April2011

The.Hillsdale.Forum
VolumeXI,IssueIV
SOUNDBITE
In.this.issue
WĂŶͲƌĂďŝƐŵ͗,ŝƐƚŽƌŝĐĂůWĞƌƐƉĞĐƟǀĞŽŶƚŚĞZĞǀŽůƵƟŽŶƐ
Scarlet Letter Debate
The Class of 2011
Facebook Isolation,
Greek-Life Politics
Pages4&5
Page7
Page3
HaydenSmith
^ƚĂītƌŝƚĞƌ
States vs. Feds,
GOP on Liberalism
Page2
Continued on page 6
The recent Middle Eastern
revolutions represent more than
just a desire for representative
government. They have
sparked an increase in rhetoric
concerning Pan-Arabism.
Simply put, Pan-
Arabism calls for
the unification of
all Arab-speaking
countri es. Thi s
would mean a union
between most
Islamic nations
apart from Turkey,
Persia, Indonesia,
and Afghanistan,
which are not
ethnically Arab.
The origins of
the movement go
back as far as the
founding of Islam
itself.
In the seventh
century, the Arabs
exploded out of their homeland
into the world. Within a
few decades they quickly
swallowed the Parthian empire
whole, cut the Byzantine
Empire in half, and destroyed
the Visigoth Kingdom in Spain.
Arabic culture and language
spread across Syria, Jordan,
Mesopotamia, and North
Africa.
By the year 750, however,
the Umayyad Caliphate began
to break apart and within a few
centuries the Ottoman Turks
had gained control of the
region. The Ottoman Empire
maintained its hold on the Mid-
dle East into the 20
th
century.
North Africa, however, had fall-
HQXQGHUWKHLQÁXHQFHRI(XUR-
pean powers. World War I saw
France and Britain take charge
of the remnants of the broken
Ottoman Empire. The period of
European imperialist rule that
followed gave rise to the early
Pan-Arabic movement.
In the early part of the
20
th
century, Syrian intellectu-
als advocated the earliest form
of Pan-Arabism. World War
I showed promise of bring-
ing Arab unity, but in the end
the British and French decided
against it. Anti-imperialism re-
mained the prevalent
Arabic philosophy
until the 1950’s, after
the Baath Party was
established in Syria
with the aim of Arab
XQLÀFDWLRQ
Egyptian presi-
dent Nasser was an-
other leading propo-
nent of pan-Arabism
from the 50’s to the
70’s. For a short pe-
riod, Egypt and Syria
existed in union be-
fore Nasser’s ambi-
tions led the Syrians
to break away.
An Egyptian-
led coalition con-
sisting of Syria, Jordan, and
Iraq launched a concerted at-
tack on Israel during the Six-
Day War. The Arab coalition’s
Obama,You’reFired.
TrumpforPresident?
MarissaHulsing
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As the highly anticipated
2012 presidential election draws
nearer, billionaire businessman
Donald Trump has evidently
embraced his inner Republi-
can and is seri-
ously considering
making a bid for
commander-i n-
chief. The famed
64-year-old has
grandiloquently
spoken of his ap-
titude for the po-
sition for almost a
decade now; this
time, however,
it seems that he
may be engaging
in more than just
ULWXDOÁLUWDWLRQ
Speculations
of a possible Trump presiden-
tial campaign began prior to
the 2000 election when the re-
nowned entrepreneur loosely
considered running as a third-
party candidate with the Re-
form Party. During the initial
hype, Trump advertised his po-
litical platform in his book enti-
tled “The Ameri-
ca We Deserve.”
In t he t ext ,
Trump surveyed
the American
political scene
and proposed
several dramatic
solutions to the
issues America
faces. His bare-
faced words
drew a lot of at-
tention to his
potential run
for election,
forcing voters to
consider what they wanted in
a candidate. Although Trump
decided against running in the
Continued on page 6
Hillsdale’s core curriculum
might be revamped in the
near future. The faculty is
currently discussing a new core
curriculum that includes an
expansion of eight credit hours.
Interestingly, the new core is
meant to be taken over all four
years, as opposed to the current
system of front-loading of core
classes during the freshman
and sophomore years.
Provost Dr. David Whalen
says that there is a general
attitude among students of
getting the core out of the way,
a belief the core is something
that freshmen and sophomores
take before really starting
their education with their
major courses. The new core
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perception problem. Dr. Whalen
says, “The core is not equivalent
to a liberal education, but here
it is the single most important
part of a liberal education.”
He believes that starting
one’s major early and taking
core classes in smaller doses
along with classes for the major
will encourage students to see
the core as less of a chore and
more of a critical part of their
education. He also says that
teachers of upper-level classes
are often surprised when
students turn in poorly-written
papers. Dr. Whalen hopes that
constantly taking core classes
will give students better
retention of the knowledge and
skills that the core teaches.
Obvi ousl y, t hough,
expanding the core would
put more pressure on some
students, such as double
majors, those who wish to
graduate in three years, and
economics majors, who need
more economics electives for
Continued on page 6
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“Republicans want to shut
down the government because
they think there’s nothing more
important than keeping women
from getting cancer screen-
ings. This is indefensible and
everyone should be outraged.”
-Senator Harry Reid
“In 1994, people were elected
simply to kill the National En-
dowment for the Arts. Now
they’re here to kill women.”
-Rep. Louise Slaughter
“Let me repeat that, so all those
who want to stomp on wom-
en’s health and women’s rights
can hear us loud and clear. The
dangerous, ideological cuts to
Planned Parenthood that passed
the House are never, never, nev-
er going to pass the Senate.”
-Senator Chuck Schumer
Democrats on Republicans’
attempt to de-fund Planned
Parenthood:
2
April2011
ALessPerfectUnion:
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Few could have predicted
that Barack Obama’s agenda
would inadvertently spark the
rise of the Tea Party movement,
which has gotten Americans
thinking harder about limited
government than they have in
decades.
Chief among the move-
ment’s concerns is the way
national policies like govern-
ment-run healthcare violate
the rights of individual states
to make decisions for them-
selves. Despite recognizing
the problem, however, con-
servatives have not yet set-
tled on a viable solution.
0DQ\VWDWHVKDYHÀOHGODZ-
suits challenging ObamaCare’s
constitutionality, all but guar-
anteeing an eventual ruling
from the Supreme Court. This is
entirely appropriate philosoph-
ically but risky strategically,
since the preferred outcome de-
pends on whether most justices
rule based on the original intent
of the Constitution rather than
their partisan biases.
