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2011 Pamela Smith .WINDSHIELD SURVEY 2 Windshield Survey Russell R Blair NUR 405 February 14.

aggregates.or if it begins a new clause] using common institutions and physical environment (Moe. such as sanitation. It is ["It is" is an awkward phrase if "it" is not clearly a thing] the interaction among the individuals. consider placing the adverb (better) before or after the infinitive (to standards )--try "better to standards " or "to standards better" (or place "better" later in the sentence)] of living. A classic definition of community is people and the relationships that emerge among the.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 3 Windshield Survey The emphasis of community as a target of practice has had increasing attention since [Check word choice--"Since" is more precise in referring to time ("after that"). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs . 1977). clean air and water. families. A community is more than individuals. and wider availability of healthy foods (Stanhope & Lancaster 2008 [Place comma after author name] ). and organizations that help define community and [run-on sentence: requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] must be considered [The passive voice is a form of "be" (must be) and a participle (considered). and aggregates (collection of individuals who have in common one or more personal or environmental characteristics) within it. this prefix cannot stand by itself but must be attached to the next word or connected by a hyphen] 1970s when the United States and Canadian governments along with private health researchers attributed declining mortality and morbidity rates to better standards [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--avoid a split infinitive. continues to be useful today. developing and [Check punctuation: insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two -. families. otherwise use "because"] the mid [Unless a brand name.

and health promotion. 7). According to a committee report on community health nursing from the World Health Organization. A community health assessment includes information related to the subsystems and the patterns of interaction among the subsystems and of the total community with the systems external to it (Stanhope & Lancaster. Illness care as it relates to community would be the accessibility and adequacy of care providers within the community. It functions within a particular social structure and exhibits and creates norms. The focus of care related to illness care. a community is defined [Passive voice ] as: [Because the preceding words indicate that a series or "answer" follows. 1974. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time--See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] for change to occur within the community (Stanhope & Lancaster. passive voice = The paper was completed on time. According to Stanhope and Lancaster (2008) there are three levels of care related to community health. remove colon] "A community is a social group determined by geographic boundaries and/or common values and interests. it would seem community health is how those internal and external systems affect illness prevention.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 4 officious and tedious to read. p. If a community health assessment is related [Passive voice ] to the community and its subsystems as well as the systems external to the community. values and social institutions" (World Health Organization. 2008). Try to use the active voice most often. As communities vary widely so do the definitions of the meaning of community. illness and disease prevention. Illness and disease prevention would be in providing community-wide education for the reduction of a specific health problem along with lobbying for legislative action . Its members know and interact with one another. for example. health protection. and health promotion within the community. 2008).

The process dimension of community health is related [Passive voice ] to commitment of community health.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 5 to address the community health issue. such as the number of bed occupancy days and client/provider visits. Participate in community education for cardiovascular disease risk reduction would fall under illness disease prevention. Working with the community leaders and citizens to establish safe parks for community activities would focus on health promotion. effective communication. incidence and prevalence of leading causes of mortality and morbidity. conflict containment and [in academic writing." simply "as"--or even removing "being" completely] illness care." "working. health risk profiles of selected aggregates. awareness of self and others. place a comma before the final conjunction (and)--if this is part of a series] accommodations. Community health in terms of status. Health promotion as it relates to community would be to work with community leaders and citizens to establish educational programs in the community that focus on the specific health issue of the community. Structure would be related [Passive voice ] to health facilities. health-related planning groups. and functional ability levels. . or outcome would include vital statistics. Community health has three characteristics. the word "Being" is hard to imagine." "living. Community health is the general health or specific health issue that is [Wordiness: see if you can remove "that" or "that is"] specific to or relates to the community in its entirety. health manpower." Try to rewrite this without using "being"--with action words like "attending. and health resource use patterns. structure. or dimensions: status. and process." "experiencing. For example the community health levels of care for coronary heart disease would include the assessment of the community for accessibility and adequacy of care providers for patients with heart disease with the focus area being [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--If not a noun (as in "human being"). it means "existing.

