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TopMasala “Santa Banta” Jokes
Santa Singh as a software engineer! What will Santa do if he gets the following error message? FILE NOT FOUND! To find out scroll down . . . . . . .

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Painful pinch! As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."

sardar ji in a quiz contest... Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest -> 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 3) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up. If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: #1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The October revolution is celebrated in November 3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name. 4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

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com The Suicide Bomber Banta joins the suicide bomber squad. so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. Banta: Sir. Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest! Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh Q. there are 2 enemies . Jilebi. we will look after. Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more. can I suicide now? Leader: No. Q. wait till you see more soldiers. don't worry about your family.. you will be a martyr. now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers.topmasala. Fanta & Coffee Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A.http://www. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? called his boss: Sir. nothing more Q. What is JFC ? A. not for | Fun Forum – http://forum.. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A. can I suicide now? Boss: Yes. go ahead. Get More fun stuff like this. Send it through courier. Terms are different . He lands up in the enemy's camp.TopMasala.

Q. Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ? Get More fun stuff like this. I am a computer professional not an architect student. Can I modify an object in CORBA? A.topmasala. Q. . Non living things can't communicate. I will give invitation. they can replace servers. As you wish . Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. What is JINI? A. Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? A. What is the use of Servlets ? A. Q. I do not have any objections. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Explain RMI Architecture? A. Threads are small ropes.http://www.TopMasala. Sorry. In hotels. File that can be kept inside a | Fun Forum – Make a rope from threads is an example for process. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend. What is JAR file ? A. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script? A. Q.

Santa & Banta . Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Get More fun stuff like this. 2nd says mine is very hot. In kitchens for cooking they can be A kind of vegetable. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!! Santa and Banta were watching bungee | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot. Some Santa and Banta Jokes Some Santa and Banta Jokes In UK. Q.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? A.Dumb & Dumber Santa & Banta doing what they do best! Santa: I have swallowed a key. Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape. 1st says my wife is very cold. Three men discussing wives. When we sow a binary seed. a binary tree will . Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No A. Santa: I'm confused.

join TopMasala @ http://groups...Gold ring de de 1ST. Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days.TopMasala.F ka tyre de de Get More fun stuff like this..M. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life Santa: I was using duplicate . now I have lost it too Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple. Lady calls again. 3) SARDAR.. GUESS WOH KYA BOLA. IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO 2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA 2ND SARDAR: wo kaise? 1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya. I press the bell but no one comes out. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.R. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators! Santa Banta jokes 1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR | Fun Forum – http://forum.koi badi cheez bata 2ND . kya dun ? 2ND. because he is PM not AM. FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA.topmasala.yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

com/group/TopMasala/ .com 4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the donkey.... He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'. 6) Banta: you cheated me.. 10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad? ....TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups... Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! 7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly! what is the cube of 13? Its : SUROOR wandaring how? thats bcoz. 5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti.. santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is Jayanti...use log hanuman bulate the... TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR 9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi. I sold a good radio to you.http://www.batao kyon? kyonki uska naam hanuman tha.?? So.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y?? Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – http://forum...Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya 12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian??? Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan 13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant.sita with ravan 11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing? .yahoo.. Shopkeeper: No.topmasala.

When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. 15) Full form of MATHS???? Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students… 16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: hasina Sardars entry in the. "OK. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied. There are 12 seconds in a year. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. etc. 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".. DharamRaj said. "Well.TopMasala. January 2nd. ……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda. 2." DharamRaj lets him in without another they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai** 14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought.. join TopMasala @ Get More fun stuff like this. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: . February | Fun Forum – http://forum. even though it's not the answer I expected... 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered.March 2nd. so your answer is correct..

TopMasala. din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai! Get More fun stuff like this. you could have saved Rs 30!!!. Sardarji to son: You fool.http://www. He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked". if you would have ran behind an | Fun Forum – http://forum. Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch ... Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta? Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai Dos : Kaise? Sardar: Son to sardarji: Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3.topmasala. Sardar r really innocent Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened. that did not know about the nail! Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".. jor se baarish shuru ho gayi. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka. join TopMasala @ http://groups. badal garje. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki. his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers. Intelligent Sardar Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond

. "I love chocolates" "So do I." Banta said.http://www. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.TopMasala. 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well. 'Tell me. Banta won the tenth prize ." said the the seond prize winner. Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. 'Usually there are three of us.. when the raffle was drawn. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good. the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's Sardar wins 20 Crore from. at the office canteen. they each won a prize. They bought tickets. "Great. Today Balwant is .topmasala. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.! Sardar's Planting. About a week | Fun Forum – http://forum. The following week." said the first prize winner. Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax. Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.' said the passerby.' said the digger.a toilet" Get More fun stuff like this. I dig the hole. but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off! Toilet brush! Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. because he is ill. seeing it was for charity. "I think I'll go back to paper.

" Banta put on his angry face. Things were going pretty well. but wherever it is. and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" Urine test! Banta had been in the hospital for days. radar gun at the ready. "Well. "Sure. but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22. it must be bad cause all the people were leaving. | Fun Forum – http://forum. who owned an old Maruti. His friend . you guys aren't going to believe this. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph. snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps. "Hey. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser. off they went. join TopMasala @ Speeding!!! Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. "It seems we are a little cloudy today. Get More fun stuff like this. He called into headquarters on his radio." With that." So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend. twice if I want you maintain speed. and repeatedly if I want you to slow down. with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. One day during a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda." Confused Sardar A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill. I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time. But.TopMasala. "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster. if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Sardar : No. He asked his friend. all of sudden.http://www. Banta was handling the speed just fine. In her annoying voice. she snickered. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass.

. On his return in the evening. It read. Get More fun stuff like this. I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend" Painter Sardar . a Kanjoos Sardar Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money". he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate.. .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. . He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the words. "Dr. . . . Maneesh .TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. and left for his clinic. Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money. . Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist" Incredible Sardars. has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. . .

yahoo. Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde. A & B. but is starts with "T". it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo. jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko. A & B. Banta: Koi phayda nahin. iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. bilkul Gobar jaisa swad | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.http://www. Santa Banta Strikes Again Santa: I tried ur number so many times. maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai. Santa: A & B. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend. Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. A crow shits on a Banta. it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name. jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai . A & B. Get More fun stuff like this. kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.TopMasala. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. Jeeto. Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai. A & B. Tea se start hoti hai. I mean long time no C. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Friend: Oye. | Fun Forum –

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya. Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake. Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai. Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai. Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' Sardars entry in the.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
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1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

Safe cracker The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help. The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe. The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe. The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?" The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!" Laughing Zone A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. **************** Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. **************** Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. ****************
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing? Santa: Drying sweat! ****************

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. Banta: R u ok? Santa: Yeah! Banta: Did u break anything? Santa: No, there's nothing down here **************** Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Speed limit A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." Affair with a dentist Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!" Blind date! Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma
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it won't be long now. so he asked a police officer for directions. I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. but to get to the Rock Garden. It'll take you right there." So that night. how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied. officer. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.topmasala. sure enough. Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop." replied Banta. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa. That was three hours ago. "fire away. "Excuse me. Unfortunately. The 43rd bus just went by!" Fastest Worker Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post . Extremely pleased by this." He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: .yahoo. the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.. "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus.http://www." "Well. Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Don't attack. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. he couldn't find it. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well. "Excuse me. "If I ask you a question. "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied." replied Banta." said Santa. The officer got out of his car and said. Get More fun stuff like this. sure thing. "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!" Santa in Chandigarh Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time.TopMasala."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!" Speech Impediment Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. officer. He wanted to see the Rock Garden." replied his friend. when Santa said to Banta. will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah.

he met his mother-in-law on the street. Get More fun stuff like this." "Better?" the supervisor asked with . in bed with another man.topmasala. told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a | Fun Forum – http://forum." Explanation! Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday. "Yeah." explained Santa. the bartender gets worried. "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses." the supervisor said." The bartender thought about this for a while. he found his wife." Last Night One day. "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. however." the older women pleaded. he picked up his bag and stormed out." "Thank you. "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. "I just want you to know.http://www. Furious. Sir" said Santa. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had. "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. When he walked into his apartment. "But.TopMasala. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. except today is the last night. Then he asks for another. join TopMasala @ http://groups. After a couple more drinks. Jeeto. Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

"I feel a lot better | Fun Forum – http://forum. where is he?" "Under the wagon." After a hearty lunch. he agreed. Get More fun stuff like this. "but I don't think my father would like me Reluctantly." the farmer insisted. and ." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a smile. Pappu thanked his host. come on. accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. An hour later. that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." Smartest Salesman Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise." "That's mighty nice of you. "By the way." Pappu answered. "Well okay. Santa's The first said. The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. "But my father won't like it. "She didn't receive your telegram!" Overturned wagon Pappu.TopMasala.topmasala. "Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. but I know dad is going to be real upset. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta." he finally agreed." a note of truimph in her voice." "Aw. his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.