In Minnesota’s 2010 guber-
natorial race, unsuccessful Re-
publican nominee Tom Emmer
advocated an amendment to the
state constitution that would
forbid federal laws from taking
effect in Minnesota until gain-
ing approval by a two-thirds
vote in the state legislature. It’s
not hard to see this proposal’s
practical failings: deeming all
federal laws illegitimate until
the high bar of supermajority
support says otherwise will in-
YLWH PXFK ÀJKWLQJ DQG FRQIX-
sion over the execution of the
law. Besides, there’s no reason
to expect that a state legislature
would be more consistently
pro-Constitution than whatever
majority holds power on Capi-
tol Hill.
Nationally syndicated ra-
dio host Jason Lewis has a more
radical solution in mind. In his
recent book “Power Divided Is
Power Checked,” he proposes a
28
th
Amendment, which would
not only clarify that the General
Welfare and Commerce Claus-
es of the Constitution must be
construed narrowly, but would
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to secession: “any state whose
inhabitants desire through legal
means and in accordance with
state law to leave this union of
the several states shall not be
forcibly refrained from doing
so.”
Secession is one of the
Right’s more heated inter-
movement debates, an issue
that often distinguishes Liber-
tarian from Republican, North-
erner from Southerner. This
Hillsdalian happens to think
secession-at-will is a danger-
ous doctrine ultimately at
odds with the nation’s found-
ing principles. Washington,
Jay, Hamilton, and Jefferson all
saw the Union as a safeguard of
liberty, and Madison explicitly
A little while back I
heard several students decrying
John Dewey as a terrible writer,
loudly wondering why they
had to read him. That same
day I talked with a professor
about philosopher Judith Butler
and he smiled and said that
she wasn’t a very good writer.
I smiled back at him and told
him that Derrida would say we
weren’t “reading” her.
And Derrida has a point.
It is not enough for
conservatives to decry queer
theory and Derrida’s Anti-
Foundationalist philosophy
and John Dewey’s progressive
educational agenda: they need
counterarguments.
They don’t have any. And
the typical knee-jerk response
“progressivism/liberalism is
bad for the country” doesn’t
count.
Progressives don’t think
they’re bad for the country.
They think conservatives are
bad for the country. The GOP
response to this typically has
been a puerile ‘nah-uh.’ It is
not enough for Jonah Goldberg
and other conservative
“intellectuals” to write books
highlighting liberalism’s links
to fascism, nor is it enough for
conservative governors and
legislatures to try to undermine
costly collective-bargaining
rights for public-sector unions.
Politics is a game of
strategy, and it is time for
conservatives to start playing
this game like it is meant to be
played. Bill Clinton turned a
massive 1994 political reversal
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getting in front of a television
screen and selling his vision for
America. Governor Walker and
Governor Kasich could do the
same in their states but instead
they trust that they are right and
that as a result, they don’t need
to explain why.
The same is true on the
national level. The moment
the new Republican Congress
WRRN RIÀFH WKH\ RXJKW WR KDYH
gotten together and discussed
getting their message out
to the voting populace. Not
merely on important pieces
of legislation, but every day.
The Republican majority
is squandering its national
support by not engaging
in effective information-
operations and is letting people
like the man from the Daily
Beast who impersonated the
Koch Brothers tear their agenda
to ribbons.
We see this happening
outside of the Beltway too.
The ACLU can intimidate
and coerce nearly anyone into
compliance with the agenda of
its patrons because legal fees are
so high and so few entities exist
to adequately oppose litigation
that even lawyers from the
ACLU itself admit is frivolous
(harassing municipalities over
crèche positioning, petty 1
st

Amendment suits, etc.).
While not a true Glenn
Beck-style prime-time-
television-conspiracy, the
liberal control of colleges, the
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Masthead
Matt Cole
Catherine Simmerer
Editors in Chief
Anna Williams
Editor at Large
Rachael Wierenga
Associate Editor
Catharine Clayton
Copy Editor
Maria Diodati
Olivia Tilly
Layout Staff
Calvin Freiburger
Catherine Sims
Joseph Viviano
Staff Writers
Sam Sparks
Business Manager
Calvin Freiburger
Senior Writer
denied the legitimacy of seces-
sion, explaining that as a mutu-
ally-binding legal compact, the
Constitution cannot be broken
by any single party. Moreover,
conservatives should carefully
consider secession’s implica-
tions—by breaking away from
the country, a state isn’t merely
rejecting an unjust administra-
tion, but also rejecting our very
Constitution as no longer worth
defending within the system of
government it establishes.
So what is the answer? Tak-
ing unconstitutional laws to
court is certainly worth the ef-
fort. So is amending the Consti-
tution to clarify, as Lewis sug-
gests, that the federal govern-
ment can’t meddle in the states’
affairs except where the Consti-
tution explicitly, demonstrably
authorizes it. But conservatives
must recognize that neither will
be a magic bullet, and that the
problem is more complex than
states versus feds.
So many of our country-
men accept statism in large part
because we have failed to be
vigilant in our states and home-
towns. Decade after decade,
we’ve allowed progressive
presuppositions about govern-
ment and society to gradually
infect our politics, education,
and culture. To turn things
around, we must retake these
institutions at the local level,
particularly with renewed at-
tention to what our schools are
teaching. We can’t expect fu-
ture generations to recognize
betrayals of our founding prin-
ciples if they aren’t even taught
to recognize names like Locke
or Publius.
We didn’t get here over-
night, and we shouldn’t expect
to get back overnight either.
Meaningful, lasting reform is
the work of generations, which
will demand of conservatives
the patience and persistence to
see it through. HF
Kevin Shaw
Guest Writer
legal activities of the ACLU,
and the superiority of the
Democrats’ public-relations
machine combine to make
victories for conservatives quite
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liberalization and politicization
of primary schools will make
conservative victories in the
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So instead of cheering for
a small victory in Congress,
conservatives should be asking
themselves why they lost the
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place. Instead of mindlessly
bashing thinkers like Jacques
Derrida and Friedrich
Nietzsche and Roland Barthes
(who most of them haven’t read
at all, much less attempted to
comprehend), conservatives
should realize that there is much
to be learned from the thought
of postmodernists and leftist
intellectuals. To begin rolling
back liberalism—actually
rolling it back—conservatives
need a grand strategy of, among
other things, opposing frivolous
Continued on page 7
3
Matt Cole
Editor in Chief
Only four short years ago,
I was an enthusiastic freshman
stepping onto Hillsdale
CoIIege´s canpus foi lhe hisl
time. I had high hopes of
enjoying my own little piece
of Christian-conservative
paradise. To my great dismay,
however, Hillsdale was a little
more realistic than the idealistic
place I had imagined. In a
quesl lo hnd an oulIel foi nv
frustration I discovered The
Hillsdale Forum: a newspaper
that gave me permission to
be frank and honest in my
expression of displeasure. The
iesuIl vas nv hisl ailicIe and
a rather harsh critique of the
College.
Now here I am, a few
weeks away from graduation,
silling dovn lo viile nv hnaI
ailicIe. Thoughls ßov lhiough
nv nind as I ießecl on lhe
naive boy I once was, and
contemplate the man I have
become through the time I have
spent at this noble institution.
