Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts

I want you to stand up for your rights

A play by Pamela Olson

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 1 of 39 pages

When there’s a hemp plant in every yard . . .

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 2 of 39 pages

Copyright © 2010 by Pamela Olson All rights reserved. All wrongs revenged. It’s a story. Semblance to anyone is not intended nor should be inferred. Savvy, mate?

Doc Sererinsen's There Is A Girl http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjG0S6dc-sY

A graduate of College of Marin then Sonoma State University, in the middle of The American Wine Country, California USA, Planet Earth, Milky Way, Pamela Olson is A Marin County Volunteer of the Year, founding board member North Bay Multimedia Association, Home Designer, Raconteur, Gardener, Time Traveler, Swimmer, Veteran, Friend, Real Estate Authority, Ballroom Dancer, Mama, Color Junkie, Bon vivant, Professor, Author, Wife, and Landlord Extraordinaire … aka opinionated.

May all your storms be weathered, and all that is good get better.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 3 of 39 pages

Cast
ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless

MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling

CAROL as played by Kristin Davis JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds

TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey

MORGANA played by That Lady as played by Rene Russo

CRAIG B as played by Robert Forster JOE as played by Morgan Freeman

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 4 of 39 pages

‘25 Reasons to Legalize Drugs’ STEVE FRYE, MD as himself

BROO as played by Emile Hirsch

RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci

LACY J. DALTON as herself

BANDKITTY TIDE Directed by POLLY FINDLAY

Tunes
Lacy J. Dalton - The Pusher Nina Simone – The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQvNFS3URLQ Blind Melon – The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQUNigVcBB8 Hoyt Axton - The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWrYrABuPtA Steppenwolf – The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMqVrUSz62o

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 5 of 39 pages

Character Descriptions
Note: Actors chosen here are for among other reasons, their age, height, voice, and body type, as each is specific-critical to each character’s portrayal. JOE: an old reliable Charlie Wilson’s War work truck with nightmares, the real G.I. Joe. Overweight, losing hair, amiable, intelligent, methodical, lumbering painfully from old military wounds with still a healthy dose of his younger swagger, prone to bar fights, smoker, drinker, practical, seasoned, inventive to the core, treacherous, full of quiet purpose, JOE is several times divorced, a womanizer, apathetic to his children, fiercely patriotic, ballroom dance troller, wryly comic, and is deadly in some areas. He is a Viet Nam Army vet, 40-year lifer, retired E9, 100% disabled, although to the then world Joe was just an E4, simple, black and The Grease Monkey needed well everywhere. Joe is from a poor family in Biloxi, Mississippi where Joe grew up around the Air Force base there. When drafted into the Army, Joe earned an Associates Degree in Business while working as a heavy vehicle mechanic. Joe’s deceptive manner covering still waters running deep came to the attention of higher ups in the chain of command when the Nam war ended and choices were made as to what to keep, get rid of, and develop anew. Joe was wisely sent to Intelligence school and college for appropriately, a Masters in Organizational Development, group behavior. He had the perfect Intel cover, heavy vehicle mechanic. Joe regularly has several weapons on him ranging from knife to guns, one with blanks, to mace to taser as well as a variety of cool spy toys. Joe resides in Point d’Ironie. He is a NOT MY PLANET SNL Junkie, a George Carlin Junkie, a R. Crumb Junkie, a RENO BROO Junkie, and a Mary Hartman Mary Hartman Junkie. Joe listens to Shirley Bassey and Gerald Wilson “Quirk with poignancy.” His favorite movies are 1970's Kelly's Heroes' there's no booze, there's no broads, there's no action! And 1958's The Young Lions' [amused] Can I talk about what I did with your wife the last time I was in Berlin? Young Lions was and remains so much quirk it totally rearranged Joe's self-centered head the first time he saw it. And it still does. Joe, equally charming, cruel and broken, is a sad bad man with a big-scarred heart, his shell-shocked sensibilities’ emotional instability only held in check by training and his intellect. Joe is straight from Olympus. The troops know it. He is their talisman and they will follow him anywhere.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 6 of 39 pages

MORGANA: Air Force veteran, Viet Nam Era, E3, Doctorate, former model, elegant, creative intelligence, graceful, usually has smudges of colorful paint somewhere on her, and her clothes that also have potholes in them, Catholic schooled, alert, proud, gleaming, every inch a queen, esthete, gracious, sardonic, swimmer, high-style, sentimental, charming, vivid, intoxicating. Drives a red kit 1954 Morgan, and is a falcon and bird of paradise both. CRAIG: Navy Viet Nam vet, E4, Gary Cooper High Noon charisma, plain, ordinary, practical, sometimes heroic, groovy stuff, arresting clarity and compassion, mellow, austere, well-mannered, courtly, wears circa 1976 Levi 501 white boot cut, button fly jeans. No belt. Dark brown low heel Wellington boots --Dress shirt and double-vent sports coat. Concealed weapon permit with three handguns on him; under arms, in boot, one also with blanks, taser in other boot, other weapons about him, sardonic, very familiar to others, on the best of terms with everyone. Left wrist has that dead, absolutely hairless, waxed wrinkled puffiness of a bad flame-thrower burn. Likes Country Western, Jazz and Classical music. An only child, CRAIG was born in San Francisco in 1950, third-generation on his mother's side, second-generation on his father's side. CRAIG is a disabled Navy vet. He has Bachelors Degrees in Philosophy and Physics from University of California, Berkeley. CRAIG is twice married to the same woman. They had twins; CRAIG was not their father, which CRAIG knew was a possibility. Their son Harry died in war. They now have two grandchildren from daughter Molly. CRAIG is a retired Sonoma County California Deputy Sheriff. His wife Molly is a retired Santa Rosa, California math schoolteacher. Has great passion and fealty to principle. CRAIG usually is working in something or another at University of Nevada, Reno although rumor has it he is now an under cover mortgage fraud and foreclosure fraud ‘’Specialist.’ We’d heard he’s the one that investigates your claim. If valid, among other methods only whispered that JOE is used for, money is emptied from the perp’s account. CRAIG usually has a physics or philosophy book he’s reading he carries around with him. He likes films das Boot, The Perfect Storm, Key Largo.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 7 of 39 pages