Banta?" Santa said. were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies. "Along with the Cuckoo . "Is that shit. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis." "Easy for you to say. "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife.TopMasala.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace. "It's not | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Well boys.http://www. One says. "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids." replied his friend. I thought it was a fart." declared Banta. I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" Medical Students Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in" "You like her that much?" the friend The other two said. but it looks like we were all wrong!" The Ladies Man "I'm scared. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem. Santa and Banta. so what? The third salesman added. Get More fun stuff like this." Banta said to one of his friends. and I think you have a hernia. "He didn't sign his name!" The Right Step Two drunk." "Well.

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote. for costing me my job. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Your incomes will be | Fun Forum – http://forum." Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. bring back Bush." Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill "I don't really know. "it smells like shit." "Hooooeee!" Responded Santa. President" "I am Clinton of Borg. "I don't know. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs. I never had one." Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. he replied. Voter: "The joke's over. "Good thing we didn’t step in it!" Politics Jokes Clinton one-liners Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got! "Carter is no longer the worst U.S. It's the spending stupid! If Clinton was the answer.topmasala. buddy! I think it's definitely shit. "It feels like shit!" Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. I will repay you in 1996. Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate! My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill." Responded Banta as he bent over. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year." Thank it must have been a real stupid question! Clinton in 1996--NOT!! I'm not Fonda Clinton Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the . "Sure tastes like shit.

"No.O.topmasala. or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome Colic: A sheep dog Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Congenital: To be friendly D & C: Where the White House is Dilate: To live too long Get More fun stuff like this. If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.?" Bill Clinton .I.TopMasala. what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her dad. "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time.'" Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you're | Fun Forum – http://forum. Some begin with 'After I'm elected. Bowel: Letter like A... | Fun Forum – join TopMasala @ . well known Jaundice: To include in a group Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives Labor pain: Getting hurt at work Leper: A wild cat Malaria: Shopping place Medical staff: A doctor's cane Morbid: A higher bid Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis Post-operative: A letter carrier Get More fun stuff like this. Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Fibula: A small lie GI series: A soldier ball game Hangnail: A coat hook Impotent: Distinguished.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. Rectum: It almost killed him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: A Roman emperor Serology: Study of English Knighthood Tablet: A small table Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport Tumor: More than one Urine: Opposite of you're out Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited The Career Choice An older couple had a son who was still living with them. but if he took the bottle of | Fun Forum – http://forum. . so they decided to do a small test. Get More fun stuff like this. if he took the Bible. pretending they were not at Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work. he would be a priest. They took a $10 bill. he would be a drunk. The parents were a little worried.TopMasala.topmasala. a Bible and a bottle of whiskey. and put them on the front hall table. he would be a businessman. Then they hid. as the son has no career plans. The test was this: If the son took the money.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. When they resume George says. it's even worse than I could ever have and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. First. "Darn. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. he took the Bible. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second.' 'And what is your question. 'Billy. Billy? 'I have 3 questions. First. what the f**k happened to Billy?' Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. Then. Our son is going to be a politician!" No Answers to such Questions George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. carrying all three items. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth. where were we? Oh that's right question time.TopMasala. flicked through it. he took the $10 bill. they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him. Peeping through the keyhole. One little boy puts up his hand andGeorge asks him what his name is. opened it. looked at it against the light. The father slapped his forehead and | Fun Forum – http://forum. why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for recess. Finally he grabbed the bottle. After his talk he offers question time. and took it. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third. Then he left for his room. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Steve?' 'I have 5 questions. "OK. After .http://www. and slid it in his pocket. George points him out and asks him what his name is. 'Steve' 'And what is your question.

Rahman ran into another car. These guns are so safe? Robert Shovestall. It all started at 9 . Get More fun stuff like this. He got nervous. when. 37." said the minister. An hour later.topmasala.m. racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver. The first man to arrive was a stranger.TopMasala. CA. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "You misunderstood my announcement. shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale. Rahman is looking for another line of work. he rammed into a parked car. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am. 36. Cops said he was leaving the scene. he even called police to report the accident. and my feet just slipped from the brake to the accelerator. Brooklyn. Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe. the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. Rahman said the car rammed into his A Meeting With the Board A Meeting With the Board After a long." Rhaman said.http://www. when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk. "I know.45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Rahman said he paused for a When police showed up and began converging on his cab. "I got confused. dry sermon. but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic. cops say. That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey. I'd like to meet him. Playing safe! New York City .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. though.Mohammad Rahman." said the man. This is a meeting of the board. when he placed a .

but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash. According to the Law which came into effect on December 31. Cool way to conquer fear ! Fan of Titanic star Leonardo DiCaprio.http://www. Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in | Fun Forum – http://forum. David .yahoo. This was the toughest challenge for Blaine. and the case was dismissed. Passerby in New York called him crazy to risk his life. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. 1995. which include frostbite and the possibility of falling asleep and touching the ice wall. A year later. he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate. Get More fun stuff like A dead man in jail! A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges. He would have to remain standing in the block in which his contour was shaped surviving only with a tube to suck water and oxygen. Peter C. There is no such disease. it amounts to disqualification of Municipal Councilors and Panchayat members who produce a third child. Gentry was first arrested in 1991. two and a half-day. Now he encased himself in a six-tonne block of ice and hoped to come out unscathed 58 hours later i. In 1994. and it just took the petition in Mayurbhanj district court to remove Singe from her Sarpanch seat. Progeny sometimes spoils the political careers. He faced several threats. Progeny! Singe Soren. the Woman Sarpanch(Village head) of Badapalasa was unseated because she gave birth to her third child. last year buried himself underwater in a plexiglass coffin for a week and survived.topmasala.e.

Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics. while she stood watch over him. A woman has to protect her self respect. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995. in his absence. Sow Cruel!! A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman. No luck with a tow truck Get More fun stuff like this. which can weigh 1.TopMasala.3 cents). pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest.topmasala. calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships. The municipality was not cleaning them. The father decided to sue after learning that his son`s death was not an isolated incident.000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine. she has not been arrested since she has a younger child to take care of. though complaints were made to the authorities earlier. Incedentally. | Fun Forum – To protect self respect!! An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji. Newpaper reports state that Hien could be prosecuted on charge of ill-treating the child. Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets. The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine. Phan Thi Hien. which fell." Sawant said. to make him realize that public toilets were overflowing. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn`t be death. She said she urinated in his chamber. at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines. The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the state. Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on Dying for a soda ?? A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500. The boy was beaten severly and given a needle and thread by his stepmother and was forced to sew his lips together.000 pounds." said the man`s . forced her 10-year-old stepson to stitch up his moutha as punishment for stealing 200 dong (1. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

He remained conscious. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around." Illegal aliens and transients sleep on the tracks because they think snakes won`t get them there." Bogumill said. wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries. and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp. Get More fun stuff like this. was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull. Wis. Philadelphia. PA. turned to his co-worker and . PA. Philadelphia.topmasala. Texas . At about 9:30 a. it worked !! Norias. A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. He said. they saw heads raise up and then six people were killed instantly. the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open window. Chinnamma Sebastian. began to cry and started strip of grass. a construction worker in Eau Claire." Bogumill recalled.. Bouncing baby boy 3-year-old Lateef Wise. and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked unconscious.TopMasala. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver. was left home alone last week. when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off.Six men believed to be illegal aliens from Mexico were killed by a freight train while sleeping on the tracks. "That next split-second.. bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver. The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr. But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents.m. 49." Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the Like a hole in the head !! Travis | Fun Forum – http://forum. "You just nailed me in the head. "You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head." said Letty Garza. "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. who suffered minor injuries. John Lamoureux. "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer. a spokeswoman for the Border Patrol. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to be. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck.http://www. Then he fell from the apartment. Well.

thousands of Buddhists greeted a holy tooth believed to have belonged to Buddha when it arrived in Taiwan." Holy tooth! Batman! Singing hymns and praying for peace and Give em a hand! A team of Latvian doctors claimed a new world record after reattaching four severed hands in just five days. Kristie Vecchione. and a tons of money. Bush's driver and I just killed the pig. He came out with a beer. Vecchione. According to the Baltic News Service. took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl`s father is actually a woman. Get More fun stuff like this. wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. join TopMasala @ . The mommies! A custody battle in Santa Ana. CA. The agency noted doctors normally reattach only two or three hands a year. three of the patients had their hands cut off by saws while chopping down trees. Bush saw this and said. The Grass Valley Union newspaper reported the outage delayed the trial of PG&E for failing to trim vegetation around power lines as required by the state. The driver tried to get out of the | Fun Forum – http://forum. CA. who was impregnated by artificial insemination. lost power for 30 minutes this spring when a branch blew off a tree and hit a Pacific Gas & Electric power line. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. 27. a woman.http://www. George W. I just killed the pig. had her hand severed by a dough machine. but he hit said her husband became a man through sexchange operations more than 20 years ago. The fourth. Powerful coincidence! Almost all of Nevada City.topmasala. what did you tell them?" The driver replied.TopMasala. "My God. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. "I told them that I'm George W. a cigar.

