This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
Secret Behind § Flan's Multi Million $ fSuccess!
"Whjpas;! In This Issue!
Dear Bill Has The Answers To Some College Student's Problems
The Best Little Dorm In Erie
Maree-Lynn "Frisky Flan" Cicon has recently been the target of investigation by Mercyhurst campus security. You've heard about those houses in Texas. Well, how about that dorm in Erie? She may carry two titles, that of Baldwin Dorm Director and Student Union Director, but The Globe recently discovered that "Frisky Flan" is, in fact, merely using those titles as a front. One source who refused to be Identified, but bore striking resemblance to past MSG President, Richard "I'm a client" Lanzillo stated, "The idea for this operation began in 1983 when Flan served as vice-president for MSG. We decided the Student Union could be used as a front for any number of things. We kicked around the idea of a gambling casino or opium den but Flan ultimately came up with the idea of using the Student Union as a front for the employment of wayward women. ed f r o m F r i s k y F l a n ' s operation. The Dorm operation seems to have been o p e r a t i n g smoothly since Flan's dual appointment as director of the Union and dorm. This is no coincidence. Director of Student Services, William Kennedy and Director of Housing and Safety, Phyllis Aiello made the decision to hire Flan after they were informed of the proposed plan and a 40 percent cut for themselves. It appears that neither administrator has any qualms about the operation. TheGlobe has learned through a confidential source that looked quite a bit like Pat "I'm your man" Songer that this could be the cause for the low attendance at this year's MSG meetings. Asked about the service there, the informant stated Leslie "I can and do" Cuva is probably most clients' favorite. "Being an R.A. makes Leslie obtainable at any hour. When asked about this rumor, Cuva replied disapAnother informant who pointedly, 'I can't and don't. refused to be indentified but John won't let me." looked amazingly like Amy "I The Globe finally tracked aim to please" Groover, reveal- down "Frisky Flan" herself in ed a bit more about Cicon's the Student Union. Upon secret empire. "Flan takes ap- e n t e r i n g her o f f i c e t h i s pointments at the Union and reporter noted Cicon counting has someone run test names out stacks of one-hundred To Sister Juliana who ultimate- dollar bills. When asked about ly approves the clientele." the source of this money, Flan The " n a m e r u n n e r s " stated, "Oh, we've had quite a (similiar to "number runners") run on ping-pong today." have for the most part conSubsequent questions sisted of desk workers at the about any sort of illicit operaUnion. Lori Kaminski, one of tion resulted in statements Flan's favorite runners has like, " I don't know what you're been known to take in a t a l k i n g about. I just do percentage of the gross earn- whatever Garvey wants. This was a women's college at one time. We aim to preserve the image of women as a valuable resource." Perhaps the greatest amount of information came from a group of men who resembled the Allen brothers. "It's what brought me here. Coach DeMeo promised fringe benefits but I never imagined this," said one man sweeping his arms across a lounge filled with negligee-clad women. Another brother stated, "The operation is so well run, it's u n b e l i e v a b l e . " The t h i r d brother smiled and replied, "This is a great idea. Flan could expand Into other dorms and campuses. I think It could start something big in the area. Something like this could do wonders for the economy of the community." When President Garvey was interviewed in regard to this issue, he declined direct comment but stated, "I think we might be facing a tuition Increase for the men here, but a greater supply of financial aid for next year's incoming freshmen.
Admissions counselor, Tom Dore, caught moonlighting at Don Ho's Pussycat Lounge in Union City, Pennsylvania.
Enclose $1 and selfadaressea stamped envelope to Father Chuck Schmitt Campus Ministry. Good for Q.P.A.'s test scores and housing lottery numbers.
WHERE BEER W I L L NEVER BE.
