Government Seeks To Get 'Hurst Involved In Financial Legislation

by Maree-Lynn Cicon J55 ^ The main issue discussed at the March 30 MSG meeting concerned proposed Federal financial aid cuts for education pursuits. Government officers Rich Lanzillo and Mary Gausman attended a Coalition of Pennsylvania University Student's Conference in York on March"*27 through March 29.. The purpose of this workshop was an organizational meeting for PISC, which is a lobbying group on the Pennsylvania levels ?f £s Vice-President Lanzillo stated that nine Pennsylvania colleges were in*attendance,V'The cuts that the current administration wants to enforce are extensive," he said, "It's possible to have 20 per cent or more of our student enrollment drop because of* the financial aid cuts." Gausman pointed out some specific measures that the government may enforce. "Parental income eligibility for BEOG loans will be lowered from $25,000 a* year to*$19,000,NjShe said, "Itjwas supposed to increase from $25,000 to $28,000. This will eliminate between 500,000 and 600,000 students from the BEOG program, i; '' "A student's family currently must contribute 14 per cent to the educational costs per year; this will be increased to 20 per cent for the academic year 1982", she & Lanzillo related jthat Mercyhurst. has the potential of becoming the Northwestern Pa. area's Regional headquarters. ***Our region is not heavily represented. This has a lot of potential for us to become involved and recognized as a leader in our area,' he responded. •• 5 £ if At notion was made for a f* general vote of support for the two officers to organize a trip to Washington D.C. for National Lobbying Day ion April 13th. They, as representatives of MSG, plan to correspond with area colleges to explain the importance of such a trip and to get these institutions involved. \ f Next, a bid was made by the Environmental Club for governmental recognition; official voting will be conducted on this issue at the next meetings requested by J the':- Enviromental studies department. ''The man running these workshops is the author of our current textbook," said Sue Slagtef spokesman for the group. J J I fc ^ t f l r "With what we learn at these meetings we will be willing to come back and set up workshops here," she added, -rWe want to make people our age aware of environmental problems.' The group is asking MSG to fund one-fourth of their cost with the administration giving another fourth. The administration's contribution, however, was not verified. The remaining half would be paid by the professor and eight students who would attend, said Slagle. The costs would entail $15 per person. i A motion was made to table the discussion until the next meeting, when more information could be provided If the Enviromental clubfwas recognized by the government, MSG could possibly loan them the money to be repaid at a future date, a representative brought up. "This would alleviate all problems that we might encounter if we set a precedent in giving departments money," s t a t e d T r e a s u r e r Mary Gausman. &* * '-=£ '• • In the SAC report, Lanzillo stated that the proceeds of The April 10, Campus Center dance will benefit Muscular Dystrophy. A trip to Pittsburgh on May 1st to hear science fiction author Isaac Assimov was proposed. The cost of the bus would be the only expense since the lecture is free, according to Representative Regina Zeyzus. The body was asked to get feedback from other students dealing with the feasibility of such a trip. | President Tim Seltzer reported that the next Activities Day Committee meeting was slated for Thursday at 7:30 p.m. in the Back Porch Cafe. It was unanimously decided bv Jhe body that 10 per cent of Activity Day's receipts would go to "Habitat's for Humanity", a nonprofit charity run by Campus Ministry. * £ > -• * A Rebecca Martin commented on Continued on page 7

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VOL. 53 NO. 20 MERCYHURST COLLEGE APRIL 3.1981

Three Dismissed From WMCY Staff
by Donna Peterson Three disc jockeys for the Mercyhurstlradio station, WMCY. have.been dismissed from their present air shifts as of April 1, ,1981. In a letter dated March 24,1981, WMCY program director Stephanie Hultberg informed disc jockeys Pete McKenna, Mike Huntoon, and Gerard Corso that they are "not meeting the standards and quality that Mercy hurst College is trying to obtain, here at- this station.' The students, 'who all work on a volunteer basis, were also informed that they may re-audition for their positions no earlier than Fall term 1981. | * Hultberg, whose position is work-study, stated that she performed spot-checks on all the disc jockey's radio programs and presented each d.j. with a written evaluation of their work. The quality of 1McKenna's. Huntoon's and Corso s programs had not improved since they assumed their positions during Fall term, stated Hultberg. i "I acted for the progress and betterment of the station," said Hultberg. "' 5 r < The program director also stated that she is beginning to "crack down" on radio personnel, making sure that all rules within the station are enforced. ^j Pete McKenna, ;a freshman communications major, said that neither he nor the other dismissed d.j.'s were warned* by H u l t b e r g p r i o r to t h e i r dismissals. According to McKenna. word that he was fired came to him "out of the blue". *S "Working for the radio station is supposed to be a learning experience where you're supposed to make mistakes and learn from them," said McKenna. f McKenna stated that lie did not feel the dismissals were justified because Hultberg, in his opinion, does not adequately perform her duties as program director. According to McKenna, program logs, station "promos", and commercials are not fully readied by Hultberg for disc jockey use on the air. McKenna further stated that Hultberg is supposed to help the disc jockeys improve their rograms and correct mistakes, __ut she does not.^ .£ ^ M Gerard iCorso, who was also dismissed, stated that he was not informed of his dismissal when he arrived for his 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. radio shift on March 26. Another disc jockey was already at the station to take his place. Although the letter from Hultberg was dated March 24, 11981, all three disc jockeys said] they did not receive the letter until March 27, the day after Corso's slated shift. £ & • id Commenting on Hultberg's actions, Steve Curcio, advisor to WMCY, said, "WMCY, from its inception was intended to be a student-run operation. That is why Stephanie has been instructed with this particular responsibility." J The advisor also stated that he told radio personnel "more than once" that he was going to expect a fair amount of improvement in

