infallible. and exists only in our minds…Why can’t we put to rest this difficulty between the sexes? Some relationships are almost magical. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. we’re all after the same things in life. and unshakable. This is all checked by the internal gauge of remembered experiences. and yet. We all want to be loved for who we are. but the rest .Chapter 1 Cracking the Code Finally. (more on that later). or the perceived world that is realized by your senses then how we integrate that information via our brains. The so-called differences between us in ‘the apparency’. True men and women are different obviously. I cracked the code and put to rest the spurious wastes time. This idea held in the minds of men and women is unfathomable. continuing misconception that there really is a battle of the sexes. I don’t like mincing words……. granted respect and receive approval.

This illustration is super common but. and in-depth analysis of the services.of us struggle. if you're a man. And. I then proceed to go through a list of all our favorite restaurants. underappreciated and. She responds to each of my picks with the list of pros and cons of the menu. reveals a powerful dynamic that is necessary to be explored and understood. This will build the foundation of the entire book. “why can't you just make a simple decision?”. her frustration is obvious. continually unsatisfied. basically confused on the matter. I would think to myself.. . Men tend to be very logical and make decisions quickly. proximity to our house. including: mealtimes. would create enormous frustration for me. etc. past experiences. So many times I remember driving down the street with my wife and asking “where would you like to go eat?”. then she replies “it doesn't matter. wherever you want to go”. This scenario happens or used to happen weekly which. etc.

) In fact. You may ask “what in the world do you mean by that?”. how long it will take to get there. and much deeper thinking than men. This is part of our nature to “take it for the team”. how much time it will take. she feels more secure when you take the lead. Women are typically much more emotional in their thinking.Men are very rational logical beings. how much it will cost. in turn will create her . (which. A woman's mind works relationally. If you ask us a question. by the way. This question brings up thoughts of past experiences. and (here's the kicker) it continues. and be the leader. you will get an answer. She is thinking that you or she will get gassy from the food which. though she may not admit it. your woman fully expects you to do. We like to make decisions quickly. The simple act of asking my wife where she would like to eat brings a flood of thoughts that we men just are not aware of in her mind.

making her feel important and. She will think about the lighting. in terms of her.. I am caring enough to treat her. and totally put the kaibatz on any thoughts of sex later in the evening. By removing this burden of decision-making I am demonstrating my interest in helping her. and think. this also demonstrates care and concern for the light will play on her outfit and her hair…and all this will happen in a split second. Ultimately.personal discomfort. making her feel I love her enough to go through the diatribe. She earned a Masters degree in business school. For men. brilliant. is for me to make the decision. is now an entrepreneur with me. this seems like indecision. My wife is a very powerful woman.. and very logical person. What she is looking for in this context. this means making the decision. and a great. for me. The importance of this is because deep-down most women are fundamentally a bit insecure . a mother.

She wants to feel like number one. Here is the punch line. specifically with their spouse. Demonstrate to me that I'm important by stopping everything. the top of the list.” This relieves her of her mental constipation. and other. Now. She is telling you “I'm feeling a bit insecure. Apply . and she feels approval because she is number one on my list. whenever your significant other becomes somewhat wishy-washy when it comes to decision-making.) But she wants to feel important in a way that's not obvious to men. You will reap the rewards over and over again. Most women want to feel important (Hint! Hint! We all do.emotionally. It is a golden opportunity to start making deposits in the bank of love for your sweetheart. and taking care of this decision or situation. strategies in this book the heart. If you want the bedroom to sizzle you better take these. getting hot under the collar is the wrong response. take a moment and mentally review how often this happens.

do the exercises at the end of the chapter. It is so simple. you can't lose! The difficulty is in realizing that she isn't the problem. Mary Kay Ash used to tell her sales associates.them and I promise you that your relationship will be different in a matter of a couple of weeks. This is the sales philosophy of one of the biggest businesses ever created. I suggest that you go through this book one time with a highlighter quickly. “imagine every person you meet has a sign around their neck that reads ‘tell me I'm important’. Then you will want to go through each chapter’s highlighted sections. it is a lack of understanding.” What a powerful image that is. You won't understand everything at first. Imagine your lady has that same sign around her neck all day . and you will learn how to get everything you want in any relationship by giving the other person what they want. This is an absolute universal law.

