. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes. and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.topmasala.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that. He told her not to bother. may I approach the bench?" "Well. "Your honor. You may approach the bench. who worked from a studio in his home. He told her that he would pay her for the day.TopMasala. as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He specialized in nudes. "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this | Fun Forum – http://forum. please. he was forced to impose a jail term. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now." Get More fun stuff like this." The husband jumped to his feet. he just wanted some hot tea and then. taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail. he said in a low voice. join TopMasala @ http://groups. As usual.http://www. leaning forward. The model ." The husband wasted no time getting there and. his model reported. It's the least I can do. off to bed. but that she could just go home." said his honor." Nude Masterpiece There was this artist. considering her record. let me fix it for you. she began to undress for the day's work. "She also stole a can of Six Nights A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk. addressing the There were six tomatoes in the can. "Oh.

Her friend said. He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure Quick! Take all your clothes off.topmasala. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Get More fun stuff like this. "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. saved all his money. "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the . and was a real miser. Just before he died he said to his wife. "It's my wife. "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea. Well he died. when he heard the front door open and close. I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied. Suspicious Wife A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. "I got it all together." said the wife. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. put it into my account and wrote a cheque." Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all his life. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say. He was stretched out in the casket. his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. if he can cash it he can spend it. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly.TopMasala. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him. then some familiar footsteps. "Girl. | Fun Forum –
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur. Dying Husband A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me

what I can do?" "Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." Crazy Love A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

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The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor. The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!" "She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad." They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!" "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also." "No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!" Married Life Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

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The New Wife The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Extra Marital affairs.. Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

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join TopMasala @ http://groups. "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. He told his The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt." he replied. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. We had sex all afternoon.topmasala. They decided to try one last time for the son they always | Fun Forum – http://forum. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. "I can't lie to you. "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. "I'm having an affair with my secretary.http://www. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and He put on his shoes and drove . The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

" "One Cent?" the man thought. Sir. " . I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing. "have this. went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.TopMasala." No more was said. "stand in the corner. "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A | Fun Forum – http://forum. went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us. "Don't move until I tell you." she" The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe." she said. too. "Here. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room." she A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door." the barman replied.http://www. not even when they went to bed." She rubbed baby oil all over him. He glanced at the menu and asked." he said to the statue. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" Get More fun stuff like this. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Oh it's a statue. that'll be one cent. then dusted him with talcum powder.topmasala. Around 2 AM the husband got up.

He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side.. "Now just rest and let the poison work. "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender The bartender replied." Freaking Jinx A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. When he opened his eyes.. You were there beside me." The man asked. with my wife. He looked up and said weakly." his wife replied. you were there beside me. "I have something I must confess. "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.topmasala." she replied.TopMasala. cutting out more adverts for me to apply. I failed again and again. And sometimes. encouraging me to go on . join TopMasala @ http://groups." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. his wife was there beside him. When I was a struggling University | Fun Forum – http://forum.. The impact was on his head. I know. "I want to die in peace." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs." he insisted." Get More fun stuff like this. which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness." "There's no need to. I slept with your sister. "No. her best friend. "Upstairs... and your mother!" "I your best friend. His wife sat at the bedside.http://www. even my re-papers as well.

I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now.. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. Bewildered by now. the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!"." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time.. I blew it because of one little | Fun Forum – http://forum. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!" Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman . He said. "You're a freaking jinx!" Sports Jokes: what happened after india lost to srilanka??? After the shameful defeat of Team India .. And you were there beside me. the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel All in .topmasala. he could not help asking. join TopMasala @ Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!". And you were still beside me." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband.. you are here beside me. " Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up. "How did you recognise me?" Get More fun stuff like this.. Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc.http://www.TopMasala.. As such. Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping.There's something I'd really like to say to you.. sobbing with He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract.