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their broadcasts. Curcio said he also warned disc jockeys that they will be dismissed if they do not follow the guidelines of the radio sation. and show responsibility and improvement in tneir programs. Concerning i the accusations against Hultberg, Curcio said he would look into them because he does not have all the facts involved with the station. £ "The- program director is under my responsibility," said j Curcio. "I have not been made aware of any serious problems with her performance." Another WMCY disc jockey, Tom Miller, was recently suspended from the station by Hultberg. The program director I imposed the four-week suspension because of "bad conduct in the station and misuse of equipment." isteg 2§ j | | Hultberg has just hired two new disc jockeys for WMCY and is in the process of auditioning others to replace the dismissed students.

Financial Aid In Danger

StudentlRepresents Hurst At National Conference
M e r c v h u r s t ' s T i t l e IX representative, Rebecca Martin, attended a women's leaders hip conference in Washington D.C. March 26-29. Martin's position on campus 'is to ensure that sex equality is maintained at the college. . J& -<i Transportation and lodging were provided to Martin through the National Student Education Fund and additional expenses were shared by Mercyhurst Student Government and the college. The conference consisted of colleges and universities from all over the United States, such as Berkeley, Radcliffe, Cornell, and Harvard. J According to Martin, she participated in a rigorous schedule of events from 8:00 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. every day. Workshops on leadership skills and ^ direct action

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Financial aid cuts are "immi- coordinating boards. £ £ nent" according to the Coalition Anywhere from 22 to 26 s state of Independent i College and university systems already inUniversity Student s' (COPUS). clude student representatives on A COPUS newsletter states their boards whiles in private tnat tnfee areas o^tudem fltiSfl^ 'screws fhinlstnfIS JtisTteif HflfHg cial aid are in danger: The Basic to gain momentum. - \ gf Education Opportunity Grants Li Mercyhurst College has the op(BEOG). The. National Direct portunity to become the COPUS Student Loans (NDSL) and the headquarters of the Norguaranteed Student Loans therwestern Region explained (GSL). Student Government officers BEOG predicted to lose $1.2 Rich Lanzillo and Mary billion in funding from last year's ! Gausman. "jfc level. This drop would affect all Lanzillo and Gausman attendBEOG recipients since the max- ed a COPUS conference in York, imum grant would be reduced Pennsylvania on March 28. They from $1750 per student to $1260. were informed and instructed in The NDSL program is expected the area of financial aid and stuto be reduced by $10 million. As a dent lobbying. Lanzillo explained result, 15 thousand students may that if Mercyhurst was able to 3> lose their funding. And the GSL organize colleges in the Norprogram could be in trouble in thwestern Region, some effective that the reductions in other pro- lobbying would result. <$' grams would create a demand for At press time, Gannon UniverGSL funds, u !£ JJ*\ i sity, Alliance College, I In an effort to prevent these Westminster College and cuts, COPUS is attempting to possibly'Allegheny College, have organize students into a lobbying expressed interest forming a force which would eventually COPUS group with Mercyhurst. march on Capitol Hill. jL. Lanzillo added that he has been in According to Steve Siefman, a touch with Thiel and Grove City member of COPUS, the question Colleges. "In a probability," said of student involvement has been Lanzillo, "this is the most impora "hot topic" for years. tant thing we've done this year." The Higher E d u c a t i o n Bill Kennedy, director of stuReauthorization Act passed by dent affairs, commented, "This organizing as^well as panel Congress last October included a is a serious matter and it will afdiscussions about TitledIX, pro- measure creating a student posi- fect virtually all Mercyhurst blems with enforcing it, the law, tion on state higher education students." T ** & and how to raise money for women's centers on campuses archaic guideline to follow and cyhurst before the end of this were among the conference potentially dangerous." j school year. I f activities. 2**3 Presently, Martin is working S "We want to follow procedure "I learned how our college with other women at Mercyhurst in order to ensure that our results compares with colleges around " w h o a r e i n t e r e s t e d in are legitimate," 4 commented the country," stated Martin. "I delineating the rights of women Martin. J found that Mercyhurst does not in higher education, particularly Specifically, Martin and the stand up to any of the other col- at Mercyhurst." ? f 25 other women are working on the leges in the area of women's Martin stated that although the area of sexual harassment at this issues. We are really backward in conference was termed' a time. They are researching affirthat area." y m women's conference, men were mative action guidelines, Title IX An example cited by Martin there and \participated in the statutes, and the present college concerns the Mercyhurst policy activities. policy. Martin stated, "we are \ '* j* f on sexual harassment. "It is vir- t. "It is crucial for anything we also working with a surprising tually non-existent; as far*as I want to accomplish here for men number of alleged sexual harassknow at this time." she said. to understand exactly what ment incidents that have occur"From what I .understand the women's? issues a'are, said red on this campus." She added p present policy suggests that the Martin. that the "names of the alleged i Student confront the person She hopes that an effectual harassing her or him. This is an change will go through at MerContinued on page 7

