Fools Issue

big joke


page three



funny, suck

because we do, you neo-nazi facist

VOL. 9,989,987,098,098,6523,211 NO.



APRIL ll 1993

K e n n e d y , Leisering: C h i a Pet. imitators energize follicles at the Hurst
By Yvonne Maher Foreign Media Hog "It felt like a small furry creature," said William Kennedy as he casually stroked the foxy curls that now adorn his previously naked head. I ' m so happy I could jump up and down and sing Christmas carols," he said. Mr. Kennedy and John Leisering are recent graduates from the John New Hair clinic and are so ecstatic that they are proposing to add cash to the budget so that other egg heads in the faculty and administration might become like them. "Yeah, we're so lucky to be the guys chosen for this experiment," said Leisering as he purposely blew the dumps of hair from his eyes, "I'm just excited that I can stroke my he ad and feel hair. Now I don't have to rub my chest or back anymore," he continued. Special recognition has to go to Gary Brown who donated the tufts from his like a president/inferior bonding expert* ence," stated Garv. "I'm just glad they took the hair from Gary and not from the original places they were thinking of!!" he continued. & As I continued to interview the controltested members of the Mercy hurst community I noticed that they fondled each others' locks to check texture. Every so often they would nonchalantly yank a fistful, but nothing moved proving the toughness of the New Hair clinic technique. I came to the conclusion that giving and receiving hair could become a part of the Mercy hurst tradition. I felt proud to be a part of an institution that holds no hair sacred when it comes to personal appearance. For those of you faculty members who might look into the minor and see an extra inch of scalp, don't worry, just go see the Garv-man and he'll give yon the inside track on the New Hair clinic.

William Kennedy: "Sassy"
beard to be used by Leisering and Kennedy. "So like it was like this, ya Hit ir. Like I had the hair, and like they said they might need it, so, like I said, ; stick the needle in here and hear me groan," said Brown. "I just toked up and took it like a real man. va know," he

John Leisering: "Sassier"
stated. This project was initiated by the Pies. Dr. Garvey who contributed in the operation by li ghti ng incense and chanting okT Irish poems. "Sometimes you just feel a kind of unexplainable bond with your compadres. I thought that it'd be

Media hog finally lands front page
By Craig Rybczynsld Athletic-Kiss Ass [

By Jute Gardner I Administrative Puppet I Yvonne Maher, media manipulator extraordinaire, hasfinallywhined enough (with tips from our fearless editor) to get her picture on the front page of this disrespected publication. After endless Wednesday (no, Bruno, not Wens day) 1 nights of trying ;to locate, photos and hearing "Put my photo in the paper. I've never been in the paper, Maher has gotten her way. The decision was largely brought about A by Maher blowing her horn about being on TV twice\ during the week of St*** Patrick's day. "I'm from Ireland and \# have excellent communications skills. Also, Lisa Zompa and I are very tight We went for a few beverages after my indepth interview. That's when she told me that I will be the main benefactor in her will," said Maher. She even has her business card. ,, Besides being a media hog, Maher is a senior communications student Currently she is working very hard in the External Affairs, office and doing an excellent job, a fact of which she is constantly reminding me. Her duties include pouring on a thick Irish accent to impress people on the phone, writing press releases for the Erie Times while boasting that she is responsible for such eloquence and telling everyone she sees in Old Main how wonderful Mary Daly is to work for. In her free time, Maher enjoys giving her roommates grief and a general hard time. "I don't let them cook unless I can give my input. It's just a given. You see, I'm Irish and 1 'm an excellent cook," she said. She also revels in her apparent popularity, as demonstrated by recordbreaking numbers of off-campus phone calls. "Manipulation of the apartment

| i l o h f o n tofrourfdictfpgafesl Mercy hurst Student Government Piesi-| dentJohn Bruno won the "I Spell w Spel|^|Bee, inj Raleigh, NC,|>n| "Wensday." But don't ask him to spell

Yvonne Maher: Get a Life. I Foreigner says, "Yes I am a taco.
phone is a special talent of mine. I want to make sure all of my friends have had a chance to hear all about me before my roommates*get personal phone time. There is an understanding in our home. I make sure of it," Maher said. Overall, Yvonne Maher has been happy with her years at Mercy hurst. "I have brought so much of myself to this campus and I think others are beginning to sense this. Did you notice the new ice rink and additions to the college?" she asked. 'I'm responsible for this. Also, if it weren't for my super cool expertise in selling ads, the Merciad crew would never have gone to New York. When Yvonne Maher talks, people listen." (Yeahright,Yvonne.) £ Oh, by the way, almost none of this is true. April Foots, buddy!

Bruno defeated former Vice President Dan Quayle In the spell-off by successfully spelling the word "potato." Quayle still thought there was an "e" at the end of the word. Bruno luckily had the word on his tee-shirt and read it in the three minutes allotted to each contestant. The spelling bee lasted a record ten hours as Bruno and Quayle battled for the title. In the heated second round of| the contest, Bruno stumbled through the word "cat" According to sources, John hated the animal so he never learned to spell the word. Besides winning a new headband and fanny pack, Bruno won a year-long subscription to "Hooked on Phonics" for his efforts! Ji



APRIL!, 1993

ships em to Erie Elby Big Boy buys Whalers9


By Craig RybczynsM Athletic Kiss Ass

The team will shed its Mack and gray colors for the blue, green a nd gray uniforms ofthe current Wha 1The National Hockey League is ers. The team will still be called coming to Erie! This week, in an the Whalers. For their inaugural unprecedented move, the NHL season, the Whalers will play at announced that Erie, Pennsylva- the Erie Civic Center. The city of nia, will be the future site of the Erie will accommodate the team Hartford Whalers for the 1993-94 by expanding the arena for openseason. The move comes just ing day. This will be the tempoweeks after the Minnesota North rary site of the team until the city Stars announced their plans to constructs the 18,000 seat 1 ( ve to Dallas, Texas, next sea11 AquaDome on the shores of son. Presque Isle Bay. The Hartford franchise decided to move to Erie because Elby's Inc. put up the $100 million they were asking. The company has already begun its advertising campaign which includes the Big Boy throwingfishsticks at fans. Also inthe works are the Whale Burger and Fish Night in Erie. Local fisheries are gearing up for the "Coming of the Whale." f fe For Erie, it is the first major professional team to come to the city which should help increase ticket sales. Erie's geographical location is also ideally suited for a franchise. The team can draw fan support from Buffalo, Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Furthermore, it sets up a natural rivalry with the Buffalo Sabres. Sabres officials are exited about the possibility of a team in Erie. The team will also have local ties to Mercy hurst College. The team will practice at the Mercyhurst Ice Center and have " T h e Chief" John Leisering: named four members of the Hurst to its staff. The Whalers have Big shot gets hockey team.

ve." Gotkin fired management from top to NCAADiv bottom as of next season in an pionship this season. His career attempt to restructure the team's mark at Mercyhurst is an impresimage. sive 84-60-6. • Consequently, Elby's named Gotkin said, "It is a great honor. Mercyhurst's Hockey InformaFor a head coach to reach the tion Director John Leisering the NHL is the ultimate goal. I'm just team's new General Manager. He happy to be joining the franchise will join Laker coaches Rick and being able to stay in the city Gotkin and Craig Barnett, who of Erie. I will, however, miss all have been named as head and assistant coach, respectively. the great people that I have met Also, ex-Laker forward Steve Ipri while at Mercyhurst" Gotkin hopes that he can lure has been selected as chief scout Elby's is confident Gotkin can some of his former Lakers to try do the job as head coach. Accord- out for the team. Rumors are ciring to Elby's officials, "Gotkin is culating about the possible return just the man we need to lead the of Scott Burfoot to the area. The Whalers into the playoffs. He is a team Gotkin inherits does have fiery coach who leadsby example. some talent with the likes of His credentials are also very im- goaltender Sean Burke and

defensemen Geoff Sanderson and Zarley Zalapski. However, the Whalers are far from contending in the Adams Division. The playoffs will be tough to crack in their first season in Erie. The team is optimistic about its chances for the future. ^Assistant coach Craig Barnett said, "With a solid staff and knowledgea ble people in the front office, the Erie Whalers should fa re better than they did in former Connecticut home. Also, I think it helps that Rick and I have worked together before." 'Tickets for the upcoming season are now on sale. For further information, contact the Erie Civic Center Ticket Offices at 1-800GO-WHALERS.

