.Muhd Irfan Bin Zainal Abidin (0902664B) Crea tive Writi ng Final assignment.

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fidgeting while waiting for the vegetables to boil. Even though they have stopped beating me. Every word that escapes their mouths is like a blow to my soul. Life was tough. my heart ached from the vandalism my body suffered. But it was all just a facade! They were more concerned about what people would think of them if they did not take care of me. I would feel the burn of their stares on me. I live life in shame and agony of my body and seek refuge in big clothes. the cold seeping into my bones. The swoop of his belt and the flash of lightning danced like partners to a deadly rhythm that only caused me pain and fear. The scars that bore my childhood experiences still decorated my body.The endless droplets of water kept pattering against the window. Shivering. everything I did. I curled my legs as close as I could to my body. there is no doubt about that. Every time I look in the mirror. Glancing at me from time to time. They took care of me. To this very day. Fifteen years did nothing to rid me of this stigma. The wind howled through the house. she seemed suspicious. I had a shelter over my head. food on the table and school to go to. my parents still hated me. Every time mother cooked dinner. My mind would wrench itself into the murky waters of my past. I was the only child and I was sure. Everywhere I went. they wished they didn’t have me. Staying home was like living in hell. Hatred rose in my chest as I thought about it. I eat cautiously but never have . I was surrounded by false pretenses. Often.

their actions and even their speech. my feelings expressed through my eyes. I was never an aggressive person and certainly not a violent guy. doing housework when I know he is spying on me.I been poisoned. they were just jealous. Let them talk about me. She would do it one day. he would pretend to laze around. Ignoring them seemed like the right thing to do. Their insults would not change my life. I still had one consolation in life. I would not touch them. Although he seemed to hate me once we left primary school. My dad is often missing and when he is around. Everyone around me hated me. it did not matter. I would catch him having fun with . I hated them. my friend Jake. The way they stare at me. Often. Some mocked me by pretending to be friendly. He had been by my side since kindergarten and has been studying in the same school since then. That was not my only problem. Even though I absolutely loathed them for all that they have done. He keeps thinking I would destroy the house and I hated it. he would seem suspicious. he has always been there for me. They would bang my shoulder or hit my table and pretended to be sorry. But I could not do anything. it was worse in school. I am sure. There were too many of them. The hallways in which I passed through every day were always filled with stares and gossips. the insults whispered from one another and the finger signs that they pointed behind me. They never could get past me. I treated them all the same. Just because I messed up my room when I get angry does not mean I would bring the house down. I could sense it from their body language. Despite all of these challenges.

Smiling smugly to myself. one of them banged into me. The bell rang. Anger then surged through my body. as I heard the fits of laughter he let loose. Twice. My eyes narrowed and my hands curled into fists as I picked myself up. Humiliation overwhelmed me. I had just received my test results and I had done well. mouthing what seems to be another insult. Upon my approach. My nostrils flared as my jaws clenched and unclenched as I turned to face him. To my surprise. I only thought of the mockery in his eyes as my fist made contact with his face. I was shocked but wary all the same. I never fully believe him. glancing at me with mocking eyes. The next thing I knew. I saw his lips moving. But then again. I strolled to the canteen. Once. Time proved that but up to this day. They sniggered as they passed me. my shirt folded. They were up to something. there was already a group of guys there. exposing my stomach and all its scars. Flames reared in the depths of my heart as I heard the words he spat in my direction. He would pledge his loyalty dutifully but things just seemed wrong. I was sitting alone in the . Either way. I tripped and fell. I glared at him and his group of friends. the guys looked up and started to leave.other people. he has always been there for me. He would leave his acquaintances to meet me. each step taken with caution. My anger would dissipate when he assured me he was still my best friend. I made way to the usual table I sat with Jake every day. I walked slowly. my mind at ease. As the group left. he has been a brotherly figure in my life and nothing could change that. Insincerity rang in his apology.

His face changed after I accuse him of pretending to be my friend. I was the sensitive one. my thoughts went to the fight I had. Jake placed his hand on my shoulder and told me that I did the wrong thing. With a fresh mind. relaxing my mind into tranquility. I stepped forward. That bastard did not know who he was messing with. It was Jake.principal’s office. My parents blamed me for everything. my face close to his. He walked to me. the door opened. They patted my shoulder. Jake spat at me and stomped out of the room in anger. My mind was in turmoil. I could not control myself back there. the fury long gone. I was shocked. I shouted at him to stop taking sides. It was a . I pushed his hand away angrily. I yelled to them that it was not me but everyone else. said sorry and walked out of my room. we went home where we fought once again. We had the same argument again. I took a deep breath and went to the open window. The principal did not even want to be in the same room as I was. As I got lost in my thoughts. I thought he would be proud of me for standing up for myself. It was at that moment my parents stepped into the room with my principal. waiting for my parents to come. Coward. I could see the sadness and disappointment in his eyes. Accusations of disloyalty and pretenses streamed from my mouth. After talking to the principal with my parents. The cool breeze invigorated me. insulting and laughing at me. He said that I should not have done that. I was the one who has no patience and does not try to get well with others. They look at me with sympathy in their eyes. It was not my fault he insulted me.

I had never had anyone walk away from me in the middle of an argument. Like a seed growing into a plant. they were tired of me being so hostile all the time. surrounded by people who at least had friends to share gossips with. My parents finally found the reason why I was always paranoid. I was torn and confused. And with that in mind. buried in the destruction of my own bringing. Misery gripped my heart as I thought about all this. I went to look for Jake. I had spent the entire week in a slump. I felt all alone as I sat in class. I realized I suffered . with my mind in a wreck. They were tired of my need to argue. Jake kept ignoring me. I was sure that my actions were justified. It was then that I pondered about the consequences. Listening to the bustling of the school around me got to me. my life became slightly better. To make matters worse. I felt angry at myself for ruining the relationships that I had. After reconciling with Jake and my parents in a tearful and moving event. Why both my parents and Jake did give me that look? Why are they always sad when they see me? Why did they not trust me to know what I was doing? As I sat alone in the room. My parents also did not talk to me at home. Realization dawned unto me as I delve deeper and deeper into my thoughts. Most of all. and the whisperings and gossips got worse.strange move and I did not expect it. I was finally maturing into a better person. I was lost. The people in school still stared at me. The people I love were sick of me. Weeks passed. I reflected on what I did that day. My parents walked out on me as did Jake.

I had long forgiven my dad for his harsh punishment and understood that I was extremely mischievous. But it then occurred to me that I was the problem. I am finally able to look in the mirror. I was livid when they wanted me to go. What I did not need was the constant hostility I carry in my heart. Initially. After undergoing a couple of therapy sessions. the world seemed like a better place after all. at my scars with no shame.from paranoia personality disorder only after we went to the psychiatrist. . It was a part of me and forever will be. And now. in my eyes. I needed solving.

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