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A girl who got paid to help guys meet women shares her insights into what motivates men to make a move.
BY CHRISTIE GRIFFIN
"Is it just me or is that chick checking us out?"
Do you ever go out sometimes and feel like guys aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, and you can’t figure out why? That used to happen to me too. Then I became a part-time "wingwoman" — a girl who helps guys meet chicks in bars by posing as the guys’ platonic female friend. (Wingwoman services are available in many cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, Miami, and Saint Louis.) While earning my wings, I learned lots of little tricks every single girl can use to improve her success with guys. Warning: Once you perfect these moves, you might find that you’re such a powerful man-magnet, you attract guys everywhere. I used to date a guy who asked me out at the ATM! Wingtip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three. Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you. Wingtip #2: Hold a drink in your hand. Guys don’t want to be used. Meaning: They don’t want to buy you a drink right off the bat. My clients and I used to look for the girl with half a cocktail. That way, if she finishes her beverage while chatting with my guy, he could offer to buy her another to keep things moving. Wingtip #3: Smile genuinely. So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt to seem sexier. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look like an unapproachable bitch. Wingtip #4: Work the eye contact.
To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won't be able to tell the difference. Wingtip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does. Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is. It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again. Wingtip #6 Make positive small talk. Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (“It’s hot in here!”), pessimism (“There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (“Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your deep, dark world-view some other time.
How to Work Less and Get Wayyy More Done
You know those (extremely) rare workdays that just seem to fly by? A new book says it's possible to recreate that feeling, all day, every day. Here’s how...
BY JESSICA KNOLL
Imagine that your boss offers you $100 to complete a challenging new project as quickly as possible. He then asks your co-worker to complete the same project, but without any kind of cash reward or time constraint. Who is more likely to finish first? According to the theory in Daniel H. Pink’s fascinating new book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates You, your co-worker is. What the what? We’d think that extra wad of cash would be a serious motivator. But it turns out that intrinsic motivation — the drive to do something because it is interesting, challenging, and absorbing — is far more effective in producing results than extrinsic motivation — the “if you do this, then I’ll give you that” model that most businesses use with their employees. This is because when a reward is offered, as it is in the scenario above, you become more focused on those shiny new pumps that $100 would afford you, rather than on the best way to complete the task. Drive says that the secret to being more productive and feeling more fulfilled is to enjoy what you’re doing, and to feel rewarded by the work itself. We know — easier said than done. But Drive takes into consideration that even if you’re not 100 percent in love with your job, you can still be more successful and feel happier just by figuring out which tasks truly engage you — aka those rare moments of, “Ohmigod, I missed lunch I was so caught up in my work.” Drive refers to these moments as “flow,” and offers up nine strategies to produce flow more often, and for longer periods of time. Here’s one of them: Give Yourself a “Flow” Test Here's how: Set a reminder on your computer or cell to go off forty random times in a week. Each time it beeps, write down what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, and whether you’re in “flow.” Record your observations, look at the patterns, and consider the following questions: * Which moments produced feelings of “flow?” Where were you? Who were you with? * Are certain times of day more flow-friendly than others? How could you restructure your day based on your findings? * How might you increase the number of optimal experiences and reduce moments when you felt disengaged or distracted?
The New Marriage Rule: Age Matters
Studies reveal that you should reach a specific age before you get married.
He may be Mr. Right, but are you ready?
We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play: She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to
make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue? We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play: She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue? The Magic Number There are practical reasons for the mid-20s dividing line, and most of them boil down to two biggies: education and money. Turns out, the more years of higher education a woman has under her belt on her wedding day, the lower the chances that she’ll get divorced…and by 25, you’re more likely to have earned a degree or two. “Educated women tend to be more confident about who they are and less willing to settle for a man who doesn’t meet their standards,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great. Odds are that by 25 you’re also supporting yourself, so there’s less incentive for you to rush into marriage because you’re seeking financial security from him. But the marriage-related benefits of working and having money of your own go beyond feeling secure, says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. Learning to budget your cash carefully when you’re single will help you avoid financial problems—one of the main causes of couple fights—for the rest of your life. And juggling responsibilities, dealing with differing personalities, and resolving conflicts on the job force you to develop skills that are necessary for maintaining long-term love. Knowing the Real You At 25, you’ve had time for some crucial life experiences, including a relationship or two that may have improved your Mr. Right radar. “You’ve probably dated enough to have a better idea of what you don’t want in a man, which makes it easier to know what you can live with and can’t live without,” says Orbuch. Perhaps the most important aspect of waiting is that you’ll know what your goals and values really are, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy. While you don’t want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on life. Twenty-four and already married to the man of your dreams? Don’t worry: Many young marriages survive. But given the choice, you might consider putting off the big day until your mid-20s or later.
Beauty on your fingertips
once you sign up. Step-by-step instructions complete with advice on how to try it at home makes YouTube your best friend on the internet. 2010 .dailymakeover. So don’t miss out on checking your virtual avatar first before you put on that pancake for the next party. Daily Makeover www.teamfemina.com Now you can get advice on skin troubles at just a click of a mouse. The app uses a cool facial recognition technology and gives out make-up advice and beauty routines. just type in the keywords on YouTube and watch the magic unfold.The app can be downloaded from the Apple App Store. At mySkin. At the Daily Makeover all you need to do is hop over to the Makeover Studio section. and your skin problems. the site does a skin mapping and profiling for you. the smoky eyes make your eyes look wicked or that retro fringe compliments your face or not.By beauty. to how-to demos. On YouTube. You can also chat and connect with other skin-worried people just like you on their community page. Once done. a video sharing website. upload your latest photograph and figure out whether the deep shade of purple lipstick suits you.06:49 PM From free makeover demos to online beauty consultations to even make up tips and tricks on your phone.com Your phone can whisper beauty and make up secrets to you now thanks to the new Makeup application on the Apple iPhone. mySkin www. just watch a video of it. Step two involves talking about the products you use and whether they work on your skin or not. millions of people upload and share videos of every possible thing on earth. skin-care routines and lifestyle changes.apple. And the best part is that you don’t need to register nor do you need to pay anything out of your pocket. YouTube www. All at a fee of course. a detailed analysis is done of your skin. the latest hairstyles celebs are spotting these days. Just upload your mug onto the phone and let your iPhone give your face a virtual makeover according to your face structure. the internet is abuzz with a bevy of beauty applications (apps) just for you. The website also shows you a gallery of virtual makeovers people have had.com If you are the type who just loves freebies and cant be bothered to surf through endless beauty websites for advice. and tips. Questions are asked regarding your skin type. suggest products.myskin. beauty trends. Amrita Bose presents a round up. 20 gifts that totally suck . right from movies to music. This helps skincare experts employed by the website to narrow down your skin issues. Jan 19. How cool is that? Makeup for iPhone www.youtube. If you want to know how to create marcel waves (a vintage hairstyle) or how to apply black nail polish neatly or hide your last night’s vestiges skilfully with make up.com. the kind of lifestyle you lead.com Want a makeover but not sure how to go about it? Fret not! Just try out a virtual makeover first.
By buzz. Spare us the hassle of trying to figure out what to do/ where to place/ whom to regift that useless crystal piece.teamfemina. If at all you do. Presenting cookies to a diabetic. 16. Handmade stuff like that pink and black muffler (your first ever knitting project) is sweet but then… 7. We would rather dig ourselves a grave than commit a sartorial sin in those hideous clothes! 15. Mostly bought out of well-meaning intentions. useless and ridiculously expensive like an indoor fountain.we like to do our own grocery shopping. There are better ways to flaunt your spending power than by gifting something ugly. A box of icky. And no. 8.03:16 PM Racking your brains over cool gift ideas for the holiday season? We make it easier for you by telling you what NOT to gift. . Fake jewellery and tacky trinkets are very likely to end up adorning our domestic help.give this one a skippety skip.the worst gifting faux pas. a bottle of wine to a teetotaler or a kitten to someone who is not fond of pets . We might put up with your unhealthy obsession for a movie star or sportsperson but don’t test our goodness with posters. 4. self help books only suggest that we could use some help. 6. don’t bother spending the bucks. please don’t walk into the party with a lame bunch of flowers. 14. Gifting religious paraphernalia like idols and pictures of your favourite deity and spiritual books will only make you look like a wannabe fanatic. 2.gift that to a friend and earn an enemy for life! The same goes for weighing machines or other similarly suggestive objects. Classy perfumes are cool but deodorants are a strict no-no when it comes to gifts unless you want to get a clear message across. In short. We don’t need you to buy us random stuff like a box of Pringles or a bottle of Worcestershire sauce . sticky. 10. We could probably write a book on “why not to gift a vase”. Whatever you do. awfully and extremely loathsome. 3. A book on how to lose weight . 1. 13. 18. 9. they spell “you’re not good enough yet”. grease laden sweets . 12. 17. it's not just the thought that counts. Gifting ivory. team it up with a book on “50 Cool Uses for Half-Dead Blossoms”. fur or any other remains of a dead animal is totally. Dec 18. Buying us a ‘useful’ item is a noble idea but vacuum cleaners and toasters kinda cross the line unless they are specifically asked for. Unless you want your run-of-the-mill photo-frame from a local gift shop circulated back to you a few parties later. 5. memorabilia and autographed scrapbooks. 11. 2009 .