My experiences here, both as a
student and as a human being,
have been as eye-opening as
they’ve been reassuring. Many
of my preconceived notions
have been corrected, and many
more of my beliefs have been
piofoundIv ieafhined.
I consider the people I
have met in this place. Never
before and, I imagine, never
again will I be surrounded by
so many outstanding men and
women. Many of my friends
and neighbors have the best
and brightest minds and the
warmest and gentlest hearts
our nation has to offer. I daily
lake in lhe lenehls of such a
blessing. Whether in the context
of an enjoyable conversation or
at times a heated argument,
I have had some of the most
worthwhile and enlightening
discussions with my friends
regarding issues of profound
importance.
The faculty has encouraged
me, demanded my best, and
expressed genuine interest
in my success. Time and
again I have been challenged
to think more deeply about
ideas and defend my beliefs
and conclusions as clearly as
possible. I’ve been taught by
my professors’ more than just
wisdom; I’ve been taught how
to think and reason on my own.
Iuilhei, nanv of lhe hnesl
writings mankind has ever
produced have been placed
in front of me to continually
sharpen my mind. Every day I
have spent at Hillsdale College
has brought about a better
understanding of myself and
the world around me.
While Hillsdale College
has its faults, as do all human
institutions, I have come to
see that this school—in its
student body, faculty, and
mission—is truly a city on a
hill. Hillsdale serves as a light
in the darkness of the world
and as an emancipator in a land
enslaved to ignorance. Those
who pursue truth, defend
liberty, and passionately strive
to live well can always count on
Hillsdale to direct their path.
To the students, to the
faculty, and to you, Hillsdale
College, and all for which you
stand: thank you. It has truly
been an honor and a pleasure
to grow and learn with you,
and in a few short weeks I will
conhdenlIv enlei lhe nexl slage
of my life’s journey. I will know
that the principles, wisdom,
and expertise I have received at
Hillsdale College will serve me
the rest of my days as I humbly
try to better our world and
personally grow as a human
being. God Bless. HF
ZĞĨůĞĐƟŽŶƐŽŶDLJdŝŵĞĂƚ,ŝůůƐĚĂůĞ
Rachael Wierenga
Staff Writer
College students are
completely dependent upon
lechnoIogv: ve lexl lo hnd oul
instantly where people are,
what they’re doing, or when
they’re eating dinner; we
check our e-mail to keep up to
date on campus activities and
assignments for class; and we
gel on Iacelook lo hnd oul
what kind of events and parties
are going on, or to keep in
louch vilh fiiends. The lenehls
of modern technology—
medicine, travel, electricity,
machinery—are undeniable;
technology increases one’s
quality and length of life. But
it also isolates people from one
another. Computers, phones,
and increasing technological
advancement make people
settle for shallow relationships
in an unreal virtual world.
Facebook is a prime example of
this: it isolates people from each
other through creating a realm
in which people know a virtual
version of a person instead of
his true self.
Facebook skews reality.
A Iacelook piohIe gives
one the chance to present an
idealized version of himself
and his experiences, meaning
that people who view the
piohIe onIv knov a pailiaI and
untrue version of the person
who made it. Though you can
look at pictures of people’s
experiences, these pictures do
not convey the emotion and
true character of the experience.
Facebook destroys face-
to-face communication and
cheapens real friendship.
You can make a “friend” and
immediately know his interests
vilhoul having lo laIk lo hnd
out about his life, and you can
maintain a shallow relationship
with quick comments instead
of developing a deeper
relationship with personal
i nt eract i on. Meani ngf ul
relationships are formed
through real-life experiences
and memories, not through
skewed pictures in a shallow
and virtual realm.
Along with cheapening
the meaning of friendship,
another negative effect of
Facebook is that it makes
people self-centered narcissists
and aggravates human
nature’s voyeuristic tendencies.
Facebook is a database of
pictures where you can ogle
yourself and others. It’s
centered around the person
using it. It lets you look into
other people’s lives without
actually being there: and that’s
piaclicaIIv lhe dehnilion of
voyeurism.
Facebook thus fosters
interactions with technology
instead of with people, which
isolates people from one
another and makes them
dependent on technology. Even
Bill Moggridge, inventor of
the laptop, admits this. In the
docunenlaiv ¨Oljeclihed,¨
Moggridge describes the
relationship between human
and software: “Back in 1981, I
brought my laptop home... For
lhe hisl hve ninules I vas sliII
proud of all the work I had been
doing for a year and a half...
thinking how valuable it was
that I had created the physical
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tŚLJzŽƵtŽŶ͛ƚ&ŝŶĚDĞ
ŽŶ&ĂĐĞŬ
Rachel Swaffer
Guest Writer
The Greek system at
Hillsdale is saturated with
men and women who willingly
subject themselves not only
to the rule of an executive
board of their peers, but to
an entire system that seeks
to control every aspect of
their lives. Why would any of
us, hin leIieveis in Iiniled
government and individual
freedom that we are, voluntarily
place ourselves under the
control of peers, advisors,
national consultants, and
national headquarters? Even
libertarians like myself, who
rail against big government in
Washington and bemoan the
loss of individual rights under
Republicans and Democrats
alike, allow our actions to be
continually scrutinized. We
open oui Iacelook piohIes lo
monitoring, our conversations
to censure, and our private
actions to discipline and
critique.
Though independents
may scoff at the suggestion...
Continued on page 7
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dĂƵŐŚƚDĞďŽƵƚWŽůŝƟĐƐ
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Continued on page 8
Seniors
4
April2011
Where are you from?
Eden Prairie, Minnesota. It’s a
southwestern suburb of Minneapolis,
and you may recognize it from Money
Magazine’s 2010 article on the top ten
places to live in America.
What did you study at Hillsdale?
Speech Studies, Religion, and Philosophy
Where are you headed after graduation and
what are you going to do?
I will be moving back to Eden Prairie,
where I will begin a three-year internship
with the Young Adults Ministry at my
church. Later on in July, I will be getting married to my high school
sweetheart, and then in August I will enter Bethel Seminary in St. Paul,
Minnesota, to pursue a Masters in Divinity.
Why did you choose to attend seminary?
Since the full answer to this question is four pages long, I’ll try and give a
condensed version. Essentially, I felt God led me there because He has given
me a great desire and ability to teach, serve, and speak, all of which are useful in
ministry and can be developed in seminary.
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
The most important lesson I learned at Hillsdale is this: every man must have
courage to reach the divine nature within all of us, but also have restraint from
indulging in our base passions like a beast would. No single class or late-night
conversation led to that realization. Rather it came from many, many class
lessons and interactions with friends. And that leads to a second lesson: do not
underestimate the importance of friendship. Although Hillsdale taught these
lessons and many others, I owe everything to Jesus Christ, who led me to and
through Hillsdale, and provided me with the best friends I could ever imagine.