Squid Wins! Squid Wins!
By Craig Rybczynski Athletic Kiss Ass What do water polo and Mercyhurst College have in common? The Hurst established the new sport over spring break with the help ofaquatic expert Dr. Allan Belovarac. Mercyhurst sent the Squid to tangle with the Fighting Ducks of Oregon State and upset the eighth-ranked team in the nation, 9-8 on Chris Hoshaw's goal. The Squid entered their first match in front of a capacity crowd at the Oregon Water Palace. Mercyhurst defied the odds as it over came the home crowd and a four goal deficit to win its first North Atlantic Polo Conference game. Dr. Belovarac expressed his enthusiasm after the victory. He said, "The team showed real characterby coming back and beating a tough squad in their home pool." The Squid's youth and inexperience showed in the game's first minutes as the Ducks {beat Mercyhurst goalie Bill Steen four times on five shots. Steen finished the game as the first star with 20 saves. His last save won the game for the Squid as he dove across the crease to deflect Pavel Dvorak's shot wide of the goal. On offense, the Ducks were led byforwardNikolai Popoff who netted three goals. The Squid were led by senior Bryan "Shaggy" Narusewicz who used his hockey expertise to set up four goals and score five. In thefirsthalf, the Squid came outflatand watched Popoff lead the Ducks' scoring barrage, as he scored three of the four goals*. However, goalkeeper Steen and the Squid fought back as?high school Ail-American Anne McNeils and Ron Yarosz each netted a single tally to cut the Ducks' lead to two. Yarosz' goal bordered on spectacular as he took a feed from defenseman Jeff Hutchinson andfireda shot behind his back that skipped past Duck's goalie John Phelps. In the second half of the game, the Squid' s hi gh -powered offense sankf the Ducks. The Hurst stormed back to score six straight goals. The pool belonged to Narusewicz as the former Polish National team player inspired his team. Shaggy scored a school record five straight goals. On the Pole line along with Yarosz, the duo gelled in theirfirstgame together. Yarosz also led the team in penalty minutes as he was assessed a game misconduct for intentionally drowning a Duck player. Defenseman Jason Lewis' goal staked Mercyhurst to a 8-4 advantage. The Ducks showed why they are ranked in the top ten this season, as they came back and tied the contest With time running down, the Ducks' Paul Mann beat Steen with an over head shot in the upper left hand corner of the net Craig Starks scored twice and Burt Johnson added one in the Ducks comeback. In the final minute, each team battled for the winning shot The Squid' sjunior tri-cap tai n Hoshaw scored the game winner off Narusewicz's rebound with time running down. Hoshaw, a Philadelphia native, gave the Squid an emotional victory and a shot at next week's tournament in San Jose, CA. The Squid next will be in action on April 3 and April 4 in the San Jose Shark Water Classic. The field of contestants features the powerhouses of the water polo world as the University of Texas, UCLA and the University ofCalifornia are scheduled to compete. The tournament can be seen tape delayed both days at 10 p.m. on Mercyhurst's HTV. Announcers John Danknich and Keith Courson will bring you the action from pool side.

Kubiak calls God collect
By Craig RybczynsM Athletic Kiss Ass Those people who pray believe they are. talking to God. In Richaid Kubiak 'scase he literally does. Reports are circulating out of the Vatican in Rome, Italy, that, yes, Kubiak has talked to the Holy One. MCI officials tapped Kubiak's phone and have decoded his chats with God. Usually the topic is, "Why can't you give me quality students." He is a teacher at the Hurst who instructs students in courses dealing {with Medieval and European history. Kubiak on several occasions has had lengthy conversations with the Lord about the;status of the world and his classes. Apparently he is asking ft God to give him his first "A student Kubiak, stumbled upon thei number while reading a copy of James Bakker's "Babes and Bikes." It ironically was next to an advertisement asking for new and used leather products. Bakker's book will be required leading in Kubiak's new class in the Summer Term titled, "I Call God Collect" I Also in the work for Kubiak are D i c k K u b i a k phones the a made-for-television movie a nd Lord. a book deal. Kubiak will also go on the talk show scene starting June 3, as he will first appear on The Ophra Winfrey Show. Donahue, Larry King and the David Letterman Show will soon follow. Representatives for Ophra said, "It is the biggest thing to hit n America since spam; An autograph session will be heldlin the Carolyn Herrmann Student Union this weekend. Extra credit will be given*

Professor Dick Ragan of the CommunicationsDepartment :aught by a Make Me Mad photographer at the moment of trut He has just swallowed a hefty piece of chalk. After being rush to the hospital, he was shown to the bathroom where his bo< took care of it naturally. The staff wishes him heartfelt get w < wishes.





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VOU 66 NO.



Audience empathizes with the physically challenged
By Jule Gardner Merciad News Editor Students were introduced to what it feels like to be physically challenged during a cultural diversity seminar on social discrimination held on Thursday, March 25 at 8 p.m. in Sullivan. An experiment introduced the program by placing the audience into three groups, each with a different task. One group simulated blindness and hadito place certain foods on a plate while wearing a blindfold. Another group attempted to put on and take off a T-shirt and then fold it with the use of only one arm. The last group was a team effort. One person explained a diagram while another wearing earplugs tried to draw it. The point of the experiment was to help the audience have empathy before they heard presentations from people who cannot escape these daily challenges. "You might have experienced frustration but you knew it was going to be over," said Assistant Professor of Psychology, Dr. Charles Dufoujr, who moderated the event. Before introducing the speakers, Dufour, whose doctoral specialty is in social discrimination, talked about the reasons for discrimination. "At an early age we leant to make fun of people. When we come across people who are unfamiliar we tend to be afraid. We can either jump in and learn more about it or ignore it" The first speaker, John Fa mum, has been blind since the age of four, when a piece of glass flew into his right eye. The infection spread into his left eye which resulted in: permanent loss sof sight. Farnum is currently employed as a rehabilitation counselor for,blindness and
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Chuck Muraw&ld, John Farnum and Mary Jo Palmisano share their experiences and discrimination as physically challenged people.
visual services. In addition to this job, Farnum is a landlord to several apartments and is skilled in plumbing. He has also done wiring for the a partmcnts, some ofwhich he rents to physically challenged tenants. Farnum seems to have accomplished much in his life when we try to imagine doing the same with his handicap, but it is not in his nature to boast. "It is not so incredible what a blind or deaf person or a person in a wheelchair can do. It is the human spirit that is incredible." When he addressed the seminar topic, Farnum told the audience that "d iscrimination exists in all disability groups. It is a shameful statement to those who have the education to change that. 11 is up to us to create our own image of competence and equality/* Farnum said/ The second speaker, Mary Jo Palmisano, very energetically expressed the discrimination she has confronted as a deaf person. She cited three examples: doctors who refuse to provide an interpreter, lack of close captioning for the local news, and use of the phrase "deaf and mute" in such publications as the

Dr. Charles Dufour of the Psychology Department moderated the Cultural Diversity event
Erie Times. "Can you believe this," she asked. "Don't use-tbe term ^mute;' we are not mute. When this is used people get a stereotype that all of us are dumb. This hurts us." Palmisano has been deaf since birth; Continued on Page 2

Sisters plead to remain tax-free
By Mia U-Rycki Merciad Staff Reporter The Tax Assessment Board of Erie County has told 600 tax exempt associations that they are subject to taxation. For many of these organizations, taxes could bring an end to their services in the community. The Sisters of Mercy, who have been providing services to the Erie area for nearly 150 years,ijlike Hope House, a transitional house for women, Mercy Center on Aging, and the Mercy Terrace Apartments, have suddenly found themselves in this situation. "It's a Catch-22 situation," said Sister Maura Smith, RSM, Superior of the Sisters of Mercy. "If we cut back on our services, somebody else will have to pick up on them. It will cost the taxpayers more money in the long run." Mercy hurst College, which the Sisters founded and funded, has also enjoyed being tax free. Unlike the Sisters of Mercy, however, the school does not need to worry about receiving a tax bill. Erie has continuously recognized ccrtain services' the College has provided for the community in exchange for taxes. The police cars they donated to the city and the school for exceptional children are two such examples of services provided in lieu of taxes, said Sister Maura this new tax bill. In the first option, phase I, the organization can pay 50 percent of their taxes and then they will be declared tax exempt. The Sisters have opted for phase II. They must go before the tax board and state their reasons they should remain tax exempt. The board will then decide if the organization should remain tax exempt If they vote in the negative, 1 the group must pay 100 percent of their taxes. Where 38 agencies have banded together to bring suit against the tax board, the Sisters have begun a public relations campaign . They have written several articles in the paper asking for commu-1 nity support In one of these articles they -j printed a coupon asking for the signature 1 of individuals supporting the tax exempt status of the religious community. Each day Sister Maura Smith receives hundreds in the mail. From her desk, they are sent to the state legislature. "People need to look atwhatwe have done," said Sister Maura Smith. "We have a tradition in our community for spending our money directly on the people." [. Sister Maura Smith does not believe religious groups should be taxed but she docs say that some need to be investigated. "Things change," she said. "Some tax exempt organizations need to be looked at." This is exactly what the tax board is doing. Since there are 600 organizations in the same situation as the Sisters of Mercy, they expect it to be a long time before their problem is resolved. They regret the time they have to spend on this problem when there are so many other issues they need to address. "We are so busy here and it is unfortunate that we have to deal with this too," Sister Maura Smith said. It is the people who will be hurt however, and the ministries which will suffer. "Ultimately, if religious communities were taxed, they would have spent much of the money used for ministries on taxes," said Sister Maura Smith.







Friday, April 21 | | * pan. to 12 a.m. Student Union. Beach Party Dance. Saturday, April 31 $ pan. little Weber Theater Movie: "Outsiders.* Monday, April 5 J |p|p MSG Executive Board Elections. g:30 p.m.<Goveminent Chami bers. MSG Meeting. Tuesday, April * | | MSG Executive Board Elections. Scavenger Hunt. Thursday, April 8 Easter Break begins alter classes.


The Tax Assessment Board has given the 600 organizations two ways to fight

| I

mie ne^tMsAe qftrheMerciad will b4on April 22 due to the Easteii break. The IMerciad would like to wish alia happy holiday.





