NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

BY STARBUCK

1

next time you walk into a bar notice the guys who are most successful with women and what they are doing. invited.S. It is known by many sub-categories. you can literally use any approach. By the time they approach and open a set. In other words we all are born with the ability. Of course like any skill some things are innate and you are born with them. it will improve your game as much as anything. guys. After you read this short e-book on the subject you will understand as well. And if you haven’t. the way they sit.Introduction Non verbal communication is the single most important aspect of your game. Everything they do. opener. If you don’t believe this. Are they just naturals? Is it some sort of God given gift? Do they have e.s. but only some of us have developed it to its potential. sized up and been invited by their targets. often they’ve already been noticed. 2 . So what do we mean by non verbal communication? Non-verbal communication is any non spoken communication that takes place outside of or in conjunction with verbal communication. And take my word for it. the way they look at women. other things are learned behaviors.. you heard that right…. Marines? Do you have to? Nope. etc. you’ve already been invited. Why. and just getting blown out every set and scratching your head wondering why.? Did they go to charm school or something? Did they sign up for 4 years in the U. the way they stand.p. The way they walk. Just keep reading. Yep. Now.. you maybe are wondering how they do this. Even fewer understand what’s really going on with all this. Non verbal communication is primarily a learned behavior. And be well received. because remember. in my opinion. It alone can often mean the difference between being a successful pick up artist. With a powerful skill set of non-verbal communication. This is big. she will wonder why she hasn’t noticed you already and will be enthusiastically interested in making up for lost time.

Every U. be aware of your surroundings and how you are perceived by those in these surroundings at all times. or working a bar in Chicago. You walk into a bar. Let’s start with a brief discussion about situational awareness and how it impacts your game. you’re starting to get an idea of just how important this stuff is. For one thing. other than who the bartender is. Yep. what impression do you think you’ve just made? And what tone have you set for the rest of your interactions with the others in the bar.Eye contact Body language Facial expressions Gestures Posture and body orientation Proximity Paralinguistics Dress Grooming And we’re going to break each one down and explain each to you simply and in some detail. and for good reason. Let me ask you. It works the same whether you are patrolling the streets in Baghdad. The difference being of course in one circumstance you may get blown up or shot and sent home in a body bag. slumped posture. This is called ‘situational awareness’. So I can’t overemphasize this. not a good one. in the other you may just get 3 .S. head down. eyes looking your feet or at everybody’s waist and walk up to the bar and order a drink. especially those of the female variety. Army soldier and Marine is constantly aware of what is going on around them. you’re right. So you can make it a natural part of your game as well. Yep. All because they didn’t know where the exits were and all tried to leave out of the front door? Are you one of these people? Not anymore. when the club erupted in fire after the bands pyrotechnic devices malfunctioned? And 30 people or so died in the fire. You should too. you know about as much about what’s going on in the bar as you did when you standing in line paying your cover charge. Remember a few years ago up in Rhode Island. Again. this is situational awareness and it is a vital skill to have.

Walk in like you own it. taking a glance and if possible acknowledging the presence of every attractive woman in the room. or perish in a fire because Billy dipshit with the band thinks it’s cute to set off the equivalent of a flame thrower on stage. and everyone of any consequence should notice you because you are the man and you mean action. Ok. So using your new skill of situational awareness. shoulders back. how should you enter a room? Head up. scanning the room. you belong there.blown out of the water by every attractive chick you see. be sleeping alone tonight. relaxed pace. on to the meat and potatoes of non-verbal communication. 4 .

having bad eye contact skills is the kiss of death when dealing with a woman. showed her the keys to your Maserati. flashed a wad of cash. or James Bond and why you’re alone. Having good eye contact skills can mean the difference between getting laid. Ah the power of sexual tension. elaborate story line. Yeah. move your eyes slightly occasionally or focus on one eye. that’s just what all the losers think.s. it says something about you. 5 . So what are eye contact skills? You look people in the eye when you speak to them. in a man’s body. And what have you done to establish it? Clever line. Nope. or dishonesty. like you’re looking out the back of her head or something. It says you lack confidence and self esteem. Don’t shift your eyes constantly either. It will completely disarm her. and pulled some e. you’re getting the idea now. How do you develop good eye contact skills? Be aware of what you’re doing at all times when interacting with others.p. she won’t be forgetting you anytime soon while she’s trying to figure out if you’re kin to Jeffery Dahmer. If you have had poor eye contact skills in the past. In other words. It indicates a lack of congruence. Make her look away or down which is a sign of submission. It says you are a boy. This is powerful medicine. and getting blown out like a Chihuahua during Hurricane Katrina.Eye Contact Eye contact skills are among the most important in non-verbal communication. It makes them uncomfortable. on her or something? Nope. Practice looking and speaking into your own eyes in the mirror. Don’t stare at people. Act like the rock of Gibraltar and smile when you look into a woman’s eyes. If you have difficulty focusing on two eyes. When you fail to look people in the eyes. When you speak to a woman you hold eye contact as long as or longer than she does. unless you’re her brother or something. you will notice the reaction to this one simple change more than anything.