John Hann
So Long,
Where are you from?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
What did you study at Hillsdale?
English
Where are you headed after graduation and what are you
going to do?
I’ll be at the Basic School, Camp Barrett, in Quantico,
Virginia, as a member of the Marine Corps.

Why did you choose to join the military?
My decision to join the military had a good deal to do
with my time here at Hillsdale as a whole. Throughout
my time here, I became more and more convicted
that there are certain things that have to be defended,
not least of which are the heritage and freedoms of
Western Civilization. I love my family, my friends, and
my homeland, and I knew if I could do something to
defend them and make their freedoms more secure, it was my duty to do so.
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
I would say the lessons I have learned in liberty and leadership here at Hillsdale will
continue to guide me as I serve our country, both at home and abroad.
Ralph Biddle
Where are you from?
Portage, Michigan

What did you study at Hillsdale?
Classics and English
Where are you headed after graduation and what are you going to do?
I’m entering the graduate program in Classical studies at the University
of Illinois Champaign- Urbana.
Why did you choose to attend graduate school?
I might aim for a Ph.D., or get an M.A. and teach; either way, I’d like
to teach and would like to increase my knowledge of the classical
languages.
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
HiIIsdaIe dehnileIv piepaied ne veII: I nevei look anv Lalin oi Cieek
before I came here, and after four years I’m able to go to grad school for
classics! Drs. Weaire and Garnjobst and Jones really helped prepare me with tons of help on applications
and helping me choose the right activities (such as writing book reviews and attending conferences) to
make me a competitive graduate school candidate…in addition to teaching me a lot.
Emily Wagner
Where are you from?
Louisville (Luhvul), Kentucky

What did you study at Hillsdale?
Latin and English
Where are you headed after graduation and what
are you going to do?
After graduating, I’ll be teaching somewhere
in the North…or South…or East…or West—
basically any place that believes the knowledge
of a dead language isn’t completely useless.
Why did you choose to teach?
Aflei expIoiing lhe inhnile oppoilunilies
in the job market for Latin majors, I decided
lhal leaching vas lhe iighl hl foi ne. Mv ovn
experiences before attending Hillsdale have
led me to believe that the Classical model of
education is the best way, and maybe the only
way, to educate. But let’s be honest about this
whole career thing: it’s mostly because ring by
spring was a bust.
Alison Roberts
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
I think a good teacher has to be passionate about both
what they’re teaching and whom they’re teaching.
Both my professors and my classmates have helped
to cultivate within me an appreciation and a love for
the Classics, especially the Latin language. And, from
the many relationships I’ve built at this place, I have
learned so much about friendship, leadership and
service. Hillsdale has taught me that to live in a collegial
community means to be humbled, challenged and
sharpened by the virtuous examples of those around
me. I’m certain these are lessons I will take with me in
the adventures of teaching.
Seniors
5
April2011 Where are you from?
Midland, Michigan
What did you study at
Hillsdale?
Politics and Spanish
Where are you headed after
graduation and what are you
going to do?
I’ll probably end up out of
state for law school, but I
fully intend to come back to Michigan to work. I’d love
to end up back here as soon as I graduate, if the College
will have me - I’ve been dropping hints that, now that
we have a grad program, the administration needs to
consider opening a law school. The opportunity to be
part of that project would be so fantastic.
Why did you choose law school?
Law school was part of the plan even before college,
but Hillsdale changed my perspective on it in terms
of the things I hope to get out of the degree. I chose
Hillsdale because I didn’t want another four years of
what I’d gotten at my public high school. Most of that
time was spent skating over important things instead of
struggling with them, and I decided it was time to really learn
something. I wanted a challenge.
At Hillsdale, instead of focusing on a vague desire to “help people,”
I’ve learned the ways that the law and its practice actually exercise
a slaliIizing conseivalive inßuence on an incieasingIv denocialic
society, because attorneys depend so heavily on tradition and the
things that we’ve always held as true.
I feel pretty strongly about the corruption of our culture over
time, so it’s energizing to know that even my career will enable
me to challenge it. Also, I’m much better prepared personally and
spiiiluaIIv lo seive vilhin lhe heId. Alloinevs aie fiequenlIv caIIed
into potentially destructive situations, so learning about what a
human person is, needs, and ought to have has increased my
conhdence lhal I have lhe capacilv lo offei neaningfuI seivice and
bring Christ into the process.
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
One of the best things about my experience with the College is
what it has enabled me to do with my time when classes aren’t
in session. Through WHIP and the resources made available by
lhe Caieei IIanning Ofhce, I´ve had sone ieaIIv gieal chances
to try out different internships and get a better feel for what my
employment options are once I graduate. I’d always heard that the
Iav degiee is ieaIIv ßexilIe, and il´s leen neal lo acluaIIv see hov
that’s true.
Where are you from?
Martensdale/Indianola, Iowa
What did you study at Hillsdale?
Religion and Classics
Where are you headed after graduation and
what are you going to do?
I will be studying at the Duke Divinity
School in Durham, NC, to earn a Master
of Divinity, whilst taking as many
Hebrew classes as I can.
Why did you choose to attend Duke?
I have a passion for languages, Hebrew
in particular, and I love learning and
leaching aloul lhe Heliev ßilIe. Duke is a good hisl slep
to get my foot in the academic door, and North Carolina has
good weather. Just kidding, the weather had nothing to do
with where I go to school. Obviously; I’m in Hillsdale, MI.
Where are you from?
La Crosse, Wisconsin
What did you study at Hillsdale?
Latin and Greek
Where are you headed after graduation and what
are you going to do?
Grad school: either Cornell University in
Ithaca, New York, or Catholic University of
America in Washington, D.C.
If I go to Cornell, it will be for their Classics
Ph.D. If I go to Catholic U, it will be for an
M.A. in Greek and Latin and a Ph.D. in Early
Christian Studies.
Kathryn Rombach
Theo Harwood
Kate Dembinski
TheClassof2011:WhoTheyAre
AndWhereThey’reGoing
So Long,
Where are you from?
Commerce Township,
Michigan
What did you study at Hillsdale?
Physics
Where are you headed after
graduation and what are you
going to do?
I’m getting married in May
2O12 lo nv hancee AshIev ßiickei, vho giadualed
from Hillsdale with a sociology major and belongs to
Chi Omega Sorority. We were introduced by a mutual
friend here at Hillsdale. We plan to stay in Michigan
at least until after the wedding. After the wedding we
may go wherever the best opportunity presents itself.
Edward Hojnacki
How has Hillsdale prepared you
for your future?