IT'S A GOOD TIME FOR THE GREAT TASTE
4319 Peach Street 2170 East Lake Road 909 Peninsula Drive 11 C o n v e n i e n t L o c a t i o n s 2660 West 26th Street 1311 Broad Street Millcreek Mall 1115 Sassafras Street 430 State Street 4316 Buffalo Road Imperical Point Plaza, Glrard Interstate 90 and 97, State St. Ext
SAC SPRING TERM MOVIES
March 31 "Falling In Love" - Recital Hall April 12. April 14 MC April 21 April 28 May 5 May 12 "Eddie and the Cruisers" - Recital Hall "All The Right Moves" - Recital Hall "Staying Alive"-BPC "Places In The Heart" - Recital Hall "Terms Of Endearment" - BPC "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" Recital Hall-8 p.m. only May 19 "Mr. Mom" BPC
M r . S a m Covelll, Owner-Operator
ITS A GOOD TIME FOR THE GREAT TASTE
Coupon not valid with any other offa,.
Offer exnira* Anrll 7 IORC u t t e r expires April 7,1985
Buy A Sausage McMuffin With Egg And Receive A Sausage McMuffin FREE
Good at any Erie and Girard, PA McDonald
Operator for reimbursement send to: McDonald's, P.O. Bex 4040
Erie, Pa. 16512 ^
One coupon per customer per visit, Cashvalue1/20ofacent
Show Times 7:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m.
DeMeo's Real Dad Is A Knockout!
A surprising announcement was made yesterday at a press conference held by Mercyhurst football head coach, Tony "Boom Boom" DeMeo. DeMeo revealed that he actually is the illegitimate son of boxing and rock show promoter, Don King. DeMeo, after years of personal struggle, decided to go public with his secret to show support for his father who is under investigation for embezzlement. "I couldn't figure out why Dad would have left me on the door step of the DeMeo's house$" said the coach. "The last thing I remember before going to DeMeo's house was Dad bouncing me on his knee, telling me about his dream of creating a billion dollar show for our neighbor's five kids. He thought the Jackson kids would make a great trapeze act, like the Wallendas. I suggested they would make a better singing group." It was soon after that day, little Tony found himself living with a new family in Erie, PA. "Now I can understand that having a runny-nosed little kid, even one as cute as I, around
would make things tough for a
King, himself, would not only become a successful fight promoter but a well-known television personality. He then diversified into rock shows, made his Jackson's dream come true and became a multim i l l i o n a i r e . He has yet, however, to share any of those riches with his son.
ringing," laughs DeMeo. it's not any similar features that cause people to Immediately see the blood relationship between DeMeo and King; but it's their styles. "Most guys say that both my father and I treat our athletes in the same way. We psych them up in the same manner
Mercyhursl student roughing it on therackfor misplaced (oioo.
A Capital Drive For Capital Punishment
sibilities is, of course, subject to punishment. In keeping with the Catholic tradition, Mercyhurst has adopted a modern version of the rack, to be used in punishing violators. " W e considered the s t o c k a d e , d r a w i n g and quartering, and the guillotine," explained Director of Housing Phyllis Aiello. "We even tried a bed of nails, but the rack seemed to serve our needs best." The $500,000 required to purchase the nuclear-powered rack was derived from the Capital Funds Drive. "What better way to spend .Capital Funds than.on Capital Punishment," Dr. William SP Garvey exclaimed. Members of the Criminal Justice Department acted as consultants in the purchase. " W e considered going through Rent-a-Rack, a company based in France," said John Nee, "but abandoned that option at the request of an anonymous phone caller."
manly guy like my Dad." While growing up with the DeMeo's, Tony followed his Dad's career in Sports Illustrated and soon took an interest in sports. "I think it's because of my father's influence that I'm a football coach and like to hang out with sweaty guys who drink beer and spit."
