How to Be a Total Man-Magnet

A girl who got paid to help guys meet women shares her insights into what motivates men to make a move.
BY CHRISTIE GRIFFIN

"Is it just me or is that chick checking us out?"

Do you ever go out sometimes and feel like guys aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, and you can’t figure out why? That used to happen to me too. Then I became a part-time "wingwoman" — a girl who helps guys meet chicks in bars by posing as the guys’ platonic female friend. (Wingwoman services are available in many cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, Miami, and Saint Louis.) While earning my wings, I learned lots of little tricks every single girl can use to improve her success with guys. Warning: Once you perfect these moves, you might find that you’re such a powerful man-magnet, you attract guys everywhere. I used to date a guy who asked me out at the ATM! Wingtip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three. Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you. Wingtip #2: Hold a drink in your hand. Guys don’t want to be used. Meaning: They don’t want to buy you a drink right off the bat. My clients and I used to look for the girl with half a cocktail. That way, if she finishes her beverage while chatting with my guy, he could offer to buy her another to keep things moving. Wingtip #3: Smile genuinely. So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt to seem sexier. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look like an unapproachable bitch. Wingtip #4: Work the eye contact.

To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won't be able to tell the difference. Wingtip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does. Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is. It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again. Wingtip #6 Make positive small talk. Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (“It’s hot in here!”), pessimism (“There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (“Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your deep, dark world-view some other time.

How to Work Less and Get Wayyy More Done
You know those (extremely) rare workdays that just seem to fly by? A new book says it's possible to recreate that feeling, all day, every day. Here’s how...
BY JESSICA KNOLL

Imagine that your boss offers you $100 to complete a challenging new project as quickly as possible. He then asks your co-worker to complete the same project, but without any kind of cash reward or time constraint. Who is more likely to finish first? According to the theory in Daniel H. Pink’s fascinating new book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates You, your co-worker is. What the what? We’d think that extra wad of cash would be a serious motivator. But it turns out that intrinsic motivation — the drive to do something because it is interesting, challenging, and absorbing — is far more effective in producing results than extrinsic motivation — the “if you do this, then I’ll give you that” model that most businesses use with their employees. This is because when a reward is offered, as it is in the scenario above, you become more focused on those shiny new pumps that $100 would afford you, rather than on the best way to complete the task. Drive says that the secret to being more productive and feeling more fulfilled is to enjoy what you’re doing, and to feel rewarded by the work itself. We know — easier said than done. But Drive takes into consideration that even if you’re not 100 percent in love with your job, you can still be more successful and feel happier just by figuring out which tasks truly engage you — aka those rare moments of, “Ohmigod, I missed lunch I was so caught up in my work.” Drive refers to these moments as “flow,” and offers up nine strategies to produce flow more often, and for longer periods of time. Here’s one of them: Give Yourself a “Flow” Test Here's how: Set a reminder on your computer or cell to go off forty random times in a week. Each time it beeps, write down what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, and whether you’re in “flow.” Record your observations, look at the patterns, and consider the following questions: * Which moments produced feelings of “flow?” Where were you? Who were you with? * Are certain times of day more flow-friendly than others? How could you restructure your day based on your findings? * How might you increase the number of optimal experiences and reduce moments when you felt disengaged or distracted?

The New Marriage Rule: Age Matters
Studies reveal that you should reach a specific age before you get married.

He may be Mr. Right, but are you ready?

We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play: She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to

make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue? We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play: She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue? The Magic Number There are practical reasons for the mid-20s dividing line, and most of them boil down to two biggies: education and money. Turns out, the more years of higher education a woman has under her belt on her wedding day, the lower the chances that she’ll get divorced…and by 25, you’re more likely to have earned a degree or two. “Educated women tend to be more confident about who they are and less willing to settle for a man who doesn’t meet their standards,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great. Odds are that by 25 you’re also supporting yourself, so there’s less incentive for you to rush into marriage because you’re seeking financial security from him. But the marriage-related benefits of working and having money of your own go beyond feeling secure, says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. Learning to budget your cash carefully when you’re single will help you avoid financial problems—one of the main causes of couple fights—for the rest of your life. And juggling responsibilities, dealing with differing personalities, and resolving conflicts on the job force you to develop skills that are necessary for maintaining long-term love. Knowing the Real You At 25, you’ve had time for some crucial life experiences, including a relationship or two that may have improved your Mr. Right radar. “You’ve probably dated enough to have a better idea of what you don’t want in a man, which makes it easier to know what you can live with and can’t live without,” says Orbuch. Perhaps the most important aspect of waiting is that you’ll know what your goals and values really are, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy. While you don’t want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on life. Twenty-four and already married to the man of your dreams? Don’t worry: Many young marriages survive. But given the choice, you might consider putting off the big day until your mid-20s or later.

Beauty on your fingertips

just type in the keywords on YouTube and watch the magic unfold. YouTube www. The website also shows you a gallery of virtual makeovers people have had.06:49 PM From free makeover demos to online beauty consultations to even make up tips and tricks on your phone.com Now you can get advice on skin troubles at just a click of a mouse.The app can be downloaded from the Apple App Store. and tips. millions of people upload and share videos of every possible thing on earth. suggest products. Step-by-step instructions complete with advice on how to try it at home makes YouTube your best friend on the internet. At the Daily Makeover all you need to do is hop over to the Makeover Studio section.com If you are the type who just loves freebies and cant be bothered to surf through endless beauty websites for advice.By beauty. Once done. and your skin problems. How cool is that? Makeup for iPhone www. At mySkin.myskin.com Want a makeover but not sure how to go about it? Fret not! Just try out a virtual makeover first. Jan 19. So don’t miss out on checking your virtual avatar first before you put on that pancake for the next party. once you sign up. And the best part is that you don’t need to register nor do you need to pay anything out of your pocket. the kind of lifestyle you lead. a video sharing website. skin-care routines and lifestyle changes. Daily Makeover www. All at a fee of course. just watch a video of it. the latest hairstyles celebs are spotting these days. On YouTube. Questions are asked regarding your skin type. the internet is abuzz with a bevy of beauty applications (apps) just for you. mySkin www. the site does a skin mapping and profiling for you. the smoky eyes make your eyes look wicked or that retro fringe compliments your face or not.teamfemina. a detailed analysis is done of your skin. 2010 . Just upload your mug onto the phone and let your iPhone give your face a virtual makeover according to your face structure. beauty trends.apple. If you want to know how to create marcel waves (a vintage hairstyle) or how to apply black nail polish neatly or hide your last night’s vestiges skilfully with make up. This helps skincare experts employed by the website to narrow down your skin issues. 20 gifts that totally suck .youtube. The app uses a cool facial recognition technology and gives out make-up advice and beauty routines. Step two involves talking about the products you use and whether they work on your skin or not. to how-to demos.com Your phone can whisper beauty and make up secrets to you now thanks to the new Makeup application on the Apple iPhone. You can also chat and connect with other skin-worried people just like you on their community page. upload your latest photograph and figure out whether the deep shade of purple lipstick suits you. Amrita Bose presents a round up. right from movies to music.com.dailymakeover.

Spare us the hassle of trying to figure out what to do/ where to place/ whom to regift that useless crystal piece. 12.teamfemina. Dec 18. they spell “you’re not good enough yet”. And no. Unless you want your run-of-the-mill photo-frame from a local gift shop circulated back to you a few parties later. We might put up with your unhealthy obsession for a movie star or sportsperson but don’t test our goodness with posters. sticky. Presenting cookies to a diabetic.give this one a skippety skip. Mostly bought out of well-meaning intentions. it's not just the thought that counts. Gifting ivory. 14.By buzz. 9. 2. 13. We don’t need you to buy us random stuff like a box of Pringles or a bottle of Worcestershire sauce . self help books only suggest that we could use some help. We would rather dig ourselves a grave than commit a sartorial sin in those hideous clothes! 15. awfully and extremely loathsome. 11. useless and ridiculously expensive like an indoor fountain. 1. 16. 4. There are better ways to flaunt your spending power than by gifting something ugly. 5. In short. 18. A box of icky. If at all you do. 3. memorabilia and autographed scrapbooks. please don’t walk into the party with a lame bunch of flowers.we like to do our own grocery shopping. We could probably write a book on “why not to gift a vase”. a bottle of wine to a teetotaler or a kitten to someone who is not fond of pets . Classy perfumes are cool but deodorants are a strict no-no when it comes to gifts unless you want to get a clear message across. 10. Handmade stuff like that pink and black muffler (your first ever knitting project) is sweet but then… 7. grease laden sweets . Whatever you do. 17. A book on how to lose weight . 8. team it up with a book on “50 Cool Uses for Half-Dead Blossoms”. 6.03:16 PM Racking your brains over cool gift ideas for the holiday season? We make it easier for you by telling you what NOT to gift.gift that to a friend and earn an enemy for life! The same goes for weighing machines or other similarly suggestive objects. . Gifting religious paraphernalia like idols and pictures of your favourite deity and spiritual books will only make you look like a wannabe fanatic. Buying us a ‘useful’ item is a noble idea but vacuum cleaners and toasters kinda cross the line unless they are specifically asked for. fur or any other remains of a dead animal is totally. don’t bother spending the bucks.the worst gifting faux pas. Fake jewellery and tacky trinkets are very likely to end up adorning our domestic help. 2009 .