clasping their hands in front to express their reverence." says the medical examiner. was 70. allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk. died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. speaking on a City Hall phone. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man. arranged to sell crack. Say Cheese Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary. "He was a BJP leader. Buddhists say the tooth brings blessings for those who live where it is housed and keeps them from disaster. encased in a miniature golden pagoda. off a flight from India.TopMasala. Died of alcohol poisoning. hence the smile. and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers. "He was a minister from ruling Congress party. To which the medical officer replies. MP from Bihar. 65 years of age. "Ah. Indiana . 46. Hence the enormous smile. Inspector. "He thought he was having his picture taken. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has Monks in saffron robes escorted the tooth. 60. were arrested at their apartment Monday. struck by lightning. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body. and asks to be shown the last body. all with very big smiles on their faces. Dozens of women prostated themselves and spread their long hair over a red | Fun Forum – http://forum. and spent it all on whiskey.000. Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine. Others knelt in . 41. "This is the most unusual one. thinks the Inspector." Get More fun stuff like this.000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris. 6 ounces of crack and $6." says the medical examiner.topmasala. Close to home!" "Nothing unusual here".Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1.http://www." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector. made a pile from government funds. Programer Arthur Harris.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. A guy from the front replied.topmasala. The minister called him to the window. said the senator Laloo`s Threat A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. he had occasion to pay a return visit. "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. said the minister !! Get More fun stuff like this. He is refusing to move from there!" "But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!" Indian politician An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "See the river over there?" "Sure".yahoo.TopMasala. "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window." he asked. Some time later. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.http://www. peered closely and said. "No. "10 percent". glittering with precious art. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When the senator invited him home for dinner. the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course". I don't see any bridge. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked.the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built." "100 percent".com/group/TopMasala/ . cried the senator. was confused. When they came to his house. grounds and the costly furnishings. "How can you possibly afford this. He asked. on a salary in Indian Rupees. said the minister. hundreds of servants etc etc.

com Best patient Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. I wanted to relay an old story to all of you. The first surgeon . So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean. everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The second responds." said the Israeli Consul. "You're all wrong. "let me begin my speech.topmasala." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed. hearing this accusation. and when the job takes longer than you said it would. "I like to see accountants on my operating table... jumps out of his seat and screams. join TopMasala @ http://groups. so he went over to the other side of the pond.http://www.. "You know. took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content.. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen... and no spine. because when you open them up..TopMasala. and even more deserts. I like construction workers. but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded... When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts.those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end. "Yeah. The Israeli Consul began.It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!" "And in agreement with Chairman Arafat. There's no guts. no heart. cool water." The fourth surgeon chimes in. The people became thirsty and needed water. everything inside is numbered. "This is a travesty. the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul. "" Get More fun stuff like this. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body. and prairies. "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech." Yassir Arafat." UN meeting At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East.. and the head and butt are interchangeable.. I really think librarians are the best." The third surgeon | Fun Forum – http://forum. And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes.

It encourages carpooling. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 12. 11.000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away. 15. looking in. 5. 6. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. Employees tell management what they think.topmasala. 13.http://www. and not get any outside the glass. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender.TopMasala. 2. As he finishes with each group of people. "I bet you $ Bar Jokes: Reasons to allow drinking at work The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. 4. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. and as he makes his way to the counter. A bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar. If something does something stupid on the job. and says to the bartender. It reduces complaints about low pay. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. it will be quickly forgotten. 9. Finally. you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. The man walks up to the counter. not what management wants to hear. they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window. It makes fellow employees look better. 8. It's an incentive to show up. he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. . It leads to more honest communications." Get More fun stuff like this. It reduces stress. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. If you use them wisely.

and the contest begins. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 3. 7. he comes back to the bar and orders three more.TopMasala. the other in Get More fun stuff like this. 1. a pint goes flat after I draw it. but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the | Fun Forum – http://forum.000." The Irishman replies. The man sprays beer all over the bar. 5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher. When he finishes. but he wants his $1.000. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the . "Well. huh?" The man answers. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. I have two brothers. " The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase. The bartender asks him. "You know. the bartender looks at him and says. so he agrees. paces off thirty feet. I guess you owe me $1. you see." Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. 2. handsomer and smarter than some really. drinking a sip out of each one in turn. "Yeah. really big guy named Psycho The bartender gets out a shot glass. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. One is in America.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. When he finishes them. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. it would taste better if you bought one at a time. He doesn't even touch the shot glass.http://www.

then the next. and leaves it there. he comes in and orders two pints. The bartender looks at him and I was just reading here that the Pope does." He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.http://www." The bartender hastily asks. and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. The priest." What causes people to have arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. and I'm here in Dublin. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. I didn't mean to come on so strong. "Say. "I'm very sorry." the drunk muttered. I've just quit drinking. but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar. thinking about what he had Australia. then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.topmasala." he says. The man's tie was stained. After a few minutes. the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked. Staring in disbelief." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down. father. being with cheap. nudged the man and apologized. the bartender says. it's caused by loose living." "Well I'll be. He opened his newspaper and began reading. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. then the next. "What'll it be buddy?" The man says." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. "What do you have pal?" Get More fun stuff like this. When he comes back to the bar for the second . "I don't want to intrude on your | Fun Forum – http://forum. the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. returning to his paper. his face was plastered with red lipstick." The Irishman looks confused for a moment. One day. "Oh. and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.TopMasala. and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. wicked women. what causes arthritis?" "Mister. "Everyone's fine. When we all left home. no. "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. drinking by .if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. and goes on the offensive.http://www." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . Get More fun stuff like this. "I have a dollar. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" I didn't get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a table. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. then no one will ever know.topmasala. join TopMasala @ The man quickly replies. and a triple vodka on the rocks".TopMasala." The Nun reluctantly" A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day. so John goes inside to the bar. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. "Another pint for me. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "How do you know this. a Nun.

They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. "Then in September. He is obviously drunk. Two parents gone in two but where's his wheel chair?" Looking to buy a frog? Looking to buy a frog? Get More fun stuff like this." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. "My father died. and left me $15. "and left me $25.http://www. leaving me $90. the .000.000.TopMasala. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me." "Wow. that's | Fun Forum – http://forum. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August. join TopMasala @ http://groups." he said. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man." continued. "You look terrible." the friend continued." he replied. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." "Then this Approaching the friend he comments. "absolutely nothing!" Arriving home very drunk Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.topmasala." "Gee.

The ghost? There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain." "You would be. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. if you had what I" the man replies. While the man is enjoying his beverages.http://www. The man finally agrees.TopMasala. " . finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. this time to $500. "he's not for sale. a stranger confronts him and offers him $100. They jumped in the car. "If I show you a really good trick.00 cash up front. and proceeds to play the blues. thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano." the bartender remarks. You see." the man A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender. cracks his knuckles. started it up and headed down the road.000. he asked the bartender.topmasala." The stranger increases the offer to $250. The rat stretches." The stranger again increases the offer. still drinking one beer after the other. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. orders four expensive thirty-year. without pausing.00 for the bullfrog. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog.00 cash. will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees.000. laughing and. the rat's a ventriloquist. cracks his knuckles. "he's not for sale. will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. "Whew. then agrees. and proceeds to play the | Fun Forum – http://forum. he downs each one. "The frog was really nothing special. these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain. "That frog could have been worth millions to you." he insists. Then.old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.000. The rat stretches. who begins to sing along with the rat's music." "What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks. After the man finished his drink." A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar. of course. and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a Get More fun stuff like this.000!" "Don't worry about it. and you let him go for a mere $500. "If I show you an even better trick. "No. All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out. "you seem to be in a hurry. too.

there he is again!". He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.http://www. "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out. "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror. and the passenger says. " ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking. "What do you want???" The old man softly replied. "You want some help getting out of the mud? Exchanging notes! A guy walks in a bar. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. looked at the driver and . "What do you think of that?" The driver says.TopMasala. terrified. join TopMasala @ http://groups. but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. Upon return. and decides to go and say hi to them. "you have any tobacco?" The passenger. the passenger yells. The old man gently replies.topmasala. he sees another note saying "Me too!" Get More fun stuff like this. scared out of his wits. "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer. along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said. they calm down and they start laughing again. trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. Then he sees someone he knows. So he sets it on a Now going about 80 miles an hour. and buys a huge beer. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. "I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man | Fun Forum – http://forum.

and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. " .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. I have indeed shit myself. join TopMasala @ Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman." The bartender is a little taken aback. The guy from Corona sits down and says. "Excuse me Mister. give me a Coors. all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. She turns to him and says. a Corona." The woman says. "Give me a The guy from Budweiser says. "I`m your best friend!" The man turns to his friend. "I`d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. and then slurs. The guy from Guinness sits down and says. "Well. "Yes ma`am." says the shocked friend. neither will I." He gets it. but gives him what he ordered. why don`t you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says." The bartender gives him one. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask. smiles. furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied. "Not anymore! He is!" Embarrasing ! Get More fun stuff like this. "But. the man replies. "Hey Señor. What`s going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass.TopMasala. "Why aren`t you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies. "`Cos I`m not finished yet. a Budweiser. in London.." Best friend A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern. The guy from Coors says. "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years. if you guys aren`t drinking beer. "Well." says the other man. I would like the world`s best beer." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him..http://www. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "My wife just ran off with my best friend. the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. give me `The King Of Beers`." The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival. "I`d like the best beer in the world. looks at him through bloodshot eyes. After awhile.topmasala.

http://www. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. After an hour of gathering up his courage. "No. I`m a journalist and I`ve got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations. "I dated every woman that would go out with me.of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink ." replied the man. Naturally. but not often and I dated some." "Wow." To which he responds. "I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life. "I`m sorry if I embarrassed you. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life." said the old man. that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. at the top of his lungs. "I never drank alcohol.topmasala. I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. them no-one will know" Get More fun stuff like this. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. The three old men agreed. "And how old are you?" "29. the woman walks over to him and apologizes. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by After a few minutes. and goes on the offensive." "Wow!" said the reporter. at the top of her lungs. the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. "I`m . I won`t sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man. You see. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "I drank on occasion.TopMasala. a Nun. "How do *you* know. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life. "What do you mean Rs 1000?" Secret of long life Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached | Fun Forum – http://forum." the reporter asked. Finally. I smoked. I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years. Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don`t be ridiculous ." "And how old are you?" asked the A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. She smiles at him and says.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I." said the man. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. "I`m 93.