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THE MERCIAD

APRIL 3,1981

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The Right
I It is essential that the Mercyhurst student community realize the long range effect of the potential financial aid cuts. Long range in the sense that next year only 100 students may be able to attend our college. •Students (and parents) must come to terms with these threatening budget cuts. Once this is done both parties need to prepare to assert their right to funding for higher education. And the way to do this is by utilizing the power working as a force that a common goal brings, s Write! letters to the congressmen involved. It will have an effect, mure than fearing and worrying about the future will.

Ministry Sponsors Workshop H ForEgan scholars o o o rag The Reagan administration isgp, in- massive military Student 1 Dear Editor: MR I Jgt S Wfik JEl engaged o o o assistance to the military-civilian junta in El Salvador. Many religious leaders around the word have expressed doubts about Expresses such a policy. These Christian and Jewish leaders contend that the struggle in El Salvador is over internal injustices and not a battle Thanksr c yIh u r s t between Russia and the United States, as the U.S. State department To t h e M e To! Aid
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letters\fo The Editor
contends.\ .,&-> sBt B ' ''. jf 1 V* ^ m In the past year more than eight thousand people have been killed, most by the military forces and paramilitary death squads that roam the country side killing and torturing anyone who dares to speak out against injustice. Three Catholic nuns, one lay missionary, three priests and one Archbishoo were all assasinated because they dared to preach and live the Gospel message of Jesus and the prophets. It is time for all those who are on the side of human rights to speak out. j £|^ : ^3 On Monday night at 7 p.m. the Campus Ministry office is sponsoring a workshop on how to write letters of protest to our government. Come and write a letter that may help the Reagan administration to act more justly in its dealings with underdeveloped countries of Central America. The meeting will be held in the Campus Ministry r office.? <ran§ Siai - SBK§ rj ? Community: '• On behalf of the Egan Scholars,. I wou|d like to extend my greatest thanks to those people who helped make Alekrandev Zotov's visit a pleasant experience, | fwould like to start by thanking Dr. Vivetta Petronio and the Egan Council for their hard work. Also, Sister Elizabeth Lintsen and all of Campus Ministry. Of course no presentation could be accomplished without Sharon Sisco and Media Services. And, as always, the food services of K.C. and H.R.M.A. were excellent. My personal gratitude to Mr. Richard Kubiak and Dr. Mike Erisman should also be in* eluded here. j I was very glad to participate in such an event, and especially pleased with the amount of help which was volunteered by the Mercyhurst Community. However, it saddens me "very much to realize once again that the majority of students, faculty and administrators are unwilling to support this college and its activities, even to such a limited extent as attendance at any event. onrimply returning an R.S. V.P.' Barry J. Bernaus

Let the people in legislative power know that students have power too. Make them aware of the need for financial aid. § Involvement * in COPUS * is nothing to sneeze at. Presently, it is one of the few (if not only) organizations planning direct action against the budget cuts. And writing the congressmen will only aid COPUS in organizing effective lobbying forces, i* | Students need to be aware of the danger budget cuts will bring. If a student is presently receiving his education withfinancialaid, the odds are good that next year they won't receive anything. Neither financial aid nor an education. ?$HJi £ fS

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publication

Anyone interested 1 in applying for the 1981-82 position ofv Merciad Editor should submit their* letter of intent to the newspaper office (Box 45) notlater than I April 10. Letter Of IntentiFor Student \ Government Officer ElectionsJ Due April 6 at 5:00 p.m.