You want them to think that they’re the reason you’re suddenly so happy. Perfect Your Smile: The biggest mistake people make in social situations is putting on the perma-smile.combined. bad gifts are like bad karma . you’ll be seen from a new angle. which comes off as insincere. Let Your Cocktail Do the Talking: Hold your glass in one hand and off to the side as opposed to directly in front of you with two hands. Instead. Take the Prime Position: When you arrive. Try This Alluring Posture: Rather than sitting with your hands at your side. 20. move one elbow onto the back of your chair. other people will wish they were the object of your rapt attention. 8. This subtle move amps up your sexiness factor and exudes confidence. . Make sure it’s a solid color (patterns cause you to blend in) such as red.. 7. If you’re standing. Get Moving: As the party gets packed. 6. you’ll appear to be the center of attention and they’ll naturally gravitate towards you. fuchsia or turquoise and you’ll turn more heads than all the women in LBDs. Hands Off Your Hair: Messing with your tresses sends a message to both men and women that you’re insecure or nervous. A tie and cuff set is passé. 2. casually place a hand on his or her arm. Show Your Shoulders: The more skin you show in the winter. making you seem instantly more dynamic. So beware! . 5. 3. Doing so will show off your wrists (a move men find particularly attractive because it hints at openness and vulnerability) and leave your midsection — a power zone that communicates confidence — unobstructed.19. passé and some more passé. don a close-lipped smirk. Each time you move to a different setting. Did you ever gift someone plastic jars and containers? You did? Gasp!Remember. grab one or two of your friends and head straight for the middle of the room.. Wear a strapless dress that maximizes the amount of shoulder you show off. Hw to b the party’s life 1. the more you will stand out in a crowd. change your locale every ten or fifteen minutes. Touch triggers good feelings and signals special treatment — so not only will the person you’re talking to like you more. which makes them suddenly get the urge to refill their drink. It can be as simple as walking from the bar over to the window or the couch. 4. you can get the same effect by leaning on a nearby bar or countertop with one arm.they always come back. Then wait until after you say hi to someone to flash them a big smile. Don’t Be Afraid to Touch: When you’re chatting with someone. like you have a secret you’re just dying to tell. As other people walk in.
6 Secrets to Getting into Any Party or Club December 17. don't even think about getting there till 10. I'm a friend of [insert common name]. Wait until the party is really going before you try to crash. and stick to a number that isn't so memorable. and the dress code. If the get-together is at someone's house. Dress appropriately. Tell a little white lie. If it's a fancy gathering. admit defeat.. And the bouncer or event planner will be much more lax about checking names. But just remember: if a doorman. Use the info you gather from your research to pick out the right outfit. 6. And it's always better to blend in rather than stand out. transferring the bill. Google it. Imagine never being turned away by an a-hole bouncer or missing a party your friend's friend's friend is throwing again.. No party is worth causing an embarrassing scene. Don't elaborate since you'll just sound insincere. Do your research. Grease the doorman.m. name drop). Before you attempt to infiltrate a fiesta. wait until your turn then step up with a $20 folded against your palm. 2.e. everyone who wasn't on the list will already have tried and been turned away. you're not going to get in wearing jeans. you can always tell the bouncer — or host if it's a raging party and you'll go unnoticed once inside — that you are having a bathroom emergency. By that time. So save the peacockfeather cocktail dress and neon pumps for another night. If you're trying to get into a club and the bouncer is turning away almost everyone ahead of you in line. 2009 at 3:25PM By Zoë Ruderman | Comments Not that we approve of the couple who crashed the state dinner at the White House a few weeks ago. Jes Gordon to give us a crash course in party-partying. 4. Find out who will be there. host. the easier it will be to fib your way in (i. but you've gotta admit that having the balls and the know-how to get into an event you're not invited to is pretty awesome.or a government hearing. who is throwing it.) 5. If it started at 8 p. So we got celeb event planner and author of Party Like a Rock Star. 3." The hostess will most likely invite you in rather than risking an awkward social faux pas. (Never ask first if you can give him money. or Secret Service agent starts giving you the evil eye or flat out asks you to leave. Thanks so much for having us. show up with a gift like a bottle of wine.. Bouncers will almost always say no. . Shake his hand. Here goes: 1. As a last resort. and say. "Hi. The more information you have.
“Intent. U. but it’s now gaining ground as a valuable way to make decisions. She’s the Last to Speak We’ve all had bosses who do all the talking (yawn).PhD.” says Wilson. but in the end. Mackenzie isn’t so worried about being heard. Her Gut Gets the Final Vote After considering everyone’s opinion. But in an interesting twist.” says Marilyn Manning. Geena Davis’s female president has work and life tactics that you can use to get ahead. but she’s not invested in their opinions of her. She Wears the Pants (and the Bra) . “Intuition has often been discounted as a woman’s trait. allowing others to contribute their thoughts before she bears down on the situation. but strong leaders rise above that. Mackenzie connects with some of her colleagues. Popularity Isn’t a Top Priority It’s tough not being liked by your workmates. “Seeking approval is a typical female behavior.How to Totally Rule Your World On Commander in Chief.” says Wilson. A woman kicking ass in the Oval Office is the fictional premise of ABC’s hit drama Commander in Chief. Mackenzie lets her internal compass guide her. she felt she had the competence to lead the country. tuned-in listening is what engenders empathy and creates connectedness. That’s why she didn’t fire any of the cabinet members when she came onboard — their experience and commitment to the job mattered more to her than being liked. and it got us thinking about why we should have a lot more power. president Mackenzie Allen has mastered a fresh set of strategies (in some cases working her feminine instincts. in others overriding them) that can give you the edge in your quest to excel on the job or anywhere. president of The White House Project and author of Closing the Leadership Gap. coauthor of Leadership Skills for Women. She was discouraged from stepping up to become president. Mackenzie adopts this approach with every crisis she handles.S. “Strong leaders combine collaboration with aggressive decision making. Wilson.” says Marie C.
“Female managers are able to combine traditionally masculine attributes — such as being decisive under pressure — with feminine strengths. “A good manager delivers direction without giving in to the panic — at least outwardly. knowing that the only way to triumph is to make sure no one sees her sweat. Ready for the ultimate apprenticeship? BY HOLLY EAGLESON You know her famous family.Of course. and Famous Ivanka Trump uses her guts. Her Face Doesn’t Give Her Away If you’ve ever had a meltdown at work. How to Be Rich. Case in point: When the Russian president threatens to bail on a state dinner. like strong communication. she’s a graduate of the prestigious Wharton School of business and the . but you might not know how hard Ivanka Trump has worked to carve out her own success.” says Wilson.” says Manning. At 26. And now she's showing you ways to do the same. But the genius in Mackenzie’s leadership style is that she blends classic feminine traits with masculine traits. Sexy. then you know this: When you freak. you lose your clout. Mackenzie keeps her cool. you don’t need to fill out a jock strap to be a serious contender for management these days. brains. and magnetic charm — not her last name — to get what she wants.
there’s no such thing as feminine self-expression.” she says. “I’ll make light of the fact that they’re an aggressive human being. Learn to Read a Room In addition to being respectful.” she says. and evoke sensuality by saying you are “passionate about a project” or have “intimate knowledge” of your industry. It pays to play up your differences. “I’m strong yet I’ll exude feminine traits.” she says. Handle a Bitch the Right Way Sometimes you’ll meet a heinous beast whose number-one goal is to make you squirm. Put them to use and you can build your own luxe existence. but they get tripped up because she won’t let on that she’s done her homework. “People like aggressive styles or gentle styles or want to feel they’re your best friend. 2. She also just launched the Ivanka Trump fine jewelry collection.. “Serious cleavage is not appropriate.” If you fight the bitch head on. then move on. So when you’re negotiating a raise. she’s more likely to get the better of you. “Know your audience. because you often over calculate things and want to spill information you’ve gathered to prove yourself. 3.” Ivanka says. you’ll lose. but I see it another way.” she says.” she warns.” says Ivanka. Have a Secret Weapon for Negotiating Competitors bank on an easy win with Ivanka because she’s young..” By sizing up a situation with small talk — ask about their last vacation or how their family is doing — you sense whether they’re in buddy mode or need kid gloves. But this fighter uses the underminers’ blind spots to her benefit. no money in the budget” before you spring the fact that you know a junior coworker makes more than you do. Emitting sex appeal on the job makes you alluring — just be smart about it. Needless to say. And when you disagree. “You have to be . “Don’t ever show your hand until you really have to. “You have to rough some people around tactically so they respect you or get intimidated. 5.” Ivanka says. Then the punches have more power.. Instead.” she says.” advises Ivanka. Think Commanding. “If you misjudge someone.vice president of acquisitions and development of the Trump Organization. the girl has style. “Always allow the other person to throw out the first offer. Don’t get her wrong: “I can’t be a sycophant. 4. always take the temperature of whom you’re dealing with. a little diplomacy (“You make a great point.”) builds a solid rep.. keep your voice at a captivating low tone. so I stake my ground politely and don’t sugarcoat things. like keeping the peace and managing people. nor is flirting with potential partners. Work Your Sexiness 24/7 “When it comes to the workplace. let your boss say “Sorry. Don’t Be Afraid to Make an Ass of Yourself “Some people in my industry are shocked by the brazenness of my requests. instead. but they’re more shocked when the answer I get from the decision maker is okay.” she advises. defuse her by using humor and your power not to get ruffled. 6. 7.and she pulls it off with a brilliant set of life and work rules that allow her to be strong and knockout sexy at the same time.. Let Yourself Be Underestimated “There are people who assume I’m daddy’s little girl or just a 26-year-old blond.” You actually get more power by deferring to higher-ups in public or backing up a colleague’s ideas. Not Demanding “There’s something unappealing about someone our age being too authoritative. 1.
