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TopMasala “Santa Banta” Jokes
Santa Singh as a software engineer! What will Santa do if he gets the following error message? FILE NOT FOUND! To find out scroll down . . . . . . .

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Painful pinch! As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."

sardar ji in a quiz contest... Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest -> 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 3) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up. If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: #1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The October revolution is celebrated in November 3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name. 4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

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Send it through . What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? A. He lands up in the enemy's The Suicide Bomber Banta joins the suicide bomber squad. we will look after..TopMasala. Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest! Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh Q. can I suicide now? Boss: Yes. there are 2 enemies soldier. Get More fun stuff like this. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications. Terms are different . Banta: Sir. Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more. not for two. go ahead. can I suicide now? Leader: No. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A. Jilebi. join TopMasala @ http://groups. so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. Fanta & Coffee | Fun Forum – http://forum. don't worry about your family. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A. called his boss: Sir. nothing more wait till you see more soldiers. you will be a martyr. What is JFC ? A.. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. Q. now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers.http://www.

What is JINI? A.topmasala. In hotels. What is JAR file ? A. As you wish . Non living things can't communicate. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. they can replace servers. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? I will give invitation. | Fun Forum – http://forum. What is the use of Servlets ? A. I do not have any objections. Explain RMI Architecture? A. Can I modify an object in CORBA? A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend. . Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script? A. Q. Q. Q. I am a computer professional not an architect student. Q. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Threads are small ropes. Q.TopMasala.http://www. Make a rope from threads is an example for process. File that can be kept inside a jar. What is bean ? Where it can be used ? Get More fun stuff like this. Q.

com/group/TopMasala/ .TopMasala. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot. 1st says my wife is very cold. A kind of vegetable. Q. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Get More fun stuff like this. Some Santa and Banta Jokes Some Santa and Banta Jokes In UK. 2nd says mine is very hot. Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No way. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!! Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping. Santa & Banta .com A. a binary tree will grow. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? When we sow a binary seed. In kitchens for cooking they can be used. Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.Dumb & Dumber Santa & Banta doing what they do best! Santa: I have swallowed a key.topmasala.http://www. Three men discussing wives. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. Santa: I'm confused.

F ka tyre de de Get More fun stuff like this. kya dun ? 2ND. I press the bell but no one comes out. 3) SARDAR.TopMasala. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators! Santa Banta jokes 1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA. Lady calls again. now I have lost it too Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple..R.Gold ring de de 1ST. FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA. Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days.http://www.. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life | Fun Forum – Santa: I was using duplicate key. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala.M.yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai... GUESS WOH KYA . because he is PM not AM.. IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO 2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA 2ND SARDAR: wo kaise? 1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya.koi badi cheez bata 2ND . A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

.use log hanuman bulate the. 10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad? ..TopMasala. TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR 9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi.batao kyon? kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya 12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian??? Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan 13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant.. 6) Banta: you cheated | Fun Forum – http://forum.. Shopkeeper: No. 5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti. santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is Jayanti.sita with ravan 11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing? ...... He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.com 4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the ...but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y?? Get More fun stuff like this.. join TopMasala @ Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! 7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly! what is the cube of 13? Its : SUROOR wandaring how? thats bcoz.. I sold a good radio to you.?? So.

I'll buy the Today and February 2nd. There are 12 seconds in a | Fun Forum – . Name two days of the week that begin with "T". "OK. 1. even though it's not the answer I expected. DharamRaj said.. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. ……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. 2. 15) Full form of MATHS???? Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students… 16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: hasina Sardars entry in the. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai** 14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.March 2nd. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1.. "Well.topmasala.... The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. Get More fun stuff like this. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied.TopMasala. etc.. 2. January 2nd. so your answer is correct.

topmasala. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka... jor se baarish shuru ho gayi. that did not know about the nail! Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".yahoo.http://www.TopMasala. his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other | Fun Forum – http://forum. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki. you could have saved Rs 30!!!. join TopMasala @ http://groups. din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai! Get More fun stuff like this. Sardarji to son: You fool. Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai. Intelligent Sardar Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond . if you would have ran behind an auto... Sardar r really innocent Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened. Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta? Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai Dos : Kaise? Sardar: Yaar. He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked". badal Son to sardarji: Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3.

seeing it was for charity. "Great. 'Usually there are three of us." Banta . Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax. at the office canteen. the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.a toilet brush. because he is ill.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I think I'll go back to paper. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.TopMasala. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back. They bought tickets. but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off! Toilet brush! Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.' said the "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good. Banta won the tenth prize .. when the raffle was drawn. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well. 'Tell me. Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a | Fun Forum – http://forum. Sardar wins 20 Crore from. Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket.' said the digger. I dig the hole.! Sardar's Planting." said the first prize winner. Today Balwant is off. About a week later. "I love chocolates" "So do I. The following week.." said the the seond prize winner." Get More fun stuff like this. they each won a prize.

Cop: Do you know where you were going? Sardar : No. snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps.http://www. Get More fun stuff like this. you guys aren't going to believe this." Banta put on his angry face. all of if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. who owned an old Maruti." With that. Things were going pretty well. "Sure. One day during breakfast. radar gun at the ready. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill. He called into headquarters on his radio. "Hey. but wherever it is.topmasala. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph. and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" Urine test! Banta had been in the hospital for days. it must be bad cause all the people were leaving. "It seems we are a little cloudy today. and repeatedly if I want you to slow down. "Well. I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time. but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway Speeding!!! Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things." Confused Sardar A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. His friend said.TopMasala. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda." So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his . A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser. He asked his friend. But. Banta was handling the speed just fine. saying. twice if I want you maintain speed. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. off they went. she | Fun Forum – http://forum. In her annoying voice. "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster. with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph.

a psychotherapist.. . It read. Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist" Incredible Sardars. . .com/group/TopMasala/ . join TopMasala @ http://groups. . On his return in the evening. . has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. Get More fun stuff like Kanjoos Sardar Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money". Maneesh Sinha. . . Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money.http://www. and left for his clinic.topmasala. I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend" Painter Sardar Dr. . "Dr. .TopMasala. He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the | Fun Forum – .

Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul .topmasala. Friend: Oye.TopMasala. iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar. jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai. it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai. I mean long time no C. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend. Santa Banta Strikes Again Santa: I tried ur number so many but is starts with "T". Tea se start hoti | Fun Forum – http://forum. Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde. Santa: A & B. Get More fun stuff like this. bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name.http://www. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo. A & B. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Jeeto. A & B. Banta: Koi phayda nahin. A & B. kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi. A & B. A crow shits on a Banta. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai. jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko. | Fun Forum –

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya. Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake. Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai. Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai. Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' Sardars entry in the.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
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1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

Safe cracker The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help. The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe. The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe. The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?" The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!" Laughing Zone A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. **************** Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. **************** Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. ****************
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing? Santa: Drying sweat! ****************

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. Banta: R u ok? Santa: Yeah! Banta: Did u break anything? Santa: No, there's nothing down here **************** Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Speed limit A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." Affair with a dentist Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!" Blind date! Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma
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"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well. Unfortunately." replied Banta. That was three hours ago.http://www. The officer got out of his car and said. "fire away. "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment. Extremely pleased by this. when Santa said to Banta.. so he asked a police officer for directions.topmasala. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa. "Excuse me. but to get to the Rock Garden.TopMasala. he couldn't find it. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. sure thing. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: . The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. sure the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day. "Don't attack." replied his friend. It'll take you right there. Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she | Fun Forum – http://forum. it won't be long now. He wanted to see the Rock Garden. The 43rd bus just went by!" Fastest Worker Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. "If I ask you a question.." "Well." He thanked the officer and the officer drove . Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and." said Santa. "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!" Santa in Chandigarh Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur." replied Banta."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!" Speech Impediment Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar. Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop. "Excuse me. Get More fun stuff like this. will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah." So that night. officer. "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. officer. how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied.

Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. beaming." "Thank you. Jeeto. except today is the last night. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a | Fun Forum – http://forum. he picked up his bag and stormed . told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. Sir" said Santa. in bed with another man. the bartender gets worried. he found his wife. Get More fun stuff like this." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But." the older women pleaded. Then he asks for "I just want you to know. however." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks.TopMasala. "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Yeah. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." Last Night One day. When he walked into his apartment. "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa replied. isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. After a couple more drinks. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had." explained Santa. "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. he met his mother-in-law on the street." Explanation! Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.http://www." the supervisor said.

come on. "By the way. accidentally overturned his wagon load of Reluctantly. Come in with us." he finally agreed. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation. that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man." Pappu answered. but I know dad is going to be real upset. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.topmasala. Get More fun stuff like this." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a smile. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta. The first said." Smartest Salesman Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. An hour later. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "She didn't receive your telegram!" Overturned wagon Pappu. he agreed.TopMasala. Santa's son. "Forget your ." "Aw. his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office. "but I don't think my father would like me to. The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf | Fun Forum – http://forum." a note of truimph in her voice. "I feel a lot better now." the farmer insisted. "Well okay." "That's mighty nice of you.http://www. Pappu thanked his host. "But my father won't like it." After a hearty lunch. where is he?" "Under the wagon. and added. "Hey Pappu!!" the farmer Then I'll help you get the wagon up.

