Revisions by Greg Mottola Wallace Wolodarsky & Maya Forbes John Hamburg Current Revisions by Larry Doyle 3rd Yellow Revision 02/20/03 3rd Pink Revision 02/14/03 3rd Blue Revision 02/07/03 3rd White Revision 01/24/03 2nd Salmon Revision 01/20/03 2nd Buff Revision 12/30/02 2nd Goldenrod Revision 5/23/02 2nd Green Revision 5/22/02 2nd Yellow Revision 5/19/02 2nd Pink Revision 5/14/02 2nd Blue Revision 5/2/02 2nd White Revision 4/26/02 Salmon Revision 4/24/02 Buff Revision 4/10/02 Goldenrod Revision 4/3/02 Green Revision 3/28/02 Yellow Revision 3/27/02 Pink Draft 3/19/02 Blue Draft 2/17/02

OPEN ON A beautiful, old white house. NARRATOR For about $300,000, you could live here. We pan across appropriate beauty shots of the house and its grounds. NARRATOR (CONT’D) Built in 1852, this four-bedroom home sits on sixteen wooded acres. It’s located just outside COLON, MICHIGAN A sign featuring a top hat at the legend, “Magic Capital of the World.” A photo of the very small town with a pick-up driving through it. NARRATOR (CONT’D) Colon, Michigan... SHOTS OF ENDLESS CORNFIELDS NARRATOR (CONT’D) Colon is within easy commuting distance of... COLDWATER, MICHIGAN A slightly larger of the same small town. NARRATOR (CONT’D) Coldwater, Michigan, which has a bank. MAP OF THE UNITED STATES NARRATOR (CONT’D) If you willing to live a little farther off the beaten track ... QUICKLY PAN DOWN the map, out of the United States and down, down, to NARRATOR (CONT’D) In El Salvador... EL SALVADOR (CONTINUED)


3rd Pink Revision


Stock non-beauty shots of El Salvador today. NARRATOR (CONT’D) Which isn’t really that war-torn anymore... Your $300,000 American dollars will buy you this... SPANISH VILLA NARRATOR (CONT’D) Ten bedroom villa, complete with servants and full armed guards. 1950S MANHATTAN Stock footage/stills from the 50s, featuring crowded sidewalks. NARRATOR (CONT’D) But if you’re like the millions... 1960S, 1970S AND 1980S MANHATTAN Stock footage/stills, featuring changing fashions on crowded sidewalks. NARRATOR (CONT’D) And millions... MANHATTAN TODAY Stock footage/stills, featuring crowded sidewalks. NARRATOR (CONT’D) And millions of people who want to live on the tiny island of Manhattan, your $300,000 will buy you... BARE STUDIO APARTMENT Stills of very small, unimpressive room. NARRATOR (CONT’D) ...this cozy zero bedroom apartment... ANOTHER APARTMENT It’s a dark as a cave and lit by a single bare bulb. *


a little angry. thousands of Manhattan islanders decide to THE CAMERA suddenly cranes out and flies up. Get out. NARRATOR . PARK SLOPE .. NARRATOR . NARRATOR (CONT’D) This is why.. DISSOLVE TO: PROSPECT PARK Assorted beauty shots..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 3. NARRATOR (CONT’D) Or this one-bedroom handyman’s dream..DAY CAMERA SWINGS AROUND and slowly moves toward..wide open spaces. east across the Hudson. A VERY CROWDED MANHATTAN STREET Bustling. every year. 1 NARRATOR (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) .... pushing. looking down at the crowd. NARRATOR (CONT’D) They leave in search of.... NARRATOR (CONT’D) Or this no-garden garden apartment. We fly out of the city...... PARK SLOPE People chat on the street.friendly natives. Children cavort in playground. A THIRD APARTMENT It’s a burnt-out shell with plywood over the windows. 1 EXT.

NANCY Poker face.” EXT.and at least four rooms of their own. NANCY and ALEX. not pushing too hard -letting the place sell itself.BACKYARD HIGH ANGLE LOOKING DOWN KENNETH When I told you I had a particular building [etc. The camera stops on a unique looking BROOKLYN BROWNSTONE... BROWNSTONE .. friendly demeanor opens the back door. I know. A place they can call home.DAY Real Estate Agent KENNETH. ALEX Remember what we talked about. KENNETH Built-ins. Alex WHISPERS in Nancy’s ear.’ and they move into.] 3 INT. TITLE: “Duplex. KENNETH Butler’s pantry.. She glances over to Alex who flashes a quick thumbs-up.. raspy voice. ‘I got it. NARRATOR . BROWNSTONE . 40s.. built-ins. leading in a young couple. the old dumbwaiter. 3 She nods. NARRATOR (CONT’D) That’s their first mistake. 4 THE KITCHEN/PANTRY AREA 4 Kenneth points out various features.. (CONTINUED) . NANCY Kitchen’s a little small.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 4.

Kenneth gestures to an alcove of bookshelves.. all original. you have an eat-in kitchen. the wainscotting. wainscotting. Alex mock-admonishes her with an eyebrow.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 5. Nancy playfully motions for him to play it cool. This one’s tiger-eye maple. NANCY Fireplace-es? PORNOGRAPHIC CLOSE-UPS A CARESSING PAN of the second fireplace. Cozy fireplace there. gadrooning. ALEX 5 (CONTINUED) . A tiny-squeal escapes from Nancy. KENNETH Get rid of this awful divider. KENNETH (O.S. gadrooning.) Three. etc. KENNETH (CONT’D) Original glass tiles in all the fireplaces. Wow. ornate woodwork.. ALEX (mouthing) Gadrooning? 5 THE BEDROOM KENNETH And over here you have your library. ON ALEX AND NANCY She’s falling in love. ALEX (CONT'D) (explaining to Kenneth) I have a small collection of first edition novels. Notice the details.

” Let’s move on. Oh. NANCY Peacocks. KENNETH What kind of stuff? ALEX I wrote a novel you’ve probably never heard of.. Grisham. Huge. KENNETH And over there. doesn’t know it) It’s kind of a loosely fictionalized memoir of my childhood.. but it’s like I’m addicted to “Goose Bumps. you could make it into anything you want... A curved front window area looks out onto the tree-lined street.a writer’s nook. NANCY Alex is a writer.. Oh my god. Nancy digs her fingers into Alex’s arm. yeah. so there is a third fireplace here in the living room. Light flooding in. yet another hearth. Alex tries his best to act the level-headed buyer as he notices. NANCY (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 6. I love thrillers. Koontz.. you’ve got a little outcropping. lover! 6 PARLOR/LIVING ROOM 6 The living room is a sight to behold. ALEX I see.. (to Alex) .. “Crying in the Sprinkler” (Kenneth shrugs. They scare the crap out of me. KENNETH I’m not much for the coming of age stuff.

There’s a sweet old lady who lives upstairs. Nearby. BROWNSTONE LOBBY . Oh. NANCY (not thrilled) A tenant? 7 INT. it’s a massage parlor. if you like nooks.. Alex notices something.MOMENTS LATER As they climb the stairs. KENNETH Yeah. 7 (CONTINUED) . This is a duplex. NANCY (can’t contain herself) A duplex?! As in two floors for the price of one! KENNETH It’s right there on the listing sheet. Sees it in tiny print.. ALEX Why’s it sealed off? Were there a slew of murders up there? KENNETH No. Nancy caresses the bannisters. Alex and Nancy are stunned. Alex looks at the sheet in his hand.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 7. ALEX Is this a staircase? He points to a SPIRAL STAIRCASE camouflaged behind several plants. KENNETH (CONT’D) I’m just making fun. Kenneth walks over. I thought you realized. NANCY A writer’s nook! How perfect is that? (off Alex’s look) I mean.

at the moment. Kenneth. Nancy peeks over Kenneth’s shoulder into the apartment.. CONNELLY. Her face flashes in recognition. Connelly? (to Alex and Nancy) She’s hard of hearing.god forbid. Connelly?! SFX: Many locks being opened. is MRS. She has to decide to leave or. he knocks loudly on the door. BEHIND THE DOOR Peering out.with her unblinking expression and lack of makeup. MRS. Kenneth shakes his head. the door creaks open. Finally. Nancy and Kenneth wait. KENNETH (CONT'D) Mrs. Kenneth! KENNETH There’s my favorite girl! How are you feeling today. ALEX Rent-controlled means we can’t kick her out. It may take her a little while to get to the door. She must be a hundred years old. She smiles sweetly and speaks with a slight Irish brogue. she resembles a corpse. Nancy and Alex joining him. the landing. You can’t evict her. Alex.. frail lady in a housecoat -. She’s a tiny. (louder) Mrs. Connelly? MRS. exchanging polite looks.. CONNELLY Now on NANCY (CONTINUED) .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 8. right? Alex! KENNETH It’s a legitimate question. CONNELLY I don’t feel good. poor thing hasn’t been feeling well. Mrs..

(lowers his voice) It’s gonna be off the market by Monday. We hear the door slowly being LOCKED again. 8 EXT. Then. Mrs. KENNETH I’m sorry to hear that. NANCY Do you mind if we look around? NANCY’S POV As Mrs. Adios. Kenneth. Alex And Nancy look around. I don’t feel up to it. She sees only a sliver of the apartment. The door CLOSES on Nancy’s face. CONNELLY Sorry. laughing in the playground across the street. (CONTINUED) 8 KENNETH ALEX . I’ve brought by a young couple. Nice to see you again. Poor dear. pushing a baby carriage. dear. Connelly speaks. CHILDREN. followed by a tiny squeak of sickly despair. and this is my husband. Hello. KENNETH I’ll tell you right now. there’s a lot of heat on this place. at: A YOUNG COUPLE walking along.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 9. Connelly! I’m Nancy Kendricks. Kenneth steps back to reveal Nancy on tip-toe.MOMENTS LATER Alex and Nancy stand on the sidewalk with Kenneth. we hear Mrs. she drops down quickly and interlocks arms with Alex. Connelly coughing. MRS. Nancy’s gaze drifts over her head. Alex Rose. BROWNSTONE . in love. who might want to buy the apartment. A MOTHER. Kenneth walks away. NANCY Good afternoon.

kind of affordable.There’s an old lady who lives on the second..floor. NANCY AND ALEX’S EAST VILLAGE STUDIO ..Mrs. ALEX Well.I mean she’s older. surprisingly. In a cheap IKEA bookshelf. Coop and Celine finish their dinner served on a dining room table a bit too large for the main studio room. As she coughs.. It’s really at the higher end of our range... this place sounds incredible. Street noise filters in.Old.NIGHT 9 A10 It’s one room... tidy but crowded..... 9 A10 OMITTED INT. ALEX I mean it’s Brooklyn.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 10.. (CONTINUED) . kind of affordable. Nancy. Connelly sits in a chair.... NANCY It is incredible! And. staring blankly out the window.. COOP Three fireplaces! Guys... but she’s.yet. but when you factor in the duplex. Alex.. CELINE It’s a duplex? ALEX Well it’s not exactly two . NANCY . we weren’t even thinking of Brooklyn. And her health is. we hear a DRUNK DUDE yelling at a SQUEAKYVOICED TOUGH GUY. From the street. IN THE SECOND STORY WINDOW -. NANCY It’s a little more than we wanted to spend.. there are several FIRST EDITIONS of various classic novels.

S. DRUNK DUDE (O. honey. SQUEAKY-VOICED TOUGH GUY (O. COOP (with false modesty) I’m sure it’s not as brilliant as your new book is going to be. Say that to my freakin’ face.) Say that to my face. sometimes you just have to “close your eyes and leap off the precipice. NANCY Who said that? COOP I did. (CONTINUED) . acknowledging the exchange outside. if I hadn’t taken the leap from student to writer. then gets serious) Look Alex. COOP Hey Alex. but there’s a couple of decent metaphors in there.) I just said it to your face! Coop looks to Alex. I think! (he chuckles. (to Celine) Ooh. unmoved by the daunting growls of the rabid dog named fear”. a detective named Don Piper would still be locked up somewhere in my imagination.S.) I’m gonna kill the shit out of you.S. It hits bookstores next week. Coop. Wow. did you bring it? Celine reaches into her pocketbook. pulls out a copy of Coop’s new book: “Murder on the Hudson: A Don Piper Mystery” COOP (CONT’D) I wrote you guys a little inscription. ass-bag. NANCY Thank you.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 11. DRUNK DUDE (O.

NANCY Congratulations! out? You just found CELINE (patting her impossibly flat stomach) No. (She hands out more singles as she walks down the street) NANCY I think we should do it. * * * 10 11 A12 (CONTINUED) .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 12. SCRUFFY GENTLEMAN Smoke. ALEX (re: scruffy gentleman) What if we want to buy drugs? You won’t find this kind of convenience in Brooklyn. I’m four months along! Isn’t that exciting?! 10 11 A12 OMITTED OMITTED OMITTED. ALPHABET CITY — MORNING A HOMELESS GENTLEMAN sits comfortably in a doorway. CELINE Oh. Nancy slaps Alex’s shoulder. EXT. Coop. They pass an alleyway containing a SCRUFFY GENTLEMAN. Smoke. revealing a belly-shirt with a stomach to rival Britney Spears’. Nancy hands a dollar to the Homeless Gentleman. He notices something and gets up. Nancy and Alex gaze at it in shock. NANCY What is it? CELINE We’re pregnant! Celine stands up. my gosh . we forgot to tell them the big news. playfully. As ALEX and NANCY exit.

NANCY (offhand) You know what I mean.. NANCY (playfully selling) What better place to finish that novel than in your own. Nancy zeroes in on a barely visible object and pulls it out. NANCY (CONT’D) This’ll make a great lamp! ALEX It is a lamp. ALEX I just wish I wasn’t so close to finishing the book. (CONTINUED) . (getting excited) Oh. Once we have the whole place..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 13. NANCY And it will be again! (dreamily) There are so many wonderful things we could do with that apartment. Connelly coughing on my baby. the upstairs parlor would make the cutest playroom! ALEX I’m not sure I want Mrs. Nancy preternaturally senses something and abruptly exits. Nancy returns to Alex wielding her find triumphantly.. And it’d be nice to not have to write at Starbucks with the other “novelists”.. NANCY We’re not going to want to live here once we start having babies. Nineteenth Century oak writer’s nook! ALEX It is a good nook. A PILE OF GARBAGE sits against the side of a building. NANCY You deserve a nook of your own.

A19 OMITTED A19 . Smiles and nods when it’s in the perfect place. We hear a FAMILIAR RUMBLE. BROWNSTONE . carrying Alex and Nancy’s furniture. Nancy directs the movers to move the couch a foot to the left. Several muscular BLACK AND HISPANIC MEN emerge from the van. He kisses her. almost everything is unpacked and in place. remove stuff from a box -. The only problem -.LATE AFTERNOON 17 15 17 Considering they just moved in. Behind them.DAY 13 -Alex and Nancy. My train.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 14. Nancy crosses off matching items on her CHECKLIST. ALEX I could’ve sworn we had more stuff. BROWNSTONE . Let’s do it. though the effect is a little different than it was in “Seven Year Itch.the furniture looks highly insignificant in the grandiose space.it’s belongings precisely labeled. They have reached the subway stop.DAY 12 * NANCY (CONT’D) * * * * * A “MURRAY’S MOVERS” moving van is double-parked in the street (the logo -. INT.the motto: ‘We’ll take you to the Promised Land’). The newlyweds running through handfuls of rice. puts them on the library shelves. more deeply. Holding another B15 FLOOR-PLAN. He smiles at her. APARTMENT .a smiling Hasid -. 13 INT. The air blows up her skirt. -In the bedroom. Nancy consults a FLOOR-PLAN she’s made up 15 for the room -. Nancy kisses Alex. ALEX Okay. A15 -MOVERS set a couch down in the living room. A15 B15 -Alex takes his rare books from a box. she holds down the skirt and enjoys the breeze.” 12 EXT.hangs a large framed WEDDING PICTURE. a HOMELESS WOMAN stands over a grate as the train rushes by underneath. As Alex unloads. in jeans and sweatshirts.

