'87.

MSG Elections Conclude With SAC and Representative Choices
By Brian Sheridan The Mercy hurst students government elections havefinallycome to a close with the election ofjunior biology major Mike Good, who outdistanced Ron Blum for the office of SAC chairperson in a recast election race after winner Sue Trumbull resigned- This race finally puts an end to a troubled election year that has dogged Mercyhurst Student Government attempts to install new officers for next year's MSG administration. Good won the election in a close vote of 140 to Blum's 121. They were the only two candidates for that election. MSG President Mike Kelly said that 270 people voted in this SAC and student representative race and, though unsure how the turnout compares with any other representative election, he's sure "the figures are probably down and they're definitely down from the presidential election." "1 don't know whether the turnout is down from last year, but I think afterfourorfiveelections people started to get a bit tired of it," said Kelly. In the second presidential election, Mike Vincent found himself to be the victor by almost 80 votes over his closest opponent Amy Ward, who received 148 votes. Matt Robaszkiewicz trailed the duo with only 92 votes. Vincent, with 450 votes cast, topped the pack with 225 votes. The voting roster of full time traditional students that are eligible to vote listed 950 students. The election held in early Aprils in which voting procedures were called into question, (See "Elections" page 7)

SAC Chairperson elect Mike Good
Photo: L Hafenmaler

VOL. 60 NO.! 20

MERCYHURST COLLEGE, GLENWOOD HILLS, ERIE, PA 16546

THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 1987

Mayor; T\illio, Sr. Herrmann Will Be Honorees At 59th Commencement
By Ann Johnson

Plans for graduation are now in their final stages as Mercyhurst seniors prepare to receive their diplomas in May. Mercyhurst graduation activitiesforthis year will consist of the same major events as in past years. * Saturday night, May 23, features the dinner dance, coordinated by Lisa Costello. Held at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Erie, this night includes cocktails at 6:00 p.m., dinner at 7:00 p.m., a dance featuring music by local disc jockey Joel Miller and an awards presentation. Several awards are given this night in each academic area to graduates who excel in their field. • ^ I According to Costello, graduates are given one complimentary ticket, and can purchase up to three additional tickets. Beyond that, Costello will keep a waiting listforany graduates wanting extra tickets. Tickets are on sale May 1-19 in Costello's office in the Student Union. Sunday's activities begin with the Baccalaureate mass, under the direction of Campus Ministry. This isfollowedby a brunch in the cafeteria, Then at 2:00 p.m. on May 24, the graduation commences. Two local celebrities are scheduled as guest speakers. Erie mayor

Louis J. Tullio, and Sister of Mercy Mother Superior Sr. Carolyn Herrmann will deliver the commencement speeches, and will be awarded honorary doctorate degrees from the college. •Mercyhurst President William P. Garvey said that both speakers will only make a few comments lasting approximately ten or fifteen minutes apiece. "We have found that everyone likes to be in and out of graduation,*' said Garvey. I ? | Mercyhurst's traditional and prestigious awards will be given out during the ceremony. According to Mary Kappelt of the external affairs office, there are four major awards granted. The James V. Kinnane graduate award is bestowed upon an outstanding graduate in the Criminal Justice field. £ , The Sr. M .Eustace Thylor leadership award is given to the graduate who has displayed superior leadership as chosen by their classmates. Mercyhurst Student Government officers that are not seniors chose the candidates, and then the seniors are given ballots in which to vote. This year's candidates are Mary Beth Joseph, Peggy Hirsch, Barb Sayers, Phil Guth and Naomi Romanchok. Last year's recipient, Matt W he Ian, is currently employed in Mercyhurst's admissions office. The Ar-

Erie mayor Louis /• Tullio who will be a speaker at 59th annual commencement ceremony to be held May 24. photo: L HskmMkr I*

chbishop John Mark Gannon award is presented sonal integrity, social competence, and outstan* to the graduate who displays scholastic ex- ding intellectual habits. Following the ceremony, the busy weekend cellence, and the Carpe Diem award is given as recognition to the student who displays per- concludes with a reception in Garvey Park.

Resume Service Initiated To Aid Students
Sayers thinks that a well-prepared resume can definitely help a student's chances of getThe resume. It's arguably one of the most im- ting a job. "The object of everyone who goes portant tools a student can have when seeking to college is to get a job and one way to 'sell' v youreelf to an employer is by producing a qualia job after graduation. 1 x| In many cases, it's also one of the most dread- ty resume," she said. t! She indicated that Mercyhurst is behind other ed facts of life a student must face. The thought of what's involved in producing a quality area schools in providing this service to its students. "Many other schools in the area do resume discourages many. In light of this, the Career Services office of this. So wefeltit was a need on campus, she said. • £ S Mercyhurst College plans to offer a resume i She pointed out that Career Services felt the vice for all of its full time students. "It's a needed service here on campus," Barb needforsuch a service was so strong, that they Sayers, MSG treasurer, said; "Career Services are helping tofinancethe project. "We talked with (Mercyhurst President) Dr. would like to offer students this service," she Garvey about this and offered to put up half the explained.
By Matthew J. Clark

money that would be needed to provide this service," she said. She noted that Dr. Garvey was agreeable to the MSG proposals. "Dr. Garvey alsofeltit was a needed service and he was more than willing to pay half the amount for the student's assistantship. A student's assistantship would be for a student to work in the Career Services office, typing up the resumes," she explained. Sayers stressed that only full time Mercyhurst students are eligiv ble for the resume service. "This is only available to mil time students who have paid their $60 student government fee. Wefeelthat if they haven't paid thefee,they (See "Resume" page 7)

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M s . M e r c y h u r s t Prologue for Activities W e e k e n d
By Chris Kovski

one, you'll find a description of events in this article. Convenient, THURSDAY: On Thurs., May 7, the Ms. Mercyhurst contest will get under way at 7:00 p.m. in the Zurn Recital Hall. f* | %. | FRIDAY: j| *For Friday, we have the muchanticipated Spring Formal, which will be again held at the Brie Hilton Ballroom. Tickets are presale only, so pick yours a up soon at the MSG office during check cashing hours. They will also be sold in the MSG

Mercyhurst Student Government Vice President John Widecan has released the schedule of events for Activities Weekend 87. This schedule has already made its appearance on campus in the form of a six-page Activities Weekend 87 booklet. For those of you who didn't receive the booklet, such as commuters, copies are available in the MSG office, at the Student Union and at the switchboard. For those of you who already filed it, and are too embarrased to go ask for another