RENO BROO: Blog Opera Cyber Punk style, zeitgeist, hitchhiker, quirky, magical, sexy, wicked, romantic, sassy, likes to blow stuff up, action orientated, imaginative, exotic, sophisticated, ambitious, glorious, influential, discerning, whimsical, young, muscled, catlike, wholesome, sultry, hope, humor, blagueur, bartender, psychiatrist, visionary, beloved, noir, sleek, stylish, show caser, lusty, irrepressible, teaser, deliverer, possibility and potential, the only guarantee of a happy ending is the one you write yourself, refreshing, delightfully irreverent, accessible, hilarious, inquisitive, industrious, adaptable, cool hunter, high-falootin; planetary princess and inside mind trotter, a real fox when it comes to robbing a hen house, changing, growing, full of wonder and wondrous surprise, inspiring, retro, Cheshire Cat qualities, captured the imagination of fans so has large cult following, all the while composing reflective social commentary, dry. ALICE: Air Force veteran, Viet Nam Era, E5, Bachelor's Degree in Linguistics, Masters degree in Kinesiology, both from Sonoma State University, California, charismatic, model from age six until her first pregnancy at the age of 45, brilliant, mercurial, born into privilege and wealth, exuberant, resourceful, full of promise, imperious, compassionate, intense, saturnine, has depth in her green eyes, winning grin, sensitive, catches everything, ebullient, dancing laughter, presumptuous smile, disciplined, loyal, rogue, full of gaiety, has the magic gift of the born bon vivant, she’s graceful, romantic, vulnerable, apricot glow, her hair in soft, happy disarray--a woman of great passion. She is so alive, mystical moments come to life. Understands everybody. High-strung, high-maintenance, is worth it, charming, plays well with others. She seeks the far horizons and shores that once lured generations of her Italian and Austrian forebears, has close, connected, deep, educated and wealthy Italian, Austrian European cousins and Palo Alto, California American Savoy cousins, has unbounded confidence, a complete surrender to delight, believes one can be anything, do anything, is interesting, effective, well-adjusted, and occasionally surprising. ALICE gracefully saunters, undulates and jiggles as she moves. Her clothes are usually pot-holed and paint-smudged.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 8 of 39 pages

CAROL: Navy veteran, retired Commander, Masters degree in South & Southeast Asian Studies from U.C. Berkeley, blend of Little Nell and Lady McBeth, brass knuckles in a velvet glove, vitriol up a lace sleeve, martial arts black belt, accomplished card counter and Blackjack player, Silver Level ballroom dancer, romantic. Her timing is always flawless. Has black humor, courage, nobility, honesty, and selflessness. Powerful, inspirational and unforgettable. Has the habit of of holding her drink in the palm of her hand, Bracing, lively and full of certainty and power. A flaming comet. JAMES is not her only lover, long or short-term. Deft, assertive. JAMES: former Marine, just retired Major, a total “What would Sam do?” guy. Masters degree South & Southeast Asian Studies from U.C. Berkeley, charismatic, sensuous, charming, fashionable, swaggers, Silver Level ballroom dancer, his timing is always flawless, dash and honor, still gets fear shakes, romantic, puts duty, honor, and the people he commands above self-interest, graceful, eager, consummate political animal, brilliantly advances by making the right connections behind the lines and in corridors of power, always is pushing himself up and onward, believes his life is a well-charted avenue toward power and distinction; lives on the edge, lusty, irrepressible, well-mannered, courtly, King of Hearts, obsessed with dreams of High Adventure. Has martial arts black belt. Sometimes his eyes for a second glaze over like one hit by a round. Other times a burning desperate look floods them for a couple seconds. Other times he has a brief air of awkward diffidence that was not excessive modesty but naked fear. For he leaped astride a tiger, and wasn't always sure where it would take him, or whether he even could ever dismount and return alive. Married to TRACY, and having long term now eight-year affair with CAROL. Listens to the Blues, Etta James, Billie Holiday, Janis Joplin, Robert Cray, Chris Isaak, Gaye Adegbalola. Driven by his own war nightmares. Accomplished card counter and Blackjack player. Has the habit of of holding his drink in the palm of his hand, been trying unsuccessfully for years to seduce ALICE. “What would Sam do?” is from Anton Myrer's novel Once An Eagle published in 1968, at the height of the Vietnam War. It is a touchstone for the military professionals who devise and carry out America’s defense. According to the New York Times, “Once An Eagle has worked its way over a generation into the mindset and lexicon of the American military.” Named to the Marine Commandant’s Reading List, it is required reading for all marines, is assigned to West Point cadets, and is featured in the United States Army War College’s annual leadership seminar. Soldiers emblazon the protagonist’s name–Sam Damon–across their tanks, and military officers at every level make decisions by asking themselves, “What would Sam do?”