Don’t place objects between yourself and your target. crossing your arms. If you shake a woman’s hand. but best used with discretion and grace. And before you let go. Wild gyrations aren’t the best way to get your point across. She should pull her hand gently away as you slightly pull her towards you (don’t overdo this). Practice walking around heel to toe with a strut. When in doubt relax your arms and hold them at your side. This is the way you should walk everywhere. are all barriers to communication. and spirit in your walk. What do we mean by congruent. simply that your walk should match your talk and the social context you are in. this can be magic. eyes focused. turn your hand slightly so your palm is up. Hand and arm movements are powerful communicators. This helps to build rapport and comfort as likes tend to attract likes. but try to get in synch physically with your target. Head up. This is especially important in initial interactions when you are attempting to build rapport. Coupled with a smile and eye contact. shake it firmly and fully. Holding your drink. Put a book on your head and walk around the house.Body Language What is body language? Body language in this context is mirroring. Mirroring is basically copying the body language of your target. etc. You’re gestures as forms of non verbal communication should be smooth and congruent. Don’t be obvious. gestures and stride. 6 . They seem spastic. scanning the area.

unless you want her to think you belong in the loony bin instead of bouncing around on the Sealy Posturepedic. Laugh a lot. If you like to wink. It should be on your face whenever you are around women. Practice this in the mirror as well. and especially after a joke or sexual connotation. No crazy wild laughing. Stand out from the crowd. That is a slight smile. An easy laugh is best. especially when nothing’s funny. especially around women and at anything that is even mildly funny. and remember to smile. It will make you appear funny even if you aren’t. If you can master the half assed smile and eye contact your job is half done. Cultivate the art of the half assed smile. do so to accentuate a point or to acknowledge a woman’s presence or interest. 7 . Be aware of yourself at all times. You’d be surprised just how many people in public walk around with scowls and other ridiculous looks on their faces.Facial Expressions You’re facial expression should be pleasant at all times. After you make a point. This disarms people.

Of course while using the Mystery Method in particular you may need to alter your approach and orientation. and you notice IOI’s (indicators of interest) you’re in like Flint. Approach from slightly off to one side. They will normally do this by facing you or speaking comfortably with you. chest out. or off center of your target slightly. Don’t waste it. so you needn’t be concerned with her mistaking your body orientation with aggression. do the opposite. But that will abate as you notice more attention coming your way. Combined with a proper stride. As comfort builds escalate by facing them. reorient your body to theirs off to the side. not straight on or from the back.Posture and Body Orientation You’re posture should be erect at all times. exhibiting this newfound confidence around the opposite sex. and more lipstick where the sun doesn’t shine. during cold approaches and while opening. One way you can do this is in the manner you approach people. You’re body orientation should always be non-threatening but powerful around strangers. 8 . eye contact and smile this is powerful stuff. shoulders back. You should look for signs of discomfort and reorient as necessary. Do not face directly. If you don’t work out. If you notice their discomfort or a lack of mirroring on their part. This gives them some warning of your approach and takes away the element of surprise. in an effort to deliver IOD (indicators of disinterest). arms and abs. and of course will depend upon the target. start. and feeling like you may have to beat them off with a stick. The purpose for doing the opposite is to establish your dominance to the target. You may feel strange at first. until they start to indicate comfort with you. Pay particular attention to your chest. which in the animal kingdom is a sign of attack. If you are in a group. or face another direction and turn your head towards them. You will be noticed by women. stomach in. Numbers of people equal comfort for the target. If they face you back. This is fine. During initial interactions with strangers one on one stand to one side.

Your default assumption should always be that women are always on the prowl. If your target smiles back and makes eye contact with you don’t hesitate. but within social space. This is approximately 2-3 feet apart. and you should be too. Remember you’re not in Afghanistan and not under mortar and RPG attack constantly. The closer you are to targets of opportunity the more likely you are to get noticed. get over there and open the gig is on. This often happens during your day game when you’re otherwise going about your business.Proximity Place yourself where the action is. other than a chick walking up and ripping your shirt off or something. Then get over there and open. This is the socially safe way to play and to gauge interest. or are in a bar or other obvious social context and immediately open sets. Anytime a woman walks past you and looks at you. 9 . you’re time is valuable remember? Sometimes women will use proximity to signal you. Keep out of their personal space until comfort has been established through KINO or verbal rapport. and the easier it will be to approach and open. And think of how impressed your buddies will be if you also come back with the blonde bombshell cashier on your arm as well. This is best done in combination with eye contact and your smile. They will walk past you. or walk by your target initially to gauge interest. Basically you are being invited to interact. Never hesitate. be prepared to make eye contact and smile in her direction. Move in the direction of your target. you should pay attention. No better signal of interest exists. You can also circle your target. always have something to do. You of course can also use the Mystery Methods three second rule if you like. Remember that next time you want to run out to the grocery store for beer. not where the action isn’t.