Having talked with other
religion majors from other
liberal arts colleges, I know
that Hillsdale has formed
me into an educated, well-
rounded student. The classical
model used makes sure that
students have a solid base off
of which to work, which is
especially crucial in the study
of religions. In Christianity,
which our religion major emphasizes heavily, if
you don’t know where you’re from (patristics, 16
th

century, etc.) then you don’t know where you’re
going. That’s how we get so many crazy modern/
post-modern theologians; they’re largely ignorant of
the fact that what they’ve said has already been done
and condemned as heresy centuries ago. Thankfully,
Hillsdale is doing their best to avoid creating crazies,
vhich I peisonaIIv appieciale and have lenehled fion.
Why did you choose to attend grad school?
I’ve pretty much always thought I would be an academic.
I hguied oul vhal I vas good al and enjoved, and chose lo
pursue an academic career in that.
How has Hillsdale prepared you for your future?
Hillsdale has been great for me. I’ve learned to think
deeply about a lot of issues in a lot of ways, to see things
from a lot of perspectives. The Classics department has
honestly given me just about the best preparation for grad
school that I could get.
6
April2011
disaslious defeal hnaIIv ended
hopes of Aial unihcalion. The
end of lhe novenenl vas so-
Iidihed upon Nassei´s dealh.
In lhe luinoiI cuiienlIv en-
veIoping lhe MiddIe Lasl, hov-
evei, one gels lhe sense lhal lhis
nev liand of Ian-Aialisn is
quile diffeienl fion lhe oId.
Wheieas lhe novenenl
in Nassei´s dav vas sinpIv
a ieaclion againsl veslein
doninance, lhe cuiienl feeI-
ing anong lhe nanv piolesleis
seens lo le a veaining foi de-
nociacv. Aials aie liied of Iiv-
ing in sulslandaid condilions
lioughl on lv lhe negIecl of
lheii iuIeis.
Pan-Arabism, from page 1
Though I doull nanv
Aneiicans vouId oppose lhe
eslalIishnenl of denociacies in
Aialic nalions, lhe idea of lhe
unihcalion of lhe enliie Aial
voiId nighl give sone pause.
Unihcalion vouId no doull eI-
evale lhe poIilicaI slanding of
lhe iegion, and econonic con-
dilions lheie nighl inpiove as
veII.
ßul do ve vanl anolhei
najoi voiId povei foining`
ßefoie unihcalion lecones
IikeIv, in anv case, lheie nusl
le a siniIai iegine change in
al Ieasl lvo adjacenl counliies.
The union lelveen Lgvpl and
Sviia onIv Iasled lhiee veais in
pail lecause of lhe dislance in-
voIved.
Al lhis poinl, lolh Tuni-
sia and Lgvpl have success-
fuIIv achieved iegine change,
lul neilhei is IikeIv lo espouse
unihcalion lecause of lheii
geogiaphicaI sepaialion. Lilva
sils lelveen lhese lvo nalions,
vhich is piolalIv lhe onIv iea-
son a seni-successfuI ievoIl
look pIace lheie. If Lilva faIIs lo
lhe ieleIs, lheie slands a chance
lhal lhe lhiee counliies couId
conline lo foin one Iaige
Noilh Afiican counliv.
Theie vouId sliII le nanv
kinks lo le voiked oul lefoie
such a possiliIilv couId naleii-
aIize. A noie IikeIv iesuIl is an
econonic union siniIai lo lhal
of lhe Luiopean Union.
Il is foi lhis ieason lhal
lhe Lilvan CiviI Wai is so in-
poilanl. When asking vouiseIf
vhelhei vou suppoil lhe ieleIs
oi Caddah vou shouId considei
lhe inpIicalions lehind each
oulcone.
If NATO heIps lhe ieleIs
lo evenluaI vicloiv, lhe Mid-
dIe Lasl viII le piofoundIv
end, lhe pulIicilv suiiound-
ing lhe piospecl of a Tiunp
canpaign has leen iesuiiecled
lhioughoul sulsequenl eIec-
lions. In 2OO8 lheie vas fuilhei
laIk of a Tiunp canpaign, lhal
line vilh lhe RepulIican Iailv.
Tiunp aIso consideied iunning
foi goveinoi of Nev Yoik in
2OO6.
Since iunois have leen
ciicuIaling foi len veais, and
Tiunp has vel lo acluaIIv iun
foi pulIic ofhce, his poIilicaI
aspiialions have luined inlo
vhal is knovn as ¨lhe Tiunp
lease.¨ Hovevei, iecenl evi-
dence suggesls lhal Tiunp is
acluaIIv veiv seiious aloul iun-
ning in 2O12. Duiing an inlei-
viev Iasl nonlh he slaled, ¨I´ve
nevei leen giealIv lenpled le-
foie, lul lhe counliv has nevei
needed heIp Iike il does nov.¨
Tiunp has aIso naikedIv in-
cieased his piesence vilhin lhe
RepulIican Iailv as of Iale, and
spoke al CIAC eaiIiei lhis veai.
Al lhe confeience, he conhdenl-
Iv asseiled lhal he vas lhe onIv
RepulIican vho had lhe aliIilv
lo defeal Iiesidenl Olana.
And Tiunp ceilainIv does
have sone advanlages ovei feI-
Iov RepulIican hopefuIs. Ioi
slaileis, he´s a liIIionaiie ceIel-
iilv vilh his ovn ieaIilv shov.
His iesune incIudes lilIes such
as CLO of lhe Tiunp Oigani-
zalion and foundei of Tiunp
Lnleilainnenl Resoils. He has
decades of expeiience vilhin
lhe ieaIn of inleinalionaI lusi-
ness and econonics, and he´s
leen deaIing vilh lhe nedia foi
jusl as Iong. He even slaled on
Cood Moining Aneiica lhal he
vouId le viIIing lo pul al Ieasl
$6OO niIIion of his peisonaI as-
sels lovaid a piesidenliaI can-
paign.
In a fuilhei allenpl lo oul-
shine his opponenls, and piove
lo lhe pulIic lhal he is voi-
lhv of lheii allenlion, Tiunp
has aIso seized eveiv oppoi-
lunilv lo daunlIessIv ciilicize
Iiesidenl Olana. Whelhei il´s
condenning lhe Iiesidenl´s
foieign ieIalions, lashing
giad schooI. On lhe olhei hand,
lhe change lo a conlinuing coie
vouId Iel sludenls expeiinenl
lheii fieshnan veai as lo vhich
najoi lhev piefei. CuiienlIv,
nanv sludenls change lheii
najoi duiing lheii junioi veai,
vhich oflen neans lhal lhev
have lo lake addilionaI senes-
leis. The nev coie couId Iessen
lhis piolIen.