The guest. A few minutes later. and obviously very angry.. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole." The bartender responded. "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end | Fun Forum – http://forum. When the last of us were escaping. and rendered speechless. "What's the problem?" he asked. they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle." Australian marriage All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple.http://www. the guests repaired to the parking The Nun reluctantly agrees." "Well. left the church. well I was in that mine and so was that guy. "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer.. he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me. you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy. we found the keg of beer.topmasala. joining the other farmers. we. jacket .. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Get More fun stuff like this. look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up." he shouted. so John goes inside to the bar. and asked. well. You remember that mine that caved in.. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and One guest. taken aback. uh. and some bastard fucked the bride!". the friend again approached the father of the bride. sleeves rolled up. "Another pint for me. the father reappeared and yelled. held back." The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. he replied. "Oh. grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church..that`s where we put the jack. exclaimed the father. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer. and a triple vodka on the rocks".. a friend of the bride's father.. "The weddin's off. is it?" Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. "I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here. Waiting for things to get started.TopMasala. and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman ". I wouldn`t be here. and approached him. "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh.

"Bbbartender tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The Bartender replied." The bartender got it. "Yes sir. gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. "That will be Rs 300 please!".would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure". and he did. and says. have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads. "Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my Humpback while you were in here. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Sssay! Bbbartender. have you found Jesus?" "No. that's what we get!". "I have no arms . I ttthougt it wwas yyour Bbbutt!" Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. before leaving he says." said the customer." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.TopMasala. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says." And it was done. who is badly Humpbacked. The Bartender. The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says. I am." said the customer. "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket. brings him up and says. The Minister turns. gggimme a bbbeer".http://www." The Guy says." "Certainly. walks into a Bar. "No. "Mister. "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. Disgusted. eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh. serves him a beer and .com Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of said the bartender. The guy pays him. "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says. but that's our price. I did not!" said the drunk again. The guy says. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer. brings him up and demands. Get More fun stuff like this. "Yes. "Ssay! Bbbartender. "Now. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Too high! This guy who stutters badly. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the | Fun Forum – http://forum. "If. you'll find the money for the beer. I didn't!" said the drunk. "Look. "For the grace of God. the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. that's what we get!". "Oh ttthat's OK. "Now brother. drinks his whiskey and. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. "Yes. notices the old drunk and says." said the armless man. but that's our price.

"I've been counting too. She agreed.00. "Last month my aunt died and left me 10. and there's one in a filling station on the corner." Inheritance! A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his. when you take this parcel of meat home." When the boy arrived home he told his mother." "Gosh." said the customer.TopMasala. " | Fun Forum – .00.000. "Then this month. He had been counting the years off on his calendar. free milk." the man replied. "nothing! Not even a single rupee!" Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman." "I know. and one day the teenager. and watch the expression on her face. came into the shop and said. entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16." the friend answered. that it is the last free meat she'll the friend said." said the butcher with a smile.000. "Then in June. tell your mother. that's tough. and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Judgement There were three men at a bar. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail." the friend added. he commented. The woman nodded and said. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. with a baby in her arms.00. drinking by himself. Losing three close family members in three months. join TopMasala @ http://groups. both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed. "I'll be 16 tomorrow. Continuing. Get More fun stuff like "You've been very kind. is terrible!" replied the man." said the bartender. "You look awful. who had been collecting the meat each week. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door." said the man.topmasala. "Just one thing more. Approaching his friend. walk two blocks. "Son. go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread.http://www. The next day the man went before the judge. "That's a lot to deal with. my dad died leaving me 50. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me 25." continued the friend. "turn left.

Get More fun stuff like this. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. "Sooner or later. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. "What do you do for a living?" The man said. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.TopMasala." The judge asked the man. you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "Wait. "This and that. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face." The man said.topmasala. "So. "Take him away." Big Booze An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking | Fun Forum – http://forum." The judge then said. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him . "Here and there. judge when will I get out?" The judge said to the man. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at The judge asked the man. "Where do you work?" The man said. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face.

"Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them. you left your wheelchair there again. Everybody looked up and bowed their head. "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink. Bartender says. I fell in the damn toilet!" Heavy Drinker Get More fun stuff like this. sat down. When the Irishmen walked up to the bartender the bartender said." Then he ordered a small steak. he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool. The Bartender said.TopMasala. "Oh "The pub called. and began to drink each drink one at a time." So the Irishmen did this for a number of years. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. He returns to the bar soaking wet. "I am so sorry about your brother." The Irishman said." Extra Large A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer." The Irishmen looked at him funny and said. piece of meat.topmasala. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks. Everything in Texas is big. "Oh No. When the waitress brings it to" The bartender said. When he was finished he went up to get three more. it is this huge 40 oz. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "That is a small glass of . "That's very cool. The waitress says." Irishman in the Bar An Irishmen walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors. everything is big in Texas. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak. everybody's all right it's just that I stopped | Fun Forum – http://forum. He walked to a table. son. "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep.http://www. "Son. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right.

Bartender. and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet. Bartender was shocked. "What all do you have". Lord shiva decided to try Rum. "Who is this man." After having five bottles of Preasher. I ssssure am. after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet. who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky.topmasala." Lord Shiva..http://www. he asked the bartender for Gin. " One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. beer. I ddddidnt!" said the drunk. "Sir. gin.. "Vats. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender. Get More fun stuff like this. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says. give me five bottles of | Fun Forum – http://forum. "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" The Old Drunk A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Mister. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "We have whiskey. After having fourty bottles of beer. "Nooo. who are you???" Lord Shiva. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says." Bartender. "Let's try whiskey . vodka. Shiva decided to have beer.. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him. rum.TopMasala." After having five bottles of whiskey. Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain..

you're back again. "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?" Drunk Superman On the top of a tall building in a large city. I dddid not Reverrrrend. have you found Jesus?" "Noooo. "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer. and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground. brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot. In this bar. have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher. Finally he went up to the man and asked. "Superman. join TopMasala @ http://groups. there was a bar. The bartender looks over to the other guy and says. stone dead.topmasala. I slow down and land gently. you keep | Fun Forum – http://forum." said the other man. It's lot of fun. brother. "Hey. And yet. and he went to see the Doctor about it. "My God man.http://www. who was also quite drunk. How do you do it?" "Well. then jumping off the balcony. thought to and he was feeling really crook. why not?" So he goes out to the balcony. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process. You should try it. minutes later. jumps off. "Hey. then walk out to the balcony and jump off." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk" No More Peas There was a .TopMasala. brings him up and says. a man was drinking heavily. Get More fun stuff like this." The guy. "Now. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. I gotta go home. drops his head down to his chest. and the barman goes. one night. it must be your diet. you got twenty bucks?" The first . actually. actually. "Well. I only eat peas. and proceeds to hurl all over himself. one guy hiccups. I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years. so i gave it up!" The businessman says. and now I've thrown up all over myself. everyone who can't swim. because it cost me my first marriage. that's your problem. One of the reps says. "That's nothing.http://www. Listen. I'm afraid" The man is quite shocked by this." Quite a shocker The doctor says to | Fun Forum – http://forum. I gave it up." The barman jumps up screaming. "But how long for. because I haven't had a smoke in four years.TopMasala. I'd love a cigarette. After a bunch of drinks over several hours." Drunken Excuses Two guys are sitting at a bar. I'm already two hours late. he says. why?" Get More fun stuff like this." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says. you'll have to give them up!!" The guy "Well. "Well. "Really. so he realises that he will never eat a pea again. I hate all other green foods.. what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies. "Yeah. Anyway. My wife is gonna kill me. "Naw she won't. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve. The second guy turns to the first and says. he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed. "Ok. his condition improves. grab a table. "Well man. I haven't had a pea in 7 years. all those peas will be clogging up your system. I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies. "Man.. pushes himself away from the bar. years later. "Forever. but he gives it a go and sure enough.

topmasala. he crapped in my pants too!!" A Puking Drunk A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare. "Wait honey. Check my front pocket." The first guy says. I swear. "Great idea! Let's have another round"." Taxi guy replied." "Some french fries and some meat loafs?" "Not a problem." She reaches in and pulls out the money. a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long. I do it all the time. "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket. When you get home and your wife asks what .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Oh yeah. She says. the first guy’s wife is waiting up for him. "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late. you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says. he and the taxi driver are The second drunk says. and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours. listen for a second. Eventually they head home. sir. The drunk guy leans forwards and says. As he walks through the door.TopMasala.http://www. and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says. "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?" Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem. drunk as a skunk. After giving directions back to his house. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Sure enough. she takes a look at him and says. The drunk guy goes. "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!" Get More fun stuff like This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned.