The target of service when viewing the community as client contains two key concepts.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 6 participation. then include just the name of the first followed by "et al." If the source has two authors." means "and the rest. and pharmacy are seven miles south of the village. always include both names in each citation in the text. but also the means of population-centered practice. and . According to Stanhope and Lancaster (2008)." In the case of six or more authors. Hare et al. partnership for community health. At the far most western edge of the town the nearest physician. Community health is the meeting of the collective needs of the community by identifying problems and managing behaviors within the community and between the community and the larger society. include just the name of the first author followed by "et al. management of relationships with society. even in the first reference. dentist. When a work has three to five authors. include all author names in the first citation. and machinery for facilitating participant interaction and decision making (Stanhope & Lancaster 2008 [Place comma after author name] ). When focusing on community as the client. the community is the client when the nursing focus is on the collective or common good of the population and not on individual health. [Latin "et al. Crawford. These form not only community health. Access to care issues are of a primary concern as there is no public transportation or services available within the village or town. The first being community health and the second. Environmental quality and access to health care would be the two primary health indicators within Healthy People 2020 that are appropriate concerns for the community."] 2002). direct care can be a part of population focused community health practice (Constance. The nearest physician. dentist.

your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. The buildings are unsafe for both occupants and those who are [Suggestion: see if the sentence can be rewritten to remove "who are"] walking past. it. Without a public transportation system the only way to access health care is to have your [Eliminate second person (you. There are ["There are" is an awkward phrase if "there" is not clearly a location] no medical or health services (with the exception of EMS) located within the town [Redundancy: remove "located": "exception of EMS) within the town" means the same] or village. Broken windows. Hospital services are provided [Passive voice ] within the city of Glens Falls.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 7 pharmacy is 10-12 miles away. which is located [Passive voice ] 12-15 miles from any border of the town or village. Use third-person pronouns (he. the oversight falls to the county. Since [Check word choice--"Since" is more precise in referring to time ("after that"). The village does not have a code enforcement officer and without zoning or village building codes. The deterioration of the multifamily housing units within the village is a sign of the non-resident landlord. The water main frequently ruptures allowing bacteria and other sediment to enter the closed system. Politics plays an unfortunate role in the environmental quality of the community. they)] own vehicle. The communities water system is old and in disrepair. otherwise . This is an adjective meaning "not tight. Lack of transportation would also have an impact of environmental quality as without personal transportation there is no access to food within the community. she. Environmental quality would be the second of primary concerns related to the community based on the lack of a general grocery store with a variety of nutritional foods." The verb "lose" means to fail to keep] pieces of wood and glass may fall from the building and [run-on sentence: requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] is a danger to occupants and the passerby. loose [Check spelling.

0. while ["While" is accurate in linking simultaneous events (in the sense of "during")--otherwise use "although. Street parking is noted on Catherine Street." "and. however [Place semicolon instead of a transportation. Several homes within the village do not have garages for their vehicles. and 0. systems such as this will continue to deteriorate and be repaired with a "patching" system and not replaced.34% Native American. Homes are of wooden construction. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 12.03% Pacific Islander. It should be noted that there are two correctional facilities within the town. and have been modified [Passive voice ] over the years to accommodate more than one family. 0. One is a maximum security facility with 1500 inmates.The racial makeup of the town is 68. but will [Remove comma if the following is not an independent clause] eventually lead to deterioration beyond repair." "whereas. 0.36% from other races." or "but"] residents on George Street use their Race and ethnicity .72 % [The percent symbol should be attached to the number] from two or more races.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 8 use "because"] the mayor has not changed in 32 years and [run-on sentence: requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] is not a progressive thinker. Housing and zoning . "predominant" is the adjective] language is English. There is [Avoid using this phrase] a large migrant worker population (Hispanic or Latino) to which Spanish is their predominate language.over 100 years) with any new construction happening outside of the village limits.48% of the population. Housing within the village is predominately [The preferred spelling is "predominantly" ] older (75 . replace it with a comma)] there are no zoning regulations within the village.there is no [Avoid using this phrase] a public transportation. 6. . Multi-family homes were not originally designed to be. adverb if it begins a new clause (and if a semicolon follows it.26% Asian. while the other is a medium security facility housing 750 inmates (United States Census Bureau 2000 [Place comma after author name] ).21% White.There is Transportation . The predominate [Check spelling--"predominate" is the verb. Personal vehicles are the only mode of town zoning board. 24. The community comma before this conjunctive does not have taxi service locally.08% Black or African American. His Band-Aid approach will not improve the community.