In addilion, an expansion
lo lhe coie vouId nean an
added cosl lo lhe schooI in lhe
foin of hiiing addilionaI pio-
fessois. WhiIe Di. WhaIen slales
lhal lhe changes vouId occui
as iesouices peinil, lheie viII
sliII le an inciease in SaIaiies
Lxpenses foi lhe CoIIege. This
vouId undoulledIv Iead lo an
inciease in luilion piice, unIess
lhe cuiienl luilion hike foi nexl
veai is pieenpliveIv accouling
foi lhe addilion lo lhe coie.
Malh najoi Meiedilh Lan-
gIois is opposed lo an expan-
sion of lhe coie. This seneslei
she is laking ReIigion 483 and
leIieves lhal such uppei-IeveI
couises aie noie lenehciaI lhan
addilionaI Iovei IeveI couises.
She vouId piefei noie fieedon
lo choose eIeclives.
WhiIe il is lhe coIIege´s
dulv lo nake ils educalion pio-
gian as good as possilIe, coI-
Iege sludenls shouId have lhe
fieedon lo choose cIasses foi
lhenseIves. Il gives sludenls a
sense of independence, vhich
fosleis excilenenl and aIIovs
changed. Ioi pioponenls of
Ian-Aialisn, lhe soonei Cad-
dah faIIs lhe lellei. If lhe CiviI
Wai diags oul foi loo Iong, Tu-
nisia and Lgvpl viII have es-
lalIished lhenseIves as nalions
and le Iess incIined lovaids
unihcalion.
If Caddah and lhe Svi-
ian ßaalhisls hoId onlo povei,
hovevei, lhe poIilicaI nap of
lhe MiddIe Lasl viII IikeIv nol
see anv change iesuIling fion
lhe vave of ievoIulions. HF
Trump, from page 1 OlanaCaie, oi expiessing his
disgusl al seeing pholos of lhe
Iiesidenl in svinning liunks
and ßip-ßops, he cIeaiIv has a
sliong dislasle foi lhe cuiienl
adninislialion. Tiunp has ex-
piessed lhal he feeIs lhe coun-
liv has nevei leen as veak as
il is lodav, and lhal he vouId
nol Iel Aneiica conlinue on lhis
dovnvaid spiiaI.
IoIIs aie cuiienlIv incon-
cIusive, lul a iecenl IOX Nevs
suivev found lhal onIv 19° of
Aneiicans lhink Tiunp vouId
nake a good piesidenl. Ieihaps
il viII lake noie lhan iiches and
fane lo vin ovei lhe heails of
despeiale Aneiicans, oi pei-
haps Tiunp shouId ielhink
his iecession-unfiiendIv calch-
phiase, ¨You´ie Iiied.¨ Which-
evei lhe case, if he does decide
lo iun, il viII ceilainIv le an
enleilaining canpaign lo foI-
Iov. Tiunp has said he viII of-
hciaIIv announce his decision in
Iune, aflei lhe 11
th
season of The
CeIeliilv Appienlice cones lo a
cIose.
UnliI lhen, voleis can gel
lheii Tiunp hx lv foIIoving
Tiunp´s fanalicaI and oveien-
lhusiaslic piivale invesligalion
of lhe Olana liilh ceilihcale
hasco. HF
Core Curriculum, from page 1 sludenls lo giov in peisonaI ie-
sponsiliIilv. The noie choices a
sludenl nakes as an undeigiad,
lhe noie piepaied lhev aie
lo nake choices as a voiking
aduIl. CeilainIv, picking cIasses
is a ialhei liiviaI decision, lul il
sliII conliilules lo lhe indepen-
dence of lhe coIIege expeiience.
This aigunenl is appIicalIe lo
lhe coie cIasses in geneiaI, lul
sliII lheie has lo le sone opli-
naI IeveI lelveen nandaloiv
and eIeclive cIasses.
In lhe end, senioi Nick
Meineil nighl have lhe visesl
aigunenl vhen he savs, ¨Who
caies` We´ie giadualing.¨ The
expansion lo lhe coie viII nol
affecl anv cuiienl sludenls, so
peihaps il is lesl nol lo spend
loo nuch line dveIIing on il.
HF
THL HILLSDALL IORUM is an independenl sludenl
nevspapei pulIished lvice a seneslei. We piinl nevs, opinions,
ediloiiaIs, ievievs, saliie, and vhalevei eIse sliikes oui fancv.
Inleiesled in...
viiling`
ediling`
giaphics`
Col opinions`
Wanl lo shaie lhen`
Then join lhe HiIIsdaIe Ioiun!
We aIvavs need viileis, copv edilois, and giaphic designeis.
Conlacl nexl veai´s ediloi RachaeI Wieienga (ivieienga©
hiIIsdaIe.edu) lo sign up.
¨'lhe counliv has
nevei needed heIp
Iike il does nov´¨
¨19° of Aneiicans
lhink Tiunp vouId
na k e a g o o d
piesidenl¨
¨do ve vanl anolhei
najoi voiId povei
foining`¨
¨'Who caies` We´ie
giadualing!´¨
7
April2011
Nathaniel Hawthorne
created an odd set of characters
for his most famous work, “The
Scarlet Letter.” The heroine,
Hester Prynne, commits
adultery (well, you could call
it fornication, since she thought
her husband dead) with the
closest thing the book has to
a hero, the good Reverend
Dimmesdale. Their child,
Pearl, is a mischievous little
elf of a girl, capricious and
uncontrollable.
And then there’s Roger
Chi l l i ngworth. An ol d
mi sshapen schol ar and
husband of the unfortunate
Hester, Chillingworth had sent
his wife to Boston (not the Ann
Arbor of the East, mind you,
but 17
th
century Puritan Boston)
from their home in Amsterdam
before the story begins. His
plans to join her there were
delayed when Indians held
him captive, hence the popular
belief that he had died and
Hester’s doomed affair with
Dimmesdale.
When Chillingworth at last
gets to Boston, he sees his wife
standing on the town scaffold,
wearing a scarlet letter (“A”
for adultery) and holding baby
Pearl. Intent on revenge and too
proud to acknowledge that he’s
been cuckolded, he conceals his
identity and settles in Boston to
practice medicine and discover
the identity of Pearl’s father.
As time passes, Hester
grows strong and independent
in her isolation from the town,
but Dimmesdale tortures
himself in an attempt to relieve
his guilt. A battle rages within
him between the pastoral
necessity of seeming holy and a
burning desire to tell his secret.
If he were to confess, he would
probably face the gallows--
an attractive option given his
excruciating psychological
pain. But his congregation
would lose their Christian
faith entirely if they found out
the truth about their saintly
minister. At worst, Dimmesdale
is a hypocrite paralyzed by
guilt and indecision.
Chillingworth is another
story. His ravenous thirst
for revenge exacerbates his
physical deformity, but his
medical skill and apparent piety
lead the town to have him move
in with the ailing Dimmesdale.
G.K. Chesterton wrote,
“If you do not understand a
man you cannot crush him.