She rips the parrot out of his cage. On the way. the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the .. She decides against puppies. I am deeply sorry. do you look lovely this afternoon. etc. I promise it won't happen again. All she sees is a big green parrot. "Why. decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. but there is no one." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot. the parrot begins complaining. that would be delightful. The lady is absolutely stunned. resting on his perch in his cage. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala. The parrot is very cold. of course. and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you. he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger. "Okay. When the woman enters the building. but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. yes. Well. Get More fun stuff like this. "My. Animal Jokes: A very insulting parrot Panda This elderly lady. and even bit her once. swearing." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken. she says. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. madam. bringing the parrot along. marches down the stairs into the | Fun Forum – http://forum. and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying. "Why yes. okay. goes down the stairs. I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says. "Did you say that?" she asks. She says. "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says. recently widowed." Within five minutes. into the cellar. "You know. I know a charming place on 7th Street.

That turkey in there. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Why 'S'?" The snail replies. not Get More fun stuff like this. This time. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. The dealer asks. slam. 'Buk Buk BUK. The chickens leave as before. she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes. "'S' stands for snail. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon. out of the town. 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. attack you?" A snail buys a fast new car Panda There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. After shopping around a while. the parrot is one step away from death. and to a park. She gives them what they request.' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. "I do have one question though. and gives it to he looks up at the lady and says.. Around midday. and decides to follow them. into the freezer.TopMasala. the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say. looking very annoyed and say. At this | Fun Forum – http://forum. what'd he do.topmasala. approach the librarian. but he wants it repainted "240-S".' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three and. the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail. she hid behind a tree." Well.and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!" These chickens want books Panda A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by.http://www. She followed them out of the library. he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to . so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. When she finally takes him out.

" The frog says.. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. "This is great! Will I meet her at a" Purchasing a new bird Panda After many years of marriage." A frog calls a psychic Panda Recently. join TopMasala @ http://groups. or what?" "No. told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told. to which the frog was saying. the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. the shopkeeper said. became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. ugly. he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. "If this doesn't attract my husband's .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention. the wife saw this big. To demonstrate.http://www. Then one day at a pet store. "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. he exclaimed. The shopkeeper. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond. observing her fascination with the bird. beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. snorting bird with a hairy chest." says the psychic. "Wow!" said the wife. "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately. powerful hairy forearms.TopMasala. "Next semester in her biology wanting to be seen.topmasala. the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more.. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. a husband has turned into a couch potato. Get More fun stuff like this.

TopMasala.... they are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right... Socho socho. sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game.http://www. it expires every year and if you go fishing out of state you can get a 3 days license. "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband.. most are good to eat. Now the question is what were they telling him??? Socho socho. in his usual bored tone When she entered the house. "Goony | Fun Forum – http://forum. If you think about it. All ants got out of water.. girls and fish have a lot in common. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Smart Ants All ants were bathing in a pool. "Honey!" she exclaimed. you know is going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool... as Get More fun stuff like this. the husband was. and all other ants started shouting at him..topmasala. One ant climbs at the back of the . my foot!" Marriage should be like Fishing A marriage license should be like a fishing license.. also if you decide to mount one.

" Measure got up. the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.TopMasala." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.. took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle.. do your stuff..... He called his cat and said "Measure. and a triangle. He called his cat and said.. Get More fun stuff like this. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies .. a | Fun Forum – http://forum. took out a quart of milk. "DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO.. the second man was an .topmasala. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. "T-square. do your stuff.http://www... the Engineer called his cat. But the Accountant said his cat could do better.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.Everyone agreed that was good.. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. The first man was an all ants starts saying.. To show walked to the fridge." FOUR CATS The Four Cats ! Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .." T-square pranced over to the desk.. do your stuff. "Spreadsheet.

.... Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said............... screwed the other three cats...... "Coffee Everyone agreed that was pretty good.................... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions..TopMasala..." Coffee Break jumped to his ate the cookies.. "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said...http://www.......... Get More fun stuff like ............. join TopMasala @ http://groups..... claimed he injured his back while doing so.......topmasala............ sh*t on the your | Fun Forum – http://forum.... drank the milk.....

yahoo.!!!!!!!!!! Bilingual Parrot Bilingual Parrot A man walks to the register and asks the employee........ cool. and pull on his right leg. "Oh. "That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Please you've got to tell me what happens if I pull both of his legs?" The parrot turns and looks at the man and says.... "Kaise Ho?" The man was so excited and overwhelmed. join TopMasala @ http://groups.... "Wow. and he says.. there's no animal that could ever learn how to speak two languages!" The employee smiles and says. "Follow me I'll prove it.. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. that parrot is extremely special. that's amazing!" The employee then says.TopMasala..and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave... Get More fun stuff like this.. The parrot says.000 dollars?" The employee says..topmasala.." So the man pulls on the parrot's right leg. but can you tell me why that parrot costs $5. it's one of a kind. The parrot | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Pagal... The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could . "Go ahead." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down... Not only is it beautiful. "No way." So the man pulls on the parrot's left leg. "Hello how are you?" The man smiles and says. "Excuse me sir.. I fall down!" Sign language of a monkey ! A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been put in for Workers Compensation. but it is bilingual." The man gives the employee a strange look and says. "Go ahead pull on the left leg.http://www." The employee says.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes.http://www." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. Pretentious parrot!! A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. too?" asked the astounded officer. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. you are really ugly. When dogs play "fetch"." She was incredibly ticked now. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth." The monkey shakes his head "Yes. How Dogs Are Better Than Men. they don t laugh at how you throw. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.. "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer. Dogs are color blind. "Hey lady. "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes.TopMasala. The next day the same parrot again said to her. 9. 5. 6. 1. Dogs miss you when you are gone.topmasala. 2. Dogs understand what "NO" means. Again. The parrot said to her. You are really ugly. "Hey lady.. the monkey shook his head up and down." "They were | Fun Forum – http://forum. 4. you are saying your owners were drinking. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 7. "They were drinking?" asked the officer." . smoking and kissing before they wrecked. You can train a dog." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey." The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. "Hey lady. 3. you are really ugly." motioned the" Get More fun stuff like this. 2. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. did you see this?" "Yes." "Now wait. The monkey shakes his head "Yes.

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1. does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. "We`re The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it." She paused and said. "Yes ?" And the bird replied." The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer". Noah asks." Her husband replied.000 dollars. "Cut down some trees and let us live there". Naturally. "You know. "Hey lady. "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly". "Well. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. "We`ve got such a clever dog. "Go forth and multiply." A few months later.000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".TopMasala. Lots of little | Fun Forum – http://forum. Noah checks on the snakes again. Several more weeks pass. Noah follows their advice. He brings in the daily newspapers every . say the snakes. so we need logs to multiply.http://www. everybody is happy." Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala. the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest. I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!". "What`s the problem?" says Noah. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her. say the snakes. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Why. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes." Intelligent dog ! A wife says to her husband one weekend morning. lots of dogs can do that. The owner Noah lets all the animals out and says. Smart snakes! The Flood is over and the ark has landed.

yahoo. "I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted. YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. After recovering. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. jumped. "Dear. "Oh great lion. the elephant snatches up the lion with his The wife responded. the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared. jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning. "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildbeest stammers. but they persisted until he finally gave in. YES.topmasala. Down through a valley they went." she chirped. "OK.http://www. follow me. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES. slams him against a tree half a dozen times." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says. and fell to the ground. mighty lion! "Later. the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars. The lion feeling like it`d been run over by a safari wagon. " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!" Smoke in bed ! The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish. After hours of effort he reached the . Get More fun stuff like this. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. he slowly climbed the tree again. across a river and into a forest of | Fun Forum – http://forum. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep. `Sidney!` she screamed. Finally. `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed!` Poor turtle! Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. the female bird turned to her mate." Blind as a bat!!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away. "Well I didn`t!" Mightiest !! A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. "You are. you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now.