The village lots [Only commercial shipments and real estate are measured in lots. Most homes are single family residences and are located [Passive voice ] within 10 feet [Redundancy: remove "located": "residences and are within 10 feet" means the same] of the street. Ten [Express numbers higher than nine in digits (when not the first word in the sentence)] of the homes are in need of some type of repair and 50% of those in need of repair are multi-family. Newer home construction is outside of the village limits. Plastic covers the windows while paint is chipping or siding is falling off from the outside of the structure. Use another term.The town lies Service centers .] have much larger back yards and nearly no front yard.832. Several of the multifamily residences are in need of repair and cosmetic work." "much. The median household income is $41." or "a large amount" is a colloquialism (not universally clear). Of those 15.The school is Religion and politics .WINDSHIELD SURVEY 9 driveways. This pattern repeats throughout the village. There is years.The partially within the Adirondack the primary facility of use within mayor has been in office for 32 Park and of the county's 17 the town and village. and the median income for a family was $46. while the town Supervisor towns. Open space . On one street of one village block there are 15 residences. Many of the homes are in need of extensive repairs.944. Fort Ann is the largest by [Avoid using this phrase] one [A job title is not capitalized . To use "a lot of" to mean "many. 5 [Write out numbers under 10] are multi-family.

3% of all households were made [Passive voice ] up of Ann Super Stop.] . Across the town's northern border is the town of Dresden. goes inside the closing quotation mark] This store is a 62. and equipment. replace it with a comma)] the Evangelical parish hosts the local senior citizen group and has Wednesday evening services and youth group. so "X time ago" is meaningless.g. The shoreline of Lake George defines the Bolton-Fort Ann border. brain surgeon. feed.7% had a female householder supplies. e. 24.8% had children under the age of 18 living with them.3 square miles consist of water.5 are land while 1. [A period or comma 33. The eastern border is the towns of Whitehall and Granville..8% were non-families. professor. physicist. etc. You cannot predict when this will be read. sentence or associated with the There are [Avoid using this name of a person or phrase] no physician or dental institution.There Located to the south of the are [Avoid using this phrase] village is "Walker's Farm and 1. The southern border is shared [Passive voice ] with community residence for the unless it is the first word in a developmentally disabled.] was re-elected to her second term at the last election two years ago [Beware of making timestamps. Boundaries .2% had . Services and use of the facilities are primarily on Sunday.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 10 area. garden with no husband present. Be more specific. such as building and Firehouse for auto mechanic. e. 8.386 households out of which Garden". They opened the business in January 2009. 109. etc. nuclear gathering and socialization.. it is just a label. A Presbyterian and Catholic church are within the village. Cumberland farms supplies some groceries as does the Fort 19. Stores and street people Health and morbidity . village.g. Certified practices within the town or Public Accountant John Doe. There are [Avoid using this phrase] no individuals and 8. and clothing. The town has a Methodist and Evangelical parish. Volunteers use the EMS If not.8 square miles. fry cook.The western border is defined [Passive voice ] as the Warren/Washington county border with the towns of Queensbury and Bolton. however [Place semicolon instead of a comma before this conjunctive adverb if it begins a new clause (and if a semicolon follows it. The area of the town consists of 110.1% were married [Passive major supply house for farming voice ] couples living together.

There are [Avoid of media within the village. The most frequented quiet with the exception of establishment within the village is the local pub. The primary citizens not and visible during health concern within the village would be alcoholism and drug the warmer weather.The community Media .purpose RV park has been more students admitting use of built at the western edge of the either alcohol or some type of township and [run-on sentence: drug. Winter tends to keep the village streets addiction. they the passerby and too distanced should be spelled as a single for use by village residents. A hyphenated word] high with multi.There is [Avoid Signs of decay . The population of the Cumberland Farms or the Post village is predominately senior Office. Occasionally you organizational name. There are youth skateboarding or walking. Hartford.there are no local radio using this phrase] a small certainly appears to be on the or television stations. and Kingsbury. The 65 years of age [Wordiness: nearest Supermarket is seven "years old" or "years of age" miles south of the village. Time village park located on State way down. requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] is slated [Passive voice ] to open during the summer of 2011. Again the facilities are priced [Passive voice ] out of the means for use by local residents. place "the" before it] Census [second person] will note a village resident walking to Bureau). proper noun)] [Do not . school district completed a The town has one ice cream establishment and miniature golf survey whereby it was course which [Use "that" for a determined [Passive voice ] that restrictive phrase (or place a alcohol and drug use was at an comma before "which")] is all time [If these two words frequented [Passive voice ] by function as an adjective. [Avoid using this phrase] no health care providers within the There are [Avoid using this phrase] more adults and senior town or village. There can be removed--the meaning is [Avoid using this phrase] no will be the same] or older (2000 local pharmacy and the nearest United States [If ?<wrd> is not pharmacy is also seven miles to used as an adjective or in an the south. Commons . major chain stores within the someone living alone who was town and no supermarkets. The local youth. Typically the sidewalks citizen while the families reside are empty with an occasional in the township. There is [Avoid Warner cable access is scattered [Passive voice ] within the [Remove capitalization if this using this phrase] no local industry or employment township and the primary source is not a complete name (a opportunities.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 11 Granville.