By Anne L. McNeils A&E and Features Editor On Wednesday, Match 31, the committee investigating the success of the Freedom Zone thus far held an open meeting in the Government Cha mbeis at 9 p.m. Approximately 50 people were present for the meeting and a number of concerns about the Freedom Zone, both positive and negative, were aired. As established towa id the end of the meeting, one of the main reasons for the creation ofthe committee was growing concern over the most recent issue ofthe Freedom Zone in which many leaders found offensive and/or libelous material. The meeting opened with the handing out of the agendaforthe meeting and a clarification of its purpose. SAC Chairperson Mark Korcinsky said the meeting's focus was to discuss the Freedom Zone specifically—both its strong and weak points, Korcinsky requested that issues concerning the Merciad be left out ofthe discussion. The committee, which consisted of Korcinsky, William Wheeler (co-chairs), Michele Polon, Michael Arrigo, Lori Bess and Annie Altieri set an agenda for the meeting which contained spediscussion and then allowed for open discussion. The first issue discussed was the role of the editor of the Freedom Zone. Wheeler said the editor's chief role should be to determine the content of each edition of the Freedom Zone. The possibility oftwo editors (for the purpose of one double checking the other) was brought up, as well as the possibility of having an MSG representative proofread each edition of the Freedom Zone. Korcinsky also pointed out the problem of the appointment of Tate Davidson as editor without consulting MSG. "Initially, Frank Revy was editor...all of a sudden we have a new editor (who) was not voted through," said Korcinsky. The next issue addressed was advertisements in the Freedom Zone. Fees for ads were discussed, and Korcinsky requested a report from MSG President John Bruno with the records of all transactions the Freedom Zone have conducted. The committee then brought up a letter President Garvey received from Kevin Downey, Mercy hurst alumnus and general manager of the Cony Journal. In his letter, Downey called the Freedom Zone "potentially litigious." Downey also commented on Bra no * s piece in the last issue a nd pointed out the possibility of * lawsuit being brought against him. Some concern was expressed over the fact that these comments came from someone outside of the immediate Mercy hurst community. The proofreading of the Freedom Zone was addressed next Many present agreed that the spelling and grammar errors which had been found in the Freedom Zone are unacceptable. Korcinsky pointed out, "proofreading has been a problem." It was also noted that the MSG and SAC computers (which are used to produce the Freedom Zone) are equipped with spell-checking capabilities which could help solve the problem of spelling errors. Although the open discussion was not supposed to begin until each issue on the agenda was addressed, the discussion strayed from the specified topic throughout the meeting. One of the most frequently stated issues was Bruno's recent "The Art ofShredding Revisited." Some people violated ) the committee's request to disregard the Merciad and brought up the comments contained in Editorin-Chief Joseph Legler's column in the March 25 issue of the Merciad. Many were concerned about the libelous statements in Bruno's piece as well as its reflection upon the Freedom Zone as a whole. Some said the Freedom Zone has strayed from its original purpose, which was to express student opinions in a way in which they have not previously been expressed. Many of the articles in the Freedom Zone ful611 its potential, but some in particular "are tearing it down," said David McQuillen. Korcinsky requested suggestions from those present to help the committee decide what can be done to improve the Freedom Zone. S o m e o f the suggestions f included the appointment o f a copy editor to help prevent some ofthe spelling and gra mma r problems. Kevin Nixon said someone has expressed interest in the position and will be added to the staff of the next issue. Bruno suggested the editor of the Freedom Zone should be responsible for preventing articles containing libel from being printed. He also suggested including a section?concerning students' satisfaction with the Freedom Zone on the ballots for the upcoming MSG election. It was also suggested that the Freedom Zone decline further funding from MSG and become an "underground" newspaper. If the Freedom Zone opts to do this, it will not be subject to restrictions set" by any groups; whereas ifit remains a part ofthe MSG budget, the publication is likely to face regulations set by the MSG representatives. $j The popularity o f the Freedom Z o n e among students and others on campus was also addressed. Altieri cited a random survey she took of 20 students. Four of them had never read the Freedom Zone. Nine had favorable impressions of i t while the remaining seven had either negative or mixed emotions about it. Bruno said he has received fa vorable comments from a number of administrators and trustees, who "love" the publication. He also mentioned the support from former College President Sr. Carolyn Herrmann. Wheeler, Korcinsky and the rest of the committee took note of all the suggestions land comments made at the meeting and plan to include them in their report to the representatives at the next MSG meeting, on Monday, April S, at 8:30 p.m.


By Jule Gardner Merciad News Editor MSG elections and the Freedom Zone were among focus topics at the March 29 MSG meeting. Elections for the executive board will be held on April 5 and 6. Candidates presented their speeches in the Union at 8: IS on Tuesday, March 30 (see related story on page 6). Mark Korcinsky, SAC President, expressed his'displeasure with the last issue of the MSGrunded Freedom Zone. (related story above) A member of the freshman class confronted MSG jnembers with his'concerns about the Mercyhurst NORML (National
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SAC starts Earth Awareness
By Anne L. McNeils | B A&E and Features Editor The month of April has been slated Earth. Awareness Month and MSG and SAC plan to make Mercy hurst a part of it. Mercyhurst is participating in an Erie County project to collect used tires, newspapers, aluminum cans and magazines. This project constitutes a community service project for the springs term. Mercyhurst's, participation has been organized by SAC Chairperson Mark Korcinsky. The project involves dropping off any of the four designated items every Saturday during thei month of April, beginning April 3, in the parking lot behind the D'Angelo School of Music. Korcinsky also said there will be boxes in the Union, Zurn Hall a nd the .Blue Room so newspapers, magazines and cans can be dropped off during the week. {This site will be staffed by members of MSG or SAC. The materials wil I then be taken to the proper recycling centers in Erie. Mercyhurst 2463. will earn a pre-set amount of money for turning in the materials. Korcinsky said any money earned will be dona ted to the MSG general budget or to the Recycling Committee's budget Other groups in Erie, including a number of local high schools, are also participating in the event. The groups that recycle the greatest amounts of materials will be awarded prizes at the Earth Day Festival, which will take place on Saturday, May 1 from 10 a.m. until 6 p.m. at Perry Square/ Gannon University. Mercyhurst's involvement hi local Earth Day activities is not limited to the recycling program. The celebration began in early March and continues until June. Biology Lab Supervisor /Lecturer Lisa Danko is organizing a nature pilgrimage to Allegheny State Park in May. Danko is also in charge of a children's field trip to Siegel Marsh hi June. For more hi formation about Mercyhurst's participation in Earth Day, call the SAC office at

f M


College for the 1993|Hiacademil alii. sMiiiil sssessa wmmm^tvet^mn last ^^8^|<tfJliile record of 1,3401 •ra / f o r d i n g t o | V i » v p o t h , lean of enrolt&tentiservicesIfor theJMBege|not orijjp basfhe | H | applications ilcreafl alio the quality of the students and their geographical distribution. "I attribute the changes to three factors,** Roth said, "The growth of the archaeology/anthropology program, which to date has 54 applications, all of whom are excellent students and who come from all over the country; the new Research/Intel!igence AnalysI Program,fwhich thus farfhas attracted students from 10 states; and more sophisticated long distance recruiting for majors such as dance, art and interior design. |Our goal this year is to im^provejhejjualHy of the freshman

Organization for the Reform of Traveler" concert are going fast Marijuana Laws) chapter. After Close to 200 of the 2000 available researching the affects of this tickets were sold on die first day drug, he felt NORML should not and Roberts expects a sell-out be' a group at Mercyhurst. before the date of the concert, Korcinsky pointed out that, al- f April 30. though the group is controversial, it must be treated with equal opportunity. A freshman representative defended her vote by affirming that the group's constitution promotes educa tion, not use. Bruno addressed lack of participation from representatives. "It tends to be the same people volunteering and not everyone is (from page 1) she has never heard doing their fair share," be said. the human voice and cannot speak. Stricter requirements were sug- However, all w h o attended the gested to help the situation. seminar could not mistake her Vice-President Nick Roberts I expressiveness. Flying hands and reported that tickets for the "Blues pounding fists replaced an angry , voice. Following Palm isano's presentation, Chuck Murawski, who is confined to a wheelchair, opened the floor to questions about his class b y increasing jg&sj acceptable figh school grade p i U disability. He said that the most crucial barriers he faces are "ar;c to aboff 2§5 J R o t b | | WBeclassof '97at d i t ^ n g e S chitectural," that is, places that not only numerically superior b # are not wheelchair accessible. comes from an icademicalJ|| Before, he fell from a ladder and suffered injury to his spinal cord, Stronger|ia|ional pool. | 3£& Accofding§|toJ§M|cba|J Murawski was a painter. Although Fu|rmann,»rdinator|tre;|M this occupation is not a possibiling for Mercyhurst's dance de| ity for him now, he did not abanpartment, three auditions for ad| don this field. He learned to read mission to the department have blueprints and now he makes esbeen held to date- one a t the Dav id timates of how much it would Howard Dance Center in New cost to paint room and homes. Dufour closed the program by York City and two on .the local expressing his gratitude for those campus. f'What's striking about Ibis who came to empathize. "It's the year's auditions is that many of people that didn't come here that the students who auditioned tor need to help. You can help by us are also auditioning for the dealing with the punishment best dance departments! in the which comes from going against the crowd," he said. "Simply get country fJuiliard, North Carolina to know other people as human School of the Arts, Southern Method istan<tButler,"FuhrmaMi beings, not as a member o fa grou| that is not yours. Feel what it feels said. like, always think that way."

