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E PRE U R

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H O L E

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by the author of

THE OFFICIAL PREPPY HANDBOOK

LISA BIRNBACH
w i t h C h i p K i d d

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We’re back. C O M I N G F R O M K N O P F F A L L 2 0 1 0 Lisa Birnbach still wears her father’s tennis sweater and her grandmother’s pearls. NO TEXTING AT THE TABLE. In 1980. D. and at least one recipe. including a morning show and NPR • National Print Features • Radio Satellite Tour • 9-city Author Tour: Atlanta. political correctness.” From the author of The Official Preppy Handbook comes a whole new take on the old world that she turned into an international best-selling phenomenon thirty years ago. rehab. Rollingstone. .com www. dog-worshiping.com • Interactive Web Page: www.95) • ISBN/EAN: 978-0-307-59398-6 MARKETING PLANS First Printing 150.C. True Prep is a contemporary look at how the old guard of natural-fiber-loving. Miami. Accompanied by more than one hundred original illustrations and photographs.000 copies • National Media Appearances. Now he wants to return the favor.trueprep. • Extensive Online Advertising Campaign.com. Humor • 5-1/2 x 8-1/4 • 256 pages $19. and Washington. polar fleece. The Official Preppy Handbook changed his life. True Prep promises to be a whole new. New York. she’s been busy in Old Media. Muffy. Reality TV and . where he has worked since 1986. Chicago. Knopf. sensation. In the last thirty years. $23. PLEA SE. including quiz and fan page • Poster (ISBN: 978-0-307-47145-1. . NYmag.com.com • Promotional Video • Facebook Promotion. and f lies coach. n/c) • Jacket Blowups Available www.trueprep. LATimes. old. Dallas.com.“Wake up. San Francisco. when he was in the tenth grade.95 (Can. Chip Kidd is a designer and writer at Alfred A.com . including Facebook. cell phones. Reuters. Boston.aaknopf. but she managed to meet Chip Kidd through Facebook. Los Angeles. G&T–soaked preppies adapts to the new order of the Internet.

TRUE PREP It’s a whole new old world A l f r e d A . K n o p f N e w Yo r k 2010 LISA BIRNBACH C h i p DRAWINGS BY RANDY GLASS • K i d d PHOTOGRAPHS BY GEOFF SPEAR .

Hairy Preppies: Silicon Valley billionaires. THAT’S WHERE MY BROTHER WENT. the preppiest in America. any town called Greenville. the dog. 1. IL. Four years in hair. Trench coats. We represent all religions (especially those recognized by the IRS). Cheapness of all kinds. T. One man and his outerwear. The truth about money: What we value—education. Old is better than new. The story of polar fleece. There’s money. The True Prep Pantheon. Jewelry: when enough is enough. Because we are givers. Ralph’s page. The corrections: how to use alumna. The kids’ table: a Thanksgiving tradition. . The Boys of Vineyard Vines. Caroline Milbank on Breton stripes. McLean. Frugal do’s and don’ts. 2. All about wardrobe. then there’s Big Money. self-made money. Some Four-Legged Preps & the Two-Legged Preps Who Love Them. PASS IT ON: THE PREP MANIFESTO. Anthony. Prep travel commandments. The right suntan and how to get it. and Grandfather. An American map. they are. Daddy. The building at school with Grandmother’s maiden name. 3. Online shopping: a very useful list. Admission secrets from a real authority. Yes. alumni. The leaning of the silhouette: A visit with Thom Browne. WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. Inherited vs. travel. . Check the thriftshops: a list of the best vintage shops in Barrington. 4. “Which Is Preppier: Red or Blue?” by Christopher Buckley. and a summer house.C O N T E N T S INTRODUCTION Where were we? Oh. Caroline Milbank on stretching the look. Preppy math. How to integrate vintage into your prep wardrobe. It was thirty years ago . VA. multiethnic. Caring about money again. Profile of Hampden-Sydney College. alumnus. alumnae. black. We value diversity (though we actually prefer homogeneity). Making the transition from Casual Friday to Saturday. The view of Oak Bluffs (and Sag Harbor. What is all this fuss about? All about Mummy.) We are: gay. Henry. . Grandmother. Just like family. Daddy’s Girlfriend. I JUST FOUND IT IN MY CLOSET. yes.