“She’s never going to not respect that you asked for something above your duties.’” Ivanka says. like putting an unexpected idea memo on her desk. but if someone else in the room is less intelligent but wants it more. The only way to succeed is to have more motivation than the next person. but the family abides by this one: “My best advice from my dad is ‘Love what you do. such as your own private workspace. they’ll relent on a lesser point you really want.” When you ask for something outrageous.willing to embarrass yourself by laying claim to something so egregious that you may get laughed at for it. 8.” Why Being Ballsy Matters Ivanka didn’t get where she is by waiting for daddy to drop plum projects in her lap. they may be so taken aback. let people know. they have a leg up. And use the element of surprise to catch the boss’s eye. “If you think you can do a job that is a stretch but will test your confidence. “So what if she says no?” Ivanka says.” The Secret to Getting What You Want in Life New research has uncovered a fascinating little strategy for achieving any goal. BY BETHANY HEITMAN 1 of 3 » . You could be a genius. “It’s as basic as that. Curious? Read on to find out what you need to do. Love What You Do The Trump business may live and die by one bottom line. so she took charge of huge deals in Hawaii and Dubai.” she advises. like the nicest office. The Donald doesn’t like to travel.
schedule lots of . "There's something called the fantasy realization theory that has proven to help people attain whatever they want. The gist is that you must fantasize about your goal on a regular basis — think about all the awesome consequences of achieving it. people think about only either the really good stuff or the terrible stuff. so you can at least tell your BFF. PhD. Why should you.It's a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it's scoring your ideal job. Your bud has a "Oh. you make the fantasy more realistic. McCulloch. "By not telling anyone. it can feel really special. wow. If you want to get into the fashion industry. and it will seem more attainable. a life coach in Michigan and founder of Get Over It. etc. You feel so satisfied. Keep reading for more reasons to stay mum." says McCulloch. A study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment. making you less likely to actually go after it. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin' Powerful Okay. but there are some easy. Then think about all the negative things you'll have to deal with along the way: sacrificing time with friends. or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it to everyone you know. Move On! "If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate program. just wanting to have something impressive to talk about at parties. After all. that you lose motivation to get up early and jog." says McCulloch. "Often. "But by considering both. writing a screenplay. Plus. loved ones may have ulterior motives for being naysayers. That's opposed to." says Susan B.C. a good friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously distract you from the finish line. they may go on about how terrible the campus is…and you may start to believe them when you really should be trusting your own gut. you won't run the risk of letting anyone else's opinions get in your way. New research shows the opposite is true." says McCulloch. you're making sure your goal is something you're really doing for yourself." says K. say." Beyond that. when you're already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner? The smarter strategy: Don't tell a soul. that's great!" reaction. that's easier said than done. PhD. the more people you tell. Here's an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. author of Find Your Focus Zone." says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino." How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible. paying for expensive classes. and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. Of course. "So if they can have something that is solely theirs. in fact. right? Nope. Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You'll be so antsy finally to be able to share it with everyone that you'll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast as possible. the more likely you'll do it because you don't want to be thought of as a failure. Wilson. for example. "Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you forward. "What stops a lot of people from doing the things they dream of is other people. tried-and-true ways to do it. "Women tend to overextend themselves for loved ones. an assistant professor at Idaho State University who worked on the study." Not only that. but it also helps you plan exactly which steps you need to take to get there. plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low. If you announce that you're going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal. right? Wrong.
Can't think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips. have kids later. BY HOLLY EAGLESON Here’s the problem with conventional wisdom: You’re not conventional. then tweak your goals if necessary. You No Longer Need a Five-Year Plan It used to be that people were encouraged to set a strict time line for achieving milestones: dream job by 25. So Cosmo collected a set of modern guidelines perfect for a brazen 21stcentury babe like yourself. and job-hop. how you want. Plus. That way.time with fashion-forward pals. married by 27. 1. They may not know what you're trying to do. you don’t want to be so locked into a game plan that you can’t grab a fabulous opportunity that comes out of the blue. The New Life Rules to Follow Now These truisms of today allow you the power and flexibility to get what you want. it’s to your benefit to adopt a fluid approach to planning your future. Thankfully. but being around them will keep your eyes on the prize.” says life coach Valorie Burton. author of What Does Somebody Have to Do to Get a Job Around Here? . you can tell the whole world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret. Your strategy then? “Reevaluate your path every six months. Another factor: Since it’s now acceptable to delay marriage. and neither are the situations you’re facing these days.” says career strategist Cynthia Shapiro. “Committing because you’re supposed to — whether it’s saying I do or sticking it out at a soulless job — prevents you from seeking situations that make you happy. If You Have to Blab to Someone… …Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with." says Palladino. "Choose someone you trust completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own goals. you no longer have to map out contentment in advance. first kid by 30. and try writing an anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option).
don’t feel guilty about establishing a surrogate family of friends. If yours is more toxic than tight-knit.” 5. there’s a good chance he’s relationship-ready. “Women who wear makeup earn 20 to 30 percent more income. Taking a time-out to refocus after an unpleasant event — even if it’s just going to stay with a friend in Miami for a few weeks — can be an option. And don’t underestimate young dudes: Research from the State University of New York at Oswego found that college guys may prefer relationships to one-night stands. “It’s now common for women who have acrimonious relationships with their parents or live across the country from them to create family like bonds with roommates. beauty and fashion sense can be assets. author of Casual Power. like height. “Major companies now realize that a woman doesn’t have to be masculine to be powerful. professor of psychology at Yale University and author of Women Who Think Too Much. and Relationships on Campus. provided it’s not a boss/ subordinate situation. booty call could become your boyfriend. Guys may just need a nudge to take it to the next level. Thankfully. People are so busy with their careers. “If he has a steady job and friends who are coupling up. so they test the waters. your 2 a.” 4. so many have loosened policies against it. But to convert an FWB into a BF. Dating. PhD. dating a coworker was considered career suicide.2. “Women think they have to stay and ruminate over a problem to fix it. experts have one word for you: arrivederci. Mixing Business and Pleasure Is Wise Not so long ago. It’s Possible to Turn a Hookup into a Real Relationship Believe it or not.” says Stephanie Losee. it’s a plus. “When you get to know a coworker. The fact is. and friends.” says corporate image consultant Sherry Maysonave. author of Hooking Up: Sex. which may lead to more intimate connections. Bogle. but that increases anxiety and depression. Short Hair Is Not a Job Requirement To reach the top of your profession.” . PhD. that would be a red flag to you online or at a bar. you used to need two things: a stellar résumé and a Hillary Clinton–style crop.” adds Maysonave. author of Forced to Be Family. you see past superficial stuff. You Can Run from Your Problems After a devastating breakup. PhD. you dream of escaping to Italy to drown your sorrows in gnocchi and gelato. PhD.m. “A change of scenery may help you objectively choose the next best course of action. “You’re also bound to be intellectually compatible and have a built-in level of respect. let it be known after the first two hookups that you want more than a fling.” says Bogle. 3.” says Cheryl Dellasega. Well. and 25 percent of them — including Barack and Michelle Obama — have married. they don’t have the time or patience to court for months before finding out if they click physically.” says clinical psychologist Renee Gilbert. influential businesswomen like Oprah Winfrey have shown that you can have great success and great hair. coworkers. But companies have realized that interoffice dating actually increases productivity by as much as 20 percent. In fact. says Kathleen A. Your Family Doesn’t Have to Be the Most Important Thing Not everyone is born into a nurturing clan.” says Susan NolenHoeksema. at least 50 percent of workers have dated a fellow employee. “If showing femininity builds confidence. 6. “It can be easier to be open with nonblood relatives. coauthor of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding — and Managing — Romance on the Job.