From Page 1

Audience Empathizes


APRIL 1,1993



Merciad vs. Freed om*Zone
* ff


J '

SAC Chairperson wants cease-fire
• *_»


Dear Editor, Shred them both! I'm referring to the past articles in the Merciad and the Freedom Zone. If you were unable to read these so-called NEWS ARTICLES, I advise you to read them before you continue to read this article. If you were as unfortunate as I was to read them in their entirety, you'll basically understand the gist of this article. To save time and paper, I'll state it as plainly and simply as I can. I suggest that John Bruno, Tate Davidson, Joe Legler, Anne McNclis and the remaining staff members of the two attempts at journalism talk, debate, argue, fight or whatever to resolve their personal vendettas. This will hopefully allow us, the readers, to get some informative news, not the back and forth childish games which are being printed. Since I'll be presenting a similar article to the Freedom Zone referring to the Merciad, I'll spend all my time scrutinizing;'the Freedom Zone.

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By Joseph Legler Insecure Whining Boy I can breathe! I can breathe! My eyes are clear and my throa t \ isn't sore — There really is a God! Miracles will never stop. OK, maybe I'm overreacting just a tinge (I do thatfromtime to time). |Last week I felt awful, literally on th e veige of d ea th. However, ] on Friday I went to the nurse, she examined me and gave me some medication. It is now just Monday and I feel incredibly better. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to Jeanne McCall ion, part-time nurse at Health Services, and the entire staff there. They were very considerate, courteous and helpful in my dealings with them. I've never been one who looked forward to going to see medical professionals, but now I will approach it with much less skepticism. For those of you who turned to this column to see what response I would have to a recent opinion piece about me in another publication — sorry, I don't think it is necessary (it said it all).

Davidson voices his side
Dear Editor, their 'Hoys." You expressed this in your article by call ingmc things that seemed somewhat inapproThe first thing that I care about priate for the acts that were comis your physical well being; your ] mitted. Don't worry, I will not self-pity in last week's article was call you "disrespectful" and "iman unhealthy use of your journalpulsive" for your literary istic position. Anyway, I hope shows poor taste and you are feeling better. Your lack an avoidance of the roots of a of interesting subjects to write situation. I now know that letting about, along with some personal a fewjstaff members into the problems evidently caused you to Merciad was "wrong," but for discretely releaseand ridicule one you to rip apart, jeopardize, and of your staffmembers (me); jump make fun of John and I so that we to incorrect, unresearched conlook like criminals with lies and clusions about the situation; show accusations is cheap, blind jouryour frustration toward another nalism. 'publication for which you have As far as "leaving a mess all mixed feelings; and write a oneover the place," we left the sided, accusational article. It is Merciad exactly as it was. I know appropriate that your column is who your "reliable source" was on the "Opinion" page. It is also who said we were using "your" quite convenient that your pieces computers. She also was processare entitled "Yeah...Whatever," ing non-Merciad material for her this basically describes my overpersonal use, and she isn't on the all opinion of the situation. staff! Maybe she will reveal how You were much nicer on the gentle and clean we were when we raided the office and stole the $5200. There were actually many Mercyhurst College'! First Class newspaper asratedby the Associated people who believed your slanMarch 25,1993 derous accusations of theft in Vol. 66 No. 18 """"~ Little Bo Peep Joseph Legler Insecure Whining Boy John Danknlch "Yeah...Whatever." I guess The Sheep Jule Gardner Administrative Puppet Michelle Ryan maybe now people will just skim Yvonne Maker Foreign Madia Hog Anne McNeils Illiterate Computer User Craig Ry bczynskl Athletic KisM Ass IT. MoriartyAdvisor to Incompetent Foolsl past your article as they would the "Enquirer" at the grocery checkMake Me Mad Staff out line and say Mia U-Rycki Susan Lee Eback Dave McQuillen ^yj Mary Medure I "Yeah...OK...whatever Joe!" Elizabeth Johnson Monica Sertlk Erin Hauber Megan Glide Keith Courson -Your contrived article was a Nick Kxayger Tonie Bo Ian Jennifer Trinidad Jay Kennedy Katie Johnson David Kosobucki good one, for someone who Leon Mumford Heather Ryan Nicole Geraci Beth Nichols Rich Shel ton doesn't care about the facts. There Suzanne Concglio John Furlong David Rumsey John S nana ha n was just a tad too many personal Tiffanie Williams Beth Haas Steph Szabo Liam Barron Jay Fitch pa trick Grace Bruno feelings of frustration, anger, and Stephanie Wainright Karen Tripoli! hostility showing through to make [e Mad is the student-produced newspaper of Merev hurst College, Box The Make M 161.501 E. 38th St. Erie, Pa.. 16546. Phone 824-2376 it legitimate. I, as editor of the The Make Me Mad welcomes letters to the editor Freedom Zone, am taking full responsibility for the situation. The Make Me Mads editorial opinion is determined by the Editorial Board with Security let me in and I did not the Editor holding final responsibility. The opinions expressed in The Make Me Mad ire not necessarily those of TTie Make Me Mad, its staff or Mercyhurst. Continued on page 8 pjjjjgF phone when you questioned me about the situation than you were when you actually wrote the artide (that you hadn't informed me of). When one of "your" editors made me aware that you were writing an angry article involving my entrance into the Merciad, I was so surprised that I called another editor and asked all sorts of questions. Apparently, your recent sickness and abundant workload may have been involved in the wrath and fury that you spilled onto the Freedom Zone staff. I hope you don't always exaggerate when you are sick. I am sorry that you lost respect for our sta ffwhen we simply typed Gve articles (not the entire paper which consisted of about thirty) on "your" computers to transfer onto disk. I am now aware that the Merciad staff (which I am no longer a member of due to this situation) is very territorial about

The Make Me Mad

Say I were to wail "FIRE" in a crowded theater; consequently, several people die, become critically injured, or in any case, obtain any injury at all. In this incident, I would be tried by the courts for endangerment, disturbing the peace and so on. Out of respect and for the safety of myself and others, I would not attempt this stupidity. As for the case of the Freedom Zone, it certainly has been lavish in what has been printed in this attempt at journalism. Several'people were offended, or some would call it, personally injured, by several articles written. There have been incidents where individuals abused the privilege to express themselves candidly. As a result of this, dissatisfaction and strife have occurred. As an Executive Board member of MSG, I have/had the coresponsibility to seethe Freedom Zone function in a manner which : won't step out of certain con fines. These certain confines may be described as my right as an Executive Board member to limit certain actions by effectively voting for the ^people. As far as I know, I've voted on the budget for this paper, a previous editor who no longer resides as editor and certain issues brought up before about the''language in the Freedom Zone. These confines also dea 1 with the respect, responsibility and course of action. Several issues, overly concerned with the recent Freedom Zone, were distasteful to me and many people spoke to me about their concerns. The responsibility that I speak of is the fact the Freedom Zone was to report to the people what is going on tha t the Merciad doesn 't cover, as well as parallel some of the articles in the Merciad. Putting a spotlight on course of action, the Freedom Zone was initially created by several individuals who wished to express themselves and their opinions. They never created a purpose, even if there is one to this paper, concerning what they were going to write about. I was under the impression there would be articles of concern in the Freedom Zone, (i.e. Where does the money-go when you get fined for violations on campus would be a good start). I never got the impression there'd be articles of vulgar references, personal vendettas, and pure ^unprofessionalism not even ^touching the immaturity and lack of morals that has existed.!

I don't want those of you out there who disagreejwith me to think I'm totally against the Freedom Zone. For the record, I'M NOT! This paper has potential and some very talented contributors. What I am against, personally and from other constituents who voiced their concern, is the fact the Freedom Zone has the Mercyhurst name and integrity on and in it As a current student and an approaching alumnus, I would be embarrassed to associate myself with this work ofjournalism as it stands. Let it be noted that several things are being done to unravel this dilemma. One, a committee to research this dilemma was formed and investigations are being carried out as we speak. Secondly, this article clearly states some of the dilemmas with the Freedom Zone for public knowledge, and thirdly, the Student Government will greatly appreciate any input on this issue. My last paragraph has an abrupt messageand suggestive tone. It is my sole opinion that certain individuals need to learn respect, generate morals or use them if they have them, and quit looking at life as if every one were out to get you. By no means am I an angelic, impeccable, goodie-two-shoes who hob-nobs with administration for brownie points. I'll put up a fight when there is a disagreement in terms and needs for the students and myself. I'm just as capable of using the same language, sexual undertones, and disrespect to whomever I want (i.e. roommates, family, neighbors, teammates, etc.). The fact is there are limitations and in good context concerning where these things should be used and if necessary, printed. In this case, those of you who did choose to express yourselves openly out of certain confutes of good context know who you are. If you don't, I'll be more than happy to let you know in a respectful manner that won't offend others around us. Lastly, let it be known that many fingers can be pointed in this allegation. I'll be the first to point a finger at myself for letting unsettled business slip through my hands. I hope those of you with comparable responsibility admit to your faults and help correct this dilemma.