And if you do understand
him, very probably you will
not. ” Chillingworth defies
Chesterton’s aphorism: after
discovering the real cause of his
patient’s illness, he understands
Dimmesdale thoroughly and
uses that knowledge to crush
him. Slowly. Because he enjoys
doing it.
And j us t i n c a s e
Chillingworth’s actions aren’t
enough to convince the reader
that he’s a horrible person,
Hawthorne says that the
townspeople detect “something
ugly and evil in his face” and
conclude that the man is either
“Satan himself” or “Satan’s
emissary.”
So you have a sel f -
ßageIIaling, penilenl ninislei
and a sadistic agent of the
devil—is there really a question
about who’s worse? HF
Upon completing Nathaniel
Hawthorne’s mandatory classic
The Scarlet Letter, the reader
may well need to spend some
time in solitary contemplation
to recover from the onslaught of
larger-than-life characters that
haunt the novel’s pages.
Al hisl lIush, il vouId
seem that one need look no
further than the nefarious
Roger Chillingworth, husband
of chief protagonist Hester
Prynne, to discover the villain
of the story. What could be
worse than a man who lives
to exact revenge on his wife, a
woman he promised to protect
and cherish in his wedding
vows? He hounds Arthur
Dimmesdale to the grave,
prodding and tormenting him
until the unfortunate minister
folds and gives up the ghost.
Apparently this man believes
Hester’s and Arthur’s single
sin of adultery warrants a
lifetime of punishment, and
not just any punishment at
that. He earnestly hopes that
Dimmesdale will never confess
his sin and thereby fester in hell
for all eternity.
Without attempting to
discount or downplay the
rather enormous character
ßavs of ChiIIingvoilh, I vouId
argue that he is not the true
villain of the story. That title
goes without a doubt to the
insipid, quivering, spineless
excuse for a man known as
Arthur Dimmesdale.
Not only does His Pastiness
initially decline to reveal
himself as the fellow sinner of
Hester’s adultery at the scene
of her public disgrace, but he
persists in thus hiding for the
entirety of the novel. Rather
than openly admit himself as
the author of Hester’s disgraced
existence and their child Pearl’s
uncertain future, he contents
hinseIf vilh noilihcalion
and self-recrimination in the
privacy of his own room.
He hnds il vilhin hinseIf lo
enlaik on louls of ßageIIalion
and even carve an “A” on
the skin of his chest to match
the emblem of dishonor that
graces Hester’s outerwear. But
this activity proceeds while
the town lauds his holiness
and lhe chiIdien ßing nud al
Hester for her unclean state.
He’ll speak with Hester and
bestow affectionate caresses
on his strange little child in the
seclusion of the forest, but when
Pearl asks if he’ll walk hand in
hand with them back into town,
his answer is predictably in the
negative.
Say what you like about the
Chillingworth, but I understand
his reaction. He comes to
Aneiica lo hnd his vife on
public display for adultery,
with no man beside her to share
the blame. So he hunts down
the knave who wronged his
wife and goes for the jugular.
This, at least, is the response of
a man. Dimmesdale wallows in
seIf-noilihcalion lhal snacks
more of self-congratulating
pity than contrition and then
postpones his public confession
until a few seconds prior to his
death. True to his ideals of self-
Catherine Sims
Staff Writer
Anna Williams
Editor at Large
Continued on page 8
ACLU litigation and more
effectively getting the message
about their Congressional
goals out to people who are
undecided. And above all,
they need to realize that the
war between conservatives
and liberals is primarily being
waged in America’s schools.
Everyone knows this.
And everyone knows
liberals and progressives,
as lvpihed lv Iohn Devev´s
agenda laid out a century ago,
have had a very long head start.
A Republican “grand strategy”
should begin by considering
how to get less biased textbooks
in schools, better curriculum
formulation, and more
sympathetic teachers involved.
It doesn’t seem like much, but
it’s a good start—certainly a lot
better than conservatives have
been doing for themselves. HF
GOP Strategy, from page 2
Who’sWorse:DimmesdaleorChillingworth?
ADebateoverHawthorne’s^ĐĂƌůĞƚ>ĞƩĞƌ
Graphics Credit: “nannahs” on deviantart.com
the political structure and atmo-
sphere of the Greek Fraternity
or Sorority shows many paral-
lels with the Founding spirit of
Aneiica. Iusl Iike lhe Aneii-
cans of 1776, though we Greeks
relish our individual liberty, we
agree to give some of it up in
service of a shared ideal. For the
Founders, the shared ideal was
the Constitution; for the Greek
house, it is our fraternal bonds.
But since our Founding,
American politicians have
struggled to maintain the bal-
ance between freedom reserved
and freedom given up. My ex-
perience in the Greek system
has shown me, on a small scale,
how governments maintain,
or conversely lose, respect and
voluntary obedience. These are
my observations:
First, too many rules and
regulations kill morale and de-
stroy voluntary attachment to
the law. People will put up with
a certain amount of regulation
in service of a higher purpose,
but there is a breaking point at
which the feeling of restriction
overpowers the love of country
or fraternity. At this point, the
people lose all respect for the
law: obedience becomes subjec-
tive, and they make and break
rules with impunity. People
will put up with a moderate
amount of regulation, but when
the burden becomes too heavy
they don’t just take off the ex-
cess weight, they throw off the
entire thing. Governments of
all sizes have to pick their bat-
tles in order to maintain order
while still allowing citizens to
retain their individual freedom
and independence.
Second, the people must
always feel that their voices are
heard. Government has to act
above the passions of the peo-
ple, so sometimes it’s best that
the people’s opinion not be tak-
en into account. Regardless of
whether their sentiments have
been reviewed or not, it is criti-
cal that the people remain con-
vinced that they have. Nothing
infuriates the masses more than
a President (of a country or of a
Greek house) who acts without
consulting those who put him
in power. Even if a leader knows
his course of action, he has to
make the people think that they
have a say. This, again, main-
tains the people’s voluntary at-
tachment to law (in the country
or in the house).
A hnaI facloi lhal nusl
be present in a country or in a
Greek house to maintain vol-
untary obedience is a personal
connection between the indi-
vidual and government. In De-
mocracy in America, Alexis de
Tocqueville claims that second-
ary local institutions are crucial
for combating individualism
and isolation of the people from
government. It’s the same in
a Cieek house. Lovei ofhces
and positions within the Greek
house do much more than del-
egate power; they create a per-
sonal connection between the
individual and government.
Every member must feel in-
volved in the political process,
so that their individual wants
and needs will become synony-
mous with the common good.