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office until 7:00 p.m. on the day of the Formal. 4 SATURDAY: ' Campus residents, be warned! Saturday morning at 10:00, the Strong Vincent Marching Band will be performing on campus. Their route will take them by all of the oncampus housing. Baldwin Hall residents can breathe a sigh of relief, as the band won't get to Baldwin until approximately 11:00 a.m. Now that you're awake, why don't you stroll on over]to the area between Baldwin and Zurn for the club booths? MISO has their annual

Furniture! TKOs Soda Machine In Battle For Old Main Space
By Brian Sheridan
Like Sugar Ray Leonard duking it out to victory against the odds (and Marvelous Marvin Hagler), MSG President Mike Kelly can raise his fists in celebration over the stubborn soda pop machine that stood in the way of installing new furniture that MSG purchased for the alcove between Campus Ministry and the Adult College office on Old Main's second floor. The machine has been moved and now the furniture can enjoy a permanent location, much to the enjoyment of MSG. f First, though, Kelly had to get tough with the heavy metal monster from the vending company. "We finally got the furniture in place and it goes with the old axiom 'If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself,' defiantly said Kelly. And just what did they do themselves? "We moved the pop machine," stated Kelly, "(MSG Vice President John) Widecan and I got a dolly and said 'See you later pop machine.' That sucker was heavy, too. We only moved it about ten yards and the sweat was pouring off of us. John's a big guy and even he was complaining^about heavy it was." f $ Their herculean efforts seem somewhat in$vain, however, since the next day the vending company came and moved the machine themselves. After the victory, though, Kelly found himselfJlike Rodney Danger fie Id, getting no respectforhis wish to see the couch, table and chairs occupy a place* in which students could relax between classes. "Now everyone is making me look like the bad guy because there is no pop on this floor," he bemoans. "I'm hearing people saying 'Where's the pop machine?"* The furniture now is in place, chained to the floor to prevent it from wandering away, and Fr. Chuck Schmitt and MSG Treasurer Barb Sayers have volunteered to arrange the furniture to make optimum use of the space available.^ "We have had a lot of comments about the chains too," Kelly mentioned, "They are just there to stop innocent bystandersfromborrowing pieces for a few minutes." y Like a warrior home from the battle, Kelly only had a few wishes for the addition to Old Main's second floor, "I just hope people will respect the area and say it's a nicer area that it was. I think most people on campus will do that." The pop machine was last seen lurking on the second floor of Weber Hall, smarting after its bout. Unfortunatly, it will be the dance department that willfeelthe bruises because of the lostrevenuethat the soda machine would have brought to department being in the much travelled second floor of Old Main.

foreignfoodassortment scheduled, and, as usual, it will be good. The Music Club has musical chairs planned, which promises to be a good time for all involved. For all of you golfers (yes, we've seen you out in the Grotto) and nongolfers, CircleKJhas a closest-to-the-pin contest on the calendar. % •. The perennial Simon Sez contest with Bobby Gold, who has appeared numerous times on national TV, will be held at noon right outside of Zurn Hall. It would be worth skipping the food in the cafeteriaforthis one. II At 1:00, a new event will be starting—Team Competition. Three men and three women will be on each team, and will compete in such events as tug-of-war, volleyball, the three-leg relay race, a pie-eating

contest and a canoe relay race across the pond. Points will be awarded to the top four teams in each event, with prizes being awarded to the top three teams overall. First prize is $50, second is $25 and third is $15. Only the first 16 teams can be accepted due to time constraints, so turn in your names of your team members to the MSG office or Townhouse 2 by May 4. All events except the canoe race will be held between Baldwin and the Campus Center. Dinner on Saturday will be a Texas Barbeque sponsored by the HRIM department. There will be a band playing outside of Egan; feel free to take your food outside with you and enjoy the band. At 7:00, there willsbe another i P (See "Weekend" page 4)

Winner and reigning champion of Old Main's secondfloor—MSGfurniture. It finally takes it place as the soda machine that stood in its way moves bade to Weber Hall, photo: L N*knmanr

The Merciad Asks: Do you think there is less racism now than there has been in the past, or has it just become less conspicuous?
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Matt Nesser, Communications JI think things have gotten better, in that in the past you wouldn't have seen things like interracial couples and now there is a lot more of that. I think if you like someone it shouldn't matter what their race is; it's what inside that person that really counts.

Ron Casey, $ Business Adm in./Communications! Coming from the South, I have seen a lot of racism in the small cities down there. I don't see that much of it up here. I think we have come a long way, but still have a long way to go.

Curtis Brothers, Criminal Justice I think racism in the past was more openly expressed than it is to-* day. It's more discussed in private, but it still exists.

Dr. Frank Hagen, Criminal Justice/Sociology Dept. Faculty * I think racism today might be as bad as it was in the past, but it's more subtle. We have gone through 15 years of conservatism in the U.S., and I don't think there has been much credibility on the part of the leadership to discourage people from being racist. In many ways we have made progress but in many ways we have not. Attitudinally, there is still a lot of racism.

PITTSBURGH, P A . . . Are you a student planning to travel in the U.S., Canada, Europe or Asia? \ \ \ The Pittsburgh Council of the American Youth Hostels is ready to help answer your questions about the worldwide system of international i youth hostels their costs. locations, customs, etc. Pittsburgh A.Y.H. can provide you with a lowcost international membership card now before you go,-to avoid overseas hassles. For more information about hosteling contact: Pittsburgh A.Y.H. 6300 Fifth Avenue Pittsburgh, PA 15232 or call: (412) 362-8181

THURSDAY, APRIL 3tt 1987

31? c ffterciad

PAGE 3

Social W o r k Majors' Project Addresses Teenage Sex
By Matthew J. Clark

Issues

The senior social workers' class p r o j e c t o r 1987, held at Tech Memorial High School, delivered a serious message to some of Eric's youth which, until now, had never been dealt with at the high school level. Problems and Issues Concerning Teenage Sexuality and Relationships", the title of the project, was a first-time event, according to Mary Beth Joseph, who was one of the student social workers invol ved in the project. According to Joseph, the project was actually started in the Spring of 1986, after a mutual decision among the senior social work class. "This project was and is the first of its kind in Erie County," she said. "No one has ever attempted this type of a forum for high schoolers," she added. ., According to Joseph, the project was conceived out of a desire to enlighten teenagers about the various myths, dangers, and facts about teen sexuality. "We did it to bring an awareness of sexuality to high school students, and to raise some issues and problems regarding some of these areas, she said. The students responsible for the
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project were Joseph, Narda Gatgen, Brenda Halquist, Alex Burg, Natalie Blossey, and Craig Ward. Others who took part in the presentation were Ann Westphal, of family services, who spoke on "The Teenage Relationship", Samantha Beinick, from Florence Crittenton, who spoke on teenage pregnancy,