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 9 of 39 pages

MARGA: During the world wide Great Depression, MARGA was born in Munich, Germany on December 3rd. The Munich Bavarian State Operetta recognized early in MARGA’s childhood that she was a gifted dancer. In just one year MARGA danced in more than 300 performances of Johann Strauss’ “Die Fledermaus” (The Bat). That same year, Germany’s then Chancellor, Adolph Hitler, invaded Poland, drafted MARGA’s father into the German Army over her father’s futile protestations, and attended several of MARGA’s performances. MARGA’s father died five months later in a Munich Army Hospital at the age of 39. He died never seeing his talented daughter’s performances. In January 1940 while dancing for Adolph Hitler MARGA did not know then that in less then three years she would have an accident completely severing her Achilles tendon. Never again could she stand on her toes. An American air raid on Munich later destroyed the Theater. MARGA married a disabled American WW II veteran. Now a widow, MARGA remains committed to supporting American Veterans’ causes. MARGA is known for her thoughtfulness. She is a Silver ballroom dancer, polite, attentive. Her eyes flash like swords, her smile is grave and gentle. TRACY: Catholic schooled including Bachelors degree in Art History from San Rafael, California Dominican University, former model, Silver Level ballroom dancer, heedless extravagance, reflective and irresponsible alike, impulsive, generous, not afraid to deal with the tender side of Marines who have not forgotten they are men, envious of privilege and wealth. LACY J. DALTON: Singer, songwriter, musician, celebrity, Virginia City, Nevada resident, activist, Time Traveler, actress, Gal Pal. DR. STEVE: ‘25 Reasons to Legalize Drugs’ Steve Frye, MD, American physician, sailor, world traveler, skier, Army paratrooper veteran, Captain, piano player, who knows how to pursue his own interests while acknowledging that we are all stewards of the public interest.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 10 of 39 pages

BROO: Amorphous, varied in tastes and interests, creator, consumer, umbrella. To the tune of California Dreamin’ and with all respect to Mamas & Papas, here it's to Jose Feliciano http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq7aSCezBk. All the views are down and the drone is bait I've been for a look. At broo ha ha hey. I'd be drunk and warm if I had the bar’s keys Conspiracy Dreamin’ --At broo ha ha hey. Stopped into a bar I passed along the way well, I got down on my knees just to face the day. You know El G likes the bold El knows I’m gonna stay. Conspiracy Dreamin' at broo ha ha hey --All the views are down and the drone is bait I've been for a look. At broo ha ha hey. if I didn't drink here I could leave today --Conspiracy Dreamin' --at broo ha ha hey.

Setting
SAUSALITO HOUSEBOAT FOUNTAINEAD: ALICE'S home, a swanky, swelegant, richly colorful, burgundy, robin’s egg blue, evergreen, plum, ink blue, merlot, bering sea blue, contrasts of dim, dark and saturated color, intimate, romantic, upscale, classy, 30s, elegantly eccentric, comfortable, textured, black lacquer cabinets, and well appointed with Found, houseboat moored at Sausalito Shipyard & Marina formally Arques Shipyard & Marina. 2350 Marinship Way (access on Road 3) Sausalito, CA 94965. Phone: (415) 332-3552. Harbormaster @SausalitoShipyard.com. The feel is a pleasing mixture of Tahoe, Sante Fe, a Frank Lloyd Wright Prairie House, Mediterranean, Paris countryside, Florentine, Carmel, Italian hospitality, Japanese manners, Rat Pack banter, razor-sharp Beat intellect, and San Francisco Painted Lady. The overlay is all Frank Miller, Sky Captain of The World of Tomorrow, Norman Bel Geddes, and Tim Burton. The feel is of a delightful, decadent, Sybaritic way of life with soft, warm places to curl up, alone or in company for swell gossip. The air smells of peppermint, spearmint, chocolate mint, cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon, rosemary, salt, and iodine. ‘Snow’ ‘falls’ through the stage lights giving more spatiality and dimension to the set. On set always are a

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 11 of 39 pages

female orange tabby cat named BandKitty and a female Golden Retriever named Tide that are always interacting. During World War II, the Marinship yards used the Sausalito, California waterfront. After World War II, C.L. Arques bought five ferryboats and had them placed in Richardson Bay. The Vallejo and the City of Seattle were remodeled into cool homes. The City of San Rafael was eventually also used as a home, although only its upper deck was used. Another ferryboat ended in Sausalito. She was the Charles Van Damme. Her tenant for many years was a business called The Ark.

