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2 Vol.

XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

It’s Like Poking, But In Real Life...
By Michelle Frantino
“If you build it, they will come,” is
the quote posted on the new website,
EduHookUps.Com. And after its
launch just a few short months ago,
come they did. The new social net-
working site attracted over 10,000 col-
lege students to its forums. The
controversial site provides a place for
students to post anonymous ads, look-
ing for partners interested in having
“casual sex.”
“Jessica Cominsetta, a junior at
Chicago University, posted an ad on,, reading, “Ready for
fun, seeking hot stud, for a bedroom
run.” Soon after the post went up, a user
named “ChicagoBigShot” responded,
and they set up a meeting place: outside
the student recreation center two hours Screen grabs from showcasing its registration system and real posts
from Yale, Northwestern, University of Mississippi, University of Illinois and University of Chicago students.
before midnight. They both would be
wearing red. launched the website in early March at The site does also offer a “Safety” page for sex.”
Cominsetta said they had “casual Chicago University. “When the site first where students can get tips about using The English major said that stu-
sex” and parted ways. “I’m not sure launched it got 300 to 500 Google the site in the safest way possible. “We dents around campus have been
what his name was, I never asked,” searches a day,” said one of the creators. encourage safe sex,” said one of the cre- buzzing about the new site. “Everyone
Cominsetta admitted. “I didn’t want to “Now we receive over 3,500 hits on the ators, “but we can’t take any legal liabil- is on it, and everyone is talking about
know. I don’t plan on seeing him ever site every day.” ity to something that may happen as a it,” Paladeno explains. “Nothing excit-
again, it was just sex.” “We never expected this to take off result of using the site.” ing usually happens here, so this is a big
The website is spreading through- outside our home campus,” Danny said. Stanford University is one of three deal.”
out colleges across the country. It re- “It started only as a fun project and we colleges that have a link to the school’s Stanford University did not wish to
cently announced that the Stony Brook had no intention to make a personal “Sexual Health Peer Resource Center.” comment on the recent development of
University forum has gone live. “The profit.” When asked about the sites re- A representative from Stanford’s Health the schools forum on
universities in New York are vital to our cent popularity and presence at the Center, who wished to remain anony-, but they did release
expansion,” said one of the sites school, Chicago University said they mous, feels that this is the only way to a statement stating that the University
founders, “Danny,” who asked not to be had no comment. promote any kind of safe sex associated does not support or endorse the web-
identified due to privacy reasons. The website quickly expanded to with the site. “The website is attracting site,
“Stony Brook is our first SUNY School Ohio State, Penn State, Boston Univer- thousands of our students and based on Corrine Clevensky, a senior at the
to join the site, due to the number of re- sity and Harvard within the first month what we hear, they are using the site to university, says the mood of the school
quests we received from students.” of it opening. “The more universities have one-time sexual encounters with has changed since the arrival of
The website sets up forums for se- added, the more news we stirred up,” an array of different individuals,” said EduHookUps. “More and more people
lect universities that allow students with said the creators. “Our primary source the representative. “Any information we are beginning to talk to each other on
valid college emails to access their of advertising and news is split between have to educate students about safe sex campus,” says Clevensky. “There has
schools page. Once registered, users can television news programs and Face- is better than nothing. I just hope they even been just ‘Hook Up’-themed par-
post and respond to other ads only book,” they added. are reading it.” ties,” he added.
within their university forum. What According to the developers of the Students from Stanford University Matt Schneider, an avid
makes different site, “The administration at both say the website has made going to class EduHookUps.Com user, says the web-
from other social networks is that it al- Chicago University and Loyola Univer- more exciting. Andrea Paladeno, a site has given the school a new atmos-
lows its users to remain anonymous. sity both expressed concern about the sophomore at the university, said she phere. “It’s like Northwestern got a
“We have a strict privacy policy in place site.” has “hooked-up” with five different men face-lift,” jokes the Biology major. “Fi-
in order to protect the anonymity of our EduHookUps is not affiliated with through the site. “I don’t think it’s that nally a website where students can just
users,” said one of the sites founders. any of the universities on its website, but big of a deal,” Paladeno said. “People use be honest and say, ‘I want sex.’”
Two undergraduate students, who gives schools an opportunity to have a Facebook and Craigslist for the same Stony Brook students seem to be
wish to remain anonymous, first link to their health centers on the site. thing; it’s just not advertised exclusively excited about the launch of the website,
which went live on April 26. A user of
the site, who did not want to be named,
said she has already had encounters
with men through the site. “I hooked up
with a guy last week,” said the sopho-
more. “It’s a great place to meet people
who are interested in the same things as
The Stony Brook Press News 3

you.” The engineering major said she’s contains condoms and information health awareness.” The commuter at about the network can be shared. The
not afraid of sexually transmitted dis- packets to be given out in a constructive Stony Brook said even though she is not founders of the site want people to keep
eases. “I protect myself against disease, way to residents,” Valerio said. The HIV a resident, she received a packet from an open mind, referring to the websites
and I’m smart about where we meet— prevention material is funded by the the CPO that included condoms and motto, “Where fun comes to thrive.”
always in public and I always tell a New York State’s HIV Prevention grant educational information. However, she Stony Brook University had no
friend.” which Stony Brook applied for and re- said the concept of the website is un- comment about the website. The cre-
Stony Brook seems prepared for the ceived last May. The CPO also offers ethical. “I think it’s dangerous and dis- ators of the site said earlier this week
arrival of the site, having a number of HIV testing events, counseling for stu- gusting that students are using this site,” that they will be including all credited,
resources available to students in order dents, along with training for residen- Kim said. “Even with Stony Brook’s ef- four-year universities in the United
help protect themselves against sexually tial hall employees, staff and campus fort to protect students, the website States to their website, resulting in over
transmitted diseases. Kathleen Valerio, groups on well-being and healthy de- gives us a bad name.” 1,807 school forums by the end of the
a health educator at Stony Brook Uni- velopment. is certainly grow- academic year. The creators of the site
versity, works for The Center for Pre- Kim, a senior at Stony Brook who ing in publicity, being featured on The said they are moving full speed ahead.
vention and Outreach, which offers did not want to give her last name, says Today Show, CBS Chicago and on Jay “We are hoping to add more features to
many events to promote and educate the school takes steps to educate stu- Leno. The site’s controversy has been the site and continue expanding,” said
students on healthy choices. “At the be- dents. “In comparison to other schools, largely debated in the media and as a re- Danny. “We currently have over 350,000
ginning of each semester the RAs are Stony Brook has a wide variety of pro- sult, the website decided to add a “Wall visitors to the site a week, and we’re
given a packet from the CPO, which grams and events all designated to of Shame” where all negative press looking to double that number.”

Tour de Brook
partially allocated towards safety equip-
ment like helmets and lights, and par-
By Carol Moran tially allocated towards bike parts, such
as lubricants, chains and wires, accord-
The grease stains at the bottom of ing to Aiello-Lammens.
Dean Miller’s corduroy pants are a tes- But despite the increase in bikers at
tament to the trek he makes to campus Stony Brook and the safety equipment
every morning. Miller, director of the that the collective hands out, biking can
Center for News Literacy at Stony be dangerous.
Brook, hops on his maroon Mongoose “I think it’s hard to be bike aware as
mountain bike and rings the metal bell a driver in an area where there aren’t a
mounted on his handlebars to warn lot of bicyclists,” Aiello-Lammens said.
pedestrians of his approach, quite often “You travel a lot faster on the roads
with a bowtie around his neck. here...On 347 you can do 65 miles per
“It’s a lot cheaper,” Miller said. “I hour, so it’s always going to be a little bit
think it’s going to cause my insurance to more difficult for bicyclists in the sub-
go down because my mileage is nil. It’s bikes equipped with bells, lights and big was even in the discussion stages, Free- urbs.”
environmentally sound, and there is no metal baskets, as part of a recently de- wheel Collective, a non-profit bike shop Political Science Professor Helmut
parking space needed.” veloped bike share program. As a signa- that offers students the opportunity to Norpoth has been riding his bike to
Students and faculty at Stony Brook tory of the American Colleges and rebuild donated and found bicycles, as work since he moved to the area in
are shifting gears along with Miller to- Universities President’s Climate Com- well as repair their own bikes for free or 1979, and he said cars have a blind spot
wards the more sustainable and trendy mitment, Stony Brook has promised to for a minor cost, was harboring the for bicycle riders. “You have to be very
mode of transportation. There are over be carbon neutral by 2050. The bike two-wheeled trend. Biology and evolu- observant yourself, and that’s the only
six miles of bike paths spread across share program is meant to reduce vehi- tionary ecology students started the col- thing that counts.”
campus, and the more than 100 bike cle traffic from commuting residents lective in an off-campus basement New York State does not have a hel-
racks are often filled to capacity. and faculty. before moving it to a community center met law, though there are New York
“The culture is changing,” Director Twenty-five students will be chosen and then to the farthest corner of the State Vehicle and Traffic laws that apply
of Environmental Stewardship Amy through a lottery system to participate Stony Brook Union basement, just be- to bikes. Provenzano says they highly
Provenzano said. “I think everyone’s in the program. After a $15 per semes- hind the anime club. The noisy, fluores- suggest that participants in the bike
healthy habits are improving, so I think ter fee and a $15 deposit, they’ll receive cently lit room is filled with bike parts share program wear a helmet. Partici-
people think more about using a bike a helmet and a key that will unlock any and the sounds of students pumping up pants must also watch a safety video
instead of a car.” of the 25 bikes that are to be stationed tires or brushing rust off metal bike provided by the National Traffic Safety
With gas prices soaring, biking is a across campus. petals. Board.
cheaper alternative. Whether or not “We have close to 100 applicants al- “Anybody—students, faculty, com- Everhart has been in two biking ac-
people are attempting to reduce the ready so we’re so excited that there munity members are welcome,” Man- cidents since she came to Stony Brook,
amount of fossil fuels they burn, Matt seems to be such interest in it,” Proven- ager Jennifer Everhart, said. “We one of which left her with two broken
Aiello-Lammens, a manager at Free- zano said. “We’re hoping that we get a provide the knowledge and a lot of the ribs last semester after a student that
wheel Collective on campus, said peo- great core of students to start because parts, and in turn, the people come was texting while walking knocked her
ple are trying to save money on gas by we’re looking for what works really down there and get to learn how to fix over on the zebra path. That didn’t deter
riding bikes. great for the program and what are up their bicycles—they provide the her from biking, though she doesn’t hop
Starting within the next week or some of the things we can improve on. labor, we provide the knowledge.” onto her green fixed-gear without a hel-
two, the bike racks at Stony Brook will Our hope is to expand the program.” The Graduate Student Organiza- met.
be home to 25 custom-made, shiny red But before the bike share program tion funds the collective. The money is
4 Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