Angela Porfllio of the Rape Crisis Center, who spoke on "Date Rape", and Pat Koehle, a Mercyhurst student and a registered nurse, and Fr. Chuck Schmitt of Campus Ministry, spoke on "Teen Sexuality and Sexually Transmitted Diseases". f* Besides her speech, Ann Westphal also put on a play with

some area high school students about teenaged pregnancy, entitled "Tell Me It's Going To Be Wonderful". Joseph feels that the project, made possible through an Academic Enrichment Grant through Mercyhurst, was a success. "We've received very positive

feedback from people who witnessed the presentation," she said. "Fr. Chuck has spoken with people who've told him they were pleased that a project of this nature was done at this level," she added. T "It was rewarding to see the (high school) students participating, ask(See "Issues" page 7)

'Hurst Prof Takes Part In Nursing Presentation
On Tuesday and Wednesday, April 7 and 8, Dr. Lewis M. Lutton, a representative from Mercyhurst College, participated in a special program at the University of Rochester for schools having articulation agreements with the School of Nursing. Activities included a tour of the campus, a presentation entitled "Nursing Today and For The Future" by Dean Sheila Ryan, discussion of the undergraduate nursing program with associate dean Judith Broad, lunch with current students from the Articulation Schools, a tour of the Medical CenDr. Lewis Lutton, pre-medical advisor at Mercyhurst, with Leslie ter, and a demonstration of ComFeldman and Michelle Brennan, students from Allegheny College curputer Assisted Instruction at the rently enrolled at the University of Rochester School of Nursing, and Teaching/Learning Resource CenMarjory Bray, admissions counselor for the School of Nursing. Hmo ter in the School of Nursing. Courtesy of Rochester School. The University of Rochester School of Nursing has an articulation agreement with [Mercyhurst College which provides that students can take pre-nursing courses (liberal arts and sciences) for two years at Mercyhurst College. Those meeting admission requirements may then transfer to the University of Rochester School of Nursing to pursue a baccalaureate degree in professional nursing. Interested students may contact Dr. Lutton at Mercyhurst College,' ext. 312, or Carol Henretta, M.S., R.N., assistant deanforrecruitment at the University of Rochester School of Nursiiig at (716) 271-0500,

99

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THURSDAY, APRIL 30,1987

Which Do You Want: First
campus organization,' can *be reported as much as a month after During the past week, a couple of their inception. If we report the inmembers of the Merciad staff were stitution of a resume servicefornext accosted verbally. The charge was year in the issue of April 23, 1987 that the newspaper has been jumpor the issue of April 30,1987, we are ing on bad news, while allowing the still doing a serviceforour readergood news of the campus to ferment ship. Had we held off on the story in our futures file. of Sue Trumbull's resignation from Unfortunately, we do not live the the position of SAC chairpersonlife of Walter Burns, the character elect, we would have done a disserCary Grant played in the movie vervice to pur readers, as they would sion of Ben Hecht and Charles not know any of the details behind MacArthur's story THE FRONT the revote of April 21 and 22. It was PAGE. We don't follow the an editorial decision that we still stereotype of the 1920's, shoving our stand by now. tape recorders in people's faces as Regrettably, we do have to hold they leave their houses; we don't try off on some stories. Occasionally, badgering people for information, the reason is a lack of development making their lives hell until we get in the story. We will hold off until something, whether it is true or not. we can get confirmation of facts or Instead, we try tofollowthe dicget more information. At other tates of the Society of Professional times, we have a problem resulting Journalists, Sigma Delta Chi. from space considerations. Because Namely, and this is quoted from the we are an eight page tabloid, we do Sigma Delta Chi Code of Ethics, have a limit to the amount of infor44 The public's right to know of mation we can include in one issue. events of public importance and inRight now, I can hear the detracterest is die overriding mission of tors of this point-of-view: What the mass media. The purpose of about The Far Side, Kovski's Korner and the Forum page? These repredistributing news and enlightened opinion is to serve the general j sent the lighter side of life, and have no relevance to keeping your readerwelfare. Journalists wh<ruse their ship informed. professional status as representatives of the public for selfish or The reply to people holding this other unworthy motives violate a outlook is simple.. If we didn't have high trust:' jjL?S m features such as this, we would have We have, therefore, tried to presa monotonous publication, which ent a fair and accurate depiction of wouldn't appeal to anyone. You can. such controversial topics as the only read so much "hard" news problems with the Winter Formal, before becoming jaded and as well as the inappropriate manner mechanical. After a period of in which the MSG elections were reading stories of corruption, death and suffering, a person has a probhandled. • .•* lem associating such events with Such events are only relevant for themselves and reality. The reader a short time after their transpiration. peruses the pages with a feeling of So-called "good news," such as prodetachment. jects to be instituted next year, or In addition, our main source of service projects completed by a
By Christopher Kovski

Good News Or The BadlNews?
news is student query. A student will approach a member of the Merciad staff and ask why something is happening. At this point we conduct research to discover the motivation behind the action. We are attempting to serve our readership in the best way possible, so we welcome any intelligent and thoughtprovoking questions pertaining to the status quo at Mercyhurst College. i I The Merciad will continue to first—a Lazer lag tournament at the 'tennis court. Five people will be playing at one time; every person for themselves. The winners of the individual matches will play off at the end. Only the first 100 to sign up can play, so sign up now at the MSG office, Student Union or Townhouse stand by these policies of publication, and, as always, we are always seeking newsworthy items, and are more than willing to tell the student body of| noteworthy J accomplishments. Newspapers, and the media in general, do not exist to destroy the hallowed institutions of the nation. Instead, they are a necessary element in a democratic society, keeping the populace supplied with the portions of life they might otherwise not see. An informpage 2) Zurn parking lot starting at 9:00. Be sure to stop by and listen to one of the best Top 40 bands in the Erie area. SUNDAY: The annual Ping Pong Drop is at 1:00 p.m. If you find a marked ball, you win a prize. Good luck! The time of the drop may be changed to 12:00. If a change is necessary, you ed electorate is one of the largest Actors in determining the success of a democracy. Let's not sacrifice a valuable resource in favor of a newspaper that jmerely acts as a mouthpiece of the administration and student organizations. We have the ability now to improve the way our government and student groups function. To function to the utmost of that ability, we need cooperation from all factions of the campus community. % will be notified by posters on campus. The Townhou ses will be sponsoring a volleyball tournament at 2:00 p.m. Sign up your seven-person team with Mark Gibbont at Townhouse m The organizers of the event have worked hard on this since October, and hope to see you there.