looking to you to fill that love tank up all the time. and you ask “where would you like eat?”. say “how about going to restaurant x?”. So. but what men really want is respect.long. and she starts to demonstrate indecisiveness. It is not truly sex. or who is not interested in sex. Once you have really grasped this principle. By the way. You may think it is sex. you'll get what you want. Continually look for the opportunities to give her what she wants. When she asks you a question when you are . that is a huge sign that you need to start demonstrating your love to her in a way that she will receive it. the next time you're in the car. If you keep that tank full. Nothing makes a man feel less respected than being in a relationship with a woman who gets short with you. if these symptoms exist in your relationship now. It is great. the job is clear. or who does not respond to any of your advances or attempts at wooing her.

considering her feelings.trying to watch the fights. EXERCISE: Sit back and think of all the ways in the last two weeks that situations have . You can't come off canned. and doing whatever is necessary (without the slightest hint of anger or frustration from you. give her your full attention. never a script. and loved.) By the way. and sexually fulfilled. and your woman will be so loyal to you she would lay down in traffic if you asked her. If you do what I tell you to do. You can't fake sincerity. turn the TV off. you have to be genuine. That is why I may give you examples of what to say or how to say things but. You too can be happy. and answer her. In fact. your relationship will be paradise. Throughout the rest of this book I am going to teach you to be a student of your lady. every argument is another opportunity to increase your stock by filling her approval tank up just being fully present.

it is the magical boat that carries you across the abyss of loneliness into the promised land of love and companionship.presented themselves for you to demonstrate genuine concern. and what you are going to do now. Now. We will focus like a laser so that you will get what you want by communicating in such a way that she gets what she wants (and it seems like it is her idea). Take a few moments right now and reflect. QUOTE: “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. going to the sales strategy…that's . even in the most trivial matters.” --Lao Tsu Chapter 2 The Language of Love Of all the things you learn in this book communication is king. It is an extremely heavy and vast topic. The results will be dramatic and immediate. Think of how you blew it.

and what occupies your thoughts. The list ranges from most important to the least important to them. and do all day with no extra motivation at all. You see everyone lives by an internal value system. sales strategy. Things that are not high on your value structure. don’t motivate you. you can do it all day because it's important to you. The idea is to communicate your values in terms of her values. what you can think about all day. Just think of the most important things to you in your life right now. The number one most important thing to the least important thing is the system of values which dictates your every behavior. What dictates your behavior are the things that are important to you. No one has to kick your butt to get you to do it. A person’s value system is a series of things people use to make a mental list. Yet no one has to tell me to go to the office.right. I don't . One million dollars couldn't motivate you to do it.

we think we are right and they need our help to set . Now. I'm excited to get to work. because we see them doing (or not doing) what we think is important. I love to learn. we are going against their values. I sometimes have three to four books going at the same time. I can't wait. for my daughter I have to stand over her to make her read. What is it filled with? My man cave has a computer. and yet they are simply living by their own value system. doing what they think is most important.wake up and dread the thought of going there. or project them onto others. I dislike yard work that much! Look around your house or your apartment. treat clients. Yet. And yet. We all do this. a team of horses could not drive me to mow that lawn. she can play her Nintendo for hours. and loads of books on various topics. Sometimes we think people are lazy. Naturally. fish tanks. and have a party. You see. or worse. whenever we impose our values.

Caring. Thinking .them straight. by definition here. so that you are not minimizing their values. we have a whole other plan in our head. and learning to be truly caring. Ideas about what we think they should be doing. gets resentful. will be some required skill acquisition on your part. means communicating your values (what's important to you) in terms of the other person’s values (what's important to the them). while being careful not to minimize your own values in terms of someone else's thinking. Have you ever offered advice when it wasn't asked for? What happens is the other person usually shuts down. The goal is to impose your values on to somebody else less. But. It is the same thing in our relationships with the opposite sex. The mistake is never realizing that they are acting out exactly what's on their list of what's most important to the least important. it's only important to us. and how to do it. So there. and doesn't like it.

