The arts

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OF THE BODY LANGUAGE AND HOW TO DETECT LIES ± shazwan azman

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oticing the signals that people send out with their body language is a very useful

social skill. Some of us can read it naturally and some of us are notoriously oblivious. Fortunately, with a little extra attentiveness, you can learn to read body language, and with enough practice it'll become second nature.

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Pay attention to how close someone is to you. The closer they are, the warmer they are thinking of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they actually care of the situation or person. If you move slightly closer to them, do they move slightly further away? That means they don't want your interaction to be any more personal than it already is. If they don't move further away, then they are receptive. And if they respond by getting even closer to you, they probably really like you or are very comfortable around/by you.

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It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; keep in mind that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.

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Watch their head position.

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Overly tilted heads are either a potential sign of sympathy, or if a person smiles while tilting their head, they are being playful and maybe even flirting. Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself or herself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct. It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect. Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures. Think of how a dog slightly cocks its head when you make a funny noise.

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Look into their eyes.

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People who look to the sides a lot are nervous, lying, or distracted. However, if a person looks away from the speaker, it very well could be a comfort display or indicate submissiveness. Looking askance generally means the person is distrustful or unconvinced. If someone looks down at the floor a lot, they are probably shy or timid. Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect, so this could explain why someone is avoiding eye contact with you. Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that many drugs cause pupils to dilate, including alcohol, cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA, LSD and others. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction. Also, some people have permanently dilated pupils (a condition known as mydriasis). If their eyes seem far away, that usually indicates that a person is in deep thought or not listening.

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See if they're mirroring you. Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you and trying to establish rapport with you. Try changing your body position here and there. If you find that they change theirs similarly, they are mirroring.

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Check their arms.

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People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their appearance, or just trying to hide something on their shirt. If their arms are crossed while their feet are shoulder width or wider apart, this is a position of toughness or authority. If someone rests their arms behind their neck or head, they are open to what is being discussed or just laid back in general. If their hands are on their hips, they might be waiting or impatient. If their hands are closed or clenched, they may be irritated, angry, or nervous.

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Be

aware

of

nervous

gestures:

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If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, this may be preening, a common gesture if the person likes you, or their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you. If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off. Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. This is presuming they are not trying to observe something that's far away. If they are staring into space then they are most likely thing deeply about the past or they could be thinking of you

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Watch their feet:

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A fast tapping, shifting of weight, laughing, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is impatient, excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated. Note though that some people with ADHD will constantly jiggle their legs. It doesn't mean anything, it's entirely subconscious and, while eccentric, it can't be stopped. If the person is sitting, feet crossed at the ankles means they're generally at ease. If while standing, a person seems to always keep their feet very close together, it probably means they are trying to be "proper" in some way. If they purposely touch their feet to yours, they are flirting! Some people may point their feet to the direction of their interest. So if it's pointing at you, he/she may be interested in you.

edit Tips y It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture. They may also sit or stand very cricked. Long eye contact can also be found in lovers' eyes. y If a person talks at a fast rate and mumbles or isn't clear on what they are saying they are lying (trying to stall for time) or not telling the full truth (being vague). (But be aware that some people do actually mumble)

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y y y y y y y y

Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them. Observing in context is key to understanding body language. Keep in mind that each person has their own unique body language called baseline behaviors. When observing others, be subtle about it. Pay special attention to changes in body language rather than the body language itself. If a person looks up at the sky, or to the sides they are usually thinking about you. Some people touch their face and/or play with their hair when they are flirting. When a person closes his/her eyes longer than the time it takes to blink, that usually means that he/she is feeling stress, alarm, or despair.

Prophet Muhammad - ³The world is forbidden to those of the life to come the life to come is forbidden to those of this world.´

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How to Detect Lies

Is she lying?

Watching facial expressions in order to determine whether a person is lying might just save you from being a victim of fraud, or it could help you figure out when somebody's being genuine. Jury analysts do this when assisting in jury selection. The police do this during an interrogation. You have to learn the little facial andbody expressions that can help you distinguish a lie from the truth.

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Establish a base line. A base line is what someone acts like when they are not lying. You have to get a base line before you proceed with anything. Imagine you have a itch on your nose ever since you got out of bed. Someone might think you are hiding something because you scratch your nose when answering a question, when really you've been scratching your nose all day. To establish a baseline, you need to see the person when they aren't lying. Try asking what their name is, and what they do for a living. If any of the signs below pop up when you know they're telling the truth, then those signs aren't indicative of lying.