W e e k e n d (Continued fto

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Remember, the Statue of Liberty person will be involved in three acstands with its back to the United cidents in their life. A lot of people, States.! * * & In looking at our society of everespecially in Erie, seem to want to Children, not lawyers, used to increasing morality and selfget theirs out of the way. righteousness, I've decided to toss chase after ambulances. IHow can we call our baseball out some ideas for the consideration Ronald Reagan can think of an ex- final playoff game the "World Seof my faithful readers. 'Yes, both of cuse to get out of everything— ries?" I don't see any teams from you. Thanks, Mom and Dad.* other countries. In running governexcept office.S* J Just kidding. I knowfora fact that ment, it's not overhead that costs; Political platforms are like those many members of the faculty and it's the underhand. Case in point: nice steps to get on an airplane. administration read this column. Iran, Nicaragua, Grenada... You're supposed to get in on them, They're trying to see what inanity As a final point to ponder; men, not stand on them. I've spurted outforthe week, in fear remember, dentistry isn't as bad as The difference between a college of the possibility that I may give the athlete and a professional athlete is it looks. Dentists are the only ones school a bad reputation. I can picwho can tell a woman to shut up and that the latter is paid by check. ture it now—-1800 students, with exget away with it in our era of Statistics from the Department of actly the same sense of humor and Motor Vehicles say that the average liberated wo men. i tact that I have. The world, as we know it, is doomed. THE FAR SIDE By GARY LARSON Now, for your consideration: ("Oh, Jimmy. Isn't he just so Rod © 1967 Unfeeraal Praia Syndicate Serlingesque?") It says in the Bible that it is a difficult matter for a rich jrrMkL man to enter the kingdom of heaven. (You know, all of that "serving two www masters" business.) Well, ("Great. Now he's Ronald Reagan.") it seems »2 B r i a n S h e r i d a n , Editor SKF to be fairly easyfora rich man to get Chris K o v s k i . Managing Editor X on the board of trustees for his JOT. J e n n i f e r C o n m y , Sports Editor* church, now, doesn't it? If matches M a t t h e w J . C l a r k , News Editor are made in Heaven, where do L e s l i e H a f e n m a i e r , Photo Editor disposable lighters come from? And P a u l a B r u n o , C a l e n d ar E d i t o r don't try to tell me Hackensack, F r a n k P a w l o w s k l , Circulation M a n a g e r N.J., either. t t \', Whoever said "A picture is worth THURSDAY APRIL 30,1987 a thousand words" never went to a VOL. 60 NO. 20 SJ»K Sylvester Stallone movie. SSKSS Reporters Dante didn't visit all of hell. J In i think he missed the section where Jill Chlccarlno VS. ^><J%* ^ **51 Ann Johnson 44 metal heads'* are forced to do ^m m %% %*o 24-hour-a-day aerobics to the Typists Muzak version of Michael Jackson's "Thriller." T | Bridget Presuttl, Karen Casclo There have been no documented cases of \ mindreading; in The Merciad is the student-edited newspaper of Mercyhurst College, 501 East Washington, D.C.. 36th Street. Erie, PA 16546. The Merciad office Is located In the basement M.IH All men are bom free, but some of Baldwin Hall, phone 825-0376. ^J of them get married. Final page of the Medical Boards

By Chris Kovski

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Interview By Brian Sheridan

I 'All Things Considered Cynic Tells America To " Lighten Up
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Ian Shoales, self-described as being "more real than Neal Gaoler, or at least as real as Paul Harvey, cuter than Andy Rooney, uglier than Fran Liebowitz and less well-dressed than Tom Wolfe," has been a guide to our popular culture for the past few. years on National Public Radio's "All Things Considered" and has£made appearances on ABC's "Nightline." He comments, in a rapid; tire stream-ofconsciousness style, on topics ranging from bumper stickers to "Herpes and the Time magazine empire" with pure unapologetic sarcasm debunking the latest half-baked fads mat come into our culture. His catch phrase just about sums up the proper attitude for living in the trendy 80's-^'I gotta go." : i As real as Ian Shoales may seem to his many fans, he is only a character created in the lucid mind of writer Merle Kessler of San Francisco's comedy troupe "Duck's Breath Mystery Theater." Their lunatic brand of humor on stage, the radio and television has earned then rave reviews in every major newspaper and news magazine in the country. Still, they remain somewhat unknown despite the popularity of Shoales and other characters they have created, like Dr. Science. The best of "Duck's Breath" is available on Newman Cassettes and on their record album "Born to be Tiled." Ian Shoales, though, was the first character to gain wider recognition, thanks to NPR and "Nightline." Kessler, as Shoales, has written a collection of sneers under the title of "I Gotta Go: The Commentary of Ian Shoales" and has his own book-on-tape version of it.The Merciad recently spoke with Kessler from his home in. San Francisco. | The Merciad: How did Ian Shoales gain his popularity? Kessler: We do a number of different radio sketches for National Public Radio's "All Things Considered" and we send them all sorts of things, and the character Ian Shoales just clicked and people just took to it right away. I've been doing him ever since and it ballooned from there into different areas. The Merciad: How did 'Duck's Breath Mystery Theater"|get its start? I Kessler: We started out in Iowa City, Iowa in 1975 and we figured there wasn't much of a market for comedy in Iowa City. We pretty much exhausted the audience we did have so we decided we had to go
1

somewhere to pursue a career in show business. New York and Los Angeles were sort of too scary for us so we settled on San Francisco. The Merciad: What kind of background in writing did you have? Kessler: I was in Playwrights' Workshop in Iowa and also in