MOMENTS LATER 19 Nancy KNOCKS LOUDLY on Mrs. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT 20 The door CREAKS open to the end of the chain. NANCY (a little loudly) Mrs. Mrs. We hear the locks all OPEN.) Oh! She SLAMS the door. Mrs. MRS. stands there in a red satin cheongsam (that mandarin slip dress that was briefly popular 40 years ago) covered with a tiny. She opens the door again. Connelly. We hear the chain being UNHOOKED. Connelly goes off to the kitchen. Nancy knocks EVEN MORE LOUDLY. BROWNSTONE . Connelly? It’s Nancy and Alex! From downstairs! Ohhhh. MRS. ALEX (offering wine) We got you a little housewarming gift. CONNELLY (accepting bottle) Oh. After a couple of seconds. Connelly’s suspicious eye. MRS. pink sweater jacket. (CONTINUED) . 20 INT. Connelly’s door. It’s a sin. CONNELLY Come in! Come in! NANCY You have a lovely apartment. dear. Alex examines the bottle of wine. I’ll open it for you. Mrs. I don’t drink. 19 INT. wearing make-up usually reserved for the wake. MRS. CONNELLY’S EYE (MOUTH O. Only now it’s surrounded by bright blue eye shadow. Connelly.C.SECOND FLOOR LANDING . ALEX (interesting fact) Irish Catholics don’t drink. and we again see Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 15. as laboriously as before.

.. Nancy turns. ALEX (CONT’D) What are you doing? NANCY Taking pictures. It flies by Nancy’s head.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 16. ALEX (CONT’D) Are you all right? NANCY Yeah. Nancy. ALEX (CONT’D) (pirate voice) Blow me down! The harpoon goes off. Alex turns and sees A WALL OF NAUTICAL PARAPHERNALIA his gaze wanders down to a desk. She freaks. Alex rushes frantically to Nancy. and picks up the harpoon. NANCY (CONT’D) This is original trim! ALEX (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) .. missing it by inches. God! She rushes to where the harpoon is embedded. ALEX Is slightly taken aback. ALEX (turning) Hey. Oh God. Then he laughs.. Alex walks toward the bedroom as Nancy takes pictures mentally redecorating. on which is an ancient harpoon sits. It embeds in the wood trim behind her. I -(turning) Oh.

CONNELLY (O. We own it. MRS. Alex rushes to the desk and lays the harpoon gun down. they still make BuglesTM. CONNELLY He’s not a parrot. Nancy meanwhile is trying to push together the wood to make the gouge less noticeable. dear. ALEX Wow. I’ve brought you something to nibble on. half empty with numerous BugleTM strafings in it.) Just two secs! Panicked. boy! ALEX That’s a great parrot you have there. Alex yanks the harpoon out of the wood and struggles to quickly jam it back into the gun. and rears its head back. he’s a macaw. Connelly places a black lacquer tray on the brass-plated glass coffee table.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 17. MRS.) She licks her fingers and smooths the splinters down.S.) (CONT’D) Here we go. The bird gently takes it by the tip. (uncorking the bottle) (MORE) (CONTINUED) . Mrs. ALEX It’s okay. then scurries back to sit on the couch. sit yourselves down. Connelly returns. whose toplessness has been strategically covered by a bowl full of BuglesTM and a container of Onion Dip. The tray features a Polynesian dancer. They both sit there pretending nothing has happened. Mrs. NANCY (mortified) I know! MRS. Connelly holds a BugleTM up to the cage.C. Mrs. Nancy rushes in next to him. (It’s not that big and not in future shots. CONNELLY (O. BIRD Oh.

Alex swallows. He’s named after my late husband. I had a bit of a cold. you were quite ill. CONNELLY (CONT'D) I’ve had Little Dickie for forty years now. she sticks it right enough that her minor hand shake get on the tip of his nose. CONNELLY Oh a writer. (CONTINUED) . MRS. close causes the crusty dip to ALEX’S POV Mrs. I’m in fine fettle now. ALEX MRS. Richard. and smiles.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 18. MRS. happily. But do tell me about yourselves. LITTLE DICKIE Christ have mercy! As Mrs. CONNELLY It’s French onion. NANCY Alex is a writer. What do you do. Connelly? MRS. Connelly sits down on the couch. Connelly looms over him. dear? NANCY Because the last time we saw you. Alan? Alex. through the dip. MRS. CONNELLY (CONT’D) she drags a Bugle methodically saying a word. Connelly speaks. CONNELLY Oh. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. There. Mrs. selling. She pats her knees. NANCY How are you feeling. CONNELLY Why do you ask. MRS. too close to Nancy. Without under Alex’s nose. Mrs.

NANCY Alex’s first novel was published in hardback and he’s about to hand in his second one. Soon. he was a seaman. MRS. Nancy and Alex are doing the math in their heads.. MRS. ALEX (uncomfortable) Depending. We’d been married for thirty-eight years. Connelly. We never did have children. NANCY We’ve talked about two years. Alex and Nancy contemplate this for a beat. In the same shot: (CONTINUED) NANCY . (indicating the portrait behind her) Big Dick had the taste too. MRS. Nancy does not. CONNELLY (pouring Alex more wine) You sound just like Mr. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (breaking the silence) So now. CONNELLY (interrupting) Very nice. It’s about three generations of a family who own a printing press. The drink took him from me in 1963. let me refill that for you.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 19. MRS.. ALEX In a few years. CONNELLY What’s it about dear? ALEX I call it an urban epic. tell me. when might you be having children? Alex finds this question a little forward. And it’s too late for me now.

she died horribly. She’s dead. LITTLE DICKIE (O. NANCY I am so sorry.S) Christ have mercy.. LITTLE DICKIE (O.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 20. CONNELLY Then poor.S) Christ have mercy. quite a big family. MRS. Connelly? MRS.. NANCY (genuine concern) Do you have any family at all. Kevin’s day. LITTLE DICKIE (O. He died in prison. LITTLE DICKIE (O. Mike and Joe. (CONTINUED) . and Little Nuala. My two baby brothers. Mrs. yes. MRS. CONNELLY Ah. Twenty years now.. LITTLE DICKIE Blow me down! Panic flashes in Alex’s eyes. MRS.S) Christ have mercy. CONNELLY My dear sister Lily found herself on the wrong side of a wheat thrasher one St. at one time. MRS. CONNELLY Oh.S) Christ have mercy. Nancy covers up.. sweet Uncle Dennis. No. LITTLE DICKIE (O.S) Christ have mercy. taken in the floods of 23. no. CONNELLY I’m afraid all I’ve left is my sister Alcie.

S. Oh. CONNELLY She smiles serenely. Nancy looks at him askance. (CONTINUED) . Mrs. Mrs. well. Connelly stands to lead them out..BEDROOM . Nancy stands with her. walks in reading a dictionary. MRS.) MRS. a RUDE NOISE emanates from his chair. though not ready to leave. Nancy gives him a “let’s just drop it” look. As Alex rises. ALEX It was the chair. it’s much too late for that. Oh. it’s the Irish way.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 21. INT. boy! ON MRS. MRS. Connelly we never really got to see your apartment. Except for Uncle Dennis of course. If it’s not too much trouble. Connelly stand for an awkward moment. look at the time.NIGHT 21-25 26 LITTLE DICKIE (O. They’re all up in heaven waiting for me.. ALEX (CONT'D) (under breath. Alex. It’s getting so late. Instead Alex turns back to the chair and pumps it with his hand. CONNELLY Oh. (noticing) Oh. He turns back to Nancy. APARTMENT . while Alex in tee-shirt and boxers. 21-25 26 OMIT. NANCY You know. urgent) It was the chair. CONNELLY Ah. Nancy and Mrs. CONNELLY (CONT’D) Nancy brushes her teeth. Let me show you out. trying to get it to recreate the sound. She says this as she CLOSES the door in Nancy’s face.

) Huh? Oh. aren’t we legally entitled to see the back of her apartment? I’m gonna check that out on the internet. They’re pulling off each other’s clothes when. Connelly? (CONTINUED) Startled. I must have fallen asleep. NANCY It is nice. That’s nice..S. healthy. THE “HAWAII 5-0” THEME song kicks in. didn’t you think? ALEX Yeah. . It’s paradise.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 22. Mrs. Rolls on top of him. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY — LATER Alex knocks on the door. Alex gives Nancy a kiss.. ALEX Could you turn down your TV.. from above. INT. I knew it. She kisses him back. Nancy turns out the light. they stop. She actually looked pretty good tonight. Things heating up. Nancy enters from the bathroom NANCY As her landlords. There’s a tiny blaze in the fireplace.. ALEX How old do you think she is? NANCY My guess is she’s between 90 and 105. Alex’s book collection looks great in the library bookshelves. CONNELLY (O. bathing them in a flickering glow. she looked almost. ALEX A macaw is a parrot.. He SLAPS the book closed with satisfaction and gets into bed. Connelly! Mrs. ALEX Mrs. Connelly! MRS. both LAUGHING as they stare skyward..

10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 23. APARTMENT . it’s turned off.MORNING IN A SERIES OF CUTS Alex prepares for a day of writing. Finally. I will. CONNELLY (O. THE ALARM CLOCK BUZZES. 29 INT. -He puts on music from a MINI-SYSTEM. 27 28 OMITTED INT.PARLOR ..MINUTES LATER Nancy is dressed for work. The music. Enjoy your nook. Suddenly.MORNING Nancy and Alex lie face up. Another TV show drones through the ceiling. He and Nancy resume their lovemaking. APARTMENT .. cup of coffee. And as he forms the perfect sentence in his head.BEDROOM . APARTMENT .) I’ll do that.. -He opens the window a bit. Mrs. -He adjusts his chair. APARTMENT .it’s perfect.MOMENTS LATER Alex opens the door. Both look kinda tired. INT. the light. and his fingers press down on the keys. -He turns on his POWERBOOK.. 32 BY THE FRONT DOOR ..NOOK . the sound of the TV upstairs gets much louder. He adjusts the volume. honey. He sits down -.S. first up then down.BEDROOM Alex climbs back into bed. Connelly stands in the hallway. heading out the door. 31 INT. NANCY Bye. the temperature. exasperated. Alex and Nancy roll over.. MRS. THE DOORBELL RINGS. Alan. 32 31 ALEX 29 Alex sips a 27 28 (CONTINUED) . bleary-eyed.

. I don’t hear any banging. listening to the wall. ALEX Oh. MRS. I’m not hearing any banging right now. Alex swings around. if it happens again. MRS. and I’ll run up and have a listen. (beat) Bang-bang..DAY Alex stands in the claw-foot tub. opens the door. Alex closes the door behind her. well thank you very much. CONNELLY There is one thing. help you? Can I Mrs. Alex presses his ear right up against the wall. ALEX Sorry. CONNELLY Good morning. The pipes went bang-bang. I won’t drink it and I thought you might want it. He notices the bottle is almost empty. Alex. let me know. THE DOORBELL RINGS. 33 INT. you come right down and get me. Mrs. ALEX Well. MRS.BATHROOM . but. ALEX Good morning. CONNELLY I wanted to give this back. MRS. And if there’s anything else I can do for you. Connelly is holding the bottle of wine from last night. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 24. Connelly. 33 (CONTINUED) . MRS. Smiles to himself as he takes a step towards the kitchen and. bangety-bang-bang. CONNELLY It was very distinctive.

. TARA What do you think? NANCY It looks good. THE ART DEPARTMENT BULLPEN Nancy is huddled around a FLAT-SCREEN MONITOR at a messy desk with TARA. (working the mouse.) ALEX TARA You’re such a good squeezer. Nancy.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 25. downtown vibe. 35 LITTLE DICKIE (O.. Alex then sees: an impossibly high pile of assorted garbage bags. boy! 35 INT. Alex my dear boy. CONNELLY (CONT'D) Oh. She neatens up the LAYOUT. but maybe you could. ON THE SCREEN -.there’s a layout of an article. Oh. Sure. “NYNY” MAGAZINE – ART DEPARTMENT – DAY We PAN across several large framed covers of this weekly magazine ending up in. Alex heads back down the hall.. could you give me a hand with the trash.. 20s. moving things around on-screen) . It looks better.. CONNELLY All right then.S.lower the pull-quote and shrink the picture by an eighth so you can squeeze the text onto one page.. It’s a deal. MRS. (CONTINUED) . We don’t want to be feeding the mice. MRS.

) (CONT’D) So you walk into the living room slash parlor area.. TARA (O. enters.) I don’t exactly know. both to describe what it is “A WRITER’S NOOK..) Ladies! Ladies! Nancy’s boss.” (CONTINUED) .S. ON HER SCREEN -.” and to show what’s planned.) What’s gadrooning? NANCY (O. a sign pointing to “MR. check out the new place. “VELVETY COUCH HERE.. notice all the gadrooning. HERMAN I don’t know what that means.S.DIGITAL PHOTOS of her and Alex’s apartment. I lived in an apartment the size of a small child. NANCY (O.S. He’s a perpetually harried. HERMAN (O. He’s gone. say soon. Tickety boo is just confusing for everyone. Here. PEABODY. Many are labelled. Nancy and Tara turn back to computer. NANCY You’ll have it soon. HERMAN (CONT’D) Did you finish the Celebrity Scene page? NANCY Tickety boo. NANCY That’s because until yesterday.” Over these visuals. Nancy and Tara chat. middle-aged man. But we own lots of it.. As he exits the office. It’s a picture of Alex in the bathtub.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 26. HERMAN If you mean soon. HERMAN...S.

CONNELLY We won’t speak of it again. he picks something up. Connelly walks out.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 27. CONNELLY (mortified) They most certainly were not. BROWNSTONE . MRS. CONNELLY What are you doing with me drawers? ALEX (defensive) What?! No-no.. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (under breath. They were. Alex bends down. TARA (O. She hands him the trash can. Peabody? Like the cartoon dog? 36 INT. As Alex. MRS. Mrs. MRS. . really. they were in the trash. Without noticing.LOBBY . dirty and panting. Alex stands helpless in the garbage. ALEX (handing them back) No.. sounds like:) Degenerate. waiting to be taken outside. scooping the garbage back into the bag. Hand them back. Oh. CONNELLY (CONT’D) Don’t forget to separate the paper from the plastic now. MRS.. about to put it in the bag when he realizes it’s a pair of RATTY BLOOMERS. refuse spilling all over the steps. Rose.. it breaks. Mr.S) Mr. hauls another packed bag down the stairs. dear. with a small trash can. please.DAY 36 Several overstuffed garbage bags sit in the lobby. MRS. Just then. She heads back upstairs.

Miss Kendricks. Not really. MIDTOWN — AFTERNOON — ESTABLISHING A wide. when do we get to see this mansion of yours? NANCY (embarrassed laugh) It is a mansion. Tara and TERRENCE. expansive shot drifting toward the plaza of one particular building. EXT. NANCY Barely. smoking. NYNY BUILDING — ENTRANCE — CONTINUOUS Several people mill under the eaves of the entrance. Oops. TARA I wouldn’t worry about it. I mean. TERRENCE And we’re coming over when? (CONTINUED) . Nancy giggles. a co-worker. isn’t it? Oh my God.. TERRENCE So.. TERRENCE Everybody knows. you are getting promoted to Deputy Art Director. as long as you can afford it. Nancy pretends she has no idea what Tara is talking about. (This is the Terrence who appears later at the party. Also. Nancy does not need to be smoking as long the other are). TARA And Alex’s book will probably make some money. He’s easily distracted. EXT. And it so great that he has his own place to write now. are we insane? TARA Hey.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 28. One klatch consists of Nancy. NANCY It is so good.