combined. Touch triggers good feelings and signals special treatment — so not only will the person you’re talking to like you more. If you’re standing. Each time you move to a different setting. It can be as simple as walking from the bar over to the window or the couch. As other people walk in. This subtle move amps up your sexiness factor and exudes confidence. 3. Then wait until after you say hi to someone to flash them a big smile. you’ll appear to be the center of attention and they’ll naturally gravitate towards you. Hw to b the party’s life 1. the more you will stand out in a crowd. . making you seem instantly more dynamic. 20. bad gifts are like bad karma . which comes off as insincere. casually place a hand on his or her arm. which makes them suddenly get the urge to refill their drink.. 8. move one elbow onto the back of your chair. passé and some more pass&#233. Wear a strapless dress that maximizes the amount of shoulder you show off. Instead. you can get the same effect by leaning on a nearby bar or countertop with one arm.19. Don’t Be Afraid to Touch: When you’re chatting with someone. Get Moving: As the party gets packed. change your locale every ten or fifteen minutes. Did you ever gift someone plastic jars and containers? You did? Gasp!Remember. grab one or two of your friends and head straight for the middle of the room. 7.. Perfect Your Smile: The biggest mistake people make in social situations is putting on the perma-smile. 4. Make sure it’s a solid color (patterns cause you to blend in) such as red. Hands Off Your Hair: Messing with your tresses sends a message to both men and women that you’re insecure or nervous. A tie and cuff set is passé. fuchsia or turquoise and you’ll turn more heads than all the women in LBDs. 6. You want them to think that they’re the reason you’re suddenly so happy.they always come back. like you have a secret you’re just dying to tell. Take the Prime Position: When you arrive. Doing so will show off your wrists (a move men find particularly attractive because it hints at openness and vulnerability) and leave your midsection — a power zone that communicates confidence — unobstructed. other people will wish they were the object of your rapt attention. don a close-lipped smirk. Show Your Shoulders: The more skin you show in the winter. Try This Alluring Posture: Rather than sitting with your hands at your side. 2. So beware! . 5. Let Your Cocktail Do the Talking: Hold your glass in one hand and off to the side as opposed to directly in front of you with two hands. you’ll be seen from a new angle.

host. 6.e. 2. If the get-together is at someone's house. Don't elaborate since you'll just sound insincere. Tell a little white lie. Google it..6 Secrets to Getting into Any Party or Club December 17. . If it's a fancy gathering." The hostess will most likely invite you in rather than risking an awkward social faux pas. and the dress code. you can always tell the bouncer — or host if it's a raging party and you'll go unnoticed once inside — that you are having a bathroom emergency. Shake his hand. I'm a friend of [insert common name]. and say. wait until your turn then step up with a $20 folded against your palm. you're not going to get in wearing jeans. But just remember: if a doorman. 2009 at 3:25PM By Zoë Ruderman | Comments Not that we approve of the couple who crashed the state dinner at the White House a few weeks ago. So we got celeb event planner and author of Party Like a Rock Star. name drop). Here goes: 1. Imagine never being turned away by an a-hole bouncer or missing a party your friend's friend's friend is throwing again. Find out who will be there. 3. don't even think about getting there till 10. The more information you have. Thanks so much for having us.. If you're trying to get into a club and the bouncer is turning away almost everyone ahead of you in line. Before you attempt to infiltrate a fiesta. everyone who wasn't on the list will already have tried and been turned away. If it started at 8 p. transferring the bill. show up with a gift like a bottle of wine. And it's always better to blend in rather than stand out. (Never ask first if you can give him money. the easier it will be to fib your way in (i. or Secret Service agent starts giving you the evil eye or flat out asks you to leave. Use the info you gather from your research to pick out the right outfit. As a last resort. So save the peacockfeather cocktail dress and neon pumps for another night. No party is worth causing an embarrassing scene. By that time. but you've gotta admit that having the balls and the know-how to get into an event you're not invited to is pretty awesome. And the bouncer or event planner will be much more lax about checking names.. Wait until the party is really going before you try to crash.m. and stick to a number that isn't so memorable. Bouncers will almost always say no. Jes Gordon to give us a crash course in party-partying. Do your research. Grease the doorman. who is throwing it. "Hi. Dress appropriately. 4.or a government hearing.) 5. admit defeat.

but she’s not invested in their opinions of her. Mackenzie connects with some of her colleagues.How to Totally Rule Your World On Commander in Chief.” says Wilson. president Mackenzie Allen has mastered a fresh set of strategies (in some cases working her feminine instincts.” says Marilyn Manning. A woman kicking ass in the Oval Office is the fictional premise of ABC’s hit drama Commander in Chief. Wilson. Mackenzie adopts this approach with every crisis she handles. She was discouraged from stepping up to become president. That’s why she didn’t fire any of the cabinet members when she came onboard — their experience and commitment to the job mattered more to her than being liked. Geena Davis’s female president has work and life tactics that you can use to get ahead. “Strong leaders combine collaboration with aggressive decision making. tuned-in listening is what engenders empathy and creates connectedness. Mackenzie lets her internal compass guide her.” says Marie C. “Intuition has often been discounted as a woman’s trait. She Wears the Pants (and the Bra) .” says Wilson.S. U. she felt she had the competence to lead the country. and it got us thinking about why we should have a lot more power. Popularity Isn’t a Top Priority It’s tough not being liked by your workmates. in others overriding them) that can give you the edge in your quest to excel on the job or anywhere. coauthor of Leadership Skills for Women. president of The White House Project and author of Closing the Leadership Gap.PhD. She’s the Last to Speak We’ve all had bosses who do all the talking (yawn). Her Gut Gets the Final Vote After considering everyone’s opinion. Mackenzie isn’t so worried about being heard. but in the end. but strong leaders rise above that. But in an interesting twist. “Seeking approval is a typical female behavior. allowing others to contribute their thoughts before she bears down on the situation. but it’s now gaining ground as a valuable way to make decisions. “Intent.

then you know this: When you freak. like strong communication. but you might not know how hard Ivanka Trump has worked to carve out her own success. knowing that the only way to triumph is to make sure no one sees her sweat. And now she's showing you ways to do the same. How to Be Rich.” says Manning. Her Face Doesn’t Give Her Away If you’ve ever had a meltdown at work. “A good manager delivers direction without giving in to the panic — at least outwardly. At 26. she’s a graduate of the prestigious Wharton School of business and the . Ready for the ultimate apprenticeship? BY HOLLY EAGLESON You know her famous family. you don’t need to fill out a jock strap to be a serious contender for management these days. “Female managers are able to combine traditionally masculine attributes — such as being decisive under pressure — with feminine strengths. and magnetic charm — not her last name — to get what she wants. Mackenzie keeps her cool. brains. and Famous Ivanka Trump uses her guts.Of course. Sexy. you lose your clout.” says Wilson. But the genius in Mackenzie’s leadership style is that she blends classic feminine traits with masculine traits. Case in point: When the Russian president threatens to bail on a state dinner.

then move on.. let your boss say “Sorry. So when you’re negotiating a raise. because you often over calculate things and want to spill information you’ve gathered to prove yourself. you’ll lose. 4. Don’t get her wrong: “I can’t be a sycophant. It pays to play up your differences.” By sizing up a situation with small talk — ask about their last vacation or how their family is doing — you sense whether they’re in buddy mode or need kid gloves. But this fighter uses the underminers’ blind spots to her benefit. 5. always take the temperature of whom you’re dealing with. Put them to use and you can build your own luxe existence.. “People like aggressive styles or gentle styles or want to feel they’re your best friend..” she advises. but they’re more shocked when the answer I get from the decision maker is okay.” advises Ivanka.” she warns. “Don’t ever show your hand until you really have to.” If you fight the bitch head on.” she says. Emitting sex appeal on the job makes you alluring — just be smart about it. Work Your Sexiness 24/7 “When it comes to the workplace. Don’t Be Afraid to Make an Ass of Yourself “Some people in my industry are shocked by the brazenness of my requests..” she says. “Serious cleavage is not appropriate. Think Commanding. “If you misjudge someone. 2. And when you disagree.”) builds a solid rep.. nor is flirting with potential partners. there’s no such thing as feminine self-expression. but they get tripped up because she won’t let on that she’s done her homework.and she pulls it off with a brilliant set of life and work rules that allow her to be strong and knockout sexy at the same time. Handle a Bitch the Right Way Sometimes you’ll meet a heinous beast whose number-one goal is to make you squirm. instead. 1. Then the punches have more power. defuse her by using humor and your power not to get ruffled. 3. Let Yourself Be Underestimated “There are people who assume I’m daddy’s little girl or just a 26-year-old blond.vice president of acquisitions and development of the Trump Organization. She also just launched the Ivanka Trump fine jewelry collection. the girl has style. 6. keep your voice at a captivating low tone. 7. “Always allow the other person to throw out the first offer. a little diplomacy (“You make a great point. “You have to be . but I see it another way.” she says. “I’ll make light of the fact that they’re an aggressive human being. Have a Secret Weapon for Negotiating Competitors bank on an easy win with Ivanka because she’s young. she’s more likely to get the better of you.” Ivanka says.” she says.” You actually get more power by deferring to higher-ups in public or backing up a colleague’s ideas. Learn to Read a Room In addition to being respectful.” says Ivanka. like keeping the peace and managing people. and evoke sensuality by saying you are “passionate about a project” or have “intimate knowledge” of your industry. “I’m strong yet I’ll exude feminine traits. Not Demanding “There’s something unappealing about someone our age being too authoritative. “You have to rough some people around tactically so they respect you or get intimidated. Needless to say. “Know your audience. no money in the budget” before you spring the fact that you know a junior coworker makes more than you do. Instead. so I stake my ground politely and don’t sugarcoat things.” Ivanka says.” she says.