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Learn to recognize deflections. Usually when people are lying, they will tell stories that are true but are deliberately aimed at not answering the question you asked. If a person responds to the question "Did you ever hit your wife?" with an answer such as "I love my wife, why would I do that?", the suspect is technically telling a truth, but they are avoiding answering your original question, which usually means they're lying.

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Notice the behavior of other body parts. Watch their hands, arms and legs, which tend to be limited, stiff, and self-directed when the person is lying. Their hands may touch their face, ear, or

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the back of the neck. These are, however, a sign of nervousness, not a sign of deceit. They might not necessarily be nervous because they're lying.

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Look out for microexpressions. Microexpressions are facial expressions that flash on a person's face for a fraction of a second and reveal the person's true emotion underneath their facade. Some people may be naturally sensitive to them, but almost anybody can easily train to be able to detect microexpressions. Typically, in a person who is lying, their microexpression will exhibit the emotion of distress, characterized by the eyebrows being drawn upwards towards the middle of the forehead (sometimes causing short lines to appear across the forehead skin).

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Check for sweating. People tend to sweat more when they lie. (However, some people may sweat a lot more during nervousness/shyness.) But this is not always a reliable indication of lying.

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Mind exaggerated details. See if they are telling you too much, like "My mom is living in France, isn't it nice there? Don't you like the Eiffel tower? It's so clean there." Too many details may tip you off to their desperation to get you to believe them.

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Notice the person's eye movements. Contrary to popular belief, a liar does not always avoid eye contact. Humans naturally break eye contact and look at non-moving objects to help them focus and remember. Liars may deliberately make eye contact to seem moresincere. You can usually tell if a person is remembering something or making something up based on their eye movements. When someone is remembering details, their eyes move to the right (your right). When someone is making something up, their eyes move to the left. It's usually reversed for lefties.

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Be aware of their emotional responses

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Timing and duration tends to be off when someone is lying. If you ask someone a question and they respond directly after the question, there is a chance that the person is lying. This can be because they have rehearsed the answer, or they're already thinking about the answer just to get it over with and move forward. Pay close attention to the person's reaction to your questions. A liar will often feel uncomfortable and turn their head or body away, or even subconsciously put an object between the two of you. Also, while an innocent person would go on the offensive (usually responding with anger, which will usually be revealed in a microexpression directly after you say you don't believe them), a guilty person will often go immediately on the defensive (usually by saying something to reassure their facts, such as deflections).

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Listen for a subtle delay in responses to questions. An honest answer comes quickly from memory. Lies require a quick mental review of what they have told others to avoid inconsistency and to make up new details as needed. However, when people look up to remember things, it does not necessarily mean that they are lying.

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Be conscious of their usage of words. Verbal expression can give many clues as to whether a person is lying, such as:

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Using/repeating your own exact words when answering a question Avoiding use of contractions Vocal pitch rising Avoiding direct statements or answers (deflections) Speaking excessively in an effort to convince Speaking in a monotonous tone, speaking with a jumpy tone, or allowing pitch to rise and fall unnaturally Leaving out pronouns (he, she, it, etc.) Speaking in muddled sentences Using humor and sarcasm to avoid the subject Allow silence to enter the conversation. Pausing at an unusual time, such as in the middle of a sentence If they're lying, they will become uncomfortable if you stare at them for a while with a look of disbelief. If they're telling the truth, they will usually become angry or just frustrated (lips pressed together, brows down, upper eyelid tensed and pulled down to glare).

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Change the subject quickly. While an innocent person would be confused by the sudden shift in the conversation and may try to return to the previous subject, a liar will be relieved and welcome the change. You may see the person become more relaxed and less defensive.

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Watch his or her throat. A person may constantly be either trying to lubricate their throat when he/she lies by swallowing or clearing their throat to relieve the tension built up. A person's voice can also be a good lie indicator; they may suddenly start talking faster or slower than normal, or their tension may result in a higher-pitched speaking tone.

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Follow through. If you have the means, check the validity of what the liar is saying. A skilled liar might give some reason why you shouldn't talk to the person who could confirm or deny a story. Perhaps the liar will imply that the person is particularly favorable towards the liar, or that the person would have little time for you. These are probably lies themselves, so might be worthwhile overcoming your reluctance and to check with the person you've been warned against.

Prophet Muhammad - ³'Teach me a work, such that when I perform it God and men will love me.' Muhammad said, 'Desire not the world, and God will love you and desire not what men have, and they will love you.´

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