Oil 1

Note: These comments on the sample papers for the FYC website are for the purpose of class discussion. If your instructor marks every error, then s/he becomes your editor rather than your teacher. Learn to find and fix the errors in your own papers. If you don’t understand your instructor’s narrative comments at the end of your essay or comments in the margins, you should take the first available opportunity to discuss your paper with your teacher during his or her office hours.

Olive Oil ENC 1102 March 1, 2006 Oil: The Key to Globalization in Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia is a nation ideally suited to be isolated from the rest of the world. Physically, the country is dominated by vast shifting sands and desolate landscape, much of which lies in the Arabian Peninsula’s Empty Quarter. Politically, Saudi Arabia is a monarchy led for the nation’s entire history by the House of Saud. Culturally, tribal connections tie families closely together, with outsiders being less than welcome (Saudi 1). Wahabism, a strict interpretation of the Koran, defines religious relationships to only pure believers (Hogarth 70). [I’d like to see a little more explanation here of the cultural climate as preparation for the next sentence.] Why then, in light of all these pressures against globalization, has Saudi Arabia, emerged as one of the Middle East’s key global leaders. The reason can be found in one small word: oil. Of all natural resources, oil is the one most linked to the modern world. Oil provides the energy that makes modern society work. Without oil, there would be no fuel to power most of our transportation or to provide heat in winter. Without oil, many of

there would be no plastics. To a large degree oil runs the global economy. consequently. The Saudi government can be described as contained. and harmonious entity. Without oil.Oil 2 our electric producing plants would stop running. The laws in Saudi Arabia are extremely harsh. Before the seventies. The interest . much time would be wasted. The country presents itself to the world as a “traditional. Instead of making progress with time. western multinational countries such as Aramco and OPEC held the interest of Saudi Arabia’s oil. Saudi journalists describe the censorship as a means of “domestic political exclusion” (Saudi 1). Most Saudi citizens believe that the codes of behavior in the country are restricted and limiting. Having a large oil supply opens the country up to foreign influence such as the United States. the world’s people would be at a stalemate with time. is the driving force behind the globalization of Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia was a closed society but due to globalization. The citizens believe that the government is cutting its citizens off from the broader world. or music CDs. homogeneous. The government practices censorship to the extreme. the reality is complex and troubled with social dissent throughout the country (Saudi 1). Without oil. stable. the country has since open its doors. at the discovery of oil. which they believe is their right to belong (Saudi 1). there is a stalemate in travel. or synthetic clothing.” However. The journalists have become frightened about what they are writing about due to the amount of censorship (Saudi 1). If a young Saudi woman wanted to read an American magazine over half of the magazine would be blackened out. controlling and traditional government. so there would be a decline in the trading of ideas. Without oil. Saudi Arabia. and Saudi Arabia has a lot. Oil. was that could not resist being globalized due to the world’s need for the resource.

Saudi Arabia exports oil too many countries but especially to the United States. Saudi Arabia is the largest oil producing country in the world. highways. The American influence can be seen through “shopping malls. and expatriate communities” (Fandy 126). Globalization through the natural resource of oil has had a huge impact on the country. Saudi Arabia has control of its oil within its country so that rest of the world is depended upon it. Paris and London. Hong Kong. American influence can be seen through the type of clothing because even though women still have to wear the traditional hijabs and abayahs. The global effect is even present in holy cities such as Mecca where Islamic idols are sold outside of mosques to foreign travelers (Fandy 126). Saudi Arabia’s revealed comparative . This means that the shortage of oil will not happen for a long time (Bloomberg 1). The estimated increase would add two hundred billion barrels to the estimate. The Saudi state is at a crossroads where the government has to decide whether the country should continue to develop to western influence or go back to the path of traditionalism (or of fundamentalist traditions). The oil is primarily being drilled in the eastern province which is dominated by the Shi’a population. The Shi’a population has an obvious American influence due to the significant amount of time that the oil was controlled by western companies. Today. During this time. the Saudi people were treated by American oil officials as second class citizens (Vitalis 18). The Saudi minister believes that it will “soon” double its proven reserve base (Bloomberg 1).Oil 3 was being held by companies such as Aramco and OPEC. they are made in countries such as Taiwan. The culture of the Eastern province is similar to a large mixing pot where many aspects of different cultures are thrown together. Saudi Arabia is being globalized in regards to the producing of oil.

so that your readers can glimpse the evidences of globalization in action before you officially begin your introduction. Due to having such a large amount of oil present in its country the Saudi state decided to open up its “closed society.” The oil producing and exporting would increase the amount of money in the Saudi treasury so the Saudi state decided to open the country up to foreign influences to an extent. due to a natural resource called oil. RCA gives an importance to exported goods because if the RCA is much higher than one. then the export is internationally competitive. you are telling readers what they already know. The Saudi State still wants to have its traditional society but is willing to deal with western influence as compensation for the increase of money in the treasury. • Remember that this is a persuasive essay. Is this your opinion or something you found from a source? Olive. Work on varying your sentences (using subordination and coordination) Globalization in Saudi Arabia occurred at an accelerated rate. Saudi Arabia’s RCA is 10. Your paper fits the topic.Oil 4 advantage (RCA) in oil is extremely high.50 which are really important because it shows that this resource is internationally competitive and can be exported all over the world (Bolbol 6). Even though this is an informative paper. set a scene. In some cases. and you support your points well enough to make a strong connection between oil and contemporary cultural influences in Saudi Arabia. it seems to me . I have some suggestions for improving your paper on the next draft: • Create a description.