"occasionally when I shake the . Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. So he waited a few more minutes. HEY. putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted. shoot the damn dog!" Unusual pet This guy was lonely. The man agrees that Chet certainly is Get More fun stuff like this. I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. After some | Fun Forum – http://forum. which came in a little white box to use for his house. and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. and if I fall. the gorilla shakes back. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade. How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze"." Ape removal A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh. thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time. So he asked the centipede in the box. he finally bought a centipede. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. a pick-up truck. yes. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird.http://www. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground.topmasala. Not knowing quite what to do.TopMasala. "Just because you don`t know the answer. but he waited a few minutes and then asked him The lion let out a moan of pain. He took the box back home. this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This bothered him a bit. a pair of handcuffs. he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks. The store manager tells him. he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. IN THERE. you don`t have to get so mad." says Harry. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas. a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. found a good location for the box. and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant.

topmasala." The wife is absolutely impressed." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. Three Years Later The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door. looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch.. "Silent Night. his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells. He picked up the snail.. Confused parrot A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot. He gets up and goes to see who`s there and there is no one.. One night in the middle of the magician's performance. Get More fun stuff like | Fun Forum – . there was no one at the door. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again. He scratched his head. Immediately Chet starts singing. Holy Night. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. and the bird begins to sing. and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door. he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?".. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there.. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left foot. The parrot got bored. the ship hit an iceberg and sank.. "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door. but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing. Jingle All the Way. threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him. join TopMasala @ retty.http://www. who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion Demonstrating.. he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night. long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs. trying to hurry across the street. The driver is a . the parrot flew to the magician. So the guy turns around to go back. I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. Soon afterward. And stared. Eventually the magician started to stir. I get terrible neck pains. a Another hour goes by. They were an elephant. And stared. "See. The elephant The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard. Looking up. "Awright. "Lord. It lets you pick up food. The driver rolls down the window. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and finally the parrot squawks. perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. What did you do with the ship?" Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. I don't want to complain. then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The car gets real close. "Lord.http://www.TopMasala. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches. the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. drink water. By now. and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. It gets in the way. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe complained. "Lord. The man walks faster. For a whole day the magician was unconscious. etc. but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. "Don't complain. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. still eyeing him intently. I give up. The squirrel says to the man." The hen spoke up. it's not as easy as it looks. and a | Fun Forum – http://forum." Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street. not even blinking. I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy.topmasala. and allows you to see a distance. and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord said. immediately collapsing from exhaustion. is it?" Get More fun stuff like this. and people laugh at me!" The Lord said. "Don't complain. but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. he saw the parrot.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.. I want you to send me back immediately... kissing his wife. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. come up and have some. Peter. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? . and figured out that being a dog is too tiring. but a hen probably has a nice Get More fun stuff like this. "If I'm dead. said St. then asks the lizard. "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and much water did you drink?! The Dream Eggs! Joe did like he always does. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle. "Faaaaaaark | Fun Forum – http://forum.. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. "you can only return as a dog or a hen. finishing a joint. "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree.. and he looks up and says.. I'm too young.topmasala.TopMasala. and you are in heaven.. "Smoking a" the man replied. "This is not your bedroom. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side.. crawling into bed and falling to sleep. and who are you?" he asked. All of a sudden.http://www." "It's not that easy" Dopin' Lizard A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey...." said Joe. got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. Peter." "WHAT!!? Are you saying. You can choose on your own" Joe thought about it for a while. finds the tree were the monkey is sitting.. "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says. I'm dead? I don't want to die ." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. "I am St.

Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice. nicely feathered. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. and then you push all you can.." Joe replied. he heard his wife shout. In the next second. "How does it feel?" "Well." he said. he found himself in a chicken run.. "I want to return as a hen. you're shittin' all over the bed!" Dog`s Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far . discarding.. everything the other human players were doing. for Christ's sake!!! Wake up ... "Hey. then along came the and relaxed life. The third time he clucked. and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.topmasala. "Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed.. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ." "Oh that!" said the "Joe. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.http://www. raising. and pushed more than he was good for. "That's only the ovulation going on. Get More fun stuff like this. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. it's OK I guess. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players. you must be the new hen on the farm." Joe clucked twice. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. but it feels like my rear end is blowing | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog. join TopMasala @ http://groups. calling.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. "Mommy. "All moms know this stuff. "He isn't that | Fun Forum – http://forum." The comparison! Two women. "Because it's been on the ground. "Why?" my daughter asked.http://www. "I can't believe that dog is playing poker.topmasala. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the they just treated him like any other are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart.TopMasala. it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked. every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." I was thinking quickly. you don't know where it's . Children Jokes: Mommy Test The Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. Get More fun stuff like this. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me. You have to know it." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes. At this point. or they don't let you be a Mommy. how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart. who are dog owners. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It's on the Mommy Test. but she was evidently pondering this new information.

he reached across. "To get my teeth!" LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM Get More fun stuff like this." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face. "Angrily. send this to a Mom! Old AGE!. "Then you used to kiss "Then you use to bite my neck.. held her hand for a second. A few moments later she said. Thirty seconds later she said. and tried to get back to sleep. gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. An older couple was lying in bed one night. "Where are you going ?" she asked. She | Fun Forum – http://forum. he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. When you're finished laughing. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting.TopMasala." Mildly irritated. The husband was falling a sleep." Wearily he reached . join TopMasala @ "OH. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy.http://www.I get it!" she beamed. but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

he said. about six years Old. "To stay pretty for daddy. The boy . join TopMasala @ http://groups. Taking one look at the Little Johnny watched.topmasala.http://www. "What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. who had just opened his book. fascinated. and one look at Me. she began removing the cream with a tissue. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face. Upon opening the garage door. "How about nuclear power?" Get More fun stuff like this. I noticed two additions: a baseball and A broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. Something of his had found its way into my garage. and said to the stranger.TopMasala. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. closed it slowly. one look at the window. "Giving up?" Accuracy There was a knock at the door." said his mother. I don't know. "Wow ! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said. as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "Let's talk. mommy?" he asked. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh. "How do you suppose This ball got in here?" I asked the It was a small | Fun Forum – http://forum." Little Johnnie. and He wanted it back." said the stranger. A few minutes later.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. they all answered. my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the Again. mowed the yard. please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. then. the train narrowly missing him. "I have no idea. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. "If I cleaned the church every day. He picked up the object and looked at it." said Little Johnnie. "What have you got there. look what I found"." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny. and a horse produces clumps of dried "OK. and kept everything neat and tidy." said the stranger. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. I got it . But let me ask you a question first.http://www. A horse. would that get me into Heaven?" Again." Entry to Heaven! "If I sold my house. "God. To his horror he saw a train coming. he answered. "Thanks anyway God. "NO! "Well. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. The same | Fun Forum – http://forum. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again. AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress." said Little Johnnie. Suddenly. "God. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. I'll stop swearing. "NO!" Get More fun stuff like this. dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice. then. his foot was still stuck. "Mama.topmasala. He tried his plea one more time. something fell out of the Bible. please. "That could be an interesting topic. Panicked he started to pray. As he struggled to free his foot. if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez. the answer was. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Adam's dress A little boy opened the big family bible. and loved my wife. "NO!" the children all answered. please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing happened. a cow. "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. the boy called out. I'll quit being bad. looked toward Heaven and said. "God. and a deer all eat grass. if you get my foot out of the tracks. he heard a noise and turned around. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. dusted himself off. his foot broke free and he fell backwards. He got up." "Well.

"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" Natural childbirth! A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth.." said the slightly prudish parent. "How was I born?" "Well honey . " "Oh.. how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. it is Vanishing cream!" Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.." Vanishing cream! During a dinner party." Robert continued. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. "the stork brought you to us.. Several days later. The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.TopMasala. the stork brought them too!" said the parent. "You see. there was a moment of silence at the table. the stork brought us too. during which one child was heard to | Fun Forum – http://forum. Get More fun stuff like . I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM. "Well darling. "Well. As they disappeared out of sight.. He asked his parents. After going all the way around the room. the children left." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted." said the boy.topmasala.. At bedtime. the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs." "OH. "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out.