The perfect bloody. oh #5: what happened to Mummy’s face? 8. The Johnson and Astor wills. Codfish cakes. fusion. drugs. A tribute to the Lemon. Shepherd’s pie. Cookbooks. 6. Writing ambitions. The perfect martini. Anthony Marshall. Jean Struven Harris. The Nouveau Riche. What to do with all the beautiful family photographs: buy a piano. The weekend house. Knorr Dip. oh #2: Mummy just passed her real estate exam. Uh. Rehab & the big house: the new boarding schools. Renée Richards. When to hire a decorator. Uh. Preppiest beer. Why a house is not a “home. Claus von Bulow. DRINKS BEFORE DINNER. Crime Hall of Fame: Mrs. Best G&T. Brownies. squid. Jobs we won’t see anytime soon. Why we all want to live near one another. Scandals Hit Prepdom! Details at eleven! Prep Crime Watch: lying. The real house. garden books. Insider trading. sex scandals. when to use Mummy. oh #4: Mummy is now a yogini/healer/therapist. . What to eat when you are hungover. Monogrammania. oh #3: Mummy is now a docent. Roxanne Pulitzer. List of prep professions.5. Monogram shop. The mudroom. Photo of Jim Abernathy behind his desk. List of unprep professions. “Bankers: what in the world do they really do?” by William Cohen. Where the girls are: nursery school and kindergarten. ASTOR. shoplifting. UNHAPPY HOURS. white lies. adultery. Lipton’s meatloaf. David Duchovny. Where to use your family crest. How we think about food: what we’ve learned—Asian. Graduate Programs that last forever. Ann Woodard. Old Bay. Why not-for-profits are more prep than private sector jobs. Uh. Why alcohol? Two perfect preppy drinks you’ve never heard of. as a career for all. Martha Stewart. The Christmas tree list. dog books. Uh. WE CALL IT HOUSE.” Starter apartments. Also. 7. oh #1: Mummy is now a decorator. Shooting your own dinner: a quail recipe. Maisie’s apple pudding. Collections. What’s in the fridge? What to do on the cook’s night off. POOR MRS. magic tablets. the girls at parties checking guest lists. forgery. How much of the house belongs to the dog. Robert Chambers. Lovely alibis for where you’ve been the last three to five years. Uh. Berocca. Weekend house in a better community. pesto.

Argentina. HAPPY HOURS. chalet. cottages. THE TIMELINE : WHAT’S HAPPENED IN THE LAST THIRTY YEARS? ACKNOWLEDGMENTS . What to call your new. Preppy funeral readings. Trusts & estates (hint: make your signature illegible now). WE DON’T DO THAT. um. Holiday matching quiz: ranch. a hobby. “The Internet: How we use it. and others from “our set” on TV.) Rip’s Road Rules. Destination weddings. unprep gadgets. Martha’s Vineyard. Nantucket. How to choose an avatar. leaving. The right obituary. What to do about Florida. 11. Should you be interred at your alma mater? What to do with your pets if you predecease them. Napa Valley. PART II: WHAT WE WATCH AND WHERE WE GO. You vs. and how: TV vs. stepparents when you are the same age. von Bulow. Litchfield County. Where we go: Skiing. Drinking in the bleachers. condo. Writing your autobiography: a cautionary tale. A list of acceptable euphemisms for death. Showers and weddings. in person. Destination divorces. How to dance. City clubs and country clubs. Shooting Trips.9. The book club. Why Etiquette Counts. Austria. Planning your memorial service. Newport. How to distinguish between you and your cell phone. James Collins on love. Sports we play. The First Wives Club. The Sunny Lessons: what we can all learn from Mrs. Correspondence course: in praise of handwritten letters on engraved or letterpress stationery. Weekend as a gerund. Thank-you notes for all occasions. finca. Shopping. The right present. How to deal with twenty-first-century technology. Miss Jane Hathaway. The second wedding. um. When to insist your name is public and when to give anonymously. Books we like.” Preppies & Internet porn. PART 1: WHAT WE DO. WE’RE OUT OF HERE! Prep health: looking good vs. HAPPY HOURS. Beach. your online self. What to pack. Entertaining our way. feeling good. A city by city guide to events we like. Why no true preppy will ever appear on a reality show. Team sports. Prep vs. The Hamptons. bungalow. Fishing. Where we don’t go: Las Vegas and Disneyworld (24 hour rule. Advice to “Gossip Girl” from a real girl. Spending vs. What we watch. Italy. Cell phone discipline. Can you have a library if you don’t read books? Buying books by the yard: an interview with the Strand Bookstore. A tribute to Thurston Howell. How to select your lawyers and doctors. III. Note to Junior: No texting at the table! What to call your new. Dominican Republic. France. cabin. stepparents. except for Tim Gunn. 12. 10.