I’d like to see you introduce the authors in light of the conventions of academic writing. Although you rely on reputable sources from academic journals. make a decision about this and support it. why should readers care that Saudi Arabia is losing some of its cultural traditions due to contemporary influences? Do you agree with the citizens you mention (the ones who think the government is too restrictive)? If possible. • • Work on varying your sentence structure. Are you just describing the effects of globalization or arguing that these affects are damaging? In other words. This might mean an entire rewrite. Scroll to the end for the grade .Oil 5 that you stop at the level of providing information and then fall short of really engaging the issue or helping your readers question the effects of globalization. and improve your word choice.

Oil 6 .

<http://links.lexis-nexis.CO %3B2-N> This article pertains to Saudi Arabia’s free trade society based upon their oil market.org /sici?sici=0020-7438%28199902%2931%3A1%3C3%3AATAFTA %3E2. “‘Plenty of oil available’. I am planning to use the information about oil in Saudi Arabia to show how it globalizes the society. 26 Feb. 31. The article is legitimate because it is currently being published by the Cambridge University Press. Lexis Nexis.” The Calgary Herald 28 Sept.” International Journal of Middle East Studies.0. Stephan Voss.proxy. Jstor. “Arab Trade and Free Trade: A Preliminary Analysis. The article is legitimate because it was published by a reputable newspaper. <http://web. Saudi Energy Ehief Says: Forecasts Near Doubling of Reserves. 2005: D4. .Oil 7 Annotated Bibliography Bloomberg. Ali A.jstor. Bolbol.com.usf.edu/unive rse/document? _m=01c8303503516e9057531a8a412032f4&_docnum=22&wchp=dGLbVzbzSkVA&_md5=9d24ff8f263638fa51210970a687b4b6> This article pertains to the amount of oil Saudi Arabia currently has in its reserves. 2006. I am going to be using the information that pertains to the amount of oil Saudi Arabia currently has.1 (1999): 3-17.

“CyberResistance: Saudi Opposition between Globalization and Localization.Oil 8 Fandy. the Media and Popular Agitation Since September. jstor.0. 34.2 (2003): 143-147. “Wahabism and British Interests.1 (1999): 124147.2 (1925): 70-81. I am planning to use the information describing the religious sect of Wahabism. The article is legitimate because it is currently being published by the Royal Institute of International Affairs.” Comparative Studies in Society and History.jstor. . 40. G. 21 February 2006. Wilson Web. Mamoun.” Journal of the British Institute of International Affairs. Jstor. D.org/sici?sici=00104175%28199 901%2941%3A1%3C124%3ACSOBGA%3E2. 2006. 21 February 2006. I am planning to use the information that retains to globalization on either the political or cultural realm.” Asian Affairs. Hogarth.CO%3B2-V> The article is about Saudi Arabia’s struggle in today’s world by becoming a globalized country but still retaining their traditional values.0. 4. CO%3B2-H> This article is about the fundamentalist sect of Islam and how it relates to the British interests in the area. Jstor. <http://links. “Saudi Arabia: The ‘Arab street’. <http://links.org/sici?sici=1473-7981%2892503%294%3A2%3C70%3AWABI%3E2. 21 Feb. Other information that is useful is the economic and censorship. Other information found is information on the British interests in the country. The article is legitimate because the magazine is currently being published by Cambridge University Press.

hwwilsonweb. etc. Your annotated bibliography entries sound the same. 204 (1997): 15-25.because it needs more detail and support. but I’d like to see more work on sentence structure and style. The article is legitimate because it was published by Cambridge University Press. it would earn a C.jhtml. 25 Feb.. and provide a little more detail? If I graded this now. 2006. “The Closing of Arabian Oil Frontier and the Future of Saudi-American Relations.” Middle East Report. Vitalis. <http://links.usf.org /sici?sici=0899-2851%28199707%2F09%290%3A204%3 C15%3ATCOTAO% 3E2. improve your word choice. You don’t have major errors in grammar.jstor. I am planning to use the information regarding the globalization of oil in Saudi Arabia. Jstor.proxy.CO%3B2-U> The article is about Saudi Arabia’s Arab trade and free trade in today’s world. can you use some sentence variety.Oil 9 <http://vnweb.0.js> The article is about Saudi Arabia’s standing in the Muslim world. Robert. I am planning to use the information pertaining to cultural globalization. . Other information regards the United States relations with Saudi Arabia.edu/hww/results/results_single_fullte xt.com. The article is legitimate because it was published by a reputable source.

Oil 10 .