” Why Being Ballsy Matters Ivanka didn’t get where she is by waiting for daddy to drop plum projects in her lap. such as your own private workspace.’” Ivanka says. they have a leg up. but if someone else in the room is less intelligent but wants it more. 8. but the family abides by this one: “My best advice from my dad is ‘Love what you do. “It’s as basic as that. “So what if she says no?” Ivanka says. “She’s never going to not respect that you asked for something above your duties. let people know.” When you ask for something outrageous. And use the element of surprise to catch the boss’s eye. Love What You Do The Trump business may live and die by one bottom line.” The Secret to Getting What You Want in Life New research has uncovered a fascinating little strategy for achieving any goal. they may be so taken aback. like the nicest office. they’ll relent on a lesser point you really want. “If you think you can do a job that is a stretch but will test your confidence.” she advises. like putting an unexpected idea memo on her desk. The only way to succeed is to have more motivation than the next person. Curious? Read on to find out what you need to do.willing to embarrass yourself by laying claim to something so egregious that you may get laughed at for it. The Donald doesn’t like to travel. You could be a genius. BY BETHANY HEITMAN 1 of 3 » . so she took charge of huge deals in Hawaii and Dubai.

Then think about all the negative things you'll have to deal with along the way: sacrificing time with friends. "There's something called the fantasy realization theory that has proven to help people attain whatever they want. "Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you forward. You feel so satisfied. schedule lots of ." says K.C. Move On! "If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate program. you won't run the risk of letting anyone else's opinions get in your way. but it also helps you plan exactly which steps you need to take to get there. they may go on about how terrible the campus is…and you may start to believe them when you really should be trusting your own gut. Keep reading for more reasons to stay mum. that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. just wanting to have something impressive to talk about at parties. author of Find Your Focus Zone. "But by considering both. If you want to get into the fashion industry. etc. PhD. tried-and-true ways to do it. "So if they can have something that is solely theirs. an assistant professor at Idaho State University who worked on the study. you're making sure your goal is something you're really doing for yourself. Wilson. for example. but there are some easy. The gist is that you must fantasize about your goal on a regular basis — think about all the awesome consequences of achieving it." says McCulloch. A study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment. and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. After all.It's a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it's scoring your ideal job. the more people you tell. that's easier said than done. If you announce that you're going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal." Beyond that. a life coach in Michigan and founder of Get Over It. people think about only either the really good stuff or the terrible stuff. Your bud has a "Oh." How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible. the more likely you'll do it because you don't want to be thought of as a failure. right? Wrong. you make the fantasy more realistic. Of course. when you're already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner? The smarter strategy: Don't tell a soul. Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin' Powerful Okay. wow. paying for expensive classes. in fact. so you can at least tell your BFF. making you less likely to actually go after it. plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low." says McCulloch. and it will seem more attainable. Plus. "What stops a lot of people from doing the things they dream of is other people. New research shows the opposite is true. say. "By not telling anyone. loved ones may have ulterior motives for being naysayers. writing a screenplay. That's opposed to." Not only that." says McCulloch." says Susan B. a good friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously distract you from the finish line. Here's an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. "Women tend to overextend themselves for loved ones. or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it to everyone you know. right? Nope. it can feel really special. Why should you. "Often. PhD. McCulloch. Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You'll be so antsy finally to be able to share it with everyone that you'll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast as possible. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. that's great!" reaction." says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino.

So Cosmo collected a set of modern guidelines perfect for a brazen 21stcentury babe like yourself. then tweak your goals if necessary. Thankfully. you can tell the whole world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret. you no longer have to map out contentment in advance. They may not know what you're trying to do. Can't think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips. Your strategy then? “Reevaluate your path every six months. and job-hop. it’s to your benefit to adopt a fluid approach to planning your future. how you want. first kid by 30. You No Longer Need a Five-Year Plan It used to be that people were encouraged to set a strict time line for achieving milestones: dream job by 25. married by 27.” says career strategist Cynthia Shapiro. 1. Another factor: Since it’s now acceptable to delay marriage. That way. have kids later. and try writing an anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option). BY HOLLY EAGLESON Here’s the problem with conventional wisdom: You’re not conventional. and neither are the situations you’re facing these days. If You Have to Blab to Someone… …Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with. but being around them will keep your eyes on the prize. Plus. you don’t want to be so locked into a game plan that you can’t grab a fabulous opportunity that comes out of the blue. “Committing because you’re supposed to — whether it’s saying I do or sticking it out at a soulless job — prevents you from seeking situations that make you happy.” says life coach Valorie Burton.time with fashion-forward pals. The New Life Rules to Follow Now These truisms of today allow you the power and flexibility to get what you want. author of What Does Somebody Have to Do to Get a Job Around Here? . "Choose someone you trust completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own goals." says Palladino.

” says Stephanie Losee. Thankfully.” 4.” says Bogle. Mixing Business and Pleasure Is Wise Not so long ago.m. let it be known after the first two hookups that you want more than a fling. “You’re also bound to be intellectually compatible and have a built-in level of respect. “A change of scenery may help you objectively choose the next best course of action. coauthor of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding — and Managing — Romance on the Job. 3. it’s a plus. provided it’s not a boss/ subordinate situation. author of Hooking Up: Sex. booty call could become your boyfriend. your 2 a. Bogle. But to convert an FWB into a BF. You Can Run from Your Problems After a devastating breakup. “When you get to know a coworker. Short Hair Is Not a Job Requirement To reach the top of your profession. Dating. “If showing femininity builds confidence. they don’t have the time or patience to court for months before finding out if they click physically. there’s a good chance he’s relationship-ready. 6. coworkers. that would be a red flag to you online or at a bar. says Kathleen A. “Women who wear makeup earn 20 to 30 percent more income. But companies have realized that interoffice dating actually increases productivity by as much as 20 percent. experts have one word for you: arrivederci. but that increases anxiety and depression. “It’s now common for women who have acrimonious relationships with their parents or live across the country from them to create family like bonds with roommates. If yours is more toxic than tight-knit. so many have loosened policies against it. beauty and fashion sense can be assets. “It can be easier to be open with nonblood relatives. People are so busy with their careers. “Major companies now realize that a woman doesn’t have to be masculine to be powerful. Guys may just need a nudge to take it to the next level. and Relationships on Campus. you used to need two things: a stellar résumé and a Hillary Clinton–style crop. Your Family Doesn’t Have to Be the Most Important Thing Not everyone is born into a nurturing clan.” says Cheryl Dellasega. Well. And don’t underestimate young dudes: Research from the State University of New York at Oswego found that college guys may prefer relationships to one-night stands. at least 50 percent of workers have dated a fellow employee. don’t feel guilty about establishing a surrogate family of friends.” 5. influential businesswomen like Oprah Winfrey have shown that you can have great success and great hair. and 25 percent of them — including Barack and Michelle Obama — have married. author of Casual Power.” . Taking a time-out to refocus after an unpleasant event — even if it’s just going to stay with a friend in Miami for a few weeks — can be an option. PhD. In fact. The fact is. PhD. which may lead to more intimate connections. author of Forced to Be Family. PhD. professor of psychology at Yale University and author of Women Who Think Too Much. like height. so they test the waters.” adds Maysonave.2. dating a coworker was considered career suicide. you dream of escaping to Italy to drown your sorrows in gnocchi and gelato.” says corporate image consultant Sherry Maysonave. PhD.” says clinical psychologist Renee Gilbert. “Women think they have to stay and ruminate over a problem to fix it. “If he has a steady job and friends who are coupling up. you see past superficial stuff. It’s Possible to Turn a Hookup into a Real Relationship Believe it or not. and friends.” says Susan NolenHoeksema.