It has come to the attention of the Mercyhurst Community that many s t u d e n t s are unaware of the following student r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , as outlined in the fine print of Supplement 306-A1, Section 24-G, Paragraph 8-F9, of the college catalog. 1) All Mercyhurst freshman are required to get the official Mercyhurst tatoo during their first term. This tatoo shall be Daddy Don King beams with pride on his son's 8-1 winning record as a placed anywhere between the head football coach this year. thigh and navel and must read "I don't have any feelings and hand out the same kind of "Seize the Opportunity." against him for that, but he punishments. I think the 2) All students who dine at could have at least sent me similarity has something to do the Kay-Cee Emporium must with my potty training," ex- leave a dally tip. This tip must some tickets to the 'Victory' plains DeMeo. tour," says "Boom Boom." be monetary and the substituThough very young when J _ _ j e g a r d s to their, similar tion of verbaladvicedirected abandoned by King, DeMeo hair styles, DeMeo saysT*^* at the kitchen employees has some fond memories of think it's heredity." (such as "Can Martha") is subDon King was unavailable ject to punishment. good times shared with his father. "I remember when I for comment. 3) Penetration of the dorms was one and a half years old after established visiting and "Smokin" Joe Frazler, the hours is strictly forbiddeqas great boxer, came over to our outlined above. Exceptions house. He showed me what a will be made for the Allen speed bag feels like when a Brothers, by appointment with boxer is hitting it. It took a few the Housing Office. weeks for my head to stop Violations of these respon-
Special , Offer m
Fast, Free Pizza Delivery on \campus 8-11 p.m. every night} Large Cheese and Pepperoni Pizza and a liter of Pop Wing Nite 7-10 p.m. Large Drink
of y||W:,i Transcript mi
—05S..J* PUR PUB 1523 E. 38th 825-9310
Fun, Food & Spirits
Monday N i g h t * April 1 * Pizza By The Slice 25* Tuesday Night * April 2 * Chicken W i n g s " A l l You Can E a t " *2* Wednesday Night * April 3 * Student I.D. Night 2 5 * Drafts Thursday Night * April 4 * Mexican Night Tacos " A l l Y o u C a n B a t " 2 " Jumbo Margaritas 99* Friday Night * April 5 * Ladies Night - All Ladles Drinks 35* Complimentary Hors D'Oeuvres Saturday Night "Party N i g h t " * April 6 * " G o Hawaiian"
. Please 'iadd extra
Every Monday Night
I S for
Exotic Drinks U m b o Dancing Live Entertainment - Starts 9 : 0 0 p . m . Sunday * April 7 * Large Pitcher of Beer a n d Large Pizza
v v v v
y y y y
y y y y
Friendship Is Just A Phone Call Away
Paul "Chester" Mack and an unknown Mercyhurst alumnae feared they would be on single party lines for the rest of their lives-but they made a good connection through Gary Bukowskl's Have-A-Friend Club, otherwise known as the infamous Mercyhurst Phonathon. This is the first time in the phonathon's five year history that something of this nature was done. According t o Bukowski, "Many students were looking for something new in their lives...a woman, man, or just a friend and felt this was the only way to bring people closer together." Chester was the first successful participant in this worthy and profitable adventure. About 30 students took part In the money-making and companionship cause. Another s t u d e n t , Fran Moavero, editor of The Globe , revealed, "It was lonely in my office by myself and this was tive made him the highest p l e d g e - g e t t e r in t h e phonathon. For h i s o u t s t a n d i n g achievements, Teddy was rewarded w i t h u n l i m i t e d phone calls to his secret love throughout the school year. "It's great! I can stay on the phone as long as I want without worry," said the prize winner. Mack revealed that his phone b i l l s i m m e d i a t e l y soared to $400 a month. The alumni office will be paying the bills, according to Bonnie Clark, Bukowskl's secretary. In response to this, college President William P. Garvey will be announcing a spring term tuition increase. Soon the happy couple will be sharing the same phone number as man and wife upon "Teddy's" graduation, and they give Bukowski the credit for their bliss. The unkown wife-to-be was unavailable for
President of the Have-A-Friend Club, Gary Bukowski, shuffles through applications for membership from the alumni.