"Along with the Cuckoo clock. and I think you have a hernia." "Well. "Is that .com The other two said. so what? The third salesman added. "It's not They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife. Get More fun stuff like this. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies." declared | Fun Forum – http://forum." "Easy for you to say.http://www. Santa and Banta." "You like her that much?" the friend asks. I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" Medical Students Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. One says. "He didn't sign his name!" The Right Step Two drunk. were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground." Banta said to one of his friends. "Well boys.topmasala. I thought it was a fart. Banta?" Santa said. "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife. but it looks like we were all wrong!" The Ladies Man "I'm scared." replied his friend. "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.

" Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year. "it smells like shit. "Sure tastes like shit. It's the spending stupid! If Clinton was the answer. Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate! My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill." Thank ." Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote. I never had "I don't really know. "Good thing we didn’t step in it!" Politics Jokes Clinton one-liners Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got! "Carter is no longer the worst U.S. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs.topmasala." Get More fun stuff like this." Responded Banta as he bent over. Bill Clinton." "Hooooeee!" Responded Santa. "It feels like shit!" Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. Your incomes will be assimilated. "I don't know.http://www. he | Fun Forum – I will repay you in 1996. Voter: "The joke's over. President" "I am Clinton of Borg. buddy! I think it's definitely shit.TopMasala. for costing me my job. it must have been a real stupid question! Clinton in 1996--NOT!! I'm not Fonda Clinton Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government. bring back Bush.

'" Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you're .yahoo. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "No.. or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome Colic: A sheep dog Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Congenital: To be friendly D & C: Where the White House is Dilate: To live too long Get More fun stuff like this..O. what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her | Fun Forum – http://forum.I.?" Bill Clinton replied.topmasala. Some begin with 'After I'm elected. Bowel: Letter like If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph. "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time.TopMasala.E..http://www..

com Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Fibula: A small lie GI series: A soldier ball game Hangnail: A coat hook Impotent: Distinguished.topmasala.http://www. well known Jaundice: To include in a group Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives Labor pain: Getting hurt at work Leper: A wild cat Malaria: Shopping place Medical staff: A doctor's cane Morbid: A higher bid Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis Post-operative: A letter carrier Get More fun stuff like . join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –

Then they . he would be a priest. Get More fun stuff like this. Rectum: It almost killed him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: A Roman emperor Serology: Study of English Knighthood Tablet: A small table Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport Tumor: More than one Urine: Opposite of you're out Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited The Career Choice An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried. he would be a businessman. he would be a drunk.http://www.topmasala. They took a $10 bill. a Bible and a bottle of | Fun Forum – http://forum. The test was this: If the son took the money. and put them on the front hall table. as the son has no career plans. so they decided to do a small test. if he took the Bible. pretending they were not at Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ but if he took the bottle of whiskey.

why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second.http://www. flicked through it.topmasala. it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. and slid it in his pocket. One little boy puts up his hand andGeorge asks him what his name is. they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him. and took it. "Darn. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for recess. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third. Then. what the f**k happened to Billy?' Get More fun stuff like this. and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. The father slapped his forehead and said. After' 'And what is your question. opened it. he took the $10 bill. Then he left for his room. 'Billy. 'Steve' 'And what is your question. Finally he grabbed the bottle. Billy? 'I have 3 questions.TopMasala. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third. . carrying all three | Fun Forum – So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. he took the Bible. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth. First. When they resume George says. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "OK. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. looked at it against the light. Peeping through the keyhole. where were we? Oh that's right question time. George points him out and asks him what his name is. Steve?' 'I have 5 questions. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand. Our son is going to be a politician!" No Answers to such Questions George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time.

" said the man. CA. Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe. Brooklyn. Rahman ran into another car." Rhaman said. he rammed into a parked car.45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger.m. He got nervous. That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey. The first man to arrive was a stranger." said the minister. "I know. dry . This is a meeting of the board. when he placed a . When police showed up and began converging on his cab. Rahman is looking for another line of work. Get More fun stuff like this. and my feet just slipped from the brake to the A Meeting With the Board A Meeting With the Board After a long. "I got confused. These guns are so safe? Robert Shovestall. 36. Cops said he was leaving the scene. the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. though. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Playing safe! New York City . but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic.Mohammad Rahman. "You misunderstood my announcement.TopMasala. shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale. he even called police to report the | Fun Forum – http://forum. 37.topmasala. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am.http://www. Rahman said the car rammed into his cab. An hour later. I'd like to meet him. when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk. Rahman said he paused for a light. racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver. It all started at 9 a. cops say.

e. Gentry was first arrested in 1991. Passerby in New York called him crazy to risk his life. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Progeny sometimes spoils the political careers. and it just took the petition in Mayurbhanj district court to remove Singe from her Sarpanch seat. 1995. the Woman Sarpanch(Village head) of Badapalasa was unseated because she gave birth to her third child. he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate. Now he encased himself in a six-tonne block of ice and hoped to come out unscathed 58 hours later i. He would have to remain standing in the block in which his contour was shaped surviving only with a tube to suck water and oxygen. which include frostbite and the possibility of falling asleep and touching the ice wall. In 1994. A year later. He faced several it amounts to disqualification of Municipal Councilors and Panchayat members who produce a third child. David Blaine. This was the toughest challenge for Blaine. but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto | Fun Forum – http://forum. and the case was A dead man in jail! A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges. Cool way to conquer fear ! Fan of Titanic star Leonardo DiCaprio.TopMasala. There is no such disease. Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in . last year buried himself underwater in a plexiglass coffin for a week and survived. According to the Law which came into effect on December 31. two and a half-day. Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. Progeny! Singe Soren. Peter C.

Sow Cruel!! A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman.000 pounds. calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships. Dying for a soda ?? A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn`t be death. Newpaper reports state that Hien could be prosecuted on charge of ill-treating the child. The father decided to sue after learning that his son`s death was not an isolated incident. Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics.000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine.http://www. which fell. in his absence. Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets. join TopMasala @ http://groups. She said she urinated in his To protect self respect!! An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji. at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines. pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest. which can weigh 1. No luck with a tow truck Get More fun stuff like this." said the man`s lawyer. she has not been arrested since she has a younger child to take care of. to make him realize that public toilets were overflowing. while she stood watch over him.topmasala.3 cents). The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine. Phan Thi Hien.TopMasala. The boy was beaten severly and given a needle and thread by his stepmother and was forced to sew his lips together. The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the state. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995." Sawant said. The municipality was not cleaning them. A woman has to protect her self . | Fun Forum – http://forum. Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on though complaints were made to the authorities earlier. forced her 10-year-old stepson to stitch up his moutha as punishment for stealing 200 dong (1.

bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up. "That next split-second. began to cry and started strip of grass. PA. PA. "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer. they saw heads raise up and then six people were killed instantly. Philadelphia.. Philadelphia. Then he fell from the apartment. 49. who suffered minor injuries. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around. Wis. John | Fun Forum – http://forum. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents. a construction worker in Eau and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp. a spokeswoman for the Border It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver.TopMasala. "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun. and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked unconscious..topmasala. "You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head. and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to be. But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult. join TopMasala @ http://groups.Six men believed to be illegal aliens from Mexico were killed by a freight train while sleeping on the tracks. "You just nailed me in the head. the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open window. Well.http://www. was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull. At about 9:30 a. it worked !! Norias. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. Texas . Bouncing baby boy 3-year-old Lateef Wise." Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the accident. wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple . was left home alone last week. He remained conscious." Illegal aliens and transients sleep on the tracks because they think snakes won`t get them there." Bogumill said. when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow truck. Chinnamma Sebastian. Get More fun stuff like this. He said. turned to his co-worker and said. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck. Like a hole in the head !! Travis Bogumill." said Letty Garza." Bogumill recalled.

took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl`s father is actually a woman. A pig jumped out in the road wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California. The Grass Valley Union newspaper reported the outage delayed the trial of PG&E for failing to trim vegetation around power lines as required by the state. thousands of Buddhists greeted a holy tooth believed to have belonged to Buddha when it arrived in | Fun Forum – http://forum. Kristie Vecchione.http://www. three of the patients had their hands cut off by saws while chopping down trees. CA. had her hand severed by a dough machine. CA. The agency noted doctors normally reattach only two or three hands a year. lost power for 30 minutes this spring when a branch blew off a tree and hit a Pacific Gas & Electric power line. "My Give em a hand! A team of Latvian doctors claimed a new world record after reattaching four severed hands in just five days. but he hit him. The driver tried to get out of the way. "I told them that I'm George W. 27. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer. Bush's driver and I just killed the pig. said her husband became a man through sexchange operations more than 20 years ago. Vecchione. Get More fun stuff like this. George W. and a tons of money. The fourth. The mommies! A custody battle in Santa Ana.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. a cigar." Holy tooth! Batman! Singing hymns and praying for peace and luck. According to the Baltic News Service. Bush saw this and said. Powerful coincidence! Almost all of Nevada City. a . I just killed the pig. what did you tell them?" The driver replied.TopMasala. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. who was impregnated by artificial insemination.