and repairs into investments like T-bills or inflation-indexed bonds. and you see the missed call and the voice message alert. 8. Everyone does. and comfortable with his masculinity — all great qualities in a partner.” explains Shiller. “You may make more in the long run by putting cash you’d pay in interest on a home loan. “What’s next. 9.7. in some cases. The Double Message Of course you screen calls. You Don’t Have to Grow Up and Buy a House Already Once upon a time. “Many young guys saw their moms work growing up. coauthor of Changing Rhythms of American Family Life. But your phone is still working. and your heart skips a tiny beat every time you get a text from him. it can be salvaged. able to compromise. an indiscretion can sometimes draw a duo closer together. it may be smarter to rent.” says Kirshenbaum. professor of economics at Yale University and author of The Subprime Solution. The 10 Most Annoying Text Habits Ever 3. A Relationship Can Survive After One Person Cheats Cheaters are cruel. so they respect a successful woman and don’t assume that the man has to be the breadwinner. Sometimes you’re in the middle of something and sometimes you just don’t feel like talking. This setup works best when the wife also has progressive ideas about gender equality and allows the husband to control some aspects of the household so there is an equal division of power. they’re also capable of understanding what the little bobble head with the sound waves coming out of him symbolizes? Text back. But given the current mortgage crisis. says psychologist Mira Kirshenbaum. and narcissistic. The Texting Tease You’re seeing a really cute/smart/funny/cool new guy. associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. At present. says Melissa Milkie. author of When Good People Have Affairs. What’s more. it takes a bomb going off to get them to address their problems. “For some couples. property taxes. In the middle of the week. Not Lazy Asses With 25 percent of chicks outearning their spouses and childcare costs skyrocketing. it could be shrewder to rent until the market rebounds. selfish. right? Well. 15 to 20 percent are. but the rest are well-meaning if imperfect people who love their partner but made a stupid mistake. you get one asking what you’re up to this . adults who rented were dismissed as Peter Pans with negative cash flow.” says Aaron Rochlen. a carrier pigeon?” 4. A guy who’s willing to stay home is likely supportive. PhD. So if the cheater is deeply apologetic and committed to working to improve the relationship.” says Robert Shiller. “It’s a misconception that real estate is an investment guaranteed to make money. nearly 2 million men have chosen to stay home and raise the kids. Stay-at-Home Dads Are Catches. PhD. So why — why?! — do certain people feel the need to send a text letting you know that they just left a message? Don’t they realize that if someone is smart enough to read a text.

Text 5: Around 10 Text 6: It’s gonna be me and Chris Text 7: Are you coming? Text 8: Let us know Text 9: Byeee! Text 10: lolz An example of what that exchange should look like: Text 1: Hey.” This way. thanks to your confident attitude. “Oh okay.. It looks like this: “Soooo. but ultimately you’re the one who is in charge. “Guys.” Or. reading books. watching movies. and it’s another text from said person..weekend.” You stand there with a perplexed look on your face. 7. “Hey. you let him know that it’s looking pretty relaxed so far.. People gushing on and on about their amazing love life? Not so much.” Clearly. Chris and I are going to Cool People Bar around 10 tonight.” Your buddy will get the point that some people actually have a life.. look what he wrote to me! Omg look at what he said now! Haha aww. look at this one!!” The cure? A dose of their own medicine. “la la la. (one-minute pause) Text 8: For “realz. The Bulk Texter An example of what a series of texts from this person might look like: Text 1: Hey! Text 2: What’s up? Text 3: What are you doing tonight? Text 4: Some of us are going to Cool People Bar tonight. but you also have to read all of their SUPER-cute texts. 5. An example of what you could text back: Text 1: Please Text 2: never Text 3: text Text 4: me Text 5: this Text 6: way Text 7: again.” Or. Not only do you have to listen to them tell every insignificant story about how cute it was that their boyfriends ate pancakes for dinner and woke up with a funny hairdo. The Show-and-Teller Love is wonderful. baking. look what my Mom said about her gallbladder! Omg you won’t . Let us know if you wanna come. Respond “Yeah. the ball is in his court. “What upppp.” 6. We’re huge advocates of love and being in love and enjoying that love. cool. they have nothing else to say and just want something to do. Send a text saying. Does he then proceed to make a plan with you? No. Assuming he wants to do something together. But your phone dings. “Running. He responds. and now you’re ready to put your phone down for a little while. but call my secretary if you want to schedule something. The Bored Texter You’ve just finished a sufficiently long and entertaining texting exchange with someone.

believe how I’m planning to organize my sock drawer! Aww. You get a message asking how your day went or if you’ll be free at a certain time. 2. Sidekick. you’ve been waiting to see this movie for weeks. 1. But the guy in front of you insists on ruining your experience by texting for the entire 96 minutes. to the cent.” tell him that he should really consider an iPhone. 3. travel safety expert Marybeth Bond explains what you must know before you check in. 7 Travel Secrets to Keep You Safe Freaked out that a creepy perv made a nude video of ESPN Anchor Erin Andrews by peeping into her hotel room? You’re not alone. ever get comfortable with using text slang and abbreviations. check the door and window locks. and here you finally are. Then get ready to start running. no girl wants to associate the men in their lives with tween-speak. especially if there are sliding glass doors — an entry point offering easier views of and access into your room. my dog is wagging his tail. Whether he’s a friend. When the lights come up at the end of the flick. And hears it vibrating violently every two minutes. Then hold your palm out expectantly. Ask to be assigned a room above the ground floor. could they not at least drum up something a little more personal/creative/not totally unnecessary? Respond by letting them know how much. The Needs-to-Grow-a-Pair Texter Guys should never.“k. they owe you for superfluous texts the next time you’re together. You open the message and it says. BlackBerry. If the desk clerk mentions your room number out loud and there are other guests around. or “anything that gives you more room to text. date. Oh. 10. he’s doing it again!!” 8. The Lingering K This one is especially aggravating if you’re not on an unlimited texting plan. Here’s a little secret he doesn’t know: EVERYONE sees his phone lighting up.” He’ll realize how outdated his text-talk is.. so you send back a detailed and informative reply. call up a friend and loudly discuss how rude the guy texting throughout the entire movie was. or boyfriend. . request that you be given a different room. The next time he sends you a “TTY L8ER” or “C U 2morrow. 9. Once inside your room. Hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the door when you’re out so would-be thieves will think the room is occupied. But if they feel the need to. Your phone dings again. snacks in hand. The Goobers-and-Popcorn Texter The previews are over. Here..” Do people not even have the decency to include the o? The offender doesn’t even need to reply to the message.

If you plan on staying at an inexpensive motel. it's time to make a bold. pack some safety pins and duct tape so you can make sure the curtains are completely closed. If you use the preorder menu that hangs on your door all night. If you really want to succeed. The Gutsy Traveler. 6. This way you can easily peel it off when you need to peek out. don’t mark a first name or the number of people in the room — this reveals to anyone passing your room that you’re alone. BY MOLLY FAHNER . have the rental car agency or hotel arrange for someone to accompany you to and from parking lots. cover the peephole on the interior side of the door with a Band-Aid. If you like to walk around naked in your hotel room (no judgment!). The Fierce New Secret to Success Forget everything you've heard about the importance of playing it safe right now. 5. brazen move.4. We tell you how to take the plunge. 7. For more safety tips. If you’re planning to arrive at night. Pull the drapes shut as soon as you walk into your hotel room. check out Marybeth Bond’s Website.

it's tempting to stay in your bubble and put off going after those dreams. That's not to say you should buy a car on a whim. Simply using these clear-headed strategies can ensure that you do the right thing. They look at chaos as an opportunity for change. When things are changing a lot — and quickly — it's scary.. and at the other is type t. author of On Becoming Fearless and creator of the news-and-politics Website TheHuffingtonPost. What. or fearlessness. But when it comes to bigger ones (like which job to take). Live Like a Type T The first step is to figure out where you stand on the spectrum of risk taking. Go with Your Gut Instincts A study found that when making simple choices (like what cereal to buy). they take action. now.and of failing. something you could gulp down that would instantly transform you into Gutsy Girl? But lacking magic and with the world in an uncertain state. an expert on thrill seekers at Temple University. put it: 'You never want a serious crisis to go to waste — and what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things you thought you could not do before.Think of one big thing you would love to do but haven't." Farley says. you're better off listening to your instincts. it's fear — of navigating new territory. "These people often do their finest work in periods of flux. PhD. Chances are. but it also opens the door to unexpected possibilities." says Arianna Huffington. "The upside of the downturn is that it may force you to confront your darkest fears and push through them. "Type T's are natural-born thrill seekers who live for excitement and uncertainty. Then ask yourself what's stopping you. Who hasn't wished at times for a magic fearlessness potion. And here's the really counterintuitive part: This is actually the best time ever to do something fierce and bold. it pays to be rational." How to Make a Choice You'll Never Regret Forget the psychic and Magic-8 Ball. of turning your life upside down." according to psychologist Frank Farley. we've got a secret for you: It takes only one leap of faith to propel your life forward for the better. you can crib some crucial ballsy skills from people who do come by their fearlessness naturally. While other people get nervous and avoid trying anything different. As the president's chief of staff. now? you're probably thinking. Read on for the four key ways to tap in to your inner tigress.com. 1. When my best friend got canned last week and everyone says the economy's totally whacked? Yes. Farley has devised a T scale (the T stands for thrill) to describe the distinction: At one end is the Type T. Instead.. And remember this: "The survival skill of the 21st century is going to be dealing with change. Get ready not only to survive but to thrive.'" So how do you incorporate that inspiration into your own life? New research is showing that you don't have to be born brave to act that way. but if you have weighed the pros and cons and . "Times of upheaval can indeed lead to major positive shifts in our lives. Well. Rahm Emanuel.