VOL. 53 NO. 20 MERCYHURST COLLEGE APRIL 3,1981 Editor-in-Chief Rebecca L Martin '$ News Editor? D n a Peterson 52rTW«S on • Photo Editor /fen Fbnoren 9 N S E * $ Sports Editor .......Michael Fitzgerald ti^^9^^E3 5B3S Cartoonists «. ....JamwBofowtcj, Christopher M G w n S R w ' ^ B ^ K coa S*iV Photography C H e Farley, Christopher Meyer o en s SSBSRBffflBBESrSports .j*.U»A^^ay.Taye(XColes and JackBour*^^ Typists Mary Cay Marchione, Valerie Meyers ^ ' l r v S S S ! K ^ * 5 i l S ^ B St*11 M fit* Ancterson,Maree4^Cto. T n Mangef|,Chre oy v «^. Faculty Advisor — ^^...Steve &>Kto^^^^^^ Publisher .£.....:.. Brown-Thompson Newspapers

SAVE OLD NEWSPAPERS FOR APAPER DRIVE!!
If you have any extra newspapers (no magazines) to donate, I Contact: Don in i operations

STAFF MEETINGS Wednesdays at 4:00 in Merciad

I Office
|Anyone Interested In Working On Newspaper Is Welcome

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a foolish publication
VOL 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Winner Announced 9 In 'April Fool Contest
Although the* MERCIAD received a variety of entries for the first annual "April Fool Contest," there was one nominee who outshone the rest in terms of his foolishness. Before his name is announced, readers should realize that by no means should anyone try to imitate this person at home. This fool is trained at his profession and it is EXTREMELY dangerous for untrained persons to assume the role of any fool. Fools are not rare but true fools should be kept under close surveillance and at, an arm's length. | j If a fool does something well, even on the smallest scale, he should be praised for it so that he does not despair and quit all together. Although fools provide laughter for others they are losers in their own right and deserve a kind word and a smile once in a while. *•' ** So, the next time you see our fool, give him a pat on the back and congratulate him for all his fine accomplishments. So without further adieu, here is the MERCIAD's 1981 "Pool of the Year": MATT TRUESDALE. The following are two letters submitted to the MERCIAD nominating Matt as "Fool of the Year." From the first foolish nomination: "The biggest fool I know is Matt TruesdaTe. Matt is really a nice kid in his own unique way. $ ' "He has this habit of imitating people not only by the way they talk but by their gestures as well. ^"Matt gets up at 7:00 in the morning and runs with the rest of the cross-country team. Anyone that gets up that early to run, rain, snow, or shine has to be a fool. 'X "I'm sure if you know Matt or meet him he'll be the biggest fool you know too." Hie second foolish nomination: "I have met a large number of fools on this campus. All things considered I feel the biggest and most outspoken fool is Matt Truesdale. I*"Mattfis a full-fledged, bonafide redneck. He is the person who believes^ in shotguns, chewing tobacco, Iron City beer, and Waylon Jennings singing a country lullaby. "Any person who can exist in the city of Erie, and still remain a redneck, must be a real fool. "P.S. I feel it is important to mention that it takes a Dig fool to drink Iron City Beer." , * j By the way, the prize for the winning fool is nonexistent.* APRIL FOOLS!!!

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W. P. Garvey hams It for the camera with his prospective bride Molly Kohlmiller.

Film For Discussion

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Garvey Plans To Wed BiologyiOepartment
the hit Michael Jackson song, "Ben" should bring It to his office immediately. ; "If we get enough people at the film," said Lutton, "we may be 1 able to sing a few verses of 'Ben before and after the movie.' j Given the nature of the subject matter of the film, refreshments will not be served. Admission is free and anyone, including those without a scientific mind, is invited to attend. At a press conference for the MERCILESS, President William P. Garvey announced his engagement i to Molly Kohlmiller, secretary to Gary Bukowski of the Alumni and Annual Giving office. Garvey opened the press conference by stating, "Behind every great man there is a good woman, and now I've got mine." He also stated that the Tate spring wedding will not in any way affect the normal functioning of the college except that he will rename Garvey Park "Molly's Grove." I t Before Garvey could say another word, Kohlmiller burst into song. "I'm sooooo happy," she said. Kohlmiller then informed the press that Garvey and she had been dating since the Doris Kearns -lecture , in September. "We discovered a mutual interest in History lectures and have been attending them ever since." ; Kohlmiller confessed that she had been in love with "Willie" since the Wilbur Mills lecture, but he didn't tell her of his mutual love until the Ramsey Clark speech was cancelled and the two instead attended a documentary film at the Public Library. ., k The wedding date for the couple has been set for Activities Day, 1981 and will take place in the Christ the King Chapel. The ceremony will take place at noon and will be officiated by George Garrelts who was less than a tank away* . ? Garvey and Kohlmiller also announced that the wedding party will consist of best man, Gary"
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To Present "Ben"
The Mercyhurst Biology Department under the direction of Lew Lutton and Linda Lochner will sponsor a special "Film for Discussion" later this month., The film "Ben" will be shown in Room 200 Main on April 17, 1981. The topic for discussion, "rats" will then be led by Biology major, Anne Marie Dixon. Anyone with any interest in or knowledge of rats is encouraged to attend. Lutton also requests mat anyone who owns a copy of

| Bukowski, maid of honor, Alda ear. Molly tells me they have a Walker, and ring bearer, Rich nice tour of the Mayflower that time ofcyear." * • ? * Lanzillo. Director of external affairs, Bukowski, Kohlmiller's boss and long time steady boyfriend, i Mary Ann Daly) announced that admitted that he felt somewhat • preparations are underway for a shunned by Kohlmiller*s engage- bridal shower for Kohlmiller. ment "I don't know what I could Jacqueline Howey, professor of have done wrong. I took her to all Human i Ecology, will design the County Council meetings, I shower decorations and invitaeven gave her a heart pin. I guess tions. Jean in the mailroom offered to mail the invitations for the better man won." h Garvey divulged tentative free. ^ plans for the couple's honeyBefore Garvey and Kohlmiller moon. "We decided we'd like left the press conference hand in something with an * historical hand,, the two refused to inform flavor," said Garvey. "First the press about their future plans well head south and visit Mount concerning housing and children. Vernon and Monticello, then we'll Kohlmiller was heard singing an travel up to Gettysburg, and from aria as she walked Garvey to his there we'll most likely play it by office.