000. Say Cheese Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary. 65 years of age. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body." says the medical examiner. Close to home! GARY. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man. Others knelt in rows. were arrested at their apartment Monday. 41. Indiana . clasping their hands in front to express their reverence.000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall. Died of alcohol poisoning. encased in a miniature golden pagoda. thinks the Inspector. made a pile from government funds. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and spent it all on whiskey. 6 ounces of crack and $6." "Nothing unusual here". was 70. To which the medical officer replies. "He thought he was having his picture taken. "This is the most unusual one." Get More fun stuff like this. arranged to sell crack." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector. Buddhists say the tooth brings blessings for those who live where it is housed and keeps them from disaster. "He was a BJP leader. 46. MP from Bihar. and asks to be shown the last body. Programer Arthur Harris. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. "He was a minister from ruling Congress party. allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk. struck by Monks in saffron robes escorted the tooth. hence the smile. Dozens of women prostated themselves and spread their long hair over a red carpet. died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. speaking on a City Hall phone. and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers. "Ah.TopMasala. off a flight from India." says the medical examiner. Inspector. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which | Fun Forum – 60. all with very big smiles on their . Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine.Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1.topmasala. Hence the enormous smile.

said the senator smugly. A guy from the front replied. I don't see any bridge. said the minister. The minister called him to the window. cried the senator. When the senator invited him home for dinner.the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked.TopMasala.topmasala. he had occasion to pay a return visit. When they came to his house. grounds and the costly | Fun Forum – http://forum. "How can you possibly afford this. peered closely and said. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him.http://www. He asked. was confused. "10 percent"." "100 percent". He is refusing to move from there!" "But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!" Indian politician An Indian politician went to the US to visit his "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course".com/group/TopMasala/ . said the minister !! Get More fun stuff like this. "See the river over there?" "Sure". "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. hundreds of servants etc Laloo`s Threat A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Some time later. glittering with precious art. the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion. on a salary in Indian Rupees. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening." he asked. "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "No.

"You know. because when you open them up. cool water. "I like to see accountants on my operating table. The people became thirsty and needed water. And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes. everything inside them is in alphabetical order.. everything inside is numbered. and when the job takes longer than you said it would. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body." UN meeting At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean. the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul." The third surgeon says. jumps out of his seat and screams.." The fourth surgeon chimes in.those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Yeah. and even more deserts..TopMasala.." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen. so he went over to the other side of the pond. and no spine. "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech.topmasala.. I wanted to relay an old story to all of ." said the Israeli Consul. There's no guts. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. I like construction workers. hearing this accusation.. "let me begin my's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!" "And in agreement with Chairman Arafat. The Israeli Consul began. no heart. "You're all wrong.. but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." Get More fun stuff like this.. I really think librarians are the Best patient Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.http://www. took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters.." Yassir Arafat. "This is a travesty. and prairies." The second responds. The first surgeon says.. When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts. and the head and butt are interchangeable. "No. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. join TopMasala @ http://groups...

Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. it will be quickly forgotten. "I bet you $1. The man walks up to the counter." Get More fun stuff like this. 15. It's an incentive to show up. . you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 7. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. It reduces stress. Bar Jokes: Reasons to allow drinking at work The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. As he finishes with each group of people. It leads to more honest communications. 12. 4. 9. and as he makes his way to the counter. 13. Finally. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. It reduces complaints about low pay. he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away. It encourages carpooling. 10. they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window. If something does something stupid on the job. not what management wants to hear. | Fun Forum – http://forum. and says to the bartender. 2. If you use them wisely. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. looking in. A bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar.topmasala. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Employees tell management what they think. 14. 3. It makes fellow employees look better. the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. and not get any outside the glass. 6.http://www.

3. you see. I guess you owe me $1. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Yeah.TopMasala. The bartender asks really big guy named Psycho Bob. but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. 5. huh?" The man answers. The man sprays beer all over the bar. paces off thirty feet. but he wants his $1. 6. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. The bartender gets out a shot glass. When he finishes them. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher. "You know. and the contest begins. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. it would taste better if you bought one at a time." Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.000. the other in Get More fun stuff like this. I have two brothers. so he agrees. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. 2. "Well. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. drinking a sip out of each one in turn. he comes back to the bar and orders three more. a pint goes flat after I draw it. 7. handsomer and smarter than some . When he | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Well.topmasala." The Irishman replies.http://www. One is in America. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. the bartender looks at him and says. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room.

but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. "Everyone's fine. he comes in and orders two pints. "I'm very sorry. When he comes back to the bar for the second round. the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. father." The Irishman looks confused for a moment. then the next." What causes people to have arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs." he says. the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked. and leaves it there. I didn't mean to come on so strong. He opened his newspaper and began reading. being with Australia. When we all left home. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. thinking about what he had said." He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.TopMasala. and I'm here in Dublin." The bartender admits that this is a nice | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I don't want to intrude on your grief. nudged the man and apologized. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. "What'll it be buddy?" The man says. and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. One day." the drunk muttered. and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. returning to his paper. "Say. too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man. his face was plastered with red lipstick.topmasala. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. Staring in disbelief. After a few minutes. then the next. "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender hastily asks. the bartender says.http://www." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down. "Oh." "Well I'll be. The bartender looks at him and . no. "What do you have pal?" Get More fun stuff like this. wicked women. The man's tie was stained. what causes arthritis?" "Mister. I've just quit drinking. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar. I was just reading here that the Pope does. The priest. it's caused by loose "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this. Get More fun stuff like this. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could The man quickly replies. so John goes inside to the bar. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. a Nun. "I have a dollar. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" I didn't get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a . join TopMasala @ http://groups. then no one will ever know." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink ." The Nun reluctantly agrees.http://www.TopMasala.topmasala. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. and a triple vodka on the rocks".com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Another pint for me. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so. drinking by himself." A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for

the friend. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me. but where's his wheel chair?" Looking to buy a frog? Looking to buy a frog? Get More fun stuff like this. He is obviously drunk." he replied." continued." the friend continued." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad. "My father died. join TopMasala @ http://groups." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten Approaching the friend he comments. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man.http://www." "And last month my aunt died." "Then this month. and left me $ .com | Fun Forum – http://forum." "Gee. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home. leaving me $90. No wonder you're depressed. "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August. "Then in September.000." he said.000. "and left me $25. that's tough. Two parents gone in two months. "absolutely nothing!" Arriving home very drunk Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of" "Wow. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Then." The stranger again increases the offer. of course.000!" "Don't worry about it. then agrees." he insists." "You would be. he asked the bartender. if you had what I The ghost? There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain. without pausing. "Whew." the man answered. The rat stretches. will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it. "If I show you an even better trick. "he's not for sale." A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar. thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. this time to $500. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog. While the man is enjoying his beverages. these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain.00 cash up front. "That frog could have been worth millions to you.TopMasala. "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a Get More fun stuff like this." The stranger increases the offer to $250.00 for the bullfrog. will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees. still drinking one beer after the other. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.000. All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out. "The frog was really nothing special. finally reaching their car just as the rain let up." "What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks. "If I show you a really good trick. and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. cracks his knuckles.old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. They jumped in the car. The rat stretches. he downs each one.topmasala. the rat's a ventriloquist. and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money." the bartender remarks. "he's not for sale. join TopMasala @ http://groups. You see." the man replies. too.http://www. " A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender. "No.000. cracks his knuckles. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The man finally agrees. orders four expensive thirty-year. and proceeds to play the blues.00 . laughing and. "you seem to be in a hurry.000. started it up and headed down the road. and you let him go for a mere $500. who begins to sing along with the rat's music. a stranger confronts him and offers him $100.

"you have any tobacco?" The passenger. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. "I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. join TopMasala @ http://groups. trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. and decides to go and say hi to them. along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. "You want some help getting out of the mud? Exchanging notes! A guy walks in a bar. but he does not want to drag his beer mug with | Fun Forum – http://forum. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. the passenger yells. The old man gently replies. "What do you want???" The old man softly replied. So he sets it on a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept scared out of his wits. terrified. when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out. "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror. "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. Now going about 80 miles an hour. and the passenger says. Then he sees someone he knows. "What do you think of that?" The driver says. they calm down and they start laughing again. looked at the driver and said. "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling .topmasala.http://www.TopMasala. Upon return. so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said. he sees another note saying "Me too!" Get More fun stuff like this. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells. and buys a huge beer. there he is again!".