If the answer is no. let your snap judgment be the tiebreaker and go with what just feels right. . Consider the Long-Term Consequences Some decisions make short-term sense but in the long run can be disastrous.. doing things like sitting in the sun or having unprotected sex often can feel right in the moment. But it's best to keep your hairstylist.. A good rule of thumb: Play out each possible scenario in your mind.. keep it to yourself. we tend to act rashly when we're nervous or upset. And since one study found that stress has a residual effect. getting shut-eye) can help you analyze your options and come to a conclusion. Talk It Over with a Select Few Chatting about your predicament with close friends. trainer. try to resolve the disagreement quickly so you can make a more clearheaded resolution. 2. on a friend's or boyfriend's feelings. Hashing out your options allows you to further process the decision. 6. However. 5. belaboring a decision for too long means you aren't comfortable with any of the choices you have before you and you need to consider alternatives. more than that can cloud your judgment. Get into a Stress-Free State Go for a haircut right after you are laid off and you could wind up looking like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. telling your guy you cheated on him once three years ago may relieve your guilt. Sleep on It. and barista out of it. Soliciting too many opinions — especially from people who don't know you that well — can leave you with lots of conflicting (not to mention bad) advice. Similarly.and consider the outcome (on your health. Put Down the Mojito There's a reason Google Mail Goggles was invented: Cocktails make it easier to act. Research suggests that anxiety not only makes it more difficult to settle on something but also actually makes you more likely to come to the wrong conclusion. 3. wait a few days after you've kissed and made up before forking over your security deposit. or whomever you trust to give an honest opinion is a good idea. ask yourself if the person is really in a position to know what's best for you. For example. on your credit-card bill — whatever) before making a controversial move.but Just for One Night Researchers say unconscious deliberation (i. Although one drink can relax you while you're agonizing over a choice. So if you're fighting with your boyfriend while choosing between two apartments. your mom. But Avoid Discussing It with Everyone So you know that running your decision past a few key people in your life is smart. and hearing others' perspectives (whether you agree with them or not) can help you arrive at a more informed — and better — conclusion... 7.still can't reach a conclusion. The reason being.e. which is why people will often tell you to sleep on it. but it will probably cause him to break up with you. but these toxic behaviors have serious health ramifications. 4. Before seeking someone's opinion.

Distance yourself from the person or people pressuring you while you sort out your thoughts. experts recommend assessing each new opportunity with a fresh mind-set. What you want: To appear more powerful in the office hierarchy How to get it: Wear a chic all-black outfit to work. Behold the smart. . Here's how to use subliminal moves to get an edge. life-changing choice based on what your horoscope instructs you to do. moving across the country) should not be left up to the stars. There's a subtle tactic to make things go your way in your career. At Work What you want: To seem like a team player How to get it: Put up a picture of your dog (or even of a friend's pup) in your workspace. Don't Leave It Up to Chance It can be dangerous to make a major. but they may also act more loyal toward you. it's important not to rely simply on experience. it can be easy to be swayed in one direction by someone who has self-serving motives — whether it's a salesperson talking you into buying a pair of shoes you can't afford or your parents being all up in your grill about going to a particular grad school.8. and don't smile as often as you're inclined. It's called priming. Research shows that by exposing people to specific words. Why it works: When people look at shots of a pet dog. Research shows that too many personal shots make other perceive you as a less professional worker. if you should ask out a guy). Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want You can actually learn to use subliminal messages to make people adore you. and social world — one that has nothing to do with effort or luck. and symbols. they can be affected in a way that benefits you without their even realizing what's going on. While it's definitely fun to let these things influence small decisions (which dress to wear on a date. body language. pretend you're advising a friend on the matter. sneaky strategy behind this science. And if that's not possible. In our rapidly changing world. 9. Remember That You Can't Always Use the Past to Predict the Future Especially when you're making a choice that will seriously affect your bank account or lifestyle. they not only tend to presume you're loyal. Blow Off Bullies Who Are Pressuring You When grappling with a decision. the bigger stuff (dumping your boyfriend. 10. But don't paper your cube with canines. which will help you act more logically and guilt-free. love life. What might have been a shrewd move a few years ago — like buying a house or leaving your 9-to-5 gig to start up your own business — could wreak havoc on your life today.

your targets start to think about all the qualities they admire in that person.g. this seductive I-feel-like-I'm-there speech will make him associate your personality with the lush sensations you're describing. Why it works: Researchers think that simply being in this kind of an environment can influence a person to behave in terms of communicating. Why it works: It's a proven way to win someone's affection: Libraries and car dealerships have higher customer-satisfaction ratings when workers imperceptibly touch their clients. With a Man What you want: To seem more alluring when you meet a guy How to get it: Talk about a beach vacation you took using sensual terms (e. Researchers at New York University found that when you're sitting across from someone who's unconsciously shaking his foot. she'll implicitly assume you're an emotionally warm person — someone very likable. Why it works: According to psychologists. author. That means that he'll be more likely to be open and disclose his true feelings to you. such as a political figure. if you start moving yours in a similar but unobtrusive way. What you want: Your crush to fall for you on a dinner date How to get it: Subtly touch the back of his hand as you're reaching across the table for bread. "The sun felt so fabulously warm against my skin") to paint a mental picture about the climate. like touching your hair when she touches hers. then the person feels more positive toward you.Why it works: You'll be seen as assertive and directed. or celebrity. What you want: Your slob roomie to clean up after herself more often . What you want: To have The Talk without his flipping out How to get it: Take him to a restaurant that has soft. In Social Settings What you want: To impress your guy's parents the first time you meet How to get it: Casually praise someone whom you're certain his mom or dad holds high esteem. What you want: To bond with the boss How to get it: Offer to get her a hot cup of coffee — even if you're not her assistant — and chat her up as she's drinking it. Touch activates the human desire to bond. they'll subconsciously link you with that person's positive traits. while the act of keeping a neutral face is associated with higher status and power in a work environment. Why it works: A recent study showed that just by holding the high-temp liquid. What you want: To make a friend out of an acquaintance How to get it: Start mirroring her behavioral tics. Studies have found that people in black uniforms (like sports teams) are viewed as more dominant figures. Why it works: We like to see ourselves in other people. And because they're looking at you.. Why it works: Experts say that as you talk about their hero in a positive light. Just don't hand her an iced latte or you could trigger a frosty reception. feminine colors and furniture with few angular lines.

They may not have visible fangs or a fear of sunlight. You can also prime her by squirting a little fluid in the bathroom sink before she goes in to use it. BY ASHLEY WOMBLE The Buddy Thief . Why it works: A Dutch study recently proved that the faint smell of a cleaning product will spur people to start picking up the area around them. but many mortals are not so kind. Cosmo IDs the toxic villains who make your blood boil. but there are certain types of people who suck up your time. How to Spot a Real-Life Vampire Twilight's Edward Cullen puts his life at stake to save his love.How to get it: Spray a bit of liquid all-purpose cleaner in the air right before she enters the skanky spot in question. money and love.

• You hear from your girls that she's invited them to dinners and parties — and hasn't included you. and wine. • At bars. How to spot: • She appears to only be able to speak in interrogative sentences. you're not getting fired. • You don't know what his voice sounds like on the phone. How to spot: • You only see him after dark. "How do I do that?" and "Where is the copier. How to spot: • When she invites you over for dinner. How to spot: . you somehow wind up bringing the main dish. • The only meal you've ever shared is late-night pizza. The Mooch This friend drains your bank account by taking advantage of your generosity. • You tell her she can crash on your couch for a week between apartments. salad. "No. and she's still there three months later. she often claims to have forgotten her ATM card at home. How to spot: • She only wants to go out with you if you're getting an amazing group together. the boss doesn't hate you.She's a new acquaintance who hijacks your social life by befriending all of your pals. such as. • You suddenly notice a ton of your friends on her Facebook page." • When she can't manage to complete a project." and "No. The Drama Queen Empathizing with her takes up nearly all of your time and energy. The Clingy Coworker Her constant need for help and reassurance tests your patience. it magically lands on your desk. The Flaky Friend with Benefits He's lurking in your life — soaking up your love and affection — but refuses to commit. again?" • You constantly have to tell her.

but most of us don't have the money (or time) to commit. • He insists you hang out with his friends. It doesn't feel like a normal conversation unless she breaks down in tears at least once. How to Save Your Ass with Self-Defense It's awesome if you can take a self-defense course. How to spot: • He doesn't know how to turn on the oven.. • He thinks foreplay is a one-way street that leads to his penis. So instead of putting it off any longer.• • • She always writes "911" text messages to be sure you will call her immediately.. and then won't so much as talk to yours. learn some quick and easy tips now. BY CASSANDRA KAPP . She asks for your advice and then promptly does the exact opposite. The High-Maintenance Boyfriend This dude likes to be doted on and insists on monopolizing your attention at all times.