they’re also capable of understanding what the little bobble head with the sound waves coming out of him symbolizes? Text back. and repairs into investments like T-bills or inflation-indexed bonds. The Texting Tease You’re seeing a really cute/smart/funny/cool new guy.” says Robert Shiller. and narcissistic. Stay-at-Home Dads Are Catches.” says Kirshenbaum. So if the cheater is deeply apologetic and committed to working to improve the relationship. PhD. What’s more. “You may make more in the long run by putting cash you’d pay in interest on a home loan.” says Aaron Rochlen. 15 to 20 percent are. coauthor of Changing Rhythms of American Family Life. and your heart skips a tiny beat every time you get a text from him. says Melissa Milkie. an indiscretion can sometimes draw a duo closer together. 8. Sometimes you’re in the middle of something and sometimes you just don’t feel like talking. “It’s a misconception that real estate is an investment guaranteed to make money. So why — why?! — do certain people feel the need to send a text letting you know that they just left a message? Don’t they realize that if someone is smart enough to read a text. This setup works best when the wife also has progressive ideas about gender equality and allows the husband to control some aspects of the household so there is an equal division of power. You Don’t Have to Grow Up and Buy a House Already Once upon a time. and you see the missed call and the voice message alert. But given the current mortgage crisis. author of When Good People Have Affairs. PhD. But your phone is still working. associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. nearly 2 million men have chosen to stay home and raise the kids. The 10 Most Annoying Text Habits Ever 3. Everyone does. professor of economics at Yale University and author of The Subprime Solution. 9. “What’s next. you get one asking what you’re up to this . and comfortable with his masculinity — all great qualities in a partner. In the middle of the week. Not Lazy Asses With 25 percent of chicks outearning their spouses and childcare costs skyrocketing. A guy who’s willing to stay home is likely supportive. in some cases. able to compromise. it may be smarter to rent. so they respect a successful woman and don’t assume that the man has to be the breadwinner. it takes a bomb going off to get them to address their problems. it could be shrewder to rent until the market rebounds.7. A Relationship Can Survive After One Person Cheats Cheaters are cruel.” explains Shiller. a carrier pigeon?” 4. At present. “Many young guys saw their moms work growing up. property taxes. selfish. but the rest are well-meaning if imperfect people who love their partner but made a stupid mistake. says psychologist Mira Kirshenbaum. The Double Message Of course you screen calls. adults who rented were dismissed as Peter Pans with negative cash flow. it can be salvaged. “For some couples. right? Well.
” Or. reading books.. “What upppp. The Bulk Texter An example of what a series of texts from this person might look like: Text 1: Hey! Text 2: What’s up? Text 3: What are you doing tonight? Text 4: Some of us are going to Cool People Bar tonight.” Clearly.. baking. cool. The Show-and-Teller Love is wonderful. you let him know that it’s looking pretty relaxed so far. but call my secretary if you want to schedule something.” You stand there with a perplexed look on your face. “la la la. Does he then proceed to make a plan with you? No. Let us know if you wanna come. Send a text saying. but you also have to read all of their SUPER-cute texts. look what my Mom said about her gallbladder! Omg you won’t . and now you’re ready to put your phone down for a little while. We’re huge advocates of love and being in love and enjoying that love. look what he wrote to me! Omg look at what he said now! Haha aww. watching movies.. Not only do you have to listen to them tell every insignificant story about how cute it was that their boyfriends ate pancakes for dinner and woke up with a funny hairdo.” Your buddy will get the point that some people actually have a life. “Oh okay.weekend. Assuming he wants to do something together. People gushing on and on about their amazing love life? Not so much. The Bored Texter You’ve just finished a sufficiently long and entertaining texting exchange with someone. thanks to your confident attitude. It looks like this: “Soooo. they have nothing else to say and just want something to do.” This way. but ultimately you’re the one who is in charge. An example of what you could text back: Text 1: Please Text 2: never Text 3: text Text 4: me Text 5: this Text 6: way Text 7: again. 5. Text 5: Around 10 Text 6: It’s gonna be me and Chris Text 7: Are you coming? Text 8: Let us know Text 9: Byeee! Text 10: lolz An example of what that exchange should look like: Text 1: Hey. He responds. and it’s another text from said person. Respond “Yeah. the ball is in his court. look at this one!!” The cure? A dose of their own medicine. (one-minute pause) Text 8: For “realz. “Guys. “Hey.” Or. “Running. Chris and I are going to Cool People Bar around 10 tonight. But your phone dings.” 6. 7..
” Do people not even have the decency to include the o? The offender doesn’t even need to reply to the message. Whether he’s a friend. You get a message asking how your day went or if you’ll be free at a certain time. Once inside your room. 3. and here you finally are. could they not at least drum up something a little more personal/creative/not totally unnecessary? Respond by letting them know how much. If the desk clerk mentions your room number out loud and there are other guests around. snacks in hand. But the guy in front of you insists on ruining your experience by texting for the entire 96 minutes. to the cent. 10. The Lingering K This one is especially aggravating if you’re not on an unlimited texting plan. travel safety expert Marybeth Bond explains what you must know before you check in. The next time he sends you a “TTY L8ER” or “C U 2morrow. Your phone dings again. 7 Travel Secrets to Keep You Safe Freaked out that a creepy perv made a nude video of ESPN Anchor Erin Andrews by peeping into her hotel room? You’re not alone. 1.“k. call up a friend and loudly discuss how rude the guy texting throughout the entire movie was. And hears it vibrating violently every two minutes. request that you be given a different room. You open the message and it says. my dog is wagging his tail.believe how I’m planning to organize my sock drawer! Aww. . Ask to be assigned a room above the ground floor. no girl wants to associate the men in their lives with tween-speak. so you send back a detailed and informative reply. But if they feel the need to. 2. Then hold your palm out expectantly. ever get comfortable with using text slang and abbreviations. or “anything that gives you more room to text. Hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the door when you’re out so would-be thieves will think the room is occupied. Sidekick. The Goobers-and-Popcorn Texter The previews are over. they owe you for superfluous texts the next time you’re together. check the door and window locks.” He’ll realize how outdated his text-talk is.. or boyfriend. When the lights come up at the end of the flick. you’ve been waiting to see this movie for weeks. he’s doing it again!!” 8. Here’s a little secret he doesn’t know: EVERYONE sees his phone lighting up.” tell him that he should really consider an iPhone. Here. The Needs-to-Grow-a-Pair Texter Guys should never. especially if there are sliding glass doors — an entry point offering easier views of and access into your room.. 9. BlackBerry. Oh. date. Then get ready to start running.
don’t mark a first name or the number of people in the room — this reveals to anyone passing your room that you’re alone. If you like to walk around naked in your hotel room (no judgment!). pack some safety pins and duct tape so you can make sure the curtains are completely closed. For more safety tips. Pull the drapes shut as soon as you walk into your hotel room. If you plan on staying at an inexpensive motel. 5. We tell you how to take the plunge. check out Marybeth Bond’s Website. brazen move. If you’re planning to arrive at night. The Gutsy Traveler. have the rental car agency or hotel arrange for someone to accompany you to and from parking lots. BY MOLLY FAHNER . it's time to make a bold. If you really want to succeed. 7.4. cover the peephole on the interior side of the door with a Band-Aid. 6. The Fierce New Secret to Success Forget everything you've heard about the importance of playing it safe right now. If you use the preorder menu that hangs on your door all night. This way you can easily peel it off when you need to peek out.
PhD. "Times of upheaval can indeed lead to major positive shifts in our lives. it's fear — of navigating new territory. Well. something you could gulp down that would instantly transform you into Gutsy Girl? But lacking magic and with the world in an uncertain state." says Arianna Huffington. Read on for the four key ways to tap in to your inner tigress. they take action." according to psychologist Frank Farley. of turning your life upside down. it pays to be rational. we've got a secret for you: It takes only one leap of faith to propel your life forward for the better. They look at chaos as an opportunity for change. As the president's chief of staff. you're better off listening to your instincts. Go with Your Gut Instincts A study found that when making simple choices (like what cereal to buy). When my best friend got canned last week and everyone says the economy's totally whacked? Yes. Instead. But when it comes to bigger ones (like which job to take).'" So how do you incorporate that inspiration into your own life? New research is showing that you don't have to be born brave to act that way. Simply using these clear-headed strategies can ensure that you do the right thing. And here's the really counterintuitive part: This is actually the best time ever to do something fierce and bold. Farley has devised a T scale (the T stands for thrill) to describe the distinction: At one end is the Type T. That's not to say you should buy a car on a whim. Live Like a Type T The first step is to figure out where you stand on the spectrum of risk taking. it's tempting to stay in your bubble and put off going after those dreams. And remember this: "The survival skill of the 21st century is going to be dealing with change. but if you have weighed the pros and cons and . put it: 'You never want a serious crisis to go to waste — and what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things you thought you could not do before. or fearlessness. author of On Becoming Fearless and creator of the news-and-politics Website TheHuffingtonPost. Chances are. but it also opens the door to unexpected possibilities.and of failing. While other people get nervous and avoid trying anything different. "Type T's are natural-born thrill seekers who live for excitement and uncertainty.. and at the other is type t. Who hasn't wished at times for a magic fearlessness potion. 1." How to Make a Choice You'll Never Regret Forget the psychic and Magic-8 Ball. now? you're probably thinking.. Get ready not only to survive but to thrive. "The upside of the downturn is that it may force you to confront your darkest fears and push through them. Rahm Emanuel. Then ask yourself what's stopping you. you can crib some crucial ballsy skills from people who do come by their fearlessness naturally.com. "These people often do their finest work in periods of flux. now. an expert on thrill seekers at Temple University.Think of one big thing you would love to do but haven't." Farley says. When things are changing a lot — and quickly — it's scary. What.
