Aperture Science Enrichment Center Volunteer Application Form


Subject name: Subject hometown:

___________________________ ___________________________

Hello. Thank you for expressing interest in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center testing program. By completing this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecified experimental testing scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun, and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death. As part of a required protocol, we must advise you of the following hazardous conditions: The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus. Avoid contact with any Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill as it may result in partial vaporization. At this time the Enrichment Center would like to alert you that in certain testing scenarios you may be assigned an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through your test. Please take care of it. Certain protocols render your Companion Cube indispensable, as it will assist in various requisite tasks. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to warn you that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact can not speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Upon completion of given tasks you may be required to dispose of your Companion Cube in an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator. Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process. Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. If it could talk, and the Aperture Science Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it can not, it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you. As part of a required test protocol we will not monitor the test. You will be entirely on your own. Good Luck.
Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. The enrichment center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.

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