Songer's Success Stems From Fruitcakes
They call Patrick Songer the Fruitcake King and, believe it or not, he loves It. He started his career by sweeping out graft and corruption in the Mercyhurst Student Government. Then he turned to start an $8 million business that put the college on the rhap. Songer, from Greensburg, produces more than 250 fruitcakes a year here at the college. "I only use the finest ingredients in my fruitcakes," says Songer. But what of the investigation by the Food and Drug Administration last year because of complaints of strange substances found in the fruitcakes? "Well, it's true," admits Songer, "when I first started out making the cakes I couldn't get enough dried fruit to fill out the cakes. So, I supplemented it with pencil erasures, modeling clay, silly putty, and things I found under my bed." He cleaned up the operation though and now produces enough fruitcakes to feed the hungry in the cafeteria. His love of his product is evidenced upon entering his apartment where all the furniture is fashioned from fruitcakes. "It's much more comfortable then naguhyde," says Songer proudly. Pat Songer shows that you don't need relatives j n high places to get ahead. His success story, once again, proves the old saying "You are what you eat."
the three in unison. Bukowski believes there is someone for everyone; age and distance are no barrier, and his Have-A-Friend Club is probably the safest and easiest way for people to get to know each other. Some of the faculty even got in on the adventure. "The first time I heard him, i knew I wanted to marry him," said a very happy Mary Ann Dowdell, professor of food and nutrition, "But I feared that It was ]ust too good to be t fjje." . A n o t h e r faculty participant ... ., John Wolper, met nlS new love -»th»'»nly"Way I couldMaWP-^o' Patrick, and Gregory Allen over the phone waves also. In peoplar*,', Fran is currently conversing were second, third and fourth the coming summer months, with Mercyhurst alumnus runners-up on the phones, Wolper will be proposing to Peter Jennings, ABC World representing the dishwasher his new-found love and it will union local 096 of Kay-Cee Em- be the first time the two will News Tonight anchorman; "It's a great way to intimate- porium. meet. They will be married the ly know people," said the The Allen brothers were very following school year. happy-go-lucky senior. excited in taking the prizes. "I had never known real Mack, otherwise known as "We each found our own love, not even with my English "Teddy" to his long-distance separate long-distance love sheep dog Max," he said. "The love, was so smitten with his and the $100 a month phone Have-A-Friend Club gave us woman that this extra incen- bill payments sure help," said the world," .
Can You Draw Twiggy?
If you can, you may have a career in the art field. Draw Twiggy in any size except like a tracing. Use pencil or crayola. This may be your chance to major in art and go onto a successful Job. Our objective is to find prospective students who appear to be properly wealthy. No drawings can be returned, since we don't keep them ourselves. Act Nowl Send art and $9.95 for our free pamphlet to the Mercyhurst Art Department.
THE ARMY ROTC2-YEAR PROGRAM.UP TO $1,000 AYEAR PmSACOMMKSION,
If you passed up Army ROTC during your first two years of college, you can enroll in our 2-year program before you start your last two. Your training will start the summer after your sophomore year at a sixweek Army ROTC Basic Camp. It'll payoff, too. You'll earn over $400 for attending Basic Camp and up to $1,000 a year for your last two years of college. But, more important, you II be on your way to earning a commission in today's Army—which includes the Army Reserve and Army National Guard while you're earning a college degree. For more information, write: Army ROTC, Box 7000, Larchmont, New York 10538
Wr A^tour Beverage Needs '" ••
Beer & Equipment
''•S%h)mM&£ll&)%f1ihra Thursday 10 a.m. to 10 p at Friday* Saturday 10 a.nw3fj|pp?gg PROPER ID REQUIRED P h o n e 864-0150 7470 Perry Highway .... Efie,PA3.6S09
Films Worth Discussing!
An Incredible about face was witnessed at the first film In the Spring's "Films for Discussion" series. Instead of the scheduled "Great Opera" movies, the series was suddenly changed to "Wild Porno Films of the Eighties." The programs coordinator, Dr. George Garrelts, offered this explanation for the change. "Who really wants to watch films with fat people singing in a language you can't understand? We were also tired of losing money on these movies. Sex sells, you know. Of course, we'll maining It? I can only sympathize with you on this one. My college days were exactly the same. Fish, turkey, chicken they were all one in the samel tain our usual high standards and choose only the highest quality stag films." Zurn Recital was standing room only for the series opening film, "Young Nubile Blondes in Tight Sweaters." Garrelts was pleased by the turnout,"It was good to see so many faculty members there for a change." The discussion leader was sex therapist and hostess of the cable television show, " G o o d S e x " , Dr. Ruth Westheimer. "She's quite a dish," says Garrelts. The only problem with the series format change was with the films' projectionist, senior Jeff Vona. "It's hard to change the film reels when your hands are shaking," complains Vona. "I get so nervous, I have to go out and have a smoke. So far, these films have cost me a fortune In cigarettes." Other films in the term's series will be: "Blonde Ambition", "Big, Oily, and Naked", "Fleshdance", and "Simply Irrefutable.' The series mneludes with the classic adult film, "Deep Throat." That discussion will be led by Erie's famed go-go dancer, Ethel Buzooms, who Garrelts described as "some bimbo we found downtown that didn't have too many teeth missing." "Wild Porno films of the Eighties" will still be free to Mercyhurst students with I.D. and two major credit cards.