Editorial Board
Executive Editor
Nick Statt
Managing Editor
Carol Moran
Associate Editor
Round Two
Evan Goldaper
Here at the Stony Brook Press, we necessary to attribute that success to the readers into thinking not only that we
Business Manager are not critical of events, public figures determination and seemingly endless vi- were advising that USG should attempt
Siobhan Cassidy or campus administration simply be- sion of Student Programming Agency a Culture Shock, but also that it was even
cause we see it as our role to undercut Director Moiz Khan, the face pasted on possible for USG to do so.
Production Manager
Mark Greek everything around us. That is a sorry the primary alien of the Mars So first, let us give you said context.
definition of “alternative,” and as the Attacks! front cover of our last issue. SUNY Purchase is a drastically different
News Editors campus’ alternative paper, we would like Yes, Khan made more enemies than school encased in an equally different
Inquire Within to be trusted to go beyond the surface of he ever imagined by refusing to compro- administration, and both factors con-
Features Editor sensational negativity just to be different, mise, as he says in the graciously allotted tribute greatly to its ability to orchestrate
Alyssa Melillo despite the fact that our campus’ primary opinion space of the Statesman in a piece something like Culture Shock. Not only
publication seems content on never ris- title, “Tearing Red Tape and Breaking does the school’s undergraduate govern-
Arts Editor ing above licking the boots of the estab- Down Silos.” When he took his position ment own the space on which the con-
Alexa Rubinstein
lishment. in USG last year, it was amid the contro- cert is held, but the school is also
Multimedia Editor That said, let it be centered around the
Vincent Barone known that our last arts, including majors
Ula Gradowska
issue featuring a com- in sound production
Copy Editor parison and accompa- and other areas of event
Lauren DuBois nying editorial between planning that allow
the recent Bruno Mars them to pull straight
Sports Editor
Vincent Barone concert and SUNY Pur- from their student body
chase’s Culture Shock to organize and run the
Social Media Editor festival was not in any- event. Purchase also
Kenny Mahoney way a feeble attempt to has a long history of
Ombudsman dig up a source of criti- performing arts and a
Carolina Hidalgo cism just for the sake of number of bands have
being critical. It was deep rooted connec-
meant to highlight not tions to the school, in-
Layout Design by
Jowy Romano only differing view- cluding this year’s
points when it comes to organizer, lo-fi legend
future campus event R. Stevie Moore.
Staff planning, but also to These differences
Sam Aldenton make it very clear just make the likelihood of
Michelle Bylicky how much money is something like Culture
Lionel Chan
Natalie Crnosija being used for this cam- Shock at Stony Brook
Mike Cusanelli pus’ entertainment, to what end it is versial restructuring of SAB, but in only near-impossible due to the extreme lim-
Eric DiGiovanni
Brett Donnelly being used and how it could be im- one year in the post, he brought numer- itations put on campus events from or-
Amanda Douville proved. We stand by our decision to de- ous acts that performed to increasing ganizations like University Police, the
Lauren DuBois
Sarah Evins
nounce the Bruno Mars concert on the crowds, with Bruno Mars marking the private security firm forced onto anyone
Andrew Fraley grounds that he was a safe choice, one culmination of all his effort. who books the Sport Complex and the
Colleen Harrington
Samuel Katz
that does not represent a true college act Khan wanted to change the univer- dozens of other barriers and restrictions
Nicole Kohn and one whose success at Stony Brook on sity, and he most certainly did. However, that exist here at Stony Brook but not
Iris Lin
Andi Liao
May 6 was, from the very start, to be the changes are not always completely Purchase, as Khan himself would happily
Erica Mengouchian measured by ticket sales and the demon- positive, and not always cleanly and effi- point out to anyone who asks.
Frank Myles
Howie Newsberkman
stration of the organizers’ hard work, but ciently looking towards a better future But this likelihood would only be
Vanessa Ogle not by how much the performance for our school or its hugely expensive near-impossible if we decided to stupidly
Carlos Parreno would represent a true and calculated events, as we wanted to point out in the dive in head first. That was not what we
Gabriel Panadero
Jessica Rybak desire of the campus body. comparison. But this comparison, as it were implying USG should do, nor did
Emily Torkel Now, we recognize that it is neces- stands in our last issue, is noticeably we think that dozens of cheap bands that
Matt Willemain
sary to point out just how much of a suc- lacking context. We would like to hold no one has heard of mixed in with only a
cess the concert was, and it is also ourselves accountable for misleading any handful of recognizable names is the

Write for The Press!

About Us
The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly
during the academic year and twice during sum-
mer session by The Stony Brook Press, a student
run non-profit organization funded by the Student
Activity Fee. The opinions expressed in letters, ar-
ticles and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect
those of The Stony Brook Press as a whole. Ad-
vertising policy does not necessarily reflect edi-
torial policy. For more information on advertising
and deadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff meetings
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For additional copies contact the Business Man- Meetings Every Wednesday at 1PM, Union Building 060
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Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200
(631) 632-6451 Voice
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The Stony Brook Press 5
Hate what you see? E-mail your letters to
right direction for an end-of-the-year concert. We tickets like Bruno Mars. Khan sees the success of the could still sell out the Sports Complex with an act like
simply wanted to highlight how a concert of that mag- Bruno Mars’ May 6 concert as “...the foundation for Bruno Mars.
nitude manages to cater to multiple music tastes, and the beginning of a diverse and vibrant campus life,” So Khan may dream of a concert on the Staller
for far lower price tag. The key factor was that Cul- according to his Statesman opinion.   steps, of huge acts just as big as Bruno Mars or Lupe
ture Shock was a massively participatory for-the- However, it would have made much more Fiasco performing alongside each other, even possi-
students, by-the-students effort that was 100 percent sense to have not gunned for the obviously unrealis- bly at a multi-day festival. But because that is not re-
college-geared, which is not at all what you can say tic 42 band extravaganza of Culture Shock, which alistic, Khan sidesteps to achieve what he sees as his
about Bruno Mars. again was not what we were implying, but to try and goal of creating a better Stony Brook experience. That
We were not arguing that for the same amount get a more college-geared artist like Lupe Fiasco. Not means settling on Bruno Mars when nothing else pulls
money, Stony Brook should try and get 42 artists, only is the 18-24 age range a primary market for the through and making the best out of it even if it means
many of which are obscure. However, Stony Brook young hip-hop artist’s music, but he also dropped a putting on a concert that is not traditionally geared
could have gotten 10 artists, say three or four in the new album this past March, making him far more towards college students.
price range of Immortal Technique and six or seven in timely than Bruno Mars. We only suggest Lupe Fiasco But the more you sidestep to maneuver con-
the price range of Best Coast. But that’s not what because we know that Khan tried to secure him and straints, the higher the chance that you will like where
Khan wanted. failed, ending up with Bruno Mars only after Lupe Fi- you’re standing over where you were originally aim-
And here arises the ideological difference between asco pulled out at the last minute to perform in New ing. That’s the fear. We at The Press want to make
what Khan sees as good for the school, which is what Orleans. sure those original aims are at least apparent if they
we at The Press wanted to highlight, and what we But instead of trying to find someone equitable to are no longer in the sights and to scrutinize the deci-
think would be a step in the right direction. Khan did Lupe Fiasco, we ended up with a Billboard Hot 100 sions of those in power not just because it’s our
not want multiple bands because multiple bands artist who is constantly played on the radio. That money being spent, but most importantly because it’s
means less notoriety for each act, which ultimately re- shows that Khan had the right mindset to begin with, our college experience on the line.
duces the potential for a lightning-quick sellout of but didn’t care in the end when he discovered that he

Goodbye, But Not Forever...

I’m not one for saying goodbyes; espe-
cially when faced with the reality that my
involvement with The Press is coming to
an end. I’m still puzzled. How do you say
goodbye to a paper that has served you
well, taught you so much and provided sol-
ace for four years?
You can’t.
Everything I’ve learned and experi-
enced within the walls of Suite 060 of the
Stony Brook Student Union has become a
part of who I am today, for better and for
For four years I’ve had the extreme
pleasure of working with and getting to
know some of the brightest, most humor-
ous and most genuine people that I have
ever encountered in my 21 years of life.
These same people were what made my
time at The Press memorable, and in the
past year alone, possible.
During the beginning of the fall se-
mester, The Press had undergone an iden-
tity crisis, which had been developing
since the previous year. Was The Press
going to continue to be the outlandish
paper to grace Stony Brook’s campus with Stony Brook Southampton, consistently provides rich I’m comforted by the fact that the future of paper
its rich satire and sharp and witty commentary? narratives on the lives and stories of faculties and stu- couldn’t be in better hands, but I am now at a cross-
Or would The Press revert back to its origin and dents and still preserving the ever-so-important atti- roads—that sudden transition into the “real world.”
highlight the work of investigatory and feature style tude of challenging authority. Looking back at it all, I’m extremely happy that it hap-
writing for the purposes of informing the campus, The pinnacle of our year probably came when we pened, but saddened that it is all coming to an end.
promoting progress and inciting debate? hosted Dr. Daniel Ellsberg of the Pentagon Papers to Until next time, I guess this is goodbye, but not
I can only hope that it has been clear that we’ve at talk on campus at a time when freedom of the press forever.
least attempted to be the latter, a process, which re- and government transparency was put into question.
sulted in a departing staff who were reluctant to such Where The Press has come and how it got there is Sincerely,
change. These were difficult but very necessary times, something I will forever cherish, but nowhere near the Najib Aminy
even if it risked being impeached. endless hours, late nights and early mornings I got to Executive Editor
Since then, The Press has managed to be at the spend with the best staff any Editor could ask for and 2010-2011
forefront of campus coverage, such as the closure of the best friends any person could ever dream of.
6 Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011


Spending on Science:
What it Means for Our Future
By Nick Statt
For months, Brookhaven National
Lab was staring at the face of devastat-
ing House budget cuts of $1.1 billion
that threatened to cut the staff by 930,
or one third, and potentially discon-
tinue the operations of internationally
renown facilities like the RHIC particle
accelerator. But a budget compromise
released on April 8, called FY11, re-
duced that $1.1 billion to only $35 mil-
lion, marking a definitive effort to not
let science take the back seat even amid
the nation’s struggling economic recov-
ery. Photo Credit:
“We don’t yet have any new info on Brookhaven National Lab
how or if the final budget deal will af-
fect us,” said Media & Communications The Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) at Brookhaven National Lab. If the House cuts were enacted, operations
at RHICwould have to be cut back, which would lead to layoffs of 300 science and support personnel, according to
Manager Pete Genzer, but he stressed, a website created by Rep. Tim Bishop to garner support against the cuts.
the words of BNL’s Deputy Director for
Science and Technology Doon Gibbs,
future growth. of scientific research must be acknowl- plea to keep it from being trampled by
who said in a statement provided by
Dr. John H. Marburger III, cur- edged for what it is: the key to our na- the elephants,” he added.
Genzer, “…We deeply appreciate Sena-
rently vice president of research at Stony tion’s future.” He also cited an estimate But Marburger, with his rich polit-
tor Schumer’s, Senator Gillibrand’s, and
Brook University, the university’s for- from economists that “approximately ical background, understands the com-
Congressman Bishop’s support for sci-
mer president and a former Science Ad- half of post-WWII economic growth is plications involved with FY11 and
ence and their willingness to protect the
visor to President George W. Bush, directly attributable to R&D-fueled asserts that the resolution did more
Lab and its programs.”
fought back voraciously when the orig- technological progress.” forestalling than it did solving by way of
Despite the drastic reduction in
inal budget cuts, which came packaged Now that FY11 has replaced the gearing itself more towards non-con-
cuts, the political intricacies of the de-
in the House of Representatives’ HR 1 draconian HR 1, Marburger can reflect troversial cuts than those to big science.
cision make it difficult to claim the po-
plan, hit the public limelight back in on his appeal to such future progress “It is hard to consider the FY11 budget
tential passing of FY11 a victory for
February. being placed in the hands of research. a ‘victory for science.’ I would say it is
science. As the economic situation fails
In a April 7 Huffington Post op-ed “What I intended to convey…was that more like a confirmation that the par-
to meet the nation’s spending standards,
titled, “House’s Science Cuts Threaten science is all-pervasive in the general ties regarded big cuts in science as too
all sectors, not just science, are taking
Our Future,” Marburger made a stand cultures and economies of modern na- controversial to push any farther at this
big hits. But proponents of scientific re-
for science research, writing, “In the ne- tions, and especially the U.S.,” he said in time. That is good news, but it gives few
search, including scientists and politi-
gotiations now underway to determine an email message. “Science, however it’s signals about forthcoming budgets,” he
cians alike, have ignited a fight to prove
what share of needed budget cuts must construed, is a small-time player in a said.
the worth of institutions like BNL in
fall to the tiny and already beleaguered budget game that is now of world-his- Rep. Tim Bishop (D-Southamp-
their contributions to not just scientific
domestic discretionary budget, the role torical dimensions. My op-ed was a ton) was another major player in the
development, but all areas of the U.S.’s
backlash campaign against HR 1
throughout the last few months. He or-
ganized a large body of bipartisan sup-
port and even set up a website,, according to
Spokesman Oliver Longwell.
Despite Bishop being in full sup-
port of federal spending cuts, which he
expressed through the voting support of
a $38 billion federal year-to-year spend-
The Stony Brook Press News 7