The community is at the school. changes unfortunately will not There are [Avoid using this have a positive effect as the phrase] not any public homes and what businesses there recreation areas." unappealing to the passerby. [Redundancy: remove if the sentence can be The local newspaper "The Post "located": "small village park rewritten to remove "that Star" is the primary newspaper on State highway" means the are"] empty and abandon. The building is in "make good use of. The intersection of town. The primary street scene near the major location to find the youth of the intersection of the village.] the main route through [Redundancy: remove the village and connects villages "located": "two antique shops to the south of Fort Ann with a at the main" means the same] main access to Vermont. same] Route 4 [Write out Broken windows and doors are in the town. One is park is well lit and undergoing out of business while the utilized [Review word choice: other is a conglomeration of "Utilize" can be used to mean junk. The village is are in that area are in need of . the preferred word is "used" ] . etc. They remove "that" or "that is"] tend to be destructive and have used [Passive voice ] for a been asked to "hang out" in "reading room" and children's other areas of the village. complex. There is [Avoid using this phrase] no public library people are never "that" or "which. Magazines of numbers under 10] which [Use noted on the second story of the choice are Sports Illustrated and Field and Stream.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 12 capitalize this word (unless it using this phrase] several store Homes that do not use cable begins a sentence)] highway fronts that are [Suggestion: see services tend to utilize [Use] Direct TV or the Dish network. There are directly in front of an eight unit [Avoid using this phrase] no senior citizen apartment new businesses in the village. It is [Avoid "it is. such as "place in service" or "employ." etc. The senior citizens Grants were obtained [Passive will sit at the back of the park in voice ] for renovations of the good weather. There were [Avoid using this (or place a comma before "which")] is also known as phrase] two antique shops George Street." In this "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] is case." they are "who"] are and an historical [wrong article[Suggestion: see if the sentence -use "a" ] building that is can be rewritten to remove [Wordiness: see if you can "that are"] out of school. The programs on Saturdays during Park is located [Passive voice ] the summer months. "that" for a restrictive phrase empty storefront buildings." For other disrepair and [run-on sentence: requires a comma before meanings. shop. It is [Avoid "it located at the main is.] typically a "hang out" in There are [Avoid using this the summer for the children that phrase] no local eat in food establishments and one pizza [Check word usage--If this word refers to a human being.

"were" is a state-of-being verb] discounted memberships are available to the student population. however [Place semicolon instead of a comma before this conjunctive adverb if it begins a new clause (and if a semicolon follows it. . replace it with a comma)] that establishment is generally occupied [Passive voice ] by the less desirable of the community. There is [Avoid using this phrase] a youth league baseball field in the town and [run-on sentence: requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] is not readily available to the children within the village.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 13 home to one gym/salon where repair or extensive renovation. [Check spelling--"where" refers to a location. The adult point of socialization for some residents would be the local pub.

MDON. Family Community Health. M. J. E.. J.. Reinhardt. & Quinn. M. A. 25(3). A. . PA: Mosby. 1974. St Louis. K. World Health Organization. Current practice in community health nursing. (2002). MO: Mosby.WINDSHIELD SURVEY 14 References Constance. 52-60. Philadelphia.. a network of community partnerships. Public Health Nursing Population-Centered Health Care in the Community (7th ed. Crawford. Stanhope. & Lancaster. Geneva. Moe.. World Health Organization: Community health nursing: report of a WHO expert committee. (2008). & Hare.).. (1977).

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