"C'mon, you ain't gonna see a better pair of legs than these," says Joe Svitek (left) Mike, my roommate, and I dare anyone to challenge us in the Mercyhurst Mr. Legs contest.
Dear Bill: I am currently a freshman here at Mercyhurst College and am very discontented with the visiting hours which have been established for McAuley Hall. There are only so many hours in a day and never enough girlfriends one can have. I've arranged my classes around my already scheduled dates for spring term. Take a look: Rhetoric 10:05-11:35, Kathy from 12 to 1:00, World Masterpieces 1:35 to 3:15, Jackie from 3:30 to 5:00, Astronomy 6 to 8:00, Carol from 8:15 to 9:15, Susie from 10 to 11 and Debbie from 11:15
to 12 midnight. This merely skims the top of my endless list. Is there any way the college could extend the time to 24 hour-a-day visitation? Endless Love Dear Endless Love: Wow! How do you do it? IsijlUfiye„Jlings enough? .L should be so lucky! Take what you can get, buddy, and let me answer some real questions. As far as I'm concerned, the Allen brothers are the only exception. There's three of them to take care of. Dear Bill: I've had it with the cafeteria food! I understand that my tuition pays for room and board,
not room and "bored." Last Sorry kid, you're just going to week's chicken-a-la-king was have to stick it out! (Just stay this Monday's tuna casserole away from anything that was Friday's fish fillets! moves$) What's a student to do? Empty Stomach Dear Empty Stomach: Have you tried brown bagg-
Good Stuff Pizza
3700 Pine Ave.
TONY SABELLA'S PIZZA
3018 State Street
«t\^ „£«*>• & y,V • ' ONE * • ^feu • LARC • PIZZA WITH 2 ADDITIONAL* *fc • i - ITEMS DELIVERED FREE TO • <fo « YOUR DORM OR APARTMENT • %
Hours 4-12 7 Days A Week
Free Delivery to Mercyhurst Free Qt. of Pop with Reg. Pizza Good Stuff uses Fresh Dough Not A Premade Shell
"Tuesday is Party Night"
1 0 0 Off Party Pizza Plus 2 Qts. of Pop FREE
Large Fresh Dough Cheese Pizza for ONLY $ A fi Q
with 2 extra items of your choice « W w
Hours: Tues., Wed., Thurs., Sun. 5-11:30 p.m.; Fri., Sat. 5-1 a.m.