ing cut, he, like Marburger, also saw HR One such example is BNL’s participation popular legend. People love the idea of
1 as a threat to future development. “I in the Department of Energy program, black holes, dinosaurs, expanding uni-
recognize that we cannot get our budget America’s Next Top Energy Innovator. verses, extra dimensions and space ex-
under control without painful cuts and The program helps increase the number ploration,” he said.
without compromise. The litmus test I of startup companies by reducing the What it comes down to for Mar-
will apply is whether cuts are painful as cost of options to license available burger, and in a sense the entire scien-
opposed to destructive and whether patents to $1,000, which is a fraction of tific and political community that is
they will cause real damage to Long Is- the regular cost according to the BNL pushing so hard to keep science aloft, is
land’s economy,” he said in a statement press release dated May 2. The ‘option’ the universal benefits that the hundreds
provided by Spokesman Longwell. “I refers to the ability for a company to ob- of thousands of projects all around the
will continue to advocate against cuts to tain a 6-month time window to apply world are providing to everyone, not
scientific research and education that for a patent license for a particular tech- just the scientists doing the experiment.
will hurt our ability to compete in the nology, but only if they submit an in- “The public deserves to know why
21st century global economy and ham- tensive business plan outlining their their most talented and productive
string future growth,” he added. strategy to market the technology. members care so passionately about
Longwell himself expresses extreme The program, although only a pilot Photo Credit: these things. The public wants to share
concern over such spending cuts and that will remain in effect until Decem- that passion, and it’s up to scientists to
what they mean for the future. “Frankly, ber 15, 2011, is aimed at building a bet- John H. MarburgerIII help. The SSC scientists explained their
I am dumbfounded that the Republican ter future in corporate science. “We search for the Higgs boson in a way that
But he steadfastly stands by all
majority in the House of Representa- believe the program will increase the made it seem as if we were just looking
forms of science, even the enormously
tives  voted to gut  federal investment number of successful companies and for some more particles, like the ones
costly projects like the RHIC particle
in science, which would cede the lead- create new jobs that our nation needs — we already found but smaller,” he said.
accelerator. “These projects are not just
ership of the next generation of scien- particularly clean energy jobs,” said Marburger is referring to the theo-
‘probing around for answers.’ They are
tific innovation to  China, India, and Walter Copan, manager of Brookhaven retical Higgs boson particle that the
part of a deep-seated passion that hu-
other nations who are massively ramp- Lab’s Office of Technology Commer- largest particle accelerator on the
manity has to understand the world it
ing up their own investments in re- cialization and Partnerships, in BNL’s planet, Switzerland’s LHC, is currently
lives in…today we have extraordinary
search,” he said. “Fortunately for official press release. searching for. It is, as the Standard
tools that are revealing astonishing as-
Brookhaven Lab, Long Island, and our Dr. Marburger, one of the most po- Model of particle physics suggests, the
pects of our world,” he said. “This is se-
nation, wiser judgments were able to litically and scientifically astute propo- source of all particles’ mass.
rious stuff – as serious as the art and
prevail in this case,” he added. nents of this idea that science is a “The idea of ‘explaining mass’
religion and literature that many people
Brookhaven National Lab, the cen- principle foundation of our future, is seems an odd thing to drive such pas-
think are what make life worth living.”
tral focus of these cuts here on Long Is- not too optimistic about federal spend- sion, and in fact that’s not really what it’s
Marburger even makes the claim
land, is home to more than just ing on research down the line. “All ‘big all about. What is at stake is a vision of
that esoteric science is still supported by
expensive research projects like particle science’ is at risk in the coming years, the nature of all reality. Try explaining
the public, despite them not under-
accelerators, and the proponents of sci- mainly because it is big and Congress is that to your congressman.”
standing it. “Einstein is the world‘s most
entific research as a key to our future under extreme pressure to save money,”
popular scientist, and Feynman is a
development make that very clear. he said.

Hotel Lawsuit
NEWS IN BRIEF done on the site, we will demand that everything be
removed and the land restored.”
New York State Supreme Court Judge The court’s decision on the appeal could take any-
Ralph Gazzillo ruled last month that the where from six months to over a year, according to
two plaintiffs trying to stop the construc- Locker.
tion of a 135-room hotel on campus had Pizer, Weyl and Stony Brook Environmental Con-
no legal standing to bring a lawsuit against servancy, Inc., a non-profit organization, originally
SUNY—or that they didn’t prove that suf- filed the lawsuit in December 2009, on claims that the
ficient harm would result from the action special legislation enabling SUNY to lease 13 acres of
challenged. campus to a private developer, Harbor Construction
Attorney George Locker said the two Management, had expired before SUNY entered the
plaintiffs, Michelle Pizer, a Stony Brook lease, among other complaints, according to court
alumnus and former president of the envi- records.
ronmental club, and Muriel Weyl, long- According to Stony Brook’s website, it plans to
time community member and former build the hotel on 11 acres of land east of the Admin-
faculty of Stony Brook University, will ap- istration parking garage. The project will undergo an
peal the decision. environmental assessment, and the building will com-
“We fully expect to win the appeal,” ply with various green building standards.
Locker said in a phone interview. “I have
already notified SUNY through their
lawyer the Attorney General that if we win
an appeal, as we expect, and if any work is Carol Moran
8 Features Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

Stony Brook 2023 by Carol Moran

Stony Brook University has plans pensate for increases in the cost of living hours of the Union dining facilities stay sity that it should be,” he said.
for major renovations to begin in 2013. and inflation. Since the fee is restricted the same and have the meal plan fee in- The plans to tear down and recon-
And to prepare, the Faculty Student As- to residential meal plans, the FSA voted crease by half as much. struct the Union and build the new din-
sociation is digging deeper into stu- to increase the price of food, so that the Enciso said he abstained because ing facility nearby are only a small
dents’ pockets. burden of funding the construction “the students have not been appropri- portion of the outline the University has
The FSA Board of Directors passed projects will also be carried by com- ately consulted” as to the allocation of drawn, which includes the construction
a budget Friday night that includes a muters, faculty, and students on the their money. of new residences, academic buildings
$35 increase in the residential meal plan and other dining facilities.
fee and an increase in the prices of food According to Barbara Chernow,
on campus, which will be partially allo- “...the University will close Campus Connection, vice president for facilities and services,
cated to the construction of a new din- the master plan will close the gap be-
ing facility between the Wang Center the H-squad dining facility, next fall.” tween East and West campus, move the
and Mendelsohn Quad, and partially al- School of Marine and Atmospheric Sci-
located to extended hours at the Union ences to the academic mall and balance
Commons, the Union Deli and Star-
“To compentsate, the Union deli will be open until three a.m. student housing more evenly across
bucks, according to members of the campus.
FSA Board of Directors. Before construction begins, the
The university plans to complete budget or west apartments meal plan. USG President Matt Graham, who University needs to submit a budget re-
the new dining facility to accommodate Students with the residential meal plans voted in favor of the FSA budget, said quest to Governor Andrew Cuomo and
students during the reconstruction of that are already paying the fee will re- students can avoid paying the fee in- the State Legislature, which, if fully
the Stony Brook Union. To further raise ceive a discount at the registers so that crease and the rise in the price of food funded, will cover the construction
money towards the new dining facility, they aren’t affected by the price in- by living off campus and cooking, and projects until 2023.
the University will close Campus Con- crease. that he is supportive of renovations to Chernow said that the new and ren-
nection, the H-Quad dining facility, David Mazza, Undergraduate Stu- the dining facilities, which haven’t ovated buildings will support the en-
next fall. To compensate, the Union deli dent Government vice president for caught up with the renovations of resi- rollment projections for Stony
will be open until three a.m., and the communications, was the only FSA dences in the past 20 years. However, he Brook—about 3,000 new students, as
Union Commons and Starbucks until Board of Directors member to vote said it’s a tough decision to place the well as the academic plan and the re-
midnight. against the budget, and Froylan Enciso, cost of the construction onto the stu- search plan for the university.
On top of the $35 fee increase, res- President of the Graduate Student Or- dents.
idential meal plans will increase by 2 ganization, was the only to abstain. “It’s because the state isn’t providing
percent, as they do annually, to com- Mazza said he would rather see the the proper support for a public univer-
The Stony Brook Press Features 9
10 Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

James O’Connor, director of trans-
portation and parking on campus. “Ul-
timately, it increased the traffic on the
roadway, increased our carbon foot
print and reduced our sustainability,”
said O’Connor about the old form of
residence parking.
As for the money, it goes back to
ensuring that more tickets are issued
and safety is ensured, at least according
to Barbara Chernow, vice president of
facilities and services. “It’s used to pro-
mote safety, because if we didn’t have a
traffic enforcement staff, handicap
spaces and fire lanes would be continu-
ally blocked and the number of acci-
dents would skyrocket.”
Of the total 30,255 tickets issued in
2009, more than half were unauthorized
parking violations while there were
9,656 expired meter violations. To put it
in comparison, there were 9,190 unau-
thorized parking violations in total in
For Dean Miller, director of the
Stony Brook News Literacy program,
parking has made him ride his bike to
work as often as he can. “I use my car as
little as possible,” said Miller, who will
leave notes on his car pleading not to
get ticketed, as was the case when he
was a new professor without a permit.
“When I do drive, I find I’m going to
pay. It’s going to cost me 30 or 40 bucks.”
Miller has been ticketed for an ex-
pired meter, parking in the stadium lot
after he couldn’t find parking in the fac-
ulty lot on the day of a final he had to

The Stony Brook Ticket

prepare and for parking his car at the
train station overnight.
The bright yellow envelope is some-
thing Miller has become familiar with
by Najib Aminy quite well in his two years as a profes-
Additional reporting by Vin Barone, Mark Greek, Andi Liao and Alyssa Melillo sor. “I hate it. It’s such an utter waste of
my money,” he said. “It’s always my
fault, but I’m always looking for a break.
As persistent as Stony Brook Uni- gence. It’s a show no mercy policy.”
versity is in attempting to get across the Since 2005, there has That little mercy is the reality Cher-
image of being red hot, there will always been a roughly 40 percent now has come to expect out of the thou-
be one color that the thousands of com- increase of tickets issued sands of people who park their cars on
muters and residents on this campus and an overall 65 percent “I hate it. It’s such an utter campus, comparing it to the trans-
can better identify with—it’s the color increase of ticket revenue portation issue in any major city. “I
yellow and it helped contribute to from 2005 to 2009, ac- waste of my money,” think if you’re going to travel to Man-
$960,590 in parking fines in 2009. cording to records ob-
These yellow envelopes carry the tained through a freedom
Miller said. “It’s always my hattan, or if you’re going to any city,
you’re going to have to use mass transit
parking tickets that are issued every of information act request fault, but I’m always look- when you can or just leave enough time
year amongst more than 13,000 parking by The Press. to find parking.”
stalls and what 22-year-old senior Car- That approximates to ing for a break. It’s a show It’s why Miller has come to think of
los Parreno angrily noticed on the an average of 50 tickets no mercy policy.” James Simons’ recent construction of
windshield of his car this past Tuesday. per day in 2005 compared the Simons Center to be one of pure in-
“I’ve been ticketed too many times,” to 83 tickets in 2009. And genuity.
said Parreno, an English major who is since that time, the price “The smartest thing James Simons
now commuting after dorming on cam- of a ticket fine for parking did was he gave those professor gated
pus. “When I pay for the whole day of illegally has increased they live in. private parking,” said Miller. “That’s the
parking, I want them to give me a ticket from $15 in 2007 to $30 the following “We do have to convince people of ultimate perk on this campus, it’s park-
so I can say ‘You’re finally wrong,” he year. There has also been an introduc- the mass transit theory and go against ing where you know you can always
said, still angry over his recent ticket, tion of residential zones, where resi- that Long Island 7-11 mentality where park.”
which he admitted to his own negli- dents are limited to parking to the quad you can drive right up to class,” said
The Stony Brook Press Features 11