5. doing things like sitting in the sun or having unprotected sex often can feel right in the moment. The reason being. Hashing out your options allows you to further process the decision. But it's best to keep your hairstylist.and consider the outcome (on your health. However. on your credit-card bill — whatever) before making a controversial move. on a friend's or boyfriend's feelings. Get into a Stress-Free State Go for a haircut right after you are laid off and you could wind up looking like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. telling your guy you cheated on him once three years ago may relieve your guilt.but Just for One Night Researchers say unconscious deliberation (i. And since one study found that stress has a residual effect.. . A good rule of thumb: Play out each possible scenario in your mind. 2. which is why people will often tell you to sleep on it. and hearing others' perspectives (whether you agree with them or not) can help you arrive at a more informed — and better — conclusion. more than that can cloud your judgment. So if you're fighting with your boyfriend while choosing between two apartments.. 4..e. getting shut-eye) can help you analyze your options and come to a conclusion. Before seeking someone's opinion. wait a few days after you've kissed and made up before forking over your security deposit. belaboring a decision for too long means you aren't comfortable with any of the choices you have before you and you need to consider alternatives. Soliciting too many opinions — especially from people who don't know you that well — can leave you with lots of conflicting (not to mention bad) advice. But Avoid Discussing It with Everyone So you know that running your decision past a few key people in your life is smart. 3. 6. Although one drink can relax you while you're agonizing over a choice. and barista out of it. Sleep on It. Put Down the Mojito There's a reason Google Mail Goggles was invented: Cocktails make it easier to act. we tend to act rashly when we're nervous or upset. ask yourself if the person is really in a position to know what's best for you. For example.still can't reach a conclusion. let your snap judgment be the tiebreaker and go with what just feels right. your mom. Talk It Over with a Select Few Chatting about your predicament with close friends. trainer... but these toxic behaviors have serious health ramifications. 7. or whomever you trust to give an honest opinion is a good idea. keep it to yourself. Research suggests that anxiety not only makes it more difficult to settle on something but also actually makes you more likely to come to the wrong conclusion. Consider the Long-Term Consequences Some decisions make short-term sense but in the long run can be disastrous. but it will probably cause him to break up with you. If the answer is no. Similarly. try to resolve the disagreement quickly so you can make a more clearheaded resolution.
Why it works: When people look at shots of a pet dog. experts recommend assessing each new opportunity with a fresh mind-set. Distance yourself from the person or people pressuring you while you sort out your thoughts. it can be easy to be swayed in one direction by someone who has self-serving motives — whether it's a salesperson talking you into buying a pair of shoes you can't afford or your parents being all up in your grill about going to a particular grad school. and don't smile as often as you're inclined. moving across the country) should not be left up to the stars. body language. Behold the smart. Research shows that by exposing people to specific words. . There's a subtle tactic to make things go your way in your career. but they may also act more loyal toward you. At Work What you want: To seem like a team player How to get it: Put up a picture of your dog (or even of a friend's pup) in your workspace. 10. it's important not to rely simply on experience. Blow Off Bullies Who Are Pressuring You When grappling with a decision. In our rapidly changing world. and symbols. they not only tend to presume you're loyal. sneaky strategy behind this science. While it's definitely fun to let these things influence small decisions (which dress to wear on a date. 9. Here's how to use subliminal moves to get an edge. the bigger stuff (dumping your boyfriend. But don't paper your cube with canines. they can be affected in a way that benefits you without their even realizing what's going on. It's called priming. And if that's not possible. which will help you act more logically and guilt-free.8. Research shows that too many personal shots make other perceive you as a less professional worker. life-changing choice based on what your horoscope instructs you to do. and social world — one that has nothing to do with effort or luck. Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want You can actually learn to use subliminal messages to make people adore you. pretend you're advising a friend on the matter. Remember That You Can't Always Use the Past to Predict the Future Especially when you're making a choice that will seriously affect your bank account or lifestyle. love life. if you should ask out a guy). Don't Leave It Up to Chance It can be dangerous to make a major. What you want: To appear more powerful in the office hierarchy How to get it: Wear a chic all-black outfit to work. What might have been a shrewd move a few years ago — like buying a house or leaving your 9-to-5 gig to start up your own business — could wreak havoc on your life today.
What you want: To bond with the boss How to get it: Offer to get her a hot cup of coffee — even if you're not her assistant — and chat her up as she's drinking it. then the person feels more positive toward you. In Social Settings What you want: To impress your guy's parents the first time you meet How to get it: Casually praise someone whom you're certain his mom or dad holds high esteem. What you want: To make a friend out of an acquaintance How to get it: Start mirroring her behavioral tics. she'll implicitly assume you're an emotionally warm person — someone very likable. Researchers at New York University found that when you're sitting across from someone who's unconsciously shaking his foot. That means that he'll be more likely to be open and disclose his true feelings to you. And because they're looking at you. they'll subconsciously link you with that person's positive traits. What you want: Your slob roomie to clean up after herself more often . What you want: To have The Talk without his flipping out How to get it: Take him to a restaurant that has soft. Why it works: A recent study showed that just by holding the high-temp liquid. like touching your hair when she touches hers. Why it works: We like to see ourselves in other people. if you start moving yours in a similar but unobtrusive way.Why it works: You'll be seen as assertive and directed. Why it works: Experts say that as you talk about their hero in a positive light.g. Why it works: It's a proven way to win someone's affection: Libraries and car dealerships have higher customer-satisfaction ratings when workers imperceptibly touch their clients. author.. this seductive I-feel-like-I'm-there speech will make him associate your personality with the lush sensations you're describing. Touch activates the human desire to bond. while the act of keeping a neutral face is associated with higher status and power in a work environment. Studies have found that people in black uniforms (like sports teams) are viewed as more dominant figures. or celebrity. Just don't hand her an iced latte or you could trigger a frosty reception. Why it works: According to psychologists. With a Man What you want: To seem more alluring when you meet a guy How to get it: Talk about a beach vacation you took using sensual terms (e. such as a political figure. What you want: Your crush to fall for you on a dinner date How to get it: Subtly touch the back of his hand as you're reaching across the table for bread. Why it works: Researchers think that simply being in this kind of an environment can influence a person to behave in terms of communicating. your targets start to think about all the qualities they admire in that person. feminine colors and furniture with few angular lines. "The sun felt so fabulously warm against my skin") to paint a mental picture about the climate.
Cosmo IDs the toxic villains who make your blood boil. but there are certain types of people who suck up your time. You can also prime her by squirting a little fluid in the bathroom sink before she goes in to use it. money and love. They may not have visible fangs or a fear of sunlight. How to Spot a Real-Life Vampire Twilight's Edward Cullen puts his life at stake to save his love. BY ASHLEY WOMBLE The Buddy Thief .How to get it: Spray a bit of liquid all-purpose cleaner in the air right before she enters the skanky spot in question. Why it works: A Dutch study recently proved that the faint smell of a cleaning product will spur people to start picking up the area around them. but many mortals are not so kind.
again?" • You constantly have to tell her. • The only meal you've ever shared is late-night pizza. • You tell her she can crash on your couch for a week between apartments. How to spot: • She appears to only be able to speak in interrogative sentences. it magically lands on your desk. How to spot: . • You suddenly notice a ton of your friends on her Facebook page. The Flaky Friend with Benefits He's lurking in your life — soaking up your love and affection — but refuses to commit. salad. the boss doesn't hate you. • You hear from your girls that she's invited them to dinners and parties — and hasn't included you. How to spot: • When she invites you over for dinner. such as. • At bars. "How do I do that?" and "Where is the copier. The Mooch This friend drains your bank account by taking advantage of your generosity." and "No.She's a new acquaintance who hijacks your social life by befriending all of your pals. The Clingy Coworker Her constant need for help and reassurance tests your patience. • You don't know what his voice sounds like on the phone." • When she can't manage to complete a project. you somehow wind up bringing the main dish. The Drama Queen Empathizing with her takes up nearly all of your time and energy. "No. How to spot: • You only see him after dark. How to spot: • She only wants to go out with you if you're getting an amazing group together. and wine. she often claims to have forgotten her ATM card at home. and she's still there three months later. you're not getting fired.
It doesn't feel like a normal conversation unless she breaks down in tears at least once. How to Save Your Ass with Self-Defense It's awesome if you can take a self-defense course. BY CASSANDRA KAPP .. How to spot: • He doesn't know how to turn on the oven. • He insists you hang out with his friends.but most of us don't have the money (or time) to commit. She asks for your advice and then promptly does the exact opposite. The High-Maintenance Boyfriend This dude likes to be doted on and insists on monopolizing your attention at all times. • He thinks foreplay is a one-way street that leads to his penis. and then won't so much as talk to yours.• • • She always writes "911" text messages to be sure you will call her immediately.. learn some quick and easy tips now. So instead of putting it off any longer.