S. TARA Hey.. holding a few shopping bags. I don’t know why I sleep with him. THE BROWNSTONE .. a particularly prickly Herman pushes through the revolving door. TERRENCE Honestly. The three share a lip-curling at his expense. 40 INT.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 29. He steps up to the three. Herman stalks back inside. Alex? His eyes pop open. we’re smoking here! HERMAN I need “Fashion Finds” and “Street Smarts” before you go home. NANCY We’re having a housewarming. passing several stuffed GARBAGE BINS.. APARTMENT . smoothing out the covers. demanding an explanation with his petulant stance. It’s all going to be flea market or garbage picked. Behind Nancy. He rubs his eyes... THE APARTMENT . A38 INT.BATHROOM .) .NIGHT Nancy bounds up the steps. but first I want to. he jumps off the bed.DAY Alex furiously scrubs his hands with soap.CONTINUOUS Alex is passed out on the bed. exits into. Ka-ching! NANCY (swearing oath) No. The front door opens. SFX: APARTMENT BUZZER 38 39 OMITTED EXT. 40 38 39 A38 TERRENCE NANCY (O.BEDROOM . our old stuff doesn’t really live up to space....

. ALEX How was work? 41 They peck on the lips. Hey. NANCY So. our upstairs neighbor kept me busy with chores most of the day. (CONTINUED) .. I was just reorganizing my book collection. NANCY Fine.. words. do you love it?! ALEX It doesn’t seem to cover much of an area. ALEX (noticing her bags) What’s that? NANCY Oh! I picked up a couple things on the way home. how was the nook? Did you write like a million pages today? ALEX No. You know.. Tell her you’re working.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 30. NANCY Really? Maybe you just have to set some boundaries with her. (noticing his appearance) Were you napping? ALEX Um. 41 THE PARLOR/LIVING ROOM AREA NANCY Hey. she’ll understand. handsome. no. (pulling out a small arearug) It’s an area-rug. It’s too sunny? ALEX No. Herman’s freaking out as usual. more like five or six. NANCY What happened.

CONNELLY'S BATHROOM . (CONTINUED) . bang-bang. silly. bangetybang-bang.. Whole bathroom could’ve exploded.NIGHT 43 MR. it’s a stool. didn’t you hear him banging around up here? ALEX I was asleep. (handing Alex a bill) This is for you.. aghast. bang-bang. ALEX (looking at the bill.. Nancy and Alex watch. NANCY It’s a runner. DZERZHINSKY. Hobbits? Suddenly.. ALEX What are we. The entire wall has been torn open. 43 INT. It goes in between the rooms. I must’ve missed it.this is based on an original Alvar Aalto design.. She pulls out a small stool.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 31. a guacamole bowl or something? NANCY No. DZERZHINSKY Very dangerous.. then his watch) You were here three hours? NANCY Sweetie. they hear a LOUD BANGING on the second floor.. a large Russian man stands in the tub. The pipes were going. MRS.. CONNELLY (to Nancy) I told your husband about the problem this morning. He uses a PIPE-WRENCH to bang in some new copper piping. to tie them together. MRS. ALEX What is it. MR. NANCY (CONT'D) .

shameful. okay? Here’s my card. Alex stands. MR. I was terrified. Connelly talks with Nancy. He makes another RUDE NOISE. She patters over to a counter. Alex. It’s Little Dickie. I’ll get 44 THE FRONT DOOR . I’m not gonna pay for something I didn’t authorize. MRS. you try me at work before you call for any repairs.S. it’s the first of the month. CONNELLY (CONT'D) Twenty… forty… fifty… fifty-five… sixty… sixty-five… seventy… seventyfive… seventy-six… seventy-seven… seventy-eight… seventy-nine… eightyone… eighty-two… (CONTINUED) . CONNELLY Oh.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 32. NANCY Next time. MRS. 44 ALEX Just plug it up..MOMENTS LATER Mrs. CONNELLY I begged Mr. Connelly her card. before I forget. Counts it out into Alex’s palm. DZERZHINSKY I did the work. CONNELLY Napping in the middle of the workday. no. retrieves a small stack of money. The whole apartment was shaking. Nancy. a check. waiting for Nancy.. Rose to do something but he wouldn’t listen. No. MRS. my friend. ALEX Look. Nancy hands Mrs. Or. He hears a RUDE NOISE O. I can rip the pipes out of the wall. MRS. He stares at Alex.

but firm... Two positives and then a negative. okay? ALEX Okay. fifty cents.. Alex walks Nancy down the steps. CONNELLY Eighty-five… eighty-six… eightyseven… eighty-eight… She removes a coin purse from her pocket. keeping count with her. Be nice. Eighty-four. CONNELLY (CONT’D) Eight-eight twenty-five… fifty… seventy-five… eighty-nine dollars… and twenty-five. NANCY Remember... I’m working late. (CONTINUED) . just lay down the law.. BACK TO SCENE MRS. I love you. 45 46 35 48 OMITTED OMITTED OMITTED EXT. CONNELLY (O.. BROWNSTONE .MORNING 45 46 35 48 A cup of coffee in his hand. NANCY Don’t wait up.S) (CONT’D) Eighty-three… eighty-four… LITTLE DICKIE Eighty-three. MRS. Would you like to count it? Alex forces a smile. if she bothers you. to the sidewalk. thirty-five. MRS. LITTLE DICKIE His head is bobbing.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 33.. ALEX I’ll try to remember that. fortyfive.

during the day. Nancy heads down the street. CONNELLY Good morning.MORNING Alex. let me just take a moment to explain my situation to you. from 9 to 6. I wondered if I could ask you a quick question. Connelly. CONNELLY 50 As 49 (CONTINUED) . MRS. his fingers land on the keyboard. THE APARTMENT . determined. is at his computer. Alex.. I’m a writer.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 34. But instead of going to an office. THE DOORBELL RINGS. and an editor. As you know. I work from home. After that. Connelly. who expects me to hand in my book in the next three weeks. It’s as if I’m a lawyer at a law-firm. and I have a book contract. I’m not available. MRS. Mrs. I’m actually at work. Mrs. NANCY Love you too. what that means is that. ALEX Good morning. I’d be happy to help you with whatever you want. 49 INT. unless it’s an emergency. Connelly. Jean. ALEX Now. Alex watches her go. CONNELLY Alex. So. even though it may not seem like it.. Okay? MRS. ALEX Well. 50 BY THE FRONT DOOR Alex opens it onto Mrs. He gets up. a pot of coffee next to him. I see.WRITER’S NOOK .

As she gets to the door. (pulls a copy of a BOOK from a bag) I bought your book yesterday. It’s just. Alex. MRS. ALEX No. ALEX (CONT'D) There you go. I can come back after business hours. I know we just had this discussion. I was wondering if the firm of Rose and Rose might accompany an old lady to the pharmacy. but. Good day. MRS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 35. sees a sticker that reads: ‘99 Cents!’ Tries to ignore that. She hands Alex a copy of his novel. MRS.. She looks at him with puppy-dog eyes. CONNELLY It was money well spent. well. “Crying in the Sprinkler. You didn’t have to buy it though. CONNELLY I know I will. I’d be happy to sign it. Just write something I’ll be able to treasure for many years to come. ALEX . Okay. MRS. CONNELLY I completely understand. if you’re too busy. CONNELLY (CONT'D) Oh. He opens the book. I hope you enjoy it. Of course. as he inscribes the book. and I wondered if you’d sign it. she turns around. And I apologize for bothering you. I could’ve given you one. Won’t take any time at all. It’s raining like the Devil’s dew drops out there and I need to renew my monthlies.” Alex clearly feels guilty for being such a jerk..

next to her.. Connelly is picking grapes off a vine. Alex.. three... 53 INT. twenty-five. CONNELLY Ninety-six. Connelly counts out each individual pill from a medicine bottle.. dear.. (then.. GROCERY STORE . MRS. twenty-eight.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 36. MRS. Alex and a congenial PHARMACIST watching her.DAY 52 Mrs. quickly counting out another roll. CONNELLY Thirty six. 55 EXT.. twenty-two... thirty! (looks up) Good? (CONTINUED) .99 a box. from the beginning) One. how much for the Nicoderm packets? PHARMACIST $3.. two. 52 INT. quickly. twenty-nine. thirty seven. Connelly packs pennies into a penny roll. thirty eight. ninety-nine..DAY Mrs. twentysix. ninety-seven. ALEX (super-fast) Twenty-four. I lost my place. MRS. twenty-seven. MRS.. starts counting them. CONNELLY Twenty-one.) Stan. We PAN OVER to reveal Alex.DAY 55 53 Mrs.S. PHARMACY .. MAN (O. SAVINGS BANK . putting them in a plastic bag.. ninety eight. CONNELLY Oh.. twentythree. grabs the grapes.

NIGHT Alex and Nancy are in bed together. blueberries. From upstairs. Connelly sees Nancy. 60 59 58 (CONTINUED) . Without saying a word. good morning! Gertie. OLD BIDDY #2 That fat man on the television said we may be getting a ‘Nor Easter. MRS. Ruth. ALEX I did! I was very clear. ALEX She’s very crafty. from outside. ON HER LANDING -.. APARTMENT . APARTMENT .. 59 INT. old. CONNELLY Perfect. (then. MRS. CONNELLY Oh. manipulated me. they turn to each other.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 37.LOBBY . 58 INT. OLD BIDDY #1 It’s a cold one for November. the TV comes on. Suddenly. play a quick round of ROCK.BEDROOM .. noticing) Ooh. NANCY She manipulated you.Mrs. BROWNSTONE .MORNING Alex and Nancy are both in a deep. Their eyes open. SCISSORS to see who has to check it out.MOMENTS LATER Nancy lost. NANCY I thought you were gonna have a talk with her.. lady. deep sleep. 60 INT. A very crafty. LOUD CACKLING AND BANGING. Nancy. but she somehow. PAPER. this is Nancy Kendricks. She peeks her head out the door. Two OLD BIDDIES are lugging large INSTRUMENT CASES up the door.BEDROOM .

what’d you get? ALEX A Remington Royal. Fifty bucks. We’ve got a big concert at Saint Augustus on Friday.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 38. FLEA MARKET . DEALER Do you still want it? Yes. NANCY It sounds like “Every Breath You Take.BEDROOM . 61 INT.DAY Nancy is walking along when a DEALER calls to her. NANCY (CONT’D) Let’s go shopping.” They sit quietly for a beat. holding a manual typewriter. CONNELLY Yes. we’re a brass trio. 62 INT. Okay! DEALER You win. Hello! NANCY Are those musical instruments? MRS.MOMENTS LATER Nancy 61 BIDDIES and Alex listen to a cacophony of horns from upstairs. NANCY Isn’t that nice. NANCY What were they asking? (CONTINUED) . turns around to retrieve her peacock as Alex finds her. NANCY Hey. APARTMENT . NANCY 62 She smiles.

. NANCY Oh my god. And as she turns her head.. ripping each other’s clothes off as we MOVE to the fire and. our home. DISSOLVE TO: 68 THE FIRE . just as Nancy rolls off Alex. She and Alex take in their surroundings. We PULL away from the fire. ALEX It looks pretty good. NANCY I love our home. The two of them fall to the rug. both in post-coital bliss.. 63 67 OMITTED INT.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 39.DAY The place is looking great. I just realized something.. Nancy finishes laying down an antique rug in front of the fire.. she sees. Ah! Alex turns his head. She kisses him. Newly purchased pieces are smartly mixed in with the old stuff. ALEX Fifty bucks. her face spookily distorted. CONNELLY standing behind the refracted glass of the stairwell. NANCY (slightly out of breath) I love. sees what Nancy’s looking at. There’s a fire roaring in the living room.. THE APARTMENT . We still haven’t christened it.LATER 68 63 67 It’s burned down considerably. MRS. Nancy frowns. NANCY (CONT'D) (CONTINUED) .

ALEX (CONT'D) What was she doing?! You think she saw the whole thing?! NANCY Ew! I don’t know! anything dirty?! Did we say Alex realizes. If you see her coming back. Alex pulls out “CLAP-MATE!” NANCY (CONT'D) What is that? ALEX Clap-Mate! You’re the lookout. Why? A69 NANCY ON AN ELECTRONICS STORE BAG . Nancy auditions various spots for the antique peacock... Connelly exits the brownstone. knock on the ceiling. I have to ALEX They hear the front door SLAM SHUT. NANCY AND ALEX’S APARTMENT . installing “CLAP-MATE!” LITTLE DICKIE (RUDE NOISE) Shut up! ALEX 69 70 INT. A69 69 INT. Through the window.DAY Alex is under Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 40. Oh my god! They quickly/awkwardly try to cover themselves with their loose clothing as Mrs. this is my chance. Connelly’s ancient TV like an auto mechanic. ALEX Wait. go up there.CONTINUOUS 70 Her back to the window. . Connelly climbing the steps into the Brownstone. MRS. we see Mrs. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT .MOMENTS LATER In his tee-shirt and boxers.

”) Mrs. the leftovers.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 41. feeding Dickie the now-mushy hot-dog. 72 THE BATHROOM She begins filling the tub. covering the bra.. Onto Alex’s shoe.” Dylan’s“Lay Lady Lay. Alex stands up. Mrs. Connelly enters. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . He CLAPS TWICE.” Muddy Waters. MUSIC: Spandau Ballet’s “True. CLOSE ON Mrs. 71 INT.CONTINUOUS 71 Finished. reaches her hand into her mouth. as they have a tiny piece of spaghetti stuck to them. She walks over to Little Dickie. MRS. 72 (CONTINUED) . She chews on a piece of frank. Hot dogs! Lemme give it a wee chew first. They may very well be the same panties Alex fished out of the garbage. A show comes on. ALEX (to himself) Yes! Suddenly. Connelly starts to disrobe.” (ALTS: Bryan Ferry’s “Slave to Love. We PAN UP to show him crouching next to the claw-foot tub. pulls the power knob -. the TV shuts off. Connelly’s bra falls to the floor. THE FRONT DOOR OPENS. LITTLE DICKIE Mommy’s home! Panicked. Alex runs to the back of the apartment just as. “Backdoor Man.” Led Zepplin’s “Kashmir.. A pair of ratty bloomers float down.” Sade’s “Sweetest Taboo. CONNELLY I brought ya a treat. opens MRS.turning on the TV.” Springsteen’s “I’m on Fire. Dickie.” Van Morrison’s “Moon Dance. She heads to the back of the apartment. looking quite panicked.

He tries to crawl under the tub. she hears the pipes groan.. CONNELLY Nancy? Oh. Connelly lowers herself into the tub.CONTINUOUS Nancy moves the peacock an inch. it so nice to see you. Alex freezes. CONNELLY steps into the water ALEX listens in terror as Mrs. No room. moving downward. nervous. 78 76 77 74 75 NANCY (CONTINUED) . Then. 76 77 OMITTED IN THE HALLWAY Nancy tentatively calls out. steps back. Connelly? 78 IN THE BATHROOM MRS. NANCY Mrs. We hear the water stop running. MRS. I’ll make ya a cup of tea. The hand presses the sponge to the skin. The pipes groan. caressing it. She’s getting in! INT. Holy crap. looking around. MRS. NANCY AND ALEX’S APARTMENT . satisfied.. MRS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 42. CONNELLY <low moan of pleasure> 74 75 OMITTED BY THE FRONT DOOR Nancy lets herself in. Alex anxiously shakes the unmentionables off his foot.. CONNELLY’S HAND Squeezes water onto her stomach with a sponge.. from upstairs.