and Tammy (Bakker) thing. That happens a lot as a social critic, though, because I do these bits for "All Things Considered" every month. I do a tape with about five commentaries on it, and if something satire-worthy happens in between the sessions I miss it. By the time I go back in this whole "Pearlygate", or whatever they're calling it, will be over and I won't be able to do anything funny about it. RI The Merciad: What other "scorn-worthy nuggets," as Ian says, are there? %* Kessler: The on-going Fawn Hall, Jessica Hahn and the Vanna White "Playboy" things are pretty good, but I've already done a piece similar to that about Madonna, Vanessa Williams... The Merciad: And Betty •Crocker. 5 • *?* -*• •? •Kessler: (laughs).. .yes, and Betty Crocker. I just make so many jokes about famous women being naked (laughs). 5 ' '( ^ The Merciad: Do you write all of the pieces yourself or do the other members of the troupe help? Kessler: Nooo, I forbid them to enter. It's all me and they're fun to Social critic Ian Shoales (Merle Kessler) sneers regularly on NPR's "All write. I did write a little Ian Shoales ThingS Considered" Photo: Karen Meyers musical that we performed last Writers iWorkshop so my The Merciad: That was the first January and we revived it this background was in fiction and the- time I saw Ian. What did Koppel ex- summer. The Merciad: Are you trying to ater. I also always enjoyed acting. pect from you? After all, } One of the reasons I wanted to be in "Nightline" is a pretty serious show. broaden Ian? Kessler: I'd like to expand the a comedy group was it would give Kessler: They knew Ian was just character, because when I do the me an excuse to act. It also ensured an invented character and they that anything I wrote would be per- wanted me.to go on as, Merle character on stage I can't talk as fast formed, which is sort of a nice thing Kessler. They also wanted me to go as I do on the radio because the peoon the air live, to be one of those ple would stop listening after about for a playwright. The Merciad: floating guys they ask questions of, five minutes. And I can't sustain that What was the first big break in San rate of speed for that long. So I but that was a little too intense for Francisco? ;! & started writing Ian Shoales songs; me because I don't think that fast. ? Kessler: Getting on "All Things j some are rap songs, other are show Ian does but I dont (laughter). Considered" still remains the bigThe Merciad: What'has been tunes. gest break we've had, and they're The Merciad: What are some of bothering Ian lately? I still lan's most loyal audience. I get your personal interests that you Kessler: Well, I'm bothered that more lettersfromthat than anything I kind of missed the boat on this Jim don't give to the character of Ian. else.

Kessler; If I like something, it's kind of hard to give it to Ian. There are a lot of things I like; I like to read a lot of books, weird history novels and mystery novels. I try to avoid best sellers if I can, like Robert Ludlum novels. The Merciad: Do you pick a topicforan Ian Shoales piece because it's something that personally irritates you, or do you look for something that's ready for satire? Kessler: I go for a target that's really stupid, even if it's something that I like, and have Ian trash it. It's importanttohave warring voices out there because it really doesn't seem like anyone's saying anything anymore (laughs), f . VThe Merciad: For example? ' Kessler: Ah... reggae music for instance. It's interesting, with things like reggae music, break dancing and rapping. They sort of originate with poor people in cultural explosions, but the poor people never get Befit from it. People who play the reggae music,'kids who break dance and do the rapping in the street never get anything from it. It just goes right from there and the next thing you know, you're seeing these clean-cut white kids in "Penney V commercials doing it. I don't know how to address that, but it seems unfair that the kids who invent these "folk"formof music and art never get any credit or money for it. Maybe "J.C.-Penney" sliould write out checks to Harlem (laughs). f The Merciad: What are some of the upcoming "Duck's Breath " projects in the works? Kessler: A lot of things are happening. We just received a big grant from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to do ISO one-and-ahalf minute comedy pieces and we are working on a "Dr. Science" kid's show. It will be a halfhour program airing this Fall on the Fox Network. The Merciad: What's upforIan? * Kessler: I just finished another Ian Shoales book, a novel this time. In it, Ian falls asleep and it's basically Ian in Wonderland. He goes to The best advice I can give you people is fail. Fail now, while you're young enough to enjoy it. Failure is a temporary job and ends up owna virtue in today's society. Human error is a badge of honor. Don't learn from your mistakes, embrace your ing the company and then gets inmistakes A failure is a success. If you make a mistake and admit it, you're a good sport. If you make a mistake volved in a hostile takeover. He and blame it on someone else, you're a good politician. If you make a mistake and admit it aggressively and takes a cash settlement of nine freauently people will come to believe that your mistake was the Right Move and you will be elected senior billion dollarsforleaving the office class president In a bizarrd parody of evolution, human error these days is rewarded handsomely. Everybody and then runs into all 'sorts of prob-| takes the creditforsuccess but only one person usually takes the blame. Take responsibilityforyour mistakes, lems. Even in his dreams. I'd like to and vou will make a quick buck. j m. , , . , [ ! , t do something on David Letterman If you make a mistake the w>rld is your oyster. There's a danger that the meek might inherit that oyster, also. * ^ so vou might as well as eat it now. Why should the meek get it? They're a bunch of wimps. If you don t like The Merciad: Do you mean on ovsters become a lawyer. Lawyers always make money, no matter who's to blame. the program? ^ E S S Z E l s all great art is boring. Dress well and drink a lot. That's what college is all about. Become Kessler: I'd like to be on it but if a l ^ e T o r a S o r . Uery other profession is jus. too iffy I ought*, know. I gotta go. j I can't be on it, I might as well trash,'! ' B r e n t from " I Gotta Go," by Ian Shoales. (Ferigree Books.,1985) it (laughs). : ^ c i *l(See "Cynic" page 6)

The Merciad: Did "Nightline" come next for Ian? Kessler: Well, Ted Koppel heard me on the radio and his producer on "Nightline" gave me a call and I started doing commentaries for them. I haven't done anything for them in a while, though.