Don’t go to the ATM by yourself at 2 a. Hunching over. HOW TO PREVENT AN ATTACK 1. chatting on your cell. Get bitchy. Attackers tend to look for women who appear insecure or unsuspecting. Here.." and keep moving. but I really can't stop to help right now. or walk home from the bar wasted. Be discreet online. Be a hard target. "Sorry.. Instead. told us. If a stranger says he needs a hand — but you get a creepy vibe from him — you don't have to be nice. Make eye contact.m. walk confidently with your shoulders back and chin up. CEO and founder of the Women's Self-Defense Institute.. You can’t control the predators but can control the opportunities you give them.Tamara Schlesinger Did you know that only 10 percent of self-defense is actually physical? That's what Angie Tarighi. 4. how to fight an attacker before he strikes. 2. 3. Simply say. leave the windows to your house open at night. The rest of your defense is just being aware of your surroundings and taking preventive measures. . or being distracted by your iPod or text messages make you an easy target for a bad guy. Don't get sloppy during after-hours.and then some sharp ideas for how to react if things really do get physical. You want to send the signal that you’re a secure chick who could kick anyone’s ass.
Make sure to bend your knees. and actually know all the friends you approve. Get your hands in the high-five position with the palm pushed forward and your fingers back. stomp on the top of his foot. go for his vulnerable points like eyes. Parking lots are popular places for attacks because you’re distracted. and put your whole body into it as you swing your hooked elbow across his jaw. WHAT TO DO IF IT GETS PHYSICAL 7.Avoid having your contact information on your Facebook page. stairwells. You should hit the groin last. 9. Use your palm. twist your hips. scratch his face or jab at his eyes with the keys. 8. The Buddy System That Can Save Your Life The saying "There is safety in numbers" has never been more true. just below his eyes. Other places attackers hide: between cars (even on streets). Be on the lookout. 5. Aim for weak points. Step into the attacker and forcefully bang your palm at the top of your attacker's nose. If this is the case. Throw your elbow. Keys can especially do a lot of damage: If an attacker comes at you. anything can be a weapon. cell phone. Let them have it. If he attacks you from behind. and alleys. an attacker or predator just wants your money. and there aren't other people around. Try having a different profile account for your close friends than you do for your acquaintances. Use what's in your hands. as your attacker expects you’ll go there first. your hands are often full. Whether it's an umbrella. throat. Cosmo explains why you need to make a danger-thwarting pact with your posse. and then run in the opposite direction. pen. Often. or even hairspray. bushes. throw your purse as far as you can. When fighting off an attacker. 6. 10. . and knees. Your elbow is way more effective than your fists. A great skill to know is the palm heel strike.
there are some sobering statistics to be aware of. These stories share a key element: All of these women had started their evenings with friends and at some point went off on their own. there are the date-rape drugs. PhD.” says Ruth Anne Koenick.” says Cornell University professor Andrea Parrot. “It’s about showing that you value your friends and refuse to stand by and watch something bad happen to them. Vowing to follow them might just save a friend’s life. PhD. Not only does booze cloud your judgment. Nobody’s going to get all finger-waggy on you. it hints at a strategy that could save your life. “A predator is looking for the most vulnerable prey. . Read on for Cosmo’s five buddy-system rules. And the most vulnerable prey. and at least three quarters of women victims had been drinking. it can blind you to the subtle cues that the dazzling guy you’re talking to is trying to manipulate you. Being out there alone compounds the dangers that already exist on the party circuit. whether wild animals or chicks out for a good time on Saturday night.” says Karen J. As scary as that notion is. so you like to party. And then. it’s just as likely to be the guy sitting on the next bar stool as it is to be the unknown perv lurking in a dark alley.” explains David Lisak.or your own. an associate professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and the author of Sexual Offenses and Offenders.Wadley These days. PhD. is the creature who has wandered away from the pack. As far as who might be the attacker. Terry. “The percentage of male sexual offenders under the influence of alcohol at the time of the assault is in the high 90s. coauthor of Forsaken Females: The Global Brutalization of Women. RULE 1: Designate a Sober Chauffeur — Even if You’re on Foot Okay. of course.. Call it the buddy system: a code of conduct that you and your friends should adopt to look out for one another. director of sexual-assault services and crime-victim assistance at Rutgers University. But when it comes to drinking. an associate professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts at Boston. “The person at greatest risk to become a victim is someone who is alone late at night and is also under the influence of drugs or alcohol. it’s not uncommon to hear about young females who go out to party one night and don't come back..
“Who are you? My mother?” Don’t let her quip throw you off course. the bartender just flashed the lights for last call. such as a dizziness and amnesia-inducing substance called rohypnol. she will forgive you in the morning. that’s a pretty clear sign. ensuring that no one stumbles out of the club with a relative stranger. founder of Prepare/ IMPACT Personal Safety in New York City. try one of Cosmo's irresistible lure-him-in tricks.” says Koenick. and before it became clear that tonight was gonna be the night. someone needs to be designated the responsible person (you can rotate taking on this duty) who will stay sober and look out for everyone — be it by stopping a pal from stripping on the bar. You may feel pretty sure about this guy — you know him fairly well. almost 5 percent of sexual-assault victims were given a date-rape drug. she sneers. chances are. 30 Sexy Conversation Starters If you still have bruises from kicking yourself the last time you didn't make a move on a lusty lad. Other clues include drowsiness. you’re saying that you value your fun over her safety. “Or explain to the people she wants to go off partying with that she promised to go home with you. “If you abandon your friend.. She also can be on the alert for signs that one of you has been drugged. “If you know your friend is no lightweight but she’s falling-down drunk after one drink. RULE 3: Be a Bitch The following scenario is bound to crop up at some point: It’s 2 a.” Even if she gets pissed off. dizziness. . a nonprofit organization that helps survivors of violent crime. and your rules allow for the occasional hookup — but that doesn’t mean you’re free to go. not wanting to be a buzz kill). So when you go out at night. roofies. When you gently remind her of the rules.” Parrot says. advises Helga West. um. or keeping an eye on your drinks. advises Donna Chaiet. a mutual gym buddy has vetted him. Don’t ask your pal if it’s okay if you leave without her (“I’m fine. president and CEO of Witness Justice. “Resort to guilt-tripping her” by pointing out that she’s leaving you in the lurch.. RULE 2: Don’t Get Distracted by a Hot Dude The rules that you and your best friend made seemed so sensible five hours ago — before you ran into that guy from your gym you’ve been flirting with across treadmills for months.According to one recent study.” your nice friend will say. aka. and loss of memory. and one of your friends is about to jump into a car with a guy she met 10 minutes ago. workout. Try a compromise: You and Gym Guy can see your buddy to her door (or her car or a cab) as promised and then continue on with your.m..
Make up any rules you want — as long as they have you running around a lot and cheering loudly. with bronzed boys everywhere. ask him to recommend a high-suspense book — you love a little mystery.. Use it anytime you see a man you simply must meet. ask if he wouldn't mind giving you a dab. and the bar is swarming with single studs. saunter over to him and offer a tantalizing trade. Guys who are also fans will want to bond. then sweetly inquire if he'll be your deejay and help you pick out a few songs. if you're more daring. Start eyeing the ground. huh?" Ask a cute beachcomber to take a picture of you "to send to a friend. There is nothing as hair-pullingly frustrating as being surrounded by a slew of delectable men and not being armed with a great strategy to break the ice and win a stud's attention — not to mention his heart. Paddle up to a sexy surfer and say. Would you mind if I climbed on your board for a second so I can get a better view of the beach?" When the gorgeous guy on the towel near you is smoothing on sunscreen. Lift your hair and show him the other earring so he can help you in your search. Never heard of it? That's the point. surprising icebreakers that will make babes eager to banter with you.Yes. lock eyes with him.. Say. If you spy a cutie with a cooler of drinks. When he says he doesn't know. it's that time of year when the livin' is easy. or football team. and he'd better not let you down. challenge them to a game. Ask the adorable guy in the fiction section if he can help you remember that best-seller by Tom What's-his-name. When a circle of intrigued sporty studs forms around you and your bunnymates. picking up a guy ain't always a breeze. While he's waiting for his turn during a pool game. The beach is bustling. and ask him for a heavenly hand. Rub it on your shoulders.. When you both hit the floor. basketball.) It's Saturday night. a prime place to meet a cultured cutie. Don't be surprised if a friendly fella starts chatting you up to see if you really live up to your title. Go to a sports bar wearing the cap of your favorite baseball. then strain to reach the middle of your back. planning an "upcoming trip. Pretty sweet deal. no guy will have either.. You're at a bookstore. a cute moniker like Sweet Devil or Foxy Mama. "I drifted away from where my girlfriends are sitting.. Cosmo knows that the biggest hurdle in hooking a new guy is choosing the perfect words or executing an eye-catching stunt that will launch you into a full-on flirtation. look defeated." Ask him if he'll pose in the shot and pretend to be your boyfriend. Get the gals together and start a rowdy game of Sandbunny. especially near that dude you'd like to date. (Just kidding. tell a sharp shooter that you and your pal have wagered a beer on who will win. "Lose" one of your earrings. ." Ask a gorgeous globe-trotter for suggestions about where the hottest vacation locales are. So we devised a handy chat-him-up crib sheet filled with sizzling. but as you know. then smile when you're just inches away from each other's lips. "I'll give you half of this watermelon for a couple of sodas. Hang out in the travel section. Ask the guy near the jukebox if he has four quarters for your dollar. Don a necklace or T-shirt with your name on it or.. while rivals will pick a flirty fight.