The guy from Guinness sits down and Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. I would like the world`s best beer. the man replies." Best friend A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern. "Why aren`t you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies. "Give me a Coke.." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. in . "`Cos I`m not finished yet. "I`d like the best beer in the world." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. give me a Coors. After awhile. but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied. give me `The King Of Beers`. smiles." says the other man.http://www. "Excuse me Mister. a Corona. a Budweiser. "Hey Señor. The guy from Coors "My wife just ran off with my best friend. if you guys aren`t drinking beer." The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival. and then slurs. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask. all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a | Fun Forum – http://forum. looks at him through bloodshot eyes. the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. "Well.TopMasala. "But. The guy from Budweiser says." The bartender is a little taken aback." says the shocked friend. why don`t you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says. She turns to him and says. I have indeed shit myself." The woman says. and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. "Yes ma`am. "Not anymore! He is!" Embarrasing ! Get More fun stuff like this. furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. "Lou. "Well.. The guy from Corona sits down and says. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years. neither will I." He gets it." The bartender gives him one. but gives him what he ordered. What`s going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass. "I`m your best friend!" The man turns to his friend. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.topmasala. "I`d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water.

She smiles at him and says. and goes on the | Fun Forum – http://forum. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. I`m a journalist and I`ve got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations. You see. The three old men agreed. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life." "Wow. "I`m 91. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink." said the old man. Finally. I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years. I won`t sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at . sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. "I drank on occasion. he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "I never drank alcohol. them no-one will know" Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. "I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life. at the top of his lungs. "I`m sorry if I embarrassed you. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I smoked. the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. but not often and I dated some. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. the woman walks over to him and "I`m 93." To which he responds." "And how old are you?" asked the reporter." the reporter asked. Naturally. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.http://www. I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. at the top of her lungs.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. "And how old are you?" "29. After a few minutes. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don`t be ridiculous ." "Wow!" said the reporter. "How do *you* know. that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. "I dated every woman that would go out with me.of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . "No. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man. a A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling." replied the man. After an hour of gathering up his courage. "What do you mean Rs 1000?" Secret of long life Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached them. Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day." said the man.

"I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here. well I was in that mine and so was that guy.TopMasala. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer." The bartender responded. You remember that mine that caved in. and obviously very angry. "Oh. we found the keg of beer. uh. One guest. The guest. "What's the problem?" he asked.." "Well. and a triple vodka on the rocks". look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up.... they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle. he replied. "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the ." he shouted.. taken aback. Waiting for things to get started. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh. left the church. grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. When the last of us were escaping." Australian marriage All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple.that`s where we put the jack. is it?" Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there. I wouldn`t be here. A few minutes later. we." The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering. exclaimed the father. the father reappeared and "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer. sleeves rolled | Fun Forum – http://forum. the guests repaired to the parking lot..topmasala.. and asked. held back. joining the other farmers. the friend again approached the father of the bride." Get More fun stuff like this. a friend of the bride's father. "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning The Nun reluctantly agrees. so John goes inside to the bar. jacket off.http://www. and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again.. "The weddin's off. well. and approached him. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman ". and some bastard fucked the bride!". and rendered speechless. "Another pint for me.

The guy pays him and drinks it down. notices the old drunk and says.would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure". gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says. "Look." said the customer. " Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. serves him a beer and says. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. and he . that's what we get!". The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer. brings him up and demands. "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says. The guy says. He then says. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. drinks his whiskey and. The Bartender. "Yes "Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my Humpback while you were in here. "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket. The guy pays him. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "That will be Rs 300 please!". walks into a Bar. and says. I am. have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads. I didn't!" said the drunk. "Oh ttthat's OK." "Certainly." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Bbbartender tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The Bartender replied. have you found Jesus?" "No. I did not!" said the drunk again. before leaving he says." And it was done. "Now brother. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Too high! This guy who stutters badly. said the bartender. but that's our price. The Minister turns. "Mister. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh. "I have no arms ." said the customer. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender | Fun Forum – http://forum." said the armless man. "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth. gggimme a bbbeer". brings him up and says. "Now.TopMasala. I ttthougt it wwas yyour Bbbutt!" Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. you'll find the money for the beer. that's what we get!"." The bartender got it. "No. "Yes. "Yes. Get More fun stuff like this. who is badly Humpbacked. but that's our price.http://www. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Ssay! Bbbartender. "Sssay! Bbbartender. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "For the grace of God.topmasala." The Guy says. Disgusted.

Losing three close family members in three months. that's tough." "I know. She "You've been very | Fun Forum – http://forum. Continuing. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door. "Just one thing more." the man replied. "I've been counting too. my dad died leaving me 50.000." continued the friend.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The next day the man went before the judge. who had been collecting the meat each week. "turn left. Get More fun stuff like this. is terrible!" replied the man." said the bartender.00. that it is the last free meat she'll get. He had been counting the years off on his calendar. and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Judgement There were three men at a bar." the friend added." "Gosh.topmasala.000. the friend said. when you take this parcel of meat home. came into the shop and said. free milk. and watch the expression on her . and one day the teenager.00. with a baby in her arms. "Boy. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me 25. "You look awful. walk two blocks. Approaching his friend." the friend answered. "Then this month. he commented. entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. "Last month my aunt died and left me 10.000. "Then in June. go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free tell your mother. drinking by himself." Inheritance! A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his." When the boy arrived home he told his mother." said the man. "nothing! Not even a single rupee!" Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman. "I'll be 16 tomorrow.http://www." said the customer." said the butcher with a smile. The woman nodded and said. and there's one in a filling station on the corner. "Son. both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.00. "That's a lot to deal with.

"So.TopMasala. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. "Wait." The man said." The judge then said." The judge asked the man. "This and that. Get More fun stuff like this. This time he falls right into bed and is sound . "Take him away. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. join TopMasala @ http://groups. you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him The judge asked the man. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. "Here and | Fun Forum – http://forum. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed.http://www. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. judge when will I get out?" The judge said to the man. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. "Where do you work?" The man said. "What do you do for a living?" The man said.topmasala. "Sooner or later." Big Booze An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer.

yahoo. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink. The Bartender said." Then he ordered a small steak. "Son. I fell in the damn toilet!" Heavy Drinker Get More fun stuff like this. sat | Fun Forum – http://forum. He returns to the bar soaking wet. you left your wheelchair there . "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep. it is this huge 40 oz. "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them. he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool.topmasala. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks. When the waitress brings it to him. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors." Extra Large A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg." The Irishman said." Irishman in the Bar An Irishmen walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different "The pub called. son. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right. everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking. When he was finished he went up to get three more.http://www. Everything in Texas is big. "Oh man. "That's very cool. Bartender says. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak. "I am so sorry about your brother. and began to drink each drink one at a time. "Oh No. "That is a small glass of beer.TopMasala." The Irishmen looked at him funny and said. everything is big in Texas. The waitress says." The bartender said." So the Irishmen did this for a number of years. piece of meat. Everybody looked up and bowed their head. He walked to a table. When the Irishmen walked up to the bartender the bartender said.

" Bartender. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. Bartender was shocked. "Yess. "Vats. After having fourty bottles of beer. "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" The Old Drunk A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.http://www. Shiva decided to have beer. "Who is this man. beer. I ddddidnt!" said the drunk. Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain. Lord shiva decided to try Rum. and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet. "Let's try whiskey first. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "What all do you have".." After having five bottles of whiskey. who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of ." After having five bottles of Rum. "We have whiskey. rum. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him.. Get More fun stuff like this. give me five bottles of "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. " | Fun Forum – One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet. who are you???" Lord Shiva. Bartender. vodka..TopMasala. he asked the bartender for Gin. Preasher. "Mister. I ssssure am." Lord Shiva. "Nooo. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.topmasala. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. gin.

brings him up and says. And yet.topmasala. The bartender looks over to the other guy and says. jumps off. there was a bar. why not?" So he goes out to the balcony. have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.http://www. I slow down and land gently. How do you do it?" "Well. It's lot of fun. you're back again. "Superman. "Hey. "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?" Drunk Superman On the top of a tall building in a large city. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot. I dddid not Reverrrrend. "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground. you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk" No More Peas There was a businessman." The guy. You should try it. have you found Jesus?" "Noooo. and he went to see the Doctor about it." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. "Now. Finally he went up to the man and asked. who was also quite "Hey. brother. "My God . then jumping off the balcony. In this bar. Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala." said the other man. minutes later. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground. and he was feeling really crook. then walk out to the balcony and jump off. stone dead. brings him out of the water and says in a harsh The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit | Fun Forum – http://forum. thought to himself. a man was drinking heavily. you keep drinking.