SAC Chairperson Mark Korcinsky

pThe M c ^ a d l ^ c o m e s litters to the editori Letters must be signed, but the name can be withheld by request under certain conditions.


MSG Presidential Candidates

MICHAEL ARRIGO — As president of M&G, my goals and plans are to run a more efficient and effective governing body. Along with this idea, I would like to see the Mercy hurst commu-^ nity come together more as a whole, I would also like to stress that I realize everyone has different needs. Through my experiences, I feel that I will be able to listen, | understand, and communicate those needs back to administration and other significant bodies.

GEORGE PAYDOCK — I would like to bring student government together with other organizations on campus and develop a Mercyhurst College "family.
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Candidates [present speeches in open debate
By Nick Krayger Merciad StaffReporter On Tuesday, March 30,1993 in the Student Government Chambers, those students running for MSG executive board office gave their election speeches and then had an open forum debate. I Run by present MSG Vice President Nick Roberta, this forum which began at 8:15, opened with the election promises of Presidential candidates George Paydock and Michael Arrigo. Mike Arrigo, Junior Circle K member, SAC Representative and active participant in the ambassadors club, urged student voters to seize the day. He feels he's "rea dy to give back some ofwhat he was given here at Mercy hurst" If elected, Arrigo hopes to work toward • "more efficient, more effective student body." He believes that the students and administration should "come together and get needs met" He pi a ns to take action when it comes to recycling on campus, with the housing department and he intends to work mote toward unifying the grading scale. Arrigo believes "it takes someone to listen and meet everyone's needs" to be an effective president He claims he "can promise change, but it's up to you to make the difference." George Paydock, sophomore RA and place kicker for the football team, believes that since he has had "many chances to work with different people in different places in different situations (which) have given me a chance to meet people from all over the world" and this opportunity has made him a great communicator. During his speech Paydock stressed that "organization, communi9 cation' and the ability to "follow through" are what MSG needs* He also thinks that "Student government needs to get excited, make things happen and work for the people." They need to "get down and dirty, and get the ball in motion." Paydock contends that "things aren't going to happen overnight," but ifelected "I'm in there 100 percent of the time until I'm gone." ^Following the presidential candidate speeches, those campaigning for vice president presented their viewpoints. Sherlyn Celone, senior marketing club president, finds that "communication is the key to success" and that there is a need to develop a "strong rapport between faculty and administration.'' Although Celone believes that vocalizing "definite plans defeats the purpose," she plans to " find out what you (the students) want" and intends to "work with you." Celone promises that "If I need to go Kilt r to door to accomplish this, then I wilt" I i Kristin Hurd, sophomore MSG mem* bcr, took a different route in getting her message across to express her leadership abilities. Rather than give a winded speech, Hurd encouraged everyone in MSG chambers to stand up. She proceeded to get ua to do a little dance, and her point was that it "takes leadership to get a group to perform the simplest of tasks." Hurd plans not to attack administration, but believes if you "show respect and listen to what they have to say, change occurs." Nicole Acqullano, junior dance club VP and former MSG member, strongly believes that "variety is the spice oflife." She promises that, if elected, she will "represent the entire student y"in aiding the president and his duties. Acqullano thinks it "takes high energy to
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Secretary Candidate

JESSICA CUFFIA I feel thai I can be an adequate representative of the student i ran ly on executive board along with fulfilling my job as secretary.

unite the Mercyhurst students" and she claims that "If you* re bored, Til give you something to do." Two write-in candidates for VP are Will Wheeler (who at the meeting had a pageful of questions to ask his fellow running mates) and Jim Bean (who was not present at the meeting). Those candidates running for the office of Secretary and Treasurer are running with no opposition. Jessica Cuffia, freshman MSO representative and organizer of the Spring formal, believes that "we need more 9 representation of the people ' and thinks that we should especially have more involvement with the Northeast campus. Heather He id, junior and present MSO

treasurer re-elect thinks that since she "has experience" and knows "the procedure for treasurer that continuity " is the best policy. Heid agrees with fellow candidates that the "executive board needs to be more tied together." Throughout all of the candidates speeches, the issues of housing, recycling, parking and problems with the phone system on campus all surfaced. All candidates agreed that the present officers at MSO were doing a good job, but things could "run much more smoothly." Hope fu I ly, whoever is elected will continue to see the needs of our student body as clearly as during their campaign, and it won't be such an issue as tunning things "more smoothly.







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MSG Vice Presidential Candidates

NICOLE ACQUILANO — Being a dance major, I feel that g artists, athletes, and those of higher academic excellence should all work together to bring quality leadership and organization to Mercyhurst

KRISTEN HURD Mercyworld will hear the opinions of the extreme liberals as well as the^ opinions of the ultra conservatives. I believe the most important thing to do when you decide where you fit in here is to listen to both sides-—open your mind. * -A j

Treasurer Candidate
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SHERLYN CELONE — As vice president, I will be an active extension of my peers. Mercyhurst is our home, and I feel that we need a strong person to be a representative of the entire student body. This someone must have experience and truly work for the better interests of the students. I have the experience that is needed and will be the voice of my peers, not only to MSG, but to the Mercyhurst administration and faculty. I am a team player and feel that communication is the key to a successful working relationship. My goals are to unite the student body> generate school spirit, work hard for you, have fun, and make our years here at Mercyhurst College memorable.

HEATHER HEED - As a member ofthe executive board this year, I hive ga ined valuable insight into the organization and operation of student government I feel this will not only benefit myself next year, but the student body as a whole.


All Mercyhurst Student Government^ candidate photos taken by Beth' Haas.