Pacing
Slow, languid, undulates, jiggles, long beats of silence with body language, costumes, music, and eyes telling the story, ebbs and flows, lazy backwaters, deliberate, savored, everything's sipped not chugged, drawn out, nuances, sway, trances, thoughtful, all the time in the world, rhythmic. Opening: (House LIGHTS still up begin voice only Lacy J. Dalton singing The Pusher while audience seats themselves. At end of tune house LIGHTS dim, start MUSIC Nina Simone – The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQvNFS3URLQ, halfway through the tune the CURTAIN opens. On set: JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE at tables of various types; kitchen table, coffee table, bar countertop, tv tray, dining room table, patio table. To mimic a notebook’s illumination, each one has his or her spotlight shining up from under each glass tabletop. All costumes are sexy, sensual, elegant, and classic, color saturated, textured, layered. Everyone is invisibly plugged in with his or her beloved ubiquitous wireless. There is subtle movement everywhere. ‘Snow’ ‘falls’ through the stage lights giving more spatiality and dimension to the set. People are up down, back and forth; moving around is a distributed fashion. There is a feeling of a lot of unseen activity going on. LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide begins with red, white and blue hemp leaf. Cartoon image slides continue throughout play. The houseboat is always moving which is seen through its windows and the characters’ movements. JOE and RENO BROO sit at the houseboat's bar. ALICE, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, and TRACY sit at a black lacquer dining room table. CAROL and MARGA sit on a settee with a glass top coffee table in front. BROO sits with a tv tray. CRAIG and MORGANA sit at a patio table on the deck.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 12 of 39 pages

RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (RENO BROO sits on the bar stool pushed away back from the black lacquer bar. The houseboat coolly breathes wealth, sensuous fun, elegance, permanence, grace -the good life. RENO BROO has her hands locked around her knees while she looks around, she sways easily with the motion of the houseboat. BANDKITTY is curled up on the bar in front of RENO BROO, TIDE is at RENO BROO's feet, RENO BROO pets BANDKITTY –RENO BROO then pets TIDE. BANDKITTY stands up, says “waarrrh” and moves to the floor where she stropps JOE's shins vigorously back and forth a halfdozen or so times before moving to LACY J. DALTON's shins. RENO BROO picks up her ice tea from the bar, drinks, then holds it in the palm of his hand.) Real men wear hemp boxer shorts. DR. STEVE (from dining room table) I resemble that. My goal now as a medical doctor is to change all drug policy to regulate, control and tax drugs, as they have done with such great achievements in the Netherlands and Portugal. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘This is your brain’) CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (he shifts himself on the outside patio chair, TIDE trots up the stairs to to the deck and over to check, CRAIG pets TIDE while he sways easily with the motion of the houseboat. CRAIG then rubs his his left wrist with its dead, absolutely hairless, waxed wrinkled puffiness of a bad flame-thrower burn. From the houseboat's open screened windows the sounds of the channel, the Sausalito harbor and the San Francisco Bay reach in. Gulls scream, boats' air horns pierce the air, people's voices rise and fall, fog horns blast throatily, the lap and slap of the waves against the houseboat, an occasional dog bark, are all intermittent. Shadows dance gracefully on the blue walls of the houseboat. The smells of salt, iodine, charcoal, diesel, and marijuana waft though the houseboat. The curtains ripple against the blue walls. CRAIG sits across the dark walnut patio deck table from MORGANA, who sways easily with the houseboat.)

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 13 of 39 pages

Groovy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (He stands up, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, then moves to the houseboat's window in an indolent swagger of the professional soldier in an any place, any time. A boat goes by, its diesel engines chug. JOE's face is very hard and plain, all ridges. JOE shifts his weight on his feet with the movement of the San Francisco Bay, then he murmurs sly.) Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? LACY J. DALTON (from dining room table) Because potholder was taken. MORGANA as played by Rene Russo (BANDKITTY moves over to MORGANA where BANDKITTY levitates up to MORGANA's lap, puts her forelegs on MORGANA's chest, and demands pets, right now and no nonsense with a “naaoww!” TIDE trots over making the same 'pet me' demand on MORGANA. MORGANA pets BANDKITTY then TIDE. BANDKITTY rhythmically stretches out on the dark walnut table in front of MORGANA, an orange spot BANDKITTY relaxes her forepaws and sings a low song sounding bees buzzing in deep clover, her eyes narrow in contentment. MORGANA sways easily with the motion of the houseboat as she then sighs, then smiles and laughs while she murmurs to BANKITTY, then puts her ice tea glass in the palm of her hand, pauses to pet TIDE who's now sitting on MORGANA's high-heeled clad feet, MORGANA sips her tea, then puts the glass back into the palm of her hand.) I was 17 years old when I enlisted in the United States Air Force. 17 years old is young and stupid. My First Sergeant turned me on to every drug then, courtesy of our Captain. I then bought land in a state where marijane is legal

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 14 of 39 pages

and I leased out to a marijane farmer. We were all so scared the base psychiatrist had us on a variety of pharmaceuticals, including marijane. A man on marijane is lovely while a man on alcohol is well, useless. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Hemp’s circle of life’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Let the games begin. The Right Honorable Gentlewoman Sarah Palin is indebted to her memory for her taunts, and to her imagination for her facts. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Legalize weed’) CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (from patio table ) What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt? JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (JOE swaggers over to the settee where he sprawls out on it. BANDKITTY and TIDE move to JOE. BANDKITTY says “kwleert', jumps up and sits down on JOE's lap and starts to wash herself. JOE pets BANDKITY and TIDE.) A pothole. Sass the brass. Who the hell are the SarahPalins to judge people, anyway? Have any of them been such a five-alarm-saint? JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; his ice tea glass held in the palm of his hand, he sips his tea, then puts the glass back into the palm of his hand,)