Ian Shoales' Advice to Students:

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THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 1987

Fox's "Secret Of Success" Is College Student's Fantasy
By Brian Sheridan
Michael J. Fox's latest movie, THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS, in which he stars as a soon-to-begraduating college senior, is a mixture of fairy tale and honor story. It starts out with every college graduate's nightmare coming true. Fox, as Brantley Foster, comes right off a Kansas Farm to the Big Apple to start his first big job. The company, however, has become a victim of a hostile takeover, and now Foster has no job. He vows to stay in New York and applies at anotherfirm.The personnel manager tells him he has no experience and is unqualified for the job. "What did I go to college for?" moans Foster, lb which the manager replies,*"Had fun, didn't ya?" , Foster does what any selfrespecting graduate does who's desperateforemployment—he visits a relative, Uncle Howard (Richard Jordan), head of the Pemrose Corp. Foster begs him for a job and gets one in the company mail room. His new boss terrorizes college grads, makes Foster call him "God," and validates yet anotherfirst-jobfearof college students. (Continued from page 5) The Merciad: Can you tell us when Ian's next appearance will be on "All Things Considered?" (Kessler: No, I can't because 11\ never know. I just send them things J$ and if it ties in with their theme or some story they're doing they just , drop it in. I don't have a steady time slot. I wish I did and I could tell peopie "I'm on. every Friday" but it doesn't work out that way. The Merciad: How do you get people to understand that your cynical commentaries are in jest? v For those who can't remember Rustling their first job, SUCCESS can be considered a success only if you don't audit it too closely. The plot's harder to believe than Ivan Boesky claiming he didn't know any inside stock market information on Wall Street. Foster gets seduced by an executive's wife who turns out to be his distant Aunt Vera (Margaret Whitton), falls in love with a cold Harvard graduate (Helen Slater), and assumed the identity of a recently fired executive. As this bogus executive, Foster leads a double life, charming and conning everyone into listening to his ideas about helping the company while the boss' wife keeps making advances in the name of helping him advance. Throw in a few more contrived plot twists, and SUCCESS soon becomes a merger of THE GRADUATE and THE GREAT IMPOSTOR, as Foster bounces from bedroom to board room. This kind of movie doesn't take a satirical jab at the underhanded and often incompetent workings of big business. I Even in creating a character like Slater's Christy Wills, SUCCESS gjops out. Christy graduated from Harvard, worked

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hard for a top spot in the Pemrose Corp., and can handle problems on her own. She winds up, though, being nothing mpre than Michael J.'s cheerleader. Wishy-washiness plagues the script. From a halfhearted assault on corporate bureaucracy, it finally degenerates into juvenile bedroom farce with the four principle performers. |What SUCCESS succeeds best at is selling Michael J. Fox. Keep a running tab on the appeal and charm of Fox, and the bottom line could be fudged into making this seem like a better movie. Tom Cruise might be compared to Cagney, but Fox has dibs as heir to Mickey Rooney. No matter how improbable this plot gets, Michael J. grins, and you forget you're being handed a load of sub-sitcom comedy. Which, I'll have to admit, isn't too bad. At least, SUCCESS doesn't beg too muchforlaughs, and when it's time to close the books, THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS just about breaks even. It's one secret that 'doesn't deserve to be spread around, but it will give high returns to anyone lookingfora painless time

From "The Secrets of My Success/' Michael). Fox plays the wily Brant ly Foster looking for a way to scoot up the corporate ladder.

MERCYHURST COLLEGE STUDENT GOVERNMENT
SAC Chairperson Committer (tie) Resident Accounting * Art Biology Business Administration Chemistry Michael Good | § i f Jerome Anderson/Paula Bruno Greg Latimer ^ Richard Porter Mart Diebert* • * Lynn Sheffly * Mary Ann Sullivan |Pam Woodring

killer, i I

I

Cynic
Kessler: From the letters I get about one third think Ian's a real guy, but most people get the joke. It's getting hard these days to have a joke because people think you're trying to put something over on them. In actuality, I'm just trying to say "Lighten up, America." f The Merciad: Is there anything else you'd like to say? Kessler: Naw .. I gotta go. More Ian Shoales madness can be found by writing the "Duck's Breath Mystery Theater" P.O. Box 22513, San Francisco California, 94122. The book and the book on tape can be found at your local bookstore or by direct mail from the "Duck's Breath" catalogue, which also has Ian T-shirts and other "Duck's f- Breath" duckphenalia. Ian Shoales can be heard in Erie during \ 'All Things Considered" airing on WQLN 913 FM Monday through Friday, 5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. \

CMIS

H Joy Jolin

SUMMER EMPLOYMENT

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Communications Jennifer Conmy Criminal Justice Kevin Goode Dance Mary Campbell Dietetics ., Nadine Kaduck Elementary /Special Education Kim Mastrier * * Early Childhood (tie) Doreen Gage /Diane Conley English Kathy Kunkel| Fashion Merchandising Stacy Adams Geology 5 Von Fischer History Robert Kiener HRM (two representatives) . . . . Michael Kelly Lisa Gierszal Interior Design Michelle Hondal Math John Widecan Marketing Rod Power Music Christina Brown Nursing : Una Sementelli Political Science Ava Retell Psychology Mike Burke Secondary Education Michael Falk Social Work Beverly T\ick Sociology Jennifer Singer Sports Medicine Jeremy Benson! Religion Matthew Lucia} Undecided iKelly Quinn Majors that were a tie in the election will be revoted unless someone resigns their candidacy.

Think about.*..

ROTC ? I
for the fall term An Introductory Course taught at MercyhursU
* • •

Captain James Dalton (from Gannon University) FUNDAMENTALS OF LEADERSHIP ft MANAGEMENT I , MW 8:15-9:20 2

THURSDAY, APRIL 30,1987

Q»?e ftkrciab

PAGE 7

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Pro Comic Buys Student's Jokes
hacked out a few gags and sent them to the funny man, not expecting that getting material purchased by a national celebrity would be so easy. Many comedians and writers have started out writing jokes for other comics. David Letterman was just one of a number of performers who received exposure by submitting jokes to Walker. So the next time you see Jimmy "J.J." Walker promoting his new series "Busting Loose" or his new movie "My African^Adventure" on "Letterman," "Carson" or "Rivers," he might just be telling a joke written by a student of Mercyhurst College.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR A FEW GOOD PEOPLE No, we're not recruiting for the military. We are asking that anyone interested in working in the Student Health Service, 101 Preston, during tfye 1987-88 school year, please inquire at our office before May 20, 1987. Our office is open Monday thru Friday, 9 a.m. to noon, and from 1 p.m.|to 4 p.m. You must qualify for either work study or institutional employment to apply. For more info, stop by Health Services or call extension 431 or 432. SCHOLARSHIPS J Letters of intent for Merciad positions of editor and managing editor, which have accompanying scholarships, as well as the other editorships, which earn practicum credits. Submit letters to Box 129 by May 7. PSYCHOLOGY AND THE ARTS f ^ • An exciting course will be offered next Fall called "Psychology and the Arts." Concerned with using psychology to help us understand the effects of music and art, it will answer such questions from "Why do we like music?" to "Do colors have emotional significance?" and "Can instrumental music reveal the performer's emotions?'' vThe course will be taught by Dr. Mark Gridley, a psychologist and