2. Here. If a stranger says he needs a hand — but you get a creepy vibe from him — you don't have to be nice.. or walk home from the bar wasted." and keep moving. Attackers tend to look for women who appear insecure or unsuspecting.. told us. You want to send the signal that you’re a secure chick who could kick anyone’s ass. CEO and founder of the Women's Self-Defense Institute. Don't get sloppy during after-hours. how to fight an attacker before he strikes.m. Hunching over. The rest of your defense is just being aware of your surroundings and taking preventive measures. chatting on your cell. walk confidently with your shoulders back and chin up. 3. Simply say. . 4. Be discreet online. "Sorry. HOW TO PREVENT AN ATTACK 1. but I really can't stop to help right now. Instead. Get bitchy. Don’t go to the ATM by yourself at 2 a. You can’t control the predators but can control the opportunities you give them. Make eye contact. or being distracted by your iPod or text messages make you an easy target for a bad guy. Be a hard target.and then some sharp ideas for how to react if things really do get physical. leave the windows to your house open at night.Tamara Schlesinger Did you know that only 10 percent of self-defense is actually physical? That's what Angie Tarighi..

Get your hands in the high-five position with the palm pushed forward and your fingers back. 9. Other places attackers hide: between cars (even on streets). your hands are often full. Parking lots are popular places for attacks because you’re distracted. Try having a different profile account for your close friends than you do for your acquaintances. throat. Whether it's an umbrella. Keys can especially do a lot of damage: If an attacker comes at you. just below his eyes. and actually know all the friends you approve. 10. Your elbow is way more effective than your fists. Cosmo explains why you need to make a danger-thwarting pact with your posse. an attacker or predator just wants your money. stairwells. as your attacker expects you’ll go there first. Use your palm. stomp on the top of his foot. Aim for weak points. Use what's in your hands. If this is the case. When fighting off an attacker. cell phone. throw your purse as far as you can. If he attacks you from behind. and knees. and there aren't other people around. 5.Avoid having your contact information on your Facebook page. Be on the lookout. . Often. You should hit the groin last. and alleys. 6. The Buddy System That Can Save Your Life The saying "There is safety in numbers" has never been more true. Throw your elbow. 8. A great skill to know is the palm heel strike. bushes. twist your hips. go for his vulnerable points like eyes. Let them have it. WHAT TO DO IF IT GETS PHYSICAL 7. and put your whole body into it as you swing your hooked elbow across his jaw. Make sure to bend your knees. Step into the attacker and forcefully bang your palm at the top of your attacker's nose. pen. anything can be a weapon. or even hairspray. and then run in the opposite direction. scratch his face or jab at his eyes with the keys.

But when it comes to drinking. so you like to party.Wadley These days. As far as who might be the attacker. Vowing to follow them might just save a friend’s life. Being out there alone compounds the dangers that already exist on the party circuit.” says Ruth Anne Koenick. And the most vulnerable prey. and at least three quarters of women victims had been drinking. it hints at a strategy that could save your life. an associate professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and the author of Sexual Offenses and Offenders. it’s not uncommon to hear about young females who go out to party one night and don't come back.or your own. And then. Terry. there are the date-rape drugs. coauthor of Forsaken Females: The Global Brutalization of Women. there are some sobering statistics to be aware of. it’s just as likely to be the guy sitting on the next bar stool as it is to be the unknown perv lurking in a dark alley. PhD. As scary as that notion is. “It’s about showing that you value your friends and refuse to stand by and watch something bad happen to them. Call it the buddy system: a code of conduct that you and your friends should adopt to look out for one another. RULE 1: Designate a Sober Chauffeur — Even if You’re on Foot Okay. “A predator is looking for the most vulnerable prey. “The percentage of male sexual offenders under the influence of alcohol at the time of the assault is in the high 90s. is the creature who has wandered away from the pack. Nobody’s going to get all finger-waggy on you. PhD. Read on for Cosmo’s five buddy-system rules. director of sexual-assault services and crime-victim assistance at Rutgers University. whether wild animals or chicks out for a good time on Saturday night. . PhD.” says Karen J.” says Cornell University professor Andrea Parrot. “The person at greatest risk to become a victim is someone who is alone late at night and is also under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Not only does booze cloud your judgment. it can blind you to the subtle cues that the dazzling guy you’re talking to is trying to manipulate you. These stories share a key element: All of these women had started their evenings with friends and at some point went off on their own..” explains David Lisak. an associate professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts at Boston. of course..

you’re saying that you value your fun over her safety. the bartender just flashed the lights for last call. . chances are. such as a dizziness and amnesia-inducing substance called rohypnol.m. that’s a pretty clear sign. president and CEO of Witness Justice. roofies. advises Helga West. she will forgive you in the morning.” says Koenick. RULE 2: Don’t Get Distracted by a Hot Dude The rules that you and your best friend made seemed so sensible five hours ago — before you ran into that guy from your gym you’ve been flirting with across treadmills for months. She also can be on the alert for signs that one of you has been drugged. workout. or keeping an eye on your drinks. and your rules allow for the occasional hookup — but that doesn’t mean you’re free to go. and loss of memory. “If you abandon your friend. So when you go out at night. a mutual gym buddy has vetted him. “Resort to guilt-tripping her” by pointing out that she’s leaving you in the lurch. she sneers. founder of Prepare/ IMPACT Personal Safety in New York City. a nonprofit organization that helps survivors of violent crime.” Parrot says. advises Donna Chaiet.” your nice friend will say. almost 5 percent of sexual-assault victims were given a date-rape drug. When you gently remind her of the rules.According to one recent study. and one of your friends is about to jump into a car with a guy she met 10 minutes ago.. RULE 3: Be a Bitch The following scenario is bound to crop up at some point: It’s 2 a. Don’t ask your pal if it’s okay if you leave without her (“I’m fine. ensuring that no one stumbles out of the club with a relative stranger. Other clues include drowsiness. um. “Or explain to the people she wants to go off partying with that she promised to go home with you. try one of Cosmo's irresistible lure-him-in tricks. not wanting to be a buzz kill).. dizziness. and before it became clear that tonight was gonna be the night. 30 Sexy Conversation Starters If you still have bruises from kicking yourself the last time you didn't make a move on a lusty lad. You may feel pretty sure about this guy — you know him fairly well. someone needs to be designated the responsible person (you can rotate taking on this duty) who will stay sober and look out for everyone — be it by stopping a pal from stripping on the bar. Try a compromise: You and Gym Guy can see your buddy to her door (or her car or a cab) as promised and then continue on with your. aka.. “If you know your friend is no lightweight but she’s falling-down drunk after one drink.” Even if she gets pissed off. “Who are you? My mother?” Don’t let her quip throw you off course.

tell a sharp shooter that you and your pal have wagered a beer on who will win.. but as you know. no guy will have either. So we devised a handy chat-him-up crib sheet filled with sizzling. The beach is bustling... look defeated.  "Lose" one of your earrings.  Paddle up to a sexy surfer and say. then strain to reach the middle of your back. When a circle of intrigued sporty studs forms around you and your bunnymates.. planning an "upcoming trip. then smile when you're just inches away from each other's lips. .  Ask the adorable guy in the fiction section if he can help you remember that best-seller by Tom What's-his-name..  Go to a sports bar wearing the cap of your favorite baseball. saunter over to him and offer a tantalizing trade.  Ask the guy near the jukebox if he has four quarters for your dollar. Make up any rules you want — as long as they have you running around a lot and cheering loudly. You're at a bookstore.  If you spy a cutie with a cooler of drinks.  Don a necklace or T-shirt with your name on it or. if you're more daring. Use it anytime you see a man you simply must meet. Don't be surprised if a friendly fella starts chatting you up to see if you really live up to your title. or football team. especially near that dude you'd like to date. while rivals will pick a flirty fight. "I drifted away from where my girlfriends are sitting. When he says he doesn't know.) It's Saturday night. a cute moniker like Sweet Devil or Foxy Mama. Never heard of it? That's the point. Guys who are also fans will want to bond. lock eyes with him. Start eyeing the ground. Rub it on your shoulders. There is nothing as hair-pullingly frustrating as being surrounded by a slew of delectable men and not being armed with a great strategy to break the ice and win a stud's attention — not to mention his heart. Pretty sweet deal. with bronzed boys everywhere. huh?"  Ask a cute beachcomber to take a picture of you "to send to a friend.  Hang out in the travel section. then sweetly inquire if he'll be your deejay and help you pick out a few songs.  While he's waiting for his turn during a pool game. Lift your hair and show him the other earring so he can help you in your search. challenge them to a game. and the bar is swarming with single studs. ask if he wouldn't mind giving you a dab. it's that time of year when the livin' is easy." Ask him if he'll pose in the shot and pretend to be your boyfriend. Cosmo knows that the biggest hurdle in hooking a new guy is choosing the perfect words or executing an eye-catching stunt that will launch you into a full-on flirtation. and he'd better not let you down. a prime place to meet a cultured cutie.Yes. surprising icebreakers that will make babes eager to banter with you. picking up a guy ain't always a breeze." Ask a gorgeous globe-trotter for suggestions about where the hottest vacation locales are. basketball. (Just kidding. When you both hit the floor.. Would you mind if I climbed on your board for a second so I can get a better view of the beach?"  When the gorgeous guy on the towel near you is smoothing on sunscreen.  Get the gals together and start a rowdy game of Sandbunny. Say. "I'll give you half of this watermelon for a couple of sodas. ask him to recommend a high-suspense book — you love a little mystery. and ask him for a heavenly hand.