Nancy cranes her neck -. FAINT) NANCY 80 (CONTINUED) .no Alex. CONNELLY (CONT'D) Ooh.. MRS. Oh-kay. THE APARTMENT . 80 OMITTED. ALEX (O. (thinking) What were you doing in Mrs. INT.S. she looks up -through the frosted glass of the bathroom window. crouched like a cat on the windowsill. struggling to get out while being pricked at every movement. they’re lovely. I found the perfect spot for Mr. but then. NANCY Baby! Are you okay? ALEX What happened to you?! You were supposed to be the lookout! NANCY I’m sorry. Peacock. Honey? Out here! Nancy rushes to an open window and looks down at THE BUSHES Alex is sprawled in a thorny mess of branches. Alex slips. NANCY (not wanting to push it) Oh. Nancy sees Alex. (then) Hey. and he disappears. She breathes a sigh of relief. Then..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 43. desperately CLAWING at the frosted window. Connelly’s bathroom? ALEX (dryly) It got complicated..DAY Nancy rushes into the apartment.

give me a hand? I’m slowly bleeding to death. raises his hands to the ceiling -. He jumps on the bed..they suddenly hear. 81 * NANCY (CONTINUED) ..as a wave of realization washes over him.BEDROOM . towards the ceiling. Alex CLAPS TWICE.for once. ALEX That’s wonderful. honey. THE TV SHUTS OFF. Poor baby.LATER THAT NIGHT ALEX All right.another couple of LOUD CLAPS. Nancy and Alex are thrilled. ALEX How the hell did she know?! NANCY You didn’t leave the box. ALEX (CONT’D) If you could. CLAP-CLAP. CLAPPING TWICE. imagining a night of restful sleep. perhaps.. but nothing happens.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 44. Connelly’s TV turns back on.. right? ON ALEX -. Mrs. Alex struggles and gets pricked. The TV remains on.. As they hold each other. ready? Here we go. APARTMENT . They wait. the horrible noise of a late-night INFOMERCIAL coming into their bedroom. He stands up on the bed. the room seems incredibly peaceful. 81 INT. LOUDLY. FROM ABOVE -. Nancy ducks her head in.. ALEX (CONT'D) It worked! NANCY You’re a genius! He hops back into bed -.

BACK TO SCENE Ladies? HERMAN (O..DAY The office is in a state of controlled chaos. as Alex and Nancy listen to Mrs. Connelly play with her new toy. A90 B90 OMITTED INT. getting ready for the magazine to go to print... The TV goes off. HERMAN (O. CONNELLY (OVER PHONE) Nancy.. The TV goes on. I’m calling the number on this card you gave me. referring to a small card MRS. Connelly.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 45. . The CLAP-CLAPPING continues. MRS. MRS. NANCY Mrs. CLAP-CLAP.. She picks it up. And I’m afraid your Mr.S. they hear. Mrs. Tara exits. Two-onetwo. Connelly can be heard finishing the phone number. Connelly.. CONNELLY on the phone. so things are a little crazy here right now. “NYNY” MAGAZINE . from above. CLAP-CLAP. Rose has shown a bit too much interest in my underthings.) Royal purple! Not purple purple! Nancy’s phone rings. Your tenant. Did you try Alex? MRS. Then.. CONNELLY I need my laundry picked up. it’s Mrs. we’re printing our magazine today. CONNELLY Is on the phone. A90 B90 Everyone’s NANCY (into phone) Nancy Kendricks.S.) Emergency! Nancy motions to Tara to deal with it.

who immediately begins making the changes on her computer as she half-listens to Mrs.S) Nancy. She hands the article to Nancy. holding a MARKED UP copy of an article.. HERMAN Where’s my new Hot List. MRS. Nancy hangs up. thank you. BACK TO SCENE HERMAN Five seconds! ON NANCY TYPING As the phone rings. our magazine is going to go to press in 27 minutes! NANCY Okay.. NANCY I’m almost done! CLOSE ON PHONE It starts ringing again.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 46.) Hurry! Run! Tara re-enters. BACK TO SCENE Nancy listens as she tries to work.. and: (CONTINUED) .. He didn’t read it until this morning. Connelly. HERMAN (O. Mrs. Connelly. HERMAN (O. TARA (quietly) Herman’s changes on the Restaurant Hot List. girls? Herman enters. CONNELLY (ON PHONE) Just the other day.S.

The phone continues to ring incessantly over the following. salads. What’s it.S.S. ON HER SCREEN. ALEX AND NANCY’S APARTMENT . (CONTINUED) . nine hundred square feet? ALEX No. near hors d’oevres. it’s like eighteen hundred.) (CONT’D) Tickety boo! NANCY (O. Nancy puts the disk in Herman’s hands. We’ve got three fireplaces.the dividing wall has been removed. cozier. A91 IN THE KITCHEN A91 Nancy gives the still impossibly flat-stomached Celine a tour -. NANCY So here it is. the third fireplace. Several HOUSEWARMING GIFTS sit on a table.ejects the disk. Coming! Nancy works in fast-motion.. eight.) Okay. Alex shows Coop around. Maybe all the fireplaces make it seem.) This is a procrastinator’s paradise! 90 INT. she drags a FOLDER TO THE TRASH -.NIGHT 90 NANCY HERMAN NANCY (CONT’D) Tiny pumpkins and ears of Indian corn on the spiral staircase suggest a Thanksgiving theme.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 47. Times up! Out of breath. okay. sticks a label on it. Here! Herman exits.. Alex. COOP I like it. HERMAN (O. etc. like.S... HERMAN (O. It’s really cute.

10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 48. Tara and Celine on a tour. how’s the ending turning out? ALEX It’s coming along. NANCY We’re still replacing a lot of the furniture. Of course you won’t be after you hand in your masterpiece. Terrence. busty date. THE LIVING ROOM Nancy leads Herman. CELINE This apartment is amazing. Alex looks across the room. I mean. Terrence. Alex. They discuss Coop’s elephant skin jacket. I just got a new piece! B91 THE LIVING ROOM Back on Coop and Alex. a tall. You love Eames. Management is being very strict with our midlevel authors. where a tough-looking guy in his 40s. handsome woman nurses a white wine. Phew! IN THE LIBRARY JEAN. between the move and getting settled but-JEAN Just make sure you turn it in by Wednesday. JEAN Tell me. ALEX I’m only mid-level? JEAN Right now. TERRENCE Nancy. (CONTINUED) B91 . NANCY I’m so glad that you like it. CHICK and his curvaceous. but I’m going with a Miller slash Eames look. I lost a little time. GINGER stand.

ON CHICK.CONTINUOUS The group walks up the stairs.SECOND FLOOR LANDING . he’s a detective or something? OVER SHOT OF CHICK COOP (O. that’s Chick. She’s playing in a brass ensemble at her church tonight. Connelly. They get to Mrs. Nancy sticking in a key to unlock it. BROWNSTONE . towards Mrs. 93 INT. He’s got a perfectly legitimate day job as a cover. ALEX What. TERRENCE and TARA. he’s very discreet. Connelly’s. 93 (CONTINUED) . HERMAN What do you do. Guy’s a real dirtbag.S. killing. EXISTING SHOT OF ALEX ALEX (ADR) You invited a dirtbag to my party? COOP Relax. Connelly’s door. hiding their surprise. loan sharking. He’s the guy who’s advising me on the Don Piper mysteries. Chick? CHICK I’m a pornographer. Everyone smiles and nods. you name it. GINGER. HERMAN. extorsion. ALEX Did you bring that guy? COOP Oh. NANCY She’s this funny old Irish lady named Mrs.) Just the opposite. Drugs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 49.

) INT. lights 97 NANCY 95 TERRENCE (O. Aaahhhh!!! 95 BACK ON THE LANDING Terrence clutches his face.S....) 94 MRS. GAGGING.CONTINUOUS An imposing cop. OFFICER DAN Being a landlord doesn’t give you the right to enter your tenant’s premises any time you feel like it. who looks very much the victim. Connelly. Herman.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 50.. Herman and Terrence stick their face in to see: MRS..S.g.SECOND FLOOR LANDING . staggers backwards and down the stairs. BROWNSTONE . NANCY AND ALEX’S APARTMENT Everyone assembled suddenly hears. BACK TO SCENE A FULL BLAST OF MACE is suddenly sprayed through the door. CONNELLY Coming at them with a can of mace. CONNELLY (O. the PARTY GUESTS file out.NIGHT An AMBULANCE pulls out. I mean I can’t wait for you guys to see. (CONTINUED) . Alex and Nancy sit on the landing. BROWNSTONE . In the b. NANCY (CONT’D) There’s all sorts of incredible details. flashing. Herman? 96 EXT. has his arm around Mrs. OFFICER DAN. Intruder! 94 INT. 97 96 A SQUAD CAR idles in front.

(to Mrs. CHICK Hey. They’re such a nice couple. NANCY We just wanted to give our friends a little look-see.. but I’ll be watching you two very closely. CONNELLY Oh. Officer Dan turns back to Alex and Nancy. Mrs. now. As the door closes. What?! MRS. Alex. right? ALEX Yes. Chick hands Alex a stack of PORNO DVD’S. I don’t want to do that. Officer Dan re-gains his attention. (heads into her apartment) Goodnight.. Chick and Ginger exit Alex and Nancy’s apartment. (to Nancy) (MORE) (CONTINUED) ALEX . CONNELLY Heavens no.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 51. MRS. We’ve got a big week of practice ahead of us. Chick motioning for Ginger to wait while he heads up the stairs. no. Chick? From his jacket. OFFICER DAN (writing a citation) You got off easy this time. He hands Alex the citation. Connelly) I thought you were performing at the church tonight. Connelly. You terrified this poor woman. CHICK I brought you a little housewarming gift. OFFICER DAN You had no right entering in the first place. you could press charges if you want to. It’s next Friday.

She was supposed to be at church.ART DEPARTMENT .CONTINUOUS ON NANCY -. HERMAN Oh. NANCY That’s not fair.’ There’s clearly been a screw-up on the second page because instead of the Hot List. believe me. “NYNY” MAGAZINE . you know.his arm in a sling. ON HERMAN -. I wish that’s why I was firing you. CHICK (CONT'D) It’s all tasteful stuff. for couples. “NYNY” MAGAZINE .HERMAN’S OFFICE . NANCY That’s thoughtful.MORNING Nancy walks up to her work-station. computer reads: “See me . his face red and puffy.H. THERE’S A DIAGRAM OF NANCY’S PLANS FOR THEIR APARTMENT 100 99 A yellow POST-IT on her (CONTINUED) . You can’t fire me because you got Maced. GINGER I won an award for that one.in shock.. He throws the Winter Preview issue on his desk. 99 INT. ON THE MAGAZINE One page is taken up with: ‘WINTER’S HOTTEST RESTAURANTS.” CLOSE ON HERMAN’S FACE It’s red and puffy and really. 100 INT. HERMAN (CONT'D) Did you happen to see the Restaurant Hot List? Nancy opens it to a Post-It-marked page.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 52. CHICK (points to a movie) My card’s inside “Ass Patrol” if you need some more. really pissed..

The music from above. god. APARTMENT . cuddling. In each of the different rooms. An arrow points to Alex (the caption. What? RECEPTIONIST (OVER PHONE) May I help you with anything else? Alex hangs up the phone.DAY 103 Alex has the magazine opened to the diagram. NANCY (slowly. driving him ALEX (CONTINUED) . with silly captions accompanying the pictures.. a song -. stunned) Oh. Alex. there are PHOTOS of Nancy’s and Alex’s heads. WE PUNCH in on various images on the page: Alex at his nook. Kendricks no longer works here. as he angrily punches in a number on the telephone. ‘Alex!’). writing (the caption: ‘Great American Novel!’).” can I help you? ALEX Nancy Kendricks please. Connelly’s place. Peabody?! 103 INT. Mrs. lifting a barbell like a strongman. Alex and Nancy sit in an antique bathtub. Alex and Nancy with a baby in a nursery (Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 53. Peabody!’) HERMAN How’s Mr. Nancy’s vision for Mrs. RECEPTIONIST (OVER PHONE) I’m sorry. From Mrs... in a home-gym (her bedroom). Connelly’s apartment. Nancy loofah-ing Alex’s back.. pasted on little cartoon bodies..WRITER’S NOOK . my. cooking (the caption reading ‘Yum!’).. Connelly’s parlor). in the kitchen. RECEPTIONIST (OVER PHONE) “NYNY. Alex and Nancy in bed. nuts. ] Further down the page.John McCormick singing “She Moved Through The Fair” plays loudly. a second arrow points towards his crotch (the caption reads: ‘Mr.

. 105 INT. his eyes go his desk. MRS. Mrs. stopping Nancy as she walks up the steps. Mrs. Nancy! I left a small grocery list on your tape recording at work. CONNELLY That’s all right. spastically punching the air in anger and frustration.. Alex grabs a broom. And he momentarily FREAKS-OUT. At the same time. I— Mrs.. CONNELLY Good evening. Did you manage to fill it for me? NANCY (bewildered but apologetic) No.000 fine for trespassing. MRS. Connelly enters the Brownstone.. Then. letting the doors CLOSE on Nancy who struggles with her pile of boxes. JOHN MCCORMICK RECORD (skipping) Till our wedding day.MOMENTS LATER Nancy opens the front door. Connelly strolling past with a small MUSICAL INSTRUMENT CASE. till our wedding day. THE BROWNSTONE . using it to BANG on the ceiling several times. OUT THE WINDOW He notices Mrs. He looks over to the house-keys in a bowl near the front door.. NANCY’S POV (CONTINUED) 105 104 . Connelly returns. stops short. It won’t be the first dinner I’ve missed in my life. Little Dick perched on her shoulder.LATER IN THE DAY Nancy exits a cab with several BOXES of her office possessions. THE APARTMENT . Plaster falls. Connelly turns away. where he sees the $3. till our wedding day. 104 EXT. hitting him on the face. a little peevish..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 54.

the magazine by his side. Peabody. Nancy. Alex! He quickly opens his eyes. I know. Sees her dragging in her boxes. You just need to get out of the house. NANCY It wasn’t my fault! (points upstairs) She had me on the phone while you were napping! ALEX I wasn’t napping! I told you I was hiding from her! I CAN’T WRITE A GODDAMN THING IN THIS HOUSE! MY BOOK IS DUE ON WEDNESDAY AND I’VE WRITTEN THREE PAGES IN THE LAST SIX WEEKS! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO IF I DON’T FINISH?! WE HAVE RUNNERS AND ANCHORS AND STOOLS TO PAY FOR! THE WOMAN IS RUINING US! WE’RE SCREWED! NANCY Alex it’s okay. I saw it. (MORE) (CONTINUED) . NANCY You saw it? ALEX Now my parents knows my penis is called Mr. Why don’t you go write at a Starbucks or something? ALEX And you’ll stay home alone with her all day? I’m telling you won’t be able to take it. Alex is asleep in the fetal position on the couch. NANCY NANCY (CONT'D) You can’t sleep! You have to finish your book! We need money! I got fired! ALEX (waking up now) Yeah.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 55. The McCormick song is still skipping from upstairs.

DAY Alex walks in to a pretty empty Starbucks. MRS. INT. 108 OMITTED INT. hello. downsized from my job.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 56.. NANCY I was at "NYNY" for four years. but I’ve been there. CONNELLY Oh. BROWNSTONE — FOYER — CONTINUOUS Mrs. Is everything all right? NANCY Actually. I’m sorry. SFX: DOORBELL Nancy rolls her eyes. MRS. NANCY Is there something. Mrs. I was uh. THE APARTMENT ..CONTINUOUS Nancy opens the door and talks to Mrs. THE APARTMENT . Connelly? (CONTINUED) 109 MRS. Nancy! 109 INT.DAY Nancy is on the phone at her kitchen table -. STARBUCKS .. INT. freelance before that and. CONNELLY Well. while you stayed home. ALEX (CONT'D) I mean. Connelly...a list of contacts displayed on the Titanium Powerbook in front of her. Nancy. NANCY Good morning. I couldn’t help but notice that Alex left the house this morning.. I love you.FRONT DOOR . Connelly. Mrs. CONNELLY 108 . Connelly rings the bell in an annoying rhythm. and I don’t think you could take it.