So.someone else's values are more important than yours is also incorrect. Here is some pizza money. I would probably end up on the couch for saying something like that. and basically being absent from my family. in fact. My job requires that I attend continuing education seminars several times a year over long weekends. That is an example of being careless. This usually involves going out of town. I have to bring up the painful subject. Give me a high five. imagine I have a seminar go to. Later babe. So. This stresses my wife out to no end. Here is an example. Have fun with the kids. We have two beautiful and precocious children that can be a handful if you are by yourself all weekend long. . I'll call you if I can. with my wife knowing full well there could be friction. what if the night before I go to my wife and say “hey babe I have got to go to Chicago again for the weekend. staying at hotel.” How do you think she will react to that? Not well! I can tell you that.

and maybe we could schedule some massages. then we can meet up for cocktails at the five-star hotel lobby we will be staying at. take a walk in the moonlight. But. I have already called grandma and she's going to take the kids for the weekend in two weeks.As an example being caring and communicating my values in terms of hers. I want to send you on the shopping spree of your life. after the meal. go to the hot tub and open a bottle of wine. it's that time again. it would go something like this: two weeks before. and maybe get Thai food at your favorite restaurant there. And. I have some business during the day. and say “sweetheart. order room service the next . the second glass of wine has been poured. on a date night. I thought you could shop in all a nice shops downtown. I reach over gently touch her hand. look into her eyes. we could cuddle in front of the fireplace in our master suite. And I thought you and I could go to Chicago.

and romance) will no doubt culminate with passionate lovemaking come Sunday night. she responds emphatically “Absolutely! That sounds wonderful!” It is a totally different outcome when communicating my values in terms of hers and being caring. Do you think you could schedule the time? I know you're busy.morning for breakfast. if that's okay with you?” Of course. Because. under that write down one of the most . EXERCISE: Write down something you really want to do but know that your significant other has no interest in at all. loving nonsexual touches. giving my wife the things that are high in her value system (shopping. you see. as long as I provide the life she wants. and you don't have to go. and then go shopping again at all your favorite places on the magnificent mile. I thought you may like to. I can assure you. She gives me the freedom to live the life that I want. eating in the beautiful restaurants.

” --Antoine de Saint-Exupery Chapter 3 Let's Talk About Sex I can remember I saw the best advertisement once. especially if you're not familiar with the sales process. and I don't remember what the product was but the images used in the display ad told the whole story. Find a way to give her some token gesture that involves the most valued things on her list. After a few times you'll begin to see the power of this strategy. and you can apply it to every relationship in your life QUOTE: “Love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. The top picture had something like a control panel. Then communicate it that way. while at the same time you do what's important to you.important things to your lady. It consisted of two pictures. This will take some practice at first. It was .

Pay attention! Apply the techniques you learned in the previous chapters and you'll be there. Sexually. Therefore. with the title “man”. Men are more logical. dials. chances exponentially increase that the bedroom will sizzle. reflex action. The simplest of techniques is . It was just covered with this simple title “woman”. if you keep making deposits into your lady's emotional tank. Incredible! This hilarious advertisement reveals the truth. and buttons. and it's a simple oneswitch. The sexual response in a man is hardwired. a woman's arousal is governed by her emotional state and the state of the relationship. Women relate relationally and emotionally to the world (like we covered earlier). Women.full of switches. on the other hand. levers. The bottom picture was a large empty wall with a single on / off switch. gauges of all kinds. no matter what's going on. are wired differently. We are ready at the drop of a hat. This is a very simple lesson.

but probably not her. Imagine being on a perpetual date with your lady. When she enjoys something it is not hard to figure out. out-of-shape or are going bald. Simply assume everything in your head concerning why you're not having the sex that you want is spurious. you are going to become a student of her body and her body's reactions. It is not that you're overweight. not true. you're home-free. So.remembering what worked in the past. How does she like to be approached? How does she like to be touched? For sure. she does not want to be groped and manhandled like that fantasy playing in your head! That may turn you on. in her perspective. Complacency kills. If the love meter is high. false. It is time to get on the stick. the key to masterful sexual technique (which ensures her decreased resistance to your . Ensuring the loyalty of your mate sexually means one thing. Now let's discuss the issue of loyalty.

This stuff isn't hard guys. I can assure you. It is not magic. simply a matter of caring enough to give the other one what they want. That is how the game is played. I was largely focused on what I wanted only which. It just requires doing something different. This is coming from a man who was divorced and almost ruined his current marriage. But. that is what this book is about. is a tactical error and could only end in disappointment for both parties. it is not rocket science. this alone will increase the frequency of intimate encounters. Over time you'll build a repertoire of things she likes. Maybe the strategy sounds too simple. this information is a result of much study and toil. And. I promise. All you must do is keep a running log in your head of what she likes. by the way. Ultimately. Then just rinse and repeat.advances) lies in your paying attention while engaging her sexually. Einstein said “doing the same thing and expecting different . you will like it too.

allowed me to become a doctor.” --Mother Theresa QUOTE: “If you help other people get what they want in life. and a devoted husband. a good father. we both know you have experience with something like this.” --Zig Ziglar Chapter 4 Pulling the Trigger The following section is designed to move a person from the state of apathy to action. . If you are reading this now. when the pain of your current situation is greater than the pain of making change. So therefore. you will change (or every thing falls apart). you must make a decision and take action.results is insanity”. The following principle has created wealth for me. QUOTE: “Unless life is lived for others is not worthwhile. you get what you want in life. So.