turn to a mouthwatering man and exclaim. state-of-the-art athletic shoes and ask him where he bought them.. Just make sure to tuck in your shirt (or forget to)." After taking a big sip of your mocha so your smackers get doused with whipped cream. "Ooh. Pick out a humor book. . Didn't we meet at Lisa's coed naked lawn-bowling party?" It doesn't matter that he won't even know who Lisa is. Compliment a stylish stud on his awesome. If he gets really animated during your cinema chat. Lock eyes with him and let him know you're not a psycho — this book is just so funny! Lean in to show him a hilarious line. Glance at him and ask. special-order an out-of-stock book and ask him to call you — any time at all — when it comes in. When the instructor asks everyone to pair up for a headstand drill. type in your name and phone number. ask if there's any whipped cream on your lip. he'll be so intrigued. "Any suggestions?" You're getting hot at the gym." In the coffee shop. then ask him if he'd like you to read his. add in the line.. "You look so familiar. Ask to borrow the movie section of his newspaper to see what's playing that night and casually inquire if he's seen any good flicks lately. ever-so-politely ask if he can show you the best move to get six-pack abs. invite him to catch a 7:30 show with you.. If he has the latest laptop (or Palm or cell phone). ask him how he likes it and if you could take a look since you're thinking of buying one. Sit down at a table near him with a stack of intriguing books (a massage manual. ask him to be your partner. Situate yourself near the hottie in your yoga class. and when he takes a sit-up break. a man has you mesmerized. You want to try the leg-press machine. "I'd love to take a closer look at the merchandise. a Thai cookbook). If he works there. ask if he'll watch them so they don't get reshelved while you make a quick phone call. Have everyone at the party sign it — it's an easy ticket to talk to your target. If you're feeling bold. Lay your mat near a dude doing crunches. If possible. Take a long time licking it off. he won't be able to resist asking what exactly happens at a naked lawn-bowling party. Practice some psychic savvy — read a few of your pals' palms. Say. Ask a buff boy to help you remove them. you scope out a hunky java junkie. When he comes into the kitchen for another beer. After breaking a sweat. loudly announce to a pal that you're launching a thrill campaign to add excitement to your life — and you're now officially up for almost anything.. In front of the guy who's caught your eye. and start laughing seductively.. At a party. Minutes later. but the last user left heavy weights on it. Bring a hilarious card for the host of the soiree. a guide to mountain climbing. I can't catch my breath — I just don't know if it's the workout or the company.. sit down next to him. and it's not from working out. enlist his help in opening a jar of olives or a bottle of wine.
" When he smiles and asks." Top 10 Signs Your Internship Boss Might Go Letterman on You Some colleges are keeping a closer eye on their interns after a certain talk-show host admitted to giving some of his temporary employees. seductively utter. Your internship application asks for your past job experience — and your measurements..” 8. . he says. BY ROBIN HILMANTEL Asha Fuller 10." Then gently tap his shoulder and ask. special treatment. debate out loud which brew to order. As you're walking by a hot joe-sipping stud. ahem. "What do you think I should get?" He's sure to offer advice. "You know what they say about men who drink coffee. While standing by him in line for coffee.. "What?" Tell him. "Catch me here at this time tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it. If you’re an intern.. "Do I want a skim latte with a shot of hazelnut? Is the caramel cappuccino good? Maybe I should try that. watch out for these clues that your boss might be just a little too into The Late Show. “No. not that one. He keeps talking about what the meaning of the word is is. When he asks to see your body of work and you hand him your portfolio. 9.
You can spank me later.7. “I bet you’d like to know how you could get into my pants. Sexy Texts to Entice Him Want to turn him on in 10 words or less? These naughty e-notes will do it. . When you call him Mr.more than 20 times. isn’t it?” and stares at your breasts — but it’s a summer internship. There's a VIP-only party @ [fill in your address here] 2nite. “It’s cold outside. I was a BAD GIRL and spent my lunch hour shopping.. TDTM (translation: text dirty to me) Don't do much @ the gym. Smith on the first day..save energy for L8R. your boss says. (b) in a Jacuzzi. Ur picturing me (a) naked. During your “career advice” meeting.. 3. he insists you call him Dick — even though his name is George. . Making small talk about the weather. As a result of a switch-up in the office floor plans. He tells you he wants to introduce you to a “special member” (air quotes) of the staff. Ur ass looks gr8 in those jeans. Can I bring anything 4 our d8? Wine? Chocolate sauce? I'm in dressing room @ the mall.. he says. he says. “What happens at happy hour stays at happy hour”..And the number-one sign your internship boss might go Letterman on you: “This job blows” doubles as both a complaint and your job description. (c) both Was in such a rush! 4got 2 wear a bra. Got a new showerhead — the detachable kind. The pressure's awesome. shoes one day. er.. When you grab drinks with the staff after work one day. your desk has been moved to a new location — in his so-called Inner Office.” 2. 5.in a thong... 6. 4.
PhD. Splurged at Victoria's Secret. U bring the pole.. can she? No movies out I want to see. Had a stressful day. BY MOLLY TRIFFIN Her subconscious just gave this guy the thumbs-up. A girl can't have too many lacy panties. We break down how these feelings operate and offer tips for harnessing their power. suss out a person. faster choices.I'll pole dance 4 you. Still fits. Let's throw a party tonight — for two. even save your life.. humans tend to let "rational" thinking override it.m. author of Gut Feelings. Here's the thing: Intuition can guide us to make smarter. Federizo You've heard of intuition. HOT kiss this a. And while animals often heed this sixth sense. Noel J. Wink. Found my old cheerleading uniform. My roommate is out of town. says Gert Gigerenzer. wink. Hope you can finish what you started. but what you may not realize is that it's a biological survival tool. I NEED you to help me unwind. Other ideas for what we can do in the dark? Yes.. .. You Should Trust Your Gut You have a natural sixth sense that can help you make better decisions.
"It calmly advises you what to do. If your heart sinks." says David Myers. Eventually. author of Intuition. PhD. give practical thinking added weight. author of Positive Energy — think a knot in your stomach or feeling the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.. such as whether to wear jeans or black pants. people can tell when a smile is fake yet can't explain why) or by past situations. but before doing anything. But how can you tell if the jittery anxiety you have before boarding a plane is a subconscious SOS or just nerves? "A gut instinct isn't accompanied by fear. These messages are sparked by perceptual cues (e." notes Dr. Your unconscious picks up on clues below the surface of rational awareness and communicates the info to you via intuitive feelings. MD. listening to your inner voice will become second nature and help you out with important decisions. Say you're dating two guys. a less practiced chef should probably stick to the instructions. "The unconscious and conscious minds were designed to work in tandem. it doesn't matter which you go for. So if you get bad vibes from a coworker. Assuming both look great on. Just remember that your intuition's power depends on the breadth of your experience." says Gigerenzer.g. etc. so I guess I'll do the pants"). It's like a little covert operation in your head. "In unfamiliar territory. "Your brain has a database of knowledge that your subconscious sifts through. Pick the one who makes more sense (has a better job." notes Gigerenzer. your job — even your safety." Read This Before You Go on Facebook Again Having 764 friends is fun. Orloff. on a deeper level you might be noticing patterns between her and someone else who mistreated you. but some social-networking blunders can affect your rep.). Having trouble tuning in to your gut? Jump-start it by making a logical decision. Example: While someone who cooks regularly can wing a recipe with terrific results." How to Intuit "Intuition is like a muscle. says Judith Orloff." notes Gigerenzer. ." So give it a workout by following your instinct with inconsequential choices. take stock of how you feel about that conclusion. But this exercise gets you in the habit of relying on gut reactions instead of analyzing ("I wore jeans the other day. Ways to Spot a Gut Signal An unconscious nudge often manifests physically. "It gets stronger with use.What Intuition Is "Gut instincts are mental shortcuts used to make a snap judgment based on experience and environment. you know the other guy is right.