First let me say that you really should look at the staff box of the Sharon Smith Freedom Zone. I think you might By Jay Kennedy be surprised to learn that we are Merciad Staff Columnist not all males! Admittedly, Mia, Once upon a time, in the year 2839, theit was a guy named Bob Angela, and Tonya were not in99 Continuedfrom page 5 who lived in a small city called Not- Ve ry -B ig- Vi 11c. He wa s married volved in "the incident and I hardly classify as a shining exto a beautiful woman named Barb. His marriage with her was a happy one. He was also happy with his job as a business executive ample of femininity. However, once think that my actions were this does notmean that I am either within one of Not-Very-Big- Ville's banks called The-Bank, which illegal or wrong, now I know. was always in heavy competition with the city's other bank, The- a "boy" or a gentleman or even Maybe your next "Campus QuesOtber-Ba nk. In fact, he was so happy with his job that he would go of the masculine gender. Do the 99 99 tion should ask people what they as far as being very upset if employees from The-Other-Bank ever words "gender dysphasia mean think. But,'! in reality, it is not had sex with his wife. In case such an annoyance should ever occur, anything to you? The moral of worth pursuing any further. Those he posted a sign on Us front door which read, "If you're from The- this little tirade is that maybe you new locks better not raise my tushould make sure you have your Other-Bank, please refrainfrombreeding with my wife!" ition because security is still gofacts straight before you run an He liked his job especially for the fact that, once a year, his ing to h ave a key or two to the new article. If you don't, it tends to employerwould send himon a business trip to the most fabulous city doors and that's how we "boys" shoot your credibility as an effecin the world, Pretty-Damn-Neat-Ville. There he would stay for three got in. tive reporter. (And why did you full days, consisting of drinking heavily, visiting oldfriends,and I believe that the Freedom Zone assume we're all guys?) never, ever, ever doing anything that had to do with his job. and Merciad can sha re some sort Second, I found your bit about However, he would still come home with his business work com9 of camaraderie in the near future. the "missing money ' to be mispleted (this is because he knew of the magic toilet bowl of PrettyMaybe, we could even SHARE informative. That's hardly what I Damn-Neat-Ville, located in the men's room of Taco Bell, that some things! This is, of course, would term appropriate behavior always shape-changes itself into the men who sit on it and fulfill any only if you are not too strongly form what claims to be the of their job-related tasks so they can have more fun with pretty d amn sanctioned by the elitist adminisschool's "professional" student neat things.) tration that tends to have the first publication. Admittedly, weat the After returning homefromhis business trip that year, however, and last word. If we work to'Zone don't always act in the he found a situation that most business men in the year 2839 would gether we can help unite the stumost)professional manner but find quite disappointing. His wife told him that she had sex with five dent body and assure ourselves we've never claimed too. We've men from The-Other-Bank. He was quite disturbed by this. He that we will be able to make the also never found it necessary to \f> inquired, "Didn't they see the sign?' decisions. The more students arinvent an allegation against a "Yes dear," she replied, "but one of them said "that 'he was group of people, either. gue, and the less we communitechnically a member of your bank as well as The-Other-Bank cate rationally, the more powerBy the way, since when do five because he once ordered a pizza for your boss." ful the administrators become people constitute a large number "Oh, that was Some Guy. What he said was true," he replied, because they have to make the anyway? "however, that was over two months ago. Darling, everybody final decision between opposing As for "the incident," there were knows our policy: To technically consider yourself an employee of forces. We are complimentary several reasons why events tranThe-Bank, you must order a pizza for the boss at least once every publications, not contradictory spired in the manner in which month!" | i and competitive. I tried not to they did. I, personally, was under n "I know that honey-bunny, bat it was the police who let him in, the impression that we weren't n participate in an angry response she explained, "and besides, you weren't here to check with) supposed to be in the Union buildto your article because, like a This peaked his curiosity, "Well, they could have checked with ing because the sprinkler system treadmill, that would get us nomy boss," be said. had gone offrather unexpectedly. where. Remember what Arrested 99 "Yeah, really, she replied, "I mean they could have at least left We would have asked for your Development says, "All shouting you a message on your answering machine. It could have been permission to use the\facilities does is make you lose your voice." something simple like, 'Hey Bob, remember me, Some Guy? Well, had you been around to ask. Also, P.S. I, for one, haven't had any I heard you were outta town so I couldn't ask you this personally, but Tate was under the impression money stolen from my desk. AcI thought I'd at least show a sign of responsibility in letting you that he at least was allowed to use tually, I don' t even have a desk, or lilt.jwthat my friends and I are going to have an orgy with your wife. them because he' s on sta ff, which money for that matter...So, as an 9 Hope you don't mind, Bob. Cheers! That would have at least to me would seem to be a fairly honest person, I will avoid this showed courtesy in their vile act." logical assumption. As it stood, dishonest situation thatyou fabri99 "Yes, be answered, "I wouldn't be upset at all if he had done that. we werefightingto meet a deadca ted. I should probably write an article in my company newsletter about line with our printer (something 99 their discourteous and impolite behavior. I'm sure you can relate to) and we With hopes for peace, He did write the article in his company newsletter, The-Bank'smade the mistake of assuming Tate Davidson Informative-Stuff. But, unfortunately for Bob, Some Guy was the chief editor of a secret underground company newsletterforTheOther-Bank, called The-Sexually-Repressed-Executive, which earned the readership of only five executives other than TheScxually-Repressed-Executive staff. (Basically, its only reader worth mentioning is God, who hated itfromthe start, but because of His omniscience, he unfortunately had to read it.) Despite Dear Editor, man rights agencies that study the permitted legal counsel and saved popularity, however, in dislike of Bob's article, Some Guy wrote an abuses, pay for lawyers and doc- from execution because letters article which insulted Bob relentlessly. It claimed that Bob hated his I am responding to Mia's letter tors for the victims of abuses and from all over the world have business wardrobe, and would rather dress up like a long-haired in the March 25 Merciad. When pressure govenunen ts to ha It ille- poured into government offices, hippie with jeans and a heavy metal T-shirt which would read, we read about these atrocious gal detentions, torture and execu- letting officials know they can no "Metallica may have been dead for 830 years, however, they still things happening in the world, we tions. The Amnesty International longer torture and kill in secrecy M rule...dude! It also claimed that Bob had a tattoo on his arm that feel powerless and outraged. I group on campus raises money to and silence. 99 read, "(Forget Mother) Electronic Breeder. believe the response we ta ke needs support the national Please feel free to join us at our Ironically, this insulting description of Bob was perfectly fitting to be two-fold. organization's efforts and spends next meeting Tuesday, April 13 of Some Guy. No otherbu siness executive was aware ofthis, except First, we need to examine our time each month writing letters to at 4 in the Laker bin. for Bob. Hefiguredthat Some Guy felt insecure of his own stupid own complicity. How do we, as foreign governments asking them looks and needed to boost his ego to his whole five readers by individuals and as citizens, con- to cease abuses. The letter-writ- Alice Edwards putting down his majorcompetitorwith pointless insults. Some Guy tribute to the violence? How does ing works. Thousands of people Faculty Advisor was taken to the Supreme Court a week later for libel, and was found our country work to oppress oth- ea ch yea r a re released from prison, Amnesty International guilty, not for libel, but for looking so stupid. ers? As taxpayers and voters we God, knowing all of this because of His omniscience, was very have powerful tools to change disappointed in the behavior of Some Guy, and turned him into a our nation's policies. See page 10 for additional opinion letter by Nick periwinkle colored goat. Then, God snickered, for He knew that no Second, we can call on governone would notice the difference. { j f fj ments around the world to protect Krayger. April Fools! (No offense to anyone, especially to God!) human rights by supporting hu-

etable dom

SmitWalleges gender dysphasia
Dear Editor, that a fellow student publication would be sympathetic to our plight. Apparently we greatly over-estimated your levels of compassion and understanding. Personally, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. So a member of your staff, accompanied by a few others, used your computers to save some articles on a disk and left We didn't destroy anything. We didn't erase anything. We didn't scribble obscenities on the walls. We didn't even print out the articles we typed up. We also didn't leave "a big mess", as your article!claimed. We left the office as we found it. So what's the problem? And why is it you neglected to mention that your "reliable source" is not on the staff of the Merciad and was using the Mercind computers for purposes not at all related to the Merciad, same as we did, only with much less claim to do so? Why was this handled publicly instead of privately? Could it be that you just couldn't find anything else to write about and you were attempting to stir up some controversy? However, should you still feel a need to retaliate, I would love to see you fit your entire staff (which is about four timessthe size of ours) inside the MSG office and set up4be nextj issue of the Merciad on the computer (singular, not plural-there's only one) that we were allotted for use by the Freedom Zone while working around the MSG officers who also need to use the same computer. If you're lucky, someone might be in the SAC office so you can use that computer (again, singular, not plural). Of course, you'd have to work around all the SAC officers, too. This whole situation is remarkably akin to when your little sister or brother borrows your favorite sweater without asking. You yell and scream until your mother points out that since neither you nor the sweater was hurt, wha t' s the problem? I think you need to learn from that example. Or are we going tofindyou out marking your territory around the Merciad office while changing the locks?


Amnesty International answers U-Rycki


APRIL 1,1993
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Saturday at8 p.m. until Saturday, April 24.. The Roadhouse is located at 1505 State St. Tickets are $7, $5 for students and seniors on Thursdays. Call 459-8215 for reservations and information.

The RoadhouseTheatre is proud "my best work of the '60s. to present two one-act tragicomic Slapstick Tragedy opens at the playsfromthe greatest Am erican Roadhouse Theatre on Thursday, playwright of all time, Tennessee April 1 at 8 p.m. Performances By David McQuillen Williams, best known as the au- are every Thursday, Friday and Antagonistic Staff Columnist* thor of such classics as The Glass Menagerie, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and A Streetcar Named What a tragic, sad and totally Desire. unfufilling life I've led. I'm doing it air-wrong. I thought I Williams actually penned over was happy. I really did. But I 100 plays. Two of the finest and most critically accla imed a re 'The wasn't.:,I mean, I was but I Mutilated" and "The Gnadiges shouldn't have been and I think Fraulein" (translated: "The GraI realize that: now. But don't cious Lady"). These two plays worry about me, I've seen the were traditionally produced on a light and I know what I have to I double bill under the* omnibus do to be cool. I know what life should have been like and what it's title of Slapstick Tragedy. Simigotta be now. I watch 90210.1 watch Class of '96. lar in style, and often quite funny, each play explores the world of I see now that high school was not all it could have been for me. the lonely and maimed, and the I know from watching 90210 that high school students should look painful adjustments thcygmust like they're between the ages of 20 and 25. The way I figure it, as$ make in reconciling themselves soon as I graduatefromhere, I should be able to hit high school again to what life offers them. and do it right. Yeah. > The plays are filled with rich Pm going to have a lot of money. No more borrowing off mom a nd * dialogue and the haunted poetry * of past-due pride for which Willdad. I'm also going to have a car and never wear the same clothes iams is so renowned. Here's a twice. Pm going to be beautiful. I'm going to have beautiful friends chance to see two unique works who all worry about their hair, becoming rap stars, and whether from our most prol ifiepla ywright dad's yacht will be ready for a romantic weekend. Pm not going to and indeed what he himself called, have zits. I'm going to be wise and say things like "Gosh Brandon, you don't need to drink to have a good time and although it seems like the end ofthe world since you' re a zillion dollars in debt because of you're gambling problem, we all love you and there's always tomorrow and I think it was Descartes who once said...."
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Hills so I should be ok. I'm not going to go through that awkward, drool on myself, insecure, wear bad clothes phase either. Instant coolness is whatl'mlooking for. I won't be nervous around girls and hot babes will be mine. Four years of 90210 coaching and I'll be ready for college again and that's where Pm really going to do well. Pm going to go to a school called Haven hurst where the sun always shines and the dorm rooms are oak trimmed and as big as gymnasiums. Where I can always be philosophical and discuss it with myfriends.Where it's not a cafeteria, it's a dining hall. Where students reflectively lounge on the campus lawn and no one looks like they got up five minutes before class and staggered all the way there and I always see the same people every day and something new is always happening and any problems will be taken care of before the episode is over. Where everyone has all of these really mature, deep and interesting things to say. Where I gather with my friends in a cozy little lounge and drink coffee late at night and laugh and be entertaining, talking pol itics and sex. At Havenhurst, I definitely won't do geeky frcshm air things, oh no. I'll sit at bars, but never get sloshed and if I do I '11 make a moral commitment to never drink again. I'm going to have a conscience about everything and be a real activist type and wonder whether I should live life passively and let it happen or whether I should have fun and make things happen. After 1 graduate, in '96, It seems like IwUl be without guidance for a few years; I'll have to enter the world and get a job and start a family with nothing but my own wits to get me by. Then it's on to reruns of thirtysomething and after that, PUshow my kids videos of 90210 and Class of *96. Showlhem how life really was back when I was a student jfc •