French Cuisine At Its Best
What new Erie restaurant has been drawing crowds of four to five hundred people In an evening? La Kay-Cee Emporium is this wonderful new dining facility and eating here Is truly an experience one won't forget. The atmosphere is truly romantic with intimate tables for eight and ceiling fans. The aura created by the lighting fixtures is conducive to a soothing dining experience. The acoustic tiles covered with gold lamee add a distinctive touch to the dining room. Votive candles on lent from the chapel add inspiration to the meal. "Our menu is quite expensive," said manager Keith Crouse. "We are quite pleased
D.A. Day Should Live In Infamy
Dear Editor, I have been appalled by the gross commercialism on Dave Archer Day. People have forgotten the significance of the third Wednesday of the seventh month. It's not up to a vote, Dave Archer Day must continue to be sacred. People are just "going through the motions"; wearing sneakers, jeans and any white shirt. To be truly devoted, it is imperative that everyone have a complete Dave Archer wardrobe: 15 white Oxfords, 7.S pairs of navy blue argyie socks, 2 pairs of faded jeans (no longer blue) and one pair of grungy K-Mart Commando high-tops, complete with knots and broken laces. I would also like to mention it Is not only inappropriate to abbreviate Dave Archer Day as D.A.D; this must be amended. Folks must be made aware of Dave's motto, "I'm having fun." I've been left to carry on the tradition now that Dave has departed. I am taking it upon myself to personally see that the third Wednesday of the seventh month is observed with reverence to beloved Dave. Sincerely, Rockin' Robert Clsek
La Kay-Cee Emporium draws nightly crowds like this all the time. with Chef John (alias Joannie) Wolper." The service Is a bit slow, but the food more than made up for the time lag. We began our meal with the soup of the day: a wonderful mixture of French Onion and Chunky Vegetable. Our saiad was exquisiteunfortunately the date of this writer dumped Creamy Italian all over himself. Next came the entree. I ordered the Mountain Climber's Sandwich-an exquisite combination of tuna fish, ham and cheese on a crusty white roll. My date ordered the Chicken Croquettes-two lumps of chicken salad deep fried and covered with gravy. Our vegetables, brussel sprouts, were cooked to a fork tender mush. We ordered a fine beverage-red Kool-Aid with a touch of 7-Up to give it "fizz"-to go with our dinner. For dessert, jello with lumps complements the red Kool-Aid with 7-Up. My date ordered some kind of fruit cobbler that was a mixture of peach, apple and some unknown fruit (perhaps maraschino cherries). The best part of the evening was the bill;there was none-at least none that could be seen at this time (maybe a tuition increase next year?) For a truly wonderful dining adventure, experience La KayCee Emporium. You'll be glad you did! I know I was-l think (burp).
"I Don't Like Fruits"
In an exclusive Globe interview with Mercyhurst College President, Dr. William P. Garvey, it was disclosed that he doesn't like fruit cups. This shocking revelation comes as a surprise because of all the formal dinners, banquets, etc. that Dr. Garvey attends where fruit cups are a mainstay served before the meal. Dr. Garvey couldn't exactly put his finger on the reason why he dislikes the fruity appetizer except he muttered something about "those stringy, pulpy things that get
atnrlc in ynnr IQAth '^ „ , .,
CANADIAN INVASION DOLLAR ONLY 10*
Issued by Mercyhurst College In 1985 for the Invasion of Canadian Rowers. Add this scarce bank note to your collection. Limit one per student. Satisfaction Guaranteed. You'll also receive free price lists of foreign and U.S. crew shells along with other offers on approval. 45 day money-back guarantee. Send name, address, zip and 10* to j ! • I j
Al Belovarac Mercyhurst College
2204 Liberty St.
Little Anthony's La Pizzaria
but on "Tie record, Dr. Garvey commented that "there always seem to be too many maraschino cherries." It's something about the color that really displaces the "head honcho on the Hill". "The mixed colors of the mixed fruits can look rather unappetizing," commented the College President. Therefore, the Globe reminds students that have Dr. Gavey over for dinner NOT TO SERVE FRUITCUPS. Such action will not impress the man. Instead, it just might land one on the outside of the Gates looking In.
Weekday* we deliver up to midnightl Friday A Saturday 11:30-2 a.m. We Deliver To Mercyhurst FREE If Purchase Totals $5. If Lett Than $5, A Dollar Delivery« GARLIC Added To Your Order. — SUBS — BUTTER Charge It . '1.50 — DRUMETTES —
Italian Combo. Pina .1X0 -•2.75 . IM ..•2.75 •Itti peppers a onions... ..•3.00 Hem a Cheeee............... ..•2.75 . *M0 Steak -'1.50 ChiH.ptnt. . W Spaghetti Dinner Ham llPteeea J Placet O , •SJt too
— WINGS Xtra vegetables a ranch 30 Pleee Backet ...•JO
Due to Easter Vacation ID's will be taken Friday, March 29 in The Student Union Cost Is $3.00
Millcreek Mall Shuttles
Saturday, March 30 Leave Baldwin 12:00,1:00,2:00 Leave Mall 3:00,4:00,5:00
-M • O s
— PIZZA —
Small Medium Large •3.00 *M '4.75 Choice ol 2 *U0 '4£0 '5.50 Each additional • .50 ' .75 '1.00 Han licM* c a m MINI. uui|i. aoHrwi. pippin, faaami. KM. M pejpa-i. Hi aim. Mini 4 Piece Pizza '1.50 Pepperonl Belle Pepperonl Bread '1.SS .'.35 Large Anti-Peeto................ '3.50 eta . •1.75 Smell Anti-Paato ........ '1.95 dozen —«....-„.............„.. •3.50 Pizza Balli _ . . . _ . . . . . '.50 ea.