“With these details. anyone who Googles you will see them.” says Parry Aftab. . If you do. photos can still be tagged and copied onto another site. “Even when you use the privacy controls. a credit-card account can be created in your name. And though letting your friends know you’re going to a specific club for the night or leaving for vacay tomorrow seems innocuous.. you’re essentially telling everyone your location and when you won’t be home — setting yourself up to have someone come by your social event unexpectedly or burglarize your apartment. an Internet privacy and security lawyer. lets anyone with access to your page know where to find you. You Post Pictures of Yourself Partying Hard “Almost all big employers now look up young applicants on Facebook or MySpace to see if anything surfaces that may indicate the person isn’t a good hire.” says Anastasia Goodstein. or date of birth is to avoid identity theft. founder of Ypulse. “He can copy your info onto his own Website or distribute it via e-mail. don’t friend them at all. Instead. like a guy you chat with at work. The upside to restricting your page: You’ll come off as mysterious. sending messages that are hurtful to others and detrimental to your rep. with the street number in view.” You Update Your Status and Say Where You Are The status update is a fun Facebook feature. choose something less obvious. and don’t share it. your pet’s name. Another reason to never post your name. So restrict access to any suggestive photos. or another common password to log in to your page.” says Aftab. address. says Aftab. a generation-Y marketing Website. And be wary of fully friending a person you only kinda-sorta know.” says Aftab. says social-media expert Ryan Hupfer. Yet that’s kind of what you’re doing if you fully friend them on Facebook — or leave your MySpace page public — and let them see photos.” says Aftab. “If you don’t know someone in real life. any random acquaintance who knows or can guess what these are could log in and pretend to be you. day-to-day details.or don’t post them at all. “If your name is attached. California. You Pick an Easy-to-Guess Password Don’t use your middle name.. You Make Identifying Details Public Posting a cute photo of yourself in front of your house. with PhotoCrank in Palo Alto. and the other names on your friends list.You Friend Anyone You wouldn’t let strangers into your house and give them access to your personal things.
according to Kristin. Unlike some of the other Hills castmembers. “Tell him that you heard X. “Definitely have a conversation with the guy. you’re just adding fuel. The Dilemma: You find out the guy you’re hooking up with is secretly talking to his ex. you should go with your gut. ‘I heard from a few different people that you’ve been saying this. So we gave Kristin a few scenarios to see how she’d handle them. the girl doesn’t let anyone walk all over her and she always speaks her mind.. If he denies it and you know it’s true. you have to admit that one of the reasons Kristin Cavallari is so much fun to watch is that she can be a bit of a bitch. Read on for her bitchy little secrets. because people eff up. Ninety-eight percent of the time.’ They don’t need to know who. you take it out of context. the list goes on.. What Would KCav Do?: She says that lying is her biggest pet peeve and when she finds out someone is being untruthful about one thing. Love her or hate her. He’s probably hiding other things too. “If the girl doesn’t know he’s your boyfriend. she says.. (Kristin also spilled to us that she does just that in the first episode of the new season. Audrina. Hint: it has to do with Stephanie and the drug rumors. it’s his fault for not making . “Just say.” she suggests.) “Go right to the source. Y. and Z. I actually think that by not confronting the person. they might deserve a second chance. “I don’t think you should ever read text messages or emails. So we got Kristin to spill when it pays to be a little bad. And we mean that in a good way.” Kristin advises against involving others.). but don’t go snooping to find juice on the guy.” The Dilemma: Some girl is talking to your boyfriend at a club. What Would KCav Do?: “Go up to the person and confront them.Kristin Cavallari’s Bitch Lessons She’s known for speaking her mind and putting people in their place (Lauren.” On the other hand. Oh.. if he fesses up and apologizes. What Would KCav Do?: She recommends keeping a cool head until you have the full story. her first thought is. Jayde. but if they’re willing to take responsibility and change. I’d have to move on.” The Dilemma: Someone is spreading a nasty rumor about you.” she says.
If you’ve had a word with her and she keeps going. change your W4 filing—just ask your employer for a new form—so that you get as much money as possible up front. he’s just not into you.” Kristin says it will only make you look crazy so it’s best just to get out of there— with your boyfriend. “tell her she’s talking to your man and that she needs to back off. But thanks to such products as Tide Total Care and . “When a guy wants to see you. IRS withholdings. ‘I hate him’. ‘You know. Then discipline yourself to put that portion in the bank. of course. But it’s hard to do that when you’re oblivious to where all your cash goes.” And One Time NOT to Be a Bitch The Dilemma: A guy is playing hot and cold with you. What Would KCav Do?: “Just let it go.” If the other woman does know he’s attached and your guy is clearly uncomfortable. and consult this list of innocent little expenses that may be siphoning off your bottom line. You don’t need us to tell you that right now. What Would KCav Do?: “What I love about my friends is that they’re brutally honest. don’t make a scene.” In which case she says you should just tell your guy. since there’s probably a legit reason you’re not a fan. “You don’t need to say. Many people have money withheld from their paychecks in the hopes of getting a fat refund. And this is when you should say something. meaner budget.” Little Things That Eat Up Your Paycheck If the joy of being flush with dough on payday seems more fleeting than ever. where you’ll earn interest. it’s smart to function on a leaner. Well. We point out sneaky cash suckers and offer tips on stretching your hard-earned dollars. he’s not my favorite’. but you can tell her. The great news: With a few tweaks here and there. But doing that is like giving the government an interest-free loan. Instead. read on. according to Kristin. “This isn’t cool and we need to go. he makes time. Dry cleaning. I’m a firm believer that if this is the case. Dropping off your nice clothes at the cleaners can cost $5 or more per item…and that adds up.it clear.” she explains. The Dilemma: You think your friend’s boyfriend is an a-hole.” she says. stop scratching your head. you can keep your wallet fatter for longer.
But you can enjoy the fun vibe of a restaurant without racking up a big bill by eating bar food instead of pricey entrées.99. our gen has some seriously limited career options (thank you. crappy economy). Eating out. they can save you beaucoup bucks too. Which is exactly why TV anchor and financial reporter. such as Netflix.com. and can be found at your local drugstore. Let’s do some grooming math: Getting a mani once a week can add up to $60 a month. bread. They’ve even gone high tech. you can give TLC to your finer duds while using your home washing machine and dryer. will clean at least 16 garments. Maria Bartiromo. talks about her life and enviable career in her new book.99 plan and get unlimited rentals. Or opt for the $8. Belonging to a decent gym costs at least $50 a month— whether or not you use it. it’s a good idea to sign up with an online movie-rental company. it’s not as noticeable. Keep your butt in tight shape by joining a running club. you can get two rentals a month. Manicures. etc.. so you can skip flipping through the paper and just search clipngocoupons. It’s best to use them for staples you always need: eggs. For $4. this is a must-read. Gym memberships. As if trying to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life isn't hard enough. That’s $720 a year! Stretch your nail maintenance to every two to three weeks by picking only light-colored polishes—when they chip. Groceries. Check out rrca. For anyone who's a little freaked about her future. Not only will you meet lots of new people and get to breathe fresh air. but you’ll also often pay significantly less (some are free!)..org for one in your area. Maria Bartiromo. Coupons aren’t just for grandmas.Dryel. Unless you’re pulling in a Jolie-Pitt–size salary. Catching up with friends over dinner is something no girl should have to give up. Movie rentals. milk. They both cost under $15. The 10 Laws of Enduring Success. which is about what it costs you to check out just one flick at your local movie store. decided to write a book about success now: . The Money Honey's Tips to Loving Your J-OB The co-host of CNBC's Closing Bell and award-winning journalist.
1. "Kitty. I worried a lot about the impression I gave. when Kitty Pilgrim (an anchor for CNN) walked in. But when a reporter from the New York Post gave me the nickname "Money Honey. she believes that there are certain rules you must follow in order to get ahead. Read on for a few that have served Maria well on her own kick-ass career path.. I thought that I couldn't afford to make any mistakes. I was really upset. not let others control it. and says. a few years later. you have to look within and assess your skill sets. I'm proud to get promoted.. and to really be successful. Maria. so adapting will be key to success during this tumultuous time. 4. 3. Own Your Destiny I started my career at CNN as an editor and producer for the business news segments. The changes won't wait for you. Then. and I've never regretted my decision. It never would have occurred to them to gripe about how hard they worked. . "You made it." I have to laugh — no sympathy there! Her quip also reminds me how lucky I am." But I know that's not true. Cut Yourself Some Slack I'm an overachiever. What are you good at? How can you align your dreams with the areas in the economy that are actually producing jobs? It's critical to figure out what kind of training you may need to best position yourself for this economy. It was a breakthrough for me — realizing that I could be human and relax about it. Work Your Arse Off If you were to ask my parents what they thought the secret to success was. "I don't know what to do. Be Open to Change Success is fleeting.." Kitty gave me great advice: She told me to think about where I wanted to be in five years. my mom also worked at the restaurant and raised a family. We live in a time of enormous change. Now more than ever. my mother rolls her eyes. If I complain that my job is stressful." instead of worrying that a moniker like that would make me look ridiculous. People have said to me. gain a single pound. and hate it when I can't do something perfectly." I confided. But I know that I got to be where I am today thanks to the work ethic that I learned from my parents.Because during a rough patch like this. 2. In the early years of being on air. have a hair out of place. you have to constantly adapt. they would tell you that it's all about hard work. you're not chopping trees. I ended up turning down the promotion. You're set. and to control my destiny. but I think I will hate my new job. I just laughed it off. I decided I didn't need to take myself so seriously. and I loved it. and in addition to her full-time job. My dad ran his own restaurant. but I didn't think the new position was right for me. "Come on. crying my eyes out in the ladies room. or make an incorrect analysis. I had a big crisis: I was told that I was getting a promotion.