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The Minis er’s

Emergency Kit:
You may find the Minister’s Emergency Kit
helpful if you’ve ever prayed for healing for
someone who died, seen someone nod off
during one of your sermons, been
hopelessly stranded in the Land of
Unrealistic Expectations, or publicly dished
out a heart-cringing spoonerism (ie “The
ass is mended, go in peace”).
Simply print out the Kit, card stock is
recommended, chop into 4’s, and you’re
prepared for whatever old slewfoot
throws your way.

Fighting

Sermon Block
When your only original
thought is someone else’s
do this:
Cut up these squares, put
‘em in an old velvet Chivas
bag and start picking.

!

Get more copies at www.chrisyaw.com.
Thanks to Keri Smith for her awesome inspiration.
Check out her ‘Artist’s Survival Kit’ at
www.kerismith.com.

WWJOD
What
would Joel
Osteen
Do?

Buy a
vowel

Silent
prayer for Play Foghat
one minute

Ask
spouse/
partner

Read the
text
backwards

Diagram
the text

Consult ‘Used
But Generally
Well Received’
sermon file

Phone a
friend

Make your
own
translation!

Play darts

Preach
Grace

Eat
Chocolate

WWJD

Make Tea

What does
it mean?

What
doesn’t it
mean?

Use the
Lectionary

Consult
Jibe
translation

Clip
fingernails

Ask
William
Barclay

Come back
tomorrow

Don’t use
the
Lectionary

More copies available at www.chrisyaw.com

Underline
the verbs

Sanity Checklist
_____Keep thank you notes, toss
whiny ones
_____Don’t read anything signed
‘anonymous’
_____Don’t work all day Sunday
_____Re-read the bulletin from your
ordination/commissioning./dedication
______Keep social needs at home
______Remember Who called you
and how incredibly invaluable you are

Write Your Own Damn
Thank You Note!
Think of the last funeral/baptism/wedding
you did and were not/inadequately
thanked/compensated, then fill out the card
below:

Thank you_________ for the ___________
(name)
(adjective)
you did at the recent ________________ .
(spiritual occasion)
Your words were _____________ and your
(mongo adjective)
care for us was ______________________.
(mother of all adjectives)
You are the most amazing _____________ !
(your title)

My Prayer Warriors
!"#$%$&'%(')(*'%+),%-.)/%/&)
0'1,*20*+%(02+%3)0%+),4
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555555
6)/%7,*$"(*+%8+%9:;

Holy Comfort
List your favorite bible verses:

___________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
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Go read one.
More copies available at www.chrisyaw.com

Pretend
VooDoo!
Here’s the stand-in for that person you
can’t tell off. Name and graphically
disfigure this figure!

OK, that last homily was a real diaper
decorator - even your spouse dozed off.
1) Fill the bathtub with ice water.
2) Jump in
3) Remember at least one time someone
thanked you for saying something lifechanging from the pulpit that you swear
you never said.
4) Remember a time you preached
something you had not intended to preach
and it touched someone, big time.
5) Remember delivering sermons is not
about you.

More copies available at www.chrisyaw.com

Give Yourself a Raise!
Go ahead, you deserve it!

In the left column write down all the things you do. In
the right column write down its fair market value.
________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

Add up the right column. Subtract your current pay.
Collect the difference - in Heaven!

When you have 10 hours of work and
two hours to do it!

1. Prioritize
2. Delegate
3. Get to work
4. Repeat
n.b. The One you’re working for knows
all about this, wonders who you’re
trying to impress, and wishes you’d just
chill.

Sing!
List your favorite hymns:
_______________________________
________________________________
________________________________

Quit!
When its all you can stans and you
can’t stans no more, do this:
1) Get the Want Ads.

________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________

2) Circle all the attractive positions
3) Imagine taking them
4) Go back to work.

Sing one.

Miracle Counter
List all of the miracles you’ve ever
experienced (ie. meeting your spouse/
partner, having a baby, waking up today):
___________________________________

I wouldn’t be here without...
Somehow because of, or in spite of you
people’s lives have been changed for the better.
List the person and the life change.
(ie Myrtle Smith’s bunions feel much better!)

____________________________________

________________________________

____________________________________

________________________________

____________________________________

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More copies available at www.chrisyaw.com

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