Again. Sure. this is not you. in the direction you're really after. It is just like looking at a map and saying “I am going here”. usually without any idea of how to accomplish them. many conduct their lives as if they have all the time in the world. Most people move through their lives without much direction. we all start our lives with dreams and aspirations. Most people are wishy-washy on the big issues. The definition of a decision means to decide a course of action turning away from any other possibility. They have no idea. They will look at you with the strangest look on their face. Hopefully. with total resolve. no plan B. the first. Like a wisp in the wind. This is it. most important question is “what do you want?” In fact. ask your adult friends “what do you want to do with your life?” and then wait. get frustrated. It is the most important thing to set the right oar on the boat of life. and settle. .Having the ability to actually make a decision sounds simple.

aim. so does your business. I suggest you go to the coffee shop. Most people don't even step up to the plate in life. The most successful people I know (multimillionaires). this is what you do. when asked what are the reasons for their greatest success. So. and get things done in their organization. What is important is to actually get to the action state. and courageous. almost always say it comes down to people that are decisive. What do I want in my life. the park. and my business relationships? What do I want to be worth (what do I want .” You have got to pull the trigger. My motto is “ready. it will probably be a little stressful on your part.That clock is ticking all the time. relationships. and life on planet Earth. and ask your self the tough questions (with pen and paper). You have a shelf life. Take some time. or even park your car in the Wal-Mart parking lot. let alone take a swing. fire. It's not necessary to have a perfect performance.

My mind was consumed and I was perpetually frustrated and angry. of course. You don't have to know how to get blueprint to be)? What do I have passion about? What stirs me emotionally? That is a clue to the direction in which you want to be moving. or . if any of that is an issue between you both it will undoubtedly sabotage the present every time. your past her past.” --Dr. And. QUOTE: “When the why is big enough the how takes care of itself. I never took into consideration my own past. The simple act of making a huge decision with all your might moves your boat in the direction. John Demartini Chapter 5 The Past It doesn't matter. I can remember in the beginning of my second marriage (my current marriage) I had found out some things about my spouse's past I found most disturbing. how it impacted my present.

What is that old adage from the good book. This man led people to war on three different continents. and believe me. resentful feelings. He asked me what the problem was specifically. This sent me on another journey of learning how to cope with powerful. dealing with my own head. It is my experience that forgiveness is the way. So I called my best friend. If anyone could help me see things objectively. never speak of it again. a Staff Sergeant in the Marines. At the time. and I told him. He is a decorated veteran. ever. I was selfishly focused on my own feelings of hurt.what my wife thought about it. it was him. I could live with it. for counsel. with three theaters in combat under his belt. The decision was clear. I was blinded by my emotions. “Can you live with it?” If the answer is yes. harsh. “don't whine about the . Now came the tough part. I'm no angel either. His reply was simple and direct. hard.

No one wants to be judged for the past. I am not being compensated in any way for the recommendation.spec in your brother's eye because there's a plank in your own eye”. and deal with your own feelings privately. believe me. Everyone wants approval. of which are the object of intense scientific research because of their efficacy. Just Google Dr. We don’t deserve to judge others. What is bothering you? Ask yourself three . I am simply telling you that your relationship hinges upon this decision alone. John Demartini (with his breakthrough experience) and Larry Crane (with the Release Technique). The exercise for this section is obvious. nobody looks good under the scrutiny of a microscope. or something like that? I came across two very powerful techniques to get rid of the emotions both. And. You know what the issues are. You can put into practicum actually dropping the issue and never speaking of it again. only ourselves.

The rest is emotional nonsense and baggage. No matter how big the transgression.very courageous questions: could I let it go? When could I let it go? And. It is a decision. the answer better be “now”. Now. Even though this book is short. “where do they come from?” They are yours silly! This is how you keep from fooling yourself. If you can't see that. ask yourself “whose emotions are they?”. forgiveness is possible. Remember nothing works until you take responsibility. Jeff King . It is just a decision. it is full of content. go live the life of your dreams. no matter what! Dr. It is one hundred percent up to you.

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