train schedule. Cole Haan penny loafers. Father’s hand-medown briefcase. left tie-less shirts and khakis in its wake. Mummy’s Scottish sweater-vest— “Love. have coffee with Pip. Many give credit to the carelessly dressed denizens of the Dot Com bubble.” Pearl stud earrings. finalize plans. Yes.” Friday afternoons year-round are redundant. Crew khakis. a wise person invented “Casual Friday. almost empty Stila lip gloss. Bean monogrammed boat tote: notebook. a present from Bunny to all her bridesmaids. business card case. before it burst. love. J. credit card case. sunglasses. Thus. Contents: Friday/Weekend section of Wall Street Journal. iPod. It just seems wrong to have to go to work on Friday. BlackBerry. keys on a Mercedes fob. “If I lost this. Crew handbag: wallet.L. love!” Ray-Ban Clubmaster shades Take-out doubleshot latte. used handkerchief.CASUAL FRIDAY J. They’re like the second half of senior year in high school after we’ve been admitted to Middlebury. There are only a few hours before the weekend officially begins (at noon. no belt.” to raise employee morale. J. a gift from Grandma Prudence. They are useless. and then get on the road. J. Crew head to ankle. and it will take the morning to get packed. Prep Standard Time). Crew striped shirt. Cole Haan penny loafers. you are correct in assuming that what the world regards as “summer hours” we regard as “prep hours. We cannot concentrate. 14 L. My whole life is in it. half-used bottle of Purell. which. I would have to shoot myself. . other pair of flats. Pearl necklace. ticket from shoe repair. bottle of water. extra cardigan.

etc. Schools with dress codes or uniforms routinely either lift them or charge students $1. unlaced because.. Vintage LEGO.SATURDAY In total relaxation mode. with the money going to charity. I would have to shoot myself. J. Tiny desert boots. That’s. Dressing this way makes us more comfortable. etc. Crew head to ankle. Cole Haan penny loafers. In fact. In truth. One doesn’t have to work in the high-tech world to appreciate a dressed-down work day. My whole life is in it. Lacoste heather grey traditional polo. G&T: I’m taking a break from my break.. Sunglasses: I’m outdoors or on my way outdoors. Even schools have adopted Casual Friday as part of their sartorial agenda. Hair: Deliberately uncombed. too. preppies are well-supplied with Casual Fridayabilia. “If I lost this. How. Work is just a memory. etc. Clayton likes them.00 to wear blue jeans on Fridays. Is Casual Thursday next? . many people in service industries choose to dress casually on days when meeting with customers isn’t on the schedule. Have a back-up racquet in my locker. 15 Cole Haan penny loafers. BlackBerry. P O RTA B L E C H I L D Four-year-old son. Clayton. Tennis racquet: For weekly doubles game at club.” Pearl stud earrings. as we recognize the sweater with the hole at the elbow as an old friend. This is what we wear anyway when we’re not at the office. a present from Bunny to all her bridesmaids. Crewcuts khaki shorts and leather belt. and we enjoy our shoes even more when we’re not wearing socks with them.

FISH HEADS. the doesn’t go to Oh. where we go. so we’re not holding the best. Constance Otherwise. He is woodcock. Mark’s School of Texas. (Their assignment was on the respiratory She throws system. Constance and Prudence. puggle JAKE GYLLENHAAL (Harvard-Westlake School) Garcia. too dear. 24 SOME FOUR-LEGGED PREPS & THE TWOLEGGED PREPS WHO LOVE THEM Widgeon. came up with this. And yes. German shepherd. LIVING ROOM. expelled) Holden. out hope for an A). to chase a . we Kill were sent to boarding school. run! LET’S GO TO THE BOATHOUSE! FISH HEADS. Italian greyhound SIGOURNEY WEAVER (The Chapin School. phrenological diagram of Henry Lake Forest. our son (Henry) likes a IS MY for my good hunt now and . . gun dog PRINCE WILLIAM OF ENGLAND (Eton College) Bocci. Boo Radley. What does he think about? Is he happy? Does he dream? And— frankly—does he like us? OF THE VOLVO. he goes. Labrador retriever GWYNETH PALTROW (The Spence School) Rabbit. YOU. for their biology class. whistling. too affectionate for us to be I without him for more than the anThat’s nual two-week biking trip to France. scratch.PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL HUNTER H E N R Y: We confess to spending hours in the thrall of our wondrous English setter. Henry. . though we raised gentle daughWHAT COLOR Ready ters. The Ethel Walker School) Atticus Finch. FISH HEADS. But t hat we would never send Henry away. now. Australian cattle dog OWEN WILSON (St. . after all. BANDANA? I WANT OUT OWN DEER. I hope she the twins. We are prepared for unrequited love.