25* each way
A Globe Confession
Cathy Crawford was released on bail last week after being a c c u s e d of e m b e z z l i n g millions by creating students across a man with such mind for use on loan applications. boggling motions," said an ex"We needed the money," cited Cuva. said Crawford. "We just had a With this being the final baby recently. Do you realize it game in Green's collegiate costs $7,600,154.76 to raise a career Cuva felt a sort of relief child from birth to college?" that he would not be able to Crawford created over accomplish that much talked 12,000 false student loan apabout plateau. plications using the last name According to some con- Allen. The money was spent fidential sources Cuva was immediately for maternity seen fitting Green with the clothes, baby items, and a sleazy blue-green leotard last junior Dave Archer wardrobe week. (complete with K-Mart high Green was also working out top Commando booties). extra hard with the girls to pick up the new dance routine for the upcoming baseball season. Afterali, the Shakers do perform during seventh inning stretch of the home games. Green-The Shaker Machine (far right second row) poses with fellow Laker c a p t a i n N a t a l i e Laker Shakers prior to his 2,000 point plateau game. Raltano was found on the floor Something happened this points. of the Campus Center writhing week on the Mercyhurst ColAccording to Green,"The around doing her Madonna imlege campus that has rarely Laker Shakers had a major im- itation. She took time out from occured anywhere in the pact on my college career, her daily activity, carefully United States or the world as a both on and off the court." covering her naval, to commatter of fact. Green could be seen working ment on the supposed new John Green also known out daily with the girls in the member of the squad, "Fer as"Shooting Machine" to his Blue Room throughout his sure, like wow, he would like fellow players on the Laker years here at Mercyhurst. Dur- make like a super new addition basketball team admitted in an ing half time of the games to our like lineup, like y'know? exclusive interview with The Green was the only player per- Like anyway, we need like a Globe that he came within mitted to sit on the bench to few like different faces for like seconds of becoming John watch the halftime action. the girls to look at, like ''Shaker .Machine" Green. This was much to the dismay Green contemplated chang- of the other Laker roundball Unfortunately thls^ career ing his moves from on court to players. "This gave me some change was not to be, as off court with the help of a lit- more incentive to score in the Green accomplished his amaztle uniform change. With a lit- second half," said Green. ing feat. He became the first tle persuading from his "Working with the Shakers player from Binghamton and manager Leslie "I can and do" helped me to show off my real Western Pennsylvania to Cuva, Green admitted a strong moves," said a confident eclipse the 2,000 point mark. urge to join his fellow Shakers Green. Cuva commented on "Yes, it was quite sad not beif he did not hit the historical the superiority of his techni- ing able to strut my stuff," plateau of reaching 2000 ques. "I have never come said a disappointed Green.
Green Almost Gives Up Basketball For Pom-Poms
I Needed The Money
Senior Criminal Justice major Matt White cracked the case while doing a co-op for the treasury department. "I knew there were a lot of Allen brothers on campus but a little voice told me 12,003 were just a few too many," said White. Because of White's crack investigative skills, he has been offered jobs with the CIA, FBI, and the IRS. Matt is still unsure if he should take any of the offers saying, "I think I can make more money by going into business for myself." Cathy Crawford faces a sentence of five years to life.