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 15 of 39 pages

There is less to the SarahPalins than meets the eye. DR. STEVE (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from dining room table) ) Marijuana is the most mellowing drug out there. We should be issuing it to prisoners, as it keeps violence down to virtually none. As I researched America’s drug policy for my radio talk show, I became amazed with what a devastating and deadly catastrophe drug prohibition is. I had to write this book -- the policy now is so racist and lethal. MORGANA as played by Rene Russo (from patio table ) Based on everything Christianity has told me about Christ, I just don’t see how the guy they consistently describe could ever support any group whose symbol is a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Eh? (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Cops say legalize drugs’) MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (from sofa) What do you get when you eat marijuana? ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless (from dining room table) A potbelly. Our tactics must match our antagonist. The SarahPalins are best walked on a leash. Their ignorance makes me sick. MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from sofa)

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 16 of 39 pages

Then be sick, darling, but not on the rug. The SarahPalins go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker. What is Reality? RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, her ice tea glass held in the palm of her hand, she sips her tea, then puts the glass back into the palm of her hand, she turns and watches out the window as the bay swirls through the pilings where she sees seal's heads bob in the swells. She turns to look at JOE then JAMES. Her eyes flicker with wickedness. She then shivers as she speaks with snark) Reality is real men wear hemp boxer shorts. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘hemp’) JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (from dining room table) Reality is illusion caused by a lack of good weed. (dry) Grasping facts is a gracious practice. Grasp the subject SarahPalins. The drug legalization words will follow. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘The drug war is bad’) TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey (TRACY sits at the table and sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, TRACY pets BANDKITTY who gives a long bubbling 'bleerrrt', then BANDKITTY bops TRACY when TRACY reaches down to pet TIDE while TRACY looks around and then she pets BANDKITTY who gives another long bubbling 'bleerrrt'. TRACY's eyes snap with enthusiasm, she is slender, younger looking than her age and vibrant. TRACY runs her fingers over her chest and throat.) Real men wear hemp boxer shorts.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 17 of 39 pages

DR. STEVE (from dining room table) The misnamed and failed American War on Drugs is a 75-year illusion as it has been a catastrophic failure in every arena. In 75 years the American War on Drugs has killed a million American citizens, more than all its other wars combined and far more people than drugs kill. And with 5,000 Mexicans killed in 2008 alone, America now exports murder. ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless (BANDKITTY moves to ALICE, who pets BANDKITTY, who says 'krrwarr'. ALICE scratches BANDKITTY under the chin, doing it properly. BANDKITTY accepts it, stretches her neck and closes her eyes, looks very pleased. ALICE smiles.) At a stoplight what is the difference between a drunken guy and a stoner? CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (restless, moves from window to window to window, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, pets TIDE, turns, his face expressionless, peers direct at TRACY, pause, stands at a window of the houseboat. He sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, his ice tea glass held in the palm of his hand, passes his hand over his chin, pauses, then speaks in a measured cadence to the others) The drunken guy runs the stoplight and the stoner waits for it to turn green. I have explored tributaries to the river of events. My exposes are stepping stones out into muddied, often very deep, water, complete with rough edges and breaking waves. As any bureaucrat, lawyer, politician, corporatist, and judge know, sometimes the truth is complicated. Deftly handled, stories and tales can become tools or weapons while facts are

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 18 of 39 pages

just . . . facts. The SarahPalins’ are just too ignorant to grasp facts. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Portugal’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Fact is marijuana is the most mellowing drug out there. We should be issuing it to prisoners, as it keeps violence down to virtually none. The U.S. has five per cent of the world’s population but now uses 60 per cent of the world’s drugs. MORGANA as played by Rene Russo (from patio table ) Game indeed. Move along. The poor SarahPalins --They can’t help it --they were born with a loaded assault gun in their mouths. SarahPalins are sport. In America, it is sport that is the drug of choice for the masses. Sports do not build character. They reveal it. DR STEVE (from dining room table) There has never been a single medically recorded death from pot alone. In fact, the only way you can die from it is to get arrested and get killed in jail, where one-third of prisoners are dead by age 45. JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (stands, stretches, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; his ice tea glass held in the palm of his hand, he lifts it to sip his tea, then puts the glass back into the palm of his hand, he is cynic, sardonic, alert, measuring, intense, he speaks with relish) The SarahPalins’ insanity, on occasion, are not without their ah slutty charms.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 19 of 39 pages

(Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Hemp bio-fuel’) TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; in voice of maturity, wisdom, experience; from the dining room table) Say what you will about the ‘sweet miracle’ of The SarahPalins’ unquestioning faith and overbearing elitism, I consider their capacity for both terrifying and absolutely vile. The two most elite religions today are Christianity and Islam. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Big Headed’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Judge James Gray wrote in his outstanding book, “Why Our Drug Laws Have Failed” about the devastation wrought by a war he witnessed from the frontlines as a trial judge and federal prosecutor in detail. Marijuana is much safer than alcohol or even the most abused drug, caffeine. It’s the safest recreational, OTC or RX drug in history. There has never been a single medically recorded death from pot alone. In fact, the only way you can die from it is to get arrested and get killed in jail, where one-third of prisoners are dead by age 45. RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (holds her ice tea drink in the palm of her hand, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, pets TIDE, she speaks dry) Real men wear hemp boxer shorts. JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (pause, he stretches his arms and legs out, eyes RENO BROO, laughs, he sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, his ice tea glass held in the palm of his hand, he pets