COMMUTER A WARD
Bruce Kopal Bob Penza Tom Kalinzak
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The Wedding Party, Molly and her maid of honor Alda Walker Standing is the best man Gary Bukowski and rlngbearer Rich Lanzillo
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VOL 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Criteria Set Forth For Prospective RA's
Mercyhurst College has announced to dormitory students that RA | application are now available. For any students wishing to apply for this position, there is a standard set of criteria you must be aware of. First, students must be able to drink a case of beer in less than one half an hour. They must also hold at least a 1.0 grade point average. Dr. Garvey, the * president of the college, also : stated that anyone applying must be failing the majority of their classes, if not all of them. | The administration is i; looking for irresponsible and unreliable students. They need students who are capable of creating chaos within the dorms and whenever possible throughout the entire college. j Students (wishing to apply for this employment, should talk to whomever they want, whenever they want. They should not be prompt and should remember to wear their grubbiest clothes that have been lying in a pile on their : floor for over a month. ; They must also know how to drool and whenever possible try to spray it on the lucky person interviewing them.-

••

Spring Fever Editorial; One Reporter's Opinion
Once again, Mercyhurst students have been exposed to the greater than seamier side of life. In one of the landmark events in campus history, 'Hurst students witnessed true love blossom and build to a wondrous flowering. The wise and respected president of this institution, Dr. William Garvey, has asked for the hand of an equally admirable woman. Miss Molly Kohlmiller, known to this author as a calm and ~ fair individual, will inherit the coveted role oP'Queen of the college 'If you wiilftt is yet uncertain whether Kohlmiller and her fiance will remain in their present positions at Mercyhurst. But why not? Garvey, being an adherent professional in all he does, would not be expected to interfere with or allow Kohlmiller's job in the Alumni and Annual Giving office to become detrimental to his marriage. Besides, students here will probably be anxious to witness the radiance of the newlyweds on a daily basis. Students should take a cue from this recent action of the president. In an environment appearing to be all work and no play, this man has proven one can find love while striving for distinction. In the wake of the college's football debut as well as a constant influx of unread history books, Garvey has demonstrated that in the spring, even men of his great caliber, allow their fancies to turn to love. Detmar Straub demonstrates the acting potential which led Dave Blanchfield to offer him a starring role in the epic production " Loaves and Fishes." '

Numerous Changes \ Will Take Place On Campus
* There will be a number of moves to take place on campus beginning this spring, according to Mercyhurst President, Dr. William Garvey. The newly created 'Hurst football team will practice and hold games on the present Soccer field behind Baldwin Hall. The Soccer team will occupy the Baseball field to i perform all of its activities, which will, in turn, cause the baseball team to hold games inside the Campus Center. Baseball coach Dr. Michael Cusack explains, the change will not 3affect the way Baseball games are played: "So what if we don't play in the sun - it only gets in our eyes anyway. Cusaack also said, "The fact that fly balls will hit the wall is no big deal, we're mainly a grounder team." • # The basketball team was notified today that it will be moved to the old gymnasium for practices and games, forcing the women's crew team practices to re-locate in the Zurn Hall Student Union. One woman crew member commented, "It's no sweat, we can listen to the Juke box now." Dr. William ] Garvey also informed the Merciless that Mercyhurst is definitly going to construct a stream which will run throughout the campus. Construction will take place this summer and will be completed for the fall Crew races. According to David Blanchfield of the Campus Ministry, the new stream will provide an excellent opportunity for religion classes. "We plan to stock the stream with fish," said Blanchfield, "and hold a mock 'loaves and fishes' play." "Certain members of the administration have agreed to play disciples," _he continued. "Detmar Straub has volunteered to portray Jesus. It should be an enlightening event."