Get a large cheese & pepperoni pizza delivered for only
Only At Mongiellos
Great American Pizza
Offer available with this coupon ONLY to students in the Mercyhurst vicinity OPEN 11 AM until 4 in the morning
To Appear On Usa Network Soon
New Athletic Fundraiser Attracts Entire Department
The Mercyhurst College Athletic Department has begun a unique venture in an attempt to raise money for the college's sports programs. They have teamed up with the professional wrestling circuit. Under the w a t c h f u l guidance of wrestling personality Captain Lou Albano, who is a hometown friend of football coach Tony DeMeo, the Laker athletic team is just about ready to join the professional troupe ' under the heading of "Garvey's Gang." The Laker contingent is led by "Cynical Cy", who, off camera, is better known as the amiable Mercyhurst Athletic Director, Lenny Cyterski. The Mercyhurst kingpin of the wrestling group is 'Hurst sports information director, Bob Shreve, known in the grappling circles as "Big Bob." Influenced by his old neighbor, Tony DeMeo refused to be left out of the action. Taking his name tag from a recent boxing idol, Demeo is called "Maddog" by his peers. During the basketball season, he's known as Coach Billy Kalbaugh, but off-season he becomes "Killer K." A long time promoter of the sport of wrestling, which he believes is one rung ahead of all women's "Captain Crazy" is ready to sports. He said that it's about serve his duty as a Hurst wrestler. time we made a move in the His first scheduled opponent is right direction. slated to be Sgt. Slaughter. Killer K's partner in the ring Is also his coaching cohort. Although he appears to be a ladies' man off the court, many ladles have called him by his wrestling name by mistake. Bob MacKinnon is the "Mac Attack." In an effort to capitalize on the success of pro wrestling's Big John Stud, Mercyhurst Int r a m u r a l Director Dave Cherlco has taken the title of "Little Davey SDJUU work partner "Peppy Heppy who is otherwise know as Joe Hepfinger. Four members of the 'Hurst football staff are also joining Garvey's Gang. Ken Brasington, John Cervino, Fred One of the "Gangs" first purchases was the $26,000 bus. It is believed to have come out of the women's athletic budget, but is expected to be replaced by July.
The top two Laker grapplers are caught with promoter-coach Lou Albano. This publicity photo shows "Big Bob" and "Jumpin' JC" outside the ring incognito. Conger, and Ken Treshitta have decided to their respective duties as "Razor Brase", "Jumpin 1 J C " , "Captain Crazy", and "Trash Man". It was unknown at press time as to who would be first pitted against the 'Hurst Heroes, but It is temporarily scheduled for Monday, April 1 at the Erie Tullio Convention Center. A major boost to the Mercyhurst wrestling program was the strong support received by Laker trainer Brad miss a match at the Civic Center. I've even traveled to New York's Madison Square Garden to enjoy the big brawls. "Garvey's Gang has my full support as well as my sportsmedicine staff. It will be an honor for me to patch up the wounds inflicted by Kerry Von Erich, Hulk Hogan, Superfly Snuka, and the other great guys," concluded Jacobson. A special one time attraction set for the Mercyhurst debut will be a women's wrestling bout. JJflJOl
'^rnnft ve_alway?Beena'nrnTsup^ porter of professional wrestl- Disaster" Darlene Rosthasuer. ing," said Jacobson between Opposing the "Master" will be spits of his chew. "I never music phenom Cyndi Lauper.
CLEVELAND INDIANS OPENER NEW YORK YANKEES
Mercyhurst's "Maddog" has already made the cover of one of the profession's bonified magazines. A smiling "Cynical Cy" signs the contract which officially registers "Garvey's Gang" as legitimate members of p r o f e s s i o n a l wrestling. Wrestling namesake Dr. William Garvey finally breaks ground for the new Mercyhurst Pool and student union with will be funded by the Laker wrestlers.
Saturday, April 13, 2:05 PM,
*8 includes reserved ticket/transportation
Tickets on sale in SAC Office or from Maree-Lynn Cicon in Student Union
Softball rosters and team registrations are due at the Campus Center before Easter Break. Play is scheduled to begin after break. For more info: See Dave Cherico
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue reading from where you left off, or restart the preview.