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•Attention juniors and seniors


idiidu^l tanniri t&fk n cc|nplet^wi|i|pfivdte c t ru sss alea andlsteredtnftisic. m& cangej^he "524 3 w al|oyer^| with our 48 larrjp system |20||28 lamps in a tanni|g bed) with noriskof burning, drying or peeling| S | | Jc^$ule|gives i < ^ p : t f t f b€||||if ultan |hat gets noticed, t5 minutes in fp Cap$i|e'« 30 minutes in|a bed|lt's a cleaner and safer] environmenti|swea^ree tarfning (Noflying down on hotf |acrylic)| Our trained technicians are ready to answer all your tanning questions and help you withfour|complete| line of lotions and eye contact! So if you'rellookingtfor ... the Ultimate Iran, letfSun Capsule add a little Sunshijne to your Life, because some peopfe are fust too whitef
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If you arc U , 0 graduate in May and who has not yet successfully completed whoexpec the writing proGdencyrequirementfor graduation, you must make arrangements to do so as soon as |x*sible. Test dates: Thursday, April ISfrom3to6 pJii. Saturday, April 17from9 am.to12 p m

L a junior who is planning to graduate in 1994 or if you are a senior

** Spring JBreakf Special **
14// students receive a lp9?|dis(|ount Coming Soon -tl

Ocean Pacific!Swimwe^t







K u h a r sails a w a y f o r as e m e s t e r at s e a
Mercyburst College student Tricia Kuhar, a junior Elementary Education major, will be spending her spring semester at sea aboard the S.S. Universe. On January 29,1993, Semester. at Sea's S.S. Universe departed Nassau, Bahamas, as it began the Spring 1993 voyage. The Universe has called on La Guaira, Venezuela; Salvador, Brazil; Cape Town, /South Africa; Mombosa, Kenya and is presently en route to Madras, India. The voyage will continue to Penang, Malaysia; Hong Kong; Keelung, Taiwan; and Kobe, Japan, returning to Seattle on May 10. 404 students, representing 140 colleges and universities across the US., together with 38 senior adult participants and 68 faculty and staff are aboard for the voyage. Semester At Sea, administered by the Institute for Shipboard* Education a nd academical ly sponsored by the University of Pittsburgh, is 3 a program that takes students, from colleges and universities across the United States and abroad, around the world each fall and spring semester. Students choose from fifty lower and upper division courses in a variety of disciplines. Courses offered a re accredited by the University of Pittsburgh and are fully transferable to the student's home institution. Gasses meet daily while the ship is at sea. The faculty are visiting professors, also from institutions across the US. and abroad. All of the faculty jhave had extensive resident international experience which serves to integrate course content with countries on the itinerary. * While in port students can choose from a wide range of structured

travel opportunities that are developed by the institute and the faculty. Students may also choose to travel independently. Each class has a field component requirement that the student must com*plete during the voyage. Activities in port can includehome stays with families in the countries, visits to universities, travel to places

of historic, cultural and religious significance, or simplyfreetravel to experience life in the cities and rural areas. Stays in port range from three to seven days. Semester At Sea uses the S.S. Universe, an 18,000 ton ship that has been equipped as a floating university. It includes classrooms with closed circuit television capabilities, a library, theater, stu-

dent union and cafeteria. It also in eludes a swimming pool, basketball and volleyball court and a weight room, providing a campus atmosphere for participating students. A student life staff provides activities programming for the periods of time at sea. Additional information may be obtained by calling 1-800-8540195 or 412-648-7490.

Beginning on Friday, March 19, seven members of Circle K represented Mercyburst College at a convention in Altoona, PA. The a community, ^%by|Mr| Leglef audicotll WMm ****** weekend-long convention, sponsored by the Pennsylvania District :i ^K^^^^^^p: Wrnn$i»i§ f i ^ ^ n f ^ n i ^ ^ ^ ^ " ^^ Circle K, represents an historic momentforCircle K and Mercy h I p ^ in m||i: proicheitoli|niigsucl&waftx::p»us^,|vou chose not toilo l b ! III ^ ^ It was the first convention attended by the club's me ^SH&S&K was chartered about 11 yean ago. Front Row, left to right: Wt m m*** services, nmmmm in* i g m i o. : mm dancingfflffiy ;x*:x:;::i m beat™ mm v;S^S hope p t p u m<i Theresa Schioeck, Michael Arrigo, Erie Lt. Governor Tricia ^m&m^ m&&3g^£&&&i&>£9& ivw;;::?::: :^»:<S£ Fleisher, Grace Bruno.
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Back Row, left to right: Jamie Williams, Laurie Pezich, Mary Medure, Alyssa Griffin

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Sponsored by Alpha Phi Omega at Edinboro Beta Beta Beta at Gannon and Tau Kappa Epsilon atj?enn State-Behrend Student Government Association at Mercyhurst College (In conjunction with the Greater Erie Eye & Organ Bank)


I P i p i f e poes^ i f l p l p l |aw|«ifesson:ih is campus atfijJ n « issue was addressed^ When lib «>«? KMpbe Nuns Wf i f l p l ^ : M l : , , M i ^ B M W ^ ticleiii;the Freedom ZoiWIil ^^ich,P " I w ^ M i i . ^ w i i P |o«lhff^ pcralbyMa ^ f e c U Mghc d l f f e r e a c c s . ^ e v ^ l l l l M M H t t ^ g i o a s Korcins mere M S^ss*^ of the Ifreedom Zonef&taff as twetfi the two:both addressed the nfws, you d|g^||ely <fif Hid on campus and done it a iitti|:more tactfully. response as topvhat the p u r ^ e both seem (surprisingly) to have And now that we|re|pn the sub- of the i e really wasjgwai x-SW: ^ l i i p e t e n t editors and people ]act (or tactlessness, 1 i article like that|whic)|makeflf say), Vd like to comment on John obvious why die F ^ e d ^ ^ M in Charge. Another s im ilarity,and Iwhlch I chose to pinpoint Bruno's reaction lit the Freedom j$ under investigation, t mean, | here (and one which I believe to Zo«4 ^TbelArt offShredding like reading it as much as the next tobotb)istbesla|i- Revisited." First off, Mr.fBruno, guy, but show sblti structure and de if that the publications use you are guilty of committing the organize yo same crime as Mr, Lcgler—a bus* against each other. The| Freedom Zone and the Nowfwe all know what hot is- ing your position as Freedom Merciad s ho nidiwork together sue Vm going to bring up here, so Zone assistant editor to basically on this campus. So gentlemen, either buckle your seat belts or tear Joe Legler (and the entire use your positions wiscly|and efMerciad staff! for that matter) fectively to|benefit the student turn the page. apart. body—not to get a rise out of and First of all, I believe (and think 1 think I am speaking for many divide it many would agree with me) that both the Merclad and the Free* when I say that your recent article doro Zone serve their individual is utterf complete trash. Granted, you had the right to defend your- Nick Krayger and unique purposes in bringing self, but you could have risen Freshman, human about varied points of awareness above the Islander tactics em- Ecology major to the Mercyhurst community* I,

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APRIL 1,1993



The Cheap eats
By John Danknich
Merciad Asst. Sports Editor For the second time in two years, the sports editors of the Merciad (Craig and myself) will be presenting our Major League baseball preview. This week, I will be previewing the American League. The class of the AL East are the defending World Series champions, the Toronto Blue Jays. The signing of future Hall of FamerPaul Molitor and former Oakland pitcher Dave Stewart should fill the holes leftby the departed Dave Winfield and David Cone. However, the Jays don't have a left-handed starter, which could hurt them down the stretch. Still, I think the Jays will win the extremely weak AL East 'y The Baltimore Orioles should push both the Jays for the top spot in the division. The O's added Harold Baines to their already potent line-up which features the dynamic duo of Brady Anderson and Mike Devereaux. Cal Ripken Jr. should rebound from a subpar season. The Orioles young pitching staff must be consistent if they want to keep pace with the Jays. My pick for third place are last year's big surprise, the Milwaukee Brewers. No one thought the Brew Crew would do anything last year, but they proved that youth and team speed can take you a long way. However, with the loss of 16-game winner Chris Bosio, the Brewers will need former 20-game winner Teddy Higucra to have a strong season after two injury-plagued years. ? The New York Yankees took a big step on the road to respectability by acquiring left-handed slugger Paul O'Neill from the Cincinnati Reds and signing free agents Jim Abbott, Wade Boggs and Jimmy Key. Key and Abbott will take some of the pressure off ace Melido Perez. Despite a 2.87 ERA, Perez only finished with a 1316 record because of no run support, which was the same thing that plagued Abbott in California. If the Yanks score some runs, they could make a run at the top. I was planning on picking the Cleveland Indians higher, but with the unfortunate deaths of Steve Ol in and Tim Crews, the Tribe loses its closer and a veteran set-up man. Look for the Indians to contend in 1994, just in time for opening of their new stadium. Bringing up the rear in the AL East are the Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox. The Tigers did take steps to improve their pitiful pitching staff, but I would still expect a lot of high scoring games. The Red Sox have no power and no quality pitchers beyond Roger Clemens and Frank Viola. It's going to be a long summer in Beantown. This year, the Chicago White Sox will finally make it over that last hump and win the AL West. The Palehoes feature one of baseball's best line-ups from top to bottom and improving pitching staff that features Cy Young candidate Jack McDowell. The amazing Bo Jackson and his bionic hip should act as an inspiration in the clubhouse. Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas may Gnally^win his much-deserved MVP. Closely behind the White Sox are the Minnesotai'Twins. The Twins must find a way to replace the departed John Smiley in the rotation. Scott Erickson and Kevin Tapani must supply 200-plus innings to keep the bullpen from being overworked. The signing of Dave Winfield just adds another bat to an extremely potent line-up. Kirby Puckett should once again make a run at MVP. Despite the loss of pitchers Mike Moore and Dave Stewart to free agency, the Oakland A's should still be in contention this year. Mark McGwire might have hit 50 home runs if he hadn't missed 20 games. Ruben Sierra should flourish after leaving Texas. Starting pitching will be the key for the A's. Dennis Eckersley remains ba seba 11' s preem inent cl oser. Big things seem to be expected of the Texas Rangers every season. However, the Rangers never seem to be able to put everything together and make a run at the top of the division. A healthy Jose Canseco and home run champ Juan Gonzalez could hit 80 dingers between them. While Tom Henke's addition does improve the bullpen, the Rangers* starting pitching is too suspect for them to be a serious threat The Kansas City Royals decided that defense would the key to improvement, so they added Gold Glove winner Jose Lind and f o n l l er Twin Greg Gagne to their infield. However, the Royals seriously lack any offensive power which is very necessary in this division. i .£ The hiring of Lou Pinella as manager was a good move for the disappointing Seattle Mariners. The M's are still hoping that strikeout king Randy Johnson will develop into a 20-game winner. They also only have two serious offensive threats (Ken Griffey Jr. and Edgar Martinez). i In dead last are the California Angels. The Halos have no offense or defense which makes it hard for quality pitchers like Chuck 1 Finley and Mark Langston to win more than 10 games. The Blue Jays will head to their second straight World Series taking on. . I well, you'll have to read Craig's National League preview next week to find out their opponent