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 20 of 39 pages

BANDKITTY, then he murmurs) What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker? (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Effects’) MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (from sofa) One difference is when a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph in a 30 mph zone with a hard on and eating potato chips. When a tweeker is driving down a road marked 30 mph he is driving about 200 mph, impotent and yelling at invisible potato chips. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘War on drugs’) DR. STEVE (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from the dining room table) America has the highest incarceration rate in the world with more prisoners than China or India. U.S. prisons kill one-third of prisoners by age 45 and two-thirds are rearrested within three years, meaning at best they rehabilitate only one-third. They are thus a total deadly failure as ex-felons can rarely get work other than dealing drugs, so America’s drug policy actually increases the drug epidemic. TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey (from dining room table) Now I pass out into sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Grant no tweeker take my weed and vaporizer before I wake.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 21 of 39 pages

CAROL as played by Kristin Davis (through the windows of the houseboat she watches seagulls as they drove down from the fog bank and sky in wild abandon into waves and waves of swells and wonders, one seagull did a silly, pirouetting skittering dance as it came in for a landing on the houseboat where it eyes CAROL through the window screen, the sounds of the San Francisco Bay slither, slap, pop, and snap by the screened open windows. CAROL turns her head to look at DR. STEVE as she sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, her face expressionless, pause, then she murmurs with calm deliberation.) The weed that pleases. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Jeremy Mayfield’) DR. STEVE (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, sniffs the smell of the charcoal, says matter-of-fact) It’s propaganda that “We wage this war to protect our children.” The devastating and deadly facts are: 1. America has deprived millions of its children and teenagers of their incarcerated parent(s). 2. Americans kids placed in foster care have four times the death rate of those left with their parents. 3. The American “drug war” has created an obscene teenage murder rate that’s nineteen times higher than in the Netherlands where drugs are legally available. 4. America has turned a million of its teens into drug dealers and has four times the death rate of prisoners on Texas’ death row. 5. Only 50 percent of high school students graduate in America’s ten biggest cities and only 40 per cent graduate in NYC, Baltimore and Detroit. In the Netherlands where drugs are regulated, controlled and taxed, 92 per cent graduate; that’s No Child Left Behind! (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Boxer rears’)

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 22 of 39 pages

MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (imperious, crisp and vivacious against the blue wall, MARGA sits at the black lacquer table. She sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, her ice tea glass held in the palm of her hand, she sighs, a ship's diesel engine starts up –a series of swift chuff, chug, chuf, chug, chuf, chug bursts; MARGA turns to look out the window, its curtains move, abruptly the engine stops; other sounds now are heard; the slap and lap of waves against the houseboat's floats and the dock's pylons, gulls calling out, and people's voices and laughter, the diesel engine starts up again chuff, chug, chuf, chug, chuf, chug then settle down. The smell of diesel, salt, charcoal, marijuana, and iodine are in the air as the ship moves into the Sausalito channel and away towards San Francisco. MARGA speaks with a combination of force and tact.) What's the difference between a stoner boyfriend and a stoner husband? LACY J. DALTON (from dining room table) About three inches around the waist. JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Marijuana is the most mellowing drug out there. This failed War on Drugs is also Racism Worse Than Slavery ever was. Whites commit the crime (87% of the drug users), while blacks do the time (74% go to prison). 2. This war has done much more harm to black families than slavery ever did. 3. America’s African-American incarceration rates are atrocious and prisons actually rehabilitate / kill about the same number. 4. America’s major cities have drugwar created ghettos, while there is not one

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 23 of 39 pages

ghetto in the Netherlands. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Stop the drug war’) ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless (she shivers, then her manner crisp and vivacious, ALICE speaks in a voice of maturity, wisdom and experience as she sways easily with the motion of the houseboat) What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda Car? JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (he stands. He continues to speak as he swaggers up the stairs to the deck, now looks wry over his shoulder, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat) A Blazer. JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘LEAP’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) This failed war destroys the environment and increases global warming. 1. It has contributed to the deforestation of South American rain forests equivalent to the acreage of four U.S. states, while dangerously adding hundreds of tons of toxic chemicals to the environment. 2. It has increased global warming directly by this horrendous deforestation, and indirectly, as America is the only industrialized

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 24 of 39 pages

nation in the world prevented from using the very ecologically friendly hemp for paper, wood and hemp fuel, which could dramatically reduce its dependence on foreign oil. MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (from sofa) What’s going on with a stoner when they have short-term memory loss? ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless (from the dining room table) Potheimers. JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Drip & Drop’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Narco-terrorism: America’s drug war funds terrorists! It’s totally immoral for America to wage a war on terrorists and kill innocent Iraqi women and children, while at the same time funding terrorists with drug cartel profits. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from the bar) What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for active duty?

