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Her life had evolved faster than she had thought it could and here she stood free falling aimlessly, carelessly into the abyss called love. She knew better but her barrier collapsed against her desperate cries to self-preserve the last bit of dignity left in love. 'I told you...I told you this was stupid' El scolded herself, bitter, angry, wounded and feeling downright stupid that she had put herself in this predicament. She knew love always hurt, especially with her track record, it had made a canvas on her heart and did an artistic mural of distorted imprints all over it. She didn't want to look him in the eye for the last time she did, she felt the age old shatter that millions have described. 'Like a glass I presume' El said looking at her hands as if shrouds of her heart were slipping through her fingers as it broke. She didn't understand why he wasn't seeing this,or was he? Was he feeling the same pain she was...and what was this pain that was suffocating her, destroying her...those weeks, months of change, of growth will they be yet another failed experiment tossed off into the drain? Will she make it without him or will she revert back into the shell he had found her in...'Silly questions I know but at times like this who cares' El reckoned with herself, 'I knew this day was coming but I didn't know it would take the fantasy away, the utopia of an unstructured, limitless free fall that was us...' the threads were unraveling, El thought as she slumped back in her seat, the magic was fading and the cruel, cold fingers of reality were encircling her and stealing away her fantasy, stealing him away and she swore she wouldn't cry. She owed him that much, they both knew this day would come, she just didn't know this bubble of bliss would burst... 'I wish you could place your hand on my heart, you'd feel it cracking at the edges...'El thought out loud then started giggling at the embellishment of it all...She knew she was being dramatic but that's how it felt, can't it just revert back to the beginning, the excitement of uncovering what lay behind his calm, nonchalant demeanour, the rush of surrendering to the attraction, the burning passion, the laughs, the play, the adventure...a tear was making its way to the corner of her eye, El chuckled selfconsciously...she knew better she thought shaking her head gently as her lips slowly curled up into a reassuring smile. She knew if she did look into his eyes she would get the answer she already knew and he would know she knows. She had never wanted him to know that she got it, she got what he's eyes were telling her, it was easier to generalise and ask him to clarify which drove him insane but gave her less guilt, made her less of a villain to him she believed, but she knew better coz she knew he knew better...sigh...'guess it doesn't matter now!' She wished she could just walk up to him and kiss him right in the middle of it all...'I'd probably break into hysterical laughter...at the least they'd all assume I've lost it, at most he'd get it that I really don't care about everyone else, it's always been him...' El muttered to herself trying
uncontrollably to control the giggles that were bursting at the seams of her lips as the scenario played out in her mind. 'It always seems so easy for him...nothing fazes him...wish I could arm myself like him' He just had such an easy way with things, nothing was too damaging, too serious, too anything...he made life look like a breeze, an easy graceful step from one issue on to the next one with a blissful disposition that made every problem lax back into a state of lull as they listened to his hypnotic mantra putting them at ease. El was definitely grinning at this point; she really was going over the top with this. 'Gosh if he knew all this I'm not sure if he would fall to the floor in uncontrollable laughter or crease up his brow like he norm when restraining heartfelt emotion.' 'Or would he make an unwarranted crack that was inappropriately funny or just brush it off with a non-committal statement like 'aight'...'She really didn't know, maybe he would draw her into his arms and slowly map kisses from her forehead to her lips wiping away any apprehensions that might be plaguing her, reassuring her that he was hers for eternity no matter the distance...but that's just wishful thinking she reaffirmed to herself 'no fairy tales, you've already lived the only one reality can permit...and you know what...it's been beautiful...' El reminded herself. 'Hallooo mylilsunshine' said that raspy baritone she had grown so fond off. Refraining from turning too eagerly towards the teasing voice behind her, El kept her back straight and rigid trying to compose herself which didn't take much as a smile was already teasing at the corners of her mouth, threatening to disclose her weakness to the charming being whose firm grip on her emotions had rendered her facial muscles useless in the control department. El casually turned around willingly submitting to the fact that she had lost her internal battle. Her face lit up systematically, innocently beaming her heart's naivety to love, her mind frowning down at her, disappointed that those few minutes of agonizing pain were so easily wiped away by the presence of her Adonis. Looking into his eyes, those portals of warmth and love gazing down at her, El knew at least she has one more day and that's all that matters.