Issues

(Continued from page 3)

ing questions, and voicing their concerns." '"The students I talked tofeltthat the speakers were very educated on their.topics," she added. | "I'm most proud of our ability to] coordinate ail the speakers and to have them hold the kids' interest," Joseph said. ' " - -i * Joseph felt that other local colleges and organizations should follow the example set by this year's 'Hurst social workers. "I think there should definitely be j more projects of this nature," she said.

Merciad editor and Erie-Times News' "Showcase" movie critic Brian Sheridan will have another professional musician. He has August 15 at the Warner Theatre. line to add to his resume. The new taught the course to students at The pageant is openjto Erie are entry will read "joke writer for JimOberlin, Baldwin-Wallace, Case female residents, age 17 to 25 (as of my Walker." Sheridan has recently Western Reserve and John Carroll August 1, 1987).;Applications are had material he submitted to Walker University, and led lecture tours at available at the Erie Area Chamber purchased by the standup comic and the Cleveland Art Museum. He has of Commerce office, 1006 State former "Good Times" star. 4CY* also written twofbooks that teach Street, and The Finishing Touch by 'I'm pretty excited about it. I have teachers on how to use Ferrari, 1917 West 8th Street. Ap- had a couple of things published in psychological principles to help plications will be accepted until national magazines before, but listeners get the most out of music. May 15,1987. More information can never had something accepted by a In the course) Dr. Gridley will play be obtained by calling Ms. Linda professional for incorporation into recordings he collected during trips Ferrari at 452-4443. an act," said Sheridan. to Africa and South America, as Sheridan read that Walker wanted well as drawing upon his collection RECRUITERS ON CAMPUS jokes from student writers, so he of American music and art objects. The following recruiter will be on > The course is listed as Psychology campus this week: Catholic Schools 297, offered Monday, Wednesday Office, May 1 for Elem. Ed., Sec. and Friday from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. All Ed., and Early Childhood for students are welcome. No prior teachers, lb sign up for an appoint- (Continued from page 1) knowledge of music or art is ment to interview, students should shouldn't be able to receive the necessary. Eyes, ears and curiosity go to the Career Services Office, resume service." are the only prerequisites. Main 204. Ipl*? She noted that the adult students of Mercy hurst would be taken care SUMMER JOBS YEARBOOK SCHOLARSHIPS of if there was a need to provide the The Freshman Studies office will ARE AVAILABLE FOR NEXT service to them. % be hiring two students whose YEARS YEARBOOK 1 "If the need arises, we may come responsibilities will be a resident Positions are availableforeditor-inup with an option for the adult assistant and tutor. This isfora sum- chief, layout editor, photography students if they would like a resume mer enrichment program being held editor, and copy editor. | made," she said. "They may have to June 14 through July 2 and August If interested, please submit your pay an additional amount/'she 23 through August 28. Interested ap- name, address, and phone, with added. plicants may pick up an application your position of interest to: How does the system work? in Preston, Room 201. Yearbook "Presently, a student will have to P.O. Box 128 pay $3 for the resume service. They by May 8, 1987 MISS ERIE COUNTY will first have to submit some kind The first Miss Erie County of a quality rough draft for us to go Scholarship Pageant will be held on. Preferably typed," she explained. According to Sayers, when the resume is completed, students will receive a couple of copies. £j "About a week after they submit their rough draft, they will be given a new draft to look over and decide if there are any changes they »When asked how this year's social "We learned thatyt's important to want made," she added. work project compares with past work together and that you have to Career Services is also looking social work projects, Joseph pointed do a lot of compromising." for someone to assist in making the out that "Each class has had a little Joseph said that the *87 senior resumes. different approach." social work classfcwas confident "We will be lookingfora student '"In the past, other social work about their project, but recalled that who has some background in word classes have concentrated on issues the project organizers were anxious processing" she said. Possibly a such as unemployment, the elderly, about die event. secretary management major or a and mental illness," she said. "We "Whenever you do something like CMIS major, but not necessarily. decided to focus on the teenage this, you always question whether "We just need someone with the you'll be able to do it or not, and I population." 'i proper background or just someone Joseph stressed that the group think we pulled it off," she said. process was important in being able to make the project a reality. "We had to work together to get this thing off the ground," she said.

Resume

who uses a personal word processor and is familiar with it.'M Sayers explained that the resume typist is a paying job. r 4 This is a $1200 assistantship for next year, and like all assistantships, will be offered through Dr. Garvfiy's .office," she said. To submit a resume, students should send their requests directly to the Student Services Office, 8:30 *J to 4:30. Mon. through Fri., along with $3 to the Career Services Office.! Sayers feels that the resume service is long overdue. "I think this service is very important," she said. "I only wish that it could have happened a couple of "I years ago." Now that the service is available, Sayers hopes that the students will use it. "We're hoping that students will take advantage of the service because having a quality resume can only be more beneficial to them when they.go to get a job "she said. According to Sayers, seniors are not the only ones who can use the service. "We're expecting around three to four hundred students a year to take advantage of the service,".she estimated. So it's not only for seniors, butforstudents seeking coops as well."

Elections

(Continued from page 1) more than there was last year. It did in representative election. As we go to press, MSG has just turn out that way but only by sixty awarded Math major representative or so votes," stated Kelly. "I think the problem stems from and MSG Treasurer-elect Paul the first time people voted getting Cefrick the "Sally Schrader Award" fed up and saying "My vote didn't for his contributions to MSG. make a difference, so why vote Cefrick was given the award at the again?" It's understandable, MSG Recognition Dinner on Frithough," said Kelly. The new MSG day, April 24. officers and representatives will chair their first meeting on May 10. Seepage gkx tor list of winners

1?

YEARBOOK 1 SCHOLARSHIPS AVAILABLE I FOR 1987-88

resulting in a revote for the MSG presidential race, had 520 people voting. The revote saw a loss of 70 votes. Kelly thought there would be a larger voter turnout overall this year. "I thought there would be more voters since there were originallyffive candidates; some subsequently dropped out, but I figured the more candidates you have the more people you reach. Therefore, I thought there would be

If you are interested in the positions of Editor-in-Chief, Layout Editor, |; Photography Editor, or Copy Editor, j * please submit your name, address, and phone, stating your position of interest to

By' May 8.

YEARBOOK P.O.! Box 128
I — "

PAGE 8

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THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 1987

By Jennifer Con my
i

Lakers Drop Two ]Ooubleheaders
run in the sixth inning going in for Scott Gorring. In the nightcap Gannon again defeated the Lakers, breaking a 3-3 tie with four runs in the seventh inning. Gorring, Eric Opron and Frank Yaskula scored the 'Hurst runs before Gannon's Golden Knights hit in four runs in the final inning. Mark Wil 1 iams had one hit with one RBI for the 'Hurst.| Againstj-Cleveland State the 'Hurst faired better dropping the first game 1-2 with five 'Hurst players getting hits. The Lakers sole run came from Williams in the third
• • .

;The*Mercyhurst$Lakers men's baseball team lost two doubleheaders this past week, bringing their season record down to 5-14. The Lakers were defeated by Cleveland State 2-1 and 8-4, before dropping the second doubleheader to Gannon 4-2 and 7-3. Phil Sorenson went threeforthree in thefirstgame of the doubleheader with Gannon, while Tim Donovan went two of four at the plate with one run in the fourth inning. Andy Casper scored the Lakers second

inning. Williams was one of four from the batters box,>while Phil Sorensen and Doug Orr each had one hit in three times at the plate. Cleveland State had the runs to win the game with there two first inning runs. The Lakers turned in a four-run fifth inning in their nightcap loss to State, with three players getting one RBI apiece. Scoring the Lakers runs were Donovan, Orr, Casper and Tim Feeney. The RBIs were gained by Casper, Sorensen and Steve Loshelder. Cleveland State proved to be tough, turning in four runs in

the fourth to capture the win before the 'Hurst managed put a run on the scoreboard. The Lakers next home game at Brabender field will be Sun. May 3 at|l p.m. The 'Hurst will finish up the season with two home doubleheaders on Tue. May 5 andjThu. May 7 against SUNYFredonia and Allegheny respectively. Both games will start at 1 p.m.

Laker Tennis Is Coming On Strong
The Mercyhurst College men's tennis team recorded three wins in four matches recendy to run their season record to 5-8. The Lakers defeated Gannon, 9-0, Youngstown State, 8-1, and Edinboro, 9-0, before losing to the University of Buffalo, 6-3. Juniors BrianJDemuth and Donnough Shafrrey both recorded perfect 4-0 marks in singles play, Demuth at number two and Shafrrey at number six. Walt Hader, Raul Raymundo, Tom Conrad and Gordon Quinton all had 3-brecords. Conrad and Raymundo combined for a 3-1 chart in doubles action.

Softball Team - Two More Wins
By Jennifer Conmy
The Lady Lakers split a doubleheader with Gannon before going on to defeat Slippery Rock in their game later in the week. The Lady Lakers lost the first game to Gannon 10-6 before going on to post a 4-2 victory in the second end of the doubleheader. The Lakers then went on to gain a 6-5 victory over Slippery Rock. f ferThe Lakers' defeat of the ^ock" came on a rainy day with a productive third inning for the 'Hurst, with three runners scoring. The Lakers capped the win with two runs in the seven to end the chances for a Slippery Rock victory. Both Kathy Burick and Tammy Phillips scored two runs for the 'Hurst with Lisa Palloto and Julie Kemling finishing the Laker* scoring effort. Burick was one for three at bat with one stolen base and one base on balls. Phillips was also one for three at the plate with three RBIs and a triple. Earlier in the week, the Lady Lakers managed to split a pair of games with Gannon, losing the first game but gaining the win in the nightcap. The Lakers were led by Nancy Emmi in the first game with three runs scored. Emmi was one of two at the plate with one stolen base and three walks. Also scoring for the 'Hurst were Burick, Sherry Kuhar, Angie Foster and Renee Johnson, each turning in one run for the 'Hurst. The nightcap proved to be the high point for the Lady Lakers with three of their four runs coming in the first inning. Emmi, Burick and Palloto all scored in the first, with the remaining Laker run coming from Kemling in the fifth inning. Kemling was one of two at bat with two RBIs and one home run. Palloto walked twice and had two stolen bases in the Laker winning effort. $M ! M Also on a high noteforthe 'Hurst, Kemling was named "Athlete of the WeekT for the week of Apr. 13-19. Kemling helped the softbal 1 team to a 3-2][recbrd in their first week of play. She was nine of 18 at the plate with six RBIs and five runs scored. The Lady .Lakers' next home game will be today at 2 p. m. against Grove City. This will be the last home game of the season.
f 1 *

Sertz 9 Seibel Win Big At Volvo Tennis Tournament
Rick Sertz, a graduate of Mercyhurst College and Leila Seibel, former President of the Parent's Club of Mercyhurst teamed up to win the Mercyhurst College Volvo Tennis/Campus mixed doubles championship here at Mercyhurst. Sertz and Seibel defeated BUI and Julie Taylor by a score of 1-6, 6-3, 6-3. The doubles team competed in Princeton N.J. to compete in the regional championships. The winners and finalists of the regional championships will go on to compete in the eastern championships on May 9 and 10. Sertz and Seibel received a trophy and t-shirts in their winning effort.

Softball Batting* Average Summary
Emmi Burick Phillips Kemling Bematowitz, Palloto Kuhar Foster Smith Johnson Densmore Bonnlger Jowett Burckart At Bats t 23 r 27 26 25 19 sRuns

4 ?

9 8 7 0

Hits 8 11 6* 13 1

Walks 6 3 2 3 3

RBI 0 2 4 11 1

Batting Avg. .347 \ .407 .230 .520 .052 .380 .136 .210 .200 .090 .125 .000 .000 .000

* Team Average .268

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Pitching Records
Lisa Palloto Debbie Bonnlger Team Record 2 - 2 3 -1 5-3

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