Parking Is Not For the Self-Entitled

by Kenny Mahoney
As someone who has commuted to Stony the hundreds of empty spaces, and wait a whop-
Brook for the entirety of his four-year tenure, I can ping three whole minutes to get on the bus back to
safely say that I have never had an issue parking the academic mall.
on this campus. Ever. Never ever. If any part of this story resonates with you,
A shocking statement, I know. For most of us, you are most likely an overgrown woman/man-
it’s impossible to go a day without witnessing a fel- child. Your belief that the earth revolves around
low classmate speed-walk into class four minutes you and should somehow allot excuses for your
late, muttering swear words under exasperated own shortcomings is what is constantly making
breaths and cursing the express bus or the lack of you late to class. It’s not the lack of spots on cam-
spots in the metered lots. I can only imagine the pus, it’s not the evil parking-enforcers and it’s not
stressful circumstances under which such an oc- the same traffic that you run into every fucking
currence could happen... day. It’s you.
After awaking from a lonely night of watch- But I’m not just writing this to berate you; I’m
ing Family-Guy, your mom walks into your room here to offer you some advice as well. I’ll shorten
to announce that you have class in thirty minutes. it to two words, because I know what a task it is to
With little time to spare, you make a zombie-like draw your attention away from the book you
shuffle into the bathroom to clean the shame and should have read yesterday or the essay you would
disappointment out of your matted locks, but not have started a week ago. Be. Early.
without a Bruno Mars playlist blasting through the By giving yourself an extra 15 to 30 minutes
speakers of your iHome. than you normally do, I can almost guarantee that
After a lackadaisical washing, you somehow you will not only be on time, but you’ll be less
manage to dress yourself with the outfit your stressed and more focused once you get to class.
mother so kindly prepared for you. With nary a Not only that, but you’ll avoid lines at the en-
bite if your freshly-popped Pop Tart, you sling trances and for the buses because you’ll get there
your backpack over your shoulder and walk out- before all of the man-babies who arrive at the
side to the car that your parents bought you. You same time.
might actually make it on time today, but you just While I know it’s a lot to ask a student who
can’t begin your twelve-minute commute to cam- somehow manages to wake up before 11 a.m. to
pus without a stop at the Dunkin’ Donuts drive- get to class to wake up even earlier, I think you’ll
through. find that showing a little bit of self-control during
After cruising past every other parking lot on your Stony Brook career will pay off not just in
campus except for South-P, you miraculously find parking your car.
that every spot that doesn’t require a special per-
mit has been taken. You reluctantly circle back to
the south end of campus, park your car in one of
12 Features Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011
2 the stony brook PRESS


It’s that time of year again: time to stress out over finals
and wish you’d never piled on those extra three credits or
left that paper until the night before it was due or gone out
partying until you found yourself up a tree wondering why
everyone was suddenly so much shorter than you. We’ve
been there. Especially up that tree. So we’ve assembled The
Stony Brook Press’ Literary Supplement to give you a few
moments of fun while you toil away and try to survive the
end of this semester. Because we know you will. And if you
don’t, well, we were serious about being up that tree. You
can come join us if you’d like.



Mi Tormentita May 2, 2011
Gentle are the pillows A man is dead
of the huddled little toes, peeking and yet, millions rejoice-
playfully from underneath Waving banners of revenge.
the rouge sheet lipsticked on the bed
seldom still.
A darkness has imploded
and the aftermath was
Gentle are the curls
Of the roads spiraling the immense thump
Up the mountain of a collective heart.
Lost in a little storm
that hovers above my face. A light switch is flicked,
spears of crimson light extend
Gentle are the fingertips from millions of throats-
grazing on the spine of
Praising the murderer’s murderer.
a whispered question
slips out in place of a snore
“Can you get me a glass of water?” Somewhere deep- a corpse lies,
Blindly, I will. a corpse the weight of
Gentle are the slips kissed A corpse of shards.
more meaningful than anything
intended, as we are Somewhere a corpse lies,
two leaves carried to a touch
it weighs down the earth
at the edge of a pond.
and the earth beneath it
collapses into a trench
the dimensions of a New
York City block.

A man is dead-

I turn to Donne
and I ask:
Is there an exception
for whom the bell
should toll?
4 the stony brook PRESS

A Man That’s
Always Smiling My Mistress
in the sleepless toro, these old (forty-something-sexy) books;
there is a place that sleeps dream- my Sofias, my Esperanzas, my little poems on
less. the appendix, the pueblo Alcalá. introduction.

down the cobble callé a sign I’ve overheard (people say): “I love old books,
creaks in the somnambulant breeze, they have such character- ”
“la biblioteca,” a bar without -they are characters

a book. it does have shelves, long with eyes slim grinning

vacant shells, “maybe they read webs,” (a little white) over a
and a man that’s always smiling. slender shoulder.

David is smiling, impossibly smiling my loves, my mistresses-

in that lost place that couldn’t I “my” and imply I am
afford it’s place on a map. theirs.

David is smiling in the lint I don’t own, even if I’ve paid,

of a forgotten pocket- I haven’t bought- I’ve invited-
“because I believe in God,” we run away from their loveless marriages, so
his smile said, I smiled back and then
I spoke and his long moreno ears listened they were widows.
the way the earth listens
spine reclining against my palm they’re- their own
blankly- “find God,” his smile replied
“what the hell does that have to do with sovereignty.
anything?” he just smiled, he was drunk.
in their islands they speak freely,
I turned from David, from the smile, and in my thoughts they
from the impossibility, back out coo
onto the callé I knew so well, to find some place to
and never looked better in that leather-tight dress.
Below the Looming Mountain Crown
The looming azure mountains crown Below the cobalt mountain crown,
the valley of the Okopipi, opium fogs the distance of the eye.
the dwelling of the poets. the noise of slapping flesh,
a firing line of proclamations
There: the bursting banquet, of truths and phoenix.
mandolines and fiddles, Madness?!
zanzibari thumps, Madness is weeping in the corner,
didgeriedoos and hang drums reeking of secreted fear
(a rusted tuba hums) from the sight of them: these poets
along the raucous evening-
Shadows sit in silence, others Below the sapphire mountain crown,
loud as howl-- how they celebrate the coming night,
Shifting figures, tracing of strange when the open eye is closed,
hats, a feminine figure has when black canvas wraps the valley,
borrowed Napolean’s. when the looming mountains vanish
All are seated, nearly always and take with them their shackles-
seated- stillness
of the body is their way. and a word becomes a poem,
and a poem becomes a spell,
and a poet is nothing less
than a sorcerer of strange beauty.

“Attraction” - ULA GRADOWSKA

6 the stony brook PRESS

Beverage Kiss
Writing a poem in ten minutes
On lots of coffee:
Fuck modern philosophy
Sacred steaming roasts, like kisses
The case needs action
Wet grasping
Not the whining of bookish
Rejuvenating, invigorating, inspiring
The cup tilts
Study the great philosophs
Like my lover’s trembling thighs
Wield the very books
Her moistened lips
To replace the dumb rulers
Her tenderest kiss
Rushing and sloshing
Slowing and sweating
Sitting by idly rapes us
To burn the soft brains
Will file the ideas
Beverage Kiss.
(Ground) down to ash
Dust sticks to the human race
Cobwebs cling to ears
We don’t move or hear the cries
Of suffering

Sit still and rust with TV

Why disturb selfish
Contentedness, apathy,
Or greediness?

We have modernity.
Crossing countless chasms of Ginsbergian trials And you took my hand from the soft silent ocean depths of
emerald flashes
The hand is taken the foot is scorched about the ruined
Ground Zero And brought me up to the thick ignoble air
Still flickering like a worn brass candle-lantern in the rusty
wind shivering that is not ignorable
Terror spreads like a ruptured praying mantis egg-sack
The hand is taken on and up the rubble
Tiny ripples escape, sheer numbers overrun and within an
Above hour the green expressions are gone
Building, building, building In their wake one might remain to devour the outlying epicen-
ter of its masses
Broader, deeper, taller
Unless the masses take the youth by the swiveling triangular
Below head and make food of this
Why have the pits grown in the open aired urban clusters So the mantis is surrounded on a hedge-island; a being that
And the rural shrinking back-woods Americana was not given the time to grow

Jerky-laden teeth Fuck Me for jerky, so long as you’re not a In its buried Depth
Yankee But the hand reaches into the gaping mouth of the deadly
sharp bush-cave

The hand holds me up when all of this tugs on my sticky ven- For faith in the risk, the difference, could mean art’s survival
tricles and pulls hard and down and humanity’s

Yanks and anchor chains as big as circular hands lapping about The twiggy abyss scratches and claws at the hand pushing for-
my scrawny feet and bent toes ward and contorting

(Now it’s personal, I know, but the third person singular will Blood spills, inevitable in this life, but the hand moves, moves,
limit no one no more!) grasps and cradles:

For I was drowning amidst despairing apathetic TV-holics, The baby mantis is saved.
false clergy and demonic ignorants
8 the stony brook PRESS

Individual Dawn
Give me wit give me humor: Beach sands sacred rites
Fuck Troilus, fox news, msnbc Media shrunken head culture
Nun-fucking cleric indulgences Soul sharing well beyond
Are uncompromisable, but the Warped religious damnation
Whipped Troi, the tame president, That tears, claws and
The oligarchy that is called Rapes the minds, bodies, spirits
The United States Congress And perceptions of our
Ruled by Insiders in the Insiders Naked Creator
On the Inside, without public votes,
Will fall via the most Scrape the page and rehash
Trojan of horses The palimpsest in search for
Leap from the giant bunny A new voice
Suspend disbelief and imagine Bob Dylan, MLK, X, Lennon
A place without family guy Gracious Ginsberg
Mixing laxatives and stool hardeners, Need Company
But also a place of unforced Rise individuals, one by one
Artistic expression and freedom of will Pick up your dusty feet and march
Free from Down on and upon Highway 61’s
The horrors, the shackles, Porcelain clay gray china
Of TV, democracy, apathy, hypocrisy, War plates
Anarchy to Lining the roadside from
Wrench out the bolts of the Here to eternity
Dead society In tired twisted
For individuality Pieces
A community of the risk-taking Smelling like scrambled eggs
Individual will win peace Ere the echoes of a robin
Praise art sunsets owl’s Greet the sad sunrise.
Flight sunrise hoots
Mary, you carried a god Mary, misrepresented
The masses killed him Is your son today
And it rained Bastardized

Mary, your daughter formed church Mary, the body count weighs
Fanatics use it Heavier than time
For control And it rained

Mary, lost are the teachings Mary, I pray your ears are
Do any kill in Not deaf like the New
Buddha’s name? Testament

Mary, help us love the man.

10 the stony brook PRESS

Wild Hours
coursing unreality is
threading its way through
my self unwinding one
sputtering firecracker
bouncing down the street
into darkness
and even though
there is all that
it feels like
time is hunting me down
with teeth rattling
against seconds
tearing moment from moment
separating days into
until I won't
recognize myself or
even old photographs
where I thought this is
set in stone

or at least paper
and can never be changed.
Infinite Power and Strength
Infinite power and strength,
crashing down on our bodies,
lifting our souls.
Majesty born of gentleness and beauty tempers fear.
Life. Death.
Renewal and destruction, not opposites, but half of the same whole

Trigemenial Nerves
I feel the crush of my lips beneath my teeth,

Our words colliding into a sea of fricatives and velar plosives in the chill air of night.

Lately, the weight of my teeth can’t help but linger around the thought of you,

Settle its neuroses heavily into my bottom lip

it gnaws, unbidden,

grasping to solidify the fleeting sound of your voice

this voice which meanders through the silence of my daydreams.


I realize,

as our words scintillate through the opacity of night,

for this shimmer of synapse to breath we share

I’d gladly worry my lips away.