If you have a squeaky and unpleasant voice. rhythm. Be playful. and accenting or inflecting words or points. and modulate your voice to reflect this fact. loudness and inflection. Monotone is boring to most listeners. this stuff can mean the difference between being ignored most of the time. or lay off inhaling the helium before you go out sarging. Guys. and having little hot bodies virtually following you around and making passes at you everywhere you go. Sometimes it helps to raise the pitch of your voice slightly when conveying heartfelt emotions or situations. a digital recorder. slow rhythm. you pitch. clear tone.Paralinguistics Paralinguistics are the tone of your voice. speak with emotion and clarity. strong loudness. 10 . Practice speaking at a lower pitch. especially from an otherwise strong guy. This can be especially appealing to women. practice with a friend.

Seriously guys. And tuck your shirt tail in. and your underwear (if you wear any) shouldn’t be visible if you’re over 17 or out of High School. slacks and a sport coat. a belt and a decent watch. If you like jewelry. 11 . accessorized. I’ve picked up girls in $100 shoes. no pants hanging around your knees. The prices of these items are largely irrelevant. unless you wearing specific kinds of shoes where they are optional. wear some. spend $50 bucks at Wal-Mart and be picking up chicks in the fanciest part of town tonight. As long as it is appropriate for the social context you are in. What you wear is relatively unimportant. This is standard man gear. matched. Socks are a great idea as well. unless the style of the shirt also allows it to be worn out and you want to hide your small package or something. fits and is worn properly.Dress I can go down. Wear the style that suits you and your surroundings best. You should always wear a clean pair of shoes. Levis shorts. and I’ve picked up girls in $17 Wal-Mart sneakers. but if works for you and you like wasting your money by all means wear some. I don’t personally wear any. a muscle shirt and cheap sunglasses hanging around my neck.

and then shave. and use mouthwash if you have it. Yep. Brush you teeth. Lay off the sugary drinks or drink plenty of water. you like making love to your bottle of lotion and towel. 12 . in that order. Seem like common sense? You’d be surprised how many of your competitors forget or think it’s unnecessary. Trim your eyebrows. You can’t afford too unless…. Clean the potatoes out of your ears. Buy an electric cordless hair trimmer and trim your body hair.Grooming Get a haircut. Wear cologne if you like. but use it sparingly. Marine Corps wisdom. Wear an effective deodorant... Shave before you go out. at least every two weeks. Obtain nose hair trimmers and use them. shit. Trim your fingernails and toenails and keep them clean. shower.

nursing a hangover while contemplating trading in his car for a moped because of his recent DUI conviction. This is serious stuff guys and literally 50% or more of your game. won’t matter what else you do. You’re a bad boy in your own mind. head down. chest out. Suddenly he’s walking towards her table and sits down. wondering when the women of the world are going to come to their senses. and dodging the cops in your half drunken stupor driving home. by yourself or with your other loser friends. with a scowl on your face and your shirt tail hanging out. In 15 minutes they are leaving. She’s looking too and smiles. get out there and put it all into action. What kind of message do you think this sends? Do you think nobody is paying attention? You would be mistaken. And never again be the guy whose only option at the end of the night is back home with his towel and his bottle of lotion. You get your drink at the bar and head for the first wall to lean against. you enter a club. while making eye contact with an attractive woman at a nearby table. What are you and your buddies doing? Still leaning up against the wall. You have the attitude of don’t mess with me.Putting it all Together Again. he smiles back. nursing your drinks and talking about what a big wad of cash he probably has in addition to his BMW. Because the only play you’ll be getting tonight is from the bouncers. And that’s generally what happens. a big pecker and a house at the lake. or else. fast walk. Yeah dream on. or the other losers while you’re pissing your hard earned money down the urinal. You’ll be shot down in her mind before you can even approach and attempt to open her. Now. 13 . He strides confidently. slouched posture. He also goes to the bar and gets a drink. head up. you notice another fellow that walks in alone. On the other hand. scanning. nodding and smiling at every attractive woman he sees. If you don’t learn it. You had might as well go home now.