I gave it . he says. I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies. "Forever. and now I've thrown up all over myself. one night.http://www. and proceeds to hurl all over himself.topmasala." Quite a shocker really. "Well. because I haven't had a smoke in four years. pushes himself away from the bar. "Well. he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed. I'm already two hours late. "Man. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve. "Well. "Really. "Ok. "Well man. so i gave it up!" The businessman says. why?" Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. you'll have to give them up!!" The guy says. I'd love a cigarette. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I gotta go The second guy turns to the first and says. and the barman goes. "But how long for. After a bunch of drinks over several The doctor says to him. "Naw she won't. I'm afraid" The man is quite shocked by this.." Drunken Excuses Two guys are sitting at a bar. "That's | Fun Forum – http://forum. Anyway. because it cost me my first marriage.. one guy hiccups. so he realises that he will never eat a pea again. "Yeah. I only eat peas. all those peas will be clogging up your system. Listen. grab a table. that's your problem. I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years. I hate all other green foods. My wife is gonna kill me. everyone who can't swim." The barman jumps up screaming. his condition improves. actually. you got twenty bucks?" The first says. what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says. years later. I haven't had a pea in 7 years. actually. drops his head down to his chest. it must be your diet. One of the reps says. but he gives it a go and sure enough.

and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours. She says. a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long." Taxi guy replied. The drunk guy | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups. you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. The drunk guy leans forwards and says. "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!" Get More fun stuff like this. "Wait honey. Check my front pocket. "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket. When you get home and your wife asks what happened. the first guy’s wife is waiting up for him. I do it all the time." "Some french fries and some meat loafs?" "Not a problem. drunk as a skunk." She reaches in and pulls out the money. and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says. he and the taxi driver are talking. This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned. she takes a look at him and says.http://www. listen for a second. "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?" Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem. "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says. he crapped in my pants too!!" A Puking Drunk A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his . As he walks through the door. Sure enough." The first guy says. sir. "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours After giving directions back to his house. I swear. "Great idea! Let's have another round". Eventually they head The second drunk says. "Oh yeah.

goes down the stairs. and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. the parrot begins complaining. She says." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken. " | Fun Forum – http://forum. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for . that would be delightful.http://www. "Why yes. I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says. yes. bringing the parrot along. I am deeply sorry. So she pays for him and takes him home. All she sees is a big green parrot. but there is no one. madam. kitties." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot. resting on his perch in his cage. I promise it won't happen again. of course. "Did you say that?" she asks. decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. and even bit her once. do you look lovely this afternoon. She decides against Animal Jokes: A very insulting parrot Panda This elderly lady. The parrot is very cold. The lady is absolutely stunned.topmasala. into the cellar. "Okay. join TopMasala @ http://groups. She rips the parrot out of his cage. he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger. etc. marches down the stairs into the basement. I know a charming place on 7th Street. When the woman enters the building.TopMasala.. On the the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat. "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says. Get More fun stuff like this. swearing." Within five minutes. I did!" he replies. but one that paid such nice compliments. recently widowed. she says." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner. "You know. "My. and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. okay. Well.

she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes. At this point. and decides to follow . looking very annoyed and say. 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. and gives it to them. She followed them out of the library. so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and to a park. When she finally takes him out. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon.topmasala.TopMasala. The chickens leave as before. the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail. but he wants it repainted "240-S". That turkey in there.. the parrot is one step away from death. he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!" These chickens want books Panda A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. Around midday." Well. attack you?" A snail buys a fast new car Panda There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. slam.http://www. "'S' stands for snail. She gives them what they request.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books. The dealer and. he looks up at the lady and | Fun Forum – http://forum. what'd he do. approach the librarian.and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. she hid behind a tree. After shopping around a while. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z. This time. the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. out of the town. And whenever anyone would see him zooming not Get More fun stuff like this. "I do have one question though. 'Buk Buk BUK. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws. into the freezer.' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. "Why 'S'?" The snail replies. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak.

a husband has turned into a couch potato. To | Fun Forum – http://forum. the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more. became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.. the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for wanting to be seen. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. "This is great! Will I meet her at a party. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told." A frog calls a psychic Panda Recently. Get More fun stuff like this. powerful hairy forearms. snorting bird with a hairy chest. "Wow!" said the wife. "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's" The frog says." says the psychic.http://www. the shopkeeper said. he exclaimed. Then one day at a pet store. ugly.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. to which the frog was saying. the wife saw this ." Purchasing a new bird Panda After many years of marriage. or what?" "No. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond.topmasala. beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Next semester in her biology class. "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately. observing her fascination with the bird. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. The shopkeeper.

they are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right.. and all other ants started shouting at When she entered the house.TopMasala. One ant climbs at the back of the elephant. Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool. If you think about it. join TopMasala @ http://groups. my foot!" Marriage should be like Fishing A marriage license should be like a fishing license.topmasala. "Goony Bird.... sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband.. most are good to eat. in his usual bored tone also if you decide to mount one. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum. you know is going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better... girls and fish have a lot in common. "Honey!" she exclaimed.. Smart Ants All ants were bathing in a pool. Now the question is what were they telling him??? Socho socho. Socho .. the husband was.. All ants got out of water. it expires every year and if you go fishing out of state you can get a 3 days license.http://www... as usual..

But the Chemist said his cat could do better." T-square pranced over to the desk.. He called his cat and said.. The first man was an Engineer.http://www.. Everyone agreed that was pretty . do your stuff.. do your stuff... took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle. To show off.topmasala. "T-square.." FOUR CATS The Four Cats ! Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were . Get More fun stuff like this.. the second man was an all ants starts saying." Measure got up..Everyone agreed that was good. join TopMasala @ http://groups. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the walked to the fridge.. took out a quart of milk. and a triangle...TopMasala. the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee. "Spreadsheet... But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies .. a square. "DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO.. the Engineer called his cat. do your stuff..." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He called his cat and said " | Fun Forum – http://forum. your stuff.." Coffee Break jumped to his feet... Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and Everyone agreed that was pretty good........... join TopMasala @ http://groups............TopMasala.......... screwed the other three cats........ ate the "Coffee | Fun Forum – http://forum.....http://www. "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said................ sh*t on the paper... drank the milk.. Get More fun stuff like this.... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions...... claimed he injured his back while doing so..

.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. Get More fun stuff like this... "Follow me I'll prove it. "Pagal. but can you tell me why that parrot costs $5. "Excuse me sir.... The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk.." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down..000 dollars?" The employee says. and pull on his right leg. it's one of a kind. "Go ahead pull on the left leg.. The parrot says... Not only is it beautiful." So the man pulls on the parrot's left leg.!!!!!!!!!! Bilingual Parrot Bilingual Parrot A man walks to the register and asks the employee. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. that's amazing!" The employee then says.." The employee says. "That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Please you've got to tell me what happens if I pull both of his legs?" The parrot turns and looks at the man and says. and he "Hello how are you?" The man smiles and says." So the man pulls on the parrot's right leg.. | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Go ahead. "Wow.." The man gives the employee a strange look and says. that parrot is extremely special.... but it is bilingual. "No . there's no animal that could ever learn how to speak two languages!" The employee smiles and says. I fall down!" Sign language of a monkey ! A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed..and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. The parrot says.. cool. " put in for Workers Compensation. "Kaise Ho?" The man was so excited and overwhelmed.

Dogs miss you when you are gone. "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head " "Hey lady.TopMasala. 2. they don t laugh at how you throw. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 3. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. You are really ugly. you are really ugly.topmasala. When dogs play "fetch". Dogs understand what "NO" means.http://www. you are saying your owners were drinking. 8." She was incredibly ticked now. you are really ugly." "Now wait. Again. 4. The next day the same parrot again said to her. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her. 1. How Dogs Are Better Than Men. 2.." The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer." Get More fun stuff like this." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing. Dogs are color blind."Well. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Pretentious parrot!! A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. 7.. You can train a dog. smoking and kissing before they wrecked. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. too?" asked the astounded officer." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth." motioned the monkey. the monkey shook his head up and down. The monkey shakes his head " . The parrot said to her. "Hey lady. 9. "Hey lady. did you see this?" " | Fun Forum – http://forum." The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "They were kissiing. 6. 5. "They were drinking?" asked the officer.

Several more weeks pass. "Go forth and multiply. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her." She paused and said." Get More fun stuff like this. "Well. Noah checks on the snakes again. "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer". join TopMasala @ the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2." Her husband replied. The owner says. "Cut down some trees and let us live there". Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals." Intelligent dog ! A wife says to her husband one weekend morning.topmasala.000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Noah asks.000 dollars. Smart snakes! The Flood is over and the ark has landed. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning. say the | Fun Forum – http://forum." A few months later. Lots of little snakes. "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly". lots of dogs can do that. say the snakes. Noah lets all the animals out and says. "Hey lady. "We`ve got such a clever dog. "What`s the problem?" says Noah. "We`re adders. The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1.TopMasala. Noah follows their advice. does the parrot cost so much" asks the first The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".http://www. "You know. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes." The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a . Naturally. "Yes ?" And the bird replied. I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!". The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again. everybody is happy. Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest. "Why. so we need logs to multiply.

topmasala. but they persisted until he finally gave in. jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground." Blind as a bat!!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some The wife responded. `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed!` Poor turtle! Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep. the female bird turned to her mate." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk. "Oh great lion. "You are. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars. The lion feeling like it`d been run over by a safari wagon.TopMasala. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now. the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows. After hours of effort he reached the top. slams him against a tree half a dozen times. mighty lion! "Later. "Dear. He went out and cornered a small monkey and | Fun Forum – http://forum. " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!" Smoke in bed ! The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish. YES. "OK. "I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted. Get More fun stuff like this. Finally. "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildbeest stammers.http://www. jumped. Down through a valley they went. "Well I didn`t!" Mightiest !! A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and fell to the ground. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says. he slowly climbed the tree again. across a river and into a forest of trees." she . After recovering. `Sidney!` she screamed. follow me. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box. The store manager tells him. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze". lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant. a pair of handcuffs. you don`t have to get so mad. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade. which came in a little white box to use for his house. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas. a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas | Fun Forum – http://forum. I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree." says Harry. he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal. The lion let out a moan of pain. Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks. After some discussion. found a good location for the box. Not knowing quite what to do. So he waited a few more minutes. Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and if I fall. . thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time. but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again. and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. shoot the damn dog!" Unusual pet This guy was lonely. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground. a pick-up truck. "Just because you don`t know the answer. So he asked the centipede in the box.TopMasala. How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. IN THERE. he finally bought a and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted. this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. HEY. the gorilla shakes back. "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh." Ape removal A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. "occasionally when I shake the tree. a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. He took the box back home. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. This bothered him a bit.topmasala. The man agrees that Chet certainly is Get More fun stuff like this.

Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs. long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts. looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch. he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night. Demonstrating." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells. "Silent ." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot.http://www. He picked up the snail.. join TopMasala @ but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing. He scratched his head." The wife is absolutely impressed. and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again. his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out. The parrot got bored. and the bird begins to sing. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door.topmasala. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there.. the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Holy retty.. He gets up and goes to see who`s there and there is no one. "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door.. One night in the middle of the magician's performance. Jingle All the Way. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells. there was no one at the door. Three Years Later The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door.TopMasala. Immediately Chet starts singing. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there | Fun Forum – http://forum. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. Get More fun stuff like this.. he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?". The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left foot. who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times. Confused parrot A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately.

The driver rolls down the window. perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. "Don't complain. "See. I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. I give up. For a whole day the magician was unconscious. Another hour goes by. the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. trying to hurry across the street. and people laugh at me!" The Lord said. and finally the parrot squawks. and a hen. Eventually the magician started to stir. I get terrible neck pains. "Lord. The man walks faster. Soon afterward. is it?" Get More fun stuff like this. drink water. not even blinking.TopMasala. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard. etc. The squirrel says to the man. still eyeing him intently. What did you do with the ship?" Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. "Lord. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The driver is a squirrel. It gets in the way. It lets you pick up food. The elephant complained. but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. join TopMasala @ http://groups. And stared. and allows you to see a distance. "Awright. the parrot flew to the magician. By now. and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. Looking up. but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller . and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off | Fun Forum – http://forum. So the guy turns around to go back.http://www. a giraffe." The hen spoke up. And stared. then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The car gets real close. They were an elephant." Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street. I don't want to complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches. "Don't complain. "Lord.topmasala. it's not as easy as it looks. immediately collapsing from exhaustion. I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy. he saw the parrot.

"What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree.http://www.topmasala.." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few | Fun Forum – http://forum. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? . "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says." "WHAT!!? Are you saying..TopMasala. "If I'm dead. "you can only return as a dog or a hen... said St. "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says. I'm too young." the man . finishing a joint. then asks the lizard.. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river.. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the much water did you drink?! The Dream Eggs! Joe did like he always does." "It's not that easy"..... "Faaaaaaark dude. I want you to send me back immediately. All of a sudden. "Smoking a joint. come up and have some. kissing his wife. and figured out that being a dog is too tiring. and he looks up and says. but a hen probably has a nice Get More fun stuff like this. and you are in heaven. finds the tree were the monkey is sitting." said Dopin' Lizard A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey. "This is not your bedroom. "I am St. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle. You can choose on your own" Joe thought about it for a Peter. crawling into bed and falling to sleep. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side. got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. Peter. I'm dead? I don't want to die . and who are you?" he asked.. he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. join TopMasala @ http://groups...

com and relaxed life. "Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed.. "That's only the ovulation going on. and pushed more than he was good for.topmasala. and then you push all you can. Get More fun stuff like this. raising. "Hey. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.. you must be the new hen on the farm. you're shittin' all over the bed!" Dog`s Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. calling. for Christ's sake!!! Wake up .. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players. it's OK I | Fun Forum – http://forum. and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.TopMasala. then along came the rooster. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. "I want to return as a hen.. "How does it feel?" "Well.. The third time he clucked. In the next second. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog. but it feels like my rear end is blowing . But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow . "Joe.. he heard his wife shout.http://www." Joe replied. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. everything the other human players were doing. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table." "Oh that!" said the rooster. discarding.." Joe clucked twice. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. nicely feathered." he said.. he found himself in a chicken run.

it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. Children Jokes: Mommy Test The Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. who are dog owners.topmasala. you don't know where it's been. At this point." I was thinking quickly.http://www. "He isn't that smart. he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 | Fun Forum – http://forum. but she was evidently pondering this new information. every time he gets a good hand he wags his "Because it's been on the ground. Get More fun stuff like they just treated him like any other player. You have to know it. It's on the Mommy Test. "Why?" my daughter asked. "All moms know this stuff. "I can't believe that dog is playing poker. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players. or they don't let you be a Mommy. Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me." The comparison! Two women. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. my daughter looked at me with total admiration and .TopMasala. "Mommy. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

" Mildly irritated.I get it!" she beamed. "Angrily..http://www. "To get my teeth!" LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM Get More fun stuff like this. gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. "Where are you going ?" she asked." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face. but the wife felt romantic and wanted to | Fun Forum – http://forum. he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The husband was falling a sleep. When you're finished laughing. "Then you use to bite my neck. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting. and tried to get back to sleep. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the An older couple was lying in bed one night. he reached across. A few moments later she said. Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you used to kiss me.topmasala.. held her hand for a second. She said." Wearily he reached across.TopMasala. send this to a Mom! Old AGE!.com/group/TopMasala/ .com "OH.

com Little Johnny watched. and said to the stranger. "Wow ! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. A few minutes later. closed it | Fun Forum – http://forum. "How do you suppose This ball got in here?" I asked the" said the stranger." said his mother. as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "How about nuclear power?" Get More fun stuff like this. "Giving up?" Accuracy There was a knock at the door. Taking one look at the .http://www. Upon opening the garage door. Something of his had found its way into my garage. "Let's talk. he said. about six years Old. who had just opened his book." Little Johnnie. mommy?" he asked. The boy exclaimed. and one look at Me. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. "What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. I noticed two additions: a baseball and A broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh. I don't know. "To stay pretty for daddy. fascinated. It was a small boy. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face. one look at the window. and He wanted it back. she began removing the cream with a tissue.topmasala.

" said Little Johnnie.TopMasala. "I have no idea. mowed the yard. I got it myself. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. The same stuff. dusted himself off. I'll stop swearing." said the stranger. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Adam's dress A little boy opened the big family bible. if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children. "God. "What have you got there. join TopMasala @ http://groups." "Well. But let me ask you a question first. if you get my foot out of the tracks. "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. his foot broke free and he fell backwards. please. "NO!" the children all answered. and loved my wife. they all answered. "Thanks anyway God. "Mama. As he struggled to free his foot. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again.http://www. the train narrowly missing him. would that get me into Heaven?" Again. Again. To his horror he saw a train coming. Panicked he started to pray. " . looked toward Heaven and said. dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice. something fell out of the Bible. the boy called out. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat then." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny. and a deer all eat grass. "NO! "Well. look what I found". and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. "If I cleaned the church every day. "NO!" Get More fun stuff like this. "That could be an interesting topic. my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. I'll quit being bad. he heard a noise and turned around. A horse. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. a "OK. his foot was still stuck. please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing | Fun Forum – http://forum. he answered." said Little Johnnie. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez.topmasala. and kept everything neat and tidy. the answer was. He got up. AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress. He tried his plea one more time. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. then. He picked up the object and looked at it." Entry to Heaven! "If I sold my house. Suddenly. "God. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight.

Several days later." Vanishing cream! During a dinner party. He asked his parents. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" Natural childbirth! A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. it is Vanishing cream!" Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. Get More fun stuff like this.. After going all the way around the room.. the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. during which one child was heard to say. the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his how did you and daddy get born?" he "Well. "Well." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "the stork brought you to us. the children left. "Oh." said the boy." Robert continued. At bedtime.. .. I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM. the stork brought them too!" said the parent.topmasala. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. As they disappeared out of sight. The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. "How was I born?" "Well honey .. the stork brought us too. "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out. "Well darling." "OH.TopMasala." said the slightly prudish | Fun Forum – http://forum. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. "You see. there was a moment of silence at the table. the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

" she said." "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber. "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf. A few minutes later. he saw two big eyes looking back at him.TopMasala. "Did God make me too?" "Yes. I'll show you." replied Johnnie. Johnnie. Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. as well as her own reflection in the mirror. God made me. Get More fun stuff like this. Grandpa?" "Yes. then that water ain't fit to drink!" Better job Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked. Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice. "if he's as scared as I am. Grandpa. and he's never hurt no one. Here. He did. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. The barber whispered. For a few minutes. As he was dipping the bucket in.. one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. At last she spoke up." Stupidest kid! A businessman was talking with his barber. but Grandma is!" Scared!!! One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. "Did God made you. while her grandfather wondered what was running through her | Fun Forum – . "I I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR. Why. "You know." the grandfather answered. the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa." To which the little brother replied." the older man answered. He's been there for a few years now. "I can't get any water from that water hole.http://www. when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk. he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well.topmasala. "That's Johnnie.. "God's doing a lot better job lately." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said. where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. the little girl asked him. "Well now.

finished the day's .yahoo. "Sorry. the trees are brown. The barber looked at the businessman and said. Goldblatt." demanded Joey." Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks.TopMasala. It was now time for the usual question period. Goldblatt. but in the autumn.http://www. "The sky is definitely blue. "If I take the quarter. "there's something I can't figure out. but the sky can sometimes be gray. the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. "Trees are definitely green. an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans. or | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says. Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said.topmasala." A second little boy says." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines. right?" "All that is right. right?" "Er--right. an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important. "Well accordin' to the Bible. "Johnny! Of course not!!!" Get More fun stuff like this." "Sorry. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"? Definitely ! A nursery school teacher says to her class." The teacher says. I told you. right?" "Again you're right. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Children of Israel At the Henry Street Hebrew School. too. "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians." announced little Joey. the new teacher." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "See. right?" "Right. the game is over." After his Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime. Amy." "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple." agreed Goldblatt. "Mr. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this.