Obviously I didn’t join a
Greek house for the politics or
for the opportunity to be in-
volved in the smallest of small
republics. I joined for the
friends and for the ability to get
off a Saga meal plan. But in-
evitably I have realized that the
politics of my sorority can teach
me just as much as a Hillsdale
College politics course. HF
Greek Politics, from page 3
8
April2011
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E-MAIL:
hillsdaleforum@gmail.com
Real Hillsdalians of Genius
:ŽĞsŝǀŝĂŶŽͬ^ƚĂītƌŝƚĞƌ
Here’s to you, Mr. Disgruntled
Hillsdale R.A. You’re on the
front lines of defending the
virtue of the freshmen class.
Once, and sometimes even
twice, a week, you are asked
to protect your dorm against
seductive females by sitting in
your room with the door open.
It is a grueling task that requires
lvo nen pei ßooi. You and
your compatriot have to rein in
a score of hot-blooded males,
and you are only compensated
a couple thousand dollars for
your efforts. Now that the
college is restructuring their
budget, they are asking some
of you to take only a thousand
dollars for being a champion
of virtue. That is outrageous!
Every city councilman knows
that the police department’s
budget should be cut last.
Does the college not know
hov difhcuIl il is lo viile up
the visitation-hour-violation
papers, or how boring it is to do
homework until 1am? Sure, my
R.A. cousin has broken up knife
hghls al his slale schooI, lul
has he ever had to accomplish
the exhausting task of collecting
room request sheets near the
end of a semester? I don’t think
so. That is why there are so
many more R.A.’s in Hillsdale
dorms: the work simply could
not be done by fewer guys. That
is why I’m saluting you, oh
protector of the peace, because
only you know how dangerous
Hillsdale dorm life would be
without your watchful eye. HF
Scarlet Letter, from page 7
indulgent fear to the end, he
never has to live with the pub-
lic consequences of his crime as
Hester did.
In our present age, where
manliness is under constant at-
lack, DinnesdaIe lvpihes ev-
erything a man should not be: a
pale, wounded spirit, who glo-
ries in his pain and guilt with-
out taking responsibility for his
actions. Genuine courage lies in
confession of the wrong done,
not in obsessive self-abuse. His
sniveling lifestyle of weakness
not only makes Paris of Troy
appear macho in comparison,
but is also reminiscent of a fa-
tal tendency in today’s cultural
portrayal of men. His emotional
remorse tied to his prominent
lack of backbone present a far
more sinister and far-reaching
problem than Chillingworth’s
manic drive to make Dimmes-
dale pay. HF
form, with a nice looking dis-
play that folded over the key-
board. But soon I felt myself
being sucked down into the
virtual realm, concerned only
with how I interacted with the
software, and forgetting the ex-
istence of the physical object.
That’s when I realized the sig-
nihcance of hunan-conpulei
interaction.”
People forget the physi-
cal reality of interacting with
people and do not realize that
Facebook sucks one down into
a virtual realm. When you look
at a computer screen with a
person on it, you are looking
at pixels on a screen instead of
a ieaI, ßesh-and-lIood peison.
You develop a relationship with
software instead of with a per-
son. The common phrase “ad-
dicted to Facebook” illustrates
the idea that Facebook makes
people depend on a computer
screen. Think about it, people,
you’re getting an emotional
high from a virtual interaction
with a pixilated version of your
peers.
The next time you feel bored,
restless, or lonely, go out and
develop a friendship with a
real person instead of with a
computer screen. Conversing
face-to-face with a thoughtful
Hillsdale friend is a lot more
fuIhIIing lhan ieading ¨ong
lol” on a glowing rectangle. HF
Facebook, from page 3
Hillsdale students are
usually considerate and mild.
They walk “carrying their heads
on one side” like the doctor who
deIiveis David CoppeiheId in
Dickens’ novel, afraid of getting
in anyone’s way. Except when
it comes to (peanut-)buttering
and jamming toast at the toast-
condiment-station in Saga.
Happily I consider myself
a member of the few, the
proud, the 5% of students
vho appieciale efhciencv and
consider others’ toast needs.
Would that there were more of
us. When it comes to buttering
toast, 95% of Saga-goers park
it in front of the condiment
section like Jimmy Stewart
gelling ieadv foi his hIiluslei
in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington:
with no intention of moving or
leaving anytime soon. And they
take about as long as Jimmy
Stewart to butter their toast,
until I’m the one falling over
bleary-eyed.
I will never understand
how one can justify blocking
the condiment station for 10
minutes to make sure every
crevice in his toast is adequately
smothered in butter-like-
product. The cereal and milk
counter-areas are nearly always
free, and serve as excellent
toast-buttering stations.
Why have so many of us
chosen to spurn these equally
viable regions? Brothers
and sisters, let us end this
stigma against the other
counter areas! Let
us stop clinging
unreasonably to the condiment
section, refusing to inch over a
couple of feet and give the other
counter-areas a chance!
On behalf of the hundreds
of people with toast in their
hands and with eyes burning
hate-rays into the back of your
oblivious head, I have a polite
request for all you inconsiderate
jerks: MOVE OUT OF THE
WAY!! I WANNA JAM ME
SOME TOAST!!
To encourage compliance
with said request, I move that a
rules sheet entitled “Preparing
Toast in 10 Easy Steps” be put
up. It would read as follows:
1) Get bread out of bag
2) Put bread in toaster
3) Move away from toaster
4) Get plate and knife while
bread toasts
5) Remove bread from toaster;
put on plate
6) Move to condiment station
7) Take knife-full of butter/
jam/ peanut butter; put on
side of plate
8) Move to vacant counter
space such as milk area
9) Spread butter/jam/peanut
butter on toast
10) Get the heck away from
the toast area, your work here
is done.
Envision Soup Nazi from
Seinfeld here, people. Toast is
too important to mess around
with: clog up the line, NO
TOAST FOR YOU! HF
Toast: A Debate
It’s What Brings Us Together
It’s What Tears Us Apart
Rachael Wierenga / Associate Editor
Lauren Wierenga / Guest Writer, Graphic Artist
Since arriving at Hillsdale,
I’ve rediscovered the simple
joy of toast. I’d never realized
you could do so much with so
little – that you could deliver so
much joy through merely a slice
of bread that has been subjected
to intense heat in a small iron
box. Maybe this is because
when all else fails at Saga, when
you want something warm, and
when you can’t stomach any
more pizza or burgers, toast is
always there. It is the reliable
failsafe that endures through
every Taco Tuesday and
triumphs in the face of Sunday
Dinners.
And not only does Hillsdale
survival depend upon toast,
but almost any kind of jam
or marmalade under the sun
would be purposeless without
the magical might of toast.
Sure, you could just throw
butter and jam on baked bread,
but you might as well be eating
raw corn-on-the cob, or eating
roots without making root beer.
It’s heinous even to think of it.
Therefore, I have come to the
conclusion that toast, though
the FDA does not distinguish it
as a completely separate entity
from “bread,” is one of the few
perfect foods on Planet Earth.
Smile on, toast, because you
know that underneath your
crunchy, buttery surface lies the
hope of an entire campus. HF

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