He had no idea what to answer. he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat."I'm so sorry to hear of your | Fun Forum – "This was my wife's seat. "I remember now. Making sure the professor wasn't watching. "Pssst. he tapped Tiny on the shoulder." "Oh yeah. they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. He stopped. you're so stupid. She was a big Packers fan. "Bubba. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. The exam was fill-in-theblank." Bubba was stumped. "Old MacDonald had a ________.topmasala. When he arrived at the seat. Tapping Tiny's Get More fun stuff like this. "Is this seat taken?" The man replied.TopMasala."I am Sachin!" An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau." said Bubba." The other man replied." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man The lady replied .com/group/TopMasala/ . She passed away. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. The last question read. he asked the man sitting next to it. Tiny. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. If they failed. "They're all at the funeral.http://www. Looking with his binoculars." Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you. how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb. Get More fun stuff like this. That's so . real estate. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. he whispered. Bubba. as if that weren't bad enough. he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. Detailed information about his stocks. Although the player won't know your name. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O. now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need. "Tiny. It's just not right.TopMasala. Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center.http://www. they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of the strike. But to a basketball player. For you.topmasala. you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And. 401(k). "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING" Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. but to a basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. bonds. or enjoy a weekend in Rio. you will receive a photo of the player (unsigned). "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" Each month. two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments." Adopt an NBA player THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming. trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari. Plus upon signing up for this shoulder | Fun Forum – http://forum. two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his salary.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. ___YES. Please select one for me.http://www. I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. join TopMasala @ http://groups. * Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Sorry. [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] DiscoverCard [ ] Diner's Club Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________ Account Number: _____________________ Exp.TopMasala.topmasala. Please charge the account listed below $2.79 per day for a reserve player or starter for the duration of the Simply fill out the form below.054.Date:____________________________ Signature: _________________________ Get More fun stuff like . along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel. does not include cheerleaders). My preference is checked below: [ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored.

or third parties.TopMasala. but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. but not limited to. and second of all. a blonde was trying out her new boat. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time.http://www." Boat troubles During late spring one year. She was unable to have her boat perform. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there". either in person or by other means including. telephone calls.) Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored. "How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde. letters. this is a hockey rink. Blonde Jokes: I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning. you're going to have to pay for those holes. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole. So the man cooly says "Well first of Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. contributions are not tax-deductible.topmasala. she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. When she reached her final destination. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. Oh . and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. travel through water. So she moves (Children under 18 must have parental approval. e-mail. thanks to your generous donations.

weighs 225. Mister. ma'am. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. then began in a patient tone. you should know something.http://www. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing." Horns There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. Think about it. Because he was laughing so hard. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord . "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race.nothing happens. the bouncer is blonde. the guy next to him says. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question. was the trailer. and he's a rugby player. a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. still strapped in place securely. "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment. "Well. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. "Before you tell that joke. "Sir. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says. 200 lb black belt. So. he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Blonde Sky Divers A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. "Nah. I'm a 6' tall. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2". she decided to seek help. Under the boat." she inquired. Each one of US is After trying for over three days to make it work properly. huh?" Are You Really Sure? A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender.topmasala. cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. Other Get More fun stuff like" Our bartender IS blonde.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. she moves forward to the last empty one. I know all of the states and capitals. there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. blonde and beautiful. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Get More fun stuff like this. is 'cause it's a horse. quiz me. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem.TopMasala. lady. "I'm young.topmasala. Go ahead. it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "M!" Longer Ladder "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. The blonde | Fun Forum – http://forum. and each night he came home with a new blonde times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. She says. But the reason this cow don't have no horns." He thought for a moment and asked. "They need a longer ladder!" First Class Blondie A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals." Flustered." State Capitals There was this guy who was married to a blonde." "No. "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. ma'am. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. and that stops 'em cold.http://www. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable. "I'm not so dumb." the voice . That night when he got home he told his joke.