" replied the second. I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.I love you! Honest Law yer! Two small boys were overheard talking one day. I'm at the neighbor's house. Don't worry Mom. it's not true. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.topmasala. "Johnnie.." "Honest?" asked Jimmy. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Judith PS: Mom. for Ahmed to get better. who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. she reads it. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum.then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!" Shocking letter A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.With the worst premonition. Johnnie replied.. "My name is Jimmy. I found real passion and he is so nice. In the meantime. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.http://www. "My Daddy's an accountant. What's yours?" asked the first boy. we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS . But it is not only that mom. "My Daddy's a "OK. with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. he deserves it.TopMasala. Love Your daughter.

She goes on Tuesdays. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas . Two times a week. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. I go on Fridays. 3.TopMasala. After a week or we go to a nice restaurant." says his mother.but she keeps finding her way back. Strange Neighbour There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia." "Well. good food and companionship. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. We always hold hands. . One woman cried all day long.. I take my wife everywhere." "Oh. So I suggested the kitchen.. "I don't. He found an apartment in a small block and settled .. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "I'm fine. I just stay inside my apartment all day and night. another lies on her floor moaning. replied Johnnie. 2. she shops. just the regular kind". join TopMasala @ "No. 4. We also sleep in separate beds. playing my bagpipes. Get More fun stuff like this. my | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I suggest you don't associate with people like that.http://www. have a little beverage. " Angus said." says Angus. Mam. No. I don't. his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life. and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. 5." Martial Woes: Perfect Marriage 1. If I let go.topmasala.

12.. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.. . join TopMasala @ http://groups. jump in!" 10. it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.. electric toaster and electric bread maker. I will most likely be disappointed. The driver said "No. we b***h. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. So I bought her an electric chair. One love partner knows the expectation. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. we become disappointed. she told me "In the lake.TopMasala. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled.topmasala. The last fight was my fault though. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 | Fun Forum – http://forum.I don't like to interrupt her. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder.http://www. For example. we moan. That is a problem for most people. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. She has an electric 6. yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" . Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true.. Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. I asked where the car was. Needs can be cussed and discussed. 7.! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!" No Relationship without Expectation Having expectations in our culture is expected. Get More fun stuff like this. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. She ran after the garbage truck. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. Then the mud fell off. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship." 8. We are brought up that way. if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me. 11.

Some say. While there is something to be said about "expecting the best. Simple." we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled . .http://www. things may turn out better than we imagined. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations. we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. Try this: "No expectations. "If you always expect the best for your relationship. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out. Problems are not to break us. we are often surprised. or worse. . This will always generate lots of surprises. healthy needs. we often get angry or disappointed. That is when the adventure begins. to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together. everything will work out better. those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to selfinquire. the adventure the heart was crying for.topmasala. Even when we imagine the very best. .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met. surprises you can enjoy together. because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings. join TopMasala @ http://groups. to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay. that the results are always "Expect the best. ." This is a myth.TopMasala. we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. They bring couples together and give them something to share. fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. by changing our thinking about expectations. Once we learn to identify our own individual. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Get More fun stuff like this. By considering a new point of view. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together. Working together on problems makes us stong. We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. You don't always get what you" is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. we may be surprised by the result. Disappointment usually follows. Not easy. Surprises create a sense of adventure. or both.

we create | Fun Forum – http://forum. There is some risk involved.topmasala." I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. In my opinion. your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. Never give yourself away in the relationship. The next thing you know is. how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs. The healthier image you have of . When duty does not meet our By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations. the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. it caused a confrontation. regardless of whether their choices are our choices. our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can. of course! You focus on your needs and make a Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. join TopMasala @ http://groups. By "give yourself away. if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. For example. to be understood. frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable. to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment.TopMasala. argument. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship. When it feels like duty. it is something to be avoided. So. we either choose to have conversations about them or not. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. Everyone has a need to be loved. There is a difference between duty and responsibility. However. you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty. we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. the less likely this will occur. anger. The outcome is less predictable. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. but the thought of long life will never come. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you. join TopMasala @ http://groups. good or . Talk about what you need with your We often call things that happen that cause disappointment. it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy.TopMasala. as best you can. problems. To avoid disappointment or problems. .topmasala. have no expectations. Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.http://www. If your relationship is not full of surprises. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. . Express your needs with love. The predicaments that follow are predictable. you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined M ARRIAGE without any prejudice All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No.

what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. that it indeed says . you should do it."HEBREWS" Get More fun stuff like" Wife replies.. show me. and besides.. "You should do it.. it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee... join TopMasala @ http://groups. " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it. Sweetheart U R Dead! There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it." Husband replies. if suicide is better or being murdered.. Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare. ." So she fetched the Bible.http://www. Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ? To tell each other affectionately. and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages." The husband said.TopMasala.. It's like asking . There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it. "No. The wife Wife: Darling today is our anniversary. and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. because that is your job.topmasala. "I can't believe that. and I can just wait for my | Fun Forum – http://forum.. because you get up first.. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

lowering herself into a chair beside him. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. The husband continued. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee. 'Either you marry my Yeah Baby A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room." Millionaire "Last night my wife told me she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. just staring at the wall. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating.. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "Yes I do" she replies. My wife thinks that in the daytime!" Get More fun stuff like this." Bill said to his friend Tom. "I would have been released today. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said. He appears to be in deep thought. "You're lucky. I remember" said the wife. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said. Replied | Fun Forum – .http://www. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes.the words were not coming easily. The husband pauses . and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala.topmasala.

com Six Nights A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court.http://www. You may approach the bench. He told her that he would pay her for the day. and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now." Nude Masterpiece There was this artist. he was forced to impose a jail . leaning forward. "Your honor. let me fix it for you." Get More fun stuff like this. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail. "She also stole a can of peas. The model said. taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. she began to undress for the day's work. please. He told her not to bother. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that. "Oh." The husband jumped to his feet. may I approach the bench?" "Well. There were six tomatoes in the can. off to bed. As usual. as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. he said in a low voice. He specialized in but that she could just go home. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. addressing the judge. he just wanted some hot tea and then. who worked from a studio in his home. and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk. considering her record.TopMasala." said his honor. It's the least I can | Fun Forum – http://forum. "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. join TopMasala @ http://groups. his model reported." The husband wasted no time getting there and.

Get More fun stuff like this. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. then some familiar footsteps." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure did. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Suspicious Wife A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. saved all his money. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied. Quick! Take all your clothes off. put it into my account and wrote a cheque. Her friend said. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him.http://www.topmasala. "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket." Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all his life. when he heard the front door open and close. and was a real miser. "I got it all together. if he can cash it he can spend | Fun Forum – http://forum. Just before he died he said to his wife.TopMasala. "Girl. "Oh my God!" he whispered his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. "It's my wife." said the wife. Well he died. "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say. He was stretched out in the ." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. | Fun Forum –
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur. Dying Husband A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me

what I can do?" "Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." Crazy Love A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

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The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor. The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!" "She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad." They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!" "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also." "No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!" Married Life Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

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The New Wife The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Extra Marital affairs.. Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

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topmasala. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and" he replied. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. We had sex all afternoon. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. "I can't lie to you. "I'm having an affair with my secretary. He put on his shoes and drove . He told his wife. "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: Get More fun stuff like this. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.http://www. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied.

" The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe. "Hurry. "have this. that'll be one cent. "Pretend you're a statue.http://www." she said. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing. "Certainly. too. | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups." the barman replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.TopMasala." she replied." No more was said.topmasala. Around 2 AM the husband got up." he said to the statue. "Don't move until I tell you. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Here. "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel." "One Cent?" the man thought. "Oh it's a A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "stand in the corner. then dusted him with talcum powder. He glanced at the menu and asked. not even when they went to bed. went to the bar and ordered a beer." She rubbed baby oil all over him. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" Get More fun stuff like this." she said.