Dean To Sponsor "Friends Forever" Dinner
There will be a special dinner at Mercyhurst on May 2 that will be sponsored by Dean David Palmer. The dinner is called the "Friends Forever Dinner" and various Mercyhurst students will soon receive personalized invitations from Palmer/The continuing theme of the dinner will focus on autographed photographs given to one friend from another. The dinner will most likely be catered by KC Foods as are all Mercyhurst dinners, and is expected to consist of onions and garlic-based foods, since, said Palmer, "we all have to be good friends to eat onions and garlic together." * ^ & i A huge, mural autographed picture of Palmer is being created by the Hurst Art Department. The picture is signed with the words, "Friends forever, Dave Palmer." 4 Each student at the dinner will receive his own autographed photo from Palmer and a certified "Friends Forever" membership card. Palmer stated that he invited Carole King to be the entertainment for the affair and sing, "You've Got A Friend,"

but she was committed to another engagement. Palmer then asked the dinner theater group to present a "Walton's" skit so that the diners could learn friendly love through an actual family. Igor Stalsky said of Palmer's request, "That is the strangest thing I've ever heard." Students will be chosen at random to attend Palmer's dinner. According to Palmer. "It really doesn't matter who is invited we're all friends."

Plans to buy the Pano's restaurant were recently discussed by Tom Billingsley and John Ma us. > The idea, which was originally Billingsley's, is expected to be funded by an alleged slush fund operated by Ma us. The fund is fronted through John Nesbit's office. £j "I feel there is a great need to provide alternate feeding to the Mercyhurst community," said Billingsley who worked his way through college at a greasy spoon. ? Nesbit agreed to front the operation largely because ne ate at a number of greasy spoons while in college. "I think there is a real possibility for- the college to broaden its taste here." Maus, who lives on the north side of a tree, wants to expand the Pano's operation into a fulltime cookie factory which would

Plans Underway To Purchase Pano's Restaurant
model the Keebler elves. Lillian Cohen, Carol Hill and JoAnn Cooper refused an offer to work in the dishroom of the restaurant. Jean Lavin, however, agreed to accept a position for a price. "Why not?,' she commented, "It beats Belling pencils to supplement your salary, and anyway it will give me a chance to apply group dynamics on my employers," Bertha is irate at the idea. "It's just: one more thing to keep clean,'' she said. Louis Mennini, who has never eaten in a greasy spoon in his life, had no comment to make. Donald Platte and Joy Kolb, both of whom are partial to elves, expressed an interest in the longrange plans. Billingsley added that Pano's should be under his personal supervision by summer 1981. He also stated that plans are being

Tom Billingsley made to change the name to PanHurst. Nesbit was heard sing "I love a greasy spoon" to the tune of the popular single by Eddie Rabitt.

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a foolish publication
VOL. 53 NO. 20

EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE

AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Faculty Supplement Incomes9 Start Pen And Pencil Sale
The Mercyhurst College faculty will hold their annual pen and pencil sale this week on the Mercyhurst campus. According to faculty chairman of the drive, Barry McAndrew, this sale is held each year in order to raise money to offset the cost of faculty clothes and supplies. McAndrew initiated the drive in 1972 by selling boxes of Fiddle Faddle. I "This did not generate much profit," McAndrew stated, "so we moved into magazines, term papers, Miss Katy-Did : Candies, and finally pens and pencils." f i | As one long-time faculty member put it, "My pay just isn't enough anymore. I've tried to stretch it andfindit's nearly impossible. When McAndrew came up with the idea We all said, 'Gee, why not?' I mean, heck, I can hardly afford my pipe tobacco and turtleneck pullovers anymore." K * i §)p .' All faculty members will be participating in the fund raiser and will be visiting*the* local plazas and shopping malls with the pens and pencils. There will also be booths set up at strategic points ^around the Mercyhurst campus. The main booth will be manned by Bud Brown and Bob Cisek and will be located approximately 4-6 feet to the left of the "UniFlow" drinking fountain on second floor Zurn near •' the Geology Department. Cisek will be wearing a tapioca colored button-down shirt while selling the pens and pencils. He expects a moderate turn-out. { This year the pens will come in the colors salmon, periwinkle, and magenta and will be embossed with the words, "Take a letter Maria." They will cost 75 cents, although Brown said that he will accept "any reasonable offer." The pencils are of the basic number two type and will sell for 30 cents. * • i Sally Schrader has offered to sharpen ^a 11 the pencils on, her electronic penclf^shai'pefie'r^* Sister Peggy Annabaldi volunteered Punxsutawney Phil to aid Ms. Schrader. ft-. * Each faculty member expects to make between $50 and $100. "I want to go to Greece," stated Dr. Mike Nye-Applebaum. Sister Matthew and Ms. Diane Williams have agreed to use their profits to buy a new abacus for the Math department. P Andrew Roth was heard mumbling something about alligator shirts and docksiders.