12 the stony brook PRESS

T he sun was streaming through my window as
the alarm on my cell phone jolted me awake. I
grabbed the phone to silence it, and was taken
aback by the screen that greeted me. “That’s weird,”
from my left wisdom tooth, I snapped myself back into reality
and began compiling my list.
Cheddar (my pet goldfish)
Ninja (my roommate’s beta fish)
I thought. “It seems that no one called or texted me The tuna sandwich in my fridge.
last night while I was asleep. I’ve got to get to the bottom of this.” Those were all of the fish I could think of in my life. It wasn’t
My first instinct was to call my friend, Molly Miller, and ask much of a list, but it was a good start. As I started thinking about
her why exactly she had not called me between the hours of 2 how I would get the answers I needed from these sources (who
and 8 AM. But no, if something was afoot, that’s exactly what did I know that could serve as a Fish-English translator?), my
they’d expect me to do. And I was sure that there was something mind began to wander, looking for inspiration. What was it that
afoot. So sure, that I’d even go as far as to say that there was some- Molly Miller had told me just the day before? “There are plenty
thing AFEET. That’s the plural of afoot, so you know that it must of fish in the sea…”- that was it! Of course, it all made sense at
be more important. Feet creep me out, so I knew I was going to that moment! I lived on an island! There were fish all around me,
have to be creative to get to the bottom of this. and with that many fish around, the laws of probability said that
As I got dressed, I reviewed the facts in my head. Something at least one of them had to know the solution to my mystery.
was fishy about the situation; something just didn’t smell right Feeling rather smug, I began to pack my bag for a trip to West
to me. Fish! Feet! Smell! Why didn’t I realize the connection be- Meadow Beach. I looked around my room for bait and fishing
fore? I was obviously dealing with some sort of athlete’s foot-in- supplies, but to my dismay, I had none. Hmm, I guess this rusty
fested ichthyoid. I’ll have to make a list of all of the fish I know old clothes hanger and this old tuna sandwich will have to do, I
so that I can question them and take notes, just like real detec- thought as I shoved them into my bag.
tives do. When I got to the beach, I noticed that I had a missed call on
By that time, several minutes had passed, and I realized I was my phone. Molly Miller. That’s strange, I thought. Why would
going to be late for my marine ecology class. But how could I she call me during the day, but not in the middle of the night? I
even think about going to class at a time like this? I had bigger dialed my voice mailbox and typed in my PIN to hear her mes-
fish to fry. Mmmm. Fry. I realized at that moment that I was hun- sage. She sounded worried, inquiring why I hadn’t been in class
gry, so I looked in my refrigerator to see what I had to eat. Noth- that morning. “You know exactly why I wasn’t there, Molly,” I
ing was there but a week-old tuna sandwich that was starting to thought to myself. If only I knew.
smell funky. This won’t do, I thought to myself, and so I found a I spent all day sitting on the beach, dangling my sandwich
half-eaten package of Swedish Fish on my desk, and began to into the water just like I’d seen real fishermen do in movies and
chow down. stuff (although I doubt they had used moldy tuna sandwiches).
As I shoved fish after sugary fish into my mouth, I found it I guess the fish just aren’t biting today, I thought to myself as the
difficult to concentrate because my molars were being cemented sun went down, so I packed up and headed back to campus.
together in a cherry-red, high-fructose corn syrup-laden mess.
As I concentrated on removing a particularly stubborn piece

16 the stony brook PRESS


o you’re getting’ off at Kingston Station, you are? and you find yourself sitting inside, watchin’ one of the little TVs
Ah. That’s the first time I can remember someone they got up there, and wondering if they’ll ever fix the joystick on
doin’ that in a long time. You got family there, the old Asteroids machine.
kid? Heh, probably. Can’t see any other reason to Yeah, nothing really changes. Hell, what’s a pizza place but
stop there. a bar for a different vice? Oh, we tried, to move on, but we migh-
Ever been before? No? ‘Course not. tas well’ve been doing nothing. One thing is nobody ever took a
You’re in for something, kid. It’s quite the place. Places stand, you hear? We had heroes, but they weren’t much to cling
don’t get more…less than Kingston. Hm? You confused? I can to. A bassist signed to an obscure metal band, a minor league
put it this way. You got time for a story? ‘Course you do, we’ve got pitcher, this pre-teen whose self-published work of high fantasy
ten stops t’go. only gets copies sold at our annual street fair. We stuck with
Well, this story’s as true as they come. Oh, it’s got exag- them, as if no other town had these specimens. Hung their pho-
gerations, but you know, sometimes, exaggerations got more tos in the old schoolhouse, emblems for the youth. This, the pho-
truth in ‘em than your straight facts do. There was this one day tos say, ‘s the best we can offer, the best you can be. Hope you
that I was on this train with this crazy guy in an ill-fittin’, dirty ol’ like commutin’ to your accounting job, because all we are is a
suit, and he told me that facts are lazy and facts never do what town to take the rail through. You ask anyone you meet if they’ve
you want ‘em to. Then he started hittin’ himself and seizin’ and all heard of Kingston, and the best they’ll ever tell you is that they
that, but I think he mighta known what was really up around rode through it once while headin’ up to the big city.
here. So this story’s for him, and it’s got the real truth in the same Ay, we never managed to be a town that was charmin’, like
way that the old songs had the real truth in ‘em. And it goes a lit- the little towns down by the ferry docks. It was just dreary and all
tle like this. that, like an ol’ Wild West ghost town. You’d walk around, won-
Growin’ up, I lived in Kingston. You think y’know about derin’ if you’d ever see anythin’ worth looking at. But all that was
small towns? Kingston, you see, is right here in the worst possi- really around were those abandoned hospital buildings looming
ble place for a town to matter. We’re too far east t’be a part of the overhead. Yeah, no one ever took ‘em down, for whatever rea-
big city, but too far west t’be a place where rich folks would go to son. Maybe if they did, the town’d fall apart. But there they were:
get away from all that. Who’d want to live here anyway, unless Jagged edges, dark corners, and no one ever stepped inside any-
you just didn’t have a choice? So we just got by with the same more. I mean, I like quiet an’ all, but those…mausoleums of ill-
families that always lived here, back when Kingston was just a ness just made the back roads seem a little too, uh, sepulchral. I
nameless potato farm for the big city. never wanted t’be around there anymore and kid, I suggest you
Oh yeah, we used to be a potato farm, but then we all got stay away too. ‘Specially after dark.
lazy an’ gave that up. There are farms out east, we musta figured. But where else can you go, eh? The main streets just seem
We could focus on other things, like opening more bars than any like they’re tryin’ too hard. “Oh,” the town said, “I’ve got stuff for
other town. Man, we had that record in the bag and we weren’t you to do. You want to play Bingo at the firehouse? You want to
even a real town yet, just some abandoned potato fields. Not until look at some flowers near the library, permanently shut down
they built the hospital. Even then, the town was created just t’pro- due to asbestos I’ll never clean? Hey, I got a museum,” the town
vide some resources to the staff, which, I mean, based on what we insisted. “Come down, come down, you can see a railroad tie
got, was just booze. But you need that when your day job’s from 1886, you can see a potato shovel from back before we even
watchin’ the terminally-ill. You don’t believe me that our town had a railroad. Sit outside the bank and stare at a pigeon, you
just existed for the hospital’s benefit? Lemme put it straight. You could do that, you could.”
wonder why we’re called Kingston? Kid, the name of the com- And then, three years back, our savior came. I tell you, it
pany that owned the dang hospital was Kings, and we were just was hope for Kingston in the form of artificial sweetening and
the town for ‘em. Kings-town. Kingston. So when the hospital frozen water. When they opened a little Italian ice place next t’
shut down, we were lost, you hear? A crew without our ship, a the old junk shop, our town changed, it did. I don’t remember
platoon without our cause. what it was before—it practically came outta nowhere, like a mi-
Was a good thing we had all those bars, lemme tell you. rage—but when the shop opened, there was no doubt that the
But as time went on, we got bored of those too. Call it gentrifi- new place was different from anything we’d had before. On a
cation if you want, but it’s not like anythin’ got better. It’s just in street of crumbling brown-brick shops with dirty windows, the
a town where nothin’ ever changes, you change what you can. blue-an’-orange awning and smilin’ lemon mascot stood out like
And so bars became pizza places, an’ pizza places became hair nothin’ else.
salons, and if you’re not with the mold you become either aban- Within a week, Main Street was flooded in a way it never
doned or a laundromat. And eventually the driers break down was before. People came out of the woodwork to spend time on
a street they’d avoided for years, I tell ya. I saw children I had ever finishing. Just some cobblestones coverin’ the old aban-
never seen, eating a mango ice or whatever other frozen dessert doned lot. A swing. Some benches. A table for playing chess.
they wanted instead of keeping indoors. Young couples, old men, And a pillar in the center of the square, covered in histor-
a dog, teenagers, adults. Dozens of people every day, crowding ical facts about Kingston. Did you know that the town was built
into the empty lot between the ice shop and the rail station. around a hospital? Course you knew that, I told you. Heh. Yeah,
We’d never had anything like this, and no one quite knew the whole history of Kingston fit on one pillar, stuck there like a
how to react. I swung by one day after I got out of work. Inside, poster for a lost dog. Kid, I read it a few times over while eatin’ a
the staff was friendly an’ clean, and it was a bit…disconcerting. cherry ice, and I can tell you that there’s nothin’ on that pillar I
Where was the chippin’ plaster, I asked, where’re the sullied win- haven’t told you already.
dows an’ dim lighting? Not here, they smiled. Not here. Have a The town claimed the park was about all that, an homage
cherry ice. And I stared at it, put a few pennies in the tip jar, and to how great it’d been all these years. Hell, all the homage was ‘s
sampled it. a paved lot with benches, an’ lord knows a town like this doesn’t
It wasn’t great. I’d picked up similar snacks at the ol’ gas deserve a greater homage than that. But look, kid. I’ll believe a lot
station for less. But it was a change, an’ it was painless, and we of things, but that’s just facts, an’ those ain’t ever what they seem
needed that more than anything. to be. Here’s the truth: it’s a monument to ices, a tribute to dessert.
But people came in droves. It was like the ices spawned a The best Kingston ever offered. At the end of the day, we were
bacteria culture of enthusiastic townspeople, and the town finally still nothin’, and nothin’ could make that better.
got what it said it always wanted. “Ah, you like me now,” the town And that’s the real truth. That, kid, is all there ever was.
smiled. “Let’s see what we can do, eh?” Puttin’ up Main Street Will it ever get better? I’m still waitin’.
Park was the first public works project I can remember anyone