state-of-the-art athletic shoes and ask him where he bought them.. invite him to catch a 7:30 show with you.  Compliment a stylish stud on his awesome.  In front of the guy who's caught your eye." In the coffee shop.  If he has the latest laptop (or Palm or cell phone). add in the line.. he won't be able to resist asking what exactly happens at a naked lawn-bowling party. Just make sure to tuck in your shirt (or forget to). then ask him if he'd like you to read his...  Lay your mat near a dude doing crunches. loudly announce to a pal that you're launching a thrill campaign to add excitement to your life — and you're now officially up for almost anything.  Say. a guide to mountain climbing. and when he takes a sit-up break. If you're feeling bold. ask if he'll watch them so they don't get reshelved while you make a quick phone call. Take a long time licking it off. Glance at him and ask.  Bring a hilarious card for the host of the soiree. "I'd love to take a closer look at the merchandise.  Pick out a humor book.  Situate yourself near the hottie in your yoga class. ask him to be your partner. and start laughing seductively. Minutes later. Sit down at a table near him with a stack of intriguing books (a massage manual. enlist his help in opening a jar of olives or a bottle of wine.. a Thai cookbook). "You look so familiar. he'll be so intrigued. special-order an out-of-stock book and ask him to call you — any time at all — when it comes in. Have everyone at the party sign it — it's an easy ticket to talk to your target. ever-so-politely ask if he can show you the best move to get six-pack abs. When the instructor asks everyone to pair up for a headstand drill. you scope out a hunky java junkie. a man has you mesmerized. Didn't we meet at Lisa's coed naked lawn-bowling party?" It doesn't matter that he won't even know who Lisa is.  Ask to borrow the movie section of his newspaper to see what's playing that night and casually inquire if he's seen any good flicks lately. ask him how he likes it and if you could take a look since you're thinking of buying one. sit down next to him. Ask a buff boy to help you remove them.. At a party. "Any suggestions?" You're getting hot at the gym. If possible.  When he comes into the kitchen for another beer. but the last user left heavy weights on it.  After breaking a sweat. type in your name and phone number. "Ooh. Lock eyes with him and let him know you're not a psycho — this book is just so funny! Lean in to show him a hilarious line.  If he works there.  You want to try the leg-press machine. ask if there's any whipped cream on your lip. . If he gets really animated during your cinema chat.  Practice some psychic savvy — read a few of your pals' palms. turn to a mouthwatering man and exclaim. I can't catch my breath — I just don't know if it's the workout or the company. and it's not from working out."  After taking a big sip of your mocha so your smackers get doused with whipped cream.

 As you're walking by a hot joe-sipping stud.." Then gently tap his shoulder and ask. "What?" Tell him... BY ROBIN HILMANTEL Asha Fuller 10. While standing by him in line for coffee. special treatment. seductively utter." When he smiles and asks. "You know what they say about men who drink coffee." Top 10 Signs Your Internship Boss Might Go Letterman on You Some colleges are keeping a closer eye on their interns after a certain talk-show host admitted to giving some of his temporary employees. "What do you think I should get?" He's sure to offer advice. debate out loud which brew to order. If you’re an intern. ahem. 9. watch out for these clues that your boss might be just a little too into The Late Show. he says. Your internship application asks for your past job experience — and your measurements. not that one. . When he asks to see your body of work and you hand him your portfolio. He keeps talking about what the meaning of the word is is.” 8. "Do I want a skim latte with a shot of hazelnut? Is the caramel cappuccino good? Maybe I should try that. “No. "Catch me here at this time tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it.

3.. When you call him Mr. (c) both Was in such a rush! 4got 2 wear a bra. During your “career advice” meeting. As a result of a switch-up in the office floor plans..7.save energy for L8R.. 4. (b) in a Jacuzzi. “It’s cold outside.. Smith on the first day. 6. he says. “I bet you’d like to know how you could get into my pants. .. You can spank me later. .. isn’t it?” and stares at your breasts — but it’s a summer internship. TDTM (translation: text dirty to me) Don't do much @ the gym. your desk has been moved to a new location — in his so-called Inner Office. He tells you he wants to introduce you to a “special member” (air quotes) of the staff.And the number-one sign your internship boss might go Letterman on you: “This job blows” doubles as both a complaint and your job description...” 2. When you grab drinks with the staff after work one day. Sexy Texts to Entice Him Want to turn him on in 10 words or less? These naughty e-notes will do it.more than 20 times. Ur ass looks gr8 in those jeans. “What happens at happy hour stays at happy hour”.in a thong. 5. Got a new showerhead — the detachable kind. Ur picturing me (a) naked. er. There's a VIP-only party @ [fill in your address here] 2nite. shoes one day. your boss says. he says. The pressure's awesome. he insists you call him Dick — even though his name is George. Can I bring anything 4 our d8? Wine? Chocolate sauce? I'm in dressing room @ the mall. I was a BAD GIRL and spent my lunch hour shopping. Making small talk about the weather.

suss out a person. BY MOLLY TRIFFIN Her subconscious just gave this guy the thumbs-up. A girl can't have too many lacy panties. U bring the pole. Here's the thing: Intuition can guide us to make smarter. but what you may not realize is that it's a biological survival tool. HOT kiss this a.. Found my old cheerleading uniform. Had a stressful day. can she? No movies out I want to see. humans tend to let "rational" thinking override it.. And while animals often heed this sixth sense.. Federizo You've heard of intuition. You Should Trust Your Gut You have a natural sixth sense that can help you make better decisions. faster choices. Still fits. Wink. Noel J. wink. Hope you can finish what you started.I'll pole dance 4 you. . author of Gut Feelings. PhD. Let's throw a party tonight — for two.. I NEED you to help me unwind.m. My roommate is out of town. says Gert Gigerenzer. We break down how these feelings operate and offer tips for harnessing their power. Splurged at Victoria's Secret. even save your life. Other ideas for what we can do in the dark? Yes.

Example: While someone who cooks regularly can wing a recipe with terrific results. your job — even your safety.What Intuition Is "Gut instincts are mental shortcuts used to make a snap judgment based on experience and environment. author of Positive Energy — think a knot in your stomach or feeling the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. Just remember that your intuition's power depends on the breadth of your experience. These messages are sparked by perceptual cues (e. "The unconscious and conscious minds were designed to work in tandem.). "It gets stronger with use. "In unfamiliar territory. it doesn't matter which you go for. Ways to Spot a Gut Signal An unconscious nudge often manifests physically. Assuming both look great on. Having trouble tuning in to your gut? Jump-start it by making a logical decision.. says Judith Orloff. but before doing anything. you know the other guy is right." How to Intuit "Intuition is like a muscle. "Your brain has a database of knowledge that your subconscious sifts through." notes Dr. Your unconscious picks up on clues below the surface of rational awareness and communicates the info to you via intuitive feelings." So give it a workout by following your instinct with inconsequential choices. Eventually. PhD. Orloff. Pick the one who makes more sense (has a better job. It's like a little covert operation in your head." Read This Before You Go on Facebook Again Having 764 friends is fun. "It calmly advises you what to do." says David Myers. etc. give practical thinking added weight.g. author of Intuition. such as whether to wear jeans or black pants. on a deeper level you might be noticing patterns between her and someone else who mistreated you. a less practiced chef should probably stick to the instructions. but some social-networking blunders can affect your rep." notes Gigerenzer. listening to your inner voice will become second nature and help you out with important decisions." notes Gigerenzer. So if you get bad vibes from a coworker. MD. But how can you tell if the jittery anxiety you have before boarding a plane is a subconscious SOS or just nerves? "A gut instinct isn't accompanied by fear. people can tell when a smile is fake yet can't explain why) or by past situations. so I guess I'll do the pants"). Say you're dating two guys. . But this exercise gets you in the habit of relying on gut reactions instead of analyzing ("I wore jeans the other day." says Gigerenzer. take stock of how you feel about that conclusion. If your heart sinks.

your pet’s name. Another reason to never post your name. And be wary of fully friending a person you only kinda-sorta know. choose something less obvious. You Pick an Easy-to-Guess Password Don’t use your middle name.” says Aftab. with PhotoCrank in Palo Alto. founder of Ypulse. You Make Identifying Details Public Posting a cute photo of yourself in front of your house. “If your name is attached. a generation-Y marketing Website. sending messages that are hurtful to others and detrimental to your rep. “With these details. So restrict access to any suggestive photos. “He can copy your info onto his own Website or distribute it via e-mail. . If you do.” says Anastasia Goodstein. day-to-day details. lets anyone with access to your page know where to find you.. and the other names on your friends list.or don’t post them at all. anyone who Googles you will see them. says social-media expert Ryan Hupfer. with the street number in view. “Even when you use the privacy controls. a credit-card account can be created in your name. like a guy you chat with at work.You Friend Anyone You wouldn’t let strangers into your house and give them access to your personal things. says Aftab. don’t friend them at all. you’re essentially telling everyone your location and when you won’t be home — setting yourself up to have someone come by your social event unexpectedly or burglarize your apartment..” You Update Your Status and Say Where You Are The status update is a fun Facebook feature. Yet that’s kind of what you’re doing if you fully friend them on Facebook — or leave your MySpace page public — and let them see photos. Instead. address. or another common password to log in to your page. You Post Pictures of Yourself Partying Hard “Almost all big employers now look up young applicants on Facebook or MySpace to see if anything surfaces that may indicate the person isn’t a good hire. any random acquaintance who knows or can guess what these are could log in and pretend to be you. The upside to restricting your page: You’ll come off as mysterious. And though letting your friends know you’re going to a specific club for the night or leaving for vacay tomorrow seems innocuous.” says Parry Aftab. photos can still be tagged and copied onto another site.” says Aftab. California. “If you don’t know someone in real life. an Internet privacy and security lawyer. and don’t share it.” says Aftab. or date of birth is to avoid identity theft.