Nancy. 111 INT. gives Nancy a 113 . NANCY (losing patience) It’s a raisin. It’s a raisin. 112 INT. Alex exits with an umbrella. frustrated. BROWNSTONE . MRS.. (imitates Mrs. little kiss. Alex types on his Powerbook while Nancy rants. She looks over at him. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN There’s a small black object on the counter..MORNING It’s raining. She gets a very strange look on her face.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 57. I sprayed it with Lysol. Mrs. as he types furiously. 113 EXT.and she puts on this sweet face and pretends to be all innocent. not paying attention to her. MRS. come quick.’ Like she didn’t know it was a raisin.NIGHT 112 111 Nancy and Alex in bed. CONNELLY Oh. CONNELLY (leans in to look) It’s the leavings of a mouse. I found the leavings of a mouse. CONNELLY I guess you could call it something! I’ve got somethin’ on display in my kitchen. MRS. NANCY . ALEX (typing) That’s nice sweetie. Connelly) ‘Oh. NANCY AND ALEX’S BEDROOM . NANCY That’s not a mouse dropping. MRS. Nancy matter-of-factly picks up the object and pops it in her mouth. Connelly flashes Nancy a big smile.

Nancy! MRS.. 115 116 INT. from somewhere.several REGULARS already into their first drink of the day. Can I just sit here. 118 INSIDE THE DUMBWAITER SHAFT .MORNING Alex looks in the window -.. Alex looks over at the old man. her 118 (CONTINUED) 117 Nancy looks around -. I’ll see you then. STARBUCKS . I have about twelve hours to finish this book I’m writing. 114 115 EXT. THE APARTMENT . (points to an OLD MAN. the CLASSIFIED ADS in front of her.KITCHEN .MORNING Alex enters -. AN ECHOEY VOICE.. PHIL.I haven’t designed religious leaflets per se.CONTINUOUS 116 He walks up to the bar. Great. THE SLOPE . NANCY . TAVERN (THE SLOPE) . (listens) One o’clock. thirty seven years ago. 114 INT. scribbling in a notebook) He said the same thing. lays out his Powerbook in front of the world-weary FEMALE BARTENDER BARTENDER What can I get you? ALEX Look. slightly disturbed. 117 INT..sees that every seat is filled. CONNELLY (O. all day.MORNING Nancy’s on the phone. but I’m sure I’d be very good at it.) Nancy are you down there?! But then.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 58. Rabbi.S. and work? BARTENDER Be my guest. He enters. Then..could it be in her head? eyes land on THE DUMBWAITER SHAFT..

THE FOYER . looking up. Connelly grabs hold of him. looking down. boy! Christ have mercy! A120 INT. where Mrs. screeching horribly as he ATTACKS NANCY. MRS. Mrs. boy! Ahhh!!!!!! Nancy finally manages to rip Little Dick off her head. CONNELLY (O. NANCY How did he get-Suddenly. It’s like something out of “The Birds. She sees Mrs.) Stop struggling! It just makes him angry! 119 THE APARTMENT . LITTLE DICKIE <squawk> Oh. and the bird flies up to the second floor.” Aahh! DOWN SHAFT ON NANCY Being attacked.S.. Nancy opens it up. firmly planting his talons into her hair. Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 59. Connelly NANCY What is it. Connelly? MRS. LITTLE DICKIE Christ! Christ! <squawk> Oh. NANCY (CONTINUED) . CONNELLY Little Dick is caught in the dumbwaiter shaft.SAME 119 NANCY (CONT'D) Nancy stumbles out of the dumbwaiter shaft. desperately trying to detach the pecking and squawking Little Dickie from her head. Connelly exits from her apartment.. running through the apartment. LITTLE DICK appears out of the darkness.SAME A120 Nancy runs into the foyer with the bird still attached.

MRS. exultant! 127-141 OMIT 127-141 . CONNELLY That’s okay. THE SLOPE . 122 123 124 125 126 OMIT OMIT OMIT OMIT INT. I was just about to ring you. 121 INT. MRS. carrying her portfolio case. he POUNDS one more key. scaring a helpless little macaw like that. a mug of coffee next to him. looks up from the screen pumps the air. Connelly. MRS. CONNELLY Oh. her face slightly pecked up. BROWNSTONE LOBBY . She looks up. 120 INT.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 60. I’ll just call a rugman? The what? Nancy sighs. exits the apartment in a JOB INTERVIEW SUIT. Mrs. Connelly exiting her apartment. CONNELLY (gently stroking Li’l Dick) Shame on ya. Nancy. sees Mrs. I’ll have to take care of it later. NANCY (not so nice) I’m on my way to a job interview.DAY Alex types furiously.MINUTES LATER 121 120 Nancy.NIGHT 122 123 124 125 126 NANCY Alex is typing like a madman. I’m afraid there’s a bit of a problem up here. BAR . Finally.

THE SLOPE . you wouldn’t want to do that. MRS.it’s looser than a Dublin whore. THE BROWNSTONE . Connelly tumbles end over end. I wouldn’t want to slip and break my neck. NANCY Okay. That woman has practically ruined our lives. until she lands with a THUD at the bottom of the steps.Alex looking stunned. CONNELLY (CONT’D) . MRS.Nancy quickly hammers nails into the CARPET-RUNNER at the top of the stairs. of course not! But I imagined it! And I liked it! I’m evil... horrible person. MRS. ALEX You threw Mrs.NIGHT Nancy and Alex sit in a booth -... Connelly down the stairs?! NANCY No. And in a flash. put a little elbow grease into it.. here. I will. B142 INT. CONNELLY Nail it down good now. (re: Nancy’s hammering) There ya go.DAY A142 Her portfolio cases next to her. ALEX You’re not horrible. CONNELLY This is the problem area. Mrs. Nancy suddenly pushes her down the stairs. I’m a horrible.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 61. Mrs.. (MORE) (CONTINUED) B142 . Connelly leans down. A142 INT. She rips up a section of nailed-down runner. the nails popping out in succession. NANCY Nope.

As they approach the front door. hand in hand.. Alex carrying his Powerbook. electrocuting her. CONNELLY IN A SACK INTO THE RIVER.. 148 BACK TO THE BAR Like what? ALEX (casually) Just. I’ve even had a couple of harmless ones myself. you know.S. Connelly SCREAMING O.NIGHT A149 NANCY 148 Alex and Nancy walk up the steps. NANCY (smiling) You’re evil too! A149 EXT. Just beating her to death. ALEX (CONT'D) It’s perfectly normal to have thoughts like that. snapping her neck. BROWNSTONE . drowning her. The last sixty pages just poured out of me. ALEX It was incredible. . NANCY Let’s open up that really good champagne.. have a little celebration.. but asphyxiating her first so she didn’t feel anything. Decapitating her. they hear Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 62. 142 143 144 145 146 OMITTED OMITTED OMITTED OMITTED THE EAST RIVER — NIGHT 142 143 144 145 146 ALEX TOSSES the SQUIRMING MRS. bludgeoning her.

I just don’t-The rat! Alex whips his head around -.sees THE SMALLEST MOUSE IN THE WORLD dart across the room. MRS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 63. MRS. Nancy. CONNELLY Alex. It was the size of a cocker spaniel. B149 INT. She smiles at him. looks under the cupboard. Connelly leading him to her living room. ALEX (doesn’t believe her at all) Well. ALEX (CONT'D) You sure it wasn’t a dust-bunny? Those things kind of scurry when you-MRS. next to the phone book (which is from 1970). a thick layer of dust. Connelly outside her door. NANCY I’ll pop the cork. Mrs. come quick! A huge rat just ran under me cupboard. MRS.MOMENTS LATER C149 Alex enters the apartment. C149 INT. Alex leans down. ALEX I’m sorry. he heads upstairs. see Mrs. CONNELLY I saw it with my own two eyes. CONNELLY Sees nothing but (CONTINUED) . Alex and Nancy look at each other.NIGHT B149 They enter the building. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . BROWNSTONE . Alex sets his POWERBOOK CASE on her coffee-table. A fire blazes in her fireplace. let’s just see if we can’t find this big-bad-rat.

dear.STAIRWAY . as well as the SUV that it tows. BROWNSTONE NIGHT E149 NANCY . your purse fell into the fire. avoiding his flaming hands. A TOW-TRUCK barrels over the computer.. but onehopping RIGHT INTO THE FIREPLACE. Alex?! ALEX Door-door-door-door! She runs to the door. Alex breathes a sigh of relief when. SLOW MOTION -.. . Mrs. you’re getting ashes on my rug! D149 INT.MOMENTS LATER D149 ALEX His jacket and Powerbook engulfed in flames. passing Nancy who opens their door holding a bottle of CHAMPAGNE. trying to get at his computer. grabbing Alex’s Powerbook instead of the phone book.. landing.S. Connelly reaches towards the coffee-table. MRS.as the Powerbook soars through the air.trips and lurches forward. E149 EXT.Alex leaps out of the brownstone. No-no-no! MRS. CONNELLY (O. BROWNSTONE . missing the mouse. Alex flies down the stairs. CONNELLY Oh.. And as Alex takes this in. The champagne Nancy is holding opens with a FESTIVE POP. shaking the champagne bottle in the process.) (CONT’D) Mind now. not-so-gently on the street -. Alex fights the fire.burnt. the SMOKING COAT/LAPTOP flying out of his hands. The computer crashes to the floor. horrified.. but salvageable. She opens it as.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 64. hurls it at the scurrying mouse..

Alex looks up. no. Doctors warn that this Indonesian strain of the flu is particularly dangerous and potentially deadly to young children and especially the elderly.S. 151 EXT.DAY 152-155 A156 151 Alex explains his story to Jean. . wearing slacks and a sport-coat walks toward the door. ALEX You better not go outside then.accompanied by nausea and violent diarrhea. FROM ABOVE FEMALE NEWSCASTER (O. MRS.LOBBY . FANCY MANHATTAN RESTAURANT . MRS.MORNING 150 Alex.. Nancy and Alex watch this silently. Mr.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 65. tripped. we see him take a terrific FALL down the steps.) . who seems to be buying it. The water stain in the corner of their ceiling continues to grow. 150 INT. Rose. Followed by an SUV. shaking her head in disbelief. BROWNSTONE . JEAN Alex.. CONNELLY Oh. CONNELLY (CONT'D) Could you sprinkle some salt on the steps? They’re terribly icy. sees her at the top of the stairs.BEDROOM . 149 INT. and a tow-truck ran it over. ALEX Yes! And then I got it outside. Mrs.DAY Alex exits. 152-155 OMIT A156 INT. BROWNSTONE . Through the door.LATER THAT NIGHT 149 Above them. Connelly’s TV blares. that is horrible! (CONTINUED) . THE APARTMENT .

Jean gets serious. All because of goddamn Mrs. past mostly successful people.. Connelly. Tara is carrying a plastic bag with the lunch she has just bought. Then.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 66. in coats and hats. exit a deli which has various Thanksgiving decorations in its windows. (to waiter) I’ll have the shark.. We’re canceling every contract that’s in breach. I’m going to lose my apartment. my husband and I haven’t made love in weeks. EXT. Maybe if you put as much energy into your work as you do into excuses. JEAN No. Alex. MIDTOWN — CONTINUOUS Nancy and Tara. I tried to warn you.. Herman has been a superdick since you left. ALEX (chuckling with her) I know. I can’t.. you’re lucky. In breach. Perhaps they pass a book store that is plastered with posters for Coop’s latest book. darling. NANCY Lucky? I can’t find a job... Connelly? NANCY No! It’s just. JEAN I’m sorry. (really upset) (MORE) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ALEX (CONTINUED) . No bones. TARA In a way. They begin walking down the street. Can you believe it? Beat. you’d have made the deadline. TARA (shocked) Alex is having an affair with Mrs.

If there’s anything I can do.LATE AFTERNOON NANCY A glum Alex is smashed in among commuters. sneezing. (off Nancy’s look) Sorry. He notices a WOMAN reading a NEW YORK POST -. Sure. TARA (CONT’D) I hope I don’t get that flu. shaking his head in misery.. NANCY No. I don’t have any money. who’s coughing. I’ve got so much freelance work to do. A dark figure moves forward. INT..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 67. The subway goes into a tunnel -. clawfoot bathtub. Nancy looks doomed. B156 C156 OMITTED. You’re pretty famous. a couple of bedrooms. But could you keep an eye out. Alex stares at the guy.” Alex glances across the car. (realizing) How can I have a baby with no sex? TARA Oh. ask around about a job? TARA (uncomfortable) Nancy. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * B156 C156 * NANCY (CONT'D) All I ever wanted was a nice home. a day room for a baby... I don’t want. I don’t know. An old woman passes them.the lights shorting out for a moment. sees that there are several EMPTY SEATS next to one VERY SICK-LOOKING BUSINESSMAN. SUBWAY CAR .. sweetie. COUGHING.. in an infamous kind of way. (lifts up plastic bag) Would you like half my sandwich? Nancy thinks about this for a second. (CONTINUED) .the cover reads: “KILLER FLU STRIKES AGAIN. I am so sorry. Maybe in a couple of years.

MRS. Connelly opens her front door onto Alex and Nancy. The Businessman SNEEZES. CONNELLY Oh. look who’s here! NANCY Hi. ALEX How’s it going? The Businessman coughs. CONNELLY Come in. 157 156 (CONTINUED) . looking incredibly sick. futilely. to look healthy.MINUTES LATER Mrs. Mrs. Alex swings his face through the mist.NIGHT Nancy and Alex lie in bed. ON MRS. in the agonized ecstacy of a martyred saint.BEDROOM . 156 INT.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 68. MRS. APARTMENT . Connelly! ALEX (hitting the ‘H’) Happy Thanksgiving. we’re fine. facing the very sick-looking businessman. MRS. heading out to Brooklyn. The train emerges from the tunnel. daylight now filling the car. Alex leans in to breathe from it. CONNELLY’S DOOR Knock-knock! 157 INT. NANCY How do you feel? ALEX Like I’m knocking on death’s door. trying. NANCY No-no. casually touching surfaces as they head towards the sitting area. dears. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . Alex stands. Alex half-stifles a sneeze. Are you feeling okay? You both look a bit sallow? They walk in.

Ales lies under the sink. ALEX Wasn’t that sweet of her. Connelly’s. Nancy gags. Mrs. two. CONNELLY I did. leaning in close to her face.the joint suddenly jars loose.it’s a greasy cesspool with skin floating on the surface. Nancy is above the sink. MRS. inexpertly struggling to loosen the elbow joint. He takes the handle of a wire brush and jabs at the gristle. One. Nancy puts her hand over Mrs. Connelly. On the third poke the fat FLIES straight out of the drain and LANDS ON NANCY’S FACE like a jellyfish. spits. then. Alex smiles at her.. looking down. runs that same hand over her armchair. BELOW (CONTINUED) 158 MRS. mashed potato. cranberry sauce churning in it. rubs his sniffling nose.. CONNELLY .MINUTES LATER CLOSE ON THE SINK -. That lovely black woman from the Post Office brought me a sumptuous dinner. MRS. ALEX We brought you some popcorn. BELOW -. looks like she’s gonna.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 69. I don’t? 158 INT. CONNELLY’S KITCHEN . Nancy and Alex suddenly look concerned. and Alex sees a large piece of GELATINOUS FAT lodged in the pipe. glops of turkey bones. Seated now. Connelly? MRS. CONNELLY But I’m afraid some of the carcass didn’t go down the disposal. NANCY That’s ‘cause you don’t have a disposal. Mrs. NANCY Did you manage to get a little turkey. three.

ALEX’S PIPE POV Nancy vomit down the drain.DAY CLOSE ON A MURAL OF BROOKLYN -.. KENNETH I can’t imagine saying that. Nancy and Alex sit in front of it. ALEX (all business) How much can we get.. CONNELLY I don’t care what ya say. (off Alex’s stare) You way overpaid.real estate agent Kenneth standing in front of the Brooklyn Bridge. with that tenant. 160 INT. NANCY So you’re telling us we’re stuck with that hell-hole? 160 ALEX (CONTINUED) . Alex is covered with vomitus. Thank god Officer Dan took me to get a flu shot last week. CONNELLY watches this casually. Kenneth? KENNETH That depends on how much you come down on the price. NANCY You said she was a sweet old lady.. who look horrible.. Alex is delighted. looks to me like you’ve got some sort of bug. MRS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 70. MRS. All right! Alex looks up the pipe. and what. HOMETOWN REALTY . arms extended.

KENNETH Yeah. Oh. Alex and Nancy huddle together for warm and comfort. then indignant.. EXT.. I mean. we already tried to. She pantomimes wiping her nose with her sleeve as she did earlier... unless you’re willing to take a huge.. NANCY We are so screwed.) We did not. ALEX Yes.. Nancy and Alex walk silently for a beat. ALEX (momentarily confused. Huge? KENNETH (correcting) Huge huge..MIDDAY It’s cold and bright. Alex. what’re we . The poles are striped for Christmas. Alex lowers his eyes like a very bad little boy. NANCY Alex! The flu? We. “K” her.. huge” to lose even if we wanted to.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 71. We are that. NANCY (CONT’D) (eyes welling) We’re horrible! * * * * ALEX (CONTINUED) . Alex and Nancy look extremely distressed. BROOKLYN . NANCY (at wits end) What are we going to do? We don’t have a “huge. Nancy can’t believe he would say that. huge loss.

. CLOSE ON An open box of Godiva™ chocolates.. not looking well. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT – PARLOR – CONTINUOUS Mrs. Connelly. NANCY We’ve got to make it up to her. We were probably legally insane. Connelly? NANCY Okay. No! NANCY We’re such bad people! ALEX No.. An elderly thumb pushes deep into one of them. MRS. NANCY (brightening) Maybe we could buy her a gift. ALEX Have you ever met this Mrs. and just very politely explain our situation..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 72. there’s a chart showing what’s inside each chocolate. Alex and Nancy sit across from her. NANCY Mrs.. or flowers. agrees) She might go for begging. our brains were infected with super viruses.. a little cake. ALEX (CONTINUED) .. ALEX (considers. INT. But nicely. Connelly frowns. But not that bad. well maybe we’ll have to beg a little. And then we could ask her if she wouldn’t mind leaving.. and thumbs another chocolate. ALEX (incredulous) What? I feel bad. No.

ALEX You’ve had a lot of landlords? MRS. MRS. ALEX So. Poor Mr. if you will.. Myer took his own life. if you can believe it. NANCY All these people owned this apartment and then moved out? MRS. CONNELLY (not listening) You two are the nicest landlords I’ve ever had! So many of them were not very nice at all. ON ALBUM It’s page after page of young couples like Alex and Nancy. Connelly. Mrs. Mrs. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * (CONTINUED) . CONNELLY Gobs and gobs! Ten in the past eight years. the reason we. She makes a face and spits it out into her hand. She places the wet chocolate back into its spot in the box. Connelly hands Nancy a photo album. Connelly picks up a chocolate apparently to her liking and puts it in her mouth.. dear. (entre nous) Had money problems. and starts turning the pages.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 73. MRS. MRS. CONNELLY Well. CONNELLY (thumbing a chocolate) That’s all right. BACK TO SCENE Nancy and Alex stare as they turn the pages. in the end. CONNELLY (CONT’D) My rogue’s gallery. Nancy opens the album. Mrs. they didn’t all move out.

THE BOTTOM OF THE BIRD STAND Is papered with pages from a book. I couldn’t read it.. Nancy squeezes Alex’s arm tightly.. Connelly hid his dirty books inside the toilet tank. It was filthy dirty. ON ALBUM The procession continues. MRS.. CONNELLY I’m sorry. MRS.. (CONTINUED) Alex MRS. Smile! They look up. Alan. CONNELLY (CONT’D) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * . CONNELLY (CONT’D) (delighted) And now I’ve got you two! Alex and Nancy blink. judgemental) I saw. In the living room. let me come right to the point: Alex and I are trying to have a baby. He swallows his rage. “To my favorite upstairs neighbor. CONNELLY Has just taken their picture with a camera.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 74. ON ALEX AND NANCY Mortified. Connelly. Some of the couples are in what is clearly sixties and seventies garb. from the flash and in disbelief. bird shit lands on it. turns his head down as he blinks and sees.” In that moment. CONNELLY (knowing. They are blinded by a flash of light. BACK TO SCENE ALEX Is that my novel? MRS. NANCY Mrs. MRS. Clearly visible is the page Alex inscribed to Mrs. (to Nancy) Mr. Connelly.

CONNELLY I don’t understand. LITTLE DICKIE Christ have mercy! Nancy blinks. CONNELLY You want me to leave? ALEX Don’t you want to be with people who are more. this is my home. CONNELLY Oh.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 75. NANCY Right. MRS. dear. Connelly is buried out in the back. I’d sizzle up like a sausage.. ALEX Then how about the Bronx? It’s loaded with Irish people. Something. NANCY In installments. Right off the boat. (thinks) Somewhere.. (CONTINUED) . CONNELLY I’m Irish. dear. Besides. MRS. when we do. sunny Miami Beach? MRS.. you wouldn’t catch me in the Bronx after dark. my Mr. Why.. ALEX We’re willing to pay you. desperately. we’re going to need this upstairs. NANCY Gobs and gobs of them. But the thing is.. Well.. trying to think of. MRS. stunned. Alex’s eyes flit back and forth. in your demographic? NANCY In beautiful. have our baby.

I’m sure they do. MRS.. CONNELLY Well. CONNELLY Well. NANCY Oh. a caramel! Mrs.. But I do still have the old family cottage in Connemara. NANCY Ireland is so beautiful. Mrs. CONNELLY (CONT’D) Most likely they’ve got television by now. Alex and Nancy regroup and go for the sale. MRS. Green.. With her eyes she indicates a painting/photograph on the wall of what might more properly be called a manor house. then realizes he’s embarrassing himself and stops. ALEX (getting idea) Home! The emerald isle! (crappy Irish accent) Back to the old sod! Alex does a leprechaun bounce of the head..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 76. Connelly pops the chocolate in her mouth. He and Nancy look forlorn. Nancy gives Alex a look. Connelly nods her head.... now. MRS.. Color! ALEX (CONTINUED) .. I’d have to give it some thought. smiling. (thumbing chocolate) Ooh. He shrugs. ALEX And they’re in the EU now. there’s a thought.. Nancy and Alex are initially more shocked than pleased. MRS. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (thinking it through) I haven’t been back home in fifty years...

Connelly? Mrs. Oh. He Heimlich’s her violently. She instantly drops out of frame. ON NANCY The chocolate splats onto her forehead. Nancy pushes Alex away. Alex looks on helplessly. Connelly’s side. like he’s seen on TV. Nancy drops to Mrs. MRS. NANCY Mrs. their excitement tempered by revulsion. Connelly suddenly stops talking. and starts doing real CPR. The chocolate flies out. Connelly snaps her mouth shut and nods happily. CONNELLY (cheerily) You know. God! Clear! Alex slams his fist down on Mrs. Alex and Nancy are on the edge of their seats. She’s CHOKING. She’s made up her mind. Mrs. I’ve got half a mind to-Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 77. Connelly is turning red. Connelly chest. ALEX ALEX NANCY (CONT’D) * * * (CONTINUED) . NANCY What are you doing?!! CPR. several times. Alex jumps up and hoists Mrs. ON ALEX Relieved. Connelly’s mouth is open as she mulls. Her tongue slowly circumnavigates the chocolate. Alex relaxes his grip on Mrs. Connelly. We hear a DEAD THUMP. feels her neck pulse. Connelly out of her chair. Mrs.

and when I woke. He backs off. MRS. Nancy is straddling her and has her hands on Mrs. Connelly’s mouth and blows in. starts to blow again. Mrs. PARK SLOPE POLICE STATION — CONTINUOUS Alex and Nancy sit in front of a desk. MRS. What — Officer Dan practically lunges across his desk and grabs Alex’s mouth. As he gestures. CONNELLY The last thing I remember was eating one of their chocolates. Connelly. digging his thumb and forefinger deep into Alex’s cheeks. he opens Mrs. Oh. Connelly’s POV Alex is at a loss for words. Connelly looks as if she’s just realized something. Connelly eyes snap open. CONNELLY What are you doing? Mrs. Alex goes into an explanation.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 78. Connelly’s breasts. But dutifully. Mrs. She looks down. Sitting next to him is Mrs. staring at them. he was having his way and she was holding me down. His mouth is also smeared with lipstick. EXT. we see the tips of each of his fingers is inky black. NANCY Give her mouth-to-mouth! Alex is terrified. ALEX (shit-eating laugh) She’s confused. startled. PARK SLOPE POLICE STATION — AFTERNOON INT. CONNELLY (CONTINUED) . MRS. Officer Dan sits on the other side. He comes up for breath. NANCY You choked on chocolate.

(CONTINUED) . OFFICER DAN If I see you. He starts to try to protest. I would know. loitering in public rest rooms. and you’re on that list now. Nancy looks to Alex alarmed. NANCY There’s been a misunderstanding. but Officer Dan redirects Alex’s attention with a jerk of his face. or a dog. Officer Dan stands. Alex is not sure how to take that. anywhere. OFFICER DAN Both of you. shut up. OFFICER DAN You sicken me. For sniffing.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 79. The Sexual Predator list. I will shoot you. OFFICER DAN (CONT’D) We keep a list of people like you down here at the station. in the park. approaching a child or elderly person. Officer Dan lets go. He picks up the box of Godiva chocolates. Honestly. CONNELLY He stole my drawers once. CLOSE ON Officer Dan’s quite massive face. and sits down. still gripping Alex’s face. NANCY My husband is not a sexual predator. He leans forward. MRS. ALEX (through pinched face) <dismissive snort> Sexual predator? Officer Dan squeezes his face very hard.

That only gives us twelve hours. BROWNSTONE . go. Nancy pushes him playfully as they head up the stairs. Connelly exits the building. she’s running errands. ALEX We should have just let her choke. carrying Little Dickie. OFFICER DAN (CONT’D) We’re having these tested. poop! Nancy and Alex turn to each other.DAY Mrs. 164 INT. Connelly shakes her head scornfully.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 80. 164 . NANCY Go. Mrs. MRS. we don’t have much time. Nancy carries some tools. EXT.LOBBY . PARK SLOPE POLICE STATION — AFTERNOON Alex and Nancy exit the station house. They are too devastated and angry to notice the police officers walking very close by. Alex and Nancy emerge from their apartment wearing black sweatsuit ensembles and gloves. into her apartment. NANCY (realizing they could have) Oh. ALEX Well. CONNELLY And to think they want to have children! This comment hits Nancy hard. go. we’re not going to make that mistake again. ALEX I know.

. 165 INT. Maybe if she has high blood pressure.. ALEX A little salt in the sugar bowl. Connelly’s chair. She looks up. check this out. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * NANCY (CONTINUED) . They both seem hopped up. He is unscrewing the top of a salt shaker and pouring it in the sugar bowl.S. ALEX Gives himself a grim thumbs up and moves on. Her eyes fall upon a STAND UP LAMP. and not quite in their right minds. leaving a hazardous bulge. MRS. Bulls-eye. he scrunches it up a bit.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 81. NANCY Salt in her sugar? What’s that going to do? ALEX Mulls this. NANCY scans the room. doing recon like commandoes. NANCY Is taking apart the lamp.. scouting ops.) Honey. ALEX Crouches down next to a TV tray next to Mrs.. CONNELLY'S APARTMENT . He looks down at: THE CARPET With his foot. NANCY (O.MOMENTS LATER 165 Alex and Nancy scurry into the apartment. ALEX (saving face) Well. Alex darts about the room.

. out goes the pilot. -Alex sticks his head in the broiler. Roger. Nancy gives him a thumbs-up. ALEX (CONT’D) A little bit of gas poisoning should do the trick. (CONTINUED) . 166 167 NANCY (O. blows out the pilot 169 light. ALEX Well. ALEX (CONT’D) You sure you know what you’re doing? NANCY I wired that desk-lamp in our old apartment. if the shock doesn’t kill her. ALEX (CONT’D) And. Alex! Alex pops back up and continues toward Nancy.holding a pair of 168 wire-shredders in her mouth. INTERCUT ALEX AND NANCY 166 167 168 169 -Nancy unscrews a light-bulb. but trips on the carpet and goes down. -Alex pulls old. ALEX I’m all right! Alex approaches Nancy.S. greasy trays from the stove’s broiler. as Alex disappears down the hall. who has the lamp mostly dismantled..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 82. Alex turns quickly and rushes to join Nancy..) ALEX -Nancy pulls out two wires from the lamp -.. Alex heads towards the kitchen.


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170 171

-Nancy uses the wire-shredders to peel off the protective 170 coating on the lamp’s wires. -Alex turns on the oven, hears the familiar HISS of gas. 171 ALEX (CONT’D) An hour at 375 should do it.


-Nancy, holding two LIVE-WIRES in her hand, calls out... 172 NANCY Did you blow out the pilot for the burners?


Alex looks at the oven-knob, hears the gas escaping, sees 173 the blue-light of the burner pilot just as... A HUGE FIREBALL ignites in his face...




As she cranes her head, she accidentally CONNECTS THE LIVEWIRES... SHOCKING HERSELF... her hair standing on end, her eye-balls POPPING OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS and we... SMASH CUT TO: 175 INT. THE APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT 175

Alex and Nancy lie in bed, each distinctively fried -- Alex red-faced and blistered, Nancy’s hair a frizzy mess. She looks up, sees that the water-stain on the ceiling has grown over their bed. Alex... us. I know. NANCY the stain is dripping on ALEX Isn’t it soothing?

A DRIP OF WATER lands on his forehead. He closes his eyes in relief. Then...the water starts coming faster. The drip drip drip echoes in Alex’s mind. The wheels start turning.


3rd Pink Revision





Mrs. Connelly opens the door onto Alex, carrying a tool-kit. ALEX We’ve got a big water-stain downstairs, Mrs. Connelly. I need to look at the pipes, okay? MRS. CONNELLY What on God’s Green Earth happened to your face? Alex heads to Mrs. Connelly’s bathroom. ALEX I try to keep a tan in the winter. Nancy says it’s flattering. MRS. CONNELLY Flatterin’? You look like a roast mutton. Alex heads into the bathroom. 177-178 OMITTED A179 179 OMITTED INT. MRS. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT - LATER 177-178 A179 179

Alex has ripped off the temporary piece of wood Dzerzhinsky used to patch up his hole. He has his tools laid out in the tub. MRS. CONNELLY How you doin’ in there, Muttonhead? ALEX Almost done. IN THE WALL -- using a wrench, he loosens the joint, letting a steady stream of water out of the pipes. A180 IN SERIES OF DISSOLVES A180

We see the deteriation of the canvas ceiling. During the last dissolve the camera follows the fall to the pots and pans below. 180 OMITTED 180


3rd Pink Revision


181 182 183 184


181 182 183 184

Alex and Nancy under the covers, nervous. Nancy works on her TITANIUM POWERBOOK. From above, we hear muted IRISH DANCE MUSIC. ALEX Getting very soggy up there... Alex gets up to check on the hole in the ceiling. NANCY You know, as long as we’re putting a hole in the ceiling, this might be a better place for a stair-case. What do you think? She shows Alex her computer screen -- ON-SCREEN, a new diagram of the apartment. ALEX (distracted) Sure. BETWEEN FLOORS Alex’s head emerges and looks around with a flashlight. ALEX (ADR) (CONT’D) I give these floorboards another week... BACK TO SCENE Alex climbs down the ladder. ALEX (ADR) (CONT’D) And then it’s (chipper) “Ding! Ground floor, Mrs. Connelly!” He runs out of the room. NANCY Where are you going?!


THE APARTMENT . THE BROWNSTONE . Alex and Nancy barely escape being killed. plaster and LOUD IRISH MUSIC with it. Mr. right under the ceiling’s weak-spot. (CONTINUED) . A214 EXT. CONNELLY Jesus.. not Mr.it’s plume of sharp. ALEX (OS) A little insurance.CONTINUOUS B214 A214 Officer Dan speaks with Alex. NANCY’S ANTIQUE PEACOCK -. CONNELLY looking down through the hole in her Riverdance outfit. B214 INT. Mary and Joseph! I could’ve fallen right through.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 86. NANCY No. wrought iron feathers sticking in the air. Two PARAMEDICS work on Nancy. The Paramedic lifts her leg. Peacock is going to have to take one for the team. Alex. Nancy yelps in pain. CLOSE ON MRS.. 199 THE CEILING 185-198 199 falls in. Peacock! ALEX Honey. He sets it down. MRS. A quarter-second later: 185-198 OMITTED.THAT NIGHT A cop-car and an ambulance idle outside. He comes back with. OFFICER DAN (inspecting the ceiling) These floorboards have rotted to the core. bringing wood.

And. MRS.. OFFICER DAN Are you trying to sass me. you did come up two days ago to do your handiwork. FROM UPSTAIRS -. CONNELLY Could you put in one of those clappy things as well? Nancy and Alex surprised me with one. Mrs. I didn’t think so. (CONTINUED) . Cause I know city inspectors who eat slumlords like you for breakfast. you’re gonna buy Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 87. OFFICER DAN If I were you.. ALEX Slumlord. Alex’s eyes focus on his GUN.. Alex.. He left us with all this water damage. In fact. I’ll pick it out for you myself. Connelly hired this Russian guy to fix the pipes...Mrs. OFFICER DAN No. As Officer Dan speaks. that’s. MRS. Plumb? ALEX I can’t plumb? Officer Dan casually loops his thumb through his HOLSTER. C.. CONNELLY With all due respect to Mr. ALEX Mrs. Rose? ALEX Who’s sassing? Nobody’s sassing.. OFFICER DAN That’s another fine right there. Connelly peeks her head through the hole. D. Mr. Connelly a new TV. (like it’s obvious) You can’t plumb without a license in New York City. I’d fix this ceiling as fast as I damn well could. it makes my viewing so much easier.

. DISSOLVE TO: LATER Alex and Nancy stand with the Gun Dealer behind the car.. Nancy’s eyes widen. EXT. ALEX (under his breath) SCRUFFY GENTLEMAN (CONTINUED) . Alex sidles up to him.S. NANCY (CONT’D) I found us a. What? ALEX Gun. Nancy makes a gun shape with her hand. The Gun Dealer rolls his eyes. CITY . The dealer pops the trunk. it’s loaded with guns. know. Smoke? DRUG DEALER Mesc? ‘Ludes? Gun? The drug dealer turns around.) You He and Alex speak quietly. Alex looks up at Mrs. Un-gay. are you? NANCY (O. A DRUG DEALER plies his trade. GUN DEALER (suspicious) You two aren’t going on some kind of wild sex-murder spree.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 88. The drug dealer looks offended. They both look very nervous.. Alex! Alex turns to see NANCY standing next to a beat up car being driven by a GUN DEALER. Connelly. for shooting.ALLEY — NIGHT She smiles and CLAPS-TWICE. I need to buy a gun..

Alex points into the trunk. Cash. ALEX How about that? It’s a 44-Magnum. Alex and Nancy lose it. Here we go. That’s a little too much gun for you. right? The dealer gives him a “what do you think. One last thing: I’m a cop. no! ALEX You don’t understand. your basic 22-caliber revolver. Oh. yes. ALEX No. NANCY It cost half that on the Web! The gun dealer nonchalantly slams the trunk closed. the most powerful handgun on earth. Five hundred dollars. we’ve haven’t slept in months! She killed my computer! She crippled my wife! NANCY (CONTINUED) . no. (displaying gun) Black Widow. GUN DEALER (derisive smile) Yeah. nothing like that. ALEX Five hundred’s fine.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 89.” stare. Alex counts out almost all of his money and hands it over. NANCY We’ve been under a lot of stress. (beat) Do we look like the kind of people who would go on a spree? GUN DEALER You look a little crazy. crumbling to the ground. GUN DEALER Thanks.

10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 90. The gun dealer starts to get in his car. and there’s even a suggestion I might have been involved. WIDER -. SNIFFLING. Thank you. GUN DEALER Don’t shoot anybody I wouldn’t shoot. ALEX We don’t have any children. your children are dead. now I just gotta give you my standard rap: if you end up in the legal system. D214 INT. GUN DEALER Just fucking with you. NANCY We don’t make love anymore! And I miss it so much! The gun dealer cracks a smile. (CONTINUED) D214 NANCY . you are dead.to reveal Nancy and Alex sitting around the kitchen table. Nancy wears a huge FOOT-CAST. well good luck with that. GUN DEALER (CONT’D) (very matter-of-fact) Okay. GUN DEALER Yeah. (puts arm around Nancy) We’re trying. ALEX I guess it has. a GUN between them. trying to regain their dignity. spitting garbage at Alex and Nancy. Alex and Nancy get up. Nancy and Alex get back up. The dealer peels out. APARTMENT – PARLOR – NIGHT CLOSE ON NANCY NANCY So it’s come to this.

DR. young female resident. (CONTINUED) . HOSPITAL – EMERGENCY ROOM – CONTINUOUS Nancy sits by Alex’s side.. but it went straight through the meatus. KANG You were very lucky. Nancy picks the gun off the table.. The other things. No major organs were damaged. NANCY So we’ll still be able to have children? DR. NANCY (worried) But what about. nonchalantly briefs him. I’ve seen piercings that were worse. A hot. CUT TO BLACK EXT. on a small hospital bed surrounded by a curtained partition. tightly holding his left hand. DR. KANG. PARK SLOPE HOSPITAL – NIGHT INT. Your hand deflected the bullet into the soft tissue of your groin. NANCY I don’t think I’ve ever even held a gu– As Alex instinctively raises his hand.. THE GUN GOES OFF. KANG One way or another.. Alex’s right hand is bandaged.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 91. DR. (dark chuckle) A lot worse. KANG Yes. ALEX (incredulous) What are--? It went into my-DR. Down there. KANG (one woman to another) They were unharmed.

Nancy looks at Alex apologetically. just. thank God.. eyebrow raise) No. physical therapy or something? DR.. We’ve got the unlicensed gun charge. Kang ducks out. (CONTINUED) .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 92. NANCY (CONT’D) (again concerned) So how long will he have to stay in the hospital? DR. KANG (smile. and then. NANCY Poor Mr. you can leave any time. (smiling.. keep the bandages fresh. and if there’s any pain. pending an investigation. well. Dr.. NANCY Oh. to Nancy) Both of you. ALEX (perplexed) Don’t I need. Alex shoots Nancy a look. a couple of Advil should take care of it. (marking her chart) I’m going to prescribe an antibiotic. KANG (to Alex) Oh. ALEX (forgiving her) He took one for the team. Officer Dan pops in from behind the curtain. Peabody. you should probably keep you hands off it for awhile. OFFICER DAN (officious) I think I’ve got everything I need here. I don’t know.

Now. you two have a good night now.. I just feel like we’re approaching this whole murder thing the wrong way. Nancy looks worried. NANCY It was an accident! OFFICER DAN It’s been my experience that wives do not accidentally shoot their husbands in the penis.. but then Alex’s smiling comforts her. Officer Dan exits. ALEX He thinks you’re abusing me. They whisper.. NANCY Yeah. B216 INT.. ALEX (indicating crotch with his bandaged hand) Ya think?! She gently strokes his wounded hand. but you know she triplechains the front door at night. (CONTINUED) . honey.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 93.NIGHT B216 Alex and Nancy pulls themselves up the dumbwaiter.. And as much as this particular man may deserved it.. spousal abuse is a very serious crime in this state. Alex holds a pillow. you did shoot me. NANCY (thinking) Maybe if we kept it simple. THE DUMBWAITER SHAFT . ALEX This is so not simple. As they pull themselves up: NANCY (CONT’D) A little more. Well. NANCY (worried) Oh.

.. but there’s no Mrs. (CONTINUED) . D216 IN THE LIVING ROOM Alex and Nancy sneak around. Connelly. edging towards them. the disembodied D216 Then something lights up in the darkness behind being lit. their eyes landing on.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 94. ALEX (quietly) Ah! MRS. who stands up. Nancy offers the pillow to Mrs. THE CHAIR It’s empty. CONNELLY’S BEDROOM . CONNELLY Oh. is this my pillow? C216 INT. ALEX Where is she? NANCY Maybe she’s in her chair.. A match moment. we thought you might be cold. So unlike the rest of the landlords. MRS. you’re so considerate. staring sternly. Mrs. then begins leading them away from the front door. I can’t help but sneak a fag once in a blue moon.MINUTES LATER C216 Nancy and Alex sneak into the bedroom. illuminating two eyes. Connelly.. MRS. After a red tip of a cigarette glows. so we brought you an extra pillow. Connelly. NANCY (thinking quickly) Mrs. The flame hovers in the air. CONNELLY You caught me. ALEX (BACK TO CAMERA) Hey. Connelly takes the pillow. it.

Officer Dan. They turn their heads -.the woman’s got SURROUND-SOUND. We’re going to be one. LITTLE DICKIE Christ have mercy! ON THE DUMBWAITER Alex and Nancy are inside it. now. You lovelies. Connelly pushes them down the hallway. me. (CONTINUED) . MRS. MRS. MRS. It’s a HUGE WIDE-SCREEN PLASMA TV. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (points to the dumbwaiter) The Irish say it’s bad luck to come in one door and out the other. CONNELLY Goodnight. which is lined with CAUTION! TAPE. believe it. I just know you’re here to stay. CONNELLY (CONT’D) Oh.. They’re now at the entrance to the dumbwaiter.. big happy family. A tiny squawk. LITTLE DICKIE’S SHADOW On the wall.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 95. CONNELLY (CONT’D) So many have passed through that downstairs dwelling. Neither of them can MRS. They’re backed against the dumbwaiter. Has something to do with the dead. CONNELLY (CONT’D) And he hung these two noise-boxes behind me chair. Mrs. MRS. it’s gonna be so wonderful around here. They walk around THE HOLE. but you two. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (pointing out flat-screen) Officer Dan put in my new television. MRS.

Alex and Nancy lie in bed. the frame SHATTERING. Vases fall. INT. F216 The entire bedroom is shaking. watching the movie. from above they hear: CLAP-CLAP. C216 DOWNSTAIRS The noise is deafening. Clooney and Wahlberg screaming over the roaring sea. BOOKS plummet from the library shelves. And suddenly.music pounding.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 96.. THE APARTMENT .LATER THAT NIGHT E216 There’s a large piece of SCAFFOLDING with a tarped-in E216 platform under the ceiling hole. broom and dust-pan. MRS. the weirdest seven minutes of my life.BEDROOM . UPSTAIRS Mrs. Connelly sits in her chair. He closes the dumbwaiter door. in SURROUND SOUND. it’s not our fault! We’re dealing with a freak of nature! Nobody could finish her off! (CONTINUED) . ALEX No. “The Perfect Storm” begins to play -. ALEX That was. is it us?! Are we doing such a bad job of trying to kill her?! Their WEDDING PICTURE crashes to the floor.without question. ALEX Good night. Then. CONNELLY (loudly) Captain Connelly battled waves twice that size! The macaw squawks.. C216 Nancy sweeps up the debris with a Alex’s RARE F216 NANCY I mean.

.. right. but we’re going to go for a much cleaner look when we-Nancy.” Nancy reluctantly hands Alex “Ass Patrol. landing right next to Nancy. Sorry.. CHICK What’s the easiest way into this hag’s place? NANCY ALEX (CONTINUED) . The PORNO MOVIES from Chick fall off the top of a dresser. sneaking a cigarette over in this area. NANCY Yeah. CHICK. ALEX Wait a minute. 216 NANCY this remote area.. driver’s seat. leaning over from digital photos of Mrs. She looks up at Alex.. I realize it’s horribly cluttered.” 216 EXT. depending on her mood. she might be watching TV over here. or.DAY A BIG BURGUNDY SEDAN is parked in the pornographer/hitman is in the shotgun. shows Chick apartment on her TITANIUM NANCY Now. Alex riding the back.. you said you threw these away! I did! there. INDUSTRIAL AREA UNDER THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE .... Nancy.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 97. NANCY Alex. Connelly’s POWERBOOK. ALEX I don’t know how they got Alex’s eyes land on the “Ass Patrol” DVD.” What? ALEX Hand me that “Ass Patrol. “Ass Patrol..

10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 98. Nancy looks to him.. Shoot. Okay. CHICK The bottom line price for wet work is $25. how much is this going to run us? CHICK Twenty-five K.. We can leave the back door open.) (CONT’D) A half K.S.. ALEX We were thinking more like. ALEX Really. you could get in from here. ALEX When are you gonna do it? CHICK CHICK I’ll do it Thursday night.000 dollars. NANCY Christmas Eve? (CONTINUED) . Alex and Nancy are surprised. encouraging. ALEX Chick. ALEX We’ve found the dumbwaiter shaft to be very effective. NANCY (showing Chick on her computer) It’s really not a difficult climb. because we were thinking something in a different price range.. ON CHICK ALEX (O.

COOP (reading from his book) Piper grabbed the leash of the only partner he’d ever known.. CHICK Yeah. B218 C218 AD218 OMITTED OMIT BEHIND A ROW OF BOOKS Alex and Coop are alone.) (CONT’D) Basically. Sonny.000. BOOKSTORE . But extensive and expensive..DAY 217 A218 A SIGN advertises a book reading/signing by Cooper Sinclair-a photo of a cool-looking Coop underneath the sign.g. WIDER -.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 99.a large group of hip attractive PEOPLE are gathered in the store to hear Coop read from his Don Piper series. What the hell do you need that kind of dough for? ALEX Dental surgery. listening...‘I guess it’s just one of those things worth killing for. (CONTINUED) . MODERATOR We’ll take a five minute break and come back for Q and A. ON CHICK ALEX (O.’ Coop closes his book. and the private eye and his trusty Jack Russell headed downtown. we’re looking at a whole new lower jaw. breaks into wild applause. B218 C218 AD218 The crowd is audible in the b. then I’ll swing by and get it done.S. Alex stands in the back. huh. 217 A218 OMIT INT. sets it down on the table. The crowd COOP $25. I have a function to go to.

Get off your butt. TWO SHOT ALEX (CONT’D) .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 100. NANCY What happened. and finish your damn book. Three hundred fifty eight pages in ninety six hours. I don’t know if that happened. THE APARTMENT . You know how long it took me to write the last Don Piper book? ALEX No.and now with Nancy losing her job and with me losing the book contract. ALEX Coop. I don’t. I don’t care.. earn it. And you can do it. things have gotten pretty desperate and I wouldn’t even be asking if it wasn’t really serious. COOP I can give you the money. The secret to writing is writing.NIGHT Nancy’s there waiting for him. You need money. COOP Four days. I finished my book. The old lady threw it in the fire. did you get the money? (CONTINUED) . too. BD218 INT. BD218 ALEX Alex enters. COOP Alex. (off Alex’s look) You’re a good writer.. Really? COOP But I’m not gonna do it. steaming. I don’t know if it didn’t. Alex. man. Alex.

” Nancy sees that Alex is looking at Mr. Everything. like the color of your pee after you take a multi-vitamin?’ Nice metaphor. Then.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 101. Alex’s eyes fall upon something. Alex’s rare book collection. You know how? Listen to this. so he can’t quite do it. it’s okay? We’ll get the money somewhere else.. he didn’t think I needed it. D218 A SERIES OF DISSOLVES We see everything they own disappear. Nancy looks sad. asshole! Why don’t you go screw yourself and your stupid loft. Peacock. ALEX No. Nancy decorating it. (holds up the book) Wrote it in four days. ALEX I wonder when he’s gonna do it? Alex and E218 (CONTINUED) . but I got a signed first edition for my collection. a Christmas Tree appears. ALEX Where are we supposed to get twenty five thousand dollars in two days. The furniture. Nancy’s wedding ring. but it’s a hardcover. NANCY Alex. Alex looks to her and shrugs.. he chucks it against the wall. MUSIC: “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. After wrestling with the book for a few seconds. and your pregnant wife who’s gonna have the only baby in the world to be born with a six-pack. (opens to a page) ‘Her hair was bright yellow. D218 E218 IN THE BARE APARTMENT. you freakin’ dick! Alex tries to tear the book apart.

the front door BUZZER BUZZES. they hear the BACK-DOOR open. ALEX You think it was a cocktail party. they see Chick enter the DUMBWAITER SHAFT. kids. holding a box of CHRISTMAS COOKIES. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . wielding a giant knife. Chick is inside.. B220 (CONTINUED) . MRS. he starts to climb the dumbwaiter. THE BROWNSTONE .FOYER . open it onto. A220 INT. and Officer Dan emerges behind them. concerned.through the darkness. Then. OFFICER DAN Good job. or more of a dinner thing? Suddenly..10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 102. A220 B220 INT.. 218 Alex and Nancy look at 218 They F218 INT.MOMENTS LATER Alex and Nancy tentatively walk towards the front door. THE BROWNSTONE . NANCY I don’t know.. Nancy and Alex fake-smile for the kids.. He starts heading upstairs. F218 BACK OF THE APARTMENT Nancy and Alex sneak around the corner -. Chick flips through the cash.CONTINUOUS The dumbwaiter opens. each other.. He’s got that party to go to.CONTINUOUS The kids finish the song. Satisfied. CAROLERS God Bless Ye Merry Gentlemen whose notice sudden is. A GROUP OF YOUNG KIDS. ALEX Officer Dan! NANCY What a pleasant surprise. CAROLING.FOYER .

We’ll bring it to her. ALEX (reeling from the slap) Ow! Officer Dan whips his head around. B223 C223 D223 OMITTED OMITTED IN THE FOYER NANCY PUNCHES ALEX ACROSS THE JAW -. Chick shakes his head. He walks past Nancy and Alex. heading upstairs. ALEX Where are you going? OFFICER DAN Upstairs to give Mrs. A223 INT.STAIRWAY . I think I’ll bring her the holiday cookies myself. MRS. Mrs. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . 221 INT. She is fast asleep. facing away from him. OFFICER DAN (distrusting) No. kids. Be right back.CONTINUOUS Officer Dan makes his way up the stairs. smiling. Connelly is in her chair. This is too easy. THE BROWNSTONE . F223 E223 B223 C223 D223 A223 (CONTINUED) . C some holiday cookies.CONTINUOUS 221 Chick enters the parlor.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 103. Nancy and Alex try to block his way. E223 IN THE APARTMENT Chick hesitates for a moment. NANCY That’s okay.HARD. F223 IN THE FOYER Nancy continues pummelling Alex.

Connelly’s chair. He turns. The CAROLING KIDS are extremely upset -SEVERAL ARE CRYING. Alex and Nancy exchange looks. He hears something. Mrs. OFFICER DAN (CONT’D) I knew there was domestic abuse going on in this house! The kids still crying. A DARK FIGURE Flies across the room. IN THE APARTMENT Hearing the outside door close. MRS. <Squawk> CHICK Is spooked.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 104. She has the harpoon in her lap. She POUNDS and SLAPS him as a stunned Alex tries futilely to defend himself. He exhales audibly. the knife itching in his palm. CONNELLY I knew they’d send a pro. opens her eyes. a raven-like silhouette. She swivels in her chair. OFFICER DAN (CONT'D) (heads outside) I’m going to come back in about ten minutes. Chick starts advancing on Mrs. her back still to Chick. OFFICER DAN (running down the stairs) There are children here! The heck is wrong with you people?! He separates Nancy from Alex. And he’s gone. Connelly. LITTLE DICKIE . She shoots it. THE DARK FIGURE lands atop Mrs. looming like a bat. Connelly.

CONNELLY I got ya. ALEX AND NANCY’S APARTMENT . CONNELLY (CONT’D) Mr. Mrs. CONNELLY Raises the harpoon gun and shoves the butt into CHICK’S FACE. Connelly was five times the fighter you are! You bitch! Chick staggers at Mrs. He YELPS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 105. Connelly holds tight to the other end.CONTINUOUS They look up. alarmed. kicks the knife aside with her foot. CHICK Aaaahhhhh!!! You shot me! MRS. Chick staggers. Mrs. CHICK 223 . CONNELLY (CONT’D) Ah. Mrs. INT. Connelly rabbit-punches. Connelly drops the gun. Connelly with the knife. She headbutts him. ducks. Who are you. The harpoon is yanked around in Chick’s chest. does a 360 and comes back with a roundhouse punch to Chick’s chest. you brute. MRS. He comes at Mrs. MRS. scream like a man. will ya? CHICK recovers his rage. MRS. weaves. dropping the knife. 223 UPSTAIRS Chick has a LARGE HARPOON lodged in his shoulder. bringing a knife to a gun fight! Chick struggles with the harpoon. and adopts a classic bare-knuckled fighter’s stance. Connelly like a drunken sailor. Connelly yanks on the gun. and Mrs.

Chick starts to stand just Mrs.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 106. befuddled. Little Dickie swoops in and digs his talons into Chick’s crotch. Connelly off. Connelly off him. She continues hitting him about the head and face. Mrs. MRS. her knees pinned around his ribs. MRS. Mrs. Connelly on his head and Little Dickie on his crotch. DOWNSTAIRS Alex and Nancy are confused. Connelly’s scream continues but we see neither her nor Chick. then alarmed when they hear: <scream> UPSTAIRS Mrs. Connelly kicks him in the face. but goes into a roll and comes up back on her feet. BACK UPSTAIRS Chick writhes with Mrs. Mrs.S. CONNELLY (CONT’D) If you want to dance with me. Connelly is on his upper back. Chick staggers in the frame. you gotta buy me a drink first! Chick bends back to throw Mrs. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (deadly calm) Nobody hits me bird. CONNELLY (O. As he does so. CONNELLY (CONT’D) (laughing) That’s right! Show him a good time.) . Dick DeBruiser style. Connelly wipes a tiny bit of blood off her lip. (CONTINUED) MRS. Dickie boy! ALEX AND NANCY Look to each other. He falls to his knees. Chick bats Little Dickie off him. Connelly falls to the ground. MRS. and peels Mrs.

Chick staggers backwards into the Christmas Tree. She has Chick’s knife. CHICK Is shitting himself. UPSTAIRS Chick is on his back. MRS.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 107. CHICK Beats a hasty retreat. CONNELLY Loses the knife and falls to the ground. MRS. MRS. She trips. scared. MRS. 224 225 NANCY . She tosses the knife from palm to palm. 224 225 OMITTED OMITTED. CONNELLY Is lit from below by the flames of the fire. The places erupts in flames. CONNELLY Now I’m going to peel your potatoes. hitting her head. CONNELLY Comes for him. DOWNSTAIRS Nancy sees: Smoke! Pouring through the hole in the ceiling. THE RUG Is bunched up. which topples into the fire.

NIGHT Nancy sprays a small extinguisher. inadvertently SMASHING THE DOOR-SIDE WINDOWS with the harpoon as he exits. Chick comes bounding down the stairs. Nancy and Alex look at the fire. MRS. MOMENT OF TRUTH. 229 Nancy and Alex exit the apartment. still attached to the antique SPEAR-GUN which drags behind him. see Mrs. heartbroken as she surveys the damage. and now. AND THEY RUN OUT OF THE APARTMENT.. the flames growing larger. 226 THE BROWNSTONE LOBBY 226 Nancy and Alex run out of their apartment. beaten bloodied.. THEY SEE THE HARPOON IN HIS SHOULDER.. 229 UPSTAIRS . Chick runs by the couple....SPRAYING THROUGH SMOKE. A231 ON THE STAIRCASE A231 230 At Mrs. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . Connelly like a child. heads back into the burning apartment. At Little Dick. Connelly. Wait! What?! She turns around. Nancy and Alex are stunned. trying to control the flames. Nancy stops short.. ALEX NANCY .10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 108. Little Dick squawks desperately. flying out the front door. Back at each other. wondering what the hell took place up there.. until we: CUT TO: FOAM -. just as.MOMENTS LATER They peek in her front door. We HOLD ON Mrs.. Without stopping... Connelly for several LONG BEATS..the fire closing in on her.. Connelly lying unconscious -. for the first time. 230 INT.. Alex holding Mrs.

ALEX Yeah. THE BROWNSTONE .. Okay.. CARRYING LITTLE DICKIE in her arms. LITTLE DICKIE 231 Kids frolic in the Alex and Nancy walk down the sidewalk. BROWNSTONE — NIGHT Fire trucks and police cars surround the place.. OFFICER DAN Well. The sun shines brightly. boy! EXT.. (CONTINUED) . CONNELLY Little Dickie? NANCY Here you go. Little Dickie doesn’t move.. Mommy and Me park.DAY It’s Spring. we were just trying to help her out. carrying the dazed Mrs. well. 231 EXT. ALEX Thank you.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 109. I’ll just write you out a citation for the electricity. Connelly.. holding hands. Nancy runs out of the building. Then he comes to life.. Oh. THE BROWNSTONE .. MATCH DISSOLVE: EXT. MRS. OFFICER DAN I wouldn’t have thought you had it in you.MOMENTS LATER Alex bursts out of the doorway. Alex holds a thick manila envelope in his hand. her face black with smoke. The flames visible through the bay-window. NANCY Her and Little Dickie. A moment later.

A LITTLE LATER Alex and Nancy sign documents on a car hood. GUNTHER You didn’t lie.” but you hop on the train and in twelve minutes. They are played by CAMERON DIAZ and OWEN WILSON. how’s the new place working out? It’s cute. Just then: A YOUNG COUPLE. “Hoboken. ALEX You think. KENNETH Ooh. MRS. looks wonderful. Alex looks at him strangely. emerge from the building. It all KENNETH NANCY (CONTINUED) .. KENNETH Two more autographs. and that should do it.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 110. It’s sort of an urban thriller. He slides one last document at them.. NANCY (calling) Kenneth! Kenneth waves to them from the front of the brownstone. Kenneth. Kenneth mock-shivers. NANCY Alex finished his novel! Wonderful! ALEX (gesturing with manila envelope) You might like this one. I don’t like thrillers. you’re downtown. KENNETH (CONT’D) So... the GUNTHERS.

meet Alex and Nancy. ALEX (re: envelope) I promised to get this to my publisher today.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 111. They all politely laugh. ALEX Could you hold this for me? He hands Mr. (CONTINUED) ALEX . GUNTHER This is just a dream house. KENNETH Did I tell you they’d fix it up. who wants to go and say hello to my favorite girl? NANCY We should get going. KENNETH Nonsense. Enjoy. Gunther. GUNTHER We cannot thank you enough. KENNETH Now. Alex follows.’ MR. You saved the woman from a burning building. then thinks of something. She’d be heartbroken if you left without saying goodbye. Kenneth turns to Alex and Nancy. Honey. MRS. They exchange ‘hello’s. Gunther the envelope. GUNTHER I’m drowsy already. It’s so quiet. He gets up a couple of steps. He walks back down the steps and talks to Mr. and bounds up the steps to where Nancy is holding open the door. Kenneth grabs Nancy’s hand and starts to lead her up the stairs. or what? Gunthers. won’t this be perfect for your sleep disorder? MR.

Mr.. I brought company. gives Mrs. She’s just hard of hearing! Mrs. Gunther looks at the envelope. ON MRS. NANCY No. It’s been perfectly redone. KENNETH (CONT'D) She’s stiff as a board. wake up.DAY Kenneth leads Nancy and Alex into the apartment.curious now. KENNETH (CONT'D) (louder) Mrs. Connelly remains frozen. Hawaii Five-O blasting through the speakers. Handwritten across the front in large block letters. Connelly? I brought you a surprise! No response.Mrs. it reads.. “DUPLEX. Kenneth feels Mrs. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT . Kenneth leans over. KENNETH Mrs. Connelly.10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 112. Connelly! Nancy CLAPS TWICE -. Connelly? He shakes her a little harder.” INT. Connelly a light tap on the cheek. KENNETH (CONT'D) (even louder) Dear-heart. They slowly approach Mrs. KENNETH (CONT'D) Mrs. (CONTINUED) . ON NANCY AND ALEX -. Connelly! Nancy and Alex smile knowingly. Connelly’s pulse. MRS. Little Dick sits on his perch. but the TV turns on. CONNELLY Her eyes are closed.


3rd Pink Revision


KENNETH (turns to Alex and Nancy) She’s dead! Nancy and Alex look totally dumbfounded and fucked. CUT TO BLACK A BEAT EXT. BROWNSTONE — DAY INT. MRS. CONNELLY’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS ON KENNETH -- he sets the three places at the dining table. KENNETH You had to see their faces when I said she was a goner. I swear, I thought they were gonna pass out right on the spot. WIDER -- we now see he’s talking to Officer Dan, dressed in a sweater and slacks -- he ties napkins into decorative knots. OFFICER DAN Oh, sweetie, I wish I could’ve been there. A healthy looking Mrs. Connelly enters, setting down a casserole dish. They all sit around the table. MRS. CONNELLY Trust me, it wasn’t easy holding my breath all that time. Next time I want a bigger cut of your commission, Kenny. KENNETH What are you talking about? We give you everything, Ma. (puts his hand over Officer Dan’s) Danny and I barely have enough left over for a little cruise to the Carribean. MRS. CONNELLY I’m the one puttin’ my caboose on the line. *



3rd Pink Revision


KENNETH Come on, you had it easy with Alex and Nancy. And you’ll have the Friedman’s out of here in a month. The husband’s got a sleep disorder. MRS. CONNELLY Oh, goodie. OFFICER DAN It can’t be any tougher than those last folks. MRS. CONNELLY Oh, they were a nice couple. Just a little bit over their heads. (raising her glass) To Alan and Nancy. KENNETH Alan and Nancy... We freeze on the photo of Alex and Nancy. It’s the one Mrs. Connelly took of them when they tried to buy her out. They are in total shock. MATCH DISSOLVE: THEIR SIMILARLY SHOCKED FACES PULL OUT: EXT. PROSPECT PARK - DAY - LATER Alex and Nancy walk in shock down a quiet path that would normally be considered a beautiful place to take a stroll. Spotting a bench, they sit down. The couple sit there silently for a beat. Nancy gets a sad look. NANCY She was so full of life! Another beat. A bird chirps, a squirrel hops by. skyline can be seen behind them. ALEX You know, we had our differences, but that old lady was... (searching) ...scrappy. (CONTINUED) The city * * * * *


3rd Pink Revision


NANCY She taught us a lot. About ourselves. ALEX That when it comes right down to it, we’re not cold-blooded killers. NANCY I feel pretty good about that. Me, too. A beat. ALEX (CONT’D) I’m going to dedicate my book to Mrs. Connelly. NANCY She did inspire you to write it. Nancy puts her hand on her stomach. NANCY (CONT’D) Do you think, maybe, we should name the baby after her? ALEX Maybe. Yeah, that would be... nice. A beat. NANCY What’s her first name? ALEX (realizing) I don’t know. Alex puts his arm around Nancy. They look up. We PULL OUT to a beautiful cityscape. MUSIC: “He Moved Through the Fair” by Sinead O’Connor. A CHYRON SCROLLS UP THE SCREEN: ALEX

* * * *

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex’s Novel, “My Favorite Upstairs Neighbor,” (CONTINUED)

* *

10/11/06 3rd Pink Revision 116. Connelly lived another 62 years. * . They changed the title. * * * * That August. * However. * * was published that summer. * * * Mrs. ten-pound baby boy. Miramax bought the rights for a nice sum. Nancy had a healthy. They named him Connelly. It sold poorly.

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