18 the stony brook PRESS


C ome on, Chester. Just let me go, just this once. I
promise I’ll be good.”
“That’s what ya tell me every time ya get yer-
self inta trouble, Tessa,” the sheriff replied as he
Neither of them spoke while Winchester propped his feet up
on his desk and bobbed his head to the radio. Every now and
then he would give a holler when a “damn good tune” came on.
He fixed himself a hot lunch and made sure the smell of the
chewed a piece of tobacco into the right side of his smoked meat wafted across the jail and slid underneath the
mouth and looked over the 20-somethin’-year-old graspin’ noses of the captives.
onto the bars she was standin’ behind. Tessa sat against the wall, knees closed in against her
“Chester it wasn’t even my fault! Gimme a break, cut me chest, eyes facin’ the open office. Her counterpart hadn’t moved
loose. Let me get off just this once, please.” since she first noticed him. The sun past his window and he
“Yer not the type a girl that gets off just once,” he responded, was thrust even further into the shadows. She closed her eyes
clearly starin’ at her chest and licking his lips. so as to maybe hear the man lightly snorin’, but Sheriff Win-
Tessa snapped her finger, “Eyes up, Chester. I ain’t your chester was tappin’ his foot too loudly for her to hear anythin’
typical two-cent bar floozy.” distinctly.
“No you ain’t.” The sheriff took a step forward and un- She kept her eyes closed and all the background sounds
hooked his keys from his belt loop and dangled them in front made themselves known; the wind rustlin’ through tree leaves,
of the girl. She looked him in the eye and slowly released her a car’s engine lightly hummin’ around the corner, a few birds
grip on the iron bars. Just as her hand got real close the free chirpin’ happily from a nearby bush and Tessa knew them to be
man quickly retracted the extension of his arm and fastened Yellowthroat Warblers.
her ticket out of the cell back to their place. “And stop callin’ She had heard the same songs before on days when the
me ‘Chester.’ It ain’t my name, girl.” sun was high up and it warmed her skin to the touch. She and
“I ain’t done nothin’ wrong, Sheriff Winchester!” she called Joey would steal extra handfuls of seed and throw them outside
after the man as he strolled away. “Dirty, perverted ape. I the kitchen window. They would duck down real low so the
should—what’re you lookin’ at, huh?” she yelled at the man birds would come out. They never came out of the trees if they
starin’ at her from behind the bars across the hall. could see the children. The warblers would sing and chirp and
“I’m starin’ at you, miss.” peck the seeds off the ground, and when they had their fill and
The man in the other cell was cast in shadows. He sat too flew back up into the trees Tessa and Joey would run down to
far in the corner for the sun to catch his face and for the girl to the lake to swim.
distinguish his features. His voice was calm and quiet, either “Daddy doesn’t let me swim anymore,” she whispered.
that of a man unafraid of a death sentence, or one who has al- Tessa woke from her daydream with a start, accidentally
ready faced it many times before. He barely moved. smackin’ her hand against the iron bars as sirens went off and
“Suppose you got no clever comebacks for me then, huh?” Sheriff Winchester shouted into the station to get the men to-
he asked her. gether. She got to her knees and looked out from behind her
“I don’t need a comeback for every man I meet, thank you.” cage to try and see what was happenin’.
“Well, ya just seemed awful chatty with that sheriff, and “Yer gonna stay here, Monroe! Look after them, ya
you’re pretty quiet now.” hear?”
“Well I don’t like talkin’ with strangers much.” “Yes’ir,” said a lanky boy in uniform.
“I don’t need to be a stranger. What’s your name, sugar?” Tessa watched Winchester leave and Officer Monroe set-
“It’s not ‘sugar.’” tle awkwardly into a chair. She waited until the sirens had com-
“It’s gonna be ‘sugar’ unless you tell me otherwise.” pletely drifted off down the highway before makin’ her next
“Tessa,” she snapped. “My name’s Tessa. Happy?” move. She had found her gazelle.
“Miss Tessa, ain’t no man happy when he’s trapped in a She stood up, brushed the dirt off her knees and cleared
cage.” her throat. Just enough motion and sound to get the officer’s
“No woman either.” attention. She slid her gaze sideways to make sure he was
“But a woman’s got a much better chance o’ gettin’ outta watchin’, and he was.
here.” This is gonna be easy, she thought with a smirk creepin’
“Not with that castrated sheriff runnin’ the joint.” over her lips.
“Castrated? Really? Seemed pretty ballsy to me.” She tossed her sandy blonde hair over her right shoulder
“He fakes it like only a woman can.” and bent over to fix her boots. She looked up slowly and caught
The man laughed, but didn’t respond. Tessa paced Officer Monroe starin’. He averted his gaze right quick and
around her 5x8 encasement like a lioness waitin’ for a gazelle. Tessa laughed.

“What’s your name, love?” Tessa stepped quietly over to the lock and turned each of
“Uh, who? M-me?” the officer stuttered, pointin’ at him- Monroe’s keys in the hole until she found the right one that
self. opened the cell door. She slid out makin’ as little noise as possi-
“Of course you, silly. Ain’t nobody else over there, ble. “Sorry, honey,” she said to Officer Monroe as she stole a
right?” lamp off a nearby desk and smashed it over the man’s head. She
“R-right,” he mumbled. “My, uh, my name’s Monroe. J- took his gun and slipped it into the back of her pants.
Jackson Monroe.” “Hey! Wait!”
“Officer Jackson Monroe?” Tessa corrected. Tessa turned and saw a beat-up, broad-shouldered man
“Hah, yeah, that’s right. I’m not so used to the title yet.” standin’ at the bars of his cell.
“That’s okay, honey. How long ya been on the job?” “Ya can’t just leave me here, sugar. C’mon, help me out.”
“Few months now.” Tessa took a deep breath. She looked at Monroe and
“A few months and ya don’t got a badge?” then at the door. “Dammit!” she hissed as she made her way
“Badge? No, uh, I got a badge, miss,” Officer Monroe quickly over to the other cell and opened the lock. “Hurry up,”
replied, gropin’ for the metal on his chest to reassure himself. she said as she made her way to her exit.
“Why now, I can’t see that from all the way ovah here. Tessa and her tag-along partner rushed out the door and
Why don’t you shuffle on ovah so I can see it?” she baited him. saw that there was one car left outside. It had to be Monroe’s.
Officer Monroe got up out of his chair real hesitant-like. “We better get outta here ‘fore Chester gets back,” Tessa
He fumbled a little bit, knockin’ over a cup of pens as he got said just before the other renegade twisted her arm and pushed
out of his seat. He picked it all back up and then made his way her against the wall of the station. “What the hell are ya doin’?”
in front of the girl’s cell. The other man left in the station still she cried out.
hadn’t moved, but Tessa could feel his eyes on her from behind “Gettin’ the hell outta here,” the man answered and
the shadows. pulled the gun out from its home near the small of Tessa’s back.
“Well, now that is a real nice lookin’ medal ya got yoself,” “You really shouldn’t be so trustin’, sugar,” he breathed down
she said to the officer and slowly placed her slender fingers on her neck. He pressed himself up to her back and he brushed
the badge. She let her touch linger and slide down the young away a tear from her cheek with the barrel of his newly ac-
man’s arm. “Ya know? No one can evuh decide what color mah quired gun.
eyes are. What do you think? Look real close now.” “Please,” she wimpered.
Monroe leaned in closer to the bars. He shook a bit, like “Please, what? Please don’t hurt you? Please don’t rape
a dead leaf in the middle of a northern winter. “They’re light. you?”
Like gray. A real light gray.” “Please don’t leave me here,” she confessed squeezin’ her
“Officer Monroe, I have always thought my eyes were eyes shut.
gray too. Thank you.” Tessa extended her arms through the The man looked at the girl for a second longer before
bars and placed one on his shoulder and one on his hip. tearin’ himself away and headin’ for the solitary vehicle. A
“Uh, miss, I think I should, uh, get on b-back to my desk shabby, worn-out waste of an engine, but it would get him
now,” Monroe told her nervously and found that he couldn’t where he needed to go.
look the girl in the eyes anymore. “Please,” Tessa cried out, standin’ meekly near the door
“That’s fine, honey,” she answered. “I understand. Ya of the station, arms hangin’ limply at her sides. “I don’t got no-
don’t wanna go and get yoself distracted now. Otherwise that body.”
Winchester will have ya badge.” The man stared at her through cold, dark eyes. He was
Monroe laughed and took a step back, tripped over his half-way in the car already.
own feet, caught himself, and then walked to his desk. He “Well that’s just too damn bad, sugar.”
made sure not to knock over anythin’ this time.
“Moron,” she said almost inaudibly.
20 the stony brook PRESS



22 the stony brook PRESS


here are ghosts in my house. I see them every day. I almost wish I could know more about them, because
They walk the halls and talk to each other like their lives must have been so sad. I watched the ghost of a mother
they don’t notice me. I used to be scared of them, putting her baby to bed, and after that, the baby ghost was gone
but after living with them for so long, I just hate and the mother walked around the house crying endlessly. One
them. I hate them so much. time, she looked past the veil that separates us from them, and
she saw me. I didn’t see fear in her eyes—just sadness.
I started seeing ghosts after I came down with a terrible
fever as a little girl. I forget what life was like before that, but I can I don’t care to go outside any longer, not when there are
remember lying in bed and crying. I was sweating and vomiting, ghosts roaming my hallways. I climb the stairs and watch them
and my mother was holding my hand, and I remember her cry- sit at the table and mouth words to each other. I think of noth-
ing too. I must have fallen asleep after that. When I woke up, two ing but following them, because they are in my house, and I hate
ghosts were laying in my bed, right next to me. I screamed so them so much for it. But when they yell at me late at night, or
loud that they jumped up and ran away. I didn’t know that my when they’re alone in a room with me, I see them mouth that
house was haunted, but let me tell you—even the most normal this is their house now. It is not. I was here first.
house has ghosts in it, if my home is any indication.
Before my fever I didn’t know that ghosts slept, but now I
But the ghosts in my house, they are strange. They change do. They sleep at night, or they try to make me think that they’re
their shapes to fool me, and move things around when I’m not sleeping. I stay up and watch them, to make sure they don’t get
looking. I will go upstairs and pass the ghost of a little boy with up and try to move anything else. I sit at the edge of the bed, or
blonde hair, and when I come back down, the little boy has at the dresser across the room from them. It’s cramped up there.
turned into a young man with the same blonde hair. And the I usually tuck my knees under my nose and drum my fingers as
couch will have been moved. I hate it, living with ghosts. One I wait. I don’t need to sleep since I started seeing ghosts. I sit and
time when they were moving a table in the kitchen, I got so angry I watch them every night in my house. I can’t let them think that
that I lost my temper. It was embarrassing, come to think of it! I they’ve won. They can come and go all they please, but I will stay
picked up a vase and hurled it against the wall and screamed for here and watch them, and one day, I will frighten them off for
them to stop. Well, the ghosts did stop after that for a bit, but it good and they will leave me alone with the sunlight that slants
was only a matter of time until they changed their shape and across the dusty floor of the attic, and my little bed that I don’t
started up again. sleep in anymore.
I can tell they’re the same ghosts because they remember Because this is my house. My house.
me. They know that the person who does live here is
angry at them. I see it in their eyes and the way they
steal around, as if they’re waiting for me. I rattle the
doors at night and pound on the windows so they
know that I’m still here, haunting them, they way
they haunt me.

The Stony Brook Press Features 13
14 Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