Andy Findlay with a "runaway" toddler. A good deed on Activities Day '80 * g£

Findlay's Follies Opens For Business
Top-notch tennis player, Andy Findlay, has left his position with the Mercyhurst tennis team in order to begin his life-long dream of opening an amusement park for toddlers. f Pictured is Findlay with an unknown child who recently visited "Findlay's Follies," located near the Sesler parking lot. Findlay is shown'here operating his "Manual Scrambler." -f * * Findlay's former doubles partner, Ravindar Sabherwal, is "miffed" bout Findlay's actions. I don't see why he would have to give me up for little twerps like that. I'm fun." J s- ^ Faculty member Andy Roth stated, "As Andy's advisor for his Communications major. I'm pleased that he is moving on to the area of business as an entrepreneur." I So far, "Findlay's Follies" is a one-man effort with Findlay offering roller coaster rides, a water ride, a "bouncing bassinet" and an eating pavi'llion serving a daily special, "Enfamil-on-a-Stick."
«"5P

New Dorm| Planned For Hurst Campus
There will be a new dormitory on the Mercyhusrt Campus next fall, according to housing director Phyllis Aiello. The, building will be named O'Connor Hall and will house only men and women athletes. £ ^Se* The dorm will be built adjacent to the Campus Center to provide easy accessibility for the dorm residents. | Applications for residency in the dorm will be accepted on a rolling basis: Those students who can roll the longest: will be accepted first. There is, said Aiello, a limit to 50 students for the new dorm. | Mike McQuillen joined the ranks of faculty She added that the rolling procedure selling pencils in order to make a decent wage. it is the was being used because only rational alternative "I need more * money than most," said Mc- to the point system used in the past. "I wait to get Quillen. He explained that the umbrella was a rolling," can't commented.things she ConMr. French imitation to give; him an air of struction will begin immediately. Those interested in living in the respectability.**The guitar," he added, "is for dorm may contact Aiello at home, h * i hire" I t

WANTED:
Unused Class Cards Submit td DaveiThomas. Minimal Fee Offered
*

PAGE 6

\ \

z a foolish | publication
VOL. 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

I
I

\

New ....,,Courses Offered
\

A new course has been a dded to the Mercyhurst curriculum for the 1981-82 school year. According to Dean David Palmer, the course information is as follows: Course Title: Intro, to Intramural Academic Subterfuge t* Course Number: SOC. 4.00 Course Description: This course is designed to prepare the college student to "beat the academic system." It offers 10 weeks of intensive in-field experience, duping which the student is required to achieve a 4.0 grade in at least one of his classes by means other than academic proficiency. The student must use one of the following guidelines to complete the 4.0 effort: , \&Bi J~ 1.) Athletic priority scam: Under this method, the student achieves 4.0 status» in the classroom by making a case for his/her invaluable status in a team sport. 2.) Ethnic-pull contract: This method (designed to treat minority groups equitably) requires the Italian student to achieve his/her 4.0 by having an uncle with a violin case persuade the instructor administer * the desired grade. *T This course is offered with the advanced student in mind. As with all upper level courses, evidence that the student is familiar with his/her material is required. Simple cheating or plagiarism will not be accepted as fulfillment of; the academic subterfuge experience.^,gk

Former Merciad Advisor Steve Curcio has reportedly undergone metamorphisis and is now applying for residency at the Erie Zoo.

Genetic Deformity Discovered
A new genetic discovery was made in Egan Hall recently. Ms. Beth Ann Paletta, rumored to have abnormal hearing ability, has come "out of the closet" with her deformity. "Actually, I just thought my floor was too loud," stated Paletta who is a resident assistant in Egan. "Now I know that I have what is known in the medical world as Hawkears." j ?V The Merciless has 4 found through extensive research on the-subject that iPaletta's problem is not uncommon. It is suffered by many R.A.'s throughout the country. The deformity results from listening to noise after quiet hours and complaints before quiet hours about how unquiet hours were yesterday. * There are some warning symptoms to the disease, all of which are suffered by Ernest Magaro, Diane Pettula and Tim Weeks. Paletta, who pretends to be a crayola crayon when she is not on duty, says there are some hopeful cures, f "You can always write people up," she advised. "It helps create tension and people don't bother you aa much.

Garvey Models HBp||§ 1981Attire\M | 1
At a board of trustees luncheon and card party today at Mercyhust College, Dr. William Garvey, President of the school, modeled the 1981 graduation attire. J I ,r, % jj$ Garvey is pictured above posing for the women in the quiana and velveteen caftan-like robe. Garvey also donned a mauve-colored scarf around his neck and the traditional black cap with a multicolored fringe attached. « £ Sfog s ' The women oohed and aahed at Garvey as he paraded up and down the modeling ramp. • %- f:' ~ SBprre

Findlay
Now Accepitng Tenants For

I

Follies
Anyone who knows of a I teacher § accepting bogus (class cards should contact: Len Cyterski

Apply now for summer!!

Soccer Team Enters Breakfast Contest
The Mercyhurst College soccer team will enter the Kellogg's stick up for Breakfast Contest. • SEE L % The contest is held in order to encourage people to eat a daily breakfast. The team has chosen to make the college community a Gala Breakfast in order to publicize the contest. This breakfast of the champions will consist of wheaties with bananas and pure cane sugar. The featured breakfast dish will be blueberry wheat germ muffins stuffed with loads of vitamin C and E. Orange juice and gatorade will also be served.