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 25 of 39 pages

(Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘In weed we trust’) MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling (from sofa) Doobie careful. DR STEVE (from dining room table) There has never been a single medically recorded death from pot alone. RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (from the bar) Real careful men wear hemp boxer shorts. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Real careful men wear boxer shorts’) JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey These incorrect behaviors of the SarahPalins it is well known are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education. DR. STEVE (from dining room table) The failed drug war is the greatest corruption in the history of the U.S. It has caused more corruption of citizens, policemen, judges, etc.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 26 of 39 pages

than anything else in America’s history and has also resulted in the trampling of the U.S. constitution. This corruption has now become international. BROO as played Emile Hirsch (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, from a tv tray) What did the paper say to the weed right before they left? (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘The man the legend’) CAROL as played by Kristin Davis (from sofa) Let's roll. I see pop culture breeds prohibition. Typically, once overwhelmed by disinterest or their own inevitable idiocy, the SarahPalins drop community and business and legal and patriotism issues from their important stuff radar and move on to things they understand: like fried chicken, white paint and Dancing With the Stars. JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Marijuana is the most mellowing drug out there. The Netherlands absolutely has the answer. 1. America has six times the Netherlands incarceration rate and still has four times their murder rate. 2. By making all drugs legally accessible with treatment available for anyone

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 27 of 39 pages

that wants it, the Netherlands has America’s one-fifth its hard drug use and half its marijuana use, which really makes no difference as no one dies from marijuana. 3. They provide extensive treatment, the only thing that has ever proven to reduce drug use and demand. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Modern uses’) CAROL as played by Kristin Davis (sways easily with the houseboat; from sofa) How do you get the attention of a stoned group on horseback? LACY J. DALTON (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, from a dining room table) Turn off the carousel. JOE, CRAIG, LACY J. DALTON, JAMES, DR. STEVE, TRACY, MORGANA, CAROL, MARGA, RENO BROO, BROO, and ALICE (sardonic laughter) DR STEVE (from dining room table) There has never been a single medically recorded death from pot alone. RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat) Hip men wear hemp boxer shorts. MARGA as played by Charlotte Rampling

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 28 of 39 pages

(from sofa) A SarahPalin was talking about the sign at the Mill Valley Public Library that said 'THE COMPLICATED FUTILITY OF IGNORANCE.' 'All I know was that I don't want my daughter or anybody's child to see a message that negative every time she comes into the library,' this SarahPalin said. 'And then I found out it was Kathy King who was responsible for it.' 'What's so negative about it?' Kathy King said. 'What could be a more negative word than "futility"?' the SarahPalin said. 'Ignorance,"' Kathy King said. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman Amen. CAROL as played by Kristin Davis (from sofa) The SarahPalins are all false and hollow. Their tongues try to make the worse appear the better reason. DR. STEVE (from dining room table) Those sort of incorrect behaviors are why economically drug prohibition is such an ugly picture. 1. America squanders $70 billion on this war annually and this would pay for half a health plan. 2. America also loses the tax revenue from drugs and marijuana is the biggest cash crop in both the U.S. and Canada. RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (innocent smile; from the bar) You did ask for the truth, and you got it for

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 29 of 39 pages

once. Now be satisfied. Happy men wear hemp boxer shorts. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from the bar) One of the most common defects of halfinstructed minds such as The SarahPalins is to think much of that in which they differ from others, and little of that in which they agree with others. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘It’s a war’) CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (from patio table ) After all Sgt. Joe, according to your file, you're a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression leading to outbursts of antisocial and violent behavior. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (from the bar) You hope. I'm rationally careful. I need a drink. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Drug war nonsense’) BROO as played Emile Hirsch (A speedboat's engine roars to life, BROO sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, he says with lovin’ tease from where he sits at a tv tray.) Please bear in mind that the management does not permit me to serve alcoholic beverages other

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 30 of 39 pages

than for purposes of seduction. (Start MUSIC Blind Melon – The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=JQUNigVcBB8) (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘American drug war’) JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (from the bar to BROO, with snark) Broo, unlike the SarahPalins, I only attempt to rule the world on my days off. (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; to TRACY) Tracy, in individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Drug war myth #726,802’) DR. STEVE (from dining room table) When my theory of drug legalization is proven correct, America will claim me as an American and the Netherlands will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, which it won’t, the world will say I am an American and America will say I’m in the Netherlands. TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey Bravo Dr. Steve. Which side do you cheer for? Do you cheer looking back to where you came from? Do you cheer for where you are? Do you cheer for where you are going?

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 31 of 39 pages

DR. STEVE (from dining room table) I’m on the side of drug legalization because drug legalization is the truth. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Drug war nonsense’) RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (dry from the bar) When legalizing, always cheer, never insult more than six men when all you have is a sixshooter. LACY J. DALTON (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from the dining room table) Sometimes you just need someone ’pon whom you can depend. You recognize a true friend by how he lies to you. Even a purely moral act that has no hope of any immediate and visible political effect can gradually and indirectly over time, gain in political significance. CRAIG as played by Robert Forster Oh High Sierra Reno, what makes you so feisty? RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (sways easily with the the motion of the houseboat; from the bar) Because when a man doesn't wear hemp boxer shorts and when you're as small as I am and female, if you don't stand up for your rights, you're sure to be pushed around by big, hairy, smelly men named something like Steve or John

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 32 of 39 pages

or El or Tony with delusions about male superiority. JOE as played by Morgan Freeeman (voice of maturity, wisdom, experience from the bar) What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists such as The SarahPalins, is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. Hey Reno. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Murdered mayors’) RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (from the bar) I'm now taking a bath. Call me later. CRAIG as played by Robert Forster Groovy, I'm relieved. Reno’s simple selfcentered selfishness has been a haven of stability in an ever-changing world. RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci (from the bar) Why I keep the righteous oath better than any of those SarahPalins so never mind the compliments Deputy, you still owe me three more stories. TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat; from the dining room table) You mean 'Hippocratic. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Real men wear boxer shorts’) RENO BROO as played by Christina Ricci