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nillen places sixth in "

and was unable to return to the front of the race. Sean Wall met tough luck as well with a spectacular crash over a fallen rider named Fred, a hard chase and * ultimately a flat tire. Team members Viselli and Matt Minnick managed 20th and 22nd in the "C" race, finishing out a';tough initiation into collegiate racing. Davidson, after a strong showing in thefirstrace, was Mercyhurst's third flat and ended up with a DFL. Dzienkonski, surprising everyone, finished third. It was a tough weekend, with all teams present racing at a^much higher level than last year. McQuillen figures that their run of bad luck is over and that they "should manage some very good placings, especially with the upand-coming novices." * p?I managed some insight into the actual racing when Leon "Chunk" Mumford managed to gather enough energy to assemble some words into a quote. "It was easy," he said. Leon had glazed eyes and he couldn' t stand because his legs were sore. I suppose it's better to lie than to remember. / .

Cyclists face rough riding at SHppeiy Rock
'Tain is not pain once it has of the race. Team member Cliff past" Whoever wrote this famous Clark came out with a seventh quote in a fit of hyper-intelligent place finish in the "B" race, while chatter never had the chance to Tate Davidson and Lou Viselli watch the members of the finished with 10th and 23rd place Mercy hurst cycling tea m atruggl e showings in*the "Cs." Marcie around campus after a weekend Dzienkonski was the sole female of hard racing. People who have | memberand had the highest placforgotten the team's pain don't ing with a strong third in the walk like that Most humans don't women's race. Later that day, the riders had walk & like that. I learned about funny cavemen in archaeology their chance to race against the class who walk like that, but they clock, completing a six mile loop didn't have bikes. Conclusion: the in the least amount of time as cycling team has just completed possible. Only Dzienkonski their first stage race of the year, would come out with ego and and far from forgetting it, they lungs in tact, again finishing a remember all three races really strong third. well.. The final race took place on Early Saturday morning, the Sunday, and consisted of a six team rose * to make the jaunt mile circuit which the "As" circled to Slippery Rock for the first of four times, the "Bs" three times three races. The top racers went and the "Cs" twice. McQuillen first in the "A" category race, was instrumental in the formation circling thirty times around a of a seven man break, with all the treacherous half-mile loop. Pave major teams present. Riding hard McQuillen managed a sixth place enough tojust hang on, McQuillen in the face of heavy competition managed to stay with the break from schools likeTufts, Peiui State and finish seventh. Leon and Bucknell. On less than one Mum ford, hoping for a chance to nde around the park, the "As" show his early season form, flataveraged 28 mph over the course tened a tire with two miles to go


flpiisf Saturday, ] the Bu ffalo Bills vs. fMercyhursjj faculty. On the hardwood of the MAC. Tickets available at football office mm Phone 824-^150
:•>:•: -••aa ;SS;S



By Liam Barron * Merciad Sports Writer *

W i l l S S O l d

and the coxswain was Heather Drake. The men's heavyweight squad Was Jakub Svoboda, Will The Laker erew teams were in- Sauve, Mike Bank and Eric volved in a prestigious regatta in Anibaldi, and the coxswain was By Chris Kullman 9 Merciad Sports Writer Augusta, Georgia, this past week- Joe Basco. end and came home with an asAssistant Coach Adrian The Mercy hurst Laker tennis sortment of hardware. Three Spracklen was very pleased with teams made the return journey to the results, "Considering that we team soundly thrashed Gannon 9the scene of Spring Break '93 and have been unable to get out on the 0 in its latest encounter Sunday squared up against the cream of water up here, we definitely per- afternoon on its way to establishthe nation's talent on the Savan- formed above expectations in ing a 4-3 record at this point in the nah River. The weather was a Georgia," he said. "The trip to season. "I am really happy with the team little kinder on this occasion than Augusta was the coach's way of this season, and I think everyone it had been a few wee rewarding the people who have the teams responded trained the hardest over the past is working well together," said Gordon Quinton, men's tennis performances. litis few weeks, and they gave a g < Fl The men's lightweight four account of themselves against coach. One example of the versacame home with the gold, the some tough Ivy League opposi- tility of the team is its ability to have new combinations, such as women's varsity four won the sil- tion," he added. the Andy Davidson/Pat OTCeefe ver and the men's heavyweight Spracklen went on to ta Ik about four took the bronze. The men's the rest of the season. He said, partnership, gel quickly. Theduo lightweight four?were: Doug "We're building toward Dad picked up their first win together • Reynolds, BJ Fox, Chris Moigis Vails, and all our upcoming re- this weekend. Mercyhurst relied heavily on and CJ Warner and the winning gattas should give us a j dindicoxswain was Nikki Drake. The cation of what well be up against . its doubles pa rtnerships to achieve women's varsity team included: there, and how we measure up a 6-3 victory against the UniverAndrea Peterson. Erin Wade, a gainst the best squads in the coun- sity of Buffalo on Saturday afternoon.'"! am pleased with the Nikki Geraci and Leanne Peters, try.
• : • : •

Tennis team crushes Gannon 9
team's performance and glad we came away with a pair of wins under our belts this weekend," said Team Captain O'Keefe. Sophomore MarkusjMuenck added, "I thought I played well this weekend, and the key to winning both matches was good serving and good returning. As a team, everybody played solid tennis and conducted themselves in a ^professional manner." The team hosted Slippery Rock a University Wednesday morning and will travel to Youngstown State to face the Penguins on Wednesday, April 8, in a dual , match with the women's team. On Friday, April 16, the team will travel to Bloonisburg University. The matches in the next few weeks will help the team gear up for th is m ajor tourna ment. Four wins at the tourney will guarantee the team a spot in the nationals.

Lady Lakers capture California tournament
The Lady Laker Volleyball team traveled to California University ofPennsylvania for a Spring Tour- • nament on Saturday, March 27. Playing for thefirsttime in a Laker uniform was University of Pittsburgh transfer Tracy Komar who provided the Lakers with an explosive outside, attack. However, all nine members of the team provided solid performances to lead the Lady Lakers to a tournament victory. In the preliminary round, the LadyXakers easily handled a USVBA team by scores of 15-4 and 15-4 and then face the number two team in the Atlantic region, host California. The Lady Lakers let the first game slip, losing 14-16, but rebounded to defeat California 159 thereby winning the bracket and advancing to the championship bra cket In thefirstmatch in the championship bracket, the Lady Lakers faced nationally-ranked Juniata College and again let the first game slip by them by losing 1315, but again rebounding to crush Juniata 15-6 in the second game. The Lakers needed to win the last two games against Millersville University to win the tournament The Laker volleyball team rose to the challenge and easily .defeated Millersville 15-8 and 15-8. P The tea m looks next to Wednesday, March 31oWhen it faces cross-town rival Gannon*

1993 SPRING SPORTS CALENDER April3 April 4 1p.m. 1 p.m. 10 a.m. 3 p.m. 10 a.m. 1 p.m. Softball at Clarion University (DH) Softball at Indiana of PA (DH) iGolfat Malone College Softball at Theil College (DH) Golf at Malone College Baseball hosts Ashland University

April 6 (DH) April 8

3 p.m. Softball at Hilbert College (DH) 3 p.m. Men's Tennis at Youngstown State Women's Tennis at Youngstown State