"Did God make me too?" "Yes. Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie.. while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. The barber whispered. "That's Johnnie. Get More fun stuff like this. one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. as well as her own reflection in the mirror. As he was dipping the bucket in." replied Johnnie." To which the little brother replied.http://www." "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber. "Did God made you. A few minutes later. For a few minutes. Grandpa?" "Yes. when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk. He's been there for a few years now. God made me. then that water ain't fit to drink!" Better job Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole. and he's never hurt no one. Johnnie. "if he's as scared as I am. "I know. "God's doing a lot better job lately. "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Grandpa." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said." she I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "You know. the little girl asked him. but Grandma is!" Scared!!! One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. He did. he saw two big eyes looking back at him." Stupidest kid! A businessman was talking with his barber." the grandfather answered. he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well. | Fun Forum – http://forum. Here. Why. Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his ." the older man answered. At last she spoke "Well now.TopMasala.. where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. I'll show you. the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator.topmasala.

the Children of Israel crossed the Red | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www." announced little Joey. Goldblatt. " Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"? Definitely ! A nursery school teacher says to her class. right?" "Again you're right." The teacher ." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians. "See. "Mr." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines. the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime. right?" "Right. an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important.topmasala. right?" "Er--right. the game is over." "Sorry. or black. too. but in the autumn." Children of Israel At the Henry Street Hebrew School. but the sky can sometimes be gray. the trees are brown. It was now time for the usual question period. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this." A second little boy says. right?" "All that is right." demanded Joey. "The sky is definitely blue. an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans. "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says. The barber looked at the businessman and said. Goldblatt. "there's something I can't figure out. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said. Amy. "Well accordin' to the Bible. the new teacher. "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says. "If I take the quarter." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. I told you." "An' the Children of Israel built the finished the day's lesson.TopMasala." agreed Goldblatt." After his haircut. "Trees are definitely green." Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks. "Johnny! Of course not!!!" Get More fun stuff like this.

he deserves it.topmasala." replied the second. we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure. In the meantime. I'm at the neighbor's house." "Honest?" asked Jimmy. I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.. with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.With the worst premonition. Get More fun stuff like this. Don't worry Mom.I love you! Honest Law yer! Two small boys were overheard talking one day. with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy. for Ahmed to get better. "My Daddy's an accountant. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.. "My Daddy's a lawyer. Judith PS: Mom. .yahoo. What's yours?" asked the first boy.TopMasala. she reads it. Love Your daughter. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends.then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!" Shocking letter A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. But it is not only that mom. it's not true. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "My name is | Fun Forum – http://forum. who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. Johnnie replied.. I found real passion and he is so nice. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. " "OK.

yahoo. I just stay inside my apartment all day and night. good food and companionship.. I go on Fridays. and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. 2. 3.topmasala. If I let go. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. just the regular kind"." says his mother. we go to a nice restaurant." " . One woman cried all day long. have a little beverage." "Well. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas . "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life. she shops." Martial Woes: Perfect Marriage 1. Get More fun stuff like " | Fun Forum – http://forum.. 5.http://www. Strange Neighbour There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. She goes on Tuesdays.but she keeps finding her way back. So I suggested the kitchen. We always hold hands." says Angus. "I suggest you don't associate with people like that. "I don't. Mam. playing my bagpipes. another lies on her floor moaning. "I'm fine. " Angus said. replied Johnnie. my dear. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. No. After a week or two. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. Two times a week.TopMasala. We also sleep in separate beds. I take my wife everywhere.. I don't. . 4. I asked where the car was. join TopMasala @ http://groups.! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!" No Relationship without Expectation Having expectations in our culture is expected. So I bought her an electric chair. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She ran after the garbage truck. That is a problem for most people. 7. Needs can be cussed and discussed. electric toaster and electric bread maker. Get More fun stuff like this. if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me. For example. jump in!" 10. yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" . One love partner knows the expectation. Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true.. I married Miss Right.. I just didn't know her first name was Always. She has an electric blender. Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. The driver said " .topmasala. we moan. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. she told me "In the lake. I will most likely be disappointed.http://www. it is only and always an unrealistic expectation. We are brought up that way. Then the mud fell off. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled.I don't like to interrupt her.. The last fight was my fault | Fun Forum – http://forum. we b***h. we become disappointed." 8. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the 6. 9. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. 12. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. 13.She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" . You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship.

the adventure the heart was crying for. we may be surprised by the result. those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to selfinquire. healthy needs. . This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met. When two people really love each other and are committed to work Get More fun stuff like this. Disappointment usually follows. Simple. Working together on problems makes us stong. or worse. we are often surprised. They bring couples together and give them something to share. While there is something to be said about "expecting the best. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. surprises you can enjoy together. everything will work out better. we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. That is when the adventure begins. This will always generate lots of surprises. fewer disappointments!" It's that simple." is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations. we often get angry or disappointed. Surprises create a sense of adventure." we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. . because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings. You don't always get what you expect. Problems are not to break us. or both. "If you always expect the best for your relationship. Once we learn to identify our own individual. We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. by changing our thinking about expectations. Some say. that the results are always bad. . . It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out. we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled.http://www. surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. Even when we imagine the very best. Not easy. By considering a new point of view. to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand "Expect the best.topmasala." This is a | Fun Forum – .TopMasala. Try this: "No expectations. to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay. things may turn out better than we imagined.

We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. of course! You focus on your needs and make a Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. So. When it feels like duty. you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty. argument. If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can. However. to be understood. regardless of whether their choices are our choices. it is something to be avoided. Everyone has a need to be loved. frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. the less likely this will occur. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. The next thing you know In my opinion. By "give yourself away. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. we either choose to have conversations about them or not. always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable. Never give yourself away in the relationship. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did. it caused a confrontation. There is some risk involved. When duty does not meet our needs. if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs. to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For example. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. anger. The healthier image you have of yourself. we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. There is a difference between duty and responsibility. The outcome is less By thinking in terms of needs instead of | Fun Forum – http://forum. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs ." I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship.http://www. we create vulnerability. our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

To avoid disappointment or problems. Man: Will it help? Dr: No. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you. Talk about what you need with your . have no expectations. We often call things that happen that cause disappointment. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. but the thought of long life will never | Fun Forum – http://forum. .http://www. Express your needs with love. problems. as best you can. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined M ARRIAGE without any prejudice All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. .com commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. good or bad. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Get More fun stuff like this. it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.TopMasala. Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. If your relationship is not full of surprises. The predicaments that follow are Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

. "No.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It's like asking someone. and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages. you should do it. and I can just wait for my coffee. because that is your . "I can't believe that. Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ? To tell each other affectionately.. and besides.. " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it. that it indeed says ."HEBREWS" Get More fun stuff like this. because you get up first. Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare. if suicide is better or being murdered. it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.." Husband replies. ...topmasala... There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it." The husband said. show me." So she fetched the Bible. | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each" Wife replies.. and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.. The wife said. Sweetheart U R Dead! There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Wife: Darling today is our anniversary. "You should do it.

topmasala. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the Yeah Baby A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. The husband pauses . I remember" said the wife. or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. My wife thinks that in the daytime!" Get More fun stuff like this. and you were only 16?" he asks . The husband continued. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him." Millionaire "Last night my wife told me she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating. 'Either you marry my words were not coming easily." Bill said to his friend Tom. just staring at the wall. Replied Tom. "You're lucky. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. "Yes I do" she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. He appears to be in deep thought. "I would have been released today.http://www. lowering herself into a chair beside him.

"Oh. "She also stole a can of peas.http://www.TopMasala. as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. considering her record. As usual. The model said.topmasala. off to bed. but that she could just go home. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail. He specialized in his model reported. He told her not to bother." Get More fun stuff like this. who worked from a studio in his home. There were six tomatoes in the can. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes." The husband jumped to his feet. It's the least I can do. and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. let me fix it for you. "Your honor." Nude Masterpiece There was this artist. he just wanted some hot tea and then. You may approach the | Fun Forum – http://forum." said his Six Nights A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court. she began to undress for the day's work. taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. join TopMasala @ http://groups. leaning forward. he said in a low voice. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that. and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk. he was forced to impose a jail term." The husband wasted no time getting there . He told her that he would pay her for the day. please. addressing the judge. "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. may I approach the bench?" "Well.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. and was a real miser.topmasala. Just before he died he said to his I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied. Her friend . I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. then some familiar footsteps. "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket. his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. Suspicious Wife A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. saved all his | Fun Forum – http://forum. He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too." said the wife. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea. if he can cash it he can spend it.TopMasala. when he heard the front door open and close." Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all his life." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure did. He was stretched out in the casket. "Girl." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. "I got it all together. put it into my account and wrote a cheque. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him. Get More fun stuff like this. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly. "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. "It's my wife. Well he died. Quick! Take all your clothes off. | Fun Forum –
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur. Dying Husband A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me

what I can do?" "Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." Crazy Love A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

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The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor. The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!" "She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad." They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!" "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also." "No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!" Married Life Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum –
The New Wife The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Extra Marital affairs.. Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

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He told his wife." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. "I can't lie to you. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.http://www. "I'm having an affair with my secretary. "Where have you been?" his wife | Fun Forum – http://forum." he replied. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: Get More fun stuff like They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.topmasala. He put on his shoes and drove home. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and . We had sex all afternoon.

" The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" Get More fun stuff like this." No more was said." he said to the statue." she said. too. "Oh it's a statue. "Here. "Hurry. then dusted him with talcum powder. "have this." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. Sir. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man." She rubbed baby oil all over him. "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front . join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Don't move until I tell you." she | Fun Forum – http://forum. Around 2 AM the husband got up.http://www.TopMasala. He glanced at the menu and asked." "One Cent?" the man thought. "Certainly. "Pretend you're a statue. went to the bar and ordered a beer. went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. not even when they went to "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us." she said. "stand in the corner. that'll be one cent.topmasala." the barman replied.

cutting out more adverts for me to apply." Get More fun stuff like this. even my re-papers as well." Freaking Jinx A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. his wife was there beside him." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. your best friend." his wife replied. He looked up and said weakly.." The man The bartender replied.http://www. "I have something I must confess. and your mother!" "I know. He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied. I slept with your sister. which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness.topmasala. you were there beside me." she replied.. When I was a struggling University student." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs. I failed again and again. The impact was on his head. "Upstairs." he insisted. His wife sat at the bedside. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "No. And | Fun Forum – http://forum. her best friend. When he opened his eyes. "I want to die in . encouraging me to go on trying. "The same thing I'm doing to his business down You were there beside me. "Now just rest and let the poison work. I know. with my wife." "There's no need to.

Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".http://www. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!" Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman .com He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract.. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. "You're a freaking jinx!" Sports Jokes: what happened after india lost to srilanka??? After the shameful defeat of Team India ." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband. " Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up... you are here beside me. "How did you recognise me?" Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some .There's something I'd really like to say to you.. All in He said. Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping. And you were still beside me. the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.topmasala.. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes | Fun Forum – http://forum. he could not help asking. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such. And you were there beside me. I blew it because of one little mistake. Bewildered by now. the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. sobbing with Burkha etc and goes out.

He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty . "Old MacDonald had a ________. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM. She passed away. Tiny. "Pssst. "I remember now. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching. Looking with his binoculars. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. "They're all at the funeral.topmasala. "This was my wife's seat." "Oh yeah." The other man replied.http://www. He stopped. "Bubba. he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line.TopMasala. If they failed. Tapping Tiny's Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ | Fun Forum – http://forum. they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. He had no idea what to answer. The last question read. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. She was a big Packers fan." He picked up his No." said Bubba. "Is this seat taken?" The man he tapped Tiny on the shoulder." Bubba was stumped. When he arrived at the seat."I'm so sorry to hear of your loss." Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. The exam was fill-in-theblank. he asked the man sitting next to The lady replied . May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied."I am Sachin!" An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. you're so stupid.

TopMasala. but to a basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his salary. you will receive a photo of the player (unsigned). how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb. real estate. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. Detailed information about his stocks. two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments. Get More fun stuff like this. he | Fun Forum – http://forum. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need. For you. That's so easy. It's just not right. "Tiny. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING" Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. But to a basketball player. Although the player won't know your name. they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of the strike. you will receive a complete financial report on the player you shoulder again.http://www. trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari. 401(k). Bubba." Adopt an NBA player THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming. Plus upon signing up for this program. or enjoy a weekend in Rio. Farm is spelled Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center. he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected . bonds. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And. join TopMasala @ http://groups.topmasala. "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" Each month. as if that weren't bad enough. Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you. now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home.

along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my per day for a reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike. I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball Simply fill out the form below.http://www. [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] DiscoverCard [ ] Diner's Club Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________ Account Number: _____________________ Exp. does not include cheerleaders). Please charge the account listed below $ .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. My preference is checked below: [ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored. ___YES.topmasala.TopMasala. Please select one for me.Date:____________________________ Signature: _________________________ Get More fun stuff like this.054. * Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Sorry.

either in person or by other means including. a blonde was trying out her new boat. letters. e-mail. but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. She was unable to have her boat perform. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde. (Children under 18 must have parental approval. contributions are not . Oh yes.) Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored. this is a hockey rink. she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her. So the man cooly says "Well first of | Fun Forum – http://forum. Early the next Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there". or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. or third parties. telephone calls.topmasala. thanks to your generous donations. and second of Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time. Get More fun stuff like this. you're going to have to pay for those holes. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole. When she reached her final destination.http://www. she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. but not limited to." Boat troubles During late spring one year.TopMasala. travel through water. Blonde Jokes: I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. So she moves again.

Because he was laughing so hard. "Nah. huh?" Are You Really Sure? A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender.http://www. Other Get More fun stuff like this. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. "Sir. still strapped in place securely. cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. "Well. So. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. Each one of US is blonde. Blonde Sky Divers A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race." she inquired. he came up choking on water and gasping for air. and he's a rugby player. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. ma'am. "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment. I'm a 6' tall." Horns There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. Under the boat. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2"." Our bartender IS blonde. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says. "Before you tell that joke. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. then began in a patient tone. she decided to seek help. Mister.nothing happens. weighs 225. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the guy next to him says. Think about it. 200 lb black the bouncer is After trying for over three days to make it work properly. you should know something. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat.TopMasala.topmasala. "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a . a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -. was the | Fun Forum – http://forum.

and that stops 'em cold. She says. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department. there are some breeds of cattle that never grow But the reason this cow don't have no horns. quiz me. "I'm not so dumb. Get More fun stuff like this. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. blonde and beautiful. "They need a longer ladder!" First Class Blondie A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. "I'm young." He thought for a moment and asked. The blonde replies. the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. and each night he came home with a new blonde joke." the voice replied. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. join TopMasala @ .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department. she moves forward to the last empty one. is 'cause it's a horse.TopMasala." "No. it's YOU I want!" she yelled. That night when he got home he told his joke. Go ahead. "M!" Longer Ladder "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone." Flustered. "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.topmasala." State Capitals There was this guy who was married to a blonde. Still.http://www. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable. I know all of the states and capitals. ma' times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in. lady. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA.

He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. it must be bad `cause all the people are Again. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No. she started laughing. stop tailgating me. and sees the blonde tailgating him again." the blonde replied. and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. A little while later he looks in his rearview . When she got to the 999th step. The pilot and flight attendant. blonde and beautiful. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step. Bolnde tailgating! One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him. saying.http://www. "Hey lady. the blonde replies." Don't laugh! A brunette. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend. "I just got the first joke." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion. She immediately gets up. So he stops his truck. or I`ll bust up your car. a redhead." So he gets back in truck and drives away. but wherever it is. Then. so she could not enter heaven either. together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. gets out. so he stops his truck and walks over to the car. which had also stopped and said. who were watching with rapt attention. and that he can take care of the problem. He replies. Well. I`m going to bust up your car. join TopMasala @ http://groups. it was the blonde's turn." "I know. so she could not enter heaven. "Thank you so" hugs the co-pilot. this truck driver hated to be tailgated. "I'm | Fun Forum – http://forum. and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps. and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step.TopMasala. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." The wrong way! A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. and walks over to the car. "Hey. says. "I didn't tell a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven." Get More fun stuff like this. "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA. and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. lady. if you don`t stop tailgating me.topmasala.

So he stops his truck. And the blonde is still laughing. "Well." Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. Get More fun stuff like this. The truck driver rips out the seats. She`d seen many books on the subject. and busts all the tires. get out. What is so funny?????" The blonde replies.http://www. And the blonde starts and pounds in the frame. she started to make a circular cut in the ice. I just completely totaled your car. "Lady. "I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!" The grip! One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. after getting all the necessary items together. giggling.topmasala. After positioning her footstool." said the other blonde. etc. The truck driver walks over to the blonde. and says. A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror. cuts the brake lines." So the blonde steps out of her car. "Lady. "Now don`t step out of that circle.TopMasala. until the car is completely totaled. saying. and . and finally. "Sure. I`m taking away the | Fun Forum – http://forum. she made for the nearest frozen lake. and once again the blonde is tailgating So he gets back in his truck and drives away. rips out the steering wheel." Ice fishing! A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. walks over to the car. and you`re still laughing. hold on tight. and the truck driver draws a circle on the roadside. And the blonde keeps laughing. Smashing the windshields and windows. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. He takes a sledge hammer from his truck. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. Lord?" The voice replied. the voice bellowed. Again.TopMasala.. looked skyward. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die. from the heavens. is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"? The woman replied. "Ma`am. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She .http://www. so finally the brunette said.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Ma`am. and said. the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. moved way down to the opposite end of the ice. he was surprised to find a very attractive blonde behind the wheel. "Oh officer. and one was a brunette.topmasala. the motorcycle cop waved the speeding sports car over to the curb. I`m the Ice-Rink Manager!" Air Freshener !! A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled. now quite worried." Applause ! There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane." Get More fun stuff like this. sat up her stool. "No. "Is that you. Ten were blonde. and tried again to cut her hole. all of the blondes started clapping. "Mam. that`s your air freshener. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde. the officer replied." he said ."I`m afraid we`re going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you`ve been | Fun Forum – When he walked up to the drivers window. Breathalyzer test! After a wild freeway chase. from the sky. a voice Suddenly. "I`ll get off. No one could decide who should go. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off.

The officer opens it up and says. Her friend said. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license. if I had known you were a police officer too. "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. "What else would you name watch dogs?" Police officer A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. "You're free to go." Get more fun stuff like Get More fun stuff like this."You mean it shows that. it's got your picture on it!" The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. we could have avoided all this hassle. "Why did you give them names like that?" The blonde responded. "May I see your licence? Lady. "Lady. The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results. She held it up to her face and said. you`ve had a couple of stiff ones. and asked her what their names were. the blonde cop said "You dummy. too!" Watch dogs A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs." Driving License A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named and http://groups. handed it back to the driver and said. "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman." "That`s amazing!"the girl cried. The blonde cop looked in the mirror. Officer. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Join TopMasala Today at http://groups. "What does a driver's license look like?" he said. "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you | Fun Forum – http://forum. "What does it look like?"" The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the .TopMasala.

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