He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven. and sees the blonde tailgating him again. but wherever it is. so she could not enter heaven. I`m going to bust up your car. saying. she started laughing. "Hey. so he stops his truck and walks over to the car." So he gets back in truck and drives away. "Thank you so | Fun Forum – http://forum. blonde and beautiful. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. Then. "I'm young. says. or I`ll bust up your car. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend. and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. When she got to the 999th step. the blonde and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. A little while later he looks in his rearview mirror. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. and that he can take care of the problem. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps. and walks over to the car." Get More fun stuff like this. She immediately gets Again. it was the blonde's turn. So he stops his truck." "I know. and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. The pilot and flight attendant. together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. it must be bad `cause all the people are leaving. gets out." Don't laugh! A brunette. "Hey lady. this truck driver hated to be tailgated.topmasala. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th . Bolnde tailgating! One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him. which had also stopped and said." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion. "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA." the blonde replied. Well. He replies. who were watching with rapt attention. so she could not enter heaven either. "I just got the first joke. lady. and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. "I didn't tell a joke. stop tailgating me." hugs the co-pilot.TopMasala. a redhead. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step." The wrong way! A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.http://www. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. if you don`t stop tailgating me. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No.

cuts the brake lines. she made for the nearest frozen lake.TopMasala. she started to make a circular cut in the ice. "Well. After positioning her footstool. "Lady. and finally. And the blonde starts laughing. A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror. She`d seen many books on the | Fun Forum – http://forum. He takes a sledge hammer from his truck. etc. And the blonde is still laughing. "I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!" The grip! One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. giggling. Smashing the windshields and windows. "Lady.http://www. and you`re still laughing. and busts all the tires. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. I just completely totaled your car." Ice fishing! A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. rips out the steering wheel. saying. until the car is completely totaled. "Now don`t step out of that circle. I`m taking away the ladder. get out. The truck driver walks over to the blonde. So he stops his truck. What is so funny?????" The blonde . walks over to the car.topmasala." So the blonde steps out of her car. Get More fun stuff like So he gets back in his truck and drives away. and once again the blonde is tailgating him. and the truck driver draws a circle on the "Sure. The truck driver rips out the seats. and says. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. hold on tight. and says. And the blonde keeps laughing." said the other blonde. and pounds in the frame. after getting all the necessary items together.

com Suddenly. I`m the Ice-Rink Manager!" Air Freshener !! A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver. the motorcycle cop waved the speeding sports car over to the curb. Lord?" The voice replied. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped. join TopMasala @ http://groups. sat up her stool. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde.TopMasala." Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. Again." Applause ! There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. "Mam. Breathalyzer test! After a wild freeway chase. Ten were blonde.topmasala. "Is that | Fun Forum – http://forum. the officer replied." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off. "Oh officer. from the sky." he said . is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"? The woman replied. looked skyward. from the heavens."I`m afraid we`re going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you`ve been drinking. so finally the brunette said. "I`ll get off. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror. and tried again to cut her hole. thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.. that`s your air freshener. now quite worried. the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. When he walked up to the drivers window. moved way down to the opposite end of the . all of the blondes started clapping. "No. he was surprised to find a very attractive blonde behind the wheel. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled. and one was a brunette. No one could decide who should go. "Ma`am. a voice boomed. the voice bellowed. "Ma`am. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die. and

" The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the Get More fun stuff like and http://groups. "Lady. She held it up to her face and said." Get more fun stuff like this. "May I see your licence? Lady. "Why did you give them names like that?" The blonde .google." "That`s amazing!"the girl cried. too!" Watch dogs A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs. "What does it look like?" Officer. if I had known you were a police officer too. join TopMasala @ and asked her what their names were. we could have avoided all this hassle. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license. The blonde cop looked in the mirror. The officer opens it up and says. "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman." Driving License A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. "What else would you name watch dogs?" Police officer A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. the blonde cop said "You dummy."You mean it shows that. The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results. "You're free to go. he | Fun Forum – http://forum. And. "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.TopMasala. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated. you`ve had a couple of stiff ones. it's got your picture on it!" The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. Her friend said. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman. Join TopMasala Today at http://groups. handed it back to the driver and said.

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