ing beforehand. Also, tual mask? In addition, the writers seem

haven’t we had to be trying too hard to make Hal into
enough X-Men DC’s version of Tony Stark, a choice that
movies? Even Marvel has no basis on comics and seems like a
seems suspicious of blatant way to try to cash in on an ac-
this film, as evidenced claimed film.
by sparse ads. I mean,
people tell me this ad Captain America: The
didn’t even play before
certain screenings of First Avenger
By Evan Goldaper Marvel’s other film Release Date: July 22, 2011
The summer of 2011 is shaping up Thor. I worry.
to be the greatest summer comic book
fans will ever have. For the first time Green Lantern
since The Dark Knight, DC Comics is Release Date: June 17, 2011
giving us a summer blockbuster, and Basic Plot: DC Comics’ first movie
Marvel is delivering with not one, not in three years is about Earth’s first Green
two, but three bouts of heroics. If you, Lantern, a type of intergalactic police
like me, have your very own Sinestro officer with a willpower-fueled magic
Corps ring, Xavier Institute pin, and ring. Hal Jordan must master his new-
more Captain America T-shirts than found abilities with the help of his men-
most men have shirts in general, you’re tor, Sinestro, in order to defeat the
probably already quite familiar with villainous Dr. Hammond and the
what to expect from each of these films. spreading fear caused by Parallax.
Well. Um. Who doesn’t love X-Men? Basic Plot: Unfortunately missing
However, as I’ve mentioned in Why You Should See Green
Professor Xavier and Magneto are two out on a July 4 release date, this film tells
some of my previous articles, I am told
of the greatest comic book characters the story of America’s greatest ridicu-
some people have what are known as
ever, and any film focusing on them lously-patriotic champion, Captain
“lives,” and thus are more involved with
should be good. In addition, First Class, America. Steven Rogers is a weakling
the goings-on of “actual people” than
the X-Men spinoff series this takes its who wants to help his country win
the unquestionably more important
name from, was one of the most solid World War II so badly that he signs up
lives of superheroes. Thus, my editors
X-Men series in a long time; it’s the only for a top-secret Super Soldier experi-
have tasked me with presenting a sum-
hardcover trade collection in my per- ment that turns him into the buffest,
mer superhero movie preview. So with-
sonal comic library, so that says some- toughest soldier ever. Then he fights
out further ado…A Summer Superhero
thing. Nazis in order to control some cosmic
Movie Preview!
Why You Shouldn’t See First energy.
Please note that I’m only consider-
Class: For one thing, the trailers have Why You Should See
ing DC Comics and Marvel Comics
been doing a pretty half-assed job of Captain America: It’s campy stuff, but
protagonists to be superheroes for the
making me believe it’s the 1960’s, which the film seems to know it. The World
purposes of this article. If you want to Lantern: Green Lantern is a cult-fa-
is unfortunate. If Marvel’s going to at- War II setting should make this film no-
know about other “superheroes” who vorite hero, whose Blackest Night comic
tempt to make this a period piece, they tably different than other superhero
have films this summer, like Optimus miniseries last summer took the super-
should go all out. For another, this is a films, which is good in a genre that
Prime or Papa Smurf, you’re going to hero world by storm. His powers are
movie where the best-known X-Man sometimes feels stale. Plus, as the title
have to help yourself. ridiculous, but in the best possible way.
featured is Beast, and if you’re a casual indicates, this film is basically a set-up
After all, there’s a reason every nerd you
fan, you’ll probably be very confused by for next year’s Avengers film, which
know has a lantern pin somewhere on
everyone else unless you do some read- should basically be the greatest, biggest
X-Men: First Class their person. For what it’s worth, Sine-
comic book movie of all time.
Release Date: June 3, 2011 stro is among my favorite comic book
Why You Shouldn’t See Captain
Basic Plot: First Class is the first of characters, though admittedly that’s
America: As anyone who’s seen the
many reboots Marvel has coming down largely because of his Salvador Dali
1990 Captain America film, a movie
the pipeline. In this, they explore the mustache.
renowned for its 20% approval rating on
origin of Professor X and Magneto’s Why You Shouldn’t See Green
Rotten Tomatoes, can tell you, it’s some-
friendship-turned-rivalry, as well as the Lantern: This film seems to be plagued
times tough to make a film about a non-
formation of their respective super with a few key problems that make me
Batman superhero without interesting
teams. Also, did I mention that it’s ap- wary about how enjoyable it will be. For
powers. Sure, it’ll be easy to top any
parently the 1960’s, and the mutants one thing, the special effects appear un-
movie that features rubber ears, but
have to stop the Cuban Missile Crisis? believably cheesy at times, the biggest
Captain America had better wow me if
Yeah. It’s the 1960’s. problem being Hal Jordan’s CGI mask.
it wants me to forget that.
Why You Should See First Class: Seriously. Why not just give him an ac-
The Stony Brook Press Arts&Entertainment 15

Summer is almost here (finally!)

and most people are probably dreaming The Hang-
of amazing vacations in exotic locales,
barbeques by the pool, and days at the over Part II
beach. As amazing as all that is, Holly- (Comedy star-
wood is churning out a pretty long list ring Bradley
of movies to also keep us entertained for Cooper, Zach Gali-
the 101 days between the last day of fi- fianakis and Ed
nals on May 23, and the first day of fall Helms; In theaters By Lauren DuBois
classes on August 29. May 26, 102 min.)
So what exactly is Hollywood plan- Right after the bach-
ning on treating us to this summer? elor party in Las Vegas, Phil, Stu, Alan in a role that doesn’t quite seem to be about their mission, the biggest battle
Plenty of fresh material seems to be and Doug jet to Thailand for Stu’s wed- like any of her past ones, where most of begins and life as they know it will
coming around, as well as adaptations, ding. Stu’s plan for a subdued pre-wed- her characters have been wholesome never be the same again. This is the end
sequels and the absolute final install- and good. And much to my surprise, of another chapter of many college stu-
ment of the Harry Potter franchise (a Timberlake has actually begun to prove dents lives. Last year, we bid goodbye to
bittersweet moment for those who have himself as an actor as of late, so it’ll be the Disney Pixar Toy Story franchise,
followed the books and films religiously interesting to see what he can pull off and this year we finally bid a fond
since they first came around). here. farewell to the Harry Potter series that
So when you’re looking for one day started with books back in the late 90’s,
to get out of the sun, or hey, if it’s just Larry Crowne when most college students were still in
raining, head to the movie theater, and elementary school. I myself had only
(Dramedy starring Tom Hanks,
see something! Here are the six movies just turned nine years old when they
Julia Roberts and Bryan Cranston; in
I’m looking forward to most over the were first released and the books truth-
theaters July 1, 99 min.) After losing his
next few months. fully defined much of my teen years. I
job, a middle-aged man reinvents him-
seriously don’t know what I’ll do when
self by going back to college. While this
this is officially over. Just thinking about
Bridesmaids kind of storyline is pretty old, I’m a
it makes me want to cry.
(Comedy starring Kristen Wigg, sucker for any story that showcases this
ding brunch however, goes seriously kind of character. Maybe I’m also a softy
Maya Rudolph and Rose Byrne; In the-
awry. The first Hangover movie earned
aters May 13, 125 min.) Picked as her
the status of the highest grossing R-
for occasionally seeing films that star Friends with Benefits
best friend’s maid of honor, single and older Hollywood vets who are generally
rated comedy of all-time, and for good known more for the films they’ve been
broke Annie looks to bluff her way
reason. This film managed to top every a part of than they are known for their
through the expensive and bizarre ritu-
other in terms of situational comedy— adventures as tabloid staples. It’s possi-
als with an oddball group of brides-
seriously, how could these guys get into ble.6
maids. The real treat this movie has to
that much trouble in one drunken
offer? It’s the first to come from the Judd
night? The film also pretty much
Apatow School of Just Plain Hysterical
launched the stars’ careers, earning Harry Potter and the
Comedies in that it’s actually centered
on a group of women and targeted at a
them spots on Hollywood’s supremely Deathly Hallows Part II
elite A-list. Is it possible they could hon- (An Action/Adventure Fantasy
female audience. Bearing in mind that
estly top their original success? All signs starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint
even though his “bromance” kinds of
point to….yes! and Emma Watson; In theaters July 15)
The end begins as Harry, Ron and
Bad Teacher Hermione go back to Hogwarts to find
(Comedy starring Mila Kunis,
(Comedy starring Cameron Diaz, and destroy Voldemort’s final hor-
Justin Timberlake and Patricia Clark-
Jason Segel and Justin Timberlake; In cruxes, but when Voldemort finds out
son; In theaters July 22) While trying to
theaters June 24, 92 min.) Centers avoid the clichés of Hollywood roman-
around a foul-mouthed junior high tic comedies, Dylan and Jamie soon dis-
teacher who, after being dumped by her cover however that adding the act of sex
sugar daddy, begins to woo a col- to their friendship does lead to compli-
league—a move that pits her against a cations. I really just want to see how this
well-loved teacher. This movie is ap- compares to January’s No Strings At-
pealing mainly for its star power. tached, which starred Kunis’s Black
Cameron Diaz has generally managed Swan co-star Natalie Portman and Ash-
to at least entertain me in any movie ton Kutcher, and was actually decently
comedies of the past have been guy- she’s been in (even ones that aren’t the funny.
centric, but still funny to women, I have kind I’d be proud to put on an acting re-
high hopes for this one. sume), so it’ll be interesting to see her
16 Arts&Entertainment Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

space-hammer, but instead of slamming

Duke the EDF above ground, you’ll be wildly
swinging away at the gruesome alien
Nukem For- denizens of the planet’s core. Couple
ever - 6/14 - that with a great physics engine and a
bevy of non-hammer weapons at your
Xbox, PS3, PC disposal, and Armageddon should be
By Kenny Mahoney another quality romp in the series.
Wait, what? Duke
Nukem Forever? Seri-
ously? This game has
been in development
Summer is here, and what better get yourself a copy of the original if you
hell almost as long as I’ve been alive,
way to spend your freshly earned free- can’t stomach the hefty $250 price tag
and I can’t believe it’s finally seeing a re-
dom than to sit inside all day alone and for the handheld (I know I can’t).
tail release. If you’re too young (or too
play video games? Seriously. The sun is
old) to remember the original Duke, he
out there. Do you know how hot that L.A. Noire - 5/17 - was the guy shouting curses and mak-
thing gets? And sunburn? Forget it. I’ll
take my comfy chair and air condition- Xbox, PS3 ing lewd gestures in your first-person
ing over flaky skin and sand in my
shorts any day. That said, here’s a few ti- From the Rockstar Games, the stu-
tles sure to eat away your summer. dio that brought you Grand Theft Auto
IV, comes L.A. Noire, a film-noir crime
story set in a post-war Los Angeles.
Ocarina of Time - 6/19 L.A. Noir puts you in the slick shoes of inFamous 2 - 6/7 - PS3
- 3DS Cole Phelps as he progresses through
his law-enforcement career, solving inFamous 2 is the anticipated sequel
mysteries in a gritty criminal under- to the PS3-exclusive that shocked play-
world inspired by the black-and-white ers with it’s electricity-bending game-
detective films of that era. Despite com- play. This game picks up where the first
ing from Rockstar, don’t expect the game left off, placing you back into the
same type of action you’d find in a GTA role of Cole MacGrath as he struggles to
game; you’ll be spending a lot of your shooters in the early 90’s, before Bullet-
storm did it. deal with the monstrous entity known
time investigating cases, driving around as “The Beast,” while taking into ac-
L.A. and questioning subjects. The The classic Duke Nukem games on
the PC were distilled FPS excellence count the various moral choices he en-
game features breathtaking facial and counters as the story progresses. The
motion capture technology, affording with a ton of satirical humor and taste-
less jokes thrown in. Can the latest it- first title was acclaimed for i’s innovate
some of the most realistic human fea- and original sandbox elements, incor-
tures I’ve ever seen in a game. Couple eration capture the same sophomoric
magic that the originals held, or will the porating fluid combat mechanics and
that with the more than 20 hours of immensely enjoyable electric powers.
voice-over dialogue and meticulously over-the-top gameplay and theatrics be
lost on today’s crop of gamers? Find out But with such incredible power at your
recreated L.A. landscape, and you’ve got disposal, will your moral compass push
a game Humphrey Bogart himself when Duke’s balls of steel hit store
If you’re one of the few who made shelves this June. your hand towards good or evil?
would be proud of.
the upgrade to 3D from your trusty
Nintendo DS, you’d be crazy not to get
your hands on the remake of the Nin-
Red Faction: Armaged-
tendo 64 classic, The Legend of Zelda: don - 6/7 - Xbox, PS3
Ocarina of Time. A seminal title in the
history of the Zelda franchise, this iter- The latest entry in the Red Faction
ation marked the series’ first foray into series takes place deep below the open-
3D-polygonal graphics, with a great world surface of Mars, seen in the last
story and radically fun action/adven- title, to a more linear, subterranean ex-
ture gameplay. This fan-favorite has perience. While I’m a bit saddened that
been completely remastered for Nin- I’ll no longer be able to be the mischie-
tendo’s new portable, with touch-screen vous bastard I was in Red Faction:
controls and enhanced graphics. If you Guerilla, the horror-inspired setting
haven’t had the chance to play what I that Mars’ mining tunnels hold in-
consider to be one of the greatest games trigues me. Rest assured, you’ll still be
of all time, find a garage-sale N64 and whacking the crap out of stuff with your
The Stony Brook Press Arts&Entertainment 17