Bilid win Gardens
Contact thef office oi% external affairs

APRIL 3,1981

THE MERCIAD

PAGE 7

MSG Cont.frompage 1 her recent four-day trip to the National Women's Leadership conference. According to Martin, leadership skills and obtaining effective administration response were topics discussed. "Despite the high female ratio here at Mercyhurst, we lack effective programs for women," she said,forexample, the area of sexual harassment is completely overlooked. f $
Conference cont, from page 1

Mercyhurst needs to set up a committee to hear eases of sexual harassment on this campus," she continued. "I feel there is a need for this, but I don't want to T go about it in a threatening manner." T Martin alleges that within 24 hours of returning homefromher Washington trip she was informed of four different cases of sexual harassment "The definition of sexual harassment includes
««'

v i c t i m s and s u p p o s e d perpetrators will not be released by myself until a definite policy has been established." Hie women are now compiling data and will present it to John Nesbit, assistant to the president in government relations, sometime next week.

Father-Daughter

Weekend Is May 2 and 3
So Tell Your Dads
If you have any questions or would like to help contact: BethPaletta, Egan Hall, Rm 4 Ext. 358

or •; Amy Gillespie, Baldwin Hall, Rm. 236

not only the physical acts but also general remarks in which a student is subjected to sexist and stereotypical remarks by the professor , explained Martin. "I want to stress that male students can also be victims." ^ • Martin stated that what she * needs from MSG is support to go by Steve C u r c i o . about setting up such a committee. The issue was tabled until the 3 next meeting pending further inThis column was to have been before it destroys us. formations and discussion.. In the same spirit as other secGun control is not the only tions in regard to the April Fool's aaswer. It is, however, a start I stories. However, in light of the have never been one to speak out developments earlier this week, I emotionally either for or against would feel uncomfortable writing gun control. But it is impossible what was intended to be a light- to ignore the fact that many of hearted discourse. I will have to our murders occur when such T.B. I want 21 more WANTED: Two new sons: Apply save my ideas for a future issue. weapons are used. It is Just too in person. MOM Instead, I want to address one easy for anyone to get a gun. UnLaurie and Bubby, Control you rubber neck at Notre Dame this FOR!'SALE:" 1973i Montes Carlo, topic. The topic is the violence in til we cure that problem, there weekend. Have a fantastic time 350 V-B, automatic, air condition- America, Other, societies will be no possible-end to perceive us as a bigger-happy, violence in our society. at the formal. Anita ing, AM-FM, power steering, violence-dominated culture. It Handgun control is not the only latest inspection, must sell. Make becomes apparent that they may cure for any problems that we Louie, Happy one year. I love ; be right, world press only hears may have. It can be a part of the offer 866-1018 v \^£ you. Lynne ^ the details of when a President or solution. Violence in our society Dickie, Thanks mr remembering a John Lennon is gunned down in is something that cannot, be Gina-Happy Birthday Sis! Love my Mom. Love, Lynn the streets of our cities. "We, eliminated in Just one step. It will ya, Mar : 15 however, hear of these instances take a long time, it will take Carol R, Good luck. Hang in there day after day. money, and it will take deterFor sale Pour mags remington till Friday, VaJ > The question to ask is "How mination. One doesn't complete a tires and keystone rims. Spun long journey in Just one balanced size- F70-14 $250 or best To Oreo-Power- Did you realize can this senseless killing be stop- step. It takes several steps, large The may not be one at offer. Call Paula Hokaj 825-6559 that when all five of us get ped?" but answermust be an a time. I submit that handgun easy, there together we make a triple decker answer if our society is to sur- control is the first step necessary llSMcAuley i % singlefillingoreo cookie? Part of vive. The violence so common in toward that goal of respect for the filling r$ our society must be curbed human life. i . GARVEY RESIGNS!! Sealer232 C O N D E M ^ D ! F^to Anyone interested in joining a •til i military coup effort, contact Mr Kubiak and Dr. McQuillen Divorce court opens at 8 a.m. There will \ be a man* Please don't expel the editor. datory meeting lor all Did you know the clipper galley is From her mother and father. secondary Ed Majors. It sinking!?! 'j Yes, I made my mother pay for. will be neld in Room that ad. The editor. > - » 312M on Thursday, April 2,1981 at 8:00 p.m.

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The following been scheduled
for Co-op Informational I Seminars:
Friday, April 3 9:00 a.m. Tuesday, April f 4 ; 2:00 p.m. 1 Wednesday, April 22 11:00a.m. Thursday, May 7 1:00 p.m. Monday, May 18 6:30 p.m. Tuesday, May 26 10:00 a.m.
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Beef Hoagie and Fries
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Whistle On Down To TheJunction" Saturday April 4 K-104'sDJ.D. Alexander playing oldies tbut goodies plus Top 40 9:30-2:00
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One Jack Knife in the vicinity of the girls locker room during winter term. \ If found please contact Joe in the —.my Father, m y Master I Campus | a film by Paolo and Vittorio Tavlani produced b R A I from Cinema 5 y Center WED.. APRIL 8th • 7:30 P.M. 200 MAIN

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