Baby. that cute french bulldog in PH-E. boxers HUMPHREY BOGART (Phillips Exeter Academy. BUSH.J. won’t be the last.85–5. readmitted) . THE SCRIMSHAW HAIRBRUSH? SO BURIED. N.Blue. W.) Splash. TOO TIRED Ready TO BARK. expelled) Polar Bear. pitbulls JON STEWART (Lawrence High School. Who moved the squirrel?? Just shook water all over the mudroom. Scottie PRES. & Cappy. you are my bitch. golden retrievers JOHN CHEEVER (Thayer Academy. Lawrenceville. Not the first time. Mildred “Millie” Kerr Bush. expelled.97) Has own Wikipedia page. for my scratch. 25 LET’S HUNT SOMETHING TODAY! Shamsky & Monkey. BUSH BB (Rye Country Day School & Ashley Hall) GHWB (Phillips Exeter Academy) T O A S T.12. a cat CLEVELAND AMORY (Milton Academy) Edgar & Casiopeia. Gorky the handyman. MARROW BONES!! MARKING THE MARKING THE MARKING THE MARKING THE DONE. EDWARD M. PRESIDENT & MRS. BUSH. NOT!! SOMEONE’S . GEORGE H. FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT (Groton School) Harvey. NOW I’M SLOBBERING. BUSH. Sunny. springer spaniel (1. That pheasant is . Portuguese water dogs SEN. making STEAK. BUSH. Border collie–Jersey collie DAVID DUCHOVNY & TÉA LEONI (Collegiate School & The Brearley School) Ready for my scratch. I smell Isabelle. KENNEDY (Milton Academy) Fala.19. George.

But she’s not answering her cell. I can’t order pizza— again. she’s just called in and suddenly has to go with her husband to get his green card. We may not exactly be Martha. “Do I slice the lime first.” 124 . serendipity! We need inspiration. Limes! My. that’s the liquor cabinet—well. Gibbs. and now it’s an emergency. so why not? What’s in the fridge? Lemons. An excellent start. there’s all sorts of things in here.THE COOK’S DAY OFF Poor Mrs. Oops. dammit. or the lemon? It doesn’t say. wasn’t it? One thing we know for sure: No meal was ever ruined by mayonnaise. but that’s not the issue. but even she had to start somewhere. Or martinis. Let’s see what she keeps in the cupboard. all swimming in that divine sauce. really). Of course we understand. and we wouldn’t dream of docking her (she’s heaven. Come to think of it. it was near here. Dinner’s in only a matter of hours. And there’s the Junior League Cookbook to the rescue! We’re all set. We’d been meaning for ages to get her recipe for that lovely thing she does with the peas and the pearl onions and the bits of meat.

* Six sheets yields a dozen. Using a shot glass. and voilà! A perfect circle. Lift. If I crumble these in the salad. right?” 125 *Tip: if it’s a special occasion. affix flawless dairy coin to the cracker with a dab of mustard. top with a thin slice of olive. “Hmm. set the rim flat on the cheese square and trace around it carefully with the knife. which ought to be enough for anybody. perhaps from your martini glass.T H E U LT I M AT E N E W CA N A A N N I B B L E INGREDIENTS O NE BOX OF R ITZ CR ACKERS . clean surface. OPENED . FOR CUTTING . Place the sheet of cheddar on a flat. say. K NIFE . We eat to live. that’s like croutons. O NE K R AF T I NDIVIDUAL CELLOPHANE REMOVED . not vice versa. Place perfect disc of cheese on one Ritz cracker and serve. If you’re feeling especially festive. F RENCH ’ S MUSTARD ( OPTIONAL ). a holiday or a funeral. . CHEDDAR SINGLE .

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