"Upstairs. and your mother!" "I know. When he opened his eyes.TopMasala. He looked up and said weakly." she replied. He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. you were there beside me." his wife replied. When I was a struggling University student. "I want to die in | Fun Forum – http://forum. I failed again and again." "There's no need to." he insisted.http://www. even my re-papers as well." Freaking Jinx A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. "I have something I must confess. "Now just rest and let the poison work. His wife sat at the bedside. "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." The man asked.topmasala.. with my wife. "No. And sometimes." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. I know. I slept with your The bartender replied. your best friend. The impact was on his . "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied. You were there beside me. her best" Get More fun stuff like this. which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. encouraging me to go on trying. his wife was there beside him." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs. cutting out more adverts for me to apply.

But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised...TopMasala. Bewildered by now. Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now.. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!" Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman . the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".. "You're a freaking jinx!" Sports Jokes: what happened after india lost to srilanka??? After the shameful defeat of Team India .. he could not help asking. And you were still beside me.topmasala. Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!". And you were there beside As He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract.There's something I'd really like to say to . sobbing with Burkha etc and goes out." She flung herself on the bed to hug her | Fun Forum – http://forum. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out.. He said. you are here beside me. the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms. I blew it because of one little mistake. All in vain. " Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up. "How did you recognise me?" Get More fun stuff like this." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time...http://www.

If they failed.topmasala. "This was my wife's seat." The other man replied. "Is this seat taken?" The man replied. Looking with his binoculars. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. "I remember now. She passed away. Making sure the professor wasn't watching. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. "Old MacDonald had a ________.TopMasala. they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a . He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba." Bubba was stumped." "Oh yeah. "They're all at the funeral. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he asked the man sitting next to it. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied. "Pssst. he tapped Tiny on the shoulder." said Bubba. Tapping Tiny's Get More fun stuff like this." He picked up his No. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. The exam was fill-in-theblank. he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard | Fun Forum – The lady replied . He stopped." Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. She was a big Packers fan. you're so stupid. He had no idea what to answer."I am Sachin!" An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. "Bubba. Tiny. When he arrived at the Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. The last question read."I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.http://www.

Although the player won't know your name. real estate. now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It's just not right. trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. Detailed information about his stocks. 401(k). "Tiny. two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his salary. you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor." Adopt an NBA player THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming. bonds. how do you spell farm?" "You are really | Fun Forum – http://forum. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need.topmasala. For you.TopMasala. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. Bubba. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And. you will receive a photo of the player (unsigned). Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center. "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING" Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. But to a basketball player. and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. he whispered. as if that weren't bad enough. Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of the strike. or enjoy a weekend in Rio. two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments. but to a basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O. Get More fun stuff like shoulder again. Plus upon signing up for this program. That's so easy. he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" Each .

yahoo. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored. does not include cheerleaders). My preference is checked below: [ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need.Date:____________________________ Signature: _________________________ Get More fun stuff like Simply fill out the form below. join TopMasala @ http://groups.79 per day for a reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike. * Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Sorry.054. Please select one for | Fun Forum – . [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] DiscoverCard [ ] Diner's Club Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________ Account Number: _____________________ Exp. along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel. I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. ___YES.topmasala. Please charge the account listed below $2.http://www.

she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.http://www. travel through water." Boat troubles During late spring one year. but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. e-mail. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole. but not limited to. "How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.) Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored. thanks to your generous donations. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time. When she reached her final destination. telephone calls. Oh yes. contributions are not tax-deductible.topmasala. and the voice tells her there are no fish in . So the man cooly says "Well first of all. she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in.TopMasala. you're going to have to pay for those holes. So she moves again. Get More fun stuff like this. (Children under 18 must have parental approval. and second of Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. join TopMasala @ http://groups. this is a hockey rink. either in person or by other means including. Early the next | Fun Forum – http://forum. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there". a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform. Blonde Jokes: I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. or third parties. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

he came up choking on water and gasping for air." Our bartender IS blonde. "Nah. "Sir. Mister. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question. weighs 225. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2". cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns.nothing happens. the bouncer is blonde. a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. "Before you tell that joke. ma'am. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. you should know something. still strapped in place securely. "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. " . Each one of US is blonde. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. Because he was laughing so hard. was the After trying for over three days to make it work properly. and he's a rugby player. Think about it. the guy next to him says.http://www. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -. then began in a patient tone. Other Get More fun stuff like this. Under the boat. "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice. huh?" Are You Really Sure? A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender. I'm a 6' tall." Horns There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. Blonde Sky Divers A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. she decided to seek help." she inquired. So.topmasala. 200 lb black belt.

That night when he got home he told his joke. I know all of the states and capitals. The blonde replies. there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. "I'm young. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable." the voice replied. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.http://www. she moves forward to the last empty one. But the reason this cow don't have no horns. ma'am. blonde and . The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in. Still." State Capitals There was this guy who was married to a blonde. quiz me. "I'm not so dumb.topmasala. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. She says." Flustered. "They need a longer ladder!" First Class Blondie A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach | Fun Forum – http://forum. is 'cause it's a horse.TopMasala. it's YOU I want!" she yelled. the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. and that stops 'em cold." He thought for a moment and asked. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department. "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied." "No. "M!" Longer Ladder "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. Go ahead. Get More fun stuff like this.

says. it was the blonde's turn. The pilot and flight attendant. "Hey lady. and that he can take care of the problem. He replies. she started laughing. gets out.TopMasala." the blonde replied. and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. Bolnde tailgating! One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him. A little while later he looks in his rearview mirror. "I didn't tell a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven. When she got to the 999th step. and walks over to the car. so she could not enter heaven. it must be bad `cause all the people are leaving. the blonde replies. a redhead.topmasala. if you don`t stop tailgating me. together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman." The wrong way! A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. but wherever it is. lady.http://www." So he gets back in truck and drives away. "I just got the first joke. Well. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear." hugs the co-pilot. and sees the blonde tailgating him again." Get More fun stuff like this. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th and a blonde were on their way to | Fun Forum – http://forum. saying. "Thank you so much. "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to Again. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: . which had also stopped and said. "I'm young. blonde and beautiful. stop tailgating me. so he stops his truck and walks over to the car. so she could not enter heaven either. or I`ll bust up your car." Don't laugh! A brunette." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion. and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. this truck driver hated to be tailgated. So he stops his truck. join TopMasala @ http://groups. who were watching with rapt attention." "I know. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. Then. and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps. She immediately gets up. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend. I`m going to bust up your car. "Hey.

Get More fun stuff like this. And the blonde is still laughing. and busts all the tires." So the blonde steps out of her . "Lady. After positioning her footstool. "Sure. join TopMasala @ http://groups. get out. saying." said the other blonde. and says.topmasala. And the blonde starts laughing. she started to make a circular cut in the ice. she made for the nearest frozen lake. I`m taking away the ladder. A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror. She`d seen many books on the subject. and pounds in the frame. rips out the steering wheel. cuts the brake lines. and you`re still laughing. He takes a sledge hammer from his truck. until the car is completely totaled.http://www. So he gets back in his truck and drives away. and finally. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde." Ice fishing! A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. I just completely totaled your and the truck driver draws a circle on the roadside. after getting all the necessary items together. Smashing the windshields and windows. giggling. And the blonde keeps laughing. and once again the blonde is tailgating | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!" The grip! One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. What is so funny?????" The blonde replies. "Lady. So he stops his truck.TopMasala. The truck driver walks over to the blonde." Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. "Now don`t step out of that circle. and says. walks over to the car. hold on tight. The truck driver rips out the seats. "Well.

and said. the officer replied. Again. so finally the brunette said. the motorcycle cop waved the speeding sports car over to the curb. moved way down to the opposite end of the ice.topmasala. "Oh officer. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped. sat up her stool. "No. thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.TopMasala. all of the blondes started Suddenly. "Ma`" Applause ! There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. that`s your air freshener. is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"? The woman replied." he said . now quite worried. he was surprised to find a very attractive blonde behind the wheel. Ten were blonde. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled. "I`ll get off. No one could decide who should go. the voice bellowed. and one was a brunette." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off. from the sky. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. and tried again to cut her hole. "Mam. from the heavens. | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Is that you.. looked skyward."I`m afraid we`re going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you`ve been drinking. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die.. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror. "Ma`am. Breathalyzer test! After a wild freeway chase. Lord?" The voice replied. I`m the Ice-Rink Manager!" Air Freshener !! A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver. When he walked up to the drivers window." Get More fun stuff like this. a voice boomed. the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another .

the blonde cop said "You and Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ http://groups. too!" Watch dogs A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs. "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated. And. it's got your picture on it!" The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom." Get more fun stuff like this. if I had known you were a police officer too. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. and asked her what their names were. Her friend said. . "May I see your licence? Lady. "What does it look like?" | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.http://www. The blonde cop looked in the "You're free to go. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results. "Lady.TopMasala. you`ve had a couple of stiff ones. "What else would you name watch dogs?" Police officer A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. "Why did you give them names like that?" The blonde responded. "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license. She held it up to her face and said. handed it back to the driver and said." The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer." "That`s amazing!"the girl cried." Driving License A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. he said."You mean it shows that. Join TopMasala Today at http://groups. we could have avoided all this hassle. The officer opens it up and "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over. "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.