Summertime in New York City is a South Street Seaport

magical time. All the pretty girls come The Ghost of a Sabre
out of hibernation and from under- Tooth Tiger (Sean
neath their layers of wintry clothes. The Lennon) – June 24th
street vendors roll out their seasonal de- Lower Dens – July 1st
lectables to droves of adoring foodies’ The Wake / Weekend –
delights all huddled around tiny food July 8th
trucks. Summertime in New York City Asobi Seksu – July 15th
is the best time. There’s no other city Pow Wow! – July 10th
like it, but one can argue that the best By Andi Liao
part about it are all the free shows that
go on all throughout the five boroughs.
New York City is blessed to be such an
important cultural center that we don’t Central Park Priestbird / Family Band – July 31st
need festivals to attract fans. There are
Frankie Rose & the Outs / Chief / Releases
literally hundreds of shows going on in Minks / Total Slacker – August 14th
every corner of the city—It would be ZAZA / Motel Motel / The Stationary
And now, I present you with an ab-
impossible to put them into one page of Set – August 28th
breviated list of all of the albums (the
text. From Death by Audio to Prospect Currensy – September 4th
noteworthy ones anyway) that are com-
Park and Shea Stadium to Lincoln Cen- ing out this summer. I like these bands
ter, there is never a shortage of amazing and so should you.
music to get down with. Northside Festival
So without further pomp and Arcade Fire / Scenes from the Suburbs –
adieu, I present you with the best of the Various venues, North Brookyn August 2nd
best of summertime music in New York June 16th – 19th Battles / Gloss Drop – June 7th
City. (Oh did I mention that each and Ava Luna / Beirut / Deer Tick (per- Beirut / TBA – Summer TBA
every single one of these shows is FREE, forming as Deervana) / DOM / Eternal Bon Iver / Self-titled – June 21st
with the exception of Northside Fest? Summers / Frankie Rose / Grooms / Death Cab for Cutie / Codes & Keys –
Because they are!) Guided by Voices / Javelin / Sharon May 31st
Van Etten / The Sleepies / Surfer Blood Brian Eno and Rick Holland / Drums
Celebrate Brooklyn Yo-Yo Ma / Silk Road Ensemble – June
/ Teengirl Fantasy / Terro Pigeon Between the Bells – July 5th
Dance Revolt! / Theophilus London / Handsome Furs / Sound Kapital – June
Prospect Park Twin Sister / Wavves / Xray Eyeballs / 28th
Medeski, Martin & Wood – June 11th
Andrew Bird - June 10th Dream Diary / I’m Turning Into / Rad- Memory Tapes / Player Piano – July 5th
Reggie Watts – June 22nd
The Books - June 17th ical Dads / Iceage / Atlas Sound / Thurston Moore / Demolished Thoughts
Hugh Masekela – June 26th
Raekwon / Smif-N-Wessun / Large Pro- Woods / Mount Eerie / Eleanor Fried- – May 24th
Jim Gaffigan – June 29th
fessor – July 9th berger / The Babies / Delicate Steve / Yacht / Shangri-La – June 21st
Friendly Fires / Cults – August 7th
The Feelies / Real Estate / Times New Marie Stella / and more… Washed Out / Within & Without – July
Rakim / EPMD – August 21st
Viking – July 23rd 12th
Ra Ra Riot / Buke & Grass / Delicate So, I guess this summer music pre- Cults / Self-titled – June 7th
Red Hook Park (BK)
Steve – August 5th view is a bit misleading, as even on Friendly Fires / Pala – May 24th (US)
Talib Kweli – June 21st
nights when these shows aren’t happen- Jeff the Brotherhood / We are the
Ozomatli – June 22nd
Champions – June 21st
We Are Scientists / Milagres – June 23rd
Seaport Music Series Reggie Watts – June 24th
Crystal Antlers / Two-Way Mirror – July
Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi /
Crotona Park (BX)
Rome – May 17th
Slick Rick – July 12th
Depeche Mode / Remixes 2: 81-11 –
June 7th
Tappen Park (SI)
Jane’s Addiction / The Great Escape
Sugarhill Gang – August 2nd
Artist – August TBA
Budos Band – August 3rd
Junior Boys / It’s All True – June 14th
ing, you can always walk into any ran- The Rosebuds / Loud Planes Fly Low –
dom venue in New York and find a June 7th
Rock Yard band playing. I don’t care what excuse My Morning Jacket / Circuital – May
you may be able to come up with to not 31st
Williamsburg go to a show, your ass is getting out and Jill Scott / The Light of the Sun – June
The Beets / Xray Eyeballs – July 17th you will have fun. 28th
18 Arts&Entertainment Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

Tyler, the Creator - The Whitest Rapper Out

should have been more
songs like “Her,” where
By Vincent Barone Tyler raps about swallow-
ing his pride after getting
Somewhere through the lyrics dismissed by a girl. He
about rape, suicide, murder, depression shouldn’t be rapping about
and fire in Tyler, the Creator’s second rape. Yeah, I know he does
LP release Goblin, the Los Angeles- it in such a cartoonish way
based rapper became the whitest ever. that it’s not offensive, but it
Whiter than Lil B. doesn’t have any value, ei-
Some blame his system of dress— ther. Eminem did all that
the Supreme five-panel, the socks, the more than a decade ago.
flamboyant shirts, the cut-offs—others And Eminem sucks.
blame the unfunny Jimmy Fallon, or the Tyler’s grave delivery
white man’s ironic tendencies (yeah, and sloppy flow made the
Free Earl!). Heck, maybe it was during longer songs like “Fish,”
the moment when Sway nervously “Radicals,” and “Golden”
stumbled over the name of Tyler’s outfit, especially unbearable. The
Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, beats on those tracks are
during the MTV profile of the group. (I too minimal and Tyler’s
doubt that last hypothesis. Granted, it is verses aren’t interesting
MTV we’re talking about, but the last enough to keep me enter-
relevant thing Sway has done was prob- tained passed the 3:50
ably around when The Slim Shady LP album where the artist rhymes about suicide, especially. White people loved mark.
dropped 12 years ago.) bad things in a different sounding way. that. But the rest of the album was a big Interesting tracks were few and far
Maybe white people are just tired of It’s just fun for us. disappointment for this white guy. between, which was such a let down. I
that cookie cutter rap out there. We all On the 15-song album, there wasn’t Really, though. I give kudos to Tyler mean, the Golf Wang videos really built
have our theories, but most are simply much fun, though. Many white people and the gang for pursuing a unique me up for greatness.
reading too far into Tyler’s success. Es- thought that “Sandwiches,” “Tron Cat,” style. His homemade production is ad- In all seriousness, the OFWGKTA
sentially, white people really just love an and “Yonkers” were pretty neat—the mirable—but the brash, in-your-face crew has a lot of promise. When Tyler
“Yonkers” video where Tyler stages his concept gets stale before the album is hits (i.e. “Yonkers”), he hits hard. The
through. There aren’t enough production on the album is top notch.
clever or introspective lines (de- Tyler paints dark, moody scenes with
spite the whole therapist motif) to one-handed synth leads and washed out
give Tyler’s abrasiveness any depth. drum beats. But when he misses, which
I would say that Goblin is like a re- was most of the time on Goblin, it’s
grettable tattoo that the 20-year- largely unlistenable.
old Tyler will be embarrassed The group must get through some
about in ten years, but he’ll be too growing pains before they can release
busy counting all the money white the truly great album that is hinted at
people are throwing at him to even here in Goblin, which was released on
care. XL Recordings, the label of major artists
And I say that not to sound like Radiohead and M.I.A. And with the
like an asshole, but because I think youth and prolific nature of
Tyler is smarter than the album he OFWGKTA, I’m certain that they will
released. Lyrically speaking, there reach that height eventually.
The Stony Brook Press 19

Nice seeing you at the rave, brah!

20 AA E-ZINE Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011
The Stony Brook Press ADS! 21
22 Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXII, Issue 14 |Wednesday, May 17, 2011

SBU’s Breathing East at Bamboozle

When Harrigan, a 2009 graduate of
Stony Brook University, and Standish,
By Siobhan Cassidy who attended Hofstra University, would
drive home from college on the week-
Stony Brook band Breathing East end, they said the first thing they would
won a spot to perform at Bamboozle— notice is a fresh, salty breeze that dis-
again. tinguishes the East End from the city.
Breathing East, whose members at- “It was a sigh of relief,” Standish
tended Stony Brook, played at the festi- said. “We are breathing the east.”
val for the second year in a row, Many music artists have begun
performing with artists like 30 Seconds their musical journeys locally: Brand
to Mars, Taking Back Sunday, Motley New, Taking Back Sunday and, of
Crue and more at The Bamboozle Fes- course, Billy Joel are just a few. While
tival last week on The Break Stage. The many of them hail from New York City
east-end band, which has made appear- or Nassau County, the members of
ances Rock Yo Face Case, were fever- Breathing East feel that hailing from the
ishly trying to perfect its sound to win East End of Long Island makes them
The Break Contest, a battle-of-the- stand out in the competitive music in-
a senior. The band had a glimpse of life producing music together for two years.
bands style of competition at The Crazy dustry. There is a certain feel of the East
as a rock star, from professional road- The band said their influenced by 90’s
Donkey, last month. End, said Stevens. “It’s calm and airy.
ies, to agencies contacting them and, of music, but has a pop-dance vibe to its
Just a year ago, Breathing East had We carry that within the band.“
course, the groupies. “To perform at a new EP, The Successor.
won fourth place in The Break Contest, Performing for a massive crowd at a
musical festival? It is one of the best ex- In the days before Bamboozle,
giving them a chance to perform on a music festival or not, Harrigan said
periences a band can ask for.” Breathing East was in the top five
side stage at Bamboozle in East Ruther- there is nothing like playing at Stony
Breathing East is made up of four downloaded bands on
ford, N.J. Since their alternative sound Brook University. There is a local fol-
self-taught members: AJ McIntyre (vo-, a website where ris-
blew the rookie bands away, they won, lowing on the campus that regularly at-
cals and guitar), Mark Standish (lead ing artists upload their mp3’s for pub-
again. tends Rock Yo Face Case to see
guitar and vocals), Will Stevens (bass licity, surpassing 30 Seconds to Mars.
“It refreshes the reason why we Breathing East play.
and vocals), and Conor Harrigan All members live on the east end of
work so hard,” said Will Stevens, who is
(drums), who have been writing and Long Island and practice in Jamesport.
The Stony Brook Press Arts & Entertainment 23

Thor: God of Fun-der

ogy expert (Stellan Skars-
By Mark Greek Successfully portraying
mythology as a realistic al-
Before we judge Thor as a stand- ternative to our own di-
alone piece of work, we must admire the mension is not a new
glorious mosaic that awaits us right be- concept. Stan Lee and the
fore Armageddon in 2012. I’m not talk- rest of the geniuses at Mar-
ing about a remake of the Ben vel have been doing it for
Affleck/hurtling meteor flick; I’m talk- ages. And in many in-
ing about The Avengers, due out seven stances, combining them to
months before the Mayan calendar create awesome situations
ends, so we should have plenty of time where Thor can team up
to enjoy it. with Hercules. Taking these
Understanding that Thor is meant concepts and putting them
to be the foundation for something on film could have been
larger, we can excuse things like corny difficult, but director Ken-
dialogue, and a less-than-Oscar- neth Branagh handled it
worthy performance from Natalie Port- very well. The special ef-
man. That is not to say it is not a great fects were well done and
film; actually it’s quite competent as a believable, which was very
standalone origin story for one of Mar- important considering the
vel’s greatest heroes. Unfortunately, we outlandish subject matter.
know that bigger and better things are Rain and mud are among the God of Thunders most fearsome enemies Comic fans and Thor
on the horizon, so if Thor must be enthusiasts will either love
looked upon as a necessary stepping was in the original comic book. The Odin (Anthony Hopkins) comes to or hate the adaptation, even
stone, at least it’s a shiny one. Odinson leads a band of friends on an their aid. The allfather banishes Thor to if they’re just biding their time till The
Chris Hemsworth, previously seen unsuccessful and unauthorized mission Earth to find his hammer and humility. Avengers. Casual viewers will appreciate
for four minutes as Captain James T. into Jötunheim, land of the Frost Gi- He meets the inexcusably attractive as- the action, if not the story. Fans of at-
Kirk’s father in 09’s stellar Star Trek, is ants, and proceeds to kick some serious trophysicist Jane (Portman), her annoy- tractiveness will enjoy Hemsworth and
cast perfectly as the Norse god of thun- ice. ing friend Darcy (Kat Dennings of Nick Portman accordingly, no one will ap-
der. Thor is portrayed as a vain, muscle- His other friends, though war- and Norah’s Infinite Playlist fame) and preciate Kat Dennings and many will be
bound, arrogant muttonhead and heir riors, are not so lucky, and his father Erik the obligatory Norwegian mythol- counting the days until the release of
to the throne of Asgard, exactly as he Captain America this July.

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