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 33 of 39 pages

(tease from the bar) Oh, you think so Tracy. Don't always follow the crowd, because nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. I know these SarahPalins better than you do. When in doubt, tell the truth. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (from the bar) Resume flank speed Tracy. DR. STEVE (from dining room table) We haven’t got the gold, the money, so we got to think. The reasonable people reasonably adapt themselves to the world. The unreasonable person persists in unreasonably trying to adapt the world to them. Therefore, all talk and action depends on the unreasonable person learning to be reasonable. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Groovy stuff’ and red, white, blue hemp leaf’) CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, from the patio table) Groovy Steve. Today’s governments, businesses or religions that dismiss or ignore consumers do so at their own risk. The Internet is free at public libraries, free at many businesses and free to anyone that wants to crawl on to it from a nearby wireless connection. Consumers of these goods and services more often than not relate bad experiences over good experiences. Exercising their freedom of speech rights where legal and illegal in other countries, they not only spell out and link the offending business’ name and location, but also the offending employees

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 34 of 39 pages

and/or owner’s names and locations. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, takes a deep breath, speaks goodhumored, interlaces with dry) It’s discoveries and revelations. CRAIG as played by Robert Forster Like to avoid prohibition. JOE as played by Morgan Freeman (from the bar) It’s illuminations and intuitions. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘hemp’) MORGANA as played by Rene Russo (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, from the patio table) How are you Winter Soldiers and Hippies doing? BROO as played Emile Hirsch (pause, sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, smirks, banters with) Aging is a definite reason for using marijane over bourbon. CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (takes a hit off a Vapolution, passes it to JOE) I cover both bases. (with snark)

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 35 of 39 pages

For some it is a far, far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in prohibition nonsense than to put out on the intellectual sea of legalization thought. (Begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘Legalize weed’) MORGANA as played by Rene Russo (from patio table ) Don’t be so quick to judge a book by its cover. CRAIG as played by Robert Forster (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, from the patio table) A book in the house is just like a loaded gun...Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ALICE as played by Lucy Lawless What do you call tokin' a doobie with your friends? JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (he stands and swaggers to the settee where he sits next to ALICE. He draws ALICE to him gently and takes her onto his lap and kisses her on the cheek, then moves her to her feet as he stands up in front of her. The San Francisco Bay breeze stirs the room's drapes. ALICE'S eye flash with amusement as she eyes JAMES, she smiles faintly, then her mouth draws down wryly while she grips her arms together in front of herself. JAMES winks at ALICE, then speaks seductively to ALICE and CAROL, then moves and kisses his wife TRACY, looks at TRACY) A joint effort --Want to go do a joint effort with

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 36 of 39 pages

a veteran? TRACY as played by Barbara Hershey (sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, speaks flat, her voice heavy with irony as she smiles to her husband JAMES at the dining room table) A friend with weed … JAMES as played by Ryan Reynolds (stands and sways easily with the motion of the houseboat, stiffens and stares knowingly, raises his hand and swings it across his body in a long, sweeping gesture, intimate as he brushes his crotch, pause, a dog barks a couple times then a woman's voice calls out with laughter “Rick, Rick boy, come here,” pause, the woman's voice is fainter as she moves down the dock, “attaboy Rick.” JAMES speaks flat, taut, controlled, seductively.) Is a friend indeed --If you will indulge me; want to get friendly with a veteran Agente Amoureuse? (kisses wife TRACY) Start MUSIC tune Hoyt Axton - The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=wWrYrABuPtA Two beats, CURTAIN down. Two beats. BROO as played Emile Hirsch Spot LIGHT opens up on with large joint in hand BROO pulls the side CURTAIN back, two beats, says slowly to audience) If a veteran with multiple personalities tries to commit suicide, do the police consider it a hostage situation? (on skateboard BROO glides slowly across stage and then exits behind other side curtain. Two beats.) DR. STEVE (from one side of stage steps out from curtain into spot LIGHT and moves slowly to other side while saying to audience) Yes --if there’s a doctor around making those

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 37 of 39 pages

sort of medical determinations. (two beats) No --if law and law enforcement continues to practice medicine without a medical license. Let’s DO IT! Let’s legalize drugs right now right here. (two beats) Drug legalization is a medical issue, not a legal, law enforcement or political issue. (two beats) The AMA supports drug legalization. As a medical doctor I support drug legalization. (two beats, begin LARGE SCREEN cartoon slide of ‘red, white, blue hemp leaf’) We doctors work our side of the street, and we expect legal, law and politics, among others, to only work their side of the street. (two beats) And we need you to stand up for your rights and legalize drugs now. (two beats) The war is with the dealer not the drugs or users. (two beats) And Dear Drug Dealers: We have found a better use for hemp.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 38 of 39 pages

Large IMAGE appears on back curtain of a hemp hanging rope. Start MUSIC tune Steppenwolf - The Pusher @ http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=jMqVrUSz62o, lost in his or her own thoughts, everyone remains casually and silently in place through tune. End MUSIC. CURTAIN slowly closes, same IMAGE on curtain. Out from curtain steps Lacy J. Dalton who sings The Pusher. The End.

Real Men Wear Hemp Boxer Shorts – A play by Pamela Olson
I want you to stand up for your rights
Page 39 of 39 pages

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful