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I called this drawing Seven Spirals. It was used as my SCRIBD profile picture from 2008 to the summer of 2009. The spiral is about eyes and about hugs and about spinning. Spinning deeper and deeper, spinning into another world . . .
My SCRIBD story never was mine alone. From the beginning, it has always been about a connection with a special friend. A friend who, in those days, was so very desperate and angry -lashing out, driving everyone away, hopeless, unapproachable. But, even during the worst of it, there were times when he was calm and would let me, and only me, into his world. Others said I should let him go, that I should give up. They said he would only destroy me. And sometimes I could see some truth in what they said. Still, there was a part of him that was so very beautiful, a wounded soul longing to be healed, longing to be loved and accepted. There was a part of him that was beyond rational, possessing a wisdom belonging to a better world. And even through the most hopeless of times, I knew where to find that part of him – a free spirit – existing, living, thriving in the surreal world of SCRIBD. By the fall of 2008, so much had happened, bringing me to the strange point in the story where I had been strongly cautioned, even flat out forbidden, by persons representing all areas of my life, both personal and professional, to have any contact with this particular friend. But I felt some kind of overpowering compulsion to try just one more time to reach him. I felt like I had something to say and if only I could try just one more time, just one more different way to say it, then just maybe he would hear me . . . The idea came to me that I should write something and upload it to SCRIBD. But I had to do it in a way that my friend wouldn't know it was me. If he knew it was me, I was afraid he would just block out what I had to say. And of course I didn't want anyone else to know I was in communication with my friend either; that would be too risky for me. Just opening a SCRIBD account was no easy matter, not for me. I had no computer, no personal e-mail address, and very little interest in such things. Still, there I was at the public library, not
wanting to be too much of a bother, asking for assistance from strangers. The library staff was helpful, though. And soon I was all set, with an e-mail address, a password, some minimal knowledge of how to find SCRIBD on the library computers, and my new secret identity! RoseDQ was born. A Rose by Any Other Name
I did not understand how to “upload”. I studied the matter for a time, pulled together what little computer experience I had from my job, and managed to come up with the thought – Oh, I get it; it's like how we do our time sheets and then send them to our supervisor by e-mail. My first upload was called simply “Rose”. It was more or less just a test to see if I really did understand how the process worked. But it was also meant to be a message to my friend that he
should not become too attached to Rose. I really did plan to say what I had to say and then disappear. Funny how life doesn't always turn out like you plan . . . Many of my documents, especially the early ones, were “aimed at” my friend, as he put it. I preferred to think of it as “inspired by”. The RoseDQ message became a stand against hopelessness and despair and a call to see the positive in life and find peace in the midst of the storm. I enjoyed writing in a way that would give a message that other people besides my friend could relate to also. Other people did seem to relate to my work and find some benefit from it and I have very much enjoyed the talented writers and artists I have met and the friendships that have developed over the past two years. Explosive Christmas
I had never tried putting a picture with any of my stories and essays until Christmas 2009. By that time, I had finally gotten my own computer and also the drama had settled quite a bit and my friend and I were able to enjoy a much less painful and complicated friendship. I asked if he could help me upload a Christmas drawing I had made and put it with an essay – kind of a Christmas card to my SCRIBD friends. He said he could do it. And wow! What a rush that was! It was such a stressful time, but the project was accomplished. We did it! Then it got featured and got over 3000 views in just a few days. After that, throughout 2010, I worked on illustrations for some of my older documents and uploaded some new things. I have learned a lot, well maybe not a lot, but some. I still don't know much of the technical stuff, but my friend helps me and I have been really pleased with what we have accomplished. Together! I have been thinking for awhile about an idea to put together all the pictures I had used (as of Oct 2010) into one document. Well, this is it! The Time is Now
The picture is a self-portrait, a pencil drawing of me at age 14 to 16. I don't remember the details, but I think I drew it while looking in a mirror. Of Train Whistles, Prayer, and the Dream
This was one of my earliest documents, but the picture was one of my more recent drawings, done entirely while riding in a
vehicle, back and forth from Colorado to Idaho where we went for a family reunion. The style is somewhat different from my typical Sharpie drawings – freer and less controlled. (Actually, that's because I didn't like how the hands were turning out and had to do something different to make it work. Then it ended up being one of my favorite drawings. Life is like that sometimes . . .) Purpose, Strength, and the Decision Making Process
This document was put on the “Hot List”, which I guess was kind of like being featured back in those days. The picture was also done on the Idaho road trip. The Challenge of Kindness
This essay was a response to my feeling criticized and misunderstood. I remember doing most of the drawing while attending a training of some sort. I do much of my art work
during meetings and whenever I run into times where I have to wait somewhere. I hate meetings, waiting, boredom, and wasting time. So I never leave home without my Sharpies! Kids, Keys, and Vampire Love Stories
This story I remember developing in my head simultaneously as I was living the experience. And when I uploaded it, I remember being tired of writing stuff to try to communicate some message to my friend. I decided to take a break and write something just for fun. Then it turned out he really appreciated the break too
and had good things to say about the story. The picture is another of my favorites. Drastic Restructuring of Relationships
Like many of my essays and stories, this one is about my journey to grow stronger in my relationships and figure out how to remove myself from the “codependent” role.
Skulls and Reawakening
The picture used for this story was not drawn specifically for it. It was something I drew for a card of appreciation to my coworkers.
Love and the Dangerous Coin
This was inspired by communication struggles I was having at the time. I remember writing this one morning, scribbling it out on old envelopes while eating breakfast. I felt compelled to get it finished THAT day. I ended up getting to work an hour late and then rushing over to the library to upload it on my lunch hour. I felt like it was something given to me directly by God. I think the picture was the first one I completed after deciding to work on illustrations for my older documents. First Priority – What I Need From Love The picture is a photo of me taken on my wedding day in 1991. I felt a little guilty using it to illustrate an essay that makes reference to the probable ending of that marriage. Is that tacky?
Well, maybe. But I liked the picture. I look so young and innocent for someone embarking on her second doomed marriage. (Too cynical for RoseDQ? Sorry . . .) Continuing on into 2009, I was becoming more obsessed with SCRIBD. I believed I did have an inspiring and positive message to share, but at the same time, I focused a lot on the numbers, trying to get more views, hoping for another document to be featured. Is There Sex in the Afterlife
Sort of an experiment, with the title. Could I get more views, more attention that way? But the essay? Well, it's like something my daughter said recently. She was telling me about
a song she wanted me to listen to. She said, “it's called 'Sex', but it's not really about sex. Well, okay, it IS about sex, but you know, not in a raunchy way . . .” My Most Memorable Birthday
I feel nervous about having people read stories in which they themselves appear. But my sisters said they did like it. The picture was one that was added recently.
Jesus Loves the Tattooed People
Some of my stories just come to me pretty much as they are going to end up. Others I revise over and over again. This was one that got revised a lot. The picture was not drawn specifically for it. I found the drawing in my stash of art work. The title for the drawing was “Biker Babe”. This document was featured. Totally unexpectedly, when it wasn't even new or newly revised. I had called attention to it while I was home on my lunch hour one day and it got featured! I was so excited I told people at work about it all afternoon!
Easing into the Morning Slowly
Another short thought that I am not sure qualifies as a poem. I really like the way the picture turned out.
It's Not Just a Job
I wrote this about doing emergency mental health assessments for suicide risk, etc. I am not doing this anymore as part of my job. I can't say I miss the stress . . . Well, not TOO much . . . Just a Quick Thought on Forgiveness The picture was added to this one pretty quickly after it was originally uploaded. I like the way the whole composition turned out.
God's Babies – The Struggle
This document was my first, since Explosive Christmas, to be originally uploaded with the picture included. The picture was the work of my oldest daughter, when she was about 2. I enjoyed giving her high quality materials to work with for her creations. And the little hand outlines, I think, personalize it even more. God's Babies was the longest of anything I had uploaded up to that point. It consists of a number of journal entries and such from the past couple of years. It is definitely one of my personal favorites.
Little Black Rose Bud
With this one, I tried to write a poem with more of an actual structure. The picture is based on a pencil drawing I had done in high school. My friend did some creative stuff with it using his talents and computer skills. (As always, I am greatly appreciative.)
How to Forgive, Let Go of Bitterness, and Move On With Your Life
This is something I put together from various thoughts, insights, and things I vaguely remember reading during my years of mental health work and personal experience. I received a number of comments indicating people did find something of value in this. The picture is a photo I took years ago.
Of Rice, Basement Demons, and a Time to Move On This is a story about another friend, someone who shared my home and shared her unique story with me for a time. The picture is a photo I took a long time ago in Georgia or North Carolina. I don't remember the place exactly, but the fall leaves were exceptionally beautiful! The figures in the distance, I believe, are my 1st husband and his father. Grandma's Piano
A short “poem” of sorts. The photo was taken by my friend, without whom I would have no SCRIBD story. (I am extremely grateful to him, to SCRIBD, to God, and to all of you for this very special part of my life.)
This is my first piece of art work that was uploaded on it's own. It was something from my stash from the past. I couldn't find a story that seemed to belong with it, but I thought it was intriguing and unique. (My friend gave it the title.) It surprised me by getting featured! I uploaded some other short essays, Hidden Treasure, Birthday Blessing 2010 and My Most Treasured and Valuable Possession). They had no pictures at that time so I am not including them with this document which is about my SCRIBD pictures from Oct 2010 and earlier.
This was another piece of art work that I liked, but couldn't find a story or anything that it seemed to be an illustration for.
Experiencing an Atheistic Thought
This was inspired by a short discussion that occurred in the comments on one of my other documents. The picture was an ink drawing I had done years ago. I don't know if I had thought it was finished at that point or if I just got busy and forgot about it. I decided to add some watercolor before using it as an illustration. I like how it turned out, but am not entirely certain it wasn't better as just an ink drawing.
Birthday Blessings 2010
I uploaded this originally in August without a picture as a birthday message to my friend, but it was one of those situations that others were experiencing at that time too, where the document was staying hidden from public view. I started working on a
drawing to go with it, intending to upload it as a new document on my birthday in October. I didn't get it finished by my birthday, but came pretty close. The picture is one of my favorites. Well, SCRIBD continues to evolve. And naturally, being human, we don't always like the changes. Okay, we almost NEVER like the changes at first and we complain and whine a lot. But some of the changes we end up liking later. In spite of changes, though, I had hoped that SCRIBD could always be what it was in the early years -- not just a setting for, but more like a living character, in the life stories of ordinary people – like me and like my friend! I wrote this back in October 2010, which would have marked my two year anniversary with SCRIBD. It is nearly March 2011 now (and hopefully will still be March by the time this is actually finished.) SCRIBD has changed a great deal since last October. I think it is no longer about ordinary people anymore at all, but I would hope that someone would hear me saying – Life is more than world events and politics!! Still, SCRIBD was what it was, for the time that I was able to experience it, and for that I am grateful. If it is something entirely different now, I will adjust or I will move on. Or somehow, I will do both . . . Happy 2011 and God bless you all! Update – May 2011. In my current opinion, SCRIBD has achieved a pretty good balance now regarding what gets special recognition. And I am satisfied with the quantity of attention I am getting. So, Rose will not be fading out just yet . . . Turns out I still have more to say! Love always! RoseDQ
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