. The Dilemma: You find out the guy you’re hooking up with is secretly talking to his ex. the girl doesn’t let anyone walk all over her and she always speaks her mind. Y. Read on for her bitchy little secrets. her first thought is. Hint: it has to do with Stephanie and the drug rumors.). I’d have to move on. you take it out of context. Ninety-eight percent of the time. “Definitely have a conversation with the guy. they might deserve a second chance. And we mean that in a good way. according to Kristin. she says. ‘I heard from a few different people that you’ve been saying this. So we got Kristin to spill when it pays to be a little bad. I actually think that by not confronting the person. “If the girl doesn’t know he’s your boyfriend. What Would KCav Do?: She says that lying is her biggest pet peeve and when she finds out someone is being untruthful about one thing. because people eff up.” she says. Audrina.) “Go right to the source. If he denies it and you know it’s true. “Just say. He’s probably hiding other things too.” On the other hand... What Would KCav Do?: She recommends keeping a cool head until you have the full story. (Kristin also spilled to us that she does just that in the first episode of the new season. Love her or hate her.. you have to admit that one of the reasons Kristin Cavallari is so much fun to watch is that she can be a bit of a bitch. What Would KCav Do?: “Go up to the person and confront them.” The Dilemma: Someone is spreading a nasty rumor about you. it’s his fault for not making . Jayde. if he fesses up and apologizes.” she suggests.’ They don’t need to know who. Oh. but don’t go snooping to find juice on the guy. the list goes on. you’re just adding fuel. “I don’t think you should ever read text messages or emails. “Tell him that you heard X.Kristin Cavallari’s Bitch Lessons She’s known for speaking her mind and putting people in their place (Lauren. Unlike some of the other Hills castmembers. but if they’re willing to take responsibility and change.” Kristin advises against involving others. So we gave Kristin a few scenarios to see how she’d handle them. you should go with your gut.” The Dilemma: Some girl is talking to your boyfriend at a club. and Z.

“When a guy wants to see you. but you can tell her. IRS withholdings. he makes time.” If the other woman does know he’s attached and your guy is clearly uncomfortable. You don’t need us to tell you that right now. read on.” she explains. of course. What Would KCav Do?: “Just let it go. you can keep your wallet fatter for longer.” she says. he’s just not into you. Well. ‘I hate him’.” Kristin says it will only make you look crazy so it’s best just to get out of there— with your boyfriend. “This isn’t cool and we need to go. don’t make a scene. Instead.” Little Things That Eat Up Your Paycheck If the joy of being flush with dough on payday seems more fleeting than ever. “tell her she’s talking to your man and that she needs to back off. But doing that is like giving the government an interest-free loan. “You don’t need to say. Dry cleaning. change your W4 filing—just ask your employer for a new form—so that you get as much money as possible up front. And this is when you should say something. What Would KCav Do?: “What I love about my friends is that they’re brutally honest. ‘You know.” And One Time NOT to Be a Bitch The Dilemma: A guy is playing hot and cold with you. Many people have money withheld from their paychecks in the hopes of getting a fat refund. Dropping off your nice clothes at the cleaners can cost $5 or more per item…and that adds up.” In which case she says you should just tell your guy. it’s smart to function on a leaner. We point out sneaky cash suckers and offer tips on stretching your hard-earned dollars. If you’ve had a word with her and she keeps going. The Dilemma: You think your friend’s boyfriend is an a-hole. he’s not my favorite’. and consult this list of innocent little expenses that may be siphoning off your bottom line. since there’s probably a legit reason you’re not a fan. But thanks to such products as Tide Total Care and . I’m a firm believer that if this is the case. according to Kristin.it clear. where you’ll earn interest. stop scratching your head. meaner budget. Then discipline yourself to put that portion in the bank. But it’s hard to do that when you’re oblivious to where all your cash goes. The great news: With a few tweaks here and there.

As if trying to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life isn't hard enough. It’s best to use them for staples you always need: eggs. you can give TLC to your finer duds while using your home washing machine and dryer. Maria Bartiromo. Gym memberships. bread. For anyone who's a little freaked about her future. Movie rentals.99..org for one in your area. it’s a good idea to sign up with an online movie-rental company. etc. crappy economy).com. Not only will you meet lots of new people and get to breathe fresh air. will clean at least 16 garments. which is about what it costs you to check out just one flick at your local movie store. Eating out. decided to write a book about success now: . this is a must-read. it’s not as noticeable. our gen has some seriously limited career options (thank you. Unless you’re pulling in a Jolie-Pitt–size salary. For $4.. milk. Groceries. such as Netflix. Belonging to a decent gym costs at least $50 a month— whether or not you use it. Manicures. The Money Honey's Tips to Loving Your J-OB The co-host of CNBC's Closing Bell and award-winning journalist.Dryel. talks about her life and enviable career in her new book. Keep your butt in tight shape by joining a running club. Coupons aren’t just for grandmas. That’s $720 a year! Stretch your nail maintenance to every two to three weeks by picking only light-colored polishes—when they chip. they can save you beaucoup bucks too. Or opt for the $8. The 10 Laws of Enduring Success. and can be found at your local drugstore. But you can enjoy the fun vibe of a restaurant without racking up a big bill by eating bar food instead of pricey entrées. Maria Bartiromo. Which is exactly why TV anchor and financial reporter. Check out rrca. Let’s do some grooming math: Getting a mani once a week can add up to $60 a month. Catching up with friends over dinner is something no girl should have to give up.99 plan and get unlimited rentals. you can get two rentals a month. They both cost under $15. but you’ll also often pay significantly less (some are free!). so you can skip flipping through the paper and just search clipngocoupons. They’ve even gone high tech.

The changes won't wait for you. Maria. 3. have a hair out of place. I decided I didn't need to take myself so seriously. I just laughed it off. or make an incorrect analysis. I'm proud to get promoted. so adapting will be key to success during this tumultuous time. 2. a few years later. . but I think I will hate my new job. If I complain that my job is stressful. Then. they would tell you that it's all about hard work. Read on for a few that have served Maria well on her own kick-ass career path. People have said to me.. 1." Kitty gave me great advice: She told me to think about where I wanted to be in five years. Now more than ever. It never would have occurred to them to gripe about how hard they worked. and in addition to her full-time job. But when a reporter from the New York Post gave me the nickname "Money Honey. I ended up turning down the promotion. but I didn't think the new position was right for me.. crying my eyes out in the ladies room. I worried a lot about the impression I gave. Be Open to Change Success is fleeting. In the early years of being on air. Own Your Destiny I started my career at CNN as an editor and producer for the business news segments. and hate it when I can't do something perfectly. "Come on. and to really be successful. I thought that I couldn't afford to make any mistakes. when Kitty Pilgrim (an anchor for CNN) walked in. I was really upset. my mother rolls her eyes. What are you good at? How can you align your dreams with the areas in the economy that are actually producing jobs? It's critical to figure out what kind of training you may need to best position yourself for this economy. My dad ran his own restaurant. It was a breakthrough for me — realizing that I could be human and relax about it. and I loved it. you have to look within and assess your skill sets." instead of worrying that a moniker like that would make me look ridiculous. "Kitty. I had a big crisis: I was told that I was getting a promotion. and says. "You made it. "I don't know what to do. you're not chopping trees.. Work Your Arse Off If you were to ask my parents what they thought the secret to success was. We live in a time of enormous change. and to control my destiny. and I've never regretted my decision." I confided. You're set.Because during a rough patch like this. you have to constantly adapt. Cut Yourself Some Slack I'm an overachiever. gain a single pound. 4. my mom also worked at the restaurant and raised a family." I have to laugh — no sympathy there! Her quip also reminds me how lucky I am. not let others control it. she believes that there are certain rules you must follow in order to get ahead. But I know that I got to be where I am today thanks to the work ethic that I learned from my parents." But I know that's not true.

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